DUMBGEONS & DRAGONS

Season 2 • January 06, 2021

E69 - That Dripping Honeypot (feat. Celeste Conowitch)

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Transcript

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Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.

We have to go to this apiary, like every temple I've gone to, they've told me that it's like the one place you have to go while you're here, so could we please just go?

Glim, I'm really sorry to bring this up. I just don't normally think that girls enjoy going to the apiary, it's really because, well just, it's so hard to get the stream over the edge, you know? You know what I'm saying?

I'm having a question here, I don't know if I've ever had this question before, can they touch the things in the bottle?

Why didn't you offer them samples, Trevor?

Yeah, Trevor, I didn't know your name was Trevor.

I go by Trevor when I have my tour guide hat on.

Unfortunately, I cannot give you my greatest creation, my fondest creation, for lack of materials, but...

I'm getting very agitated with this, there was an exploding bubble, I'm still sticky, it's getting to me you guys, and now they're hell wasps.

How do you not get stung by a hell wasp?

Oh, you will probably get stung, but the good news is that you all paid for a tour already, didn't you? So that way, I can provide you with some beekeeping gear, and I shall be there as well.

Well, I think maybe there's more of the note on the ground, because there's another piece of paper on the floor that you were just standing on.

What's on this?

Moot, you look at it and it appears to be a map.

Hell wasp honey, here!

Exactly.

This is extremely convenient, thank you young man, me and my big feet. How many times have I heard that?

Save it for next episode, Celeste.

Are you regretting inviting me yet?

No.

Not at all.

Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More, and with me today is Tom Laird!

Hey, that's me, I play Moot.

And Karlo the Max Dad, almost did it again, shit!

That's me, I play Glim.

And Amy More!

Yep, that's me, you got that one right. And I play Sullivan's Sleight. All night. It's tight.

That's right.

Keep going, keep going.

It's a delight.

Don't fight!

Yes!

This could be a fright.

Okay, I'll be polite.

And joining us again this week from the Venture Maidens, writer, streamer, podcaster, and wrote that Rime of the Frostmaid.

We should probably play Rime of the Frostmaid.

That would probably be good too.

That's pretty good.

I think so.

Everything I've read, I've got it right there.

Raves of the author.

That's pretty good.

Author gives five stars.

Five stars, thank god.

Celeste, she won't let me introduce herself, Celeste Conowitch is here, thanks for joining us again.

Hi everybody, I'm so excited to be here.

Welcome back.

Yes, playing Professor Dr. Smith, font of wisdom.

So much wisdom.

So much wisdom.

Dripping with wisdom.

If this is your first episode, you have to go back and listen to episode 67 because this is episode 69 and it just won't make sense.

No!

Yeah, baby.

Nice.

To make you horny, baby, we haven't had awesome power-up points in a long time.

It's been a while, baby.

Yeah.

I don't even know where to go from here.

Someone gets this episode dedicated to them.

If you're a patron, someone gets episode 69 dedicated to them.

This is very important.

The lucky patron who gets episode 69 dedicated to them is Laura Bollander.

Laura!

Nice.

You know what you need to do now.

Go to Patreon.com, search Dumb, Drag, and Cast, and join us today!

Thanks, because I didn't know what needed to be done, but like when you say that to someone, they immediately think of something.

I think we all was just glad it was a guess, and I think it was donate to Patreon.

Contextual.

Absolutely.

Say, yes.

Who else is glad it wasn't someone in their family that was the lucky patron of episode 69?

Russ would have switched immediately.

Or would I?

Fuck it, let's play!

Oh my gosh.

Russ, let's play!

Here we are again.

Are we still in the cabin in the clearing in the woods?

Little pro tip.

When your DM has to stop, say, okay, and put his hands over his eyes, it might not be okay.

No, it's fine.

You tell me where you want to start.

Do you want to start in the cabin to game plan, or do you want to start at the Hell Wasp?

Jesus.

I feel like we start congratulating the dragon on our new friendship.

That wasn't an option.

We did it, you guys.

I'll go to the Hell Wasp then.

Could be by the end.

I'd say Hell Wasp, because who knows how long it'll take us to get out of this cabin.

I know we have a map.

And we have a dragon to fight.

We only can take up so much of Celeste's time.

I'm fighting a dragon.

I did not sign up for that.

I need my dragon-fighting suit.

This is your adventure, Professor Dr. Smith.

This is your adventure.

Get on board.

You're right.

Of course, I will come through.

I will dedicate my time, my energy, my efforts.

If this is the last thing that you ever do.

Like the valiant drones that keep a hive fertilized and primed for action,

I shall spring forth.

Go on.

Nope, I ran out of words.

You're all crouched behind a bush,

because you hear the sound of this droning noise coming from just beyond

up in one of the trees.

You peek up and over and you see,

coming in and out of this large, amber-dripping hive,

17 Hell Wasps.

Also, listeners,

fun little thing for you to do while you're listening,

find all the innuendo in this.

There's gonna be none from here to the end.

Is the hive dripping, Russ?

Yeah.

Are you gonna spring forth, Dr. Professor Smith?

Professor Dr. Smith?

Yeah, it's all there.

It's all there.

There's already been like seven.

You just need to look at it the correct way.

Just remember you're listening to episode 69

and just going with that kind of energy.

You'll find a lot of innuendo.

Yes, there's only 18 of them.

We should spring soon before more come out.

Well, we don't want to be immature about this.

We gotta, we gotta just like,

not go too fast because,

and then they're all gonna come at us.

Stamina will be key, you're right.

Yes, I suppose.

How do we get the honey?

So I need to get to the hive

and sort of root around in there

and get some out

and put it into this honey pot that I have brought.

Carla can't even read now.

I have this nice honey pot

that I have for preserving special fiery honey.

So I just, I need to get in there.

So however you think.

So like you need like a distraction or something.

You need like the wasps to be doing something else.

I mean, if we did kill wasps,

I would also like to take their bodies.

Don't get me wrong.

Don't get me wrong.

Okay, so you are totally for the destruction

of part of this community for the sake of science.

Well, I will say,

hell wasps, unlike natural bees,

are quite harmful while on the material plane.

So I'm not opposed to taking care of the problem.

Whatever damage is,

I'm just here for the honey,

for the bubbles, for the children.

I'm just here for the honey.

I have plenty of bees in my own apiary.

I don't need competitors out here in the woods

making their own spicy honey.

It's all for me.

This is, this is Smith honey

for Professor Dr. Smith, no one else.

It's like listening to your grandpa talk about sex.

This spicy honey is just all for me.

This spicy honey going in my honey pot,

no one else's.

That's right.

Well, okay, I, you know,

I don't want you to be offended by anything,

but I'm totally gonna take off this bee suit

because look at those things.

All right, well, you know the thing.

You know the thing that will happen.

You know what?

I also have this.

Little bees.

I lift up my frightful sort of reflection

and I'm like,

I really want to try this thing out.

I really just, you know,

I just want to,

I got this.

Yeah.

You've got this.

That's great.

Well, no, not just by myself.

There's no way I could,

there's like 20 bees over there.

Yeah, there's a lot of them.

It's 18.

It's 18 specifically.

Right.

Wait, I think I'm just counting

the same bees over and over again.

No, they're all very different.

You can tell by their markings.

Oh God.

So maybe, I don't know

if we want to make them angry.

Can we find one that's alone?

Good luck.

Is there a smaller,

weaker one we could?

Separate it from the pack.

Everybody make a,

it's probably a nature check.

Oh God.

I don't know how to do this.

I'm scared.

Like, okay, maybe I should

shoot an arrow at it

and then make them all mad.

Glim got a five.

Oh, well, don't worry.

I got a three

after it fell off

the desk I'm on.

Perfect.

It's looking good so far.

I got a three plus one.

It's a four.

I got a 16.

I'm a bee professional.

This is why we have you here.

I'm a bee professional.

I have two degrees in bees.

Did you not,

but not specifically bee degrees.

I'm not fucking around here.

For that would require

a bee professor to be a real thing.

And we established very clearly

that it is not.

There's no bee professor.

Holy shit.

That bee over there has a tie

and a arrow.

Holy shit.

That bee over there

has a tie and a pocket protector.

I have to kill him.

He's my rival.

It's got the leather patches

on the tweed jacket

it's wearing.

It's got a leather briefcase.

Only one person

can get tenure,

a bee professor.

Epic showdown.

Professor Dr. Smith

takes on...

Okay, so with the 16.

I thought it was 17.

Oh, 16.

No, there were 17 ones.

No, there were 18 ones.

Celeste upped that to 18.

So there's 18 lost now.

Okay, you know what?

I have problems with numbers

and names apparently.

It's fine.

I feel like if we were already at 17,

what's the difference?

What's the difference?

You know what?

The 18th one is probably

that one with a tie

and briefcase

that just came out of the wash.

It's probably the professor.

Is going off to work

at the bee factory.

At the bee university.

Excuse me.

He is a professor.

He's teaching people

how to make bees,

obviously.

I don't think there are

blue collar bees.

I don't think so.

It's complicated.

Anyways.

With the 16,

you are more than welcome

to find a small,

weaker hell wasp.

Professor Dr. Smith

That one.

It seems to be

sort of the

the runt

of the hive

if I had to

to say something so crass.

I would not have guessed

that was the technical term

for bees that way.

Yes.

That one,

you're a runt,

you're a runt.

It is what it is.

Like, okay,

so you've done this before.

Is it better to go

like hand to hand?

Should I like

pull it into the bushes?

Should we

shoot it with an arrow?

Stay far away from it?

Yes.

You said yes

to both of those.

Sounds like

all of them are good options.

All of those options.

Maybe which one

is better for me?

Well,

I don't know you.

I don't know you

very well.

Really?

I feel like I know you

really well.

The bushes one,

I don't know why,

but I feel like

pulling things into bushes

to kill them

is more your style

just a guess.

I don't know

how I feel about that.

I'm going to have

to do a lot of soul searching.

I'm sorry.

Well, you made me choose.

You made me analyze

your fighting style.

I'm not a professor

of martial combat.

I'm a professor

of bee physiology.

I don't really know

what to do.

I would like to shoot

the small one

with an arrow.

You're going to shoot

the small one

with an arrow.

Yes?

Can you,

how small is the small one?

Oh, not much smaller.

I was going to say like

and so they're like

so it's like

Rottweiler versus

I think they're like

corgis sized.

What kind of dogs?

Yeah.

I mean,

that's a little too close to home.

Let's not be shooting corgis.

They're listed

as large fiends.

Oh, no.

Then they're bigger

than corgis.

They're like horses.

They're like horses.

They're like,

oh, they're pony sized.

I'm very large.

So now that I'm standing

up close,

I do think

they are probably

larger than I thought

they were.

My bad.

That's on me.

That's on me.

I'm just so curious.

How did you get the

how did you get these

before?

Because you don't seem to

you haven't come

and done this yourself.

No,

not technically.

Technically,

I had a friend

who happened

to be in Avernus

before

a specific amount of time

and then they simply

had a bunch

and I just did sort of

bought it

from them.

I see.

You know,

adventurers who go

there

very rarely come back.

I don't know if you knew that.

I would just like to say

very clearly

we are never doing this again.

Oh,

that's fine.

No, if I get all the

honey I need,

I mean, look at the size

of that thing.

I could get enough

honey to

subsist for years

and then I'll call you

then.

But it's like

an outside issue.

This is at least

six months worth

at least

which is basically

an eternity.

I mean,

have you looked at

life expectancy rates?

It's an eternity.

I am

I'm going to just

shoot one.

You're just

OK.

You're going to shoot one.

No other pre-planning necessary.

The balls are the walls.

OK.

Shoot away.

We're not really

planners.

I'm level 7.

Oh shit, I rolled a one,

y'all.

Wait, wait.

I just

I'm something about

my sneakiness.

I can re-roll a one.

You're a halfling?

Yeah.

You got a halfling's luck

or whatever it is.

I don't know what it is

but I know I can re-roll it.

Damn it.

Our patrons have told

me that.

12.

Your arrow soars

through the air

majestically

and completely misses

my gel wasp.

You know,

I don't think that

higher than 12 AC

and there's 18 of them

guys.

Just wanted to remind you

of that.

Maybe I could forget

and make it an even 20.

Oh my god.

Was it

did it just like

through the air

like didn't really bother

anybody?

They didn't really notice.

They did not notice

based on their perception.

Are they just like

wasping around?

Yeah.

Just gossiping

just gossiping

about other neighbors.

Which I mean

I realize that's not

a saying.

That didn't mean

anything.

So what I meant was

bees normally

are like very

on task

and I know these are wasps

but it sounds like

they are making a product

like bees do

so are they like

they're like working

they're worker wasps?

Yes.

Are they acting like

busy bees?

Absolutely yes.

They're more acting like

busy bees

bringing their honey in

you know as

wasps do.

They're

to and fro

some buzzing about

perimeter checking

you could argue.

But yes

your arrow courses

through the air

like just behind

the one that you were

trying to hit

and as another one

is like coming around

the corner

it just misses

a site.

So you're fortunate

in that none of them

saw

your arrow.

I'm starting to think

that that was probably

really good thing

that I missed.

I

I don't want to do this.

That's fair.

If you would like

I could create

sort of a distraction

around the hive.

I could set it on fire

if you think that

would help at all

in this situation.

Set the hive on fire.

We need the honey.

Could you set

something else on fire

like a tree.

Yes.

It's sort of a

well I do

a little bit of this

it's been so long

since I cast magic

but I think

I can

do sort of a

ball

of fire

sort of thing

that I would move

around

if that

I believe

I can remember

that one

what other ones

do I remember

Oh gosh

throw your fiery balls

Yeah I feel

like our best strategy

is to maybe

distract all

the very strong

powerful wasps

Oh it could also

make one of you

one of you

very large

if that's

something

that floats your boat

I mean

that could be good

because then

the wasps will be

very small.

I mean they'd still

be like wasps sized

even if you were

very very big

and wasps are

kind of terrible

even when they're

wasps sized.

Also you took

so they would

really get you

Why am I

the one

being big

I just said

I don't want to do this

I think I was

very clear

with my intentions

Are any of you

sneaky?

Perhaps one of you

should just go in there

and just

scoop a bucket

and get out

Moot kind of rubs

his nose

and points at Sully

at the same time

Yeah

You could just

sneak on in

and just

you know

subvert this whole

problem

Oh right

Okay

but you guys

gotta have my back

and stuff too

if you see

one of them seeing me

you gotta like

take them out

before they can

tell anybody else

I don't know

how we're possibly

going to know that

but we can guess

I suppose

Well if you see one

look at me

and then point

and be like

What?

Bees can't point

they don't have fingers

I don't think you

need a professor of

bee physiology

to tell you that

But I will

I just did

I just told you that

And now I feel like

my life is more

enriched because

I have that information

You're welcome

God

Alright

If you would like

I could inject you

with something

that will make you

a little bit

sneakier

It's the inject word

that sounded

so alarming

I am a medical doctor

I don't want to

For bees though

For bees specifically

Well I mean

all living organisms

share

some

common basis

and

perhaps you would die

but

it's worked on bees

and bees are extraordinary

It's worked on bees guys

I'm sure it's great

A bee can handle it

You're saying you can't

handle what a bee can handle?

You're at least

twice as big as a bee

Looks panicked

at Glim

Like

What do I do?

I don't know what

the right thing to do is here

I'm just trying to help

Do we know

how

intelligent

these hell wasps are?

Are they

are they intelligent

like a

like a wasp

or are they

sort of

sentient or

Could I make a

a nature check

to see what I know

about hell wasps perhaps?

Yeah

Alright let's

let's do this

and see if I can

As a professor doctor

I honestly think

that you probably

You must have had to have

a couple classes

in basic waspology

Well they're all from hell

I will remind everyone

so it's a little bit different

That's true

16

Yeah

I mean your previous

knowledge of

of hell wasps having

dealt with them

in your own way

You know that hell wasps

are

an intelligent

malevolent insect

native to the nine hells

You know they have a

telepathic ability

amongst their hive

So no pointing fingers

They'll just know

They'll just all know at once

Yeah

Right

And

can be

their stings

are poisonous

if not

You know they cause like

a fiery pain

throughout your body

which can paralyze you

Cool

Cool cool cool

Super cool

Explain all this

So anyway

Injection?

Wielding the hypothermic

Have you just been

carrying

that enormous

syringe around?

Yes

Right above you

a bee zips

over your head

or not a bee

a wasp zips

over your head

flying off

into the trees

behind you

Oh dear

Are they attracted

to anything

that we could

maybe put someplace else?

Pheromones

If you have

queen pheromones

they would certainly

would

Well I mean if one of

the four of us

was going to have

queen pheromones

I feel like

Oh that's me

I think I actually

do have something for

this

Wow

Remarkable

So I've been working

on this perfume

that I've been

coming up with

Yes so you apply

it and then

in situations

you do have

advantage

in social situations

It's quite

remarkable

I suppose

if the gods above

would let me invent

an item of such

a magnificent

kind that might

be relevant

in this situation

I don't know

Let me bequeath

the sky

Hello

Oh gods above

might I have

such a thing

in my bank

The gods

are silent

The gods are thinking

of how to get this

back on the track

No he is not

Okay do you

Wait I love your idea

you can have

the perfume

Absolutely

Cool

But

There is more to that

I mean

Okay so

do you guys have

maybe

in your bag

Professor Dr. Smith

Yes

Do you have any of

those never

pop bubbles

Oh yes

Do you think

I have like eight

I don't know why

I just figure

whenever I see

a young lad

or lass

I just

impart unto them

a gift

Children don't seem

to like me

So I try to give them

things

to change that

Yeah no fair enough

that's

a real creepy way

to make some friends

Would we be able

to blow

some of those

bubbles

and maybe

tie some strings

and maybe I could

float

like I am

one of the

bee

wasps

You know what

What the hell

Shut up girl

What the hell

I love it so much

We are clearly

floundering here

So here you go

I'm going to give you

all of them

All of the bubbles

Okay

Between us

Can we

We're going to blow

some bubbles

and attach

some string to them

and attach them

to my

belt

So Sully's now

the dude from up

Sort of

I'm here for this

Yeah I love it

Can you spritz me

with that stuff too

because maybe I could

fool them into

being the queen

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Well I wonder

I have an idea

Maybe I could

distract them

Yes

Probably

And then you could

float in

That's probably

a better idea

And then

if I had the

pheromone

it would make me

more attractive

than they might

be more willing

to listen to

what I have to say

That is true

They also might

I mean

It is a queen pheromone

So I just

I'm not sure

if you know how that works

Get your holes Glem

I'm going in

Well I wasn't going

to say it

Okay

Okay tell me

how this plays out

as

Poorly

Yeah

What do you mean

This is a perfect

10 out of 10 plan

Do you want

my injection

or not

Sully

It's just the

injection word

that is so alarming

Well I'm an artificer

so I can't do

magic normal

Sullivan Slate

is totally

like tied up

so he's totally

ass end

if it's on the back

of his belt I suppose

Okay

And I just say

stick it in my ass

Okay

I do

And so as I

jab down

this

rather large

syringe

I'm casting

Your hands are at

like 12 inches

It's a big syringe

It's like the size

of a ruler

Gotta get in there

I'm casting

enhanceability

on you

and I will cast

Cat's Grace

so the target

You have advantage

on dexterity checks

You also don't

take damage from falling

20 feet or less

Good

You aren't

incapacitated

In the air

with these bubbles

So you have

advantage on all

dexterity

checks

So keep that in mind

for sneaking

or whatever else

Okay Sully

is beginning

to float

as the

Moke give me a push

needle is removed

from his posterior

Gentle shove

towards the hive

And what's

Glim doing

Dying

Wait a minute

10 seconds

She is doing

the spray in the air

Glim's gonna stand up

and walking through it

Like the mist

Oh yeah

So yes

I will spray

and then walk through

Oh wait

Can I do one thing

before you do that

Carla?

Please

Cause I am

literally about to die

I wanna cast

enlarge on Glim

So your size

doubles in all dimensions

Whoa

Oh I'm very big

Okay

All of a sudden

I don't think

this bush is big enough

And you also

Strength checks

and strength saving throws

and your weapons

also grow to match

your size

so they deal an extra

1d4 damage

Nice

Okay

Then Glim's gonna

stand up

and say

Russ I rolled a 10

Hey

Hey you cool boss

I wanna tell you

what you're missing out on

here on the material plane

I wanna tell you about

a real cool guy

named Bahamut

and I'm gonna tell you about that

through the movement

of Zumba

So I want you to come around

Everybody gather around

Stop it

Oh my god

Everybody gather around

This is amazing

And we're gonna do

some moves

and this is gonna

make you stronger

It's gonna make you harder

It's gonna make your

love your queen more

We're gonna do

some Zumba

I'm so excited to get

harder and love

their queen more

Wow

I wanna go over there

So

Giant Glim's gonna

start doing

some

maniac style

Zumba

to try and

I mean

not do anything

except maybe

just distract

the wasps

for a second

Sure

Just so Sully can

float on in there

and scoop up

some of that

good honey

Do you want to roll

based on

the pheromone

so a nature

or based on

your Bahamut

knowledge

so a religion

I mean could I be

doing

performance or

persuasion

I mean religion's

also fine but

Sure

Yeah I could

Yeah absolutely

I would like to use

my flash of genius

ability

so another creature

I can see within

30 feet of me

makes an ability check

I can use my reaction

to add plus four

into the roll

Okay

My wisdom

I have bestowed upon you

All that bee knowledge

I've been absorbing

this whole time

Okay

Persuasion I have a

plus five

which is going to

give me a 19

Plus the four

Plus the four

is a 23

and I'm like

doing step ball

changes

and I'm talking about

Bahamut

Now he's so great

and he'll fill you up

with the light

of love

Her hips don't lie

All of these wasps

turn instantly

in a menacing manner

Yeah of course they do

they're going to

fucking kill me

As they see you

Do wasps look anything

other than menacing

I don't think so

No

I don't think so

Not even that one

with the briefcase

No

And begin to

quickly move towards you

but as you begin

moving in your

zoobatic way

The hips, the rhythm

The hips, the rhythm

The Bahamut

It's flying

They're feeling it

They're into it

You're backing away

slowly

I've also pulled out

my sword

and I'm using that

as sort of like

part of my moves

Kind of like a

conductor kind of feel

just like

Yeah yes

That is so good

In the back

I see you

I feel you

Yes

Yes keep moving

The one that

flew over your head

and is now

coming back

and seeing all of its

friends

like following you

I'm assuming

Professor Dr. Smith

and Moot

have like

split behind

two separate trees

to allow this

like passage through

that's

tell me if I'm wrong

I'm entranced

by this performance

But in behind

this massive

now 20 wasps

Come on

Celeste did it

not me

Celeste did it

My bad brain

Yes

You see

Sully

You see Sully the Poo

floating by

Just a little black rain cloud

floating towards

the hell wasp honey

and you make it to

the nest

I turn back

I look back

and I look at

Professor Dr. Smith

and I go

You didn't give me

the container

No I did give you

the honey pot

I gave it

Take the pot

and do the

I take

Take the pot

Sullivan's patting

himself down

I don't have

the pot

Do you have

a bag

He takes his bag

and

You must have

a flask

and he's got

a satchel

and he

I just scoop

all that shit

You don't need it

Just scoop the bag

Sully

That's the most

disappointed way

I've ever heard anyone

say the word satchel

Satchel

Satchel

He leaves everything

in it

I paid $50

for the satchel

at a farmer's market

and here we go

It's organic

and he's scooping

the bag

Sully

Sully

Sully

Sully

Sully

Sully

Sully

Sully

Um

and he's scooping up

and like

using his hands

and now

once again

Sullivan's light is sticky

He doesn't like it

and he's

How far away

is the

is Sully

and the

hive there Russ

Can they hear

my whimpers

Well I

Yeah

At least

Yeah

They can hear my whimpers

Sure

Well the conversation

you've been having

I assume you've been

You can hear the whimpers

It wasn't a full conversation

It was more of like

clothing it

to each other like

I don't have the pot

and holding out the

Me doing a lot of thumbs up

Yeah

A lot of thumbs up

It's fair

but I mean you can make out

keywords and stuff

so I mean

50 feet

30 to 50 feet

We were just doing it

loudly for the

audio media

Yeah

We were doing it

because this is a podcast

where people listen

with their ear holes

25 wasps show up

Oh my god

No

No

So

now Sullivan's light

has filled

his satchel

leather satchel

Oh

Moot looks down

below you

and sees

the pot

that's tumbled out of

your

belongings

and

I cast

mage hand

to get my crab claw

to somehow

pick it up

and get it up to

Sullivan

It's real pinchy

And I go

Oh yes

two bags would be

even better

get the honey

scoop it

and the satchel

Sullivan's face

and if you could

scrape

some of the sides

for the

wax

and I'm making

these ridiculous

gestures

that make no sense

and there you see

Sullivan

hanging there

looking back

like

what

and then

seeing

the claw

beside him

holding

the actual

honey pot

and he

looks down

at his

now ruined

satchel

with

the wax

and he puts

he puts

the loop

the

strap

of the satchel

over his head

so now he's

very much

like

ass in the

air

because this is

weighing him down

from the neck

and grabs

the pot

from

moot's

mage hand

and starts to

put honey

into the pot

like

just

he's a broken man

his face

and

after he's done

scraping

some of the

wax

from the side

like turns around

a little bit

and then

tries to

uses foot

to kick

off of the

knife

okay at this point

how does that look

roll stealth

I think you get

advantage

advantage

from your

cat's grace

roll with advantage

from your big

butt injection

my advantage

was a two

so that's

19

yeah well

I mean it's just

been going on

a long time

Carla is just

making sure

you push off

now it's fair

you can make us roll

we're playing

D&D

we're just saying

a lot of

nonsense so

speaking of which

Glim this whole

time she sees

her friend

Sully is like

looks so sad

he looks so

unhappy

and

she says

you know sometimes

when you just

feel like you're

having

the worst

time

you've ever

had

well

there's something

you can do

you can just

keep moving

you can just

keep on

moving away

from the

thing that's causing

you all that

distress

maybe

maybe that's

something bad

maybe you just

move towards

Bahamut

and I'm still

just

just moving

just

the bulk of the

move

and are following

fly out

of the scene

it now

sees Sully

pushing off

of the tree

I feel though

that Sully

doesn't push off

of the tree

because if you put

your foot on

something sticky

and then try to

give yourself

a shove off

you don't think

that's the best

way to

launch yourself

to imply yourself

it would also

probably collapse

a little bit

around your foot

I would

because it's not

the most stable

going to be

real disgusting

and I hope you have

some real good

foley for that

that suction sound

if he ever gets

his foot

I don't think

it's good

I don't think

it's good at all

Russ if you

foley that sound effect

I will be

amazed

I will try

okay

okay

it's like

a

yeah that was

I mean that was

pretty much it

because it was

fair

10 out of 10

disgusting

but while

the

19 wasps

are moving away

one is moving

and looking

directly towards

sully

oh god we've

made eye contact

he's struggling

with his foot

and I guess

I haven't seen it

because it's behind

you so it's now like

you're looking at

the horde of wasps

floating away

yeah just keep

moving towards

the light of

Bahamut

you will not

regret it

you will feel so

good

I feel like you're

going to start to

rap

here

mom spaghetti

mom spaghetti

what I really like

about this character

sheet is that

all of my spells

do acid

damage which

I specifically

feel like is

terrible for the

thing I inflicted

upon you all

which is

hell wasps

I don't

maybe devin hates us

devin had no idea

I did this to

myself

I definitely did

this to myself

because I was like

you know what would

be funny

Russ if we

had to get

hell wasps

and

here we are

here we are

let me just

throw one out

I only have one idea

let me just throw

one out

so good

so I'll give

well Sully your

foot's stuck to

a tree

nest

sticky

you're sticky

again

I have a

satchel around

my neck

and professor

Dr. Smith

I'll give you

a moment to

react to this

wasp moving

towards

the light of

wasp

moving towards

your good friend

Sully

before

initiative will

be rolled

in that moment

then I'm like

oh no

I think this

is the time

for adventurous

heroics

and I'm gonna

spring out

from the bush

and as I do

so I'm gonna

use my

shifting feature

so you see

that my

my kind of

odd looking

face extends

even further

into the

type

that goes

like through my hair

actually becomes

a thicker fur

as almost the face

of like

a honey badger

appears

on this

person

as he kind of runs

like scatter runs

forward

at an alarming

speed

to like leap

towards this

this

hell wasp

like in a way

like you just don't

like I don't

give a fuck

I can picture

I'm

I am here

to fuck

shit up

you're rolling

to attack

or to cast

a spell

what do you want to do here?

How far away is it from me?

Because I need a

I need a bonus

action to shift

so then

that way I have

yeah

what was it

within 30 feet?

Yeah

Oh crap

yeah well then

let's just go ahead

and do it

I'm gonna make

an unarmed strike

because I have this

very cool thing

now you see too

that my

my nails

have actually

extended more

into these badger

I'm using

this attack

against the bee here

so

the wasp

sorry

yeah we keep saying bee

it's fine

that is a

dirty 20

on that hit

that will hit

yes

alright

so I kind of leap up

and like swipe

at this bee

with my claws here

and that is going to deal

seven slashing damage

as I make impact here

the wasp

lets out a shriek

as you see

Professor Dr. Smith

climb

or like jump up

and like clamp

into this wasp

moot

what would you like to do?

I will

try and cast

something to help

Sully

okay

I am going to cast

acid splash

on Sully's foot

that's stuck

I'm gonna try and hit

the foot

and like the part

that's stuck

not the actual foot

hey

gonna try to be

super specific with this

cool

let's do it

hope this roll goes well

well

we're gonna find out

everyone's really excited

to see what happens

that is

a 17

okay so your intent is to

try to melt the nest

so that Sully can get

his foot out

if I understand correctly

yeah just like part of it

just the part

that he's like

stuck on

what's the spell called?

acid splash

acid splash

okay

yeah

you do that

absolutely

and it's

it doesn't

it literally doesn't say

anything about

splashing

splash damage on it

yeah that's

it's just called acid splash

that's not how life ports move

it does exactly what you want it to do

it lands right at his foot

it releases

Sully's foot

from the tree

but in doing so

like this bubble

like bursts up

and out

and starts to melt

the nest

and hits his leg

ow

god damn it

Jesus

remember when you stabbed me?

you'll fuck yourself

you hear that

Jesus

it was an accident

you hear the sound

of 19 buzzing wasps

turning around

because Sully just screamed

real loud

why the hell with acid?

I'm gonna give you two options

you can roll for initiative

or we can start a chase scene

I mean we should probably

we should start a chase scene

we're gonna die

that's so weird

and I feel like Glim

being on the other side of them

won't even need to participate

maybe she can attack them from behind

while we're running

maybe

how large is Sully?

I'm a halfling

oh okay

I would like to rip Sully out of the hive

and start running

because now that I'm full badger

I don't give a fuck

so I'm like cool as hell

I don't think I'm in the hive anymore

but you can absolutely carry me

I'll just pick you up

you pile of sticky

nasty honey

I'm just in your fur

I'm all in your fur

and now I'm like

tarred and feathered almost

except I'm honeyed and like furred

okay

I don't mind being sticky

Sully's having a great day

um okay

I work in an apiary

I like being sticky

everybody roll initiative

oh no

hey

let old acquaintance be forgot

and never brought to life

you gotta spin it somewhere to get into the meat of it

I was like how can I change this

I just got too caught up in it

she had her eyes closed

she was looking to the ceiling

yeah

feel it

hey everybody

welcome to the middle

it's our fourth anniversary

wowsers

we've been around for four years doing this thing

that's wild

can you believe it

the podcast is no longer a baby

no it's a

it's almost a child

it's toddlin' around

you can walk at four

I mean

maybe you walk with a little swagger

makes it look like you're toddlin' you know

yeah

sure

a real pimp walk for a baby

yeah it's a baby pimp walk everybody talks about

welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons

your pimp walkin' baby podcast

what's alarming is that Russ and Amy are the ones that are parents

and Russ doesn't seem to know that four year olds can typically

most four year olds can walk

it's been several years since I've had a four year old

okay that's true

but our child was walking before two

so let's just put that in perspective there

look I haven't had that Facebook memory pop up in a while okay

it's coming it's coming for you

hey to celebrate our fourth anniversary we're doing some pretty crazy things over on Patreon

I don't know if you've heard

but we've got this really big goal where the three

amigos here

Tom, Amy, and Carla

that's what we're calling them now

yeah all right

went with it

felt good

yep awesome

as per usual someone else names us

I was just gonna say

as long as we didn't have to come up with our team name

perfect

yep

I'm into it

they're gonna be DMing me

playing Grancis and Flamingons

is it even possible?

I mean maybe not

but that'll be fun too

it's true

it'll be what it's gonna be

what a way to find out

right

I'm super stoked to play two characters

constantly throughout a game

we're gonna make him talk to himself

have to talk to each other

we're not gonna spoil it

but there's going to be reason that they need to talk to each other

basically throughout the whole thing

that's how the game works

and we want you to join us for it

over at Patreon.com slash Dem Dragoncast

we'd love to see you over there

there's another goal where we're doing

live stream

like basically like a improv

mad libs kind of feel where we need

in character improv thing we're gonna have going on

where we need audience participation

to fill in all of the blanks for us

please come and give us all your wonderful ideas

it's what we crave

it's what keeps us going is your ideas

thanks everybody

hopefully have a great week

enjoy this 69th episode

very little sexual induendo in this one

I said induendo it's fine

I didn't hear it

I would have jumped on that so hard

I know that's what I was

I called myself out

it's fine it's induendo damn

induendo

alright

we're gonna get back to the episode

thanks everybody

bye

📢 Mid-roll Ad Break

Professor Dr. Smith is up first

you are carrying Sully

you hear the beating wings

coming from beyond the trees

in your direction

where are you going?

what are you doing?

immediately around you is a forest

there is a path that you know where based on

based on how you got here

we have that map

so we're gonna definitely run towards where that dragon is

that seemed like a great idea

with this treasure that we have

so do the chase scene to the dragon

and the dragon will fight the wasps

and we can just sneak out of there

Clash of the Titans

I see

release the kraken

stand under water for minutes

going waaaaaa

with my face

anybody who's seen Clash of the Titans

this one's for you

the original version not the shit new version

OG one with the crazy

OG that I've watched 50 times in my life

thank you

okay so what I'm going to do

I am going to take out my ever bubbles

I'm gonna blow some of these bubbles

and then I'm going to pop them in one deft motion

if I can do that

to make a big combustion cloud of nonsense

and then I would like to run

so let me know how much of that I can make out of it

do you just want to pop one of the ones that's on my back?

I still have balloons tied to me

okay

that's true

then I would like to do a much cooler thing

where when I'm grabbing Sully

I reach with my nasty nail claws

and I cut the bubbles free

and then I stab them down

and I'm running away from the scene

as this combustive cloud is happening

this cloud is exploding

and you take Sully and you're running

you're almost propelled

by the explosion

also fucking awesome fan art

Sully on the back of this honey badger

with the giant explosion behind them

yes

so much wisdom

wisdom

I'm going to say you're able to dash

and then I'll give you an extra 10 feet for the propulsion

whoa

glim

a loud explosion goes off

as the wasps turn from the direction towards Bahama

that they were going

you see at least two of your friends

running fast

propelled by explosions

what do you do?

well I'm giant please remember

oh yes

just didn't want anyone to forget

so I assume it's friends, wasps, me

right I'm on like the other side

of the clearing right?

well you were leading them away

so I guess were you still in front of them

ushering them somewhere else

well I feel like because I stood up on the other side of the clearing

and was like zoomba zoomba zoomba

and then um yeah

um so I think

I'm kind of on the other side

of the swarm

you might not see the exact details but you'll hear the ruckus

yes

um and I clearly know I've lost

my converts to Bahama

because they've turned away

from the light and the love

so

I would like to

use my fire breath on all those

wasp butts

do it

that have turned away from me

so they need to make um

their butts are the most vulnerable parts of them

yeah that's right

also I don't know what happens but I'm

much bigger so I feel like if it works

I get more damage because I'm

big so my lungs are bigger

so there's more fire

yeah absolutely there's more

now one

yay

so roll me

all that damage

yeah roll me double damage for big fire

for big lungs

that is

11 fire damage

and low level characters

but still 11

fire damage

right

yeah you let out a stream of fire

towards all these wasps some of their wings

melt and they fall to the

like three or four of them fall to the ground

and are like writhing on

the ground they're not going to like

that

um and I will sort of

follow like if the swarm

of them is chasing my friends I'm going

to also like follow in that direction

of course you run as well

perfect yeah okay

moot explosion has just gone off

let's uh let's

throw some shit backwards towards the

the the wasps like a fire bolt

okay

and uh I'm going to take off

take off running to follow

suit but avoid the big explosion

uh do it

alright

uh that's a 21

yes sir

and I'll be throwing

a fire bolt worth

nine

fire damage towards them

as they round this corner you throw up this fire bolt

and like spreads

out in a wall in front of them just based on

like the wind propulsion science

professor dr smith knows

I'll explain it to you later young man

thank you professor doctor

you're welcome

um and

scatters them yeah giving you

enough time to turn and run if

you would so desire

excellent I will do that

okay sully

I'm super sticky on the back of a honey

badger what you want to do

um this is probably the best you've ever

had it

you've even lived

until you're sticky on the top of a honey badger

yeah that's the real

living it's the takeaway from

today

I honestly don't

know I feel like the only thing

I could add to this

would be to like fire

an arrow backwards however

I am literally head to

toe covered in honey and I don't know how well

a finesse weapon is

how well I'm gonna do with

getting an arrow and just one arrow

and like we got eight arrows

you have advantage on

dexterity check if you so

you would have advantage on the attack

theoretically if that's what you want to do

sure cause I can't really run

oh but I

could probably take out that map

and direct us where to go

oh yeah if you tell us where to run

that would probably be

sure I wanna do that instead

I don't think shooting an arrow is gonna go anywhere

sticky you look at the map

and you see the big X where there

was the directions to

get to the hell wasp hive

and you're looking

for possible clues on

where to get the

where to get to the dragon's lair

that might have been mentioned in running

and you see that it's not far

fortunately

guys it's not far to get to the dragon's lair

I don't know why

that's a positive thing

okay

maybe the hell wasp will be scared

of the dragon and they'll stop chasing us

honor professor dr smith

yeah

I'm not as young as

I used to be but okay

the hovering

echoing sound of beating wings

like rushes up behind you

they're able to catch up to you

they're not able

to attack you this turn but they've

managed to catch up to you and we're back

to this turn doesn't sound great

right we're back to

professor dr smith who now has

directions

alright well let me

try something I've been working on

so you know bees

when they have a task they can go

extra far they can

activate chemicals they don't need to

sleep for days at a time

so you game we're going to try

something out ready let's go

and I'm going to click my boots

together and

my boots that

you see now yeah have these like yellow

kind of rings around them

so I'm activating one of my

artificer items which is called boots of the

winding path so as a bonus action I can

teleport up to 15 feet

to an unoccupied space I can see

so basically I'm booping

15 feet forward as I'm activating

these boots and I'm like whoa

and I think there's a big like buzzing

sound in the air as we just

jump forward

and then I'm like yippee

and I'm going to dash

do I get to come with you?

I don't know that's a good question

I mean I would think so

am I wearing you?

I mean when you teleport objects

you wear or hold come with you

I mean you are stuck to

you're covered with honey

I am holding

are you an object I'm not to objectify

Sully but it matters

right now he gets it

I feel like since you probably can't

remove me you're like my backpack

yeah no objections

here okay cool then we

teleport so you also feel that

intense buzzing sensation

I just

developed those recently I

was going to start selling them in the shop

but they were well

very expensive to make

anyway let's keep

running I say

Sully definitely vomits

over the side of you

he's just like what was that

I yell back

nothing it's fine

okay

yeah you managed to boop

ahead and then dash so you

are a leap and

bounce ahead

Sully you look down at the map and

it's just up and around the bend

where this presumed layer

is

Glim it is your turn

okay as a bonus action I'm going to cast

shield of faith on

Sully and maybe

professor daughters since they're kind

of attached and all that does

is give them a plus two

to AC just in

case I feel like the one covered in honey when

you're being attacked seems like a real target

so that's my bonus action

seems like we might be the first to meet

the dragon too

good point really good point

and then

from where I am back behind

I'm just going to like slash

I guess at one of those

wasps with the

warple sword

for a 20 not

nat

and that will be

nine

damage sorry you're going for one

in the air or one that had fallen on

the ground I think one in the air

I wasn't too worried about the ones on the ground

anymore they're just roaming

around on their little legs you slice it

and it knocks it off and into a tree

and it falls down to the ground

it's still moving but it's out of

play for the immediate

chase moot it is your

turn assume you continue running

beyond yeah let's just dash let's

dash dash dash yeah

okay you you you run

as fast as you can moot you see

up ahead in the distance

professor dr smith with sully like

bouncing on their back

as they're running as fast as they can

the wasps get a turn

two groups of them now split

off one kind

of goes up and around and turns back

towards glim

one's going to try to attack you

with its sting in a

sword talon

the first one is

a

13 for the sting

nope

and a 16 for the sword talon

also no

oh alright

suck on

that wasp spicy

like my honey

I'm gonna make

later

the other part of the group is going to

catch up to professor dr smith

but again because they had to dash

it's not going to be able to attack

this turn fiends

fiends they're just swarming

around you at this point oh I

am like this that's what you get for

keeping your tasty honey all

to yourselves is there anything you want to do

just can I um

like

motivate yes

professor dr smith you can help

yes I'd like to help

we can do it it's just a little bit further

what are you talking about

I need help with so many things

I absolutely

am like kicking

spurting

and now I'm just straight

up riding you

episode 69

yeah

okay professor

dr smith we're back to you

oh yes okay

and they're all like right here

so

you feel like you are

like I said just up and around the bend

is probably where the layer is

okay it's always for sure helping

you so we're definitely going faster

somehow then I

and I shall use a

dash action believing in

my new friend whose name

I never learned

to get me across this

finish line it's okay I would have forgotten

anyway all of your names

honestly but I

run I dash

valiantly towards

this this final destination

you are

bolting down this path

and you turn around this

corner and ahead of you

you see this cave

like a deep recessed wide open cave

I'm gonna run

into the cave to try and get

away from the wasps

echo

the shriek echoes through the cave

and you hear like this

growl come from deep

within the cave

I hear you are

a connoisseur of honey my

fine dragon perhaps

we can speak more I

have a wide variety of samples

available

we'll leave that there and go back to glim

glim what do you want to do

I guess I am

just going to try

and attack another one

with that warple sword

that's only a 14

14 does not hit

okay then I

just keep running and do nothing

else okay you continue to run

moot so they're

all between

me and the entrance to the cave

yeah cause you were behind so there's

there's a few there's a few that were

on glim but the bulk of them

are yeah between you and

your you're kind of

coming up to this

bend and

they're moving towards the cave as well following

your friends

okay I am

going to

run

I guess

try to like

skirt around them as best

I can but also maintain

forward momentum

and will I come in contact with

any of them yeah there's probably like a

one lagging behind

if you want to

okay that was

an open ended question like maybe

there's one that's got astmar

so

I mean I don't want to

but I just wanted to know if I would

or not if I was on this course of action

if I can avoid

I would love to avoid okay

yeah I'd say you can avoid it

as you yeah you come around

and you catch up to like the main group and you

see this cave before you

you hear that low growl echoing

out and then you see this

adult green

dragon bound out

of the cave towards you

and a giant plume

of poison breath

comes towards the wasps

make a dexterity saving throw please move

as I scream honey delivery

oh no not the guy

not the delivery guy he's got the goods

oh it's an 18

you see this and like

wiley coyote roadrunner

skid to a stop

as this breath like explodes

out in front of you

and manage to just dodge out

of the way as all of these wasps

take 56 poison damage

and just shrivel

up I mean that would have killed me twice

you would have died

and fall to the ground

Glim

you come around the corner there are a couple more

and it's the dragon swats them

out of the air as you all

kind of just stand

wherever you have

stopped

with a big green dragon

in front of you

I would just like to say

I think I would like to speak for everyone

here as as the most

qualified to speak

in front of people thank

you so so much

for for for freeing

us from that that pest

I'm sorry my dear fellow

I don't I didn't catch your

name my name is professor doctor

Smith what

is yours where's

the honey I

covered in it

don't eat me you hear

from inside the cave a

a higher pitched voice

professor doctor Smith is that you

maybe I want

to know more about the situation before I answer

that question it's me flip

I left you the note

I don't oh wait

no sorry it's me Trevor

I left you the note I

forgot you didn't know my real name

your name

wait now I'm just very confused

I'm sorry could anybody explain

what's happening here I'm gonna look at the

rest of you and the dragon

I think that flip is

actually Trevor

who used to work at your shop

Derek who and this must be

Latifus

we brought you some honey so you could

let flip go and also thank you for

getting all those wasps we really

appreciate it

I'm sort of gesturing to Sully like

I just have

one question

I just have one

question

is this your only supply

of honey just hopefully

you know

making adventures get it for you

or is this is this a delight you

would wish to partake in in a more

regular basis sounds like someone I

know

I say to the dragon I

don't understand what's happening with this

person in the cave

the dragon pauses

and then says

flip was making

hell wasp honey

malos

but refused to get the

honey when more wasps

moved in

wait

he was making you

these hell wasp treats

on the

side

no that's why my

stores ran out

flip you trevor

derek devin whoever that

the hell you are

you all face a honey badger

wrath my friend

a wrath

oh Sully's trying to get off the honey

badger he's just like

trying to peel himself off

just like every time he puts a hand

down to lift one up he's got one

stuck like looking at glim like

help I don't want to be part

of the honey badger rage yeah I do not

have any levels of barbarian but I would

like to rage

I believe a honey badger has her own rage

badger has a rage yeah

you see a

a stout halfling run out

excited that

you had come to save them but then see the

rage in your eyes

and they turn around and

run back into the dragon's cave

mm-hmm

listen

my dear dragon

fellow you of course are a

respected member of this forest

community and it is my job

as a

purveyor of business to provide

you with services that make

you both comfortable and feel

superior to all other people

so I am willing to

of course open a private

line of business to you and provide

you with more regular honey

so you do not have to be dependent on

the likes of such fools as

will die by my claws

you would make me the

hell wasp honey mallows

I can do this for you yes and far

better than whatever swill

this individual

has been giving you I have been in

the business for many years

and I have

I have two degrees

in beef

physiology

if there's anyone who can make you

sweet bee treats it is me

I am the most qualified in the

land just kind of looks

to each of you sully still

trying to get off of professor dr

smith I don't know what you all think

but I think this is

nothing but a business opportunity

in disguise

yeah I think you should

definitely set up some sort of business

relationship with the with the bees

and the honey and I like go over and

try to pull sully

please get away from this

this person

and I'm like trying to like scoop

the honey off of sully to like

put it in a container for the dragon

and it's not working very well and now it's

covered in hair the dragon shifts

into a human form

before you and says well it's about

time somebody has some

contractual obligations here

let's get everything signed up

and we'll get this sorted away right

quick I would love nothing

you know I hope you don't mind me

saying so but you're a rather attractive

individual I'm so glad to

have met you perhaps we could see

each other on a more regular basis

to do business

well of course yes yes

deliveries twice a week

oh yes

you know I've recently

gone on an adventure so I feel much

more qualified to

go deliver things myself

I love adventures

and hell wasp honey

mallows let's go talk about the recipe

what do you want to put

in yours

what do you want as the customer my dear

and as I totally ignore

all of the dragon

and professor Dr. Smith

walk back into the lair sully

removed I assume by this point

yeah we got him off

well that was fucking weird

yeah I you know my instinct

is always just to help everyone but I feel

like we learned a lesson

today yeah I don't know

that we helped anyone

but I did almost convert those wasp to

bahamut you were so close

oh my goodness wow

making that pledge

really like

upped my Zumba game I think you

guys would have to agree oh definitely well plus

you're like twice the size you normally are so

I wonder how long this is

going to last I don't know but would you carry me back

well okay

and because I'm so much bigger and everything

else is bigger I have a handkerchief in my pocket

that I pull out and like wrap around

sully because he's still very sticky so I

want to give him a ride but like also

gross you've burritoed me so I

kind of wrap I just swaddle him

like a little baby

glim, moot and swaddled baby

sully walk back towards

drothamar

better maybe we'll see

I mean different forever

changed

better maybe we'll see

I mean different forever

changed

the song long road ahead is

by Kavin McLeod of Inkompetech.Filmmusic.io

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Have a great week, and we'll talk soon.

Sorry guys, I've never played a shifter, and I've never played an artificer, so this is a great deal of fun.

We've been playing the same characters for years, and we still spend hours looking shit up, so please take your time.

Does it have something to do with the literal bear costume that I just noticed is behind you in the physical location you are in?

That one back there?

Sorry, sorry to interrupt, I just was like, what's that? Is that actually a claw? Oh, there's a bear back there.

That's not a bee, that's a bear in a bee costume.

Bears like bees?

We do.

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