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Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
The three of you
overseeing
the wreckage of the city. I just...
I cannot believe this is my city. It is... it is like it's destroyed and... Where do you think an entire city would flee?
I think we should
go to visit one of my friends. Ah!
Are you okay Flint? Are you okay? Is there a chair or something? I gotta sit down.
There's a pain in my chest. We catch
sight of a person in a green hooded cloak. Wait, please wait! We thought you were... we thought you were dead.
Oh, it is so... it is so nice to see a person.
Every day rushes together.
It's been...
at least years. Years. So we were in that... we were in that pyramid for years?
Drazul turns to you and says, okay, I think we're ready. Yenbul, are you coming?
Yes, I... I can't fight everything here. And then you're in an alleyway in Waterdeep. We got a hustle here, peeps.
You definitely look like you're in hustling form.
You're bracing Flint as you walk down towards the main road, and as you step out into the main road,
you look
up and immediately what catches your eye are dark black
banners hanging from the streets with the symbol of
Orcus.
You look at the people and they're quickly rushing about from place to place. Some of them looking at the Sun.
A lot of doors are shutting up as you realize it's getting towards sundown.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master Russ More and with me today is Carla Maxted.
That is me. I am mad at Russ and my...
And my name is, I already said that, but I play Yenbul Nuri.
Oh, everybody's so wrapped wrapped up in the in the anger. Tom Laird, probably not as mad at me, maybe.
Even more mad. Oof, twist. Didn't think it could happen, but it's true.
Yeah, that's me. I play Flint Firebeard.
And Amy More.
I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
I couldn't hear you. I wasn't listening. And I play Thea Amastasia.
Hi everybody.
How are we doing? Feeling great. We're still processing. Yeah. So happy to see my friends Tom and Amy.
For you listener, it's been two weeks of
hatred. For everybody else, it's only been 30 seconds. It's fresh for us.
It's so fresh. The wound, it's open. If you want to experience the true, here's where we can go with this. If you want to experience the true
hatred for what happened in the last episode,
go visit us on Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast because there's like a 30, almost 30 minute downtime.
20 or 30 minutes of
everybody just being, just a bit, just it was a good session of just like talking out our feelings, I think.
Yeah, after, so after we record an episode, we record the downtime and then that comes out the Saturday after.
And it's us, like our immediate reactions and some light stats because we leveled up.
But nobody wanted to talk about that. I thought you were going to say light stabbing.
No stabbing. You totally outed me. I'm the only one recording with an actual person in the room.
It would be me. Yeah.
Someone check in with Russ. You can hear our fresh reactions, even fresher than these ones.
When we find out we have somehow fast-forwarded to the darkest timeline. I wouldn't let Russ sing in
Dumjins downtime. I was like downtime and we're talking about this now motherfuckers.
Yeah, that's fun. You should join us on Patreon and listen to that.
Before we get too much into it, when you're a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron, Derek Wagner.
Derek, thank you so much.
Do you hear like all the stress just out of our voices?
Derek, we're not mad at you.
Derek makes me happy.
Derek is a wonderful person.
Derek looks great, smells good, and is very smart.
And really kind to other people is what I hear about Derek.
Unlike other people.
I think we're going to have to have patrons just randomly drop into our recording sessions now.
Just so you're not mad at me all the time.
Might add it.
There's another way to bring about that result and that's not to fast-forward us and put us in the darkest timeline.
Yeah, but where's the fun in that?
You make your own choices, Russ.
Fuck it! Let's play!
You are standing in the streets in Waterdeep,
bracing Flint between the two of you.
You're seeing people rushing to their homes, shutting their doors, closing their shutters.
You look up and you see symbols of orcas on banners throughout the streets.
Yen Bull, I'm not going to lie to you.
I regret going to Callenport.
Yes, I don't. I feel like perhaps I regret leaving.
I don't know.
I thought we would come here and it would be better and safe
and I could figure out a way to save my city and if we could save Flint.
And now I get here and I've never been here before.
Oh, it's not usually like this.
It is not orcas array everywhere normally.
I wonder, is this, I want to like just stop someone rushing by and just say, excuse me.
You step in front of a woman who looks up and panic is in her eyes and she tries to push past you.
No, no, no, no worries.
It's just going to take five seconds of your time.
You're going to get home quick.
She turns back and looks at you and then she stops for a moment
and then her eyes change from panic to hatred and she turns and she leaves.
She goes into a door and closes it.
Well, shit, I don't think that we are friendlies here, my friends.
I feel like we have to get inside.
Pretty clear social signals going on around us.
I usually ignore those, but I agree with you.
Is there an inn?
There are many inns.
Yeah, it's water deep.
You guys know water deep so well.
Well, Yenbul doesn't.
She's never been here before.
That's true. Explain it to Yenbul.
I don't have to remember.
I don't have to remember anything.
If you could just run Yenbul through it, that'd be great.
You try to find any landmarks in the immediate area.
You guess that you're in one of the lower wards,
quite a ways away from the Yawning Portal or Castle Waterdeep or anything like that.
As you figure out which part of the city you're in,
you hear the door slamming stop and you hear heavy footsteps echoing from down the street.
Oh, God, I feel like we all turn and look at the same time,
but I don't think we should, but I feel like that's what we would do.
Well, if you two both turn, I'm probably turning with you.
That's true.
Well, yeah, you have no choice.
You turn and look towards the echoing sound.
You catch sight of a figure flying, like crossing the street above in the air.
It looks dark and wispy, zipping through the air above you.
And then you look down and you see like a line of what look like soldiers
walking in unison down this street.
You head back down the alleyway to get out of the immediate line of sight
and make your way to where the lonely whip used to be.
The sign is kind of roughly hanging off.
The doors are locked and windows shuttered.
I bang on it.
You hear movement coming from inside and whispering at the door.
Who's there?
Please, Lettison, we need a place to stay for the night.
My friend, he's very ill.
The shutter's kind of open.
You see eyes peeking through and they close up and the locks begin to go.
Door pulls open.
You hear the footsteps like rounding a corner down the street from you.
Come in, come in.
You enter and it's a woman probably in her 30s, tight curly red hair.
And she's dressed in like common clothes, but they look torn and tattered.
And she locks the door behind you and turns to look at you and says,
just stay quiet.
Why didn't you go home?
We've only just arrived in the city.
Why did you come here?
We didn't know it was like this.
Where have you been, under a rock?
In a pyramid.
One in the same? It's different? Okay, sure.
No, I suppose, yeah, that it is surrounded by rock, yes.
Okay. Who are you? What are you doing here?
My name is Yenbul. I've come all the way from Kalimbor.
It's a long ways.
And as you're softly talking, you hear the footsteps come up to the front of the house and begin to,
like you hear them marching down the street and they're walking by.
She holds her breath as they pass the doorway.
How long has it been like this?
How long has it been like this?
She's like counting on her, on her, on her fingers as I,
I don't know, seven, seven years?
It's been like this?
There was a battle for, for a couple of years before that and then forces overtook.
Where did you, like, it's not just water deep. Where did you come from?
Kalimport.
And is it better in Kalimport?
Oh, no, no, it is. It's very bad in Kalimport.
The city is destroyed. Everyone is, there is no everyone anymore.
But the few people that remain, they are below in tunnels.
We thought it would be, we thought it would be better here.
Come, come in and sit down.
She leads you to a table, pulls out a chair for Flint.
Have you, have you eaten? Do you need something to eat?
That would be really kind of you. We have a lot of questions.
Yeah, just give me, give me a second.
She seats you all and then goes back into the kitchen.
You hear her fixing some stuff.
I softly yell back.
What, what is your name?
My name's Sharon.
I feel like the woman in the street recognized us.
And I have a feeling like we may be enemy number one.
Not you, Yen Bull.
You have the bliss of not being known at all here.
I don't know if sharing who we are is going to be helpful
or going to get us kicked out or if she'll call the guard.
Well, I mean, I'm inclined to think if she just wouldn't open the door.
If, if that was sort of the mindset.
But that being said, you might be right.
You look at Flint and realize he's completely covered in dragon scale.
Head to toe?
Yeah.
He just looks like a small dragonborn.
With a big beard.
Oh, good.
I was a little worried about his beard.
Like it would have been a lot more dramatic if it was coming out in chunks as scales were taking over.
I mean, that hasn't happened yet.
If he's already been scalified.
I mean, good luck adding it in.
I'm not giving you ideas.
Even if it did, I have that belt of dwarven kind, which makes me grow radical beard.
So that's true.
You can't get rid of your beard.
Yep.
It's not done.
I just don't know if we should be sharing our identities just yet.
Perhaps this woman is quite young.
Maybe she, she did not recognize you.
Maybe not.
Let's just try to get some more answers first before we potentially get thrown out on our asses.
Sharon comes back with a few plates and sets them down in front of you.
She says, well, you have questions?
So many.
Great.
What can I answer?
I mean, for starters, just thank you for the hospitality.
Yes. Yes. Thank you.
Yeah.
Seems a little empty in here.
Not many people visit after dark.
What exactly is going on with the after dark situation?
Is it a curfew?
A lot of people were rushing around on the streets.
It's exactly what it is.
Anybody out after dark is thought to be conspiring against Orcus.
Everybody still surviving here as we are is
dedicated to Orcus.
She looks deep into your eyes.
We survive because they allow us.
Because we believe that one day we will join in our own time the land of the undead.
I can only imagine how exciting that must be.
Yeah, we're all looking forward to it.
And any sort of rebellion definitely doesn't exist.
No, no, any any thought of rebellion would be immediately found and brought to swift justice.
Because Orcus is listening all the time.
It is wise to believe that you're always being monitored.
OK, so we're on the same page.
There are no rebellions.
You're certainly not waiting for anyone to, I don't know, come and lead a resistance.
Who would be so foolish?
Who indeed?
And Thea rips open her shirt and underneath her shirt is a shirt she had made that says,
Decimators of Dragon.
Totally kidding.
Orcus with a red line through it.
That's right.
Orcus, but then like with like a red D scratched in front of it and it says Dorkus.
It's all my feelings.
It's fine.
And then we flashback.
It's the dream sequence.
Oh yeah, this was my this is my cut scene.
Everyone freezes.
I talk to the camera.
OK.
Well, who is in charge here?
Surely not Orcus himself.
No, he has disciples in Castle Orcus.
Oh, has this whole city been renamed Orcus?
It's still water deep on the map.
There are certain benefits to keeping people of life around when dealing with other areas not yet controlled by Orcus.
So the soldiers are there undead?
Yes.
But the administrators of the city, they are still human?
I suppose.
We don't we don't see them often.
They are kept in tight guard in the castle.
Do you know of their names?
Not specifically, no.
Many, many come and go.
Only a couple stay regularly from the windows.
We've seen a Dragonborn looking person, thing, creature.
I mean, not unlike yourself, less less follicular enhanced.
But he's an imposing figure.
He's the only one we really see of any frequency, but he's not always there.
Him and a smaller woman often travel in every few months, almost like they're they're checking up.
How small is a small woman?
Well, it's like it's either a halfling or a gnome or...
Red hair?
Possibly.
Speaks with an accent?
I don't know.
Well, she doesn't ever speak with us.
Does she have a little shovel?
I'm sorry, I'm asking questions you don't know.
I've not seen her dig.
I've not seen her talk.
I've not heard her talk.
OK.
Any any sight of them has only been from the streets up to the castle.
Fair enough.
I'm sorry.
What of everyone from Castle Water, Orcus?
The rulers of the city previously have not been seen in many years.
Some were publicly converted.
I'm sorry, I keep asking you for names.
But who?
Lord Neverember.
Lady Silverhand was was around before Orcus took over, but she was not seen after.
Some of the right hands to the rulers were given the same fate.
That's that's that's all I know.
Give me a moment.
Let me let me get the let me get the bill.
I'll be right back.
I totally think Lipsinki's here.
But she said she said they're only here sometimes.
Yeah.
But that's one person that we know who is alive.
And I mean, I feel like she was wavering, but that was was it seven years ago for her?
Is that how long it was?
Did we establish that?
Well, she did.
That's what Sharon said.
Well, Sharon said that that Orcus took over seven years.
But then there were a couple of years of fighting.
It was probably like 10 years.
OK.
Ah, OK.
But was it for her?
Well, they were only in the pyramid with us for I don't know for how long exactly I was in that cage for a while.
But oh my God, did Orcus send them in like, OK, it's been nine years.
These idiots can't get the job done.
Head in there.
Makes me really mad.
Oh, God.
Well, any anywho, we talked to her the day the pyramid stopped.
Yeah.
Yes.
And which is like in present time for us only a few days.
But for her, like it was still the most recent time.
Because once he was defeated, I assume things went back, not back to normal, but continued on as it were.
So I don't know, maybe we may be able to convince her.
I don't know.
You think they would have said something.
Right?
Rude.
Like a little like, hey, it's been seven years since we've seen you guys.
Or hey, it's been a long time.
Flint, how are you feeling you are now?
You're straight up like Dragonborn, man.
Yes, but we do.
It was.
Well, I mean, honestly, besides the pain in my heart and the splitting headache, I'm feeling pretty good.
I don't like that.
That's not ideal.
Well, no, I mean, I've been through worse, maybe.
But.
Yeah.
But you can't recall a time right now.
I am having trouble recalling a lot of anything with this with this headache.
But, you know, like, hey, if we get into a scrape, you know, I'm ready.
Can I like cure wounds on him or like try to help his headache?
Sure. What do you want to do?
Cure wounds?
Want to touch him on his temples?
Yeah, you can certainly.
And cast cure wounds?
Yeah.
Like you regain hit points, which I don't think is important, but I'm trying to help you.
The symptoms, if not the.
Yeah, I can't help the cause, but the symptoms.
Sure.
Yeah.
The pains you're feeling as you cast this don't go away, but they dull.
I don't know what our next move is.
Perhaps tomorrow when we are not confined, we can try to find someone you used to know.
Maybe.
I feel like no one knows me here.
Flint is unrecognizable.
If you are are worried that they that you are an enemy here, you could disguise yourself.
Oh, not a problem.
Yes. And then we can.
Perhaps she will let us stay here for the night and then we will go and try to find someone you know.
Perhaps someone who can help Flint.
Yeah, Flint.
Sorry, we're looking for the you want to take Brotherhood of Traveling Pants.
I know that's all right.
Nope, that's right.
Arcane.
I remember it.
The Arcane Brotherhood of Traveling Pants.
I wonder if they're here.
Are they underground?
Like, there's no way they just rolled over and went, OK, orcas.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, I mean, I'm inclined to think the same way.
But where I mean, where would we even start?
To find them.
Sharon, Sharon.
Sharon comes back out holding a piece of paper and says, yes, yes.
I have another question for you.
OK, she slides the paper to you.
I look at it.
It says what?
You look at it and the note says resistance in the sewers.
I put a gold piece down.
The Arcane Brotherhood, by any chance, has been taken over by orcas.
And wiped out, I hope.
The Arcane Brotherhood, she's looking around now,
hasn't been seen here in a long time.
She says, long time, she taps her finger on the paper.
Good.
Praise orcas.
You'll have to work on the handshake later.
It's like we grasp pinkies and then we lift it up and down.
Then the pinkies fall off.
But then you grasp again and then you like hook your pointer finger
and then and then you do with your other hand.
Yeah.
And then you do the whole up and over and you guys both like twirl around.
You touch ankles a few times and then there's like a hole.
Yeah. Yeah.
How does anyone get anything done with this overly complicated handshake?
You look around the city and there's just people like in different points of the handshake.
Just the fact that you caught them all rushing back to their house.
That's like the point when they all finish and now they get to go back home.
Yeah. Yeah.
Starts in the morning, ends at night.
Real long handshake.
May we stay the night?
Of course. Of course.
We have some rooms upstairs.
Thank you for the food and the help.
Yes. Thank you.
Curfew ends at sunrise?
Yes.
Most of the forces go away.
There are still several patrols throughout the day, but it is safer.
Under Orcus's protection.
Aren't we all safer?
Exactly.
Thea really likes to lean into like, yeah, I'm part of this cult.
Welcome to the Middle Town. It's time to talk about the things.
It's December now so we can really like...
Just lean into it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Hopefully you're not listening to this in February 2027.
Well, hopefully you are.
I mean, like if you are...
Correction. Hopefully you are and you got a little Christmas spirit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
February, I think you need it.
Yeah. I mean, it's no January blues, but it's...
January, I'm so riding the high.
Who knows what the year looks like in 2020.
If you're listening to this in 2027, tweet at us and say,
hashtag Christmas in February 2027.
God, I hope Twitter isn't a fail by then.
It's going to be.
You mean in just six years?
Whatever social media is available, do it.
At us.
If you're listening in February 2027,
this next three minutes is not going to have anything to do with you
because we're going to talk about a special offer that we have going on
until December 9th of 2020.
And we would love for you to come join us on
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast and take advantage of some of the
sweet merch that was supposed to come in today.
I was going to show off to all of our patrons what it is,
but it's coming in tomorrow.
So we're going to cover our living room in merch.
And then take pictures of it.
That's pretty awesome.
And I'm going to say something cool in the tagline,
like don't be smirch.
All this cool stuff, something like that.
You're going to keep workshopping it?
Working on that.
I thought that was what we agreed on.
No, that's not what we...
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Until December 9th, we've got digital wallpapers
at the three, we've got stickers at the five,
we've got coasters at the 15,
and that sweet acrylic pin at the $25 tier.
And so for all new and upgrading members for every five,
we'll do a bonus episode.
And we've already released two of those.
Two bonus episodes.
We're almost one more away from our third bonus episode.
You know what might push us over that?
What?
Well, we got that livestream coming up because we just set the date for that.
December 12th.
Yeah, livestream coming up, baby.
Look at all these things we have going on.
Yeah, those are for patrons only.
We've never done a livestream before.
So like come watch us fly, watch us fall.
Give us like your input as to what's supposed to happen in this episode.
Tell us how the rules work.
But yeah, I know that's December 12th at noon Pacific,
3 p.m. Eastern for probably a couple hours.
We're going to be live streaming a game,
which we've never done before.
There's going to be some community involvement,
some audience involvement where we're going to toss out questions
and hopefully get better answers than what we would do.
Maybe not.
Almost certainly.
I mean, come on, guys.
They're going to be better answers.
But yeah, that's coming up.
So check it all out.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Hopefully see you over there.
If not now, then when?
If not you, then who?
It's the Glimer of light in the middle of this,
the darkest timeline episode.
Now we'll get you back to it.
This December's the darkest timeline.
Perfect timing.
Yeah.
Merry holidays, everybody.
I even changed the intro music, if you notice that,
to the more darkest timeline music.
Yeah.
Smooth.
Sorry, everybody.
That's the new intro music.
Hopefully you like it.
If they fix it, we'll go back to the other one.
Oh, no.
No pressure.
Pressure.
OK, back to the episode.
OK, thanks. Bye.
Bye.
OK, you spend the night.
I sleep with my weapons on me.
Remember the last time we slept and then a dragon attacked?
That's true.
Dragons are the least of your problems right now.
We haven't slept since then.
Tom slept in full plate armor since that moment.
That's true.
He used to be totally naked and now he's just too scared to take anything off.
One dragon attack is all you need.
That's right.
I think Yen Bull, even though obviously everything is terrible,
is still just like fascinated by this very different place than the place that she is from.
So even in the room is sort of just like looking at everything and trying to,
yeah, like this is what chairs look like here.
Because everything is so different.
I mean, you know, general structures are the same,
but it's like everything is totally foreign.
A lot less silks here.
Indeed.
Yeah, it's like if the yawning portal hasn't been like taken over or destroyed,
you should see it.
It's awesome.
There's a giant yawning portal in the middle of the tavern.
It's crazy.
Oh, my goodness.
I want to see that.
I want to see all the sights, but it's hard.
Well, it's hard to sight see when Orcus is taken over.
Yes.
Can I braid your hair?
Oh, it's hard because it's so curly, but you can try.
See, it tries.
Do I have to roll for braid?
No, you've got time.
There's no pressing danger.
You can braid as much as you want.
I French braid.
I like fish bone or fish tail, whatever that braid is called.
Sure.
Yeah, I do it all.
Okay.
After your braiding session, you fall asleep.
Flint, you don't sleep well.
Flashes of the battle with Tiamat.
You have flashes of the horde that you fought inside the pyramid.
You feel like your muscles pulling from your bones and stretching.
You wake up in what before would have been probably a cold sweat, but you don't wake
up that way now.
You wake up and you're just panicked.
You can feel that the scales have risen.
As you look around the room and see that daybreak has come, you hear a loud crash
downstairs.
I'll grab my weapon and head to the top of the stairs and see if I can see what's
up.
You hear heavy footsteps downstairs and growls.
And then you see coming around the corner at the base of the stairs, one of the
guards.
They have a long sword in hand and they point up the stairs at you and then let
out another loud growl and then begin marching up the stairs towards you.
And how close is this fellow to me?
A flight of stairs, 15 feet.
I guess I'll take a running jump off the top stair and super tomahawk axe this
guy.
Damn it, Tom!
Roll to attack with advantage because that's a ballsy move that I'm sure they
weren't expecting.
Perfect.
First roll would be a 25 to hit.
Second roll was worse.
So we're going to go with the 25 to hit.
You leap off the top step.
You drive your axe into the skull of this creature before you and topple on
top of it and down, falling down like wrapped up with this creature that is
not moving beneath you.
But the crash that follows after this wakes Thea and Yen Bull.
I feel like I wake up in a mass of Yen Bull's hair.
Yeah, so wake up and obviously like grab weapons and run out to see what is
happening.
Flint, you at the bottom of the stairs, you see now that there are 15 soldiers
standing in this front entryway.
You hear footsteps up above and Thea and Yen Bull, you look down and see
Flint in a pile on top of this soldier.
I feel like mouths like, what the fuck?
Yen Bull shrugs like I don't...
Thea quickly decides to alter self.
I don't want to be recognized as myself.
I want to be very plain, just long, dark brown hair, average height, kind of
just like a medium, lightish...
Just an average lady.
Just an average lady, much like a standard lady.
Just a light, light brown skin tone.
Just there is nothing out of the ordinary about me.
Okay.
Flint, down at the bottom of the stairs, these soldiers are beginning to move
towards you, aggressively.
Is there anyone else downstairs or is it just all soldiers?
It looks to be, from what you can see, all soldiers.
I know I have a breath attack somewhere, Russ.
I don't see it on my sheet, though.
Five by 30 foot line, deck save.
I guess I'll unleash this as I like disentangle myself from the poor fellow
underneath me.
Okay.
The DC save is eight plus your con, plus your proficiency bonus.
All right.
So you will have to beat 18.
So half dodge down this line, half do not.
So you say there's probably five foot, 10.
So five and five.
And then it's five D six.
20 lightning damage.
Many of them drop.
Theon Yenbul, you shrugged at Flint and he unleashed a lightning breath.
Not what we were expecting him to do.
No.
He's become quite erratic after his change.
He's going through the change.
This is this is menopause, right?
For for Dwarf for Dwarf.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
So I mean, I don't even know.
Thea comes down the stairs and said, like, oh, um, Sharon.
There's no call from Sharon back.
Oh, God.
OK.
Well, we're in this now.
So she.
I'm going to cast sacred flame.
There we go.
I just clicked on flaming sphere.
You go first, because Thea is like, call for Sharon.
Dex save 17.
Oh, that was less good.
That's not a 17, not a 17.
Probably 11.
So you take 20, I think, radiant damage.
You're damn right.
It's reading.
Yeah.
So you like run down the stairs and do this or you do this from the top of the stairs?
I guess running down the stairs.
I want to make sure I can direct that not where Flint is.
I mean, it seems like the larger group of them is further away.
So yeah, you run down and you turn and you see there are another 10 or more soldiers,
some of them pushing themselves up off the ground, others lying on the ground.
Your flame goes and drops.
Another few of them like the the flesh on them like boils from this radiant energy
and it begins to smoke and flame as they fall to the floor.
Thea casts flaming sphere.
So she runs to the bottom of the stairs, casts her five foot diameter sphere
and like thrusts it at the remaining seven.
Sure.
They need to make a dexterity saving throw.
16.
Not good enough.
Okay.
Four.
And a five is nine.
Fire damage.
Okay, so how I picture this is like Flint unleashes his lightning breath,
knocks many of them down.
Thea and Yen Bull rush down and begin like just lighting up the remaining,
casting this ball through them, knocking them all down.
You see a couple of them still moving,
but the bulk of them appear to be unmoving at the moment.
Flint, what did you do?
And also tell us on the way.
Come on.
We've got to get our stuff and get out of here.
Orcas knows everything and now we have just attacked the guard.
We must go.
We must go to the sewer.
I want to go and kill those two guards that are still awake
after they heard Thea say go to the sewer.
Okay.
Go.
I have a feeling like Orcas already knows.
I don't know.
I'm just going to fucking move my flaming sphere over them again.
It's like you just like drop it and move it up and down.
It's like you're dribbling a basketball.
Yeah.
It's fine.
Okay, good.
The two remaining that were moving now appear to be no longer moving.
We're not going to say another word until we get into the, you know, let's go.
Yes.
I will watch my tongue.
You make sure you have all of your things.
Where do you go?
I want to go into the kitchen.
Okay.
And out through the back door and also at the same time,
looking for Sharon, leaving her a quick note.
Sorry about all the bodies.
You leave a quick note as Yenbul and Flint move out through the back door.
You look through a small window that sees through into the other room
and some of the undead soldiers begin to move again.
Undead.
You bolt out behind them.
You're looking for a sewer entrance.
You run out and it's into the alleyway.
You see the main street is becoming a little more busy.
You see a few soldiers backs to the alleyway out in the street.
You run around a corner and down and find a sewer opening
and manage to get down and into the sewer.
You splash down in, pulling the grate closed behind you.
This is not where I expected to be this morning.
Well, I mean, Sharon told us to go to the sewers,
so it kind of expected us to be there.
Well, yeah, I just I thought maybe there'd be breakfast first.
I thought maybe there wouldn't be mass amounts of casualties
and also completely, you know, telling Orcus where we are.
What were you doing, Flint?
Well, in my defense, I had a pretty rough dream.
Like, remember, remember when we were in the Faye and I had that dream?
Mm hmm.
It was like that, but maybe like a little worse.
Oh, my God.
So I was already just teed up and ready.
And then that guy that that dude shouted at me.
That was it. It was on.
Well, OK, I'm sorry.
It was kind of like a wrong place, wrong time thing for him.
Yeah.
But like, you know, can't can't undo it now.
Oh, no, we can't undo this.
We're going to sleep in the same room next time.
Maybe we should like have a rope around each of our wrists.
Oh, so like the buddy system. Sure. Sure. Sure.
So if one of us like, you know, has a horrific dream,
wakes up to maybe go kill a bunch of people.
The other one will know or at least be dragged along for the ride.
Yeah, I mean, it sounds like a good plan.
Does she say where in the sewers we have to go?
No.
Cool. Cool.
I have that note with me. BT dubs.
I left no evidence.
Except the note that you left.
Just said sorry about all the bodies.
What are they going to like?
This matches the printing from the scribe from like silvery moon.
Jokes on you.
That's how they identify people in this orchestra in the world.
Bullshit. That's way.
You know what? I do feel like it would be a lot of bureaucracy.
Lots of red tape, lots of forms to fill out.
That's chaotic demons. Probably not.
Okay. You're wandering around the sewers aimlessly basically.
Essentially.
Okay. You spend the better part of a day walking through the sewers.
You hear up ahead the sound of ducks.
You turn a corner and you see three ducks marching back and forth,
talking to each other.
Guys, I think we're in the infamous duck ward.
Hey ducks.
Who goes there?
Who do you work for?
We work for ourselves. We're self-employed ducks down here.
Yeah you are.
We don't work for nobody. No one.
No orcas?
I don't work for that schmuck. He don't come down here. He's scared of ducks.
From inside my bag. I pull out a pack.
Of wet wipes.
What are you saying? We're dirty ducks?
I'm saying I got some currency. And we need to know where to go.
Yeah who told you Dems the way that we deal?
Work gets around.
Well what are you looking for?
We're looking for a resistance.
One of them pulls a knife. What are you talking about resistance?
You resisting me right now?
You're under arrest.
Are you the resistance?
I could be the resistance.
Are you?
Ah.
Quack.
Listen.
Yeah yeah.
You've had a lot less people coming down here doing business with you since Orcas has taken over.
Haven't you?
Not a lot of people. They drove out the sewer rats.
Sucks.
We're not supposed to talk about them.
They're down there.
Talk about who you're not supposed to talk about and I'll give you all the wet wipes you can dream about.
You'll be having wet wipe dreams.
The one who said the ones we're not supposed to be talking about gets slapped in the back of the head by the other ones.
We're not supposed to talk about them.
Look you give us the wet wipes.
Maybe we'll talk.
I chuck a pack of wet wipes at them and I say there's more where that came from.
How many more?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Yeah. What about your friends?
They got wet wipes?
Oh you don't talk to them.
You talk to me.
Take me where you're not supposed to know.
Where you know.
We're on patrol.
We can't take you.
We can tell you.
Tell me.
Alright.
Give me the wet wipes.
No.
You tell me first.
You get the rest of the wet wipes after we get there.
I'll tell you half the directions and they might not be in order if I don't get my wet wipes.
If you tell me the directions in order I'll double your wet wipes.
Left, right, left, left, right, left, straight.
Left, right, left, straight.
Left, right.
Left, right.
Down the tube.
Left, right.
Left.
Quack.
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start.
Okay let's pretend for a moment.
Thea just drew arrows as they were speaking.
Sure.
She checks a pack of wet wipes at them.
At each of them.
Oh.
Alright.
We'll take your insolence for payment.
Yeah I don't think you know what that word means.
I'm going to be on my way.
Quack, quack.
Quack, quack.
And we go?
Go?
You follow the directions as the duck gave them to you.
Down the tube.
Left, right, left, right, quack.
And you come to a steel door at the end of a long corridor.
It's raised up on a platform.
We try the universal knock.
You know the one.
We all know the one.
We all know the one.
A moment passes and you hear from the other side of the door.
Who's there?
The decimators of dragons.
Thea looks to her like, uh?
There's a long period of silence.
You hear footsteps coming up to the door.
Several locks go and the sound of, like, magical dispelment happening.
The door swings open.
And you see...
Leosin.
Where...
the fuck...
have you been?
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Gabriel Lynch, Mark Hartless, Stevie, Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown, Jessica Babyok, Darylith, Devin Michaels, Aaron Stevens, Luke Ickes, and Ray Sirbeck.
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Have a great week, and we'll talk soon.
Were we not already playing with your feelings?
Wow, that's fine.
Oh! Sorry.
That's how mad Karla is.
That's right.
She's beating her microphone around.
She's got a picture of Russ on there.
You jump ahead 10 more years.
No!
I'm so good.
From the windows...
To the walls.
I'm sorry.
Can't remember.
What is the sweat drip off of?
My balls.
And then all these orcas...
...bitches crawl?
Yeah.
From the windows...
Fuck off.
Say it again, Amy.
To the walls!
Just let me...
No! No! Because of what you did to us?
No!
I will be as silly as I want to be.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.