[0.0s] Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2.9s] The three of you
[5.4s] overseeing
[6.8s] the wreckage of the city. I just...
[10.8s] I cannot believe this is my city. It is... it is like it's destroyed and... Where do you think an entire city would flee?
[18.7s] I think we should
[20.5s] go to visit one of my friends. Ah!
[23.7s] Are you okay Flint? Are you okay? Is there a chair or something? I gotta sit down.
[28.9s] There's a pain in my chest. We catch
[31.8s] sight of a person in a green hooded cloak. Wait, please wait! We thought you were... we thought you were dead.
[39.4s] Oh, it is so... it is so nice to see a person.
[43.6s] Every day rushes together.
[46.2s] It's been...
[48.5s] at least years. Years. So we were in that... we were in that pyramid for years?
[53.7s] Drazul turns to you and says, okay, I think we're ready. Yenbul, are you coming?
[57.8s] Yes, I... I can't fight everything here. And then you're in an alleyway in Waterdeep. We got a hustle here, peeps.
[64.8s] You definitely look like you're in hustling form.
[67.6s] You're bracing Flint as you walk down towards the main road, and as you step out into the main road,
[73.2s] you look
[75.2s] up and immediately what catches your eye are dark black
[79.9s] banners hanging from the streets with the symbol of
[84.8s] Orcus.
[86.0s] You look at the people and they're quickly rushing about from place to place. Some of them looking at the Sun.
[94.5s] A lot of doors are shutting up as you realize it's getting towards sundown.
[105.2s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master Russ More and with me today is Carla Maxted.
[110.8s] That is me. I am mad at Russ and my...
[116.3s] And my name is, I already said that, but I play Yenbul Nuri.
[120.2s] Oh, everybody's so wrapped wrapped up in the in the anger. Tom Laird, probably not as mad at me, maybe.
[127.9s] Even more mad. Oof, twist. Didn't think it could happen, but it's true.
[134.4s] Yeah, that's me. I play Flint Firebeard.
[137.7s] And Amy More.
[141.8s] I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
[146.1s] I couldn't hear you. I wasn't listening. And I play Thea Amastasia.
[151.1s] Hi everybody.
[152.7s] How are we doing? Feeling great. We're still processing. Yeah. So happy to see my friends Tom and Amy.
[163.7s] For you listener, it's been two weeks of
[167.2s] hatred. For everybody else, it's only been 30 seconds. It's fresh for us.
[172.0s] It's so fresh. The wound, it's open. If you want to experience the true, here's where we can go with this. If you want to experience the true
[179.7s] hatred for what happened in the last episode,
[182.6s] go visit us on Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast because there's like a 30, almost 30 minute downtime.
[190.6s] 20 or 30 minutes of
[193.2s] everybody just being, just a bit, just it was a good session of just like talking out our feelings, I think.
[201.9s] Yeah, after, so after we record an episode, we record the downtime and then that comes out the Saturday after.
[208.9s] And it's us, like our immediate reactions and some light stats because we leveled up.
[214.7s] But nobody wanted to talk about that. I thought you were going to say light stabbing.
[225.3s] No stabbing. You totally outed me. I'm the only one recording with an actual person in the room.
[232.0s] It would be me. Yeah.
[234.7s] Someone check in with Russ. You can hear our fresh reactions, even fresher than these ones.
[240.1s] When we find out we have somehow fast-forwarded to the darkest timeline. I wouldn't let Russ sing in
[246.1s] Dumjins downtime. I was like downtime and we're talking about this now motherfuckers.
[251.9s] Yeah, that's fun. You should join us on Patreon and listen to that.
[256.1s] Before we get too much into it, when you're a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you.
[260.3s] Like today's patron, Derek Wagner.
[263.6s] Derek, thank you so much.
[265.6s] Do you hear like all the stress just out of our voices?
[269.1s] Derek, we're not mad at you.
[271.1s] Derek makes me happy.
[273.1s] Derek is a wonderful person.
[275.1s] Derek looks great, smells good, and is very smart.
[279.1s] And really kind to other people is what I hear about Derek.
[281.1s] Unlike other people.
[283.1s] I think we're going to have to have patrons just randomly drop into our recording sessions now.
[288.7s] Just so you're not mad at me all the time.
[292.7s] Might add it.
[294.7s] There's another way to bring about that result and that's not to fast-forward us and put us in the darkest timeline.
[301.7s] Yeah, but where's the fun in that?
[303.7s] You make your own choices, Russ.
[305.7s] Fuck it! Let's play!
[313.7s] You are standing in the streets in Waterdeep,
[315.7s] bracing Flint between the two of you.
[317.7s] You're seeing people rushing to their homes, shutting their doors, closing their shutters.
[325.7s] You look up and you see symbols of orcas on banners throughout the streets.
[334.7s] Yen Bull, I'm not going to lie to you.
[336.7s] I regret going to Callenport.
[338.7s] Yes, I don't. I feel like perhaps I regret leaving.
[342.7s] I don't know.
[345.7s] I thought we would come here and it would be better and safe
[354.7s] and I could figure out a way to save my city and if we could save Flint.
[358.7s] And now I get here and I've never been here before.
[361.7s] Oh, it's not usually like this.
[363.7s] It is not orcas array everywhere normally.
[368.7s] I wonder, is this, I want to like just stop someone rushing by and just say, excuse me.
[376.7s] You step in front of a woman who looks up and panic is in her eyes and she tries to push past you.
[381.7s] No, no, no, no worries.
[382.7s] It's just going to take five seconds of your time.
[384.7s] You're going to get home quick.
[386.7s] She turns back and looks at you and then she stops for a moment
[392.7s] and then her eyes change from panic to hatred and she turns and she leaves.
[402.7s] She goes into a door and closes it.
[406.7s] Well, shit, I don't think that we are friendlies here, my friends.
[410.7s] I feel like we have to get inside.
[413.7s] Pretty clear social signals going on around us.
[417.7s] I usually ignore those, but I agree with you.
[421.7s] Is there an inn?
[424.7s] There are many inns.
[426.7s] Yeah, it's water deep.
[427.7s] You guys know water deep so well.
[429.7s] Well, Yenbul doesn't.
[430.7s] She's never been here before.
[432.7s] That's true. Explain it to Yenbul.
[433.7s] I don't have to remember.
[435.7s] I don't have to remember anything.
[437.7s] If you could just run Yenbul through it, that'd be great.
[440.7s] You try to find any landmarks in the immediate area.
[445.7s] You guess that you're in one of the lower wards,
[448.7s] quite a ways away from the Yawning Portal or Castle Waterdeep or anything like that.
[454.7s] As you figure out which part of the city you're in,
[458.7s] you hear the door slamming stop and you hear heavy footsteps echoing from down the street.
[467.7s] Oh, God, I feel like we all turn and look at the same time,
[470.7s] but I don't think we should, but I feel like that's what we would do.
[473.7s] Well, if you two both turn, I'm probably turning with you.
[476.7s] That's true.
[477.7s] Well, yeah, you have no choice.
[479.7s] You turn and look towards the echoing sound.
[482.7s] You catch sight of a figure flying, like crossing the street above in the air.
[490.7s] It looks dark and wispy, zipping through the air above you.
[495.7s] And then you look down and you see like a line of what look like soldiers
[501.7s] walking in unison down this street.
[508.7s] You head back down the alleyway to get out of the immediate line of sight
[513.7s] and make your way to where the lonely whip used to be.
[519.7s] The sign is kind of roughly hanging off.
[523.7s] The doors are locked and windows shuttered.
[526.7s] I bang on it.
[527.7s] You hear movement coming from inside and whispering at the door.
[532.7s] Who's there?
[533.7s] Please, Lettison, we need a place to stay for the night.
[535.7s] My friend, he's very ill.
[537.7s] The shutter's kind of open.
[538.7s] You see eyes peeking through and they close up and the locks begin to go.
[545.7s] Door pulls open.
[546.7s] You hear the footsteps like rounding a corner down the street from you.
[551.7s] Come in, come in.
[552.7s] You enter and it's a woman probably in her 30s, tight curly red hair.
[563.7s] And she's dressed in like common clothes, but they look torn and tattered.
[570.7s] And she locks the door behind you and turns to look at you and says,
[575.7s] just stay quiet.
[578.7s] Why didn't you go home?
[581.7s] We've only just arrived in the city.
[584.7s] Why did you come here?
[585.7s] We didn't know it was like this.
[588.7s] Where have you been, under a rock?
[590.7s] In a pyramid.
[594.7s] One in the same? It's different? Okay, sure.
[598.7s] No, I suppose, yeah, that it is surrounded by rock, yes.
[601.7s] Okay. Who are you? What are you doing here?
[605.7s] My name is Yenbul. I've come all the way from Kalimbor.
[609.7s] It's a long ways.
[610.7s] And as you're softly talking, you hear the footsteps come up to the front of the house and begin to,
[617.7s] like you hear them marching down the street and they're walking by.
[622.7s] She holds her breath as they pass the doorway.
[627.7s] How long has it been like this?
[632.7s] How long has it been like this?
[637.7s] She's like counting on her, on her, on her fingers as I,
[642.7s] I don't know, seven, seven years?
[646.7s] It's been like this?
[648.7s] There was a battle for, for a couple of years before that and then forces overtook.
[657.7s] Where did you, like, it's not just water deep. Where did you come from?
[662.7s] Kalimport.
[663.7s] And is it better in Kalimport?
[666.7s] Oh, no, no, it is. It's very bad in Kalimport.
[671.7s] The city is destroyed. Everyone is, there is no everyone anymore.
[675.7s] But the few people that remain, they are below in tunnels.
[678.7s] We thought it would be, we thought it would be better here.
[682.7s] Come, come in and sit down.
[685.7s] She leads you to a table, pulls out a chair for Flint.
[690.7s] Have you, have you eaten? Do you need something to eat?
[693.7s] That would be really kind of you. We have a lot of questions.
[697.7s] Yeah, just give me, give me a second.
[699.7s] She seats you all and then goes back into the kitchen.
[703.7s] You hear her fixing some stuff.
[705.7s] I softly yell back.
[709.7s] What, what is your name?
[711.7s] My name's Sharon.
[714.7s] I feel like the woman in the street recognized us.
[719.7s] And I have a feeling like we may be enemy number one.
[725.7s] Not you, Yen Bull.
[727.7s] You have the bliss of not being known at all here.
[735.7s] I don't know if sharing who we are is going to be helpful
[741.7s] or going to get us kicked out or if she'll call the guard.
[746.7s] Well, I mean, I'm inclined to think if she just wouldn't open the door.
[753.7s] If, if that was sort of the mindset.
[757.7s] But that being said, you might be right.
[761.7s] You look at Flint and realize he's completely covered in dragon scale.
[765.7s] Head to toe?
[767.7s] Yeah.
[768.7s] He just looks like a small dragonborn.
[772.7s] With a big beard.
[774.7s] Oh, good.
[775.7s] I was a little worried about his beard.
[777.7s] Like it would have been a lot more dramatic if it was coming out in chunks as scales were taking over.
[782.7s] I mean, that hasn't happened yet.
[786.7s] If he's already been scalified.
[788.7s] I mean, good luck adding it in.
[790.7s] I'm not giving you ideas.
[792.7s] Even if it did, I have that belt of dwarven kind, which makes me grow radical beard.
[798.7s] So that's true.
[799.7s] You can't get rid of your beard.
[800.7s] Yep.
[801.7s] It's not done.
[802.7s] I just don't know if we should be sharing our identities just yet.
[808.7s] Perhaps this woman is quite young.
[810.7s] Maybe she, she did not recognize you.
[814.7s] Maybe not.
[817.7s] Let's just try to get some more answers first before we potentially get thrown out on our asses.
[823.7s] Sharon comes back with a few plates and sets them down in front of you.
[828.7s] She says, well, you have questions?
[833.7s] So many.
[834.7s] Great.
[838.7s] What can I answer?
[840.7s] I mean, for starters, just thank you for the hospitality.
[844.7s] Yes. Yes. Thank you.
[847.7s] Yeah.
[850.7s] Seems a little empty in here.
[852.7s] Not many people visit after dark.
[855.7s] What exactly is going on with the after dark situation?
[860.7s] Is it a curfew?
[861.7s] A lot of people were rushing around on the streets.
[864.7s] It's exactly what it is.
[868.7s] Anybody out after dark is thought to be conspiring against Orcus.
[878.7s] Everybody still surviving here as we are is
[888.7s] dedicated to Orcus.
[893.7s] She looks deep into your eyes.
[900.7s] We survive because they allow us.
[906.7s] Because we believe that one day we will join in our own time the land of the undead.
[920.7s] I can only imagine how exciting that must be.
[928.7s] Yeah, we're all looking forward to it.
[933.7s] And any sort of rebellion definitely doesn't exist.
[944.7s] No, no, any any thought of rebellion would be immediately found and brought to swift justice.
[958.7s] Because Orcus is listening all the time.
[965.7s] It is wise to believe that you're always being monitored.
[972.7s] OK, so we're on the same page.
[975.7s] There are no rebellions.
[978.7s] You're certainly not waiting for anyone to, I don't know, come and lead a resistance.
[987.7s] Who would be so foolish?
[989.7s] Who indeed?
[992.7s] And Thea rips open her shirt and underneath her shirt is a shirt she had made that says,
[996.7s] Decimators of Dragon.
[1001.7s] Totally kidding.
[1002.7s] Orcus with a red line through it.
[1004.7s] That's right.
[1006.7s] Orcus, but then like with like a red D scratched in front of it and it says Dorkus.
[1015.7s] It's all my feelings.
[1017.7s] It's fine.
[1019.7s] And then we flashback.
[1022.7s] It's the dream sequence.
[1023.7s] Oh yeah, this was my this is my cut scene.
[1027.7s] Everyone freezes.
[1028.7s] I talk to the camera.
[1030.7s] OK.
[1032.7s] Well, who is in charge here?
[1038.7s] Surely not Orcus himself.
[1040.7s] No, he has disciples in Castle Orcus.
[1045.7s] Oh, has this whole city been renamed Orcus?
[1048.7s] It's still water deep on the map.
[1050.7s] There are certain benefits to keeping people of life around when dealing with other areas not yet controlled by Orcus.
[1063.7s] So the soldiers are there undead?
[1068.7s] Yes.
[1069.7s] But the administrators of the city, they are still human?
[1073.7s] I suppose.
[1075.7s] We don't we don't see them often.
[1078.7s] They are kept in tight guard in the castle.
[1082.7s] Do you know of their names?
[1084.7s] Not specifically, no.
[1086.7s] Many, many come and go.
[1089.7s] Only a couple stay regularly from the windows.
[1094.7s] We've seen a Dragonborn looking person, thing, creature.
[1101.7s] I mean, not unlike yourself, less less follicular enhanced.
[1109.7s] But he's an imposing figure.
[1113.7s] He's the only one we really see of any frequency, but he's not always there.
[1118.7s] Him and a smaller woman often travel in every few months, almost like they're they're checking up.
[1129.7s] How small is a small woman?
[1131.7s] Well, it's like it's either a halfling or a gnome or...
[1136.7s] Red hair?
[1137.7s] Possibly.
[1138.7s] Speaks with an accent?
[1139.7s] I don't know.
[1140.7s] Well, she doesn't ever speak with us.
[1143.7s] Does she have a little shovel?
[1146.7s] I'm sorry, I'm asking questions you don't know.
[1148.7s] I've not seen her dig.
[1150.7s] I've not seen her talk.
[1151.7s] I've not heard her talk.
[1152.7s] OK.
[1154.7s] Any any sight of them has only been from the streets up to the castle.
[1158.7s] Fair enough.
[1159.7s] I'm sorry.
[1160.7s] What of everyone from Castle Water, Orcus?
[1165.7s] The rulers of the city previously have not been seen in many years.
[1176.7s] Some were publicly converted.
[1183.7s] I'm sorry, I keep asking you for names.
[1186.7s] But who?
[1189.7s] Lord Neverember.
[1191.7s] Lady Silverhand was was around before Orcus took over, but she was not seen after.
[1203.7s] Some of the right hands to the rulers were given the same fate.
[1213.7s] That's that's that's all I know.
[1218.7s] Give me a moment.
[1219.7s] Let me let me get the let me get the bill.
[1223.7s] I'll be right back.
[1226.7s] I totally think Lipsinki's here.
[1229.7s] But she said she said they're only here sometimes.
[1234.7s] Yeah.
[1236.7s] But that's one person that we know who is alive.
[1244.7s] And I mean, I feel like she was wavering, but that was was it seven years ago for her?
[1251.7s] Is that how long it was?
[1252.7s] Did we establish that?
[1253.7s] Well, she did.
[1254.7s] That's what Sharon said.
[1256.7s] Well, Sharon said that that Orcus took over seven years.
[1260.7s] But then there were a couple of years of fighting.
[1262.7s] It was probably like 10 years.
[1264.7s] OK.
[1266.7s] Ah, OK.
[1267.7s] But was it for her?
[1269.7s] Well, they were only in the pyramid with us for I don't know for how long exactly I was in that cage for a while.
[1277.7s] But oh my God, did Orcus send them in like, OK, it's been nine years.
[1288.7s] These idiots can't get the job done.
[1290.7s] Head in there.
[1296.7s] Makes me really mad.
[1300.7s] Oh, God.
[1301.7s] Well, any anywho, we talked to her the day the pyramid stopped.
[1308.7s] Yeah.
[1309.7s] Yes.
[1310.7s] And which is like in present time for us only a few days.
[1320.7s] But for her, like it was still the most recent time.
[1329.7s] Because once he was defeated, I assume things went back, not back to normal, but continued on as it were.
[1339.7s] So I don't know, maybe we may be able to convince her.
[1346.7s] I don't know.
[1347.7s] You think they would have said something.
[1351.7s] Right?
[1352.7s] Rude.
[1353.7s] Like a little like, hey, it's been seven years since we've seen you guys.
[1359.7s] Or hey, it's been a long time.
[1362.7s] Flint, how are you feeling you are now?
[1365.7s] You're straight up like Dragonborn, man.
[1367.7s] Yes, but we do.
[1369.7s] It was.
[1370.7s] Well, I mean, honestly, besides the pain in my heart and the splitting headache, I'm feeling pretty good.
[1378.7s] I don't like that.
[1379.7s] That's not ideal.
[1381.7s] Well, no, I mean, I've been through worse, maybe.
[1385.7s] But.
[1387.7s] Yeah.
[1388.7s] But you can't recall a time right now.
[1390.7s] I am having trouble recalling a lot of anything with this with this headache.
[1396.7s] But, you know, like, hey, if we get into a scrape, you know, I'm ready.
[1402.7s] Can I like cure wounds on him or like try to help his headache?
[1410.7s] Sure. What do you want to do?
[1412.7s] Cure wounds?
[1414.7s] Want to touch him on his temples?
[1417.7s] Yeah, you can certainly.
[1418.7s] And cast cure wounds?
[1420.7s] Yeah.
[1421.7s] Like you regain hit points, which I don't think is important, but I'm trying to help you.
[1424.7s] The symptoms, if not the.
[1427.7s] Yeah, I can't help the cause, but the symptoms.
[1430.7s] Sure.
[1431.7s] Yeah.
[1432.7s] The pains you're feeling as you cast this don't go away, but they dull.
[1438.7s] I don't know what our next move is.
[1440.7s] Perhaps tomorrow when we are not confined, we can try to find someone you used to know.
[1449.7s] Maybe.
[1451.7s] I feel like no one knows me here.
[1455.7s] Flint is unrecognizable.
[1457.7s] If you are are worried that they that you are an enemy here, you could disguise yourself.
[1466.7s] Oh, not a problem.
[1468.7s] Yes. And then we can.
[1471.7s] Perhaps she will let us stay here for the night and then we will go and try to find someone you know.
[1478.7s] Perhaps someone who can help Flint.
[1480.7s] Yeah, Flint.
[1481.7s] Sorry, we're looking for the you want to take Brotherhood of Traveling Pants.
[1485.7s] I know that's all right.
[1487.7s] Nope, that's right.
[1488.7s] Arcane.
[1489.7s] I remember it.
[1490.7s] The Arcane Brotherhood of Traveling Pants.
[1492.7s] I wonder if they're here.
[1494.7s] Are they underground?
[1495.7s] Like, there's no way they just rolled over and went, OK, orcas.
[1499.7s] Yeah, sure.
[1500.7s] Yeah, I mean, I'm inclined to think the same way.
[1503.7s] But where I mean, where would we even start?
[1507.7s] To find them.
[1508.7s] Sharon, Sharon.
[1511.7s] Sharon comes back out holding a piece of paper and says, yes, yes.
[1517.7s] I have another question for you.
[1520.7s] OK, she slides the paper to you.
[1523.7s] I look at it.
[1525.7s] It says what?
[1526.7s] You look at it and the note says resistance in the sewers.
[1533.7s] I put a gold piece down.
[1537.7s] The Arcane Brotherhood, by any chance, has been taken over by orcas.
[1545.7s] And wiped out, I hope.
[1549.7s] The Arcane Brotherhood, she's looking around now,
[1554.7s] hasn't been seen here in a long time.
[1559.7s] She says, long time, she taps her finger on the paper.
[1565.7s] Good.
[1568.7s] Praise orcas.
[1572.7s] You'll have to work on the handshake later.
[1576.7s] It's like we grasp pinkies and then we lift it up and down.
[1580.7s] Then the pinkies fall off.
[1582.7s] But then you grasp again and then you like hook your pointer finger
[1586.7s] and then and then you do with your other hand.
[1589.7s] Yeah.
[1590.7s] And then you do the whole up and over and you guys both like twirl around.
[1594.7s] You touch ankles a few times and then there's like a hole.
[1598.7s] Yeah. Yeah.
[1599.7s] How does anyone get anything done with this overly complicated handshake?
[1603.7s] You look around the city and there's just people like in different points of the handshake.
[1609.7s] Just the fact that you caught them all rushing back to their house.
[1612.7s] That's like the point when they all finish and now they get to go back home.
[1615.7s] Yeah. Yeah.
[1616.7s] Starts in the morning, ends at night.
[1618.7s] Real long handshake.
[1620.7s] May we stay the night?
[1621.7s] Of course. Of course.
[1622.7s] We have some rooms upstairs.
[1624.7s] Thank you for the food and the help.
[1626.7s] Yes. Thank you.
[1627.7s] Curfew ends at sunrise?
[1630.7s] Yes.
[1632.7s] Most of the forces go away.
[1637.7s] There are still several patrols throughout the day, but it is safer.
[1644.7s] Under Orcus's protection.
[1646.7s] Aren't we all safer?
[1648.7s] Exactly.
[1649.7s] Thea really likes to lean into like, yeah, I'm part of this cult.
[1663.7s] Welcome to the Middle Town. It's time to talk about the things.
[1668.7s] It's December now so we can really like...
[1670.7s] Just lean into it.
[1672.7s] Yeah. Yeah.
[1673.7s] Hopefully you're not listening to this in February 2027.
[1677.7s] Well, hopefully you are.
[1679.7s] I mean, like if you are...
[1681.7s] Correction. Hopefully you are and you got a little Christmas spirit.
[1684.7s] Yeah.
[1685.7s] Yeah.
[1686.7s] February, I think you need it.
[1688.7s] Yeah. I mean, it's no January blues, but it's...
[1691.7s] January, I'm so riding the high.
[1693.7s] Who knows what the year looks like in 2020.
[1695.7s] If you're listening to this in 2027, tweet at us and say,
[1697.7s] hashtag Christmas in February 2027.
[1700.7s] God, I hope Twitter isn't a fail by then.
[1703.7s] It's going to be.
[1705.7s] You mean in just six years?
[1707.7s] Whatever social media is available, do it.
[1710.7s] At us.
[1711.7s] If you're listening in February 2027,
[1713.7s] this next three minutes is not going to have anything to do with you
[1716.7s] because we're going to talk about a special offer that we have going on
[1719.7s] until December 9th of 2020.
[1721.7s] And we would love for you to come join us on
[1723.7s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast and take advantage of some of the
[1726.7s] sweet merch that was supposed to come in today.
[1728.7s] I was going to show off to all of our patrons what it is,
[1731.7s] but it's coming in tomorrow.
[1733.7s] So we're going to cover our living room in merch.
[1735.7s] And then take pictures of it.
[1737.7s] That's pretty awesome.
[1738.7s] And I'm going to say something cool in the tagline,
[1741.7s] like don't be smirch.
[1743.7s] All this cool stuff, something like that.
[1745.7s] You're going to keep workshopping it?
[1747.7s] Working on that.
[1748.7s] I thought that was what we agreed on.
[1750.7s] No, that's not what we...
[1752.7s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[1754.7s] Until December 9th, we've got digital wallpapers
[1757.7s] at the three, we've got stickers at the five,
[1759.7s] we've got coasters at the 15,
[1761.7s] and that sweet acrylic pin at the $25 tier.
[1764.7s] And so for all new and upgrading members for every five,
[1768.7s] we'll do a bonus episode.
[1770.7s] And we've already released two of those.
[1773.7s] Two bonus episodes.
[1774.7s] We're almost one more away from our third bonus episode.
[1777.7s] You know what might push us over that?
[1780.7s] What?
[1781.7s] Well, we got that livestream coming up because we just set the date for that.
[1785.7s] December 12th.
[1786.7s] Yeah, livestream coming up, baby.
[1788.7s] Look at all these things we have going on.
[1789.7s] Yeah, those are for patrons only.
[1791.7s] We've never done a livestream before.
[1792.7s] So like come watch us fly, watch us fall.
[1796.7s] Give us like your input as to what's supposed to happen in this episode.
[1800.7s] Tell us how the rules work.
[1802.7s] But yeah, I know that's December 12th at noon Pacific,
[1806.7s] 3 p.m. Eastern for probably a couple hours.
[1810.7s] We're going to be live streaming a game,
[1811.7s] which we've never done before.
[1812.7s] There's going to be some community involvement,
[1814.7s] some audience involvement where we're going to toss out questions
[1818.7s] and hopefully get better answers than what we would do.
[1821.7s] Maybe not.
[1822.7s] Almost certainly.
[1823.7s] I mean, come on, guys.
[1824.7s] They're going to be better answers.
[1825.7s] But yeah, that's coming up.
[1827.7s] So check it all out.
[1828.7s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[1831.7s] Hopefully see you over there.
[1832.7s] If not now, then when?
[1834.7s] If not you, then who?
[1837.7s] It's the Glimer of light in the middle of this,
[1839.7s] the darkest timeline episode.
[1841.7s] Now we'll get you back to it.
[1843.7s] This December's the darkest timeline.
[1845.7s] Perfect timing.
[1846.7s] Yeah.
[1847.7s] Merry holidays, everybody.
[1848.7s] I even changed the intro music, if you notice that,
[1850.7s] to the more darkest timeline music.
[1852.7s] Yeah.
[1853.7s] Smooth.
[1854.7s] Sorry, everybody.
[1855.7s] That's the new intro music.
[1856.7s] Hopefully you like it.
[1858.7s] If they fix it, we'll go back to the other one.
[1860.7s] Oh, no.
[1861.7s] No pressure.
[1862.7s] Pressure.
[1863.7s] OK, back to the episode.
[1864.7s] OK, thanks. Bye.
[1865.7s] Bye.
[1866.7s] OK, you spend the night.
[1869.7s] I sleep with my weapons on me.
[1871.7s] Remember the last time we slept and then a dragon attacked?
[1874.7s] That's true.
[1875.7s] Dragons are the least of your problems right now.
[1877.7s] We haven't slept since then.
[1880.7s] Tom slept in full plate armor since that moment.
[1884.7s] That's true.
[1885.7s] He used to be totally naked and now he's just too scared to take anything off.
[1889.7s] One dragon attack is all you need.
[1890.7s] That's right.
[1891.7s] I think Yen Bull, even though obviously everything is terrible,
[1896.7s] is still just like fascinated by this very different place than the place that she is from.
[1903.7s] So even in the room is sort of just like looking at everything and trying to,
[1910.7s] yeah, like this is what chairs look like here.
[1915.7s] Because everything is so different.
[1917.7s] I mean, you know, general structures are the same,
[1920.7s] but it's like everything is totally foreign.
[1923.7s] A lot less silks here.
[1924.7s] Indeed.
[1925.7s] Yeah, it's like if the yawning portal hasn't been like taken over or destroyed,
[1930.7s] you should see it.
[1931.7s] It's awesome.
[1932.7s] There's a giant yawning portal in the middle of the tavern.
[1937.7s] It's crazy.
[1938.7s] Oh, my goodness.
[1939.7s] I want to see that.
[1940.7s] I want to see all the sights, but it's hard.
[1943.7s] Well, it's hard to sight see when Orcus is taken over.
[1946.7s] Yes.
[1949.7s] Can I braid your hair?
[1951.7s] Oh, it's hard because it's so curly, but you can try.
[1956.7s] See, it tries.
[1957.7s] Do I have to roll for braid?
[1959.7s] No, you've got time.
[1960.7s] There's no pressing danger.
[1961.7s] You can braid as much as you want.
[1964.7s] I French braid.
[1966.7s] I like fish bone or fish tail, whatever that braid is called.
[1970.7s] Sure.
[1971.7s] Yeah, I do it all.
[1972.7s] Okay.
[1973.7s] After your braiding session, you fall asleep.
[1976.7s] Flint, you don't sleep well.
[1983.7s] Flashes of the battle with Tiamat.
[1987.7s] You have flashes of the horde that you fought inside the pyramid.
[1994.7s] You feel like your muscles pulling from your bones and stretching.
[2002.7s] You wake up in what before would have been probably a cold sweat, but you don't wake
[2009.7s] up that way now.
[2011.7s] You wake up and you're just panicked.
[2014.7s] You can feel that the scales have risen.
[2018.7s] As you look around the room and see that daybreak has come, you hear a loud crash
[2027.7s] downstairs.
[2030.7s] I'll grab my weapon and head to the top of the stairs and see if I can see what's
[2035.7s] up.
[2036.7s] You hear heavy footsteps downstairs and growls.
[2044.7s] And then you see coming around the corner at the base of the stairs, one of the
[2050.7s] guards.
[2052.7s] They have a long sword in hand and they point up the stairs at you and then let
[2058.7s] out another loud growl and then begin marching up the stairs towards you.
[2064.7s] And how close is this fellow to me?
[2066.7s] A flight of stairs, 15 feet.
[2069.7s] I guess I'll take a running jump off the top stair and super tomahawk axe this
[2075.7s] guy.
[2076.7s] Damn it, Tom!
[2078.7s] Roll to attack with advantage because that's a ballsy move that I'm sure they
[2083.7s] weren't expecting.
[2085.7s] Perfect.
[2086.7s] First roll would be a 25 to hit.
[2094.7s] Second roll was worse.
[2095.7s] So we're going to go with the 25 to hit.
[2098.7s] You leap off the top step.
[2101.7s] You drive your axe into the skull of this creature before you and topple on
[2109.7s] top of it and down, falling down like wrapped up with this creature that is
[2116.7s] not moving beneath you.
[2118.7s] But the crash that follows after this wakes Thea and Yen Bull.
[2124.7s] I feel like I wake up in a mass of Yen Bull's hair.
[2129.7s] Yeah, so wake up and obviously like grab weapons and run out to see what is
[2134.7s] happening.
[2135.7s] Flint, you at the bottom of the stairs, you see now that there are 15 soldiers
[2142.7s] standing in this front entryway.
[2145.7s] You hear footsteps up above and Thea and Yen Bull, you look down and see
[2149.7s] Flint in a pile on top of this soldier.
[2153.7s] I feel like mouths like, what the fuck?
[2155.7s] Yen Bull shrugs like I don't...
[2158.7s] Thea quickly decides to alter self.
[2164.7s] I don't want to be recognized as myself.
[2166.7s] I want to be very plain, just long, dark brown hair, average height, kind of
[2175.7s] just like a medium, lightish...
[2178.7s] Just an average lady.
[2179.7s] Just an average lady, much like a standard lady.
[2183.7s] Just a light, light brown skin tone.
[2187.7s] Just there is nothing out of the ordinary about me.
[2191.7s] Okay.
[2192.7s] Flint, down at the bottom of the stairs, these soldiers are beginning to move
[2195.7s] towards you, aggressively.
[2197.7s] Is there anyone else downstairs or is it just all soldiers?
[2201.7s] It looks to be, from what you can see, all soldiers.
[2203.7s] I know I have a breath attack somewhere, Russ.
[2206.7s] I don't see it on my sheet, though.
[2208.7s] Five by 30 foot line, deck save.
[2211.7s] I guess I'll unleash this as I like disentangle myself from the poor fellow
[2218.7s] underneath me.
[2219.7s] Okay.
[2220.7s] The DC save is eight plus your con, plus your proficiency bonus.
[2225.7s] All right.
[2226.7s] So you will have to beat 18.
[2232.7s] So half dodge down this line, half do not.
[2236.7s] So you say there's probably five foot, 10.
[2242.7s] So five and five.
[2243.7s] And then it's five D six.
[2247.7s] 20 lightning damage.
[2249.7s] Many of them drop.
[2251.7s] Theon Yenbul, you shrugged at Flint and he unleashed a lightning breath.
[2257.7s] Not what we were expecting him to do.
[2261.7s] No.
[2263.7s] He's become quite erratic after his change.
[2269.7s] He's going through the change.
[2271.7s] This is this is menopause, right?
[2275.7s] For for Dwarf for Dwarf.
[2278.7s] Yeah, that's what I thought.
[2280.7s] So I mean, I don't even know.
[2283.7s] Thea comes down the stairs and said, like, oh, um, Sharon.
[2293.7s] There's no call from Sharon back.
[2298.7s] Oh, God.
[2299.7s] OK.
[2300.7s] Well, we're in this now.
[2302.7s] So she.
[2307.7s] I'm going to cast sacred flame.
[2310.7s] There we go.
[2311.7s] I just clicked on flaming sphere.
[2313.7s] You go first, because Thea is like, call for Sharon.
[2318.7s] Dex save 17.
[2321.7s] Oh, that was less good.
[2323.7s] That's not a 17, not a 17.
[2326.7s] Probably 11.
[2327.7s] So you take 20, I think, radiant damage.
[2333.7s] You're damn right.
[2334.7s] It's reading.
[2335.7s] Yeah.
[2336.7s] So you like run down the stairs and do this or you do this from the top of the stairs?
[2340.7s] I guess running down the stairs.
[2342.7s] I want to make sure I can direct that not where Flint is.
[2347.7s] I mean, it seems like the larger group of them is further away.
[2351.7s] So yeah, you run down and you turn and you see there are another 10 or more soldiers,
[2358.7s] some of them pushing themselves up off the ground, others lying on the ground.
[2363.7s] Your flame goes and drops.
[2365.7s] Another few of them like the the flesh on them like boils from this radiant energy
[2372.7s] and it begins to smoke and flame as they fall to the floor.
[2376.7s] Thea casts flaming sphere.
[2379.7s] So she runs to the bottom of the stairs, casts her five foot diameter sphere
[2383.7s] and like thrusts it at the remaining seven.
[2387.7s] Sure.
[2388.7s] They need to make a dexterity saving throw.
[2391.7s] 16.
[2393.7s] Not good enough.
[2394.7s] Okay.
[2395.7s] Four.
[2397.7s] And a five is nine.
[2399.7s] Fire damage.
[2400.7s] Okay, so how I picture this is like Flint unleashes his lightning breath,
[2406.7s] knocks many of them down.
[2408.7s] Thea and Yen Bull rush down and begin like just lighting up the remaining,
[2413.7s] casting this ball through them, knocking them all down.
[2418.7s] You see a couple of them still moving,
[2420.7s] but the bulk of them appear to be unmoving at the moment.
[2424.7s] Flint, what did you do?
[2426.7s] And also tell us on the way.
[2428.7s] Come on.
[2429.7s] We've got to get our stuff and get out of here.
[2432.7s] Orcas knows everything and now we have just attacked the guard.
[2435.7s] We must go.
[2436.7s] We must go to the sewer.
[2438.7s] I want to go and kill those two guards that are still awake
[2443.7s] after they heard Thea say go to the sewer.
[2446.7s] Okay.
[2447.7s] Go.
[2449.7s] I have a feeling like Orcas already knows.
[2452.7s] I don't know.
[2453.7s] I'm just going to fucking move my flaming sphere over them again.
[2457.7s] It's like you just like drop it and move it up and down.
[2460.7s] It's like you're dribbling a basketball.
[2462.7s] Yeah.
[2463.7s] It's fine.
[2464.7s] Okay, good.
[2465.7s] The two remaining that were moving now appear to be no longer moving.
[2469.7s] We're not going to say another word until we get into the, you know, let's go.
[2473.7s] Yes.
[2474.7s] I will watch my tongue.
[2475.7s] You make sure you have all of your things.
[2477.7s] Where do you go?
[2479.7s] I want to go into the kitchen.
[2481.7s] Okay.
[2482.7s] And out through the back door and also at the same time,
[2484.7s] looking for Sharon, leaving her a quick note.
[2487.7s] Sorry about all the bodies.
[2489.7s] You leave a quick note as Yenbul and Flint move out through the back door.
[2494.7s] You look through a small window that sees through into the other room
[2498.7s] and some of the undead soldiers begin to move again.
[2502.7s] Undead.
[2504.7s] You bolt out behind them.
[2505.7s] You're looking for a sewer entrance.
[2507.7s] You run out and it's into the alleyway.
[2510.7s] You see the main street is becoming a little more busy.
[2514.7s] You see a few soldiers backs to the alleyway out in the street.
[2518.7s] You run around a corner and down and find a sewer opening
[2523.7s] and manage to get down and into the sewer.
[2526.7s] You splash down in, pulling the grate closed behind you.
[2535.7s] This is not where I expected to be this morning.
[2537.7s] Well, I mean, Sharon told us to go to the sewers,
[2543.7s] so it kind of expected us to be there.
[2545.7s] Well, yeah, I just I thought maybe there'd be breakfast first.
[2548.7s] I thought maybe there wouldn't be mass amounts of casualties
[2553.7s] and also completely, you know, telling Orcus where we are.
[2557.7s] What were you doing, Flint?
[2560.7s] Well, in my defense, I had a pretty rough dream.
[2567.7s] Like, remember, remember when we were in the Faye and I had that dream?
[2572.7s] Mm hmm.
[2574.7s] It was like that, but maybe like a little worse.
[2577.7s] Oh, my God.
[2578.7s] So I was already just teed up and ready.
[2581.7s] And then that guy that that dude shouted at me.
[2584.7s] That was it. It was on.
[2586.7s] Well, OK, I'm sorry.
[2588.7s] It was kind of like a wrong place, wrong time thing for him.
[2591.7s] Yeah.
[2592.7s] But like, you know, can't can't undo it now.
[2595.7s] Oh, no, we can't undo this.
[2598.7s] We're going to sleep in the same room next time.
[2600.7s] Maybe we should like have a rope around each of our wrists.
[2603.7s] Oh, so like the buddy system. Sure. Sure. Sure.
[2605.7s] So if one of us like, you know, has a horrific dream,
[2609.7s] wakes up to maybe go kill a bunch of people.
[2613.7s] The other one will know or at least be dragged along for the ride.
[2616.7s] Yeah, I mean, it sounds like a good plan.
[2621.7s] Does she say where in the sewers we have to go?
[2623.7s] No.
[2624.7s] Cool. Cool.
[2625.7s] I have that note with me. BT dubs.
[2627.7s] I left no evidence.
[2630.7s] Except the note that you left.
[2631.7s] Just said sorry about all the bodies.
[2633.7s] What are they going to like?
[2634.7s] This matches the printing from the scribe from like silvery moon.
[2640.7s] Jokes on you.
[2641.7s] That's how they identify people in this orchestra in the world.
[2644.7s] Bullshit. That's way.
[2646.7s] You know what? I do feel like it would be a lot of bureaucracy.
[2649.7s] Lots of red tape, lots of forms to fill out.
[2652.7s] That's chaotic demons. Probably not.
[2654.7s] Okay. You're wandering around the sewers aimlessly basically.
[2657.7s] Essentially.
[2658.7s] Okay. You spend the better part of a day walking through the sewers.
[2664.7s] You hear up ahead the sound of ducks.
[2670.7s] You turn a corner and you see three ducks marching back and forth,
[2678.7s] talking to each other.
[2680.7s] Guys, I think we're in the infamous duck ward.
[2683.7s] Hey ducks.
[2684.7s] Who goes there?
[2687.7s] Who do you work for?
[2688.7s] We work for ourselves. We're self-employed ducks down here.
[2694.7s] Yeah you are.
[2695.7s] We don't work for nobody. No one.
[2699.7s] No orcas?
[2700.7s] I don't work for that schmuck. He don't come down here. He's scared of ducks.
[2705.7s] From inside my bag. I pull out a pack.
[2709.7s] Of wet wipes.
[2712.7s] What are you saying? We're dirty ducks?
[2714.7s] I'm saying I got some currency. And we need to know where to go.
[2720.7s] Yeah who told you Dems the way that we deal?
[2724.7s] Work gets around.
[2726.7s] Well what are you looking for?
[2729.7s] We're looking for a resistance.
[2731.7s] One of them pulls a knife. What are you talking about resistance?
[2734.7s] You resisting me right now?
[2736.7s] You're under arrest.
[2738.7s] Are you the resistance?
[2740.7s] I could be the resistance.
[2741.7s] Are you?
[2742.7s] Ah.
[2744.7s] Quack.
[2746.7s] Listen.
[2751.7s] Yeah yeah.
[2752.7s] You've had a lot less people coming down here doing business with you since Orcas has taken over.
[2757.7s] Haven't you?
[2758.7s] Not a lot of people. They drove out the sewer rats.
[2761.7s] Sucks.
[2762.7s] We're not supposed to talk about them.
[2770.7s] They're down there.
[2771.7s] Talk about who you're not supposed to talk about and I'll give you all the wet wipes you can dream about.
[2775.7s] You'll be having wet wipe dreams.
[2777.7s] The one who said the ones we're not supposed to be talking about gets slapped in the back of the head by the other ones.
[2782.7s] We're not supposed to talk about them.
[2784.7s] Look you give us the wet wipes.
[2788.7s] Maybe we'll talk.
[2789.7s] I chuck a pack of wet wipes at them and I say there's more where that came from.
[2794.7s] How many more?
[2795.7s] Wouldn't you like to know?
[2796.7s] Yeah. What about your friends?
[2797.7s] They got wet wipes?
[2798.7s] Oh you don't talk to them.
[2799.7s] You talk to me.
[2800.7s] Take me where you're not supposed to know.
[2802.7s] Where you know.
[2803.7s] We're on patrol.
[2804.7s] We can't take you.
[2805.7s] We can tell you.
[2806.7s] Tell me.
[2807.7s] Alright.
[2808.7s] Give me the wet wipes.
[2809.7s] No.
[2810.7s] You tell me first.
[2811.7s] You get the rest of the wet wipes after we get there.
[2812.7s] I'll tell you half the directions and they might not be in order if I don't get my wet wipes.
[2816.7s] If you tell me the directions in order I'll double your wet wipes.
[2819.7s] Left, right, left, left, right, left, straight.
[2823.7s] Left, right, left, straight.
[2826.7s] Left, right.
[2827.7s] Left, right.
[2828.7s] Down the tube.
[2829.7s] Left, right.
[2830.7s] Left.
[2831.7s] Quack.
[2832.7s] Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start.
[2840.7s] Okay let's pretend for a moment.
[2843.7s] Thea just drew arrows as they were speaking.
[2845.7s] Sure.
[2846.7s] She checks a pack of wet wipes at them.
[2848.7s] At each of them.
[2850.7s] Oh.
[2852.7s] Alright.
[2853.7s] We'll take your insolence for payment.
[2857.7s] Yeah I don't think you know what that word means.
[2859.7s] I'm going to be on my way.
[2861.7s] Quack, quack.
[2863.7s] Quack, quack.
[2865.7s] And we go?
[2871.7s] Go?
[2873.7s] You follow the directions as the duck gave them to you.
[2875.7s] Down the tube.
[2876.7s] Left, right, left, right, quack.
[2878.7s] And you come to a steel door at the end of a long corridor.
[2886.7s] It's raised up on a platform.
[2890.7s] We try the universal knock.
[2893.7s] You know the one.
[2895.7s] We all know the one.
[2896.7s] We all know the one.
[2898.7s] A moment passes and you hear from the other side of the door.
[2905.7s] Who's there?
[2907.7s] The decimators of dragons.
[2910.7s] Thea looks to her like, uh?
[2916.7s] There's a long period of silence.
[2923.7s] You hear footsteps coming up to the door.
[2926.7s] Several locks go and the sound of, like, magical dispelment happening.
[2933.7s] The door swings open.
[2937.7s] And you see...
[2940.7s] Leosin.
[2945.7s] Where...
[2947.7s] the fuck...
[2950.7s] have you been?
[2957.7s] All music and sound effects in today's episode can be found at EpidemicSound.com or BoomLibrary.com.
[2966.7s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers.
[2968.7s] Gabriel Lynch, Mark Hartless, Stevie, Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown, Jessica Babyok, Darylith, Devin Michaels, Aaron Stevens, Luke Ickes, and Ray Sirbeck.
[2980.7s] To find out more about how you can support Dumbgeons & Dragons, visit us at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast,
[2986.7s] where you can have exclusive access to 50 plus hours of bonus audio content, create in-game NPCs and items, as well as play games with the cast.
[2995.7s] Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
[2998.7s] Have a great week, and we'll talk soon.
[3000.7s] Were we not already playing with your feelings?
[3002.7s] Wow, that's fine.
[3004.7s] Oh! Sorry.
[3006.7s] That's how mad Karla is.
[3008.7s] That's right.
[3010.7s] She's beating her microphone around.
[3012.7s] She's got a picture of Russ on there.
[3016.7s] You jump ahead 10 more years.
[3018.7s] No!
[3020.7s] I'm so good.
[3022.7s] From the windows...
[3024.7s] To the walls.
[3030.7s] I'm sorry.
[3032.7s] Can't remember.
[3034.7s] What is the sweat drip off of?
[3036.7s] My balls.
[3038.7s] And then all these orcas...
[3040.7s] ...bitches crawl?
[3042.7s] Yeah.
[3044.7s] From the windows...
[3046.7s] Fuck off.
[3048.7s] Say it again, Amy.
[3050.7s] To the walls!
[3052.7s] Just let me...
[3054.7s] No! No! Because of what you did to us?
[3056.7s] No!
[3058.7s] I will be as silly as I want to be.
[3060.7s] Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.