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Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Yeah, I guess just get ready.
They grip their mace a little tighter and move towards the door.
The door opens, the sound comes back.
It's muffled for Yimbo and Thea.
And inside you open the door and step out onto a ledge.
The ledge goes around the perimeter of this square room.
But what catches your eye is the pit below you, filled with undead.
There are hulking orcs, skeletons, zombies, wights, banshees wailing in the distance.
And in the center of this room you see a pillar that comes up.
And on top of that pillar is a cage with a figure in the center of it.
Who's huddled, has her fingers in her ears.
And you see before you in this cage, Yimbo.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More and with me today is Amy More.
He said my name because I looked all like, I'm ready.
And I am Amy More and I play Thea Amastasia.
Boom!
And Carla Maxted.
I am also here.
I am also pumped.
And I play Yen Bolnuri.
So pumped!
And Tom Laird.
Gonna bring that energy with me today, guys.
Ah, yeah, baby.
I play Flint Firebeard.
Also jazzed up and ready.
So jazzed.
So ready to go.
What we are always super jazzed about is our Patreon community and how awesome they are.
And we would love for you to go check it out and become a part of it.
Where do they have to go?
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Whoa!
You go there.
You go there.
And also you go Amy.
I didn't even have to edit that one together.
I can't, but I'm multitasking the shit out of this right now.
I have questions.
Oh.
You have questions?
About Patreon?
About how awesome you are for knowing the web address?
Lots of things.
Yeah, like where did that come from?
I've got questions.
All right.
Well, hold on to the questions.
We'll get there.
Hey, if you've got questions, we've got answers and you can find them over on Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
I don't know if you can.
We can ask them questions.
That gives us a little...
If they're math questions, don't you ask us.
We don't have the answers for you.
Gets you into our Discord, which allows you to ask us questions.
And you also get an episode dedicated to you when you are a patron like today's patron, Laura Watson.
Thanks, Laura.
Thanks, Laura.
You're amazing, Laura.
Thank you.
Now, with all that, after you check all that out, push pause.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Fuck it.
Let's play.
Flint, Thea, and Mannix.
Before you, you see a caged Yen Bull atop a column in the center of this massive chamber before you.
Her fingers in her ears, eyes down staring 50 feet below her.
To the source of the noise berating your ears, a massive horde filling this thousand-square-foot room.
The horde is shoulder to shoulder clawing at the column, trying to climb on top of each other to get up the walls.
You turn to see the shocked face of the Yen Bull you've been traveling through the tunnels with.
What do you do?
I need to know.
Carla, do you guys like talk on the sly about this?
Like, you know what's going on or is this also a surprise to you?
Amy, you don't even know what kind of surprises I know.
Oh, God.
Oh, it makes me feel so uncomfortable.
What do you do?
Thea looks back and forth between the Yen Bulls and is just like,
Oh, you got to you got to be fucking kidding me.
And she pulls out a dagger and she holds it to Yen Bull near her.
What dagger does she pull out, y'all?
I don't know. What dagger do you have?
You don't have a dagger.
You're right, I don't.
I looked at everybody's sheet beforehand.
I don't see a dagger on there.
It's true.
I've gotten a sharp draw.
No, that's just like really what Amy wanted to do.
But it's true, Thea does not have a dagger.
So she produces flame in her hand and she turns towards Yen Bull.
Explain yourself.
Well, I what can I say?
I have no explanation for this.
I don't know what is.
I am the real Yen Bull.
Yes, I have been with you this whole time.
I don't know. You seem very nonplus to see yourself caged over there.
I think you'd be a little more concerned.
Flint!
Flint's still just trying to parse kind of what exactly is happening here.
Before you, Yen Bull, what do you do?
I think I continue to protest my innocence and I don't know what is happening.
So I sort of been backing away from this flame.
As Yen Bull protests, you specifically, Thea, are focusing very intently on her.
And during one of these, it's not it's it's not me.
It's it's that's clearly a different Yen Bull.
A wave goes through this Yen Bull before you and you see a almost like a reflection
or image of Wallace come clear and then it fades back to Yen Bull.
Oh, you bathroom bitch.
I want to fucking fight him.
Tell me what you do then.
I want to I want to produce flame and I would like to burn his ass.
Okay.
Yeah.
Sorry if it's not really Wallace.
Thea is just it's too much.
Okay, do it then.
You got to do it.
Commit to it.
I'm doing it right now.
Yeah, I just rolled a three y'all.
Oh God.
So that's 12.
I feel like the range is you're touching him.
I know I know when you're when you're like upset.
You kind of revert to your like most basic like like this is one of your thing.
I can do exactly.
It's like oh, I'm so mad and I 18 do I burn that bathroom bitch?
Yeah, your produce flame ignites and catches the clothes of this Yen Bull.
And then Flint you're paying attention.
Now the flame is blasted into this room and he's probably
like, oh, she's taking this into her own hand quickly.
Yenbul before you turns back into Wallace who stumbles back padding themselves out.
Coughs as the smoke clears and looks at you with disdain.
You are just like the others.
The others I've set my sights of destruction on.
You've come here to take what's yours regardless of the cost.
Well, not today.
Just like the royalty in Calum port who turned their back on my family and I.
You will suffer.
Make a dexterity saving throw everybody in the room.
You know, fuck yourself.
Even even me, especially you Carla.
You're not in the room Carla.
You're out in the middle of nowhere.
I'm in a cage on top of a pillar surrounded by a thousand square feet of undead.
My days are you not good.
How dare you be in there?
How dare you let yourself be captured?
So that's a 22.
Okay, 21 for me and hence the oh, I thought maybe, you know,
that's an exciting role.
Did I take too much?
It was too much over here.
No, you're good own it.
Before your eyes Wallace begins to change again.
Their skin begins to dry quickly cracking as it does bleeding and oozing.
Their clothes pulling into their body and returning as black and blood red robes.
The drying skin reforms slowly to a young man with brown skin and short tight-curled hair.
And he lets out a scream and soars through the air towards you and grabs
Mannix by the scruff of the neck carries them out over the hoard where
Shangalar releases Mannix.
You begin to see their body fall and as it does the door slams shut and disappears in front of you.
A second passes which seems like an eternity as the room begins to hum and spin with black and green and purple.
And behind you, you see a portal taking shape.
It cracks open and you hear screams.
In the swirling energy you hear a rushing cascade of liquid which then forms around the circumference of their portal
and two figures become dimly lit.
Slowly, the two become visible.
First, you see your lost friend Lipsynche followed closely behind the imposing figure of Vorunax.
Well, Lipsynche, it's time that we get down to what are you three doing here?
Actually, I don't know you.
It's two. Sorry. One just got carried out. You don't know that, but there's two here now.
Thanks for rubbing it in. Yeah, there was three of us and our friend just got snatched.
I have your third friend. Actually, I don't. Lipsynche, would you still consider them friends at this point?
Oh, of course. I love these guys. They got me out of prison.
They let me get sucked into a portal into the abyss where I got to spend a lot of time with you.
Yes.
So I guess I have a lot to thank them for.
That's true. We both have a lot to thank.
Orcus has a lot to thank you both for.
The Decimators have truly, truly done Orcus a great service.
What are you doing here, though?
Well, destroying a Lich, obviously.
Hey, Lipsynche, that was really passive aggressive.
We did not mean for you to get sucked into that portal, girl, and we felt really bad about it.
Like really bad. I thought you were going to be our third.
I was crushed, personally, just saying.
If you wanted to make it up for me, remember I gave you that bracer or...
Well, you picked up that bracer after I got sucked into the portal.
It had a diamond on it. Any chance you've got that? I could really use it.
Me and V here, we're here to do some business and I could use that handy...
handy shovel, maybe. You got that still?
Um, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. You just called...
You just called this dude V.
He did some pretty, pretty terrible stuff. Whole village.
Yeah, he wasn't exactly the coolest.
Filled with undead. Well...
I mean, I agree calling me V. I'm not one for the nicknames, which, I mean, Lipsynche, but Lipsynche.
You, we understand each other. You do your thing, I'll do mine.
We're still on the same side here, regardless of what these two may have to say.
But, hmm, if you're here to destroy a Lich, perhaps we're not far off the same path.
It's interesting that they're here to destroy a Lich, isn't it?
That's very interesting, Lipsynche.
Are we all destroying a Lich?
Is this like a big Lich kill party? What's going on here?
Hmm. Could be. Depends.
Can I ask y'all a question?
Yeah, sure.
I don't know, is it going to be all passive aggressive and stuff?
Maybe. Spend a lot of time in the Abyss, things change. I don't know what to tell you.
What do y'all think about Shangalar?
So far, not a fan.
No, kind of a big jerk.
It's got our friend in a cage, and now a room that isn't there anymore.
He's got this stupid-ass flying pyramid that is just a giant maze.
I don't care what anybody says.
I was never a fan of Shangalar's bravado either.
Oh, isn't he all up, all about himself?
Like, sure, he made a good bathroom and stuff, but who pretends to be their own librarian?
It's all very ostentatious, isn't it?
It is. If you're going to be evil, just be evil.
Thank you.
You don't need to have the whole, like, song and dance about it. Jesus.
Well, remember when we met V and he did this big reveal and goat head and floating rib cage?
And it was pretty amazing, but it was like...
It was amazing.
It wasn't all drawn out and,
chase me through a pyramid, I'm going to destroy a whole world, blah, blah, blah.
Like, I mean, I do have to give it to you.
I mean, like, theatrically, it was pleasing.
Like, just visually.
You didn't expect it at all.
No, no.
Completely off guard.
Came out of nowhere. It was great. Well done.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Now, I will say, in the past, yes, I may have tried to, quote unquote, act like your friend.
I'm not here to do that today.
Okay, good, because you know what?
I'm tired of having friends.
Not you, Flint.
Not you, Donnie.
I just mean every time we get one, we lose one.
I'm tired of losing people.
Lipsinki, you fall into that category, too.
Sorry we lost you.
It's nice to see you again, though.
It's real nice to see you, too.
I got to tell you, I met this man in the abyss, not V.
V's great.
His name was like...
Oh, Grant...
Grancis?
See, his face just goes...
Never heard of him.
Because I had to endure. It was just the worst.
Doesn't ring a bell. Nope.
Okay, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That sounds, sounds real awful.
How do you end up in the abyss?
Oh gosh, I don't know. He was just always talking nonsense.
He sang all the time.
You're like, corporeal? Like, could you stab him if you wanted to?
Not that you'd want to, but like, if you had the urge.
Like, do you think blood would come out? Just curious.
Or pancake batter?
We don't have pancake batter in the abyss.
There's no pancakes in the abyss.
No.
Unless we make a body into a pancake.
Kind of. Sort of.
Everything's very blood-based, I would say.
As the energy fades in the room, you hear just on the wind,
That's why it's my hell!
Orcus has gotten big into ultimate frisbee,
but he uses bodies as the frisbee.
Oh, that'd be awful.
I mean, if you hate being spun around.
The thing is, it doesn't kill you down there.
You experience every second of it.
You should see what we use for hacky sacks.
Oh boy.
Sinky, don't spoil anything for them.
That's right. Leave some to the imagination.
Also, I hope I never find out.
Well, there's always hope.
Especially when you side with Orcus.
For we will eliminate despair for people.
And I know I said earlier, I'm not here to be your friend.
But I'm not here as your enemy.
At least not at this point.
The friend of, wait.
Something.
Thea looks towards Flint.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend?
My friend's enemy is my enemy?
Somebody's enemy friend's enemy.
Frenemies.
Frenemies.
Kyle was like, you can go on.
Potentially. Nailed it.
Tell me more.
Okay.
I don't want to side with Orcus.
Just straight up.
You know?
Okay.
Just saying.
I just, you know, I'm just managing your expectations.
But that doesn't mean we might not have a common goal here.
Just because I'm not going to follow you down later.
I mean, there's always tomorrow, am I right?
Exactly.
Like priorities.
I'll never stop trying.
You know what? I love that about you.
Yeah, you got to respect the hustle.
Yeah.
Exactly.
I mean, this is a man who knows what he wants.
He's one of the most tenacious people in the abyss.
And that is saying something.
Maybe we should start calling him Tenacious V?
I like that.
That is top notch.
Tom doesn't have to say anything else for the entire podcast.
He did it, folks.
Okay. Now, if you could just whip us together, Kyle,
maybe like a Tenacious D greatest song in the world,
but like Orcus kind of theme.
This is the greatest lord in the multiverse.
No.
This existence is a tribute.
I got it in one.
So did you all come here with a plan?
I'm going to re-murder a lich.
Of course.
We've got to find him first.
He's pissed.
We may have anchored him a little bit.
How did you do that?
Just by existing, I think.
I threw a fireball at him.
Oh, that's good.
It's good stuff.
Flinch, you use that moist tongue on him yet?
Not yet, but you know, maybe he needs a little help
putting out that fire.
Maybe.
He had my Donnie.
So I just kind of want to like stab and stab
and fire bolts and like, oh.
But and then also maybe watch someone else do that
so I could really get a good view of it.
Now, Shang-a-Lar had a little Donnie, your gold wormling?
Yeah.
Just Don-ee.
How did that happen?
Well, we were attacked by a giant lightning.
I love that we're just right now just standing in the hall.
Like we know.
But we're just catching up.
Just catching up.
And it's just kind of dropped into a horde.
That's fine.
That's good.
I like it.
In my mind, here's what happens.
The door shut, time froze.
He's still dropping, and he may be dropping forever.
We'll find out, I guess.
Wow.
So yeah, so we were attacked by these big gorilla kind
of things that seem to come from lightning.
OK.
Yeah, there is.
That sounds terrible.
Well, and in all that, they spooked our animals.
Everything was lost.
And we started to put the pieces back together,
and Don-ee wasn't there.
We've been searching for him ever since,
and we only just found him.
And I open up my bag of holding,
and Don-ee's all curled up inside.
I'm just looking at him.
He's tuckered.
That's just a little fella.
He was bigger before.
Yeah, he was.
He had a special collar that helped him out with that.
Well, I'm glad you guys are back together.
That makes my heart really happy.
Oh, I'm glad.
Lipsinki, what did we talk about happiness?
Oh, that's right.
I mean, I don't care about that at all,
because all meaningful connections with other creatures
beyond orcas are pointless and useless,
and they're not worth doing.
That's what I meant.
Oh, you guys have been practicing a lot.
Yeah, it was pretty rote.
Yeah, that must be really hard to go against here,
because you are such a caring, vivacious, really
worried about other people kind of person,
and it must be really hard to squash that all the time.
No, orcas does not keep its followers from caring.
We care very much about fulfilling his whim,
about seeing fit the world meet the expectation of the Great
Lord.
Yeah, I can care about orcas-related matters
as much as I want.
Have at it.
I encourage it.
So, V, I don't know.
It's nice for me to see my friends.
That's a nice surprise, but we probably
should do something about Shangri-La
and he's doing all his business, right?
So you two agree we could work together despite you not
wanting to.
You sure you don't want to side with orcas?
No, pretty sure.
I mean, we're pretty sure.
Clint?
Yeah, we're fairly sure.
I mean, we'll talk about it a little bit more later.
And I mean, the option's always there, right?
Well, maybe it is.
Like, it doesn't expire.
No, it's good to keep your options open.
But maybe we should talk about, you know,
like, A, game plan for taking this guy down,
and then B, what happens after?
Because what are you guys looking to get out of this?
Oh, yeah, why do you want him dead?
We want him dead because he's a dick
and he's just destroying ancient cities up here,
which sucks because culture is important.
Well, Andy's got that thing for the dragonborn in me.
Yeah, yeah, and Flint's got, like,
a personal stake in this, just saying.
Right.
Our reasoning, at least, I would
like to see Shangri-La replaced.
Actually, replaced by Lipsinki here.
I believe Lipsinki has the potential
and power to fill in those shoes.
So more of a Litch-Sinky.
Yes, Litch-Sinky.
My god, you're so on right now.
Wow, Tom, you need to pump up gifts
before every episode record.
Flint, are you sure you don't
want to bring that rapier wit to the court of Orcus?
I mean, again, good to have options,
but I think Thea's right about this one.
He doesn't laugh often.
Well, see, I feel like my talents would be wasted.
Hmm, that's fair.
I'll get y'all soon enough.
But not yet.
Not yet, no.
It's good to have goals.
We have other matters to attend to.
For sure.
So were you guys coming in here with a plan?
Oh, well, are you familiar with Litches?
Have you done your study, you know?
You know, if you spoke with Orcus, of course,
he'd tell you all about it.
Oh, of course, of course.
You know, I'm not tight with any deities,
but definitely keeping it on the back burner.
We need to find his, I want to say Horcrux,
but I know that it's just Harry Potter thing.
Phylactery.
Phylactery, that's it.
Good.
It's way funnier.
It's a word that actually means something else.
True.
Yeah, so we need to find his phylactery
and do away with that.
I mean, but if we could like maybe hit him in the face
and maybe destroy him with a sunbeam or something
like that in the meat, like just also,
because I feel like dying sometimes just isn't enough.
No, sometimes it isn't.
Should we find his phylactery first
and then maybe beat him up a little bit?
I mean, we can certainly look for it.
I apologize, didn't think I'd be saying that to you,
but I mean, he totally knows that we're here.
And I'm pretty sure that he controls every aspect
of this hell in the sky.
And it might be a little bit difficult to find it.
Agreed.
Unless your orcus has told you
any sort of helpful information in finding it.
Let me, and I bow my head, close my eyes.
Orcus, orcus, orcus, orcus.
Oh, I don't know.
It doesn't, must be something with this pyramid.
Bad reception in this pyramid.
Just not getting through.
It is the defiling nature of Shangalar
using orcus's talents for personal gain.
So, okay.
So wait, he's, oops, did I say that?
You sure did.
So this is more of a demotion.
Dead motion.
Well, yeah.
So he just didn't live up to his side of the deal here?
Something to that effect, yes.
Between us friends, the thing you need to know
if you're considering following orcus,
which I recommend you do,
is that it's best if you use the powers
orcus instills in you
to kind of progress the things he's looking for.
Not carry on your own sort of personal vendettas.
Yeah, I could see that, right?
It's like spending the company dime.
Yeah, exactly.
It's like photocopying personal things at the office.
You shouldn't really do it.
Maybe a little bit you can get away with,
but when you start printing off whole monster manuals.
Sent to no one in particular on this Zoom call.
Definitely not pointed at all.
I feel like literally three of the five people
on this call have done that.
Maybe the other two, I don't know your lives.
Okay, well I get it.
So you know what?
What you're saying is everyone should be fearing orcus,
but instead they're fearing Shangri-La.
Shangri-La?
So close.
Stay so close.
Fuck that guy's name.
Since he's kind of a phony,
in my personal opinion,
I like Sham-galar.
I'm totally down with that.
Yeah, he's just a big phony.
Took what was given to him and just tainted it.
All right, well I guess you don't shit all over orcus
and his power and get away with it.
So we're guessing up to the top?
I guess so.
Power?
That's a good guess.
Full actory?
Yes, we will get to the top of his pyramid scheme.
You look around you and you realize
you're still in a sealed room.
Well hey, we're lucky that this room didn't just start
shrinking all of a sudden or whatever, right?
Yeah, that would've been fun.
And as Amy says that.
I like toss Russ' book to the ground.
He's got nothing.
Quick, let's riff.
So first we have to get out of here.
I'm assuming maybe since you can't talk to orcus,
you also can't create another portal
to get us just to the boom top?
I guess.
Let me try one more time.
And I'm going to pull out the wand of orcus,
which I'm sure does something that is other than
what I'm about to do.
Orcus, orcus, orcus.
Orcus, orcus, orcus, orcus.
I pull out the wand of orcus and I kind of
wave it in a fashion and the jaw opens up,
revealing a portal on the wall opposite of what we entered.
And I think we can kind of see through it
and we wind up seeing like, oh, that looks like
a main layer there.
Probably walk through that.
Yeah, so orcus does provide, he senses,
he senses his servant needing his aid in this moment.
Gotcha.
But he also used his caller ID,
and so it doesn't answer you all the time.
Because you need to figure some things out for yourself.
I am quite zealous, yes.
Oh.
But.
A little needy.
It has served him well so far,
and it shall serve him well today.
What do you suppose it sounds like on his end?
Is it all like ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring,
orcus phone?
Do, do, do, do, do, do.
What you see through this portal is a well-lit chamber,
torches all along the side.
There's a red carpet that goes up the center of this room.
And at the top of three stairs,
there is a pedestal.
And on top of that pedestal looks to be a large vase
or jar of some sort.
Oh, I thought you said vape.
Could you maybe say urn?
Oh, vape, vape.
No, no, no vapes.
Just a large vape.
Yep.
Vase or.
And there's Shangri-La.
No, I said it wrong again.
Caller flip.
Chamgalar, remember?
Chamgalar.
Yeah.
No, you don't see that.
So that's what you see through the portal
before you step through.
Lipsinki, would you care to come ahead with me first?
Yeah, I've always kind of wondered
what a phylactery looks like.
You think that's it?
I'm just so excited to be out of the abyss, you guys.
I bet you are.
That's fair.
Yeah.
The four of you begin to walk in through the portal.
And as you begin to step in,
the energy around you expands and elongates.
And that image gets smaller and smaller in front of you
and then begins to swirl.
It's like you're caught in a tornado or a cyclone
and you begin to spin physically.
You hear laughter from all around you.
And then you pop out.
The energy just explodes out.
Everybody make a dexterity saving throw.
These are the ones I'm bad at.
Seventeen.
Me too.
Thirteen?
Twelve.
Eighteen for me, Russ.
Flint and Thea, you fall out
and you land and grab onto a narrow platform
around the perimeter of this chamber that you've landed in.
You manage to pull yourself up quickly.
Vorunax and Lipsinkie, you are holding on just to the edge,
just barely missed this edge.
And below you is a sea of undead.
Can I try to make a grab for Lipsinkie?
Absolutely.
Yeah, I want to try to do that.
Both of them are holding on, but they have missed them.
Oh, I thought you said they just barely missed it
and are falling.
Sorry, they barely grabbed hold of it.
Like fingertips.
Like the hang in there kitty poster.
Exactly.
I yell, hang in there kitty.
I'll help Vorunax.
What do I have to roll?
Nothing, you just go help them.
Oh, I just go help them.
Yes, I'd like to help.
Sorry, because I rolled an 11.
Fault your death again.
I'm a gnome, I'm quite small.
You both reach down and pull Vorunax and Lipsinkie up
and you look around this room
and it's the room you saw originally,
Flint and Thea, through the doorway before it shut.
Out in the very center of this room,
about 100 feet into the middle is Yen Bull
seated on a stone column cage around her.
Around the perimeter is a five foot wide walkway
around the perimeter of this room.
It's 100 feet by 100 feet.
At the middle intersection of this room,
there are bridges that go out about 50 feet
and then a center walkway that goes around,
but you can't, there's no bridge that gets to Yen Bull.
Below you, like I said,
is a thousand square feet covered with undead creatures.
The sound in here is ear-shattering.
You look up and you see four glowing orbs.
One blue, one black, one green, one red.
And the ceiling in this room
goes up straight and then it peeks,
slants up towards the middle
and then rather than meeting in a point,
there is a smooth surface, smooth ceiling surface
that is approximately a 50 foot square
that comes to in the center.
So it's like a hidden loft space.
Exactly.
How trendy.
Right.
You observe your surroundings
and then you hear laughter from all around you
and then you hear Shangu'lar's voice and he says,
Oh look, you brought reinforcements.
How's it going Vsauce baby?
Shangu'lar, you realize when it's all said and done,
Orcus will have you.
Oh yeah, how's Pop Pop doing? I haven't seen him in a long time.
That's not his name.
Well, it's what I'm allowed to call him
because I'm a little bit closer to him, I think.
I'm going to murder you.
Oh yeah, you're going to murder me.
That's what you're going to do.
Okay, that's going to be a lot of fun.
You've got to find me first. Catch me if you can.
Believe you me, we will.
Make a dexterity saving throw there, Vernaut.
Another 12.
From up top, about 20 feet above the center of where Yenbul is,
you don't know who Yenbul is, but the person in the center,
a fireball begins to form and cascades down towards you.
At this moment, Russ, can I use,
it's a feat, my warlock feat, called Dark One's Own Lucked,
and once we're short rest, I can make an ability check
or saving throw and use this feature to add a d10 to my roll.
Yeah, absolutely.
It does say you can do so after seeing the roll,
but before the effect occurs.
Yeah, it hasn't, I mean it's happening, but you know, it's...
Yeah, it's a 14. I got a 2.
Why are you rolling like me, Kyle?
I don't know.
I didn't think I was going to be the one to try and kill you so hard, but you know.
It is what it is.
It is what it is. Did you save? Probably not.
No.
So you're going to take 8d6 fire damage.
Shit!
And anybody beside him also make a dexterity saving throw,
which is, I think, at least Flint.
Probably me, yeah.
You did help him up.
No good deed goes unpunished.
That is a 20, but not natural.
Okay, you're going to take half.
So Vorunax, you take 38 fire damage.
And Flint, you're going to take 19.
Okay.
And let's roll for initiative, friends.
It's the middle time now.
That's where you get to jump in.
Just waiting.
Sometimes there's the reprise that comes back.
There was a look of just about to sing on Russ' Facebook.
I was waiting for the staccato part.
That'll be next week.
Got it. Staccato. Write down the notes.
One talk to staccato.
One talk to staccato.
These are my notes for middles, everybody.
They don't make any sense.
Not really.
Not to anybody.
But you know what does make sense?
A huge thank you to our guest today and to the next episode maybe.
An absolute best friend ever.
Absolute bestie.
Kyle Classic from Bombarda.
Thank you, Kyle.
Thank you so much, Kyle.
Kyle, you rock.
Kyle's coming back as that Vorunax.
A little twist to the character this week.
But we love having him.
And Vorunax is just a delight.
So we just keep bringing them back.
Time and time again.
If you haven't checked out Bombarded, we strongly urge you.
Super fun.
To check them out because they sing original music every episode.
They have a ton of fun.
Kyle runs an amazing game over there.
So please do go check them out.
Next.
One talk about Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
We're making some tweaks over there to make things a little bit better for our patrons and for you potentially.
We would love you to come visit us.
We have a tier called the goods tier.
It's $50 a month.
But when you're at this tier, every month you're there, you accrue towards working towards merchandise.
Exclusive patron merchandise that you can only get through Patreon.
And every year that you're able to be at that tier goes into a little spreadsheet to say, yep, you did this month.
Every month you're able to be at that tier.
Every month.
You do not have to stay for years and years.
That's what I meant.
That's what I meant.
Every month.
You know what I meant.
Right.
But just in case.
Just in case.
So every month that you're at that tier, we tally it up and then it's cumulative.
So if you're able to stay for three months, earn that first piece of merchandise every three months.
So if you're in that first level, which is an exclusive sticker pack, then you got to drop down.
You come back.
You're already on the way to the next one.
That's true.
We're not going to start you back at zero.
And of course, if you're at that level, you get everything from the levels below that.
So that's still like the in-world stuff.
So you can submit NPCs and items for Zed Mart.
And of course, you get to listen to all the bonus content.
And there's lots of it.
Producers meetings.
I said producers.
Producers meetings.
Not so easy, is it?
Speaking?
Yeah.
For me? Never.
Never.
But yeah, you become a sporting producer at that tier as well.
Mentioned in the credits, you might have heard some amazing people mentioned there.
That could be you too.
And we'd love to have you there.
But they also get an extra meeting every couple of months with a couple of us to talk about their game.
Talk about our game.
Talk about what's on TV.
You know, whatever is feeling good.
That's what we talk about.
Dang, that $50 tier sounded good.
Indeed.
Right?
Yeah.
So come check it out.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragoncast.
If you're with us at any tier, any of them, come find us.
We're over there.
Now let's go see if Vorunax is going to stir up some stuff.
I bet he's going to.
I bet he is.
I bet he's going to do it.
No spoilers.
Okay, bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Oh, there goes all my good rolls, y'all.
That's a six.
I also got a six.
Oh, roll off.
Lame roll off.
Lame roll off.
That was a good time to get a one.
That's a four.
Yeah.
I got a six again.
Vorunax is not nearly as intimidating as I remember him being now that he's on our side.
Also, he's like out in the wild now.
He's not all like power of orcas.
Russ, I guess my one translates into a seven after bonuses.
Oh my God.
You have one?
I thought you said something higher than me.
No, he said a one.
Oh, jeepers.
Okay, hold on.
I didn't think I'd have to.
I'm winning with a 12.
Come on, everybody.
Russ, is Yen Bull conscious?
Yeah, you can roll Yen Bull in.
Wow, this is.
You guys.
Yen Bull got a 15.
Fuck yeah, she did.
Great.
Well, Yen Bull gets to go first.
That's helpful.
She just rattles her tin cup on the cage.
That's right.
It's loud in here.
She's got that tin cup in her teeth.
It's really sad.
She's like.
As this fireball explodes,
Shangri-La laughs again and says, Oh, boy, that was fun.
You there with the with the axe.
You look like you're going to be some some difficulty, aren't you?
Make a Constitution saving throw for me, please.
I can do that.
You get a plus four because of my aura.
Oh, that's very fun.
All right.
All right.
After my plus four and his plus four, that's a 22.
OK.
I think that plus four came in very handy.
You see ghostly apparitions come up from the bellows of this undead hoard
and they form into humanoid figures and beasts and they're clawing
and reaching for you, Flint, and they charge you.
You're going to take half of 52 necrotic damage, just 26 necrotic damage.
Does anyone else think one of us is going to die tonight?
And as they hit you, the apparitions, like they move through you
and then disappear behind you.
Yenbul's turn.
So Yenbul, you've seen your friends.
OK, you tell me what Yenbul does, because now you're playing two characters.
I don't like it.
I do this all the time, Russ.
Not well.
So Yenbul has been in this very frightening place for like a bit of time now
because there was a little switcheroo.
You guys caught on.
So Yenbul's been here for a while in this very frightening place.
So I think, yeah, the only we can't see Vorunax, right?
We can just see this roiling mass of undead.
Well, we want to kill Vorunax, too.
I can see Vorunax. He's just over there.
Hello.
I don't even know who that guy is.
I'm Yenbul.
Yeah, we can't see a Shangri-La.
It's just all the undead, right?
You would have seen, OK, so Yenbul's position, you would have seen,
I'm pretty sure the fireball would have caught your attention
because it was right 20 feet above your head.
You would have seen a flash of his form behind that fireball.
OK.
I think that I am still going to, well, first I'm going to say,
my friends, I'm so glad you are here to save me.
It's really far away.
I yelled back.
Sorry we didn't notice you, weren't you?
I assumed you had also been taken.
You were just yelling back and forth, we didn't.
We're going to do our best.
I'm going to cast Shatter at third level, so that's going to be 4d8,
and that's focused on, they have to make a con save, the undead.
Seven.
We're rolling high tonight.
That won't do it.
So they take 25 damage.
OK, your Shatter goes off, and it's like glass breaking,
and it cuts through the noise, and you see a wave of undead fall to the ground.
Some of them stagger back up, but others stay laying down.
Anything else you would like to do or can do?
So cage around you, metal bars.
This was going to be my question.
Does this seem escapable at this moment?
There doesn't appear to be a door.
I'm a spellcaster anyway, so it's not like I want to get up in there.
So for now, at some point I would like to be released from this cage,
but as there is no bridge, it's fine.
So as your turn ends, you feel movement below you, and you begin to descend.
Do you know what it's like to hate your husband on a regular basis?
Can you feel for me right now?
At a rate of 10 feet around.
Oh, that's a torturously slow drop.
I love it.
Yeah, it's good, isn't it?
OK, great, great, great, great.
Thea.
You see Yenbul crack Shatter, and then she begins to,
the entire platform, the entire column begins to move down.
You hear the sound of grinding stone that's rumbling amidst the zombie groans.
How far down are the zombies from where I'm at?
50 feet.
That's a long way.
OK, here's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to run, I'm going to like scooch past Lipsinki,
be like, excuse me, pardon me, excuse me,
and then I'm going to run 15 feet away from her and the group for safety.
Towards a bridge or towards a corner?
How the bridges are 50 feet.
Doesn't matter.
It actually doesn't.
Towards a corner.
I don't care.
OK, great.
You're in a corner.
Cool.
And then I reach into my bag of holding and bring out my Tome of Thunderstep,
and I say, I open it and I read,
and I smash the book closed.
And as I do, I teleport to Yen Bol.
OK, so you're on top of the cage or you're within the cage?
Is there no beside the cage?
No.
It takes up the entire top of this platform.
All right, well, I can use this more than once.
So I'm inside the cage with her.
No, I'm not.
I'm on top of the cage.
I'm holding onto the bars.
OK.
With one hand, and I'm putting the book back.
Great.
Is there anything else you would like to do?
Go.
You OK?
Well, I've been better, but thank you so much.
It is nice to see you in this terrible place.
It's great.
I'm so sorry about this.
I want to look up where the fireball was.
Is anything up there?
Can I see anything?
Nothing's visible.
Nothing's visible.
OK, so what I would like to do.
So you just see the four glowing orbs of varying colors.
OK.
I would like to cast Moonbeam.
I'm going to cast it at third level.
OK.
And I would like to Moonbeam one of those orbs.
Blue, black, green, red.
Obviously black.
OK, so.
Why obviously black?
Obviously.
OK.
Me.
Geez.
So how tall is this column?
This column is 120 feet.
Wait.
Hold on.
No, it's a five-foot radius, 40-foot high cylinder.
OK.
It can just float?
Yep.
Because it comes from the sky, essentially so.
The sky.
The sky.
OK.
Well, you would definitely hit the orb.
It wouldn't continue to carry down to.
That's fine.
Because the orb needs to make a Constitution saving throw.
It fails.
Cool.
Give me damage.
Does the orb take damage?
Yep.
Roll damage.
OK.
Thirteen.
Brilliant damage.
What's that called?
Radiant.
Thank you.
Your Moonbeam fires off and you hear cracking of what you can only describe as glass.
You don't hear the explosion of the orb, but it begins cracking.
I whisper to Yen Bull.
Those seem important, so I want to break one.
And then it is Shangalar's turn.
Oh, no.
Don't do those.
You might just destroy the reason you came.
Destroy those orbs.
Hold on a second.
What's in the orbs?
What do you mean, what's in the orbs?
Don't destroy the orbs.
Where's this voice coming from?
Everywhere.
Oh, you fuck yourself.
It's the booming voice.
It's the booming, sarcastic, fuck you voice.
Fuck you voice.
It's great.
Do you say anything back?
Fuck you.
OK.
Well, I can't.
It's already taken the damage.
I can't move it because it's not my turn.
Flynn's going to end up as Bort.
I don't know.
Out from the cage, a twenty-foot radius sphere of poisonous yellow-green fog begins
to appear.
Make a Constitution saving throw, Yen Bull and Thea.
Nah.
I don't do that anymore.
Nah.
Poison doesn't affect you.
No, I'm immune to poison, so nah, it's not for me.
But I do go, whoo, Yen Bull, is that you?
Twenty-one.
Because fart jokes are always-
Twenty-one.
You are going to take Yen Bull, half of twenty-one.
So you're going to take ten poison damage as you inhale this gas.
So Thea, as you're cracking fart jokes, Yen Bull is taking in noxious fumes.
Don't try to make me feel bad about my fart jokes.
It's too late.
I already did.
Everybody make a perception check.
I will not be shaming you.
Twenty-five.
Nineteen.
Twenty-two.
How about a three, Russ?
Is a three going to do it?
That tracks so well.
And a twelve.
Okay.
Anything above twenty, you see a flash of luminescence, not even quite light, but a
flash of luminescence up near the ceiling.
It's not a figure.
It almost looks like there's an opening that you see briefly and then it disappears.
Okay.
Flint.
All right.
How far away is the nearest orb to me?
Because we've decided we do want to break the orbs.
That is what we've we've settled on.
Yeah.
But I mean, he may also have that amulet you need inside one of those orbs, you
know, that might just destroy the reason why you came.
Nearest one.
You went for the black one.
So nearest one is the black one, which has a big old moonbeam on it.
And that would be so how these orbs are.
Is there 15 feet above the perimeter, but they're 30 feet out.
So I'd be somewhat within range for a ranged attack against.
Yeah, you'd be able to throw.
So from where you currently are, you're probably between the 50 to 60 foot mark.
All right. Perfect.
I will give my dwarven thrower a throw at it.
Okay.
Going to throw that thrower.
That's a 28 to hit on that one, Russ.
That'll hit.
Roll damage.
That'll be 13 damage bludgeoning, I'm supposing here.
Smashing.
Yes, bludgeoning.
Okay.
Yes.
Seems like good orb damage.
Yeah.
Smash that orb.
And that good, good orb damage.
You hear it shatter and come back and flecks of glass or jewel or however it is come soaring through the air and falling to the ground.
Roll me a d20, please.
Is it totally destroyed?
It appears that that orb is totally destroyed.
Yeah.
Okay.
I rolled a 20.
Okay.
It's going to be the one time a 20 fucks you, isn't it?
That's fine.
I'm sorry, that's the, you just caught a shard to the face and it's over for you.
Perfect.
Oh, oh, lucky on that one.
Oh, missed it there, but just be careful there, Flint.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Well, the reason your friend came is in one of those orbs.
Which one?
Who knows?
Oh, you guys.
It's pinatas.
I don't think.
It's just going to fall out, isn't it?
Well, no, because if it implodes, then it destroys the contents.
Now, did anything happen with the zombies?
No.
Yeah.
So nothing happened other than it broke.
Yeah.
All right.
So I'm looking at your diagram here as the black one is done.
Yeah.
Bottom right.
Just fucking pinatas, glass pinatas.
I'm going to make my way over to one of the platforms towards the cage.
I know there's nothing that reaches it, but walk out to the center inner ring.
Yep.
And I'm going to try throwing my dwarven thrower at the cage for the part that
Thea isn't on and see if I can like bust it open or do anything to it.
Cool.
Remind me how you're on the cage, Thea.
I'm on the outside the way an excited child would be looking at like a caged
animal.
So side.
Yeah.
OK, cool.
Got it.
I was more so picturing the way that the one actress Zoe Bell is on the car in
Death Proof.
Yeah, I was sort of picturing on top too.
Is there a spot that I can throw at that she is?
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
She will say she's probably on I don't know for certain, but you know,
we'll say she's on a side and you could hit another side.
OK, I'm going to try for like something at the bottom just to see if it so
hopefully it doesn't structurally fucked anything up.
That'll be I have like a plus 13 to hit.
It's not.
Yeah.
Twenty eight on that one.
Oh, yeah, baby.
You hit it.
Give me some damage.
That is 12 bludgeoning damage.
Great.
Thea make a dexterity saving throw.
This is just like vibrate my entire body down to my bones.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Eleven.
You see the hammer fly through the air and it connects and sends vibrations
through the entire cage, so much so that it begins to hurt your hands and
vibrating up your arms.
The vibration continues.
You see it like it's moving the gas that's surrounding you.
And you let go just for a second and you begin to fall backwards down
towards the horde.
The song Long Road Ahead is by Kavin McLeod of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io.
All other music and sound effects can be found at EpidemicSound.com or
BoomLibrary.com.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers, Gabriel Lynch, Cat
Waterflame, Devin Michaels, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown, Stevie,
Jessica Babyok, and Darylith.
To find out more about how you can support Dumbgeons & Dragons,
visit us at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast, where you can have
exclusive access to 50 plus hours of bonus audio content,
create in-game NPCs and items, as well as play games with the cast.
Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
Have a great week and we'll talk soon.
This fucking guy.
Well, Lipsinki.
Kyle, you're muted.
You're muted.
How are you guys doing?
Hello.
You have to speeky speak.
How are we doing?
Did you just bring him here to just look imposing but now he can't
talk or anything?
You're muted.
I'm still muted.
I always unmute.
Thank you.
There we go.
I thought I changed that setting.
I mean, whatever you said, I'm sure it was fantastic.
It was very imposing.
You looked very intimidating just peering at us over your microphone.
Do we want this map in front of everybody?
Would that be helpful?
Oh, I'm looking at your map.
That's exactly how I pictured it.
Yeah.
OK, good.
Well, then that's what it is.
Good description.
Thank you.
I did it.
You really described something good.
Dang.
Waiting.
It only took five years.
Sorty Axie Boy, checking his phone.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
It's like you just got called out in class.
That's exactly something I'd say to a sixth grader.
Whoa.
Mr. More, calm down.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.