While You Were a'Fey... — Dumbgeons & Dragons Transcripts

Transcript

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Bizard, after you had returned from the Faye and dispersed from the group, primarily to go check up on your mom and the shop and all of that, everything that's gone on for the last three weeks, you're walking down the street and you see a rather large crowd gathered outside of the Magic Closet.

What's going on?

It appears to be a happy tone among the group, and as you get closer, something looks different about the sign, where there previously was the Magic Closet sign and everything that that went along with that.

It now reads, Bizard and Mom's Marvels, with a very colourful sign in the window that says, Wacky Wand Wednesdays.

Okay.

She's taking a marketing class, I think.

She's really spreading her wings.

And it makes you happy, I'm sure, to see her spreading her wings, but also, this is your business.

Sounds like she's finding her bliss, which Bizard stops and goes, okay, you've been gone for three weeks, not three hours.

Say this is three weeks.

You've been gone three weeks, not three hours.

Well, also mourning your disappearance, she's taken some initiative.

Three weeks doesn't seem like a very long time.

No, it really doesn't.

To switch business.

She had new signage.

Now we know where that entrepreneurial spirit came from, that Bizard has.

Look, on the boat trip over, she was like brainstorming ideas while she was cleaning out the crew of all their funds, so.

Yeah, Bizard's just like, okay, this could be a lot worse.

Um, part of me was worried about Billy coming back.

That was kind of first thing on my mind, but.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Bizard kind of like, just himself says, okay, you've been gone three weeks.

You got here here and you left her here for three weeks by herself.

You gave her a note in the morning.

Oh, Jesus Christ, are you kind of like your dad?

Fuck me.

All right, walking in.

Um, and I walk in through the door.

Right before you walk in, you now get a, you kind of push your way through the crowd that's out front there, and there's a hushed murmur.

I said, hey, Bizard's back.

There he is.

And you see the full sign now, and it has a very intricately designed image of both of you up there.

So, Bizard, you are mid-spell and your mother is holding a parrot with a tricorn hat.

Because why not?

Because it's for her.

Oh, God.

I forgot about Toonie, her parrot from when I was younger.

Oh, I.

Is Toonie still with us?

I mean, they live a long time.

They do.

We have to will them to people.

They do live a long time.

I mean, did Toonie come on the boat ride?

Don't remember Toonie being on the boat ride.

And find her?

Maybe.

Oh, Toonie find her.

Maybe your dad had, like, expelled Toonie from the family home and then Toonie found

your mom again, and it's wonderful.

I think we're trying to turn this into a reunion.

I'm trying to make it so that it's fun.

Band-aid thing.

Okay.

Yes.

Hello, everyone.

Bizard's back.

I'm glad you're liking the new storefront.

Everything looks like it's treating you well and very excited to have returned after

a long journey seeking magic.

More of it.

The store's been so much better since he's been away.

I wonder what he brought back.

Yeah.

I mean, it's going to be probably even better after I don't.

Okay.

How's it been better?

I'm curious, you know, as a from a.

There's a parrot now.

There's a parrot and they offer a lot more different items.

And Wacky Wand Wednesday.

Wacky Wand Wednesday.

Everyone loves it.

Wacky Wand Wednesday.

Did you hear about Wacky Wand Wednesdays, Bizard?

I implemented Wacky Wand Wednesdays after.

Oh, it's just you were away when it started.

So we assumed maybe you hadn't.

Well, I haven't missed one ever.

Is it starting?

Y'all really do need a school here.

You know, people can write each other letters.

Like there's ways to communicate when somebody's not around.

Right.

Jesus Christ, we do need a school.

Like to tell more people about Wacky Wand Wednesday?

What do you mean?

Exactly.

Like write to my cousins out of town.

I already did.

You should go.

Good.

They're coming in next week.

I'm so excited.

No, I'm saying is it doesn't matter.

I'm going to go inside and take care of the store.

Enjoy.

What day is it?

Wednesday.

Wacky Wand Wednesday.

Oh, shit.

Wacky Wand Wednesday.

Tally ho.

And I go inside.

I have no idea what to say.

I'm so beside myself, like both Kyle and Bizard.

Tally ho is the right choice.

Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast.

And I'm your dungeon master Russ More, he, him.

Also with me today is Amy More as Alydin, she, her.

No, only four to a bed, four.

Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane, she, her.

And if that doesn't work, we'll have to like

conjure the ghost of my grandpa, I guess.

Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave, he, him.

We both know that when it comes to doing the work,

I'm not your man.

And Kyle Clastet as Bizard the Wizard, he, him.

Is my mom dating a hot pirate?

Damn it.

Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon supported podcast

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And now fuck it.

Let's play.

As you enter, the bell rings, the chime hasn't changed.

And as you get in, everything inside has been completely

rearranged.

All of the things that you have made and you have bought

is kind of, you immediately notice,

is tucked into one corner.

It has been thinned out.

People have been purchasing it.

But obviously, you're not there to replenish things.

So filling out a lot of the other shelves,

you see that there are a number of vials

with different liquids and items inside of them.

You see a lot of things that are very nautical in theme.

I'm going to go up to the first item I can find

and I'm looking at branding.

Is there any, like, marking that shows, like, the crafter?

Like, hasn't been me.

Haven't been around.

Is it a hot pirate?

Tell me more.

Is my mom dating a hot pirate?

Damn it.

Is it Gorsh?

Did your mom run up with Gorsh?

Good for her.

I love this for her.

As you pick up an item, which is a compass,

it has some packaging on it.

It does say Bizard in mom's marvels.

And you flip it over.

Custom merch already.

Wow.

Mention something about a pirate loyalty discount system.

Oh, my god.

She went into business with the pirates?

The murderous cannibal pirates?

Mom!

You hear footsteps coming from upstairs.

Or, yeah, coming from upstairs.

They're coming down to the storefront.

And coming through the beaded curtain is your mother.

And she looks at you and she just goes ash and gray.

And she says, Bizard, you're back.

Where have you been?

And she runs over and leaps at you and gives you a huge hug.

I embrace her.

And I'm kind of startled.

But I've been, I had to find somebody who got really, really lost out in the woods.

And it took a lot longer than it should have.

But they're OK.

I'm OK.

I'm glad you're OK.

And the store is OK.

Well, you didn't come.

Yes, no.

Have a look around.

You didn't come back.

So people were just, they would come.

And I would say, well, I guess I started selling some things.

But then we started running out of things.

So I got in touch with some suppliers that I knew from Kingstown,

who worked at the different shops around.

And they helped me out in furnishing the store.

But in doing that, it kind of changed the tone of the store.

So really, I just wanted to put my name up on it, too.

And I thought that would be OK, being that I've come to live here now.

And if it's not OK, I totally understand.

We'll take it down.

That's perfectly fine.

But me and Jacob, we really just wanted to make sure that there was something new

and something exciting that brought a vibrancy, at least while you were away.

Is Jacob Bazaar's new daddy?

Kid, who are you?

Oh, sorry, I just kind of walked in.

I just kind of walked in.

Oh, wait outside.

Sorry.

Yes, we're not open yet.

We'll open for Wacky One Wednesdays in just a moment.

W-W-W dot wait, what?

OK, Jacob is who?

I met him down at Dem Buns, though.

She was going to say, me too, 100 percent.

And good for her.

Get a hot sailor.

Right.

Doing it.

I met him down at Dem Buns, though, and we had a coffee and we got to talking.

He said he kind of, you know, has been around the city for some time and.

See, I'm trying to say it quieter now, but.

OK, well, it still comes through on the same thing.

We are not separated.

This is Amy commenting, not an NPC.

No, no.

Just say that.

I just thought it'd be funny to react.

No, I love it.

No, I thought it was great.

Yeah, had a coffee, got to talking.

I told him about how, you know, we came out here with my son and you had gone missing.

And he is also an entrepreneur and has lots of these.

And she holds up another item, lots of these more nautical items.

And this one in particular is just a large stein.

So we kind of shifted.

We went from all magic to like magic and the high seas, the river, the,

you know, pirate themed, you know, it's like a party store sometimes.

Right. OK.

I'm glad you've made yourself comfortable.

It looks like the store's doing well, the direction that you've taken it.

Are you OK?

Like have you, you know, I'm assuming so, but also like I know I disappeared and I'm sorry.

You did.

It's OK.

We've been in constant communication with everybody who seems to have been involved.

I just didn't know what to do with my time.

I didn't know anybody here.

So I just thought, you know, dive in headfirst into this new new city.

I can't I can't blame you.

That's that's what I wanted you to do here.

So and this is the means with which you had to do it.

And I'm not I'm impressed, honestly, to have somebody out front of my own store,

say me, wow, it's it's so much better now that you've left.

I mean, don't get me.

Oh, I told him not to do that.

It's fine.

It hurts only a little a lot.

I'll go talk to them.

Which one was it?

Don't. Joy and levity is what I wanted to bring to this town while I could.

And if the store is doing that, that's great.

I mean, we can roll out whatever magic items I have if I have them or

if things are working out well enough, you know, materials wise.

I mean, I I learned while I was where I learned a lot

about what I didn't know existed.

And I know that's a very, very cryptic way of saying it.

But I think there's more to learn out there.

And I part of me feels like I'm not done learning.

I thought I was.

Well, wherever you have to go and whatever you have to learn,

just just know that I can run a flourishing business while you're away.

And that's you know, I'm this is very convenient for me.

And the fact that like I am, despite the event that I just experienced,

I'm very excited and I don't.

I'm glad this isn't like a burden and you've taken to it so well.

But I don't I don't I'm not going to just I'm not going out the door right now.

I'm back and I don't know.

You just got back.

Yeah, I don't know.

You know, I'm here for as long as as long as I know I'm here.

But something comes up and it takes me away.

I think I'm going to take the opportunities now that I can see what you're.

OK, I see your business acumen.

Well, you know, let's let's talk more about this.

But we do have to open the doors for Wacky Wand Wednesday.

Have I told you about Wacky Wand Wednesday?

You only just got back as she walks over to the doors

and unlocks it after the kid had left and locked it.

I think it's like on her system.

They saw her come in.

She's not like locking them out.

They're respectful.

Exactly.

Yeah, exactly.

Ruckus.

But there is a growing chant outside.

Wacky.

There is.

There are a lot of people and the children are uncomfortably pressed up against the door.

Of course, of course.

She goes over, flips that open sign.

So Wacky Wand Wednesday as she opens it and people start to pour in.

Wacky Wand Wednesday is where people come in and try some of these magic wands

that we don't know what they do.

It's a lot of fun.

Watching the wands just kind of like going off doing whatever they do.

It's like this seems not logic.

This doesn't seem good.

Everyone's having a good time.

Freddy turned into a frog.

I have eight noses.

I'm going to look at one of these wands and be like,

are these temporary effects?

What are these things?

As you investigate the wands.

Oh my god.

Wait, no.

This is what she's got going on.

She's doing this.

And then they're going to need some magical remedies.

She is causing her own.

She's creating a market.

She's creating the market for it.

Yeah.

Nice.

What a sly fox.

Crafty old lady.

We go over to the hospital where our dear friend Kavlaran was taken

after he had returned and been quite, quite bad off.

Yeah.

No, Kavlaran got his butt kicked.

He really did.

Yeah, no.

Yeah, I really did.

And lying on a bed, we see Kavlaran.

You're patched up and you've been there for some time.

And you hear through the glass in the door,

you've noticed that there are guards

and they've kind of been going through a rotation.

You've been here kind of had several hours, if not half a day.

They've been going through a rotation.

And then you hear a knock at the door

and you see through the shining glass, you see the face of oak

and he kind of waves at you really, really big through the window.

And like points like he wants to come in, like gesturing.

Now, I'm not in like a full body cast.

No, not quite a full body cast.

That's exactly what I was picturing though.

Me too, 100%.

Fully in traction.

I wave him out.

He opens the door and says, yeah, thanks guys.

And he comes in and says, oh my gosh, Kav, it's so good to see you.

It's been, there's so many things that have happened.

First, tell me everything about why you're in this state.

I brought you mom's favorite foot scrub too,

but it looks like you're a little bandaged up down there.

So maybe we'll, you can try that out later.

Not we, you, you can try that out later.

You put it right over there.

Okay, I'll put it with these flowers here.

So what happened?

Great question to start off with.

And it's really nice to see you.

Oh, well, it's so good to see you.

You know, I started to forget what your face looked like

and how you smelled in the morning.

Yes.

Go on.

That's the one.

Don't stop there.

No, that's what he forgot.

Everything else was crystal clear.

Crystal clear.

Okay.

Yep.

Got it.

Well, so as far as what happened,

I don't know.

It's kind of hard to explain.

Have you ever read about the fae?

Yeah.

And like in like kids books growing up.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Well, it's all true.

Every single thing you ever read was true.

Every single thing?

Yeah, I cannot keep the shit low key at all.

What do you mean every single thing?

Like, like.

Well, like if you heard it in a story, it's true.

What?

The dawn of misinformation in Vinger Smith.

Oh my gosh.

That's the original truther.

Wow.

Every single thing, hey?

Like that.

Every single thing.

I mean, anything.

Blows my news out.

I've ever heard.

I saw like all of it when I was there.

So.

Wow.

Oh, yeah.

Like, like portals to go through.

So the book portals, portals, portals is is true.

Oh, my God, I need to read that book.

I got to read that.

Well, I'll see if I still have it.

I don't think I don't know if I hung on to it.

Mom's probably got it in a basement down somewhere.

You know, never been much of a reader.

But like now that I've been through some of these portals.

It makes you want to read.

I need to know about more portals.

I didn't know portals had that effect.

I don't remember that from portals, portals, portals.

But OK, OK, this is good.

This is great.

Hey, yeah.

So he points over his shoulder to the guards and kind of whisper.

So some things happened while you were away.

And like what?

Well, you don't have a job anymore.

Oh, OK.

Yeah, like shortly after you left, you just you like

there was word that you came in on a boat like

but then you weren't here and nobody in Kingstown knew where you were.

Well, some investigators showed up looking into the

looking into Mayor Knops in the office saying that you had brought them ledgers

stating that there was some corruption happening.

Long story short, Mayor Knops's office, they had this huge counter campaign

and were able to prove that those were falsified ledgers.

And you had had done the work into trying to just run them into the ground.

I mean, oh, can we both know that when it comes to doing the work, I'm not your man.

Well, they did.

They did interview me and I said, well, Kavlaran, he smells great in the morning

and drinks a lot of coffee and doesn't do a lot of the hard work.

But, you know, as they were explaining it, I couldn't.

You know, maybe you weren't doing that work because you were.

I didn't want to believe it.

Cav, tell me it's not true.

It's not true.

I haven't done a single bit of work since I've been here.

I believe you.

I don't know if I don't know if the new mayoral assistant,

Westland Flickerbach, is going to going to approve it.

Nina went missing.

Oh, well, isn't that convenient?

Well, she was part of the investigation.

She was cleared.

But then after the investigators left, she was gone.

And the mayor hired this new assistant, Westland Flickerbach.

And, well, I mean, he's a smooth operator.

Oh, it's a he.

I just assumed otherwise.

My bad.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you know, he, yeah, he's really painted you as a,

what's the best way to put it, as a villain to Mayor Knapp's.

OK.

Really?

A real arch-rival.

I've never been like a villain before.

And that's why you have these guards here.

They're making sure you don't go anywhere.

I mean, not that you really can right now

because you're he looks down quite injured, I assume, still.

I mean, I'm not great, but doing better every day.

Does that happen when you go through the portal

or was there something on the other side

that like maybe a set of a flight of stairs you fell down?

I just a prankster imagination.

He just can't.

That's all he can think.

Yeah, it was.

It was very similar to falling down a flight of stairs.

Yeah.

So OK.

Cool.

Villain.

Villain number one.

Love it.

So they're probably going to keep you.

I'm cleared to come visit.

I've got I got a little promotion to myself.

Oh, good for you.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

I get to do more paperwork now.

It's really quite exciting.

Absolutely.

It is.

I knew you would like that.

So is there anything I can bring you?

I know that the hospital food here isn't the best.

I had a couple questions and jello is always the answer to that.

On it.

Yeah.

OK.

I'll get you the jello.

You've seen my handiwork or lack thereof.

Did these books look like I worked on them?

Well, I didn't see the specific books.

They weren't really passing them around to lower level.

Well, not me specifically.

I, at the time, did not have the promotion that would allow me to see such classified

documents.

But what I hear through the grapevine is that, I mean, they were very intricate.

They had a lot of information about the whole organization, which I mean,

you've been here auditing.

So it wouldn't.

It wasn't a stretch for them to make that you would have had access to that information.

And there were allusions to maybe you were working with another organization

that also could have helped put these together.

OK, cool, cool, cool.

So there are they charging me with something?

That's uncertain because they thought maybe you'd completely just like

fled and gone.

But now that you're back, like there is a, you know, criminal.

Due process.

Good job, nurse.

OK, cool.

We don't we don't have that in vendors.

It starts now.

You said that you didn't have access then to take a look at this stuff.

But now that you've been promoted, would you have access to these things now?

I could probably go ask a few more questions now that you're back

and we've got both sides of the story.

Sure.

Well, I mean, you know, my my writing and my capabilities in this area.

I'm sure their theory of it being farmed out or me working with someone else,

I guess, could could be explanatory towards that.

But like, I trust you, you'll you'll know it when you see it.

OK, I will.

I will take a look.

I'll go see what I can do.

OK, I'll get you the jello first.

Be right back with that.

And then.

I'll go take a look.

I'll ask I'll ask the right questions to the right people.

You know, me, I I make sure I'm thorough.

Thorough in my own investigations.

Yeah, you always dot those I's and cross those T's.

So I'm not too worried about that word of advice, though.

OK, watch out for portals.

Oh, yes.

And be careful.

OK, where or how do I know if I see a portal?

You'll know it where there will be like a shimmering type

like circle or type of thing where there shouldn't be.

And chances are something will be coming out of it or going into it.

So those are like your number one and two.

Like this is a portal may have seen something like that

as he kind of walks towards the door.

OK, I'll keep an eye out for that blue, green or red.

I mean, dealer's choice, baby.

OK, I'll go see what they got downstairs.

Exits and heads down to the cafeteria.

Welcome to the middle, everybody.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, what up?

How you doing?

You having a good time?

Everybody collectively?

Oh, yeah.

Answer.

What are we in the middle of this time?

We're in the middle of the episode.

Do you want to know which episode?

I already know.

It's that one.

Yeah, it's that one.

I think it's that one.

Yeah, it's where we find out that you have a new store name.

Yeah, I know.

That exact episode is the one I was thinking of.

I was just clarifying for the other people on the call.

I do like how you handle it, though.

Was that a joke about my mom?

You're going to clarify my shop?

Russ, those big jokes of yours.

But also write that down because she should expand.

Yeah, she should.

That should be like a cleaning product,

like a magical prestidigitation type of thing.

Instead of fabuloso, it's clarify.

Yep.

Look at this.

We're building out your mind.

Really, it's just going to be all centered around.

Yeah, I know.

Sometimes it just turns into a brainstorming session, OK?

Your mom becomes the big bad evil corporation

who takes over the world, OK?

And then that goes into some of our Patreon content,

which damn, our Patreon, y'all.

People here know how to talk about it better than I do,

so I'm going to let them do it.

Kyle, you're part of a lot of it,

so you know how to talk exactly about it.

It's true.

Over there, you can get a lot of great content,

like billions and trillions of episodes of things

that all these good people here have done in the past.

And of course, you also get to join us on these recordings

where I get to flounder and figure out

what the hell I'm talking about.

Oh, don't listen to him.

He's doing a fantastic job.

I like how I pressured him into continuing.

That was great.

Nobody else jumped in to save him.

No, no, it's fine.

I need to get comfortable with this.

You know, if I'm uncomfortable, it means I'm growing,

and if I'm growing, then that means I'm getting better.

Very true.

But one of the important things about Patreon,