Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in a moment.
Bizard, after you had returned from the Faye and dispersed from the group, primarily to go check up on your mom and the shop and all of that, everything that's gone on for the last three weeks, you're walking down the street and you see a rather large crowd gathered outside of the Magic Closet.
What's going on?
It appears to be a happy tone among the group, and as you get closer, something looks different about the sign, where there previously was the Magic Closet sign and everything that that went along with that.
It now reads, Bizard and Mom's Marvels, with a very colourful sign in the window that says, Wacky Wand Wednesdays.
Okay.
She's taking a marketing class, I think.
She's really spreading her wings.
And it makes you happy, I'm sure, to see her spreading her wings, but also, this is your business.
Sounds like she's finding her bliss, which Bizard stops and goes, okay, you've been gone for three weeks, not three hours.
Say this is three weeks.
You've been gone three weeks, not three hours.
Well, also mourning your disappearance, she's taken some initiative.
Three weeks doesn't seem like a very long time.
No, it really doesn't.
To switch business.
She had new signage.
Now we know where that entrepreneurial spirit came from, that Bizard has.
Look, on the boat trip over, she was like brainstorming ideas while she was cleaning out the crew of all their funds, so.
Yeah, Bizard's just like, okay, this could be a lot worse.
Um, part of me was worried about Billy coming back.
That was kind of first thing on my mind, but.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, Bizard kind of like, just himself says, okay, you've been gone three weeks.
You got here here and you left her here for three weeks by herself.
You gave her a note in the morning.
Oh, Jesus Christ, are you kind of like your dad?
Fuck me.
All right, walking in.
Um, and I walk in through the door.
Right before you walk in, you now get a, you kind of push your way through the crowd that's out front there, and there's a hushed murmur.
I said, hey, Bizard's back.
There he is.
And you see the full sign now, and it has a very intricately designed image of both of you up there.
So, Bizard, you are mid-spell and your mother is holding a parrot with a tricorn hat.
Because why not?
Because it's for her.
Oh, God.
I forgot about Toonie, her parrot from when I was younger.
Oh, I.
Is Toonie still with us?
I mean, they live a long time.
They do.
We have to will them to people.
They do live a long time.
I mean, did Toonie come on the boat ride?
Don't remember Toonie being on the boat ride.
And find her?
Maybe.
Oh, Toonie find her.
Maybe your dad had, like, expelled Toonie from the family home and then Toonie found
your mom again, and it's wonderful.
I think we're trying to turn this into a reunion.
I'm trying to make it so that it's fun.
Band-aid thing.
Okay.
Yes.
Hello, everyone.
Bizard's back.
I'm glad you're liking the new storefront.
Everything looks like it's treating you well and very excited to have returned after
a long journey seeking magic.
More of it.
The store's been so much better since he's been away.
I wonder what he brought back.
Yeah.
I mean, it's going to be probably even better after I don't.
Okay.
How's it been better?
I'm curious, you know, as a from a.
There's a parrot now.
There's a parrot and they offer a lot more different items.
And Wacky Wand Wednesday.
Wacky Wand Wednesday.
Everyone loves it.
Wacky Wand Wednesday.
Did you hear about Wacky Wand Wednesdays, Bizard?
I implemented Wacky Wand Wednesdays after.
Oh, it's just you were away when it started.
So we assumed maybe you hadn't.
Well, I haven't missed one ever.
Is it starting?
Y'all really do need a school here.
You know, people can write each other letters.
Like there's ways to communicate when somebody's not around.
Right.
Jesus Christ, we do need a school.
Like to tell more people about Wacky Wand Wednesday?
What do you mean?
Exactly.
Like write to my cousins out of town.
I already did.
You should go.
Good.
They're coming in next week.
I'm so excited.
No, I'm saying is it doesn't matter.
I'm going to go inside and take care of the store.
Enjoy.
What day is it?
Wednesday.
Wacky Wand Wednesday.
Oh, shit.
Wacky Wand Wednesday.
Tally ho.
And I go inside.
I have no idea what to say.
I'm so beside myself, like both Kyle and Bizard.
Tally ho is the right choice.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast.
And I'm your dungeon master Russ More, he, him.
Also with me today is Amy More as Alydin, she, her.
No, only four to a bed, four.
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane, she, her.
And if that doesn't work, we'll have to like
conjure the ghost of my grandpa, I guess.
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave, he, him.
We both know that when it comes to doing the work,
I'm not your man.
And Kyle Clastet as Bizard the Wizard, he, him.
Is my mom dating a hot pirate?
Damn it.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon supported podcast
and we'd love for you to join us over at
patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Right now, when you sign up,
you'll get a seven day free trial and instant access
to so many amazing bonus episodes.
More of what you love.
Come find it today at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And now fuck it.
Let's play.
As you enter, the bell rings, the chime hasn't changed.
And as you get in, everything inside has been completely
rearranged.
All of the things that you have made and you have bought
is kind of, you immediately notice,
is tucked into one corner.
It has been thinned out.
People have been purchasing it.
But obviously, you're not there to replenish things.
So filling out a lot of the other shelves,
you see that there are a number of vials
with different liquids and items inside of them.
You see a lot of things that are very nautical in theme.
I'm going to go up to the first item I can find
and I'm looking at branding.
Is there any, like, marking that shows, like, the crafter?
Like, hasn't been me.
Haven't been around.
Is it a hot pirate?
Tell me more.
Is my mom dating a hot pirate?
Damn it.
Is it Gorsh?
Did your mom run up with Gorsh?
Good for her.
I love this for her.
As you pick up an item, which is a compass,
it has some packaging on it.
It does say Bizard in mom's marvels.
And you flip it over.
Custom merch already.
Wow.
Mention something about a pirate loyalty discount system.
Oh, my god.
She went into business with the pirates?
The murderous cannibal pirates?
Mom!
You hear footsteps coming from upstairs.
Or, yeah, coming from upstairs.
They're coming down to the storefront.
And coming through the beaded curtain is your mother.
And she looks at you and she just goes ash and gray.
And she says, Bizard, you're back.
Where have you been?
And she runs over and leaps at you and gives you a huge hug.
I embrace her.
And I'm kind of startled.
But I've been, I had to find somebody who got really, really lost out in the woods.
And it took a lot longer than it should have.
But they're OK.
I'm OK.
I'm glad you're OK.
And the store is OK.
Well, you didn't come.
Yes, no.
Have a look around.
You didn't come back.
So people were just, they would come.
And I would say, well, I guess I started selling some things.
But then we started running out of things.
So I got in touch with some suppliers that I knew from Kingstown,
who worked at the different shops around.
And they helped me out in furnishing the store.
But in doing that, it kind of changed the tone of the store.
So really, I just wanted to put my name up on it, too.
And I thought that would be OK, being that I've come to live here now.
And if it's not OK, I totally understand.
We'll take it down.
That's perfectly fine.
But me and Jacob, we really just wanted to make sure that there was something new
and something exciting that brought a vibrancy, at least while you were away.
Is Jacob Bazaar's new daddy?
Kid, who are you?
Oh, sorry, I just kind of walked in.
I just kind of walked in.
Oh, wait outside.
Sorry.
Yes, we're not open yet.
We'll open for Wacky One Wednesdays in just a moment.
W-W-W dot wait, what?
OK, Jacob is who?
I met him down at Dem Buns, though.
She was going to say, me too, 100 percent.
And good for her.
Get a hot sailor.
Right.
Doing it.
I met him down at Dem Buns, though, and we had a coffee and we got to talking.
He said he kind of, you know, has been around the city for some time and.
See, I'm trying to say it quieter now, but.
OK, well, it still comes through on the same thing.
We are not separated.
This is Amy commenting, not an NPC.
No, no.
Just say that.
I just thought it'd be funny to react.
No, I love it.
No, I thought it was great.
Yeah, had a coffee, got to talking.
I told him about how, you know, we came out here with my son and you had gone missing.
And he is also an entrepreneur and has lots of these.
And she holds up another item, lots of these more nautical items.
And this one in particular is just a large stein.
So we kind of shifted.
We went from all magic to like magic and the high seas, the river, the,
you know, pirate themed, you know, it's like a party store sometimes.
Right. OK.
I'm glad you've made yourself comfortable.
It looks like the store's doing well, the direction that you've taken it.
Are you OK?
Like have you, you know, I'm assuming so, but also like I know I disappeared and I'm sorry.
You did.
It's OK.
We've been in constant communication with everybody who seems to have been involved.
I just didn't know what to do with my time.
I didn't know anybody here.
So I just thought, you know, dive in headfirst into this new new city.
I can't I can't blame you.
That's that's what I wanted you to do here.
So and this is the means with which you had to do it.
And I'm not I'm impressed, honestly, to have somebody out front of my own store,
say me, wow, it's it's so much better now that you've left.
I mean, don't get me.
Oh, I told him not to do that.
It's fine.
It hurts only a little a lot.
I'll go talk to them.
Which one was it?
Don't. Joy and levity is what I wanted to bring to this town while I could.
And if the store is doing that, that's great.
I mean, we can roll out whatever magic items I have if I have them or
if things are working out well enough, you know, materials wise.
I mean, I I learned while I was where I learned a lot
about what I didn't know existed.
And I know that's a very, very cryptic way of saying it.
But I think there's more to learn out there.
And I part of me feels like I'm not done learning.
I thought I was.
Well, wherever you have to go and whatever you have to learn,
just just know that I can run a flourishing business while you're away.
And that's you know, I'm this is very convenient for me.
And the fact that like I am, despite the event that I just experienced,
I'm very excited and I don't.
I'm glad this isn't like a burden and you've taken to it so well.
But I don't I don't I'm not going to just I'm not going out the door right now.
I'm back and I don't know.
You just got back.
Yeah, I don't know.
You know, I'm here for as long as as long as I know I'm here.
But something comes up and it takes me away.
I think I'm going to take the opportunities now that I can see what you're.
OK, I see your business acumen.
Well, you know, let's let's talk more about this.
But we do have to open the doors for Wacky Wand Wednesday.
Have I told you about Wacky Wand Wednesday?
You only just got back as she walks over to the doors
and unlocks it after the kid had left and locked it.
I think it's like on her system.
They saw her come in.
She's not like locking them out.
They're respectful.
Exactly.
Yeah, exactly.
Ruckus.
But there is a growing chant outside.
Wacky.
There is.
There are a lot of people and the children are uncomfortably pressed up against the door.
Of course, of course.
She goes over, flips that open sign.
So Wacky Wand Wednesday as she opens it and people start to pour in.
Wacky Wand Wednesday is where people come in and try some of these magic wands
that we don't know what they do.
It's a lot of fun.
Watching the wands just kind of like going off doing whatever they do.
It's like this seems not logic.
This doesn't seem good.
Everyone's having a good time.
Freddy turned into a frog.
I have eight noses.
I'm going to look at one of these wands and be like,
are these temporary effects?
What are these things?
As you investigate the wands.
Oh my god.
Wait, no.
This is what she's got going on.
She's doing this.
And then they're going to need some magical remedies.
She is causing her own.
She's creating a market.
She's creating the market for it.
Yeah.
Nice.
What a sly fox.
Crafty old lady.
We go over to the hospital where our dear friend Kavlaran was taken
after he had returned and been quite, quite bad off.
Yeah.
No, Kavlaran got his butt kicked.
He really did.
Yeah, no.
Yeah, I really did.
And lying on a bed, we see Kavlaran.
You're patched up and you've been there for some time.
And you hear through the glass in the door,
you've noticed that there are guards
and they've kind of been going through a rotation.
You've been here kind of had several hours, if not half a day.
They've been going through a rotation.
And then you hear a knock at the door
and you see through the shining glass, you see the face of oak
and he kind of waves at you really, really big through the window.
And like points like he wants to come in, like gesturing.
Now, I'm not in like a full body cast.
No, not quite a full body cast.
That's exactly what I was picturing though.
Me too, 100%.
Fully in traction.
I wave him out.
He opens the door and says, yeah, thanks guys.
And he comes in and says, oh my gosh, Kav, it's so good to see you.
It's been, there's so many things that have happened.
First, tell me everything about why you're in this state.
I brought you mom's favorite foot scrub too,
but it looks like you're a little bandaged up down there.
So maybe we'll, you can try that out later.
Not we, you, you can try that out later.
You put it right over there.
Okay, I'll put it with these flowers here.
So what happened?
Great question to start off with.
And it's really nice to see you.
Oh, well, it's so good to see you.
You know, I started to forget what your face looked like
and how you smelled in the morning.
Yes.
Go on.
That's the one.
Don't stop there.
No, that's what he forgot.
Everything else was crystal clear.
Crystal clear.
Okay.
Yep.
Got it.
Well, so as far as what happened,
I don't know.
It's kind of hard to explain.
Have you ever read about the fae?
Yeah.
And like in like kids books growing up.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Well, it's all true.
Every single thing you ever read was true.
Every single thing?
Yeah, I cannot keep the shit low key at all.
What do you mean every single thing?
Like, like.
Well, like if you heard it in a story, it's true.
What?
The dawn of misinformation in Vinger Smith.
Oh my gosh.
That's the original truther.
Wow.
Every single thing, hey?
Like that.
Every single thing.
I mean, anything.
Blows my news out.
I've ever heard.
I saw like all of it when I was there.
So.
Wow.
Oh, yeah.
Like, like portals to go through.
So the book portals, portals, portals is is true.
Oh, my God, I need to read that book.
I got to read that.
Well, I'll see if I still have it.
I don't think I don't know if I hung on to it.
Mom's probably got it in a basement down somewhere.
You know, never been much of a reader.
But like now that I've been through some of these portals.
It makes you want to read.
I need to know about more portals.
I didn't know portals had that effect.
I don't remember that from portals, portals, portals.
But OK, OK, this is good.
This is great.
Hey, yeah.
So he points over his shoulder to the guards and kind of whisper.
So some things happened while you were away.
And like what?
Well, you don't have a job anymore.
Oh, OK.
Yeah, like shortly after you left, you just you like
there was word that you came in on a boat like
but then you weren't here and nobody in Kingstown knew where you were.
Well, some investigators showed up looking into the
looking into Mayor Knops in the office saying that you had brought them ledgers
stating that there was some corruption happening.
Long story short, Mayor Knops's office, they had this huge counter campaign
and were able to prove that those were falsified ledgers.
And you had had done the work into trying to just run them into the ground.
I mean, oh, can we both know that when it comes to doing the work, I'm not your man.
Well, they did.
They did interview me and I said, well, Kavlaran, he smells great in the morning
and drinks a lot of coffee and doesn't do a lot of the hard work.
But, you know, as they were explaining it, I couldn't.
You know, maybe you weren't doing that work because you were.
I didn't want to believe it.
Cav, tell me it's not true.
It's not true.
I haven't done a single bit of work since I've been here.
I believe you.
I don't know if I don't know if the new mayoral assistant,
Westland Flickerbach, is going to going to approve it.
Nina went missing.
Oh, well, isn't that convenient?
Well, she was part of the investigation.
She was cleared.
But then after the investigators left, she was gone.
And the mayor hired this new assistant, Westland Flickerbach.
And, well, I mean, he's a smooth operator.
Oh, it's a he.
I just assumed otherwise.
My bad.
Oh, yeah.
Well, you know, he, yeah, he's really painted you as a,
what's the best way to put it, as a villain to Mayor Knapp's.
OK.
Really?
A real arch-rival.
I've never been like a villain before.
And that's why you have these guards here.
They're making sure you don't go anywhere.
I mean, not that you really can right now
because you're he looks down quite injured, I assume, still.
I mean, I'm not great, but doing better every day.
Does that happen when you go through the portal
or was there something on the other side
that like maybe a set of a flight of stairs you fell down?
I just a prankster imagination.
He just can't.
That's all he can think.
Yeah, it was.
It was very similar to falling down a flight of stairs.
Yeah.
So OK.
Cool.
Villain.
Villain number one.
Love it.
So they're probably going to keep you.
I'm cleared to come visit.
I've got I got a little promotion to myself.
Oh, good for you.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
I get to do more paperwork now.
It's really quite exciting.
Absolutely.
It is.
I knew you would like that.
So is there anything I can bring you?
I know that the hospital food here isn't the best.
I had a couple questions and jello is always the answer to that.
On it.
Yeah.
OK.
I'll get you the jello.
You've seen my handiwork or lack thereof.
Did these books look like I worked on them?
Well, I didn't see the specific books.
They weren't really passing them around to lower level.
Well, not me specifically.
I, at the time, did not have the promotion that would allow me to see such classified
documents.
But what I hear through the grapevine is that, I mean, they were very intricate.
They had a lot of information about the whole organization, which I mean,
you've been here auditing.
So it wouldn't.
It wasn't a stretch for them to make that you would have had access to that information.
And there were allusions to maybe you were working with another organization
that also could have helped put these together.
OK, cool, cool, cool.
So there are they charging me with something?
That's uncertain because they thought maybe you'd completely just like
fled and gone.
But now that you're back, like there is a, you know, criminal.
Due process.
Good job, nurse.
OK, cool.
We don't we don't have that in vendors.
It starts now.
You said that you didn't have access then to take a look at this stuff.
But now that you've been promoted, would you have access to these things now?
I could probably go ask a few more questions now that you're back
and we've got both sides of the story.
Sure.
Well, I mean, you know, my my writing and my capabilities in this area.
I'm sure their theory of it being farmed out or me working with someone else,
I guess, could could be explanatory towards that.
But like, I trust you, you'll you'll know it when you see it.
OK, I will.
I will take a look.
I'll go see what I can do.
OK, I'll get you the jello first.
Be right back with that.
And then.
I'll go take a look.
I'll ask I'll ask the right questions to the right people.
You know, me, I I make sure I'm thorough.
Thorough in my own investigations.
Yeah, you always dot those I's and cross those T's.
So I'm not too worried about that word of advice, though.
OK, watch out for portals.
Oh, yes.
And be careful.
OK, where or how do I know if I see a portal?
You'll know it where there will be like a shimmering type
like circle or type of thing where there shouldn't be.
And chances are something will be coming out of it or going into it.
So those are like your number one and two.
Like this is a portal may have seen something like that
as he kind of walks towards the door.
OK, I'll keep an eye out for that blue, green or red.
I mean, dealer's choice, baby.
OK, I'll go see what they got downstairs.
Exits and heads down to the cafeteria.
Welcome to the middle, everybody.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, what up?
How you doing?
You having a good time?
Everybody collectively?
Oh, yeah.
Answer.
What are we in the middle of this time?
We're in the middle of the episode.
Do you want to know which episode?
I already know.
It's that one.
Yeah, it's that one.
I think it's that one.
Yeah, it's where we find out that you have a new store name.
Yeah, I know.
That exact episode is the one I was thinking of.
I was just clarifying for the other people on the call.
I do like how you handle it, though.
Was that a joke about my mom?
You're going to clarify my shop?
Russ, those big jokes of yours.
But also write that down because she should expand.
Yeah, she should.
That should be like a cleaning product,
like a magical prestidigitation type of thing.
Instead of fabuloso, it's clarify.
Yep.
Look at this.
We're building out your mind.
Really, it's just going to be all centered around.
Yeah, I know.
Sometimes it just turns into a brainstorming session, OK?
Your mom becomes the big bad evil corporation
who takes over the world, OK?
And then that goes into some of our Patreon content,
which damn, our Patreon, y'all.
People here know how to talk about it better than I do,
so I'm going to let them do it.
Kyle, you're part of a lot of it,
so you know how to talk exactly about it.
It's true.
Over there, you can get a lot of great content,
like billions and trillions of episodes of things
that all these good people here have done in the past.
And of course, you also get to join us on these recordings
where I get to flounder and figure out
what the hell I'm talking about.
Oh, don't listen to him.
He's doing a fantastic job.
I like how I pressured him into continuing.
That was great.
Nobody else jumped in to save him.
No, no, it's fine.
I need to get comfortable with this.
You know, if I'm uncomfortable, it means I'm growing,
and if I'm growing, then that means I'm getting better.
Very true.
But one of the important things about Patreon,
other than all the awesome content,
getting to see us record,
is the fact that you get an episode dedicated to you
every week.
Like today's patron?
Stuttering GM!
Thank you so much.
Thanks for being here.
Appreciate it.
Couldn't do without you.
And I sympathize.
It happens.
All of us.
You just get a little tongue-tied sometimes,
and that happens to us.
Just take a breath, and you go right along.
And also, everyone out there in the world
can relax and wait.
Yeah.
Indeed.
100 percent.
Yeah.
If they can't, fuck them.
That's right.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
They don't deserve your stories.
You, too, could be like Stuttering GM
and join us over on Patreon,
patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
where when you sign up, you get seven-day free.
Oh, yeah.
You get a full week.
See, that's something I didn't remember.
To dip in and try it out.
And you know what?
All of our things, very well organized.
They all have all of our different shows,
different RSS feeds that are exclusive
for you, the patron.
And they're not all in one feed of 800 episodes.
So, yeah.
Russ worked very hard on that.
So thank you, Russ.
But yeah, then if you just want to be like,
oh, I just want to listen to this specific thing.
I want to try a downtime.
I want to try the adventures of.
Just get your ad-free Dumzins, catch up.
Yeah.
So if somebody gets a free week,
that's like, what, 168 hours?
If they stayed up that entire week
listening to content, what could they finish?
No sleep, headphones in.
So no, you don't need to worry about
key breaks or anything.
But I want to let our people know
how much content they could consume
in that free time.
You could listen to, I think,
could you listen to all of the adventures of?
Because that season four goes to 45 episodes
for very little good reason.
For no fucking reason.
It's like 10 episodes, 8 episodes,
10 episodes, 8 episodes, 45 episodes,
6 episodes, 10 episodes.
It's because the rules are made up
and the points don't matter.
That's right.
So we do what we want.
That said, you could listen to
all of the adventures of if you listen,
if you stayed up all or very close to.
You could do a very serious deep dive
on Dumbgeons or Facing Fate.
If you're not caught up there, go ad free.
That'll help save you some time there.
You've got the first couple episodes
of Cyberpunk Red,
which you should definitely listen to
because we're recording season two
and releasing season one to patrons
before it's publicly available.
So that's something you can't get anywhere.
That's exclusive, baby.
That is.
That's free exclusive.
Seven days.
That's right.
So go try it out.
Give it a go.
Have a little taste.
And of course, thank you again,
Stuttering GM for, you know,
just being you, just being cool,
signing up for our Patreon.
So, yeah, we appreciate it.
Okay, we'll get you back to the episode now.
Love you.
Bye.
We jump over to Ever Baines
and Bonwyn, you've spent
the better majority of this day
trying to restoke the forge.
It has gone cold
and has resisted any effort you've put in.
Nothing seems to be getting this thing going.
It's gotten towards the end of the day
and Thane has packed things in and gone
and you're left alone in the main area.
Well, I think, okay, just one more time.
Just going to try one more time.
I'm not going to look.
I'm just going to hit the flint
and it is going to light now.
The flint strikes and as those sparks
make their way towards the opening of the forge,
they fizzle before they even pass
the opening of it.
Fuck.
God damn it.
Okay.
Well, Thane couldn't do it.
I couldn't do it.
Really the only thing to do
is go ask the expert, my dad.
Do you want to go down and ask him tonight
or do you want to do that in the morning?
I guess it's probably the end of the day
as you said.
Well, also can't do anything here anyway
so it's not like Thane's just dusting quietly
or something before he left.
Can't do anything either.
What about, yeah, I'll go in the morning
but maybe now I'll go to the school
and like see how the kids are doing
because there's a whole bunch of kids now.
New, fresh kids and the other kids
so I'm worried about them.
I'll grab some takeout on the way
for a hundred kids.
You grab some food
and you make your way down to the school.
There's quite a commotion
you can hear coming from inside the building
and you open the door
and you hear June's voice down one side
calling out to the kids to get ready for sleep.
I told you, no, only four to a bed, four, four.
It's warmer when we snuggle so close.
Eight is too many.
Fine.
I'll head down toward where I hear June
back in her element.
Just screaming at the children.
With a heart of gold.
As June do.
A heart of gold.
Hey, June, how are they doing?
Oh, well, they're, well, well, Bonwyn,
there are many of them.
There are many of them
and some of them aren't even from here.
Have you chatted with them much?
Have they told you where they were?
From what I could get out of them,
it was a magic place
and they were stuck
and there was a lot of music.
Yeah, that's all true.
Where did they come from?
Well, so the kids were going missing
and we went to go find them
and we like, this is all going to sound so crazy
but you know me, you've known me my whole life.
You know I'm not like given to flights of fancy
but we, I mean, did it,
did people travel through a magic tree
to a weird land where there was instruments,
cruel, weird simulacra of instruments attacking us
and there was children and they,
it just was really bad
and they all survived that
for a long time, some of them.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well.
I know it's, yeah, hard to believe.
Well, yeah, who am I to say
what's your truth?
I believe you believe it.
I'm a little on edge.
There needs to be more than one adult in this building.
Yes.
Something needs to happen.
Yes.
Well.
I need to go to the Brewed Awakening
for a quick business situation
and are you fine with the children?
They just need a bedtime story, nothing scary?
Yeah, of course and longer term, you know,
I'm going to go see my parents tomorrow
and maybe they can come back and help more with the kids.
Oh, yes, that would be so, so, so very helpful.
Yeah, I'll run it past them.
We definitely need, and just, I'm just going to ask,
you know me, I don't beat around the bush.
Did you steal these children from their homes?
Oh, oh, no, no, no, no, definitely not.
Definitely rescued them from a scary magical musical place.
Okay, okay.
We need to find their parents.
Yeah, yeah, we do.
Maybe after the Brewed Awakening,
after you go to the Brewed Awakening.
Yeah, just gone.
That's fair.
That's a shift.
June sized hole in wall.
Fair, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
She used to work at the school, but June's older now.
June doesn't have the patience for this.
You're spouting out nonsense.
Total nonsense.
Musical shenanigans.
You head into the gymnasium of the school
and there's cots set up everywhere,
bedrolls all sprawled apart,
and there are four kids kind of packed under blankets
and huddling together.
You see, like in one of the back corners,
Alydin and Tali, but they're like passed out asleep.
A couple of the kids run over and they say,
where's June, she's coming to tell us a story.
June just had to step out, a grownup thing.
You wouldn't understand,
but I'm going to tell you a story instead.
Is it going to be about your adventures
where we saved our lives?
That might be.
Maybe that's too fresh.
Maybe an older story.
There was one man who we saw on the street
who said all the stories are real though.
Is that still true?
I don't know about that.
Some things, some things are definitely true.
I mean, as you know,
you've all been through quite an experience.
And watch out for puddle portals.
Oh, is that what he said?
Something like that, yeah.
Or is that something you're telling me
as a word of advice?
Well, if I have to watch out for them,
you should watch out for them
because you're not much taller than me.
That's, that's true.
That's true.
I could probably beat you in an arm wrestle though.
Bonwyn, what is mass hysteria?
Or collective hallucinations?
Oh, we don't need to.
June was saying that.
Well, June just, hmm.
I like that word, hallucination.
It is a fun word to say.
And she just kind of wanders off.
Hallucinations.
There is a lot of, yeah,
we've all been through a lot.
Why don't we, how about everybody?
Just, we're going to get really quiet now
because some people are sleeping.
But what I want us all to do together
is maybe just like take in one big good breath
and think about something that makes you happy.
You ready?
And then let out that breath
and get rid of something, something scary.
Just get rid of it.
Scary.
Let's do it one more time
now that we know what we're doing.
Okay, ready?
Big breathe in.
Oh god, something scary.
Scary.
How many do I have to do?
Do I have to do for one for every scary?
No, no, no.
The scaries can all kind of go together.
On one of these large breath exhales,
kind of pass over the room
and land on Alydin who's deep in sleep.
She begins to stir.
And we fade to a forest.
Alydin is standing by herself
and she does not recognize this forest.
The trees are too tall.
Their bark glimmering like burnished bronze.
The leaves ticking faintly
like the slow winding of gears.
The canopy above turns not with the wind
but in rhythm.
Leaves turning over and over
like the hands of a clock.
And time pulses here.
Not like a heartbeat
but like a mechanism barely holding tension.
Now the center of the grove stands a great tree.
Its trunk split open like a seam
revealing a lattice of glowing brass branches
and pulsing crystal sap.
Hanging from its bows are hundreds of pocket watches.
Some swing gently,
others spin wildly
and a few lie broken on the ground
leaking what can only be described as stardust.
A child's laughter echoes from somewhere unseen,
soft and fragmented,
caught in the air like dust motes on sunlight.
Alydin, you move towards the tree.
Feet sinking into moss that hums faintly with lullabies.
You don't remember learning.
As you near, one of the pocket watches falls at your feet.
It clicks open.
Inside, a tiny perfect version of Vintersmouth.
You see Everbane's, the children, the magic closet,
the magic closet, all moving in miniature, unaware.
The hands on the watch begin to turn backward.
You look up and now there's someone sitting on one of the branches.
A woman with glass eyes and a crown of thorned ivy,
skin patterned like shifting wood grain.
Her smile is sharp, not unkind.
She whispers to you,
little maker, you'll shape the world with screws and fire.
But would you shape time if it meant saving what you love?
The moment stretches, the ticking grows louder.
And suddenly, Alydin, you awake.
Bonwyn?
Yeah, are you?
How are you doing?
I didn't want to wake you up.
You were out.
You were really out.
I just had the weirdest dream.
Oh.
There was a woman and she kind of looked like a tree
and there were lots of watches everywhere
and I'm gonna change the world but something about time
and then and then and I can I can help something.
Did it feel scary?
Did it feel like the place where we just were with the banjo man?
Did it feel okay?
No, it felt different than that.
Okay.
But still weird.
Yeah, it all definitely sounds weird.
I feel like for both of us,
our scale of weird has maybe changed a little bit
the last little while.
I feel like if it didn't seem really scary,
that's a good sign.
So probably just like it like our things.
Are things still things?
Hmm.
Like so magic and stuff.
Yeah.
Which I mean we knew.
We knew but I mean it's like bizarre does it right?
But not not like what we saw.
Watches.
Did you say watches?
Lots and lots of watches hanging from like a tree and stuff.
Oh and there was a teeny tiny little Bonwyn
and a teeny tiny little venturesmith inside of a clock
and is this our dreams dreams or dreams magic?
What is magic and what is dreams?
You know.
I feel like your volume is getting kind of up here.
She's like working herself into a bit of like a existential crisis.
The thing is Alydin, you're an adult so you know.
Oh she definitely kind of like straightens up a little like.
Sometimes we just don't know the answers.
But I think what we should do is go back to sleep in the morning.
Go talk to Bazaar because honestly he's the smartest guy I know about all of this stuff.
And and I'm going to go see my parents
and we're going to get them back here to maybe help with all the kids.
So you can go back to the magic closet and we're going to figure it out.
I don't understand any of it.
I don't I'm not going to lie to you.
But we're going to figure it out.
And I believe you are going to change the world.
So I think maybe a tree lady knew what she was talking about.
Okay.
I just don't know what is not magic.
Yeah I get it.
Everything was very real.
Can I tell you something?
Yeah.
I can't light the forge at Everbane's.
I've been able to light the forge since I was like born.
I don't remember a time I couldn't do it.
I don't remember a time the forge wasn't lit.
I know.
Well is it wet?
No I tried everything.
Thane tried everything.
Yeah so things are weird.
But maybe Bazaar can help with that too.
Maybe I'm going to go.
That's why I'm going to see my parents too because my dad's like you know the
Everbane's expert.
Yeah.
Yeah and if that doesn't work we'll have to like
conjure the ghost of my grandpa I guess.
Oh my god.
Really?
I don't know.
Maybe that's a thing we can do now.
He was really the expert.
Just throwing an idea out.
Why not?
Right okay.
Gotta have a fall back.
Talking to dead people.
Tree lady.
Things are weird.
Tree lady.
I hope your parents can help you.
And I'm gonna go back to sleep.
Yeah you go back to sleep.
I'll be here.
Keep and watch over everybody.
Where'd June go?
She had an adult thing.
Don't yeah.
Did she go to the over to the brood awakening?
Yeah but yeah she did.
Yeah I don't blame her.
You're an adult you know how things work.
These kids.
She shakes her head and pulls some of the covers that Tally's definitely burritoed herself into.
And rolls over to try to sleep.
Halladin you close your eyes again.
It takes you a while but you begin to drift back off and you fall back into the same dream.
Standing in the forest.
And we cut to Everbane's.
The door opens.
You've been relieved of your duty and you head to the back room and as if
trying to find anything to kind of help with one last ditch effort
to light the forge.
You're digging through all of the old drawers and flipping things out
and like the floor is now covered in things as you've turned this place over.
Until you pull open one drawer and in the bottom of this drawer you find an old journal entry.
It's oiled around the edges.
It's been there a long time.
Probably hasn't been seen in many years.
And Everbane does not simply strike metal.
We carry what others refuse to bear.
The sorrow.
The promise.
The memory.
The heart fire will not answer flint and bellows alone.
It remembers the truth of the hand that stokes it.
Blood and purpose.
Joy and grief.
These are the sparks it craves.
Each time I've relit it, I've lost something.
A locket.
A letter.
Once my voice for three days.
But the fire sang for me.
It roared with my silence and glowed with what I gave.
Should the flame go out fully, God's forbid.
Let the next of our line remember.
The forge is not yours by name alone.
It is earned by offering what you cannot bear to part with.
Speak your name.
Feed it your burden and pray it burns bright.
Malon Everbane.
My great-great-great-grandmother.
And as you place that journal entry down and think upon it,
you hear soft hammering coming from out in the main area.
Go see what that is, of course.
Door's a little bit open, but you pull it open and it's dark in there.
You don't see anyone, but you still hear the sound as if somebody is working away.
Hello?
Hi, I'm here.
Do you need something?
There's a cool wind that cuts through and you see an open window on the other side.
No response comes.
I'll head to where I hear the sound coming from.
You're heading over to the forge.
You don't hear a response from anyone, but it does sound like they continue work,
and the sound gets louder the closer you get.
Dumbgeons and Dragons Season 4 Episode 27 starring Amy More as Alydin,
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane, Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldwave,
Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard, and Russ More as your Dungeon Master.
Dialogue editing and sound design of today's episode is by Russ More.
Our community manager is Jessica Babiak.
Music is from Epidemic Sound, and sound effects are from Epidemic Sound and Boom Library.
Our amazing cover art is by Matt Garbutt.
And we'd like to say a huge thank you to our supporting producers,
including Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak, Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
Angaron Kiersen, Perry Matey, Old School Gamer D, Craig Zeiss, and L.A. Branton.
Have you been enjoying your time with Dumbgeons and Dragons?
Well, thank you so much for being here.
If you're looking for more of what you love, come over to patreon.com
slash dumb dragon cast, where you're going to get a seven day free trial.
And when you're a patron for at least three months,
we're going to send you some merch based on the tier you're at.
Come on over. We hope to see you over there.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Have a great week. We'll talk to you soon.
Oh, my God.
Oak should be so offended if he thinks that
Cav was cooking the books and didn't ask for his help
when he is clearly the one that is the best at paperwork.
Like, who else would have work with?
Come on.
Oh, good.
I mean, they didn't show up to work half the time.
A lot of your advice is you'll know when you see it.
The books, you'll know it.
The portals.
Look, like, if you know me, you know my work.
Cav can't even be bothered to give full explanations.
You'll know it.
You got this.
It's fine.
Everything you read is true.
It's fine.
Everything.
I put that in my notes.
Everything.
Don't look over like I'm not taking notes.
I'm coloring and taking notes.
Multitasking.
All right.
It's good.
My brain likes.
Are you setting a scary schedule?
Is that what that just said?
Yeah, but there's nothing called scary scheduled for 1 a.m.
to 1.59 a.m. tomorrow.
Are you scheduling your nightmares?
What on earth could that be?
This is my nightmare.
That's how you tell me.
That's when my sleep paralysis demon shows up.
Yeah.
He accidentally synced his calendar with yours.
That's awkward.
It's just convenient.
Lucid dreaming.
I can look at it and be like, listen,
I got a big thing going on tomorrow.
Yeah, I can't tonight.
So can we just bump it?
Or could we make it at like 6 a.m.
and then I got to get up anyway?
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.