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wordofwarning, tread carefully in the fey.
Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in a moment.
Kav and Bizard, you're walking down this path that is unfurling its way for you as you're walking through it.
Both of you make an investigation roll.
Oh, my strong suit. Yeah.
Let's see here, 13 on the table.
Two.
You are rolling my dice as well.
This minus two is a real problem.
16.
Okay.
Oh, I've got Amy's dice, of course.
Oh, that's what it is.
You can take some of mine here if you need.
No, I'm convinced I'll break the curse.
Okay.
Just got to wear it down a little bit.
Kav's that kind of upbeat guy that, like, he can do this.
I like that.
Yeah, Kav, like, this is all, it feels like a lot for you.
So, like, you're trying to pay attention, but really you're just taking the path ahead of you.
Whatever has brought you here is leading you down this path.
And, like, hopefully you find your friends at the end.
That's your goal.
I mean, I'm not going to find them by just standing still.
Exactly.
Bizarre, very much the same, but you're trying to glean anything on how this is working.
And the more you go down this path, you're starting to see broken runes along the side of this path.
You kind of catch your eye a little bit at first, but they become more present as you're looking.
You take a look at them, and they look like they've been here for a very long time.
Like, you could say they're, like, ancient stone markings along there.
The carvings themselves are in a language or some sort of pictogram language that you don't know.
I'm trying to remember the books that we gave you.
Let's see.
Did we give you any specifically on the thing?
Runes, rivets, and relics, machinations of the arcane, and the alchemy of invention.
So I think that first one would be the most applicable.
What about portals, portals, portals?
Oh, that was one as well.
I do have tears of the veil, portals, portals, portals, bestiary of the lost realms.
What the heck those other monsters are out there, or aminals.
And then phadials and hellish pacts.
So with a combination of some of those books, I'll take back that you recognize some of them,
but not so much that you know what they mean.
You've seen similar writings in the books, but you haven't had a chance to really dive into them to know that's what that means.
Yeah, I can't glean any context.
Exactly.
And a lot of them are half-buried and overgrown with moss.
And the fact that you caught them stands out to you, because they are part of the landscape.
That's how long you feel like they've been here.
Gotcha.
Do they look like they may have been part of some kind of structure for this specific path?
Like a crumbled archway or anything like that?
Right now they look like they're part of, not necessarily an archway, but of an old stone pathway.
The path you're walking on is very overgrown.
It's more bramble and sticks and leaves and things.
If you do take a little bit of time, do you take some time to dig at any of these things?
Yeah, I think the first one I would at least take a little bit of interest and try to clear the moss away and let Cav know,
hey, I'm stopping for a second. That's important, so you just don't keep walking.
Because I would. I'm kind of entranced by what's going on here.
Yeah, so you dig some of the moss away. You take a look at it.
And as you reveal this stone and dig away at the path itself, you see that there's more of the stone underneath this path.
There isn't necessarily the runes underneath the path, but the same stonework.
This was a proper stone path at some point.
It's yellow brick.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast, and I'm your dungeon master Russ More, he him.
Also with me today is Amy More as Alydin, she her.
Surprise!
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane, she her.
How was your trip, guys?
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave, he him.
What's all that about?
And Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard, he him.
Oh, I'm glad I didn't go in for an attack now.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon-supported podcast, and you can join us today for a 7-day free trial at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragoncast,
where we have an entire other podcast for you and an amazing community that you can be a part of like the second you join.
We want you to come check it out. Just give it a little taste.
Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragoncast will see you over there.
And now, fuck it, let's play.
Is this, uh, this stone with the rune on it, is this too big for me to take?
Like, it's pretty inset into the earth, so you'd have to take some time to try and dig it out, but no, it's...
Can you take a rubbing?
Oh, yeah, yeah, I do. I think I do have some, like, paper and, uh, and charcoal, so I would do that.
Okay.
To just get a rubbing real quick.
Thanks.
Um, but yeah, the size of the stone, you have to dig it out.
Probably the size of the stone.
That's what people say.
Um, yeah, you take a rubbing of the, of the engraving, and maybe you take a couple, as they go on, any different ones that you're able to find.
Yeah, definitely.
Okay. You take those, and you, uh, you two are continuing along the path.
Um, the sound of that banjo is continuing to, kind of, come and go.
Um, it's not constant, um, but you hear it, kind of, pick up for a song, and then it disappears and, like, fades out in the wind.
Um, and then it picks up again, and it's getting louder the further down this path you go.
Yeah, and it, is it specifically the, the song that the kids sang for us?
Not specifically. Um, it is, um...
It's the Eurovision remix?
You do hear that, and it kind of comes in and out, but it, it's not specifically always playing that song.
It's like the Scotty Doesn't Know song from EuroTrip. It's just, you hear different iterations of it, no matter where you are.
Matt Dean is hiding in the forest somewhere.
I'm going to turn to Cav and say, well, it appears that we're on some sort of intended path.
Uh, there's brick hiding underneath the foliage here, so...
Yeah, yeah, definitely it, uh, at least was at one time a popular thoroughfare.
Yeah, so, uh, but you're hearing that music too, right? I just...
Oh, the super creepy banjo music. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Good, good, good.
Yeah, um, what's all that about?
Don't know, but I hear that one song, I don't know the others, so, uh...
Okay.
I, I, I guess, you know, I don't know if we're following it or if it's just coming in from the sides.
It kind of seems like...
Yeah, it kind of seems like it's all around.
Yeah, omnidirectional, and I don't, you know, can we, can we get any kind of sense of, like, north, south, east, or west?
Does that exist?
Like, like, the sun rises from this direction and sets this direction.
Wait a minute, isn't it night? How many moons are there?
Oh, yes.
Uh, yeah, you're still getting the, it's still, yeah, moonlit.
Right.
Um, I mean, you could roll survival. I'm gonna say it's a pretty high DC to try and...
Survival, that's like one of my better ones, as I lock my phone instead of open it up, tuck in.
That's one of my better ones.
D&D Beyond.
Get out of here.
Get the hell out of here. 14.
It's a weird space you're in. You think you have a, I have an understanding based on where you can see this singular moon.
Um, or like...
Is it a rebel moon?
It is, yeah.
You think you get an idea, and then, like, as the path opens and, like, it feels like the space is shifting, and, like, it completely shifts where you expect...
Changes orientation kind of at the same time.
Exactly.
Yeah, so, like, the landscape around you is changing so much that it's hard to determine, like, if you're just walking in a giant circle or if you're...
A loop-de-loop.
Yeah.
Gotcha. Okay.
So, yeah, the surroundings around you are playing games with you as well.
Okay. As we continue walking around, though, does it sound like the music is, like, gently getting louder or quieter?
Uh, yeah, it sounds like it is getting more, uh, when it does play, it's getting louder.
So, in theory, we're getting closer to it.
That's what you could...
That's what you would think.
I mean, as far as I know.
Yep.
Alydin!
Dinner!
Oh, I'm...
Nope.
Where is that girl?
The male figures.
I'll go take a look outside and see if I can find her.
And you hear footsteps.
Get up from the table, chair scoots out, and then you hear them go down the hallway.
It sounds like the hallway that you hadn't gone down or hadn't come out of.
And you hear a front door, like a creaky front door, and then that person has left the building.
I think Alydin just wants to wait it out.
I think she's honestly curious if she is going to be entering the kitchen, like, another her.
Are they waiting for her, her?
Or is this...
Is she, you know, seeing, like, I don't know, like a play of her life or what her life could be?
It's a long day's journey into night, but Alydin style.
Just curious to see if the man comes back with an Alydin.
And or a banjo.
Or a banjo.
Oh no, my dad was a banjo man the whole time.
Totally tracks, though.
Yeah, you wait a moment, and the woman gets up, and she comes over to the sink,
and you hear sloshing around a bit of water, and she's washing a dish,
and she puts it on a drying rack, and she goes and opens a cupboard,
and pulls out a couple things.
It's going to get cold.
And then the door opens at the front, and you hear just a singular set of footsteps come in,
and she's like, I can't find her. I can't find her anywhere.
Oh god, part of Alydin is like, I'm going to stay here until they leave,
and then I'm fucking leaving.
And the other part is, are they going to leave?
And who are these people?
And who are these people?
You can use your Madame Magenta decision maker.
Oh my god!
There it is!
Where is it?
It was here.
It was here.
It was here.
Right over there.
Oh my god.
Perfect timing.
How do you decide?
I can't decide.
Truly, you need an otherworldly source to make it happen.
Yes.
Okay.
Now make sure to do your vibe check.
Here's your instructions for you.
Thank you.
I will read these for the listeners.
So we got Madame Magenta's patented decision maker.
Toss a coin.
Choose your path.
Yes.
Maybe.
And then the instructions.
Madame Magenta accepts no responsibility for silly choices made by the user.
Understandable.
All right.
I'm going to ask Quinn a question.
Yes is the side with the cat and no is the side with the winky orb.
Oh, I really thought it would be the other way around.
Well, that's why Madame Magenta is so powerful.
Fair.
At least subverting expectations.
Toss it, check the outcome, and then do a vibe check.
All right.
All right.
Here we go.
I said cat was yes, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
That's a cat.
Yes.
I'm going to leave.
Okay.
I'm going to leave the cupboard.
You're going to leave the cupboard?
I'm going to leave the cupboard.
I'm leaving it up to fate.
Okay.
Because both decisions felt wrong.
So after like thinking it over and feeling like I can't stay here forever, like I could
be waited out, I'm going to get hungry.
This is like doing something as opposed to doing nothing is better.
So Alydin decides to like play along and come out of the cupboard, and she goes, surprise.
And just for the record, I'm going to get hungry would be like my number one motivation
to just leave the cupboard.
It's going to happen.
I mean, it's going to happen.
Like I'm fairly well-fed now.
And I'm like in a cupboard in the kitchen where I can probably smell delicious things.
I could probably smell that pot roast.
It's pot roast, isn't it?
It's definitely a pot roast.
I knew it.
So.
It's always a pot roast.
She can't help herself.
So yeah, she hops out from underneath the kitchen sink and yells, surprise.
Both the adults are startled as you do that.
And you, this is the first time you've had, she has to actually look at them.
The woman is, she's, she's quite thin, 5'10", 5'11", wearing a, like a yellow,
like bright yellow dress with an apron on over top.
She's got long curly red hair.
Both of their faces, I'll describe the man first.
He's dressed in more business attire.
Like he's got like gray slacks on, black belt.
Like he just came from work.
Like he just came from actually the, like the crotty.
Business suit, black belt from karate.
Yeah, that's right.
Yes.
And then just a, like a pretty plain button up shirt.
He's got a little, he's a little, like losing a little hair, he's combed over.
Oh, he's, he's Alydin's dad.
Yeah, I can definitely see him not keeping all his hair.
Both of their faces appear obscured to you.
Like you can't quite make out certain, you can't make out really any facial features.
Like you can, you get a sense from their body language and from what you can see.
Like they're shocked and surprised when you come out.
And then there's like a warmth, a bit of a smile that comes over them.
It's the woman, she comes over to you and she says,
how long have you been under there?
I've been calling you for what seems like forever.
I just, I was just, I was doing a joke.
Oh, you and your jokes.
Go wash your hands and get over here, it's dinnertime.
I turn around to the kitchen sink and I grab the bar of soap and dunk my hands in the basin of water and wash them up,
dry them off and I come and sit down at the table.
Everybody sits down around the table and says, so what have you been up to today, dear?
Oh, you know, just looking outside and picking flowers and...
Oh, where did you put them?
That would be nice to put them on the table.
I found a bunny and I fed them to it.
No, that's good to keep the animals all fed up here.
And she scoops you some potatoes and puts them down, some of the roast.
Everything smells delicious.
This is the light in the room has brightened up now that you're in this space.
How is Alydin feeling in this space?
Trepidatious.
Like, it's a too good to be true moment because she still feels like, I never had this.
So this isn't real.
This isn't a memory that I'm looking back on.
Yeah.
And so she's wary.
Like, can I investigate the food?
Like, am I going to know, is it poison?
Like, she's not going to take a bite before they do.
Sure.
But yeah.
Give the sniff test.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can investigate.
So suspicious and so sad that it's so suspicious.
But of course she is.
Seventeen.
OK, yeah, you're getting dished up first.
And she's dishing up your father in this situation.
Not like out of the pot, but like serving him.
Yes.
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you, Tom.
Well, me dishing up your father sounded a little...
I see the devil on Tom.
Yep.
Yeah, serving up the food to each of the different plates.
And then they all sit down.
And your dad starts digging in, like is eating quite quickly.
Putting food into his, what you can presume,
is his mouth, because he still can't quite make out.
It's like cloudy.
When you're in a dream and you know people are people
and you know what they look like,
but like they don't have faces,
that's how I dream anyway.
So yes, this makes sense to me.
I take my fork.
I don't know if I'm looking for pills or something.
There's just razor blades.
There's just razor blades, maybe some, I don't know.
Sure, it's a glass.
Yeah, just a little warfarin that you get.
So I'm like, I'm kind of like picking around it.
It's blood thinners.
Rapp poison.
Yeah, OK.
Just kind of picking around it
and watching the man furiously eat the food.
Yeah, no, he's putting it back.
And the other woman, she's eating it.
And she says, oh, you should eat up, dear.
You're looking so thin.
You need to put a little more meat on your bones.
I'm not, oh, OK.
She's hungry.
She's always been hungry.
I'm not OK.
That's exactly right.
I'm not OK.
She takes a small bit of the mashed potatoes on her fork
and eats it.
You die immediately.
Yeah.
Let's go to Bonwyn.
10 saving throws.
Roll 46.
With two already failed.
You put some in your mouth and they're
the tastiest potatoes you've ever had.
Well, that's just cracking the dam.
It's blown open.
I start eating.
Yeah, it's like the three of you
are now just in this state of piling this food
into your mouth.
And it gets to a point.
And everybody just kind of calms down and stops.
And the woman starts cleaning up a little bit and says,
oh, it's so good to have you here.
Oh, so, so good to have you here.
We're going to have so much fun tomorrow.
I can't wait to show you.
She starts taking the dishes and scraping them off
and washing them.
What are we doing tomorrow?
Oh, we've got big plans tomorrow, big plans tomorrow.
It's really great to have us all together again.
What are the big plans?
Oh, we'll tell you tomorrow.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
Why don't you take her up to her bedroom, dear?
The man steps up from the table and says, come on,
and I'll show you your room again.
OK.
I follow him.
He leads you down the hallway exiting out of the kitchen.
This is so weird that they're acknowledging
that we haven't been together,
and now we're together again.
And you've never been to your room before,
but maybe you have.
But last, let me show you again, like, ugh.
So he leads you down the hallway, the one
that you saw, where you presume he had gone.
So there's a small living area.
It looks a little dusty, and then you
can see some cobwebs up in the corners there.
And there is that front entry door
that you heard him leave earlier.
And you look out into the front yard,
and there's a white picket fence out in the front.
There's an apple tree.
There's a small porch area.
You can't see much beyond the fence,
but you can presume that there's like a field out there.
And then there's a set of stairs that goes up the floor.
And you're heading up, and there are creaky stairs,
and you're following behind him.
And then there's a couple of rooms up top.
There's what looks like the master suites, which
is where your parents stay.
You kind of take a quick look in there.
You see a bed, and a dresser, and a couple
pictures on the wall.
Am I in any of the pictures?
Make an investigation check.
And are they in any of the pictures,
and can she see their faces?
It's all just the placeholder thing.
Good question, Tom.
Never removed anything out of the frames
after they bought them.
The ones that came from Sears.
Yeah, exactly.
23.
Yeah, you get it.
I'm young.
I've got good eyesight.
There you go.
And you just had a bunch of carrots, so even more so.
Yeah, you get a good look at these pictures.
And you see three figures in the majority of the pictures,
the man and the woman, and yourself
at various different ages.
You can make out your face quite well.
The man and the woman still give that clouded face
appearance in each of the pictures.
Really thought I had them there.
OK.
I continue to follow him.
And they lead you down the hall, and he opens a door,
a little creek to the door.
And you enter into this room.
And it's a small room.
There's a nice bed and a little desk, a dresser
that is partially open.
There's some clothes hanging out
of one of the drawers.
Yeah, I'm sloppy.
Is a nice, floral, no fingernails,
wallpaper on the wall.
I knew I was going to ask.
You knew it.
A window, the moonlight's coming through,
and wooden floors all throughout.
The bedding is this nice, soft pink
with a really cushy-looking pillow on the bed.
There are a couple of toys.
What toys do you see?
Just some, like, there are some dolls.
There's a small dollhouse and a few trains.
Well, a train set and some blocks.
Here's your room.
Make yourself comfortable.
Well, where, where, where, where, where have I been?
Well, you've been right here.
But you guys said it was nice to have me back.
Oh, did we say that?
Oh, well, it's always nice to have you back.
I mean, you go out during the day,
and it's always nice to have you back.
Hmm.
Um, how was work?
Oh, work was great.
They're keeping me pretty busy today.
I'm sorry I wasn't home sooner.
Probably would have caught on to your little game earlier
and wouldn't have had to go out.
Worry, everybody.
I was in there for a while.
Where, where do you work?
I work down at the mill.
What do you do?
Oh, I'm a, I'm the manager down there.
Of course, you know this.
Oh, right.
What does mom do?
Oh, mom keeps the house for us.
What's with all the questions?
I had a weird dream last night,
and now I'm just making sure.
Do I go to school?
Of course you go to school.
Where's my school?
Oh, it's just down the lane.
He moves over to the window.
He says, it's hard to see right now because it's dark,
but is everything okay?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, no, everything's fine.
Okay.
All right, well, he moves over to try and feel your forehead.
I stiffen, but I let him.
His hand goes on his forehead.
Oh, you look like you're feeling okay.
All right, well, perhaps it's just been a long day
and you just need to have a little rest.
Feel free to lie down.
We were going to...
Where's Muffins?
Where's Muffins?
Our cat.
Oh, I haven't seen our cat in a little while.
Well, where is she?
Oh, maybe she got out.
She usually comes back though.
Okay, can we look for her tomorrow?
Of course, of course.
If she's not back tomorrow,
we'll put out some milk and encourage her back.
But if not, we'll go out and look for her tomorrow.
What are we doing tomorrow?
Mom wouldn't tell me.
She said it was a surprise.
Oh, well.
But I know you'll tell me.
Yes, of course, of course.
I'll tell you, she's got a big thing planned.
I don't want to spoil it too much,
but there's a big parade going on.
Act surprised.
For me?
Not for you, but there is a parade going on
and she wants to take you to it
because she knows you really love to see
all the carts all done up,
all the costumes out, the music playing.
Will Cedric be there?
Oh, Cedric comes there all the time.
Okay, I won't tell her you told me.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
All right, you have a great sleep, okay?
Okay.
Starts leaving the room.
I start to wander around the room
and look in my drawers.
Yeah, he pulls the door closed behind him.
You hear a little of the latch,
not a lock, but the latch.
You hear several deadbolts.
Oh, God.
Yeah, no, the door closes,
you hear footsteps go back downstairs
as you explore the space.
Ho bag of doughnuts.
Welcome to the middle, everybody.
So glad to have you here.
We're just in here like a whole bag of doughnuts.
Whole bag of doughnuts.
That's right.
Doughbag.
We hope you're having a wonderful day.
It's even more wonderful because you're here now
and we love having you here.
Absolutely.
This will be the last episode
with our guest DM, pneumonia Russ,
who is here with us today.
Aw.
Who I've had multiple comments being like,
yeah, the guest DM really knows the story.
Who the hell is that?
Are you serious?
Yeah, somebody did it in the Discord just today
or yesterday.
Aw, buddy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, no, that was guest DM pneumonia Russ.
And then it was like right out of the middle
with healthy Russ into pneumonia Russ,
like without a beat.
And it was two very different people.
It scared me.
It was a very different sound.
It was like I was cheating on him.
I was like, I gotta hear what Russ is sounding like.
And then it started and I was like, oh no.
Oh no.
We pushed through.
We should have known.
We should have known we were all gonna get sick.
There were signs.
We were already thinking.
You've just been around me for two days before that.
So like bumping up a podcast to 1.5,
you gotta do it incrementally.
Yeah.
Well, I wonder if the breakfast we went to
was like the spreader event.
Oh, cause that was all the people.
Yeah.
All the people who got horribly sick.
Yeah, we're at that first breakfast.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it was.
It was, yeah.
We shouldn't have all shared that one milkshake
with one straw, but we did.
It was a terrible night.
That would have been a good picture to get.
That would be a really cute picture.
How would we all get on that straw at the same time?
You know what?
That's a problem we can solve in person.
That's for next time.
Just figure it out, okay?
That's right.
Anyway, middle guest, EM, pneumonia, Russ, you're here.
I hope everyone is enjoying us being together
cause we sure enjoyed it.
Enjoyed the hell out of that.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was the best.
I can't wait till we do it again.
Yes.
We haven't set a date yet, but it's time is a construct.
We've learned some things.
It's gonna be warmer.
We're gonna be less sick.
It's gonna be amazing.
Cause it was already amazing
and it's gonna be like next level amazing.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
It's gonna be fantastic.
Know who else is next level amazing?
Tell me Carla.
Cause when, well, when you are a patron of our show
at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
one of the things you get,
one of the many things you get,
including some fun new things,
is an episode dedicated to you.
And I just know in my heart
that this is gonna be someone extra special.
Yeah, it is.
It's Jeff B.
Thanks Jeff.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
I'm assuming Bezos, if so,
kick it up a few notches on the Patreon.
Yeah, Bezos, let's get it.
Let's jack up the Patreon to the point of no one else
would I ever say that to.
There's like six dudes in the world
and they're all dudes and I would say that too.
And he's one, you can afford it.
But if you're not Jeff Bezos,
and I hope you're not.
But if you are,
let us know what secret tier you want us to create.
But we love you.
Jeff B.
And we will create it.
We have always talked about a deranged millionaire tier.
We are also happy to create a deranged billionaire tier.
We thought it was assumed, but you let us know.
But probably this is just a wonderful Jeff.
It's guaranteed just to be a wonderful Jeff B.
This is just a wonderful Jeff B.
Thanks Jeff.
B stands for best.
We got a lot of content
that Amazon Studios could make into something.
Right.
So hit us up.
And Chris Pratt's in all of it.
Yeah.
He's playing me.
We can have him just going to walk.
He's playing Sully from season two.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's it.
Okay, well now as the dog starts barking,
it's time to wrap up the middle.
So thank you for being here with us.
Enjoy the rest of the episode.
Back to regular Voiced Russ next week.
Woo.
Next week.
Love you, bye.
Love you, bye.
Love you, bye.
What is the oldest I appear in the pictures?
There's a range from like probably two, three
up to like 10 or 12.
So no real like recent pictures
because you're 14.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nothing that appears to be really recent.
But yeah, there is like a scattering.
And the room.
Okay.
I hate it when you make me ponder.
How big are the clothes?
Yeah.
Like when I'm looking at the drawers,
are they like children's clothes?
Are they clothes you would even wear?
Yeah.
Are they anything like your style?
I don't know if homeless child has style.
But what does child in the photos have?
Russ?
Details.
Yes.
You take a look at all of the clothes and like.
Would they fit me?
They would all fit you.
Yep.
I would start filling my bucket with underwear.
Cause let's face it.
Yeah.
Didn't we give you a lifetime supply of underwear?
Yes.
From the pirates?
Do I have them now?
Probably not now.
Yeah, specifically.
All of the clothes would fit you.
They, they're all nice.
They're all like different floral patterns,
different like solid colors.
There's dresses, there's t-shirts, there's pants, there's.
Kind of like.
Yeah.
Middle class.
Yeah.
Child clothes.
Yeah.
All right.
I sit on the bed and I sink.
Deep thoughts.
Bon, when you're running out into a field,
Thorne's in that sort of thing,
pulling at your pant legs.
You'd close the door and like,
you hear it straining that door behind you.
This field looks like it goes on forever.
And you hear like the wood break.
And this creature that was your father
is like barreling down towards you.
Okay.
Before he gets too close to me then,
maybe I'm going to try to shoot him.
Shortbow.
Okay.
Hate this guy.
That's a 12.
12 will not hit.
So like you're running, you turn,
and you make a quick fire and you miss.
You see him, he's like digging in
and running on all fours.
And like there's his long teeth in this creature.
It looks kind of almost wolf-like
in the way that he's running.
But doesn't look like any animal you've ever seen
or heard of or come across before.
Okay, as a bonus action,
can I take my cunning action and dash?
Yes.
Is there, is it just field?
Like there's no forest.
It's just like endless fields.
I'm in the middle of Saskatchewan.
Here I go.
Just running.
Canada spread basket.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so as you first start running,
that's what it looks like.
You turn and you fire wide.
You see this creature with like these red eyes,
drool coming down its mouth.
And then you turn back and it does look like
some forest has come into view off in the distance there.
Oh, well, veer that way.
Any kind of cover, I think.
You dash towards him, towards it.
And like the two of you are running in pace.
He's gaining on you a little bit with each step.
But you make it to the forest
and you get in, you're weaving through the trees.
Make a dexterity saving throw as you do so.
12, I hate this dice, this one's fire.
12 again.
It only rolls sixes.
Who's a D6, me fuck, exactly.
You're weaving through the trees
and like your foot catches on something
which causes you to go down
and you find yourself like underneath a fallen log.
You hear the sound of this creature
like barreling through the trees behind you.
And it like, because you've fallen under this log,
it goes over top of you and carries forward a little ways.
Getting fainter and fainter and then you hear it stop
and it's like trying to survey where,
figure out where you've gone.
Okay, well in the meantime.
Oh, why don't we have any magic?
Why is there any magic in this world, guys?
It's the worst.
I guess I'm gonna pull my short sword out
and just like ready an action if he comes back
or jumps over that I can like try and get him.
Sure. Try and gut him.
Maintain position though.
Maintain position,
cause I am a bit hidden it seems like.
Yep.
Yeah. Okay.
You hear it stop and now you hear it like circling,
trying to figure out where you are.
Okay.
Well, I mean, I'm not gonna run out there
cause that would be crazy.
Oh, well, maybe I could just take like,
I have some stuff on my apron that I'm always wearing.
Maybe I just like take something heavy and chuck it
as far as I can away from me.
So it maybe causes the creature to think I'm over there.
Yeah. What do you grab and which way do you throw?
Just like a small pair of like tongs or something.
Yeah, or like a little finishing hammer.
Yeah, exactly.
Everyone doesn't have tiny hammers.
Well, come on.
Everyone should.
Everyone does.
I would totally have a tiny hammer
and I'll throw it back towards the way we came,
like back to the field
cause I don't wanna go back that way.
Yep. Okay.
Yeah. You, you huck it through the trees
and it clangs off of some branches
and makes a bunch of racket.
And then you hear this creature like pick up pace again
and like crunch the,
crunch the trees and everything around it
as it moves back that way.
Again, getting,
it gets louder and then it gets quieter.
Great.
And then I'm gonna run again.
Okay.
You're running further into the, into the forest.
Yep.
You're not chasing the monster now.
No, I'm not. I'm not chasing you now.
I've not decided, yeah.
You're the prey now, monster dad.
No.
In the name of the monster dad.
Okay. Yeah.
You are running through the trees.
You wanna make a survival roll?
Sure, I do.
10.
You're jumping over branches
and pushing away the thicket as you're walking through.
And then as you get deeper into the wood,
the pathway begins to form in front of you.
The thicket becomes a little clearer
and like there's a,
there is a path that you can now follow.
The sound of the monster is getting farther away.
You can still kind of hear it faintly in the distance.
This is still present in your current state.
But yeah, the trees are beginning to widen
and it's like this path is forming in front of you.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, I'm gonna stick to the path then,
but run in a zigzag pattern.
Serpentine.
But yeah, I'm just gonna keep booking it
cause that seems like the most immediate danger
is giant scary creature.
One of us, one of us, one of us.
Okay.
In your zigzag pattern, you are running down this path.
And as you're going down this path,
you begin to hear off in the distance,
the sound of the banjo.
Bizard and Cav,
you have been continuing down this path
and it's still getting louder.
And as you're going,
like you look ahead and the path begins to curve,
which it hadn't really done before.
It was much of continuing,
but it seemed like it was going down this straight way.
And as you look ahead,
you see it kind of veer off
and you hear fast footsteps coming from up ahead.
I get my sword out.
Yeah, I'm gonna pull out my hammer again.
Yeah.
If I even put it away.
Probably didn't.
Probably didn't.
Probably didn't.
Danger, 100% always.
Yeah.
Do you stop to wait or do you continue forward?
I mean, maybe try to like take a little cover
so that whatever's coming through
maybe doesn't see us first and we see it, but.
Yeah.
I think that's a good plan.
Both sides of the trail.
Yeah.
You go high, I'll go low.
Yeah.
That's right.
You go off to each side of the path.
You hear these footsteps
and they are like fast paced running down
and you don't really quite have eyes on it.
You're trying to stay pretty well hidden.
And then this person is running
and they get to a point
where anybody doing an ambush
might jump out at this point.
I mean, yeah, I'm going low with the hammer.
Okay.
You jump out and you swing your hammer
or move to swing your hammer.
And in the same instant that you're swinging it
you look and you see Bonwyn
panicked faced, running down this path.
Roll for not killing your friend.
Yeah.
And I'll roll for dex.
Yeah.
Love it.
Yeah, I mean, I would try to trip the person up
not knowing it was Bonwyn.
And then I guess seeing that it is Bonwyn
I'll like try to move the path my hammer's on,
but like.
Roll.
I don't know if I can do it.
Roll with Disadvant.
Yeah, I, no, yeah, roll.
Yeah, roll to attack.
Okay.
And roll.
Because maybe you'll miss anyway.
Yeah.
But then yeah, give a,
probably a dexterity saving throw.
That's double the other one.
It's better.
Dex saving throw.
With disadvantage, you said.
Yeah.
It's better.
Yeah, cause like, yeah, you're swinging with intent
but then you're like trying to pull yourself back.
It's a 12.
25.
Okay.
Oh wow.
So yeah.
What's up?
You see it's Bonwyn.
Just hops over like, no problem.
And Bonwyn leaps over top of your hammer
as it skids across the ground.
And Bazaar, do you see Cav do this?
And then Bonwyn leap over top.
So now the three of you are all
in the middle of this path.
I'm just standing there with my quarters.
Well, I guess my sword,
I always think wizard and quarter step.
Standing there with my sword,
I'm like, oh, I'm glad I didn't go in for an attack now.
I'm sorry, Bonwyn.
And I'm like, how was your trip, guys?
I don't necessarily think that's important
but thank you for caring.
What, other than missing children, what's going on?
Cause I haven't seen them, right?
They came back.
No, they came back.
They were still in Kingstown when you guys disappeared.
I was, okay, so Banjo, Banjo Man Stealing Kit.
Okay, you know about that.
Okay.
Yeah, we heard about that.
So, Alydin and I came here.
Tally was gone.
And then I was in my childhood bedroom
and it was nice.
It was nice, guys.
And I saw my parents and then I was with my dad.
And then he turned into-
Sounds awful.
A monster.
Oh, that sounds even more awful.
Yeah, that's awful.
Monster and I ran and then he was a monster
and like a weird, scary.
And I just ran and now-
And now I'm trying to shake your legs out.
And now my best friend just attacked me.
No.
And now it's like, and now you're here.
What are you doing here?
Well, we came to find you.
Came to find you.
And Alydin.
And Alydin.
I sent Alydin a message on our way back
and never heard a response.
So that's telling.
And like he used like magic to do it.
Not just like a carrier pigeon or anything.
Yeah.
Is, when was the last time you saw Alydin?
I haven't seen her since we were in the clearing
and there was a tree and-
Wait, clearing in a tree?
That sounds real familiar.
That does sound real familiar.
Did you see a giant toy monster?
No.
All right, well, that's some new info then.
Okay.
Also the moon's like purple.
Oh, I hadn't even noticed.
Where are we?
Yeah.
This is magic.
Yeah, I have to assume it was daytime, now it's night.
I was in a field and there was nothing
and then there's everbanes in a field
and none of it really makes sense.
And I haven't seen Alydin.
I don't know where she is.
Or any of the other kids.
Okay.
So-
Bon, when you've lived here your entire life,
did things like this happen normally?
Yeah.
It seems like in the last decade
or even in the last couple of years,
these kind of things are just popping up left and right.
Never.
It was totally normal growing up here
and then things got like bad
because of the corruption and the schools closing,
but nothing.
Magic.
Nothing.
Nothing weird.
Nothing unexplainable.
No portals or-
Right.
Monsters or no, just normal, nice, quiet, normal.
Okay.
Well, do you hear the banjo?
I do hear that.
Okay, good.
We're all on the same page with that.
Okay.
And there's like, so I'm running and then I'm in the woods
and then there's a path.
Yes.
That like reveals itself as you go on it?
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
And then now this, like that we're on,
it's like, so people live here?
It's-
I don't know about that.
I think people maybe get suspended here.
I don't know if there's living here.
Okay, so how do we find the kids?
It's a great question.
I mean, if the banjo man cometh and take at the kids,
then perhaps we follow.
Wait, bizarre.
Try your magic message.
Oh, you're right.
Now that we're like here.
I was just thinking that and I was like,
I can't see.
This magic message.
Yep.
I'm going to cast another sending spell
and send out a message and say,
Alydin, I hope you're alive.
And if you are, where are you?
We're well.
Cool, but.
I hope this email finds you well.
Right.
I'm not on a different,
I don't know if I'm on a different plane or not yet.
I assume.
You assume.
Yeah, so the only time it could fail
is if you're dead or on a different plane.
So I send out that message saying,
Alydin, are you here?
And if you are, can you hear the banjo?
And if not, where are you?
Can you hear the banjo?
We leave the three of you
and we're back in Alydin's room
and you're sitting on the bed doing your thinking.
Like Winnie the Pooh on a log.
Absolutely.
Yeah, think, think, think.
As you're thinking and you're holding
some of these things that are yours,
but not yours.
You hear a faint,
I haven't really determined how it's heard,
but you hear a faint voice
and it is Bazaar's voice.
Alydin, are you here?
And if you are, can you hear the banjo?
And if not, where are you?
Would I know how to respond?
Would I think I'm going crazy?
You can respond to this message.
No, but would I know how?
Oh, gotcha.
Would I like?
I think you just have to speak back, right?
Is this something we've discussed?
Do I think I'm hearing things?
Am I going crazy?
I don't think I've brought up this spell to you.
But you do know it is me.
Yeah, I can.
And you hear it in your head.
So I just say, just think your response.
Bazaar, is that you?
Where are you?
I'm in my house.
I don't know.
I don't know.
No, there's no banjo.
I don't know where I am.
I'm probably thinking, well, I don't know how many.
There's a character limit here.
So it's panicked and I say, no banjo.
I'm in my house.
No banjo.
These are very useful pieces of information for me.
You're really unlocking the puzzle.
Bazaar, do you wait a moment
as you're waiting for a response
and then you hear Alydin's voice come back
as it just did.
And then you, out of the corner of your eye,
the path that had curved is now straightened back out again
and the sound of the banjo is much louder.
Well, Alydin can't hear the banjo.
They said they're in their house.
Oh, I was pretty sure she didn't have one.
Definitely doesn't have a house.
Yeah, sounded very panicked.
Filled up a lot of the words in response with,
Yeah, no, that sounds right.
Yeah.
But she's alive.
She's here.
Yeah, and she's here.
She's here somewhere.
Silver linings.
Okay, can't hear the banjo,
so we need to go that way.
Away from the banjo?
I don't know.
This path was curving to the right
from the direction you came.
That's right, Russ.
Yeah, from the direction you came
and you were running from.
Bad stuff.
Bad stuff, so.
We have to go back to the bad stuff.
It's entirely possible,
but I don't know how this place works.
The path wanted us to find you.
Oh.
That's what I'm gleaning from this situation
because why else would it,
it hadn't curved. Oh, it curved
and then I was there.
Yeah, then you show up.
Okay, I mean, do we,
I guess we trust the path
are words I never thought I would be saying?
It is an intentional path.
There's been markers along the way with runes.
I cleared some out.
There's actually stone under the overgrowth,
so this,
as unnatural as it seems
with it just kind of like everything parting,
it's the direction that seems the most reasonable.
There's some reason to the rhyme.
Okay, I mean, I certainly don't know any better,
so we kind of just have to pick a direction
and go at this point, right?
Yeah.
Well, let's trust the path.
Start heading down the path again.
You continue.
Can we roll a vibe check?
Yeah, you continue down the path,
the sound of the banjo getting louder again,
as you progress forward.
Back in the room with Alydin,
you hear footsteps downstairs
as the, as the,
your parents are cleaning up after the day.
You're sitting there with the moonlight coming in
across your bed.
What do you, what do we leave you
as you have just received this message from Bazaar?
Do you don't hear anything come back?
Well, I sit and I wait a minute
because I'm wondering if this is like discourse,
like is it a back and forth?
Apparently not.
And then I like out,
like I'm excited.
I'm like, I am not alone and I'm not crazy.
And like something is wrong
because I feel like the longer I sat there
and thought about it,
and like was holding my toys
and like looking at my room
and being like,
like, would it be so bad?
Like, but then hearing Bazaar's voice
like snap me back to it.
And so I jump up off my bed
and I look out my window
to see if I can see any sort of
like, like it's not a mountain.
It's not a hill.
Are there a lot of trees?
Is there a path?
Is there, are there other houses around
that if I do get a message from Bazaar,
I will have something more than ums and ahs.
Yeah, some sort of landmark to like, yeah.
Now I'm in like problem solving mode,
not necessarily scared kid mode.
Yeah, not shit's weird,
but like, how do I get out of here?
Yeah, like I, and I can be useful.
Like, I'm not gonna passively sit and wait
and let somebody solve my problem for me
and rescue me.
No, like, I'm not gonna fall into it.
It's a trap.
It's a trap.
You look out, you look out the window
and like you look to the direction
where the man had told you
like where in the direction the school was
and you're looking, trying to focus on anything
and you can't really see anything there.
Like all you see is wide open field
all around the house.
Like driveway?
No.
You see the white.
You see the white picket fence
around the perimeter of the house.
And then it's just field.
But it's just field.
Rolling troop of bards.
As far as the eye can see.
Anyone slow dancing?
Like there's no street.
There's no like the way he had described it
as like, oh, you just go down the school over there.
It was down the street.
Where the hell is this parade gonna be
if there's no street?
It's a good question.
So I think there was that initial like,
like problem solving.
Like yes, I'm like, I'm gonna be useful.
I'm gonna give some information.
I'm gonna figure out what I can tell them.
And then kind of a bit of a crushing feeling
to look out and see nothing.
Just field.
Like, well, shit.
Dumbgeons and Dragons, season four, episode 16.
Starring Amy More as Alydin.
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane.
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave.
Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard.
And Russ More as your dungeon master.
Dialogue editing and sound design
of today's episode is by Russ More.
Music is from Epidemic Sound.
And sound effects are from Epidemic Sound
and Boom Library.
Our amazing cover art is by Matt Garbutt.
And we'd like to say a huge thank you
to our supporting producers,
including Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak,
Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
Ongorong Kiersen, Perry Matey,
Old School Gamer D, Craig Zeiss, and L.A. Branton.
We'd love if you joined us today
at patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast
for the amazing community,
all the bonus content and so much more.
Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast
will see you over there.
But until then, have a great week
and we'll talk to you soon.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.