Click any line to jump to that moment in the audio.
Just hold on right there. Don't move. Don't move a muscle unless you're driving. Continue to drive.
Dumbgeons and Dragons will be starting right after this.
Kav, you and Bench are leaned up against each other, standing inside of Oak's childhood bedroom.
On the right, you have a bed that seems slightly too small for the size of person that Oak is,
tucked in with a very neat plaid duvet. And to the left, there is what some could only describe
as a shrine, with a very lovely portrait of a lovely young woman who you've never met.
This woman has a short black bob cut. She's dressed in very professional attire,
button-down suit top, button-down blazer. Thank you.
She's wearing a power pantsuit.
She's wearing a power pantsuit. There are stacks of pristine files all around this shrine.
There are glowing crystal orbs around the perimeter of the frame.
It's very tasteful. It's very tasteful. It's not weird in any sense of the term.
And also, I'm picturing that character from The Incredibles.
Me too.
Yes, Edna.
Okay.
Enid.
Very much.
Edna?
Edna.
I was also thinking that.
Does it look like a vanity mirror that's surrounded in light bulbs?
Yes.
Okay.
But instead of being a mirror, it's a picture.
It's a picture of that lady from The Incredibles.
Of that lady from The Incredibles. That's what you see. There's a dresser, often to the
right. I'm not going to tell you how you live your life, but all the drawers are closed.
Everything in this room is in pristine order. There's not a piece of dirty laundry outside
of the basket. And Bench, who's leaning up against you, says,
uh, has a problem with, what is this? What am I looking at?
I have no idea, but I guess I owe you 10 bucks because, yeah,
he still does live with his parents.
Well.
Did you get to meet his parents when you got to the house for them to let you into his bedroom?
A moment goes by and there's a little knock at the door and a very small older woman with
very curly gray hair and a purple shawl and a tray that has two very tiny teacups
and a teapot that's very floral in nature comes walking into the room and says,
well, as I said, Oak isn't here, but I brought you some tea and some biscuits.
Uh, you are the nice boys who Oak went out with you just last night, right?
Yep. That's us. We had a great time with your son. Very, very fun, fun guy.
Yeah. Oak is a great, great guy. I'm just going to thank you for the tea.
Which one of you is, uh, uh, what does Oak, a best friend, Cav?
Oh, uh, yeah, that's, that's me. I'm, I'm Cav.
I've heard so much about you. Uh, you do have some improvements to make.
So Oak says, uh, but you're getting there.
That's, um, really nice to hear.
Well, uh, enjoy the tea. Uh, I don't know when Oak's going to be home,
um, but thank you for bringing his bag back. If, if he comes while you're here,
I'll just send him right up. Uh, you, um, mill about.
He holds up his teacup and does a little, uh, little cheersies with Bench and just
downs the hatch and then doesn't realize it's as hot as it is and like starts to like cough.
Oh dear. Oh dear. I'll get some water. Don't move. Help, help your friend.
And the woman rushes out of the room.
Bench is just going shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot.
Everybody. Ain't no party like a Cavalron party.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast.
I'm your dungeon master Russ More, he, him and Dumbgeons and Dragons stars Amy More
as Alydin. She, her.
I'm imagining them like baguettes because why wouldn't I?
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave, he, him.
No, we are friends. I just didn't think it was relevant.
And Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane. She, her.
I'd like everyone to just maybe give the one word to describe how they're feeling.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D production and supported by our patrons
at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast. Join us today.
Seven day free trial. And now fuck it. Let's play.
We're at Everbane's and the room is not as full as one would expect on a business
association meeting night. As Bonwyn, you look around and you see that there are a few
regulars. There's Nissa, the farrier. Thane, of course, is there.
June from Boston's mill has made their way down.
Neven, who helped you set up. And Chuckle Sock Snickersoul,
the cobbler in town has made it out for tonight's event.
You had put out several more chairs expecting more of the local artisans
and business owners to come by and discuss if not the concerns that they have
at the very least to all criticize the meeting that the mayor called earlier in the day.
Neven comes up to you and says, well, I don't know if anybody else is coming.
We've given them given them quite some time. This might be it for tonight.
This might be it. I would have thought after that amazing speech this morning that
more people would come for, you know, the yelling at each other that we normally devolve
into. What worries me about the low turnout is not just that the crustless sandwiches
are going to go bad unless Thane eats them all, which hopefully they will.
But also, what worries me is are people just so used to it that they can't even be mad
anymore? They're not even angry. It's just apathy now.
Yeah, I would think nothing's going to change. Well, maybe that's maybe that's the point we
start with is how's everybody feeling? Just like everybody loves a good icebreaker.
Maybe see like in one word, what what are you feeling?
That's how you think I should start the meeting.
That's how I think you should start the meeting.
OK, even I mean, you've never you always give great advice. You're very successful
at business, though. OK, yes, yes, I am. Let's do it.
Everyone, if you could just. Yeah, I think we're going to start.
It's sort of a low turnout in light of the mayor's speech this morning.
Taxes going up again, just the general sort of state of, you know, the business community.
I guess what we're going to do is just take a moment to think and reflect
and then we're going to go around in a circle and I'd like everyone
to just maybe give the one word to describe how they're feeling.
And we are, of course, this was Neven's idea. So we are going to start with Neven.
Oh, yes. I'm feeling in one word.
One word, right. That was what you would like to start with.
One word. I'm feeling
frustrated. Great June.
Trepidatious. Oh, that's a good word.
That's a good word. Yeah. OK, Thane.
Well, I mean, I'm hungry. Great. We got a lot of sandwiches.
So yeah, I saw that there's going to be some leftovers. It's great.
It's perfect. Chuck, how are you doing?
Unsettled. OK, and Nissa, what do you think?
Oh, yeah. Yep, I'm feeling demoralized.
OK, and I guess I'll go last and I guess pissed.
Yeah. Not the fun drunk kind,
but like the WTF kind. I'm not usually in for that kind of language,
but I have to say it is called for. It's just it's either that or I just,
I don't know, give up. And I don't want to do that.
So I'm going to hold on to anger as sort of a motivating force and keep working hard,
keep serving my customers well. And what can we do to improve the situation?
Nissa here. I've been hearing rumblings that a lot of people are thinking about just
leaving and going to Kingstown. Like there's more opportunity there and less
bullshit. My cousin Farb left,
went to Kingstown. Yeah, and how are they liking it?
Haven't heard from them since. Well, that's either good or not good.
You should probably hopefully a good sign. Maybe send a letter.
No, we weren't that close. I see.
Yeah, I mean, I don't want that. Of course, I don't want that to happen
because I don't like I can't. This is third generation.
I can't leave Everbane, so I'm in. And you have all been here
working. I mean, second generation June. How you've been.
We've all been here a long time, so forever.
Yeah, it's frustrating.
I was here before the Cobbles were laid down in the streets.
So what do we do? First thought, best thought riot.
That's a good one. Talking with your mouth full.
Sorry. Well, you caught me at a good moment there.
The egg salad. Quite nice. You should all try it.
Riots. Good. I also had a similar thought of down with the government, but
that seems like it's going to need more than how many are we here?
Six people. Probably more than six people,
especially since all those soldiers have come in to deal with the pirates or whatever.
Or take our money. Yeah.
Are they dealing with the pirates?
I haven't seen a single pirate.
Yeah. I mean, that could be proof that they are dealing with them.
I don't know. I think that's what they want you to think.
I say, fuck the police.
You heard me.
Yeah, June. I mean, I'm with you, but what do we actually do?
Because there is only the six of us and like, you know,
the maybe six other people we were hoping were going to be here.
So that's 12.
Yeah, it's interesting that Bench didn't show up. He said he was going to be here.
Yeah.
Oh, I saw him and that new guy last night, drunk as a skunk.
Oh, yeah, they were painting the town.
With their vomit.
Yeah.
They didn't invite anybody else out? That's unfortunate.
There was a third one with them, the one from the city hall.
Oh, yes, that uptight little guy.
The sniffly one who's all about the making sure the i's are dotted
and the t's are crossed on the papers.
Yeah, and like submitting things on time.
Oak. You guys mean oak?
Yeah, that's the one.
Oh my goodness.
Yeah, that's the one.
Before the school shut down, well, we went to school together
and he was just like that. Like when he was 12 years old,
he was exactly like that.
Oh, so he'd be the one that's like, hey, teacher, you didn't assign us homework.
Yes, I was just going to say exactly that.
He literally did that.
You know, like a kind person.
But, oh, not really fun on a night out, I wouldn't think.
You can't trust a guy whose clothes are that pressed.
That's what I always say.
And I taught him when he was in the third grade.
Um, neither here.
Okay, everybody, you don't actually have to like
announce who you are at a time because there's just the six of us.
Well, usually there's somebody taking minutes
and then it's important afterwards.
Oh, you're right. You're right.
I apologize.
Also, Thayne, could you please start taking notes?
Yep.
Perfect, because I know I volunteered last time, but I'm just not good with it.
It was off the rails, like going back over those minutes there, chuckle socks.
Eligible.
Eligible and some really sort of graphic, funny,
but probably inappropriate doodles.
Well, there was just like a lot of double entendres that were happening last time.
And so I just, I got distracted.
As one does.
Yeah, on the notes.
Um, anyways, what I was going to say is that obviously Bench, not here right now,
but a friend of the business association has an in with,
if he's out painting the town, so to speak.
Has an in with somebody who this is,
we're talking about the same one who's come to investigate, right?
Right. Thayne, you were telling us about this, that like,
there's like a new guy who's from Kingstown and he's like investigating.
Kingstown's got the tattoos and yeah.
So that's, oh, well we should ask.
One in the same, I believe.
So rather than riot, you're suggesting perhaps we ask for an introduction to the new,
maybe gonna help from the inside guy.
Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying.
Yeah, we can turn him and have a spy.
Maybe we don't even need to turn him.
He's from Kingstown, right?
Well, I feel like I'm ambivalent about whether that's good or bad.
Well, I mean, what was your, your cousin's name was it?
Florp.
Florp?
Yep. That's, that's what I said.
Well, I mean, Florp's on yet to be confirmed,
but could be having a great time in Kingstown.
That's enough for me to say that, you know,
maybe we at least need an introduction, figure out where they stand.
And if Bench likes them, I mean, Bench is.
Bench is one of the best.
Yeah. Okay, so plan A, introduction to investigator from Kingstown.
Plan B.
Riot and Molotov cocktails.
Whoa.
You got it, June.
Yes. You, and you work at the mill,
so you've got a lot of flammables out there, so.
I sure do.
Okay. Well, let's strike that from the minutes there, Thane.
Just in case, just in case something comes back to us.
Oh, no paper trail.
Yeah, I know.
And I think this was before you started taking notes,
but maybe when June said fuck the police, maybe just get rid of that too.
Got it. Yep.
Perfect.
A lot of my stuff ends up being stricken.
You're too powerful, June. You're too powerful.
That's true.
Time to take a break and have ourselves some fun in the middle.
Hey, friends.
We just wanted to dip in and say, hey, thanks for listening.
We appreciate you being here for this new season,
and it's a great time for you to tell all your friends who you've been like,
oh gosh, you should listen to this thing that's nearly 300 episodes long.
Now's a great time because it's five.
Come in on the ground floor.
Yeah, this is easier onboarding when there's just like five episodes instead of hundreds,
and then the great thing is there is still the hundreds.
Yes, so once they fall in love.
So once they like us, there's so much of that delicious, delicious content.
So good.
But with this new and super awesome season that we got going on,
we are doing a downtime that's a little different,
and if you don't know what downtime is,
Carla's going to tell you.
Amy doesn't know what downtime is either.
No, I do know.
I was waiting to see which of us you were going to tell
the world was going to talk about the downtime.
So after we record our episodes, immediately after,
we have a little debrief that we call Dungeon's Downtime that's released to patrons,
and we are doing it a little bit different this season,
coming out the same day.
So you can listen to the episode and then immediately listen to a debrief on the episode,
and sometimes that means like just laughing
and then talking about the future for our characters and what we want to happen.
It's real deep.
I don't know.
Are they still in the box?
Really?
Okay, I guess one day maybe they'll get out of the box.
And just say that it's not spoilers talking about the future,
it's hopes for talking about getting out of the box.
Or like maybe, or what about this idea?
We brainstormed during this time,
and so it could be a little sneak peek into the future,
or we could have completely let go whatever ideas have happened.
Or we could completely forget, and they're just gone.
And then in six months, you'll be like,
what about that idea?
And we'll be like, and that's the fun thing.
We'll say, that's a great idea you came up with all by yourself.
Then I would just gaslight them and be like, I never said that.
There was a legitimate recording.
We have proof, Amy.
I don't believe you.
But also, we used to do down times,
and they were kind of like short little snippets,
but we're really, we beefed them up.
Talking like 10 minutes, maybe a little longer,
really getting into the, like digging into the meat.
No, that's not how that's said.
Yeah, you're digging into the meat.
Digging into the meat.
We're digging into the meat.
Yeah, that's right.
Just carving it out.
It's just like some big meat party.
It's like some badgers just digging in there.
Yep.
And with that, you can find those.
Took a gross turn there.
Yeah, I'm sorry I said meat party.
Yeah, you can find those at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Sign up at any tier there.
Seven day free trial at the five and $25 tiers.
So you can come test it out, see if you like it,
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Have a great time.
And when you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron, Jeffrey Byrne.
Thank you, Jeffrey.
Thanks, Jeffrey.
We appreciate you sticking around.
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Being here with us.
Thank you so much for your support.
Absolutely.
So you too can be like Jeffrey and join us today at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And now, I'm pretty sure that's the end of the downtime.
So we'll get you back to the episode and you have a great week
and we'll talk to you soon.
Love you.
Bye.
Love you.
Bye.
That's the end of the downtime?
And that's what I said.
Yeah.
That's the middle downtime now.
Oh my God.
It's a downtime.
Now we're doing a downtime in the middle.
We can't do it.
Oh my God.
Back away slowly.
We find ourselves in an alleyway.
There's a pile of crates stacked up, some old milk cartons.
And a dumpster.
And a door gets kicked open.
And a stout half-elf, lovely middle-aged woman comes out.
She's got an apron on.
It's all stained with pasta sauce and different foods.
And is carrying out a tray of what looks like some stale bread.
She's making her way over to the dumpster and she pauses in the middle of the street.
And looks both ways and then clears her throat.
Alydin peeks out from behind the dumpster.
Looks around.
Looks like it's clear there, dear.
Thank you so much, Miss Figglesworth.
Oh, of course, dear.
How are you doing?
How are the other kids doing?
I haven't seen many of them around lately.
You know, there's been a lot of other soldiers
roaming around these days.
They have increased patrols, yeah.
It has made it hard for the kids to, you know, get out and...
You've been staying out of Dase's way?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I think so.
Okay.
Well, I've got a few here for you.
She lowers the tray down for you.
Oh, thank you so much.
You know, I don't have to take all of these.
I think just three would do, I think so.
They're just going in...
They're just going in the bin.
It's closing time.
No one's going to miss these ones.
Take them, fill up, and here.
And she reaches into her pocket
and pulls out this nicely wrapped cupcake
and gives it to you and says,
share it, keep it for yourself, whatever you need.
Oh, now I've got that big decision to make.
And Alydin is taking the...
I'm imagining them like,
baguettes, because why wouldn't I?
Because we're a baguette team.
This is a baguette is like the official bread of Dumbgeons and Dragons,
so it's obviously a baguette.
And visit us at patreon.com slash dunndragoncast
for your free baguette.
Offer not valid.
Offer complete bullshit.
Alydin takes the baguettes
and starts to put them in their bucket
and starts saying,
I got a bucket full, a bucket full of baguettes.
And it's just kind of humming to herself.
Someone overhears this song you're singing to yourself
and they get on their phone and they say,
Natasha, it's your cousin, Marvin, listen to this.
It was Natasha Bedingfield, right?
I'm pretty sure.
Yeah, I think it was.
We pan back down from the window above.
Alydin says, same time next week,
maybe if you have any leftovers.
Of course, yeah, I'll see you then.
Okay, thanks.
If you get in trouble,
you know you can come back here, okay?
Yeah, okay, but I don't get in trouble.
I know.
She turns and starts heading back towards the door.
And Alydin scurries away.
Kavlaran and Bench,
you're standing outside of Oak's house now.
You're just kind of fanning your tongue off
from the way too hot tea that was served to you
up in Oak's childhood bedroom.
So we went to the office and he was not there.
We found the bag, which we...
Did we leave the bag with Mrs. Oak?
It didn't really make sense to take it.
Yeah, so we left the bag
and then we came to the house
and I don't find Oak.
Maybe the worst happened.
Wait, what's the worst?
He fell asleep in the dumpster somewhere
and then got picked up and taken down to the landfill.
I mean, that would be pretty bad.
Not that I know from personal experience or anything.
Yeah, no.
I feel like that is the worst case scenario.
That's the absolute worst case thing that could have happened.
I thought you were going to escalate
to him being thrown in the trash
and then the trash being thrown into the compactor.
And it's a compactor and now he's just a small, cute...
Yeah, and then there's space aliens that come out of it
and he didn't have a Han Solo with him to escape.
Exactly.
But yeah, glad to know that the worst case scenario
is just a little bit of dumpster sleeping.
That's good.
Yeah.
I don't know where else we could go to find him.
Any good sandwich places around here?
You know, he's always going on about sandwiches.
Well, there's probably a pretty good sandwich place.
Let's start walking.
If only we had like a clue or something to go off of,
like as a place where...
Like, oh, because he's a meticulous person
and he didn't have anything in his bag.
Well, he had like the one empty potion
and the one full potion.
He did have the empty potion in his bag.
Wait, what?
Did I not show you?
No.
You didn't tell me that there was a clue.
Did you keep the potion or did you give it back to Mrs. Oak?
Do we have to go talk to...
I didn't think it was much of a clue.
No, I kept them in my bag just in case we needed to check on them or
lost and found them.
I don't know.
Let me see the fucking potions.
God!
Get to the potions!
Here I am.
Give me the potions.
Here I am, walking around streets,
feeling like I got hit by a fucking four-horse carriage
and you're like withholding information from me.
Well, no, I wasn't withholding.
I just didn't...
I thought we were friends.
No, we are friends.
I just didn't think it was relevant.
I'm trying to get my business back.
Any clue is a good clue.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Okay, all right, here's the potions.
God damn it.
Oh, yeah, okay.
He takes a look at the potions and gives them a shake
and then looks at the insignia on top and says,
ah, this is sweet apothecary.
Maybe they know when he got them
or when he was in there last.
Maybe this is like maybe we went there last night.
Or maybe what they do.
Or maybe what they do.
Maybe what they do.
Yeah, are you very concerned with what the vials do?
Well, no, but just, you know,
surely if they sold it to him,
they'll be able to tell us.
Sure, yeah.
Just another way to find out, too.
Well, I'm just gonna drink a random potion.
Coward.
Didn't you hear that happen to Florp a while back?
Oh, is that what happened to Florp?
I thought it went to Kingstown.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
On his way, he stopped at the potion shop
and then they had like a deal of the day
on a mystery potion.
And you know, quite the gambler, that Florp.
So he took them up on it.
Oh, shit.
Oh, June's gonna be so upset.
We're not, take this to our grave.
Oh, okay.
We will never tell June
that her dear cousin Florp,
something happened to them because of a potion.
From what I was told,
he just kind of blinked out of existence.
Wait, what?
Dumbgeons and Dragons, season three, episode five.
This episode starred Amy More as Alydin,
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane,
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave,
and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Dialogue editing by Carla Maxted
and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
Our amazing cover art and character designs
are by Matt Garbutt.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Gabriel Lynch,
Jessica Babiak,
Cat Waterflame,
Jacob Madden,
Christian Brown,
Craig Zeiss,
Perry Matey,
Ongarong Kiersen,
Old School Gamer D,
L.A. Branton,
Nathaniel Teeter,
Luna,
and Aaron.
And some more names that we want to thank
of those who are helping build this world.
Lord Eracken gave us the name June
in Boston's Mill.
We'll be learning more about them
as the time goes on.
French Canadian Will gave us
Chuckle Sock Snickersoul.
Twiglets gave us Flight Figglesworth,
who works at the Copper Kettle.
Lovely, dear.
And Cat Waterflame provided
the sweet apothecary,
which will...
which may make a full appearance
in the next episode.
Join us today at patreon.com
slash dumb dragon cast
with a free seven day trial.
You can help us build the world.
We've got so much bonus content
coming your way that...
Are you even going to have time
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Probably.
Probably is the answer.
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We hope you enjoyed the fun.
Have a great week
and we'll talk to you soon.
Like, incinerated?
Well, no, just like one minute
he was there
and then the next second
he wasn't there.
I don't know how to process this.
Let's go to Sweet Apothecary.
Maybe they can tell us
what potion Thorpe took
and maybe where Oak is.
Oak, you and Bench
are leaned up against each other
in Cav, you and Bench.
Fuck.
Herseus, you and Bench.
Kavlaran and Oak.
Nope, Kavlaran and Bench.
I don't know why I can't just
fucking get one of your names right
all the time.
Natasha Beddingfield.
Natasha and cousin Marvin Beddingfield.
Dumbgeons and Dragons
is a Dumb Dragons production.