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Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Sounds great, let's go!
Oh my gosh, friends, it's been so long since I've seen anybody, come, come with me!
Where, where, where have you been?
Benjamin, it is so fun to see you, I thought everyone was gone.
No, no, we've all been here!
Something is not quite right.
Yes, something isn't right, something isn't right!
You still have to swing harder and then you can get free and then you can come play!
I want to come play, help me!
What can you do? How can you get free? I'll help you. He reaches his hand out for you.
Are you okay?
I'm bleeding.
Yeah, you stabbed yourself multiple times in the shoulder for some reason.
Yeah, a real bunch.
I'll go up to Rex and just like put my hand on his neck.
This figure like cranes its neck and begins like cracking its bones as if it begins to move.
I'm gonna turn undead.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master Russ More. He, him, also with me today is Amy More.
She, her, I am and I'm here and I'm awake and everything's good.
Doing great, you're really perked up.
I know, yeah. And I play Thea Amastasia, a high elf druid, don't you know?
And Carla Maxted.
She, her, I'm playing Yen Bolnuri, a Kalishtar cleric.
And Tom Laird.
He, him, and I am playing Telgir Heavyfoot and he is a mountain dwarf pAlydin. Also goes by he, him.
And joining us this week because we trapped her in a room with no doors, it's Kristen Flemmons from the Broad Swords.
This week and every week to come.
One of us.
Blink twice if you really want out.
So many blinks.
That was like seven.
Get me out of here.
She, her, playing Agath, Godlass, blah, blah, blah.
See, I knew it couldn't last actually being able to say my own name.
You did it once, that's all that matters.
Agath, Godlass, Katho, Olavi.
Got it.
She, her.
Well, thank you for being here again.
This is the episode where maybe Kristen gets to go home.
We'll see.
Maybe.
To the happier timeline of the Broad Swords.
I mean, sort of.
We'll see.
What are we talking about on Patreon?
What do we got over there?
Something.
This is a good segue.
Yeah, it's really good.
Hey, we've got goals over there.
I think is what we're trying to get at.
And one of them could be a special one-shot episode where I got to play Grancis and Flamikinskins.
And Amy, Tom and Carla DM'd for me for two hours.
Oh, we DM'd so hard.
Yeah, it was a great time.
Doesn't it sound like a great time just to hear one person talk to themselves for two hours, Kristen?
With three DM's?
With three DM's.
Imagine all the bridges and doors.
Right?
There were so many bridges and doors.
And buttons.
Can't forget the buttons.
Just big infrastructure projects.
My favorite kind.
Civil engineering is what it was of the abyss.
We're fans.
But we would love for you to join us over there.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And when you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you like today's patron, Christopher Walton.
Christopher Walton?
You have such a grown up name.
That is a grown up name.
Maybe they're a grown up.
Maybe they are.
I don't know.
You know how some people have grown up names?
Sure.
No, I agree.
I mean, I hope that Christopher is a grown up because we say some pretty inappropriate things on here.
But then again, also, some people let their children listen to us before bedtime.
So it can go either way.
And we're not judging.
Wild choices all of a sudden.
We're not judging to those children.
I'm hoping it's just the Mooklin and Sully storyline.
Oh, I hope not.
You've heard some of the things Sully says over there.
Just as I don't even take responsibility.
Some of the things Sully says over there.
Not me.
I would never say those things.
But yeah, thank you, Christopher, for being here and for having such an adult name.
And now, fuck it, let's play.
This figure before Rax begins like the bones begin cracking and its arms begin moving.
And it lets out this, like, cough scream towards you that startles Rax back.
And Agoth, you were going to cast something before I so rudely ended the episode.
Yeah.
Another post-it note down.
I am going to channel divinity if that works.
Interesting question.
Like, it is magic, but it's not like a spell.
So maybe it doesn't work, but I will attempt to turn undead because that's what these things seem like to me with their gross flesh and cracking bones.
Sure, yeah.
I mean, it's a good, good, good idea.
So if it works, all of them, if they're undead, within 30 feet of me, make a wisdom saving throw.
DC 17.
In a twist, Sia makes a saving throw.
Wow, what a reveal.
Wow.
For the, as I said, they were all kind of around the perimeter.
I didn't say how big this room was.
No.
Is it more than 30 feet in radius?
Well, say it's a 50-foot room, but there are many of these creatures within this room.
I mean, if it's a 50-foot room and I'm in the middle of it, the 30 feet should hit everything.
Yeah, absolutely.
It's like, I remember.
Math, Russ's downfall once again.
Circular math.
Hold on a second.
If it's not canceling out Amy's spell by two feet, then he doesn't want to do the math.
So half of the room seems unaffected, spotty throughout the other half of the room.
All at the same time begin showing the same signs as this one.
And they begin cracking and moving and screaming.
And then they turn.
This one in front of Rex also turns.
And they all begin walking towards the walls.
Bumping into the other ones, who now are all beginning to move.
In a twist, I'm also going to channel divinity, turn undead.
Okay.
Nice.
And I sort of was cutting out, but just like wherever a goth didn't get,
that's where I'm going to try and focus it.
We've basically determined that you can get the whole room.
It's just half of the group saved.
Okay.
Half of them saved.
Then I'm going to try it too because I like a goth style.
Also, yeah, TC-17, I don't know if it always is, but that's what it is for me too.
All right, well we've got a new half of the room.
One half, 13.
The other half of that half, less good.
So all of them begin moving.
And as they begin moving and the light showing the rest of this room
and you see all of these creatures begin to articulate and gesticulate
and push themselves up against the wall,
because that's what I imagine turn undead does,
there is probably a hundred of them in this room.
Bumping up against the wall.
All just walking into the walls.
Yeah.
This is awkward.
How long will they do this for?
It's a really good question.
One minute, one minute, or until it takes damage.
So I'll say don't hit them if you want them to stay moving away from us.
Okay, we have to find a way to get out of here.
So you do like a really quick canvas of the room
and anywhere I move it's sort of like, you know, reverse magnet.
They like scatter away like insects from the light kind of thing
Both Yen Bull and I are just like little sad zombies running away for a minute.
Like when you squirt dish soap in a greasy dish and it's just like, oh no!
Cool.
So that's fun.
Do we see anything aside from scrambling zombie guys?
Oh, he had to bring the book out.
No, you don't.
You see like it's like just wood shambled walls.
Like you're able to like pry apart some, but it just looks like blackness behind.
There's not like tiles on the floor and some cool runic patterns or like a big X.
Push this.
A chandelier hanging from the ceiling.
Yeah.
No, there's not.
Any windows up there? Skylight?
As you all are observing the entire surroundings,
I see this ripple again through the room.
It like waves up and you even feel it move up over the floor.
And the ceiling seems like it gets smaller in this room.
Oh.
Nope.
Like lower?
Sorry, yes lower.
It seems like it's lower.
I am not going to get crushed in here with these yuck things.
Everybody make a wisdom save throw.
Again.
Yeah, that's this thing's thing.
20.
That's pretty good.
27.
25.
26.
Oh shit.
The tides have turned.
Everybody except Thea.
Okay, so we're back to normal.
Okay, perfect.
There we go.
Everything's right in the world again.
It was a weird episode last time, everybody.
We've course corrected.
We're back on track.
That's right.
I'm sorry.
Dave, you feel like a deep sense of anguish.
And you're going to take D10 psychic damage.
Oh my god.
No.
I know.
Sure, everyone else got to see fucking butterflies.
And a guy in a jean vest.
I got stabbed for like 14 points, thank you, or nine points.
It was pretty rough.
I know, but I have the ability to, and you know he's going to roll all sixes.
He's going to get Google to do it.
He's going to roll tens.
Yeah.
Oh, right.
So you're going to take 27 psychic damage.
I don't want to.
Ouch.
And also you see.
And also.
And also.
Wait, there's more if you order now.
There should be no more and also.
And also, actually everybody, we'll do this one at a time.
Within this group of moving beings, you see people you know come quickly in and out
of view.
Thea, for you, you see Nulara.
Turn to you, look at you, and then blend back in to the Horde.
For Yen Bull, you see off to the left, you see your mother.
Reaching out to you and then blending back in and you hear such a familiar voice
and you look and you turn and you see your father doing the same thing off to the right.
Bullgear, you're looking around trying to find a way out as wave comes over and you
see one of these creatures.
They're shorter.
The back of them looks familiar.
The salt and pepper hair tied up into a top knot.
Turn around and you see your husband, Thor, who looks at you deep into your soul
and then turns back and is gone.
N'Goth, you see the elven head priest of the temple of Aldath, Castine Arona.
They almost begin walking out of this Horde towards you.
And reach out to grab your hand.
And they're able to move towards me?
It appears so.
Um, I mean, I think N'Gath would be taken aback enough that
I don't know if she'd reach her hand out, but she'd probably let her hand be taken.
Your hand gets taken and it's a strong grip that pulls you in.
And with the other hand, a blade comes out.
And reaches and stabs deep into you.
That's a 22.
Oh, that just hits.
Seven piercing.
And as it stabs in, the features of this figure melt away and back to this undead creature
who lets out this shriek at you.
Let's roll for initiative, because things are going to get freaky.
Ten.
Fifteen.
Also fifteen.
Twelve.
Roll off.
Actually, you can go first if you want to.
Sure.
As you get stabbed into and this creature goes back to its undead form,
another wave rolls out across the room and you see
doors begin to open up.
There are five doors that appear around the perimeter of this room.
Do the doors have anything to distinguish them from one another?
No, they all look the same.
They're all closed. They're all wooden doors.
None have any sort of symbols or anything like that.
They just look like doors, where before there were no doors.
Wild.
Seems like a great-
Say door again.
What a boon, right?
Okay, I'm going to just shove whatever undead this is that just stabbed me away
and I'm just going to go for the closest door.
Okay, you begin moving towards the door, the undead part,
and you can make it to the door.
And you go to open it and step through?
At least open it.
Okay.
It opens into this rocky terrain that looks like you're on a cliff base.
And fire is shooting up from the ground.
You hear, you don't see, but you hear screams and calls
of what you could describe as some native creature to whatever this area is.
Can I do an investigation or a wisdom check of some kind
to see if I can peer through the illusion
or just focus really hard to see if I can tell what's actually there?
Yeah, you can make a wisdom saving throw.
Okay.
Oh, that's pretty good.
28.
You see exactly what I described, and it seems like it's all there for real.
Okay.
I'll just turn to the others.
This one does not look great, but it is somewhere else.
Thoughts?
What's behind door number two?
Yeah, exactly.
Okay.
I'm going to just keep it propped open and then see what other doors become available.
Okay. Roger that.
Are you attacking any?
Because you don't want to attack things because then they can attack you.
No, I'm not going to attack because then they're going to start being unturned.
Fair enough.
Okay.
But we'll say that's probably good for your turn.
Yeah, just get a proper door open.
Perfect.
Thea, we'll say you don't have the luxury of turn undead.
Yeah, I know.
I was going to say like when I go towards them,
but they're not going to actively fight me, right?
They are.
Oh, they might.
Oh, they might.
We're moving away from both Yen Bull and Agoth right now,
but you're around one of them.
Okay. I want to link arms with Yen Bull.
Okay.
And say, come with me.
Come with me.
And I want to go to the next door over from where Agoth is.
Okay.
And I want to try the door.
Like I know it really looks like I'm using you as a tool right now, Yen Bull.
I just...
No, you should use me to keep the zombies away.
This is a great plan.
I want to open the door and see what's behind door number two.
Door number two opens,
and there is this cacophonous screaming sound that like hits you like a wave,
like almost pushing you back.
You see beyond like winds tearing across like this desolate, rocky, sharp terrain.
Things in the sky and on the ground are all moving and roiling and churning.
Does it sort of sound seem reminiscent of like pandemonium?
Yeah. I'm like wondering, are these these hells that we are?
Are these different domains?
There are similarities to the descriptions that you see.
TBD. Let's like keep opening doors.
And if they start checking even more boxes, I think...
I...
That one's not nice.
Because of screeching.
This one doesn't...
I don't like this one.
This one doesn't look good.
This one isn't good.
It's the horde's turn.
Tally another turn undead.
Tulgear.
And everyone's kind of like pieced out to the side.
Yeah, left you standing in the middle.
By your...
Check your back.
Am I at least hanging out with Rax still or is he gone as well?
We didn't say if Rax moved or not.
I mean, I feel like he would probably follow a gasp.
Okay.
Tulgear's just sitting on Rax.
I mean, that works. Good vantage point.
Right?
Yeah, I mean, I guess I don't really want to wade into like the middle of all these guys without some some help.
But maybe if the door closest to Thea and Yenbul is still within like the radius that they're putting off.
I could head for that one.
Because it's 30 feet for each of us that like they can't come within 30 feet.
Yeah, you would get another door, right?
Because it would push and like arch because you're at two doors.
So yeah, you'd probably get another door.
Okay, I'll make my way over to that door as best I can and swing it open.
There's this forest before you.
Thick brush.
Like impossible really to see beyond the brush that's that's like right in front of you.
You hear I guess what could be described as bird calls.
They don't sound native to any birds that you've heard.
There's the sound of insects crawling through that are amplified.
And it's hot and muggy and humid like you get this humid wave that hits you.
All right.
Does that count as my action for my turn Rax?
I mean, you can still have an action.
You open the door. That's a free.
All right. Fair enough.
I'm going to use my divine sense so I can detect both good and evil.
So the until the end of my next turn, I sense anything affected by the hallow spell,
which doesn't matter or know the location of any celestial fiend undead within 60 feet that is not behind total cover.
You don't get any rain or any sense of anything coming through the door.
Obviously, you're surrounded by undead.
You get a distinct feeling of that.
Sure.
But also you can sense a fiend, a fiend's presence.
Predominantly, their aura is all throughout this room.
We got a little something maybe a little worse than undead kicking around in here, guys.
Just a heads up.
Happy new.
Yenbul, you are arm linked with Thea.
We are the best of friends.
Do we skip to another door?
I'm going to I'm going to go open another door.
I like I can I just like I mean, you're still linked arms, aren't you?
Sure. For the for the purposes of being linked.
Yes, absolutely.
If it doesn't work out, I can always hop on piggyback.
So you're going to basically the next available door.
We got four doors, two more doors that have yet to be opened.
You open it and there is this void.
Complete blackness.
And you feel this pit of despair wash over you.
Make a wisdom actually both of you make a wisdom saving throw because you're arm linked.
We are the best of friends.
Oh, shit.
Twenty nine.
But you guys want to hear a fun fact that I just learned on my character sheet that would have been really super helpful.
Last couple of fun ones.
I have also learned since then I have dual mind.
So when I make a wisdom saving throw, like all the ones that kick my ass last episode, you can use a reaction to gain advantage on the roll.
You can use it before or after.
You can just use it anyway.
I probably don't need it now.
Hopefully it's twenty nine.
Perfect. Good.
I want to use a lucky reading sheets and remembering rules is hard.
It is.
So since we're talking about things that would have helped last episode, I'll volunteer one.
I have the ability to like give off auras because my dude's a pAlydin and there's multiples that affect both saving throws and initiatives.
Brilliant.
Do you guys need to adopt Kristen's method of character sheets?
Post-it notes.
Yeah, I think you're right.
I thought I had read it all.
I thought I like was up.
But these high level characters, they got a lot of stuff.
It's so hard to remember.
Especially for Carl and I, like these are relatively new characters.
We didn't grow with that.
Not newer than mine.
Okay, post-it notes.
Take it easy.
Yes, everybody's turned against each other.
My plan has come back.
Nobody needed plus four to every saving throw attempt last episode.
No way.
No problem.
Wait a minute.
I took like 30 damage.
Well, you're going to take 31 more psychic damage.
Yeah.
That's a bad door.
And that's a second hit on your despair.
Conditions?
Am I still exhausted?
Yeah, you still have one point of exhaustion that we haven't really taken into account.
There's no despair on here.
Well, no, there's not despair.
But I'm feeling very disparaged.
You're feeling very disparaged.
You just feel bad.
Just bad.
Kimball, you've looked into the pit of despair.
Anything else you would like to do?
I'm probably just going to close that door.
Yeah.
I don't want that one's bad mojo leaking out into the room.
So I'm just going to close that one.
But I don't think I'm going to do anything else because I don't want to take a risk of injuring any of the undead and having them be able to do something other than run away from me.
All right.
While weeping, can I take a piece of chalk and draw a small X on the doors?
Sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
Cool beans.
All right.
Back to the top.
What are you playing?
Pit of despair.
Yada yada yada.
Three points of damage.
Cool.
You all, I mean, you all move six seconds.
You all move back, you know, to your doors and open them and then turn back.
And you see, even Tulgear sees this.
You see Tulgear standing in the middle of this room.
He begins to move towards Thea and Yenbul with his battle axe drawn, swinging towards Yenbul.
And just to clarify, Tulgear also sees Tulgear in the middle.
You see two Tulgears.
Yes.
Great.
Just wanted to make sure I understood.
So that's going to be a 22 to hit.
Yep.
That will hit.
That's 15 slashing damage.
Neat.
It's great.
Everything's great.
So there's one more door, hey?
There is one more door, yeah.
There is.
I'm going to open that one.
Okay.
You open it and it looks like you are standing at the castle side of the bridge looking
back up at the castle.
Oh, so like out the front door basically?
Yeah.
Well, I don't want to go back to that bridge.
That was no good.
That one looks like a do-over door.
Yeah, not good.
We want the prison planet, Karsari.
Bogs, jungles, hot.
I think it must be that one.
Yeah, I think it's this one.
Cool.
I'm going to go over to that door, but can I whack fake Tulgear on the way by?
Absolutely you can.
Swing away.
Maybe a dual kick from Rax or something.
Yeah, exactly.
I say with advantage because his back's turned to you.
Nice.
And he seems super focused.
I think I get three attacks.
That sounds accurate.
It does, yeah.
Yeah, that sounds right.
Cool.
All right, I'll do that then.
First, 14.
Yes.
Does that hit?
Yep.
Oh, it does.
Okay.
I wasn't sure if Ghost Tulgear had the same stuff as me or what was going on.
So the first one is eight points of damage.
So then 20 something will also hit.
Six points of damage on the second hit.
Wow, why does math get harder the more you do it?
Seven plus nine is 16.
You got there.
Yes.
Okay, cool.
Here I go.
This dice sucks.
Another seven points of slash slash.
So describe the three hits as they destroy this simulacrum, this clay mud creature
that forms.
I think it's like one hit through the legs that like the legs kind of dissolve out
and then on the backswing like through the head and then turn it vertical and just
pin it down.
Nice, yeah.
Skewer it top to bottom.
It was excessive.
It explodes out like dust and it just crumbles apart.
Should brush some dust off her shoulder.
So your goal, I mean everything's still turning undead for the time being.
Your goal is to get to that forest door collectively, yes?
Yeah.
Yeah, Agatha, you can continue to move.
Thea, you're pulling Yenbul on your turn.
Talgear, you're maybe on top of Rax, at least very well beside.
But you all make the decision to move towards, open the forest door and step through.
You step out into this forest, hit a hot wave of humid air and you step out
into it and you're like tangled up in.
You close the door behind you and you hear the undead on the other side coming
towards the door.
You turn and you look out into this forest and then back to the door and the
door is gone.
I was just going to ask.
And before you is a path where the door used to be, leading through this
thick, dense brush.
Welcome to the middle.
We are really back.
It's September now and we've got episodes out wazoo for you too.
I'm OK.
There's nobody here to stop me.
I think that's the problem.
Except Loki.
He's barking in the background.
If you can hear him there.
Yeah, just me here today for you.
Everybody else still on vacation.
Thought I'd give them another little week there to rest and recuperate to get
back.
Get back to all of the great stuff that we've got coming up for you like
this episode.
Hope you're enjoying it.
We really enjoyed putting it together.
Don't have a huge amount for you just to say that we missed you.
We love you and that we hope that you are excited for the story that's to
come.
We've got big events coming.
We've got some some major moments, at least they were for the players.
So get excited about those big crossovers coming and some super fun things we're
going to be doing over on Patreon.
I'll save that until everybody's back next week.
But we're working towards some pretty big goals and some pretty big
milestones.
And we're so happy to have you along for the ride to experience it all
right here with us.
Anyways, I'm going to sing you out now.
This is the end of the middle and that's when I will stop.
I stop breathing heavily and I rifle through my bag and pull a potion of
what is that of superior healing a potion of healing a superior whatever.
And I will heal for 4d 4 plus 8, which is 32 because, you know, who knows
what the fuck we're going to be dealing with here.
Yeah, I guess obviously we're out of initiative.
I assume I can also just take a potion and heal myself a little bit.
That sounds great.
I got hurt real bad, you guys.
Huh.
All right.
Well, that was that was fucked up.
But we do we know if this place is even real?
This is a good question.
It is hard to trust your own eyes and senses now.
How does one truly know one knows anything kind of feels real.
But yeah, so did that last super fun meadow we were trawling through.
So is that sarcasm?
It wasn't a super fun meadow.
No, it really was.
It was.
It was a beautiful meadow.
I'm sorry.
You missed it.
Yeah, I've got.
There was a small Sader and he is wearing a jean vest and it had a rainbow and the
unicorn and he would have loved it.
God.
All right.
Well, I mean, we're here.
We got to look for some gods.
Got to get out of this forest.
I guess we just follow the path.
I was going to say fly over top the trees to see where we are.
If we're in the middle of a dense forest that could go on forever.
Maybe we may want to take a faster mode of transportation.
OK, I'm going to fly up.
See what I can see.
Yeah.
Probably just forest because I think it's like a forest planet like that one in
Star Wars somehow that's just a forest.
Yeah, that one.
They've got to have a jail somewhere.
I'm imagining just like a little county prison.
Sure.
In one cell.
There are so many gods just jammed in there.
You push through the canopy and out into the clear sky.
There are two sweltering hot suns.
This area that you're in, you see far off in the distance, like there's
desert dunes that kind of meet up with one side of this forest.
And then you look to the other side and you see just a clearing.
Probably from the distance, you can judge to be like a 200 to 300 foot
clearing in the middle of this forest that looks to be in a similar
direction as the path that you're walking or were presented as you
step through this door.
If you were going to say that it was like a field of wheat, I was
going to assume we were playing Settlers of Catan.
That's right.
And we have to get some wood and wheat and trade it for some sheep.
Build the longest road and we're good.
But are we on the longest road?
Can she tell like how far that journey is going to take to that clearing?
You can't see the path through the canopy.
Ah, I can't see the forest for the trees.
Janbel's going to kind of just take a moment to soak up that hot,
hot sun because she is from a very hot place and has been in a lot of
cold, terrible places for what feels like an eternity.
So just wants to feel that heat soaking into her bones and then
comes back down.
There is a desert in that direction far away, but not too far a clearing.
I think we can follow the path there.
OK.
Yeah.
That's our best bet.
I mean, they're not going to hide a bunch of gods in the middle of
the woods.
Sounds exactly like something they do.
I mean, we have nowhere else to go, right?
Yes, we don't know.
So perhaps V takes the path, but be careful, aware, listen.
You all collectively walk down the path.
You are traveling for a couple hours before you come to this clearing.
While we're walking, could I cast bark skin on myself?
That's fine.
Just give myself a little hug and I cast bark skin.
As you cast it, you see the tree beside you begin to shrivel.
Guys, magic destroys this place.
Well, now if you know.
That was me.
I'm so sorry.
You get to this clearing and in the center of this clearing is a rather
large structure.
It is stone, primarily wood, kind of holding it up.
You OK?
Amy just read something and had a visceral reaction to it.
Bark skin gives you a specific AC.
Bark skin just says you can't go below 16 AC.
And I'm like, I already have 17 AC.
I take the bark skin off because it's ugly.
Doesn't go with my outfit.
That was a good use of magic.
Right?
I feel really shitty about it now.
I thought for sure it was going to be plus one AC.
Part of our theory on going to these places was to go and see if magic was draining it or not.
I guess so.
You did something.
Does that mean the gods aren't here?
Let me describe to you what you see.
They could be imprisoned here.
They just don't have power here.
You see a singular structure.
There's no visible door that you see as you walk out into this.
As you kind of walk around, you see that there is an entrance on the opposite side.
And there's wood columns and beams.
And as you get closer and examine them, there are bones etched and carved into all of these beams.
And even into the stone all around them, you see very clearly symbols of orcas.
There is a large bone-riddled door that is the entrance to this structure.
In a way, this is a good thing.
It's at least something to work off of.
Perhaps we are on the right path.
As terrifying as it is.
We did want to find this.
It just is awful now that we are here.
Okay.
So?
I'm looking to see.
I thought I had a detect creepos spell, but that's a different character.
Or I'll find it in three episodes.
I do have detect creepos.
That is the thing I have.
I guess I'll use my divine sense again and detect creepos.
Okay.
Celestial fiend undead within 60 feet, Russ.
You don't get a sense of any of those.
Shall we proceed?
I mean, I don't think anything is lurking around the corner for us, so sure.
Yes.
I think we must.
I'll open a door.
You step up and you open the large door and it opens easier than you thought it would
and bangs open and echoes down this stairwell that goes down into a lower chamber.
And is there any creatures around?
Just more creepy orcas carvings?
Just more creepy orcas carvings.
There are braziers along the walls.
Set up in the handle of them are spinal columns.
Of course.
Oh, very cool.
Flames lit up through skulls.
Well, at least they provide lighting.
That's true.
And I mean, the decor is on theme.
There's Art Deco and Art Necro.
We got a design choice here.
Tia.
Watch for our home decor selection.
Dungeon designers.
Too many spines lying around your house.
We've got solutions for you.
It'll be in T public soon.
That's amazing.
All right.
I'll start heading down.
Yeah, let's do it.
How's Rax do with stairs?
I mean, he does well with bridges.
How does he do?
I mean, he's okay.
He doesn't love them.
Horses can do stairs.
He can manage.
It's cows that can't do stairs.
Cows can't do stairs.
Fair enough.
Just in case you didn't know this, listeners, cows can't go downstairs.
I didn't know that.
They can go upstairs.
They cannot go downstairs.
Or can they go downstairs, but just very quickly?
Well, okay.
I guess it depends on.
Anyway, back to it.
You head down these stairs and you get to the bottom of them.
It's 60 to 70 steps down.
There's a long hallway with a singular door down at the end with this cracked open and this almost golden light coming in from behind it.
Anyone else think when you're looking for a god, that's a good sign?
Yes, but I trust nothing anymore.
Well, we're here now.
So I'm going to make sure I have my weapon out.
Yeah.
Shields up.
I mean, I probably have this this whole time, but like, cautious.
Very cautious.
You head down the hallway and you make it to the door and you slowly press the door open.
Yes.
You look in and you see inside.
There are seven figures inside seven cells.
The cells themselves are constructed with what looks like like melded together.
Skeletal figures.
Cool.
You see an old man with bird cages hung up around in his cell.
You see a large orc who's like throwing himself at the walls constantly.
You see a slender woman seated almost peacefully in the back of one of these cells.
And you see a man with long shaggy hair and almost like overalls.
Tattered, collared shirt.
And in the other three cells, there are fiends, two of which contain fiends throwing themselves against the wall.
One has a deceased fiend.
His head looks like it was smashed in.
Blood across the floor.
In front of all of these cells, you see runes on the floor.
We have to step on them to the right beat of the music.
Dance Dance Revolution style.
This is going to be great.
Amazing.
The man with the long shaggy hair and overalls looks up to you as you enter.
The others don't seem to acknowledge you as you enter the room.
Can I make some kind of like religion check?
Do they seem like gods?
Do I recognize any of these figures?
Everybody make a history or religion.
The runes all look the same in front of all of them.
27.
History.
Also 27.
Religion.
14.
22 history.
You don't recognize the man in the overalls, I don't think.
You get a distinct, like the description you've heard of Bahamut as a humanoid figure is eerily similar to the old man and the canaries that he has in his bird cages.
Right.
The orc god before you would fit the description of Grunsch.
The chaotic evil god of storms and war.
Bahamut, the god of justice and nobility.
The tranquil or peaceful woman.
Thea, you specifically get a distinct sense that this could be Milike, goddess of forests.
But the only one that acknowledges you is the one you don't recognize.
What are you doing here?
This is going to sound lame.
Saving you guys?
We were coming to rescue you and bring magic back to the world.
Oh, delightful.
Excellent.
Do me first.
Do me first.
And you are?
Oh, one of the things you're looking for, of course.
Just come help.
What are we looking for?
Well, gods, of course.
You just said it.
Okay.
Who are you?
One of them.
What's your name?
Sorry, that sounded really, but I mean, there's a power dynamic that's going on here.
You got to play the game, yep.
Fun, you should ask my name.
Which one should I give you?
Oh, god.
Cyric.
That's the one.
Do I know a Cyric?
Yeah, is that anything?
Now with Cyric, at least giving you that name, you know that Cyric, with the 20 pluses, is the god of lies.
Sounds familiar.
Didn't you recognize me in my fine janitor outfit?
Just a janitor over here.
That's what I thought.
Little inside baseball Kristen from her other game.
Yeah.
If you want to understand why this is funny, please join us on Patreon.
Go way back.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast and learn about the janitor.
One of the best characters ever created.
Okay, god of lies.
I mean, hold on.
Any gods find, right?
Like at this point, we're not going to be picky.
We're not just going to take the good ones, bAlydince in the worlds and whatnot.
Yes.
I think we need all the gods back for the world to return to normal.
Right.
Well, I'm putting the cart way before the horse.
Sorry, Rex.
But how do we get these guys out of here?
Oh, he wants to get me out.
Oh, excellent.
I'm glad you've come around to my way of thinking.
Basically, it's a tradesies.
It's a tradesies.
Yes.
You must do a little tradesies and take my place and then I'm free.
Okay, could we take the place of another god that probably won't fuck us over?
I mean, geez, they hear your name one time and they automatically make judgments about you.
Well, it's all we've listened.
We've literally been through hell.
Interesting, because, yeah, I did not expect to see mortals here.
So you must have been through quite a bit.
Very excited.
Did I mention I'm excited to see everyone?
Very excited to see everyone.
Why do the others not speak?
Well, they've been here longer than me.
I'm going to go knock on Bahamut's cell.
The old man, he naps through everything.
You go knock on the cell wall and it like glow that comes out when you touch the bars.
And he stirs a little bit beyond it, but doesn't like there's a blankness behind his eyes.
He doesn't look like he acknowledges you and what you're doing.
I want to go up to Milike and get eye level with her.
Ooh, while you're over with her, check out her necklace.
It's very similar to mine.
Do you guys make each other friendship necklaces?
No, the man in charge made them for us.
The man in charge?
Well, yes, Orcus.
You're familiar, no?
Oh, well, yeah.
You saw all the Orcus stuff on the way in.
He's very much the one in charge.
Fair enough.
These necklaces, they control you?
Yeah, we have no powers when we're wearing them, yes.
Okay, and how do we open these cells?
Oh, I explained that to you already.
You need to trade me places.
See the runes in front of everyone?
You just go stand on them and then you're in.
Huh.
See the empty ones that they're bouncing in and out of?
Yes.
See where they're standing before they appear in the...
See, it's all connected.
You stand on the rune, you switch places.
So maybe someone comes here and does that here now?
Where are those gods?
I don't know.
When they leave here, when they're taken, they never come back.
Who takes them?
The big man.
The O-Dog.
You know Mazorcus.
Okay, so we could release...
Me, yes me.
All the gods here.
All the gods here.
Me first.
But we would all be trapped inside of these cages.
Well, not only that.
So great plan so far, except for the being trapped part.
Someone else needs to take these off of us.
We can't take them off.
We can't take anyone else's off because they fuck with our heads.
We can't do it.
Okay, so we could release everyone and take everybody's off but yours.
Well, they're going to need some time.
I'm really your best bet for making this happen.
Making what happen?
Okay, gods, bringing it all back.
Bring it all back to you.
Don't stop.
Never give up.
Hold your head high.
Reach the top.
Come on!
I am under the impression, no offense, that you are not powerful enough to supply
the entire cosmos with magic.
Oh no, I'd be snuffed out in a minute if I tried to do that.
Are you crazy?
It's like talking to a wall, Yenbul.
But what we need to do is there's multiple prisons like this one kicking around all
over the place.
Not sure where.
Only know about this one for me.
But there's multiples.
There's all the gods imprisoned all over the realm.
So we need to send teams to get them free, which is what you guys are doing here
and I love it.
You're doing great.
But maybe we swap out now?
I have an idea.
Yes, please.
Please.
I want to cast Conjure Animals and I want to cast it so that I have eight beasts in
front of me.
It's going to be eight ducks.
Love it.
Love where this is going.
And they listen to me and they're friendly and they're my companions.
Will it be one horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses?
And I pick up a duck and I go over to Bahamut's cell and I place the duck on the rune.
Nothing happened.
It was a good try, but I stack two ducks on top of each other.
Maybe you just want to come over here and just come on my rune.
Hold on.
Great thing.
We can get this going.
I stacked three ducks on top of one another.
Nothing happened.
Four ducks stacked.
Do they have to be sentient creatures?
You stack all the ducks.
Nothing happened.
Ah, fuck.
Are the ruins carved?
Yes.
Oh, Jesus.
Ducks were not good enough.
No, no they weren't.
That was Amy saying that because I just saw they were challenging.
Challenge rating of a quarter is like an axe beak, a boar, a draft horse.
Why don't you make me choose?
Just anything Amy.
Come on.
The ducks turn into boars.
She stacks eight boars.
I want them to turn into panthers.
Now you have eight panthers.
Yes.
Okay, good.
Stacked up.
Now are they stacked vertically or horizontally?
It's kind of like when you stack chairs.
Their legs go on top of one another, so it's not really...
Anyway.
Well, now we at least have panthers.
If no shit goes down here, we got eight panthers.
Fuck you, Sirik.
I don't want to take your place.
I've already told you.
I told you what needs to happen.
Make it happen.
I'm tired of being in here.
Are there minions or somebody around here?
Listen, last time we did a tradesies for anything.
You can see them out there swapping places.
So I guess you could try getting one of them, but just let me out.
What's so hard to understand about this?
Because one of us goes in.
And I care about us more than I care about you.
Where do we see them swapping in?
Sorry, I didn't understand what you mean by that.
At the other cells with the roots in front of them that are empty.
The fiends.
Yeah, the fiends are like zipping in and out.
I don't think they're zipping in and out.
No, I thought they were trapped inside.
Somebody zipped in.
Because they're zipping in and out.
Let's just grab one of those.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
They're zipping in and out now.
Oh shit, these ones are broken.
I've been talking a lot.
Somebody else get in here because I have now eight panthers in the room.
That would mean that there is one loose fiend.
Yeah, trading places.
They're taking turns.
Oh yeah, they're just having fun.
Grab it.
Who's got their big butterfly net?
I'm going to try and grab the fiend when it comes out.
Alright, fiend pops out of one of them.
Make a dex check, an athletics check.
14.
You now have a fiend in your possession.
It's like thrashing at you trying to scratch at your face.
Nope, nope.
Put it on the little rune thing.
Whose rune thing are you putting it on?
I'll put it on Sirik's, yeah, sure.
Oh, excellent.
The second it hits, Sirik is now on the runes at your hands and you're holding on to his legs.
It's fine.
Did I not mention that part?
Whatever you're doing, that's kind of what...
You get it now.
You see Sirik quickly sidestep off of the runes in front.
So now we need to remove the amulet?
Yeah, there's a little latch at the back.
Hold on, what's the plan here?
Can I try and push Sirik onto Bahamut's runes?
Sirik thinks you're going to undo the necklace.
Sure.
He is not expecting it.
What is it, athletics?
Yeah, I mean, probably an athletics strength contest.
You would have advantage because he's not expecting you to put him into a different cell.
Sike, it's good.
I mean, he's a god.
It's probably not going to work, but who knows?
Yeah, it's fine.
Well, not with that roll, it's not.
What's Sirik's strength bonus, Ross?
I mean, powers dampened.
That's true.
That's true.
You got that necklace eyes.
Probably only a plus two.
He's not going over the top here.
That was a six for him.
Nineteen.
Wowza.
So, describe Petit Yenble and this move that happens.
Yenble goes behind Sirik as if to undo it in a romantic way.
You know, you put a necklace on in a romantic way, so to take it off that way, undo the clasp.
And then just like plants herself and pushes as hard as she can towards Bahamut's, the
ruins in front of Bahamut's cell, so just planted and just like everything she's got
because, I mean, the god of lies is going to be pretty mad if this doesn't work.
That's a strong success.
So, yeah, he flies across the room.
Give me a fly across the room sound there.
Clerics!
And lands on the ruins in front of Bahamut's cell.
As swift as he landed, Bahamut is now in his place.
Come on, guys.
I told you they need a little rest, recovery.
If I'm the closest one, then I'll try and take the necklace off Bahamut for real.
Not just keep doing pranks with the gods in and out of the cell.
Musical gods!
You help him off of the ruins and take the necklace off and there is this, like a
switch goes off.
He still has this tired look about him, but he looks around and you see him look
up to you, all of you, and you see him look up into his cell where Sirik now stands
and you see that his birdcages are still up in his cell.
He takes a big sigh and looks to you and says, thank you.
No, no problem with that.
All my, all my doing.
With a lot of exhaustion, he kind of beckons you all in.
And you hear this deafening roar coming from down the hallway and up the stairs.
It's like vibrating and small pebbles and dust are falling from the ceiling.
With you all huddled close, we see him blink.
As you're all teleported out of the prison.
Dumbgeons AND DRAGONS SEASON 2 EPISODE 94
Starring Amy More as Thea Amastasia, Carla Maxted as Yen Bolnuri,
Tom Laird as Tulkier Heavyfoot,
with guest Kristen Flemmons as a goth god Las Catho Olavi,
and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Editing, production, and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound,
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound, Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers.
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok, Cat Waterflame, Stevie, Jacob Madden,
Devin Michaels, Christian Brown, Aaron Stevens, Lula Han, and Charlie Warley.
To support Dumbgeons AND DRAGONS and our many other productions,
and get access to an exclusive podcast called The Adventures Of,
bonus episodes, and much more, please join our Patreon at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
Where when we reach 100 patrons, we'll release an exclusive,
Grancis and Flamekin's bonus episode, Escaping the Abyss.
You can also follow us at facebook.com slash dumbdragon podcast,
and on Instagram and Twitter, at dumbdragoncast.
Thank you for listening. Have a great week, we'll talk again soon.
Oh, hold on you guys, and I...
Riffle through my bag?
Rifle?
Thank you!
It's riffle.
Yeah, isn't it?
Oh, we had to look it up.
Rifle's what you'd use more conventionally, I believe.
But riffle's fun too.
Yeah, see I like riffle.
I didn't know he was a riffle man, I'm a riffle girl.
It took me a minute to even figure out like what you were talking about.
Thank you, we were re... anyway.
It's always been like you riffle through a book.
No, you riffle through something.
No, you don't.
Thank you, I feel really seen right now.
Look, the internet tells me I'm right.
If you were to riffle through it, I'm pretty sure it would be spelled differently.
It is spelled differently, riffled is a very different word.
No, it's not.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.