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previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
The Demonomicon, it...it has to be here!
That's when she raises her head.
She keeps raising it.
No! No, wait!
Until you hear her spines snap.
The bones twist and crunch as her head contorts towards you.
A dark, booming voice echoes out.
Thea, Yenbul, Flint, it's about time you arrived.
Now the real fight begins.
You see Flint scream and fall motionless to the ground.
Where's Renisa and Helvelu?
I mean, she didn't make it.
We got to the room where we thought the book would be
and there was no book and something happened to Renisa and...
And that voice.
I'm going to go over to Flint.
I'm going to point a finger at him threateningly
and I'm going to say, don't you fucking die
or disappear completely and become someone else.
I'll be back.
Flint, people do our best to get you well and save the world.
Dearest Thea.
Oh my god.
You were a lot less sarcastic earlier.
Donald E.
You know what, maybe we don't get your...
I don't...I don't reach...I can't reach Sir Flint's a lot.
I'm sure he's fine.
Maybe we just don't even look for your collar.
Maybe you stay a little boy forever.
It's not about the size of the stinger.
It's about how you use it.
Gross.
Get in the satchel.
No.
You're in a tie now.
No, I will not.
Get in the bag.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
He, him and with me today is Tom Laird.
Yeah, that's me.
He, him as well.
I am playing a tall gear heavy foot who is a mountain dwarf pAlydin.
And he also goes by he, him.
And Amy More.
She, her and I play Thea Amastasia, a high elf druid.
Also, she, her.
And Carla Maxted.
She, her and I'm playing Yen Bolnuri, a Kalishtar cleric.
Also, she, her.
We're in the darkest timeline again, everybody.
I'm just going to keep saying it.
You see it like you're excited.
Like we're going to be like, woo.
Yeah, all of a sudden we're going to be like on board with it.
Yeah, no one likes it.
Come on.
There's like a, it's like a Glimer of hope here because we got three people who
don't really know each other.
So you can't just have like a little, we'll get to it.
Don't worry.
It'll be fun.
Sure.
The Glimer of hope is that one of the characters lies comatose back in town, so.
Exactly.
There's no moon anymore, guys.
It's great.
Silver lining.
Come on.
David.
Okay.
This is a little bit of a thing, but you know those things where you're like,
type your name into the bar on Twitter, into the, into the gift bar.
And then, you know, whatever image comes up first is how you feel about 2020.
Well, this one was like, type your middle name into the day bar,
which my middle name is David.
So I typed it in and the first thing that comes up,
which is how I feel about 2020 apparently was,
Ew, David.
Yeah, that's about right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that totally tracks.
It checked out.
I thought it was very good.
Amazing prediction abilities in the.
Yeah.
Way to go.
Gifts.
Who's responsible for all those gifts?
I don't know.
I guess it's my, my parents were giving me middle name
so that I could type it in when Schitt's Creek was really popular.
I guess.
Yeah.
YouTube site.
Totally tracks.
You know, who has future site is our patrons.
Wow.
I mean, statistically speaking, probably at least three of them do, right?
Oh, I should mention, uh, Telger, uh, Telger heavy foot is a
patron submitted character and that was from Christian Brown.
So thanks, Christian.
Thank you, Christian.
You can submit NPCs and sometimes player characters to us.
Who knows whatever's going to happen.
Could be anything.
Sometimes we see a name.
We're like, yeah, that name.
Um, but you can submit those over at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
that are $15 tier and up is where you can submit all that cool stuff,
including items for our Zed Mart, which.
Who knows if there's still a set part left in this world,
but for the little characters.
Yep.
Yeah.
Glenn and Sully, they've got Zed Mart.
Those babies can shop.
They can shop.
You know what?
It's always good of us to just to create something and then destroy it.
I was going to say we, you also get an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's Patron steamroll, steamroll, Zayde Von Sieger.
Thanks.
Say, with an amazing name.
Oh, it's very good.
See, and then I say a patron's name and everybody's happy again.
Yeah.
Well, our patrons are wonderful patron.
Yes.
Thank you, Zade.
That's not for you though.
That was for Zade.
Yeah.
Thanks, Zade.
Join us at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Now, fuck it.
Let's play.
Okay.
Start rolling out all your misery.
Start telling us how terrible things are.
The roads are all potholes now.
Which doesn't matter.
We're on a flying carpet.
All right.
You're on a fucking flying carpet.
Does this thing just have like a never ending tank of gas?
How does it work?
I think, I think basically magic.
Cool.
Magic.
All right.
The three of you snuck out of the city the next day.
You were told to wait until morning.
When orcas' forces were at their lowest.
Your magic carpet is large enough to carry three people.
I think we have established that it is.
It can fly unencumbered up to 400 pounds, which is 60 feet of movement per.
And then over that, I don't know how big tall gear is.
Um, because over that it still can go, but it's 30 feet of movement,
which is still just as fast as us as us walk in.
Well, you know, what we haven't done in a while is a,
is a, is a weight check on our characters,
which is what everybody looks forward to.
Right.
That's something we normally do.
Yes.
Also, does it even matter?
Well, apparently it does.
Normally we do a roll call of it before we play,
but we've usually we all just kind of weigh in.
I'm 110 pounds.
I am but a waif.
So willowy.
Yeah, I'm essentially pretty stretched out.
I'm 140, according to my character sheet.
So that's 250.
158 is what I had down for tall gear.
Just over the limit.
But you know what?
He's had a couple of days of exercise.
Let's just down that to 152.
You know what?
Thea, like leaps off midair and says,
come on out, guac guac.
And guacamole bursts out and I land on her back.
No more encumbered carpet.
Boom.
Boom, bitch.
Goes the dynamite.
Okay.
You're flying along.
I don't think I've seen guacamole.
Oh, no, maybe not.
I don't think so.
Okay. So for the other two of you,
your friend just pops off.
Good point.
Come on out, guac guac.
And a giant snowy owl appears.
I did not know she could do that.
That is pretty impressive.
Oh my goodness.
I have never seen such a thing.
This is guacamole.
Hello, guacamole.
I'm waving.
Tall gear doffs his invisible hat.
No, don't even.
No, you may not.
You may not speak for guac.
I'm pretty sure that's the voice that guac has.
I feed Donnie crackers to make it quiet.
Crackers.
Almost like pudding.
Got that dry mouth thing going on.
I'll go sit in the back seat.
She can stay out for a little while.
I don't know where my note.
I haven't.
Six hours, I think.
I think she can stay out for 24 hours
and I can only have her out once every three days.
But it doesn't matter.
Anyways.
It does kind of matter to me.
Okay.
You can keep talking about it.
Time is a construct.
Here we go.
Call her out for 12 hours at a time every two days.
So like essentially split the difference of what I said.
Yeah, it's pretty close.
It was very close.
Yeah, this is guacamole.
She is my Jade serpentine owl.
She just kind of like is amazing and I've missed her.
And also not safe to bring her out with all the dead stuff.
I don't think.
Very much.
So yeah, I've got a fourth fighter.
I fifth.
Sorry, Donnie.
Crackers.
Crackers.
Crackers.
Crackers.
I give him more crackers.
Hey, it looks kind of shitty down here.
You look down and you see it's like the earth is dead.
See his heart just breaks a little.
You know, being all druidy and stuff.
Are you writing down things like are Thea's powers encumbered?
Encumbered is just the word now that is in my head, you know?
Karla knows.
I just wrote down a question for my future self.
How do druids work?
How do druids work?
How do they work?
In this world is how that sounds.
Druids.
Do they work?
Because I do get my powers from the earth.
The earth and also I'm circle of the moon.
What does it all mean, Russ?
You threw us into this mess.
Anything we do.
I've already been able to use one spell.
Can I use more?
If I start using spells, you can't go back and say I can't use spells.
I don't think that this was covered in the two slide presentation from Kyle.
Right, Kyle?
You can use magic.
To the full extent of my capabilities?
As far as you're aware.
I did not believe he said that part.
He's gonna half all my already shitty damage rolls.
He didn't say anything.
Whatever.
Anyway, you guys can write her anytime you'd like.
Well, I don't I don't really need to.
And I also step off the carpet because guess what?
I can fly.
What is happening right now?
How am I only?
Can't fly.
He remains on the carpet.
Oh, okay.
But you had that wing backpack thing going on.
So that was pretty cool.
Yeah, I'm not really sure what that was.
You'll have to ask Russ.
Yeah, I'm not sure either.
I'm sorry.
That was just style.
Yenbul.
And have you been able like what and I feel like we've been.
I know it hasn't been a really long time.
But I feel like it's been long enough.
Like not long enough to maybe pull out every trinket we have.
But definitely long enough to fly.
What?
This is something I have been training for for a very long time.
And have not been able to do.
But have just very recently been able to do.
So perhaps because of the time jump or just I have spent enough time.
Dealing with terrible things and it makes me a stronger Kalishtar.
I don't know.
But now I can do this.
That's freaking amazing.
How long can you fly for?
I don't know.
She drops from the sky suddenly.
I assume we're not super.
As long as we are not indoors or underground.
I can now fly.
So it's just a permanent thing.
Yes.
Oh, Tolgir, you have to give verbal instructions.
Boom.
He's in a tree.
He's in a death spiral towards the ground.
I'm so glad I came with you guys.
I thought so you guys haven't been together for the 10 years since?
Well, I mean, what is time?
I heard someone say it's a construct.
Yeah.
The booming voice ever is a construct.
We feel this very much because we were together in Kalimport and we fought Shangalar in his pyramid.
And I'm looking at Thea like.
Oh, Thea is nodding along.
Yep.
Yep.
And also whispering to Guacamole, you're still cool.
And stop.
No more.
Shut it down.
And then after we defeat Shangalar, we walk back into the wondrous city of Kalimport.
Boom, 10 years.
Oh, okay.
So we were together, but it go.
In a time warp.
Yeah.
Did you think about maybe trying to do the time warp again?
Well, you know what, if I could just jump to the left and make it all rewind
back to the way it was before, I would do it.
Yes.
Yes, we would do this.
Thea puts her hands on her hips and pulls her knees in tight to make sure she doesn't fall
off Guacamole.
Donnie, what the fuck are you doing in that bag?
Crackers, crackers, crackers, crackers.
It was a pelvic thrust.
I'm just over here to the time warp by myself.
So yes, a lot of time and a little time at the same time.
Okay, yeah, so some big time magics of some sort.
Yes.
And how long have you been fighting with Leosan?
Well, seems like a long time now, but probably only five years or so.
I was in a mercenary company for a while and then ended up
fell in with them and they hired us to do some jobs for them and I just kind of
stuck around afterwards.
Seemed like a cause worth fighting for.
And what did you do before the world ended?
Pretty much just a career soldier.
Any battles worth mentioning?
She points to her eye with her left ring finger.
Oh, well, this one bit off in a bar fight.
So, oh, yeah, it wasn't.
Wait, what were you fighting?
Yeah, I don't even remember to be perfectly honest.
I just woke up and everyone told me that's what happened.
So I took their word for it.
The eye thing.
Yeah, that few too many sharp things in and around that area.
So then I suppose you are still lucky it is even there at all.
Yep.
Yeah, it's a little bit.
At this point, it's just kind of for show.
I could easily wear an eye patch, but I feel like this kind of just draws
a little too much attention when I need someone to focus on something else.
And it works for me.
Strikes fear too.
A little bit intimidating.
Sure.
Oh, yeah.
And are we're just passing over countryside.
Everything's just fucking dead.
Like, that's all we're seeing.
Is there birds even?
Are we seeing like towns filled with like small towns filled with?
Yeah.
I mean, you guys aren't like fucking jet airliner.
You're only 60 feet.
Yeah.
So I mean, it's a little quicker than land speed like you're running.
So you haven't passed over.
But we're not tired.
That's the thing.
It's great.
So yeah, rolling hills of blackened and grayed earth.
Trees are withered and dead.
There aren't like there's no grass or shrubbery or anything to speak of.
The roads are all kicked and dried up.
You see below you.
I don't know how high up you're flying necessarily,
but you see below you like what look like.
Creatures, but upon closer inspection are demons.
Just kind of roaming.
Just a countryside of roaming demons.
After some time, you notice that as you fly over,
like you're catching a tension of them.
It's fine a little higher.
That's not me.
So because at some point, why would they look up?
It's fine.
You fly up into what looks to be like cloud.
But as you get up there, it is.
Demons.
Tiny baby demons.
Really?
Just misty demons.
Demons wearing diaphanous robes that we think are mist.
Cloud demons.
It smells highly sulfuric.
It's more smoke and acrid.
Then cloud.
Can't stay up here.
No, this is terrible.
I'm going to get back on the flying carpet.
It's hard flying in this smoke.
I'd rather just sit.
You drop back down a little bit.
Still high enough that you're not directly catching
a tension of the roving demons.
You make it most of a day.
It's getting towards evening hours.
We should probably make camp somewhere.
Traveling at night is a little bit more dicey than it probably was 10 years ago for you guys.
Sounds good.
What about down there within the trees?
I use the term trees loosely.
Yeah, something that we can have our backs against a wall would be great.
We should stay away from where there was many people.
Because they will all be our enemies now.
Yeah, I agree.
Maybe find a clearing in the thick woods or just somewhere with a little bit of cover.
Yeah, I'm just how do I set this thing down?
No, I'm back on it.
I can be steering.
Oh, okay.
Perfect.
He's got the tassels.
He's been struggling with it.
A lot of jerky movements.
When we went up in that smoke, Yenbul got back on it to not have to exercise in the
poor air quality.
He's half blind, you know.
It's rough.
Depth perception is an issue.
You glide down into a grove of burnt out trees.
Carry in a little off the path and set up camp there.
I suppose we can not light the fire.
It's so dangerous, right?
Is it cold?
What's the weather like?
It is muggy, hot, and the air is thick.
The closer down to the ground you get, you find it hard to breathe.
As smoky and acrid as it is up higher, it's still thinner.
But down towards the ground, it's like this cloud of
just thick, damp air that has this like stink to it.
Well, I can see in the dark just fine.
If you want me to keep watching, you guys can take a rest.
Yes, we will take turns on watch.
Certainly.
Yenbul and Tolgir tuck in.
Thea, you begin your watch.
Donnie climbs out.
Any more crackers?
No, I don't have any more crackers.
All right.
I kiss Guacamole on the beak and I say,
I'll see you in a couple days.
And she transforms back into a jade serpentine trinket.
And I put her around my neck.
Don't kiss me on the beak and turn me into a serpentine trinket anymore.
Well, you can't do that.
And I kiss your head all the time,
just mostly when you're sleeping because you're a little salty.
Well, she's been through dark times.
I don't know if you've noticed this.
I got these nuts.
I got these nuts.
I'm tired of talking about these nuts.
Look, we flash forward 10 years, you suddenly have nuts.
I don't know.
Oh, I've had them in my bag for a while.
I mean, I don't think it means they're 10 years old.
As if you care.
Do you want them or not?
Yeah, I'll have the nuts.
Yeah, I thought you would.
Yeah.
I love you.
Yeah, I love you, too.
Do I see anything on my watch?
You hear movement all around you.
I want to look.
I keep a vigilant eye around me to see if I can see anything like moving in the brush.
I can.
Yeah.
Neat.
Yeah.
There's movement, shadows from a distance.
But you hear as if small creatures are running through the brush of forest that you're in.
I let them run and scurry.
I keep an eye out for anything that might be coming toward us.
But I'm not going to be chasing were bunnies in the bushes.
You hear a shriek from behind you.
I turn around.
Make a dexterity saving throw.
Son of a B.
20.
Not an F.
This giant winged, what could only be described as a mosquito, zips through the air.
You see the glint off the eyes and the shriek as it darts its nose toward you.
Darts its needle.
Stingers?
Proboscis towards you.
Proboscis?
Yeah.
You miss as it zips by and then swings back towards you.
Oh, I don't miss.
Did the shriek wake us up?
Yeah.
I'm guessing it probably did.
I'm going to say probably, yes.
I mean, Telgear is a light sleeper from years of practice.
You stir and see this thing like zip over top of all of you.
Telgear, you immediately recognize this as a chasme,
which is a large demon, large fiend demon.
As it flies at me, I would enjoy making an eldritch blast.
Yeah, take your shot and then we'll roll for initiative.
Oh, I'm not throwing away my shot.
Do not miss your chance to blow.
I'm going to roll and it's going to be a 19.
That will hit.
Cool.
Wait, hold on.
Do I need to do a roll for every blast?
Mm-hmm, every time.
OK.
Oh, I didn't do that last time.
I keep forgetting.
I'm sorry.
OK, so the first one was a 19.
The second one was an 18.
The third one was a 15.
And the fourth one was an 18.
All of them hit.
Nice.
27 beams of righteousness.
So Yenbul and Telgear, you hear this thing first
and then you see it zip over top and immediately followed
by four beams of energy that blast towards it
and throw it against a tree.
It's still alive as it shakes it off
and postures towards you.
Let's roll for initiative.
My rolls are terrible tonight.
I think that's nine.
18.
Guys!
Damn, Amy!
That'll be the last good one.
Telgear got a 10 for initiative.
Thea, you start us off then.
Oh, I'm going to do it again.
21.
20.
19.
13.
Everything except the 13, so that's three.
20.
Holy moly!
This is so exciting.
Oh, I have another one.
I can do two things.
I bring out my oath bow and I say swift death to my enemies.
21.
So nine for the regular and then an extra 14, pointy damage.
You let that go and then you hear crashing down through the trees as a vrock comes down.
We haven't seen one of those in a while.
What's it sound like?
Vroooc vrock!
It comes down to attack you.
Me?
Yeah, you.
You're making all the noise shooting lights and stuff.
Just like fiery stuff.
Not even fire.
It's force damage.
So that's a 20, not natural for its beak.
He can beak me.
And a 24.
No, doesn't hit.
Weirdly enough.
For his slashing damage.
So for his talons.
So you got 10 piercing damage.
14 slashing damage.
So 24 total as this vrock comes down from the sky and tears into you.
You now have a vrock and a chasme.
It is Tullgear's turn.
You hear Thea scream, get this vrocking thing off of me.
All right, how far away is the vrock from Tullgear?
It's like on Thea.
So I assume that you were all pretty close.
Tullgear is going to channel divinity and make his weapon a sacred weapon.
So this weapon is now considered magical and I add plus four to attack rolls.
And it emits a bright light for 20 feet.
And a dim light for 20 feet after that.
Do you ever cast that on his penis by any chance?
Just curious.
Tullgear bright rod.
Yep, the old bright rod.
That's his, that's his porn name.
You know, he's lived a long life.
He's done a lot of stuff.
I'm sure we'll hear more about it.
Well, they say nowadays like you have multiple careers.
So yeah, especially through the darkest time.
Especially it's really it's it is the gig economy now.
So the giggity giggity economy, the giggity economy.
All right, so he's going to stroll on over with his
sacredly imbued hand axe and try to go to town on this rock.
Okay.
First is, well, it's in it's the 30.
So I think a 30.
It's in the 30s.
I thought it was in the 30s, but then I saw the math and it was a 30.
Oh my 30 is still in the 30s.
What does that feel like to roll that high?
And then a 31.
Don't my god.
Both of those are good.
Perfect.
If they aren't, we are in serious trouble.
We're in trouble.
All right, okay.
So that is 14 on the first attack and 13 on the second attack.
Imbued with this magical power,
Tulgear strikes hard down into the vrock who lets out this hideous scream,
bringing us to Yenbul.
Are both of the creatures on the ground or did the Kasmi fly up again?
It's hovering in the air like five feet above the ground.
So it's not back up in the air, so to speak.
Oh, and what do I care?
I can fly.
For god.
It like smashed into a tree and then like got back up
and turned to begin moving on its turn.
I think what I'm going to do is go and touch that bad boy and inflict wounds.
So that is 23 to attack.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm going to cast this, let's say at like fifth level wine pot.
So that's 7d10.
7d10?
You betcha, baby.
Which could be 70.
All right, well, I was like, oh, this thing has a cool thing on its turn.
I don't think we're going to see it.
It's 45 damage.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah, tell me how it looks when you obliterate.
Well, I guess for drama's sake.
You guys don't know this about Yenbul.
Yeah, she's a real drama queen.
She kind of floats up and just puts her hand on it
and it just like withers and just collapses dead.
There's no explosions or lights or anything.
I've just killed it with my touch.
Is she like super dark about it too?
And it's just like, sorry, did that hurt?
But nobody hears it but her.
Is it like secretly kind of a psychopath?
I'm loving everything.
As it withers and falls to the ground in a very dramatic moment,
you hear like loud stirrings in the forest and brush around you.
You don't see anything immediately but you hear movement.
This was not as restful as I was hoping.
No, not restful at all.
It's the middle.
Oh, no, wait.
It's the middle.
No, I can't get into Axel Foley.
I know you started doing Baby Shark.
It's the middle.
It's the middle.
It's the middle, yeah.
That'll make sense if you're a patron in like a couple months.
A month?
Uh, yeah, two months.
Three weeks?
No, two months because that was in the second episode.
Oh, was it in the first?
No, it was in the second episode.
Yeah, so in a couple months, you'll be like,
I totally remember when they did that in an interlude and it was so good.
Yeah, this is all this interlude is.
It's just teasing something two months from now.
Sign up at Patreon.com.
It's worth it.
Only patrons get it.
It's totally worth it, I think.
Anyways, that's not the point of the interlude today.
I don't know what's happening.
We were, hey, we love our listeners.
We do.
We do.
True fact.
It's true.
We were approached on Twitter by one of our listeners,
at Skeptical Okie, and they asked if we would do a little favor for them.
And we were like, yeah, sure, no problem.
They play a game, tabletop RPG, with their family, with their kids and their wife.
And one of their kids, Colin,
he gets down on himself a little bit.
And James, at Skeptical Okie, asked us to say, hey, Colin, you're doing a great job.
So hey, Colin, you're doing a great job.
Colin, you're doing awesome.
You're playing RPGs.
You're crushing it.
Hey, Colin, you're fantastic.
That character that you made, that beat, that last monster that you fought?
The best.
So good.
Everybody loved it.
So the decisions you're making, Colin, and the things you're doing,
you're doing awesome.
So keep doing it.
And it'll be great.
Yeah.
High five.
Low five.
Too slow.
Oh, wait, Russ, you can't too slow me.
Oh, right, you were low five in Colin.
Yeah, and he did it because he's a good person.
Yeah, you're right.
Thanks for being better than me, Colin.
I really appreciate it.
We would love for you to come join another one of our communities over on
The Reckless Play Guild, which is our Facebook group that we share with a
bunch of other amazing shows like Dark Dice, The Lucky Die, and The End of Time
and Other Bothers, along with those, a whole bunch of really amazing people
who are talking about Dumbgeons and Dragons and the shows and just sharing
stories about all the cool games and stuff that they're playing.
I can't remember the one guy's name, Russ, but he is building
like terrains for Dungeons.
And every time I see the posts, I am blown away by A, how creative and
talented he is, and B, just how awesome that is.
Every single time I see it, it floors me.
Is it these ones you're talking about?
Yeah, those ones.
Oh my God, those look so fun.
Tony over there and a bunch of other people are posting like their
miniatures and their Dungeons and all that sort of stuff.
It's really super cool.
It's so cool.
People are so talented, eh?
They are.
So come join us in The Reckless Play Guild.
Link is down in the description.
Our Discord link we had to take out.
So if you want a Discord link, send us a note on another social media platform.
Just hit Russ up on Twitter.
We got hit by bots.
It was a whole morning of sorting that jazz out.
I remember I woke up in the morning and I had so many notifications
from Discord and then I went in and there was nothing and I was like,
I'm very confused as to what's happening.
Yeah, the bot attack happened.
Anyways, clear of bots, now only awesome people.
Send us an email or a message on Twitter or Facebook
if you would like to come join us on Discord.
And we'll probably do like a Discord link blasts on our social media as well.
You can come join us over there.
Okay, that's all the places you can come hang out with us.
We would love to see you.
Okay, bye.
Thea, we're back to you.
All right, well, let's kill this fucking vrock.
This vrock has taken damage, yes, by an axe, I believe.
So I would like to point at this vrock and cast Toll the Dead on it.
So it needs to make a wisdom saving throw.
Does it?
Yeah, it does.
No, it does.
Really?
Well, you know what?
This vrock has advantage on saving throws against magic.
Okay.
18.
Fine.
Instead, she takes out a bow and says,
Swift death to those who have wronged me, bitch.
This thing is on you.
Uh, yes.
Wronging her.
Okay, fine.
Well, I actually have no melee weapons.
An unarmed strike with plus eight.
Yeah, I'm just going to fucking punch it in the fucking face.
Did you multi-quest a monk?
I know.
Wow.
I'm going to hit it.
She's so light, too.
With my hand.
So strong.
I'm going to close fist, hit it.
Roll for fist.
26.
Yeah, your punch hits.
Yeah, it gives three damage.
I mean, it only takes one of those, but yeah.
Well, still, I did something.
I'm not just sitting there with my thumb up my ass.
Some fucking loser.
Okay.
Note to self, get Amy's character a fucking dagger.
I need a dagger.
I can't, like, I thought of that last time we, not last time, but the last time we played.
I was like, I should really pick up a dagger.
Wouldn't get to Leo since.
So in a 15 foot radius cloud, which I think will just affect Tolgir and Thea,
a cloud of toxic spores extends out from the rock.
Each creature in that area must succeed on a constitution saving throw or become poisoned.
See, it just breathes it in.
26 on my con save.
It smells like mushrooms.
On a fail, nothing happens.
I mean, on a pass, nothing happens.
Yeah, I was going to say.
I was like, wow, really on a fail?
Yeah, you're good.
Okay, it tries to fly up,
which I realize will attack of opportunity from probably the both of you, a punch from one
and an axe attack from the other.
But yeah, it's going to try and try and fly up into the tree line.
Yeah, I'm going to punch it again.
Yeah, do it.
I'm going to punch it.
I'm going to aim for the stomach.
That's only a 14.
Doesn't hit.
It's a 20, but not critical.
Yes, sir.
That is 14 damage.
It's still magical.
That doesn't that sticks around for a while.
Uh, it sticks around for one minute.
Okay, 10 rounds.
Oh, I forgot about the plus four to my attack roll while it hit.
Anyway, so.
Oh, okay.
Telgi, it's your turn.
It has gone in the air.
It flies up 30 feet.
I will take that hand axe that I've been using and I will throw it at this fucking thing.
Because, you know, when in Rome, throw your hand axe at something.
That's the saying.
So that is an 18 to hit.
Oh, a solid one on the damage roll.
So that is nine damage.
It goes and it like cuts into like its wing and kind of loses its bAlydince a little bit,
but still maintains its position.
Your axe goes up, hits and falls to the ground 15 feet from you.
Okay, I will I'll go make like a running slide to try to catch this axe.
And that'll be my second action.
And that's how we lost his pinky finger.
The slide was too effective.
I got there too fast.
Yenbul, it's your turn.
Okay, so it is.
Yeah, you said it was 30 and it came down a little bit.
So I am going to cast Sacred Flame.
So I need you to make a deck save.
24.
I guess you are just going to avoid my Sacred Flame.
Doesn't say anything about taking half damage.
Yeah, cat trips are great except when they make their save.
It's either sacred or it's not.
There is no half Sacred Flame.
Fair.
So I do nothing, I guess.
Out from behind you, you hear that movement gets closer
and you see a glowing red eye of a Maw Demon,
which is a four legged creature that goes up to its main body.
It has actually three eyes and its body like splits in two
and in the middle is giant razor sharp teeth
that encompasses its entire body.
It's got three clawed hands, runs out.
You're hovering still?
No, I don't think so.
I think I'm on the ground.
Okay, well then it's going to attack you.
Okay.
It's going to try and bite you.
That's a 16 to hit.
Will hit.
And then you take 11 piercing damage as this thing clamps down.
Chomp chomp.
Probably, I guess it's medium.
So it's actually pretty big, it like bites into you.
Oh, Donnie, you didn't get Donnie to do anything.
No, he's just been in my bag.
Crackers, crackers, crackers, crackers, crackers, these nuts, etc.
Okay.
You tell me if you want them to take a turn on your next turn.
I think I've been babying him a lot.
You know, he was lost in a maze.
I don't think I ask him to fight unless absolutely necessary
because just seeing him hurt would just break my heart.
Oh, it's your turn now.
Hey, is everything okay out there?
These nuts are great.
Yeah, we're all right.
Just super fucking weird.
Don't look out of the satchel if you ever want to sleep again.
Oh, God, what is happening down there?
I'm going to stay in here because I'm just a tiny baby dragon.
I don't fight big things anymore.
I'm getting too old for this shit.
I'm a tiny baby dragon.
I don't fight these things anymore.
I'm getting too old for this shit.
It's very confusing what you're saying.
Time is a construct.
He's both old and young.
That's true.
I am my own grandfather.
What?
Um, okay.
Ma Demon.
I'm going to Eldritch Blast.
First one is only a 13.
Next one is a 27.
How about an 11?
No.
Okay.
Well, last one.
What about a 21?
Yes.
Neat.
So that's three.
A 10 and a 9.
19 plus one is 20.
I mean, fairly decent considering one of those die was a one.
What?
Sorry.
What type of damage?
That's the Eldritch Blast Force.
Yeah, that's cool.
Force is a force.
I'll take it.
Of course.
Of course.
Take it.
It's good.
Choosing to take my damage.
Just choose to take it.
I didn't know that's how this worked.
Actually, yes, I did.
I knew that.
The vrock above is going to go attack Tolgir.
Actually, it's going to screech at him.
You know, that's probably a good call.
Sure.
Is it?
It emits a horrific screech down towards a creature within 20 feet.
Oh, that's pretty much everybody.
Everybody.
It's going to screech at everybody.
Going to make a Constitution saving throw.
What happens if we fail the saving throw, Russ?
What's it trying to do to us?
It's trying to stun you.
I got a 10.
So it's not trying to frighten me?
No.
I mean, by proxy, but not the direct relationship.
Yeah, okay.
24 for me.
Okay, 24.
11.
No, 12.
No, 11.
So 10, you are stunned until the end of its next turn.
A stunned creature is incapacitated, can't move,
and can only speak falteringly.
Creature automatically fails strength and dexterity saving throws.
Attack rolls against the creature have advantage.
So that's you.
Guys, moving can't.
Togear, it's your turn.
Where's this maw demon in relation to everyone else?
It was clamped onto-
Biting me.
Yep.
I mean, it took some Uldur's Blast,
so it's probably, you know, no longer clamped onto,
but in close vicinity to Yenbul.
Yeah, I guess I will head on over towards that maw demon
and throw a couple attacks down on it.
All right.
With my still sacred weapon.
All right.
Because if I say that before I roll,
I'll remember to add the bonus, right?
All right, so that is a 22.
Yeah.
Oh shit, another nat 20.
Give me your damage for the 22,
and then because it's going to be dead after that one,
you can re-decide where you want to put that nat 20.
So that's 14 slashing damage for the first one.
You cleave down into the maw demon
and split its giant jaws wide open,
leaving your second attack.
Yeah, so what else is left?
The vrock and that's it.
Vrock is the last one visible remaining.
Yeah, I'm going to like throw my fucking handaxe again at this rock
because I'm doing good damage here with this.
So let's make it happen.
All right, so that is 17.
No, 19.
Sorry, bad math.
19 slashing damage.
Let's add a whale.
Not a horrific screech, but a horrific whale,
which needs no saving throw.
And that is Yen Bull's turn.
Thank you for killing the creature on me.
Does change my plans.
How far am I now from that vrock?
It is approximately 15 feet out
and then another 20 feet in the air.
Okay, then I'm going to fly up
so that I can cast shatter
without my friends being in the blast zone.
So you need to make a con save.
Demon comic con save.
That's right.
Four, that's 17.
It meets, so it beats.
So you are going to,
you hear a loud ringing noise, painful, intense.
Then you are going to take 39 thunder damage.
Holy fuck.
Tell me what it looks like when he's dead.
Oh, well, it's thunder damage.
So I feel like maybe it sends like ripples of force
and that sort of like moves through the demon
and then he crashes to the ground because he's flying.
Like bone crunching, like flesh ripping,
like falls to the ground in a huddled mess.
And then you hear more movement from around
and you begin to hear like the groans of zombies.
And then you hear VSA, I'm not stunned anymore.
Ha!
And then you begin to see them from the light from Tullgear's weapon,
the faces of them coming out of the trees.
Looks like it's time to blow this popsicle stand.
Yes, I say we need to get out of here.
You'll quickly climb aboard the magic carpet and zip off into the air
as the scene around you is overwhelmed by maw demons and zombies.
All music and sound effects in today's episode can be found at epidemicsound.com or boomlibrary.com.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Gabriel Lynch, Mark Hartless, Stevie,
Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
Christian Brown, Jessica Babyok,
Daryliff, Devin Michaels, Aaron Stevens,
Luke Ickes, and Ray Sirbeck.
To find out more about how you can support Dumbgeons and Dragons,
visit us at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast,
where you can have exclusive access to 50 plus hours of bonus audio content,
create in-game NPCs and items,
as well as play games with the cast.
Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
Have a great week, and we'll talk soon.
You're looking at me like it sounds strange.
You got a little Sean Connery going on there.
Oh, okay.
Orcish forces.
Orcish forces.
Orcish forces, yes.
That's what it sounds like to me.
That's probably just me.
Totally missed out on a real good dad joke opportunity.
Only the numbers 1 through 12.
You don't have watches in this world.
It's the darkest timeline.
How do I know if I don't have a watch?
Guys, my turn just lasted forever.
So long.
Is this what it feels like every time?
Yeah.
Worse.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.