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Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Yeah, it's fine.
Ha! Ha!
We're gonna need better disguises.
Yeah.
I'm kind of digging this sun hat.
The sun hat does look great.
It does change your look.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
This is D&D 5th Edition Actual Play Podcast.
And I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More.
And with me today is Tom Laird.
Yeah, that's me. I play Moot.
And Amy More.
That's me. I play Sullivan Slate.
And Karla Maxted.
That's me. I play Narixious Akra.
But you are my friend, so you can call me Glim.
Aw, thanks.
How's everybody doing tonight?
Oh, so good.
Good.
Yeah, doing great.
I can't wait to steal some stuff.
You know when you just feel like stealing?
Ready to get to thieving.
Ooh, it's a caper.
Right?
Ready to just be in well over our level two heads.
Let's do it.
You guys are still level twos?
How did that happen?
Remember when Tom was like,
were we supposed to level up and you laughed?
You laughed.
He really did laugh.
This sinister laugh.
Yeah, so hard.
I laughed so hard.
Then he said something about...
Episode 50, we're still level two.
You'll never live long enough to see level three.
I don't know. It was very disconcerting.
He mumbled it.
Under his breath, yeah.
Yeah, we're going through a harsh rebrand.
Again?
Where we never make it past level two.
As soon as you're on that XP cusp, nix.
CPK, got it.
But where you can stop that from happening is over on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
If you join us over there,
hey, we're only two patrons away from our next goal,
which is not to nix these three characters,
but also to have me sing a whole bunch of really great D&D songs.
I can't wait for the full version of Carly Rae Jepsen's Call Me Maybe.
Yeah, that's going to be good.
If you're not aware, because maybe you're not a patron,
well, over on Patreon, I run a game every month
where Russ and Carla and Amy all play,
and Russ plays a tabaxi bard named Opal,
and his singing has come up from time to time,
so this will really be a deep dive into the catalog
after this next Patreon goal.
Some world-saving songs.
Really is.
I think all those songs, I think only ever world was saved
when I was singing a song, so.
Fair.
I mean, we'll have to go back and check the tape,
but I'm pretty sure that's how it played out.
When you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you as well,
and today's patron is Still the Ghost.
Thanks, Still the Ghost.
Ooh, spooky.
Too scary for Carla.
Unfinished business.
I have a question.
Is it, like, Still the Ghost, like, stop that ghost from moving,
or is it Still the Ghost, like, I am still the ghost.
I took it that way.
I continue to be the ghost.
Yeah, that's the way I took it, too.
Because it's my unfinished business here on Earth,
but you're right.
I had it be, like, you stop that ghost from moving.
I mean, it's all one word, so it really could be
Still the Ghost.
Still T-Ghost.
Still T-Ghost.
Oh.
Like, who is T-Ghost?
Right?
Who knows?
Anyways, Patreon.com's...
Sorry.
What a fun little mystery that name is, I know.
Still T-Ghost.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Save these lovely little characters and also get an episode dedicated to you.
And now...
No pressure.
This is very ominous.
Fuck it, let's play D&D.
Anybody else feel like...
Fuck it, I'm gonna kill everybody.
We got nothing to lose now.
Absolutely.
If I had spells, I'd be burning spells left right in the center.
If Amy had more of those acid scrolls...
Exactly.
We're about to die anyway, so let's go for it.
Right?
I feel like Glim was kind of playing like it was her last day on Earth anyway
with all her burning...
A little bit.
...lighting people on fire and stuff, so let's just see.
You did not hold back.
Let's see what happens.
We join back with Mook Glim and Sully, and it's the next day
after they've handed off Layden Menda's scroll to a stranger in the night on the docks.
You're going over the note from Sharmy, reading it again and again
to make sure that you get the details down pat.
And you are supposed to be acquiring certain items.
First, a circlet with runes in Infernal and red and green writing.
Six alchemical jugs with the sign of Dagon on it.
And various herbs from Aglarond, Dream Flake, Sutara, Goji Leaves, Sticks Root.
It also gives you the details that you are to track down a ship from Aglarond
that should be carrying all of these items.
Hey, does anyone know what the flag of Agarond looks like?
I think it's two lions that are face to face.
I see one over there that they're facing the opposite direction, but it doesn't...
Maybe I have it wrong.
One's on top of the other one too.
It's an interesting flag.
And it's on that checker background.
It's blue and white, and then two lions face to face, and then a star in the sky.
It's quite...
It's quite striking visually.
That's involved. It's real busy.
It's a little... there's a lot going on.
I don't know a lot about design,
but it seems like they were really trying to get it all on the flag.
So we should be able to spot that if they're flying the flag.
Oh yeah, I totally think so.
Shall we walk down the docks and just see what we can see?
Let's see what we can see without having to ask.
I feel like it might be suspicious if we ask about a ship
and then something goes missing from said ship.
Agreed.
Yeah, that's absolutely correct.
You don't want to say, I'm going to steal,
because people will expect things to go missing and then also know it was you.
Exactly.
Can I roll a perception check to see if I see this beautiful flag we have designed?
This beautiful, busy, busy flag?
Yes, as you walk out of the inn and tavern that you are in,
make a perception check please.
Twelve.
That is better than what I rolled.
That's also better than what I rolled.
Three.
Oh, I had seven.
The three of you walk out of the skunky monkey into the street
and back down toward the dock.
And as you're walking back down the street,
you look to a bulletin board that's on the way.
And before you get down to the dock, you see your image and Moot's image
under the sign wanted for the maiming and debilitation of two civilians.
Oh.
Oh, Glim.
We should get a disguise or something.
What do you guys need a disguise for?
What do you...
Yeah, this isn't...
I mean, I stand by what I did, but this isn't great.
This is really refreshing.
My face isn't even on there.
Well, because you were hiding under a blanket the whole time.
Well, yeah, fair enough.
I mean, it was very important.
Okay, yeah, we got to get you guys maybe some disguises.
Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
I can wear this robe, but I don't know if that's a great disguise.
Maybe we could just go and I could find, you know,
like some sort of fun chapeau and that would throw people off.
I mean, I'm sort of hard to disguise.
I'm very large and I'm, you know...
Yeah, all colorful is the problem.
Hold on one second.
I want to pop back into the tavern that we had come from.
And I want to like sneakily gather soot from the fireplace
because every tavern has a fireplace.
There certainly will be a fireplace.
Yes.
Okay.
I want to do that.
Also, I'm delighted there's no homeless people in this...
I mean, are you trying to be stealthy or are you just going in
and taking soot from a fireplace?
I want to go in and be a little stealthy,
but like I don't want to raise suspicion.
Like that would be weird.
Also, did I have a big floppy sun hat last time?
You did.
I feel like I'm going to keep wearing that.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, we did end with...
I think I like the sun hat.
All right.
Well, that's a 14.
It's not super busy, but yeah, you can actually absolutely go in
and take soot from the fireplace without raising too much suspicion.
Yeah, I just kind of like scoop some of it
into a little leather bag that I have and exit.
And I come out and I say, here, bend down, bend down.
And I take some soot and I start to rub it all over Glim's face,
dulling the shine and glisten of her blue or her brilliant scales.
You don't even know what color scale is going on.
No, I'm very sorry.
It's kind of like bronze.
I said blue, they're not.
They're like titanium...
What are they?
It's like a reddish bronze?
Yeah.
Shut up.
Listen, go fuck yourself.
It's an audio medium.
Yeah, God, I'm not...
You have to paint the picture if it's blue.
I have a really hard...
No, OK, I take it all back.
I say, come here, bend down.
And then I start to soot her face and I use that as a verb
and dull her bronze scales.
What do you want us to roll to see if this works?
Is she a master of disguises?
Are you a master of disguises?
Only a master of being sneaky.
What does...
I say it would be like performance, putting on makeup.
Performance would be on Glim's part.
You're trying to...
I think it would be probably more sleight of hand.
That's OK with me.
I mean, that works.
Yeah, sleight of hand on your part.
OK.
Well, that's a 20, not natural.
Absolutely.
Whatever you want Glim to look like with soot, she now looks like.
Yeah, I am just...
I'm essentially darkening her scales so she doesn't shine so brightly
and attract attention to herself.
OK.
Wow, you're so good at this.
Have you ever...
You must have had a job doing this before.
I feel like I look totally different and like...
I mean, I'm still a Dragonborn, but not like a glossy kind of one.
Like a more rough and tumble kind of.
That's exactly what I'm going for.
Well, yes, I was...
I did work in a make-up-ery for a while
where we would make up different stories for people
and then change them into those different types of people.
Oh, so what's the story for me?
I said rough and tumble, was I right?
Is that what you were going for?
Oh, absolutely.
You know what?
You probably grew up on the streets.
Yeah, you've seen some hardship.
So if I grew up on the streets, what would my name be?
Because Glim doesn't really make sense if I'm not shiny anymore.
So now...
I am...
What do you think?
When you're make-up-ery experience, what would be a good name for me?
Oh, well, fair enough.
Well, I mean, people like...
You know, you're a street urchin, right?
Like you're living on...
You probably have a nickname.
Your mother probably didn't even care about you enough
to give you a real name.
Like maybe you're like Slim.
Oh, I like it.
Yeah, Slim.
Okay.
Yeah, Slim.
A little dangerous.
That's who I am now.
Yeah.
Yeah, I grew up on the streets.
My mom didn't even love me.
And I've been totally alone my whole life.
Gosh, this is actually like a really sad kind of story.
Well, yeah, it's okay, but it's not actually really you.
Yeah, okay.
Also, I don't think Slim's found Bahamut yet.
Oh, God.
I made it even sadder.
Oh, yeah, Bahamut would probably be a dead giveaway.
Yeah, so you can't go spouting all your awesomeness about Bahamut.
Okay.
Just when you are Slim.
That's a glim thing.
Right.
Okay?
You gotta just be sneaky, inconspicuous.
I wonder what deity Slim would follow.
Okay.
I want to think about that, but...
Okay, do you guys...
What do you guys think?
Do I look...
Do I look different?
I mean, if I didn't know any better, I would think so.
Absolutely.
Okay.
And you've got that hat, so like...
It's fucking gorgeous, man.
I just love the floppy brim.
Well, now it's so bright out, it's probably like really coming in handy.
It's super handy.
It keeps the sun right out of my eyes.
You hear the armored footsteps of helm guards from down the street
coming from behind you and moving towards the direction of the dock.
I guess we'll move out of the way.
When I move out of the way, you notice that I'm like kind of walking with a slight limp.
Glim's decided Slim, probably.
It's like, it's been a hard life, probably.
Yeah.
Isn't.
Some deep character work she's doing.
I like she's really embodying this whole...
Really getting into it.
I really like it.
All right.
From Glim or Slim and Moot, who we haven't come up with a new name for yet.
Suddenly someone goes, you're Boot.
As the armored soldiers come to your location, make a performance roll.
Do I have to perform anything?
They're not looking for me.
They're not looking for you, no.
That's a 22.
Performance, okay.
It's a 19.
You guys are so good.
You strike a pose as your new selves.
I feel like I hunch over a little bit and I grab Slim's arm and I say,
Can you help me across the street, sweetie?
Well, I mean, I wouldn't normally do that, but I guess you do seem pretty weak and pathetic, so let's go.
Oh, thanks, dearie.
You guys are nailing this.
The helm guards move past you as the scene is playing out.
And as Sully says, you guys are really nailing this, one of them kind of stops and turns and looks.
Just keep helping this...
Yeah, and I really like...
Kindly old lady across the street.
Really struggle with my walking.
They're kind of just scanning over the situation as it plays out
and then begin moving back down towards the dock.
All right, now where...
Where to now, guys?
Well, I guess we should go down to the dock and see if we can see that flag and then maybe find the ship.
Yeah, it's a good idea.
And I guess let's all just keep our eyes peeled in case any more guards come around.
I mean, it's a really good disguise.
I don't think anyone's going to realize who we really are, that we're not Slim and Boot,
but just in case, we'll keep our eyes peeled.
OK, sounds good.
Also, we should probably stop talking about it.
Right.
Yeah, we shouldn't mention being Slim and Boot anymore.
Yeah, yeah, so like, stop it.
We flash forward down to the dock and it's...
Two hours later because Boot insisted on walking like a granny the whole way to keep up character.
Only when the guards are around.
The slight limp, though, from Slim is really slowing us down.
You notice that guard presence is increased from the day previous.
I wonder why.
With your rolls, you've managed to make it all the way down to the dock.
And activity has picked back up again.
It's as busy as it was yesterday when you arrived with the number of ships coming and going and offloading.
Let's pick back up.
What's your first...
So the dock is quite long as far as the city goes.
It wraps right around the coastline.
The dock where you are located is kind of in the middle of the city,
but it extends out down the entire run of the city.
So for at least a couple of kilometers of dock.
In either direction from where we are or in total?
Total.
Okay.
So what's the plan when we find the ship?
Because we can't just go and ask for these things, can we?
No, probably not.
I guess we like watch and observe and see like when the guards switch off or any weaknesses in their defenses.
Or see if maybe they're just like unloading things to sell.
I guess we don't know if the things will still be on the ship or...
So I say find the ship, watch the ship.
Well, you know what? We get on a caravan.
We can probably do the exact same thing with a ship.
Just be like, you looking for some extra hands?
That's a really good point.
And have them hire us and pay us to steal from them.
But what if they were leaving?
Then we need to steal all this stuff and jump off the boat?
Well, it depends where they're going.
Huh.
I mean, we have to get back, don't we?
Do we have a deadline?
I feel like we have to get back pretty quick or...
Well, it's...
I think we just have to get back.
Yeah.
I don't really know if there was like a time frame for it.
Sully, you were the one that signed the deal.
Do you remember any of that?
No.
We just need to come back.
And if we fuck her over, she will know.
Oh, I wasn't suggesting that.
I was getting it confused with the scroll.
There's a very tight timeline.
Oh, yeah, easy to mix those up.
No.
Like, I don't think that we should dilly dally or anything like that.
But I mean, it's probably a good idea to do things in a safe way.
And probably the less time we spend in this town, the better.
I mean, they are actively looking for us.
Yeah, I'd like to get out of this town as soon as we could.
I don't really like seeing my face on wanted posters.
I don't really like seeing my face on anything.
I'm sort of, you know...
I don't mind being in front of people in real life,
but up on a big billboard or something,
that seems like a terrible idea.
Well, left or right, guys, what do you think?
I mean, if they dock alphabetically,
then they'd be over to the left.
But I don't think that's how dogs work.
Or maybe it's by name of ship, if it's alphabetically.
And we don't know what the ship...
Do we know what the ship's named, Sully?
No, we don't know the name of the ship.
We just know that it's come from Aglarond.
OK, I don't know, left?
Sure, let's go left.
All right, everybody, as you're hunting and searching
and looking through ships and combing through people
and trying to pick up on phrases or anything like that,
make an investigation roll, please.
Well, that was a one.
Ooh, that's fun.
I'm so busy being swim.
I can't even pay attention to anything else.
A 13 for me, Russ.
OK, you managed to walk down to the far end of the dock,
walking all the way down to the east end of the dock.
Glim, you are very wrapped up in being slim,
perhaps to a fault at this point,
but so much so that you certainly haven't been noticed
by any of the helmed guards patrolling the dock,
bumping past you, walking around and down the docks
and up and through the streets of the city.
Sully and Moot, you don't see the ship walking down
to the east end here.
You overhear a dockhand quickly talking to someone,
looking like they're trying to settle up an order,
saying that a ship, what you hear is a small goblin
who's missing a left hand.
He's got a big sword on his back and carries a clipboard.
He's talking to a human male and he says,
yeah, ship from Aglaron with a whole bunch of different things,
herbs, chemicals, all that sort of stuff.
It's going to be coming in later tonight,
probably down other end of the dock there.
Hey, you guys, we got to turn around.
We went the wrong way, but we went the right way
because we just heard some information just right now,
but we went the wrong way because it's going to be
at the other end of the dock.
Oh, OK.
But later tonight.
OK.
So let's walk down there and maybe like lay low,
get a bite to eat at a tavern or something
and then OK, come back out when it's dark
or when the boat's there.
I don't know.
As the three of you turn to walk back down
the other end of the dock, you hear the same voice
call out and be like, hey, you tree,
you look like you're lost.
What are you doing down here?
We were just looking to see if anybody needs
a couple hands for help on the ship.
But then we looked at all these ships
and we decided we're going to go check out
the other side of the dock.
What's wrong with these ships?
These ships are very important.
They got a whole bunch of really great stuff on them.
Well, I mean, that's great and everything,
but I mean, sometimes really important stuff
is really heavy.
And let's face it, like, you know,
we're working for pennies over here.
I don't want to be lifting gold bars.
Yeah, we're looking.
Is there any flower deliveries coming in or?
Flower like flowers, anything that's like.
Yeah, not bags of flowers,
because that would be really heavy.
Yeah.
What my friend means is like roses, daffodils, daisies.
I used to be a flower ologist.
I know a lot about them.
This goblin looks down to their clipboard
reaches with their left hand, which is missing.
Every time, every time I go to flip the page,
the arm's not there.
He switches and kind of props it up in his hand
and flips the pages.
Well, there's some stuff.
There's some, I don't know, you want to lift light stuff.
People don't generally hire for light stuff.
Well, yeah, I know.
It's just, you know what, too?
There's also a tavern on the other side of the docks
over there about, you know, a little ways down.
It's got the best eats.
Well, it really does.
Yeah.
Lucy's.
Yeah, Lucy's.
Lucy's slurptuous scrumsh diner.
Is that how you say it?
I could never quite read it, because it's,
there's a lot of consonants.
Lucy's slurptuous scrumsh diner.
That's the one.
Yeah.
Yeah, with the, the one with the soup, right?
That real good fish soup.
It's so slurpy.
It's a chowder.
Yeah.
Now that I hear you say the name out loud,
it makes a lot of sense.
Yeah, for sure.
Um, so we're probably going to go down there,
grab a bite to eat, and then to, like,
see what's coming in in the evening, you know?
Cool, yeah, that sounds really great.
Because I mean, working in the sun, too.
I know.
It's really just, it just wears down on you.
I wasn't even supposed to be working here.
Where are you supposed to be working?
Well, I mean, I ended up here.
I was, I was out adventuring, you know,
with a group.
Got this chopped off.
Dang, man.
That fucking sucks.
Yeah.
Like in some, in some kind of battle or something.
Cool, right?
Yeah, it's battles.
Cool.
That's where I got it chopped off,
and that's...
Sharpened my blade.
But, um, yeah, it's, um,
very cool how I got my arm chopped off.
My hand.
Well, you want to come to Lucy's?
You tell us the story.
I can't.
Uh, well, yeah, yeah.
Hey, yeah.
Perfect.
Let's do that.
All right.
Yeah, all right.
You're going down there right now.
I can get off in about an hour.
Yeah, we'll be down there.
We'll have some soup waiting for you.
Oh, that sounds great.
What's your name, friend?
My name's Shoo.
Shoo Left Hand.
Which hand is he missing?
His left hand.
Oh, yeah, he is.
Ha, Shoo Left Hand.
I like your name.
I like your gumption.
Thanks, friend.
What's your name?
My name?
I'm Boot.
Boot, hey.
Pleasure to meet you, Boot.
Shoo, Boot.
It kind of seems like you guys were meant to meet.
Don't you think?
Boot and Shoo.
Oh, that's a good one.
I think we're going to be the best of friends.
Yeah.
My name is Tully.
Tully, nice to meet you.
Took you a long time to think of your name there.
Uh, well, you know.
Well, it was just the whole Shoo and Boot thing.
It was too much for me.
Oh, yeah, I get it.
Uh, I'm Slim.
I'm Slim.
Sure, Slim, because you're tall and Slim.
I get it.
Yeah, it's not one of those ironic nicknames.
It's one of those face reality kind of nicknames, you know.
Cool story, bro.
Yeah, I like it.
I dig it.
All right, we'll see you at Lucy's in like an hour or so.
Yeah, absolutely.
Nice.
All right.
All right.
Outie.
Cut down to the end of the other.
You're going to check out the other end of the dock.
Yeah, we're going to go to Lucy's, which is at the other end of the dock.
Perfect.
Yeah.
And we catch.
Check things out along the way.
Keep listening.
We catch a good table, too.
Right by the window, we can see the ships coming in and out.
Perfect.
It's fucking beautiful.
You sit down at Lucy's diner.
Full name, please.
Scrumptious.
Lucy's Slurpsious Scrumptious Diner.
I nailed it.
How'd that happen?
Right?
It's almost like it shouldn't be that, but it is.
It is almost like that.
But it is that.
But it is.
But that happened.
Yep.
You sit down at a windowed table and you don't notice the ship you're looking
for on the way back down there.
But you sit down and you sit and wait about an hour passes by unless you
specifically want to talk about anything else.
Yeah, I think we should probably talk about the situation we've gotten
ourselves into with shoot.
I don't really think it's fair to say we got us into that situation.
Yeah, OK.
I was thinking that if we have someone else like a local around us,
we're going to be a lot less suspicious.
I was thinking maybe we could get him real drunk and then leave him at the
table while we go and do what we got to do.
I don't know.
Also, I feel like he's kind of cool.
And if we asked him to come along with us, he might do it.
I mean, he said he used to be an adventurer.
Right?
You sound kind of nostalgic.
Although we're not so much being adventurers tonight.
I mean, we are in the grand scheme of things.
We're on a mission.
We're not so much specifically adventuring as we are maybe like
ship breaking and entering.
Yeah.
More of a Scallywag situation.
Yes.
Yes.
Scallywag is the perfect description.
There's a lot of gray area when it comes to adventure.
And, you know, we saved Merv's life.
We did.
Tonight.
And the only way we were able to do that was to agree to do something
that was a little bit shady.
Yeah.
The world is not black and white.
We adventurers, we work in the gray.
You have to make sacrifices to do the right thing sometimes.
And I understand that.
I like the maybe we just make a new friend and he comes along.
That'd be great.
Doesn't seem like it's going that way.
I wonder if he's like some kind of bureaucrat.
He had a clipboard.
That's true.
Clipboards.
Very important people carry clipboards.
Yeah.
So I'm also on board for the get him drunk and pump up our information.
Yeah.
Let's do that first.
And then maybe he'll just agree to come along and then, you know,
like he's already like indicted himself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's addicted that he'd like to come and get the stuff off the ship
with us.
Yeah.
And that's also I think I'm totally using that word right.
And then he's already done the thing.
So he's also, you know, guilty and will either come along with us out
of guilt or just at least not turn us in because he would also have to admit
to his own guiltiness.
Indicted.
This all makes total sense.
OK, good.
Sounds perfect.
You're sitting around discussing.
You hear the door chime open and tiny footsteps walk over and say,
hey, friends, good.
I thought you were just going to ditch me and not show up here.
Usually that's what happens to a good old shoe left hand here.
But good that you have a shoe.
Now, pull up a stump, my friend.
Thanks, boot.
Good to good to meet some new friends that just just want to share in the
in the in the in the in the good storytelling that we can all give to each other.
I look at Moot and I say, pull up a stump?
In bad taste, bro.
It's all right.
It's all right.
I'm used to it.
It's been missing for a while.
I'm so I didn't even think.
That's just something that I say.
He's from a place.
He's from a stump farming place.
I know it's it's just a coincidence.
It's like how his name is boot and your name is shoe.
It's just a crazy coincidence.
No one would ever figure out who knew how it could possibly happen.
That's right.
That's two people in the world who are named after footwear apparel.
That'd be like a hand in a glove coming together in the world.
One who was like a forestry person dealing in stumps, one who has a stump.
The coincidences are through the roof here.
I kind of feel like you guys were kind of meant to like become best friends.
I feel super big chemistry forming right now.
Cool.
I like it.
I like chemistry.
Actually, I'm not very good at chemistry.
Have a good day at work or?
It's a busy one.
Busy one.
Lots of ships.
Yeah.
I was working the night shift there timelines wise.
Getting off about.
Yeah.
It all works out.
Getting off in the early morning night shift.
But yeah.
What's the clipboard for shoe?
I mean important people have clipboards.
He pulls the clipboard from his satchel and says, well, so I can keep track of
ships coming and going.
You know what?
You got a rough schedule of when they're supposed to be arriving, where they're
supposed to be docking.
You can yell at them, say, this isn't your dock.
And then they move down to another dock.
It's a very powerful piece of equipment when you're working in the shipping, the
shipyard industry.
What would you say your title is in this industry?
Very important.
Well, they call me the dock specialist.
Wow.
Because I specialize in dock.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know.
It makes sense.
Information, dock related materials.
You had to go to school for a long time.
A lot of logistics.
Shoe left hand.
D.S.
Shoe left hand.
D.S.
Yeah.
I can open it.
It almost sounds like detectives.
Shoe left hand detective.
That would have been good too.
But no, docks.
Like a gum shoe.
Shoe left hand gum shoe.
D.S.
Just in case you're thinking about a career change, you know?
Sure.
Yeah.
I mean, who would give up this sweet gig though?
Well, like I said, this wasn't the gig of my dreams.
This was just the gig of happenstance.
How did I get this clipboard?
I happened to be there and look like the last guy.
Oh.
They handed me a clipboard and said, I work here now.
So I work here.
The last guy also was a goblin who was missing his left hand.
I don't know if he was missing his left hand.
I never met him.
But the way that they just thought that I was him led me to believe that there were some similarities.
Another coincidence.
Yeah, fair.
Well, how'd you find it?
Are you like Cerulean or you come from somewhere else?
Since you're an adventurer like us, I assume you've been to many different places.
Oh, I come from the mountains up near past the Dale lands there.
The Dale lands?
We were like just up there.
Whoa, what were you doing up in the Dale land?
Enjoying some super great apples to tell you what.
Oh, those apples.
Known for the apples in the orchards there.
When you go back up through that way, you ask yourself for some apple crisp.
Change your life.
Wow.
They weren't serving that.
Last time I was there, which city was you in?
We were in High Moon.
What was the name of that place?
High Moon.
High Moon.
High Moon, lovely town.
Oh, yeah.
Lovely people up in High Moon.
A lot of love.
A lot of love in High Moon.
I emphasize the love.
Giving it out freely.
I saw so many body parts up there.
Wow.
A lot of butts.
Oh, yeah.
Cool.
We're in the middle now.
What up?
Yo.
I kind of had like a pink kind of feel to it.
I thought there was going to be more of that song.
Oh, it was kind of bad, but that's fine.
We're in the middle now and we're going to tell you about the stuff.
Too many words.
Too many words.
But hey, we're here.
You know what you can do next week, if you were so inclined, is visit Patreon.com
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And if you do it before the 15th, you could be joining us in a game.
Game time.
Game time.
Game time.
This month we're running it on the 15th.
Well, Tom is running it on the 15th and it's going to be a super fun time.
It will be because I'm going to be there.
Amy's playing.
Yeah, yeah.
And you know what?
Sometimes some other people show up too.
Every now and then.
Everyone is welcome.
But we would like you to go check that out over at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon
cast and just take a look once a month.
We have a game that we play and this month it's on the 15th.
But check the schedule.
We got the next four or five months up there.
We'd love to see you around the virtual table, so to speak, playing a game with us.
I think the best part about the game time games is that we always learn how to be
better at D&D from our patrons.
Very true.
I was going to say the best thing about the game time games is that if you think
about how we play with characters that we care about and love and like really want to
keep alive and then imagine how we play characters we're playing one time.
It's a bit reckless.
We're a bit less precious.
Just let loose is what you get to see.
Dumbgeons Unchained.
Oh, boy.
Setting the bar real high, Tom.
Look out.
Oh, geez.
Please go check that out.
If it works for you, great.
We'd love to see you there.
If not this month, then maybe one coming up very soon.
And now let's get you back to the episode.
Hopefully I'll have a great week.
We'll talk to you soon.
Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
So you have to work like every day or is it a good job?
You get paid a lot.
Sorry.
That's rude.
I grew up on the streets, so I don't know.
I'm not very.
It's all good.
I don't have good social graces.
Slim.
Yeah.
No, totally.
You're in good company here.
No, don't worry about it.
It's not like some hoity-toity place.
Cereloon is obviously this is kind of your first time through.
It's a little seedy here.
You've got to kind of blend in your types here.
I don't want to say it, but a little bit sketchy.
Well, that's probably why they got all the extra guts.
Huh?
There was lots of guards.
Yeah, a lot of guards.
There was some new folk coming through town just blasting face.
Did you hear about that?
Like farts?
Whoa.
Oh.
No, what happened?
Not with farts.
No, with like fire out of their mouths.
What?
It's like a dragon or something came in.
Talk about light burn.
Huh?
Telling me they probably had Taco Tuesdays down the street there right before getting
a fight.
Well, I would like to see that.
Sounds like it would have been a sight.
You know, my friend, he was walking by.
He told me about it, said it was like a dragon person.
And they was like, yes.
The guy was just trying to just pet a donkey or something.
And then they turned around and were like, no, and then fire.
And then like, burninating was mentioned.
And they were like threatening that they would kill their children while they
sleep.
Wow.
These sound like bad dudes.
Bad people.
That's why they're up in a wanted sign in the city filled with criminals.
Yeah, I saw that.
I mean, must be giving a break to all the other criminals.
They're like, whoo.
Yeah.
Safe for right now.
Right.
So what are you three doing in town?
Well, we were up in High Moon doing it, doing a thing.
And then we thought doing it.
What do we what should we do now?
Like join a caravan.
We've already done that.
I thought we'd come here and like, what about a boat?
Yeah, like see something different.
It's pretty cool to be on the boat.
Lots of water.
Yeah.
You ever you spent a lot of time on a boat before?
Well, I get to go up on the boats here.
I mean, I did go out on a boat once, but not like as a profession, you know,
but I do get to go up on them, you know, just check inventory sometimes
and then come back down.
You can give us maybe like maybe you could like,
since you got such like an important job and stuff,
give us a good reference.
We find a ship we like, we want to work on.
You'll put in a good word for us.
Yeah, absolutely.
What kind of skills do you bring to this to the shipping industry?
Well, well, I know it didn't sound like it because I was looking to like
lift something light, but I'm pretty strong.
I mean, you look at slam.
I mean, you scrawny on the exterior, but it's all muscle.
I can just tell just by looking at you.
Yeah, pretty, pretty strong.
I'm great with ropes.
I can tie so many knots.
I can swing from them.
I can climb them like a hot damn.
Real naughty, are you?
Oh, you know it.
He winks at you.
I'm real good at swabbing things like decks.
Real good at that.
Everybody needs a swab for the poop deck.
Boot on the poop deck.
I can see it now.
It has a ring to it.
That's for sure.
It sure does.
Yep.
All right.
So you got a pulls out his clipboard, starts writing down boot,
clip deck, tully, naughty, slim, super strong.
All right.
If I hear anybody looking, you know, you guys, obviously you're looking for a job.
You're going to be in town till you find a job.
Yeah.
I'll keep an ear out.
Awesome.
That'd be really great.
Well, I think we should buy you a drink to celebrate.
Oh, it's the least we can do.
I appreciate it.
You must be thirsty.
You work such a long day.
You're the first nice person we've seen in this entire time.
Really?
Everybody's so nice all usually.
Well, I don't know.
You told us some people were blasting faces.
Real shady characters.
Well, yeah.
But if you shady, they stay cool with you.
And those people was coming in blasting faces of our shady people.
It's like mind your own business, right?
Right.
We don't come into your town and blast your face.
Right.
Seems like a little bit overkill for only getting a donkey.
Welcome to Saloon.
We don't want our faces blasted.
You guys should put that on a sign.
That's a good town slogan, right?
I'm going to write that down, too.
We don't want...
So where's that drink?
Back heap.
Around over here, please.
A tooth for my friend.
The day goes on a little while.
Do you just hang out all day watching the docks?
Yeah.
Why not?
We're in good company.
I'm sure he's telling us all sorts of adventuring stories.
The day goes on.
The drinks keep flowing.
You have a few meals.
You're watching the ships coming and going.
And it gets to be kind of dusk.
And you see a large ship coming in, bigger than any that have come down to this area.
And you see a flag up in the crow's nest.
And it has an image of two lions' faces.
Blue and white checkers.
And a star.
I kind of, like, casually elbow my friends.
Like, you guys see that?
See that?
Silly nods.
Hey, Shoo, that's a big boat coming in there, hey?
Hey, it looks over.
Yeah, oh, yeah, that's one of the bigger ones that comes in.
Yep.
Yeah.
Pretty impressive.
It's got a pretty cool flag.
Well, that's the flag of, uh, Algor...
Algonquin?
No, not Algonquin.
Allegory.
No, I don't think that's...
Alligator.
Algorithm.
Algor...
Ag...
Aglaron.
Oh, I heard of that place.
Flag of Aglaron.
I haven't even heard of that place.
Where is that?
It's across the sea, opposite Kitty Corner, you know.
I'm dodging the poking that's happening as he's, like, pointing around.
Wildly gesturing.
Yeah, it comes in every couple months, brings a whole bunch of, I don't even
know, like, real things that, like, you know, the wizards and, like,
witches and all that sort of stuff.
They like all those sorts of herbs and chemicals.
Oh, wizards and witches.
That sounds dangerous.
Oh, my.
I don't know.
Wizards and witches and warlocks.
Oh, my.
Oh, my, right?
But yeah, biggest ship that comes in.
It's got a pretty big crew.
I don't know if they'd...
If that's what you're asking for, I don't know if they'd need anybody
working for them.
They usually come fully stocked because, you know, it's fully staffed because
they come in, they drop their gear, you know, this day or the night,
and then they head back out.
Do they take tours?
Because that's, like, a big-ass boat, and I'm not going to lie,
the size of it really intrigues me.
Like, you to tour the ship?
They don't even let me up.
Yeah.
They don't even let dock supervisor...
You are the dock specialist.
I saw you were supposed to check in.
The inventory.
Everybody had to let you while you got the clipboard.
Well, you know, higher up dock specialists, maybe.
Oh.
But, you know, me, I'm down at the other end there, smaller ships,
little just, you know, tiny merchants down there.
Okay, I'm going to be up front with you.
I don't have all the pull that you think I do.
But...
Oh, I'm sure you do, Shoo.
I mean, we can go ask.
Like, you know, I've been here around long.
I recognize probably a couple of the friends up there.
To be honest, I haven't been on that ship specifically.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I got a great idea, you guys.
You said that they all disembark and they spend the night on land?
Well, yeah, a bulk of them.
I'm pretty sure they leave a couple on there, you know.
Okay, okay.
What if, instead of asking for permission,
we ask for forgiveness after we take a tour tonight?
You're going to just sneak onto the ship?
Shhh.
You're going to just sneak?
You're going to...
Why do you want to sneak onto...
You could get killed.
What for sneaking onto a ship?
We just want to look around.
Oh, those guys carry big swords and stuff.
Oh, but you know what?
You have a pretty big sword.
Pumping through my veins?
Don't you miss that?
I grab him by the shoulder.
Don't you miss the adventure shoe?
I do miss the adventure tully.
And yes, it is a big sword boot.
Slim, you didn't say anything particularly motivational, but I guess...
You see the glint?
The glint.
The glint in the eyes.
It's a bit of a Glimer in your eye there, Slim.
No, no, it's really more of a glint.
Okay, glint.
Steely glint.
Steely, yeah.
On account of your street-wise upbringing.
That's right.
The mother didn't care about them.
Why don't we just wait until they all get off the ship?
Just tiptoe on.
Take a little look around.
What could it hurt?
You know what?
Then with the knowledge of the ship, they're totally going to want to hire us.
Because we'll like, know things about the ship.
And they'll be like, we need these people on our ship.
We're already experts.
We're already trained that it wouldn't even need to train us.
We'd already know our way around.
You're right.
They'd be like, where's the mess hall?
And we'd be able to tell them because like, we know.
You don't think that would seem suspicious?
Maybe.
Or would it be really amazing?
There's only one way to find out as an adventurer would.
You've got me there.
He puts his clipboard down.
Finishes his drink.
Says, well, are we going to do this or what?
What time is it?
Well, they just pulled in.
So it's probably, probably want to wait a little bit.
OK, let's keep our eyes open.
Let's have another round of that soup.
It is good soup.
OK, you watch several more hours as you see them docking and tying up the ship.
I stopped drinking at the moment.
We decide we're going to sneak onto the ship.
Yeah.
OK, do you stop Shu from drinking?
No, no, keep buying Shu drinks.
Yes.
I go up to the bar and explain that we're all going to be drinking water from here on out.
But Shu will continue to be drinking whatever he was drinking.
OK.
But if we're taking him with us.
That's fine.
I like this.
He's not going to be very sneaky.
I mean, no one said he had to come with us, Amy.
The plan was to get him drunk, get information and then leave him.
If he drinks enough, he might just get real sleepy.
Fair enough.
I thought we were gathering a fourth in our party.
OK, well, I'm going to roll four constitution checks here.
And he hasn't rolled below a 12.
So he, as you see the bulk or from what you can presume, the bulk of the crew of this ship that has just pulled in,
which through talking with Shu more, you've come to learn that the name of this ship is the Golden Dragon.
Of course it is.
The bulk of their crew leave to go into various inns and taverns and spend the night.
It looks very quiet on the dock.
It's gotten back to that point where there are fewer people walking about from what you remember the night before.
Shu looks to you in his inebriated state and says, well, as of are we going to do has has.
When when do we jump on the ships?
Well, I think it's just one ship tonight.
That's what I said.
Are you OK, man? Are you all right to do this?
Sure. Yeah.
I got the clipboard.
He picks up his clip.
I'm your I'm your tickets in here.
I had a thought.
I know you got the clipboard, but we're all just we're just adventurers.
We can just sneak on, sneak off.
No repercussions.
You got a whole like career going.
Are you sure you want to?
I thought we would risk it just for a little.
Hey, man, you make your own decisions.
I thought maybe that, you know, shoes left hand was going to join slim toot and poly.
Oh, no, for sure.
I mean, you get like my friend here said, you get to make your own decisions.
We just you know, we we've just grown fond of you.
And I think we feel real shitty.
You hold your liquors a lot better than you do this a lot, don't you?
Drinking a lot of practice.
Yeah, yeah, a lot of drinking.
We got to be ready to adventure no matter what state you're at.
So, you know, OK, well, I mean, I don't want to I don't want to be left behind.
I mean, I could be at least be, you know, if you get caught, like, just say, oh, we're just checking the manifolds.
Sure. Yeah. And the manatees.
If they got them on board, maybe we got to double check and make sure they've got all six.
I didn't. Yeah. All right.
So, OK. Well, you know what?
We probably need a lookout. Yeah.
Yeah. Everybody knows you around here.
I don't want to brag, but, yeah, they kind of know shoe left hand.
Everybody. Everybody always talks about shoe, probably how he's always the best one to deal with when you pull into the dock and he's the one you want.
And brings you the soup when you're, you know, working hard.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, OK. Yeah.
We need a lookout, need someone just to peek around corners and get in there, get in, get out.
Well, you're like, you'd be like at the on the dock, right, with your clipboard looking hella important.
And if there's someone coming who's going to be getting on the ship, maybe we need to have like you need to give us the sign.
The sign. What's the sign?
Yeah. We need a signal.
Oh, oh.
Something to tell you that someone is coming on.
Something like that.
Like that? Yeah.
I mean, that's pretty close.
OK, we definitely draw attention to ourselves.
I hear a birdish creature calling out in the night.
We'll know it's you and you are doing your part for this team.
Right.
But I mean, don't do it unless like someone's actually going to board the ship and like, you know, blast us.
Sure. Yeah, no, we got to make sure.
You got the most important job, man.
Are you ready for this?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Are you sure?
Like I said, I know that you're risking.
I don't want you to get in trouble or lose your job.
I'm not worried about that.
I could find another job in a heartbeat.
Jobs? Dime a dozen.
No, but I could find one.
OK, Birdman clipboard specialist protecting the adventuring group.
What do we call ourselves?
Oh, what do you think?
Do you have a good idea?
Shoes crew.
Shoes crew.
Oh, I like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shoes crew.
I feel like it's like an Ocean's Eleven kind of thing here.
But we're four and I'm a shoe.
And this is a sea instead of an ocean.
Yes, for sure. Let's go now.
Sea's four. OK, well, let's do it.
He hops up, puts his clipboard into his bag and confidently walks towards the door.
Is it a closet door?
He walks into the closet door.
Oh, no, not the downtown office.
Guys, guys, I'm stuck.
I walk over and I open the door.
I'm like, yeah, such a joke stuff.
These guys, what are these jokes?
Holy man. Classic story.
I had known you were that funny.
All right, let's lead the way.
Let's go.
We leave through the actual door.
I assume exchanging looks of concern.
And I whisper back like, we'll take care of him.
He'll be fine.
Poor guy. He might be a good lookout.
It'll be fine.
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Have a great week, and we'll talk soon.
Russ is like desperately Googling to find a flag.
No, we know what it is now. It's two lines, face to face.
Two lines, face to face. That's what it is.
Are there any like, I don't exactly know what this like downtown area is like.
Are there like trash cans that were on fire or any like fire pits or anything like that that have been left over?
I'm looking for some ash or some soot.
Yeah, down close to the docks, you remember that there were some beachside bonfires going on.
No, because this is a city. Why would there be?
That doesn't make sense.
Because homeless people might sometimes need to keep warm at night.
You didn't see any homeless people.
But didn't you say there was no shops?
No.
We didn't talk about shops, but I feel like you said that before we started recording.
No, he said that that we weren't going shopping and we were going to the market.
That's true. Damn it, Amy. It was on a boat.
Right. Amy, why don't you listen to me?
Amy, you never listen to me.
Yeah, that I'll try. That was recorded though.
Yeah.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.