Click any line to jump to that moment in the audio.
Don't go anywhere, Dumbgeons and Dragons starts in just a second.
Bizard and Kavlaran open the door, incense begins to pour out of this establishment.
There's blinking lights, a smoky air to the space as you enter the chest of drawers.
And the walls are completely lined with the most colorful, all different sizes of underwear that you've got more than you've ever seen or pictured before in your life.
And it takes a moment as you're kind of clearing the smoke from your eyes and popping right up in front of you is this older man, very, very skinny.
He's got a tan shirt with a brown vest over top.
His pants are three sizes too big, and he's got them cinched up with a rope.
And he comes jumping up to you and says, Good day, my friends, come into the chest of drawers.
What can I find for you?
Shall we do some fittings?
Yeah, yeah, um, Kavlaran, I don't know if you wanted to just drop by and pick up or if you know your size or if you wanted to get something custom.
I mean, I won't lie, this place has changed a little bit for the last time I was here, and I just needed like a second to take it all in.
Oh, we have made some improvements.
When was the last time you were here?
It's been like a couple months?
Years.
There were some little market research that we did that said bright lights, incense was popular with the kids, we've got the music that I was about to turn on, it disappears in the back.
Just give me a moment.
And then you hear just like this thumping bass coming from the back.
I'm working late because I'm a singer.
I assume.
I was expecting a lot more sitar, but all right, I'm into it.
And he comes out and there's this disco ball begins lowering from the ceiling and says, what do you think?
I absolutely love it.
I knew people would.
Incense is a little much, maybe dial that back a bit.
Dial back the incense, he writes on his notebook, dial back the incense.
Okay, perfect.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Nobody said that before.
Looking at you, looking at you two, um, tight briefs and a G string.
Yes.
Perfect.
Absolutely.
As long as it's a silk.
Oh, yes, of course.
And he, uh, zips over to a shelf off to the side.
Wait, are you getting the G string or am I getting?
I mean, I was pretty sure I was getting it, but I guess we're going to see when he comes back.
We'll just buy whatever and we can take whatever.
Absolutely.
I was just wondering who was the G string and who was the brief.
Can't wait.
I like that the man is going to decide, right?
I pick your panties now.
It's fine.
Less choices in my life.
I'm all for it.
That Steve jobs situation.
He comes over with this silver platter of a tray and there are four different types of, of, uh, tight briefs on one and four different G strings on the other.
Um, and he's like waving them back and forth in front of you as if waiting to see who picks them.
And then he drops the G strings in front of cav.
Says, yeah, did I get it?
Oh, yes, of course.
My good sir.
Nailed it in the hands.
He says there's no trying on what's your size.
We could, we could measure, but of course that that's entirely up to you.
Uh, I I'm a thick with two C's.
Thick with two C's.
Uh, he checks the label, called it thin with six eyes, thin with six eyes.
He looks at the label, called it again.
I haven't lost my touch.
No trying on.
I mean, we could sure go into the back, try them on, try and keep whatever there's magic in this world.
We'll just get them to clean it after.
If there's anything wrong with it, we can press to digitate it clean.
It'll be fine.
Perfect.
Yes.
Yeah.
As you were.
Okay.
Hold on.
I'm sorry.
Pause.
Does anybody else feel like press the digitation?
All it does is alter the thing.
Like let's say you're cleaning a pair of dirty undies.
Mm hmm.
Those undies are still technically dirty.
There's like just a layer of press the digitation over top of it.
Oh, it cleans it.
I, that's not, I feel about that spell.
I feel like-
You're thinking more it went, like it took everything down to the, to the
crick and beat them on the rocks.
Like, I feel like it's layered.
It is transmutation.
It's literally altering an item's, you know, contents and everything.
Yeah.
In my heart, it's just a layer of, I don't know.
Like Scotchgard or something?
Like a Scotchgard, like transmutating Scotchgard on the underwear.
The Robert Munch book where she colors herself with the amazing
never come off until you're dead markers.
I mean, it's been a long time since I've read any of those.
Anyway, she finds it, she gets a peach one.
And after she had finished marking all over herself, she
colored over it with peach.
That's how I feel.
The cold meds are kicking in.
I'm so sorry.
Continue on.
Fair, fair.
No.
Amy's flying high tonight.
That's okay.
You, the two of you go into the back and he says, call if
you need something seasonal.
You can just go ahead and bring it.
I'm always interested.
Same.
Love it.
Would you like some different fits?
No, you just, you bring me what you feel is best.
Dealer's choice.
Like you guys, did you ask his name?
Who's this gentleman choosing out your undies?
It's Mr.
Chest.
Obviously it's Mr.
Of drawers.
Chester drawers.
All surnames are after a trade, right?
It's Mr.
Chester drawers.
Yeah.
It's like Iceland.
That's how they do their last names, but not professional.
Oh, I thought you were talking about.
I thought you were making a joke about Iceland because it's not
ice, it's green.
No.
Cause they like name their last names after their dads.
Oh God, you guys.
We cut to the answer, Smith.
You doing okay?
I'm, I'm here.
Okay.
Well it's your turn next.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D and D actual play podcast, and I'm
your dungeon master, Russ More.
He, him also joining me today is Amy More as Alydin.
She, her, I'm going to wail on that bucket so hard.
Carla Max dead as Bonwyn Everbane.
She, her, I think we do it classic sleepover style.
Tom layered as Kavlaran Goldweave.
He, him.
I don't think you want it to be kept loose.
If it's on the down low and Kyle class it as bizarre.
The wizard.
He, him.
I don't think that's actually a game.
I don't spend much time on boats.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon supported podcast where you can
join us at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
We have an entire other show over there called the adventures of
where we play more D and D and have just a really great time.
And Hey, don't forget next week.
We have a very special holiday episode.
Two of them actually coming out for you.
So, you know, stick around here.
Fuck it.
Let's play.
Alydin and a lot of the kids.
Oh, I think we said all of the kids were going to have a sleepover.
Big sleepover.
At Everbane.
Bane, Day said he would probably come, which is good.
Cause this is a lot of children for me to feel responsible for.
Although they've been taking care of themselves, but still.
Yeah.
I don't think they require a lot of extra care, but like, you don't
know how trashy they might trash the place.
They're children.
That's right.
It's been a very commotion filled evening.
Everybody's been tucked in.
Bonwyn and Alydin and Dase and Thane are all kind of just collecting
themselves in the, in the main areas.
Everybody's drifted off into the various, I guess, how many bedrooms do you have?
Not even really bedrooms.
I think we do it classic sleepover style where we like pull all the beds
in and we're like in the big open space because we had just kind of
moved everything after monster destruction.
So things hadn't quite been set back up.
So like, and it's warm and cozy because we've like banked the, the
fires and the forages and like, you know, everybody's eating popcorn
and told scary stories.
And now they're all just kind of drifting off to sleep.
Maybe the four, I was going to say the four of us adults.
No, maybe the four of us.
I mean, Alydin totally is like, like in my little office that's
like off that main area.
All right.
As all of the kids are drifting off, door closes and the four of you are
in the room and Dase looks around and sits down in one of the, on one of
the stools that's in this space and says, do you need us to stay all night?
I don't think so.
I mean, we're all here or I don't know.
I guess we should be maybe doing watch.
I think we do need you to stay.
I've reconsidered.
Roger that.
Yeah.
We need to, we need to do a watch in case another kid wanders off or is taken
or got to figure out what's going on.
So maybe Alydin first watch because.
Yeah.
Then you can get some sleep.
Yeah.
I would, I could do, I could do any watch.
Oh, I know you could, but I don't want you to have to.
It's not a competition.
Yeah.
Okay.
Do I like just sit by the door?
Well, you can just find, you can pull a comfortable chair in there.
Okay.
And just watch closer to the fire.
You could read a book or something.
I mean, we're not looking for, um, a mouse creeping in.
I don't think, I think it will be obvious if a kid gets up and
starts to like wander away.
And then just, um, I guess raise all hell, maybe bang this,
give her a pod and ladle.
I take the ladle and then I lift my bucket and go, yes.
And then I put the ladle inside the bucket.
Yeah.
All right.
I got this.
You got this.
I got this.
And we'll be, we'll be just right in here.
A couple of us will be trying to just get a little rest as well.
So we can make it through the night, but yeah, we'll be right in here.
Door will be cracked open.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm going.
You enter back into the space with all of the sleeping children,
a couple of them stirs.
You come in and look up at you and put their heads back down on their
pillows and drift off to sleep.
You sit in a chair that's reasonably comfortable over by one of the fires.
And what do you do?
I think what Alydin does is gets her bucket and takes a little pocket
knife out that she has and is just kind of like meticulously like scraping
off a little bit of rust on her bucket.
Like not making a huge man of noise.
She's not raising all hell or anything.
Um, but she's like, and like carving some, some pictures into her bucket
with the knife and just pretty much anything to keep herself awake.
Cause she does not want to fall asleep.
How embarrassing would that be?
How embarrassing?
So embarrassing.
Uh, the night drifts on a little bit and your eyes begin to get a little heavy.
Would you make a constitution saving throw?
Oh my God.
I'm just going to roll on my iPad.
Oh no.
It's like real life.
Oh no.
I got a 19.
Oh, that's not like real life.
No plus two.
It's a 21.
I believe that Alydin would be like, I'm awake for 21 hours.
Stay awake my whole life.
Yeah, your eyes begin to get a little heavy and you shake it off and
plaster them open as much as you can.
I get up and walk around a little bit.
It's the blood moving.
It's always a good trick.
Yep.
No, definitely won't open a window.
That might be how the banjo man gets in.
That shut Tom up.
Yeah.
What do you think?
Windows?
He didn't know he wasn't here.
Yeah, it's true.
Oh, fair.
Yeah.
I mean, I was there for the creepy song.
Yeah, yeah.
You finish out your watch and next one in is Bonwyn comes in, sees you pacing
about the room at this point.
Okay, go to bed.
We got this.
You're good.
Did you see anything weird?
No, nothing weird.
Are you guys sure you're okay?
You don't need me to take another hour or two?
I tell you what, we'll wake you up if we need you.
Okay.
I think maybe I have borrowed a book, let's say from June, since she used to
work at the school, perhaps she was like the keeper of the books and I'm looking
to see if I can learn any more about like, it's like a folklore kind of book,
maybe about the banjo man or that weird treble clef kind of symbol that was
burned into the floor.
Symbol that was burned into the floor.
I'll roll library.
Just kidding.
That's a cyberpunk roll.
History is probably the best.
What about something I'm good at?
Do you have a good investigation?
Cause like, I do have a good investigation, but yeah, I wouldn't
quite correlate, it's probably history.
Uh, that's not the worst 14.
Crack open the book and you're flipping through the stories of all
the tales that, uh, that have been collected over the years.
And, um, you come across one that catches your eye about a person
who was down on their luck, spent some time traveling from city to
city, playing their music.
They weren't the best.
The moral of this tale is, um, all kind of wraps up into do what you
love and good things will come.
This tale though, as you continue to read on about this person,
it's all very, there's not a lot of specifics.
They never named the person in this tale.
They just call them the man or the, or the, or the person or the musician.
It gets to a point and they are introduced to a being from the fey.
This being makes them a deal.
You continue to play music every time you play, you will get better.
And in return, you will bring people to the fey for this being.
The tale in and of itself, as you continue to flip the pages
as you're reading through, you find it isn't completely finished.
This goes on to, um, tell you how much this person has become like
this well renowned musician throughout the land.
And as you get to the last page, it stops kind of mid page as if the,
the person, as if the person writing it just stops at the end of the
stopped, it's in the middle of a phrase.
And then instead of what, um, you know, would come at the end,
the, uh, a proper piece of punctuation, there is a tiny musical note.
As you hit that, your eyes begin to get a little heavy.
If you'd make a constitution saving throw, please.
16.
Your eyes begin to get heavy and your, your head bobs.
And as that happens and you're kind of correcting yourself and you look
back down at the page, there's like what appears to be like a shimmer
across this, just this one page.
You flip back and forth a couple of times.
And, and then when you come back to it, that shimmers gone.
There's a hand taps you on the shoulder and it's DACE.
So is everything okay?
Yeah, Russ, I think I remember this right.
Wasn't there also like a shimmer thing on the actual, what was it on the
leaf or on the etching that I did?
Or it was, yeah, it was on the musical note that looked like it
was scratched or burned into, okay.
On the actual one, not the copy.
Okay.
That's what I thought.
But before I started telling tall tales today, so I wanted to make sure.
Um, I'm, I'm good.
I think I found something.
What's that?
Well, you know, that etching that I showed you that burn kind of musical thing.
Well, the real one is like, had a bit of a, I don't know how to
explain it, like a shimmer on it.
Um, like something not of here.
And I was just reading in this book about this musician who makes a deal
with someone from the Faye to get excellent at music, but then they owe
this Faye creature people as payment.
No, that doesn't sound good.
And I saw the same thing.
Shimmer thing.
Right.
You see it?
Takes the book from you and I, I don't, I'm sorry.
I don't, I don't see any shimmer.
I hands it back.
I mean, we go way back.
So you believe that I see these things.
Yeah.
I mean, it's also like, I believe that you've seen it.
It's also very late.
We've been up dealing with, you know, not saying that what I'm saying is I believe you.
There's a lot of strange things that are happening.
Indeed.
What do you know about the Faye?
I don't really know much.
Like the stories we used to tell when we were kids.
And like, they're just stories for boat and forest and like
spooky tales to tell at night.
No, that's, that's all that same thing.
I don't, I don't really know it.
If only we had him a wizard here who might know some things.
Of course he's off to Kingstown.
That's okay though.
Of course.
So like our one sort of real magical person.
Should look at diversifying that specialty.
Yeah.
I mean, he's normally always around, but this is, I mean, we could really
use some insight here.
Do you think someone else might know?
Like, I mean, like some, some of the older folks down by my parents or June
or someone like, I don't know.
In the morning at the very Lacey, you know, you got this from June.
You said you can maybe check and see if she has all the old books from
the, from the schools, like at the mill.
I don't know.
Should we send the kids to stay at the old folks place with the old folks
or then will they be unprotected?
I, well, I mean, they'll, we give them warning when, before we send
the kids down to the old folks place.
Oh yeah.
I didn't think we should just send, you know, 30 random children down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll send a note maybe.
Make sure that there are extra, extra festivities that they have running
around, you know, just put on pause while the kids are there.
Well, there'll definitely be some canoe rides.
There's like 150 canoes kicking around that place.
My dad's gone nuts.
So, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
I think that'll be good.
That'll be good.
Yeah.
Hey, well, just a thought.
Um, let's, let's check that out in the morning.
Uh, but I didn't see anything other than, other than this.
And I think, and can I actually do like, just in case I was so engrossed,
like a head count, make sure everybody's still there.
Yep.
Rural investigation.
11.
Yeah.
You look around, nothing's changed.
I run out of fingers and toes.
I can't go higher.
You, you see all, basically everybody there that doesn't look like
there's any empty cots in the space.
Nothing's changed with the doors or windows.
Like everything is as you, as you left.
Okay.
I'm going to hit the rack.
You're in charge.
Yep.
You got it.
Uh, Dase goes over as you head out into the other room and he's
tossing another couple logs on the fire just to stoke that back up.
And he sits back in the chair and notices there's a book beside
him and also starts reading.
We don't need Bazaar.
We're going to be so smart by the end of all this studying.
We'll be right back.
It's the middle.
That way I don't have to worry about it.
Mm hmm.
There you go.
Lovely.
Welcome to middle everybody.
Hello middle.
Hello.
Middle.
How's everybody doing?
Good.
Real great.
Hey, fucking-tastic.
Is that real?
Cause that automatically sounds sarcastic.
Uh-huh.
Damn it.
That's fucking-tastic.
That's the, that's the fucking-tastic.
That's the Tom situation that he was talking about earlier.
Yeah.
Fan fucking-tastic.
Fan fucking-tastic.
Fan fucking-tastic.
You can't.
I don't think you can.
Fan fucking-tastic.
Yeah.
Fan fucking-tastic.
Nah, it's too, it's too rabid.
That one was definitely pretty aggressive.
Yeah.
Man.
Well, we didn't swear at all in this episode until this point.
Oh wow, we did so good.
So now this one has to be explicit again.
Sorry everybody.
Oh well.
They should all just be labeled explicit.
They are.
That's a good call.
Yeah, no, just to catch all of those, uh, flamie kin sex room from season two, season one.
Any innuendos that happen to get by us.
It's just a blanket of careful explicit.
Yeah.
Yes.
Just, just assume that we're going to say something and it's going to be off-color.
Yeah.
That's just a good way.
And it might be sarcastic, but it might not be, depending on who says it.
It's true.
Exactly.
But either way, it'll probably be profane air time.
My profanity comes from the heart.
You know what else comes from the heart?
What?
The love that we give our Patreon subscribers over at Patreon.
So much love.
You just go to patreon.com slash dump dragon cast.
You sign up, you get a lot of great bonus content.
There's a book club.
There's special discord channel.
All kinds of good stuff.
Maybe you can play with us.
But of course, also you get an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron, Lisa S Beasley.
Lisa has recommended a couple of really good books to me in the discord.
So yeah, it's not just all D and D in there.
You can get book recs, get all kinds of good stuff, recipes, all
sorts of stuff.
Yeah.
And just getting to know people.
Just some nice people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, good times.
We're all over there.
The love.
Yeah.
This is fan fucking-tastic.
No, see you can't say it.
Fan fucking-tastic.
Nope.
Sorry guys.
I got a smile.
This is actually now our most swearing-est episode.
Just trying to swear.
Yeah, but we're working out something.
What if we, what if we flip it?
What if we go fucking-fantastic, but not fan fucking-tastic?
No, see, yeah, it's the placement of the fucking.
It's cause in that situation, fuck actually fivils a grammatical role as an adjective.
And it's never like a positive adjective either.
So, I mean, I mean, unless it's fucking great, fucking great, fucking great.
But if you're like inserting it in the middle of a word, it's not just on its own.
Fucking potato casserole.
Yeah.
See, if you put it in the middle.
I don't know, that sounded kind of pleasant.
Is sweet potato one word?
Would it have to be something like po-fucking-tato?
Yeah, it'd be like po-fucking-tato.
Po-fucking-tato?
Look, I did it wrong, okay?
Did you notice Sam Weiss was like, po-fucking-tato.
Do you want me to sing a song and not rhyme at the end, like mash and boil and fuck them in a stew?
What about elevensies?
I was going to try to put fuck into that too, and I can't.
Oh, wow.
We fucking love you guys.
We fucking love you guys, it's true.
Yeah, 100%.
Thanks for listening, thanks for being here, thank you Lisa.
Go join us today at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast, and I'll get you back to the episode.
Have a fan-fucking-tastic day.
Fucking fantastic episode.
Fucking fantastic day, love you.
Love you, bye.
Bye.
Back in Kingstown, it's the next day.
Cav, you turned in the books, but then left them in the stack of papers on your desk to keep them...
Brilliant plan, if I do say so myself.
You're making one last stop by the office and you're swinging by your desk just to make sure that they are in fact hidden.
The piles have gotten taller since the last time you were there.
And as you're turning around to head back out, you hear a call from Comptroller Wiggum.
Hey, hey, Cavlarin, Cavlarin.
Say.
Oh, yeah, yep.
And you hear from the other side.
Cavlarin, you're back?
No.
Good to have you.
Say, yeah, yeah, yeah, come into the office here, see?
He starts heading back towards his office.
I go in and close the door.
She's always on it so fast.
I've been here like 30 seconds.
Everybody will know you're back.
But then don't worry, I'll correct it because we need you to be gone.
So I took the information that you gave me and I took it up to a couple of folks above me.
I'm not going to name names right now, but there's some serious interest in the findings that you have.
Yeah, just kind of played it a little loose with some, you know, what if kind of questions.
And well, let me tell you, there have been there have been some investigations into certain ladies,
business handleings.
Uh huh.
Just keep it keep it real loose and on the down low.
OK, well, I think those are two different things.
I don't think you want it to be kept loose if it's on the down low.
Well, this is new information for me because I usually just go report things.
This has some higher ups in it.
I'm not really sure about reporting it.
But what I'm telling you is there are people perceptively on our side here.
So this is good.
This is good news for both of us.
OK, we like that.
Like that. So we're going to send you back to Vintersmouth.
Keep things copacetic.
You don't have the books anymore.
You hid them somewhere.
Yes. Yes.
Perfect. Great. Love that for you.
And then give it a give it a week, maybe two.
And we'll send someone from our office to do some further investigations,
follow ups to certain reports in an effort to make move this to the next step.
And what is that next step?
Well, that's what we're that's what me and and a couple others
and are going to try and figure out here is the next step is we've got to
we feel we've got to cut off.
The supply. Of everything.
To the mayor.
OK, yeah, no, I think that's a good call.
Easiest way to do that, we figure,
is to shut the mayor and all of his closest cohorts down first.
OK, any any objections?
I don't think reason why that wouldn't work.
I mean, it's a lot of people to to shut down all at once, but.
Yeah, I'm pretty confident that'll work.
You just I mean, based on the books, I mean, it's probably pretty evident.
You still think every noble in the city is
is also. At least has some
handling of what has been going on.
I mean, it might be too much to say every single one,
but, yeah, I think for the most part, they all kind of know.
All right. Well,
we'll come with a few people, then, you know, come in force.
We've got the military there. Yeah.
Uh huh. Well, those are our military.
Well, I mean, you might want to just like, make sure that's the case.
They've been taking handouts for a while down there.
Really? He says you got those books on you.
I mean, not on my person, no.
Good. That was the test. You passed.
Oh, all right.
I love the easy ones.
Yes. Well, we'll bring we'll bring some we'll bring some
lieutenant or commander, somebody, somebody who we can vet here.
Like Lieutenant Dan?
Well, we could bring Lieutenant Dan. Yeah, absolutely.
It wasn't my first go to, but Lieutenant Dan could could be an OK guy.
He's a good guy. We'll see if he's on the up and up.
Do a little internal vetting here.
This pen doesn't work.
I'm just going to write down a different with a different.
No, this this one works.
Lieutenant Dan.
He's still in he's still in the he's still in the organization.
I mean, he retired last I saw, but it's been a little while
since I was really up to date.
OK. Maybe it was a different Dan.
You continue doing your business.
We want to keep you off the radar for a little bit.
So just whatever it is you usually do there.
I'm sure it's very similar to what you were doing here.
Yep. It's as much as possible all the time.
The two of you just lock eyes for like a.
Like too long.
Cav continues nodding slowly.
Yep, that's what that's that's why we sent you to Vinter Smith
is because you loved your job so much.
So we're going to send you there.
You're going to continue doing what you're doing.
You may get a couple a couple of letters from us with some updates.
Don't worry.
We'll make sure that they are imbued with a certain
magic quality so that if they are taken before they get to you,
that they won't have the same message.
OK, I'm told that this is something that's possible.
I haven't handled much magic in my life,
but we've got a couple of people on on payroll now
who handle in these cipher systems.
Cool. I'll I'll have to ask my buddy Bizardo about it.
Yes. He may need to help you because
it's entirely likely he will have to help me.
Yes. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent.
Well, it's good that you have that out there.
Because if you couldn't read the message, this would make this very difficult.
But that said, we will send a few people out to further the investigation
and hopefully just to have a plan at that point to shut things down
and then start working out,
working out towards all of the nefarious people in those books.
I love it.
Mm hmm. And that and then all that whole plan checks out to you.
Yes, 100 percent all in.
Oh, OK. Good, good, good, good, good, good.
All right. Well, it's good seeing you.
Good to have you back. You're not back.
I'll make sure to let everybody know that you have left again.
Perfect. Yeah, you came in left quickly.
Take a coffee on your way out.
It's the best coffee in the entire city.
All right. We'll do. You pour yourself a coffee.
It is still the same cold swill that you had
that he served to Bizardo last time.
Good to see you, Kav.
Uh, yeah, and I just kind of put the coffee down on the counter
and duck out the door, duck out and down the hallway.
And we see Comptroller Wiggum go over to the to the cup
and says, oh, he forgot his cup and take any swigs out of it.
So I'll just I'll just finish this off here for him.
And he goes and sits behind his desk and puts his feet back up
and takes a long drink of that cold, cold coffee.
Ah, well, it's my favorite.
I like Comptroller Wiggum's is
like when the internet first came out, it's like,
I haven't dealt with this magic stuff.
Email, I don't know.
We've got an intern there young.
I'm sure they know how it works.
Down at the docks,
Bizard, you're waiting for Kav and the ship to leave
and a lot of times passing and you're expecting your mother
to arrive in hopes that she comes back to you with Vinter's man.
You're scanning the crowd looking for either Kav or your mother.
And some time passes and you hear the bell of the ship
behind you and a call for everybody to get on board.
You see coming through the crowd, you see Kav
who's got his bag and
tucking in all of the G strings that he picked up at the chest of drawers.
All the shopping bags, like shopping bags.
Yeah. Shopaholic.
I closed my spell book.
I've been spending the time, like looking up and also copying
new spells that I bought from just going to different different shops
around town and spending that money that I've earned.
So I kind of closed my book.
Look up and I see Kav and I'm like, cool.
Still a little bummed that I'm not seeing my mom.
But I look up Kav, give a wave.
Oh, Bizard, are you ready to go?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
I wasn't sure if my mom was going to stop by or not, but.
We didn't stick around.
The bell just rang.
I'm sure you just heard it.
So, you know, this. Oh, shit.
No, sorry. I was in my own little world there
thinking about all the shopping.
Yeah. Yeah, it's, you know, it is one thing I miss.
Miss about the King's 10 Kings town.
So, yeah, that's it. I'm.
I feel you on that.
No, we should catch this boat because I, you know, I need to get back.
I can't leave.
I don't want to leave Alydin, you know, with the responsibility
of the shop too long.
So, my God, of course, the shop.
Yeah, we know we should go right away.
Yeah, and I'm going to go over to like the harbor master,
and I'm just going to say, hey, if
if this woman shows up
and asking about this ship, would you give her this note, please?
Which woman?
Her name's Clara, and she'll be asking for Bizard
or the ship Hanny heading to Vintersmouth.
If she shows up.
Of course, you can burn it, throw it away, throw it in the water.
It doesn't matter.
Oh, OK, of course, of course.
Yeah, no problem. He takes it from me and puts it in the pocket here.
Your name was Bizard.
Yes, yes. OK, that's good.
Yeah. All right.
You got it. Well, you got your tickets.
To have Lauren, that was, you know,
transportation was covered.
Oh, yes. Yeah.
No, sorry.
And he reaches into like three different bags at the same time,
trying to find the tickets.
I know they're around here somewhere.
G-strings flying in the air.
Yeah. So you're fumbling for your tickets.
The underwear juggle that's happening.
Bizard, you take one last look over your shoulder
and you see coming through the crowd
with a couple bags over her shoulder is your mother.
Oh, I rush over to I'm like, please hand me your bags, Mom.
Oh, yeah, of course.
Yeah, it's still still time.
Yes, yes, there's still time.
This. You you are coming with me.
I. She looks down and then kind of back.
And yeah, yeah, I'm I'm coming.
OK, OK, let's go.
Let's go. She pauses for a moment.
She takes a couple steps and pauses and kind of looks back over her shoulder.
And you've moved ahead a little ways.
And as you turn to make sure she's there, you see her.
Struggling in this moment.
Mom, I. Yeah.
Do you do you want to go with me?
Yes, yes, I do.
Do I actually believe her?
Roll insight.
That's an 11.
You definitely sense hesitation in her.
But what you do feel that she wants to come with you.
But there is an internal struggle
that you feel just radiating off of her.
I'm going to put her bags down and we're going to pull her off to the side and be like, I.
I can tell that you want or that you would like to go.
But something tells me you don't feel like you can go.
And I want to make sure because I'm the last thing that I want to do
is make you live a life of not your own choosing.
I'm not going to be that person.
She takes in what you say and she looks up at you.
And there's a shift in the tone and the feeling that she's giving off.
And she says,
bizarre, I've been living that for years.
I'm coming with you.
OK, your father is he'll stay here.
Maybe he'll come and visit.
He won't come and visit.
I wouldn't expect him to.
I'd love to see where you've made a home.
Very well, if this is if this is what you truly want.
I mean, it's what I want, but that doesn't
that's not what matters at the end of the day.
She grabs your hands and holds them tight.
And it's what I want.
Let's go. Your friend, maybe.
Why does he have so much underwear?
You know, and I kind of like tuck some in my bag.
I'm like, I don't, you know, just they're very comfortable.
And, you know, he likes his thing there.
OK, yeah, let's go. Let's go.
No hesitation here.
This is what I want.
OK, darn.
Grab her bags back up and start heading towards the heading
towards Kavlaran, who's maybe found the tickets by now.
He's found the tickets, finally.
You turn, you all walk up the gangplank and find a spot
in one of the galleys and set your things down.
And you're around a table.
And there is this is a
more of a luxurious ship than the first one
that you came out to Kingstown on.
And someone comes around and serves you some tea
and some small scones and and then moves on.
The three of you are having a pleasant moment.
And Kavlaran, your experience with Bazaard's parents
hasn't been that so far.
So it's a nice feeling that is around the table as you
as you all look at each other.
Well, I have to say, I'm
I'm glad you decided to come, Mom.
And Kavlaran, like, looks like we have a new citizen of Vintersmouth.
So this is going to be good.
This is going to be good.
Are you set with everything that you needed to do here?
Are we like good on all that?
Totally good on everything here, or at least as good as can be.
And good news.
I know the welcome wagon committee quite well in town.
We'll get your mom set up real nice.
Perfect. Perfect.
Remind me to talk to you later
about that noble Cressida Thorne.
Remind me to talk to you about her.
Oh, yeah, the one.
Yep. OK, yeah, we'll we'll chat a little later.
Mm hmm.
So is there
fun boat games
that we can do? How long is the journey?
Well, is it about I mean, it's about three days by land
and day and a half by the
by ship flies by if you're playing games.
It's true. This is true.
I haven't played any boat games before, so
that could be fun. OK.
Let's play some boat games.
I hear one that's really fun is especially on a boat is trying to
keep a marble within a circle.
You all hold a table together.
And since the boat's swaying, it's quite a quite a dexterous challenge.
I don't think that's actually a game.
I don't spend much time on boats, Mom.
I'm going to be honest with you.
Well, it sounds like fun.
Let's try and see if we can get other people to come join us.
Beautiful. You all try and find a marble
or whatever you need to to set this game up.
And we it's the hottest game in Kingstown.
Circle marble boats.
Fucking stupid.
Circle marble like this.
They didn't workshop the name or anything like marble puzzles,
like table tip. No, no marble circle marble.
I play the hell out of that game.
Alydin, you feel a cool breeze.
You look around and you find yourself
in this clearing in the forest.
So this has to be a dream.
You see a deer skip across
the clearing and disappear into the trees
and some birds shoot up into the air.
I want to look around for any,
I don't know, anything in a role investigation.
Oh, I can do that. 15.
You are taking a moment
and looking around and you're listening to everything you hear.
You hear everything you'd expect.
You hear wildlife off in the forest
and breeze through the trees and the grass is tall
and swaying in front of you.
And after a brief moment,
you feel yourself beginning to move to the other side of the clearing.
And on the other side of the clearing,
you hear the soft sound of music beginning to play.
Oh, this, this, this, this is, this is not good.
Do I still have my bucket?
If I fall asleep with that bucket, do I have the bucket?
Yeah, you have the bucket.
OK. Yeah, you have your bucket.
Alydin takes out the ladle
and holds a bucket and just,
well, I mean, I'm moving toward
the like not of my own volition
kind of idea or like in a dreamy trance.
Like, yeah, you feel you feel yourself moving in this.
You can't there is no real choice in the matter.
Like you look, you can look around you, but yeah,
you're compelled at this moment to move to the other side of the clearing.
So bucket in one hand, ladle in the other.
I'm just prepped to if the minute I see anything, any tomfoolery happening,
I'm going to wail on that bucket so hard.
You make it about halfway.
It's going to be to the tune of the music.
And then it's a cowbell.
And Christopher Walken is going to come out of the forest.
I could just picture your moves.
More cowbell.
Don't fear the banjo man.
OK, I'm sorry.
Yeah, you get about halfway through the clearing and then you
on the other side where the presumed music sound of music is coming from,
you see this rippling shimmer
in the trees on the other side.
Well, that has magic written all over it.
I'm kind of looking around as I'm going toward this magic
shimmery thing, just being like, oh, I don't like it.
And as you continue to walk forward,
the trees begin to move in the surrounding area
and they're like parting the way towards this one massive tree.
With this opening.
As soon as the trees start to move,
Alydin is like moving.
No, no.
And she starts to wail on her bucket.
And as you go to wail on the bucket, no sound comes out.
What? You hit it again and again.
What the hell? You see the bucket denting.
Mm.
Um, I'm going to yell for help.
Help.
Dase.
You hear your voice and then it's like it, the echo of it
sucks away.
You see the tree get closer to it and hanging from the tree
and down around the base of the tree are wooden toys.
Oh, this is so creepy.
The sound of the music gets louder.
And as you can almost reach out and touch the tree,
you're startled awake back in Everbane's.
Well, you guys, I saw a tree.
Thane is sitting in the chair and he looks like he was awake,
but he's definitely pretty groggy and he's Alydin.
Are you OK? Is everything all right?
I had, well, I, yeah, I had the weirdest dream and.
I don't, and there was a tree and there were toys.
And that music was playing.
You look around the room, make an investigation role.
How about a 23?
I'm really nailing it on my rolls today.
As you're describing this to Thane, you catch out of the corner of your eye.
The window on the other side is cracked
and you see leaves that have strewn into Everbane's.
And you look and you're counting the heads
of all the kids and Tally's missing.
Thane, where's Tally?
What do you mean? Tally's right.
Uh, Tally, he calls out.
Tally. He goes into the back.
Wake up, wake up.
One of the kids is missing. How?
I don't. I don't know.
I did. I swear I didn't fall asleep.
I swear. And he goes back and checks out.
How did you said you saw something?
You said you heard something.
The banjo man took Tally.
I was in a dream and there was the shiny thing
and I couldn't stop walking toward this big tree with a hole in it.
And then the music that the banjo man was playing was so loud.
And then there were these these wooden toys everywhere on the ground.
And and then I I woke up.
Oh, and I tried to bang on my bucket and I lift the bucket up
with the ladle and nothing.
No sound came out.
You look at your bucket.
It looks the same as when you went to sleep.
It's not dented like you saw in the dream.
What do you mean a shimmery thing?
Because remember when we saw
the the carving in the floor where Cedric was taken and there was like
like a ripple almost in the air.
Yeah, kind of like when it's really hot.
Yeah. You know, and you see.
Yeah, it was like that.
All all like around the trees and stuff.
And look, and I point to the open window.
Dase pushes past all of you and opens the front door.
And you see him kind of disappear around a corner
and calls out to you, Bonwyn.
Come quick. Yeah.
And I rush over.
Alladin follows behind, obviously.
Everybody follows behind.
And you see this trail of these leaves
leading up the road and towards the forest.
And as the morning breeze picks up, they begin to blow.
He says, I think we've got to hurry to follow these.
And he starts taking off.
This would be the part in the movie
where Alladin goes, this is something I have to do on my own.
And the adults are like, no, no, absolutely, absolutely.
I don't think so.
Thane, stay here with the kids.
Dumbgeons and Dragons, season four, episode 13,
starring Amy More as Alladin.
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane.
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave.
Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Dialogue, editing and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound and Slipstream
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound, Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
Our amazing cover art and character designs are by Matt Garbutt.
And a huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak, Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
Christian Brown, Angaron Kierzen, Perry Matey,
Old School Gamer D, Craig Zeiss, L.A. Branton, Barbara Sandersyke
and Sarah Murphy.
Regular episodes of Dumbgeons and Dragons will be on break for the holidays,
and we'll be back with new episodes on January 8th.
In the meantime, we'll have a bunch of new fantastic holiday content,
including a two part one shot guest starring Abdul Aziz
from Spout Lore and Mall Brats run by Kyle called Santa Baby.
That's starting next week, which we hope you're really going to enjoy.
So until next time, happy holidays, happy new year.
And we hope you have a wonderful ring in of twenty twenty five.
I don't dislike that idea.
I'm not opposed to it.
I can't float it, though.
You guys have to take the reins on that.
OK. All right. Cool.
We'll get we'll get halfway through this.
I'll be like, Russ, I just shit my pants.
Oh, I was just straight up
going to throw you under the bus as soon as you came back.
I figured.
Russ, Amy's real tired and we should only do one episode.
Because she she couldn't tell you, but we are telling you.
I could go for two.
I'm here and I'm drugged up.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.