Ad breaks are marked in the transcript below. The audio player uses the ad-supported feed.
Orcus has a lot to thank you both for. The Decimators have truly, truly done Orcus a great service.
What are you doing here, though?
Well, destroying a Lich, obviously.
I am not here to be your friend, but I'm not here as your enemy, at least not at this point.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend? My friend's enemy is my enemy? Somebody's enemy friend's enemy.
Nailed it.
Oh, look, you brought reinforcements. How's it going, Vsauce, baby?
Ugh, Shamgalar, you realize when it's all said and done, Orcus will have you.
Oh, yeah, how's Pop Pop doing? I haven't seen him in a long time.
That's not his name.
You see the hammer fly through the air, and it connects and sends vibrations through the entire cage,
so much so that it begins to hurt your hands and are vibrating up your arms.
The vibration continues. Yenbul, you see it, like it's moving the gas that's surrounding you.
And you let go just for a second, and you begin to fall backwards, down towards the Horde.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master, Russ More, and with me today is Amy More.
Am I? And for how long? I place the amistacia. For now.
We found out fall speed is 32 feet per second.
Math sucks.
Math is great.
Go fuck yourself.
I had to do, in order to figure out-
It was really hard to mad on math right now.
In order to figure out this room, I had to do like A squared plus B squared equals C squared stuff.
That's called the Pythagorean theorem.
I had to do it.
Noob.
Pythagoras is a badass.
That's how we have tuning for music.
Don't get me started.
Or at least how we explain it.
Also with me, because that was just the first person, Carla Maxted.
That is me. I have no strong opinions on Pythagoras, but you guys all seem to like him, so I guess I'm on board.
I am playing Lipsinki Pipp Diggins and Yenbul Nury.
And Tom Laird.
Math? And I play Flintfire Reard.
Also joining us again this week, we didn't get to introduce him last time, but he came in with a real, just like splash in the pond.
It's Kyle Classitt from Bombarded.
Hey everyone, how's it going? I'll be playing Voronox.
Thank you so much for coming back again with us.
Oh, anytime.
To not destroy things this time, just build bridges.
All I want to do is bridges for Voronox, or sorry, bridges for Orcus.
I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself.
Voronox has ambition, but not that kind of ambition.
I was going to say this is what Shangri-Laar got himself into.
Shangri-Laar frustrates Voronox very much, so I think that was apparent last episode.
It was very much apparent.
He calls him Papa. It's a very weird relationship.
Papa? Papa? Can I have some more power?
Orcus, can you hear me?
I can have some more power, Papa.
Please, no. Give it to me.
Do you want to build an undead army?
DOSNI, DOSNI, DOSNI!
I had to fix it.
Where Amy just goes on DOSNI, just rants sometimes.
Into the undead.
Shut that shit down, Kyle. DOSNI will get us.
Oh yeah, that's right.
It's over on Patreon, Patreon.com.
Where we also talk about the episodes that we played in what's called the dungeon's downtime.
And we're working on talking them out so good that we, you know, plan things sometimes.
We'll sneak peek into our inner brain workings.
Huh? What? Ross, come on!
God, flashy things, fireballs, poison gas.
It's like you looked at all of our damage immuner vulnerabilities.
How dare.
Except you forgot about mine.
Yeah, I didn't forget that Flint would try and knock you off though.
I didn't always count on Tom.
Not what I tried to do there.
But also when you're a patron you get an episode dedicated to you like today's patron, Darylith.
Thanks, Darylith.
Darylith, thank you.
Thank you so much.
What an honor to be the patron on the episode where we all die.
What?
It's not your fault.
Wow.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
But I mean maybe a little bit.
It's nothing to do with you, Darylith.
It's probably Darylith's fault a little bit.
Right before this episode drops, I'm going to send Darylith a message like five minutes
before the episode comes out and be like, it's all your fault.
This is on you.
And then just leave it like that.
We're just joking.
That'd be hilarious.
I'm going to do it.
It's great.
Like the next episode's the last one and it's your fault.
Yeah.
Oops.
Oopsies.
And now, fuck it, let's play.
Yes.
Flint.
Releases.
Hammer.
Vibrates.
Box that Yenbul is in.
Thea.
Can't hold on.
Falls backwards.
It's all very sexual.
Because 32 feet per second.
50 feet.
It's two seconds.
We're just going to give you the damage because that's not enough time to react.
It's 5d6.
I do have one question for you, Ross.
Hit me.
How quickly does my dwarven thrower return to my possession?
Like in the blink of an eye?
One second?
Yeah, I mean it goes...
Because you're allowed to use it on your second action.
It doesn't take an action to come back.
Okay.
So.
Because I...
Are you going to hit me with your hammer?
Please don't hit me with your hammer.
Well, I have three...
Tell me what you want.
What you really, really want.
You got two seconds to react.
I have three attacks.
So I feel like if I see Thea get knocked off of this cage.
Maybe I can throw my hammer.
And maybe she can grab it on the way by.
As she's falling.
Two very important DCs are going to need to be made to make this happen.
Well, I mean the alternative is she falls 50 plus feet and is hurt real bad.
Which is 5d6 though.
How much damage is your hammer going to give me if I roll shitty and I can't catch it?
Well, you'd just miss it and fall.
Yeah, you would just miss it.
Worst case scenario it's 1d8 plus 8.
Two very important DCs need to be made to make this happen.
I'm willing to try it.
If you're willing to try it too.
I mean really it's up to Amy but I'm down for it.
Well, you know what?
I'm willing to try it.
Flint can't talk to Thea.
Well, because I'm talking to Amy.
Flint reacts in the moment.
No.
It's very important.
You know what?
The max damage you can give me is 16.
The max that Russ can give me is 30.
Let's do this.
Or he could hit you and you not catch it and you take both.
I mean why not, right?
You know what, Kyle?
Bring it in the bright side.
Alright, Russ.
What do I need to do to make this happen today?
You, sir, have to make an athletics check.
Okay.
Because you're athletically throwing it.
With accuracy.
With accuracy, that's dexterity.
A straight dex check.
Not acrobatics.
You explain to me how you're acrobatically throwing this.
Somehow juggling it before I do it.
It's unclear to me.
You start juggling and Thea just falls.
At most we could probably justify a sleight of hand.
Well, I'm fine to do just straight dex.
Okay, straight dex.
Okay.
You have to beat.
So where are you trying to place it?
I'm trying to place it at an angle that will go past her a little bit and down
so that she can grab it and then it will stop her momentum fully.
But yeah, if she can grab it as it heads by her and then as it starts
because it will stop and return to me.
So as it stops, that will have killed her momentum falling down somewhat.
She can let go of it there and continue to fall.
Okay.
Maybe I won't land on my back.
I don't think it could carry enough of her to take her back to me.
I see what you're saying.
But to break up the momentum of her fall.
15 is your DC.
You're my featherfall.
Let's see if you make your DC before Amy has to make hers.
Okay.
17.
Nice.
Okay.
So Thea falling.
We see the camera on the hammer.
Falling, moving.
Two projectiles moving in unison.
Crosses above Thea.
You have to make an 18 dexterity saving throw.
Not a saving throw because if it misses, he's going to hit you.
What?
Yeah.
No, because it's already gone past me.
I'm just going to keep falling.
You're going to take damage.
Saving throw.
17.
So close.
Thea reaches.
Grasps nothing.
Continues to fall.
And lands crushingly on the ground and takes 21 bludgeoning damage.
Wind knocked out of you.
Oh, I sound like Grancis in that moment.
Oh no.
It hurts me even more.
Take an extra D6 damage.
Grancis damage.
Yeah.
Rude.
Hammer returns to your hand.
I would have yelled thanks for the try, but I'm winded.
Sure. Yeah, I get it.
Okay.
We haven't even made it through one round of combat here, everybody.
Lipsinki.
A lot's happened.
So much has happened.
Less than six seconds has gone by.
But long enough for you to fall 50 feet, y'all, just so that you know.
Yep.
You can do that math now.
Falling in D&D is terrifying.
It's very fast.
You guys remember when I fell off that bridge?
Why do I keep falling off the ship?
I don't know.
Lipsinki is going to cast Wall of Light down in the pit.
Okay.
Because it can be 60 feet long, 10 feet high, and five feet thick.
Blocks line of sight, but creatures can walk through it.
But mostly I care about it because every creature in the area has to make a Constitution saving throw, and that's a pretty big area.
Yeah.
And it's, yeah.
So.
Okay.
Bunch of zombie concepts.
Okay.
So sorry, you're casting it just down into the pit, not near Thea or anything?
I don't think so, because it would block line of sight, and that seems...
That doesn't seem like it would help.
So away from them.
It just seems like a little too much.
There's going to be a lot in there.
I'll roll two.
So I got a 14 and a 15 for 50% of what you've got.
What do I got to beat?
You got a 17 con save.
Okay.
So basically everybody in...
What was the line again?
60 feet?
60 long by five feet thick.
Okay.
So they're going to take full damage within that.
Roll damage, please.
Okay.
Sorry.
Lipsinki isn't a real character sheet.
It's like a trick.
I don't have dice on here, so it is.
I should probably just put Lipsinki in there.
Like a PDF.
No.
Not quite that bad, but...
Lipsinki is a character created by one of our patrons, Devin Michaels.
Yes.
Who just sent us the shareable version.
So it's 23 damage.
Okay.
Radiant?
And then, yeah, radiant damage.
Okay.
All the ones that failed are blinded.
The ones that didn't take half damage and aren't blinded.
All of them failed.
So they're all in that area are blinded.
So they're all blinded.
Okay.
Got it.
Just bumping into everyone.
Yeah.
And any creature that ends its turn in the walls area is going to take 48 radiant damage,
and they can take con saves at the end of their turns to try to not be blind anymore.
Okay.
Cool.
I'll try and keep track of all of that, but we'll figure it out.
Me too.
Yep.
Okay.
Is there anything else you can or want to do on your turn?
There is nothing else I can do on my turn.
Vorunax.
Okay.
I'm going to look down.
I know it's 50 feet down, but with where Thea is, would you say that Thea is within
60 feet?
No.
No.
Okay.
I didn't think so.
No.
She's probably closer to 100, and then at an angle.
So yeah.
Quite a ways.
Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
Don't worry about me.
Get the asshole.
Okay.
I'm going to use a bonus action.
That spot in the ceiling that I saw, Russ, that Vorunax saw, how far away is that from
me, would you say?
Up to 50.
Oh.
Pythagoras again, folks.
Here he comes.
50, 50, 50.
It's a perfect right angle triangle.
It's 50 feet.
50 feet.
Cool.
I am going to use my bonus action to cast Spiritual Weapon, and I'm going to
my weapon right up where I saw that little flash of light.
Okay.
And I am going to say, Shamgalar, at some point you're going to have to show yourself,
if you want to do anything against any of us, rather than just cowering behind your
own devices, come out and play.
Let's have a good go of it.
See who Orcus truly blesses.
And since that was my bonus action, I'm going to hold my action to cast Synaptic
Static whenever something shows up up there.
I'm just going to keep an eye on it.
And if he shows himself in that area, I'm going to cast it.
Cool.
Following your small speech there, he says, knock, knock.
He opens up.
No, no.
You're supposed to say, who's there?
We don't want any.
No, actually we do want some.
Come on in.
Yeah.
No, knock, knock.
Who's there?
Daddy loves me more.
It's so weird you call him daddy.
Well.
Did Orcus bang your mom?
Hasn't Orcus banged all of our moms?
I mean, damn, you got me there.
This is such a weird dynamic.
I was not expecting Shangri-La to be like a bratty teen.
And they're like brothers fighting over daddy's love.
I'm not sure.
He doesn't show himself in that moment.
So you're holding your action until either something happens there or he shows himself.
Yeah.
OK, got it.
Zombie hordes turn.
OK.
Stop rolling.
You want me to keep rolling?
Keep rolling.
Yeah.
Well, you didn't probably didn't want me to roll so well.
But yeah.
So Thea, you've landed flat on your back, kind of disperse the horde for a moment,
but they rush back towards you and climb on top of you.
Oh, look at all those ones and twos.
Oh, you're lucky.
Google did you good.
Google, I'll never speak ill of you again.
You are going to take 13 bludgeoning damage as they climb on top of you
and begin to try to hit and tear at you.
It could have been a worse 66.
It could have been a loss worse.
You have six zombies on top of you at this moment, though.
We know.
Flare action.
What?
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
No, not the lyrical action.
It's Kavin Hart playing with us.
Come on.
A crackling cord of energy shoots out from just above where Yenbul is
and moves towards Lipsinki.
Make a constitution saving throw, please.
Is Lipsinki still within 10 feet of me?
Neither of you really moved, so I think so, yeah.
Cool.
You get that plus four.
Clarifying question.
Right.
So this didn't come from the orbs.
No.
So that will be 18.
Okay.
The energy wraps around your waist.
You feel like this pull that moves you forward a few feet,
but then it retracts.
And in that moment that it retracts,
you see floating above Yenbul Shangalar's figure,
which triggers your synaptics and synapse snaps.
Okey-dokey.
My synapse snaps.
Yeah, that one.
Your ginger snaps.
Go for it.
My synaptic static.
Okey-dokey.
So I need an intelligence saving throw.
He's not very smart.
Really?
I don't believe you, Ross.
25.
Oh, my gosh.
Dang it.
You still take half damage.
Well, at least that's some damage.
That's some damage now on the bad guy, guys.
Some damage.
That's some damage.
8d6.
Let's do it.
Four million to go.
That is 30 halved to 15 of psychic damage.
Psychic?
This guy can't take any more up there.
Seems like he already has a lot going on.
Psychic isn't written down under damage immunities.
Daddy issues.
Beautiful.
Ross, what I was going to interrupt to say before is that those zombies that were in
the thing at the end of their turn needed to roll to see if they were still blinded,
and then also any that are within the wall, because it's pretty crowded down there,
so I bet some are, are going to take some more damage.
Roll damage.
Okay.
And they're still, that various group is still blinded.
Great.
24.
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
All right.
Psychic damage happened.
Tried to tether.
That didn't work.
So zombies take damage, tether shoots out, comes back, psychic synaptic.
Then you see the orbs glow.
The three of them pulsate, and energy begins to swirl from them and up to
Shangalar's figure.
And here it gains how many hit points?
I'm not going to tell you.
Yenbul.
Russ, when they pulsated, did they look different at all or just like brighter?
Just, yeah, an illumination of the same color.
See through maybe a little bit.
See if something's floating in one of them.
Make a perception check.
You can't, you're covered in zombies.
Okay, I was going to say, I'm on my back.
Look it up.
I'm going to use for everything when I DM now.
You can't, you're covered in zombies.
That is, oh, all right, 17.
You can't tell.
So Shangalar is like floating above.
Shangalar is floating above.
Me, Yenbul.
Yep.
But you are going to take more poisons damage.
What do I do, con save or something?
Con save.
It's a nine, so probably, oh, sorry, a 10.
It's probably a great save.
There you go.
Hey, Russ.
Hey, baby.
Did Shangalar concentrating on that old cloud kill?
Yeah, he saved.
Okay, just double checking.
Yeah.
Thanks for checking.
Thanks, Kyle.
Listeners, you may notice Russ doesn't call me baby.
Look, Kyle and I have been talking about destroying the world for quite a while now.
You know what?
I do not doubt that you may be speaking to Kyle more lately than you do with me.
He can be your D&D husband.
It's fine.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So Yenbul, unless you hold your breath, like you are going to take damage.
I guess I could have said that first.
You can choose to hold your breath.
That's fine.
22 poison damage as the poison begins to fill your lungs again and again and again.
Cool.
What you got?
I am going to.
Everything has changed now that he's floating above me.
How high above me is he?
I think I said 20 feet.
Oh, he's like literally right there.
Of course it's 20 feet.
Yeah.
So 20 feet.
He started to move.
Yeah.
I am going to cast call lightning.
Call it.
Hey, lightning.
How's it going?
Hey, lightning.
How have you been?
I was just wondering if you could blast this guy in the butt for me.
I know it's been a minute, but can you swing by?
You up?
So big storm cloud lightning bolt.
He has to make a Dex saving throw.
He's so dextrous.
The undead usually are.
What's that?
I want to say.
What is it?
Tell me.
You can't make me.
It's a nat 20, baby.
It's a nat 20.
It's 23.
Well, good for you.
Congratulations.
It's still half damage and it is 8d10.
Oh, I like it.
That's a good one.
What level did you cast that at?
8th.
8th level.
8d10.
Amy, use your brain.
He took my magic carpet.
I'm going for broke.
I think I just shat on math really hardcore that I just can't do it anymore.
That's fair.
So it was 49, so he'll take 24.
I don't know if we round up or round down.
Yeah, it strikes him.
There's a little sizzle amongst his robe and he's going to take half of that.
Ugh.
No.
Half of half.
Half of half.
Says, that's cute.
And he looks down at you, Yenbul.
This might be worthless, but looks deep into your heart.
And you have to make a wisdom saving throw.
Okay.
18th.
The Force is strong with this one.
Daphne.
Also owned by Daphne.
The Force is strong with this one.
You are not frightened from his frightening gaze.
Is that what you do?
You lower 10 more feet.
Thea.
Has she dipped below the cloud kill yet?
Good question.
Does it follow me, or does it stay static?
I mean, it's on a point, so he would have cast it where it started.
So you're on the perimeter of it now because it's a 20 foot radius.
I crouched down, so I'm below it.
Ah, yes.
Get low.
Are the bars big enough she can hang her head out?
Thea has landed on her back and is like, why?
Why, Flint?
Just to make you feel a little bit bad.
But then she has Atoma Thunder Steps still in her bag.
And as zombies are grabbing at me,
I am rocking back and forth in a way that one does to try not to let anyone make purchase on me.
And I say, funda funda malu, amat makhuro.
And I smash my book together.
And thunder booms out to 300 feet away.
And all the creatures take a 3d10 thunder damage, but they have to make a con saving throw first.
I will again roll half of them safe in the surrounding area.
OK, so they can take half damage.
Eleven.
So eleven for those that don't save.
That got full damage.
Five.
So sixteen.
And I bloop myself back to...
This is not good for audio, I guess.
But I bloop myself back to like here.
So you pop back to the inner circle of the above pathway.
Thea appears before everyone else up on the pathway above.
A little bit beaten up and bruised.
Just a skosh.
I'm not done yet.
Did you still want your list?
OK, I pull together everything that I can after being smashed to the ground.
And I wild shape into a Quetzalcoatlus, which is a huge beast.
And I'm just standing there all like...
Ready to go.
Ready to go.
You still got movement.
You could like move.
Sure, I want to move as close to...
I think I'm as close as I can be to the center ring.
So that's good.
Shangalar's turn.
Of course it is.
Sorry.
He's just going to cast invisibility on himself and say,
You have so many cool tricks, everybody.
So many cool tricks.
I'll see you later.
I'll see you later.
You just enjoy doing what you're doing.
Just reaction counterspell that.
You can...
If I can?
I think I saw that somewhere.
Where's my reactions?
Come here, reactions.
Where are you?
I'm pretty sure I have it.
I feel like you did it to me before.
Yes.
Do it.
Get him.
Get him.
Don't you take that invisibility shit?
Yeah.
Get over here, reactions.
F that invisibility.
I feel like he would know that you would have counterspell,
so he'd probably try and cast it at a higher level.
I'm going to say fifth level.
Go for it.
Counter counterspell.
Roll.
Okay.
I can't counter counterspell.
I wish I could.
Yeah.
I wish he...
He wishes he could.
He's already taking his action.
The fifth level, I got to be at a 15?
I believe so.
Yes.
I think that's how that works.
Yeah.
Using your spellcasting ability.
Oh.
Let's do that.
That's going to be...
That's going to be a plus four.
Oh.
Vorunax, why?
That's a seven.
Oh no.
That's a nice try.
Piss.
It's because you use such foul language.
We work for Orcus.
Yeah.
But, you know, sometimes he's like, just, you know,
when he's just having a moment, he's like,
gosh, Vorunax is so foul.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Yeah.
The Lord of the Undead talks about how I'm foul.
You're foul.
You're foul.
The worst.
And not foul in a good way, like he likes the stinky cheeses.
Like foul, like good.
Okay.
Well, that just doesn't even make any sense.
Clearly, Orcus says foul and it's a compliment.
You're just talking nonsense.
Yeah.
You caught me.
Okay.
I was just slinging hot fire at that moment.
You weren't, though.
You weren't slinging hot fire.
You're just hiding like a little baby.
It's true.
Cowardice.
Yeah.
Orcus doesn't like cowardice.
No, it does not.
So we're back to Flint.
A question about the invisibility spell.
Yup.
Is it concentration or is it just an instant spell?
I believe it's an instant.
Yes, Tom.
Tom with the rules.
I really am appreciating it because it's the only way we're not all going to die.
It is concentration.
So the poison dissipates.
Bye, stinky cloud.
I'm glad I was wrong.
Thank you.
No problem.
I hope you just have a Post-It that says, is that concentration?
Well, that will effectively be all I can do on my turn because he's invisible and I'm
a fighter.
You can still try to break the cage.
I'm just going to look at that diagram you sent again.
I'm also still inside a box.
Yeah, I tried to help with that and it didn't go well for anyone.
I know.
It really went badly.
You're right.
No one's attached to it now, though.
And it does take damage.
It's a thing you can break.
What, the cages?
Yeah.
It took your damage.
I was under the impression it didn't do anything to it.
No, it just fucked with me.
We just focused on it.
It'd be really unfair if it didn't take damage, but it did move enough to knock
Thea off of it.
That'd be so weird.
That would be something Ross would do.
I see where Tom's coming from.
I'm going to move towards that green orb.
But as I go, I'm going to throw my thrower at the cage two times.
Do it.
It's a 19 on the first one and a 22 on the second one.
Both are going to smack it.
Oh, that was nice.
16 and 11, so that's 27 points of damage in total.
Beautiful.
Yenbul, you see that the hammer goes and strikes back, and you see the same
vibration going through.
And then at the base of these metal bars, the stone cracks and begins to fall
down.
Not enough so that you can get through any holes or anything, but there is
damage forming at the base of this cage.
Yes.
Thank you, Flint.
No problem.
And I'm going to throw my third one at the green orb.
Okay, hit him.
This 31 hit?
Yep.
I don't know.
Let me check my notes.
That was a 32.
Better double check.
15 bludgeoning damage on that orb.
You hear a crack as it hits, but it does not implode.
Lipsinki and Vorunax are going to make a Constitution saving throw.
Right.
See whether or not they both remember their awesome orcas handshake.
Right.
14.
Seven.
Did you add the bonus from Kyle onto yours, Carla?
I did.
I'm putting that d20 away.
Yes, jail that.
It has misbehaved.
Yes.
Okay.
That's fine.
It's okay.
So both of you feel the life force being sapped from you and you're going to take 20 necrotic damage.
Except for I take 10.
Then you take 10.
Orcas for the win.
For two.
Oh my god.
And then you may take your turn.
So I am going to, I still have that wall of light and while it is up.
Oh, wait.
I just took damage so that broke my concentration.
You have to roll for it.
Okay.
DC is 10 or half of the damage taken.
So 10.
DC is 10.
So seven.
So 11.
Because I got that bonus.
You succeed.
Yes, you do.
Dope.
Okay.
I guess.
Are any of the orbs within 60 feet of me?
No, because you haven't moved anywhere.
The closest one would be the green one that Flint had run to.
And that's about 80 feet from you.
Okay.
Well, I'm going to maybe move in that direction.
Well, sure.
I'll move in that direction.
And take my movement.
And I guess I'll just really blast the shit out of one zombie.
Kill that.
I mean, they're still going to get more on their turn probably.
But one of them is going to.
Oh, well, that was a terrible roll.
So one of them is going to take 13 damage.
What did you do to them?
Radiant damage.
Just a directed blast out of the wall.
Right in the chest.
Perfect.
Okay.
Blast out the wall.
Which means that the wall has now shrunk by 10 feet.
So on the next turn, fewer of them will be damaged.
It shrinks each time I use it.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Okay.
Yeah.
Got it.
So it was like 60 by 5, and now it's 50 by 5.
Perfect.
Just so everybody knows, how I've been dealing with zombie damage, just because there's so
many, is I've got like a hit point max for the horde.
So you're chipping away at the horde.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
Just so we know how we're kind of keeping track of it.
I'm not like, oop, and Lester's down now.
Right.
Of course.
Lester the zombie.
Good thing his thousand buddies showed up.
Okay.
Can be nothing all by himself.
Vorunax.
You're just taking, no, you'd have information on your buddy.
I'll use that term loosely, I guess.
So the spell that just happened would be his disrupt life.
And you know that he has to be within 20 feet of the creatures that take damage from
that.
Would casting that disrupt the invisibility?
Does it disrupt the life?
Taking a picture of the toms book, yes.
I know it's a legendary action, so.
I'm going to say probably not.
Okay.
That's totally chill.
Just want to double check.
They cast a spell, does that, it doesn't, fuck.
Yeah, no, yeah, you see him.
It takes a moment, but then it starts to waver and you see kind of like this translucent
figure, 20 feet out in front of you.
Turn to, I'm going to say, we both know that that won't work on us.
I don't know why you're wasting your time.
Eldritch Blast.
I was just trying to get your, ah!
I got to, you got to hit, yeah.
The first beam, the first beam is a natural one.
No, Kyle.
That's okay, if more than one beam.
I have four beams.
Okay.
You know what?
Both of those dice are just going away and I will just grab my big light them up
dice because I hope from here on out I'll just light them up.
So that goes off and hits the wall.
As it hits the wall, the walls become translucent.
Like there's still the roof, but just the walls around you.
So you're still in a structure.
But you see out now and you see specifically Flint Thea, Yen Bull might be able to
see, might not, and Lipsynke, all of you see that you are now over top of
Calumport.
I'm just going to, after missing that one, I'm going to look out there and be like,
it's all about your mortal hangups, isn't it, Shangalore?
Isn't it always?
I mean it's really about your mortal hangups too, isn't it?
You do not know what you speak of.
I'm going to cast my, or send off my next beam.
Okay.
That's a 25.
That will hit.
And I'll go ahead and do my third and fourth beam real quick and then
give you damage on that.
That's an unnatural 20.
Yep.
And then a 15.
That one goes wide so you got two.
Okay.
19 force damage total.
They connect.
See how I didn't use that counter spell?
Isn't it so much more fun when we're just, you know, sparring like brothers do?
Well then stop hiding and let's spar.
Oh no, hiding is totally fair game.
Just canceling out the other cool toys that we bring to the party are not as fun.
Well I don't even get to use some of my cool toys when you use one.
That's too bad.
And with my bonus action I'm going to move my spiritual weapon 20 feet towards an orb.
I think it was like up near where he was originally so I don't know how far that is.
Yeah, you're in kind of the center of the room.
Yeah.
You can make it to blue, red, or green.
They're kind of cornered.
Okay, somebody's been attacking green I think, yeah?
Yep.
I'm going to move it to that and I'll use the bonus action to attack that orb.
Do it.
That's going to be a 25.
That's going to be seven force damage.
Alright, roll me a d20 please as this implodes.
Now let's do one of the bad rolling dice.
Nine.
Wow, it really is a dice.
All of you see, but Flint you're closest to it, you see it implode and there's like,
there's green light and then kind of like this silver dust falls to the ground.
Yes.
Vorunax went zombie horde.
There's nobody down there.
That sucks.
They just need to take damage.
Yeah, give them some damage.
Okay.
They can roll to see if they're still blind but again nobody's down there so I'm not sure.
They're not blind anymore.
Okay.
But they will take 23 damage.
I'm kind of picturing this wall like you don't have to use any sort of action to move
it but I'm picturing it kind of moving like sweeping through these zombies so it's
clearing and dispersing their matter down on the ground there.
Like half of the horde has been depleted at this point.
Hey birdie, birdie, birdie, birdie.
And an energy tether comes out from him and goes to try and wrap itself around you.
Make a constitution saving throw please.
Constitution saving throw you say?
Yes please.
It is kind of bird-like.
Oh fuck, just barely three.
Okay.
Oh no.
Cool.
Oh yeah.
Quetzalcoatlus on a leash here folks.
So it appears that there's this tether around Thea and the Lich and energy is
binding them.
The two remaining orbs glow.
Vorunax you see the more Lich mottled skin begins to show and as these two
orbs glow it rejuvenates itself and he says haha that's a little better.
Still haven't found your prize yet there?
Oh good.
I thought for a second there.
Thea it's your turn.
I'm tethered to this thing.
You are.
Like it's the beginning of my turn.
Do I get to make like some sort of saving throw to get out of it?
No.
Alright well I'm just going to fly at this motherfucker and I'm going to fly and
I'm going to bite him.
Do it.
That's where I'm at right now.
Just biting, scratching.
Twenty not natural.
You bite him.
I'm going to bite him.
Ouchie.
Yeah.
Plus two is eleven.
So he's going to take five of that and you are going to take six of that.
I don't like what's happening here you guys.
No.
Cool toy isn't it?
Now please get off my arm.
I sneeze on him.
Ew.
It's boogery.
Yeah.
That's all I have.
Do I have another action as Thea has two?
Sure.
Okay cool.
I want to try to like fly and drag him around by this tether.
I feel like that's not going to work.
Yeah I mean you fly away as far as you can go and the energy just extends and
contracts however far you get from him.
I don't really want to bite him again.
Okay I'm going to hold my second action then.
Okay.
And if this tether is unleashed if I am unleashed from this tether I will fly at
him and bite him.
Cool beans.
It's his turn.
Cool.
Well okay you're right you caught me.
Maybe I'll just take out somebody you care for.
He questions looking at Vorunax pointing over to Lipsinki as necromantic energy
washes out from his hand and over to them.
You must make a constitution saving throw Lipsinki as blight is coming
towards you.
Okay.
Twenty six.
Nice.
Cool.
So you're going to take half.
Twenty six.
Yeah.
How good you got a role in this game.
Very good.
So that's going to be 98 necrotic baby.
Oh my god.
Cast at level.
Yeah.
So half though.
Half a 38.
It's only 19 as the life force is just draining from you.
No big deal.
Being that he's 20 feet away he floats up and towards Vorunax where you saw
that like a little flash of light towards the center of the room.
He's floating up and in the direction of that.
No no no.
I mean he can get pretty close.
He's not to it yet.
Within like 10 feet.
Is he pulling me along.
No it's an energy tether.
So it just goes.
It can just stretch.
You're just flying around in circles and it's just following you.
I'm not flying around in circles.
Don't make me look dumb.
I'm not.
I'm pouting midair.
Flint you are up sir.
Quetzalpoudis.
That's right.
I mean fuck I don't know what to do.
It's either orbs or cage.
I don't really have a lot of other options.
You can see him now.
Yeah you've got dudes.
Don't worry about me man.
I haven't held you back before.
All right.
I'll throw one thrower at the cage to see if I can bust it open finally.
Oh it's a nat 20.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
I mean if you want to roll the damage just to see how good it is.
It was 21 damage.
Yeah it hits and rings.
You can hear the vibration in your ears Yenbul.
As the stone all around it cracks and hits with enough force that the cage flies off.
It's now open.
It would have dropped.
So you're now 20 feet above the hoard with open air.
No poison.
All good.
I give Flint two big thumbs up from across the room.
She takes out this foam finger she's had in her bag this whole time and just sort of like waving it around.
I like that.
All right.
I'll throw a hammer towards Shandlar.
Do it.
I guess we also don't know necessarily that it hurt Thea right.
That was another Nat 20.
Oh my god Tom.
Yeah Tom.
So I feel like Amy's not going to be super pleased with that roll.
It's okay you can't kill me.
Oh no that's right.
You can't kill me it's okay.
Well not yet.
Not yet.
Roll low my friend.
Roll low.
I mean it wasn't low.
19.
It wasn't horrible but it wasn't low.
Okay so he's going to take half rounded down.
So that makes that nine and Thea is going to take ten.
That's okay.
As you crush into his side.
You see like the energy like spark down to her.
Whatever noise a Quetzalcoatlus makes I probably have like.
That's it.
I mean that's as good a noise as any.
Yeah.
Shangalar makes that exact same noise at the same time so you can't tell who it's coming
from.
Oh shut your face.
I assume it's the bird person making the bird like noise.
It caught me.
Yeah we'll throw it one more time Adam because what the fuck.
Yeah.
Not a Nat 20 that time.
But it's a 25.
Yeah still hits.
15 bludgeoning damage.
Okay he's going to take half round seven.
You're going to take eight.
You're at 24 total damage for your bird.
Yeah it's fine I got six left it's good.
You can frighten and gaze you Flint.
He's going to do that.
Hey hey.
Boy with the hammer.
Hammer boy.
That's my name.
He stares down at you.
Make a wisdom saving throw.
And this is against being frightened.
Against being frightened.
That is a 17.
I got to beat an 18.
Close but no cigar.
So you're frightened.
Which means you know what frightened means don't you.
I got to move away.
But he's already moving away from me so I feel like that's a win for me.
You can repeat the saving throw at the end of each turn ending on the success.
Russ I'm going to use my reroll of saving throw that I fail.
Because why not.
So you have disadvantage on ability checks and attack roles while the source of fear is in line of sight.
The creature can't willingly move closer to its source of fear.
For a minute or until you save.
Okay.
Okay.
Lipsinki.
I don't think I'm going to do anything.
I don't want that wall to shrink because I do more damage with the wall being there in a mass hoard of zombies than I do if I shorten it by 10 feet.
So unfortunately that means I can't really actually do anything else because that is a spell I am concentrating on.
And I want to give up that spell that's killing them zombies.
Just roll some damage.
It's a thing.
So I am going to do more magic wall damage.
Do it.
Twenty six.
Well like odds are I'm going to fall back in there and it'd be nice not to have as many zombies.
Well I feel like I am chipping away at them.
Little by little.
No big deal.
Hopefully.
Yeah because I'm almost there.
Vorunax.
Ah damn it.
Don't worry about it.
Kyle doesn't want to do this but Vorunax is going to do it.
Vorunax can bring you back.
That's not the thing.
Don't you fucking.
I don't even know if I can yell at him as it's like basic speech.
Bird bird bird.
I look and give a knowing nod.
Shake my head like violently.
I look at Shangri-La and say oh no no you're not going anywhere.
Orcus wants to see you.
What?
You will be taken in.
What?
And I'm going to lift the wand of Orcus and I'm going to use power word kill on him.
You brought the plaything?
I brought the plaything because guess who daddy loves.
Hey welcome to the middle.
I jumped right in there.
Amy coming in hot.
I'm okay with it.
Every now and again she does it.
If we came into the middle.
If we came into the middle.
This time Amy did piano.
And maybe they'll call her and tell her to stop.
Cease and desist.
I'm just hoping.
Canadian content for you there.
I like hearing you sing and I want us to get told to stop stealing bear naked ladies.
I would love it.
You know we just be like I'm so sorry with the giant smile on our face.
You know where this month you can probably hear Amy sing again.
Oh almost certainly.
Yeah.
Is that our Jackbox games night with our patrons.
If we're rapping.
If there's a rap battle going down.
There could be a rap battle.
We could be telling jokes.
I didn't do well last time.
Okay we run a comedy podcast.
But God forbid we're asked to be funny at any given moment during a Jackbox.
Jackbox games will just be like oh no.
And it'll just be the driest stuff you've ever heard.
Let's not reveal how bad we are at Jackbox games.
Let's pretend we're good.
Maybe pump it up a little bit.
But we hit a goal last month of 60 patrons over on our Patreon.
Thank you to all of our patrons and thank you for thinking about joining us as well.
Because it doesn't matter if you helped us hit that goal or if you join us right now.
You will still be invited to the Jackbox games night which we are having on November 12th 2020.
That's that's like soon.
That's next week.
Cool.
We would love to see you there.
Go to Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Come join us.
You'll be part of that Jackbox games night event invite.
But also you could help us hit our next goal.
Which guess what is a live streamed one shot for our patrons.
Who just started sweating?
Me.
Oh all of us.
All of us at the same time.
I'm just constantly sweating.
We've never really done a live stream before.
This is going to be something brand spanking new that we've never tried.
Come on just try.
Yeah it's fine.
I don't agree.
We want to be there.
We like it when people see us.
It's fine.
It's not a problem.
Oh definitely.
I'll dress up for you.
Wait you're not going to wear the robe?
Yeah come on.
Your trademark robe?
Like maybe I'll slap on some lipstick or something.
Okay all right.
Yeah fair enough.
Anyways Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
We'd love to see you over there.
Join us for games night.
Join us for a live stream one shot when we hit that goal.
And a whole bunch of other great stuff like audio and more games and characters and a whole bunch of stuff.
Songs.
Hey there's songs up there too.
Got to record another one.
Here we go.
We got to get back to the episode so I can go record more songs.
I thought you were legitimately going to do one right now.
I thought he was just going to launch into it.
Well no.
I don't have my notes.
And it's going to be bare naked ladies theme.
But the lyrics won't be changed because now I'm panicking.
Chickeny China the Chinese chicken getting back to the episode.
Here we go.
Don't sue us please please please please.
I love how this is all turned out.
Yeah it's gotten weird.
I love it.
Yeah it's gotten real weird.
I'll agree.
Right?
I love it.
Just as expected.
So for listeners describe power word kill to us.
You utter a word of power that can compel one creature you can see within range to die instantly.
If the creature you choose has a hundred hit points or fewer.
I'm hoping he hasn't recovered enough.
I could show everybody the math.
But in this case it works for you.
He started with a hundred and thirty five hit points.
Lost some gained some lost some gained some.
Is currently sitting at ninety eight hit points.
Oh yes.
I was very excited to hear this.
That's my own.
That's that's the Kyle issue.
I don't know how that's going to work.
I was really hoping that you wouldn't be tethered at this point because I don't know how that works.
You cast power word kill.
Describe to me how Varnaux cast it.
What happens.
Give me like a fantastic scene.
Tell me how you wave your daddy's play thing around.
Yeah I wave daddy's.
I take the wand of orcas and I kind of like as I busted out I give it like a little spin and what not.
And just point it right towards him.
The maw of the skull at the end of it just like pops open and this dark void of like energy wrapped in purple electricity just bolts out and seeps slowly into Shanglaar's chest over time just causing him to disintegrate from that point outwards.
We see that happen and then the tether untethers and this huge blast of energy moves down and towards the Quetzalcoatl and explodes around the bird.
And then we see from this blast of energy Thea's body fall to the ground.
We hear her thud just after Lipsinki's wall passes over the horde of zombies clearing the way.
You take 15 bludgeoning damage and are knocked unconscious from the blast and the energy course through you.
Shanglaar's body or the lich's form falls and then dusts away as his robe falls and hits the ground.
The zombies stop moving in that instant.
Those that can see look out over the city of Calumport and any undead have stopped moving where they are.
The surrounding scene blinks out of existence and then suddenly reappears and you're back in the mountains, a part of a peak of one of the mountains.
We've accomplished what we've come here to do, Lipsinki.
We must claim the phylactery, return it to Orcus.
Should be fairly easy for us to do.
Flint, Thea, I appreciate your help.
The anvil is out of the cage now and climbs down the pillar.
The undead are unmoving and she makes her way over to Thea's body and casts healing hands.
And, I mean, she's just unconscious so that gives her 16 hit points.
Oh my god, you couldn't have done that when I wasn't tethered to him?
I waited as long as I could.
The opportunity would have been lost otherwise and we would still be in that predicament.
But Thea, we did it. We are away from Calumport and Shangalore is dead and you are okay and we have done it with your new friends.
Yeah, friends.
Friends.
Let's not use the f-word. It's vulgar.
That's fair. I believe we've met the end of our arrangement.
Almost.
You feel free to take the blame for this. Not the blame. That's not the right word. I would consider it a blame.
As much as I would love to see Calumport actually overrun with zombies and undead, not like this. Not like this.
No. Lipsinki, we're done here. Let's claim the phylactery and return to Orcus. Are you ready?
Yeah, I'm ready. Let's go get that phylactery and get back down there. I mean, you did mention something about me maybe running the pyramid or something.
I don't know if I prove myself enough here, but let's get the phylactery. We can talk about it.
Hold on a second. You know, the power that you exuded throughout all this, I mean, you almost killed me, man. I mean, that was pretty extreme.
You didn't hold back. I appreciate that. Maybe Lipsinki does have something to prove.
And you know what? If anyone could convince us of the power of Orcus, it might have been someone who I would have considered one of us.
I don't know if you have Orcus missions, but...
Yeah, you know what they say. You catch more Orcus converts with Lipsinki than you do with big mean old Vorunax. That's what they always say down in the abyss.
You know, I even heard that up here. That smooth saying has traveled.
It's true. It's been going around.
Lipsinki, I know you know that my means are potentially harsh.
It took some persuading to bring you around.
Yes, sir.
Are you saying you would attempt to bring the benefit of Orcus to these decimators in their time? Right now, traveling with them?
Do you think that's a good idea?
I mean, it's 24-7, right?
We could return back. You say you want to take over this pyramid. No, I see you doing much grander things.
Well, you don't say.
Your choice. I trust you will walk with Orcus regardless of what you do. Because if you don't, remember that he's always watching you.
Well, V, I think we should get that phylactery and I'll come with you back to the abyss and we can figure it out.
That doesn't mean I'm not going to come back and try and convert you two.
That might.
Well, sure. You've been out how many times since you've gone down there?
Well, just this one time.
Yeah.
I look forward to seeing you again.
I guess we might see you around. I mean, it's been a while, but I mean, I'm sure time flies down there, right?
Oh, we have a good time down there.
Right? You're just killing time, huh? Yeah.
That phylactery just questioned anyone seeing maybe an amulet anywhere or, you know, just...
Feel free to take your time to search this pyramid from the bottom to the top.
Let's go, Lipsinki. Bye, y'all.
Oh, Thea, maybe that bracer for Lipsinki. I mean, she did us a solid.
Could return her. That's true. Return her shovel.
Yeah, sorry. And I dig around inside my bag and I pull out comical things.
Rubber chicken.
Faucet.
Comma suture book. What did that get in there?
And I pull out Lipsinki's bracer and I hand it to her.
And I say, I hope you find what you're looking for.
And I hope you're able to help people with your special gift.
Thank you so much.
And I take the bracer and kind of pause for a moment when I'm holding it and look deep into her eyes and say, thank you.
I hope I'll see you again.
Hey, can you guys double check that inside the phylactery he didn't hide?
He seems like a dickweed who'd do that, like, right? Put an amulet inside his phylactery.
Oh, yeah, sure. I'll double check it. You bet. Bye.
Yeah, 100%. Totally going to do that.
We see Vorunax and Lipsinki portal into the original chamber that you had seen before.
All of this, the red carpet leading up to the vase.
You grab the vase as it has a clear sign on it that says,
Phylactery?
Chandelars. Phylactery.
What a foolish, foolish follower.
You know, a lot of people, once they get those label makers, they just go crazy labeling everything.
I bet that's what happened.
You look around and you see that the drapes are labeled drapes.
The carpet is labeled carpet.
It's like double D for mad at me.
The portal reopens and you find yourselves back in the abyss.
Great job, Lipsinki.
If Orcus will not say it, I'll say it. I'm proud of you.
Well, thanks, V. That means a lot to me.
I'm sorry you had to kill your brother, or your spiritual brother, or your Orcus brother.
Honestly.
You know what I mean.
He'll be back in some 1d10 days or something, and I could probably do it all over again if I really wanted to.
Well, that sounds fun. Maybe we could make a whole day of it.
That is some spirit right there. Let's go.
We flashback to Flint, Thea, and Yen Bull standing amidst the remaining zombie horde.
The three of you looking around at the scene.
You see those the remaining two orbs begin to float down towards the perimeter walkway.
I got this. I go over to one and I like, you know, like.
Yeah.
Does it open up? It's like.
And then there's like an amulet in it.
Yeah.
Yeah, there is. Sure. Yeah. Why not?
Shangri-La, he was a real jokester apparently, so yes.
That's exactly what happens.
Where there were no seams before, a seam forms and cracks open like a new coat.
Well, thank goodness you knew the secret knock.
You know, I just had a feeling this this knucklehead would have done something like this.
And inside you, you see an amulet.
You open both of them. There is no amulet in the other.
It's just like a dust.
I don't touch it.
And I just look at Flint and I say.
I guess I don't say it. I gesture towards it.
I say it with my body.
It's all the body language.
Yeah, I guess I stroll over and pick up that amulet out of that orb.
Does it inspire me with wonder, Ross?
It inspires you with wonder.
Oh, this looks like it's the beginning of the end for old Bort and me.
The song Nowhere Land is by Kavin McLeod of Encompetech.Filmmusic.io.
All other music and sound effects can be found at EpidemicSound.com or BoomLibrary.com.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers, Gabriel Lynch, Cat Waterflame, Devin Michaels, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown, Stevie.
Jessica Babyok and Darylith.
To find out more about how you can support Dumbgeons and Dragons, visit us at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
Where you can have exclusive access to 50 plus hours of bonus audio content.
Create in-game NPCs and items as well as play games with the cast.
Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
Have a great week and we'll talk soon.
Bom bom. That's the intense music that I've dropped in in post.
Nice.
It's not the only thing dropping.
Rude.
Sorry.
Too soon, Kyle. I haven't even hit the ground.
The bodies hit the floor.
See his body hits the floor.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
See?
Yeah, he should just give up and go home.
He should.
That does sound like a plan.
Or he does love you more.
He does realize his robes are ugly.
Lich lair.
Lich lair.
It's tired and chooses not to do anything.
Yeah, no.
It's had a long day, Russ.
Rooms get tired too.
Cool beans?
Cool.
Cool beans.
Everybody's cool.
I didn't fucking mention Mannix one fucking time in this whole goddamn thing.
I'm gonna cut.
Well, I guess he just got eaten and dead.
Whoopsies.
Did we find his robes or something?
Well, no.
There was a big old radiant ball of light floating around.
Maybe there was a cave in the side.
Yeah.
I'll cut back in and say, and you see Mannix down below.
Everybody give me like, oh no.
Oh no.
What?
Oh no.
I'll use one of those.
One of those has to be.
I felt mine was sincere.
Yeah, yours was sincere.
Everyone else was like, oh no.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.