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Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
And there's chanting all around. You see this, this figure enter this arena and it is this muscular humanoid body with like the, it never skips leg day.
Something about tongue plucked raw. I'm going to tell you anyways.
Hold on a second. How do you know?
Well because I can speak their language.
Oh, all hands on deck. Let's huddle up.
Grancis is in there.
Thea's trying really hard not to look shocked. Like she totally remembered dense was here and was like, you want to, are you want to, are you sure you want to come?
Now I need to get my boot.
What I'm really hoping is that this maybe is the last straw for his like crowd of admirers because he's just getting like worked over by this little gnome.
There's Ickers spraying everywhere. You're going feral on top of them.
And they all begin to lift out of the Coliseum and just kind of move slowly away, leaving him to perish in the middle of this chamber.
Okay. Well, you seem to be back up. I guess we should probably go find the boat. Everybody looks like they left. Maybe they're going to go try and vote in a new Pazuzu.
And dense pulls the boat up to this ramshackled town at the base of this cliff, a distance away from this palace.
A little huddle up again. He casts heroism at the sixth level when everyone puts their hand in.
So on your travels, you gain an extra four hit points. It's only only up to one minute, but get an extra.
You don't know when I'm going to stub my toe.
It's the thought that counts.
Oh, no, you you gain four hit points and you're immune from being frightened.
So relevant.
So it's scary out there for a minute and I'm going off.
Dense is on his way.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master, Russ More. He, him also with me today is Tom Laird.
Yeah, that's me. He, him. I'm playing Flint Firebeard, who also goes by he, him and Amy More.
I'm sorry. Does Flint go by he, him as just another name?
I mean, he can.
That's just how my ears heard it.
Like, yeah, I'd be like, here's my friend Flint.
If you're like, yeah, buddy, yeah, that's me.
Oh, it's like that guy.
Yeah, yeah.
Like you respond to you.
Who doesn't respond to you is Thea Amastasia.
She, her and also Nighthunter.
She, they.
And Karla Maxted.
She, her playing Lipsinki Pipdiggins.
Also, she, her.
And Kyle Clasett.
Hey, hey, he, him. Gonna be playing Vorunax. Also, he, him.
It's been so long since we've recorded.
For you, listener, it's been but mere seven days.
For us, it feels like it's been an eternity because summer.
But we're happy to be back in this darkest.
Just right outside the gates. We're so happy to be back.
Darkest before the dawn.
Yeah, that's right.
You know, usually you ease back in with like a little fun thing.
We're like, nah, the gates to the, to Orcus' lair.
That's, that's where we're, we're very near to.
And where you can sign up to also be at the gates to something more fun.
Oh, yes. Turn it around.
Right now, you're just outside the gates.
But if you go to Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast,
then you can enter the gates of fun and joy
and a whole bunch of extra cool stuff.
We've got it all for you there.
Including a game that we haven't played in even longer.
The Adventures Of that Tom runs.
I frantically checked the calendar on my phone while we were on this call
to make sure that I wasn't like DMing next week.
The good news, I'm not. It's fine.
Like I had a mini, mini little panic attack.
No, it's another fun thing we do for patrons where we do a hangout once a month.
And that's coming up.
So, you know, extra episodes, extra hanging out, a book club.
So many great things.
What else?
There's so much more.
Or destruction.
No torture.
Things like that.
All things that are simple.
Yeah, people are super nice.
And you get an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron, Kayla Littlejohn.
Hey, thank you.
We recently got to play a game with Kayla,
which this probably doesn't come out till January.
So that was a while ago.
It was recently, like in our timeline.
Also, I hope it's not the episode where we all die.
There's been a lot of close calls.
So this one could be yours.
We had a good time just rowing around in the boat so we could all rest up.
So I think we're all feeling good, right?
Not this one.
It's the next one.
It's the next one.
Don't worry, Kayla.
Yes.
Oh, no.
I hate the face Kyle's making.
It's very frightening.
What'd I do?
The glare's blocking my eyes.
You can't see my shifty eyes.
It's almost true, but not quite.
I can still tell.
Good.
Well, fuck it.
Let's play.
Welcome to the abyss.
You step off of Dense's boat.
Off of the River Six.
There were these skeletal arms that came and created this gangplank
that went into this small shanty town is probably the best way
that we could describe what you see before you.
And immediately before you is a concierge of sorts.
Oh, it's a guy with a clipboard, isn't it?
It's a guy with a clipboard.
At every frickin' part.
Every single one.
He's got the big hood on and he's looking at his clipboard
and I can't remember the voice we used for him
because obviously it's the same person.
So we'll go with this one.
And you're, oh yeah, he's Irish too, obviously.
Everybody's fucking Irish.
That's my default.
God damn it.
Yeah, it's Thea and crew.
That's what we wrote down.
Hold on a second.
Did we give our real names?
Well, you did.
I did?
Pretty sure you did.
Everybody else was like, no, don't do that.
And then you were like, I'm Thea.
Thea, I'm Astasia.
What aren't we doing, guys?
Well, yes, that's us then.
Oh, great.
That's us.
Good to see you all.
How was the ride?
Very smooth.
Properly treacherous.
Good.
Yes, that's actually, oh yeah, horrifying in some cases.
Delightfully so.
And if you were to give dense a rating out of five stars,
what would you give?
Oh, six?
Can we give a six?
He was so helpful and kind and just really went above and beyond.
Wow, all right.
Writing all of this down, it's going on his report.
And he should probably get a promotion because of it.
I hope so.
So it's very good that you're truthful and honest
about all of your responses here.
All right, well, welcome to Naratir.
This is your entry point.
As you can see, there's some undead and some rickety shacks.
If you need a place to stay before you go wandering about,
don't mind the flesh hills.
You get used to them.
The flesh hills?
Yeah, if you look down at your feet there, sir,
there's hills of flesh, mounds, if you will.
As you get up and into the mausoleum,
and if you venture into the castle,
you'll find that the carpets are woven of human hair.
Feels really good between scaled toes.
Is it like we are standing on real people?
Is it?
Oh, bits and pieces.
Naratir starts to poke, poke, poke, poke.
Can they feel this?
Is this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not only do they feel it,
but every person they're connected to,
it's like a hive skin.
So they all feel it.
Oh, is that kind of like that feeling of like,
when you feel someone walk over your grave,
you know, when you get that shiver situation?
There is somewhere here being like someone's poking my skin hide.
That looks like an anus
that you've got your finger near right there.
I will not put finger in that.
No, I didn't say you should.
I just said where you were pointing.
So just to watch out, that's what that looks like.
They are like geysers.
Yep.
All right, moving on.
That is facts.
Yes.
You've come to the worst place in the world.
In the known planes and realms,
this is the tour you get.
It's probably better than the Bahama tour
that they're getting in the other group.
Well, maybe we'll have to do that one next time, right?
Yeah, we'll make it out of here
and we'll sign up for that one
and see how delightfully disastrous that one is.
And are you here for work or business?
That's the same thing, right?
I think those are the...
Not necessarily.
Work is you having to do something.
Business is with the anus.
Is, well, some call it pleasure,
some call it business.
We've just slumped them together.
It's like it is getting busy.
It could be, yes.
It's busyness.
Like it's business time.
Yes, it's time for business.
Okay.
Both.
Excellent, excellent.
And how long do you anticipate staying?
As long as it takes.
Well, this is where we've ended up.
So this is...
Your shanty is over here.
I will escort you these 15 feet.
You can stay here for as long as you need.
It seems you're ready to do your business, though.
Well, work first, then business.
Work, then business.
And then maybe a little more work.
What is it you do?
Work?
Bring the everlasting glory of Orcus upon the realms.
Of course.
You looked familiar.
Yes, yes.
A little bit of a change recently, you know.
But I think I'm liking it.
Yeah, that's what caught me off guard.
Different tone you got going on there.
Interesting.
All right.
Well, I've got to go back and stand here by the boat,
where the boats come in.
If you need anything,
feel free to just give me a holler.
And what, uh, whose name?
What name would we holler?
Anne.
Anne.
Anne of Green Gables.
Anne of Green Gables.
It's all one word, of Green Gables,
so there's no copyright infringement.
Anne of Green Gables.
Anne of Green Gables.
Anne of Green Gables, yes.
My friends just call me Anne, though,
so feel free to just call me Anne.
We'll do Anne, though.
Oh, well, that's nice.
Okay, um...
Well, enjoy your afternoon, evening, morning.
What time is it?
It's so dark.
Time is irrelevant.
It's a construct made up in the material plane.
Down here, it's just pain and suffering,
so prepare yourself.
That's why I said as long as it takes.
So...
Of course, of course, of course.
It's because we know, we knows.
Knows, right?
Right, Anne?
Anne of...
Knows.
Anne.
Anne.
Anne, though, of Anne of Green Gables.
Anne, though, of Green Gables.
Yeah, Anne of Green Gables.
Well, enough of this.
Anne, though, of Green Gables,
walks back to the boardwalk
and leaves you in this town
that is basically...
Ghost town would be putting it nicely.
It is...
Yeah, it is completely falling apart.
There are undead now shambling towards you.
So, Russ, is it...
Like, denizens of the abyss live in the shanty town,
or it's like the unlucky workers,
this is like the worst place for them to be,
or just like random undead?
Just random undead.
Okay.
And, yeah, and as you...
And us.
As you are just trying to figure out
if there's anybody living at all in this area,
right beside you,
there is this huge pop and sucking sound,
and out of the earth,
this creature is being thrust out of the ground,
and it looks like this sort of...
You could say it's got this bison kind of look to it,
but as it breaks free from this embryonic sack,
goo and ick are spurts everywhere,
make a dexterity saving throw.
I don't have a dice.
I mean, will I get covered in icker again?
We will see.
23.
7.
Also a 7.
19.
7 also for 9.
Night Hunter and Thea and Lipsynche
are all covered in this embryonic fluid
of this bison,
and as it starts kicking like a baby bison,
only it's full grown,
you see that its skin is sloughing off,
and it has this weird upside down twisted skeletal head,
and it charges towards you.
Roll for initiative.
God, I hate the shantytown buffalo.
I'm 14 for Night Hunter.
21 for Lipsynche.
11.
That's a 13.
8 for Thea.
And Grancis.
Nat, 20, baby.
Oh, damn.
We're gonna waste it.
What a waste.
Well, he's just gonna read his book for a while.
What a fucking Grancis move.
Jesus.
And the thingamjig.
I guess we should have a little more sympathy for Grancis.
This is like the place of his crazy.
Must be very traumatizing for him.
Yeah.
I mean, that's what Carla says.
Lipsynche, I'm not sure how she feels about it
or if she does, but.
It is Grancis' turn first as he steps away from the boardwalk,
where he too was talking to Anne of Green Gables.
And he's like, oh, what's going on, everybody?
Oh, Jesus, what is happening?
I rode one of those once.
It killed me.
But let's see what I got here.
I actually finished reading my book,
so I prepared some things.
Let's go.
Poison spray.
It casts poison spray at it.
It has to make a constitution saving throw,
which it does not make.
So it takes 4d12 poison damage.
Ooh, la, la.
6.
6.
12.
13.
15.
It takes 15 poison damage.
13 plus 4 is 17.
17 poison damage.
I concur.
It's OK.
Lipsynche, it's your turn.
I'm probably going to do some primal savagery.
So my teeth and fingernails get sharp,
and I deliver a poisonous, vicious, scraping attack
on this very gross creature that's covered
in amniotic fluid and vigor.
Gross.
It's cool.
Yeah, it's disgust.
Yeah.
It's just bad.
So that is a 21.
21 will hit.
Great.
Then I will do 4.
Nope, that's a d8.
4d10 damage, which is 12, 20, 25 poison damage.
So poison spray goes out, and slashing happens.
And then it rears up.
As far as an undead creature looks,
it looks confused because it's just been birthed into this world.
And then it's charging towards these people.
It immediately picked a fight.
Immediately picked a fight because it's chaos.
And it's going to charge at Lipsynche and Grancis.
Lipsynche for a 21, and Grancis for an 18, which hits him.
That'll certainly hit poor, precious, weak little Lipsynche.
So you're going to take...
It's OK.
I remember I can heal people.
15 piercing damage, and Grancis is going to take...
Also 15 piercing damage.
Fair's fair.
Yeah.
And it powers through you, make a strength saving throw.
16.
Not the worst.
Grancis got a 23, so you are knocked back five feet, but not prone.
Grancis, because he got a natural 20,
hops on top and is now riding the creature.
So just like in that one time it killed me, I should probably get off.
Nighthunter's turn.
Nighthunter wants to charge towards this undead bison.
Grab Grancis and haul him off of it.
OK.
Can I do that?
Yeah, absolutely.
And with the other hand, they take their corpse grinder
and smash down onto the neck area of the bison.
Great.
That's what's happening.
Cool.
Yeah.
We'll say you run up behind it.
You hop on top.
Throw Grancis, who for this rhyme will be pop.
You throw pop off top and then you attack it for...
23.
That will hit.
Nice.
Oh, yeah.
18 damage.
And then I think she should just hack again.
But this one is only for 18.
Yes.
Yes.
18 will hit.
Yeah.
OK.
It's just a bison and you're on top of it.
And?
It's just a bison.
It's just a bison.
17 damage.
It's just a bison.
All right.
You cleave down hard into the head of this bison
and it buries into the ground, which of course isn't dirt.
So Icarus like grinds up and like flesh tears.
You hear the screams of like the mountain and the ground around you
as this thing like its horns gut into the landscape.
And you all look to your left, which is where the Shantytown was,
and all of the undead in this village are now coming towards you.
There's about 20 of them.
Vorunax, it's your turn.
The bison seems to be the most immediate and dangerous foe that we have.
So it's prone with Night Hunter on top.
Then the introduction of the of all those sweet undead through me caught me off guard.
I'm going to cast Synaptic Static.
And I'm going to center it in the mass of undead.
Um, oh, would I know undead don't take psychic damage?
I mean, I think you would know.
I feel like you would be quite knowledgeable.
Do they have anything going on up there to take psychic damage?
Where's my mouse?
There it is.
I know.
I know poison doesn't really work.
Immunities to poison says nothing about psychic.
So knowledge that you have.
A creature of lower with intelligence lower than a score of two can be affected.
Intelligence, they have a minus four.
No, a three.
They have a three.
Sorry.
Oh, okay.
Which is a minus four.
Cool.
So a three.
Yep, that would work.
Synaptic Static.
And I'm going to center it.
It's a 20 foot radius sphere centered on a point within
120 feet.
So, you know, as long as none of my new cohorts are in the range of effect,
I'll pop it.
Awesome.
Do it.
Cool, cool, cool.
They need to make an intelligence saving throw.
Minus four, even though it was a good roll, that makes it 15.
15 will not do.
I'm so sorry.
So let me cast my 30 psychic damage to
all that failed.
15 to those who passed.
Okay, so 15 to those who passed.
So you center it in the middle of this.
They're like coming out of these houses and in this, for lack of a better term,
the square making their way down this main channel towards you.
You loose it off and all of them, there's this build up of this charge
in the middle of them and all of their heads begin popping and falling to the ground.
Yeah, glorious.
The ones in the back who weren't quite in range are now tripping over
and trying to shamble over top of all of these dead bodies.
This is just as fun as if they were living.
This is great.
This is classic Vorunax.
I love it.
I hope you get to do it again.
Get all of them.
So can I ask you a question?
I know we're mid battle, but don't you find it's maybe a little,
it's a little grosser here.
When you're coming in, maybe sort of from the outside, it's a bit,
I always found it, you know, like it was home and it's kind of icky.
It is a bit now that, you know, you kind of see it through a different lens
and you realize like, oh, those, you can roll down those hills,
but those hills are made of people's skin.
Yeah, it's kind of gross.
Anyway, just a thought that occurred to me
and I was wondering if you were kind of feeling the same way.
I think I'm getting there.
Flint.
So the zombies are all dealt with for the time being?
There's a few of them that were kind of a little bit too far back.
So like five of them.
Okay, but they're still far back.
Yeah, the undead bison that Night Hunter was on top of is prone
and is like thrashing even though it has its skull split open,
but being held down by the sheer brute force of Night Hunter.
Yeah, I guess I'll take my Dwarven Thrower
and throw it towards some of those zombies
that are a little ways back still.
Awesome.
I mean, clearly the bison is under control by Night Hunter.
Yeah.
Oh, she's got this.
First one's a 30.
Second is a 19.
Oh, 19, that's it.
Third is a 29.
That must have been a bad roll.
All of those will hit.
It's just a plus 14 to hit, guys.
It's no big deal.
No biggie.
No big deal.
It's just a thing.
I guess how many are left for us?
Is there more than three?
I think I said five.
Okay, I'll throw at like three individual ones
to try to kind of hit them each.
Yeah.
Since it like comes back to me every time.
Of course.
First one's going to take 12 damage.
Second one's going to take 10 damage.
And the third one is going to take 11 damage.
Just very mediocre rolls.
We'll say the hammer whips out
and as some of them are shambling back up,
like you catch them in the head and it knocks them back
and their head kind of like cracks and pops back.
And then even on the recoil, you get some.
So you get like almost double damage for like,
especially like the 30 roll.
So they're pretty much cleared out.
There's one that's slowly,
like one arm trying to crawl towards you all.
But it's a ways out still.
Thea, there's one.
One lone.
There's one lone zombie.
There's the bison,
which is looking like it's on his last legs.
Like even Night Hunter would probably be able
to take care of on the next one.
But then you hear like this buzzing sound
off in the distance coming from over across the river.
And you look and you turn and you look
and you see these huge insectoid like creatures.
And they're dripping with like blood
and viscous material from their mouths.
And there's like 15 of them.
And they're coming over this river.
And as they get closer,
like just the edge of the other side,
you see 15 giant like bulbous dragonflies.
Way to make dragonflies gross, honey.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Nicely done.
Vorunax, could I ask you a quick question?
Shoot.
In order for zombies to attack somebody,
don't they have to be sent?
Someone's controlling them?
Or either they're under the command of a domain
that they exist in if they are programmed upon creation,
which is very likely.
I mean, and it could just, you know, this is,
I mean, honestly, this is kind of par for the course.
Okay, that was just my question.
Are we drawing too much attention to ourselves by,
you know, kicking ass?
Maybe, but at the same time,
I think just kind of existing in the capacity we do
draws attention.
Fair enough, okay.
Before you take your turn,
you also hear off in the distance this echoing roar
of what sounds like some huge creature
that you can't see, but the ground begins to tremble.
What the fuck is that?
Would I recognize that roar?
Uh, me?
It's Moxie.
Come here, girl.
Yeah.
Come on.
Yeah.
Daddy missed you.
Uh, yeah, probably.
You would, well, I mean, you would know
that within range of Orcus's castle,
there are several large creatures
that could have made that sound.
It could be one of two things.
It could be a Orcus's dearly beloved Tyrannosaurus Rex,
or it could be the undead Tarasque
that you know roams narrative.
We should probably go.
Yeah, I was just thinking,
we like, we got important things to do.
I don't want to be wasting my energy
on just like random undead.
Can we like skedaddle?
I would like that very much.
I would like to skedaddle.
Yeah.
I'm holding L1 and R1.
So everybody is skedaddling.
Can they hunt or take one more hack?
Yeah, for sure.
She would not leave a creature just like wounded,
even though it's an undead.
100 percent.
All right.
Where are you skedaddling to?
Great question.
Deeper into the Shantytown?
Yeah, we'd probably move closer
towards the center of the city at least.
Vorunax and Lipsinki would have knowledge
of often to like either the right or the left,
depending on which way you go.
There are staircases that go up this large mountain side
that lead up to Orcus's castle,
which you can see just kind of cresting
the top of the mountain as well.
Up there, there are also monasteries
and ways down into the dungeons and crypts.
But yes, you can absolutely go further in
and like sidekick some of these still half-living,
half-unalive zombies as you're heading in there.
You are being actively chased by these dragonflies, though.
Oh, I thought maybe we'll just scooch away.
They were heading towards you.
You didn't make yourselves invisible.
So they're going to try to attack you.
There's a lot of them to attack.
Half of them get 18.
Well, if we were still in combat,
can I say I hold my action then until they get closer?
Sure, yeah.
So they are close enough that you could attack them.
Okay, I would like to.
If running away and just avoiding this conflict
isn't an option, I didn't know that
they were like a for sure thing like
maybe it was just a flyby.
Maybe they were just passing over.
How many dragonflies?
I think I said 15.
15.
Yeah, there was a fair amount of them.
Yeah, which is why I thought leaving would be a good idea.
Okay, but instead of that,
Thea will eldritch blast four of them.
You can hear the drone of their wings
as they come over the river
and are coming in behind you.
You're running into the center of this town
and they're closing in
and you see they're sharp.
They've got like these grinding saw-like teeth
that they open their mouths
and they come in towards you
and you hit them.
Welcome to the middle.
It's me, your dungeon master, Russ More.
How you doing, friends?
It's so good to have you.
Having so much fun here in the abyss, can't you tell?
Everybody's just so excited about
how the welcome wagon is just rolled out for them.
A little bit surprised too, it might be the case.
We want to let you know about the thing
that I've been teasing about
is the refresh on Patreon.
Some things are open back up on Patreon
including game time.
Game time is back
and now at a lower price moving forward.
Previously $100 a month,
now only $60 a month.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragoncast.
Come join us around the table.
You can also sign up for the $5 tier
which hasn't changed.
It's our bonus audio tier
where you get an exclusive podcast monthly.
You get Dumbgeons Downtime.
You get Game Time Audio
which is the game that we play at the game time.
We release the audio and it's a lot of fun.
And of course our supporting producer tier.
All those names you hear
at the end of the episode in the credits.
That list is growing
and we want you to also be a part of it.
There's extra hangouts
on top of the gook hang for the supporting producers
as well as those are the people
who we go to when we've got questions
and need suggestions.
That's where we start.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragoncast.
So many great things.
Check it out.
Join us today.
It's quick and easy
and you get a whole bunch of extra content.
If you're caught up.
I think it's...
I looked at the number before Christmas
and we've released a bunch of that
a bunch of extra content since then
but it was pretty much equivalent
to what we have in the main feed.
So you can instantly double
the number of episodes that you can listen to
right out of the gate.
It's a great time.
All right.
Back to the episode.
We'll talk to you very soon.
Thanks everybody.
Love you.
Bye.
They open their mouths
and they come in towards you
and you hit them.
The first one is a 20 not nat.
The second one is only a 13.
The next one is a 26.
A nat one.
And another 13.
How many times did I roll?
You rolled five.
Okay.
Ignore that last 13 then.
Okay.
So you hit them with two
and you have a nat one in there.
So roll damage for the two.
Part of me doesn't want to anymore.
Can I just take it all back?
Six damage.
That sucks.
And seven.
You're going to shoot one off.
It's going to go wide
and one is going to come in for a bite
that sneaks in behind you on this nat one.
And that's going to be a 23 to attack you.
Yeah.
And that's going to be six necrotic damage
that you're going to take.
I expected it to be a lot worse than that.
Everybody make a dexterity saving throw.
Oh, nat 20.
Two.
15.
Plus three, so five.
Unnatural 20.
Oh, and if you're within 10 feet of me,
you get a plus four to it.
All right.
Oh, nine.
Oh, fuck off.
19.
12 for Night Hunter.
Okay, so Night Hunter and Thea are
you're all tearing off and you dive in
and into one of these shacks and get away.
As Night Hunter and Thea are trying to follow you,
they get sideswiped by them.
You're going to take nine bludgeoning damage each
as these dragonflies bombard into you.
Inside of this shack,
as you two are still outside being now swarmed
and circled around by these dragonflies,
there is a staircase that goes down into the earth.
The skin earth.
Quotation, heavy quotation marks on perspective.
It's earth.
It's gross.
They say ground instead.
Ground.
Like meat.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
So everybody except Night Hunter and Thea are now inside.
We can go to the top.
Grants is his turn.
And he's going to try to assist by casting a spell.
Oh, no.
Expeditious retreat.
Does he have to move at an incredible pace?
Allows me to move at an incredible pace.
Helpful.
It does sound like he would cast that on himself.
I mean, he's already out of the way.
Let's go.
Jim's magic missile.
Gross.
What?
It's his dick.
You create three twisting, whistling, hypoallergenic,
gluten-free darts of magical force.
Each dart targets a creature of your choice.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
OK.
They're going to try and shoot these out and disperse them.
All three zip out.
And one is critical.
So 2d4.
So they're going to take a whole bunch of damage
as these magic missiles fly out and explode around you
in almost like a firework fashion,
giving you a moment to duck back inside this shack.
You slam the door shut,
and they're hitting on the walls trying to break in.
Thanks, Grants.
Oh, yeah, no problem.
Yes, we could have taken them, though.
Learned that one from a friend named Jim down in the abyss here.
Like to show off his magic missile.
Impressive.
We met a few people like that, haven't we?
Yeah, there's a few down here.
It attracts all types, doesn't it?
Yeah, it does.
Well, thank you for actually helping.
I read my book.
And not just like I said I read my book,
like a couple of the last times,
but like I actually like read them and learned,
and it was like we got this book for a reason,
and there was a whole bunch of really cool stuff in there.
Did you know?
Did you know that I have this thing called Expeditious Retreat?
It's only helpful to me, but in case we get,
I specifically get Nubind, I can run really fast if I cast it.
I can summon some Shadow Spawn.
We want to see that one?
Later.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, it's probably not the time.
I got Aberrations.
I got Modify Memories.
I can't wait to see all of these happen.
We'll have a show and tell at one point.
Anybody tired?
I got Catnap.
Nope.
That might actually be beneficial later.
Doing good right now.
Hold on to that one.
So are we going down into the meat hole?
Oh, please never say that again.
Sounds like a pretty rocking Saturday.
Before we do that, can Lipsinki cast Hallow?
It will block any undead because we've entered like sort of a cave essentially, right?
Like a downward passage, like a dungeon entrance kind of.
So I will reach down and probably not very happily touch the ground.
It purrs.
What matters is undead can't enter the area and I can bind an extra effect to the area,
which you have to agree to, my dear GM.
Which could be like daylight or darkness or
everlasting rest.
Dead bodies can't be turned into undead.
Fear, creatures get frightened when they're there.
No sound.
I mean, it kind of doesn't matter.
I'm just hoping to stop anything from following us down here to be honest.
And it can be up to 60 feet.
I don't know how big the entrance is, probably not that big.
But yeah, absolutely.
You cast Hallow.
What is the effect that you want?
Well, actually, no, you would have been spent time down in the abyss.
So you can pick the effect that it has, knowing that I probably would have twisted it to daylight.
Yeah, no, let's say, actually, let's say silence.
So no sound can come out.
So I mean, I don't know how they're finding us.
They're probably just sensing our aliveness.
Yeah, got that sweet, sweet pulse.
That beating heart, that pulse, all that delicious stuff.
Exactly.
My anxiety sweat that Lipsynche probably has.
But let's say silence.
So now we can sort of speak freely without they can't hear us and they can't get in.
Does silence work for them or for all of you?
It says no sound can emanate from within the area.
So you can't talk.
Only for 60 feet.
I don't want to.
Yeah, only for 60 feet.
Oh yeah, just so we can get in further.
Yeah, not forever.
Yeah, I just want to put up a sound blocking.
It's great for an audio podcast.
We've described some gross things.
This could be a podcast now.
We have.
The word anus has been said.
Dick has already been thrown out there in many ways.
Welcome to the abyss.
We've made it.
Okay, yes, Hallow Spell goes silence deafening for you.
You lose the sound of the dragonfly beating against the outside of the shack as you
begin to descend and out of the 60 foot range of this spell and you walk down.
Everybody make a sanity saving throw please or a sanity roll.
You all, of course, rolled your sanity stat and wrote it down somewhere important.
Yeah, I did write it down somewhere.
I do remember writing it down.
I also don't remember writing it down.
Oh, no, because I asked you, where do we record that?
And you were like, I'll figure it out and I'll put it in for you, Amy.
And I'm like, you do everything for me.
I love you.
I got a 22 total.
I got a 13.
14.
16 for Thea.
One for Nighthunter.
Oh, no.
Oh, okay.
So everybody who got below 15 is going to take 15 sanity damage, which is going to
be a separate pool that we'll have to keep track of.
And for the one, you're going to take 30.
But my sanity was only six.
I don't understand.
Okay.
Is it like a one to one of HP?
Is that what you're wanting to do?
It's a count up scale.
So, yeah.
So once you reach a certain threshold of sanity, things can happen.
What's the threshold?
I'm already at 30.
So we'll find out when we get there.
But different things happen to characters' perception, to the way that they interact
with the world, to the madness that they can succumb to.
Fuck.
Yeah.
Poor Nighthunter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just sort of realized Nighthunter was just like living life with Elia just so recently.
Just so happily.
Blissful.
After being alone for so long.
It was rough for her.
Yeah.
Found love.
Got married.
Found somewhere safe in the whole broken world.
Practically had a child because, I mean, Opal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So.
It's sad.
She didn't choose to be there.
No, no, that was a poor roll.
Hey.
Look where we ended up.
Hey, don't put that on me.
That was a story that did that.
You go down.
So feel free to, as you take like heavy amounts of sanity damage to
have that affect your character in ways that make sense,
um, you're reacting to basically all of the disgusting shit you've seen to this point
and are now walking down this, um, this tunnel system.
But it's been, we've said it in jest before, but it's been like carved from
gross bone and decaying material.
And it's like, you can feel the ground shift underneath your feet and like,
you can see it contract as you're walking down this long chamber.
And as you, um, as you get past the 60 feet where the silent spell has been cast,
like there's this thrumming noise that you can hear echoing down
the entire cave system that you're now in.
We are not in anus, yes?
Oh no, smell, smells not quite right for that.
I've been in one of those before down here.
I bet you have.
Might be closer to esophagus.
Yes, yeah.
Grancis, being in here really reminds me of when, you know, we were kind of together
and working before I sort of had my change of heart and
went with Vorunax and I am, I, it is not a pleasant memory.
You must be having kind of a hard time down here.
Yeah.
Would you like to talk about it?
Okay. Um, so I got captured and they put me down in the abyss.
That's where I met Lipsinki.
So that was cool when Lipsinki showed up
because I was there for a little while.
Before that, you know, I was a ghost for a bit and there was this real dick
who was like trying to just get ghosts to come help Orcus and they were all real
jerk bags and then like pulled me in through this light and then I ended up down here.
But the time and time again that they tried to kill me, one time, like I said,
it was in an anus. So you're like having to deal with like, you know, everything being,
all the moisture being sucked from your body.
And then you're just like this shell of a human that's resting in the,
just in the colon of one of these huge creatures, just waiting to be shot out.
Oh, oh, they made you the corn. Yes. Yes. That's classic.
Yeah. I remember them laughing and be like, oh, we can still see the husk.
Oh, yep. Shucks. I wish I'd been there.
It's not goodbye. It's a see you later.
Yeah. Yeah.
So that was one time. I'm sure we'll have lots of time.
Where does this tunnel system, do you know this tunnel system?
Well, if I were to guess, it would run to the blood sewers that run underneath the,
underneath the city, which we could make our way at least to the inner circle, which
might not be too bad overall, as far as the denizens there.
There are some undead of intellect that do not just mindlessly, mindlessly shamble,
which that would be where we would have to be more on our toes and
maybe have a story straight as far as what we're doing, whether we're still doing the,
you are my prisoners. And at this point, what did we decide? Lipsinkia,
the well-trained new hire or?
Yeah. I don't, I mean, gosh, where am I here now?
What would happen if you saw you now?
Yeah. I mean, I can't see me. I feel like I might still, I mean, we haven't met,
so I must still, I mean, maybe I'm with Grancis. Like maybe I'm still,
you know, on the, on the hard side of things.
Well, no, cause if you haven't met Vorunax, like Vorunax, if you remember,
I captured you in Blackpool and Blackpool wasn't set up yet. So,
so you were still like wandering about, listening to the voices in your head.
I'm still up above just digging holes, happily getting put in prison. I guess it
wasn't great either. Although Vorunax is here, so maybe you won't get put in prison.
Oh, maybe.
That's highly likely.
Oh, that, I mean, that's uplifting, isn't it? There's a version of you that never gets
captured. There's a version of me that doesn't get put in prison and captured.
High fives. We did something good already.
Oh, I don't think we should touch hands.
We're all ready.
What if we could find the other you and harness their power through their life source
and feed it to you?
Well, I think, I mean-
I feel like you're stronger, bigger, better, Lipsinkia.
Yes. Grancis gets it.
I mean, Grancis, I don't-
I mean, that kind of sounds like we're going down the wrong road.
Yeah, I'm not sure, because I'm so new to this whole being good thing, but like,
Thea, that sounds, I know I'm allowed to kill bad people as much as I want,
but I feel like I probably can't go find innocent me.
Oh, and would you want to do that to innocent you?
That would be-
No, I wouldn't, actually. You're right. Grancis, Vorunax. No, we're not going to do that.
Now, hold on a second. Though, what if we found Grancis down here?
And fed him to our Grancis to make a super Grancis?
To make, to make a super Grancis.
I don't, I don't think the world could handle that.
I've had that happen before.
Oh.
Yeah, where they fed me to me and-
Oh, right.
Yeah, it was a real vore thing that I didn't care for.
Yeah.
With a nice Chianti?
Yeah, yeah. They said it was, it was really just Kirtle's blood.
Yeah, I mean, most things you get down here-
Yeah, they probably got it.
It's just Kirtle's.
From the bloods, it was.
Kirtle's blood.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yes.
So, I guess what I'm saying, Vorunax, is I don't know. What do we do? Are we all prisoners?
Does it make more sense if I'm like, like you're lackey that, that can kind of help or-
I think, I think them being the prisoners makes sense. I believe we could turn
you into, yes, my lackey, or my new pickup.
You're like, oh, this one seems promising. Brought her along just because everything checked out.
Above board. Exceeds expectation.
I mean, that is what happens eventually, so it seems-
Yeah, you've been through the steps. You paid the dues.
Exactly. I mean, this way, I'm doing it without having to go through
all the torture and what, and being roommates with Granzis, so.
That's true.
And all the best lies have that anchoring truth.
Exactly.
Yeah, exactly.
Okay.
Good point, good point.
At what point should you, like, do we need to be tied up and,
and like that air quotes because-
Right.
Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I guess the question is, are we going, are you taking us?
So we got to go through the blood sewers and then we hang a right at, at the tonsils
and then do we make our way straight to Orcus or are you swinging us by the prison?
Are we going to the prison or are we going to Orcus?
I think we should eat Granzis.
Granzis, what happened when you ate yourself?
Did you become extra powerful?
In that instance, no, no, I, I cried.
Yeah, it was dark, it was a dark time.
Yes, that's terrible.
Well, yeah, do we just roll in and say,
Orcus, look at this, it's, it's Thea Anastasia.
And the crew.
Flint.
I don't think I feel comfortable being the headliner.
I feel like you and Flint kind of are the, the headliner.
No offense.
Granzis, 900, no offense to you, but I mean, they.
It is true.
I do not need to know myself.
It's pretty famous.
It's best to keep me at the back.
I've got things like delayed blast fireball.
Well, it sounds like you need to get that checked out.
Agreed.
I also have sequester.
You want me to try that one out on you?
I'm not into horses.
And that's where we're in that episode.
Dumbgeons and Dragons, season two, episode 143, starring Amy More as Thea and Night Hunter,
Carla Maxted as Lipsinki, Tom Laird as Flint, with Kyle Clasett as Vorunax,
and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Dialogue editing by Carla Maxted and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound and Artlist and sound effects from
Epidemic Sound, Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
And a huge thank you to our supporters for this episode.
And a huge thank you to our supporting producers.
Jessica Babyok, Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown, Craig Zeitz,
Perry Matey, Kayla Littlejohn, L.A. Branton, Nathaniel Teeter,
Old School Gamer D, Ongarong Kierzen, Louis Hayes, and Jordan Anderson.
Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
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Become a supporting producer or just join the community and get access to
hundreds of hours of additional bonus content.
Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
We hope to see you over there.
That's it for now.
Have a great week.
We'll talk to you soon.
Russ has a freaking doom pile.
Because you need a set of drawers or like a filing cabinets.
What do you think?
Then they just become doom cabinets and drawers.
Yeah, but then the dog can't get at them.
It's true.
I've got a doom desk in my garage.
I have a doom garage.
Yeah, that's more apropos.
Through the magic of editing, Russ has this name.
They're already picked out.
Anne, Dumbgeons and Dragons is a dumb dragons production.