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previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Oh god, he's crying.
He's crying now.
Moot, Moot, go talk to him. He's crying. He's doing feelings and stuff.
Alright, alright, I got this. Okay, Gru, what's the problem?
I don't even have one of those days where you just feel like everything's a mistake.
A flesh monster comes erupting out of this hole and strikes the ground about 20 feet from you.
Do you guys think this has anything to do with the stuff that we heard from the boy?
Maybe, but we're not even close. We're not ready to save the world yet, so there can't just be gates opening.
I don't know if they're gonna wait until we're ready to save the world, Glimp.
Gru, where are our brothers? They were supposed to be with you.
I, uh, who, huh, ah, and Gru turns and runs.
The hunts! They're invading! Hunt invaders!
How long do you think we have to wait before then we go into the city so we don't seem like we're a part of this?
Is there another entrance?
That's them! That's the other villages that survived!
And I kind of look behind us like, back there?
Glimp! Glimp!
The guard turns around and kind of shakes his head towards the other two guards who then turn to look back at Gru who has bolted.
He's gone. You see just the edge of his shirt kind of fly up around a corner, and that's the last you see of Gru.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons! We're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast, and I'm your dungeon master Russ More, and with me today is Carla Maxted!
That is me. I'm looking at myself in this picture, and it looks like I'm just a floating head because I'm wearing a black shirt.
And this is an audio medium, so it means nothing to anyone, but you guys can see it, and it's weird, right? I have no body.
Wasn't going to say anything.
Also, I play Glimp.
And Tom Laird!
I am also wearing a black shirt, but it's got white kind of baseball shirt sleeves on it, so not a floating head today, but I play Moot.
And Amy More!
I'm not wearing anything at all. I like to podcast in the nude, and I play Sullivan Sleight. Also, apologies to Tom and Carla.
No need to apologize at all.
We can mostly not see anything at all.
It's mostly just tops of tits.
I think what we want is for you to be comfortable.
True.
I appreciate that. You know what, folks at home, I really hope you find a really tight group to D&D with, because they'll put your comfort above all else.
Get yourself a naked round table when all this social distancing is done.
I'm looking for a segue that can send us over to Patreon, but none of this is relevant.
So where you can find a fun group of people is over on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast, where things are happening.
There's lots of bonus audio content.
There is monthly hangouts with us and other fun people.
There's producer chats where you can ask questions about D&D or about podcasts.
All of those things. We have a whole bunch of goals that we've met recently, so there's going to be new episodes coming out for patrons.
So thank you, patrons, for helping us reach those goals.
Thank you so much.
Thank you. If you were looking to join our Patreon at this time, you could help us reach our next goal, which is 55 patrons, where once you get over there, it kind of makes a little more sense.
I thought about this after the fact, but I play a character in Tom's game called Opalite Brightcliffs, a tabaxi bard.
It's a bonus monthly game. Comes out on the 15th of every month when we're on schedule. If not, it comes out shortly thereafter.
Pretty close, pretty close. We're back up to two episodes every record now. Thanks, Tom.
How many? Two. Two episodes. Two, right.
So that we make sure we get those out on time. But I play that character, and for a good long while, he's sung songs.
So this next goal, I will record all those songs and release them to patrons. It's going to be great.
There's some bangers in there. There are. There's some good can-con in there, too.
Some of these songs just slap. You're going to love it.
Also, when you're a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you, like today's patron, Gabriel Lynch.
Oh, Gabriel. Thanks, Gabriel.
Thanks, Gabriel. Thank you, Gabriel.
Fuck it. Let's play D&D.
Previously, Moot, Glim, and Sully had made it to Perdusk with Gru. We did it.
You spent a little time there before moving on, finding your next stop along the way.
Well, we decided we don't want to hang out and get comfortable anywhere, because some of us...
Got a long way to travel. Got a world to save. We got to go do some stuff.
...have a destiny. Got to save the world.
There were several moments as you were walking down streets when you'd hear Gru around a corner and have to run the other way.
So this was more of like an espionage city for you, not because you were hiding from the law or anything,
but because you were hiding from your new best friend.
But while you were in Perdusk, you did some hunting around, because you've been kind of wandering.
You had to find the guide in Gru to help you get to the next spot.
You've been looking for more of a map to kind of be able to plot out your own course.
And while you weren't able to find a world map, which is what you were looking for,
you did find one that would get you to a city called Proskr.
And there you're told that you can find an individual who goes by the name of Bolnil Undertask,
who has traveled all over Torrio.
So we find you, the three of you, you have reached the city of Proskr.
It's been probably about 15 days' travel.
So give me something each of you that has happened in this time.
Well, Sully has along the way actually found a few more small elementals that have popped up here and there.
That he has befriended by juggling and doing other kinds of silly little tricks that would otherwise amuse children.
And it's kind of like giving him a little peace along the journey.
Like it's just like a little bit of wholesomeness that Sully hasn't usually had in his life.
Moot has taken up a little hobby when we're on the road of trying to sketch wildlife that we see along the way.
What kind of sketches do you got going on there?
A lot of birds.
Finds birds have good angles to sketch out.
And a lot of things move too fast and birds kind of fly and then stop.
So he has a chance to kind of get a glimpse of what's actually going on there.
Right, right, right, right.
Okay, yeah, roll me what would we call like a dexterity?
Probably good for an artistry sense.
Sure.
Or maybe something to do with charisma?
Or even perception?
Any of those things?
Oh, perception is probably good.
Or nature?
Could do nature.
Also nature.
Sure.
Alright, I'll do nature.
Right?
Doesn't it?
That is a 19.
Draws the fuck out of those birds.
Yeah.
So, yeah, absolutely.
They look fantastic and Sully and Glim looking kind of, I don't know, over your shoulder or you showing them.
From below.
These are proudly showing them.
These look like fantastic drawings.
We're getting really good, Moot.
Wow, these are amazing.
I can't, you have so many good skills.
It's so great.
We gotta get this guy some colored pencils or something.
That's a great idea.
I would love to see these in color.
Where would we even get those?
Well, I don't know.
Well, we can look at the next town or something.
Gotta ask this Bal-der, Baldir, Undercarriage.
Undertask.
Undertask.
Well, and maybe since that guy's got a map, he probably knows where lots of things are and can point us to the nearest pencil shop.
Pencillary.
Glim, what's another thing that has happened on this journey?
I think that Glim probably is missing, because it's just us now, so not a lot of group fitness happening.
These two, not that interested in the Zumba.
Certainly not interested in my proselytizing anymore.
Pretty over that whole thing, I'm sure.
I think we may both have converted just to make you quiet.
Yeah, probably.
We're like, oh, yeah, totally.
He's our guy.
Onboard 100%.
So I think I have been doing a couple things that are sort of more solitary things.
One is like praying and communing, and the other would be just like, I don't know, increasing plank challenges.
So I can plank for like, I don't even know, four hours now, probably.
Plank for days.
That's right.
Every time we stop, I'm just like, okay, I'll just be over there, and then I'm just doing a plank for like just so long.
We cut to you three having made camp.
Do we have a carriage or a cart or anything?
I can't remember.
You didn't say.
Neither did you.
Well, we didn't have one going to Verduce, because we took a raft.
Yeah, that's true.
So we could have got one before we left Verduce.
With like a little donkey or something on it.
Nothing fancy.
We don't have a whole lot of money.
Not like a covered cart or anything.
Yeah, so not like a wagon.
Yeah, like a cart.
Like a donkey and a cart.
We've got some weapons and things, and it's a long travel, so.
Carriage and donkey.
Did you rent this carriage and donkey, or did you purchase this carriage and donkey?
You have enough money that you could have purchased it.
Yeah, because we have some money now from doing things.
Yeah.
How much is a donkey cost?
How much is a donkey cost?
How much is a donkey cost?
Russ, how much is a donkey cost?
Everyone wants to know.
If you could just please tell us how much a donkey.
A donkey or mule will cost you eight gold pieces.
Almost as much as magic missile potatoes.
Oh my god.
It cost a few folks listening.
I fixed it.
I fixed the economy since that episode.
That's great.
We gave you some constructive feedback about the pricing.
I love how you retconned that in.
I was listening to that episode a while back, and I was like,
Oh, yeah, I forgot that Russ came back with a, no, it was grossly overpriced.
If you were to get a cart, it would be 15 gold.
So 12 of 23 gold to get a donkey and cart.
I apparently have 42 gold.
I don't know how to do this currency.
Well, remember, we got a bunch from the gobbos, then that all got stolen.
Oh, yes, I have 42.
And then remember when you were a sheep, and then I like fire blasted,
and then you acid attacked, and we got some money from the gear of that lady.
You should have been paid 20 gold total for that.
20, okay.
So if we chip in.
And Moot got paid out the ass for poisoning somebody.
Okay, so you have in your possession a donkey.
What's the donkey's name?
Rolf.
I like it.
And a carriage.
So you want us to name the cart?
No, I just said you also have a cart.
I mean, you can name the cart if you want to.
I christen thee.
Cartman.
Benjamin.
Cartman.
Benjamin.
This is Rolf and Benjamin.
Yep.
So you ride in with Rolf and Benjamin to the city of Prosker,
which everybody who wants to can make a history check
based on what you know about this city going into it.
16.
And histories plus one, so that's a seven.
Damn.
Okay, green dice for the good call tonight,
because I just rolled a 20, but not natural.
So Sully with a seven.
Should I tell them everything I know about Prosker?
Yeah, go for it.
I'll tell you what you really know.
So I've been here a few times, once or twice in my travels.
It's a big town of lots of trade that happens here.
Big pig market, big pig market.
The swineries at the north part of the town there
worked a little bit in the selling of the pigs and things like that,
but it was a little bit of a smelly job,
so I moved on from that.
But the people here are pretty nice.
They do not all speak common, so prepare yourselves for that.
Great landscape.
Good soil, too.
The clay versus the loam mixture of the soil is real good.
Just in case you wanted to plant something while you were here.
Glam and Moot, you know a little bit about Prosker.
And it's, you've heard, is led by a merchant council,
which unimaginatively call themselves the Prosker Council.
And they consist of people who all used to be Thieves Guild members,
and the city is basically run by thieves.
The council themselves allow this to happen and take kickbacks
in order to make the city run.
That really seems like something Sully should know.
Doesn't it?
Alas, it is not.
You do know that there are pigs.
So you enter the city of Prosker.
It's about midday.
Streets are pretty busy.
It's fairly well kept as far as a city run by thieves is concerned,
I guess you could say.
You do notice that swine are just running through the streets haphazardly.
See what I said about the pigs?
Yeah, you really knew what you were talking about.
I was to chase them down, and I'm not going to lie to you.
Most of them are pretty near my size.
It was a difficult job.
I bet it was.
How did you manage to take them down?
Well, you know, you got to be real sneaky-like, right?
Get up beside it.
Sometimes pretending to be a pig was one of your best,
You get down on all fours, and you snuffle around,
and then you get up beside it, and you're like,
yeah, this grass we're eating over here is real good,
and then you jump on its back, and you put the harness around its face.
I'm tired just thinking about it.
Can you do a bit of your pig impression right now,
just so we can get an idea of what it was like?
Sully turns and looks at Moot, and is like,
is somebody paying me for this?
I just said it was a really hard job.
I know, but you don't actually have to tackle a pig.
I could get some PSTD from this.
And what does that stand for?
I think you know well, good and well, what that stands for, Moot.
Okay.
Pig Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Well, that would be PTSD. That doesn't make any sense at all.
Pig Specific Trauma Disorder.
Traumatic disorder, yes.
Pig Specific Traumatic Disorder.
You're passing by a shop, an outdoor merchant,
and he overhears this conversation happening and comes over and says,
oh, you chase pigs there with the PSTD.
Oh, you know what, that was like a whole lifetime ago.
What's your name, Sunny?
Sully.
Sully, Sunny Sully.
No, not Sunny, Sully.
Sully, Sunny.
No Sunny, just Sully.
Sully.
You nailed it.
Got it in eight.
Perfect.
Get it in eight, that's super great.
That's what they say.
Not from around here's, are you?
Why, I've been here a few times before.
Pretty much looks the same.
I believe you. It's a fine looking steed.
He walks over to Rolf, starts petting his back,
and says, you need any feed for your,
and notice your carriage is getting kind of low there.
I could help you out.
Got some primo feed here.
Can I make a perception check on this dude?
Sure.
What are you trying to perceive?
Wait, what are you trying to perceive?
I'm trying to perceive if,
like he can't, like Sully is wary of all people.
So I just, I'm wondering like, is he really trying to be helpful?
So you're more looking for insight, not perception.
Sure, yes, insight.
Okay.
Yeah.
Seventeen.
You see him walk over and start petting Rolf,
and he points over to his shop front.
That's not how you say that.
His store front.
There's a lot of lip movement in that one.
Points over to his store front,
and you see that there is animal feed,
and different fruits and vegetables,
and all sorts of things like that.
Seems like that's what he's trying to sell you.
Well, you know, from last time I was here,
all the people were real stand-up people,
real honest individuals that, you know,
they're not going to steer you wrong.
So, I mean, would you need to pack some stuff up
before we leave town?
We might as well do it here.
He looks to, during this, you see him kind of squint.
He looks to glim and moot and says,
new, like fresh new around here.
He says he's been here a couple times.
He's a world traveler.
He's been everywhere.
Well, he's nailed Prosker.
That's what they say about Prosker,
is that the people are all nice and above board.
I think that was on the town sign when we came in,
wasn't it?
Totally above board.
He says, yeah, let me get you all set up here.
Just you can swing your carriage in.
What brings you to Prosker?
Oh, well, we're on a mission to save the world.
This is glimpse time to shine.
We're looking for a map.
So, to find the map, we're looking for a man or a woman.
Do we know if it's a man or a woman?
When I look at my friends?
I don't know.
Anyway, a person.
Last name, Undertask, as a map.
Do you know that?
Undertask?
Uh, oh.
Well, I mean, most people know him by Thunderaxe,
but might be the same guy.
Thunderaxe.
Wow.
Old dwarf.
Kind of been, you know, stuck here for a while.
Took ill.
Just kind of landed here.
Well, Thunderaxe is a very impressive name.
I don't know why the person directing us to him
wouldn't have said, find Thunderaxe.
That would really stick in the old noggin, you know?
He himself was a traveler of the world,
and maybe the last time this other person saw him,
maybe he didn't earn that name quite yet.
Sometimes that happens.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
Hey, I've got some pamphlets here
if you're interested while you're loading up the wagon there,
some food for Rolf.
Do you know about Bahamut, or?
Bahamut?
I mean, no?
Oh.
Well, buckle up for quite a ride, my friend.
47 minutes later.
Told him all about Bahamut.
During this 47 minutes, I'm assuming Sully and Moot
have not hung around.
I'm sure they haven't.
They've heard this literally a million times now.
So Sully and Moot, you kind of walk off
and get the lay of the land
while Glim is converting another soul.
Hey, Moot, did you drop those pamphlets for Glim?
I maybe did a little bit.
She was so nice in asking,
and she was so complimentary to my previous drawings
that I just thought maybe it was a good idea
to get a little more practice.
They look fantastic.
I mean, if he does join because Bahamut is,
what does she say, the man?
It's like a pretty cool guy.
He's probably going to join
because those brochures look so awesome.
I hope so.
I mean, I've never seen Bahamut.
I can only go by what Glim's told us,
but pretty cool looking guy.
Well, that big smile on his face, yeah.
I mean, he just is really inviting.
If we haven't already pretended to have converted over,
I would do it all over again.
I went for like a warm but inviting
but also excited look,
and I think I pulled it off.
Kind of like Glim, huh?
Very similar, yeah.
Moot, ahead of you and kind of through the crowd,
you see something that catches your eye.
It's an individual who looks like they're,
well, won't bury the lead.
It looks like they are a,
roll me in history.
All right, history roll coming up.
That is a seven.
You see an interesting fellow who is,
their skin is all blue.
They've got different colorations along their skin.
Their hair.
No, their hair is,
the more you look at it,
it's so fluid,
it starts to look like it's actually water.
And they are standing in the middle of this square
and they are juggling,
or it appears that they are juggling
what looks like snowballs.
Sully, do you see that?
What?
Oh, that guy with the rash?
Yeah, the blue man group over there juggling.
Oh, the blue man.
Oh, I was like,
do you see that guy over there?
Yeah, no.
Oh, but that blue guy is like super cool.
Person, blue person,
gender's fluid.
Where do you think they got snow?
Well, I don't know,
but it looks like they're out there
for entertainment purposes,
so maybe we could just go ask.
Excuse me, my friend.
The person juggling is startled
by you screaming at them.
Like nobody's really been paying attention to them
to this moment.
It's a joyful scream.
Yeah.
And the snowballs drop to the ground
and they look down
and they're a little bit defeated,
but then look up to you
and smile as you walk up and say,
yes, hello.
That was some really impressive juggling
that you just did there.
I myself as a juggletea
really do appreciate a good juggle.
I thought you called it a juggalo.
Well, yes.
Is that not?
Well, it's a usage
and it all really depends on
how you're saying it in the sentence.
You know, syntax is important.
OK, sure, yeah.
It's really rude of you
to interrupt me though, Moot.
Sorry.
To call me out like that
in front of a new friend.
You previously referred to yourself
as a juggalo,
so I wasn't too sure.
Yes.
Well, a juggalo is someone who practices
the art of juggleteering.
OK, now I'm on board.
My friend here knows, you know.
You look back to the person
and they've moved away.
Oh.
Down a few steps
and have started juggling
a little bit of ways.
I will follow them.
I will take rocks out of my pocket
and juggle in front of them.
Eh?
Both of you make a perception check.
I feel like I'm
straight up harassing this person.
Yeah, 100%.
Sorry, perception?
Yeah.
Well, that's a minus.
Oh, nat 20.
15.
You're a little more focused
on your juggling there, Sully.
But Moot, you see,
you're watching both Sully
and this new person juggle.
But you're watching
this new person's hands.
And as one snowball goes up
and comes down to one hand,
it seemingly disappears.
So they're creating snowballs
rather than juggling.
And throwing them up in the air
and making them disappear.
That's a really neat trick
you're doing there
with the snowballs.
Juggling?
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm a great juggler.
No, no, no.
I mean, I can tell
that you're not actually juggling.
I drop my rocks.
Snowballs fall to the ground.
What say you?
Moot, you can't just tell someone
who is juggling
that they are not juggling.
Well, but you were juggling, Sully,
with how much of a juggalo you are.
This person wasn't.
They were creating new snowballs.
I think via magic.
You come over
and throw in my face
your own juggling.
Do you even have
some sort of documentation
that says you can juggle in this spot?
Because I do.
I'm sorry, friend.
What's your name?
We've gotten off on the wrong foot here.
My name is Sullivan Sly.
It's nice to meet you.
My name is Eska Nerveen.
And I've been juggling in this spot
for quite a while now
and haven't seen you two.
We are just coming through.
And I quietly pick up Sully's rocks
that he dropped
and hand them to Eska and say,
well, maybe juggle these then.
I would not dare juggle
another juggler's balls.
Yeah, that's really inappropriate.
Do you mind if I,
can I have those?
Secrets can be held
within such things.
Nobody touches
another juggalo's balls.
Come with me, good moot.
Come with me.
Away from the juggle balls.
And moot.
Because they're full of secrets.
Moot and Eska
kind of take a few steps over
and begin whispering
What gave me away?
Well, I could tell
that you weren't actually
transferring the snowballs.
You were just making them
appear in your hand.
It took a lot of perception
and a lot of observation,
but I got it.
You seem like a very
perceptive and in tune
with the world individual.
Moot, I like you.
What exactly do you know
about such magics?
Well, I don't know about
that particular magic,
but I dabble a little bit.
See, I have this thing
in me called wild magic,
so I can't,
I have a pretty good idea
of what I'm doing,
but sometimes just the
total opposite thing
will happen.
Like one time I tried to
slow this guy down
with some freezing magic,
but instead I created
a bonfire that he fell into.
Wow.
Yeah, total accident.
I mean, wasn't my intention,
but that's still what happened,
so I need to be careful
when I go to do magical stuff.
I have had some such
similar things happen
to me in the past.
Perhaps we could talk about this
over a snow cone or something.
I mean, I'm always up for that.
Interesting.
Can Sully come too?
He loves snow cones.
You look back and Sully is gone.
Oh, okay.
Well, I guess
he's off doing his thing,
so sure.
Yeah, let's wait.
Let me just go find my friends
real quick and let them know
that I'll be right back.
Oh, okay.
Should I wait here?
Yeah, just here like one second
and then I'll just head over there
and I'll be right back.
That's why he's the most amazing,
life-changing, raddest dude
you'll ever welcome into your life.
What type of time commitment
are we looking at here?
Like, I'm kind of busy.
I'm a business owner.
You know, I don't have a lot of time
to get out really too much.
Hand out these pamphlets
as you were so speaking about.
Well, I mean,
I feel like if you really
let Bahamut's love
kind of flow through you,
you'll find yourself more focused
and more organized.
So, I mean, in as little
as five minutes a day,
you really can worship the big guy
in just like a really powerful way.
Just five minutes a day,
and during that,
and does that five minutes
include the Zim,
the Zimbas you were talking about?
Oh, I mean, that's adjacent.
I find through physical exercise
you really like can kind of
channel the power of Bahamut,
but it really is just like
more of a focused meditation thing
to really commune.
Make a religion check
to see how much you sway this person.
Somehow I have a plus zero
for religion, which seems wrong.
That doesn't seem right.
Shouldn't she be like
persuading him to?
You can use persuasion if you want.
I mean, I probably have a plus zero
for that too.
Oh no, I have a plus five for that.
I'm much more persuasive.
Yeah, I'm much more persuasive
than I am knowledgeable.
Use persuasion then.
So that's a 16 then.
So all you're saying is
I have to hand out these pamphlets here.
You've given me a few.
Tell people about the good Bahamut,
and then he'll let me
into his good graces,
whatever that means.
Five minutes a day?
That's all it takes?
Minimum of five?
Just five minutes a day?
I think you'll find
when you start with the five minutes.
You're going to really like
what you're getting out of it.
You're going to want to do it a lot more.
Seems less intensive
than the religion I have going on here.
Okay.
And what are you currently working with?
Oh, it's the religion of the god Mask.
Oh, I don't know.
What are they all about?
Oh, well, they are the god of thievery and trickery.
Oh, right, because that's like
the whole thing here.
It's kind of a thing here
is getting involved with thieves' guilds
and, you know, paying off people.
It seems like a weird way to run an economy.
I don't know.
We just got here,
but I guess if everyone is doing the same thing,
it all kind of...
Generally, that's what happens here.
It's a merchant town.
Merchant town.
People go and they steal things and sell things.
I'm telling you way too much here.
Although, you know, we just pay them off.
It's not really that big a deal.
It's not like you're going to turn around
and stick the law on us
because there's not much of that.
Glim, I don't know where Sully went,
but I just wanted to let you know
that I found a new friend,
so I'm going to go chat with them for a little bit.
I think about magic stuff.
So, yeah.
Okay.
Are we...
I guess, has he been loading?
Like, are we done with this merchant interaction?
Has he stolen all of our stuff?
Has he sold slash stolen all of our things?
You have purchased animal feed
and whatever else you see fit to...
Some rations and things.
Yeah.
Whatever else you see fit
that you will need on the next leg of your journey.
So, yeah, absolutely.
He sold that to you.
Also, I would just like to say,
I wish that the listeners could see
how Tom's face lights up
when he says he has wild magic.
It's very sweet.
It's so exciting.
It's very...
Yeah, it's great.
I love it.
Well, thank you so much for everything.
All the best.
Baham, I'll be with you.
And maybe we'll see you again
before we leave town.
Of course.
And if you have any,
you know, other friends need anything,
just send them back to Leopold's hut here.
Okay.
Thanks, Leopold.
Of course.
Of course, Glim.
Well, maybe Moot, I'll just come with you
and we'll see if you want to go
with your new friend
and learn about magic, I understand.
But maybe I can track down Sully
if we go back to where you guys were.
Sure.
Yeah, it was just right over here.
You head off back down the street
towards where the juggler, Eska, was.
And we cut back to previously
when Eska took you, Moot,
off to go talk about the wild magic.
And we see Sully standing there
waiting for you to come back.
And two individuals come up behind Sully
and throw a bag over his head.
Not again.
And quickly take him off.
We see him being dragged,
muffled down an alleyway,
and we see Moot kind of look back for him,
and he's not there.
And we cut back to that alleyway.
You're taken down,
muffled, kicking, and screaming.
They've lifted you up
and throw you down into this basement.
You hear the door shut behind you.
You're able to get the bag off.
You struggle to get it off.
And now you're down in this dark, dank basement.
Jesus fucking Bahamut,
what the hell is going on here?
You hear like a tapping
from the other side of this room.
And you look,
and as your eyes kind of start to adjust
and some of the light from the street comes in,
you see a figure sitting on the far side
with like a cane sitting there
being like,
you're a tough one to find there, Sully.
Well, who's looking?
Well, many people are looking for you, Sully.
Can I have their names?
Well, I am, fortunately,
employed by one of the good ones
looking for you, Leydon Menda.
You do remember the good Leydon Menda, don't you?
The look on your face tells me
you perhaps don't remember.
I've met a lot of people in my life.
They helped you out of Neverwinter?
Oh my god, yes.
Yes.
Ah, Leydon, buddy.
I owe him, don't I?
He didn't want my magic rock.
It's kind of why I'm here.
Okay.
Because, well,
there's lots of people looking for you.
Can I get their names?
Ms. Mammeowmeow has agents
sent out from Neverwinter.
The city's crawling
with people looking for you.
Your picture is up everywhere,
although they got something wrong in the image.
Not quite sure what it is.
They never quite get the nose right.
That must be what it is.
Last heard, you were down in Waterdeep,
so that might not be a safe place
for you to go back anytime soon.
Well, who said I was going back to Waterdeep anyway?
I'm just warning you.
Why are you helping me?
Well, Leydon is calling in a favor,
and part of that favor,
well, the payment from his side
is making sure Ms. Mammeowmeow
doesn't know where you are.
Okay, that's great.
That's wonderful.
And all you have to do is a simple delivery.
Go to one place,
get a scroll,
take it to another place.
Goddamn.
I have not had very good luck with scrolls.
What's wrong with scrolls?
Well, sometimes they will explode
a whole fucking caravan.
Oh.
No, this is like a memoir,
like a journal entry on a scroll.
Yes, right.
Yes.
Right, where someone writes down
the memories on the scroll, a scremory.
Exactly.
So, we need you to do that.
Okay.
So you would like me to be the Pony Express,
is what you're saying here?
Yeah.
All right.
Okay.
Where am I going?
Well.
Because I'm kind of on a mission
to save the world or something?
I'm sure it can take a backseat
to this at this moment.
The world?
All right.
Sure.
Is this going to help wipe my favor
clean with Mr. Lenden?
Lendozen?
It's best be remembering who is hiring you.
Well, I have a thing with names.
That's all.
Leden Menda.
Leden Menda.
There's no Z in there at all.
This person.
This figure steps out from the shadows
and you see them more clearly now
and they have very reptilian
or amphibian type look to them.
Very frog-like features.
Their eyes kind of bulge out.
They've got long spindly fingers.
But still quite humanoid in their face as well.
Says, we need you to go grab this memoir,
this scroll.
You need to go to High Moon,
which is in the Dale lands.
High Moon.
I should probably write this down.
High Moon.
Sully starts to write it on his hand.
H High Moon.
Moon.
In the Dale lands.
The Dale lands, yes.
Dale.
He's a very important guy to have all this land named after him.
You go to High Moon in the Dale lands.
You find this scroll.
The scroll is going to be at the Temple of Agma.
Scroll.
Temple.
Agma?
Yes.
Or Agma.
Agma.
This is riveting.
Riveting audio.
Yes.
You're going to take that.
Well, you have to get it to the place.
Jesus.
You deliver it to Ser Lune.
Is that a person or a place?
It is a city.
Ser Lune.
It's a shipping hub south of High Moon.
It's the most notes I've ever taken.
It only took like four years.
It's because I mentioned it earlier, right?
I'm being punished now.
Okay.
Who am I taking it to once I get to Ser Lune?
They'll find you.
They'll find me?
They'll find you.
They'll find me.
That's what I said.
You think this is funny.
No.
See.
You know what though?
I laugh sometimes.
It's a nervous tick when I'm in an uncomfortable situation such as being in a dark basement
after being kidnapped and then coming face to face with a stranger.
Enter, enter, enter, enter, enter, enter, enter, interlude.
Nailed it.
Oh, that turned into like duck tails.
Duck tails.
Welcome to the middle everybody.
We didn't plan what we were going to talk about, but that's fine.
Not at all.
We would love for you to be awesome.
You're happy as self.
Absolutely.
Yeah, those are all things I want.
We just want to tell you how awesome you are today.
So thank you for being here.
Thank you for enjoying this episode.
Interlude over.
Interlude over.
But while we have you here, we might mention that we have a great game going on over on
Patreon, DM'd by our very own Tom Laird.
What?
We mention it a lot, but it's getting very exciting because we're getting down to the
end of season three, which releases this month on the 15th.
And that means Tom is planning a season four.
Yes.
It's insane.
As far as like number of seasons, he is far more accomplished than me at running
games.
The key is keeping them short.
Well, I've yet to master how to do that.
We'd love for you to come join us over on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
where all of our patrons have access to that game.
So no matter what tier you are at, you deserve Tom's game.
You deserve Tom's game and we want you to have it.
So please go check it out and enjoy that game as well.
There's one more thing that we could probably tell you about.
And you know how we joke all the time about that other podcast that we're going to
be doing and this offshoot and that.
Well, Carla, Tom and I, we did that.
We actually did one.
I don't think it was even one that came up as a side project.
But regardless, we were all together.
We had this brilliant idea.
Fast forward 13, 14, 15 months later.
This has been in the works for a while.
We actually did it.
And it is called Sexy Book Club.
And it's just what it sounds.
We read a sexy book and then we have a book club discussion about it.
But not like nerds who talk about book club discussions.
Actually, I don't think those people exist.
But we talk about like all the sex part of it, like hardcore, the sex part of it.
Yeah.
It's mostly an excuse for the three of us to have a conversation about explicit topics
wrapped in a nice frame around a book.
Perfect.
So the first episode just came out May 1st.
And there'll be a new episode every month, just like a normal book club.
So if you want to read the book and then be a part of the discussion, that'd be great.
But honestly, you don't need to read the book.
And most of the time, you probably shouldn't read the book.
Yeah, a lot of them are very bad.
Yeah.
But the first one we made in mind just for you all, it's called Her Dragon to Slay.
So, you know, a little on brand, but that's about as on brand as we get
because these are two very different podcasts.
But we love it if you came and checked us out.
So one more time, it's called Sexy Book Club.
You can get it on iTunes or, you know, wherever you get your podcasts.
You're listening to one right now.
You know how to do it.
It's true.
And we've linked it all down in the description for you as well.
So go check it out.
Give them some love because, you know, leave them those ratings and reviews,
stars and good words, because everybody loves to hear those.
And it helps. It helps.
I don't know what it helps with, but it helps.
Algorithms.
My confidence.
Internet particles.
Science.
It helps with it all.
Yep.
Helps me sleep at night.
All right, everybody, we'll get you back to the episode.
Thank you very much for being here.
You have a great week and we'll talk to you very, very soon.
Stay safe.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
I see what you're saying.
That we need to get to know each other better.
Mm-hmm.
Listen, let's crisscross applesauce.
Let's really share some secrets.
You've got a 10-day.
OK, 10 days.
To go get the scroll from High Moon and bring it to Cereloon.
All right.
Now, if you don't do it in a 10-day, right?
I mean, it might slip to Ms. Mam-Meow-Meow where you are.
And then you'll never get your scroll.
This would be bad for everybody.
This would be bad for everybody.
I can understand.
Because you were looking for a friend too, weren't you?
What friend?
It might have been Swerve Nerve.
Oh, my God, Murph.
Murph.
Has Murph been found?
Kind of.
Oh.
Yeah.
He's been found.
Is he all right?
For now.
I wasn't supposed to use this unless you seemed like you weren't taking it too seriously.
Bah, my Almighty.
I will do it in 10 days.
I'll do it in five.
We wouldn't want anything to happen to good old Murph.
That's not, yeah.
You know what?
You're not a very nice man and I'd like to leave now.
Do I have all the information?
Are there going to be traps at the Temple of Aachma?
That's not in my realm of knowledge.
I just give you the job.
It's up to you to figure it out.
All right.
Well, what does Linden have on you?
I'm a close personal friend of Linden.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, you guys.
I have to giggle.
Okay.
He hits his staff and a wave of energy goes out.
And you see in a corner and Murph is tied up in a cell.
All right.
All right.
I get it.
He taps it again and the image goes away.
Ten days.
Well, give my best to Linden.
And I walk out.
We cut back to the square where Moot and Glim meet up with Eska.
Eska comes over and Fane's putting their snowballs into their bag and runs over and
says, are we good to talk now?
You told your friends?
Yeah.
Glim's just going to look for Sully, so we can go talk.
Yep.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Good.
Is Glim...
Oh, you're going to go look for Sully.
You're Glim.
I'm Eska.
You haven't seen...
I'm Glim.
It's so nice to meet you.
Is that a shorter fella?
The one who was throwing juggle shade?
Oh, yes.
Probably.
Did you see where he went?
He doesn't usually just kind of...
Not since he was with Moot there.
Okay.
Well, where are you guys going to go?
Because we'll have to meet up again later, Moot.
I think we're just going to go for some sort of refreshment.
Don't be long.
We'll come back right in this spot.
Does this work?
Sure.
I'll just look for Sully.
Okay.
Glim, what do you do to go look for Sully?
Well, I think I'm going to glance around, see if there are any shops with sparkly
things, or anything that seems like would have been distracting and where Sully would
have wandered into.
Yeah, there are lots of shops around.
One specifically has lots of different trinkets and potions and things all
displayed in the front showcase there.
Sure.
I'll go over there and look around, kind of peek my head into the actual
little shop if there is one, and see if Sully is in there.
Sully's not in there.
You do see an older human woman who's helping a customer in there.
But no Sully.
Well, I'll kind of look at the stuff, but mostly I'm just doing that to wait to
talk to the lady.
So this wild magic, you say?
Uh huh.
How long have you been practicing with this wild, wild magic?
Not too long.
Not too long.
It showed up a little while ago.
And I've been trying to kind of learn as much as I can about it ever since.
Right.
So you've learned lots and you're able to teach people about it.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I, I've learned a little bit.
I still don't know how it works entirely though.
And I'm just, I'm scared that things will, bad things will happen when I go
to use my magic.
Good things do happen.
It's a good, good friend, Moot.
I know.
I used to be taller.
I used to have, I used to have a circus family.
And you lost them because of the magic?
In a sense, they, they, yes.
See, really what happened was I was, I was juggling real balls, not the snowballs.
Okay.
And something happened.
Something came over me.
There was a loud noise.
Often it startled me.
And this tidal wave came and washed out the entire area.
Does this have anything to do with why it looks you're made of water?
I mean, well, I'm water genasi.
So that didn't have anything to do with that particular incident.
No.
Okay.
Oh, that is a load off my mind.
Yes.
But this wild magic you speak of, it would explain that incident and maybe several others
since then where strange occurrences have happened and of course the power to, he
throws the snowballs up, create elements that are not there.
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
This sounds like wild magic.
So from what I've gathered is it's not something I was hoping that maybe you'd learn
something that I had not from what I've gathered.
It's not something that is controllable in the direct sense, unless you just practice.
Yeah, I think practice does make perfect in this case, but then at the same time,
innocent practicing can make you shorter.
Case in point.
Right.
I wouldn't want that.
Melvin wouldn't appreciate a smaller fishbowl, so to speak.
Who's Melvin?
Oh, Melvin is my fish and he waves his hair and in his hair you see a goldfish swimming.
I like that this person thinks that your height is directly correlated to how much
hair you have.
So that's Melvin.
He just lives up there.
Yeah, it is pretty cool, isn't it?
I mean, I've never seen anything like that.
I'm surprised you noticed the snowballs, but maybe you were just so drawn by the magic.
Hmm.
Interesting.
Well, let's sit.
You've made it to a tavern and maybe we can discuss some of our other occurrences,
see if we can't find some correlations and help each other, or at least be a
sounding board for occurrences that have happened to each other.
Sure.
I'll go first.
You already know the shorter one.
Also, turn myself into a sheep.
Like the animal?
A sheep?
The animal?
Yep.
How did you turn yourself back?
Don't know.
Just stop being a sheep after a while.
This is dangerous.
Oh yeah, no, it's wild.
What if you were still a sheep?
We could not have this conversation the way we are having it.
I feel like it would be a very one-sided one if we did.
Wouldn't you have been so drawn to the snowballs if you were a sheep?
That is really the true question.
I mean, probably.
It was very impressive.
You see the older woman finish up with the person, the client that is in their shop,
and that person leaves, and they are putting some money away in a till.
Hi, excuse me.
Oh yes, yes, come in.
Is there something I can help you with?
Well, I'm looking for my friend.
He's a shorter fella.
He was just here.
We just got to town, and he seems to have gone exploring or shopping,
and your shop looks so great.
It just looks exactly like the kind of spot he would be very drawn to.
So I was just wondering if you had spotted him in here in the last half an hour or so.
Well, nobody quite of that description.
There was someone off in the courtyard there looking at the juggler some time ago.
Yeah, he was with my other friend who was quite tall.
They were with the juggler, and then the little one, he just went somewhere.
He just went somewhere.
We haven't been able to find him.
Well, someone was carried off in a sack.
Oh.
Could that have been your friend?
Are they often carried off in sacks?
I mean, not as a hobby or anything, but he is quite small and be easy to just scoop him up, you know.
Where, did you see where they took him?
Yeah, down the alleyway, I think.
Just down off and to the left there.
Oh, okay.
Well, I better go.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Maybe when I find him, we'll come back and do a little shopping.
But thank you.
Of course, of course.
I'll just hurry my way out and down the alley, she referred to.
As you turn and round the corner, you see Sully walking up towards you.
Sully, oh my god, I saw you got kidnapped.
Oh my god, Glim, I totally got kidnapped.
What?
Some guys put me in a potato sack, put me over their shoulders, threw me into a basement.
How did you escape?
I walked out the door.
Oh.
Yeah, it wasn't locked or nothing.
However, I know that you have a really big destiny and stuff.
And I know we don't really have a timeline on that right now.
We're just kind of like making our way there.
But I was wondering if there would be a possibility of maybe taking a little bit of a detour to do something for that fella who broke me out of jail and kind of also you out of jail.
You remember Layden Menzies?
Layden Menda, yeah, of course.
Menda, yes.
He is wondering and asked ever so politely via kidnapping if if we could just pop down to High Moon in the Dale lands and grab a scroll from a from an aggressive temple name like Ahmad, Ahmad, Ahmad, something like that.
And, you know, if I don't do it in 10 days, they're going to kill Merv.
Oh, my goodness.
So, wow, you have been busy.
Yeah, it takes the cake.
It's very much above the PSTD.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, I mean, of course, we can't let something happen to Merv.
I know he's one of your very best friends.
So, of course, we have to, yes, we'll go, we'll get, I mean, it's just some light mail delivery.
That's right.
We just have to make it there in 10 days.
Okay.
Maybe we should get a horse and a carriage, move a little faster.
I don't know.
Maybe we got to find that guy with the map.
Then we can figure out where High Moon is because I don't even know where that is.
Yeah.
Okay. Yes, you're right.
I'm not saying I'm panicking or anything.
Everything's going to be fine.
Everything always turns out fine for Sully.
But if I don't do this, they're going to tell Miss Man Meow Meow where I'm at.
And apparently, they got pictures of me posted all over the place.
Oh, my goodness.
Apparently, many people are looking for me.
Oh, you're a wanted man.
I don't even think I angered that many people.
No, I thought we, okay.
Well, okay, you're right.
We need to get the map.
I think maybe we need to go collect Moon.
He made friends with a juggler and now they're talking.
Yeah, but are they really a juggler?
Oh, I don't...
Now I'm not too sure.
Oh, I don't know.
I didn't see them performing, but they're just going to have...
Well, I think that that person distracted Moot so that I could get kidnapped.
Oh.
Maybe they're in on it.
Okay, well, we should approach with caution, I guess.
With lots of anger.
Although...
High-headedness.
I'm a little worked up right now.
I imagine you were just kidnapped.
That's very upsetting.
But luckily, they just let you go and walk out.
So that is something, I guess.
It's a weird way to initiate a conversation, though, isn't it?
Yeah.
But as long as...
Well, you know what?
I hate being under someone's toe like this.
You know?
Like, do this mail delivery.
Sure.
And we won't kill Merv.
Oh, but...
And then maybe I do it and then they're like, oh, but you know what?
It's like, I also need my pants to be tailored.
I do this, otherwise I will kill Merv.
And I'm just like, how, you know?
When's it gonna end?
Yeah, that's right.
Well, maybe we need to add saving Merv, too.
I mean, that was on our list of things to do.
We just didn't know where he was and now I guess we do.
He was in a portal and now they have him.
And this poor guy's just a fisher.
He's probably just like, the fuck is happening?
This is all Sully's fault.
I'm sure that's what he's thinking.
Oh.
Well, I'm sure he'll forgive everything when he sees his best friend Sully's face again.
I bet he's wishing he had that keystone knife, I tell you what.
Okay, well, let's go find Moot and his new friend Eska
and I guess find this map and hit the road.
We've got a timeline here.
Let's fucking go.
You turn around and walk back out into the square and, Glim,
you look over to the woman's shop that you were just in
and you see her talking to two individuals in brown overcoats
and she's pointing over in your direction.
They turn and look over their shoulder and it's two men,
one human, one elf,
and they look over and they nod at the woman
and they start walking towards you.
One draws a crossbow and the other puts his hand on a blade.
Hey, what the fuck?
The song, Long Road Ahead, is by Kavin McLeod
of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io.
All other music and sound effects can be found at EpidemicSound.com.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Creighton's Raven,
Gabriel,
and Michael.
We'll see you next time.
Thank you.
See you soon.
Wow, you're so hip with the teen talk.
It's real good with the lingo.
Carla, your teen talk is awesome.
Those are just things people say.
I'm not cool.
I'm embarrassed now.
Those are just things.
At least we found our blooper for the episode.
My face is so red.
Me too.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.