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previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
You see a dozen red wizards observing your current state.
We have further questions for you.
Nailmitch, do you know that someone has entered Flintstream?
That is very troublesome.
Tharchian Iseldra EF will account for the red wizards and has agreed to aid the factions of the Sword Coast.
Nail returned to Waterdeep and you appear back in the teleportation chamber in Waterdeep.
With Leosin and Lady Laeral Silverhand entering the room.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master Russ More.
I said that very slowly and eloquently today. Normally I speed through it.
I felt like you were at like, yeah, you were slow.
You were at like three, three-quarters speed.
Well, I hear some people like to play podcasts at slow speed, so I'm just helping them out.
Also with me today is Amy More.
I am here today. I'm at full speed, full speed ahead, and I play Thea Amastasia.
And Carla Johnson.
I have only heard of people playing podcasts at faster speeds, never at slower speeds, so I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm going to be at like regular speed though, playing New Laura Moonbrook.
Sometimes I like to play them slow just to hear the people, how they'd sound if they were really drunk.
A little slurry.
Yeah.
And last but not least, Tom Laird.
Yep, that's me. I know you can't hear this, but I shaved my beard off and it was weird.
Actually, you know what? I can kind of hear it.
Oh, you can?
People can probably hear it. Normally there's like a slight rustling.
Okay, yeah. Oh, and I play Flynn Firebeard.
That's all the woodland creatures that have made a home in there. That's what that is.
Tom usually has a big beard, and now this is the first time any of us have seen him with no beard, and it's pretty crazy.
He looks great.
He's pretty much a 13-year-old boy.
He looks like a little tiny baby. His skin is flawless. It's crazy.
I know.
Thank you.
You never know what's under that beard, too.
You really have no idea until you hack it all off.
Some of that hair must have been like months and months old.
Yep.
Because I assume you trim it, so I was going to say years old, but it'd have to be like down to your knee.
The stuff around my chin was pretty long, so it had been a while.
I feel for continuity. This episode comes out on December 12th. You're going to have to shave it again on December 12th.
Yeah, that's not going to happen.
Yeah, fair enough. Just post the picture on December 12th, and then we'll be good.
Was there a reason why you did it?
No, I guess the reason was it had been so long since I'd done it that I could not actually remember the last time that I'd done it.
So you couldn't even remember what your own face looked like without a beard?
I had no idea.
You needed to know underneath it all. So is this the real you, or is Tom with the beard the real you?
Don't farmers burn their crops every now and then to make sure they come back stronger in the future?
You didn't burn it off, did you?
No, I don't think so.
Is that not how you shave nowadays?
Did you burn off all your hair? I'm confused.
It smelled terrible.
Also, I don't think farmers just burn all their crops. I think that's counterproductive.
Well, I didn't say all their crops.
I think some education needs to happen here.
You spot burn.
We're not farmers, despite you guys living in Alberta and Amy working on a ranch.
Welcome to our podcast.
We don't know about farm things.
Actually, I know a lot about chickens.
Okay.
We do know kind of a lot about farming things.
And goats. Had a pretty big vegetable garden.
A lot of my family had farms growing up.
I have milked cows.
My dad would be super sad about my lack of knowledge about farms.
I got knocked off a donkey when I was a kid.
Scarred him for life.
Yeah, I don't ride things now. Just in general. It's a rule.
Yep.
You know where you can see a picture of Tom without a beard is over on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast for all your shaving needs.
Who knows what else?
It's going to be a picture of my leg and I'll be like, Amy finally shaved her leg.
And it'll just be a picture of my leg.
Yours will be your chest.
What I'll do is I'll just post that one to public so that if you just go to the site,
check out the other stuff, but you'll see Tom's face without a beard.
Okay.
For free. That's free.
No charge.
First beard free face is free. The rest.
You gotta pay for the rest.
Yep.
You gotta pay for my not hairy leg.
Something else you get on Patreon when you're a patron is an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's episode dedication.
Who is for, which is, who, who, which.
Who is for which has.
Brad from.
Brad.
Fate of Isen podcast.
Is it time to read another review?
Because we got another review that came in the other day and I think we should read it.
Let's do it now.
So we got a lovely review from 1987 Chucky from New ZeAlydind.
Great year.
Right?
Russ and the players are just an absolute joy to listen to.
The funny intros to each episode and the bloopers at the end are a great way to bookend
the fantastic role playing in the middle.
It's definitely in my favorites.
Aww.
That's so nice.
I feel like I'm a little bit like.
Verklept.
Verklept.
You get a little misty.
Yeah.
It's just I can't believe.
Is there something in your eye?
You know.
Like us.
Take the time to write that they like us.
Blows my mind.
I think we need more confidence.
I think we need to go to a confidence workshop.
I don't know.
We're always like, oh, God, we're such a pile of hot, like on fire garbage.
I think we're a delight.
I love spending time with you.
You're some of my favorite people in the whole world.
I just can't believe that that like moves beyond us to strangers.
I think Carla's totally right, because I mean, the amount of times that I've written
an iTunes review of something I can probably count on one hand.
So whenever people do actually do it, it's like mind blowing to me.
Yes.
Well, and it feels so good.
Like, let's call to action right now for our listeners here.
Like, go out and it could be for us.
It could be just for something else you listen to.
It could, you know, whatever.
But go out and leave a review for something you love, because guaranteed
you are going to make that person's day.
Yes.
Or those people's day.
I like that idea.
Unless it's a bad review.
Don't.
Well, yeah, I mean, don't know.
I said, find something you love.
I mean, you can like, you know, ironically leave a bad review.
Oh, God, please.
Nobody be ironic.
Yeah.
Just be earnest, please.
The world needs more earnest.
And I mean, like earnest, scared, stupid.
Find someone you like on Twitter and just tweet them that like, hey, I really like
your stuff.
It doesn't have to be any more than that.
Yeah.
Oh, that's nice.
There's some positivity that makes me happy.
Yeah.
And then, oh, and then tell us you did it and hashtag spread the good feels.
You probably want to check and see if that's an actual.
I probably should.
You can always fix it.
Otherwise, there's going to be a whole lot of hashtags.
Closely associated with the Proud Boys.
That is an unexpected turn.
I mean, I don't know how they made that a hashtag about them.
Go to Twitter.
Twitter.
Yeah, you go to Twitter.
I go to Twitter.
You don't go to Twitter enough on your computer.
Oh, no.
Who goes to Twitter on a computer?
I do.
Oh, Russell.
And then I can.
You search Twitter.
Hashtag.
And then you search hashtag spread the good feels or whatever you said.
Welcome to our IT Twitter related podcast.
Ha!
No results.
All right.
It's ours now.
Spread the good feels.
Go spread the good feels, you guys.
Spread them around.
Yeah.
And then what did we do once we see that they've spread the good feels?
I don't know.
We revel in the fact that just a little piece of our podcast has spread some joy out into
the world that's gone beyond listening to the podcast.
OK, I was going to say I'd send you stickers.
Oh!
No, that's fine.
No, the joy thing was totally fine, too.
Amy's thing stands.
Sorry, everyone.
You don't get stickers.
You could have got stickers, but Amy didn't make that decision.
So spread the good feels.
Not starting now, obviously.
OK, let's play D&D.
You've arrived back in Waterdeep and you're in the same teleportation chamber you left
with Nigh Ilmich.
The illuminated runes are beginning to fade, as is the haze filling your vision.
Is it purple haze?
After only a few moments, Leosin and Lady Laryl Silverhand enter the room, nervous at
first and then relieved to see the five of you there.
Lady Silverhand speaks before you have the chance and she says,
I'm pleased to see your swift return and seeing Nigh Ilmich here with you tells
me what I must know for the moment.
The council is gathering to discuss your final quests and to determine our final
count and plan for attack on the Well of the Dragons.
She turns and begins walking out down the halls towards the council chamber.
Leosin waves his hand for you to follow, and if you do, he closes the door behind
you, sealing the teleportation chamber as you exit.
And if we don't?
I guess we live in the teleportation chamber now.
He just closes the chamber and walks away and that's it.
Slowly suffocate, who knows if Tiamat rises.
We'll take you off the list, it's fine.
There is a bleak feel in the halls of Castle Waterdeep.
It's an overcast day and the sound of heavy rain echoes through the long,
empty halls.
The air feels thick.
You pass by several windows and the city sounds eerily calm.
And from what you can see through brief glimpses, the people piled into
Waterdeep have taken refuge under awnings and squeezed into any building
they can.
You see perched atop the high walls that surround Waterdeep,
The Council of the Metallic Dragons.
You finish your long walk towards the council chambers and Lady Leral has
already entered.
Leosin skips ahead of you and announces to the chamber,
Ladies and gentlemen, Nulara Moonbrook, Flint Firebeard,
Thea Amastasia, and Nye Ilmich have returned from Thay to discuss plans
of our final move on the Cult of the Dragon, at the Well of the Dragons.
I wave around like...wanted to bust in there,
like, you know, first string of a basketball team.
Anthar Frum gives a hearty wave back.
Oh, nice, yeah.
I also waved at the Metallic Dragons.
They are sitting outside the city.
I know, but I did want to interrupt you.
I actually wanted to interrupt you, but I didn't.
As I passed, I waved.
Vigorously, embarrassingly vigorous.
I know them.
I know them.
Guys, it's Thea.
You threatened us that one time at that super awkward meeting.
But I think you're really cool.
You're number one fan.
Leosin ushers you to four open seats.
I skip ahead as Leosin does.
Does Donnie need a seat, or does Donnie just kind of hang out?
I think he just hangs out.
I never know what happens with them.
Does he push your chair in for you?
No, that's nice.
I imagine him to be really sweet.
I like that.
I think he's, because he's bigger now,
it's still pretty new that he is bigger,
so I think he is kind of doing things like that
that he couldn't do when he was just a little guy.
He's a little clumsy, too.
He turns around and his tail knocks over a chair,
and then he's like, oh, god, no.
And he goes to get it, and he knocks his side table over,
and he's like, oh, god.
It's a real comedy.
I'm a little dragon in a big dragon's body.
That's what I imagine.
Anyway, I take a seat.
I think we all do.
As everybody sits down, Leosin speaks up again.
He said, word has come that hundreds of chromatic dragons
have gathered, and as discussed,
today's session will decide who among us
will pledge their resources
in stopping the Cult of the Dragons' plans
to bring Tiamat back to this world.
Lady Silverhand stops him and says,
before we get to that,
our stalwart heroes have returned from their quest
and have much to discuss.
What can you tell us of your travels to Xanthal's tower
and the hopes of bringing back the blue dragon mask?
Oh, Leosin didn't update you guys on that
because we told them.
I mean, I kind of mentioned,
but they didn't really understand
what I was telling them.
It was a big trap.
Um, didn't go well.
We didn't get the mask.
Yeah, bottom line, no mask.
Yeah, it was a fake mask.
So that was great.
Learned a lot, though.
Lots of personal growth happened in that maze.
We personally grew to despise mazes.
Yep.
I lost my owl for a while.
I was pretty scary, but we found her.
Oh, we got these, too.
And I reach into my bag
and I pull out one of the giant diamonds.
These could be helpful.
They're teleportation diamonds.
There's a...
Okay.
Okay.
So in Xanthal's tower, there's these giant...
God damn it.
Come on, you know the word.
There you go.
God.
Every time.
I know.
I love it.
Like a curvy thing.
You know, like a sexy watch, like a sexy fashion watch.
Sexy, upright watch.
You know, a watch with a real nice waist and hip situation.
Got that silhouette.
You know, one of those silhouette watches.
So anyway, in the tower, we teleported all over the place
with this weird little elevator situation thing.
And we found these really big hourglasses.
Good for me.
And when you turn them, they supposedly control time and space
and all sorts of things like that that Xanthal was interested in.
However, it was really, really old and unused, but we busted them open.
And it turns out when you throw one of these or toss it or catch, I suppose,
one of these diamonds, the catcher transports to where the thrower is.
No, the person who catches it has nothing to do with throwing and catching.
It's just you throw it up and where you're looking, you go.
Okay.
I say that.
Or where you think you want to go, you go.
Well, I know.
But I threw it at one point or someone threw it.
And then they transport it.
I'm just saying it's showing a much better use of it, too.
If someone's in a pickle, you throw them up.
Sure.
Well, don't throw them a pickle.
That's not going to help their situation.
That'd be weird.
You look like you're hungry.
So do you understand how these things work then?
Yeah, it's magic.
All right.
All right.
I am well versed in magic.
Good.
No one wants to sound like an idiot and say they don't understand magic.
Who are you, sir?
I've been at every council meeting thus far.
Well, you've never yet spoken.
Can you just ask my name now?
My name is Tern Thunderspell's Hornblade.
The mighty strong name you have there, sir.
Yes.
Yes.
The Samastasia.
Yeah.
So we could possibly use these in a battle.
It could be a very big surprise, a sneaky advantage that we have.
So that was a positive that came out of that entire waste of time.
Another older human male with a long handlebar like white mustache speaks up.
He's wearing very exquisitely done armor.
He says, so you made it into Zanthal's tower.
I must not be saying it right.
We got through that maze.
We made it in the tower.
We got the quote unquote dragon mask, but it was a fake.
There's hushed whispers throughout the chamber.
I lean over to Newlar and I go, did I say it wrong the first time?
Now we both already said we didn't get the mask.
They got so excited about your teleportation diamonds, they just stopped listening, I guess.
Shiny objects.
The same man who you know as Sir Istaval.
He continues talking and he says, what you have is now under the rights of the land ownership of Zanthal's tower.
I'm sorry, what?
Like finders keepers, like we found it.
Because we beat the maze.
Do we have squatters rights?
Because we're not there squatting currently.
Yes, I see that.
See that.
What I'm saying is Zanthal's tower is not something that people just walk up to and take.
You hold within your minds the key to get into the tower.
Therefore, you have rights to the tower.
Well, it would be a pretty good summer home.
Very private.
No solicitors.
You hear among the other members in the chamber numbers being tossed around.
42, 78, 169.
Through context clues, you can figure out monetary values at which they would place to own such a property.
Oh, it's turned into storage wars.
Sir Istaval speaks up and he says, be wary who you sell such a thing to, if you were to sell it.
Well, we probably wouldn't because there's that Theraz the Fair in there.
So we don't want him falling into the wrong hands.
Of course.
Who's Theraz the Fair?
He's not fair at all.
Oh, no, he's a well, is he an elemental?
He was a real dick is what he was.
Yeah, no matter what he is.
I also didn't really seem to have any idea how chess works, but.
Interesting.
Fair enough.
The whispers continue among the group and Lady Laryl Silverhand speaks up and says, sorry, so the blue dragon mask, it was a fake.
Correct.
And Leosin, does somebody have the mask that was given to you?
Do I still have it on my person Russ?
No, we gave it to him.
Oh, I don't know.
We were going to give it to the dragon.
He handed it back to you.
Yeah, but then he tossed it back to us and was like, what do I want with this piece of wood, you doinks?
Exactly.
So if I have it, I'll pull it out of my rucksack and yeah, it's right here.
Who wants this?
Lady Laryl Silverhand.
And she extends her hand and says, I will take it.
And even though we believe it to be fake, we will test it with our own wizards and see if there is anything that can be salvaged from it.
I walk over and give it to her.
Well, I hope you get something out of this.
I hope so too.
And of your most recent mission to Thay.
I assume by the fact that Nigh Ilmitch is back with you, that that means they are here to assist us.
Yeah, yeah.
Tharchan Asseldra Yeth has promised an undead army.
So that's good.
Nigh Ilmitch speaks up.
The red wizards as well.
So they don't seem like people that will really want like hanging around after, after we stop Tiamat.
Just going to say that now.
But, you know, currently we have a common enemy, so I think they will be very helpful.
They seem very powerful.
That is what I hoped.
And she is interrupted by both Sir Istvall and Ambassador Bronnenville of Mithril Hall.
Both stand up and say we should not have these wizards with us.
We do have a common enemy, yes, but in your own words, you said we should not trust them, no?
We're a little divided on this because you guys, I kind of agree with you.
I'm not going to lie.
They did some sketchy shit to our friend Flint over here.
Pulled some straight grade A baloney in his dream world.
And it wasn't cool.
And how can you trust someone who does that?
Also, what happens, you guys, when we defeat Tiamat and then we have this big undead army
in the midst of a ruined Faerun just primed to be taken over by another big bad.
Ambassador Bronnenville says, exactly.
God damn it.
This is what I told you, Silverhand.
And she says, what we need is to save Faerun.
They have pledged their wizards.
They have pledged their army.
Our armies outweigh theirs.
When we win, everyone will go their separate ways.
It is part of the arrangement.
You three made it back.
I don't know what happened, but it was the arrangement that you would go and you would come back.
I'm sorry if something happened to you, Flint Firebeard.
It seemed like they were just trying to understand our motivations more than anything,
but they went about it just the completely wrong way.
Also, I'm not too smart with our plans, so really they picked the wrong person.
We've got more at a Nulara.
We've got so much more.
I hear she's the one who keeps the notes.
But she rolled the highest.
Nevertheless, they are an ally that knows some of the motivations and abilities of those that we are fighting.
Ambassador Bronenville and Sirius Dvaal grumble as they sit back down.
I never stood up to begin with.
In fact, she is just super casual.
She's sitting sideways on her chair, arm on the back.
Actually, I flipped it around and I'm sitting backwards on the chair.
Turned your hat around and was like, let's get real for a minute.
Some real talk.
Let's get real, you guys.
Let me tell you about Zaz Tam.
He might seem like a real cool dude, but in fact, he's the devil.
Here's your extreme teen Bible.
This is your brain after Zaz Tam.
I had an extreme teen Bible, FYI.
Amazing.
Because you were a super rad Christian girl.
You bet I was taught Sunday school.
I feel like God could see me now.
Oh, he can, my dear.
I mean, that's the whole idea is that he can, right?
Well, I guess so.
All these runes I've painted all over the place.
The old ones are supposed to keep me safe from him.
All these goats I've been sacrificing, I thought for sure I was.
For what?
Anywho.
It's got away from us.
It always does.
While the wizards are unpredictable, they are necessary.
And if that sways any of the factions from assisting us, then we will have to address that when that time comes.
So they have given us an army of wizards and undead.
Is what they have said.
Yes.
Yes.
Finally, the metallic dragons, as you have seen, have been distributed among Faerun.
Their forces are protecting some of the last strongholds throughout the land.
The leaders are here waiting for further direction as to our final attack and when that will happen.
We are to decide now who will give their support.
Everyone is welcome to go discuss amongst themselves.
And we will reconvene very, we will reconvene.
Like super right away.
Like super right away.
Very soon.
Very soon.
Everyone gets up and goes, some leave the room, some just move to talk in a corner.
And my chair makes like a really loud screeching noise on the floor.
Like unexpectedly loud when I get up and I look a little embarrassed.
I realize I can't quite get up very well because the seat, the chair is rather wide.
And I'm like trying to like, like wide leg squat backing up.
Doing that shimmy back.
Nothing elegant about it.
So I think like we're in it.
Oh, I didn't think we really need to talk about it.
We've been doing all of this for this express purpose.
I assumed we're in it till the end.
Right?
Yeah.
I mean, I'm not doing anything else.
I mean, it's the inevitable rise of TMAT.
Exactly.
No use fighting it.
We got to get there.
Thea, I thought you looked really cool when you sat backwards on the chair like that.
Oh yeah, that was awesome.
It was a power move.
You know, I want to just come in and own the place.
But I think I pulled like my hammy.
Maybe like a grind muscle.
I mean, the good thing is I don't think everyone was already in their conversation.
So I don't really think anybody like saw the dismount too much other than us.
So that's good.
That's good.
It was rough.
It wasn't the best part.
What was the best part?
Tell me again.
Well, when you flipped the chair around initially, that was the best part.
Well, did you see that I had it up on only one leg and did like a little 360 spin first?
Yeah.
No, it was pretty rad.
It's a real baller move.
You guys have any guesses?
I made that word up, by the way.
It means required a lot of dexterity.
Oh, I like that.
I like it.
You guys got any guesses?
Actually, two things I want to talk about.
Any guesses as to who's going to cop out last minute?
Among these suckers in this room?
Council chamber?
Where we definitely remember all the people that are here?
Subpoint, we own Zanthal's tower now?
Yeah, isn't that weird?
I don't want to sell it though.
I think we should just eat crash pad all the way.
We clean that place up?
I think hopefully we agree.
Let's just wait to make any decisions about the tower
until after Tiamat.
One thing at a time, right?
Sure.
Real estate.
Buying and selling and owning new real estate
can be very stressful.
So let's just wait.
Maybe we could get those monks that specialize
in renovating properties.
You know, the Property Brothers?
Maybe we could get them in there.
You know, fix it up a little bit for us.
As you're discussing whether to flip or sell or what have you,
you are approached by a tiefling
who you recognize from previous sessions.
And she comes up to you and she is very dark purple skin,
very red brown hair, horns, dresses all in black.
And she comes up to you and says,
oh, so you're the new owners of Zaunful's Tower.
Apparently so.
Yeah, I mean, it's new to us.
But I don't know if we've met before.
I know we've seen you here,
but I don't recall your name if we have met.
I apologize.
I'm Nulara.
Yes. Nice to meet you, Nulara.
Ryan Nightshade is my name.
Thea and Flint, obviously.
Nice to meet you, Ryan.
Nice to meet you, Ryan.
Yeah, we haven't talked to most people here.
We get talked at and then sent off a lot, so.
It sounds like you should try and make a little more chit chat.
You know, just try and be a little friendlier.
Well, everyone's here.
We look super stressed out.
Yeah, no, totally.
It's true.
There's always a bunch going on.
They're flip-flopping lunatics is what they are.
I got some cookies out of that.
Really?
Really? Well, maybe we can talk later.
Let me just be up front with you here.
I'm part of the Zhentarim.
Do you know much about the Zhentarim?
I have a feeling like it has something to do with Zanthal's tower.
Not yet.
Oh.
Not yet.
No, I don't believe we know about the Zhentarim.
Is it?
Zhentarim.
Would you like to make a history check
and see if you know anything about the Zhentarim?
Oh, I would love to.
16 plus 7.
I don't care how good it is.
I'm still rolling my dice.
23.
I don't care.
I mean, I'm really happy you got a good roll,
but I rolled a 2.
Take it away, Amy.
So you know that the Zhentarim,
which is also known as the Black Network,
is a loose affiliation of merchants,
mercenaries, and malfactors.
That's a lot of M's there.
I like the alliteration.
That's right.
Common folk know the Zhentarim
as the people to talk to
when you need the best guards
or mercenaries money can buy.
And if your cargo is somewhat shady,
they're the ones to ask the least questions.
That's what you know of them.
They're like black market type mobster.
Kind of like a mafia.
What if your cargo is just parasols?
What if your cargo is all cargo pants?
Oh, shit.
No questions.
For the right price, no questions.
That's a lot of cargo pants.
You should really ask some questions.
You know what?
I would equate the Zhentarim
to kind of being like the transporter,
Jason Statham, you know.
Okay.
They get paid, they don't look in the trunk.
You're good to go?
Never look in the trunk.
Very handsome.
Don't look great in a suit.
Yeah.
Well, hello there.
I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More.
Thanks for joining us for episode 66
of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Anyone know the Property Brothers?
As we're working on closing out 2018,
I don't really have a lot to say right now
other than that you are amazing.
Thank you for coming with us on this wild journey.
We'll be celebrating two years on January 3rd
of Dumbgeons and Dragons being available
We've been getting close to 50,000 downloads.
We've launched merchandise this year.
We have an amazing community on Patreon.
And the biggest thing is we get to share it all with you.
The most wonderful people in the world,
as far as I'm concerned.
If there's anywhere that you haven't joined us
but would like to know more about,
visit our website, DumbDragons.com,
where you can find out about us,
where you can go to find more about the Patreon community,
and all of our social media channels,
which I will admit we've been a little quiet on lately.
Sorry for that.
We're working towards the holidays,
which is a crazy time for everyone.
But we're also working towards ways
for you to be more involved with us
and easier ways for you to be able to find us
and talk to us and share with us
and the community around the podcast.
So like I mentioned last week,
in 2019 we'll be launching the
Dumbgeons and Dragons Discord server to the public.
It's currently available to patrons of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
And there will be some new awesome things
coming to Patreon and the podcast in general.
It's going to be awesome.
We're very excited for it.
Once more, all the links to everything
you could want to check out
are over on our website, DumbDragons.com.
So go check it out,
and we hope to see you in the adventure.
If you got a note for us,
send us an email,
DumbDragonPodcast.gmail.com.
We love hearing from you,
and we respond to anyone and everyone
who sends us a note.
And a big thanks to Syrinscape
for some of the amazing atmosphere in today's episode.
Make sure you check them out at Syrinscape.com
to bring your games to life.
Links for everything mentioned today
can be found in the description.
The next episode will be out Wednesday, December 19th.
We'll be continuing the story next week.
And then on December 26th and January 2nd
to celebrate Winter Solstice,
we'll be doing a two-episode fun side story
that we really hope you enjoy.
We had a ton of fun playing it.
Let's get back to the council chambers though
and see what's happening.
Have a great week.
We'll talk soon.
Pretty...
Good point, Dwarf.
Very...
discreet
is what I've heard.
Yes, yes.
And you're interested in the tower?
Are my friends getting my double entendre hits here?
Like my...
Yes, see...
Double entendre was the wrong word.
I need to back up a sec.
I don't like it when I use the wrong word
when I'm describing stuff.
It really bothers me.
They'll be like,
Jesus, she does know to double entendre beats.
I do know.
Okay, what do you want to say?
You want me just to cut it out?
Yeah.
Okay.
Fuck, shit, fuck, fuck.
I'll cut out what you said
but then leave in the fact that you messed up
what you said.
No!
That's weird.
Too bad.
We can have a contest to be like,
if you know what Amy fucked up,
write in!
What do you think she fucked up?
You have me pegged.
I'm here to talk about Xanthal's tower
and what I'm here to discuss, I mean, is
the Black Network, Xantarim,
is willing to act immediately
on all things here
but if we can come to agreeable terms,
we can solidify that support.
Oh my god.
Guys,
can we make a group announcement
about Xanthal's tower?
Because I have a feeling like this is not
the only offer we are going to get
in exchange for loyalty.
Also, I mean, if your business model
is everyone and anyone,
then you want more people alive
in order to take advantage of your services,
correct? Not less people?
That's true.
That's true.
Basically, you know what?
I think you're right, Thea.
How about group announcement?
Group announcement.
Can we like clink a glass?
I climb up on the table.
You don't want to hear my offer
before you clink your glasses.
I mean, I just think at this rate,
probably not, like we should just nip
this one in the bud and that'll be that.
All right.
We're sticking to our guns.
I climb up onto the big boardroom table,
the council table.
The circular council table.
Excuse me, excuse me.
I'll wait.
Everybody who's in the room,
some people left the room,
but everybody who's in the room
turns to look at you.
Hey, sorry to interrupt.
However, I feel like we have to say
that if anyone is planning on approaching us
to talk about using Zonthal's Tower
as a leverage point for loyalty,
you can just shove it right now
because we are not looking to sell the tower
to the highest bidder for the fate of Faerun.
You are here regardless.
Do what you want to do.
The tower is not for sale.
Have some morals and some ethics, people.
That is all.
And I kind of bang my axe on the ground like, yeah.
Count my hands on the table.
Okay.
Everybody looks amongst themselves
and says, all right.
Is there any corners of the room
where there was an audible like, oh, man.
No, just plain.
She says, all right, you've made yourself known.
And she begins to walk away
and talks to someone else.
I think we did the right thing,
but I'm totally curious.
Me too.
But morally, I think we made a good decision.
We are talking about the end of the world.
What does a piece of property matter?
Let's deal with the end of the world first.
I just wanted to tell you the goddamn offer.
No, it's fine.
You didn't want to know the offer.
Well, we might have been swayed
if we found out what the offer was.
See, that's why it's best exactly.
It's best that we are not tempted.
That's very true to our characters,
so it's good for us,
even though Tom, Amy, and Carla really,
We want that room.
Can you tell us later what the offer was?
I hate you so much right now.
They're no lunch character.
Anyways.
Like later, like in like two years real time.
Yeah, like in Seattle.
Could you?
Yeah, sure.
Or like in two months real time.
Yeah, like Seattle.
Okay, we're too much.
Maybe in like 20 minutes.
It's fine, guys.
Everybody make a perception check.
Okay.
Oh, no.
Also, oh, no.
11, and I rolled a 2.
I got a 4.
I got a 24.
No, 26.
Oh, thank God.
Guys, what if my ability to get good rolls
was somehow like in tandem with my beard?
It might have been.
I mean, so far that's checking out.
But it'll be back before we really need them.
This is true.
This is true.
Yeah.
Super perceptor over there.
You talking to me?
Yeah, yeah, Flint.
No, Nulara.
You're at this point kind of just waiting
for everybody to return to the room,
you know, you put your hands in your pockets
and you find something inside your pocket
that you didn't think was there before.
You pull it out and it is a...
It's a motherfucking business card.
It's an offer and you can't refuse it.
No.
So wait, Nulara has one hand in her pocket.
What's your other hand doing?
Is the other one hailing a taxi cab?
Or like throwing up a peace sign?
What's happening here?
We're about to find out.
He's going to tell me.
I've got one hand in my pocket
and one hand is holding a...
Human finger bone.
Oh, boy.
Tied to...
I was not expecting that.
That song would be more terrible.
A human finger bone.
More terrible is exactly correct.
Also, can we get that song on the Spotify playlist, please?
That'd be great, yeah.
Human finger bone tied to a loop of dried gut.
And do I know...
Nulara, what do you have in your fucking pockets?
Clean your pants.
Good God.
I...
This was not here before,
but it's okay because I totally know what this means
as I roll another amazing something check.
Wait, was I percepting to see if I knew
there was something in my pocket?
Because that's amazing.
Yeah.
Can I do a history check?
What would make sense?
Sure.
If this is a thing that means something.
Is this a horse's head in my bed?
Do I know what this means?
Is this a black rose on her doorstep?
I give you either history or arcana.
Okay, let me see what I'm better at.
It's a tie.
Critical fail.
So I don't think I even know it's a finger bone.
I don't think I'm useless.
You look at it and you're like, what is this?
Can I roll to see if I know what that is?
Yeah, because of course I'm like,
you guys already saw it, right?
This was not in my pocket, you guys.
I don't know what this is.
18.
Yeah, I mean you look at it
and you think it could be part of some sort of spell components.
Oh my god.
Nularaaa, how long has this been in your pocket?
I think just now.
I don't know.
Can you detect magic on it?
Like, tell me if it's magic.
Am I cursed?
I already have a fucking dagger that's plaguing my waking nightmare of a life.
Tell me what this finger is about.
Hey finger bone, you magic?
Yeah.
I hold it and I say, hey finger bone, magic?
Yeah, it is definitely magic.
Cool.
How much does detect magic give you?
I know it's like all of it, but what exactly?
It tells me the school of magic.
It tells me 100% of the info that I want to know.
A faint aura around.
I learn the school of magic, if any.
Yeah, that's it.
So Nularaaa, I'm just going to go out on a limb here.
I think someone might be trying to cast a spell on you, maybe a curse.
The school of magic is abjuration.
It's an abjuration spell.
Well, I'm looking in my other pocket.
Is this just me?
Do you have anything?
Yeah, you search your pocket and you don't have anything in there,
but if you go further through your bags,
you find this same human finger bone with a loop of dried gut in your satchel, your bag.
Son of a bitch!
I'm assuming after seeing these two find these things, I also find one?
You sure do, in your pants pocket.
Damn it.
Is Leosin still in the room?
He is, yeah.
Hey Leosin, come here.
He's smart, he always knows what the fuck's going on.
As you call Leosin, you see you catch the eye of Nigh Ilmich
and she rushes over to you and closes your hand on the human finger bone
and she says that is protection from the red wizards.
Please clarify, protection from the red wizards or the red wizards are protecting us from something else?
The red wizards are providing you protection.
It will act, when activated, as a scroll of protection from undead.
Okay.
Why weren't we told we were given these?
And why, if we're on the same side, would we need protection from the undead?
I'm very uncomfortable now, Nigh Ilmich.
You don't need protection from the undead being provided in the army.
You need protection from the red wizards.
The red wizards?
From the red bandits.
They are child killers and they are coming for you.
They are bloodthirsty child killers.
You need protection from the exiles who could also be raising undead
at the Well of the Dragons where they raise undead dragons.
Right, that seems, yeah, that seems like that would be very problematic.
Well, thank you, but I still don't understand why the protection had to be a secret.
If anything, it probably would have developed a better bond between us.
Tharchian Iseldra, yes, likes to surprise people.
Put finger bones in people's pockets?
It's like a little, like, going away present.
Before she became the vampire she is today, she was a real prankster gangster.
You've been rounded.
Okay, Russ, we need a backstory about how she is a prankster gangster.
Because she did not seem like a pranky kind of gal.
No.
When we met her.
She likes to just, you know, provide her help.
In the creepiest, surprisingest way possible.
Yeah.
Fun.
So, to activate it, you snap it in half.
This is like a wishbone, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Exactly.
Exactly like a wishbone.
It's unfortunate that we're going to completely forget that we need to do this.
Guys, somebody write a note.
Well, I'm going to put it in my items and then put finger bones, snap it.
Bop it.
Finger bones.
Snap it.
Bop it.
Twist it.
Was it twist it?
Was it pull it?
Pull it.
Bop it.
Skip it.
Twist it.
I don't think it was dip it.
Pass it.
Dip it.
Fail and throw it on the ground in angry rage and storm out of the room.
It snaps on the ground and protects that flower that was right there.
So, protection from undead is what you get, right Russ?
Yes, sir.
It acts as a scroll of protection from undead.
Okay.
Got it.
I wrote finger bones.
Snap it.
Next to my Lucky Lou.
Oh, yeah.
Leosun comes over and is like, yeah, what's up?
Just wanted to say hi, see how you're doing.
You think people are going to be on board here because I hope so.
Initial cruises around the room.
Things seem good.
There were a few groups that left to go discuss.
Uncertain about their stance.
So, it's a real toss up, but it's looking good.
Great.
Two big thumbs up.
Great.
Thanks, Leosun.
Yeah.
I think we're going to be like reconvening here sometime soon.
As you say that, Lady Laro Silverhand speaks up and says, if we could have everybody return to the table.
Is it like in a theater where they play that little chime noise to send everyone back in?
She flicked the lights off and on.
Yep.
Intermission is over.
She gets her squires to run around the room and snuff the candles and then relight them and then snuff them and then relight them.
I mean, people are magic, Russ.
You're always funnier, but.
Yeah.
Everybody comes back to the table and she says, so where do we stand?
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
Leosun speaks up again.
He said, word.
Word.
Word.
Word.
And then he leaves.
No.
After a brief timeout.
After a brief checking on the five year old.
Can you hear all my dice rolling?
I can.
It sounds like a lot of them.
I'm just getting it all out of my system.
OK.
We have a council meeting.
There's not going to be a lot of dice rolling.
I was like, do we get to fight?
He said, you are going into the biggest battle of your life.
And I was like, so no, so no.
So like a political battle.
Great.
Yep.
Great.
It's a lot of like.
It's going to be a battle of words.
It's a lot of episode one Phantom Menace.
Phantom Menace train talks.
Memis.
Like a lot of a lot of.
Do you remember talking to this person kind of questions from council members for
us to be like.
Maybe it could be a rap battle.
And we're like, do trains exist in this world?
Dum dums.
OK, Amy, if it was a rap battle, if I was listening to our podcast, that
sounds great.
As the ones creating it, do you think that's a good idea?
No.
Do you think that's a good suggestion for us?
Very rarely.
Very rarely.
I know all the words to a few rap songs, and I don't know that any of them
would be helpful in this situation.
So like some old school NWA would not fit the bill?
No.
I mean, I really got the Fresh Prince theme down.
I can do baby got back like.
End to end.
I got a lot of I got a lot of M&M.
This is a story all about.
I mean, I've got Gangsta's Paradise just off the dome I could do for sure.
But.
Got skills.
To create our own seems well outside our skill set.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Probably.
I mean, give me 20 minutes and I could probably change some lyrics in the
Fresh Prince rap to be, you know, topical for us.
But that's about as good as it's going to get.
When I was in high school, my friend and I ran for class president.
And that was a team.
Yeah.
OK.
That's very, very common.
And our speech was to the Fresh Prince theme song.
And it was pretty rad.
Unfortunately, we didn't win because the people that won promised that
they would get a slurpy machine.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
You had no chance.
They did not get a slurpy machine.
Liars.
Also, follow up question about the rap that you did.
Was it the extended version?
I think it was.
Sometimes.
But not always.
I think it was.
I mean, it was literally like 50 years ago.
So.
OK.
Yeah.
It was like how I looked the last time I had shaped.
I actually was the original creator of the Fresh Prince.
Wow.
Or my high school presidency speech.
They copied it for the show.
Will Smith was like in the audience and he was like, who?
These guys got some good.
No, it was his cousin.
And he phoned him up and he was like, well, you know, it's your cousin.
Marvin Smith.
You've been looking for these white girls.
They got it going on.
My friend.
It's like a reverse.
Bring it on.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Still a reverse.
Bring it on.
Still.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You missed a lot of good stuff there, Russ.
Yeah.
I'll hear it in post.
Don't worry.
I'll just relive it.
Like I was there and I'll talk like I was there.
I'm sure you guys left some blanks into our conversation.
And I hear that in the bloopers.
I'm going to lose my mind.
He's writing.
Insert self into conversation.
Just like you'd Photoshop yourself into family pictures that you were to part of.
It'll be totally off topic and out of context and it'll work great.
I had one of those too.
And then the wheels fell off and then it was useless.
That's what I say when I join in a conversation that I know nothing about what they're talking about.
I like it.
Excellent.
It's like they'll be talking and I'll come in and I'll be like, oh my God, write me too.
I had one of those and the wheels fell off and then it was useless.
I love it.
I hope I get to use that at a podcast.
It sounds like a real power move.
Guaranteed.
You could probably just walk up to any group of people and do that.
Then slap a sticker on their forehead and walk away.
And get charged with assault.
My God.
End up in a foreign prison.
Yeah, that's fair.
It's a foreign prison.
It's not my prison.
Okay.
Fuck it.
We're playing D&D.
Good thing you already said it.
Yeah.
I know.
Because that one was.
Getting the conversation mind for them.
Yeah, it was.
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