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previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
You made it out of the maze, but you were greeted by the terrible sound of villagers screaming.
You saw a blue dragon who are recognized as Lennathan.
Walk, I'm coming for you, baby!
Let's ride!
Down at the end of the way towards the red dragon where Thea is, there is a family.
Am I able to unleash this lightning breath?
You certainly can try.
I hold it up to my face as I'm running and like put it on my face.
You don't seem to make it work.
Okay.
Nulara, you begin to get deja vu.
Thaddeus, protect them!
You begin to run towards them and as they get to the building,
another red dragon swoops in from behind it and the building explodes.
Flint, Thea, Thaddeus, and Flaming Kins, you see Thaddeus holding up his hands.
Divine power protects you from this huge explosion.
The mask, you fools.
Give it to me and I'll leave these crawling ants with their miserable lives.
When you hear Lennathan is struck down by Protanther.
You're destroying villages.
Oh yeah, and I take the mask and I walk it over to him.
It appears you've brought me a piece of blue wood.
Is that not what you want?
The blue dragon mask.
It appears you have been duped again.
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Walk swoops down to...
Oh, we cuddle.
Would it be possible for you to give us a lift back to Waterdeep?
Of course I can.
And as you get to the outskirts of Waterdeep, now the city seems to be overflowing with people.
Protanther lands you near King's Court and you climb off.
He says, until we join forces on the field of battle.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're a D&D fifth edition spooky actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master Russ More.
And with me today is Tom Laird.
Oh hey, that's me.
Surprise second up in the billing.
I play Flint Firebeard, I think.
I'm not really sure what we're doing tonight, but normally I play Flint.
And Carla Johnson.
I play Boolara Moonbrook.
Oh, I should have thought of something spooky for Flint.
Yes, yes, yes.
Flint Fireboogins.
Okay, there you go.
There's not a good one for my real name, but thank goodness for Boolara.
And Amy More.
And I play Thea Amascaria.
Yes.
That was a good one.
It's so bad.
This right here, this is all I've got planned for tonight.
Just coming up with spooky names for each other.
I'll come up with an even better one.
Well, I mean, I'm really not very good on the first one, so I would appreciate it.
Yeah, let's get, okay, one more time around.
Okay, and Tom Laird.
Oh geez, man, I'm a first again?
Look, he's like, oh my God.
You're the one who wanted this sick.
Oh boy.
Yeah, I wanted a minute to think about it, Russ.
No, it was either that or Peaches.
The window's open.
I got nothing.
I got nothing, guys.
Okay, I gotta close the window.
You got time to think of something.
I got more time.
I also don't have a second one.
I don't either.
I only have one for Russ's name, so.
Oh, what is it?
We don't need to, we don't need to really come up with one.
Unless, you know, you want, we can just tell him we did.
He's gone right now.
He doesn't know, tell him.
Amy, yeah, just laugh.
Good one.
Oh, thank you guys.
Except he can hear me when I'm talking,
and he'll know that I didn't come up with one.
Russ, we came up with a good one for you.
And we all came up with a second one.
Okay, what's the good one?
Well, we came up with one for you.
Okay.
It's Puss Gore, which is pretty gross.
That's disgusting.
Nasty.
I don't like it, but I like it, but I don't like it.
Seasonally appropriate, but gross.
And I'm going to change my name from Tom Laird to Zom Scared.
Oh, that's, oh yeah.
Yeah, that's good.
Scared, Laird, that makes sense.
It rhymes, it works.
If you like all these lovely spooky pet names that we give ourselves,
you can join us over on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Where for just a buck a month, we'll come up with a spooky name for you.
Absolutely.
And when you're a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you.
And today's episode is dedicated to ALex from the Mysteries and Urban Legends podcast.
You rock.
It sounds like you do more spooky things with your podcast than we do with ours,
but we're going to try real hard.
That's fair.
We'll try.
Hey guys, I don't mean to hijack this,
but remember a little while ago when we said if people left us awesome reviews on
iTunes, we would read them?
Read them.
Yes.
I totally have a couple of them that I'm going to read right now.
I would love to hear them.
Okay.
This one's titled Amazing Podcast.
It says this is the first D&D podcast I've heard and I love it.
Cannot wait to start playing the game myself.
They are also on Spotify, which is where I listen.
Smiley face.
And who gave us that review?
That is from Immune.
Two M's, two N's.
Thank you, Immune.
Obviously not immune to our really weird comedy.
And I've got a second one as well.
Tom's pumping us up to get started to play.
This one's titled Excellent Entertainment and it's from JT the GM.
It says this cast of players and dungeon master is filled with laughter and
misadventures.
A hit for the person looking for a good old fashioned tale of D&D.
Please bring back Guacamole, then emoticon with a single T.
By this point, you've realized that Guacamole is back.
Safe and sound.
We strung you along though, because you pioneered hashtag find guac.
And I taunted you every single week.
I look forward to his updated review where he's thrilled that guac is back.
But today is our special Halloween episode.
Hence all the spooky names.
So we're going to get started right now.
Fuck it, let's play spooky D&D.
I'm trying to come up with a better way.
That's what we got.
You've just returned back to Waterdeep.
And you've gone to see Leosin to find out when the next council meeting will be.
Leo, baby, what's up?
Oh, hi, hello.
So many things are up.
But what is up with you?
You first.
Okay, well, the council has gone off to the Nether Mountains.
Are supposed to return very soon.
To make good on the promises that they said they would keep.
So that's-
That's good.
That's great news.
As you can see, the city is overrun with refugees.
Yes, we did see that.
Yeah.
On the plus side, there's a lovely harvest festival going on right now.
Oh, I do love me a harvest festival.
So, I mean, that's kind of the silver lining.
Everybody's kind of banded together to try and lift spirits, have a little fun.
What kind of spirits?
Nobody can see my creepy hands.
You are making some good creepy hands.
They're super creepy, guys.
I mean, the good spirits, hopefully.
Hopefully none of the bad spirits.
That could end terribly because we are quite over capacity.
Like the fire marshal came and knocked on our door the other day
and said, you have too many people.
I like that there's a fire marshal in this world.
And did you say you're just adding to this problem, Mr. Get Out?
Thanks, Tom.
Okay, I just need to put a pause on things for a second.
I made a really good joke today.
So, I was playing cards with a coworker today and she said,
oh, God, I've got a really weird hand.
And I said, why?
Is it all thumbs?
And I laughed for like four minutes.
And I was like, well, that's the best I'm going to do today.
And I wasted it on you, Kathy.
Jesus.
I'm recording tonight and I wasted my best.
Right?
I just had to share.
Anyway, this harvest festival sounds great.
We just saw a whole lot of dragons at Zompel's tower.
So, that was neat.
Luckily, though, Protanther and the other gold metallic dragons got there in time.
Such a relief that the council left and made good on those promises.
A posthaste.
Well, that gives you the evening to go do what you do.
Guys, we have a day off.
Perfectly.
Hey, Leos, is there good snacks at this festival?
Oh, the best snacks.
Like some good autumnal snacks.
I'm looking for apples.
I'm looking for gourds.
I'm looking for-
There's definite-
Pumpkin dip.
Oh, pumpkin spice.
There's all of those things.
Wonderful.
Because all of those things now exist in this world.
Well, they are just fruits and vegetables.
I was going to say what you were-
This was all an elaborate world building for a place where there was no gourds?
There were previously no gourds.
Have you not picked up the breadcrumbs that have led to the moment where there are actually no-
They've been layering it for like three plus years.
To be fair, he's never mentioned a squash of any varietal that I can recall.
This is true.
No kirkabits at all.
Sorry to have ruined your life, Russ.
This is really- this has opened a lot of doors here.
We're creating this world.
Isn't that amazing what you can do in D&D?
You can just create a world in which squash exists.
Look at the fucking roof off this conspiracy.
Holy shit.
We're really living our best D&D lives right now, aren't we?
So you had me right up until you started talking about D&D.
I don't know what that is.
Leo-san, are you going to come kick it with us at this festival?
You know, I have some things to finish up here,
but if I get done in time, I will come join you.
That means no, guys.
Without a doubt.
That's a no.
Yeah, that's a no whenever I hang out with my friends and they say that.
Does that happen a lot to you, Flynn?
You guys are really my only friends, so yep.
Okay, fair enough.
All right, Leo-san, while if you do need us,
we will be down at the festival.
I can't guarantee how sober we're going to be.
It's a day off, motherfuckers!
And Thea leaves.
Just like that.
You turn around and Flamikins and Thaddeus have disappeared.
They've just ran and gone and at the moment,
they said day off that you figure they bolted.
That's fair.
So they are no longer with you.
You head out and down the stairs and into the streets of Waterdeep.
At first glance, you notice some big differences.
There are silver dragons standing guard around the city.
Streets are packed.
The usually impeccably clean city,
Waterdeep is known to be one of the cleanest,
largest cities in all of Faerun and it's packed with people.
It's got tents and caravans and the city is just overflowing,
as you saw when you came up.
The city guard of Waterdeep is patrolling
and putting a quick stop to any fights that come up or break out internally,
while you notice the armed forces patrol the outskirts and battlements of the city.
As you head to the streets and notice the general mood of the city,
there's a mix between fear and concern and then there's also a bit of levity trying to break through.
Some citizens are trying to bring some cheer with the annual Old Hallows Eve Festival.
Benders and shop owners hand out candies and treats to children and adventurers alike
and celebrate with bards playing seasonal music.
Where do you guys want to go?
I wanted some candy.
I was kind of thinking that too.
As soon as you said that to children, I was like,
he is a child inside.
I mean, we're all somebody's children.
Exactly.
He is still young for an elf.
There's all kinds of justifications why we want to go get some candy.
Absolutely.
The first shop you come up to that you notice handing out treats is O'Henry's.
Oh, Henry, how are you doing?
He looks up.
It's you.
It's you, the bedazzled, the bedazzled, the bedazzler.
What?
The bedazzled bedazzler.
You got your, you got your, you got your, you got your leathers bedazzled.
I'm getting older there, Missy.
How are you doing?
Wonder.
Besides older.
Older.
Life, life, life ends for us all.
What you got in the, what you got, what you got there?
Well, we've got some, some sugary things that I got at the local confectionary
that the, that the kids like.
Look, they're like orange and yellow.
May I have an orange one?
Yeah.
You grab them and they're both orange and yellow.
Oh, so you're just going to eat the orange part?
No, I'll probably eat the whole thing.
He said there are orange and yellow ones.
I got confused.
I thought there were two different kinds.
Well, thank you, Henry.
Everybody gets older there, Missy.
Age comes first, doesn't it?
Doesn't it?
It's knocking on my door.
Ages?
Yep.
Okay.
I pop it in my mouth.
And is it delicious?
Yeah. What's the flavor on that bad boy?
Flavor roll.
Flavor Flav, it's a two.
It tastes like sweet corn.
Oh, okay.
That's not too bad.
It's really good.
Good, good.
These kids seem to like it as a group of kids come up and grab handfuls and
take bites and then spit it out onto the ground and say, that's disgusting, old man.
I go, I get out my, my hanky and I go like,
I chew and I chew my candy in two because I'm not, I'm not about to insult this man who
embossed my leather armor.
Emblazoned and dim doodled.
Dim doodled.
That is cruel.
Dim dum doodled.
Don't catch your death there, Missy.
You go have, go have fun.
Okay.
Is it cold outside?
I don't know, you're sneezing.
He raises a valuable point.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Yes, of course.
Yes.
Okay.
Goodbye, Henry.
Okay.
See you next time.
Send your friends.
I turn to you guys.
You guys should really try the candy.
It's good stuff.
We're not falling for it.
We saw the sneeze move.
It was not that subtle.
Yeah.
Not a chance.
I don't know.
Rolling for stealth.
I definitely rolled a five.
Also, stealth seems like a weird roll for them.
For a sneeze.
Did I like miss the tissue
and I just like spit it onto the ground?
A little bit.
I mean, it mixed with all the other kids' stuff.
So, you know, it's fine.
Why don't we go see...
Oh, no.
You know what I want to do?
I want to go somewhere where there's like a gathering
to see if we can hear people talking about us.
Oh, that's fun.
We're like the heroes of the town, sort of, right?
I mean, a little bit.
You begin walking down the streets,
eavesdropping on everybody you pass.
And you pass by one gathering.
They're gathered around a bard
and you hear a familiar sound
and it sounds like Grug, your good friend.
And he is singing Tales of the Decimators of Dragons.
Water deep, water deep.
Silver dragons in the sky,
fiendish wings in the night.
Water deep takes flight.
All hail the decimators,
dragon queen.
See you later, weep.
Water deep.
Yeah, Grug!
Woo!
You know.
Hey, didn't you know those guys personally?
This guy's totally factual in his songs.
He looks up and he points to you.
See you later on down the road, you silver tongues.
I like it.
Don't forget to sing about that hot chick we destroyed together.
You keep going down the street
and you pass by another group on your way through
and you see a gray tabaxi.
Singing a song of adventures,
saving the realm from a war with the gods.
Well, clearly overstating his importance within the battles.
I mean, that does sound like something a crazy tabaxi would say.
It sure does.
I don't trust the tabaxi as far as I can throw one.
You see a gathering at the end of the street you are walking on
and you're getting nearer towards the yawning portal inn.
And as you get closer,
you see a traveling haunted house set up.
What?
With a merchant out front yelling five gold,
make it to the end and the treasure's yours.
And he's calling this out to everybody who passes by.
I look to my friends and I say,
how about a little bit of fake scary after all
the really crazy scary that we've been having.
It seems, it seems like a good diversion.
A little, a little, a little fake scare
instead of, you know, facing real life dragons
and other horrible things.
Child's play.
Yeah, if it's only five gold, that's, that's nothing for us.
Well, I was, I was thinking for the Decimator of Dragons,
we might get him for free, but all right.
You give it a shot.
Give it a shot, Thea.
I go up to the merchant and I say,
oh there, good sir.
Good day, good day, five gold.
Make it to the end of the haunted house
and the treasure's all yours.
What treasure are we talking about?
Oh, I've been collecting treasure from cities past
all over the realm and just keeping it in here.
Okay, it sounded like you were finished talking.
Well, do you give any special discounts for celebrities?
There's a celebrity here?
Well, you've got three in your midst right now.
Where?
Have you heard of a few, I can't stand girls like that.
She's so embarrassed and this like is.
Pretty great.
Oh, Russ.
I shouldn't have looked up.
I was like in the zone.
I look over and Carla's like.
Literally hiding her face, yeah.
Yep.
Have you heard of us, you know,
a group called the Decimator of Dragons?
The Decimator of Dragons, yes.
There was a, there was a, there was a bard.
He was telling tales down the street
about how they're saving, saving, saving everything.
Yes, we are.
From these, from these horrid dragons.
Well, not, not all the dragons are bad,
just the cults of the dragons.
But yeah, yeah, that's us.
That's you?
That's us.
Well, you don't look like too much.
How are you going to take on all these dragons?
We've, we've banded together with other dragons.
Very good.
So you could make it to the end of this haunted house.
No problem.
Absolutely.
And then the treasure's yours.
For sure.
You got a sale going on.
Five gold.
All right, I pay him the five gold.
Yeah, okay.
And then I turn to my friends and I shrug.
You gave it a good shot.
Yeah, it was worth a try.
I give him five gold, which that seems pretty steep.
I feel like there's been a lot of inflation in Waterdeep,
probably because of the influx of people and yeah.
I'm actually recording it.
Now I have 6.85 instead of 6.98.
Oh God.
I haven't even looked at my money since we were on paper.
It's right there, Nick, after like in our equipment.
I wrote it down when we started, but you know.
So is this a one at a time thing or is this?
No, no, you can go in as many as you like.
You pay your gold, you go in any one of these three doors,
any gestures to the large haunted house on wheels that is behind him.
A tiny haunted house on wheels.
They're all the rage right now in Faerun.
Everybody's putting them up.
Properties at a premium, Amy.
The use of space is just incredible.
How is there two floors in this tiny haunted house?
How much for the dragon?
As for Donnie, I'm calling him a-
Oh, the dragon's going in.
Yes.
I mean, is he intelligent?
Is he going to figure out how to get you through this haunted house?
Oh, no, no.
But I'm like Wink at Don, like he knows I'm not, come on.
I am so dumb.
I am the dumbest dragon around.
I lose lots of respect for Donnie.
Yeah, the dragon can go in, no problem.
It's all fine.
It's fine.
It's fine.
He's not going to hurt anything in there, I don't think.
So yes, yes, you and your decimators of dragons, you pick one of three doors.
Now, I really feel like these are my decimator of dragons,
like I'm now the leader of this group and I'm uncomfortable with that.
I'm on board.
I was talking to the dragon, him and his decimator of dragons.
You get three chances.
When you enter, well, it seems more real.
Some of the things might be, might be quite difficult,
might seem like they hurt, but don't worry, it doesn't actually.
Um, just out of curiosity, if I were to hit someone with my fist
because they scared me, would I be hitting a like a measly paid employee,
probably like a teenager or something that's just working on the week?
Totally.
Am I hitting a teen actor?
Because this is a real good question, guys,
because this is a real problem.
It really is.
I have invested in the finest illusions
to make sure that this is as real as possible
for adventurers looking to seek a little excitement around the holidays.
That's all I needed to hear.
Great.
Door number three.
Oh, okay.
I guess we follow the theater.
All right.
How can you not follow that confidence?
I know that's it.
You enter through a curtain.
Beaded or normal?
I was just wondering.
It is normal.
It is a fabric curtain, dark black to keep the light out.
Oh, like a CO2 curtain.
Yes.
You enter and you step onto a rickety wood platform
and you begin moving into the hallway.
As you get about five to 10 feet in, the floor begins to change,
begins to feel like stone beneath your feet,
and bright, brilliant colors begin to be seen everywhere.
The stones and pigments undimmed by the passage of what looks like could be decades.
There are cobwebs around the corners, hanging from the walls,
and the floor of the corridor is a colorful mosaic of stone with a distinct winding path
of red tiles about two feet wide, snaking its way down the corridor.
No stonework can be seen on the walls or the ceiling 20 feet above,
for some sort of cement or plaster has been smoothed over all of these surfaces
and then illustrated.
The scenes show fields with kine grazing, a copse with several wolves in the background,
workers of various races and strange human-animal mixtures, pig-human, ape-human,
and dog-human going about various tasks.
Certain of the frescoes show rooms of some building,
a library filled with many books and scrolls,
the door of the torture chamber, and a wizard's workroom.
There are chairs, windows, boxes, bales, doors, chests, birds, bats, spiders,
and all manners of other things shown on the wall.
What would you look at these pretty pictures?
Somebody did a very good job in here, looks great.
Are any of the eyes following us or anything?
The attention to detail on the birds is real good.
Anything spooky happening yet?
There are none that appear to be following you.
Shall we just stay on the hall?
The path is about 130 feet down, as far as you can see from where you are.
I mean, I guess we just follow the path, yeah.
Right, yeah, we meander down 130 feet.
So you're following the red path that is outlined?
There are more than one.
Or are you just walking?
Well, I mean, the hallway is about 20 feet wide,
and then there is a red path that snakes its way down.
Yeah, I'm going to walk on the path.
I think so, and I guess probably look at the murals that it takes you close to.
It's like a guided art tour.
Can I investigate the murals as we pass by?
Mm-hmm, yeah.
I want to investigate the murals.
Sure.
It goes great.
Get them all out now, Amy.
Oh, those are so good.
Those murals you love.
How far do you walk as you're looking extensively at these murals?
Ten feet?
Yeah, you get ten feet down and you're examining the murals,
and I mean, they look exquisite in their artistry.
Maybe someone else takes an interest in the murals
and Amy stops rolling with the rainbow dice.
I had rolled a two.
Real solid.
Okay, yeah, I want to investigate.
I'm particularly interested in these half-human hybrid creatures,
but I'm soaking it all in.
You're just like, culture, culture, culture.
We're so tired.
We haven't had a day off in a long time, guys.
That's why I got a four.
So I also notice nothing.
Did they use colors?
Marching order.
I assume Thea went first, being that she said she was.
I did.
So she went about ten feet down following the red path.
How far down do you go as you are observing these half-humans creatures?
And I will tell you more about them, obviously.
You don't have to.
I rolled a four.
I can barely see them.
Oh, they're...
Apparently.
I mean, they look like half-humans.
Dogs, pigs, mixtures of all sorts of animals.
You start to make up your own names for them.
It's like, humans, humans.
What a terrible name.
Can I, with a roll of a four, tell which half of them is human?
Are they half and half like centaurs?
Or are they like a mix like mutt from space balls?
They appear to be different variations of half-human and half-animal.
Some of them have heads of the animal, bodies full human.
Others have mostly the bodies of, like, the ape has the arms and chest of the ape
and legs of the human and face kind of morphed between the two.
So wait, is it just like that meme where that dude skipped leg day?
Yep, exactly.
Okay.
Never skip leg day.
You end up like a half-human half-animal.
That's what they say.
So sorry.
Do you pass by, Thea?
No, I don't think so.
Like, I'm kind of, but I'm probably pretty close.
Thea doesn't feel afraid because she knows that this is all just make-believe.
Oh, totally.
Yeah, like, I think we're pretty, like, relaxed and, like, oh, whatever.
I would never go first to other ones.
Yeah, I mean, that was your dead giveaway that this was a different situation.
So Flint, Thea has gone ahead.
Nularaaaa following close behind there, observing these beautiful murals along the wall.
And you see they're following this red-snaking path.
What are you doing as you begin to walk down?
Well, I was pretty interested in those birds you mentioned in the mural,
so I'm going to have a closer look at them.
Sure.
Oh, that's a 19.
Oh, well, someone is observant.
Scratch that, making an 18 because of my minus one penalty.
But still pretty good.
You all continue to walk down, and you're observing the birds,
and they're exquisite birds, and you catch out of the corner of your eye.
You guys have walked about 30 feet into this room,
and you see that Thea is walking,
and you see the edge of what looks like perhaps maybe a pit trap
coming up directly in front of her.
On the floor.
Oh, watch it running there, Thea.
Well, hello there.
Happy Halloween.
I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
Thanks for joining us for episode 60 of Dumbgeons and Dragons,
The Haunted House of Horrors, part one.
So sorry about Tom's audio in this episode and possibly the next few
that the literal Halloween gremlins got to his wires and crossed some paths.
But I can assure you, we have figured it out.
It will just take a bit before we get caught up
in our recordings before we figured it out.
A few big thank yous to start us off today.
First, thank you for those lovely reviews off the top.
There were a couple more that we received that we'll be reading next episode.
And thank you to Keith Ross for his episode 59 guest appearance as Protanther.
It's always a blast to have you on, Keith.
Go check him out at Elmo the Usurper on Twitter.
And finally, from the first half of today's episode, you heard them.
You loved them.
It's Spencer Joe returning as Grug Danger's song in a walk-on cameo there,
weaving an original tale of glory and wonder of the Decimators of Dragons.
And now, just to let you know, Spencer Joe is in the Commissions game.
So if you need a song written and performed for your game or podcast
or anything else you have going on, send him an email.
Spencer Joe at spencerjomusic at gmail.com.
He's an amazing artist who can certainly help you out with whatever you need.
I'll link all his details in the description.
So go give him some love and put his dulcetones to work for you.
Thank you, Spencer.
And a huge thank you to everyone who listens,
supports, and is able to lend their amazing talents to the show.
I feel, and hopefully you do too,
that it makes everything that we're doing here much better.
Building the world up and helping weave this rich tapestry
that we're all creating together.
Thank you, everyone.
If you enjoy what we're doing here,
weaving this rich tapestry with cameos and people from all over the place,
we invite you to join us on Patreon.
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The next episode will be out Wednesday, November 7th,
where we'll wrap up this fun and a little bit spooky.
It's mostly fun.
Mostly fun.
Look into these Harvest Festival haunted house.
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Let's sneak back in to see if the adventures have figured out how to do puzzles and riddles.
Maybe.
Happy Halloween.
Have a great week.
We'll talk soon.
Watch your footing there, Mia.
I look down.
I'm like, this is just like fucking Splash Mountain.
They got you looking at this cute Peter Rabbit puppet show.
And then all of a sudden, you're off of the end of a cliff.
I make a make a perception check there to see if you see it.
Fourteen.
I feel like an eight perception.
Yeah, you look down and you see you.
You discern the edges of the pits lid.
Coming up right in front of you as you're about to step on top of it.
I stop.
The three of you begin to look around and further down this hall and you see
another pit trap a little bit ahead.
The first one, the red path goes right over top.
The second one, it seems the red path snakes around.
How how big how?
They're about 10 feet by 10 feet.
So I don't know, but it's 20 feet wide.
So we just can walk.
Oh, I walk around it.
Yeah, you walk to the left and the second pit trap is 10 feet and in front to the left there.
I go around that one.
You find yourself back on the red halfway.
As you continue down, everybody make a perception check.
Oh, baby.
26, 7, 10, 7.
So, Thea being in front, you make your way all the way down to the end of this hallway.
Following down this red pathway, watching out for another three pit traps on your way down.
Assume you tell.
Yeah, I'm like on your right.
Easy there.
You're on your own, dickbags.
You reach the end of the hallway and the path forks.
It goes straight ahead into the wall where you see on the wall before you
a relief sculpture of a devil face formed of mosaic tiles and the face has a huge O
of a mouth inside of which the space is dead black.
And to your left, there is a small room.
And you look inside.
The stone archway before you is filled with a veil of thick vapors.
The stone on either side of the base and the key stone protrude slightly
from the stones around them.
As you move to within touching distance, the left hand base stone begins to glow yellow.
The right hand base stone orange and the keystone seven feet above blue.
You also see runes in the mosaic floor that have a message for you.
The message says,
Hey guys, Acerac congratulates you on your powers of observation.
So make of this whatever you wish for you will be mine in the end, no matter what.
Go back to the tormentor or through the arc and the second great hall you'll discover.
Shun green if you can, but night's good color is for those of great valor.
If shades of red stand for blood, the wise will not need sacrifice ought,
but a loop of magical metal.
You're well along your march.
Two pits along the way will be found to lead to a fortuitous fall.
So check the wall.
These keys and those are most important of all.
And beware of trembling hands and what will maul.
If you find the faults, you find the true and into the column hall you'll come.
And they're the throne that's key and keyed.
The iron men of Visage Grimm do more than meets the viewer's eye.
You've left and left and found my tomb and now your souls will die.
Guys, we have a bad feeling.
Doesn't sound great.
Doesn't sound great.
That last line, particularly, I am not a fan of.
Yep, didn't really like that one.
I didn't even like the first line.
That was a lot to absorb in ruins.
Real long.
Thea quickly grabs a piece of parchment from her bag and scrolls the highlights.
Should have clicked snow.
Yeah, yeah.
You're mine in the end no matter what.
Torment her through the arch, second great hall.
Souls will die, yadda yadda yadda.
Shun green.
Yadda yadda yadda over the best part.
Shades of red.
The wise will not need sacrifice, ought but a loop of magical metal.
I have a loop of magical metal.
I don't want to give it to this fucking place though.
What the hell is going on?
That's how he gets his treasure.
So he just has a whole lot of magical rings and stuff.
That's what I'm assuming.
Well, this is fucking bullshit.
I take my dagger and I just like poke in the mouth of the dazzled
in this like weird devil glory hole we found in this herby haunted house.
Yes!
I poke in the glory hole with my dagger.
Oh boy.
It is as sexy as it sounds.
Oh boy.
So it's about three feet in diameter.
So you're just like poking your arm in like what's happening.
Oh, there's an in?
I didn't realize how far.
Yeah, like it's a big hole three feet in diameter.
Oh gosh, okay.
I thought I was like mouth sized.
So plenty of room for those who wish to leap in.
I throw a copper piece in.
You don't hear it land.
Can I throw?
I like this throwing copper pieces is very clever.
I'm some kind of joke about a live album from 1992 something something.
I was going to say I'm going to throw my copy of throwing copper in the hole.
Exactly.
I want to throw a copper into the room to see if that like
activates something or like if it does something or you know.
Okay, so you're throwing it into the room.
What happens?
Anything?
Sorry, I'm a little confused.
Great straight is the slightly bigger than we thought glory hole.
Yeah, three feet, three feet.
To the right to the to the left is is the room the art the art the shining
of mist with the shiny keystones.
Yeah.
Now what did this letter say about the colors?
It said shun green if you can but night's good color is for those of great valor.
If shades of red stand for blood the wise will not need sacrifice
ought but a loop of magical metal you're well along your march.
So it doesn't say anything about orange blue or yellow.
It's not.
Okay.
Well, I mean blue plus yellow is blue the color of night.
What's the color of night black blue?
I'm assuming black.
What's the shade of this blue Russ in this room?
Is it like a mid is it a would you say a midnight blue or more of like a robin's egg
blue what's happening?
It's kind of like a let's just say Navy.
It's shining Navy blue.
I don't know.
It's very interesting.
Okay, just like primary color blue forked.
Yeah, to the right is a wall.
Okay, cool.
So there really is only two options.
Okay, guys, I don't want to make a decision.
You chose door number three pretty quick.
I know her confidence is really faded.
No, I'm gonna not it for this one.
So you have the green demons mouth or the arch of mist.
Okay, so I was somehow thinking it was red because I am kind of racist
in my devil depictions.
I guess I just assumed it was a red time.
It can be any color Carla.
Can be any color apparently.
So sorry in the runes.
Didn't it say something about something about green?
Green is something something something.
Yeah, something about avoiding green if you can.
Okay.
Then I think we should go into the mist room.
Or how about that?
I'll I'll go into the mist room.
Well, if one of us goes, we all gotta go.
Yeah, it's true.
But I mean, like, I'll wait on this.
I just see what happens as you pass through the door.
Yeah.
You step into the mist and you feel it envelop around you.
And you blink and suddenly you're in another place.
And you are in a miserable cubicle, which appears to have absolutely no means of egress.
There are three iron levers, each about one foot long,
that protrude from the south wall of the chamber.
All of a sudden someone comes out and goes, yeah, I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday.
I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday.
And someone else is wondering where there's paplers.
Oh no, the lumber monster.
Flint and Thea, you saw Nularaaaa walk in, the mist swarmed around her, and now you don't hear anything.
You don't hear footsteps. You don't hear her.
Nularaaaa!
Do we still see mist or has that gone as well?
No, the mist is still there.
Can I hear them calling me?
You do not hear them calling you.
The room you're in is about 10 feet by 10 feet and has only those three levers.
Who wants to go first?
I'll go in after my buddy.
I walk through the room.
I'll go in after my buddy.
I walk through.
Thea walks in and suddenly the same thing.
You are enveloped by the mist and you blink and you are in the same room standing right next to Nularaaaa.
Hey girl.
Hey.
What you got here?
Not sure. Some levers?
Did I just like disappear when I came in here?
Yeah, and we were calling for you.
Okay. Yeah, I didn't hear anything.
So, you know, portals and shit as if we haven't had enough of this in our lives.
Right. But, I mean, this is just fun and games.
But this is just a fun one. We're just at the Harvest Festival.
And we're awesome at lever type.
We are so good at these kind of like riddle things. Amazing.
Flint, what are you doing? Both of your friends have seemingly just disappeared.
I'm giving them a minute to hope that they'll come back.
You wait there for a minute. Thea and Nularaaaa, what do you do?
Okay, so can you explain these levers again?
You have three iron levers there sticking straight out from the wall.
You can move them up or you can move them down.
Sorry, they can be moved horizontally.
So you can be moved all around. Excellent.
Oh, okay.
So like there's four options for each one.
Up, down, left, right.
Up, down, side to side.
So is it like an up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start situation?
Is it more of a joystick?
Well, I mean, they can only move up and down inside.
So they can't move directly.
Okay, all right.
Yeah, hey, what do you think?
Should we start pulling on some of these bad boys?
I say let's move one in a direction and see what happens.
Sure. I go to the one.
So I'm assuming there's one to my left, one to my right, one in front of me.
They're all on the wall in front of me.
Oh, they're just all on one wall.
I go to the far left one.
Yep.
And I push it up.
It takes a good amount of strength to push it up.
But as it reaches the top, it does not do anything.
You do one.
Do it.
I'm going to go to the middle one.
And I'm going to put it down.
Now we don't have any, like, what is happening?
So left is up, middle is down.
Middle is down, right is neutral.
Okay, nothing has happened.
Clint, what are you doing?
It's been about a minute.
I'm starting to get antsy that my friends haven't come back yet.
So I stroll into the mist to go find them.
The mist envelops you and you blink and you are now sardined into a 10-foot room.
Perfect.
Oh, hey, buddy.
You're really close, right in here.
It's tight in here.
Yeah.
You want to go man that lever over there?
We're just playing around.
Oh, the one in the neutral position on the right?
Sure.
The one in the neutral position on the right?
You got it.
I'm going to move it to the right.
There's no systematic, I'm dying inside.
I thought maybe we put them all in the upright position.
I think that's what we did.
No, no, no.
Maybe I thought you guys had moved in every direction already.
You've got one up, one down, one to the right.
Nothing happens.
Let's try all up, you guys.
Maybe let's try all the same thing and see if something happens.
I move mine up.
I also move mine up.
As the third one reaches the top, you hear a grinding of stone above you.
And a small trap door opens in the center of the ceiling 10 feet above.
Hey, look, an Icarus.
If only someone had a cool ladder.
Ah, shame nobody has anything cool.
Wait a minute.
It's too bad someone doesn't have boots where they could just put them on and fly straight up through.
Yeah, that's true.
I thought we established they were only hover boots.
No, they're levitation boots.
Oh, levitation boots.
So they'd be ideal for this scenario.
It would be.
It would be.
I really want to try out these boots.
I'm not going to lie to you guys.
Do you mind if I just pop up there and see what's up?
Give it a shot. Let's see what's up there.
See what's up.
I am currently wearing them because that is just how I...
Well, they're fashionable as well as levitatable.
They're thigh-highs.
Form and function.
Exactly.
The other is a verbal component.
I position myself directly underneath the hole on the roof and I lift my hands up in the air and I say,
Upsies!
You go up into a small crawl space.
Wide enough for one person to go ahead.
Cool.
What's going on up there?
Well, I can use walls and things to move myself, apparently.
So I move myself through this.
Can I see if there's a dark...
You see it goes ahead quite a ways. You don't see an end to it, though.
I produce flame in my hand.
You still don't see an end to this crawl space.
But do I see anything around me?
It is all stone.
Hey guys, there's like...
I like shimmy my way around, I'm looking down.
There's like a...
Just like a long crawl tunnel happening in here.
You think that's just like a service tunnel for the haunted house?
Maybe?
Do you want to come down and we can try other levers?
Or do we want to ladder on up there and shimmy around in the ceiling?
Ah, well it doesn't matter to me.
I get to use these boots for ten minutes.
I slow myself down.
Do you just want to hover for ten minutes and then we can revisit it?
Yeah, no, I'll just...
Yeah, I guess I do just kind of hover around.
You want to try all three down?
See what happens?
Yeah, let's do it.
I push myself down from the ceiling.
Like and towards the thing.
And I feel like...
I feel like when I push down, I'm just going to end up like floating.
Like you're an astronaut in space and you're adjusting where you need to go.
You're not bracing yourself, so you're just like pulling yourself off.
I let go and I just kind of like float there.
And I'm like maybe one of you guys...
Obviously it doesn't have to happen at the same time.
Okay, well I'll get hers as well.
Since I'm in the middle.
Yeah, since we're moving all the levers down and when we moved it all up, an opening started.
So I'm going to hang on to my lever as I move it down, just in case the floor gives way.
This seems like a good idea.
So smart.
So smart.
I'm not going to do that floating.
You don't need to.
Okay.
So you go one at a time.
Obviously because Nularaaa is doing two.
So you do the first two and then as the third one hits the bottom, the floor gives way.
All of the floor?
All of the floor.
Good thing we were holding on.
Everybody make a strength check.
I will.
Except you because you're floating.
I got 17.
14?
You manage to hang on.
And you look down and...
I'm literally...
I float in a single place until I am pushed or pulled against a fixed object or surface
within reach.
Okay.
So you're floating there.
Just kind of just hanging out.
And you look down and it looks like it goes down for quite a long ways.
Now is this just a straight drop?
Straight drop.
I take another copper out of my pocket and I flick it in and I listen.
You listen for quite a while and what you can assume to be a 100 foot drop is when
you hear the copper hit the ground.
Guys, that's really far.
We're in a little bit of a pickle.
Because you guys...
I wonder how long my ladder extends to.
It's only 50 feet.
Okay.
Can you guys...
Okay.
Here's what I'm wondering.
Can you guys hold on to the lever, get your feet braced against the wall and pull it back
up?
So like we're climbing a building 60s Batman style.
Yeah.
Yes.
And I can try to...
I don't think I could pull down on the lever.
But I think if I braced my feet onto the wall, I could pull up on a lever.
Sorry for clarification.
At the same time that the floor gave way, the roof shut as well.
Right.
Sure.
Yeah.
Okay.
Because he can do that.
Oh yeah.
What did Donnie do?
Did he follow you through or is he still in the hallway?
I always just assume he's with me.
I assume he always...
Yeah.
I always just assume he's with me.
Then yeah.
Donnie's flying.
Yeah.
So, but he...
Oh, this is a real tight fix.
It is real tight in there.
Well, 10 square feet.
That's like an elevator, right?
Yeah.
That's pretty tight.
Because he wouldn't be at a loss of strength.
Can he try and pull one up?
Yeah.
He got a 15.
Do I have to roll strength to pull one up?
Are you trying to pull one up as well or is it just Donnie?
Yeah.
You roll with disadvantage because you have nothing to brace yourself on.
I can brace myself against the wall.
You're levitating away from the wall.
Because you levitate away from any surface.
Damn.
Disadvantage is stupid and...
Stupid.
It's stupid and stupid.
Donnie manages to pull his up and as he does the floor slowly begins to rise beneath
your feet and you find yourself standing back on solid ground.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io
Door number three.
And you're all dead.
Jesus Christ.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Pretty anticlimactic.
I mean, yeah.
On and off.
That's where it all wraps up.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.