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Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
That leads directly up to the maze. You notice movement high up on the tower.
Heroes! They saw you in the village! I've taken the mask but they'll realize it's missing
within minutes! Look for me beneath the tower! This is the key that will let you teleport
into the dungeon! You run into the path and you've entered an open area which is an
intersection where eight paths converge symmetrically. A sundial stands in the
center of the intersection. The shadow from its gnomon points straight toward the tower.
I think this one right ahead of us. It's as good a guess as any.
You come back into the very same sundial area. The shadows are now pointing to A and C.
How about this one? And I gesture to C.
On our way to entrance C, Russ, I would like to drop some coins or something on the ground
to mark our entry there. You enter a large square courtyard and filling the center of
this courtyard is a circular pool of water. A garnet gemstone hovers one foot above the
center of this pool. Donnie flies to the center and as he grabs it a pincer claw reaches up
and grabs his claw. The room is clear of jewels. Donnie has the garnet in hand.
You enter back into the sundial room and it is still at A and C.
Can we see the coins I dropped on the ground? Are they still there?
They appear to have disappeared.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. We are a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast and I'm
your dungeon master, Russ More, and with me today is Amy More.
And I can't even handle it.
And also with me, who do you play? Oh, I play Thea Mastazia.
Also with me is Carla Johnson.
I think I can handle it, but I definitely play Nulara Moonbrook.
And Tom Laird.
I can 100% handle it and I play FlintFirebeard.
Coming in confident, Tom. I like it.
Gotta start high. There's never ever been a drop off when you start at the top, right?
Yeah, never. You just keep going up.
Never. That's how things work.
You did just watch Never Stop Never Stopping, so.
Oh, so good.
It's got your confidence level right up here.
Right?
It is a good movie.
It's no pop star.
I was going to say, I'd like to hear more about Pup Star,
which apparently has had repeated viewings in the More household.
Pup Star 2.
Oh, Pup Star.
Sorry, yes, Pup Star 2.
Yeah, that's the one we watched.
No, it was really good. You know, little tiny dog making it big.
Amy watched it more intently than Addison did.
I don't know why either. It sucked me in and it was bad.
It's because your mother never let you watch talking animal movies.
It's true. It was like the one thing.
She let me watch Terminator 2 when it came out.
I was like, what, eight?
But babe?
But she wouldn't let me watch Babe, Pig in the City.
Wow, that's a weird, weird choice.
She's like, Amy, it's a talking pig.
Though there was one movie that we were allowed to watch
with animals talking and it was Homeward Bound.
OK.
It's a good choice. It's a classic.
That one, the dog's mouth don't move.
It wasn't a classic then, Carla.
I was going to think that maybe it was the incredibly sad Disney Fox and Hound.
That's animated.
Still, though, I'm sure you must have got to watch
talking animated animal movies, right?
Did you get to watch Look Who's Talking?
No. Well, it's not that she didn't let me watch it.
We just never watched it.
I don't. I think to this day, I still haven't watched it.
I mean, the first one you are clearly missing out.
The first one is pretty great.
Welcome to our podcast.
We talk about movies Amy wasn't allowed to watch when she was little.
I like it. Hey, Amy, let's put it on the list.
OK. It's another one of our podcasts
we're going to do any time now.
We're going to launch a different one from my childhood.
Can we can we do television shows as well?
Because I have a bunch I wasn't allowed to watch when I was a kid.
I didn't have TV, so we have endless content.
Oh, wow.
It's the podcast that will keep renewing itself.
Any show that exists I did not see.
Perfect.
Wow.
Basically, unless I like was at a friend's house.
All right. So I'm just waiting on you guys to just take
take the reins on one of those ideas.
Any time now, one of them is going to stick.
Sure is going to happen.
This podcast network that we have going.
Our empire is going to grow.
This network of one.
I have some narrative podcast ideas.
Truly, truly I actually do, but it seems like a lot of work.
So I'll get back to you on it.
Let's talk Carla, because that sounds like a great idea.
That does sound very interesting.
I'm willing to get you off the ground on that one.
I listened to you five stars on iTunes.
Oh, thanks, Amy.
And if you want to support us, we're also on Patreon.
Tom can tell you about Patreon.
Yeah. Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Russ. Yes.
Yes. Nailed it was just waiting for that nod.
Yeah. So we do one episode a month.
It comes out on the 15th of every month.
Currently, right now, we're just about.
Well, I guess it will have been released already.
We'll release our first episode of our fate campaign.
Technically, it's like the third episode,
but it'll be the first one that features us
actually using the characters and everything that we're like.
Actually comes out today.
Oh, it comes out today.
This is released.
Amazing.
Also on that Patreon list of episodes is an 11 episode arc that I did
in the D&D world of Faerun as well,
but with different characters for Russ, Amy and Carla to play
and navigate that crazy world with.
And we have other fun things like character sheets
that come out fortnightly.
And a goog hang.
And a monthly goog hang.
There's so much.
Our dumb faces.
So much going on over there.
Three beautiful faces and one dumb face.
Oh, who's the dumb face?
Well, me.
Oh, dumb face.
You guys, you all pointed at yourself.
I didn't.
It's me.
I wasn't going to like zing you guys.
Amy was like, it's Russ.
So, yeah, thank you.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Lots of great people.
I don't know if I missed anything else with Patreon.
There's also other stuff, but go check it out.
I don't want to spoil it all.
Yeah, no spoilers.
You go look, do some work yourself.
Amy's can't hanker us today.
God.
Yeah, I like it.
It's good.
We got a death maze to face.
Yeah, I'm just like, I'm just trying to be like.
Get jacked for it.
Guys, I feel like someone's going to die today.
Fuck it, guys.
Let's play D&D.
That was great timing.
I was waiting for a good cue.
He was waiting for Tom not to be able to.
He was waiting for Tom to take a drink of something.
He's like, God, he's got to be the Perrier.
Come on.
It's the lemon Perrier, though.
It's no good.
But you're drinking it anyway.
You've entered back into the sundial where there's the intersection
where there are eight paths converge symmetrically
and the shadows are pointed again towards A and C.
Where is the tower in relation to the pathways?
Towers pointed towards H.
OK, so it's different than the last time we were in this.
Yeah.
And Flammikins pipes up and she's like,
because it's getting kind of dark now and she's like,
Flammikins, Flammikins, there I am.
Let's get fucked.
Let's get fucked.
I don't know what Flammikins sounds like.
We're in this maze.
Next jewel pool.
We're jumping in.
No.
Hey, guys, look at these stars.
They seem kind of weird.
I looked up.
What do I see?
Make a check.
Make a check.
Seven.
Wait.
Am I just perception?
Make a nature check.
Oh, I got just like fucking bags of nature.
Bags of it.
Big old bags of nature.
Oh, fuck.
You guys, there's a big hole in my bag of nature.
It's empty.
The bag of nature is empty because I rolled a three.
Do I need to roll a nature roll?
Yeah.
So I only got a nine.
I also got a nine.
Yeah, I got a 15.
But I have a plus six.
OK, that's better.
I got a 15 with no bonus.
You're looking up.
You're like, yeah, they're stars.
He looks to Flammikins.
You recognize that they don't look like constellations
or stars that you are familiar with.
Guys, something's weird about the sky.
I don't recognize anything up there.
Yeah, like when I'm out at sea because I was a pirate,
you guide by the stars.
But these are not stars that I'm familiar with.
Well, maybe this whole place is in another world or something.
That's something now.
We haven't really talked about it.
We've gone into it.
It's true.
Or like this is just like a little pocket dimension
where they fuck with us in the maze or something.
Thaddeus says that looks to be exactly what it is.
Good, good call.
A pocket dimension where they fuck with us.
The old fuck with your pocket dimension.
I mean, that's what I would do if I was making a killer maze.
Man, if only it was the let's get fucked pocket dimension.
It would be so much better.
Maybe we'll find one of those things.
Yeah, we'll see.
Probably not.
Probably not here.
Well, they never want anyone to get through these mazes.
So maybe they will just put up a pub somewhere where you just don't
take your squeaky toy elsewhere.
I beg the pardon of the squeaky toy dog in this episode.
There's your disclaimer.
She's here.
She's not leaving.
No, she settled in with her squeaky toy.
All good.
Yeah, maybe they just set up a pub somewhere and, you know,
you just sit in and the beers are all good and you never have to pay.
And that's where you, you know, get stuck.
Let's not get trapped like that, you guys.
Let's not do that.
Sounds like a weird purgatory, but a good one at the same time.
So last time we walked and it was only pointed to A.
We walked down A and then we came back in and it changed.
But when we went in the last one, there was no change, but we had to fight shit.
So if the shadow is still pointing at A and C, do we try C again?
But there was change because the shadows were at A and C,
but the tower was at D and now the towers at H.
Right.
Right. Right.
So maybe we just go H because that's the way the tower is.
Sure.
Because I mean, we went we went A because that was the way the tower was originally.
And then we went C because that's where the shadow was,
but the tower was at D.
So maybe we should have went tower and ignored the shadows.
Everybody make a perception check as well.
My strongest one.
Thanks.
Oh, motherfucker.
You had like a huge perception bonus.
Yeah, but still 11.
I am just killing it on these rolls, by the way.
It doesn't matter.
It was a very low roll that you needed.
So you you also notice as you're kind of looking at the stars
and looking around and that the moon is up now
and that the shadow that it or the light that it's casting
and the shadows that are casting on you are clearly not
making the shadow that's on the sundial.
So your shadows are going in one direction,
whereas the sundial appears to be making its own shadows.
Fucking magical shadows.
I agree with Flint.
Let's let's try to follow the tower.
I guess we I mean, what have we got to lose?
Well, I don't know.
I mean, we tried C last time and it led us to come back
to this same place after a big fight room.
So, yeah, I say let's try to follow the tower.
Give it a shot.
So you walk down H and you walk.
Sorry, quick question.
Yay.
With the garnet, I vaguely remember like checking
to see if it fits in the sundial anywhere, does it?
No, no, it does not.
Okay, cool, cool.
Sorry.
We walk for you begin walking down H
and you walk for about a little bit more than a minute
and you come into a new area.
You emerge from a path into an area far larger than any open
area you expected to encounter in the maze garden.
This rectangle space must be 90 feet across
with its far side almost 150 feet away.
It looks like a boulder strewn pasture
with a large pond to one side and a fenced vegetable garden
and oversized cottage on the other.
Sheep graze in the pasture tended by a pair of cyclops
but none of them are moving.
They all appear frozen in time.
Do I see any obvious exit out the other side of this pasture?
Yes, you do.
Off to the far other side, there appears to be another path
much like the last area you were in.
There was one directly across.
I whisper, guys, and then I start to sneak quietly
because I don't want to wake up the cyclops.
As soon as you begin to advance into the area,
the creatures spring to life with the sheep grazing
and the cyclops chatting idly to each other.
What do you do after you see that?
Do they see me?
I just said they're chatting idly to each other.
Well, I mean, they only have one eye, so.
Their peripheral is a little bit more narrow.
They're chatting idly.
I couldn't help myself.
I sneak quickly behind a boulder
because you said this was boulder strewn, right?
Very boulder strewn.
Okay, I like behind a boulder.
Make a stealth check.
What are you doing at the entrance there?
Everybody else?
Just watching Thea dance behind boulders?
Yeah, it's a six.
So Thea thinks she's really sneaky and she stops
and she puts her hands out and then she tucks and rolls.
It makes a little bit of noise
because everything starts rattling together that she's carrying.
And the cyclops notice and they look up
and they notice over to you and all the other people entering.
Because I'm the only one who clumsily jumped behind a boulder
and just left you guys.
I'm picturing like, you know,
when like a five-year-old does a somersault,
then it's so cute, but like not good.
That's what I'm picturing.
I think that's what it was.
It's so cute, it's nice.
And then you see them kind of exchange a few unheard words
and they play a sort of game
that's analogous to rock, paper, scissors.
And one loses and both cyclops begin to approach you
and they don't appear to be carrying any weapons.
How big are cyclopses?
Are they like giant?
Like, are they, they're big, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know we've seen them before.
Well, you guys did run into one in a certain cave
in the Patriot games, so.
Yeah, cyclops are huge giants.
So they are, yeah, they are quite big.
Okay.
They are walking towards you.
They don't appear to have any weapons.
I want to climb up on the boulder.
Okay, you don't have to roll.
You can just climb up on the boulder.
Good, because.
You don't have to roll.
I haven't rolled over a 10 yet.
Just climb up on the boulder.
I haven't rolled over a five yet.
I think I need to start rolling with my right hand.
This is me taking off my wrist brace
for those of you playing the home game.
I love Amy's strategies to have better rolls.
Use different dice, use my other hand.
You should start using the digital dice,
see if those do better for you.
No, I want to roll.
What is everybody else doing?
Flame McKinsey is like, yeah, I want to be up on a rock, too.
I just kind of give them like a like a wave, like a hello.
One of them waves back to you.
That's very nice.
Oh, that's nice.
Kind of surprising.
Nularaaa, you and Thaddeus are just chilling
and they continue towards you.
And as they get to about within 20 feet of you,
the one that lost the game
scoops up a small boulder from the ground
and gestures towards you and your party.
He then looks downfield and heaves the boulder 100 feet
where it bounces and rolls another 20 feet.
Both Cyclops then turn and face you
looking kind of expectant at you.
I am applauding wildly.
Me, too.
I'll also clap.
I'm sitting crisscross applesauce on top of this boulder
just like, well, once you guys start clapping,
I'll start clapping because you look like an asshole.
Exactly.
I don't want to be the dick that's not clapping.
Plus, it was an impressive throw and good throw there.
They're just standing staring at you as you applaud them.
I say that was a great throwing.
Should one of us throw?
None of them respond.
I pick up a little like pebble that I find on top of the boulder and I have it.
You throw a pebble and they look at it
and look at each other and kind of chuckle and then look back at you.
What language do they speak?
Giant or do they have Cyclops?
Do they have their own language?
I believe it's giant.
No, yeah, you know they speak giant.
I don't speak giant.
I do.
So I say, hello, we're trying to get to the tower.
Which way should we go?
They don't answer your question, but they say,
well, you need to play game.
Okay. Is it a throwing game?
Yes, you go pick up boulder.
You throw farther and then you pass.
Only one of us has to do that.
Only one has to throw further.
We all can go.
And any throws.
Okay.
Must go farther.
Okay. Nobody else speaks giant, right?
You guys?
Well, there is like a certain one,
someone in my head that does speak giant,
but he's not in control right now.
Okay. So anyway, so I explain what they said,
like we have to play this game.
If one of us can throw the boulder,
pick up the boulder and throw it further
than they did, then we can go.
That's ridiculous.
But your magic, don't you have like.
Oh yeah, maybe lightning.
Maybe like Thaddeus could do something.
Maybe Thaddeus has Thaddeus.
Do you know Mage Hand?
Mage Hand lifts 10 pounds.
Max.
Well, some DM did their research.
Geez, yeah.
Hang on here.
Let me just bring up Thaddeus's character sheet
because I have an idea.
I could conjure something that could maybe
carry something this big.
I don't know if I could get it to throw it though.
We need to like put a levitate spell
on something or something so that it,
you know, so that it's light.
So we can just like push it.
I hope they don't speak common.
So we're just talking strategy.
They're just staring at you.
They don't seem to be minding too much.
Thaddeus does have a levitate spell,
but it can, let's see here,
can rise up to 20 feet,
but it will just be like suspended there.
So yeah, I guess we'd have to like
push it or something to.
Well, we'd have to like cast it,
pretend to lift it, throw it, right?
I assume magic is against the rules probably,
but there's no way we can do it.
Otherwise, I don't think.
Yeah.
My other solution also involves magic.
They haven't said no magic.
I don't want to ask because I feel like.
Because yeah, Thaddeus,
with grants a spell book also has induce or,
or enlarge or reduce.
So you could take like a small or yeah,
like a small rock,
lift it up, throw it,
and as it's being thrown,
like transform it into a large rock.
Right.
Still, that's still awfully far throw.
Yes, it's a long way to go.
We would need a lot of strength
to do something like that.
Also, levitate only has a 60 foot range,
so Thaddeus would have to like
you'd have to chase it.
Walk alongside it.
But it can levitate something up to 500 pounds,
so that's good.
We make some sort of catapults.
I don't know how to do that.
Some sort of trebuchet.
Hmm.
In theory, probably like one of us
could know how to do that.
But I mean, I'm a former soldier.
Quickly, exactly.
But not like.
We need a half a day to build this.
Yeah, don't worry, Iskander.
We're coming.
We're in a hurry.
We're like, we're doing a trebuchet.
Has the door behind us disappeared?
Should we just leave you guys like.
Oh, this is throw or what?
Uh, we'll we'll see.
We're just we're talking strategy.
We're not as naturally gifted as you at throwing.
Oh, yeah, you you puny.
Yeah, we are.
Could we, uh, can we can we go back
the way we came and maybe come back later?
Try and play the game.
I mean, sure.
Okay, okay, guys.
They're not going to try and stop us
if we leave the way we came.
We can leave and go try a different one.
I mean, I'm into it.
Let's go.
So you you exit back the way you came.
Yeah.
All right.
So there's no shame in running away.
Well, because we don't know.
Like last time it just like scooped us back in.
But you're right.
Let's just try a different one.
It's not like we have to go there
because that's where we ended up.
Or maybe we do, but we'll find out.
All right, well, let's go because
I wasn't going to lift that thing.
And you guys all begin to walk back out
the way you came and you walk for bad.
A little less than a minute this time.
And you find yourselves back in the open pasture.
God damn it.
And the cyclops see you and they're like, ha ha ha.
They thought they could leave without throwing boulder.
You guys.
You guys got us.
We got them.
Yeah, we did.
You got us.
So you throw a boulder or what?
Yeah, we're going to.
I try to get the boulder nearest to me.
We're going to work something out.
No, you throw.
You throw a boulder.
We we threw.
That way it's fair.
Oh, same boulder.
Well, that's that's why it's fair.
Yeah, that you.
That's you're right.
You're right.
What do you say?
So we need to go throw the boulder that he threw so that it's fair.
I start walking to the boulder.
OK, me too.
I mean, I want to let's go see this thing.
Maybe it's a lot later than we think it's going to be.
It's not spoiler alert.
It's probably not.
But you're right.
It's worth a shot.
Yeah, as you approach the boulder that they threw,
you you you examine it's about two feet in diameter
and just given it the old heave hole,
you could probably guess that it weighs about 500 pounds, maybe more.
Oh, my God.
And it's only two feet.
It's a hefty boulder.
That's some dense, dense in diameter.
It's a dense, like heavy, heavy rock.
Guys, this must be like a million pounds.
Ah, OK, you've got a good idea.
Yeah, I do want to.
How many tries do we have to throw it the farthest?
Is it just we just keep throwing till we get it or we throw once
and like something horrible will happen?
This is a good question, which I then ask them.
You just have to throw boulder farther than we throw boulder.
OK, we just have to throw it further than they threw it.
This is flawed because we're going to get tired after the first time and then.
Well, there's I think no way we can throw it non-magically.
We can't even lift it non-magically.
All of us working together could lift it.
OK, guys, I think I think here's our play.
So I got that rod, a lordly mite that can turn into a ladder.
So what we do is we find a really big boulder,
put the ladder over top of it with at the halfway point lower,
the one half of it down with this smaller boulder
that we need to throw over 120 feet onto the end of it and kind of lock it in place.
And then, you know, as we put all of our combined weight into the other end of the
ladder and thus create some sort of launching system to throw this boulder as far as we
possibly can. So you want to create leverage using your ladder and another boulder as a fulcrum?
Yes, that's that's exactly the words I was looking for.
Can't I just use magic?
I mean, I don't know, shit all over my great idea, Thaddeus, whatever.
No, you do you, man. I want to see this happen.
Yeah, I want to see something.
It was too good. It was too beautiful to live.
It was too good. I feel like.
I think we should try Flint's plan because we need to save spells.
It's a good point.
I agree.
Also, way more fun.
Yeah, let's work together.
Let's work together. I like it.
Teamwork. And I jump into the air.
What's the combined weight of everybody if that's what you're doing?
I mean, not that I'm going to do all the physics behind it, but it'll give me an idea.
I'm 110 pounds.
Flint is a hundred and sixty four pounds.
Twenty five of which is beard.
Hey, Thea.
Whoa, I'm way.
Yeah, you're way fish.
I forget how tall I am.
I probably weigh like one hundred and sixty pounds.
I'm like normal size.
Geez, Thaddeus is one hundred and forty three.
Thaddeus is a skinny dude, too.
I'm surprised that Flint was that skinny.
Well, he's only four foot eight.
He's but thick.
I'm five foot two and I don't weigh that much less than that.
And I am not a dwarf.
Flamikins Kins is fifty two pounds.
Oh, all right.
It's canon now.
One hundred and ninety four pounds.
One hundred and ninety four.
You're like skinny shaming Flint.
We didn't mean to.
Combined, you all weigh five hundred fifty nine pounds.
And Donnie.
Donnie.
Who is bigger now.
And Donnie can like take a head start flying into that thing.
Yeah, see, I get guacamole.
Oh, guac, of course, guacamole out.
OK, so let's say we're up to like seven hundred.
Let's say we're up to like seven hundred pounds, maybe more.
Let's go eight hundred pounds.
OK, I don't know how physics works.
I didn't know we were going to get like a math master class.
No, I'm just I'm just using it for my own.
We need more weight to push down if we don't weigh as much or have much as.
OK, so how this is going to work is this is Flint's idea.
So it's all his fault if it doesn't work.
Flint is going to be making the roles for it.
OK, anybody can assist in those roles to give advantage.
But that's what we're going to do.
So how many times can we do that?
Explain to explain to me.
Well, we'll see what happens in the first one.
Explain explain to me what happens during the setup.
OK, so we find the biggest boulder that we can.
Like maybe the one that was kind of the size that Amy was sitting on
earlier, whatever.
Because I imagine we have to throw it either back to the Giants
or from like that's what I was thinking back this way.
Like, I'm not sure.
OK, so we find a rock that's close by that's bigger than the one
that we're needing to throw.
And we use the ladder with the big rock as what do you call it?
A fulcrum in the middle.
Yes, we're making simple machines.
It's been so long since I did any of this stuff in like math
that I forgotten all about it because you don't need math in the real world.
Listeners, please correct us if we are using 100 percent.
We're wrong.
Yeah, 100 percent.
But yeah, so we use we use a larger rock as like the fulcrum
and have the ladder in its full mode, which it can support up
to five thousand pounds or something, the book said.
So we should be free and clear as far as that's concerned.
We have the boulder that we need to throw weighing it down
on one end like like a seesaw.
And then we all pile on the other end in like some sort of, I don't know,
maybe we all jump off guacamole and land on the fucking thing.
I don't know.
But somehow we need to all put all of our weight on that end
and hurl that so well, even just like, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah,
that would work, too. Right.
The I feel like it would crush us.
The only thing I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to probably change here,
not change, because this is this is canon is how it's been portrayed within the game
is the the ladder you're speaking of is more of a pole with like
things that shoot out the side.
So it's a climbing pole, not so much a dual side.
A pogo stick with many different.
Pretty sure that's how we've described it before.
I do not remember the way.
Neither, but that makes sense.
I mean, it makes sense if it's like a sword like that.
It's a rod.
And then it just seems it seems reasonable, I guess.
It does have a spike at the bottom and three hooks at the top, though.
So in theory, you could manipulate that to hold that boulder in place.
Yeah, OK. Yeah, sure.
Yeah, this is going to be a that's going to be a straight strength roll.
OK, that's like my best one.
Because so all of you are trying to aid Flint or you're all aiding in the thing.
But yeah, so Flint is going to make the role.
Anybody who wants to aid can give assistance.
And then I believe it's just advantage that they that he gets.
Is this going to be like a rule that we could have been using
the entire time we've been playing, but never knew?
Actions in combat.
This is the page that you should look at.
Probably a thing we should have read.
So you can you can lend your aid to another creature in the completion of a task
when you take the help action.
The creature you aid gains advantage on the next ability check
it makes to perform the task you are helping with,
provided provided that it makes the check before the start of your next turn.
Alternatively, you can aid a friendly creature,
attacking a creature within five feet of you.
You faint distraction to cause advantage.
So like I could get on my hands and knees behind someone that the is fighting
and she could push that person over top of me.
Yep, it's a classic move.
Or like if you were a tabaxi, you could like get the crowd pumped up.
Oh, yeah.
To distract people.
Yep, yep, yep, yep.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cat.
It's amazing.
You really should listen to it.
We need that T-shirt.
That needs to be coming.
That's my favorite.
It's one of my favorite things.
Are you not entertained?
We do need that on a show.
But it's just for patrons of only people that have heard it anyway.
Well, that's an inside joke.
It is an inside joke.
Also, we're still learning so much about how Dumbgeons and Dragons work.
That's true.
Help, guys.
That's an action we can do.
OK, so what?
Sorry.
What's your strength there?
My strength is 19.
OK, and you're rolling with advantage.
My homies.
I am rolling with my homies.
He is almost literally rolling with his homies.
OK, so I guess I get two rolls in.
You sure do.
Hey there.
I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.
Thank you so much for joining us for episode 49 of Dumbgeons and Dragons,
titled A Giant Competition.
If you're liking what we do here on the show and want to support us directly
and help us do some pretty amazing things like upgrading some of our recording equipment
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Next episode will be out next Wednesday, August 22nd.
Let's jump back into the maze and see if the dice are ever in the player's favor.
Have a great week. We'll talk soon.
All right, first role was a 15, so that's a 19.
Second role is also a 15 or 19.
That is the third 15 I've rolled tonight.
You already did help.
That was his advantage.
So with a 19, you all like in one fell swoop,
guacamole and Donnie are trying to use all their might.
And you manage to get the bowler up and it's in the air and it flies for seems like forever.
But then it lands about 40 feet away and rolls about 20 feet.
And Nulara hears the giant say, not far enough.
Dang, guys.
Does she yell back?
No, shit.
I was worried it was going to land on a sheep.
I was worried it was just going to land on us.
Directly on us and end of campaign.
I didn't even have to do it.
You did it yourself.
That would be hilarious.
God, what an end.
What an end to three years.
I love it in a rock throwing contest.
We might need to use magic, you guys.
I just I don't think we're strong enough.
So what do you guys got?
Yeah, Thaddeus, what you got?
I mean, I got levitate or I mean, I got reduce and large.
I can make it small and one of you big.
But I don't think that's going to fly for the actual boulder itself.
Has to be the same size when we throw it.
But no, they said it has to be the same boulder.
They didn't say it has to be the same size.
It's true.
I don't know.
Just ask them.
Are we so technically speaking, it just needs to be the same boulder, correct?
Yeah, yeah.
Do they not get it?
No, I don't think I don't think they get it.
OK, so you pick up that boulder that you just that one.
You did very good job, but not good enough.
So you take that boulder and you throw it farther.
OK, you just do it.
OK, is this like a matrix situation where you can just like dispend our belief
in like the law of physics and it'll just go as far as we want it to go?
I don't know what you're referring.
I was asking Russ, not the Cyclops.
Well, it sounds like I mean, they think I'm a real dumb dumb.
We just got to throw that boulder.
So Thaddeus, it's your shrink it.
It's your magic.
What's going to work best?
Do you think?
I mean, if I levitate it, we can.
Push, push it.
See if that works.
I mean, worse, they say is no, it doesn't seem like they want to hurt us.
This is true.
Let's try that first.
It seems less seems like we could play it off more naturally.
I don't think we have to play it off naturally at this point.
I think we just need to make it happen.
Yeah, fair.
Can we push it with his Rod of Lordly Might and just kind of walk it over to the 150?
We can't walk it over.
They have to throw it.
Well, Thaddeus is going to have to walk with it for a little bit because he can have 60
feet of range on either side.
So, yeah, he can just run beside it.
But I think to give it a good shove, I don't know.
We could do the ladder trick again.
It'll be light.
It'll go further.
Sure.
Let's give it a try.
I don't think it'll go directionally the way we want to go.
If it's levitate, won't it just continue on straight up in the air?
Excuse me, Cyclops's.
What happens if we technically it would be further disappeared?
That's going to kill sheep later.
Three hours later, you just hear a strangled cry.
Betsy, no, Betsy.
Interesting.
Yeah, let's let's get it done.
Thaddeus begins casting levitate and the boulder rises vertically.
Up into the air about push ability height, which is about, I don't know, say 10 feet.
It can go up to 20 feet, but you wouldn't be able to reach it then.
It's a true story.
I was going to say, does Thaddeus have to push it because it's his thing or I mean,
I still think Flint should do it because he's by far the strongest of us.
So it would go the furthest.
So maybe if you could knock that down a little.
I got to hop on someone's shoulders.
He waves his hands and it goes down a little bit.
All right, perfect.
So, yeah, am I am I rolling for this, Russ, or am I just tossing it?
What's happening here?
What are you trying to do with it?
Are you trying to push it or are you trying to throw it?
Or are you trying?
I am trying to throw slash push it.
Yeah, kind of like give it the old heave ho.
Like I'm throwing a ball in in soccer and I'm going over the head.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sure.
All right.
Yeah, let's do that.
Thaddeus is like, just don't don't throw it so fast.
You can't run very fast.
But if he has like a 40 or 50 foot head start on me,
then it'll still be within the six year old range.
Yeah, he'll already be halfway there.
Yeah.
So yeah, we'll say you have advantage because I assume somebody's helping you.
I need a lot of help.
So I assume that or just like encouraging from the side.
All right.
That's a 14.
The first row.
Oh, not 20.
You walk up to you.
You explain to me how you have and then I'll tell you what.
So I've got it kind of in my in my hands.
And then true to throwing a soccer ball in back to the field,
I put it over my head and then hop like a step and a half forward
and give it the old heave ho towards Thaddeus.
Doing my best to keep it level.
I don't want it on an angle of any sorts.
Sure.
Yeah, you do that and you're using all your might.
And it feels pretty light to you at this point because of the reduced weight.
You know, magic now.
And it begins to cruise towards the Giants area where the Giants threw from.
Sorry, the Giants begins to cruise.
They are giant creatures.
Yeah, but are they Giants?
Technically, yes.
Cyclops is our Giants.
They speak giant.
They are giant.
I'm learning so much today.
Help Giants.
It's mind blowing.
Yeah, and it begins cruising along and it kind of catches up and surpasses Thaddeus
and he begins to jog a little bit and it goes and it kind of parts the Cyclops
and they step as it goes by and it hits the hedge and begins to roll sideways.
And Thaddeus, once he thinks that it's made it past,
he drops the levitate spell and it hits the ground and the Cyclops is
kind of look back to where you threw it,
where theirs landed because you threw it from the second point from a different spot
into where it landed now.
And they turn to you and knew Laura, you hear them say,
you did it puny people.
Yay.
We did it.
So what was the tower?
You got to go.
You got to go that way.
But wait, but wait, hold on.
You have to go back out that way.
Hold on.
And one of the Cyclops is goes and picks up another boulder
and he lifts it above his head and smashes it down on top of the rock that you just threw.
And it cracks open and reached.
He reaches down into the rubble and like dust something off and walks over to you
and hands you a topaz gemstone and says, you can go now, I guess.
Thank you.
We can go, guys.
We're going to get all the birthstones, you guys.
Yeah, totally.
Is there some sort of gauntlet we could put this?
That's right.
So I assume you just bid your Cyclops's farewell.
Indeed.
Do you head out the way you came or the far side?
I got to go far.
I guess the far side.
I mean, it just will probably take us back to the fucking sundial room, but maybe not.
Maybe not.
Yeah.
You begin walking out and you pass through the pasture and you see sheep
and then you walk out and it's a it's a pretty quick journey this time.
It only takes you about 30 seconds and you end up back in the sundial room
with the sundial shadows still pointing to A and C.
Where's the tower in relation?
You actually don't see the tower this time.
Kind of fuckery is this, Russ.
I don't know.
I like soups haven't figured it out.
I don't know if you guys have, but.
Nope, sure, haven't figured it out yet.
Me neither.
What way is our shadows like?
Are they still counter counterintuitive to what's actually in the moonlight or on the sundial or?
Yep.
OK, yeah, it does.
Yeah, they don't seem to be facing the same direction anybody shadow seems to be faced.
Well, this everybody else's shadow seems to be facing where the moonlight is coming from.
But everybody else's or the sundial shadow.
But those shadows haven't moved.
Haven't moved, still pointed at the A and C exits.
Guys, it seems like we might just have to go through all of them.
All of them. Yeah, I mean, we've got we tried A and it circled around.
We went through C and found the jewels, went through H, found the giants.
So I don't know.
I think maybe we should go through A or C again.
Damn it, Amy.
Damn it, Amy.
When Russ smiles like that, it's the wrong thing to do.
Or when one of us says, I think we're just going to have to go through every single one of them.
And he goes like this.
Well, is that the wrong way?
When we went a better poker face.
When we went through A, nothing happened originally.
Right. It just circled us back around so we could try that again.
When you originally went through A.
Yeah. Like when it was only pointed at A.
Yeah. It came in and it was the shadows changed to A and C.
Yeah. And the tower.
But nothing happened when we went through A, right?
Yeah. This was what I was saying.
Let's try again.
Yeah. This is what I was saying.
In game, Russ.
Geez, Russ, yeah.
God, mind your own business.
God damn.
This weird voice coming from the heavens.
It's me, Iskander.
Have you figured it out yet?
Shut up, Iskander.
Or give us better tips.
Theo, do you want to try A again?
Sure.
Just to see?
Let's see what happens.
Yeah.
Now walk through A.
It's like another 40 seconds to walk down this winding path.
And you enter.
And ahead, you see a bubbling fountain.
Filling the pathway.
It's filling the pathway.
Large, bright flowers grow in the hedges on both sides of the fountain
and each blossom shimmering in the light.
The air smelling particularly fresh and sweet here.
So a large flower grows on each northern and southern side of each square.
Guys, it's so pretty in here.
Makes me think it's probably poison.
You're so cynical.
If only we had people that knew nature.
So this is like a long corridor with the path going up the center.
There is a bubbling fountain in the center.
There's large, bright flowers that grow in hedges on both sides of the fountain.
So imagine like your north is one hedge, south is one hedge,
and you cut through the center there.
As you get closer, you can see that the shimmering of the flowers
comes from a large pearl set into each one.
Some of the music in today's episode is by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io
and Scott Buckley at scottbuckley.com.au
So previously you guys found yourselves arriving at Zanthal's tower
and escorted into the maze where you saw who?
Screaming at you?
Magellan.
The dude we were supposed to see.
Yep, not Magellan.
Magellan.
Galileo.
I can't read your writings.
Which one of the astronomers was it?
And the sprinkle of gold breadcrumbs that Tom just threw
because money doesn't mean anything to you guys.
It doesn't.
They're gone.
Are gone.
They weren't coppers.
It's no big thing.
It's like dropping pennies.
What are pennies?
The millennials who listen to us, eh?
Amy, we went over this.
You are a millennial.
I know.
But I'm not happy about it.
Sorry, Ross.
It's another podcast.
Are you a millennial?
Yep.
Yep, you do.
He's dialing up.
Hold on a second.
Because I can edit out crunches and stuff.
I can't edit out squeaks.
We've already apologized for the squeaks.
We want to see a real life throw.
Will you throw that squeaky toy?
It'll be analogous to you throwing that pebble in game.
Perfect.
Amazing.
So good.
I chucked this pebble.
And I say, wow, Carla, that was great.
That's what giant sounds like.
Not what I expected giant to sound like.
I know.
It's like when Mike Tyson speaks and you're like, really?
Wasn't expecting that.
Are they like big red flowers that just look like, are they in green plumbing
pipes?
There are like seven flowers.
How are we going to eat this as we walk by?
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.