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previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I get you to do a little job for me.
Uh, well, I guess that all depends on the job there, Glory Jim.
It's just the delivery of a package.
And in fact, it's got to go back to Luskin.
So really, it's on your way.
But we are going there anyway, so maybe Thea, you can, uh, like, magicize it?
See if that tells us anything?
Yeah, you all pass out.
And Thea, you are awoken in the night.
And you wake up, and there is a half-dragon standing over top of Flint
with a large sword, raising it in the air.
Glory Jim comes running into the room.
He screams at you guys to run.
And the entire front facade is torn off by a young blue dragon.
I quickly put my shit on and run.
Yeah, yeah, I grabbed my satchel and boot-skewed out of there.
The dragon flies up into the air and begins to chase you.
You see the dragon circling overhead.
After a little while, it looks like it gives up.
And you make your way back to the battle.
Flint, you hear a very familiar call that says,
Well, I'll be fucked.
Good to see you, too.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, a 5th edition D&D actual play podcast.
I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
Here with me continuing the journey are your adventurers,
playing Thea Amastasia, Amy More.
Hey.
Nulara Moonbrook is Carla Johnson.
Hey.
And playing Flint Firebeard is Tom Laird.
Hey.
I couldn't resist.
It's good, it's good.
What do we want to do first?
Do we want to roll a d20 first, or do we want to talk about our characters first?
Let's talk about our characters.
Let's see what we got going on before we...
Sure.
...get into the snappity slap.
Yeah, last time you guys got enough XP based on some things you did to level up to level 9.
So let's start with Thea.
What did Thea get?
Oh, you guys.
I got good stuff.
I got Mass Cure Wounds.
Ooh.
Oh, yeah.
Good one.
Yep.
It is a good one.
Because I can cure anybody within a 30-foot, six creatures in a 30-foot radius of me, heal 3d8 plus my Spellcasting Ability mod.
So that's pretty awesome.
That's amazing.
I also got Conjure Minor Elementals.
So that's a big, like, that has a lot to do.
Russ needs to, like, look stuff up when I decide to conjure something because he chooses.
Oh, you didn't tell me that.
Yeah, it's true.
You didn't tell me I had homework.
Yeah.
Based on your homework?
Yeah, I did.
So I can essentially conjure Earth, Air, Fire, Water Elemental.
And it comes and it fights with us and has its own, like, set of skills and stuff.
It's in the Monster Manual.
Do you have to, like, pick which one you always conjure or can you call upon any of them?
I can call upon any one of them.
But I can find the difference between an Elemental and a Minor Elemental.
Well, if you had told me this before we got here.
I had a lot going on.
It's been a busy week.
I had a really crazy week.
It has been.
It's true.
Anyway, I can conjure one of these at two or lower or two of these at one or
lower or three of these at a quarter or lower or four of these at an eight or
lower.
I don't know what any of this means.
Pretty excited about it, though.
It's just a challenge.
Massive amounts of damage and stuff.
So and they just, like, fight with us.
And then I think I think that was all I got.
Oh, I haven't I couldn't figure out how to do my hit points.
That's not something I should have been left alone to do.
I don't know how to figure out how many more hit points I get.
You get your hit die plus your Constitution modifier.
OK, well, that's easy.
Let's go with new Laura.
OK, I learned a couple of new spells as well.
Even though I essentially never use spells except to go invisible and lay down.
But, you know, because that's like the jam.
She's real good at it.
But I do have some.
I got Wind Wall, which the also has.
But it's one of the best ones available to me because mine are all nature
related, right, as a ranger.
So I can create a great big wall of wind and hurt people with it or blow
away fog or smoke or, you know, things impeding our sight.
I also got one that kind of makes me Jesus because it is called.
Is it called Jesus?
It's called Water Walk.
So we can all of us like me plus 10 friends.
But don't worry, guys, I only have two friends.
It's you.
We can walk over any liquid as if it is solid ground.
So this is in addition to water, things like acid, mud, snow, lava and quicksand.
Just walk right on over.
No problem.
So that's a good one.
And of course, we've leveled up and I got some more hit points and all that stuff.
So I'm real strong now.
Just kidding.
Not strong at all compared to flight.
What is your what's your hit points at now?
Eighty seven.
Oh, I'm at sixty three.
So you can feel real good about yourself.
I don't know why my hit points are so low.
Hundred and twelve.
Hundred and twelve.
Wow.
But yeah, it's because you're the most powerful of us.
No, but I can get hit.
My armor is really low and my hit points are really low.
Maybe I need to find someone who can make you better armor.
Oh, maybe I need to find someone who can make me better armor.
I'm not going to drop you guys hints anymore.
I don't know what's possible within the realm of this, but I'm I have an idea of what's going on with my plot point.
I go to a blacksmith and tell him to make me armor.
Yeah, sure.
You can do that no matter what.
But the armor is like super crazy awesome armor that's really thin and light, but ups my armor class to like a 16 or something like that.
Interesting.
That would be.
All right.
Flint.
Yeah.
Being a straight ahead great weapon fighter, not much happened with my level up.
I got some HP, which is always welcome.
I did learn one new skill called indomitable, which allows me to reroll a failed save.
That's nice.
That's about it.
Then let's.
Oh, wait, wait.
Oh, there's more.
Donnie got a new hat.
Nice.
Fantastic.
I made him a little hat.
Sweet.
So, you know, that's important.
Stop everything.
The pseudo dragon got a new hat.
I wanted him to have something new.
Everybody's leveling up.
He's still like just hanging out.
I'm a pseudo dragon.
Now he's got a little hat.
I did nothing for guacamole.
I have to think about that.
What what color is the hat?
I want to visualize it.
It's kind of like like a trucker hat because at first he thought he'd get it ironically, but now he's just kind of into it.
Like he's actually just genuinely likes it.
So it's a dragon trucker hat.
I like it.
Well, good.
Good for Donnie.
Yeah, sorry.
I'm done interrupting.
No, that's OK.
Roll a d20.
All of us are.
Everybody.
I got a three.
I got a two.
Solid one.
Are you kidding?
No, you didn't.
Without a lot.
I will text you a picture right now.
Shit.
Well.
Guys, this is going to be real good.
Hey, that was a three, two, one.
Do we get any bonuses for that?
Like a flush?
That's a straight.
It's a straight.
Exactly.
You still get to tell everybody what happened last week, plus a little overarching of everything
that's going on.
Yeah, you.
You won.
Oh, I won with a three.
You won with your three.
This is bullshit.
I'm just going to read you my notes.
Don't read the notes as per they are last time.
Please read the notes.
Because that's exactly the same.
Please read the notes.
So we ended up getting to the city of.
Hold on.
Wait.
Wait for it.
It's in my head.
No, wait.
It's in there.
Not Little Rock.
We came from Little Rock and we're going to give me the first letter.
M.
Mirror bar.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
We came from Little Rock and we're going to give me the first letter.
M.
Mirror bar.
Yeah.
Okay.
So we get to mirror bar and they let us in and we have all these refugees and with
a quick not at all political background check, they allow them to come into the city
for refuge.
We then decide to go to a pub, the something panda pub.
Ritey and a Panda Hut.
Ritey and a Panda Hut.
And we realized it's very similar to Pizza Hut, but they were no pandas actually
to be eaten there, which we were fairly happy about.
While we were there, we met Leonan Glory Jim and he, that's where we met him,
right?
No, we didn't meet him there.
Russ is very upset with me.
He took you there.
Oh, he took us there.
Right.
Right.
Yeah, he took us there.
Yeah.
Right.
He took us to the Ritey and a Panda Hut and after a few drinks, he and talking
with Flint because they go way back, they're part of the same, what was it?
The hand of the-
Mercenary Group.
Mercenary Company.
Yeah.
You guys are-
That's right.
The Fits of the Iron Dawn.
Right?
Okay.
After having a few and catching up and talking, Leonan opens up and says, you know,
Flint, hey, can you carry this package for us?
And we talked it over and decided, yes, we can do that and deliver it back.
Back to Luskin.
Luskin, thank you.
So we decided we would take it back.
We were supposed to deliver it to Geraldo Agrin, but we think it's pretty sketchy,
so we're going to get a macoth to check it out for us first.
So we say, yeah, sure.
We'll take your box.
And we do.
And there's a sword and an amulet inside that he tells us.
And through a spell, I found out that it's all like super magic and stuff.
So we go to his bed.
The bed.
There's only one.
A singular bed.
It's a family bed.
We all sleep together, right?
And then there's a giant feather over our mouths and we go.
And it blows up, right?
Like one communal feather, like one big feather.
One each.
Oh, one each.
OK.
I was hoping we'd have to sync our breathing to make the feather go.
And I am awoken.
I don't know, because I heard a sound and there's a half dragon over top of Flint about to do some nasty business.
I need to word that better.
A half dragon over top of Flint about to murder him in his sleep.
So I jump up and the fighting begins.
And before we can get anywhere to figuring out why these people are trying to kill us and people, these half dragons and whatever, half the building comes down and there's a young blue dragon that's just there and angry.
So Leonin runs in and tells us to run and we do and we do a lot of fun skill checks along the way, like throwing chickens and doves up at this dragon that's chasing us.
And then we hide into different nooks and crannies and eventually go down into the sewers and we get away from him and he flies back and we head back to help out with the fight.
But everyone is gone and the fist of the Iron Dawn seems to have handled the situation.
And yeah, that's just kind of where we're at.
It's great. Good rundown.
Thanks. It's a really good thing I took notes last time, you guys.
It really helped.
And you're right. It's good. I didn't read it verbatim.
These notes suck.
So it's good you took notes, but they're bad notes.
They are. They are.
Yeah. So you guys get back to the hotel.
And yes, the fist of the Iron Dawn is looking like it has cleaned up a lot of these these human and other humanoid type attackers.
But Flint, you hear that gruff voice yell from across the yard, something to the effect of I thought I told you never to come back.
And you see your old colonel from the fist of the Iron Dawn, Maramras Solax.
And he is walking towards you quite speedily for a stout dwarf.
And he doesn't look so happy with you and says, clearly these guys were after you.
What are you doing here? And what is all this?
Solax, your beard's looking a little thin there, bud.
Oh, fuck you, Firebeard.
I'm not happy to see you.
I guess the dragon was after us.
I don't know. We got asked if we could take a package back to Luskin.
And then this dragon showed up and all the shit hit the fan.
What do you mean, take a package back to Luskin?
Who asked you to take a package back to Luskin?
Glory Jam asked us to.
He gives you a side glance and then yells, Glory Jam, get over here.
And Leonin comes over and he looks at the package and he looks back at Glory Jam.
He said, you were supposed to deliver that to Luskin.
And then Glory Jam, I'm just going to fucking talk to myself now.
God damn it.
This is working out better than I could have imagined.
This really is.
And then Glory Jam says, well, I mean, I was just trying to, you know, speed up.
They were headed that way.
I mean, it's all right.
We told them we were going to Luskin, so we thought we could do it for them.
It's no big deal.
Solax grabs it from you and takes it from you.
And he says, if I can't trust you, Glory Jam, I don't know what I'm going to do with you.
And he starts walking away carrying the box.
And you are left standing with Leonin.
Sorry, dude.
Says, well, I was kind of hoping that when I told you guys to run, you would just keep going and not come back.
But that's fine.
We thought you guys might have needed help.
Yeah, we're coming to help you kill the dragon.
You're welcome.
I greatly appreciate it.
But there's and he starts to whisper a little bit.
There's some there's some things going on that I was hoping that you would just kind of help and figure out without me having to tell them to you.
Well, when that dragon showed up, it kind of screwed that plan up.
Yep. Yep.
Sure did. Sure did.
Why don't you tell us now?
I can't tell you.
I can't tell you here.
I can't tell you here.
But what what I would you could probably shed some light on and he pulls a piece of paper out from a pocket and he hands it over to you.
And it's sort of a wanted type poster doesn't say wanted.
But it's the same kind of just has a picture of each of you three.
Hey, we're famous with a bounty on it.
Thea scoffs at how they've portrayed her in the picture.
It's nothing like me.
And it is written from the cult of the dragon.
Those sons of bitches.
I would really like to meet the dragon cult artist that fucked up my beard so badly.
I know pictures not flattering.
I don't know, dudes.
I think mine looks pretty good.
Leon and says, so like how how deep into this are you guys?
Elbow deep, my friend.
Pretty deep.
Well, if they're sending dragons after you, like you guys should we're going to clean up this mess here.
You guys go do whatever you do.
Meet me at the right end of Panda Hut and I'll I'll tell you what I think is going on and see if you can help being that you guys are clearly in the mix of all this.
He walks off and goes back to cleaning up the helping clean up the mess of of bodies that was left after the battle.
What do you guys want to do for a few hours?
I want Flint to tell us why his friends are such dinks.
They ask us to do stuff.
They get mad.
They say that dragons are after us.
How do we even know that dragon was after us?
Well, I was thinking maybe that dragon's after that fucking box.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Well, if you remember, I left these guys because they weren't my friends.
Yeah, I know.
Fair enough.
I know.
Yeah, we're cool.
I didn't mean to sound accusatory.
Well, all right then.
So we're all cool.
Yeah, we good.
So you guys want to go have a nap or something?
Because we got our sleeps interrupted last night.
I don't know what you guys want to do.
Well, I was hoping that maybe we could go and find some sort of like blacksmith armory type place that could give me some new armor.
Hey, we met that guy when we were down in the tunnel.
Remember?
We did.
There was that guy.
Let's go find him.
See what we can get.
Sorry.
Bless you.
Bless you.
Was that an endgame?
Wait.
Yeah.
Was that endgame?
I don't know.
I should have maybe switched the sound if it was.
Yeah.
Bless you is what I meant.
Bless you.
Thanks, guys.
All right.
Let's go see this dude.
OK.
You know, we can't do anything.
Russ is peeing.
Yeah.
Oh, all right.
We can totally tell this story ourselves.
Yeah, we can.
We walk over to the street that we were on and go through the storefront.
And no one's in there.
I am riveted.
So, yeah, we need Russ.
And then we walk in and it's silent.
Hello?
Anybody here?
Yeah.
Yes.
Hi, sir.
Do you remember us?
Yes.
You brought the...
No.
No.
No.
That has not been proven.
No.
Those are wild allegations.
OK.
But I mean, when I met you, there was a dragon.
We warned you.
Yeah.
It's true.
We probably saved your life.
We warned you there was a dragon.
I get it.
I get it.
Somebody say you owe us.
I mean, did you want no warning?
No.
No.
I mean, I appreciate the order.
I'm just saying, you know, last time I saw you, there was a dragon.
Yeah.
A bit of a negative association, I understand.
Yeah.
Fair enough.
No dragons this time?
No, no.
That dragon's gone.
OK.
Well, welcome to my shop.
What can I do for you?
I look around the shop and I see that he does, like, really good, intricate work.
And I say to him, I'm looking for better armor, lighter, but stronger.
Can you do that?
Well, what are you wearing right now?
Hide armor.
I knew that.
Russ was looking at me like she doesn't even know what kind of armor she's wearing.
I'm going to throw this curveball at her and she's not going to be able to answer.
Says, well, you've come into the best dwarven blacksmith, this side of where dwarves live.
The mountain?
Yeah.
I am Patrick.
So, Patrick, what can you do for me?
Well, I can I can whip you up some fine dwarven armor.
It's very, very light.
I'll use the highest quality steel that, you know, we can find here.
Shouldn't hinder you as far as weight goes.
Really, it should be hide armor.
It's definitely going to be way better than your hide armor.
It's going to cost you.
I move toward him and, like, touch him on the shoulder.
And then I slowly run my hand down his beard and, like, throw my finger in it.
And I say, I'm sure we can work something out.
Yeah, I mean, it's going to be like, like, in a roll.
Actually, I don't want to roll.
Actually, I want to use my plot point.
I'm going to need you to roll a fondling check.
Totally. A sex appeal check.
Sex appeal check.
I'm just going to use my plot point.
I'm going to say that he's so infatuated with me that he gives me the armor for free.
As a thank you for saving, for giving him warning on the dragon, too.
Well, kind lady, I...
What's your name?
Thea.
Thea.
Thea.
You...
I caress his beard some more.
Well...
This is making me uncomfortable.
This is making me uncomfortable.
I'm making so many hand gestures.
She's got hand gestures below my chin like she's just squeezing balls.
I don't know how to caress a beard.
There, I've admitted it.
There, it's public knowledge now.
God damn it.
Fine, I could give it to you for free.
Aren't you the sweetest.
Then give him a kiss right on the cheek.
I mean, we have money. We can pay you.
I don't want to.
If Thea can't get things for free because of her sex appeal, what does she even have going for her?
Besides being super badass and all the kicking and punching.
I mean, my 12 children aren't going to eat this month, but that's fine. That's fine.
I give him a hug and I drop a bag of gold into his back pocket.
Kilt thing, whatever he's wearing.
I imagine them all in kilts and I'm not sure why.
Skirts.
It's not a formal occasion.
He's a smith. He's probably got an apron on him.
Fair enough. Okay.
To the back pocket of his apron I drop.
Like, I don't know.
Whatever is the appropriate amount of gold.
But I just want to feel like I got it for free and then I'm just doing this to be nice.
It's just a power move.
You tell me how much you drop in there then.
I'm going to totally own it.
He's going to be like, wow, I was only going to charge you half that.
I drop him like, wait, 50 gold?
I don't know. How much was he going to charge me to begin with?
50 gold.
Okay. Perfect.
So he says, well, yeah, I can do up your armor here.
It's going to take me a couple days.
Is that okay? Are you guys hanging around here?
I turn back to my travel mates.
If it takes a couple days, it takes a couple days.
That'd be really great not to be almost dead again.
He takes your measurements and he says, yeah, a couple days.
Come on back and I'll have it ready for you.
If there's anything you guys need sharpened or fixed up,
your armor wise, I'd be happy to do that too.
But yeah, up to you guys.
I think we're good.
I keep all our stuff up to date with my smithing tools.
Cool. Cool. All right.
Well, thank you so much.
Do you manage to waste about 15 minutes?
Mission accomplished guys.
Yeah. I was pretty serious about those naps though.
Kind of only slept for like three hours last night.
Just waiting around to meet your dumb friend.
What do you guys want to do?
You want to go shopping? You want to eat? You want to have a nap?
I think we better go have a nap.
I think for all of our safety, we should probably have a nap.
Do you think that there's actually an inn in this place that will take us after what happened last night?
I think that we are adventurers and can just like find somewhere to sleep, honestly.
Like go to the outskirts of town and sleep under a tree.
Sounds lovely. Let's do that.
You guys go have a nap for the appropriate amount of time.
And then it's time to go meet Glorygem.
Make your way to the Ritey and a Panda Hut.
You go in. It's late morning at this point.
You look around the room and you see Leonin in a back corner.
There are a few other people in the place, but it's not super busy at this point.
And he waves you over to come sit down with him.
I grab a couple ales from the barkeep on the way.
A little early for that, isn't it, bud?
Hey, we just had a nap, y'all.
Once I have a character voice, now I'm an asshole.
Hey, we just had a nap.
Oh no, yes, of course. That's fine.
Character voice means I'm a dick now. Sorry. Sorry, Dan.
Well, I got it, yeah.
It's all good.
You guys grab your ales and you go over to the table.
And he's like, you guys weren't followed, were you?
Didn't check.
I mean, we weren't really looking, but nobody made it obvious.
Okay, good.
The package that I gave you does have the sword and the amulet in it.
It's being sold to someone who I believe is in the Cult of the Dragon,
which goes along with something that I've had a suspicion of, of Solax for quite a while,
is that he is working with the Cult of the Dragon.
I think he is trying...
He's got this wizard that's been following him around a lot and working with him,
kind of telling him what he needs to be doing next and following along and making sure things get done there.
He has a meeting with the Council of the Sparkling Stones,
which is the council that runs Mirabar.
I think, from what I've overheard,
is they're going to try and find a way to somehow charm the council,
convince them or persuade them through magical uses to hand over the army that Mirabar has,
which has 2,000 dwarven warriors that protect Mirabar,
but I think they're trying to sway Mirabar through not really up-and-up means
to join the fight with the Cult of the Dragon.
What's this wizard's name?
Elhand Silverkin.
Never heard of him.
He's...
Of the Silverkins?
I mean, I know you guys know a lot of people, and I mean, you're pretty deep into this.
But from what I hear, the Cult of the Dragon has many hands and many facets
and much control over a lot of people.
Since you left, Flint, Solax has been spiraling more and more out of control
with the jobs he takes really, really leaning into whoever pays the highest
no matter the good side, bad side, run-of-the-tracks, you know?
I knew that guy was trouble.
Well, yeah, a few people tried to leave after you did, but they wound up dead.
A bunch of us in the group, we want to get free,
but if he's got control from coming from the Cult of the Dragon,
we're a little bit nervous to do so.
But seeing as you guys have kind of dealt with them,
I was hoping that maybe you could help free our group from his control,
if you know what I'm saying.
Oh, I think I have an idea what you're saying.
Got any ideas of how we can get these guys alone?
Like I said, I think they've got a meeting with the council later today.
He's been carrying around the box with him since he took it from you.
That's probably going to be on him.
But getting him alone, he's got the wizard that follows him around,
and he also has his right-hand captain, Rickus Ogrescrush,
who is a newer ad within the last few months to the Fist of the Iron Dawn.
He pretty much has them with him at all times.
So I don't know if getting them before they go to the council meeting
or getting them going into the council meeting
and trying to get them alone that way.
Not sure exactly.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What's in the box?
I don't know exactly.
Do you think that's how they're going to try and charm the council?
I think it could be something that they're going to definitely use.
The amulet, from what I've heard, is an amulet of great evil cause.
I don't know what it does exactly, but I know it's not good.
Some people who handled it while trying to get it,
it injured a couple people and killed one
as they were trying to just even pick it up.
The blade has some control over it as well,
where it is a very powerful magical sword
that they could very well be using to bring in through force
if other means don't work, try and make them come to their side.
Okay, hold on. I have a question. Sorry.
Later today, they're meeting to convince or charm the council
to hand over the army of Mirabar.
Are they meeting in Mirabar?
Yes, it's at the town center where the council meets.
Okay, I thought we were in Luskin.
Nope, you're still in Mirabar.
We haven't left yet.
You can do the recap.
I don't listen when I speak.
Okay, cool.
Our commute will be much easier when we decide to go kill these people.
For sure, which we probably should do.
Let's go kill those people.
Sounds like we probably should.
Flint, you trust this guy?
I have real trust issues ever since every person we try and help
fucks us over.
I love that you're saying this in front of him right now, too.
I feel like you just turned away from him and were like, dude.
I think he's always been on the up and up with me.
I think we can trust Glory Jim.
Glory Jim says thank you and gives Nulara a bit of a side.
Don't give yourself Glory Jim. You're coming with us to help.
I figured as much.
Is there anyone else who can come to help?
Like I said, there are a few of us within the Fist
who are willing to do what we can to stop Soulaxe from carrying on
with whatever dastardly plan he's got planned.
I hate it when dastardly people plan plans.
Let's go!
Are we going to stop them on the way to their meeting, yes?
That'd probably be a good idea, yeah.
Okay, let's do it.
Leonin takes you to the hotel where the Fist of the Iron Dawn is staying
and points out the room where Soulaxe is staying
and also the rooms where the other two are.
He says, we've had it staked out for a little while.
We're pretty sure that they're still in there.
I think that Nulara should go in and try to charm him out of the box.
Yeah, that's a pretty good one, Thea.
That's a pretty good one.
Well, I gave my suggestion.
Well, what do you guys think? Which room should we go in first?
Well, I mean, the most power you're going to fight is probably from the wizard.
So I figure, you know, if he's taken out sooner rather than later,
it's going to be better all around for anybody fighting them.
Do we want to fight them in the inn?
Like, how close are they to the town center?
I'd rather jump them on the street when there isn't, like, other potential allies around, right?
Because they have, like, isn't the whole militia staying there?
Or the whole, yeah.
Like, won't they have, like, other friends that will want to fight us?
Or is it just these three dudes?
Yeah, but we have allies in there too now.
True.
You get a rundown of the merc group.
Leonin tells you that there are probably 20 people who will be able to stand up with you and fight against them.
However, there are about 45 other members who would be fighting against.
Oof.
That they're uncertain which way they side, either way.
Okay, well, I guess one-on-one in-room sounds like a better choice.
Like, hit all three rooms at once?
Well, ideally, if we take them one at a time, they won't know?
I'm just saying, I was thinking we could jump them, like, in an alley,
but if they might have, like, 20 to 45 other dudes with them who are also going to fight us,
probably better to just do it in this contained area.
Any meeting that they've gone on to the council, they've gone by themselves, just the three of them.
So, if you're wanting to get them, the three alone, that could be a viable option as well,
as waiting for them to leave, but then the three of them are together.
This way is the only way we can each fight them three-on-one as opposed to three-on-three.
Yes.
Okay.
Four-on-one.
I meant for just busting.
Four-on-one against Leonin.
Five, because of Donnie.
Okay, but if we bust in there and they raise the alarm, then we can have 45 guys coming at us.
So, if we wait for, like, a three-on-three or a four-on-three situation,
or a five-on-three because of Donnie and his new hat, then that might be better served.
All right.
Let's wait outside the hotel and stalk them and pull them into a nearby alley and have fisticuffs.
So, you wait around for a good two or three hours before you see them getting ready and leaving the hotel.
And it is just the three of them that leave together and they start to head down the street.
They have the box with them?
They do have the box with them.
They are walking towards where the council meets, which Leonin tells you is about 10 or 15 blocks away.
Fia, poison spray them all or something. Sneak attack style.
Okay.
Well, you're the only one, probably, that can, like, hurt them all at one time.
This is also true.
Flint's real tough, but you can do damage to all of them.
Let's go, like, six or seven blocks in, far enough away from the hotel that nobody can run in an easy way to come and help
and not close enough that they can run and go to the meeting.
Seems like good logic. I like it.
Cool. Are they just walking down the middle road just like, do, do, do, do, do?
Yeah, they are walking down the middle of the road.
They're actually whistling and skipping.
I'm going to assume they're behind them and following them.
Yeah, we're, like, around a corner. That's my, I'm envisioning.
Like, maybe there's a building right on the on the corner of that street.
Super sneaky.
Yeah, obviously.
And I make my own sneaky music, you know, they're all walking the same direction.
So if I come up behind them.
Yeah, they've shown no reason to think that they're being followed.
Good. We're so sneaky.
OK, so I hop out from behind the building corner and I poison spray them.
What's the area of effect on your poison spray?
What a great question.
One million feet.
So glad you asked.
There it is.
Ten feet.
Oh, it's only one creature, you guys. It's not.
Hold on. I can do call lightning.
OK, I'm going to do that.
I walk out from behind the building and I look up into the sky.
It's a nice clear day. Doesn't matter.
I focus my energy on the point between them and call forth a rain of lightning that comes down from the sky.
OK, so you call that down and they notice this storm cloud.
But I would still give them disadvantage because they don't know why the storm clouds just appeared.
Well, plus why are they just looking up in the sky?
What's the is a Dex?
Yeah, they all take 40, 10 damage.
Indeed they do.
All right, let's see what I can do here.
Twenty six and they're all bloodied.
I'm pretty sure they just all fall over dead.
They're all first level characters, so.
They're the equivalents of babies.
Congratulations, guys.
Little baby wizard.
Did you just kill babies?
Just kidding. Light them up.
Little baby wizard.
No prisoners.
They have been lit.
You call forth this storm and it starts brewing above the street and the lightning strikes down between the three in the middle of the road.
And the people that are just walking about the street run screaming as this lightning comes down and injures these three people.
And the street quickly clears out as battle begins between you and the three members of the Fist of the Iron Dawn.
The wizard does look bloodied, but let's roll for initiative.
Sixteen.
Eight.
Ten.
Remember to add your initiative bonuses if you didn't.
Nine.
I don't even remember what that is.
Oh, that's a three.
So it's 19.
OK, Nularaaaia, you're up first.
Sweet.
I pull out flame tongue.
I whisper Mui Calliente and I run and attempt to stab the wizard.
No, I attempt to chop off the wizard's head with my flaming sword.
I roll a 14, so it probably doesn't happen.
But 14 does not hit.
Well, I try again.
OK.
And that is a 17.
17 will hit.
OK.
So he gets 13 damage.
Nice.
Donnie immediately flies in, try and give him a little chompy chomp.
Yeah.
That is a 12, so he doesn't.
But he looks really super intimidating in that new hat.
Oh, that new hat is just baller.
It's good.
It's the wizard's turn now.
Can we get a feeling about how the wizard feels about the hat?
The wizard looks as this dragon is flying by with a hat and he's like, that is a damn fine hat.
If he wasn't trying to kill me, I would befriend that dragon.
You know, that's kind of the feeling you get from his face.
Yeah.
Because of the hat, obviously.
I don't like that Russ is about to use a spell.
He's got the bulky eyes.
Yikes.
So he might not.
Yeah, it might not.
We might only have to take half damage because of some sort of saving throw.
And I might get to re-roll a failed save.
He's going to cast Mascure Wounds on his brethren.
He stole Amy's thing.
Well.
So lame.
Get your own thing.
I wrote it down before I knew what was happening with her thing, so.
No, you didn't.
I did too.
No, you did not.
Whatever.
So.
Well, which one is it, Russ?
Did you or didn't you?
We'll never know.
Hey, hey, it's me, your dungeon master, Russ More.
How's it going?
Thank you for joining us for episode 12 of Dumbgeons and Dragons, this one titled
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So they look much better.
So he does that, and then it is Flint's turn.
Okay.
I'm going to spring out from behind the building
and take the old run-up against, what's his name there?
Ogre's Crush?
All right.
Now I'm going to bring my two-handed axe down at him
with a bow and arrow.
I'm going to bring my two-handed axe down at him
with a bow and arrow.
I'm going to bring my two-handed axe down at him
with a very violent swing.
Of course.
And that is a 19.
19 will be good, yeah.
Excellent.
Ten.
And one, but I get to re-roll that one
because of my sweet skill.
Yeah, you do.
Yay, it was a three.
That's much better.
And four is not a one,
so that's 17 damage on the first attack.
And saved pride.
Right.
So much pride.
And that's another 19.
So 19 there and four is 23 damage.
Good one.
It is now his turn.
He pulls his long sword and short sword,
and he gets to make three attacks.
Two with the long sword, one with the short sword.
That's stupid.
I agree.
That's stupid.
First one misses, critically.
Well, that's not stupid.
Critically misses.
No.
The second one, however, is a 15,
has a second long sword.
Who is he fighting?
He's fighting Flint.
Oh, okay.
Then not good enough.
And his short sword, he comes in,
and that is a 22.
Well, that hits.
So you take five damage.
Okay.
And then it is Thea's turn.
All right, well, I am just going to center my point here.
Okay.
So that Nulara is not caught in that five foot radius.
Between Solax and the wizard.
Yes.
Solax and the wizard.
I've seen it.
You've seen it.
Okay.
And it's you can make Constitution saving throws.
Two of them.
Hey, can I ask a question?
Sorry.
What about what's his nuts?
Doesn't he get a turn?
You know, what's his nuts?
Yeah.
Our friend.
Apparently he probably will less than an eight.
He does get a turn.
It's not his turn.
It's not his turn yet though.
Oh yeah.
Sorry.
Cause Thea went sneakily first.
I thought we were back to her.
No.
So sorry.
I'm so sneaky.
Solax and Solax and Leonin still have a turn.
Right.
So I am calling lightning again.
It lasts for 10 minutes.
Sure.
Okay.
So.
And I can move my point of concentration.
Is it Dex or Constitution?
Cause last time I did Dex and then you told me to do Constitution.
Well, you did say Dex for the first time.
I think I might've been right.
Cause I was just reading it off of the page.
I think it's Dex.
That's a natural 20 for the wizard.
Well, good.
Get that out of the way.
And a not natural 20 for Solax.
So they take half damage.
Okay.
14, so they each take seven damage.
Then it is Solax's turn.
Man, if I was friends with Solax, I would call him Solax to the max.
Like I would have all sorts of fun things.
Yeah.
I like it.
Solax is going to run towards you, Thea.
I do like that bring it on hands.
Like I'm like, yeah, get over here.
He is going to two handed swing his axe at you.
Okay.
I wish I was wearing my better armor.
He gets three attacks.
The first one only an 11.
Nice.
Second one, that is 18.
Yep.
That hits me.
Third one, 25.
25.
Yeah, that also.
So two hits get through to you.
I don't like these characters with three attacks.
Yeah, me neither.
We got to get some more attacks, Flint.
Yeah, we need more levels.
I know.
We need some more levels.
First damage is 13 damage.
Okay.
Second damage is 13 damage.
So you take 26 damage from his axe.
And then it's Glory Jam's turn.
Come on, Glory Jam.
He's going to run over and also attack Solax.
And they give a little look to each other like, I fucking knew you were going to turn on me type of thing.
Maybe a little bit of like, I've been waiting to do this for years.
And he gets two attacks with his long sword and one with his short sword.
And the first attack I'm going to hit.
That's a 22 versus his AC.
Second is an 11 versus his AC.
That doesn't hit.
And a 15.
So only one long sword hits.
That is 11 damage to Solax.
And then it's Nularaaaa's turn again.
I'm going to stab this wizard some more.
Oh, natural 20.
Oh, damn.
Yeah.
16 on my first rolls.
5, 7 plus 4 is 11.
What's that?
27 total.
Yeah.
Did she murder the wizard?
You can describe how you murder him because he's murdered or dead or dead.
However you want to justify it.
Just a real simple, clean beheading.
Sure.
With my flaming sword.
So it's actually a bit gruesome.
It kind of like cauterizes.
That just ends it clean.
There's a bit of a burning flesh smell, but it is like everything seals up.
There's not a lot of spray or anything.
So it's a clean kill.
Picture Luke getting his hand chopped off at the end of Empire Strikes Back.
That sort of thing.
Exactly.
Exactly.
He's very anti-kill Bill.
Yeah.
Yes.
Exactly.
So you've got more hits then.
Sweet.
Yeah.
I have another attack.
So I guess.
Oh, I don't know.
Flynn, have you hurt that?
You've hurt that guy a bit, haven't you?
I think I hurt him pretty good.
Yeah.
Oh, why don't you turn around and attack the back of Solax?
Yeah.
He's not looking at you.
Would that be like a little bit of an advantage for her?
Yeah.
I'm going to attack him.
Not as exciting, but an 18.
Those bonuses are so good.
Is that a hit?
18?
18 does hit.
Yes.
Great.
So that is a six plus three is nine.
These bonuses are great.
I said, I wonder what that's like.
You got bad-ass magic.
I do.
That's fine.
14 damage on that.
Then Donnie wants to get in on the action too.
Of course.
Yeah.
And he rolls a 21.
Gee.
Donnie.
Donnie.
Good work.
And then he gets six damage.
Plus he needs to do a constitution saving throw.
I know we've spelled Donnie D-O-N-N-Y, but in my head we spell it like D-O-N, and
then a period, and then like a capital E.
Oh, I always...
Very like...
Like Chuck D.
Yeah.
But Donnie.
I like it.
That's canon.
That's what his name is.
I like it.
Donnie.
He rolled a 20 on the constitution.
Oh, so he's not paralyzed then.
He's fine.
He's good.
Okay.
So you're good.
So the wizard's dead.
So it's Flynn's turn.
Hooray.
Dead wizards are the best kind.
Build strong wizards for next time.
So I'm still attacking, what's his name there?
Ogre's Crush.
Yep.
And that was a 17.
17 is good.
Excellent.
10 and 11 is 21 and 4 is 25 on the first attack.
Some good damage rolls so far.
I like to be always impressed by how good you guys are every time.
I'm like, oh, you're so good at this.
I'm probably going to suffer so bad now.
He's noticeably bloodied at this point.
Okay.
Okay.
I guess I'm going to attack him again because we ain't taking no prisoners.
And that is an 11.
Thanks, Scarlet.
Okay.
So it is his turn now.
He's going to hit Flynn.
That's a 20, not critical.
Yep.
Second one is a 17.
Hey.
And it's a slash so I resisted because I get 18.
Yes, you do.
And that's a 13.
So again, only one long sword.
I bet it's a real ouchy one though.
It is an ouchy one.
It's nine damage worth of ouchy.
That's pretty ouchy.
Thea, you're up.
I am not going to rain lightning down upon us.
We are all very close one another.
Cluster fighting.
So what I am going to do is he's just like right in front of me.
I'm going to poison spray him.
Make a constitution saving throw.
That's for Solax.
He gets that for his constitution.
That is a 14.
Mine is a 14.
Oh, 16.
Very good.
So instead of taking half, you're just going to take it all.
15 from my stinky hand.
Well, I extend my hand out toward him and a puff of noxious gas comes out from my palm.
Yeah, the old stink hand.
Yeah, stink hand.
That's a way more intimidating spell than poison spray.
Yeah.
I put it right in his face too because he was really close to me.
He was like axing me down.
I feel like I really touched his face too.
I was like.
So he is going to shield bash you, Thea.
Of course he is.
I expect nothing less.
Shield bash away, you bastard.
That is a 25.
Yes, that obviously.
And you have to make a strength saving throw.
Nat 20.
So you are not nox prone.
Damn, y'all.
Just knowing you have that new armor on the way.
Did you just like shove me back?
I don't want to get into like a shoving fight.
That's right.
So you can choose if you want to take a step back.
Just be like, what?
Or, you know.
Step to the side.
Jump back.
What would?
But you take 2d4 plus four blood damage.
Oh, I do, do, do.
Seven plus one plus six.
It's 12 damage.
And then he's going to swing his axe single handed.
Guys, I'm bloodied.
At first swing at glory gym for 17, which is enough to hit him.
And he takes.
But not enough to break his spirit.
Not enough to break his spirit.
Ain't nobody going to break his side.
Nobody's going to hold him down.
So he takes 10 damage.
He's got to keep on moving.
And then, Nulara, you're going to take a second hit.
If I roll well, that's a 24.
That'll do it.
You're going to roll 150 times.
No, it's okay.
He pulled 3d6 and they all landed on one.
So you take seven damage.
Seven damage.
As low as it could be.
Yep.
Glory Gems turn.
And he's going to two handed swing his long sword.
Neither of those get through.
So it's back to Nulara.
Well, I guess that guy just stabbed me.
So I'm going to try and stab him back.
Yep.
I will not.
Because I rolled a two.
So that's an 11.
So that won't do it.
Second attack is a 18.
An 18 is good.
11 damage.
Donnie comes in for the kill.
And by kill, I mean probably an irritating bite.
But not even that because he got an eight.
Perfect.
Flint.
Well, I'm going to turn around and kick the shit out of Solax.
That is a crit 20.
Oh, geez.
So here comes a lot of damage.
Eight.
And five is 13.
So 17 on the first.
Plus nine, 26.
And four is 30 altogether.
He just explode him.
He is now bloody.
He's still alive.
All right.
Here comes attack number two.
Don't say that yet.
So that's a 18, which I believe hits.
All right.
Perfect.
Three.
Boom.
And 11.
14 and four is 18.
And I'm going to action surge and take one more attack, Adam.
Sure.
Why not?
I mean, you went in Rome, right?
Yeah.
And that is a 17 to 17 hit.
No.
17 is not hit.
Too bad for you.
It is too bad for me.
It's the second guy's turn and he's going to attack you.
I don't feel bad about forgetting his name because now Russ can't even remember his name.
Exactly.
That's what I was like, oh, these poor disposable characters.
Like, why do I even bother writing down the dumb wizard's name?
He was in the game for like two minutes of like in-game time.
I thought he was going to be a big player.
Silverkin.
Me too.
All depends, you know, what happens.
Okay.
So Ogre's Crush swings at you, Flint, with his long sword once.
You get one long sword hit.
Excellent.
Not even trying.
Nine damage.
I laugh it off like it's nothing.
Yeah.
Yeah, I get it.
So you guys are surrounding Solax like he's the cool guy at the party.
Remind me never to go to this party.
Are you kidding?
I am going to, I kind of feel like, like we've been killing a lot of people lately and
we haven't been asking any questions.
Just a wonder.
True.
We could keep one of them alive.
Probably want to keep Solax.
We try this every time in a network.
I know, it never works.
But I mean, our intentions are there.
Well, how about I do...
You can just say that you want to keep him alive and then even if you drop him below, then he's, he's incapacitated, but he won't be murder faced.
Okay.
Well, I'm going to try a spell first.
Hold person.
So the target must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or be paralyzed for the duration.
Oh, hold on a second.
Okay.
I am doing this to both of them.
Solax gets 18.
Fine.
Ogre's Crush gets, that's an 11.
All right.
So Ogre's Crush is paralyzed for the duration.
One minute.
So like collapse paralyzed?
It just says paralyzed for the duration.
Cool.
I'm imagining like maybe frozen.
That seems more fun.
Yeah.
And it's concentration or up to one minute.
Yes.
Okay.
So it's Solax's turn and he's going to swing hard at you.
To break my concentration.
Okay.
With the old...
How do you know what breaks your concentration?
Getting stabbed.
Yeah, but even then it's like if you're, if you're a powerful spell caster, you should be able to...
That's true.
To take a murder damage.
Well, to take a hit and still maintain.
Hold on.
Let me see how hard I have to hit you to drop your concentration.
Yeah, there must be a threshold, right?
Yes.
There should be like a number.
Casting another spell that requires concentration.
Taking damage.
Whenever you take damage while you are concentrating on a spell, you must take
a constitution saving throw to maintain your constitution.
Well, well, well.
DC equals 10 or half the damage you take, whichever number is higher.
So you will have to take...
So if I take 20 damage, I need to at least roll a 10.
But you're going to take three attacks.
So you have to take, make a constitution saving throw on each attack.
For each one.
Okay.
So the first one is a 22.
Heck.
And he's going to swing.
17.
Well, I might actually just die, guys.
17.
Don't die.
You're the one with the, with the curing spell.
I've been kind of forgetting about myself over here because there's a lot of us going on,
but I've taken, taken 45 points of damage.
That did you make your saving throw?
Nat 20.
Okay.
Second one is an 18.
That's 19.
Are you sure?
Mm-hmm.
How are you doing there, Amy?
I have nine hit points left.
I need to take my 15.
We're good.
Third one.
Oh, that's an 11.
He missed.
I thought it was like 11 damage and I was like, I just peed a little.
Glory Jim is going to swing at him though.
Oh, that's an 18.
That hits.
First long sword.
Second long sword hits with a 22.
And third one is a crit 20.
Whoa.
So on his short sword, he critted.
He gets 13 damage for his long sword.
And then he critted on his short sword.
26, 15, which is enough.
So Soul Axe is struck down by Glory Jim in the middle of the street.
That seems fitting.
And Lara, you are up.
And Ogre's Crush, he is paralyzed.
Yeah, he can't do anything.
Oh.
Do you want to maybe like tie him up or something?
Yeah, okay.
We could maybe ask him some questions.
Are there any rivers nearby?
Always on my mind.
I tie him up, hand and foot handily.
And then we can just question him.
Should we maybe drag him off to the side down a back alley somewhere?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
As you are tying him up, throughout the fight, obviously the streets have cleared.
People have run from what is happening.
But you hear the march of a lot of people.
Very heavy military cadence of feet marching down the street.
And you hear someone at the front call out,
stop what you're doing in the name of the acts of Mirabar.
And you turn and you see the military forces of Mirabar bookending this street that you're on.
Guys, this does not look good for us.
Music
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.