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Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
They brought with them something evil.
His sister is another one of those stupid oni's.
Sasha has just transformed into the other oni.
The room suddenly goes dark and you can't see anything
and it sounds like he is running away from you.
You get about five feet from the house,
the darkness disappears.
Oh good, I yell to the other guys,
come on, I can see shit out here.
And as you get to about the same spot where Thea was,
things are still pitch black for you.
So I am the source of darkness, everybody.
I'm gonna walk you like a dog.
I throw myself to Flint and I say,
you know, hold on to this, buddy.
You can't see anything.
I'm just gonna, yeah, I'm just gonna run up and stab.
Once he takes that damage, you get your vision back.
It appears whatever spell around you has now disappeared.
Sweet.
19 damage.
Nice.
Woo.
You murdered an oni.
Sweet, we did it.
Can we have a nap?
I'm pretty tuckered up here.
I'm not the best I've been.
You're approached by Bahren.
He's not looking great, he's up and moving around.
Would you be able to escort us
to the next city over Mirabar?
We could go help them get there
and then it's just hopefully an easy river boat
with the river ride back down to Leskin.
I agree.
Plus, it's like, you know,
it's like saving a baby from a burning building
and then leaving it on the sidewalk and walking away.
Yeah, I feel responsible for these people now.
You're safe now, baby.
You're safe now, baby.
I'm gonna get some babies.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons,
a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast.
I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
And with me here today,
playing new Laura Moonbrook is Carla Johnson.
Hey-o.
And playing Flint Firebeard, Tom Laird.
That's me.
And Thea Amastasia is Amy More.
Yes, it is.
Can I admit, I don't think I remembered
either of yours last names.
That was a surprise to me.
Yeah, Thea's for sure.
I had no clue.
My last name is bitchin'.
So we-
Amastasia.
Oh, they're all amazing.
I'm a Russian princess.
It just is funny,
because we've been playing this game for two years.
Just a batch.
Is that right?
Yeah.
You guys often don't drop your last names.
Whenever you introduce yourselves,
you're like, I'm Thea Flint New Laura.
That's where you stop.
We're pretty famous, like, in world.
I think so, like, we're kind of just
like one name people.
Yeah, one name, Madonna.
Fiance.
That's why everybody asks who you are
and what the hell you're doing in this city.
Well, they're just playing it out.
Okay, so let's start by rolling a D20.
Oh, God.
Everybody.
Okay.
Well, I got a three.
I gotta reach my dice.
Hold on.
I'm really prepared.
What even are you doing?
Hold on.
What have you been doing?
You sent me those memes of you waiting and waiting.
Ooh, 18.
Ooh.
Flint, coming out hot.
Here I am.
And I rolled a 10.
Okay, so Flint,
you are gonna give us a bit of a rundown.
I figured the high roll would get to dodge this one.
No, no.
High roll wins the game, man.
Ah, boo.
God bless you, number three.
Why 18, why?
That'll be the highest roll he rolls this entire time.
Well, yeah, I'm cursed now.
So thanks a lot, guys.
So just for anybody jumping on board,
give us, you know, the overarching idea
of what you're, what we're doing.
Sure, sure, sure.
And kind of the last little rundown
of the last couple episodes or so.
So quick summary of our adventures so far.
The dragon cult seems to be amassing treasures
and jewels and all sorts of stuff.
And we didn't really know why at first,
but apparently they're trying to bring back Tiamat,
who is the queen of the dragons.
And we and our team of allies
that we've been collecting
as we've been adventuring so far,
not really down with this
because, well, it's the queen of the dragons
and she's probably gonna enslave us all
or just kill us, so that's no good.
This quest has brought us all over Faerun
where we fought all kinds of big bad guys
who mostly we've done pretty well against.
Sometimes not so much,
like in that big dragon fight episode.
That did not go well until the end,
until Amy totally pulled it together
with her amazing arrow.
Anyway, back to the summary.
So we've got a couple things on the go right now.
The dragon cult has destroyed the town of Little Rock
and we ran into a pair of Onis
when we went to check it out
and they had chewed off the dragon cult
and that was an interesting experience.
We hadn't fought any of those before.
We got the job done.
We helped out the towns folks
and now we're going to escort them up to Mirabar
for a fresh start.
And then we need to return back to Luskin
to meet up with someone that we'd previously talked to,
Makkoth the Crimson and see if the Arcane Brotherhood
is going to help us out.
That's all I got.
That's about where we caught up to.
So that's good.
Great job, Karla.
Yeah, well done, Karla.
You really saved the day.
So you guys ridded the town of Little Rock
of the Onis and you set off
with the 20 to 30 remaining survivors of Little Rock
to Mirabar, which is a town,
a couple days journey to the east of Little Rock.
And you make it there without really any trouble.
You pull up to Mirabar and Mirabar is a city
that stands on a knoll on the north banks
of the river Marar.
And on the surface,
the Mirabar is populated with squat stone buildings
and a few stone towers.
And it is arranged in such a way
as to provide great efficiency,
which the dwarves and the other humans
take quite a lot of pride in
at how well-built their whole city is.
So you pull up to the gates of Mirabar.
There are large stone walls around Mirabar.
The city is split into two sections
and the river cuts through.
You're on the north side of the river
and you come up to the gates
and there is an information booth,
so to speak, at the gate.
And there is a single dwarven man inside the booth
and he's kind of sitting there reading a book.
Flanko, talk to him, you're so charming.
True, you've got that belt.
I do have bonuses when I talk to dwarves,
so what should I ask him?
I wanna know just how much more efficient the city is
compared to other cities.
Are we thinking like 57% more efficient?
We're looking for numbers
and they seem the type to provide them.
Also maybe some kind of like,
we kind of have some refugees, right?
Mm-hmm.
Right-o, right-o.
Hello, fellow dwarf.
We come from Little Rock
where the dragon cult had cleaned out the town
and we bring some refugees.
Are we able to bring them here?
Are you guys able to accommodate us?
Well, that's asking a lot of things right there.
Who are you?
Sorry, I should have introduced myself.
My name is Flint Firebeard
and these are my companions, Nulara and Thea.
Ah, Firebeard of the Firebeard clan
down south there.
Yes, yes.
That's the one.
Oh, wow.
Hmm, how many, you got refugees you say?
Yes.
How many people are you looking to stick around here?
Let me just get a quick head count for you.
Guys, who all wants to stick around here?
Raise your hand.
Approximately 30 people raise their hands.
Excellent.
I've got approximately 30.
Says, well, I mean,
we can probably put them up for a few days
and then usually with these sorts of things,
the city is pretty good at helping people get back,
get back going to where they need to be
or set up within the city.
So yeah, yeah, absolutely.
There's a hostel in town.
It's called The Helping Hand
and representatives from the city are around there
or should be there
and they can help get your people taken care of.
That's awesome.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome, you're welcome.
Anything else you want to see
here in the fine town of Mirabar?
What would you recommend?
Oh, well, there's lots of great things.
You could see our excellent architecture,
how well our streets are laid out.
You could see-
I lean forward and I nudge,
I nudge Flint and I'm like,
ask him how efficient it is.
How much more efficient?
How much more efficient is it?
More efficient than your average slum of a town?
It's at least-
That is a glowing review.
It's at least 77% more efficient.
Whew.
Wow.
Thea's very impressed.
Like good restaurants or anything?
Yes, there's a lovely pub.
It's called the Ritey Anna Panda Hut.
What an interesting name.
Sounds like a small child came up with that name,
doesn't it?
That is very excellent.
Amazing.
Yes, the Ritey Anna Panda Pub.
They're known for their ales and meads
and how they make a mean pasta dish.
It's a panda sandwich.
They make a mean panda sandwich.
That's what I think, like Panda Hut,
like Pizza Hut.
I don't think I like that place at all.
They don't serve,
they don't serve Panda.
They've got one hell of a salad bar.
I like my Panda's cute, cuddly
and not having intercourse,
like the way God intended.
Celebrate.
That's how I like my Panda's.
Learn something new about the Carla.
She does not want the species
to make it any farther than right now.
All right, well, guys,
should we head to the Panda Hut?
Well, let's take these folks
to that hostel first, don't you think?
That sounds like a good plan.
There's some kids and stuff.
They're really getting on my nerves.
Damn reproduction.
They might be tired and scared,
but that works too.
To be honest, I'm a little scared of them now
because they kept turning into Onis.
That's fair.
Let's get rid of them.
To the helping hand.
Throughout your journey,
they have said nothing that a child wouldn't say,
but you have taken it very as much
that they are possessed
and you think they are super creepy.
Well, they started singing
and now because our DM has traumatized me,
I don't want to hear children singing anymore.
So thanks for that.
You're welcome.
If you come to my classroom,
it's a bunch of tiny Korean boys singing,
what a man, what a man, what a man, what a man.
Seriously?
Yeah, it's a song that they're on right now.
That is the cutest.
They've been on that one for a while.
I'm back on board with kids singing.
That sounds unbelievably adorable.
There you go.
See, you can't keep me down, Russ.
No, I'll try.
I'll try and make you just hit kids by the end of it.
So to the helping hand.
He gives you directions through the city
to get to the hostel
and you are able to make it there rather quickly
and you get to the helping hand
and there is someone from the city there
who comes up and greets you
and he says,
welcome to Mirabar.
What are all these people doing here?
These are refugees from Little Rock
and they're hoping that they can rest here a while
and hopefully you guys can help them
get back on their feet.
Says, well, we'll take them in
and they'll go through the obvious
refugee interview process.
This is becoming-
Is this Trump's Mirabar?
This is becoming very political.
It's extreme-
I didn't mean for it to be.
It's extreme vetting.
It's getting weird, but they all seem nice, right?
They're gonna take care of these people, right?
Yes, yes.
Oh, thank goodness.
I've played this game as an escape.
I didn't mean for it to take a turn.
Don't bring these real world problems in near us.
We only want fake world problems, Russ.
This is the episode where it gets super political.
Did you hear that?
I just heard 500 people turn off the broadcast.
All in all purposes,
it appears that they are going to take care
of these people.
You've brought them to safety
and the fine folk of Mirabar
are going to make sure they get reestablished.
Good.
And we're pretty sure none of them are Onis anymore.
So if that's the interview process
that you're thinking of,
that's probably a good thing to check.
He writes something on the clipboard that he's holding
and kind of says, oh, okay.
Great.
That's a problem for people.
They all pile into the hostel
after saying their thank yous to you
and you guys are left out in the street there
and you hear from behind you a gruff voice.
Flint, you recognize this voice.
And he says, well, well, well,
I never thought I'd see you around here again, Flint.
And you turn around.
Who's that?
And you see.
New phone, who's that?
Is it his dad?
Brother, ex-boyfriend.
Oh God, so many possibilities.
That would be a twist.
You see dressed in regalia of the fist of the iron dawn.
Oh geez.
A friend of yours from that group.
Now Sergeant Leonan Glorygem.
What a name.
I immediately respect this man.
Leonan.
Flint.
How have you been?
I've been fantastic.
How have you been?
Things have been going really good lately.
Well, that's fantastic to hear.
I'd love to hear all about it.
Have you heard about the Riteyanna Panda Hut?
It's new.
I just found out about it.
I would love to treat you and your friends
and catch up on old times
and just see how you guys are doing.
Sweet, let's go.
Oh geez, where are my manners?
These are my two companions.
The ANularaaaa, who ANularaaaa really wants a drink.
So sorry to be rude.
I'm a bit thirsty after a couple days on the road.
Of course, of course.
He leads you down and over a few blocks
and you are standing outside the Riteyanna Panda Hut.
There's a very cute, adorable panda on the door
and it looks like a very nice establishment.
You go inside and he gets you a really nice table
and he orders the group a round of the house special,
the Snuggly Wuggly Panda Brew.
So what have you been up to, my friend?
It's been a long time since we've seen you.
It certainly has been a while since leaving you guys.
I kind of did my own thing for a little while
but then I met up with Thea ANularaaaa
and we started teaming up and adventuring
and seemed like it was a pretty good fit.
So we've been touring around Faerun ever since.
Well, that sounds exciting.
I saw you drop off a group of refugees there.
You're still looking to do only good, yes?
Well, I do prefer it, that's for sure.
Well, not much has changed as far as the old hierarchy
in this system goes.
I mean, things under Colonel Solax there,
we're still doing good by proxy
but if there's no paycheck associated with it,
we really don't dive too much into that.
Yeah, sounds about right.
So where are you headed to next?
Oh, that's a good question.
Where were we off to, ladies?
Going back, like immediately or in the next few days.
I don't know how long we're gonna stay here
but we gotta go back to Luskin, is it?
To meet up with the- Right, to Luskin, yep.
Remember how we just read that recap?
Already gone.
Yeah, no, we have to go back to Luskin.
I put the email away, so.
Luskin's to meet up with the-
Macoth. T-flank Macoth, yeah,
and see what's going on.
Kate, we're going back to Luskin.
Interesting, okay.
So, Leonan, you got any real embarrassing stories
about this guy?
Oh, geez.
What do you got?
Well, I mean, there was the time
when he was just a private.
He was tied to the flag pole, of course naked.
But back then, when?
As you do.
But back then, when wasn't he naked?
And then a horde of orcs came into town
and we kind of forgot about him.
I'm uncomfortable with this backstory.
Long story short, I killed all the orcs.
Exactly, you broke free, you killed all the orcs,
but it was kind of embarrassing because you were naked.
Exactly, exactly.
That would explain why Flint is now a Nevernude.
Just thinking that.
You're still a Nevernude, are ya?
Yeah, it's been a tough one to get over,
that's for sure.
One naked orc fight.
That'll do it.
A Nevernude makes, as my grandma used to say.
You know, your psychiatrist said that was the cause
of your PTSD, but I didn't believe it
because it was just a simple prank.
Obviously it had lasting effects.
Oh yes.
Jeez, got good in fiction tie-in, DM.
Jeez.
We wouldn't have even, see, if that hadn't happened,
we wouldn't have even met our friend Flint.
Thank God for that naked orc battle.
You were my best customer, Flint.
That's right.
Well, you needed that medication to just mellow out.
You guys carry on discussing life
and you know, what's been going on for a while.
And after a few meds, Glory Jam,
he leans in and he says,
Flint, for old time's sake,
could I get you to do a little job for me?
Well, I guess that all depends
on the job there, Glory Jam.
It's just a delivery of a package.
And in fact, it's gotta go back to Luskin.
So really, it's on your way.
What's in this package?
Well, I mean, it's some artifacts
that were acquired by a client.
We've been paid mostly upfront.
There is a small fee upon arrival of the artifacts,
which, I mean, we've got to head south
within the next couple of days here.
So to go to Luskin for us
is a little bit out of the way.
I figure if you're going that way,
you can keep the fee.
It's like 300 gold pieces.
And you know, it's old time's sake.
I mean, we were good buddies.
You know, we did things for each other.
I exchange a worrying glance with Nulara.
Yeah, absolutely.
This seems suspicious as hell.
Keep in mind, you're all drunk off your ass.
So I'm just laying on the ground, probably.
Oh, what, are we fighting a dragon?
Whoa.
Too soon.
Sick for her.
No, I deserve that, it's true.
Let me just get invisible.
It'll be my full life.
And she's tapped out.
Well, Lori Jim, do you know who the package is going to?
Geraldo Agron, I think was his name.
I have all the details and paperwork
back at the inn, obviously, but.
And what exactly is in this package again?
Just a couple artifacts,
a sword and a little amulet thing.
Nothing that wasn't, you know,
too hard to get a hold of or anything like that.
Are we even going to be able to deliver this though?
Because Luskin, like my friends here
were not even welcome to go into Luskin.
So how are we going to return this to Geraldo?
Not even welcome to go into Luskin.
Who told you you couldn't go into Luskin?
Our tiefling friend.
Hmm, interesting.
We go into Luskin all the time.
I mean, I'm sure if you drop the name of our group here,
I mean, you'd probably get in just fine.
So they're not super racist?
Oh no, they're super racist,
but you could probably get in, get in no problem.
Got really worried for a second.
Like, did I remember all that wrong?
Wasn't that the really racist place
that we couldn't even go?
I was getting worried like she lied to us
to keep us out of Luskin,
and then what the fuck is she doing in Luskin
that she doesn't want us to know about,
and thus keeping us out of city.
Exactly, because she wanted to split us up, remember?
She wanted me to go with her and you guys to not.
I do remember that.
Hmm, that tiefling, I don't know about her.
Seems problematic for sure.
Kind of settling feeling.
Okay.
Hey, maybe we could confer just for a moment
with away from glory, Jim.
Maybe he has to go to the washer or something.
He heads off to the loo.
Yeah, the little panda hut.
Yeah, he's gone.
Okay, I'm now concerned about what's in my drink.
So Flint, what's with your friend?
Yeah, how are you feeling about this?
Oh, sorry, we're supposed to be drunk.
Flint, oh.
Are you drunk or old?
I don't know, I turned into an old.
I turned into Mr. Burns, I don't even know what happened.
Well, glory Jim was always a guy that was on the up and up.
So I don't really know what to think about this.
I'd be curious to know more about what it is
that we're supposed to be delivering
before we actually deliver it.
No, he's acting real cagey.
Well, I think we could probably do this.
Yeah, it's a little cagey.
But we are going there anyway,
so maybe we could see what is in it
or it sounds like he probably won't show us,
but maybe, Fia, you can like magic-ize it,
see if that tells us anything or, I don't know.
Well, maybe he's got a sword and an amulet.
I have a feeling like the amulet is probably very magic.
Not just kind of magic, but very magic.
Very magic, yeah.
I have a bad feeling about the amulet.
What if we take it to Macoth and the Arcane Brotherhood
and see if they can tell us what it is?
Oh.
I'm just worried it's a dangerous thing
that we're gonna give to a dangerous person and then.
Yes, this is also my concern.
Is that Heraldo's a bad dude
and we're helping the wrong side
because it sounds like the old Fist of the Iron Dawn
really just working for money, right?
Yeah, they're big time whores for money.
So that would be my only concern,
but I trust you, Flint.
So if you trust this guy or you, you know,
you have the closest connection with him obviously,
if you think it's cool, I'll think it's cool.
I say that we agree to do it,
but we do what we can to figure out
what's going on with these two things
and if we don't like the way it smells,
we don't deliver them.
Agreed, sounds good.
And Glory Jim makes his way back from the bath house.
Glory Jim, we talked it over and,
yeah, we'll deliver your package for you.
Oh, that's such a huge help.
Thank you so much for doing this, my friend.
No problem.
Do you have a place to stay tonight?
I assumed we were just gonna get an in room
for all three of us.
He says, yeah, absolutely.
I mean, we're all staying at the same inn
and I know there's a couple rooms there,
so we'll put you up on the old company bill
just for doing us a solid and all should be good there.
Thank you.
Cause I think I'm drinking.
Ha ha ha ha.
Your elf can't hold her liquor, can she?
No, that's a typical druid for you.
My head hits the table.
Ha ha ha.
So you're passed out now?
No, I'm not passed out.
Okay.
As it hits the table, I wake up and I'm like, ah.
What time of day is it in game now?
Kind of late evening, evening hours.
It's dark now.
You've been talking about the old times
for quite a bit.
Okay, so we can like safely go to bed, rest up
and off to more adventuring in the morning
after a good night's sleep.
Agreed.
Yeah, so he leads you all to the inn
or stumbles you all to the inn
and puts you up in a room there.
He gives you the package.
It's about the length of a sword
and length and width of a sword,
but it's made of all wood.
And he says, you're probably not gonna be able to open it.
He gave us this box that only he is supposed
to be able to open.
It's got an enchanted lock thing.
So just forewarning you.
Who gave you this box?
Geraldo Agren.
So he gave you the box
and now he wants you to deliver him the box.
Well, because he didn't.
Why didn't he just keep the box?
He didn't have the artifacts.
Okay.
So he gives you the box and says,
I bid you all adieu.
And he goes and passes out in his room
and you guys are in your room.
So we got this going for us.
The box is magic.
He tells you that at least the lock is enchanted.
If I try to detect magic,
is it just gonna tell me the lock is enchanted
and therefore everything else inside is kind of like,
like this whole thing seems magic
and I won't know if it's just the box on the outside
or if it's the objects inside.
Like I'm not sure how to detect magic.
Well, detect magic,
it tells you if there is magic cast upon something.
So it glows, anything within an area glows.
But just the box.
I don't know if what's inside the box is glowing.
Okay.
Don't know unless you make a check.
So I just, I cast detect magic
and obviously the box glows.
Yes, the box glows
but it glows much brighter
than you think a standard enchantment spell would glow.
I have thieves tools.
Is there a way I can try to like pick this magic lock?
You can try.
I don't know if that's a great idea.
I think we should really take it to Macoth
and see what she can tell us.
So you're telling me you don't want me to drunk fiddle
with a magic box, you don't know what's inside.
That is exactly correct.
Fine.
I think that's very reasonable and Thea passes out.
Yep, sleepy time.
Fade to black.
Yep, you all pass out
and Thea, you are awoken in the night.
You hear like a thump or something
and you wake up and there is a half dragon
standing over top of Flint
with a large sword raising it in the air.
He just don't care.
But you wake up with enough time to react.
And react, I shall.
By not doing anything and watching me die.
All right.
Can I just throw myself at him?
Okay, so I do that because I want to make sure that.
Oh, whoa, dial it back a notch.
I rip my shirt off.
I'm just kidding, I don't sleep with pajamas.
So Thea dives at him like around the waist
in like a rugby type tackle.
Okay, make a strength check.
Do I have an advantage
because he's assuming everyone is asleep?
Yeah. Cool, good.
Oh, I don't need it though.
21.
So yeah, you catch him off bAlydince
and knock him to the ground.
And it's enough noise to wake up Flint and Thea.
And at the same time, two dragon claws,
not claws of a dragon,
but smaller dragon type creatures named dragon claws.
Okay.
Come into the room as well.
Roll for initiative.
This is a way bigger room than I thought we'd rented.
So let me just say.
Is this a penthouse suite?
What are we in here?
You're quite cramped in here at this point.
I also rolled a nine.
17.
I rolled again and I rolled a two.
I rolled again and I rolled a four.
Take that, Nularaaa.
Well, you did double my roll.
You guys all added your initiative bonus to this?
No, what's the initiative bonus again?
Seriously?
Remember it's one.
Oh, right.
Okay, okay, so.
So five.
Oh, mine's three.
So I'm five.
Whoa, okay, then you won that first one
and I come after you.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, that's how numbers work.
That's how it works.
Writing this down quickly here.
He's just make writing notes.
Carla doesn't know how to count.
Can't remember.
Take advantage of this at some point.
Can't remember what an initiative bonus is ever.
Hey, we just started using it last time.
So the dragon claws are up first
and the first one goes four.
So these are medium humanoid type.
Is it kind of like a half dragon, just smaller?
No, they're not even dragons, they're humans.
But they're dressed more in like dragon-esque fashion.
They're humans.
Oh.
It's fine.
Now I'm a little scared right now, you guys.
Like dinosaur costumes?
Like, is it Barney?
Wait, is Barney attacking us?
That's what I'm picturing.
Two plus two is your dead.
So the first one goes to attack Nulara
with its scimitar and it swings twice
and the first attack is a, oh, that's not very good.
That's a six and a seven, so he misses you.
I cartwheel away.
Yeah.
And the second one, he goes for Flint
and that is a 13 and a 16,
so these two apparently aren't your biggest deal.
Sweet.
But then it's Flint's turn.
Yeah, so none of you, I assume,
are wearing your armor or weapons, though.
Yes?
No, but Fia always does keep a dagger
in a, what's that thing?
Garter bell?
A garter, yeah.
Okay.
Saucy.
I trust no one.
All right, where is my equipment
in relation to me at the moment?
I'd assume it's beside your bed, but.
Well, wait a minute, if I'm not wearing armor,
then my AC is going to be considerably lower,
is it not?
That's true.
Hello, is a non-armored AC-ness.
Non-armored AC-ness, those were all words.
12, apparently, if I unequip it according to rule 20.
10 plus your dexterity modifier.
So Amy's is 11, Flint's obviously 12.
Oh, I see, so you have one, Amy.
I do have one dexterity modifier.
Okay, I see, so then I'm 13,
so I think we don't need to rewind to me,
I don't, yours, it was like a six on me or something.
Yeah, it was a six and a seven,
so both of yours would still miss,
but Flint, that was a 13 and a 16,
so both of them will hit.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay, and we will go,
so it's 14 damage, slashing damage to you, sir.
Rude.
And it is Flint's turn.
All right, did I figure out where my axe is?
Yeah, it is beside you, within reach.
Sweet, well I scoop that bad boy up
and roll some attacks.
The first one's a 19, but not critical.
Yes, that will hit.
So wait, there's three people in the room with us?
There are three people presently in the room,
two dragon claws and then the larger half dragon.
Which is underneath me right now.
Which is presently underneath Thea.
And he hasn't had a chance to attack us yet, correct,
because Thea's tackled him?
That's right.
So I wonder if,
like is there, how much of him is showing
for me to take a swing at,
and I would not hit Thea if that was the case?
Well, I assume she tackled him around the waist
to knock him off bAlydince,
so his upper half would be.
I would say shoulders and head, aim there.
Well, that sounds like a great place to aim.
It's on the ground.
All right, so yeah, I'm going to attack him
aiming for his head,
and that was that 19 on that first one.
Yeah, 19 will hit.
Cracks himself.
10, nice.
And 12, sweet.
Plus four is 26.
Woo.
Okay.
And attack number two, provided he's still alive.
Well, I was going to say,
maybe we not murder him and figure out like,
who sent him to kill you?
Maybe, I don't know.
I don't know, what do you guys think?
Well, asking one of them what's up
is probably not a bad idea,
because what the hell, right?
Side note, what?
But there's three of them, right?
Yeah, I see we try and take two of them out
as quickly as possible.
I feel like we tried to do this before,
and then we super ended up killing everybody,
but that's fine, let's give it a shot.
Sure did, yep.
Yeah, you know what?
Let's grow, let's learn and grow together.
Yeah.
All right, going for the second attack,
because Russ, I'm assuming he's still alive.
He's still alive, yeah.
Okay.
24 should hit.
Yeah, that's pretty tight.
We'll go for the good rolls tonight, guys.
Nine on the damage,
and 11 is 20, so 24.
Okay, he's still alive.
So that's it for you?
That's it for me.
All right, it is his turn,
and he goes to push you off.
So do a strength saving throw.
18.
21 he got.
So he throws you off of him.
So he stands up,
and you see he aims towards Flint,
and his mouth begins to blow blue.
Easy there, Russ.
Is he choking?
No, blue light is emitted from his maw,
and he-
He's trying to charge up
like that frigging stupid Aruthator.
Right.
Remember, he had to charge his weapon.
He lets go his lightning breath.
So Flint, you have to make a dex saving throw.
Okay, here goes nothing.
13.
13, so you take half damage.
Oh my God.
Of the million dice that Russ just rolled.
Did Russ find more dice
just so he can inflict more pain on us?
He did, he said, wait a minute,
and then he leaned over
and then brought up a box full of dice.
Oh my God.
That's 12 damage to you, sir.
Oh, that was nearly as bad as I thought.
And it is Nulara's turn.
All right.
There's one of the dragon claw humanoid guys
on you that attacked you when he came into the room.
Right, okay.
Well, seems like, oh God, a good target.
I'm gonna roll over here.
Oh, that was a poor roll.
I assume my sword was also near me.
We are warrior people, right?
I assume I sleep with it near me.
Yeah, absolutely.
So really the only thing you guys
don't have on you is your armor.
Fair enough.
Unless you want to take an action
to sell your armor.
Quickly put on my leather armor.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hopping in you.
Hold on, guys, I'm busy.
I'm probably okay.
That was an amazing 12 on that first roll.
So that is probably not going to cut it.
Remember, these are just people in Barney costumes.
12 does not work.
Okay.
It's a reinforced Barney costume.
Okay.
Then a, math is hard.
21.
21 will hit.
Okay.
So he gets 80.
No, so eight.
I like to use that 10 dice
because it seems more dramatic.
12, 18 damage.
18 damage.
So he is dead.
Oh, okay.
Well, Donnie is super, super grumpy
if he gets woken up and he's sleeping.
Sure, yeah.
So he is definitely going to attack
whoever looks the most hurt now
and not do anything because that was a six.
Okay, good.
Good try, Donnie.
He's just super grumpy.
I get it.
Yeah, yeah.
There's like growls on his way past.
Where is the big dragon douche bag compared to ours?
He is.
You were knocked more towards the front door
of the room and he is kind of in the center
of the room facing Flint.
So he has his back to me.
Kind of, you're in his side view there.
Okay, well, it doesn't really matter
if I'm in a side view or not
because, okay, I'm going to attempt hold person
because I have a feeling like the dragon knows more
than the Barney costume idiot.
That seems reasonable.
Yeah, and but I don't want him to like murder anybody
with a stupid fire breath.
Lightning, lightning.
Lightning breath, I'm sorry.
So I'm going to choose.
Stupid fire, lightning.
He's like, oh, he's a half dragon, right?
He's like a walking around like a dragon man.
Is that what he is?
What is he?
Would you say he's humanoid?
Is that what he answered the question?
Yes.
Yes.
Sorry, I didn't mean to be like.
Not, yeah.
Answer me.
Kind of, yeah.
We're going to call him like humanoid.
Like he's a biped and he's got arms, cool.
So I choose him and you must succeed
on a wisdom saving throw
or be paralyzed for the duration.
What?
Yeah.
And I have to go against your spell saving.
My spell saving.
Which is.
17.
And it was a wisdom?
Yes.
I bet this thing is dumb as bricks, you guys.
That is a 17.
And I win that because I'm the attacker.
Yes.
All right.
So you're 17, you said, yeah.
Yeah, yes.
Okay, so at the beginning of each of its turns too,
it can try to save again.
So it's paralyzed.
Hey, I did something.
So that's your action?
That was hold person, yeah.
Okay, as you cast hold person,
Glory Gem comes running into the room
and he kind of takes a look
and screams at you guys to run.
But I just.
He screams at you guys to run.
And as he yells run a third time,
the front you guys are on
kind of the second floor of this inn
and the entire front facade of this room
and the walkway out the front
is torn off by a young blue dragon.
Ug.
You tried to kill my dad.
That's what's gonna happen.
I just wanted to have a nice sleep in this nice inn.
I quickly put my shit on and run.
Yeah, yeah.
You guys coming?
I grabbed my satchel and boot skewed out of there.
I grabbed my stuff and the artifact case.
Good call.
Okay.
Hello there, it's me, your Dungeon Master Russ More.
How you doing today?
Thank you for joining us for episode 11
of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
This one titled Two Plus Two is Death.
Had fun coming up with that name.
As always, we hope you are enjoying the show
as much as we enjoy recording it.
We certainly had a lot of fun on this one.
We got to dive into a bit of backstory
and engaged in a bit more character to character RP
than we generally have before.
And we'll be aiming to include more of that
in upcoming episodes for sure.
Like to keep the thank you train a roll
and as we'd like to thank you so much
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on probably every other podcast you might listen to,
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I have one review I'd love to share with you
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Episode 12 will be available May 10th
when we will join the adventurers
to see where they stumble off to next.
In the meantime, make sure you treat yourself
or someone you love to a fancy night out in the town.
Maybe hit up your local Rediana Panda Hut.
If you've got one in town, maybe Pizza Hut.
Either way, I hear they have a good buffet.
I mean, nothing is better than going out
for a special night, right?
That's it from me for now.
Let's get back to the episode, my friends.
We'll talk soon.
And you kind of look over your shoulder.
Your spell is still holding him
until you're out of range, I assume,
or not concentrating on it.
Guessing being screamed at
in the front part of the building coming off
probably broke my concentration on that spell.
You look back and you see
a bunch of the soldiers from the Fist of the Iron Dawn
starting to engage the dragon in combat.
So there's a back door and it leads down into the street.
Before you guys leave the room,
it looks like there's more of these dragon claw
and other different type of creatures
begin to swarm on the spot.
And the dragon flies up into the air
and begins to chase you.
And now we are going to enter a new type of thing
called a skill challenge.
So you guys are trying to evade the dragon
using skill tests.
So you using going through and RPing,
you are going to pick a skill
and tell me what you do with that skill
and then roll to see if it succeeds.
And you have to make eight skill successes
before you get three failures.
Holy moly.
Okay.
Okay.
Obviously from this list of skills
on our character sheet.
Yeah.
You use your skills.
And the ones that we have.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, you use your skills.
So you are trying to essentially ditch the dragon
or get away from the dragon.
Using your skills,
you can use some of the same skills
you can use more than once.
Like if you roll an athletics type skill,
you can sometimes use that more than once,
but if you use it more than the preset amount,
you get penalized for using the same thing
over and over and over again.
Forcing you guys to try different things.
Okay.
Okay.
Guys, all my strengths are in intelligence
and wisdom and stuff.
But you can use your brains
to think of clever ways to hide and stuff.
I suppose.
So you descend down a flight of stairs
and ahead of you is kind of a night market.
And then you're in an alleyway that runs behind this inn
and a bunch of other buildings.
And you can always,
perception checks don't count as your skill checks.
So if you want to stop and look around
and see what you see,
you can do that as a separate thing.
But we'll go in continued initiative order.
So Flint would be up first.
All right.
So now I don't have to use one of my skill checks
to see what's around.
You will just tell us sort of thing?
Yeah.
At any point, if you want to stop and say,
what do I see?
Yeah, you can do that.
So ahead of you.
Okay, well.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Yeah, I would like to check out, yeah.
Ahead of you is a night market that looks,
it's not super busy,
but there are some vendors and people walking through.
There is, to your left and right
is just a long alley type corridor
that has a few different offshoots
between buildings and into buildings.
With the night market,
I'm assuming you mean like an open air kind of market?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
And there's, I would assume,
then there's all sorts of like vendors and stands
and things and stuff to hide behind.
Yep.
All right, well, for my first one,
then I'm gonna use stealth
because that's one that I have a decent bonus with.
Sure.
And I'm gonna try and like run past a couple of booths
and then duck under another one
so that I'm stealthy and hidden.
Sure.
All right, here we go.
17.
17 is a failure on that check.
Whoa, all right then.
Dang.
It flies overhead and lets out a bellow
and you can definitely tell that it can see you.
Okay.
Then how many failures are we left?
Three.
Oh, good.
Sorry, forgot to mention you do,
I'm giving you each an action point for this.
So if at any point you want to try and reroll,
you can use an action point.
So your call.
Jeez, I don't really know
if I can beat a 17 on a stealth.
So that might not be the best way to go for me.
Okay.
Was that with your bonus, Tom?
Like, do we get to add our bonus to our roll?
Yep.
Yeah, that was with my bonus.
Mm, fascinating.
And by fascinating, I mean, aw, shit.
Is it my turn now?
It is your turn now, Nulara.
Well, my medicine skills
going to come in very handy right now, as is nature.
Can you use like animal handling
and just be like, bad dragon.
Yeah, I've been thinking about it.
But instead, how about I am going
to also run into the market.
Okay.
Which seems kind of mean
because there's just people in there,
but whatever, it's dragon.
Oh, I'm sure they're scattering.
Yeah, exactly.
And I am going to, hmm,
what's on either side of the night market?
Like buildings, taller buildings,
or this is all a stone town, right?
It's all, yeah, stone town.
So there are squat buildings on either side of the market.
So the street is, we'll say,
about 15 to 20 feet wide on this street that you are in.
And then there are like single level stone buildings
on either side of the street.
Is there any open windows?
Not that you see in this.
Not within 30 feet of me?
No.
Why, shit.
Okay, then I guess I am going to,
oh God, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
And this is only my first turn.
Is there any animals in the market?
Is there a cage of chickens?
This is what I'm picturing is an Asian night market.
That's exactly what I'm picturing.
Sure, yeah, there's chickens.
Perfect, then I'm going to, are they in cages?
Yep.
Great, I'm gonna run there and I'm going to,
I don't know, open the cages
and try and get the chickens to like, you know,
fly up in the air in a distracting manner
and then hide under something.
Karla, chickens don't fly.
Well, I know, but you know, like in every show,
they're like, they kind of-
True, it creates a distraction.
It creates a distraction.
Like, I'm essentially gonna throw the chickens at him,
but they're gonna, you know,
they're gonna be flapping around
and it's gonna be distracting.
And annoying, probably.
And annoying and not great for the chickens
or their owner, but you know, desperate times.
Oh my God, why do I keep?
What is happening over there?
I just have a small work surface
I'm trying to roll my dice on.
But that was a 19 and my, so 21.
You, yeah, you successfully throw those chickens
up in the air.
All right.
It looks like it kind of distracts him for a moment.
Perfect.
Okay, new title, chickens, who knew?
So you have one success and one failure at the moment.
And it's Thea's turn.
Oh, is that, is that as a group?
We can only, oh, okay.
All right.
As a group.
Okay, me too.
And I was like, I thought the same thing.
Oh yeah, so I would have aimed for something else
to accept better bonuses, but that's okay.
Sorry, yes, as a group.
So essentially when you choose to do something,
picture everybody going along with you.
So if you choose to run like fuck,
everybody's running with you.
Perfect.
All right.
Okay, that makes more sense.
I really liked where Nularaaa's head was at,
but I just thought that she chose a strange bird.
So I see in the market, I'm hoping,
they often have like pigeons or doves in cages,
flying creatures.
Yeah, there's, it looks like a,
yeah, there looks to be some sort of vendor
that is selling birds of some sort.
Well, I want to open that cage
and they will fly up in a flock in front of the dragon.
Okay.
That's my.
Okay, so you're doing animal handling again?
Yeah, it's gonna be my animal handling.
Okay.
21.
Yeah, so now there are chickens and pigeons
flying up, distracting this dragon
who is not having a great time with these birds.
Well, you just think for lunch.
If you make one more animal handling check,
there will be a penalty for doing so.
Flint, your turn.
Okay, well, while the dragon is dealing with the fowl
that are upon him,
I'm going to go for a athletics check
and just see how fast we can run.
Okay.
And that is a 22.
It's my best bonus.
You are able to run through the market.
You get ahead of this dragon while he's busy
dealing with all these birds that are now in the air
and you make it to the end of this street
and then it splits so you can go left or right
and both lead you back to a larger open main road.
But yes, that is a success.
Thanks.
New Laura.
So we've used animal handling twice, like between all of us.
So if we use it again, between all of us.
There will be a penalty.
There will be a penalty.
Okay.
Do we know what the penalty is?
No, we don't.
Don't use it.
That's okay.
I wasn't, I was using that as an example.
Sure.
I am going to use,
so we've kind of come to a T in the road, yes?
Yes.
Now do we see any open windows or doors?
There are, yep.
There are doors, yep.
It looks like it's backing on
to where you reach your dead end.
It looks like the back of either restaurants
or other stores.
So you're in some sort of industrial shopping district
of this town.
But yeah, there are closed windows and there are doors.
Okay.
I am going to use my survival skill
to try one of these doors.
Didn't go so well.
That was a 12.
12 for that.
Yeah, you try a couple of them
and one of the doors opens up
and it opens into a closed restaurant.
So it's a, you're in the back of a kitchen area
at this point.
Okay.
See ya.
Do I see anything?
There is a door going out to the front of this restaurant.
There is a, looks like a cellar that's going down
and there are some windows in there.
Okay, so I can just try, I don't know,
I know the history of this building
and if we go down these flight of stairs
and then it'll be come out in a tunnel
underneath the other part of the city.
That could be something you do, yeah.
Okay, I do that.
Oh, son of a, you touched it.
Oh, damn it. You rolled it into my hand.
Cursed, 16.
16 on a history is a success.
Oh, thank God, you're lucky.
You know that there are underground passages
that run underneath the entire city of Mirabar
used as ways to get stock to and from places
without blocking up the streets
and you discern that one of them
might be under this restaurant
and you go and it is there.
As the last of you gets down there though,
you hear the dragon holler and the kitchen is caved in.
Hope they have insurance.
And now it's Flint's turn.
That special comprehensive dragon insurance.
Well, yeah.
All right, so the stairway behind us,
I take it has collapsed.
Well, sorry, the entire kitchen didn't collapse,
but like a wall came out
and the dragon is making his way in there.
Oh, okay.
Anyone else imagining this like a fake town,
like the fronts of buildings are just like.
Oh, totally, yeah.
That's what I have in my head right now.
So what are our options
as far as our surrounding is concerned, Russ?
You descend down into this underground tunnel
and now you have in front of you
and behind you a straight shot
with looks like there are offshoots going at periodic.
Looks like they kind of are going about building width
down the way.
I guess we should, oh, geez.
Do you guys care which direction we go?
Meh, no.
All right, perfect.
And we haven't used acrobatics yet, have we?
Nope.
All right, so I will use the acrobatics check
to make sure that we've got some solid footing
while we run down the hall.
Okay.
You said anything.
I did, as long as you can justify it.
Hey, we need a good footing
because otherwise it's not gonna go very well.
It's probably slippery and wet.
I would assume so, being underground and all.
15.
Is a success.
So you discern that although it's a little damp,
you can get good footing
as you continue to run down this passage.
Excellent.
So you are at six successes, one failure.
I, so we are running in tunnels
under the stores basically, yes?
Yes.
Okay, I use my incredible perception
to notice like a sulfur brimstone
kind of like smelting smell
that leads me to believe
we are under some kind of weapons store.
So we're gonna try and get up those stairs to that store.
Okay.
Damn.
That seems like a good place to make a stand.
So that is, that's plus five.
So 18.
You were running down and you actually see a person
who looks like he's just kind of tidying up
outside of his, his.
No idea.
There's a dragon.
Oh, wait a minute.
Is this like the classic scene in every monster movie
where there's like a janitor with headphones on sweeping
and then in the background,
there's like the world is falling apart.
Yeah.
Very much like that.
That's awesome.
He's kind of just tending
to his own little area of these tunnels.
Looks like he's tidying up a little bit,
but you see him and you run towards him.
And he sees that you are very clearly panicked
and takes you into his shop, which is of course,
it looks like a blacksmith type store.
Thea, and you've got seven successes and one failure.
I use persuasion,
like on this nice gentleman.
I persuade the guy to tell us
the quickest way into the forest,
quickest way to the forest,
to the safest place in town.
I persuade him to tell us where the safest place
in town is.
And then I also persuade him to, you know, run.
Sure.
Yes.
Oh, thank God.
21.
So yeah, you very calm and coolly explain to him
that there is a dragon likely making its way
into the tunnels and you need somewhere safe to go.
And he tells you that the safest place to head
is the armory or the town hall,
the castle of the city.
He says the dragon's in the tunnels,
then you can head, he gives you directions
to where both of those points are.
But that was a success.
So you have successfully beaten the skill challenge.
And as you guys are discussing this,
you hear-
The dragon die of disappointment.
The dragon die of disappointment.
No, you hear-
Guys, that's how we're gonna kill every dragon
from now on.
As you kind of go and look out the front door there,
you see the dragon circling overhead.
After a little while, it looks like it gives up
and starts to fly back towards where the battle started.
Not that I'm not happy we got away,
but you know, it's gonna kill a dragon.
We got so close last time.
This one's like a little dragon.
It's like not a full grown dragon.
Oh, I was totally gonna say we should go back
to where the fight is and at least like find out,
like what the fuck?
I agree.
Like why were they chasing us?
Is it to do with these artifacts?
Like we need some more deets from old,
what's his name?
Glory Jim?
Yeah, that's right.
I wonder if they know what's going on.
And you know what?
Even if they don't know what's going on,
if that dragon is going back
to where it was fighting them at the inn,
we should at least go help.
Yeah.
Sure.
You get directions in relation
to where you are from the shopkeeper
and he kind of stays in his place and huddles up.
You're going out the door
or you're going back through the tunnels.
Might as well just go out the door.
Yeah, might as well.
Okay, yeah.
So you go out the door and you hear it lock
and like board up behind you.
Smart choice.
And you make your way back to the battle
and you go down the street
where the front of the entrance of the inn is.
You make it there undetected by anybody else
and you see a whole horde of these,
of the dragon claw type creatures slaughtered
in the front of the inn.
You don't see the half dragon-
Douchebag.
Douchebag.
You don't see the half dragon douchebag
and you don't see the dragon itself either.
Looks like the fist of the Iron Dawn
is kind of cleaning up, so to speak,
checking the bodies over.
Flint, you hear a very familiar call that says,
well, I'll be fucked.
Good to see you two.
P
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McClough
of Incompetech.filmmusic.io
He goes by the name of Geraldo Riviera.
This is what happens when Russ doesn't look at his notes.
Can I say Geraldo Riviera?
His name is Geraldo.
I don't think it's Riviera though.
I just had River on the mind.
Stop looking at my notes.
God damn it, Russell.
I don't think you want Amy taking notes anymore.
She just wrote down Leonin Glorygem.
That's good.
Colonial Solax.
It was out of practice.
Nasty old Hand of the Dong.
I couldn't remember the name of the organization.
That's what he was a part of.
And I knew it was Hand.
Well, it's Fist.
Not of the Dong.
Fist of the Dong is much better.
That's true.
It is much better.
We should probably change it.
It's canon now.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.