Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in a moment.
Bizard, Alydin and Kavlarananan are the three people in this room.
You've just been, Alydin in particular, you've just been handed this, what looks like a hall pass to you
by your new friend, Joe, aka the hall monitor.
He hands it to you and he says, this allows passage without escalation.
I do not know why that would be necessary.
At that you hear footsteps and a call from down the hall, coming down the stairs.
You hear the voice of Tally and Bonwyn and Tally says, I think, I think they're down here,
but it's kind of creepy.
I don't want to go down here.
It is a little bit creepy down here.
What are they, what are they doing down there?
Well, they disappear down there and then somebody told me to go get you because you
guys all like to hang out and something about a person thing.
It sounded fine the way that Alydin described it, screaming up the hall.
Okay, I have drawn my weapon because what are we walking into?
I don't know.
Well, I'm not walking into anything.
You have fun.
No, okay, yeah.
Thanks, Tally.
Yeah, it is creepy.
They're just down there.
Okay.
You guys still down there?
Yeah.
Yeah, we're here for you.
Just follow their voices.
That's what I do when I get lost.
You scoot on out of here.
All right, we'll see you later.
I'll just set the timer again.
15 minutes.
You got it.
Hey, where, what's going on?
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master Russ More, He-Him.
Also with me today is Amy More as Alydin, She-Her.
Would you know it if you saw it?
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane, She-Her.
Say something that only you guys would know.
Tom Laird as Kavlarananan Goldweave, He-Him.
You are a pillar of the community.
And Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard, He-Him.
I was really hoping you would say no.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon supported show so every twist, every triumph, every
truly questionable decision is possible because of listeners like you.
Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast and now fuck it, let's play.
And sorry, we're in the basement of the school.
Of the school, yes.
You've gone down into, well you went down into a basement and then there's like a
sub basement that was behind some filing cabinets.
This whole town is under ridden with secrets.
Yes, exactly.
So yeah, dust and cobwebs and you see an open door down at the end of this long hallway.
And that's where the voices of your friends are coming.
Make your way down there and step in and I will read aloud the description of this room
more or less again.
You see your three friends and they are surrounding a humanoid, a vaguely humanoid
figure.
He's constructed of lacquered wood or they're constructed of lacquered wood,
brass hinges and layered parchment that stretches across a narrow frame.
A small iron bell hangs from one wrist and a clipboard is fused into the other arm.
The page is yellowed but pristine.
And where a face should be, there's only blank parchment.
And as you step into this room you see that on the floor there are runes that are faintly
etched in a circular manner around the room.
There are various filing cabinets all covered in a very thick layer of dust in this space.
And a desk on the opposite side.
And there looks to be just a few footsteps coming from that desk that end with this
figure in the middle.
Hi, friends.
Do I need this?
And I show them my to be determined.
I don't think so.
Okay.
No, but I'm glad you're here.
Real quick.
We have a new friend.
This is Joe.
Hi, Joe.
Violence is not necessary here.
Great.
Okay, I'm glad.
Joe is the hall monitor for the school.
Oh, the secret underground lair of the school?
No, just this one room school.
Oh, I see.
This part of the school that only exists.
Okay.
Hey, you should stand inside that circle and see if you hear something familiar.
Oh, that's that's really cryptic.
Okay.
Are you guys really my friends or you're freaking me out?
No, sorry.
That only you guys would know.
I have a pretty cool tattoo on my back.
Oh, you I mean, that's true.
I feel like everybody might know about that stretch.
I feel like Joe would think it was pretty cool.
Absolutely.
This is the target audience.
Joe is the target audience.
Okay.
Yeah, I'll stand in the circle and see if I hear something.
He's not dangerous.
Because I trust you implicitly.
Thank you.
I hope you're my real friends, not weird fake versions of them.
I would never be fake.
Bonwyn, you step into this rune circle and immediately
everybody else sees that this is a different reaction.
The room itself reacts before the circle does.
The air grows warm.
The dust lifts, not swirling, but settling inward.
The bell on the hall monitor vibrates without ringing.
And then the runes flicker once.
Then they don't glow.
They steady.
You hear in your head, Bonwyn, you hear an older voice
than perhaps you've heard in to date.
Because you've been, everybody's been hearing voices.
It's older and slower and it says load bearing.
Then there's a pause.
Continuity through pressure.
You feel a heaviness in your shoulders
as though something unseen has settled there.
Do you hear anything?
Well, it said load bearing.
Did you guys hear that?
No.
Oh, load bearing.
Continuity under pressure.
It didn't say what it said when you put the book in the pedestal?
That one time?
No.
Bizarre, roll me a perception, please.
Okay.
This is Carla not remembering, but I'm pretty sure that was something different.
That is a 22.
Bonwyn's describing this and you see on the opposite side of the rune circle,
catches your eye before anyone else,
you see a new rune being etched into the outer ring.
It's metallic, not inked like the others.
And as you see that come to fruition,
a low tonal hum begins to fill the room.
Is that bad?
Should I jump out of here, guys?
Did that happen before?
No.
What's happening?
Joe freezes and then says very softly,
faculty?
No.
Infrastructure.
It looks at you, Bonwyn.
Doesn't say anything else.
Infrastructure would make sense.
Did he assign roles to you?
No.
Not cool enough for that, I guess.
But you have like, oh, he's the hall monitor.
And he has a roster.
Oh, but he didn't say you were on the roster?
I'm, what did he say?
I'm unassignable.
I'm yet to be assigned.
I feel like those are two very different things.
Pending determination.
Okay, so we can just roll with what you said.
That was close enough.
Okay, infrastructure.
So I'm like, part of this place?
Maybe.
In ways.
I did feel when the words were spoken,
like a weight was put on me.
Not like a weight lifting, like the opposite,
like something settled on to me.
Well, you are a pillar of the community.
I mean, that's kind of a funny pun,
but also accurate.
Yeah, very accurate.
I mean, it's likely that your ancestors contributed
to the building, the creation of this building.
For sure.
Yeah, absolutely.
Joe, do you know who built this place?
Who built the school?
I don't believe I'm authorized to remember that.
Oh yeah, Joe has a lot of problems with that.
Right.
Even though I might be related to them?
Was there an Everbane on your list?
He looks at the clipboard,
and you don't see anything on the clipboard.
He's flipping pages.
No, I don't see an Everbane.
Let me check my files,
and he goes over to some of the cabinets.
Well, he's doing that.
You guys, are we OK down here?
Why did Stally have to set a timer?
Still not sure.
Not sure.
OK.
Well, just in case.
Just a precaution.
OK, OK.
Just a check on us every once in a while.
That's really smart.
And thank you for sending her to get me.
I didn't.
We didn't send.
I'm kidding.
I'm fucking with you.
We were actually wondering how you got here.
Who brought you?
Are you actually Bonwyn?
Oh my god, we didn't even check.
We should have keywords or like, you know.
We should.
Secret handshakes.
Yeah.
Yeah, password.
So we know if someone tries to pick us up from school,
it's not our mom.
So Bonwyn, just so that you know,
this school's been doing really weird stuff lately.
Like we're not, I don't think it's Joe's fault.
Like the school school?
Yeah.
OK.
Like desks are groaning, and the bell just kind of,
it has its own schedule.
Hall notes, like hall passes have been changing.
OK.
So just more weird stuff, but specifically at the school.
Yeah.
But like.
But everybody's safe?
Are the kids all OK?
I don't know.
Tally got a hall pass to go to the bathroom,
and then it changed, and then she totally forgot to pee.
Oh, I hate it when that happens.
Yeah.
But like.
I still think that was weird,
because it's not like a, usually you,
people don't remind you, your body is like,
oh, hey, remember?
Exactly.
Oh, and there's a knocker that was talking.
Oh yeah, asking for a real question.
Oh.
Yes.
Was it being rude?
Like that book that was in the center of town,
and like calling people out?
I mean, not really.
It was just asking a visitor to the school
what they were doing, what they were doing there,
and who they were.
But like, it felt invasive at the time.
That's fair.
But it was to the door of the classroom we were in.
So not even the school.
True, just the classroom.
Kavlarananan was already in the school.
I'm not sure.
But I think Joe.
But no ink's been bleeding and attacking or anything,
so that's.
Not that I've seen.
No.
Okay.
No.
Okay, that's, I mean, that's better.
There is an obvious connection to that here.
So.
This guy also has a roster from like 250 years ago.
Oh, interesting.
But no ever been on there.
I thought my family had been here that long, but.
Well, I mean, your family of craftsmen, perhaps.
They just constantly passing down the family business.
Yeah.
Welcome to the middle, everybody.
Jesus.
It's the middle.
Right on into it.
I just sometimes find myself in the middle.
You wander through on a darkened path.
I had no idea what they say.
The sun clears.
You think you're going to visit your grandma.
The sun clears.
And all of a sudden, you're in the middle.
Yes.
Yeah.
On the trip to grandmother's house, we go down to the middle.
Exactly.
Hey, have you got your grandma to listen to Dumbgeons and Dragons yet?
You should sign us.
My grandmas love us.
Grandmas can't get enough of us.
Saucy grandmas.
That's the untapped market.
Saucy grandmas.
Yeah, grandmas who, you know, live through that satanic panic
and they're ready to play D&D.
Yeah, we want their ears.
We want them listening to us.
Dungeons is hot for grandmas.
And you know what, a little kind of a schedule change we haven't been the most on
because there's been illnesses and things happening,
but we are officially going to do bi-weekly for the next few weeks
just to kind of get back on track.
So there's no like, you know, expectation, all that sort of stuff.
But just to let you know.
That life is happening.
Let's just set an expectation so you don't have an expectation.
We're going to dial back the expectation that we had.
Yeah.
Talk to your grandma.
She'll explain that sometimes life throws up some roadblocks.
And we're giving you time to go listen whether yes.
Go to her.
This would be a great summer time with your grandparents.
That's right.
Or elderly aunts and uncles.
Called your grandparents recently.
Listen party.
Be like, oh, okay.
Right.
You don't know what to talk about with your grandparents.
You just sit down.
Nice hot cup of coffee.
Maybe some tea.
Let me tell you a little tale from Vinter Smith.
And press play.
Also, I think I've advocated this before.
But if you're over like helping them with tech stuff,
just subscribe to the podcast on their device.
Download the background.
They won't ever know.
It's totally fine.
Or maybe one day it pops up.
They're like, what's this?
What the hell is this?
They give it a listen.
So that's all we're talking about today is that we're going to slow down.
So you've got time to catch up with your grandparents, okay?
You're welcome.
Yes.
We're doing you a favor, it turns out.
And once you're all caught up or anywhere along the way that you deem necessary,
please visit us at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Where when you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you guys.
You can't see this, but I made a spreadsheet.
I can see it.
Oh yeah.
Amy can see it.
It's real guys.
It's got check marks.
It has boxes to click.
It's got spots for episodes where we dedicated people.
She getting organized.
That's right.
Oh, sorry.
Episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron, Zayde Von Sieger.
Thanks, Zayde.
Wow.
What a fucking awesome name.
I know.
I feel like I say that every time.
I know, but I feel like everyone has an awesome name.
It's like no one has a bad smile because all have awesome names.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Zayde particularly has a nice smile though.
We probably all agree, right?
Warm.
Yes.
Warm.
Yeah.
Reaches the eyes really beautifully.
Zayde is someone who calls and catches up with their grandparents
and listens to Dumbgeons and Dragons all the time.
Absolutely.
Be more like Zayde.
Yeah, that's right.
Be more like Zayde.
That's right.
Can't go wrong.
Okay.
Head over to Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
We hope to see you over there.
Thank you so much for listening and we'll talk to you soon.
Get you back to the episode.
Love you.
Bye.
How do I end these?
I don't know.
Love you.
Bye.
Hashtag be like Zayde.
Joe's been filing through one of these cabinets and he pulls it pulls out the cabinet drawer
and it's stuck halfway and you can kind of see over his shoulder like all of the files
are old and worn and yellowing and he's filtering through and even like tries to
pull back some and pulls out a folder and flips it open and he says and so you said
Everbane, correct?
Yeah, Everbane.
Yeah.
Holds a file with a header that you can see that says Lingersville Academy final roster.
The pages stop mid year.
Names fade toward the end but one name does jump out and he points to it and it says
Malin Everbrain Everbrain Malin Everbane.
She was a nerd.
That's what the kids called her to make fun of her.
That was hilarious.
Malin Everbrain.
Everbrain over here.
Status on the roster says age 12.
Apprentice track.
Craft in brackets.
Malin that's that's my like great great great great great great grandma.
You know guys the one with the forge and the oh that great great great great great
great grandma and Lingersville.
Yeah that's the that's the town that's no more.
Yeah when was the last time someone checked?
If it is no more things aren't the same as they were before.
Yeah oh well we talked about going there didn't we we were gonna because the weird
things were happening and we were like let's go where the weird things are happening.
I think and then instead you guys came down to this much closer place where weird things
are happening so I get it.
Well it just kind of you know we were here talking about school and then.
Plus like it's really hot for a long walk like that right now.
It's true it's actually I mean it's it's nice down here subterranean you know.
Yeah.
Keeps it cool.
I do think that this was it all feels too convenient but it's kind of pointing back
towards Lingersville something is just drawing us towards that I mean because
the students coming from there that's being tied to it this I don't know it seems like
it's the right direction to go and this just gives me maybe more confidence in that decision.
Yeah question did we ever get any information about whether or not the kids
who came back from the fae were in the roster?
Oh right yep.
Yeah we had discussed like oh we should see if some of those kids that have been away
for forever were from Lingersville.
No we have we would not have gotten any of that information to at this point.
No on the on the roster there are a few other names that you can see.
I would love those names what do we got we got a Knops we got a what do we got?
Loris Harrison age 9 noble track civic studies Elric River RYVER age 14 military preparatory
Heron Linger age 16 advanced commerce Junel Foison age 11 athletics and navigation
and A Grieves age is redacted clerical apprentice and name is also partially redacted hence
just the A.
So the real founders of Lingersville it sounds like Linger and then Foison is yeah huh well
it makes me uneasy but I don't have a good reason for that.
Right.
Joe how long have you been the hall monitor here a long a long time?
I've been the hall monitor since since the academy was founded.
And who hmm this feels rude who made you?
Probably not authorized to remember that.
Oh okay yeah of course you guys asked of course yeah.
I believe I used to report upward.
Right that makes sense.
Like to the headmaster?
I believe so.
Who was the headmaster?
I don't believe I'm authorized to remember that.
It's not like on any forms anywhere.
I was gonna say maybe a file somewhere.
Are we permitted to go through these files or?
Oh please.
He steps aside.
And I was really hoping you would say no I don't want to.
Yeah no there's so many.
That's like oh I don't know what we'd be looking for.
I tried that one with oak too it didn't work with him either.
Okay.
I've misplaced a ledger and he looks like he goes
I think deep into thought and then flips on his clipboard again.
I think himself goes over to one of the cabinets and begins searching through the files.
Not here.
Do you want us to help you look for it?
Yeah you give us like.
Tell us what it looks like and we're happy to help.
We're really good at finding stuff.
I don't remember the specifics of it but
there's something I feel important about it I just can't place it.
Would you know it if you saw it?
I hope I would.
Russ can I use my eye for detail to do a perception check
to try and find a hidden creature or object or to uncover or decipher clues?
Sure.
I don't have a good plus for perception but let's see how she rolls.
Not great that's a plus zero.
12.
Okay you're looking around and like large I mean largely
everything in this room has been untouched except for the couple drawers that he's
opened the footsteps of all of you around on the floor.
You begin like checking drawers yourself and all of you and Bon when you get to a drawer
that seemingly won't open.
Do you do you have a key for this one Joe?
No none nope none no none none none none none none.
The drawers should not require any keys or locks.
Oh okay maybe I just need to really like put my weight into it so I kind of like
You can do it.
Spread my leg lower center of gravity and just like really reef on it.
Sure uh roll a strength check.
Sure I do oh that's just a 10.
You hear whatever is jamming it like like straining like you're picturing you putting
your feet up like now pulling on it like in a bit of a comical style.
Part of it gives way a little bit so that like there's only just the faintest view
inside the drawer but it doesn't budge beyond that.
Can somebody do you guys want to try?
Oh oh oh okay okay um I want to cast Mage Hand.
I go over and I crack my knuckles and and I look a Bizard who probably looks like he's
about to give some sort of like helpful like way to go and I was like I I got this I got
this I got this because I'm embarrassed from what happened last time so.
Mind Hand.
Mind Hand so I want to essentially put my super thin little mage hand in and if I can
if there's like a move that spatula that's blocking the that or grab files and slip them out
because sure it's open I'm sure a page with them out at least uh so I I do that I think
really hard and I try not to get into my own head about it.
Okay describe to me what it looks like as it as it works this is the second time you've
done this today and you're feeling confident.
Oh yeah yeah I'm getting better um so as I'm thinking about it I'm doing a weird hand wiggly
motion which is unnecessary I'm sure um and then the same shiny color of my eye
is the color of my mage hand so um and it's kind of wispy and a little smoky and
slips into the drawer and like yeah gropes around I guess I can't see it can't see
just like whatever you touch pull it out yeah it's inside there is a single ledger in there
that you you tamp around and grab and then you pull this book and like it strains against the
the drawer as as Bonwyn's pulling at it to allow leaving just the littlest more room
um and pops out and it hands it to you.
You see that see that's amazing.
Well done yep great job.
What's in here?
It is a blank ledger and on the inside cover though it says index subset dash educational
nothing else is written.
What if we like hold it up to the light can we see where there was writing
and we make an etching on it.
What does it say again?
Index subset dash educational.
Didn't Alistair say that the archive is indexing?
I just saw that in my notes you guys.
Yeah he did.
So this is index are does it have to is it part of the same?
Hey Joe do you know where the the weeping archives are?
Worth a shot great question.
Yeah.
He looks down at the ledger and there's like a puzzled body language that he gives off and
he says I don't believe I'm authorized to to remember that but that I believe is the
ledger that I was thinking of and he comes over and oh looks at it and.
Alydin you found it in the coolest way possible.
Great job.
I think you found it Bonwyn.
He looks at it takes it from you if you offer it flips through the pages I remember I
I don't know why I remember this book.
Like it it may have been important or are you not supposed to know it but you do?
I don't know and he closes it and hands it back to you.
And sorry all the pages are blank?
Correct except for the inside cover.
Where yeah yeah yeah.
Can you guys like I don't know like magic reveal.
I'm sorry I don't know how your powers are.
Oh let's write in it maybe it'll be like that book that oh writes.
Let me try that.
I hand it like I gesture towards Cav and I'm bizarre and I'm like
I don't want to what if I get sucked into the book I know that sounds stupid.
I mean you probably won't but I'll do it I'll do it it's fine.
So Cav you go to write anything in the book?
Yeah.
Does Joe seem worried about this as we're like?
No.
Okay great.
Yeah not giving up.
I'll write out my job title at City Hall.
You begin to write and it's it's like when a pen is out of ink like nothing appears on
the page nothing you want to write is there there's no indent in the paper as if you
had just you know pressed too hard nothing happens to the page.
That's weird.
Dumbgeons and Dragons season 4 episode 58 starring Amy More as Alydin,
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane,
Tom Laird as Kavlarananan Goldweave,
Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard,
and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Dialogue editing and sound design of today's episode is by Russ More.
Our community manager is Jessica Babyok.
Music is from Epidemic Sound and sound effects are from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
Our amazing cover art is by Matt Garbutt.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok,
Angaron Kierzen, Perry Matey,
Count Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
Old School Gamer D, Craig Zeiss,
and L.A. Branton.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon supported show and because of our Patreon supporters
we get to keep telling bigger, weirder, more heartfelt stories in this world we love.
And honestly, that's something we will never take for granted.
Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast and help us
tell the stories that you want to hear.
We hope to see you over there.
Have a great week and we'll talk to you soon.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.