[0.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in a moment.
[3.1s] Alydin, you're swatting away Bizard's mage hand as he's trying to help you or
[9.4s] encourage you. Uncertain. But you're Cogsworth McQuack.
[15.4s] No, Mick. Just Quackleton.
[17.0s] Everything has a Mick. Everything is Mick now.
[19.7s] Cogsworth Quackleton has tipped over behind these filing cabinets in this space that you
[26.2s] can't see really beyond and into.
[29.8s] What do you do?
[31.3s] I'm waving away.
[33.3s] I know I I was I would have gotten there.
[36.8s] You'll go.
[38.0s] And I reach my hand forward in hopes of casting mage hand.
[45.5s] Where are we at in terms of the out will?
[48.0s] Yeah, I think odds I do it evens I don't like how far am I in this
[52.5s] training? Did you actually read the first three chapters of that book?
[57.0s] It was all in there.
[58.2s] Fucking call me out like that.
[60.6s] I wasn't going to roll handsight.
[62.0s] Bizarre trusts you to be honest with him.
[65.3s] Well, she'll bullshit her way through a presentation on those first three chapters.
[73.2s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master
[77.9s] Russ More, he him.
[79.5s] Also with me today is Amy More as Alydin, she her.
[82.8s] It's OK CQ, we got this.
[84.3s] Tom Laird is Kavlaran Goldweave, he him.
[87.6s] Nerds and Kyle Claset is Bizard the Wizard, he him.
[91.4s] Imagine what your mind would look like trying to grab it without hands.
[97.6s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon supported show, so every twist, every
[101.8s] triumph, every truly questionable decision is possible because of listeners
[107.0s] like you. Join us today at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[111.2s] And now fuck it. Let's play.
[115.3s] Sure, if you have hesitation that Alydin could, like will be able to do that.
[123.5s] I think that, yeah, I think she's focused more on the tinkering side and
[129.8s] hasn't been really like, I think she's maybe a little like hesitant because
[136.6s] she's not as good at the like, like, quote unquote, magic-y stuff.
[143.6s] It's not coming as easily to her as it seems like.
[150.0s] OK, the artificer side things is then with that more hesitation and perhaps
[156.9s] you haven't been practicing nearly enough, like not even odds, evens.
[161.1s] I think divisible by three and you get it.
[164.1s] OK, it's a roll a d20.
[167.8s] And if it's divisible by three, I get it.
[170.2s] Yeah. All right.
[171.8s] 13. I mean, it's got a three in it.
[174.3s] It's got a three in it. Does that count?
[176.3s] Surprisingly, not divisible by three.
[178.6s] No, unfortunately not.
[180.3s] I'm seeing Alydin trying.
[182.1s] I'm going to walk up and kind of say, OK, don't imagine physically
[188.7s] something that can physically grab it.
[190.5s] Imagine what your mind would look like trying to grab it without hands.
[196.6s] Without hands like focus on your mind, grabbing it without hands
[202.7s] and let that vision leave your body.
[210.1s] Just just trust me, just close your eyes.
[212.4s] OK, think about what your mind hand looks like.
[216.0s] It can look like anything.
[217.4s] Yeah, just think. Come on.
[218.5s] Mind hand, mind hand.
[221.2s] Yeah, you got to get in the zone with a mind hand, mind hand.
[225.5s] And then, boom, it like explodes out of you.
[228.4s] Try again. Try again.
[235.4s] Your mage hand starts to flicker in front of you.
[239.0s] I don't notice. My eyes are closed.
[241.7s] Cav and Eze and Bazaard all see it as he's like, oh, I think you're doing it.
[246.6s] God, are you guys all watching?
[248.1s] Oh, I'll look away. I'll look away.
[251.1s] Sorry, I forgot a couple of pages over here.
[254.1s] It's OK. It's OK.
[255.8s] Just smooth.
[257.6s] Now, smooth it out.
[258.8s] Smooth it out.
[259.7s] Think about a fluid process, not just sorry.
[263.3s] The explosion might have just been trying to spark it, like jumpstart it.
[267.1s] Smooth flow.
[271.6s] Am I doing it?
[275.5s] I think I'm doing it.
[277.2s] Oh, I'm doing it.
[278.1s] I peeked my eye open.
[280.1s] It's just a fade into view.
[283.0s] It doesn't look like a hand, but I don't think it needs to look like a hand.
[286.9s] Exactly. Mind hand.
[289.7s] Get it.
[291.7s] See, the mage hand like goes between the cabinets
[296.6s] and like grasp down on top of Cogsworth.
[300.8s] And you hear it grab and drag across the floor.
[305.0s] And then similarly, like it's like sideways now.
[308.4s] It's like kunk, kunk, kunk, kunk.
[312.6s] I'm like physically moving my body, like like little to the left.
[319.4s] Twists as you're like moving your body in the same way.
[324.4s] And it like pulls it through and is like dragging it backwards.
[328.6s] And you see Cogsworth's eyes.
[331.1s] And nothing but white skin.
[333.6s] There's this sheer panic look on this little robot face.
[337.0s] It's OK, CQ, we got this.
[339.4s] It drags it out and like pulls it down in front of you.
[342.8s] And is holding it.
[343.7s] I pick him up with my hand hands.
[346.6s] I'm like, I'm so sorry.
[348.0s] You are so brave, buddy.
[351.0s] I'm just going to put him back inside of my bucket.
[354.0s] I have lined the inside of my bucket with a little blanket.
[357.5s] Oh, excellent.
[359.8s] There's something back there.
[361.6s] OK, should we just get in there?
[363.2s] How do we do this?
[364.0s] I mean, those look like filing cabinets.
[366.5s] They don't I assume they're not a fixed.
[369.3s] We we have a we have a dolly upstairs.
[372.4s] I could go run and grab that real quick.
[373.9s] I mean, how many of these do we need to move?
[375.5s] How many how many are in the way?
[377.2s] Like two.
[378.8s] Oh, well, we don't need a dolly for that.
[380.3s] I don't think you got this.
[382.2s] I mean, we can we can try it.
[384.9s] Oh, OK, I'm just going to go sit over here.
[386.8s] I'm very tired.
[388.2s] I can try and help.
[391.1s] OK, yeah, let's do it.
[393.1s] Bizarre just wants to make sure that he's never asked to help anyone move.
[397.6s] His truck is just always broken down.
[401.5s] Yeah, I moved once myself, never want to do it again.
[405.2s] No, never again.
[406.1s] It's the worst. It's absolutely the it's even the worst when you have movers.
[410.4s] OK, so Cav in particular, you are going to move and Bizarre
[413.4s] is going to spot excellent is what it sounds like.
[415.8s] Yeah, OK.
[417.8s] Yeah, it was just roll me a strength check here as you go
[420.9s] to try to shift this first one out of place.
[423.4s] I can do that. That is 16 plus 117.
[427.3s] OK, Bizarre, what functionally are you doing
[430.4s] if anything? Oh, what I'm doing is I'm at least helping
[434.0s] to give like any kind of stability if it is not on the ground.
[439.3s] Got it. Do you want to roll a dexterity check?
[444.9s] Yeah, that would be way better than what strength would be.
[450.4s] Doesn't matter, because I got a two on the dice.
[454.6s] And that's OK.
[456.5s] That's OK. It was more show for anything.
[461.0s] In fact, you're pushing back against his cabbage trying to pull it out
[465.7s] this way, right? I've never moved anything.
[470.5s] It's my first time.
[472.4s] OK, yeah, Cav, you like pop a couple drawers out,
[475.3s] manage to get a handhold and like drag it out.
[478.0s] And Bizarre is there.
[480.3s] What I picture is Bizarre doing is like feigning help,
[483.7s] but like more just like waving his hands around.
[487.1s] So you drag it out and you hear it like across some of the stones.
[490.2s] Measuring the distance being like almost there.
[492.8s] Yeah, almost far enough.
[494.6s] A little bit more. Yeah.
[496.2s] You pull it out and Bizarre, you see that it's like free enough
[499.6s] that any of you could sneak through, even just moving this one.
[506.0s] So it gets free.
[507.1s] Bizarre, you peek your head around and you see that there is an opening.
[510.6s] It's like a half door height.
[512.4s] And the draft that Alydin described, as previously mentioned,
[516.2s] is is not there anymore.
[518.7s] But it is a dark void space beyond.
[522.2s] You don't see anything really in there,
[525.1s] particularly since you don't have dark vision.
[527.3s] I've sat myself on the ground, like with my back against the wall facing,
[532.1s] like, you know, watching the show of the moving of the things,
[535.8s] because there's something special about watching somebody else
[538.1s] lift something heavy and you just sitting there.
[541.9s] But from out of my bucket, I take my slingshot
[546.0s] and I take one of my rocks that I have in there
[550.5s] and I just I hold on to it and I squeeze it real tight
[553.5s] and then I put it into my slingshot and sling it in.
[556.6s] And I've imbued it with light that emits five foot radius.
[561.8s] OK. Yeah.
[563.2s] Slingshot it into the open space.
[565.2s] Smart. Wonderful.
[566.8s] So the rock goes, everybody kind of follows behind it.
[570.5s] You see it go into this space and then it disappears.
[575.8s] Down and you hear it hit down some steps
[579.1s] going further into the ground.
[580.8s] Good thing we didn't run in there.
[582.6s] No kidding. Can we see it bouncing down?
[585.0s] Or is it just like you see it bounced down the first few steps?
[588.4s] And then really, you just see the glow coming up from wherever
[591.6s] wherever you hear it land down at the bottom.
[594.3s] Gotcha. Gotcha. Down we go then.
[596.6s] Sure. Do you know what's down there?
[598.8s] I've never been down there.
[600.1s] No, I didn't know there was a space back there.
[602.5s] Ezzy, do you want to go?
[605.1s] Not particularly. I came for paperwork.
[607.7s] Can you go tell June that we're going down to this place here?
[611.3s] I would do that. And then you could sort the papers
[613.2s] and we could take them when we leave?
[615.2s] That sounds great.
[617.5s] I'll give you a few minutes.
[620.0s] And then if we don't hear from you, maybe we send in some.
[625.9s] Send in some. Just check it.
[627.8s] Just call down. I'll just call down in a few minutes.
[629.8s] I'm going to tell June. OK, I'll be right back.
[631.9s] She seemed real nervous.
[633.4s] Yeah. Can I roll an insight?
[636.9s] I don't have any bonuses, but I just just see if like
[639.7s] she really did know or didn't know about this place.
[644.4s] I'm at 20. Yeah, dang.
[646.6s] Yeah, you get it like you get wasting them.
[648.9s] No, you get a beat on it.
[650.4s] You don't think that she knew about this place,
[652.3s] but you also think she was really trying to make sure
[655.2s] that she does not have to go down there.
[657.1s] Perhaps it's a fear of the space or the dark or something.
[660.9s] But like, yeah, understandable, all reasonable and not suspicious.
[665.9s] Yeah, zero suspicion, more just like giving her the willies.
[669.2s] She wants to be out of there, but she will send somebody
[671.2s] to check on you in a few minutes. Cool beans.
[673.6s] So, yeah, she disappears back upstairs.
[675.3s] OK, who's going in first?
[678.3s] Not it. I need a torch or something, but I can lead the way.
[683.6s] You've got the candles still.
[685.7s] So you would have at least that double fisting, obviously,
[689.0s] the way that Russell's holding on to these candles.
[691.0s] Double fisting those candles.
[692.9s] Yeah, go ahead and cast control flames and expand the flames
[698.2s] so we have a little bit more brighter light in the area.
[704.0s] You've got a duck to get into this space and then you see the...
[707.7s] Yeah, yeah, we got CQ.
[709.8s] Absolutely. You see...
[712.0s] Sorry. I see what you did there.
[715.9s] You lower yourself to get into this space and you make five or six steps in.
[724.1s] You're crawling in the candles out in front of you,
[726.8s] and you reach the edge of this landing that goes down the stairs
[730.8s] and you see the glowing rock down at the end of the staircase.
[735.0s] There's probably about 12 to 15 steps between you and the stone.
[741.1s] You carry on down, followed by Alydin Kav.
[745.7s] I like to be sandwiched for safety.
[749.4s] Nothing can come at me from the front or behind.
[752.4s] And I'm going to pick that rock up too.
[754.8s] I'm not going to leave that there, obviously.
[757.8s] So yeah, the three of you go down these steps.
[759.9s] And as you enter the staircase and go down a few,
[763.8s] the ceiling gets higher so you don't have to have to crouch
[767.2s] nearly as much as this little passageway to get in.
[770.6s] And you reach the lower floor
[774.5s] and the ground is covered in this thick dust
[779.7s] that looks like it's been untouched by anybody in a long time.
[785.5s] The air, as there was like a breeze coming in from the entrance up at the top,
[790.2s] the air changes the further down you get.
[793.6s] Like, it's not colder.
[796.0s] It's just still.
[798.0s] The area opens up into this longer hallway.
[804.0s] And the walls themselves are lined with old instructional placards.
[809.8s] There are two that you can see in particular,
[813.7s] one that says order enables learning
[817.9s] and attendance is responsibility.
[820.5s] Nerds.
[822.8s] I don't like it.
[824.8s] A single door sits at the far end of the hall.
[830.4s] So there's nothing in here except for some informational placards,
[837.3s] stale air, lots of dust and a door at the end.
[840.8s] Correct.
[842.6s] Oh, Carla's missing out on the placards.
[844.5s] She's really missing out on the good stuff.
[846.3s] I put the placards in just for Carla.
[848.3s] God, she loves an informational placard.
[852.6s] Hey, we're back in the middle.
[853.8s] Oh, it's the middle again.
[854.8s] Again? It's been too soon.
[857.8s] No, too long.
[858.6s] I felt like it was just the middle.
[860.3s] No, that was a week ago.
[861.4s] That was one whole week ago.
[863.0s] Time really goes quickly.
[864.6s] I don't understand time anymore.
[868.5s] No.
[869.0s] You know what is a good way to tell time, though?
[871.5s] Oh, gosh.
[872.3s] Where are we going with this?
[873.8s] Sundial.
[874.6s] Hair past a freckle.
[875.7s] Sure, yep.
[876.9s] Hair past a freckle, that's a good one.
[878.6s] Stopwatch, also a good one.
[880.1s] But if you stop it, it's not doing anything.
[881.6s] Yeah, it's not a great way to tell time, actually.
[883.6s] No, it really is a one way.
[885.4s] I stand with it.
[887.2s] So see, nobody got it.
[890.5s] Subscribing to our newsletter.
[892.9s] Oh, that is a good way to tell time.
[896.4s] Because it comes out once a month.
[897.9s] So when you get a new one, you know that a month has passed.
[901.8s] I love that.
[904.1s] You can subscribe to our newsletter, which Jess so lovingly
[908.6s] puts together every month.
[910.1s] It's so good.
[911.3s] It's amazing.
[912.0s] Don't you want to see your fun characters wearing our merch?
[915.0s] Hashtag bless that Jess, man.
[917.1s] Hashtag bless that Jess.
[920.8s] You can sign up for the newsletter at the website.
[924.2s] Yeah, dumbdragons.com, which is getting new stuff basically
[928.4s] since Amy's been away every day.
[931.0s] There's been a new element that's been added to it.
[933.4s] As his family went away and suddenly has a ton of free time
[936.2s] to just like work.
[937.3s] Amazing how that works.
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[942.6s] So there's that.
[943.4s] But you can also check out Patreon,
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[947.3s] where when you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated
[949.8s] to you, like today's patron, Elizabeth Galtres.
[955.3s] Elizabeth Galtres.
[959.3s] That sounds so noble, so real.
[961.2s] Oh, see, I was thinking part of the Galtres family.
[964.6s] I was thinking Elizabeth, switching it up,
[967.4s] living in a meadow with like some animal familiars
[972.8s] maybe, just living their best life.
[976.5s] That cottage core life.
[977.5s] Yes.
[978.2s] Yeah.
[979.0s] And maybe they are a noble who ran away
[980.9s] from their noble life and is doing that.
[982.7s] Exactly.
[983.9s] They don't need that shit.
[985.4s] I love that for you, Elizabeth.
[987.2s] Elizabeth.
[988.6s] That sounds like a good life.
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[1000.0s] Elizabeth, who's got just the wildest back story.
[1003.1s] She might be casting a spell right now.
[1004.9s] She could be.
[1005.7s] It's entirely possible.
[1007.1s] Yes, yes.
[1008.1s] Thank you for being here, Elizabeth.
[1009.8s] And now we'll get you back to the episode.
[1011.5s] Okay, love you, bye.
[1012.6s] Love you, bye.
[1018.2s] Like what kind of placard are we talking about?
[1019.7s] Are we talking like engraved in metal and hung?
[1024.2s] Is it framed?
[1025.6s] Is it like scrawled in blood on the wall?
[1028.9s] No, it looks like, well, I mean, you work in a school.
[1035.4s] It looks like something that a teacher would put up.
[1040.8s] Like it's big block lettering so that it's easy to read.
[1045.4s] There's some color to it.
[1046.6s] You wouldn't call it colorful,
[1048.4s] but like it looks more intending to be a joyful sign
[1055.2s] rather than any sort of like punishing sign
[1057.9s] or anything like that.
[1060.3s] The lettering on it is clear and concise.
[1064.9s] So more poster than placard?
[1070.9s] Yeah, perhaps I was incorrect in my description there,
[1073.7s] but yes, we can say it's more instructional poster
[1077.2s] or poster adjacent.
[1080.4s] Instructional or motivational?
[1083.1s] Instructional or informational.
[1084.5s] I guess it depends on your interpretation
[1087.5s] of the signs.
[1088.9s] They're definitely there to motivate the students
[1091.5s] to do better.
[1092.6s] Students down here?
[1093.4s] Order enables learning.
[1095.5s] Attendance is responsibility.
[1097.2s] Sorry, your question?
[1098.6s] Oh, no, I was talking.
[1100.2s] We're just spit balling.
[1103.0s] We're just bullshitting over here.
[1104.6s] Can they be removed?
[1106.4s] Yes.
[1107.2s] Oh, I would like to take them.
[1109.3s] Okay, you take them off the wall.
[1112.8s] They're like tacked up there.
[1114.8s] Are they on paper?
[1116.2s] Yeah.
[1117.3s] Okay, I want to roll them up.
[1118.2s] Sure.
[1119.5s] Take an elastic band out of a money bucket.
[1123.1s] The stone walls beneath them look like they,
[1125.6s] like the dust peels away from them
[1128.9s] or like falls away from them as you take them off.
[1132.2s] I'm seeing original wall.
[1134.5s] Like when you take something down
[1136.2s] that's been in the sun and it's.
[1138.0s] Yeah, love that.
[1139.4s] Okay, what is this place?
[1142.2s] These are creepy.
[1143.1s] I'm gonna put them in my room.
[1144.3s] Is that okay?
[1146.0s] Go for it.
[1148.3s] Whatever helps you.
[1150.1s] I don't know what this place is.
[1152.2s] There's a door and these things aren't ominous.
[1158.7s] Let's guess.
[1160.2s] Okay.
[1161.2s] Five cinnamon rolls says
[1164.8s] it's a weird fucked up basement classroom
[1167.2s] where they put the bad kids.
[1169.1s] Okay, I'll see that bet
[1172.0s] and I think it's janitor school.
[1175.8s] Janitor school?
[1177.4s] That's right.
[1178.2s] It's where the janitors go to learn to be janitors.
[1181.4s] Oh, okay.
[1182.3s] I thought you meant like night school.
[1184.5s] So you got bad kids.
[1185.8s] You got janitor school.
[1187.6s] I'll meet the bet and I'll say
[1192.3s] twist weird event where we have to figure out
[1194.6s] why order enables learning
[1196.2s] and attendance as responsibility and.
[1198.7s] That feels like cheating.
[1200.5s] Feels like cheating, but okay, okay, fine.
[1202.7s] You know what?
[1204.5s] I'm gonna wager five cinnamon rolls
[1206.3s] that there are five cinnamon rolls back there.
[1209.0s] Oh, okay.
[1210.8s] Well, I feel like I'm getting five cinnamon rolls
[1212.9s] either way.
[1213.8s] Hedging your bets then.
[1214.6s] Go ahead, Kav.
[1216.7s] Oh, oh, sure.
[1218.4s] Well, I don't know.
[1219.3s] No, no, I'm on it, I'm on it.
[1221.0s] Like you moved those things real good.
[1223.2s] So like.
[1224.0s] I'm gonna muscle that door open, Russ.
[1226.0s] Yeah, you are.
[1226.8s] Okay.
[1227.7s] You head up to the door.
[1229.0s] You reach, it's like a thumb latch on it
[1232.2s] and you go to press the latch
[1236.2s] and it doesn't appear to be locked.
[1237.8s] You hear the opening, the click of the mechanism
[1242.0s] and it creaks open.
[1244.0s] And I just see five cinnamon rolls on a table or?
[1247.4s] Yeah, in fact.
[1248.2s] But they're sentient.
[1249.8s] It is.
[1250.6s] Twist.
[1251.4s] You've found yourself in a senseo
[1253.1s] and you're in a mall and now.
[1256.4s] It's our version of Cinnabon.
[1258.2s] It's an outlet mall.
[1261.6s] You have to escape without spending anything.
[1263.6s] Go.
[1264.5s] Remember the point when we had Cinzeo
[1266.4s] and Cinnabon in the same mall?
[1268.2s] It was a wild time.
[1270.7s] It's for the Halcyon days that they were.
[1274.0s] No, inside the room is small and square.
[1277.7s] You see filing cabinets that sag against the walls.
[1281.4s] A circle of faintly etched runes
[1285.0s] marks the center of the floor.
[1288.3s] Bizarre as you enter, you see them
[1291.0s] and they appear dormant.
[1293.6s] Okay.
[1294.9s] Slumped against a desk is a figure.
[1300.0s] It looks vaguely humanoid.
[1302.6s] It's constructed of lacquered wood,
[1305.4s] brass hinges and layered parchment
[1307.9s] stretched across a narrow frame.
[1311.0s] A small iron bell hangs from one wrist
[1314.5s] and a clipboard is fused into the other,
[1317.6s] the pages yellowed but pristine.
[1321.4s] Where a face should be, there is only blank parchment.
[1327.6s] Jess doesn't like it either, look at her.
[1329.2s] As you step fully into the room.
[1332.0s] Oh, hold on, wait.
[1333.2s] Who's saying we step fully into the room?
[1335.3s] Cab said he was looking for Cinnabon.
[1336.9s] I mean, I said I'd muscle the door open.
[1339.4s] I stopped after that.
[1340.9s] I assume we do one of these.
[1344.1s] Okay.
[1344.9s] We push and we recoil.
[1347.0s] Okay, then that's what you see.
[1350.3s] Yeah, if nobody's stepping into the room,
[1352.0s] then that's what you see from where you are.
[1353.4s] Stepping into a room triggers something.
[1355.7s] I wanna see if I'm getting five cinnamon buns first.
[1358.6s] There is not five cinnamon buns.
[1360.2s] However, there's a desk.
[1362.1s] You do hear a call from up in the main area.
[1366.2s] Is everything okay down there?
[1368.4s] It's Ezzy.
[1369.4s] Check again in five.
[1371.6s] Understood.
[1372.4s] Okay, should I get more people?
[1376.0s] No. Maybe.
[1377.4s] That's confusing, but okay, I'll wait here.
[1381.6s] You call up if you need anything.
[1383.3s] I'll call down in five minutes.
[1385.3s] Okay, so do I win?
[1388.0s] Yes, you win.
[1390.7s] Well, no, nobody wins.
[1393.1s] Nobody was right.
[1393.9s] No, there's no winner here.
[1395.3s] This looks like, remember that guy?
[1397.9s] Remember when he was all paid in pages?
[1399.9s] Yeah, paper face.
[1401.9s] Of course, yep.
[1403.0s] Who could forget him?
[1403.8s] This guy reminds me of him.
[1405.6s] This guy also reminds me of, well, your little duck friend.
[1412.6s] Ah!
[1413.6s] No, no.
[1414.4s] I reach down and I cover CQ's ears,
[1417.1s] and I go, how dare you?
[1418.5s] In development.
[1424.1s] Well, yeah, somebody made this guy.
[1426.3s] Well, yeah, but it's not just a,
[1430.6s] it looks like an automaton.
[1433.8s] It's not just a statue.
[1436.4s] Oh yeah, no, I fully expect this guy to get up.
[1439.4s] Is he the student or the teacher?
[1441.5s] Or is he broken?
[1442.9s] Alydin, this is falling into your realm.
[1445.4s] Oh, I'm sorry.
[1447.2s] I do not believe I have a realm yet.
[1450.3s] You are working on a craft,
[1452.6s] and this is falling within the vicinity of that craft.
[1456.4s] I am a child of 14.
[1459.9s] You are a smart and capable and talented person.
[1465.2s] Are we using this as a learning opportunity?
[1471.0s] Is this a teachable moment?
[1473.3s] I'd rather you do this right now when I'm here
[1476.6s] than have to do it when I'm not.
[1478.2s] What does that mean?
[1479.0s] I mean, he's got a really good point.
[1482.1s] Is this like drinking at home?
[1484.0s] I'd rather you kids do it while I'm at the house.
[1486.3s] Best you do this while we're here
[1488.1s] to like help as opposed to on your own.
[1493.1s] Yeah.
[1493.9s] Okay, well what am I supposed to do?
[1495.2s] I think that's for you to figure out.
[1496.7s] What?
[1497.6s] You need to go in and investigate this
[1498.8s] because you read nine chapters
[1501.8s] on a book about clockwork machines.
[1504.8s] So I've-
[1505.7s] Does it look like a clock?
[1507.0s] Bizarre.
[1507.9s] Not on the outside and that's kind of the whole point.
[1509.9s] Does your duck look like a clock?
[1511.8s] No.
[1513.3s] Okay.
[1517.3s] The look on Russ's face says,
[1519.4s] I didn't expect this interaction,
[1521.1s] but I'm here for it.
[1522.0s] I love it.
[1522.8s] It's great.
[1524.0s] Let's peer pressure the kid to walk into the creepy room.
[1528.2s] I feel like this is getting thrown into a lake.
[1530.8s] I'm going in.
[1531.8s] I am going in with Alydin and we're going in with this.
[1534.8s] We're going in.
[1535.8s] All the way.
[1536.6s] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1537.6s] Because you have to go in to be able to inspect it
[1539.5s] to the length of that.
[1540.4s] Okay, okay guys, okay.
[1541.7s] No, we're not staying outside.
[1543.6s] No, okay.
[1544.4s] Shutting the door open.
[1545.3s] Yeah.
[1546.7s] Good luck, kid.
[1547.5s] I'm just saying, okay, fine.
[1551.1s] That might be within my scope of information.
[1558.5s] I'm not even gonna say knowledge.
[1560.2s] Information.
[1562.0s] But what the heck are those pictures on the floor?
[1564.9s] That's your area of expertise, yes?
[1570.0s] That is your wheelhouse?
[1571.2s] You know what?
[1572.0s] What the frick is that?
[1572.8s] Cuchet.
[1573.7s] I walk in there?
[1574.6s] I step into the room and I start looking
[1576.9s] at the sigils on the floor.
[1577.8s] You almost said womb.
[1578.6s] Cuchet, Alydin.
[1579.4s] Womb watch, 2026.
[1580.4s] I open it up for her 60 book club.
[1583.2s] I guess, let's hear it.
[1584.9s] Okay, Bizarre, you step into the room then.
[1588.0s] Lead by example, I got caught, my card got pulled.
[1590.3s] As you step fully into the room,
[1592.6s] the runes in the floor give the faintest flicker.
[1599.4s] The bell gives a soft accidental chime.
[1605.6s] Parchment face ripples on this figure.
[1609.8s] And in a careful and confused voice, you hear,
[1616.4s] oh, is it time?
[1621.0s] The figure straightens itself in its chair
[1623.3s] and begins to look around the space.
[1627.5s] It might be time.
[1628.6s] I might be early though.
[1630.2s] Um, it could be late though.
[1635.9s] So I don't know the answer to your question, unfortunately.
[1638.2s] What's your name?
[1639.9s] I'm like behind.
[1641.4s] I'm like, I've like followed Bizarre in
[1646.5s] and I'm like just poking out from, you know.
[1651.5s] Human shield.
[1652.3s] He, this creature, this figure rather,
[1657.1s] looks, gives like a confused look at your questions
[1661.6s] and says, I don't have a name.
[1665.6s] I am referred to as the hall monitor.
[1669.8s] What's your job?
[1671.5s] My job is to, it looks like it's pausing
[1675.8s] and considering the questions.
[1679.0s] Or what's your purpose?
[1682.2s] Well, to monitor the children and to keep them safe.
[1687.6s] How do you do that down here?
[1689.7s] Sounds like an important job.
[1692.6s] How long have I been down here?
[1696.6s] Let's see, I'm 14 and I only just went to school
[1700.6s] this year.
[1701.6s] You do not fit my records
[1703.3s] and he looks straight at you, Alydin.
[1707.3s] I'm new.
[1709.8s] Hmm.
[1712.4s] Looks like he's considering that and says,
[1715.4s] that is not an error.
[1717.6s] That is new.
[1721.5s] Yeah.
[1723.6s] I want to ask a question along the lines of,
[1728.5s] when was the last student other than Alydin registered
[1733.0s] to get a sense of how long it's been
[1735.2s] since this has been used?
[1738.4s] Basically, when was the last time a student
[1740.8s] before Alydin was registered with you?
[1743.2s] Its head looks up or appears to look up
[1749.5s] and you see like a filtering of information
[1752.9s] pass across the parchment,
[1754.6s] too fast for you to really catch anything.
[1758.8s] And he gives you a year
[1762.4s] and that year is 270 years prior.
[1767.8s] Where did you come from?
[1769.8s] Where did you go?
[1771.5s] Cotton Eye Joe.
[1774.2s] Cotton Eye Joe is not registered here.
[1777.8s] I was created to keep order at the school
[1785.8s] and to make sure that the children are safe.
[1789.1s] How do you keep order?
[1790.9s] Well, I ensure that no one who doesn't belong here
[1795.5s] is here.
[1796.4s] So, like you kick people out or are you
[1801.6s] well, children that are registered, allowed.
[1806.8s] Parents of the children allowed.
[1809.8s] Educators also allowed.
[1812.8s] What happens if someone is not allowed?
[1815.4s] They are asked politely to leave.
[1820.0s] And then, if they do not leave
[1822.9s] and he looks to you Kavlarne,
[1825.5s] if they do not leave, I escort them off the premises.
[1830.5s] In a kind, respectful manner, yes?
[1833.1s] As kind as they show me.
[1836.4s] You ever kill a man?
[1837.6s] Pauses and then his head tilts
[1841.0s] in like this almost confusion.
[1845.8s] I do not have records of ever mortally wounding anyone.
[1851.9s] That's great.
[1853.7s] You hear a call from back upstairs.
[1856.2s] Everything's still okay down there?
[1858.6s] Bring us down a current list of students.
[1861.7s] All the ones that came back recently when we returned.
[1865.7s] Please.
[1867.3s] And she looks over bizarre like,
[1869.5s] she's not your fucking servant.
[1871.0s] Okay.
[1872.8s] Yeah, a current registered list.
[1874.9s] I'll be right back.
[1879.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons, season four, episode 56.
[1882.4s] Starring Amy More as Alydin.
[1884.5s] Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane.
[1886.8s] Tom Laird as Kavlarne Goldweave.
[1889.0s] Kyle Klasset as Bizard the Wizard.
[1891.5s] And Russ More as your dungeon master.
[1894.1s] Dialogue editing and sound design
[1895.8s] of today's episode is by Russ More.
[1898.0s] Our community manager is Jessica Babiak.
[1900.4s] Music is from Epidemic Sound
[1902.3s] and sound effects are from Epidemic Sound,
[1904.4s] Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
[1906.6s] Our amazing cover art is by Matt Garbutt.
[1909.3s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
[1911.7s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak,
[1913.8s] Longeron Kiersen, Perry Matey,
[1916.0s] Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
[1918.2s] Old School Gamer D, Craig Zeiss,
[1920.9s] L.A. Branton, Chibs1012, and Kudzu828.
[1925.1s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon-supported show
[1927.6s] and because of our Patreon supporters,
[1929.9s] we get to keep telling bigger, weirder,
[1932.4s] more heartfelt stories in this world we love.
[1935.4s] And honestly, that's something
[1937.4s] we will never take for granted.
[1939.3s] Join us today at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
[1942.5s] and help us tell the stories that you want to hear.
[1945.8s] We hope to see you over there.
[1947.5s] Have a great week and we'll talk to you soon.
[1950.6s] Well,
[1953.9s] I,
[1956.5s] what?
[1960.1s] Try not to look at Jess.
[1963.5s] My brain just broke.
[1968.4s] Sorry guys.
[1969.2s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.