[0.0s] Hey you! You came back! Thanks for being here!
[3.4s] Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in a moment.
[5.9s] Bonwyn, you place this third book down onto the lectern.
[11.8s] You hear that same voice in your head that whispers this new phrase to you.
[16.6s] Knowledge is incidental.
[19.6s] The book begins to crack.
[23.4s] Fractures move across the cover of the book and it feels cold to your touch.
[29.4s] The walls everybody hears and sees now begin to grind closer to your position and then stop.
[37.7s] Can I move the book? Because it didn't like lock in?
[40.9s] Okay, so I'm gonna I'm gonna pick up the book and move it.
[43.9s] Okay, obviously that was the wrong one.
[46.7s] Knowledge is incidental.
[49.4s] So knowledge, not the same as truth.
[54.2s] Fair? Okay.
[56.0s] This is, like, I get it. I get it.
[60.7s] Fair. So what's the real books? Did the walls stop?
[65.9s] Uh, the walls have stopped.
[67.4s] Oh, okay.
[68.7s] Moved in like five feet.
[70.6s] Five feet!
[71.9s] Oh my god, I thought like an inch.
[73.5s] Yeah, I thought inches.
[75.2s] Uh, sorry. Yes, this room was not explicitly said.
[80.5s] It's fucking huge.
[81.8s] It's ten feet, guys.
[84.1s] Ten feet is seven feet.
[88.1s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master Russ More, he, him.
[94.4s] Also with me today is Amy More as Alydin, she, her.
[97.9s] Gross, like it pooped it out.
[99.5s] Carla Maxstead as Bonwyn Everbane, she, her.
[102.6s] I'm holding fire, running at a paper creature.
[106.5s] Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave, he, him.
[109.4s] Oh boy, oh boy.
[111.3s] And Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard, he, him.
[114.2s] That's how you get to the end of the book.
[115.7s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon-supported podcast and we'd love for you to join us today
[120.2s] at Patreon.com slash DumbDragonCast.
[123.4s] You'll get a seven-day free trial to check things out.
[126.1s] And now let's get right to it.
[128.1s] Fuck it, let's play!
[132.2s] Say the room is 20 feet.
[134.0s] So not unlimited future options.
[138.2s] No.
[139.6s] So it moved in five feet from every side?
[142.4s] Yes, like the room itself got smaller.
[146.1s] Okay, we need a surefire bet.
[147.7s] That's a big problem, we do not have this many options.
[150.3s] No.
[150.9s] Which means, Kav, Alydin, you need to be honest with yourselves.
[154.8s] Okay.
[155.3s] Well, that's harsh.
[158.7s] That is a little real.
[160.1s] Okay, though.
[160.6s] Truth is sometimes harsh, but also surviving and is better than dying?
[164.6s] Yes, she walks over and she picks up the book that says Alydin,
[168.2s] changed by what touched her.
[171.9s] This, there, there, there.
[173.9s] And I-
[174.7s] Is that true?
[177.0s] Obviously, and I point to my eye.
[179.3s] Alydin, you throw the book down onto the lectern.
[183.5s] Alteration, irreversible.
[187.3s] And you hear a voice as it was described by Bizard and Bonwyn in your head.
[193.5s] And similarly, you feel a warmth emanating off of the book and you hear that soft click.
[201.8s] And then-
[203.0s] As I'm listening to this voice, I'm getting a little teary.
[208.7s] Wouldn't, you know, wouldn't admit it to anybody, but-
[213.9s] You hear, after that voice ends, like the warmth from the lectern begins to like
[220.3s] radiate out towards you.
[222.2s] And you hear the door on the opposite side of the room with the inscription on it,
[225.8s] which again said, only what is true may pass unrevised.
[231.9s] You hear like a lock click.
[235.6s] And then the door slowly grinds open.
[240.3s] Wait, did we do it?
[243.5s] Alydin, it's okay to be changed by what touches you.
[246.3s] We're all changed all the time by the things we experience.
[250.1s] That's normal.
[252.2s] I'm sorry, this is the first time that this place is bullshit.
[256.1s] That book, I don't believe it because you're the same Alydin that I met.
[263.7s] And while you may have been touched and you have that eye,
[265.5s] I think you're still the same person.
[267.0s] You just know a little bit more.
[269.1s] But is more knowledge change?
[273.1s] Oh my God, you guys, let's get out of this.
[274.7s] The semantics of the Weeping Archive are honestly exhausting.
[278.4s] No one changes you, but you, Alydin.
[281.6s] Okay.
[286.1s] So many, so many feelings.
[288.5s] You begin to move towards the door.
[291.9s] Get out of this fucking shrinketing room.
[295.4s] Alistair is one of the first ones there.
[298.4s] He was still looking at books as everybody was deciding what to place down.
[302.3s] And he steps away and begins to move towards the door and like puts his hand on it and it
[308.4s] shoves back against him.
[310.3s] Is it because you're so small again?
[311.8s] I, I don't, I don't think so.
[316.8s] You hear the shelves around you begin to move.
[322.4s] Stone grinding against stone as the carved books slide back into the walls,
[328.7s] sinking until the titles vanish entirely.
[335.3s] The whispering stops, not fading, but cut off like a quill snapped in half.
[341.9s] And from the far wall, something begins to unfold.
[345.4s] The wall that you, where there was a door when you came in.
[350.1s] Something begins to unfold.
[351.9s] It is tall and wrong.
[354.5s] A humanoid frame stitched together from layered parchment, cracked stone, and iron bindings.
[360.8s] Words crawl across its body, constantly rewriting themselves.
[366.4s] You recognize some of them.
[368.7s] Your names appear across the pages.
[372.9s] Its head turns with a grinding click where a face should be.
[376.7s] There's only a blank page until ink bleeds across it, forming a single phrase.
[382.5s] Entry conflict detected.
[388.3s] One arm ends in a blade of fused quills and sharpened paper.
[392.7s] The other drags a slab of stone etched with citations,
[396.3s] footnotes, and dates long scrubbed from history.
[400.6s] As it steps forward, the floor beneath it is rewritten, cracks,
[405.1s] sealing, dust reversing its fall.
[408.5s] Does not threaten you.
[410.3s] Does not warn you.
[412.3s] It raises its blade across the parchment, across its face.
[417.5s] It says, source required.
[421.0s] Roll for initiative.
[422.7s] Shit, yeah.
[424.3s] Paper golems.
[427.5s] Scribe golems.
[429.3s] 22.
[431.5s] 20.
[434.0s] I just rolled a 19 accidentally into like the well of my dice holder,
[438.7s] and then I rolled it again in the middle.
[440.7s] Perfect.
[441.2s] 19 plus one.
[443.0s] It's like, I want to reroll that because I don't know what to do.
[446.4s] Rerolled it.
[447.1s] It was the same fucking number.
[449.7s] That's what you got.
[450.3s] Rolling high is a curse.
[452.4s] I got a 19.
[455.9s] Bonwyn, this creature, this being, has just come out of the wall,
[461.0s] and while not clearly threatening,
[465.8s] does have an ominous tone about it,
[468.4s] as it has this giant blade and stone slab,
[473.9s] and has its eye, presumed eyes,
[476.6s] where its eyes should be locked on all of you.
[480.2s] I'm going to use a bonus action and use Insightful Fighting,
[484.8s] so I can make an insight check against that creature
[488.3s] and test it by its deception check.
[491.3s] Okay.
[493.4s] If I succeed, then I can use Sneak Attack even if I don't have advantage.
[497.6s] Okay.
[500.0s] Deception is going to be...
[504.1s] That's a 10.
[505.4s] Okay.
[506.6s] My insight was 12.
[508.9s] Also, I'll probably have one of my friends within five feet of it,
[513.1s] but just in case.
[514.3s] It's good to know.
[514.7s] Absolutely.
[515.9s] Good to know.
[517.8s] As previously mentioned, this room is 15 feet across.
[521.0s] Exactly.
[521.5s] It's close quarters in here.
[527.1s] Indeed.
[528.3s] And how tall is this thing?
[529.5s] Real tall, right?
[531.1s] Real tall.
[532.4s] The ceiling of this space is quite large.
[537.4s] The skylight, as described, is way up there.
[540.6s] You don't even know...
[543.9s] Based on how you came in, in a straight hallway,
[546.6s] there's nowhere...
[547.8s] You're in a different space.
[549.7s] It's the fey.
[550.9s] Or at least somewhere adjacent to it.
[555.2s] But yes, it is quite tall.
[556.9s] Probably considered a large being, so it's not quite a large being.
[564.0s] Somewhere between a medium and a large being.
[567.4s] Because large is going to take up two-thirds of this room.
[571.9s] Okay.
[572.7s] Then I guess the only thing I can do is try and...
[580.0s] Hit it with my short sword, because everything else
[584.9s] is not going to work in such an enclosed space.
[588.7s] Does your short sword contain any of the benefits
[592.4s] that you've obtained since bonding with the forge?
[597.1s] I don't think so.
[598.7s] I don't even see anywhere where that happens.
[602.6s] Well, you'd have to just declare that you've reforged your weapons.
[606.4s] Oh, I see.
[608.3s] But if you haven't done that...
[609.5s] I haven't.
[610.1s] I'm still just like a little level three ding-dong.
[615.5s] Next time we...
[616.9s] To make kick-ass weapons, but not for myself.
[620.0s] Exactly.
[621.1s] Late to the adventuring game.
[622.6s] Yes, indeed, indeed.
[624.3s] Okay.
[626.7s] Oh, but that's a nat 20.
[629.9s] Hell yeah.
[630.4s] And then I'll also sneak attack on it.
[633.3s] Oh, yeah.
[634.7s] So that is 23 damage.
[641.9s] You rush up to this being and slice into it,
[647.3s] and it's like your blade grabs purchase
[650.3s] into the pages that begin to like roil around it.
[654.4s] You feel them tear through, but then where a wound should occur,
[660.9s] pages begin to fill back in over top of it.
[664.2s] Neat.
[665.1s] Alydin.
[666.8s] Yeah.
[673.2s] I think instinct's going to take over.
[675.0s] She's going to take her sling out and she's going to slingshot.
[678.3s] Sure.
[679.0s] She's going to slingshot this bitch.
[681.0s] Love it.
[684.3s] Would a 21 hit?
[685.9s] 21 is going to hit, yeah.
[687.7s] Hell yeah.
[689.5s] Nice.
[690.7s] Five.
[691.4s] Five bludgeoning damage.
[694.0s] Not yes.
[695.1s] So it shoots off, and you hear it like thud into the pages,
[699.0s] and then it gets absorbed into, and you hear it drop behind it.
[704.1s] Gross.
[704.6s] Like it pooped it out.
[707.9s] Bizarre.
[708.6s] So I'm going to pull out my sword and start up a blade dance
[712.9s] while at the same time casting Bane on this creature.
[717.6s] And so I'll need a charisma saving throw DC 13.
[721.4s] That's a nat 1.
[723.7s] And the charisma is not high, so I will tell you that's a minus 1.
[729.5s] Oh, wow.
[730.1s] Fantastic.
[731.0s] So until I lose concentration or in the spell,
[735.9s] the target must roll a d4 and subtract the number
[738.5s] from their attack rolls or saving throws.
[740.4s] OK.
[741.0s] That's my turn.
[742.0s] OK, Kav.
[744.4s] I mean, things are going great for our team so far,
[747.6s] so I think I'm just going to like ready an action
[751.5s] to kind of see what this thing does and respond to it then.
[756.3s] OK.
[757.4s] Somebody light this bitch up.
[760.3s] It is this creature's turn.
[763.9s] It looks to Bonwyn.
[765.1s] It's the phrase that was across its face wipes away,
[770.5s] and you see your name come up across.
[775.1s] And you, for the purposes of mechanics
[780.4s] and this creature, are now considered indexed.
[783.9s] There is no saving throw.
[787.1s] You have disadvantage on your first attack roll
[789.9s] or saving throw each round
[792.0s] and are always the creature's preferred target
[797.9s] unless somebody takes that that lovely privilege from you.
[801.9s] So it is going to do an attack called forced citation.
[807.7s] You must make a charisma saving throw, please.
[811.8s] Well, that's a six.
[814.0s] Shit.
[814.9s] It points its sword in your direction,
[818.2s] which you're not far away,
[819.4s] so like this is like right close to you.
[822.4s] You feel as if you are being restrained.
[827.5s] You feel something sharp,
[828.8s] like digging around the edge of your clothes,
[832.0s] like kind of cuts into your skin.
[835.5s] And you look down,
[837.1s] you see these like ghostly spectral quills
[840.4s] that are pinning you in location.
[843.1s] You see this carving glowing text,
[847.2s] words that are smudged and blurred.
[850.3s] You can't make out anything around you.
[852.6s] Nobody else sees this effect.
[854.4s] Bonwyn just freezes in place.
[857.1s] And that is its turn for the moment.
[862.6s] Alistair.
[863.9s] What's this guy got?
[865.8s] What's this guy got?
[868.8s] Not much, of course.
[874.5s] He does have some things.
[877.5s] He pulls from his hilt.
[879.8s] He pulls a dagger and he rushes towards screaming.
[887.4s] That's a 14 to hit, which will not hit.
[893.4s] This creature, so he rushes towards
[895.9s] and like gets folded up in the paper
[898.0s] and shot out to the side thrown against the wall
[901.3s] and crumples to the ground.
[903.1s] And you hear him like, oh God,
[905.9s] I'll try again.
[907.0s] I'll try again.
[907.9s] And he's trying to scramble up.
[910.2s] Bonwyn, you can make at this point
[916.1s] another charisma saving throw
[918.6s] at the end of your turn to try and break free.
[920.6s] Okay, but I can't do anything anyway,
[922.6s] so I guess it's the end of my turn.
[924.0s] I ain't got no magic.
[925.8s] Yeah, so I guess what did you roll
[927.7s] for your charisma saving throw?
[928.9s] 18, 18.
[931.2s] You are locked in this position.
[934.0s] You feel these narrowly cutting into your skin
[939.2s] as it's holding you there.
[940.7s] And then you manage to steal yourself.
[944.7s] Everybody else sees you now.
[947.9s] Your hair begins to smoke,
[952.0s] your eyes glow a little bright,
[953.9s] and you break free from whatever
[956.1s] this being has cast upon you,
[958.4s] has done to you.
[960.1s] You regain your movement and snap free,
[962.9s] but you can't, of course,
[964.1s] do anything until your next turn.
[974.4s] We're here.
[975.2s] We're doing it.
[975.9s] And it is.
[977.6s] It's the middle, you fool.
[979.6s] That's what I was waiting for.
[981.9s] You fool.
[985.9s] When we said I was ready,
[988.1s] which I didn't say.
[989.1s] You didn't.
[989.7s] But you sort of implied it
[991.1s] because you said, okay.
[992.7s] Didn't you say, okay, it's like time to go?
[996.7s] Everybody knows when I say, okay,
[998.3s] it's like, all right, we're done.
[999.2s] We're doing the thing.
[1000.7s] Then I launched into it.
[1002.3s] I insulted you,
[1003.6s] and now you're not even ready.
[1006.3s] Come on, you fool.
[1008.4s] I'm sorry, Russ.
[1009.3s] I can't believe it.
[1009.9s] I'm sorry I called you a fool twice.
[1011.3s] I take it back.
[1011.9s] It's okay.
[1013.1s] Okay, honey.
[1014.1s] I wasn't calling you a fool.
[1015.1s] I was just repeating Carla.
[1016.7s] Yeah.
[1018.1s] Yeah.
[1018.6s] Hey, remember when two minutes
[1020.3s] before I hit the camera on,
[1021.7s] I spilled my full glass of water everywhere.
[1024.3s] Oh, I didn't know.
[1026.6s] Then picked it up.
[1028.1s] Picked it up.
[1028.7s] Put it on the floor.
[1029.9s] Proceeded to kick it over
[1031.8s] onto the rest of the stuff.
[1033.6s] Just took off the desk.
[1034.6s] That's correct.
[1035.8s] Yeah.
[1037.2s] But the desk is pretty clean now, though.
[1039.3s] It's impressive.
[1040.8s] I got a mister for my plant,
[1042.1s] and I misted it,
[1043.0s] and then I realized it was dripping
[1044.5s] all over my books that I have back here,
[1046.5s] and I was like, well, that was bad.
[1047.7s] Oh, no.
[1048.8s] Oops.
[1050.3s] My hanging plants are all fake
[1052.2s] just because I know that that'll forget
[1054.8s] that there's things underneath, so.
[1056.4s] Sure.
[1057.5s] Only the non-waterables get suspended.
[1060.6s] Yeah.
[1061.0s] We're here now spilling water on everything.
[1064.7s] I hope you have a dryer time.
[1070.6s] Is this going to be relative to the fountain?
[1073.1s] Maybe it's fountain related because it's water.
[1075.6s] Could be.
[1076.3s] Could be.
[1076.8s] I don't know.
[1077.5s] I mean, the fountain is no longer a fountain.
[1079.5s] It's, well.
[1080.3s] I don't know.
[1080.9s] I'm just like, we should write this upon people.
[1083.7s] Yeah.
[1084.2s] Are we going to have to bleep out
[1085.4s] most of this conversation
[1086.6s] because maybe it's not being put out.
[1088.0s] No, because it's definitely happened
[1090.0s] in the regular episodes.
[1091.3s] We are there now.
[1092.4s] I know we're like 12,000 episodes ahead,
[1095.0s] so it feels weird
[1096.0s] because we don't know what we can talk about.
[1097.5s] We're future, man.
[1099.2s] Hey, you could also be 12,000 episodes ahead
[1102.2s] if you joined us on Patreon.
[1103.7s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
[1105.6s] where you can get backstage.
[1109.1s] You could be here right now.
[1110.6s] Well, not here right now,
[1111.7s] but like the equivalent to here in the future right now.
[1116.8s] Yeah.
[1118.1s] Yeah, that could be you.
[1119.6s] While we make this magic.
[1121.8s] This, you know what?
[1123.5s] If this hasn't hooked you, this.
[1125.0s] You want to see how this sausage is made.
[1126.8s] We record the conversation.
[1130.3s] We actually record three times as long
[1132.5s] and this is the cut tight version.
[1136.3s] I mean, we could.
[1137.6s] We could.
[1138.7s] We absolutely could.
[1140.4s] Hey, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[1142.8s] All that thing, all the things we just said,
[1144.6s] the spilled water, the backstage,
[1147.2s] spilling water backstage,
[1148.8s] but you also get an episode dedicated to you.
[1153.0s] Did you know that?
[1154.5s] We might've mentioned it once or twice.
[1156.3s] I knew.
[1157.2s] I don't know much, but I know that.
[1158.9s] I thought it was a rumor,
[1160.0s] but I'm glad you're confirming it.
[1161.5s] And that episode dedication today goes to Angaron Kiersen.
[1167.0s] Angaron.
[1167.6s] Angaron, all right.
[1169.4s] Oh, I know him.
[1171.8s] My guy.
[1173.2s] Thank you.
[1174.4s] Thanks, Angaron.
[1175.9s] But you too can be like Angaron
[1178.2s] and that's saying a lot because Angaron, he's great.
[1181.5s] He's a cool guy.
[1182.4s] We know him.
[1183.4s] We play D&D with that guy.
[1184.8s] D&D with that guy.
[1185.9s] He's cool in French.
[1187.1s] He's cool, guys.
[1188.8s] Yeah, he's so punny.
[1191.6s] He's a little joke assassin.
[1194.0s] And it's so impressive.
[1195.7s] Bilingually, so like such clever wordplay.
[1199.9s] How dare you, Angaron?
[1202.4s] Some of us aren't good in our own language,
[1204.8s] let alone two.
[1206.0s] You're very much a murder hobo, yes.
[1208.0s] That's what we appreciate about him.
[1209.5s] Yeah.
[1210.1s] About you.
[1210.7s] But you too could be like Angaron.
[1212.4s] And join us today at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[1214.9s] And we hope to see you over there.
[1216.3s] And now I was going to say, fuck it, let's play.
[1219.5s] Let's get you back to the episode.
[1220.8s] I mean, we are doing that, but that's not what this is.
[1223.7s] This is getting back to the episode.
[1226.0s] Okay, I love you.
[1226.8s] Bye.
[1227.1s] Love you.
[1227.5s] Bye.
[1228.1s] Love you.
[1228.5s] Bye.
[1230.8s] Russ, does it look like this creature or whatever it is,
[1234.8s] like, is surprised that Bonwyn was able to break free?
[1241.2s] Can you tell surprise on it if it doesn't have eyebrows?
[1244.4s] Yeah.
[1244.9s] Well, it writes surprise on its face.
[1247.0s] Yeah.
[1247.5s] Surprise.
[1249.8s] I can see that all over his face.
[1252.4s] Surprise, surprise, surprise.
[1253.5s] The question mark.
[1254.7s] Surprise.
[1255.8s] I'll take that as a no.
[1258.4s] Mike, well, roll an investigation roll.
[1264.3s] All right.
[1265.8s] Famously, very smart.
[1268.8s] Insight.
[1269.3s] Insight would probably be better.
[1270.8s] Insight.
[1272.2s] Oh, yeah.
[1272.7s] Insight is much better.
[1274.4s] That's a 15.
[1275.7s] No.
[1276.4s] Okay.
[1276.7s] You don't get any sense of, well, you can glean things,
[1282.4s] but you don't get any sense of specific emotion.
[1285.2s] Like, it feels autonomous.
[1287.3s] It feels like it is doing its job right now.
[1292.0s] Okay.
[1292.4s] That's the sense you get from this creature.
[1295.1s] All right.
[1295.8s] Who's got the torch?
[1296.9s] What happened?
[1297.6s] I got it.
[1298.8s] I assume we're fairly close in this teeny tiny room.
[1303.3s] I'm going to grab the torch out of his hand.
[1306.6s] Yes.
[1307.2s] Just going to, for a sec, and I want to run
[1311.0s] and I want to light this thing on fire.
[1313.8s] Okay.
[1314.2s] So you're running up to it with the torch.
[1316.1s] Yeah.
[1316.4s] Right.
[1316.8s] Once again, our solution is burn it.
[1319.6s] Burn it to the ground.
[1321.1s] Yes.
[1321.5s] It seems like a good idea for paper.
[1323.5s] Paper?
[1324.2s] Yeah.
[1324.7s] Make me an attack role, please.
[1327.2s] Oh, fuck.
[1327.8s] Here.
[1328.1s] We're back, guys.
[1328.9s] We're back.
[1329.8s] Four.
[1330.8s] How do I not light it on fire?
[1332.7s] How do I even trip getting from where I am to where it is
[1337.6s] and not even accidentally light it on fire?
[1340.4s] I don't think you trip.
[1342.8s] This isn't like a-
[1344.1s] Oh, no.
[1344.4s] Is it a mental situation?
[1346.2s] No.
[1346.5s] I don't think that.
[1348.0s] Like, you grab it, but it turns and looks at you.
[1352.9s] And everybody sees that it turns and looks at you,
[1355.1s] and you turn and run towards it,
[1356.9s] and it creates this tunneling effect of paper around you,
[1362.2s] and you run through it.
[1363.5s] This is bullshit.
[1365.1s] While it's busy doing that tunneling thing, Russ,
[1368.8s] I want to hit it with some magic of my own.
[1372.1s] I'd like to hit it with Guiding Bolt.
[1374.5s] Okay.
[1374.9s] Love it.
[1376.0s] Do I got a saving throw?
[1378.0s] Yes.
[1378.4s] You have-
[1379.4s] Oh, wait.
[1379.8s] No.
[1380.0s] I make a ranged spell attack against you.
[1383.7s] Please do.
[1385.1s] That is a 22 to hit.
[1388.3s] 22 will hit, sir.
[1390.4s] Okay, perfect.
[1392.4s] That is 12 damage on the 4d6.
[1397.6s] 12 damage.
[1398.0s] Fuck yes.
[1399.2s] So this thing disperses around Alydin
[1404.0s] as she runs through to the other side,
[1406.8s] closer near where Alistair is,
[1409.2s] and as it's reforming,
[1410.4s] your Guiding Bolt comes in and strikes this thing hard.
[1414.3s] Pages explode out back towards Alydin.
[1418.4s] You're not to take any damage from it,
[1420.0s] but it engulfs you.
[1421.3s] You feel like you're still running through the tunnel that it created.
[1427.1s] There's no sound or roar like a normal creature would,
[1434.8s] but you hear it creak.
[1438.1s] The sound of an old book opening.
[1440.6s] As it takes that damage,
[1443.2s] it will use its reaction to force you
[1447.0s] to make an intelligence saving throw, sir.
[1450.7s] Right in this diary.
[1453.2s] He's our smartest guy.
[1455.3s] He's read five books.
[1456.5s] He's read at least five books.
[1459.8s] That is an 11.
[1461.5s] As it turns and looks at you as it takes this damage,
[1465.5s] you see your name, like a Bonwyn's name,
[1468.4s] a race in your name appear,
[1470.8s] and you feel this sharp pain in your head
[1473.8s] as you take seven psychic damage.
[1477.4s] As you feel the action you have just made
[1481.6s] like reversing in your mind.
[1485.2s] Interpret that how you will.
[1486.8s] It's Bazaar's turn.
[1487.8s] I don't really know how.
[1490.9s] The next person to have an attack roll against this thing
[1493.8s] has advantage on their attack roll, by the way,
[1495.9s] because of the guiding bolt effect.
[1498.3s] All right.
[1498.8s] Fantastic.
[1499.4s] Now then that would be Bazaar.
[1501.6s] Cool.
[1501.9s] Well, I'm not going to do an attack roll,
[1504.6s] and this may seem counter, but I have my strategy.
[1508.9s] I'm going to cast Frostbite on it,
[1510.4s] so I need a constitution save DC 14.
[1513.6s] That is only a six, sir.
[1515.6s] All right.
[1516.4s] So they will take nine cold damage
[1520.8s] and their next attack
[1523.8s] they had disadvantage on their next weapon attack
[1527.1s] before the end of its next turn.
[1529.4s] So if it does a weapon attack, you know.
[1531.6s] Okay.
[1532.0s] So stacking effects minus a D4 from their attack rolls
[1536.4s] and they have disadvantage.
[1537.9s] Yeah.
[1538.1s] At least until the end of their next turn
[1539.6s] for the disadvantage.
[1541.3s] Okay.
[1541.7s] Sounds good.
[1543.3s] Love it.
[1544.4s] That's my action.
[1545.5s] Not doing anything with my bonus action
[1547.5s] and staying where I am.
[1550.1s] So yeah, that's my turn.
[1551.9s] Okay.
[1552.3s] We're back to Cav.
[1553.5s] All right.
[1554.7s] Some psychic damage was not really what he's loving,
[1558.9s] but not so much grabs his war hammer
[1562.0s] and like make some rush at this thing to attack it.
[1566.4s] Gitchipull.
[1567.1s] All right.
[1567.6s] That is a 14 to hit.
[1570.4s] At his advantage.
[1571.2s] Advantage.
[1572.2s] Yeah, I was going to say he didn't make an attack roll.
[1574.3s] Oh, so I guess it's me then.
[1577.1s] Okay.
[1577.4s] Let's go again.
[1578.8s] How often do you get your own?
[1580.4s] I mean, that was a nat one.
[1582.1s] So it was really good that that was wasted
[1584.7s] on a not important situation.
[1587.2s] 14 unfortunately misses.
[1589.1s] So similar effects like the pages
[1592.2s] envelop around you as you find yourself
[1594.4s] on the other side of this creature now.
[1596.4s] What's up?
[1596.8s] Welcome to the other side of the creature.
[1600.8s] We're on this side of the room now.
[1602.1s] Do you come here often?
[1604.0s] Just right now.
[1605.2s] Can stab it in the butt.
[1607.2s] Oh my God.
[1609.6s] We got to get there somehow.
[1612.6s] That's how you get to the end of the book.
[1614.0s] It turns around and faces Kavlaran.
[1620.4s] Its name is across its face.
[1622.9s] It tried to recharge an effect,
[1624.6s] but that did not happen.
[1626.6s] So it will take the blade that it was dragging
[1630.8s] that was made of quills and swing at you
[1633.7s] for a multi attack.
[1635.4s] Two hits with it.
[1637.6s] First one is a 12.
[1639.4s] At disadvantage.
[1641.1s] Oh, so sorry then.
[1643.5s] But I rolled two.
[1645.1s] So we will say.
[1646.4s] Were you rolling them
[1647.6s] with the intention of those being two attacks?
[1649.7s] I was going to do attacks.
[1650.6s] So we'll turn that into one attack.
[1653.1s] So the first one is a 12 minus a D4.
[1660.6s] So that's an 11 for the first attack, Kav.
[1663.7s] No, won't hit.
[1665.0s] Okay.
[1665.5s] Second attack.
[1667.3s] Also at disadvantage.
[1669.0s] Just the first attack.
[1671.6s] Then I will reroll just one.
[1674.0s] That's less good.
[1675.4s] That's an 11.
[1676.5s] So that probably still also won't do it.
[1680.1s] So this blade you turn just in time
[1683.2s] to see this blade in like matrix style
[1686.1s] like it cuts over top of you
[1688.1s] as these pages are swirling all around you.
[1692.1s] Alydin makes a quick one liner joke
[1694.8s] as this blade swings by the both of you
[1697.8s] leaving you a little stunned as that occurs.
[1704.0s] Alistair picks himself off the ground.
[1706.7s] He loses half of his movement
[1708.8s] but then because things are like right up in him
[1711.4s] reaches to stab with the dagger
[1713.8s] which is just enough.
[1716.9s] And we'll do five piercing damage.
[1722.8s] And then we're back to the top with Bonwyn.
[1724.9s] You are now free of whatever restraint was placed upon you.
[1732.0s] Get him, B.
[1733.7s] Is there like paper scattered around
[1738.8s] or is it all like reforming back to it
[1741.2s] when it like makes its tunnels and things?
[1743.6s] The more hits it takes
[1745.7s] the more papers are dispersed among the room.
[1748.3s] So there definitely are papers all around the room.
[1751.2s] Okay.
[1752.4s] I really liked Alydin's fire idea.
[1756.5s] So I'm just gonna-
[1757.2s] I thought you might.
[1758.4s] I'm gonna do it the old-fashioned way
[1761.6s] because I have like a flint and tinderbox
[1764.0s] so I'm just gonna try and light some paper.
[1771.9s] Could light an arrow on fire.
[1773.6s] It's very close quarters but that's okay maybe.
[1778.1s] Do I get disadvantage if I use a further range weapon?
[1783.4s] You're in- yeah usually if you're on the underside
[1788.0s] of the ranged weapons range
[1790.8s] then it is at disadvantage
[1792.6s] because there's so many things happening.
[1794.9s] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1796.3s] Okay.
[1796.8s] Yeah, on either side of it, yeah.
[1803.6s] How about this?
[1805.0s] How about this?
[1805.9s] You might not know this but Bonwyn is a blacksmith.
[1809.5s] Oh shit.
[1810.0s] Part of her outfit is like gloves and tongs
[1815.5s] that she always has with her.
[1817.5s] Sure.
[1818.9s] So I'm gonna light some paper on fire
[1822.6s] and like go at it with fire within my tongs.
[1827.1s] Yeah.
[1827.9s] Yeah.
[1828.9s] Love it.
[1829.6s] Yeah, yeah.
[1830.4s] Amazing, go for it.
[1831.6s] So similarly make a melee attack.
[1836.0s] Roll as you run towards this creature.
[1840.0s] Not running fire but yeah.
[1845.2s] Room filled with nothing but paper.
[1846.8s] Why can't we light it on fire?
[1847.4s] Why can we not light it on fire?
[1851.3s] That was a bad roll.
[1852.2s] That was a 12.
[1853.2s] So I'm just gonna see if I have anything that I can do.
[1860.3s] No, nothing I can do as a bonus action to help that.
[1863.4s] So again, I'm holding fire, running at a paper creature.
[1869.0s] Okay, love it.
[1870.5s] The creature does not take any damage from this
[1873.2s] but what does happen as you run through
[1875.6s] is it creates this vortex around you of other papers
[1879.5s] and you connect with some of those other pages.
[1883.8s] So there are pages now in the room that are alight
[1886.8s] and it is beginning to move among that.
[1889.4s] Yeah, so if something doesn't put it out
[1891.8s] by the time this creature's next turn happens,
[1895.2s] it will likely take damage from that.
[1898.0s] Okay, thanks Russ.
[1901.9s] Thanks for rewarding my fun idea with something.
[1905.0s] Alydin.
[1910.4s] So enthused.
[1911.2s] Just like, this fucking thing.
[1916.8s] Instead of running at it with my fire
[1920.4s] because I see now, it can be lit on fire.
[1923.8s] It's not like magically.
[1925.6s] Elements in the space have lit.
[1927.0s] Yes.
[1928.4s] I'm going to try to focus really hard
[1937.4s] and I'm gonna try to cast Mage Hand
[1940.7s] to just instead of me running at it,
[1946.0s] I'm gonna just Mage Hand it
[1948.4s] into the middle of the paper tornado.
[1951.5s] Okay, so you're just gonna hold it there.
[1954.7s] Yeah, as the pages are flipping by
[1957.5s] and just kind of like, it's less of an attack,
[1961.0s] more of a, I'm doing this
[1963.3s] and if you're running into me then that's your fault.
[1966.9s] Why are you lighting yourself on fire?
[1970.4s] Yes, exactly.
[1971.3s] Okay, perfect.
[1972.9s] That's what I wanna do.
[1973.5s] So placement effect rather than trying to attack.
[1978.3s] Yeah.
[1978.6s] Yeah, sure.
[1979.2s] Yeah, that's what I wanna do.
[1982.7s] Yeah, I don't think an attack roll is necessary.
[1985.1s] Needed for that, you're placing it
[1986.5s] in the center of this being,
[1989.3s] trying to just light it on fire.
[1990.8s] So roll me a D6 for fire damage.
[2001.2s] Yeah, two.
[2003.1s] Okay, your Mage Hand takes some of this bundled up.
[2007.4s] Sorry, you took the torch or the pages?
[2010.1s] The torch.
[2010.7s] The torch.
[2011.7s] Your Mage Hand grabs the torch and just holds it in.
[2014.4s] So it sees it coming and begins
[2016.5s] to do the same swirling cyclonic effect around it
[2020.3s] which you see the flame kind of flickering in and out
[2024.3s] but then reforms over top of it.
[2028.4s] You see burning embers begin to form
[2031.2s] in the center of it and it,
[2036.4s] the face of this creature wipes clean of Kavlaran
[2040.1s] and your name appears on it, Alydin.
[2042.6s] I give it the finger.
[2046.0s] I'm gonna let the listeners decide which one.
[2049.8s] It's this one.
[2053.0s] The pinky finger.
[2054.5s] Pinkies up, yep.
[2055.7s] So threatening.
[2057.2s] Bizarre, back to you.
[2059.2s] So there's fire happening in the space.
[2063.2s] It looks like there's like a now burning core
[2066.8s] because of the torch placed in the middle of it.
[2070.2s] But it's still alive.
[2071.2s] It's now just a zombie.
[2072.7s] It's a fire zombie.
[2073.7s] That we've made in this.
[2075.0s] I've made everything deanfo much worse.
[2078.8s] The one time fire wasn't helpful for us.
[2080.9s] God damn.
[2082.7s] Who could have thought?
[2084.0s] At the risk of those attacks coming back around.
[2087.4s] You know what?
[2088.0s] I'm gonna do a cantrip.
[2090.2s] I'm gonna cast control flame
[2092.8s] and I'm gonna instantaneously expand the flame
[2095.6s] five feet in one direction.
[2097.0s] So the flame from its core straight up through its face.
[2100.8s] Yes.
[2102.1s] Love it.
[2103.1s] Okay.
[2105.2s] Provided that wood or other fuel is present
[2107.4s] in the new location and I assume paper.
[2110.4s] Yeah, paper counts.
[2112.4s] Amazing.
[2113.3s] Roll me two D6.
[2116.1s] Fire damage, please.
[2117.8s] That's gonna be five fire damage.
[2120.8s] Which is actually going to be 10 fire damage.
[2124.4s] And please tell me how this destroys this creature.
[2130.1s] Oh yeah.
[2131.8s] So as it assembles the flame core around the torch
[2136.4s] that is being held by Alydin's mage hand.
[2139.6s] I flick my hand out just ever so slightly
[2142.5s] just to like give it that little extra oomph
[2145.2s] splits the core open and just kind of like
[2147.9s] peels back in like layers of paper
[2150.7s] burning embers floating off
[2153.1s] and then that slowly engulfs the entire creature
[2157.1s] bringing it to just like a dusty ashy outline
[2160.6s] that's swirling around in circles
[2162.5s] and then ends into a spiraling pattern of ash on the floor.
[2167.6s] Oh, let's get some good audio of the clank of steel and stone
[2172.3s] that ended up hitting the ground
[2173.6s] after all the pages are burnt away.
[2175.2s] Yeah, love it.
[2176.4s] Yeah, production.
[2180.2s] I'm the page master, bitch.
[2182.8s] Oh yeah.
[2187.5s] The creature before you engulfs in flame
[2190.5s] and as described the room is now clear.
[2193.1s] All the pages have lit on fire
[2194.8s] and are burning up in the corners
[2196.8s] as everything is blowing around the space.
[2200.9s] You see some of the pages as they're burning
[2204.8s] the words crawling across its body slow
[2208.2s] and then freeze mid-letter
[2210.1s] and ink bleeds backwards
[2212.3s] into the seams of parchment and stone
[2214.9s] as if pulled by an unseen hand.
[2218.9s] The quill blade that fell to the ground
[2221.2s] softens and collapses into loose pages
[2223.7s] that scatter and also light on fire
[2226.9s] fade into dust
[2228.2s] and for a moment there's nothing.
[2232.6s] Then the room itself seemingly exhales.
[2237.3s] The shelves grind once more,
[2239.8s] not in threat this time,
[2241.9s] but in retreat.
[2243.6s] Stone books slide back into the walls
[2246.9s] and titles erasing themselves as they vanish
[2249.7s] until the chamber is bare
[2252.0s] save for that far wall.
[2254.9s] Where a door should be
[2257.1s] there is now only stone, unbroken, unmarked.
[2262.4s] A pause stretches almost too long
[2266.8s] and the floor shivers.
[2269.6s] Fine lines etch themselves outward
[2271.9s] from a single point at the chamber center
[2275.2s] not cracks but deliberate marks.
[2279.1s] A diagram emerges.
[2281.3s] Circles, angles, intersecting paths
[2284.4s] carved with impossible precision.
[2287.4s] It's a map.
[2289.6s] Vintersmouth sits at its heart
[2293.2s] not centered but pierced through
[2296.1s] as if something passes through the city
[2299.6s] rather than rests within it.
[2302.4s] Three lines extend outward.
[2306.0s] Two are still.
[2308.0s] The third flickers
[2309.3s] its edges blurring, shifting by the second
[2313.1s] sliding across the stone
[2314.7s] like a shadow that can't decide where to settle.
[2318.4s] As you watch, the line drifts slowly
[2322.8s] away from the city, away from here.
[2326.8s] The air grows heavy.
[2328.8s] Pressure builds behind your eyes
[2330.8s] like a thought trying to finish itself.
[2334.1s] You understand.
[2335.9s] This was never an entrance.
[2338.2s] It was a marker.
[2340.2s] A false index.
[2342.2s] A test.
[2343.5s] A way to see who would come looking
[2346.0s] and how they would read the record.
[2348.9s] Behind you, faint and distant,
[2351.6s] the sound of quills resume
[2354.0s] not here but elsewhere.
[2358.2s] The ink hesitates before writing
[2361.1s] as if considering you.
[2363.2s] The words appear uneven
[2365.4s] pressure changing mid-stroke.
[2368.6s] Seeker accepted.
[2370.1s] Then, after a pause, entry requires contribution.
[2376.4s] One final mark bleeds through the stone.
[2380.1s] Not words, but a name-shaped blur
[2384.4s] half-formed and familiar.
[2388.8s] The ground begins to shake and tremble
[2392.2s] and you look behind you
[2393.7s] at a path where again there wasn't one
[2397.5s] with light down at the end of the tunnel begins to form.
[2401.4s] Stone begins to fall from the walls
[2403.8s] as Alistair grabs you and says,
[2408.2s] he runs over to the wall
[2410.8s] and begins sketching the map that he sees
[2414.8s] and the room is collapsing down around you.
[2423.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons, season four,
[2425.6s] season four, episode 51, starring Amy More as Alydin,
[2430.4s] Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane,
[2432.7s] Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave,
[2434.8s] Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard,
[2437.3s] and Russ More as your Dungeon Master.
[2440.0s] Dialogue, editing, and sound design of today's episode
[2442.6s] is by Russ More.
[2443.8s] Our community manager is Jessica Babiak.
[2446.3s] Music is from Epidemic Sound,
[2448.1s] and sound effects are from Epidemic Sound,
[2450.3s] Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
[2452.4s] Our amazing cover art is by Matt Garbutt.
[2455.2s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
[2457.6s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak,
[2459.6s] Angaron Kierzen, Perry Matey,
[2461.9s] Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
[2464.0s] Old School Gamer D, Craig Zeiss,
[2466.7s] L.A. Branton, Chibs1012, and Kudzu828.
[2470.9s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon-supported podcast,
[2474.3s] and all of our amazing community help make sure
[2476.8s] that we have adventures for you every single week.
[2480.2s] Come join us today, patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
[2483.2s] We hope to see you over there,
[2484.6s] and you have yourself, right now, a great week.
[2488.8s] Yes, and we'll talk to you very, very soon.
[2493.7s] Well, there's no lap option,
[2495.0s] because I stopped it because we paused.
[2497.5s] So now I'm gonna start and then lap.
[2499.2s] I did it.
[2499.6s] Well, fuck it, let's play.
[2500.7s] Welcome to D&D Dungeons.
[2503.4s] Fuck it.
[2504.2s] That's Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2505.8s] Play, yeah.
[2507.6s] Fuck it, Dragon Books.
[2509.7s] Dragon Books, Dragon Books.
[2512.3s] And that's where we'll end it.
[2515.2s] No, you're not here next week.
[2516.5s] I have to have a description to get you out of here.
[2518.1s] I know, but he ended on such a good line.
[2519.8s] I know, that was so good.
[2524.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D production.