Dumbgeons and Dragons needs no introduction, but I mean, that's what this is for.
You're listening to Dumbgeons and Dragons and it'll start in just a moment.
The guards watch you as you walk towards and the door opens and take a few steps inside.
Alistair kind of as there's some slight hesitation, Alistair says,
we, this is the first possible entrance I've ever seen.
And he goes through the door, pushes it open and disappears into the darkness.
Good. I was going to say we should push him through first.
Well, I don't trust that son of a bitch to go alone.
So I step through the door.
You do. Yeah.
Follow quickly behind.
And as you step through the door,
it is a narrow hallway like you could fit to side by side.
But it's pretty tight.
Like going single file would be much more comfortable.
So that said, who is last through the door?
I'll go last.
I believe I'm dead center, probably right after Bazaar before Bonwyn.
You know, the safety snuggle.
Absolutely.
Cav, as you take your steps through the door, slam shut behind you,
hear this burst of air, you turn and you look back
and you see only stone where there was the red door.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast,
and I'm your dungeon master, Russ More, he him.
Also with me today is Amy More as Alydin, she her.
Yeah, you do. You rock.
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane, she her.
Let's stay together this time.
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave, he him.
I lie all the time.
And Kyle Klasset as Bazaar the Wizard, he him.
No, that's assault, brother. I'm not doing that.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon supported podcast,
and we'd love for you to join us today at patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
You'll get a seven day free trial to check things out.
And now let's get right to it.
Fuck it. Let's play.
And is there a torch in here?
Do we see that light now or as your eyes begin to transition,
you do see now that there are several torches down this hallway.
That seems to go on for quite a ways.
And it at the end terminates in darkness.
Hey, guys, just before we get going, just so everyone knows,
it closed behind us.
So we're like in here now.
OK, cool.
OK, that's OK.
We've done something like this before.
Stay close. And it'll be fine.
Let's stay together this time.
Love it. Yes.
You all begin walking single file and you catch up to Alistair,
who's fallen asleep against one of the walls.
Classic Alistair. Classic Alistair.
He's not great at a getaway.
Or get to it.
Sorry, everybody.
I'll I can keep leading if you'd like.
It's a question, Alistair.
Do you dream when you have these these naps?
Uh, no one's ever asked me that before.
Many you fall asleep.
He's got his fingers.
He's got a Chris Angelou mind freak.
He he looks like he's deep in thought as I.
I don't think so.
But I but I.
I can say a lot of things for certain, but I can't say that for certain.
OK, cool, cool.
He's really sitting with this and he turns deep in thought
and he like reaches for one of the torches and looks at it
and he passes it back to bizarre.
I probably shouldn't hold this.
Oh, OK, yeah, you'll just.
Right. So take the torch.
And he begins to walk.
And he calls out after a few moments and he says,
I think I see something down at the end.
Hold the torch up.
It's flickers in and out of view,
but it looks like there is a stone door down at the end.
He goes up to it and I don't see any handles.
Maybe somebody can help me push.
He starts throwing himself at it, not violently,
but like with like some force to try and like move it.
Wait, wait. OK.
So when I used to spend some time at one of the barns
at the edge of town, this guy.
Jeff would always want the best horse stall.
Was that Jeff? I met him.
Yeah, maybe Alistair just wants to be involved.
No, yeah, you probably did me him.
Yeah. Was he loud?
Yeah. Oh, no, this chef was quiet.
Oh, it's probably different.
Yeah, you must have met loud Jeff.
Yeah, he came up to me, said, My name is Jeff.
I said, OK, great to meet you.
My name is Alistair.
And then we don't need to recount the whole conversation.
Do you have a score to that riveting combo?
Anyway, he would always
Ooby trap his door so that if anyone tried to come in one,
he was out and take his spot.
They would either end up with horse shit
poop all over them or a bucket of water on their head or something.
Wow. So we should look and see if maybe there's
a booby trap, some sort of trap, some sort of trap.
Alistair begins running his hands along the door looking for a trap.
So just a solid stone door.
Any carvings or anything like that?
No carvings that are visible appears to be a solid slab.
No handle.
Can I use my stone cunning
where if I make a history check related to the origin of stonework,
I proficient in that and I can like double my bonus.
So I sure I know about stone.
Yeah, you do. You rock because of my heart.
And so for a double my proficiency bonus.
So that's an 18.
That's a great roll.
I smell it. I like like my finger and put it on and then like my finger again.
Like, hmm, it's salt.
I just like the door.
I'm using all of my senses.
I love it.
You're doing this, everybody, in various states of confusion or awe,
depending on your view in this moment.
But you identify the stone as diorite,
which is favored in ancient law codes and royal statues,
often associated within the space with law and judgment
or irrevocable decisions.
Not often something that is used to craft entrances.
As you continue to examine, you see that there are telltale signs
that this at least this portion you haven't investigated any further down
in this, but there are telltale signs that there is dwarven influence
within the creation of this space, perhaps not directly tied to you.
But like there are similar.
You can tell that there are similar tools made.
You can also tell that this is like a
a pocket slide kind of door.
I relay all this to my friends like a grandparent's bathroom.
Yeah. And maybe in part of my like, as I said, I'm
I'm laying hands on it.
And as I realize that, can I try to
push it to the side?
Yeah. As that comes to a realization that you push in exactly the right point.
Like Alistair was just throwing himself at the door.
He was doing the opposite.
There's not a lot of weight behind him, like soaking wet.
He's probably 55 pounds.
It's like a finesse situation.
He's a very slender guy.
But yeah, you push in just the right moment and everybody hears this click.
And then a ashy dust
kind of comes out from around the seams of the door,
and it begins to grind and slide into the wall beside it.
The room beyond before anybody has a chance to react is not lit.
You see shadows of what look like pieces of furniture,
but you can't quite make out anything beyond into the next
egress or into the next space that you would be going into.
Even with my dark vision?
Even with your dark vision at this moment. OK.
But no arrows shoot out and like kill us all. No.
Great, because I I interrupted them checking for traps to just open the door.
Yeah. Well, you know, you were looking for traps and then you were like,
wait a minute. There's some history here. Yeah.
Well, it's let's.
Get that torch in there.
I mean, like I said, this stone is.
This is no ordinary place, which I know we already knew,
but let's just it's been reinforced that this is.
Ancient and important.
Well, yeah, and I mean, no ordinary place like literally a door
disappeared behind us, so like, yeah, 100 percent.
Indeed, in many ways, not an ordinary place.
If we bring the torch in, can we see in the room?
Do you enter the room?
Yeah, I'm going to enter the room.
A bunch of us have dark vision.
He said even with dark vision, we can't see in there with dark vision.
Oh, I missed it.
Yeah, from outside the room, you can't make out anything beyond
the occasion, the briefest silhouette.
Hold the torch.
I'll step forward and I'll use control flames to actually
expand the area of bright light so that we get a little bit more
more of color out of it and see if it winds up
diffusing a little bit of that darkness.
Sure. And sorry, you said you step in or you're doing this in the term
in trying to illuminate beyond.
I'm doing it while stepping in.
OK, sounds good. Bazaar, you're the first to step through
and everybody else you see the flame.
Two kind of different views happen.
Everybody else sees the flame begin to expand at your hand,
which seems like it's being eaten by this darkness that that is enveloping.
But Bazaar, as you step into this room,
take the first few steps beyond the threshold,
the darkness dissipates.
It disappears.
You become the same kind of faint silhouette to everybody else.
But the room itself now for you is lit
seemingly by some skylight high up in this room.
And you see all around this room that there are stone shelves
carved directly into the walls.
And all of these shelves hold stone.
What look like books, each etched with names and titles.
And there's a inscription on the far door, which I'll wait until
everybody else decides what they're going to do.
I'm going to step back out and say,
come on in. We're good.
OK, yeah, let's go.
Everybody else steps through and same kind of a fact happens.
You step through the darkness and the skylight
illuminates the space that you're in again.
Stove shelves carved directly into the walls.
Stone books on all of these.
There is a door on the far wall that appears to have an inscription on it.
And there is a lectern
placed kind of center back of this room close to the door,
which looks like it has a place for three books,
like enough that you could place and or open three books on it.
The inscription on the far door
says only what is true may pass unrevised.
Somebody tell it a secret.
We know from what Alastair told us that the archive
will index the truth.
And we have a lectern, so we can try sharing secrets
or we could try to see if one of these many, many books
leads us to what could be true.
But Alydin, you came up with your idea,
so you need to you need to commit to it.
And you need to share a secret with if you do it, I'll share a secret.
Oh, well, you do it first then.
Mm hmm.
Who's your idea?
I can't think of a secret.
She's being such a child right now.
What are Bonwyn and Cav doing?
Just watching this kind of waiting to see how Secret Gate plays out, right?
Watching this tennis game.
Alastair is ignoring everything.
He's overlooking at the book titles.
Yes. Actually, what I'm probably doing
because he read their character sheet, guys,
I'm going to use my eye for detail and I can make a perception check
to spot a hidden creature or object or to make an investigation
check to uncover or decipher clues.
Shit, my eye doesn't give me jack squat.
Oh, it does.
I got fade touched and all I got was this fucked up eye.
Misty step. What are you talking about?
Yeah, that's a good one.
Not on command.
Once a day on command, you can do it.
Hey, welcome to the middle, everybody.
It's the middle. It's here.
You're here. Fancy meeting you here.
Come here often every week, I hope.
Yes, better be.
I know we do. We do. We do, for sure.
I try to at least. Almost every week.
All of us. Yeah, like as often as I can do it.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
It's fun here.
It's amazing how often it just happens, like unexpectedly, though,
when, like, we're just chilling, talking, then bam, we're in it.
You think you're just chatting with your friends and then then suddenly.
Yeah. Yeah.
So sometimes it's by accident.
But I love when it happens.
Me, too. Me, too.
Yeah. What's new?
Pussycat. Pussycat.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, wow. We all hit a different key there.
That was great. I stayed out of it.
Me, too. That was just the boys.
It was. It was just the boys serenading us.
Good for you. We do what we can.
It was gorgeous.
You're going to love that in playback.
Oh, it's going to be great.
I will never hear it. It's fine.
There you go.
You skip the middle stuff.
Uh, yep.
He lived him. He doesn't need to skip them.
He skips them because he's a living.
Yes, just the middle.
Yeah, just the middle.
Just the middle.
His listenership has dropped off in Victoria.
I can't explain it.
Weird. I don't know.
I barely listen to any podcasts at the moment.
So the fact that people can find the time to, like,
still keep up with podcasts, I'm so impressed.
And to keep up with us, us dorms.
Thank you so much. Even more impressive.
What are you doing here? We love you.
We do love you.
We love one person extra special.
Yeah, it's one person's extra love.
We love you, but we extra super duper love our patron
who's sponsoring this week or who we are dedicating this week to.
That's the one. We dedicate it.
I was giving Carla the draw it out side.
And you can get an episode dedicated as well
by going over to Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast
and signing up there.
Sign up there.
There's other fun stuff. There's episodes.
All sorts of bonus content.
Oh, yeah. You can be as cool as this person.
Yeah, who is starting to realize I need to keep track of all of this stuff.
The medically pronounced.
I think Russ is actually building a computer to look up this.
I don't know what's happening.
I feel like we've really is this crash.
The hard drive. This is what did it.
Yeah, this is what did it.
The person who we are dedicating this episode to today is Sonia Weiberg.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Yeah, too cool. Yeah.
Too cool for bad ass name. Absolutely.
Yeah, it is. Yeah, I was going to say I had Street Fighter in my mind
because I just watched the Street Fighter trailer again,
but that would be Mortal Kombat. Yeah.
So yeah, related. Yeah, sure.
You know, yeah, similar.
It's all fighting. It's all bad ass.
Yeah, I was going to say I just assume Sonya's a bad ass.
I mean, look, I've only heard of two Sonia's before that one
and the one from like the Arnold Schwarzenegger
movie where he's like the barber Conan Conan Conan.
Blanked on the name of fucking Conan the Bar.
It's literally Conan the Barbarian. Yeah.
You know that, you know, with the guy muscles and he's like,
he's very barbaric. Punches a camel. Yeah. Yeah.
Do yourself a favor, though.
Do not watch the new Red Sonia.
Real bad. Oh, OK, that's too bad.
You know what, Sonia, we can count on our Sonia.
Always. Thanks for being here, Sonia.
Always the best. We love you.
We love you. Russ loves you so much.
He left the podcast.
He literally got up and walked away, letting Loki out.
And he opened the door and then Loki just sat like a very good boy
in front of the open door and looked up at Russ with all the love
in his eyes. And now sitting there like, yeah, no, it's like
I was just crying at this door. It's true.
But yeah, I came back to say thanks, Sonia.
It's signed up today.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon because we hope to see you over there.
Just like Sonia. And now get back to the episode.
Wait, one one word from producer Jess.
Oh, through the end of the month is 50 percent off.
Through the end of the month is 50 percent off.
And this is still in this month that is happening.
Yeah. Only a few days left.
I'm good college.
Ask you if you're wondering if it's the now it could be.
So go to the Patreon and check 50 percent off.
What a deal. Yeah.
All right. We love you.
Have a great day. We love you.
Bye. Love you. Bye. Love you. Bye.
Sixteen, sixteen.
OK, they're bizarre.
And Alydin are talking about sharing secrets.
Alistair is overlooking at books.
Bonwyn, you are trying to decipher perhaps some sort of meaning
or anything to this.
Looking at the lectern,
looking at the books and looking at the inscription, it is
it becomes clear to you that you must place
as you look at some of the book titles.
You must place three books
that hold truths to allow you to pass.
I've just shared a document with all of the books in this space.
This may be difficult, and I apologize if it is,
but we'll see how it goes.
Hey, we haven't been given a puzzle to solve in some time.
Governed by honest hands certainly isn't a truth.
Governed by omission might be true.
Maybe now. Oh, yeah.
Do they have publication dates?
I grabbed number 17 and I put it on the lectern.
Wizard, the wizard entangled in unpaid debts.
I thought the next one said Tina Fey do not interfere.
And I was like, I am curious about this.
Also, nobody tells Tina Fey what to do.
That's right. Tell me, because you were talking with Alydin before.
Tell me the transition there.
Try to kind of going over it and going back and forth,
kind of see some of the names on it.
I notice like my name,
Wizard, the wizard on a book behind her.
And I'm like,
well, maybe we're both right in a way.
And I will go first.
That's when I walk over to the book that says,
Wizard, the wizard entangled in unpaid debts.
Grab the book off the shelf, put it on the lectern.
You place the book and you hear a whisper.
Bizarre. Accounts pending.
You hear this whispered in like this clear monotone voice.
And the book locks into place with a soft click.
The stone book itself and the lectern around it begin to grow slightly warm.
You feel this sound of air pressure change and like your ears pop
as the book is placed on the lectern.
That seemed to be a good response.
Yeah, I'm going to put a book on the lectern as well called
Bonwyn Everbane, Bearer of the Forge's Burden.
I have doubts about having my name involved in this,
but, you know, Bizarre did it.
So why wouldn't I?
It's the one thing I know to be true.
Exactly. I don't all of the others seem.
I don't know. Like they could be true or not.
Are, can I ask a question?
And you may or may not answer.
Are there only the how many four?
Three? How many books?
Places on the lectern.
There are three places on the lecture.
Are there only three correct books?
That's a great question.
OK, Bonwyn, you see Bizarre place his place,
a book titled with his own name,
and you find one of your own,
and you move to place it onto the lectern as well.
And similarly, you hear this whisper in your head.
Inheritance confirmed.
Same kind of monotone, straightforward voice.
And then the book slightly locks,
like soft locks into place,
and you feel a warmth begin to glow from it
as you're standing beside Bizarre.
And I look at him like, hmm?
What did you hear?
How did you know I heard anything?
I did, I did hear something.
Me too.
I heard accounts pending.
Did you?
I heard inheritance confirmed.
Fuck.
I was hoping, I was hoping we'd hear the same thing,
and that would make me feel better somehow.
I think you should feel OK.
I feel concerned.
Oh, see, I feel like you should feel OK,
and I feel concerned.
Not if you knew my debts.
Everybody, before we place the last book,
hold on, are we sure?
I mean, you've placed both of your names.
She must have had confidence,
but there's only one spot left,
and there are three of us in several books
that don't really tie directly to any one of us.
Well, you know, it's funny you bring that up, Alastair,
because I notice that there's no books tied to you.
No books with your name.
That's strange, isn't it?
Seems odd.
Honestly, I hadn't noticed that,
and I appreciate you guys pointing it out.
I can't, I don't,
he's looking through the books,
he's like, no, there are none with my name on them.
That's right, because you're a nightmare,
and you're not real. Does that mean
no truths?
I'm a real boy, bizarre.
Pinch me.
No, that's assault, brother, I'm not doing that.
Maybe it's tied to location,
because we have Nigel Knops on here,
so I mean, that's a Vintersmouth thing,
maybe, depending on where this doorway opens
in the world, it has different-
Oh, it's like regionally based.
Different titles, different, yes.
Okay.
Perhaps, or perhaps Alastair is a nightmare.
I don't know the answer.
I don't think I'm a nightmare.
That's exactly what a nightmare would think.
I'm just trying to find the archive.
Cav, do either of the ones with your name on it,
do you feel confident?
I mean, what confidence filled both Bonwyn and Bizard?
Both Bonwyn and Bizard.
Because I see my book titles there,
and I don't feel particularly confident
about either of them.
See, I felt very confident.
Yeah, I felt very confident,
only because I usually don't make poor decisions,
and this one was probably the poorest decision I've made.
Just wait till my later teen years.
Now, see, in the philosophy of these books, too,
all contracts are voluntary.
The contract of life isn't voluntary.
Indeed.
You know, so really philosophically,
and this goes back to what Alastair was saying,
is the truth according to the archives, so.
Yes.
Yes, many of these are ambiguous.
They could be true, or they could not be true,
but they are not truth.
If that makes sense.
See, like, the Fae do not interfere.
We know that to be false.
That is not accurate.
But the Fae partners in silence,
do the Fae work together?
I mean, well.
That could be true.
That could be true, because it deals with yours,
and then, of course,
Banger Man was working for somebody,
so that could be a truth.
I mean, even Nigel Knapp's corrupt in all things.
My instinct says yes, but then I think,
well, in all things.
In all things, exactly.
That can't be true.
Yeah.
He's definitely not useful.
No.
Well, I guess as a Patsy.
Yeah.
It gets useful to who?
It's a great question.
The council, I guess.
I don't know who the council is.
Yes.
The mayor serves the people, I mean.
Nope.
I mean, Nina seems to now,
but Knapp certainly didn't, and.
Is anyone really serving the people?
Are they just there to get paid?
So cynical for such a young person.
I was there to get paid in a tax break.
Forgotten Bazaar was working for the bad guys
for a while there.
Yeah, he's a city employee, too.
Any of y'all have a conviction
on what our third truth should be?
I mean, if it was like Kavlaran Goldweave,
free of professional ambition, 100% I'm in,
but like free of ambition overall, that's just.
That's true.
I mean, remember we did those games
to go on that adventure that went very poorly,
but you were competitive in those games.
Absolutely.
So you're not free of ambition entirely.
And I mean, I don't feel like I'm bound to the truth.
I lie like a fucking, I lie all the time.
I'm lying right now.
I don't know how to feel about this.
What about truth revised to endure?
We know that truth can be revised.
Memories were being destroyed and erased and stolen.
Oh, interesting.
See, I took that title a different way
in that our personal truth becomes revised
in our own brains so that we can continue living
without the burden of all of the knowledge
that might hurt us over and over again.
Yeah, or similar to how the victors write history.
Indeed. Sure.
Indeed.
Memory subject to seizure, memory as personal property.
I mean, I can seize my own memories.
I would have thought personal property, but yes.
But then when we were,
and we were in the bubbles and the thing,
and I mean, they were subject to seizure.
We could lose them.
I lost some.
So if this is the objective truth of the Weeping Archive,
it would not consider itself preserving control
but preserving knowledge
because it is holding on to what it considers true.
So I think right now we've boiled it down
to potentially the Weeping Archive preserves knowledge
and the Fae partners in silence.
But does it preserve knowledge?
It thinks it does.
But what if this isn't about what it thinks,
but whoever is adding the information to the archive.
This is layers on layers.
Well, that's on us too soon.
But they would also think
that the archive preserves knowledge.
That's why they're supplying the knowledge to the archive.
Does a bad thing happen
if we put the wrong book down, does it say?
I don't see anything anywhere over here.
I feel like that feels the closest to the truth
that the archive would believe.
Says only what is true may pass unrevised.
What does unrevised mean?
That probably doesn't sound very good.
Whatever we put down, they're gonna change.
If it's not right.
Oh.
Well, perhaps we're not able to,
if you put down something wrong and then pass through,
it's maybe rewriting history.
For us.
Oh, damn, I really fucked up.
Was that bizarre saying that or Kyle?
No, that was bizarre saying that.
Okay.
What happened, why?
Well, I mean, if that hypothesis is right,
is that it's changing our history.
I just put myself into a bunch of fucking debt
and not thinking about the debt that I do have.
Yes.
Jesus Christ, do I have a home now?
Or will it erase your debt?
It says entangled in unpaid debts.
I'm the bearer of the forge's burden.
And then it said inheritance confirmed.
So like that is, there's no getting out of it now.
Right, I've like committed,
even though I had already committed.
I guess mine said it counts pending, so.
Maybe let's put the Weeping Archive
preserves knowledge.
Let's see what happens.
We can't just stay here forever.
I didn't bring enough snacks.
Who places it?
Me.
Bon, when you pull the book off the shelves,
the Weeping Archive preserves knowledge
and similar to placing the other book,
you place this book,
which you identify as limestone, down on the lectern
and a whisper, similar, same voice.
But this time, the voice is colder.
Knowledge is incidental.
You hear that in your head
and you see fine cracks appear along the book itself.
The stone, as you can feel it placed,
it doesn't click the same way.
It begins to grow cold in your hands.
These fine cracks form across the book
and then quickly seal themselves.
And everybody hears the walls begin to slide in closer.
Oh, oh, come on.
Dumbgeons and Dragons, season four, episode 50,
starring Amy More as Alydin,
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane,
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave,
Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard,
and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Dialogue editing and sound design
of today's episode is by Russ More.
Our community manager is Jessica Babiak.
Music is from Epidemic Sound
and sound effects are from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
Our amazing cover art is by Matt Garbutt.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak,
Angaron Kierzen, Perry Mady,
Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
Old School Gamer D, Craig Zeiss,
L.A. Branton, Chibs1012, and Kudzu828.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon-supported podcast
and all of our amazing community
help make sure that we have adventures
for you every single week.
Come join us today, patreon.com slash dumbdraggingcast.
We hope to see you over there
and you have yourself right now a great week.
Yes, and we'll talk to you very, very soon.
Lapped it.
Ah, I lapped it.
Oh, and then there's another timer down there.
Yeah, yes.
Deep breath, Russ.
That's what happens when you time a lap.
You can even- Fuck it, let's play.
You can even name the laps if you want.
You're sucked forcefully through the door
and you're all dead.
Oh, holy hell.
It's that weird- What's that about that lap?
From the first President Evil movie.
Oh my God.
I didn't know this would be a point
of contention in our marriage.
I mean, you had to have a feeling.
I mean, what's come up so far?
Not much, who knew?
This and kitty cat wine openers.
You okay, Kyle?
Elgut is choking up with all this knowledge of magic.
Fucking love it, man.
You feel your feelings.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.