[0.0s] Really cutting it close, getting in under the wire.
[2.5s] The party's still happening, but the ceremony's long gone.
[5.6s] That's okay, we've got more for you.
[7.4s] Coming up in just a moment,
[8.8s] Dumbgeons and Dragons will be right back.
[12.6s] The bridal parties filtered back in
[14.6s] and taken their seat at the head table.
[17.4s] Everybody's, some appetizers have been served,
[21.1s] drinks have been flowing.
[23.1s] Certain people are perhaps getting a little sloppy,
[27.4s] being that the drinking started
[29.4s] well before the ceremony of this.
[31.6s] Not only started, was encouraged.
[33.9s] Was thoroughly encouraged and pushed to keep everybody,
[39.1s] which is counterintuitive, but we did it anyways.
[42.6s] That's a Goldweave wedding for you.
[44.5s] That's right.
[45.7s] Kavlaran, you, some time ago,
[50.2s] well before the bridal party had come back in,
[52.3s] had gone looking for your father's fourth wife.
[56.4s] Dame Corvella, who you saw enter
[60.6s] from her distinct attire, which was all black,
[64.8s] big, long, wide brimmed hat, black veil of her own.
[70.9s] I mean, there was an air of coolness as it entered,
[74.3s] and by coolness, I mean coldness.
[77.6s] You've disappeared down the hallway
[79.7s] and you can't find her anywhere.
[82.6s] You've headed back out towards the seating area.
[88.5s] You see that everybody's kind of milling back in,
[91.1s] but you know, there's a bit of tension within you.
[95.0s] You catch your father's eye and he looks over to you
[97.4s] and gives a smile and another thumbs up,
[99.6s] like things going, oh.
[102.1s] Given the old neck, not good sign.
[105.0s] Yeah, he leans over to his new bride, Guendevere,
[110.6s] and you see him whisper something
[112.0s] and he excuses himself and gets up and comes over to you
[114.9s] and says, what seems to be the problem?
[118.5s] She is here somewhere.
[122.2s] Somewhere.
[123.3s] Somewhere, not sure where, lost her.
[126.4s] It's not a large place, Kvlarne, what happened?
[128.8s] Well, you see, I was, oh, by the way,
[131.9s] Mom, Eloan, and Lady Emma are all like a team now,
[134.3s] so that's a thing you're gonna have to deal with.
[135.9s] Anyway, moving on.
[137.6s] I saw her come in and I was busy with the team,
[141.4s] team X mom.
[144.3s] Yes, yes.
[145.1s] And I saw her come in and then she kind of disappeared
[147.9s] into the back and I went and looked for her,
[149.6s] but I can't find her anywhere.
[151.6s] Great, well, we'll all keep our heads on a swivel.
[156.7s] Nothing good comes when she disappears.
[159.8s] How did she look?
[160.9s] Did she come dressed appropriately for the wedding?
[164.6s] Funny story, totally dressed in black
[169.2s] with a huge hat with a black veil on it.
[171.5s] Yeah, no, that's what I completely expected.
[175.2s] So I guess she's dressed appropriately then.
[177.4s] Yeah, no, 100%.
[179.0s] I'm glad she took that to heart
[181.8s] and that's how she came.
[184.0s] All right, well, you let me know if you find her
[186.5s] and I will do the same.
[187.4s] I'll give you a signal, signal, signal, signal,
[190.0s] like a caca, caca, tuky, tuky.
[191.9s] I think it's perfect.
[193.4s] Perfect, absolutely the best choice of action there.
[196.7s] That's what we did when you were a kid
[199.0s] and it's what we will do today.
[201.6s] So if it's looking bad with, what did you call them?
[205.1s] The X squad, X team?
[207.2s] I call them like the X moms.
[209.1s] X moms, X moms, I like that.
[212.0s] So the X moms,
[214.0s] if they look like they're getting unruly
[215.8s] or we see Corvela making a move for any cutlery?
[223.0s] Any cutlery? Sure, sure.
[225.0s] Question for you, just,
[226.6s] because I see there's like a couple,
[228.0s] like kind of balconies up across the way.
[230.7s] How good of a shot is she?
[232.6s] Just out of curiosity.
[233.8s] Well, she did, she was, you know,
[236.8s] top of the, top of her class.
[241.4s] Cool, that's great info to have.
[244.0s] Yeah, she doesn't have any problems with you.
[247.4s] We did reinforce the glass here.
[250.9s] It is a lot of glass, this is,
[253.8s] but I mean, you saw her come into the building.
[257.1s] So why would she be across the street?
[260.0s] That's not, that's not something that people do
[262.3s] is come in to distract and then leave.
[264.7s] Look, I mean, you always called her a witch.
[267.0s] Does she, like, can she do magic stuff?
[268.8s] I didn't always call her a witch.
[270.3s] I called her a witch. Okay, at the end,
[271.8s] you always referred to her as a witch.
[274.0s] She was a loving,
[274.9s] Is there any fact in that?
[279.0s] I don't think so.
[280.6s] She did have a lot of,
[282.9s] Let's see why you guys didn't make it.
[285.7s] She did have a lot of pots.
[287.2s] Don't know a thing about her.
[290.8s] She had a lot of pots.
[291.9s] She had a lot of pots.
[293.3s] She made a lot of brews, a lot of stews.
[296.6s] Uh-huh, uh-huh.
[297.6s] So, you know, thinking back on it.
[299.4s] Were there a lot of jars with names like
[301.2s] Eye of Newt and stuff like that?
[304.0s] There were a lot of jars,
[305.0s] I couldn't necessarily- Coriander.
[308.9s] Cilantro.
[311.2s] I didn't know the names of all of them
[313.1s] or read all the languages that they were in.
[316.7s] Oh, they were different languages.
[318.4s] It was international cuisine that she made most often.
[322.1s] Okay, in like a big soup pot?
[324.8s] Yeah, it was large.
[326.1s] Yeah, like, are you saying like cauldron?
[329.4s] Is that the word you're looking for?
[330.3s] Cauldron, that's the word I was looking for.
[332.5s] She had a lot of definitely a witch then.
[334.4s] That's great.
[335.3s] This is just, it keeps getting better.
[337.0s] Yeah, no, you're doing a great job.
[338.7s] I love this for you.
[340.6s] Hey, have you seen Gary?
[342.1s] He's supposed to start the speeches.
[344.5s] You need to keep track of Gary.
[346.2s] Look, I realize-
[348.1s] Yeah, Cav.
[350.2s] Thank you.
[351.2s] No, you're right.
[352.1s] I gave you four people to keep track of.
[354.2s] I just need to keep track of Gary and-
[356.2s] Thank you.
[357.1s] And my wife.
[359.0s] Where is she?
[360.9s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast
[364.5s] and I'm your dungeon master, Russ More, He-Him.
[367.2s] Also with me today is Tom Laird
[369.0s] as Kavlaran Goldweave, He-Him.
[371.3s] Got him.
[372.1s] Got him, found Gary.
[373.4s] Gary's here now.
[374.3s] Carla Maxted as Lady Marison the First.
[377.1s] This is actually pathetic.
[378.4s] I can see why you don't care anymore.
[380.6s] Amy More as Eloin the Second.
[382.6s] This is my time.
[383.9s] And Kyle Claset as Baroness Yiselle the Third.
[387.0s] Oh, no, no, no.
[387.9s] You're not getting out of it that easily.
[389.5s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon supported podcast
[392.4s] and we'd love for you to join us today
[394.0s] at patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
[397.2s] You'll get a seven day free trial to check things out.
[399.8s] And now let's get right to it.
[401.9s] Fuck it, let's play.
[405.6s] Where is she?
[406.4s] And he turns and looks and Eloin,
[408.3s] you're standing right there.
[410.2s] Oh, hi, Eloin.
[412.5s] Lovely to see you.
[413.4s] Thank you for coming today.
[415.4s] You should try the pastries.
[417.1s] I'm gonna-
[418.0s] Do you have a minute?
[418.8s] Oh, we are about ready to start some speeches.
[421.4s] Yeah, we're a little bit behind schedule here, Eloin.
[423.4s] This'll just take a minute.
[425.0s] We're just gonna have to hold that for the end.
[427.6s] All the questions will be held
[429.1s] for the end of the event.
[430.4s] Don't let him deny you.
[431.6s] Say what you need to say.
[433.5s] Oh, that's emboldening.
[435.2s] I see you've all decided to-
[439.2s] Well, we have a lot in common.
[440.3s] Yes, no, you do.
[442.0s] I have no disagreement.
[443.9s] Yes, of course.
[444.7s] I have some time.
[447.8s] I haven't found Gary yet.
[449.2s] Gary's the one to be the emcee,
[451.4s] so if we don't find Gary, we can't.
[455.0s] He gives like a wink to you, Cav,
[457.6s] and you'll be like, maybe you find Gary.
[460.8s] So you're stepping on my foot repeatedly,
[463.2s] like, find Gary.
[464.8s] He's not finding Gary.
[466.7s] But now he's connecting find Gary
[468.4s] to fix this wife situation,
[470.6s] so now it's back in his court.
[472.6s] Yeah, that's true.
[473.8s] Oh, he's a sneaky one.
[475.4s] Smooth operator.
[476.2s] He's a manipulator.
[477.9s] Light bulb goes off.
[479.7s] Cav scuttles away to try to find this fucking Gary.
[483.1s] All right, you've dispersed.
[484.9s] You're gonna go find Gary
[485.9s] and keep an eye out for Corvela.
[489.7s] Why?
[493.6s] Why?
[496.2s] What happened between us?
[498.5s] Well, Eleon,
[501.4s] sometimes two people
[505.4s] no longer see eye to eye,
[508.1s] and drift apart.
[510.8s] I fear that's what happened with us.
[514.4s] What do you mean you fear that's what's happened with us?
[517.4s] Well, I'm a poet and I didn't know it.
[521.6s] I appreciate you being here, Eleon.
[527.3s] We've discussed this many times.
[530.1s] No, we haven't.
[531.6s] Well, at least once, I'm sure, right?
[535.2s] Yes, all that time together,
[538.5s] and you're right.
[539.5s] I should be just satisfied
[541.0s] with that one conversation we had
[543.2s] as to why you think
[546.9s] that we're done.
[548.7s] Well,
[551.0s] yes.
[552.3s] Well, I did think that we were done.
[554.8s] I thought that perhaps,
[558.0s] you know, you would be better off without me.
[561.6s] It's not you. Oh, please.
[562.9s] It's me. Jeez.
[564.0s] Please.
[564.8s] Obviously, it's you. You're embarrassing yourself.
[567.4s] Obviously, we are at your fifth successful wedding.
[571.2s] If we could just keep our voices.
[574.0s] Oh, if we could just keep our voices, of course.
[576.4s] I appreciate that you RSVP'd.
[578.8s] What?
[580.9s] What did I do wrong?
[581.8s] I can change.
[582.7s] Nothing.
[583.6s] No.
[584.4s] You don't have to do that.
[585.5s] You don't have to change.
[587.0s] Nothing to change.
[588.6s] He's terrible.
[589.4s] I'm terrible.
[590.3s] Do you need to change your drink out
[591.1s] and I switch the drinks?
[593.2s] Yes.
[594.0s] How are we enjoying the specialty?
[596.9s] Oh, no, no.
[597.8s] You're not getting out of it that easily.
[599.3s] Yeah, no.
[600.2s] Also, it's gross.
[601.0s] Back on topic.
[603.0s] If our love didn't mean anything to you, just say it.
[606.2s] Our love did mean.
[608.1s] No. Yes.
[609.0s] Because when love is real,
[611.4s] you can give somebody a good enough answer
[616.4s] so that they are not tearing themselves apart
[619.4s] every single day through countless weddings.
[624.2s] You know what?
[625.2s] I'm sorry. One of these times,
[629.1s] I'm not gonna show up to your wedding.
[633.0s] She bustles away in a big swirl of her skirt.
[637.6s] Swirl is a word now.
[639.3s] That's right.
[641.0s] Cav comes running back in with Garry,
[643.8s] fireman carried over his shoulder
[645.6s] and dumps him in front.
[647.1s] Got him.
[648.0s] Got him.
[648.8s] Found Garry.
[649.6s] Garry's here now.
[650.6s] Lovely to see you, Garry.
[652.0s] We're just having a word with Harrison.
[654.1s] It'll just be a moment.
[656.6s] Garry, if you could please prepare the speeches.
[661.2s] I...
[662.5s] Congratulations on being promoted to best man.
[664.7s] Good for you.
[665.5s] Oh, thanks.
[666.4s] Good job.
[667.2s] Yeah, I know.
[668.0s] Sometimes a demotion.
[668.9s] Sometimes you get back up and...
[669.7s] Garry, go get Garry.
[670.7s] No, yeah, no.
[671.6s] Of course, I have one job.
[672.6s] I'm gonna go do it.
[673.6s] And he heads off.
[675.1s] Look, I...
[676.0s] It's a part-time job.
[678.7s] He's right in it.
[680.0s] Splish it.
[680.9s] Semi-pro best man.
[683.8s] He also works for him.
[685.2s] He's been working his way up the company ladder
[687.4s] every time somebody dies.
[689.5s] I...
[692.3s] Are a coward.
[693.2s] Am a coward.
[694.1s] And...
[694.9s] Yes.
[695.8s] I don't know if I have...
[698.8s] An honest bone in your body.
[701.1s] Thank you.
[703.5s] A spine to say what you mean when you're...
[705.6s] A good enough explanation for why I love the way I do.
[710.6s] It's...
[711.8s] Poorly.
[713.3s] Yeah.
[714.1s] Yes.
[715.0s] I'm surprised I have a kid from you
[715.9s] considering the lack of balls.
[720.4s] Okay.
[721.6s] Ellen's over at the bar, but she even heard that
[724.6s] and was like, damn!
[727.4s] Snap!
[729.6s] All you hear is like, yes, queen!
[731.5s] In the background.
[733.0s] I owe you more than what I've given you.
[739.4s] I do.
[740.3s] All of you.
[741.2s] And looks over to Ellen.
[743.2s] I know that, and I am sorry.
[746.6s] I loved...
[748.2s] This is actually pathetic.
[749.6s] I can see why you don't care anymore.
[752.2s] Exactly.
[754.0s] Exactly.
[757.4s] Every conversation like this has happened, you know,
[761.3s] after we split, picking up Cav, dropping him off.
[765.0s] Oh, you must have had to deal with him constantly.
[767.5s] I'm so sorry.
[769.0s] It wasn't even...
[769.8s] Co-parenting with him?
[771.9s] Exactly.
[773.2s] Oh, I dodged a bullet.
[775.1s] You did.
[775.9s] You absolutely did.
[777.4s] Oh, I'm so glad Four's here.
[779.3s] Where's Four?
[780.9s] It's a great question.
[782.7s] At that, you turn and look,
[784.0s] and like, Harrison was there for the...
[786.4s] You did, but then you look for Corvela
[789.3s] and don't see her, and he's...
[791.2s] Of course.
[792.0s] Back at the head table.
[793.0s] He is a coward, as you can see.
[794.7s] 100%.
[795.5s] This is not surprising.
[796.9s] You hear Gary, like, tap the microphone.
[799.9s] The microphone.
[804.2s] The thing that's right in front of your face?
[806.4s] The...
[811.2s] Sorry, this is the best word to forget.
[814.0s] The one my whole life has revolved around for 20 years.
[816.8s] I got it.
[817.7s] It's not our glass, let's get it together.
[822.5s] You hear Gary tap the microphone,
[824.1s] he says, if everybody can take their seats,
[826.3s] we're gonna start some speeches.
[827.5s] And it looks as if, well,
[830.2s] we have the usual, the best man's speech,
[831.7s] which, he kind of covers it.
[834.8s] Am I doing it, or is Cav doing it?
[838.3s] Cav's already done one tonight, I guess.
[840.8s] I guess you, Harrison shrugs.
[843.8s] So, the best man's speech, and then it says here
[847.2s] that we're supposed to just pass the microphone around
[849.6s] to anybody who has things to say.
[851.4s] Oh, Eloan Perks, up.
[853.6s] So, take your seats, just, you know,
[856.6s] find a buddy, grab another drink,
[858.6s] and we'll start in just a moment.
[860.0s] Dad, dad, who planned this wedding?
[865.2s] Gwendovere.
[866.0s] Benny Benson.
[866.8s] When Gwendovere got together with Benny,
[870.0s] and they just went to town and said...
[872.3s] You know, ever since Benny split from the Jets,
[874.9s] hasn't been the same.
[876.8s] It's really gone off book, yeah.
[880.1s] Everybody grabs some food, and they grab their drinks,
[882.4s] and everybody sits down, and Gary gets back up to speak,
[885.5s] and he says, well, I've known,
[887.9s] I've known Harrison for three weddings now.
[893.7s] Me too.
[897.6s] Thank you, Yuzel.
[898.4s] Yes, yes, it was a lovely day,
[901.7s] and Harrison's given the same stop now hand signal.
[908.0s] But we're gonna move right along.
[909.4s] Harrison's a great friend who treats his friends like,
[914.9s] well, like they're the best man,
[918.1s] and look, he's a guy, he's a complicated man,
[922.4s] and I've run out of nice things to say, sir,
[926.6s] and yeah, he works for me.
[928.4s] I have one nice thing to say.
[930.2s] One.
[932.8s] Which was, he's a complicated man.
[934.7s] Yes.
[935.5s] Yeah.
[939.3s] You know what, I was demoted.
[941.0s] Kavlaran, perhaps you would like to take over.
[944.0s] I'd love to, Gare, thanks, thanks, bud.
[950.2s] Have all of the controls.
[952.4s] Welcome to the middle.
[953.2s] You can do whatever you want.
[954.7s] In the middle, it's whatever you want.
[956.2s] Welcome to the middle.
[957.1s] Russ just declared that he has all of the controls,
[959.0s] so nobody else is in control.
[961.2s] That's right, no.
[962.4s] I mean, if you're playing the home game,
[963.8s] you know he's had all the controls the whole time.
[966.2s] Obviously.
[967.1s] So it's fine.
[967.9s] That's right.
[968.7s] But also, he's married to me, so he.
[970.1s] Really, this has been Amy's long con
[971.9s] to have this game run.
[974.4s] That's right.
[975.3s] This is just a project that Amy wanted to do
[977.6s] that Russ has been enacting for the last 10 years.
[981.2s] I love it.
[983.0s] I mean, sounds like me.
[986.9s] How many podcasts can I give him to make?
[989.9s] I guess I owe him maybe $10.
[996.4s] To trading places, here's your dollar.
[1000.0s] This middle that you're listening to
[1003.2s] is in this episode that you're listening to,
[1005.3s] which comes out at the start of our Patreon sale,
[1008.6s] or very close there too.
[1010.2s] So right now, when you visit patreon.com
[1012.5s] slash dumb dragging cast,
[1014.3s] you can save 50% off your first month
[1017.7s] or your first year membership,
[1020.5s] all in celebration of our very own Carla Maxton.
[1025.0s] Not really, but that's pretty exciting.
[1027.8s] 50% off a year?
[1029.1s] That's a great deal.
[1029.9s] Yeah, that's really good.
[1030.7s] That's crazy.
[1031.6s] Do it, I know.
[1032.4s] Does that make them a member?
[1033.5s] Well, yeah.
[1034.3s] I mean, I already had every record,
[1036.2s] but should I?
[1038.3s] Now's the time.
[1039.2s] Now's the time.
[1040.0s] What's the time?
[1040.8s] That's wild.
[1041.7s] You're gonna save boatloads by just signing up today.
[1045.1s] Yeah, Carla, you're being very humble.
[1048.1s] We actually, listeners, we actually asked Carla,
[1050.3s] what do you want for your birthday?
[1051.8s] And Carla was like,
[1053.4s] give a discount to our sweet, sweet patrons.
[1056.6s] Very altruistic.
[1057.9s] Very altruistic, absolutely.
[1059.5s] I want more of them to join us
[1061.8s] and see how dumb we are.
[1064.5s] There you go.
[1065.3s] The world deserves to know just how dumb we are.
[1069.4s] You deserve to know how this sounds unedited.
[1074.8s] Yeah, one hundo.
[1076.9s] There are some things that still get cut out.
[1078.9s] We're pretty good now,
[1080.9s] but yeah, no, there's still some wild stuff
[1082.9s] that doesn't make it fair.
[1084.1s] Yeah.
[1086.0s] I believe it.
[1086.8s] But if you've been thinking about it,
[1088.6s] that's a good deal.
[1090.0s] Even if you just wanna dip in for the month
[1091.7s] and listen to some bonus content, that'd be great.
[1095.2s] And even if you do that whole month,
[1096.3s] you still get that one sweet bonus
[1098.5s] that everybody gets whenever you sign up for a Patreon.
[1102.7s] And that's a monthly, that's an episode dedication.
[1105.8s] Yeah, that's right.
[1106.7s] Yeah, we've got a special one right now
[1108.1s] and we can get so many more with this sale coming up.
[1110.4s] Carla, thank you again for being so altruistic.
[1113.1s] But now we're gonna have them lined up
[1115.1s] for way through 2030,
[1116.7s] which means we can't stop doing the podcast
[1119.3s] until we get through those names.
[1120.8s] So looks like you owe Amy 20 bucks.
[1126.2s] Commitment.
[1129.8s] That's right.
[1130.6s] And yeah, don't wait till my birthday.
[1131.8s] My deal's not gonna be as good as Carla's.
[1133.7s] I am not as nice as she is.
[1135.7s] So you should probably get in on it now.
[1137.7s] Fair. Y'all are giving out deals too?
[1142.4s] Untrue.
[1143.6s] I'm killing Jesser.
[1144.8s] You know who's got the best deal right now?
[1146.5s] Who's got the best deal?
[1147.5s] Who's got the best deal of the month?
[1149.4s] The best deal of the month is what we're talking about
[1152.2s] when you get that Patreon dedication.
[1154.3s] Today's patron, the fashionable wizard.
[1159.9s] How delightful and elegant.
[1162.0s] I wish the fashionable wizard had a 50% off sale.
[1166.4s] Oh my God.
[1167.2s] The capes I would buy, the hats, the jeweled items.
[1172.0s] My wand would be huge.
[1173.7s] That's not the only sale we have going on
[1175.4s] for fashionable people though, is it Russ?
[1178.0s] It is not.
[1178.8s] You are correct.
[1179.6s] Oh, well how apropos that the fashionable wizard.
[1181.5s] If you're a fashionable wizard,
[1183.2s] you need to bedeck yourself in some high class items.
[1188.7s] Wait. Bedeck?
[1190.0s] Yes, that's correct.
[1190.8s] You need to bedeck yourself.
[1193.0s] Bedecked, bedazzled.
[1194.2s] I'm not even gonna, I can't even look it up.
[1197.5s] I'm not gonna disrespect Carla like that.
[1199.3s] Bedeck is a thing.
[1200.5s] You've never got into bedeckery?
[1203.0s] I've never bedecked.
[1204.2s] Bedeck yourself and save some money in our dashery store,
[1208.1s] dumbdragons.dashery.com,
[1211.4s] where you can save a percentage off of different items.
[1215.0s] Like a t-shirt is how much usually?
[1217.2s] $22.
[1218.3s] And now it's gonna be.
[1219.4s] $16.
[1220.7s] Whoa.
[1221.5s] That's a hell of a bedecking.
[1222.4s] Good deal.
[1223.3s] That's a pretty great deal.
[1224.9s] We got some old school looks.
[1226.2s] We got some new school looks.
[1228.0s] Also guys, I looked it up real quick.
[1229.6s] Bedeck is a word, not crazy.
[1231.9s] No, I knew I wasn't even gonna question it.
[1234.0s] I questioned myself.
[1235.8s] It's just, it's not very commonplace.
[1238.2s] What if I told you that the kids are saying it?
[1240.7s] They're not.
[1241.5s] Oh god.
[1242.4s] You know what?
[1243.2s] The kids are saying it.
[1244.0s] I don't trust them, okay?
[1246.9s] Bedecking slaps, guys, is what I'm saying.
[1249.2s] Love it.
[1250.1s] So be like the fashionable wizard
[1252.2s] and sign up at patreon.com.
[1255.0s] Yeah. That's what it is.
[1255.8s] Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast
[1258.0s] where right now you can save 50% off your first month
[1260.3s] or year.
[1262.3s] And then just head on over to our dashery store
[1264.2s] and get yourself some sweet, sweet merch
[1265.8s] that you can show off to all the other cool kids
[1269.6s] that hang out.
[1270.6s] In our Discord.
[1271.4s] In your neck of the woods.
[1272.2s] Or in real life.
[1273.1s] Or in real life.
[1273.9s] We need to be fashionable.
[1275.0s] Yep.
[1275.8s] All those great things.
[1276.7s] Thanks for being here with us.
[1277.5s] They're gonna save so much money.
[1278.4s] Save money on the account.
[1279.2s] Save money on the clothes.
[1280.1s] They can go buy bubble gum afterwards.
[1281.9s] Yeah, love it.
[1282.8s] Happy birthday, Carla.
[1283.6s] Thanks, friends.
[1284.5s] Happy birthday, Carla.
[1286.2s] And if you do sign up, thank you so much for signing up.
[1289.8s] Or can't sign up, zero pressure.
[1292.2s] You're still here listening to us
[1293.8s] and that is thanks.
[1294.7s] Love it.
[1295.5s] This middle's been forever.
[1296.6s] So you're a trooper, thanks.
[1298.8s] Yeah.
[1299.6s] We want you here.
[1300.4s] Your finger got tired from hitting that skip button
[1302.2s] and now we get to say goodbye and we love you.
[1306.1s] We love you.
[1306.9s] Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
[1308.1s] We got you again.
[1309.0s] Bye.
[1309.8s] Love you, bye.
[1310.6s] Bye.
[1312.8s] You know what?
[1313.7s] Let's just do that thing
[1314.5s] where you're gonna pass the mic around.
[1315.8s] I'm into it now.
[1317.2s] Sounds like a great plan.
[1318.8s] Who wants first dibs?
[1320.2s] Oh, Eloin, the back.
[1323.4s] There's a few people who stand up
[1326.5s] as you're putting your hand up
[1328.0s] and are moving towards the microphone, Eloin.
[1330.4s] What do you do?
[1331.5s] All right, Lordbucket, we're gonna go with you
[1334.6s] and then Eloin, you'll be next.
[1339.2s] Yes, Lordbucket here.
[1341.3s] Thank you for coming everybody
[1342.9s] from well as far away as Vintersmouth
[1345.7s] and probably up in the Me Mountains there.
[1350.0s] I was just there last week having just a grand old time.
[1354.0s] We saw some wild fauna and flora
[1357.1s] and it was really quite an adventure
[1360.1s] and I think that's what I'm gonna do more of
[1363.0s] in these later years in my life.
[1364.9s] A marriage is like a sunset.
[1366.8s] Tell us about your current grandson.
[1369.1s] Oh, have you heard about my grandson, Marklson?
[1374.2s] He is really just the sunshine in my life.
[1378.3s] And well, as I was getting back to the point,
[1382.1s] I hear you, Ezell, I'm moving on, don't worry.
[1387.2s] As I was saying, a marriage is like a sunset, sunrise.
[1390.4s] Things are good, things are bad,
[1393.1s] but you do it all together.
[1394.7s] And well, if anybody wants to take a look
[1397.4s] at my slides after from the Me Mountains,
[1399.8s] I will be showing them as well as a follow-up
[1402.7s] group of photos of Marklson.
[1405.2s] He should be making an appearance after his nap later.
[1408.4s] If anybody wants to say hello, you come find him.
[1412.5s] All right, it's bold move to have a former wife here.
[1419.8s] Eloin?
[1420.6s] Four former wives.
[1421.9s] Yes.
[1423.2s] Thank you.
[1426.2s] Love is important.
[1428.9s] Marriage, she's had a few to drink now.
[1435.4s] Marriage is not a way to say I love you.
[1445.2s] You look over to Harrison's face
[1447.2s] and he's got a very quizzical look about him.
[1449.9s] Like he didn't understand what you just said.
[1452.6s] Of course he didn't.
[1454.2s] He's stupid.
[1457.0s] He's stupid.
[1461.5s] Marriage is supposed to be sharing
[1468.6s] with everybody you know, all your important people
[1476.3s] that you love someone so much.
[1480.1s] But that's all it is to you.
[1482.5s] All you want to do is flaunt a temporary love
[1487.8s] and spend ridiculous amounts of money.
[1492.8s] Think of the colleges you could have put Cav through.
[1497.0s] Okay, Cav did go to college.
[1499.1s] I said colleges.
[1503.1s] Get it.
[1503.9s] Sorry Cav, do you want to go to college?
[1505.1s] Is that what this is about?
[1507.1s] This is my time.
[1508.6s] It's a great, and actually speaking of that,
[1510.6s] we've hit our three minute limit
[1512.6s] so we'd like to move on.
[1514.2s] We can come back to you.
[1515.2s] Oh man, Bucket talked for like 17 minutes.
[1519.3s] No, that's just, he's just the most boring person
[1522.2s] in the world so it seemed like it was that long.
[1524.5s] Listen. Let her talk.
[1526.9s] All right, round two, Ellowin, let's do it.
[1529.0s] Love is not just something that you put on like a costume
[1534.1s] and parade around in front of people.
[1537.6s] Love is deep and love, and it hurts
[1544.4s] and it makes you do crazy things.
[1551.4s] And you, ma'am, and she points to.
[1556.1s] Gwendolyn.
[1556.9s] Gwendolyn.
[1557.8s] She points to Gwendolyn.
[1559.6s] Points to Gwendolyn.
[1561.4s] I love him.
[1565.0s] But you can do better.
[1568.1s] Yeah, you can.
[1570.0s] And then I drop the mic and I kind of stagger off
[1573.2s] with my little bottle of brown liquor.
[1576.1s] Okay, probably won't be getting the deposit back
[1578.2s] for the AV equipment.
[1580.2s] Not a problem though.
[1582.8s] Lady Schneiderhound, you're up.
[1584.9s] Cav, Lady Schneiderhound is giving her speech
[1588.3s] and you clock the silhouetted figure of Dame Corvela
[1592.7s] who doesn't enter the room
[1594.6s] but is just like standing off to the sides
[1597.8s] looking straight at you.
[1601.3s] And then after Lady Schneiderhound kind of wraps things up
[1606.2s] and there's a small clap for what she said at the end
[1609.5s] which was all you need is love, da, da, da, da, da.
[1615.1s] She.
[1616.0s] No more than that because we don't want any
[1617.6s] litigious actors coming after us.
[1619.4s] Exactly.
[1620.2s] I'll take on Daphne, I won't take on the Beatles.
[1622.2s] Fair.
[1623.3s] She heads back down the hallway.
[1625.2s] You see her turn and like signal to you this time.
[1629.0s] Okay, that was the excellent Lady Schneiderhound.
[1633.9s] We're gonna throw it over to my dear sweet mother.
[1638.4s] Take it away.
[1639.7s] Welcome, take the mic.
[1640.9s] Thank you so much, my darling Cav.
[1643.4s] It is wonderful to be here to witness the third wedding
[1648.4s] of my only son's father and ex-husband Lord Harrison.
[1654.8s] Is an absolute delight to be here to witness
[1660.1s] all of the great women that he's been with
[1663.4s] and the taste he has cultivated over the years
[1669.6s] for younger and younger vintages of wine.
[1674.8s] Vintages, so young, well, how young are they?
[1684.4s] So young, they're still being pressed.
[1687.8s] I don't know.
[1688.6s] He's not.
[1693.0s] No, but.
[1693.8s] He is just like, why'd I pick this analogy, damn it.
[1699.0s] But truthfully, it's great to see another
[1704.2s] lavish event to celebrate love,
[1707.7s] and I can't wait for the next,
[1711.0s] what'd you say, Cav, where'd he go?
[1712.7s] I think he said it's gonna be three more times.
[1714.8s] Three more times.
[1717.2s] And if they all do it right,
[1720.0s] Ellowin, you're right, love does hurt,
[1721.5s] and you can do some crazy things.
[1723.2s] I'm sorry that you didn't do them in the fun places.
[1727.1s] And I leave the mic there.
[1730.2s] It's an awkward clap through the crowd.
[1733.6s] Ellowin, ruckus, cheer.
[1736.7s] You look for Cavlarn, who, yeah,
[1738.7s] he's nowhere to be seen.
[1740.1s] You saw him sprint out the back.
[1741.7s] Lady M, would you like to give a speech
[1743.3s] before we check in with Cavlarn?
[1744.9s] Why not?
[1746.4s] Well, nothing to say to you,
[1748.6s] Harrison, but Guinevere.
[1750.6s] You see him pull at his.
[1751.7s] Welcome to the club.
[1752.9s] Thank God.
[1753.8s] Welcome, welcome.
[1756.8s] You'll join us soon enough.
[1758.7s] And I think we're quite a bit of fun.
[1761.9s] Let's do shot.
[1763.8s] One of us.
[1765.4s] One of us.
[1766.2s] One of us.
[1767.5s] One of us.
[1769.0s] Goobel gobble.
[1771.7s] All of you, you get up and move towards the bar.
[1774.3s] There's a confused, like a bit of excitement
[1777.2s] from some people,
[1778.3s] cause they're not entirely sure
[1780.0s] what the vibe is anymore.
[1782.4s] Harrison's like pulling at his shirt collar,
[1784.5s] looking around for Cav.
[1786.1s] Like you can't see you.
[1788.7s] And Cavlarn, you had booked it down the hallway.
[1792.7s] You hear kind of the end of Yiselle's speech
[1795.0s] and Lady M get up and start speaking.
[1798.1s] And you're like looking in every door again.
[1801.2s] And you get down to the very end of this hallway
[1804.3s] in this dimly lit room.
[1807.3s] There's a couple of candles inside and you enter
[1810.6s] and you see the same silhouette standing by a window.
[1814.1s] Very clearly, Dame Corvella.
[1816.7s] You've met her several times before.
[1819.4s] What'd you have to do?
[1820.8s] At least twice.
[1821.7s] At least twice, yeah.
[1823.7s] Well, yeah, I mean, she would have
[1825.2s] at least partially raised you,
[1828.0s] depending on the timing.
[1830.2s] At least been there during a raising.
[1832.4s] Anyways.
[1833.2s] She was your only technical step mom.
[1837.0s] True, true.
[1837.9s] Yeah, we were like pre-step moms.
[1839.4s] Yeah.
[1840.4s] You enter and she doesn't say anything,
[1842.7s] but you see her standing there.
[1844.9s] What do you do?
[1846.4s] How are we feeling today, Dame?
[1849.3s] She turns and with a coldness in her voice says Gavlarne.
[1857.8s] We're doing just fine today.
[1862.3s] Good, good.
[1863.4s] Normally has a bit of a sneer about her,
[1866.5s] but she doesn't this time.
[1868.3s] Couldn't help but notice the attire.
[1871.0s] It's a bold choice.
[1872.1s] I dressed for the occasion.
[1875.0s] It is a wedding.
[1877.0s] Exactly.
[1878.6s] It's where love goes to die, Gavlarne.
[1880.9s] Oh.
[1882.5s] Give her the mic.
[1884.0s] Yes.
[1886.3s] Gavlarne.
[1887.1s] My lapel mic's been on the whole time.
[1888.9s] Hey!
[1890.1s] Fucking lapel mics.
[1891.8s] Why did we put them on everybody?
[1893.5s] I don't know.
[1897.0s] I have not come to give a speech.
[1900.2s] Okay, that's probably good.
[1901.6s] Anything profound.
[1902.9s] I stayed quiet because noise makes liars sloppy.
[1908.5s] She sits down, folds her hands.
[1914.0s] She says, come in, have a seat, close the door.
[1917.8s] Sure, yeah, I'll be right there.
[1920.2s] The sound of the party, which has kind of picked up,
[1923.3s] people have stopped giving speeches
[1924.8s] and there's more just like,
[1925.6s] shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot.
[1929.0s] You close the door and which dims
[1931.5s] everything happening outside and says,
[1934.0s] your father believes he has simply been unlucky in love.
[1941.2s] Oh, well, we both know that's not the case though, right?
[1944.8s] No, of course not.
[1946.0s] It's not that he chooses poorly
[1949.0s] or that hearts are fragile things.
[1953.5s] The small humorless smile comes across her
[1956.8s] very stoic face and that is not what happened.
[1963.7s] She noticed you sat a little further away from her
[1966.4s] and she gets up and pulls her chair closer to you.
[1970.8s] Not getting a threatening vibe,
[1972.6s] but she's coming over to you for certainty.
[1976.7s] She says, years ago, before you were grown,
[1982.4s] your father signed a document that he did not understand.
[1987.5s] I mean, I do not think that is the first
[1988.5s] and only time that has happened, but please continue.
[1990.6s] No, yes, it was a civic agreement.
[1995.2s] You're right.
[1996.1s] He has signed many of them.
[1998.3s] It was a consolidation of authority,
[2002.4s] something boring to him, you know, Harrison.
[2006.3s] Okay.
[2007.2s] Something men like him never read closely.
[2011.7s] She looks to you knowingly
[2016.8s] the words did not stay where he put them.
[2020.6s] They were taken, preserved, filed.
[2028.0s] I do a lot of filing in my job.
[2030.4s] Well, in my old, well, I didn't do it,
[2033.2s] but like I was around while it was done.
[2035.3s] So I'm with you so far.
[2037.8s] She lifts the brim of her hat, even removes it.
[2041.6s] So you can see her eyes.
[2044.0s] They were filed in the Weeping Archive.
[2047.8s] Oh shit, I've actually heard of that.
[2050.5s] Every marriage after that was not chaos.
[2055.3s] It was containment.
[2057.8s] Each wife placed near him by coincidence,
[2060.8s] by council, by recommendation.
[2063.6s] Families with scribes, record keepers,
[2067.5s] people who knew how to erase a just delay.
[2073.9s] He thought he was protecting himself.
[2076.6s] The Archive thought it was indexing him.
[2081.8s] That's why he forgets things that matter.
[2086.0s] That's why records vanish.
[2088.9s] And that's why Vintersmouth
[2091.6s] keeps surviving scandals it should not.
[2097.0s] Your father is not powerful, Kavlaran.
[2101.3s] He is footnoted.
[2103.8s] She stands up.
[2107.1s] I waited to see what kind of man you were before telling you.
[2111.6s] Whether you could carry truth without turning it into a weapon.
[2117.2s] Now you know where to look.
[2121.0s] The Archive already knows who you are.
[2125.1s] She turns to leave.
[2127.2s] She opens the door and the sound of the party picks up again
[2131.7s] as the door opens.
[2133.4s] As she exits, she adds without turning back.
[2137.8s] If you ever read your father's name in ink that won't dry,
[2142.6s] don't touch the page.
[2148.8s] Okay, noted.
[2150.6s] She turns the corner.
[2153.6s] As you get up to follow her, she's gone down the hall.
[2158.8s] It's weird that every conversation I have with her is like this.
[2165.6s] Dumbgeons and Dragons, season four, episode 48,
[2169.6s] starring Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave,
[2172.7s] Carla Maxted as Lady Marizon the first,
[2175.6s] Amy More as Elluin the second,
[2177.8s] Kyle Claset as Baroness Yselle the third
[2181.0s] and Russ More as your dungeon master.
[2183.3s] Dialogue, editing and sound design of today's episode is by Russ More.
[2187.1s] Our community manager is Jessica Babiak.
[2189.6s] Music is from Epidemic Sound and sound effects are from Epidemic Sound,
[2193.6s] Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
[2195.7s] Our amazing cover art is by Matt Garbutt.
[2198.4s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
[2200.9s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak, Angaron Kierzen, Perry Matey,
[2205.2s] Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Old School Gamer D,
[2209.0s] Craig Zeiss, L.A. Branton, Chibs 1012 and Kudzu 828.
[2214.2s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon supported podcast,
[2217.6s] and all of our amazing community help make sure that we have adventures
[2221.4s] for you every single week.
[2223.5s] Come join us today.
[2224.5s] Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
[2226.6s] We hope to see you over there and you have yourself right now.
[2230.9s] A great week. Yes.
[2232.5s] And we'll talk to you very, very soon.
[2234.5s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.