[0.0s] Nobody worry, Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in a moment.
[30.0s] The Hot Block is bustling as crates of chickens have spilled out into the street, ethane running
[47.1s] out trying to grab them all, yelling back into Everbane's as we hear the hammer just
[53.6s] down hasn't stopped in what feels like days. It's probably been quite a long, but the
[60.6s] stacks have been just pluming with smoke and inside we see Bonwyn who's just drenched
[66.3s] in sweat, has projects scattered all around her. As we kind of zoom in on this, there's
[72.4s] a quick tap on your shoulder which breaks your concentration for just a moment.
[77.7s] Oh, oh, hi. Turn and you see Neven. Hi, buddy. Hi. Hi, I miss you. I miss you too. You
[88.7s] have been gone for so long and. Oh, well, because the forge and it wasn't working and
[94.2s] then this backlog and then this huge order, you know, like wealthy new guy and just
[99.3s] like a lot. I've just been so busy. I'm so sorry. How are you? No, I've been
[104.0s] really, I've been, I mean, I've been really good because we haven't been hanging
[107.0s] out going on our usual escapades. I've actually gotten some work done and
[110.5s] surprisingly, I enjoy it. That's amazing. I didn't think that was the case. I'm so
[115.3s] happy for you. Yeah. But it looks like you've got a lot going on. So this is
[120.7s] the backlog from being gone. Backlog from being gone into the. I say no more. Say
[126.9s] no more. Yeah. Plus then forge problems. Couldn't get that going. I think I told
[133.2s] you. Yeah, I mean, we kind of fill you in on more details on that. Kind of crazy.
[138.3s] Aren't you supposed to be at a trial too? Well, here's the thing. I had a
[144.2s] quick chat with June and June said, don't talk to the cops. That is something
[149.4s] June would say. I was like, OK, but like the things already done and she
[153.4s] was like, don't talk to the cops. And I was like, OK, but like I didn't
[157.8s] really. And it's it's calf. And she made it very clear to me that my good
[165.6s] nature would probably be bad for me in that situation. And I might find myself
[176.4s] arrested. And she, you know, she can, you know, you never get over that
[184.0s] kind of fear and respect you have for a teacher in a way. And with everything
[189.3s] going on and her really hammering that home, really hammering it in, I thought
[196.5s] I'm sure they're fine. They're doing great. They don't need me messing
[200.6s] things up with honesty or bad lies. So I'm just working through it. And at
[207.3s] that moment, June pokes her head in that she was walking by on the
[211.2s] street. She yells to you, Manwin. Yeah, no, this is Neven. All right. No
[215.6s] cops in here. Even is not a cop. You've known even her whole life. Even
[219.8s] not a cop. I have not talked to a cop. I've not talked to a lawyer.
[222.8s] I've not talked to a sheriff, not talked to a city guard. I've not
[225.7s] talked to a security guard. No one cop or cop adjacent because I know
[231.1s] my rights. Right, June? That's right. You do. Yeah, but I hope calf's
[234.0s] OK. Neven and she exits.
[238.6s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast and I'm your
[242.6s] dungeon master Russ More, he him. Also with me today is Amy More as
[247.0s] Alydin, she her. Would you say he's wriggling? Carla Maxstead is
[251.1s] Bonwyn Everbane, she her. I guess we just don't know yet. Tom Laird
[256.4s] is Kavlaran Goldweave, he him. It's never easy. And Kyle
[260.7s] class that is Bazaar the Wizard, he him. Not Inventorsmith. Kids need
[264.6s] to work. With special guest this week from Greetings Adventurers,
[267.0s] Tim Lanning, he him. A quick shout out to our Patreon family who
[272.2s] make this show possible and get 130 or more exclusive episodes
[277.4s] for their trouble. That's like a lot of D&D that you can get
[281.7s] right now. Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast. We hope to see
[285.4s] you over there and now fuck it. Let's play. We have to go this
[289.2s] way. She points down the aqueduct. I'll trust you. Very
[293.1s] well. Wow, that was easy. I mean, if you can't trust a 14
[297.9s] year old, who can you trust? You all follow along this small
[303.3s] narrow walkway along what is like, as Tim aptly described
[309.7s] gray water, the smell that did disperse when the
[313.6s] explosion went off is starting to come back. There
[316.9s] are even like still spots of flame that have erupted on
[321.1s] plants that are somehow growing down in this dark space.
[326.1s] You come to a ladder, an old rickety wooden ladder that is
[331.2s] along the path that Alydin has been leading you. You
[335.1s] look up and like you can see can't even really see
[339.3s] anything above you like it looks like it's sealed over in
[342.8s] with something who would like to if you want to
[347.7s] climb up. I'll give it a go as you begin to climb
[351.4s] the wood like cracks underneath your feet. It doesn't break
[355.6s] but it is unstable. The wood has swollen from all of the
[361.0s] moisture down here and as you put your hand onto it like
[363.8s] there's moss growing and slimy and slippery make an
[368.3s] athletics or acrobatics check to climb up. As I hear the
[373.5s] crack, Alydin lunges to like hold the bottom of the
[379.4s] ladder. Nice. That is a 17 on acrobatics. You feel your
[386.5s] hand slip as soon as as soon as it's going. You brace
[389.8s] yourself and quickly climb up the top and it goes into
[393.3s] this shaft into the earth and you get to the top where
[399.0s] this is and like it's packed in with dirt but as you
[403.6s] like evaluate where you are like it you can almost hear
[409.8s] like an echoing wind above you. What's up there?
[413.7s] I I feel like I can hear wind so hold on. No, it's
[421.3s] just dirt. Let me see what I could do. I'm going to take
[424.2s] out a dagger and I'm going to try to poke a little bit at
[427.2s] the dirt that's on the like the other side of the hole
[431.4s] from me not like right above me. Never dig straight up.
[434.2s] Minecraft taught me that. Dirt begins to fall down on
[439.2s] top of you, Alydin. Like shift to the side. My hands
[445.0s] still on the ladder. My bad. Getting your dirt out of
[448.2s] my hair. You're chipping away and it doesn't take too long
[451.8s] before like the ground becomes weaker and easier to
[455.9s] move and manipulate and like there's this comparatively
[460.0s] fresh air that begins to pour into the tunnel as you
[463.4s] make a small hole in the in the roof above you. Cool.
[467.8s] Can you send an invisible eyeball up instead of putting
[470.8s] your head up? Is it even big enough for me to put my
[473.1s] head up or am I just like able to see out of it? You
[475.2s] would be able to see well actually you don't have
[477.8s] dark vision so you wouldn't really be able to see much.
[480.3s] There's no light that comes in just just wind pouring in
[483.4s] so if you continue to chip away at it the the gets you
[487.4s] can make it as large as you need to at this point like
[490.0s] you know how far you need to go. I'm going to look down
[493.3s] like well it's it's night time I can't tell exactly
[496.2s] where we're at but I think this is the whole I mean you
[500.9s] said it was this way Alydin so we might as well
[504.3s] continue with it right? Yep. You chip away and you make
[507.1s] the hole as wide as you need to for you to be able to
[511.3s] climb up and through and as as it does any light torch
[518.4s] any small torch light that's coming up from beneath you
[522.4s] you poke your head up and in and you realize that you
[526.0s] are in the cave system. Oh shit the caves yeah come up.
[531.9s] Like the caves? Uh huh uh huh. I clamber up that ladder. What are
[537.2s] the caves? Watch me clamber in. I mean you know the ones with
[540.9s] definitely not goblins in them. I spent a long time down
[544.9s] here. Well great news that means we got a
[548.1s] rather regular cave nowhere with uh with all this great day
[553.5s] great day great day. They didn't say that there'd be
[556.5s] caves in this sir. Never do. No never do. This is only the
[562.9s] third time. Fool me once shame on me. We're not going to get paid for this by the way. No I don't think so.
[568.1s] We did take that we did take half payment up front so that was very
[571.2s] smart of us but maybe next time. Keep an eye out for any uh shiny rocks or
[575.6s] did that skeleton have anything on him? I mean oh I didn't check
[578.9s] usually we check all the skeletons that we find yeah
[582.3s] everybody can make their way up. Bazaard warns you enough to tell you
[586.9s] like you know take it one at a time the moss is there
[590.4s] slippery so you can all make it up you can in your own time there's no
[594.2s] huge rush or danger around you and you all get up into the cave
[599.2s] system and like I guess for
[603.4s] for Thurston like this is a you you still find yourself underneath
[608.9s] Vintersmouth but how far you went down like this is an entire
[613.8s] like street structure basically with forks that go off like this
[620.0s] appears to be following some structure underneath the city it's a city under
[623.8s] the city so it's like following some sort of planned out logic not
[627.3s] just that does appear to be that way and
[629.7s] Alydin as you get up and in you had previously like quite well mapped
[635.4s] out this cave system even marking different turnoffs and you even see
[639.3s] some of your markings along the way and you can place
[642.4s] yourself um you're like out in the town like the
[646.6s] noble side of the city town square like that's where you think you are
[650.6s] at this point okay so up there should be
[655.8s] the town square and
[662.2s] that means city hall's this way points in a particular direction that is
[667.5s] correct how much time did you spend down here dear
[671.1s] oh a little bit
[675.0s] there you grow up on the streets you got no parents
[678.2s] you find yourself find your own fun tunnels yes you found yourself in
[682.2s] tunnels it's good to have a hobby kept me out of trouble
[685.4s] are you leading Alydin yeah oh no offense it did not
[689.8s] Alydin charges ahead everybody following behind
[693.5s] and uh you uh round a corner where you believe city hall to be
[700.3s] make a perception check Alydin first perception it's a zero
[708.6s] i rolled a seven
[712.1s] all my rolls have been really good up to this point you
[715.4s] think you hear something up ahead but you quickly dismiss it
[719.6s] and continue forward bizarre to assume you're probably pretty close behind
[724.2s] i'd be right behind Alydin yeah you as you as you are following behind her
[730.4s] you see her stop and that gives you pause you want to make
[733.1s] a perception check or an investigation check at this point
[735.8s] investigation you're gonna investigate my perception of the
[738.6s] situation that's right got a six yay pretty good pretty good
[743.6s] kyle how are we supposed to be a team if we both were all shitty
[747.2s] i don't know how's this gonna work Alydin you continue forward and you
[751.4s] like catch like some cobweb on your arm quicker
[756.2s] then you have then you can actually like brush it away
[759.7s] you see this like shot of web shoot out
[763.5s] um and over your shoulder towards bizarre
[767.0s] and it strikes them into the in the chest make a
[770.2s] dexterity saving throw please okie dokie
[773.6s] dexterity saving throw let's do it okay is it like
[777.1s] fuck it's a four damn kyle it you've been spending too much time
[782.9s] with me dnd beyond eyes you can't trust it that's the
[786.1s] problem and bizarre quickly is pulled forward
[790.9s] past you knocking you into the wall Alydin
[793.6s] and disappears into the darkness in front of you
[796.9s] where did uh he go bizarre i start running
[801.2s] oh christ Alydin disappears i completely abandoned these guys in the tunnel
[805.6s] sorry y'all my magic daddy's got kidnapped and as you all continue
[811.1s] forward like this web gets thicker and thicker and thicker
[815.2s] until you you like you're bumping in and like trying to cut through it
[820.7s] um and thirstin you like are brushing this away
[825.7s] and you bump into something in this inside this web and you turn you look
[829.4s] and there's this upside down goblin dead in the
[832.2s] in the webs no goblins there's there's your answer
[836.5s] yeah uh sir uh uh this is not what we're being paid for but i feel
[842.4s] like we need to continue forward despite
[846.7s] our contract specifically saying that we don't deal in this sort of
[852.6s] business the only way out is through benson only way out is through besides
[856.5s] this is the only way to that real justice gets done i've been trying to
[860.3s] teach you that in spider caves spider caves dark alleys
[866.7s] uh old haunted creaky ships you name it and as you say that you hear
[871.1s] bizarre from somewhere up in the distance
[877.0s] there's clacking along the walls as you
[880.6s] come into this open chamber Alydin you feel
[884.1s] like well first of all this is this is new this was never here before you
[888.4s] look to the side and you see one of your engravings which tells you that
[891.5s] you are right below city hall um but you have opened this chamber
[895.5s] has opened and there are webs all along the wall and you see
[899.6s] two giant spiders that you can see moving along the wall down towards
[905.4s] you i don't like the that you can see roll
[909.0s] for initiative that's part of that 11 plus i think i've
[914.2s] one uh 15 i got a nine makes sense you're trapped by spiders
[920.1s] cab for now i got a four makes sense you're at the very very back
[924.7s] taking up the rear we need it anchor okay uh thurston you are up first
[931.6s] so in this chamber uh you've just opened into
[934.7s] they're webbing webbing all around two large spiders one looks white with like
[939.6s] these modeled copper spots all over it
[943.8s] another one more tarantula like it's like furry and brown
[947.6s] with these almost like eyes all along its body
[950.9s] how far away they uh from you will say they're 30
[957.3s] 30 feet into this room this is a pretty large chamber that you just
[960.9s] opened up into okay i will um uh kind of rush forward
[967.2s] uh i have a uh what looks like a kind of a quarter staff
[970.9s] that i kind of flick out and it gets longer
[973.9s] and um i will uh uh jump up and try to
[981.8s] thwack it okay ah i i got i gotta stop using this
[987.8s] guldurn dies uh my first roll is an 11 11 does not hit
[996.1s] that's fair that's fair that's fair that's fair yeah then all um
[999.8s] as my my swing kind of goes wide and my quarter staff has like a uh sort
[1005.8s] of whistling almost noise as i spin it
[1009.8s] in front of the i assume just calm as a cucumber spider
[1016.4s] i will um cast armor of agathys to give me a little bit of help
[1025.8s] okay what's i'm screwed love it um great uh Alydin you are up next
[1033.9s] thirstin's gone in uh swinging a staff trying to hit one of the spiders
[1038.6s] and then cast something upon himself oh yeah he moves pretty quick all
[1044.3s] surprisingly for his previous demeanor okay Alydin you hear bizarre muffled
[1050.6s] screaming you can kind of clock him he's up in one of the corners bizarre
[1054.6s] can't really see much in this space uh but you see a uh a figure
[1061.7s] straining against some webbing would you say he's wriggling
[1065.1s] yeah all right i don't know why that's important
[1068.7s] i'm going to take out my slingshot and my special rock
[1076.2s] okay and i'm gonna start slinging shots these spiders
[1082.7s] okay you're too young for that slinging shots
[1087.1s] hell yeah not inventorsmith kids need to work
[1090.6s] 18 18 will work yes yes
[1096.7s] oh max damage five bludgeoning damage hell's to the end and the rock reappears
[1102.1s] in my bucket uh the rock shoots out and it glows
[1107.1s] as it hits into the spider which causes it to recoil
[1110.4s] and and like raise up much like a horse might
[1114.5s] um and you see all of its like long gangly teeth as it lands back
[1120.6s] down bizarre it's your turn you are
[1122.9s] currently restrained by webbing you can make a strength
[1129.3s] check to try to break free okay ah damn 2024 rules changed how
[1137.8s] restrained works we're going with what i know
[1140.9s] so strength saving throw strength saving throw
[1144.2s] all right this is gonna be bad because i got a negative one
[1147.5s] uh and i also played myself into a corner of being muffled so i don't
[1151.4s] think i can cast spells yeah why did you do that i don't know i
[1156.0s] got a 10 acting yeah i was like i can't think of
[1160.2s] anything to say so dramatic tension uh 10 you can feel the webbing start
[1167.0s] to fray but you're unable to break yourself free
[1170.1s] um and as your what i will give you is like you can
[1174.4s] like you can see you know i told you you couldn't see because it's so
[1177.9s] dark never mind you can't break free yep
[1180.1s] that's fair i can't break free yeah dick all
[1183.4s] yeah yeah we did specify that you were the only one who could not see anything
[1187.7s] it's the spider's turn go spiders go they are going to come
[1191.8s] the one that you hit uh or tried to hit
[1196.2s] thirstin um is going to come to you um charge up actually it's going to try
[1202.8s] to web blast you make a dexterity saving throw
[1205.3s] ew yeah all right i'll take that that's a 21
[1210.2s] 21 uh so this one um rears up and lets out this web charge that shoots past
[1217.0s] you and splats onto the ground and like you see benson
[1220.0s] hop to the side as well hey this is my last clean suit
[1223.7s] well clean enough the other one is going to
[1226.6s] scale the wall um and is now on the ceiling
[1230.1s] and it does not recharge um but you hear from somewhere
[1238.7s] further into this chamber like you hear more
[1241.8s] clicking noises coming echoing off the walls
[1245.2s] it is uh cav your turn uh all right uh i can see in the dark uh and am i
[1251.6s] able to perceive that bazaar is struggling
[1254.9s] yes you similar to what Alydin has seen you see
[1259.4s] his figure kind of writhing against the the webbing further into the chamber
[1264.4s] probably about 25 feet from where you currently are
[1266.7s] yeah and the spiders are in between he and i correct
[1270.9s] yeah there's one that's directly on thirstin who rushed in
[1274.3s] ahead of you and then there's one that you've seen
[1278.1s] not disappear but is now on the ceiling above you
[1281.2s] does cav have any weapons if he has been detained
[1285.2s] does not have his normal weapon oh punch him
[1288.5s] punch a spider in the face uh well luckily
[1292.0s] uh cav can cast some spells do that instead
[1298.6s] much better uh we'll go with that all right uh
[1302.5s] i'm gonna cast uh sacred flame all right hell yeah and i'm gonna try to
[1309.7s] uh center it like right in front of
[1315.1s] i guess i don't know it's radiant not exactly
[1319.1s] fire but uh i'd like to set it in front of bazaar to hopefully help like his
[1325.8s] efforts right and maybe we'll help him see
[1328.6s] as well all right um roll me some damage
[1332.8s] please because you're not trying to hit something necessarily but
[1336.6s] i can do that that is five radiant damage
[1343.3s] this flares in front of you bizarre and as it
[1347.0s] as it does um you're able to see the room you see all of
[1351.8s] all of your friends uh battling these two huge
[1354.9s] spiders um and you you also hear this further clicking noise echoing
[1360.3s] and as you look out of the corner of your eye
[1362.6s] you see the far end of this this chamber starting to flood
[1366.2s] with more much smaller comparatively much smaller spiders super
[1372.3s] and the the webbing in front of you begins to fray and splinter from the
[1376.0s] this light that cav has cast i can dig it
[1382.2s] welcome to the middle the middle you're in it
[1385.6s] here it is did we say we're in the middle that's where you are
[1389.2s] look at the time stamp it's probably pretty close
[1392.7s] maybe not exactly i don't know about the middle isn't like an exact time
[1397.2s] in the middle it's frame of mind it's more of a frame of mind thank you
[1400.3s] tom exactly exactly we're in a middle frame of mind we're kind of loosey goosey
[1404.6s] yeah we're kind of just moosey toosy i was like i'm trying to think of
[1409.8s] something to riff with you i was like wet and wild and you know that's not
[1413.5s] it yeah different vibe but sure um when
[1416.9s] we are in the middle there's an added bonus
[1419.2s] is that we have some people watching us some of our patrons
[1423.0s] watching us do this middle why why it's so funny
[1427.7s] just train like people are watching us like we need other adult supervision
[1432.2s] right now yeah we have lines from the side word
[1435.5s] for word it's fantastic but sam just pointed out a very good
[1440.1s] uh benefit of being able to watch us
[1443.8s] in a more australian time zone probably because it's quite it's a
[1448.6s] little more late for north america uh but is that you can have it up
[1452.2s] and it looks like you're in a in a zoom call or in a in a business
[1455.6s] oh yeah absolutely uh if you minimize so you can't see the background because we
[1459.9s] do have a fun background we do that does not look businessy
[1463.3s] but you can just squish it otherwise it does just look like a zoom call
[1466.9s] more of the background is taken up so you're right you're right
[1470.3s] yeah yeah yeah the gelatinous dick on the side you can't really see
[1475.3s] that's exactly what i was looking at as well i was like that's hard to
[1478.3s] pull off in a in a corporate environment but
[1481.5s] yeah but you can play with the the perspective of it and uh
[1485.3s] sam's much smarter than us so i'm sure absolutely
[1488.9s] yeah it's all it's all worked out but how do you how do you get access to
[1492.9s] this this recording uh that you'd be
[1495.4s] watching while you're at work specifically overseas from
[1500.1s] from north america or working night shift in north america
[1504.6s] let's get really lost in the weeds of our tms
[1507.4s] let's yeah it is down if you were a patron
[1512.2s] yes then that is one of the perks is that you can come
[1516.6s] and watch us record and see just this well
[1519.8s] oil machine working perfectly yeah after so many years we really
[1525.5s] have it down yeah so the the supporting producers get
[1529.7s] to come join us get to you know really see everything
[1533.9s] that happens um you know all those names that you
[1537.0s] hear at the end of the episodes no you do not you liar you stop
[1540.6s] listening at the credits whoa whoa wow it took a turn
[1544.4s] wow that was intense i thought we were i thought we were thanking the
[1547.5s] supporting are you okay i didn't think we were
[1549.5s] yeah russ was so mad he threw his pen on the ground before he even started
[1554.1s] like getting ramped up that's right yeah
[1556.1s] absolutely jokes it's okay if you jump out before the bloopers at the end
[1561.4s] there probably hasn't been any yeah yeah we never make mistakes
[1566.4s] no it's the well-oiled machine yes exactly it's good uh so supporting
[1572.6s] producers get to join us you can check out all the cool stuff check out the
[1576.0s] bonus content check out the secret discord channels
[1581.8s] super secret so secret let's call them exclusive
[1585.3s] because then it's that makes more sense fancy though
[1589.5s] it feels hoity so it feels like we should be
[1592.8s] just like all covered in trench coats hiding in a dark alley being like hey you
[1597.6s] want to see a secret yes yeah yeah that is way more
[1600.7s] verified i don't want to be like exclusive one percent i want to be
[1606.4s] in an alley in a trench coat with
[1610.6s] questionable items three Dumbgeons crew members in a trench coat we're not
[1614.9s] going to tell you which ones are in there
[1617.0s] it's going to be a surprise uh but patreon.com dumb dragon castle we hope
[1621.7s] to see you over there and now we tell you that we're going to
[1626.4s] dedicate that we're going to dedicate an episode an episode absolutely
[1629.4s] russ was not on the way out real jumpy there russ remembered to do this
[1633.7s] and he is ready with the name of today's patron stan sitzman
[1640.0s] stan stan's a man oh stan and i think by extension probably carl
[1649.1s] i will speak for stan in that yeah um stan thank you what do you say
[1656.9s] yeah uh happy uh belated anniversary you were just on a tour
[1661.2s] which we saw because stan's very active in the discord
[1665.0s] yeah um celebrating a lovely anniversary with his lovely wife so
[1668.9s] thank you for being here stan um and now
[1672.9s] we want to invite tim into the middle to tell you a little bit
[1676.1s] about all the great things he's doing because
[1679.6s] he's been here for a little while but this is the last episode
[1683.3s] at least for now that he'll be joining us for tim
[1687.0s] uh all plays plays dnd all the time over on
[1690.3s] his own show greetings adventurers if you would like to
[1693.8s] tell our friends all about everything you do there and anything else you
[1697.6s] have going on because we want to thank you for being
[1700.7s] here thank you yeah uh greetings
[1702.8s] adventurers uh that's the podcast uh check it out we are legally the
[1707.8s] longest-running dungeon dragons podcast at this point
[1711.3s] um due to i think one asterix at this
[1714.4s] at this point uh because of that it can be a little daunting right our
[1719.8s] first campaign we made the foolish but kind of fun
[1722.6s] choice to go all the way from level one
[1725.4s] to 20 and we actually started fourth edition so we're gonna we were
[1728.0s] gonna go go to 30 uh but yeah yeah it was
[1733.0s] level 20 playing a level 20 straight up wizard
[1737.4s] is like mind-boggling uh i i was like i can solo a tarrasque
[1743.8s] mostly with a little bit of help with the dms a little bit yeah you make a
[1747.0s] clone of yourself we can smoke yeah uh so yeah it's really fun
[1750.9s] um i we started campaign two uh we just were in like episode 146
[1757.8s] that's easier to start in but if you're got several hundred hours
[1764.0s] we got the content for you uh i also have a couple other podcasts
[1768.9s] uh one is a an advice podcast based on the advice
[1773.8s] you seek on the internet aka reddit it's called dear internet we get
[1778.1s] together we pull reddit advice questions and we uh
[1782.6s] answer them and reddit is a very weird place
[1786.3s] and uh we so you have very polite and normal questions to answer obviously
[1791.8s] absolutely and it's really fun because you start to see how the
[1794.5s] different subs get weird about stuff like there's
[1797.2s] relationship advice there's our relationships and then
[1800.2s] there's our relationships underscore advice
[1802.7s] and underscore advice is full of like kind of dumb
[1805.8s] guys who like yeah your girlfriend's wrong you should play call of duty
[1809.4s] and oh boy that's really fun uh the other podcast i do uh i went
[1815.0s] through the entire show naruto revuto that's done
[1817.8s] uh or the entire naruto uh naruto revuto check that out
[1822.2s] or i do one that goes through the beautiful
[1827.0s] christian fiction series the left behind series you heard of it you guys
[1830.9s] can i get a hell yeah i mean texas man over there
[1835.0s] these canadians are like what do you mean what are you talking about
[1838.7s] you guys don't have to just swear on the bible
[1842.1s] like we had to swear on timla hayes so yeah basically it's like
[1845.5s] all the christians disappear and it's a whole bunch of characters that
[1849.3s] gotta who are so stupid for ignoring all the signs of that christianity
[1854.7s] uh in in jesus and the antichrist and it's
[1858.6s] a story of the earth's last days so we go through it
[1862.4s] from an ex-vangelical i believe is the term bent
[1865.8s] my wife is a ivy Lee educated theology major so damn it's really
[1872.6s] fun fun to dig in and there is depressingly
[1877.4s] and interestingly a almost straight shot to like
[1882.0s] um the rise of the religious right through like left behind stuff
[1887.1s] because it's timla hey uh and he had his fingers and everything
[1891.1s] and like q anon really because that's where so much of this like
[1895.1s] distrust like 666 mark of the beast stuff like don't get
[1898.2s] don't get the covid vaccination because you'll become magnetic and
[1901.4s] they're putting the trackers like that's from this that's what
[1904.7s] that's from it's i mean it's all fake it's fake even
[1907.7s] it for like like devout christians like this is not this is not in the
[1911.2s] bible most like kind of even killed christians are like no this is not
[1914.3s] real taylor swift worships the devil
[1917.2s] yes exactly you can tell because she said this you said that
[1920.3s] yeah everybody knows that though every concert is just
[1923.8s] a satanic ritual she always points towards mecca on the stage
[1927.7s] um and i i find the books kind of fun to read so that's my
[1934.5s] favorite part about it is all the little
[1936.8s] uh fun action and adventure that's called tribulation
[1940.7s] farce check it out it's really fun and the books are so good
[1945.1s] just steal them whenever you can yeah don't
[1948.6s] don't pay for them just steal don't pay yeah yeah don't
[1951.4s] yeah use the pirate this is not legal advice this is not legal advice yeah
[1955.8s] no get an archival backup copy from your
[1958.3s] life yeah steal one of the books then steal
[1960.6s] another one and be like well i figured you'd turn the other cheek so
[1964.2s] get two books you can follow me on blue sky
[1967.3s] at tim landing so many things to now listen to you thank you so much
[1970.6s] tim again for being here thank you always thurston has been given a
[1974.3s] retainer so next uh law so we got you now we got you
[1980.2s] yeah that's right it's a slippery slope man be careful
[1984.9s] we'll definitely hear from thurston again though why you
[1987.8s] why are you blinking at me like that no you should lean into it bro
[1993.0s] a good time get back to the episode you crazy kids get out of this
[1996.5s] alleyway with these weirdos in a trench coat
[1999.6s] love you bye love you bye love you bye
[2004.8s] thurston we're back up to the top here benson
[2007.7s] sorry benson and nina um nina grabs benson
[2012.2s] and starts running into the chamber towards
[2015.2s] using him as a human shield a halfling shield
[2018.7s] oh gosh yeah uh the two of them start running into the chamber like she's
[2022.7s] leading him somewhere um and kind of like signaling to
[2026.1s] everybody else when you're available to follow her when you get a chance
[2031.0s] this way no rush so you got spiders
[2036.1s] um all right well yeah i'm just gonna try to thwack it again and this time
[2042.8s] i'm gonna roll better okay oh i did uh that's 24
[2048.1s] 24 is definitely better that'll hit okay
[2051.0s] ross and i weren't holding hands so i think we need to do that every time
[2055.0s] i felt it uh and i will uh
[2062.0s] that's eight damage love it and uh is anyone near me
[2072.9s] with this guy anyone near you with this guy
[2077.3s] within five feet of this guy uh we could say
[2082.3s] well bazaar's far away tied up Alydin you were slingshotting so you were
[2087.9s] probably back a little ways cav you would have stayed where you're so i
[2090.8s] don't think so that's fine that's cool that's
[2093.7s] pretty sick but don't worry about it um in that case i will uh
[2100.6s] go ahead and take the cunning action and i'll uh kind of
[2107.4s] run back a little bit from this big spider
[2110.9s] so then maybe closer to the crew but you know
[2115.0s] yeah not too close kind of protect my client and all that
[2118.0s] um and that's me so you're running back to Alydin and cav versus
[2122.9s] benson and nina who are yes okay sounds good
[2126.8s] uh Alydin your turn so uh thurston's backing up away from this
[2130.4s] this one spider another one on the ceiling Alydin's gonna have like a
[2137.4s] magic moment uh and she is going to reach her hand out and try to
[2142.4s] visualize her hand through the weave stretching
[2146.9s] because she wants to help rip the webs off of
[2150.4s] okay okay off of bazaar's okay cool what are you doing mage hand
[2157.0s] do you have mage i do okay great
[2161.4s] what i know it's amazing you just learned it was just right there
[2166.1s] amazing well this you know under pressure like yeah absolutely
[2169.6s] yeah it's a high stress moment okay um
[2173.0s] uh yeah i'm not gonna take this away from you what does it look like when
[2176.4s] what does your mage hand look like um as it's
[2180.0s] trying to tear away some of the the webbing that's wrapped up around
[2183.9s] bazaar you know when you see a computer
[2187.9s] like 3d rendition of something and like i'm imagining like the black with
[2193.6s] the green lines but instead of black with the green
[2196.6s] lines it's kind of like like an opalescent
[2202.9s] ethereal with like i don't know lines going through it okay it
[2210.0s] doesn't seem like fully fully they haven't fully formed yeah what you
[2214.6s] want your mage hand but it's trying yeah okay great yeah does it appear like
[2218.6s] it's 2d regardless of where you stand looking
[2221.4s] at it is that what you're going with kind of that's it yeah all right paper
[2226.3s] mario yeah yeah that's what i that's kind of what i was getting i was
[2229.4s] like okay uh okay uh bazaar do you feel
[2233.5s] the webs fraying and pulling um and you are able to now get a
[2240.7s] couple hands free um with this this mage hand that is not yours
[2245.6s] um tearing away at the web oh yeah and it's your turn oh i'm going
[2252.0s] to see who did this and i can't see
[2256.0s] anything because it's dark as shit and i'm just gonna go i don't
[2260.7s] know what's happening somebody turn on the lights
[2265.4s] um and i am going to well is any of the flames still around
[2271.8s] like near like from the explosion or do we
[2274.9s] move far away enough from that to where that's not a thing anymore
[2277.5s] that's yeah that's not a thing anymore you guys would have had
[2281.5s] you guys would have brought a torch with you though so like you can see
[2284.8s] now that you're out of the webbing you can see that the at least the
[2288.1s] torch light um near thirst and cabin Alydin so
[2291.8s] you can see that and like the big spider that they're
[2294.4s] fighting still oh okay cool yeah so uh yeah seeing Alydin do this i was
[2300.1s] like do you learn so quickly that's amazing i'm doing it uh and seeing
[2305.3s] them uh i'm going to use my bonus action
[2309.1s] to cast misty step to get as close as i can to them
[2313.0s] okay um and then with my hold on could you have done that all
[2317.9s] along and you were just no because my mouth was covered up okay i was
[2321.3s] like yeah i thought about it i was like what a what a
[2325.6s] fucking dead poet society bullshit is going on here like
[2329.0s] come on captain mike get out of here um
[2333.3s] so that'll be my bonus action and then i'll turn to one of those spider
[2337.1s] fucks and i'm gonna cast frostbite on it okay
[2340.0s] and i need a constitution saving throw dc 14
[2343.7s] oh that's uh that's a nat one it's because i touched his diet it's
[2348.7s] thank you so much so too all right i help in my own way that is nine frost
[2355.8s] nine cold damage and it'll have disadvantage on the next weapon attack
[2360.5s] it makes you touch this the frost begins to like
[2363.2s] move across this the the skin the exoskeleton of this
[2367.8s] um spider and like its legs are held in place and some of them
[2373.0s] are fracturing off and it lets out this hideous like scream
[2376.7s] which um through that you hear um the sound of the spiders that you saw
[2384.4s] entering on the other side which kind of clues into you
[2388.3s] like this is not a place to be
[2392.3s] okay cool beam he's like don't tell me what clues into me
[2396.6s] yeah no that's fine um this spider's turn is going to
[2402.5s] attempt to recharge and it does and it's going to try
[2406.2s] to shoot again at it's going to try and shoot a calf this time have
[2411.0s] disadvantage um not on the recharge
[2416.2s] so you get advantage on its shot calf okay
[2419.9s] dexterity saving throw all right 13 on the die plus
[2426.6s] one so 14 just barely this shot misses you
[2430.6s] yes from up above no recharge it crawls down the wall
[2437.6s] um and it's now behind you calf so closing off the exit that you just
[2441.3s] came from um and it's going to try to bite you
[2445.6s] oh that's a nat 20 that's pretty good that's pretty
[2449.2s] i haven't touched that dice sorry hey could you get your
[2452.9s] grubby hands off my dice um
[2457.6s] uh i haven't touched those ones no yeah uh three things
[2464.3s] uh so that's uh seven piercing damage and seven poison damage jesus christ
[2471.4s] ouch oops oopsies uh sorry dm says maybe you should run
[2478.1s] players say ah fuck off dm crits players like all right
[2482.2s] all right it was kyle kyle said why doesn't speak for me 14 damage in total
[2489.6s] rest yes yes sir yes sir when somebody else gets
[2493.4s] seriously hurt then i reconsider yeah of course
[2497.1s] uh and it is your turn now calf great uh
[2501.9s] feeling good things are going well uh okay no weapons so i guess i'll rely
[2509.3s] more on uh my spell abilities or disengaging and running away
[2516.9s] look at his face i mean i don't have a lot of hit points disengaging and
[2522.3s] running might be the play here big spider is like screaming down on
[2526.7s] top of you it's just taking a chunk of out of your shoulder yeah
[2531.5s] yeah i'm probably gonna disengage in and try to get away from this thing
[2535.4s] you disengage as it as its legs are trying to grapple you um and you are
[2540.6s] heading presumably following nina and benson absolutely
[2545.4s] anywhere but here all right uh you do so natalie portman
[2549.8s] susan sir uh thirstin uh we're back to you as cav you kind of disappear
[2555.4s] around a corner uh okay so i guess we're running
[2559.4s] um uh sorry uh between where i am and alden and bizarred are if i run and i
[2567.6s] am i just ditching them or what do i think the three of you are pretty
[2572.2s] close to each other so like you as far as initiative goes you three
[2576.7s] are next um so any chatter things we can
[2581.6s] kind of make that all happen at once before the spiders get another
[2584.7s] turn okay yeah all right i think we should
[2587.4s] dip like all your friends did so uh i'll take the um
[2595.4s] i'll dash with my cunning action whatever it's called
[2598.9s] okay but on my way out i'll peep you uh shoot eldritch blast at the
[2607.4s] hey fuck you fuck you uh and then i roll that
[2612.3s] all right how this game works ass uh so the first one is 10 uh the
[2619.0s] second one is 19 there we go so the first eldritch blast
[2622.8s] goes and misses uh the spider but hits the wall and like
[2626.8s] lights up the web along the wall um which is starting to illuminate the
[2632.2s] room and you see as you're running like this flood of spiders coming in
[2636.3s] from on the far side uh give me damage on the second one
[2640.6s] oh no uh that would be uh six okay six that spider lets out a
[2649.0s] scream as it like slumps down in front of bizarre and
[2652.2s] Alydin as you two begin to run and follow
[2654.9s] so uh i got a 60 total feet of movement
[2658.1s] okay so yeah you round the corner and like quickly catch up to everybody
[2662.6s] and like almost and and bypass seeing another
[2665.9s] another um chamber on the other side that they are
[2669.6s] that you can assume they're heading towards um
[2673.7s] uh Alydin anything you want to do as you are now running as well i assume
[2679.2s] oh i'm just gonna run i'm not gonna try to
[2682.2s] fuck around and find out yep no okay cool uh you're gonna bolt
[2686.3s] followed by bizarre yep i'm gonna i'm gonna bolt i'm gonna
[2690.6s] take the torch as i do i'm gonna do control flames and
[2693.9s] shoot five feet out into just a patch of web and hope it starts
[2697.1s] spreading with the rest of the eldritch fire and as you all burning shit that's
[2701.3s] what we do flames are so flammable too
[2706.4s] the flames are quickly lighting up and you hear the spiders call
[2710.1s] from the other side um the one that is was still uh
[2714.5s] living um you hear it chattering towards the other group
[2718.4s] who as the flames begin to spread through the webs
[2721.5s] turn tail and head back down the way they came
[2725.2s] you all head down a chamber and Alydin you quickly realize where you are now
[2729.3s] you're like beneath city hall um nina's catching up and there's a
[2733.9s] a ladder that's going up and she's starting to climb or like directing you
[2738.3s] guys to start climb that ladder i'm sure that's not going to come
[2741.6s] back to bite us in the butt no it'll be fine spiders like caves
[2745.4s] it's fine i don't live here i don't live here it's not going to
[2750.6s] bite me or thirsty in the butt we're out of here as soon as we
[2753.5s] figure out how to get out of here right bud
[2755.6s] oh absolutely absolutely i think we did our we did our stuff we did justice
[2760.1s] plus uh i think we did a little too much justice if you ask me
[2763.8s] uh you're stammering as you're all climbing up this
[2769.4s] ladder hey who wants to be first up the top
[2773.1s] uh let let me go first as uh i feel bad about you running for
[2779.1s] first and then you get into your spider situation
[2783.0s] thirst and you're first up there's a um you get to the top and there's this
[2787.0s] wooden covering up at the top you kind of push it and
[2789.8s] there's some resistance to it uh you want to make a strength check
[2793.8s] oh crap or oh another creative way to open the
[2801.2s] uh i say now you see here mr dork no get out of the way
[2804.4s] uh now i got i got a 17 i rolled good enough i don't god use my damn
[2807.8s] brain yeah yeah first couple you kind of
[2810.6s] like you throw yourself against you feel like there's something on top box
[2813.9s] a desk or something um and then with the surge of
[2817.9s] adrenaline you push your way up um which knocks over this
[2824.4s] somewhat heavy box on top and you find yourself
[2827.7s] quickly into you're welcome uh you find yourself
[2831.8s] in an old storage room um you climb up and everybody falls in behind
[2837.0s] what's with this town and it's goddamn storage rooms oh my gosh
[2840.6s] everybody's trying to uh to cover up all
[2844.0s] anything they can uh but it appears that we are inside city hall so
[2850.3s] what we need to do is be very quiet and she moves over to the door and
[2853.8s] looks out and there's nobody here she opens the
[2858.6s] door wider and you all step out into the hall and
[2861.5s] it's like dead quiet in this building that's good
[2865.9s] it's quiet in my opinion it isn't too quiet
[2870.3s] okay no that's fine as long as this is normal for everybody else
[2875.7s] certainly not normal for me um we just got a good feeling about this
[2879.9s] yeah yeah um it is after hours the mayor doesn't work
[2883.7s] uh at all i was about to say full stop
[2886.7s] yeah at all um you find him here once maybe a month and that's usually
[2891.2s] when somebody's coming to pay him off
[2893.0s] uh so uh let's head there get the books we need
[2896.9s] and then you can uh wrap up this little trial and uh
[2902.2s] hopefully no ramifications as uh we all disappear into the night
[2906.6s] easy i mean when you put it that way it sounds great
[2909.4s] your friends just show up and save the day that was your plan
[2912.6s] cav you weren't even gonna try and do anything work like it's working out
[2916.4s] you're bleeding quite profusely though uh we should probably get
[2919.8s] yeah you probably get that checked out
[2926.5s] as the adrenaline starts to wear off cav you require a little assistance going
[2930.3s] down the hall which is reminiscent to your recent adventures
[2933.5s] um as uh nina leads you to the mayor's office she
[2939.2s] creaks open the grotesquely um ordained door
[2944.6s] and into this massive chamber uh where lined with books everywhere and she
[2950.9s] says um some somewhere under and she goes to
[2954.5s] the desk she pops a button and like this credenza
[2958.3s] opens up um and inside are the books that you
[2962.2s] recognize cav the ledgers that you recognize that you
[2965.1s] uh well i guess everybody recognizes um except for thirst and benson
[2972.4s] so this is what you're looking for and she flips them open and says
[2975.8s] i don't think they've mucked around with any of these she's kept them all
[2980.3s] exactly as they once were and held on to all of them
[2983.9s] he's not smart it's very cocky like i said as incompetent as they are evil
[2990.8s] she grabs them and starts handing books out to everybody
[2993.8s] um so from here do we just plan to stroll back into the courthouse
[2999.2s] if we could uh clandestinely give the judge
[3002.7s] some of this stuff i think uh that that would help for sure
[3007.5s] and we could probably just do like a mistrial then bing bang boom done
[3010.8s] i think so and then that's you know enough to get cav uh
[3014.2s] off uh again just enough back into the place we can get him patched up
[3020.5s] and then uh perhaps you'll run uh you know the
[3024.3s] the interrogation uh the prosecution from the other side
[3028.3s] yes thurston you want another job i i love money i mean i don't really think
[3033.9s] i'm gonna get paid for this one so yeah well and she goes to another drawer
[3037.9s] and pulls out uh a large sack of gold
[3042.5s] and tosses it to you says uh i can't accept that benson get it
[3049.0s] grab that of course sir you saw nothing uh he drags i can't accept
[3053.4s] that the bag across and like slips it into his
[3057.4s] side patch we saw nothing we did nothing
[3060.0s] uh we can take any jobs that you have in the future though that's uh that's
[3063.8s] for certain yeah we love working we love uh justice
[3068.4s] we love going beyond and getting uh our our feet dirty as they say
[3075.4s] we cut ahead and we see all of you walking
[3078.8s] out of the courthouse um not in handcuffs
[3083.1s] you see or before this entire riot that bazaar just started um there
[3091.9s] oh yeah everybody kind of calms down as they see you come out and silences to
[3097.7s] see if you have anything to say we're coming out to the brooklyn 99
[3101.9s] intro song by the way just yeah of course everybody knows
[3105.6s] as we can see my client is uh well not guilty so uh uh yet again justice
[3112.6s] prevails there's a cheer from the crowd as you
[3115.8s] say that and then they all simmer down as benson's
[3118.6s] like just a second just a second and as we all know keep good
[3124.8s] bookkeeping okay repeat that after me the entire crowd all at once keep
[3133.2s] good bookkeeping thank you another lesson learned sir
[3139.4s] very well done we should probably i think our time is up
[3143.0s] uh we should probably head back to kingstown
[3146.4s] uh take care of some of the bookkeeping of our own
[3150.5s] and then come back when we're ready to take on this whole mayor trial
[3155.8s] exactly i mean i bet he's gonna be pretty cheesed off
[3158.6s] and i'd really like to see his face when we we stick it to him
[3162.6s] it's gonna be really good it's gonna be really good all right we're gonna
[3165.2s] exit stage left uh thanks everybody uh i'm sorry i gotta great work out
[3169.8s] there somebody get this man some bandages
[3172.1s] we just let him bleed on the carpet the entire time
[3175.1s] oh it's so bad the mayor do this i'm asking questions i'm asking questions
[3179.3s] it could be oh allegedly right yeah allegedly not accusing just
[3185.0s] questioning you guys are just seeding doubt and
[3188.9s] questions throughout the crowd as you make your way out heading out like
[3192.1s] my business card if you ever need anything let me know let me know
[3203.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons season 4 episode 38
[3206.4s] starring Amy More as Alydin carla max dead as Bonwyn everbane
[3211.4s] tom laird as Kavlar in gold wave kyle Claset as bizarred the wizard
[3215.8s] with Russ More as your dungeon master and special guest tim landing
[3219.9s] from greetings adventurers naruto revuto and tribulation farce find more from tim
[3226.0s] at geekly inc.com and listen next episode he's not going
[3229.9s] anywhere for a little while dialogue editing and sound design of
[3233.1s] today's episode is by Russ More our community manager is jessica
[3236.9s] babiak music is from epidemic sound and
[3239.7s] sound effects are from epidemic sound boom library and sound ideas
[3243.8s] our amazing cover art is by matt garbutt a huge thank you to our
[3247.8s] supporting producers gabriel lynch jessica babiak angaron kierzen
[3252.3s] cat water flame perry matey jacob madden old school gamer d
[3257.1s] craig zeiss la branton chips 1012 and kudzu 828 we'd love if you joined
[3263.7s] us today at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast for the amazing community
[3268.2s] all the bonus content and so much more patreon.com
[3271.9s] slash dumb dragon cast will see you over there but until then have a great
[3275.8s] week and we'll talk to you soon june pokes her head in as she was
[3280.8s] walking by on the street and she yells to you
[3284.5s] hey you remember what i were what
[3289.0s] it's not so easy is it i have a tummy ache what's your problem chickens
[3296.9s] buck of the hot ones specifically Dumbgeons and Dragons is a dumb dragons
[3303.4s] production