Nobody worry, Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in a moment.
The Hot Block is bustling as crates of chickens have spilled out into the street, ethane running
out trying to grab them all, yelling back into Everbane's as we hear the hammer just
down hasn't stopped in what feels like days. It's probably been quite a long, but the
stacks have been just pluming with smoke and inside we see Bonwyn who's just drenched
in sweat, has projects scattered all around her. As we kind of zoom in on this, there's
a quick tap on your shoulder which breaks your concentration for just a moment.
Oh, oh, hi. Turn and you see Neven. Hi, buddy. Hi. Hi, I miss you. I miss you too. You
have been gone for so long and. Oh, well, because the forge and it wasn't working and
then this backlog and then this huge order, you know, like wealthy new guy and just
like a lot. I've just been so busy. I'm so sorry. How are you? No, I've been
really, I've been, I mean, I've been really good because we haven't been hanging
out going on our usual escapades. I've actually gotten some work done and
surprisingly, I enjoy it. That's amazing. I didn't think that was the case. I'm so
happy for you. Yeah. But it looks like you've got a lot going on. So this is
the backlog from being gone. Backlog from being gone into the. I say no more. Say
no more. Yeah. Plus then forge problems. Couldn't get that going. I think I told
you. Yeah, I mean, we kind of fill you in on more details on that. Kind of crazy.
Aren't you supposed to be at a trial too? Well, here's the thing. I had a
quick chat with June and June said, don't talk to the cops. That is something
June would say. I was like, OK, but like the things already done and she
was like, don't talk to the cops. And I was like, OK, but like I didn't
really. And it's it's calf. And she made it very clear to me that my good
nature would probably be bad for me in that situation. And I might find myself
arrested. And she, you know, she can, you know, you never get over that
kind of fear and respect you have for a teacher in a way. And with everything
going on and her really hammering that home, really hammering it in, I thought
I'm sure they're fine. They're doing great. They don't need me messing
things up with honesty or bad lies. So I'm just working through it. And at
that moment, June pokes her head in that she was walking by on the
street. She yells to you, Manwin. Yeah, no, this is Neven. All right. No
cops in here. Even is not a cop. You've known even her whole life. Even
not a cop. I have not talked to a cop. I've not talked to a lawyer.
I've not talked to a sheriff, not talked to a city guard. I've not
talked to a security guard. No one cop or cop adjacent because I know
my rights. Right, June? That's right. You do. Yeah, but I hope calf's
OK. Neven and she exits.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast and I'm your
dungeon master Russ More, he him. Also with me today is Amy More as
Alydin, she her. Would you say he's wriggling? Carla Maxstead is
Bonwyn Everbane, she her. I guess we just don't know yet. Tom Laird
is Kavlaran Goldweave, he him. It's never easy. And Kyle
class that is Bazaar the Wizard, he him. Not Inventorsmith. Kids need
to work. With special guest this week from Greetings Adventurers,
Tim Lanning, he him. A quick shout out to our Patreon family who
make this show possible and get 130 or more exclusive episodes
for their trouble. That's like a lot of D&D that you can get
right now. Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast. We hope to see
you over there and now fuck it. Let's play. We have to go this
way. She points down the aqueduct. I'll trust you. Very
well. Wow, that was easy. I mean, if you can't trust a 14
year old, who can you trust? You all follow along this small
narrow walkway along what is like, as Tim aptly described
gray water, the smell that did disperse when the
explosion went off is starting to come back. There
are even like still spots of flame that have erupted on
plants that are somehow growing down in this dark space.
You come to a ladder, an old rickety wooden ladder that is
along the path that Alydin has been leading you. You
look up and like you can see can't even really see
anything above you like it looks like it's sealed over in
with something who would like to if you want to
climb up. I'll give it a go as you begin to climb
the wood like cracks underneath your feet. It doesn't break
but it is unstable. The wood has swollen from all of the
moisture down here and as you put your hand onto it like
there's moss growing and slimy and slippery make an
athletics or acrobatics check to climb up. As I hear the
crack, Alydin lunges to like hold the bottom of the
ladder. Nice. That is a 17 on acrobatics. You feel your
hand slip as soon as as soon as it's going. You brace
yourself and quickly climb up the top and it goes into
this shaft into the earth and you get to the top where
this is and like it's packed in with dirt but as you
like evaluate where you are like it you can almost hear
like an echoing wind above you. What's up there?
I I feel like I can hear wind so hold on. No, it's
just dirt. Let me see what I could do. I'm going to take
out a dagger and I'm going to try to poke a little bit at
the dirt that's on the like the other side of the hole
from me not like right above me. Never dig straight up.
Minecraft taught me that. Dirt begins to fall down on
top of you, Alydin. Like shift to the side. My hands
still on the ladder. My bad. Getting your dirt out of
my hair. You're chipping away and it doesn't take too long
before like the ground becomes weaker and easier to
move and manipulate and like there's this comparatively
fresh air that begins to pour into the tunnel as you
make a small hole in the in the roof above you. Cool.
Can you send an invisible eyeball up instead of putting
your head up? Is it even big enough for me to put my
head up or am I just like able to see out of it? You
would be able to see well actually you don't have
dark vision so you wouldn't really be able to see much.
There's no light that comes in just just wind pouring in
so if you continue to chip away at it the the gets you
can make it as large as you need to at this point like
you know how far you need to go. I'm going to look down
like well it's it's night time I can't tell exactly
where we're at but I think this is the whole I mean you
said it was this way Alydin so we might as well
continue with it right? Yep. You chip away and you make
the hole as wide as you need to for you to be able to
climb up and through and as as it does any light torch
any small torch light that's coming up from beneath you
you poke your head up and in and you realize that you
are in the cave system. Oh shit the caves yeah come up.
Like the caves? Uh huh uh huh. I clamber up that ladder. What are
the caves? Watch me clamber in. I mean you know the ones with
definitely not goblins in them. I spent a long time down
here. Well great news that means we got a
rather regular cave nowhere with uh with all this great day
great day great day. They didn't say that there'd be
caves in this sir. Never do. No never do. This is only the
third time. Fool me once shame on me. We're not going to get paid for this by the way. No I don't think so.
We did take that we did take half payment up front so that was very
smart of us but maybe next time. Keep an eye out for any uh shiny rocks or
did that skeleton have anything on him? I mean oh I didn't check
usually we check all the skeletons that we find yeah
everybody can make their way up. Bazaard warns you enough to tell you
like you know take it one at a time the moss is there
slippery so you can all make it up you can in your own time there's no
huge rush or danger around you and you all get up into the cave
system and like I guess for
for Thurston like this is a you you still find yourself underneath
Vintersmouth but how far you went down like this is an entire
like street structure basically with forks that go off like this
appears to be following some structure underneath the city it's a city under
the city so it's like following some sort of planned out logic not
just that does appear to be that way and
Alydin as you get up and in you had previously like quite well mapped
out this cave system even marking different turnoffs and you even see
some of your markings along the way and you can place
yourself um you're like out in the town like the
noble side of the city town square like that's where you think you are
at this point okay so up there should be
the town square and
that means city hall's this way points in a particular direction that is
correct how much time did you spend down here dear
oh a little bit
there you grow up on the streets you got no parents
you find yourself find your own fun tunnels yes you found yourself in
tunnels it's good to have a hobby kept me out of trouble
are you leading Alydin yeah oh no offense it did not
Alydin charges ahead everybody following behind
and uh you uh round a corner where you believe city hall to be
make a perception check Alydin first perception it's a zero
i rolled a seven
all my rolls have been really good up to this point you
think you hear something up ahead but you quickly dismiss it
and continue forward bizarre to assume you're probably pretty close behind
i'd be right behind Alydin yeah you as you as you are following behind her
you see her stop and that gives you pause you want to make
a perception check or an investigation check at this point
investigation you're gonna investigate my perception of the
situation that's right got a six yay pretty good pretty good
kyle how are we supposed to be a team if we both were all shitty
i don't know how's this gonna work Alydin you continue forward and you
like catch like some cobweb on your arm quicker
then you have then you can actually like brush it away
you see this like shot of web shoot out
um and over your shoulder towards bizarre
and it strikes them into the in the chest make a
dexterity saving throw please okie dokie
dexterity saving throw let's do it okay is it like
fuck it's a four damn kyle it you've been spending too much time
with me dnd beyond eyes you can't trust it that's the
problem and bizarre quickly is pulled forward
past you knocking you into the wall Alydin
and disappears into the darkness in front of you
where did uh he go bizarre i start running
oh christ Alydin disappears i completely abandoned these guys in the tunnel
sorry y'all my magic daddy's got kidnapped and as you all continue
forward like this web gets thicker and thicker and thicker
until you you like you're bumping in and like trying to cut through it
um and thirstin you like are brushing this away
and you bump into something in this inside this web and you turn you look
and there's this upside down goblin dead in the
in the webs no goblins there's there's your answer
yeah uh sir uh uh this is not what we're being paid for but i feel
like we need to continue forward despite
our contract specifically saying that we don't deal in this sort of
business the only way out is through benson only way out is through besides
this is the only way to that real justice gets done i've been trying to
teach you that in spider caves spider caves dark alleys
uh old haunted creaky ships you name it and as you say that you hear
bizarre from somewhere up in the distance
there's clacking along the walls as you
come into this open chamber Alydin you feel
like well first of all this is this is new this was never here before you
look to the side and you see one of your engravings which tells you that
you are right below city hall um but you have opened this chamber
has opened and there are webs all along the wall and you see
two giant spiders that you can see moving along the wall down towards
you i don't like the that you can see roll
for initiative that's part of that 11 plus i think i've
one uh 15 i got a nine makes sense you're trapped by spiders
cab for now i got a four makes sense you're at the very very back
taking up the rear we need it anchor okay uh thurston you are up first
so in this chamber uh you've just opened into
they're webbing webbing all around two large spiders one looks white with like
these modeled copper spots all over it
another one more tarantula like it's like furry and brown
with these almost like eyes all along its body
how far away they uh from you will say they're 30
30 feet into this room this is a pretty large chamber that you just
opened up into okay i will um uh kind of rush forward
uh i have a uh what looks like a kind of a quarter staff
that i kind of flick out and it gets longer
and um i will uh uh jump up and try to
thwack it okay ah i i got i gotta stop using this
guldurn dies uh my first roll is an 11 11 does not hit
that's fair that's fair that's fair that's fair yeah then all um
as my my swing kind of goes wide and my quarter staff has like a uh sort
of whistling almost noise as i spin it
in front of the i assume just calm as a cucumber spider
i will um cast armor of agathys to give me a little bit of help
okay what's i'm screwed love it um great uh Alydin you are up next
thirstin's gone in uh swinging a staff trying to hit one of the spiders
and then cast something upon himself oh yeah he moves pretty quick all
surprisingly for his previous demeanor okay Alydin you hear bizarre muffled
screaming you can kind of clock him he's up in one of the corners bizarre
can't really see much in this space uh but you see a uh a figure
straining against some webbing would you say he's wriggling
yeah all right i don't know why that's important
i'm going to take out my slingshot and my special rock
okay and i'm gonna start slinging shots these spiders
okay you're too young for that slinging shots
hell yeah not inventorsmith kids need to work
18 18 will work yes yes
oh max damage five bludgeoning damage hell's to the end and the rock reappears
in my bucket uh the rock shoots out and it glows
as it hits into the spider which causes it to recoil
and and like raise up much like a horse might
um and you see all of its like long gangly teeth as it lands back
down bizarre it's your turn you are
currently restrained by webbing you can make a strength
check to try to break free okay ah damn 2024 rules changed how
restrained works we're going with what i know
so strength saving throw strength saving throw
all right this is gonna be bad because i got a negative one
uh and i also played myself into a corner of being muffled so i don't
think i can cast spells yeah why did you do that i don't know i
got a 10 acting yeah i was like i can't think of
anything to say so dramatic tension uh 10 you can feel the webbing start
to fray but you're unable to break yourself free
um and as your what i will give you is like you can
like you can see you know i told you you couldn't see because it's so
dark never mind you can't break free yep
that's fair i can't break free yeah dick all
yeah yeah we did specify that you were the only one who could not see anything
it's the spider's turn go spiders go they are going to come
the one that you hit uh or tried to hit
thirstin um is going to come to you um charge up actually it's going to try
to web blast you make a dexterity saving throw
ew yeah all right i'll take that that's a 21
21 uh so this one um rears up and lets out this web charge that shoots past
you and splats onto the ground and like you see benson
hop to the side as well hey this is my last clean suit
well clean enough the other one is going to
scale the wall um and is now on the ceiling
and it does not recharge um but you hear from somewhere
further into this chamber like you hear more
clicking noises coming echoing off the walls
it is uh cav your turn uh all right uh i can see in the dark uh and am i
able to perceive that bazaar is struggling
yes you similar to what Alydin has seen you see
his figure kind of writhing against the the webbing further into the chamber
probably about 25 feet from where you currently are
yeah and the spiders are in between he and i correct
yeah there's one that's directly on thirstin who rushed in
ahead of you and then there's one that you've seen
not disappear but is now on the ceiling above you
does cav have any weapons if he has been detained
does not have his normal weapon oh punch him
punch a spider in the face uh well luckily
uh cav can cast some spells do that instead
much better uh we'll go with that all right uh
i'm gonna cast uh sacred flame all right hell yeah and i'm gonna try to
uh center it like right in front of
i guess i don't know it's radiant not exactly
fire but uh i'd like to set it in front of bazaar to hopefully help like his
efforts right and maybe we'll help him see
as well all right um roll me some damage
please because you're not trying to hit something necessarily but
i can do that that is five radiant damage
this flares in front of you bizarre and as it
as it does um you're able to see the room you see all of
all of your friends uh battling these two huge
spiders um and you you also hear this further clicking noise echoing
and as you look out of the corner of your eye
you see the far end of this this chamber starting to flood
with more much smaller comparatively much smaller spiders super
and the the webbing in front of you begins to fray and splinter from the
this light that cav has cast i can dig it
welcome to the middle the middle you're in it
here it is did we say we're in the middle that's where you are
look at the time stamp it's probably pretty close
maybe not exactly i don't know about the middle isn't like an exact time
in the middle it's frame of mind it's more of a frame of mind thank you
tom exactly exactly we're in a middle frame of mind we're kind of loosey goosey
yeah we're kind of just moosey toosy i was like i'm trying to think of
something to riff with you i was like wet and wild and you know that's not
it yeah different vibe but sure um when
we are in the middle there's an added bonus
is that we have some people watching us some of our patrons
watching us do this middle why why it's so funny
just train like people are watching us like we need other adult supervision
right now yeah we have lines from the side word
for word it's fantastic but sam just pointed out a very good
uh benefit of being able to watch us
in a more australian time zone probably because it's quite it's a
little more late for north america uh but is that you can have it up
and it looks like you're in a in a zoom call or in a in a business
oh yeah absolutely uh if you minimize so you can't see the background because we
do have a fun background we do that does not look businessy
but you can just squish it otherwise it does just look like a zoom call
more of the background is taken up so you're right you're right
yeah yeah yeah the gelatinous dick on the side you can't really see
that's exactly what i was looking at as well i was like that's hard to
pull off in a in a corporate environment but
yeah but you can play with the the perspective of it and uh
sam's much smarter than us so i'm sure absolutely
yeah it's all it's all worked out but how do you how do you get access to
this this recording uh that you'd be
watching while you're at work specifically overseas from
from north america or working night shift in north america
let's get really lost in the weeds of our tms
let's yeah it is down if you were a patron
yes then that is one of the perks is that you can come
and watch us record and see just this well
oil machine working perfectly yeah after so many years we really
have it down yeah so the the supporting producers get
to come join us get to you know really see everything
that happens um you know all those names that you
hear at the end of the episodes no you do not you liar you stop
listening at the credits whoa whoa wow it took a turn
wow that was intense i thought we were i thought we were thanking the
supporting are you okay i didn't think we were
yeah russ was so mad he threw his pen on the ground before he even started
like getting ramped up that's right yeah
absolutely jokes it's okay if you jump out before the bloopers at the end
there probably hasn't been any yeah yeah we never make mistakes
no it's the well-oiled machine yes exactly it's good uh so supporting
producers get to join us you can check out all the cool stuff check out the
bonus content check out the secret discord channels
super secret so secret let's call them exclusive
because then it's that makes more sense fancy though
it feels hoity so it feels like we should be
just like all covered in trench coats hiding in a dark alley being like hey you
want to see a secret yes yeah yeah that is way more
verified i don't want to be like exclusive one percent i want to be
in an alley in a trench coat with
questionable items three Dumbgeons crew members in a trench coat we're not
going to tell you which ones are in there
it's going to be a surprise uh but patreon.com dumb dragon castle we hope
to see you over there and now we tell you that we're going to
dedicate that we're going to dedicate an episode an episode absolutely
russ was not on the way out real jumpy there russ remembered to do this
and he is ready with the name of today's patron stan sitzman
stan stan's a man oh stan and i think by extension probably carl
i will speak for stan in that yeah um stan thank you what do you say
yeah uh happy uh belated anniversary you were just on a tour
which we saw because stan's very active in the discord
yeah um celebrating a lovely anniversary with his lovely wife so
thank you for being here stan um and now
we want to invite tim into the middle to tell you a little bit
about all the great things he's doing because
he's been here for a little while but this is the last episode
at least for now that he'll be joining us for tim
uh all plays plays dnd all the time over on
his own show greetings adventurers if you would like to
tell our friends all about everything you do there and anything else you
have going on because we want to thank you for being
here thank you yeah uh greetings
adventurers uh that's the podcast uh check it out we are legally the
longest-running dungeon dragons podcast at this point
um due to i think one asterix at this
at this point uh because of that it can be a little daunting right our
first campaign we made the foolish but kind of fun
choice to go all the way from level one
to 20 and we actually started fourth edition so we're gonna we were
gonna go go to 30 uh but yeah yeah it was
level 20 playing a level 20 straight up wizard
is like mind-boggling uh i i was like i can solo a tarrasque
mostly with a little bit of help with the dms a little bit yeah you make a
clone of yourself we can smoke yeah uh so yeah it's really fun
um i we started campaign two uh we just were in like episode 146
that's easier to start in but if you're got several hundred hours
we got the content for you uh i also have a couple other podcasts
uh one is a an advice podcast based on the advice
you seek on the internet aka reddit it's called dear internet we get
together we pull reddit advice questions and we uh
answer them and reddit is a very weird place
and uh we so you have very polite and normal questions to answer obviously
absolutely and it's really fun because you start to see how the
different subs get weird about stuff like there's
relationship advice there's our relationships and then
there's our relationships underscore advice
and underscore advice is full of like kind of dumb
guys who like yeah your girlfriend's wrong you should play call of duty
and oh boy that's really fun uh the other podcast i do uh i went
through the entire show naruto revuto that's done
uh or the entire naruto uh naruto revuto check that out
or i do one that goes through the beautiful
christian fiction series the left behind series you heard of it you guys
can i get a hell yeah i mean texas man over there
these canadians are like what do you mean what are you talking about
you guys don't have to just swear on the bible
like we had to swear on timla hayes so yeah basically it's like
all the christians disappear and it's a whole bunch of characters that
gotta who are so stupid for ignoring all the signs of that christianity
uh in in jesus and the antichrist and it's
a story of the earth's last days so we go through it
from an ex-vangelical i believe is the term bent
my wife is a ivy Lee educated theology major so damn it's really
fun fun to dig in and there is depressingly
and interestingly a almost straight shot to like
um the rise of the religious right through like left behind stuff
because it's timla hey uh and he had his fingers and everything
and like q anon really because that's where so much of this like
distrust like 666 mark of the beast stuff like don't get
don't get the covid vaccination because you'll become magnetic and
they're putting the trackers like that's from this that's what
that's from it's i mean it's all fake it's fake even
it for like like devout christians like this is not this is not in the
bible most like kind of even killed christians are like no this is not
real taylor swift worships the devil
yes exactly you can tell because she said this you said that
yeah everybody knows that though every concert is just
a satanic ritual she always points towards mecca on the stage
um and i i find the books kind of fun to read so that's my
favorite part about it is all the little
uh fun action and adventure that's called tribulation
farce check it out it's really fun and the books are so good
just steal them whenever you can yeah don't
don't pay for them just steal don't pay yeah yeah don't
yeah use the pirate this is not legal advice this is not legal advice yeah
no get an archival backup copy from your
life yeah steal one of the books then steal
another one and be like well i figured you'd turn the other cheek so
get two books you can follow me on blue sky
at tim landing so many things to now listen to you thank you so much
tim again for being here thank you always thurston has been given a
retainer so next uh law so we got you now we got you
yeah that's right it's a slippery slope man be careful
we'll definitely hear from thurston again though why you
why are you blinking at me like that no you should lean into it bro
a good time get back to the episode you crazy kids get out of this
alleyway with these weirdos in a trench coat
love you bye love you bye love you bye
thurston we're back up to the top here benson
sorry benson and nina um nina grabs benson
and starts running into the chamber towards
using him as a human shield a halfling shield
oh gosh yeah uh the two of them start running into the chamber like she's
leading him somewhere um and kind of like signaling to
everybody else when you're available to follow her when you get a chance
this way no rush so you got spiders
um all right well yeah i'm just gonna try to thwack it again and this time
i'm gonna roll better okay oh i did uh that's 24
24 is definitely better that'll hit okay
ross and i weren't holding hands so i think we need to do that every time
i felt it uh and i will uh
that's eight damage love it and uh is anyone near me
with this guy anyone near you with this guy
within five feet of this guy uh we could say
well bazaar's far away tied up Alydin you were slingshotting so you were
probably back a little ways cav you would have stayed where you're so i
don't think so that's fine that's cool that's
pretty sick but don't worry about it um in that case i will uh
go ahead and take the cunning action and i'll uh kind of
run back a little bit from this big spider
so then maybe closer to the crew but you know
yeah not too close kind of protect my client and all that
um and that's me so you're running back to Alydin and cav versus
benson and nina who are yes okay sounds good
uh Alydin your turn so uh thurston's backing up away from this
this one spider another one on the ceiling Alydin's gonna have like a
magic moment uh and she is going to reach her hand out and try to
visualize her hand through the weave stretching
because she wants to help rip the webs off of
okay okay off of bazaar's okay cool what are you doing mage hand
do you have mage i do okay great
what i know it's amazing you just learned it was just right there
amazing well this you know under pressure like yeah absolutely
yeah it's a high stress moment okay um
uh yeah i'm not gonna take this away from you what does it look like when
what does your mage hand look like um as it's
trying to tear away some of the the webbing that's wrapped up around
bazaar you know when you see a computer
like 3d rendition of something and like i'm imagining like the black with
the green lines but instead of black with the green
lines it's kind of like like an opalescent
ethereal with like i don't know lines going through it okay it
doesn't seem like fully fully they haven't fully formed yeah what you
want your mage hand but it's trying yeah okay great yeah does it appear like
it's 2d regardless of where you stand looking
at it is that what you're going with kind of that's it yeah all right paper
mario yeah yeah that's what i that's kind of what i was getting i was
like okay uh okay uh bazaar do you feel
the webs fraying and pulling um and you are able to now get a
couple hands free um with this this mage hand that is not yours
um tearing away at the web oh yeah and it's your turn oh i'm going
to see who did this and i can't see
anything because it's dark as shit and i'm just gonna go i don't
know what's happening somebody turn on the lights
um and i am going to well is any of the flames still around
like near like from the explosion or do we
move far away enough from that to where that's not a thing anymore
that's yeah that's not a thing anymore you guys would have had
you guys would have brought a torch with you though so like you can see
now that you're out of the webbing you can see that the at least the
torch light um near thirst and cabin Alydin so
you can see that and like the big spider that they're
fighting still oh okay cool yeah so uh yeah seeing Alydin do this i was
like do you learn so quickly that's amazing i'm doing it uh and seeing
them uh i'm going to use my bonus action
to cast misty step to get as close as i can to them
okay um and then with my hold on could you have done that all
along and you were just no because my mouth was covered up okay i was
like yeah i thought about it i was like what a what a
fucking dead poet society bullshit is going on here like
come on captain mike get out of here um
so that'll be my bonus action and then i'll turn to one of those spider
fucks and i'm gonna cast frostbite on it okay
and i need a constitution saving throw dc 14
oh that's uh that's a nat one it's because i touched his diet it's
thank you so much so too all right i help in my own way that is nine frost
nine cold damage and it'll have disadvantage on the next weapon attack
it makes you touch this the frost begins to like
move across this the the skin the exoskeleton of this
um spider and like its legs are held in place and some of them
are fracturing off and it lets out this hideous like scream
which um through that you hear um the sound of the spiders that you saw
entering on the other side which kind of clues into you
like this is not a place to be
okay cool beam he's like don't tell me what clues into me
yeah no that's fine um this spider's turn is going to
attempt to recharge and it does and it's going to try
to shoot again at it's going to try and shoot a calf this time have
disadvantage um not on the recharge
so you get advantage on its shot calf okay
dexterity saving throw all right 13 on the die plus
one so 14 just barely this shot misses you
yes from up above no recharge it crawls down the wall
um and it's now behind you calf so closing off the exit that you just
came from um and it's going to try to bite you
oh that's a nat 20 that's pretty good that's pretty
i haven't touched that dice sorry hey could you get your
grubby hands off my dice um
uh i haven't touched those ones no yeah uh three things
uh so that's uh seven piercing damage and seven poison damage jesus christ
ouch oops oopsies uh sorry dm says maybe you should run
players say ah fuck off dm crits players like all right
all right it was kyle kyle said why doesn't speak for me 14 damage in total
rest yes yes sir yes sir when somebody else gets
seriously hurt then i reconsider yeah of course
uh and it is your turn now calf great uh
feeling good things are going well uh okay no weapons so i guess i'll rely
more on uh my spell abilities or disengaging and running away
look at his face i mean i don't have a lot of hit points disengaging and
running might be the play here big spider is like screaming down on
top of you it's just taking a chunk of out of your shoulder yeah
yeah i'm probably gonna disengage in and try to get away from this thing
you disengage as it as its legs are trying to grapple you um and you are
heading presumably following nina and benson absolutely
anywhere but here all right uh you do so natalie portman
susan sir uh thirstin uh we're back to you as cav you kind of disappear
around a corner uh okay so i guess we're running
um uh sorry uh between where i am and alden and bizarred are if i run and i
am i just ditching them or what do i think the three of you are pretty
close to each other so like you as far as initiative goes you three
are next um so any chatter things we can
kind of make that all happen at once before the spiders get another
turn okay yeah all right i think we should
dip like all your friends did so uh i'll take the um
i'll dash with my cunning action whatever it's called
okay but on my way out i'll peep you uh shoot eldritch blast at the
hey fuck you fuck you uh and then i roll that
all right how this game works ass uh so the first one is 10 uh the
second one is 19 there we go so the first eldritch blast
goes and misses uh the spider but hits the wall and like
lights up the web along the wall um which is starting to illuminate the
room and you see as you're running like this flood of spiders coming in
from on the far side uh give me damage on the second one
oh no uh that would be uh six okay six that spider lets out a
scream as it like slumps down in front of bizarre and
Alydin as you two begin to run and follow
so uh i got a 60 total feet of movement
okay so yeah you round the corner and like quickly catch up to everybody
and like almost and and bypass seeing another
another um chamber on the other side that they are
that you can assume they're heading towards um
uh Alydin anything you want to do as you are now running as well i assume
oh i'm just gonna run i'm not gonna try to
fuck around and find out yep no okay cool uh you're gonna bolt
followed by bizarre yep i'm gonna i'm gonna bolt i'm gonna
take the torch as i do i'm gonna do control flames and
shoot five feet out into just a patch of web and hope it starts
spreading with the rest of the eldritch fire and as you all burning shit that's
what we do flames are so flammable too
the flames are quickly lighting up and you hear the spiders call
from the other side um the one that is was still uh
living um you hear it chattering towards the other group
who as the flames begin to spread through the webs
turn tail and head back down the way they came
you all head down a chamber and Alydin you quickly realize where you are now
you're like beneath city hall um nina's catching up and there's a
a ladder that's going up and she's starting to climb or like directing you
guys to start climb that ladder i'm sure that's not going to come
back to bite us in the butt no it'll be fine spiders like caves
it's fine i don't live here i don't live here it's not going to
bite me or thirsty in the butt we're out of here as soon as we
figure out how to get out of here right bud
oh absolutely absolutely i think we did our we did our stuff we did justice
plus uh i think we did a little too much justice if you ask me
uh you're stammering as you're all climbing up this
ladder hey who wants to be first up the top
uh let let me go first as uh i feel bad about you running for
first and then you get into your spider situation
thirst and you're first up there's a um you get to the top and there's this
wooden covering up at the top you kind of push it and
there's some resistance to it uh you want to make a strength check
oh crap or oh another creative way to open the
uh i say now you see here mr dork no get out of the way
uh now i got i got a 17 i rolled good enough i don't god use my damn
brain yeah yeah first couple you kind of
like you throw yourself against you feel like there's something on top box
a desk or something um and then with the surge of
adrenaline you push your way up um which knocks over this
somewhat heavy box on top and you find yourself
quickly into you're welcome uh you find yourself
in an old storage room um you climb up and everybody falls in behind
what's with this town and it's goddamn storage rooms oh my gosh
everybody's trying to uh to cover up all
anything they can uh but it appears that we are inside city hall so
what we need to do is be very quiet and she moves over to the door and
looks out and there's nobody here she opens the
door wider and you all step out into the hall and
it's like dead quiet in this building that's good
it's quiet in my opinion it isn't too quiet
okay no that's fine as long as this is normal for everybody else
certainly not normal for me um we just got a good feeling about this
yeah yeah um it is after hours the mayor doesn't work
uh at all i was about to say full stop
yeah at all um you find him here once maybe a month and that's usually
when somebody's coming to pay him off
uh so uh let's head there get the books we need
and then you can uh wrap up this little trial and uh
hopefully no ramifications as uh we all disappear into the night
easy i mean when you put it that way it sounds great
your friends just show up and save the day that was your plan
cav you weren't even gonna try and do anything work like it's working out
you're bleeding quite profusely though uh we should probably get
yeah you probably get that checked out
as the adrenaline starts to wear off cav you require a little assistance going
down the hall which is reminiscent to your recent adventures
um as uh nina leads you to the mayor's office she
creaks open the grotesquely um ordained door
and into this massive chamber uh where lined with books everywhere and she
says um some somewhere under and she goes to
the desk she pops a button and like this credenza
opens up um and inside are the books that you
recognize cav the ledgers that you recognize that you
uh well i guess everybody recognizes um except for thirst and benson
so this is what you're looking for and she flips them open and says
i don't think they've mucked around with any of these she's kept them all
exactly as they once were and held on to all of them
he's not smart it's very cocky like i said as incompetent as they are evil
she grabs them and starts handing books out to everybody
um so from here do we just plan to stroll back into the courthouse
if we could uh clandestinely give the judge
some of this stuff i think uh that that would help for sure
and we could probably just do like a mistrial then bing bang boom done
i think so and then that's you know enough to get cav uh
off uh again just enough back into the place we can get him patched up
and then uh perhaps you'll run uh you know the
the interrogation uh the prosecution from the other side
yes thurston you want another job i i love money i mean i don't really think
i'm gonna get paid for this one so yeah well and she goes to another drawer
and pulls out uh a large sack of gold
and tosses it to you says uh i can't accept that benson get it
grab that of course sir you saw nothing uh he drags i can't accept
that the bag across and like slips it into his
side patch we saw nothing we did nothing
uh we can take any jobs that you have in the future though that's uh that's
for certain yeah we love working we love uh justice
we love going beyond and getting uh our our feet dirty as they say
we cut ahead and we see all of you walking
out of the courthouse um not in handcuffs
you see or before this entire riot that bazaar just started um there
oh yeah everybody kind of calms down as they see you come out and silences to
see if you have anything to say we're coming out to the brooklyn 99
intro song by the way just yeah of course everybody knows
as we can see my client is uh well not guilty so uh uh yet again justice
prevails there's a cheer from the crowd as you
say that and then they all simmer down as benson's
like just a second just a second and as we all know keep good
bookkeeping okay repeat that after me the entire crowd all at once keep
good bookkeeping thank you another lesson learned sir
very well done we should probably i think our time is up
uh we should probably head back to kingstown
uh take care of some of the bookkeeping of our own
and then come back when we're ready to take on this whole mayor trial
exactly i mean i bet he's gonna be pretty cheesed off
and i'd really like to see his face when we we stick it to him
it's gonna be really good it's gonna be really good all right we're gonna
exit stage left uh thanks everybody uh i'm sorry i gotta great work out
there somebody get this man some bandages
we just let him bleed on the carpet the entire time
oh it's so bad the mayor do this i'm asking questions i'm asking questions
it could be oh allegedly right yeah allegedly not accusing just
questioning you guys are just seeding doubt and
questions throughout the crowd as you make your way out heading out like
my business card if you ever need anything let me know let me know
Dumbgeons and Dragons season 4 episode 38
starring Amy More as Alydin carla max dead as Bonwyn everbane
tom laird as Kavlar in gold wave kyle Claset as bizarred the wizard
with Russ More as your dungeon master and special guest tim landing
from greetings adventurers naruto revuto and tribulation farce find more from tim
at geekly inc.com and listen next episode he's not going
anywhere for a little while dialogue editing and sound design of
today's episode is by Russ More our community manager is jessica
babiak music is from epidemic sound and
sound effects are from epidemic sound boom library and sound ideas
our amazing cover art is by matt garbutt a huge thank you to our
supporting producers gabriel lynch jessica babiak angaron kierzen
cat water flame perry matey jacob madden old school gamer d
craig zeiss la branton chips 1012 and kudzu 828 we'd love if you joined
us today at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast for the amazing community
all the bonus content and so much more patreon.com
slash dumb dragon cast will see you over there but until then have a great
week and we'll talk to you soon june pokes her head in as she was
walking by on the street and she yells to you
hey you remember what i were what
it's not so easy is it i have a tummy ache what's your problem chickens
buck of the hot ones specifically Dumbgeons and Dragons is a dumb dragons
production