Nobody worry, Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in a moment.
The sound of grinding stone comes to a halt as you all look over and realize that you are now locked in this jail room.
Nina looks over at Kav and says, well, you're right, they came for you.
But it appears all of the people are now stuck here.
Hey, we just asked for privacy.
They're giving us privacy.
Bizard, they're going to let us out, right?
Oh, yeah.
I can ask if you want, just to double check.
Yeah, yeah, because Thurston's on the clock, so they can't.
Right. My time runs out.
I got to get out and then I'll walk over and knock on the little, I guess, huge stone door.
Like, hey, real quick, I just want to make sure that doesn't get open.
I'm not supposed to be down here too long.
And I think I'm bringing my client up.
So I'm a little confused why this is closed, but appreciate the privacy.
You hear from beyond the stone door.
Yeah, it's good.
Yeah, you just take your time in there.
So you're confirming we are not trapped.
Confirming you are in that room.
And you're in that room.
All right. Well, I have concluded my business with my client.
It was real quick.
I would like to leave now, please.
No.
OK, I suppose.
Right. You fucking piece of shit.
Well, yeah, we're we're locked in here.
It's a it's a classic, you know, thrown into a sorry hole and forgot about.
So we might want to figure out who we eat first.
Things that scenario. What?
People panic in situations like this.
Nina's been down here forever.
They feed you right, Nina. Yeah.
Oh, right. Sorry.
She's wasting away.
She's so she's so far away.
She's in the corner of the cell.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast,
and I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
He him also with me today is Amy More as Alydin.
She her my smell and poop.
Tom Laird is Kavlaran Goldweed.
He him heard Jeff and Kyle Claset is Bazaar.
The wizard. He him.
I don't think we're going to stop for snacks with special guests
this week from Greetings Adventurers, Tim Lanning, he him.
Miss the spot.
A quick shout out to our Patreon family who make this show possible
and get one hundred thirty or more exclusive episodes for their trouble.
That's like a lot of D&D that you can get right now.
Patreon dot com slash dumb dragon cast.
We hope to see you over there.
And now, fuck it. Let's play.
Nice and panic.
We need to take a breath.
Look around. They.
Let's just say that we benefit from
how cheap a lot of these people in power are.
There's usually accidentally a flaw.
Am I right?
They're as incompetent as they are evil and usually more incompetent.
So that's been my experience.
OK, all right. I like this one.
He seems to get it.
I told you he seemed really smart and nice.
Oh, you said that. Thank you.
I mean, it's a lot.
Sir, we should put that down as a comment card
or like a testimonial for our future clients.
Yeah, billboards.
Alladin is going around and like feeling like
like touching all, you know, like when Carla and I were trapped
in that escape room and you guys were in the other room
and we thought like we are going to touch literally every single brick
in that jail cell.
And like none of them actually were anything.
But you guys had a brick that was sparkly that you should have touched.
I know. I'm doing that right now.
I'm like just like just like there's got to be
there's got to be like a crack.
There's got to be breeze coming for.
I don't know. Yeah.
Feeling for something.
I'm going to roll investigation.
Oh, no, I don't have my dice.
I'm going to use the internet.
You don't have your dice either.
I'm going to use the internet.
Not the only one.
Golly, my dice are literally right there.
It's just I'm going to help you look around like,
oh, yeah, investigating.
Yeah, I want to investigate as well.
Yeah, everybody can investigate.
Oh, I've got plus five for investigation, bitches.
Oh, no, I'm just helping out and to give Amy advantage.
Yeah, I want to roll investigation.
I got 15.
Dean.
Bizarre gave you advantage.
Thank God.
Don't forget to check here and check there.
This is what? Oh, 24.
Oh, everybody outside of the current cells.
Nina and Cav are inside cells.
Nina doesn't bother to look for anything.
Cav, you may be looking around, but it's fruitless.
What's that post?
What's this spoon here?
Alydin, you're looking around trying to feel for air
and you you make your way kind of to the opposite end of this
of this area.
There are six cells
and in the final cell, you feel the cell door is open
and you feel like a bit of a breeze.
There aren't windows.
This is a very dark.
It's only lit by like it's only lit by
very dim torchlight.
But yeah, you feel a bit of a breeze coming out of this final cell.
I want to like try to narrow it down by like
moving around the cell and just holding still.
And you're making your way along and you you think you feel
where this where this is a very harsh, like cool air
that's coming in from a cracks around one of these stones first.
She wants to pull on
on one of the torches, like on the wall, just in case.
You know, just in case you pull on them,
they don't appear to move.
OK, fine. I go to the one
rock and the hand motions lately, guys.
It's just I'm going to the one rock and honka honka.
I want to, I don't know, like, try to like a wuga the rock.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Some hubba hubba.
The rock. OK, you go up to the rock.
And as you are manipulating it,
accosting it, harassing it, whatever you want to call it,
getting your own charges to deserve being down here.
Yeah. Getting your rocks off.
Oh, it was great.
There it is.
It takes us a while to get there.
But, you know, you you push the rock and they get it
like depresses into the wall.
That's a great, wonderful, fully perfect timing.
Depresses into the wall and you feel it slide
in further until finally it collapses
inside some chamber that you can't quite make out
beyond the room that you're in.
But it appears that there is another chamber inside
and you even hear the sound of like trickling water beyond.
Oh, bizarre. Do you find something?
Yeah, look, I made a hole.
OK, yeah, that's listening on it.
OK, does the torch come off the wall?
Yeah, you can lift it off. Yeah. OK.
Lift it off and I say, you found it.
I can go in unless somebody else wants to check it out.
It's like this big.
I that's not necessarily a problem.
What? I mean,
do you think you could fit in there because I'd rather not have to?
But I can if I need to.
I mean, maybe I could probably fit in there.
You know, I'm a little stout, though.
You said how big was it?
Like this big.
And she holds her hands up like basketball.
I can. I can.
Let me let me try.
I've like dislocated my shoulders before.
Oh, God.
You know, to try and get into some pretty sticky situations.
You should be getting out of out of out of out of is way better.
He's like a snake.
Let me let me just get on the head of my job, too.
Alladin is already like trying to get halfway through this.
She went like arm first, arm head.
Amy's been through small holes.
I know exactly how this will go.
Ice is the barrens and Nina's cell still locked.
Yes. Yeah.
Can I try to lockpick them?
Yeah, baby.
Yeah, it's impossible.
Great to meet you.
It's going to suck starving to death if we find any rats.
I got an eight.
It's this is confusing.
Yeah. As you as you're trying,
like these are old rusted out locks like it as you put your tools in.
Like you feel like grinding.
And yeah, you're hard to get purchase on on the actual mechanism in there.
Might have to do a classic.
Maybe you should stand back situation.
What do you mean?
I'm going to blast.
I'm going to blast your door open.
Oh, OK.
And she who she didn't get off her bed, but she squeaks like squeaks.
You know, I like it.
She squeaks back and far into the corner.
Kavlar, what he said, just like back into the corner.
You heard Jeff.
I like this. This is good.
Nina and Kavlaran best friends forever.
Right. That's what Oakes says.
Oh, my God. Her and Oak are going to have it out.
Don't worry. We don't have to.
It's good that we found one of your friends down here.
That's great news. All right.
I has that.
And I cast Eldritch Blast.
Boom. Yeah, he did the thing.
That's right. Yeah, he did.
Is there a spell you want to cast in your warlock?
Well, have you heard of Eldritch Blast?
Pretty cool. You want to roll me some damage?
This door isn't going to move.
So I do. Let's go.
Um,
ooh, so good.
Eleven damage.
My two blasts of Eldritch Kablamo.
Two blasts. You're going door and door or you're targeting a singular door.
Singular door.
Are you going Nina's or Cavs Nina's?
My mind was Cavs, but she moved and I would feel too uncomfortable
to not blasters. Right. Obviously.
OK. Yeah.
Your two blasts go off and like the door
almost breaks off of its hinges.
But the mechanism bursts free.
A few splinters of metal shards shoot out.
Um, Cav, make a deck saving throw.
I can do that.
Oh, an 11.
Um, like, yeah, like just like you kind of skims your shoulder.
You feel it cut through through your shirt
and Nina leans forward and looks as you actually did it.
And she stands up and like brushes herself off
and starts heading out and says, thank you.
Thank you very much.
I yell from half in the hole.
Can someone grab some of those?
Grab some of those metal pieces for me.
Can you put some in my bucket?
Sure. Yeah, no problem.
Thanks, Cav. Inside the hole.
As you as you're pushing yourself through, you now realize that there's birth.
There's an odor coming from inside. Oh.
There's good odors. That's true.
It kind of smells in here.
It smells like what? Do I do I recognize the smell?
It smells like,
well, as you say, it kind of smells in here.
Nina comes around the corner and she says, darling,
I think that is the the town's old aqueduct.
Could be a particular place for some certain drainage.
Am I smelling poop?
You're not not smelling poop.
Oh, I think the legal term is gray water.
Mm hmm. Yes.
See, he knows everything.
Do I see anything in here?
Um, did I go through without the torch?
Well, Bazaar said he had the torch.
So, yes, sure did.
He sure did.
And if I land in poop,
you your hand goes down to the ground and it's it's damp.
But it does feel like rather cave like,
like you're not in like you don't drop into sludge,
a sludge, yes, any sludge or like slush of water
or anything like that.
Oh, I squeeze myself through it.
I was like, guys, it smells smells gross in here.
I stick my head through the hole and I'm like,
can I have a torch?
I hand the torch over.
Careful the methane.
Yes, that could change our plans and go up.
Boom. Real quick.
What?
Oh, a boom. That's probably fine.
Not a bad idea, then.
If we're not inside of it, you might have to climb back.
Should I come?
Should I come back out and then we throw the torch in?
Yeah. OK.
And I squeeze myself back.
I'll pull you through.
Maybe don't throw.
Don't throw it, because if we hit a doo doo pile,
it might go away. We don't want that.
I tell you what. No, we can we can do this.
I cast mage hand.
I grab onto the torch.
I float my mage hand through the hole as we stand safely in the hallway
and see if it blows up.
How did you do that?
Oh, it's it's a very, very rudimentary cantrip.
You just have to imagine like your hand as it's an
like an extension of your hand.
Imagine if you could stretch your arm out through the weave of the ether.
It's like that.
Like in my mind, you just see a hand, but in my mind,
my arm is stretching out through the hole.
So if you could like, you know, see in the ethereal plane,
that's what you would see, too.
It looks really weird, but it's it's really cool.
Anyway, let's see if this blows up.
She's just staring at her hand.
What are we talking about? Middle stuff.
Middle. Welcome to the middle, everybody.
You're here. It's a much more subdued middle than last week.
My choice for topic today, since Kyle isn't here.
You've got the talking stick.
Kyle, isn't he great?
Are you so glad that we played this super long con on him
to make him be a permanent cast member?
And it worked.
And I'm so proud of us, guys.
We really made it happen.
And he's wonderful.
He is. We sowed the seeds.
Drew him in little by little.
Just for like a one one story arc.
It'll be nothing.
And now six years later, one of us.
And now he's flying into Edmonton in blizzards.
So exactly. Exactly.
That's how you know you're committed.
Yeah. He'll spin it and say, no, I tricked you,
which he probably did.
Let's be real.
But, you know, we can think that he is very clever.
He could have tricked us.
But why would he want to?
He still hasn't signed the contract, though.
So I don't know what he wants.
I don't know what he wants in this relationship.
Is him not being here a negotiating tactic?
Oh, that must be a business trip.
But no, no, no.
Anyway, Kyle, he's the best.
You know who else is the best?
Who? Our patrons.
This is so true.
They support us.
Um, emotionally and also financially.
Absolutely.
And we try to give them some value in return,
like extra episodes of other shows and see our faces
every now and again.
You can come see our faces.
You can hang out with us.
Watch us there, too.
Don't forget, Kyle is normally here.
Exactly. So like, that's a huge selling point, right?
It's true. He's like handsome Jesus.
That's what he looks like.
Handsome Jesus. Oh, yes.
Handsome Jesus classic.
That's right.
But our extra special number one tied with Kyle is our patron
that we're dedicating this episode to.
Who is Logan Moore?
Logan Moore.
Related. Is that your cousin?
I know. Any relation?
No relation that I'm aware of.
2-0, 1-0. What are we talking about?
Singular O. They're doing it.
Singular O.
Long lost cousin Logan.
I can't wait to see you at the family reunion,
even though my last name is not Moore.
So I won't be there.
You would definitely be at the family reunion.
I do come to all of the Russ and Amy More family events.
You'll have your reunion crocs there.
It'll be a whole thing.
Exactly.
Logan, I can't wait to meet you at the family reunion.
Me too.
You're the best.
It's going to be a great time.
That family reunion that we're going to have.
The next event we have, that'll be our meet up,
is called a family reunion.
I like that.
And then in brackets, but not really for business purposes.
Oh, yes.
It'll be the family reunion.
Just put it there.
Yeah, just a lot of quotes.
Lot of quotes.
No, for reals, Angela.
Honestly, it's what I'll say.
Exactly.
Yeah.
OK, thank you for listening, everybody.
We'll get you back to the episode, which
is exactly how all trial episodes end up,
is with somebody in jail.
Well, sometimes, yeah.
I mean, in Tom's case.
Maybe they get out.
Maybe they don't.
Dung dung.
That's how you have to end it.
Yeah.
For court.
OK.
Love you, bye.
Bizarre's Mage Hand takes the torch
and slowly moves through.
And as anybody's watching it,
the flame begins to die down until it's just a flicker.
And it disappears into the darkness
until there's this huge bright flash that goes off.
And flames shoot out like a straight shot into the room.
And then it's quickly followed by a loud explosion
that echoes and shakes the walls.
Dust and stone begins to fall from the ceiling inside.
And all of your ears are ringing at this moment.
Can't believe that happened.
Thank you for not passing me the torch in there.
Maybe.
Am I yelling?
Maybe we should have given a warning before a warning.
We kind of did it in a roundabout way, I think.
Well, he explained an ethereal plane
and there's something about a hand
and then said, let's watch it.
So we did.
There was an implied potential explosion.
There was an implied.
I don't know.
It was just cool.
That's a fireball, William.
Oh, where does that fuck around here?
Is Cav still in their cell?
We got to bust him out, too.
Yeah.
I want to try to redeem myself.
Fuck!
I did one.
Oh, you should do it like this.
Like.
No.
It's impossible.
I don't know how they did.
I understand it one.
It's different locking mechanisms.
Like it's from an era by the past.
This is why they discontinued these.
They were too hard to.
The guards couldn't even unlock them with the keys.
There's no way to do it.
The fact that they're in there right now
is just mind boggling.
I'm going to blast him.
All right.
Again, Eldritch Blast, go Cav.
Give me another dex save.
You're the only one on that side now.
Only six for damage.
Hold on.
Oh, 20.
OK.
Hell yeah.
Insight.
Now you know exactly what's going to happen.
You're dodging all of the shards.
There are more of them this time.
Nina comes out and says, I didn't think
he could move that fast.
That was beautiful.
That was good.
I think he's getting hungry.
Oh, that could be.
Yes, I have seen him move very fast
to the free snack buffet.
Yes.
Yeah, the sooner we're out here,
the sooner we can get some snacks.
I go for some hot dog or.
Oh, yes.
Like pizza.
I like pizza.
Hey, I hate to spoil the party,
but we kind of just blew up part of the city.
I don't think we're going to stop for snacks.
No, no, no.
We need to get the fuck out of here.
The snacks are the reward.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, once we get out, like she
peeks her head through the hole,
this probably leads somewhere.
You said there are well-known tunnels
under this city.
All we need to do is find the tunnels,
and then we can get to the city hall.
We can get the evidence.
And then Bob's your uncle.
Cabs free.
I can disappear into the night.
Easy.
All's good.
Wait, where are those books?
You can't disappear.
Why not?
Because then we'll be on the run forever.
Why do you have to be on the run?
We kind of need you for some evidence, please.
For justice.
Well, yes, I get you the evidence.
Fine.
But do they need to see my face?
Like, I've been down here for three weeks,
and all I've seen is dreck.
Yeah, but I think it's pretty important
to be able to tell them that they couldn't find you,
and you were in a cell directly beneath the courthouse.
The people need to know.
OK.
Or we don't give them the satisfaction.
We say that we found you.
You weren't in jail, and you're
here to right the wrongs that
have been done in your name.
Whatever works best for the story.
I'm just here to support whatever you need from me.
I will supply the evidence.
We just have to get through that hole, which is now,
not surprisingly, much larger.
Yeah, thanks.
That's great.
I was not looking forward to squeezing through that.
It doesn't appear that the guards, maybe the guards left.
They just locked us in here and hoped that maybe we
ran out of oxygen.
Unrelated explosion, I guess.
I don't know.
Earthquake.
She looks down at Alydin.
Mayor Knops is not a good person.
I know.
OK.
They're both paid off by Mayor Knops.
You've been down here three weeks.
You would have run out of oxygen.
They had the door open.
I've spent time in a box.
They had the door open.
She walks over, and she looks into the giant hole,
be like, let's get out of here.
Do any of you guys also have dark vision?
Yes.
No.
So just you, sir, wizard.
How about you?
We worked together for three years.
Yes.
As advisors to the mayor.
I had to really sell that I hated you, Bazaar.
I know your name.
I just fall back into it.
Oh, I don't care about Bazaar.
I've crawled through this hole.
I'm not slipping him secret notes that he's not seeing ever always.
I didn't see secret notes.
These are like those stories you read Benson where they're like,
oh, we're unrequited lovers hiding in dark circles.
Yes.
Retardant Flames is the most recent one I've read.
I like this.
I like the sequel, Don't Extinguish My Love.
Yes.
I haven't got that far.
Don't tell me don't spoil it.
So mad.
What do I see in this tunnel that I've heard this cave cavern?
I've gone ahead.
I'm exploring.
OK, you can you can all go in.
The child does not have dark vision, right?
Yes, she does.
She's half elf.
Hail.
You go through and anybody else who?
Well, I mean, everybody else has to go through there at some point.
No, I'm good. Bye bye.
I live here now.
This is why I leave here.
It's going to be here.
Have a good one.
Everybody goes through and it opens into more of like a cave inlet,
which there appears to be like tally marks on the inside of this cave.
And you get in a little further and there's a skeleton on the floor.
Is tally dead?
Tally marks.
Rust, what'd you do?
Not tally marks.
Tally marks.
Wow.
Is that tally's last name?
Is that tally's last name, Marks?
That could be tally's last name.
I mean, she doesn't know her last name, but it's probably Marks.
It's probably Marks.
Yeah, you got me.
Yeah, the child is dead.
It is not.
It's Bazaar's fault.
It's Kyle's fault, everybody.
Hi, how are you doing?
Like, that's the worst thing I've done on this podcast.
Any trauma on this podcast is Kyle's fault.
Usually, yes.
I would like to summon my familiar.
OK.
I kind of like reach into my.
Benson runs up behind you.
Yeah, he's here the whole time.
You called?
All right.
Let's let me go back to my specs.
Yes, I summoned a guy when I was looking up the one I could summon.
I think it was a coding error in D&D Beyond.
But I was like, I just summoned a guy.
Like, it's like a dude.
It's like, I mean, I don't think they want you to.
But like some of the D&D Beyond, you know, if you click the button,
I'm going to summon Jeffrey.
It's a it's a could be summonable, but it's it's an it's an owl.
It's your kind of bog standard,
sort of like what you think about an owl, what it is.
And I kind of reach into my
crumpled suit pocket and like kind of like pull out like I'm pulling out
like a handkerchief or something.
But you see like
glowing ethereal lines come out.
And then the owl goes and plays up like, all right, Murdock, go fly around.
Make sure we don't get, I don't know, ambushed or what have you.
He just took an owl out of his pocket.
How's that for being a wizard?
Kidding, kidding, kidding, kidding.
That's your thing, not my thing.
No, I mean, you know, it's a it's a good spell.
I don't know it.
So very impressive.
Owl flies off out of sight.
Alydin's like right beside you.
Teach me. All right.
Well, it's less of a teach and more of
make a couple of promises you got to keep or else situation.
You don't want to get into that kid, maybe 10 more years.
She takes a step back.
You don't have to get into that.
No more years, none.
Hey, hey, sometimes it's the best option.
I don't know. You can make a lot of promises.
Thurston here, promises every day.
I keep my promises.
Some of them, too.
Owl comes back, relays to you.
What did we say?
You don't you don't see, but you can telepathically communicate.
In a sense, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
So, yeah, I communicate to you that there is more of a up around the bend.
There's more of a
a manmade structure, and it does appear to be like an old aqueduct.
There's a few
egresses down along the way as far as he could go within that time period
and come back.
A lot of them do appear to be sealed off
by more structure, you could assume, based on how deep you've gone into the ground,
like almost like parts of city on top of the city kind of thing.
I relay the information.
So all we need to do is get to City Hall.
And if we are at the courthouse, we shouldn't be too far.
Does anybody remember which direction the City Hall was?
I've been down here for three weeks.
Like left is right, the right is up, down is.
That's why they have the spiral staircase.
I was about to say, we turned right 36 times on the way down here.
It's very discombobulating.
That's why it's so confusing.
They must have done that on purpose.
So you get disoriented coming down into the earth.
That makes me really upset.
That there was reason for the thing that they did at the beginning.
And it worked.
I usually love functional design, but not in this case.
Yeah, this is hostile architecture.
Mm hmm.
Does anybody have any background in like city infrastructure?
Anybody? No.
Cab, did you pay attention
when you spent that week in city infrastructure course?
Yeah, you could probably muddle through.
I have a plus three in nature.
Can I like just tell which way is north?
With disadvantage, you could roll.
All right.
Disadvantage, hey. Yeah.
Roll twice, take the worst.
All right. Well, that's pretty good.
It doesn't. Yeah, then 19. Yeah, that's great.
And then the second one is a 19.
It's a 15, not bad.
15 is not bad. That's great.
Yeah, Alydin, you've been stuck in a lot of underground places,
a lot of boxes, a lot of holes, a lot of ethereal places
where there is no perceptive north, south, east, west.
This place, all in all, seems rather easy to you.
And as everybody's trying to look around,
trying to get their bearings, it like comes to you
the direction that you need to go and you need to follow the aqueduct.
Like straight down.
And at least you get the good perspective of where City Hall is.
We have to go this way.
She points down the aqueduct.
I'll trust you.
Very well. Wow, that was easy.
I mean, if you can't trust a 14 year old, who can you trust?
Dumbgeons and Dragons, season four, episode 37,
starring Amy More as Alydin, Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane,
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave, Kyle Klasset as Bizard the Wizard,
with Russ More as your dungeon master and special guest Tim Lanning
from Greetings Adventurers, Naruto Revuto and Tribulation Farce.
Find more from Tim at GeeklyInc.com and listen next episode.
He's not going anywhere for a little while.
Dialogue, editing and sound design of today's episode is by Russ More.
Our community manager is Jessica Babiak.
Music is from Epidemic Sound and sound effects are from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
Our amazing cover art is by Matt Garbutt.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers, Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak,
Angaron Kierzen, Cat Waterflame, Perry Matey, Jacob Madden,
Perry Matey, Jacob Madden, Old School Gamer D, Craig Zeiss, L.A. Branton,
Chibs1012 and Kudzu828.
We'd love if you joined us today at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast
for the amazing community, all the bonus content and so much more.
Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast will see you over there.
But until then, have a great week and we'll talk to you soon.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.