[0.0s] Hey, you, great to have you.
[2.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in a second.
[9.2s] Courtroom doors groan shut behind you with the kind of finality normally reserved for vaults or awkward first dates.
[18.9s] It doesn't groan shut like, uh.
[21.6s] Yeah, exactly.
[23.8s] You're shackled, not just physically, but with morally neutral magical manacles that buzz every time you form an opinion.
[33.9s] So what's different than normal?
[38.8s] You put those down your pants, you have a good time.
[40.9s] You pinion all over the place.
[43.6s] Snap.
[44.2s] One time my Nintendo 64 Rumble Pak broke and did that, and I was like, I'm a good Christian boy, I need to fix this before we get wild.
[53.8s] Take me to church.
[57.2s] If you haven't gotten off playing on a PS3, what are you even doing with your life?
[64.0s] The guard leading you sighs as you pass a leaking torch sconce.
[69.6s] Hate this floor, he mutters, smells like wet parchment and regret.
[74.3s] You descend a curved ramp that seems architecturally impossible.
[79.1s] A hallway clearly designed by someone who hated stairs but loved drama.
[84.0s] At the base, a crooked sign reads,
[86.6s] Sub-level B3, archive overflow.
[90.2s] Do not reshelve prisoners without proper labeling.
[93.4s] You're guided past a half-dosing guard named Drek, who offers you a half-eaten muffin and a shrug.
[100.4s] Third cell's still got a bucket, right?
[103.4s] Good.
[104.5s] Third's yours.
[106.0s] But as you pass the second cell, a raspy voice echoes through the bars.
[110.7s] Well, well, well, if it isn't the city's favorite whistleblower.
[116.1s] How's the integrity taste now, Kavlaran?
[119.3s] I mean, it tastes weird after going down that MC Escher staircase, but, you know, you do you.
[124.7s] There, in rumpled robes and the spiteful smirk sits Nina Madonna, looking like she's been through a mud-wrestling match with a stack of budget forms.
[135.0s] I was wondering when they'd send me a roommate, she mutters.
[139.6s] Hope you like conspiracy theories and chamber pot politics.
[147.0s] I mean, I love me some conspiracy theories, Nina, and we're going to get into it.
[152.3s] Don't you worry.
[154.4s] Podcast spinoff, Nina.
[156.5s] Chamber pot politics.
[158.2s] Yeah.
[159.4s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast, and I'm your dungeon master, Russ More, he-him.
[165.7s] Also with me today is Amy More as Alydin, she-her.
[169.2s] I'm a miner.
[170.3s] Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweed, he-him.
[173.1s] Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool.
[174.7s] Yeah, I love that attitude we're bringing to the mix.
[176.7s] And Kyle Claset as Bazaar the Wizard, he-him.
[179.7s] That thing that you said after the first thing that I'm not saying at all.
[183.7s] With special guest this week from Greetings Adventurers, Tim Lanning, he-him.
[188.1s] Take things in your own hands, you know what I'm saying?
[190.3s] A legend.
[191.2s] A quick shout out to our Patreon family who make this show possible and get 130 or more
[197.2s] exclusive episodes for their trouble.
[199.3s] That's like a lot of D&D that you can get right now.
[203.2s] Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragoncast.
[205.7s] We hope to see you over there.
[207.0s] And now fuck it, let's play.
[208.8s] We cut up to the top floor of the courthouse, which is where they keep the things no one
[220.1s] wants to deal with, really.
[221.8s] Archive indexes, condemned scrolls, and apparently one judge who actually cares.
[228.8s] The hallway is so quiet, you can hear the bailiff's knees crack.
[233.5s] Brass plaque on the door ahead of you reads Judicial Contemplation Chamber.
[239.0s] Absolutely no politics beyond this point.
[242.9s] Chamber pot or otherwise.
[245.7s] Yeah.
[246.6s] Thurston, Benson, Bizard and Alydin, you are standing outside this door and the
[253.6s] bailiff looks up at you and says she's waiting in there for you.
[259.6s] All right.
[262.0s] And I turned to you all like, OK, I don't know what you're standing with is
[268.6s] with a lot of people in this town here.
[270.3s] But if you have any favors you call in, this might break bad pretty quickly and
[276.2s] legally. OK, wink.
[278.4s] I can't say it.
[279.2s] Wink.
[279.9s] But we might have to wink, get your friend the heck out of jail extra
[285.7s] judiciously.
[286.3s] Wink.
[287.7s] I didn't say that.
[288.7s] It's a screenplay in World of Warcraft.
[290.7s] OK, OK.
[291.8s] Yeah, you've got it, sir.
[293.6s] It's good that we brought these folks because they know the town better than
[296.4s] we do. So and maybe what what actually happened.
[300.3s] So that that could be a benefit for once.
[302.2s] Yeah. Yeah.
[303.0s] Alydin leans forward and like like gestures for Thurston to come closer.
[309.6s] There are tunnels.
[312.4s] Was that a little out of kid?
[314.8s] There are tunnels under the town.
[319.4s] Well, apparently it's not the new thing to tell my therapist.
[322.8s] I'm afraid of little children whispering there are tunnels under the town.
[327.5s] I did not like the way you did that.
[328.9s] That was very spooky.
[329.9s] But that could be helpful.
[331.0s] Thank you. Thank you.
[333.4s] Did she say there were tunnels under the town?
[335.1s] They did. Yeah.
[336.4s] Oh, wow.
[337.8s] Is that all right?
[339.2s] That's scary.
[340.0s] Is that good for us, though?
[341.4s] What are we thinking?
[342.3s] Yeah. What's in the tunnels?
[344.0s] Yeah. Not goblins.
[347.1s] OK, seems seems like a very specific call out.
[350.6s] Maybe like it's like an exit.
[354.8s] Ah, strategy.
[357.0s] Well, you you feel if looks over at you.
[361.5s] Who's for the wastewater?
[364.1s] I said, it's not legal advice.
[367.0s] You can't listen.
[369.1s] Also, I whispered the tunnels thing.
[374.0s] Yes, Thurston didn't after, though.
[377.4s] No, that's true.
[379.7s] Worst lawyer.
[381.0s] How dare you?
[383.2s] So are you supposed to go?
[386.0s] Are you asking us to go in there or is this like we stay out here?
[390.4s] I I I don't know.
[391.8s] What we could probably do is just have them to be part of our council.
[396.3s] And then if and he looks down at his pocket watch and says,
[401.1s] if our retainer runs out, well, they can just take over the case
[404.6s] at that point, right? Works for me.
[406.8s] All right. Well, yeah, come come with us back there.
[409.7s] Ah, you'll be able to provide some needed background.
[413.5s] So if we run out of time, you're just going to leave.
[416.6s] Well, most likely, you know.
[418.2s] No. Yes. No.
[419.6s] Well, no. I mean, there'll be a paperwork, but you know.
[424.8s] So you're saying if the proceedings don't wrap up and
[429.6s] they go on longer, you're just not going to be here going forward.
[433.1s] That kind of breaks my heart.
[434.6s] I just have other cases to get to, other calves that need
[439.4s] kicking out through the tunnel, so to speak, kicking out the calves.
[443.0s] All right. I can dig it.
[446.2s] Benson shoves past everybody and opens the door
[450.2s] and inside Judge Sterling Delacour stands at a desk
[454.1s] built from old pew wood and the silent judgment of three decades
[459.0s] in public service.
[460.6s] Her robe is folded neatly on the back of a chair
[463.8s] and she's nursing what may or may not be coffee.
[467.0s] It smells like resignation and powdered cinnamon.
[472.9s] The dispelled ledger sits between you.
[475.8s] The magically revealed confession is still faintly glowing
[479.8s] like a guilty conscience under prestidigitation.
[483.4s] Delacour doesn't look up right away.
[485.6s] Instead, she mutters.
[488.3s] This is either the worst forgery I've ever seen
[491.2s] or the most creative resignation letter in municipal history.
[495.6s] I mean, this is a.
[498.5s] I should attack this from a legal standpoint, but I mean,
[501.9s] Judge, come on, that's this is a common sense thing.
[504.3s] I don't even know how I would argue this.
[505.6s] It's so ridiculous.
[506.8s] So, counsel, tell me honestly, on a scale of mildly
[511.8s] suspicious then to the cities on fire, how deep of a hole are we in?
[517.3s] Is Croker in here at the?
[520.0s] No, he's not.
[521.2s] Let's just say
[523.8s] we're setting three stopwatches to see when my
[527.8s] my time runs out, because I think you're about to have a wagon.
[531.7s] Well, let's just say, judge, I have the utmost respect for you.
[536.9s] And I yes, that is a threat, I guess I'd say is because
[542.5s] if you're a different judge, I think it wouldn't be that big of a deal.
[545.3s] And my client would just be
[548.4s] extra judiciously forgotten about.
[550.9s] But yes, I think I'm going to go at eight.
[552.7s] I think I'm going to go at eight, is I guess what I'm saying.
[554.9s] And eight. OK, that's that's well, that's not good.
[559.2s] Look. I've been trying
[563.7s] for a very long time.
[566.9s] And she rubs her eyes, sips her coffee.
[572.0s] I've been trying for a very long time to get mayor knobs.
[576.8s] He's very connected in very high places.
[581.2s] And I've had a very similar case that was thrown out
[585.3s] by someone from Kingstown.
[593.1s] How far? And she looks to all of you.
[597.0s] How far are you willing to go?
[600.6s] You can answer that.
[601.6s] You can legally you can answer that.
[603.8s] I mean, I'm about to start singing Moana.
[608.8s] Sing your heart out.
[611.7s] I mean, we've gone, I mean, beyond the bounds of this,
[616.4s] you know, plane.
[617.6s] So I guess pretty far, you'd say.
[622.7s] But I don't know what we're what we're going towards.
[625.8s] Well, there's.
[629.7s] Really three options that we have here.
[634.5s] The first is let your friend fall
[637.3s] and preserve the system that exists,
[640.5s] because that's the evidence before the jury right now,
[644.5s] is that your friend is part of a signed confession
[648.6s] from a missing person who
[653.2s] is very connected with a corrupt perceived government.
[660.1s] You could assist your friend in quietly
[664.7s] aid and escape.
[668.3s] Trigger your own external investigation.
[672.9s] Or we could gather enough to reopen the case.
[677.0s] But. There need to be a certain cover
[681.5s] and deniability for me to make that work.
[684.4s] Right, right, right.
[686.4s] And you're the best case we could get as far as the judge is concerned.
[691.6s] But I'll just be honest.
[694.5s] I was not out there fighting to win.
[697.3s] I was out there fighting to get all of this in the record.
[701.0s] So it seems like we are in sort of cahoots
[704.8s] in that sense of of it's the long game.
[709.6s] Well, and there is particular reason and particular skill set
[713.5s] why you, Mr. Lawfulgood, have been brought on to this case.
[719.1s] Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly.
[720.6s] But allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly.
[723.9s] We care for justice where I come from, but you can only do so much.
[727.2s] Sometimes you got to take things in your own hands.
[730.6s] You know, I'm saying, allegedly.
[732.3s] So it sounds like perhaps.
[735.6s] You're willing to.
[738.9s] Well, I guess you tell me, what are you willing to do?
[741.8s] How do you want to get your friend out of this?
[743.9s] Because as it sits right now, it's not looking great for him.
[749.1s] And I'll follow your guys's lead
[751.8s] and make sure it doesn't get too off the bounds.
[757.4s] Legally speaking, it'll be quite illegal.
[759.4s] But there's a there's a gray area, so to speak,
[762.2s] where if you're doing the right things against a society
[766.4s] where you can't do.
[768.9s] The right things, I think we can all sleep better at night.
[773.3s] How simple would the.
[776.9s] Assisting aspect be.
[780.6s] If we were to go that route, is this something that.
[784.8s] Can be arranged or is this something
[786.7s] that needs to be done under the guise of force?
[791.3s] As to not implicate yourself.
[793.9s] Oh, you don't have to worry about me.
[794.9s] I was talking. Yeah. Yeah.
[797.3s] Thurston, you care about me.
[799.1s] I know. And I appreciate it.
[800.9s] I do. You are speaking of gathering enough evidence
[805.6s] to reopen the case or to assist your friend in escape.
[810.8s] That thing that you said after the first thing
[813.4s] that I'm not saying at all.
[815.4s] This is this is a clean room.
[817.9s] If the judge will say it, it's not that big a deal.
[820.8s] It's not that I'm a minor.
[823.2s] You can say whatever you want.
[824.4s] Like you worked in the mines.
[826.7s] No. Well, no, no, no, you didn't.
[829.5s] You weren't there. That's right.
[831.1s] No, but I've been underground a lot.
[833.4s] But I'm just saying, like, if this all comes out,
[837.5s] I I'm not an adult and therefore.
[843.1s] It's true. Cannot be tried as one.
[845.8s] Well, the rest of us will be tried with,
[848.3s] endangering a minor as well.
[850.3s] So but whatever my my crimes might not be allegedly.
[857.5s] Oh, God. My alleged crimes, my alleged future crimes
[862.6s] may not be as severely.
[867.0s] Punished if I get caught.
[869.9s] Well, I mean, your friend here is being basically a charge
[874.6s] with treason, high treason for doing a clerical bit of accounting.
[880.8s] So I would not rest my head on that pillow.
[884.9s] So for now.
[885.8s] Well, the escape part, then, like getting them out of the jail.
[890.1s] What we you bring them back up for.
[894.4s] The finishing aspects of the trial and perhaps there's a distraction.
[899.9s] You are very equipped in magical means,
[904.1s] at least your testimony said. Yes.
[907.8s] Yeah. Yes, I am.
[912.2s] It is important to note that there is another wizard
[916.1s] on the premises, though, so that remains to be seen.
[923.8s] Um, Alydin's got the hate
[926.4s] on for him just because you know.
[930.7s] Yeah, you hate the same people.
[932.1s] Exactly. Fuck that guy. Met him once.
[934.4s] Yeah, I can I can create a distraction
[938.8s] and send a message at the same time.
[940.7s] Oh, hot dog.
[946.1s] We'll cut back down to the jail.
[948.0s] We hear the guard Drek snoring somewhere off in the distance,
[953.1s] and we see Nina laying on a very rusty cot.
[959.3s] She's laying back and she says, Soka, Lauren, where did you go?
[963.3s] What were you doing?
[964.9s] Tell me everything.
[965.9s] I've been down here since she looks at her wrist and says, I don't know.
[972.5s] Are you not doing like that cool tally thing that they do
[975.4s] where they like carve, you know, the one, two, three, four,
[977.8s] and then go through it to make five thing on the wall?
[980.8s] Well, I did one, two, three, four, and then I thought it was fruitless
[984.4s] and they're going to leave me to die down here.
[986.1s] So why would I count down to my death?
[987.8s] OK, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
[989.5s] Yeah, I love that attitude we're bringing to the mix.
[992.0s] Well, nobody comes down here, Cav.
[994.8s] It's just you. It's just me.
[996.3s] It's just Drek.
[997.4s] My friends are going to come down here.
[998.9s] Absolutely, they will.
[1000.5s] Oh, yes, your friends, the one you stole the books with. Yes.
[1007.8s] You don't think they're going to figure that out upstairs?
[1010.4s] Solo cab special.
[1015.2s] Yes. No, you tripped three magical traps when you stole the books, Cavlarin.
[1021.3s] One of them recorded your images.
[1023.7s] So what do you what do you do with the images?
[1026.6s] I hid them, Cavlarin.
[1029.8s] Dare you ask why?
[1032.4s] I mean, sure, I'll play this game. Why?
[1035.1s] Because I'm a plant, Cavlarin.
[1037.4s] That's why they put me down here.
[1038.8s] I'm from Kingstown.
[1040.8s] I saw you in the hallways.
[1047.9s] Oh, so how much Cav pays attention in the office?
[1051.7s] Uh huh. Yeah, I had different hair.
[1055.1s] It was spiky.
[1056.8s] OK, well, you know, I'm not great with like names and faces, though, right?
[1060.7s] Yeah, you have that face blindness is what you say.
[1065.5s] I mean, look, just between you and me, it's not a real thing.
[1069.2s] I'm just bad at remembering names and faces.
[1072.3s] That's just something we all got together with and made up.
[1076.0s] Space blindness.
[1077.3s] Do you know why they sent you, Cavlarin?
[1079.4s] Because you wouldn't find anything.
[1081.7s] But then I found stuff.
[1083.7s] Or you fell backwards into friendship with people who were competent.
[1087.6s] It can be a little bit of both. That's fine.
[1090.8s] Two things can be right at the same time.
[1092.8s] Two things can be true.
[1094.5s] It's noble of you to take the fall, though.
[1097.4s] Oh, again, I do not like my friends will come for me
[1100.6s] and I will not be taking any falls.
[1103.9s] OK.
[1106.7s] Do you have any questions for me?
[1108.9s] Uh, yeah, I guess.
[1110.7s] How long did we work together in Kingstown?
[1113.5s] Three years.
[1114.8s] OK, that seems like more than I'd like to admit.
[1118.5s] I love that you're in this conspiracy and like,
[1120.6s] I just want to get in the ducks in a row.
[1122.0s] Like, do we eat lunch together a lot?
[1123.8s] Like, am I just that much of an asshole?
[1126.1s] Like, have we had conversations?
[1128.4s] Like, have we spoken?
[1129.6s] Like, would you have remembered the accent?
[1133.4s] I mean, three years. That's my mother's name.
[1135.2s] It's a while.
[1138.8s] She bought your birthday cake.
[1142.5s] OK, well, if OK, well, if you were a plant down here,
[1146.4s] why do they need to send me down here if you were already doing the work?
[1151.1s] Because I went missing.
[1154.8s] Thought for sure you were going to say rogue.
[1156.5s] No, it's taken me a long time to get in with him.
[1162.0s] Knops doesn't trust easily, despite his.
[1166.5s] Is how do I put this nicely, his stupidity?
[1171.8s] I think he fails upwards.
[1174.5s] I a lot of us do.
[1177.3s] Yes, yes, you do.
[1181.0s] So any thoughts on how we get out of here?
[1183.6s] Or are you just resigned to dying here?
[1186.8s] Oh, well, I've I've tried.
[1189.8s] They've taken away all and she in whatever
[1194.6s] jail attire they've given her.
[1196.5s] It's like these don't even have pockets.
[1197.8s] I would assume a burlap sack of some sort.
[1200.3s] Mm hmm. Yeah, very Dobby ask.
[1202.4s] Yeah, it's how both of you look now. Yeah.
[1206.5s] Oh, my God, they make have change.
[1208.7s] Yes, I thought he was just being held like for recess.
[1211.8s] That was between scenes. Yeah, yeah.
[1215.3s] He's now in the same attire.
[1217.7s] Look, Kavlaran everybody.
[1221.5s] Who? Wait a second.
[1222.9s] Who do they have on prosecution?
[1225.8s] Oh, um, uh, um, real like fancy boy.
[1233.8s] Yeah, I can't talk.
[1236.4s] I don't know if you're allowed to say that, Tom.
[1239.3s] I'm allowed to say he's the only one who's allowed to say that.
[1243.6s] No, I mean, we call him in just a fancy boy.
[1246.4s] That's right. So I know one when I see one. Exactly.
[1252.1s] Yeah, real, real fancy boy.
[1254.6s] I know my lawyer didn't like seeing him, so I think he's really good.
[1259.5s] Croker Shaw. That's the one Croker.
[1262.8s] Well, if Shaw's on the case, Shaw is Knapp's right hand man.
[1269.9s] And so far as the law goes in Vinter's myth.
[1276.5s] But I know where they're.
[1279.7s] The books you found were the correct books,
[1283.0s] and I know where he would be keeping them,
[1286.2s] because although he's put me down here and he's working to put you down here,
[1290.6s] which if you're down here, chances are good
[1293.8s] your lawyer is trying to figure out a way to break you out.
[1296.8s] I sure hope so. If they're any good.
[1299.4s] Well, I mean, he was court appointed, so I just don't have a reference frame.
[1304.6s] But he seemed nice.
[1307.4s] I know where they are in City Hall.
[1311.5s] We could get them, which would be enough evidence
[1315.8s] to free us both or at least
[1319.6s] get us on a new path.
[1322.1s] Nina and Kav out on the open road, best friends for the last three years.
[1329.1s] I mean, that we weren't best friends.
[1331.1s] I'm just dragging. OK, thank God.
[1333.2s] I just who OK.
[1336.9s] Yeah, I guess when my pals come to rescue me,
[1341.7s] we'll go get those books and then we'll come back for you.
[1344.8s] Easy peasy. So that so that's your plan.
[1346.9s] You're going to sit here and wait for your friends to come.
[1349.3s] Well, I feel like if I orchestrate a big thing,
[1351.9s] then they're just going to come at the last minute
[1353.8s] and it's going to be like they saved the day anyway.
[1355.8s] So I might as well just kick my feet up a little bit
[1358.1s] and let them show up to do the work.
[1359.8s] She lays back down and picks up a small rock
[1363.3s] and starts throwing it up into the air and catching it and says,
[1366.6s] All right, let's see what they've got, I guess.
[1368.8s] Well, it is
[1373.7s] L.A. Nailed it. It's cocaine or it's chiclets.
[1376.8s] I buy a lot of the chiclets when I'm in Mexico.
[1379.2s] Why not? I haven't bought the cocaine, though.
[1382.4s] Welcome to the middle, everybody.
[1384.7s] Oh, good to have you here.
[1387.0s] You got the part where Carla says
[1388.6s] she hasn't bought a lot of cocaine.
[1390.1s] That's the start of. Yeah, yeah, that's mostly chiclets.
[1394.2s] I got to say, you know how it's like there's that gum
[1396.5s] and then there's that thin sliver of like, I don't know,
[1399.4s] soft gum in the middle of a chiclet.
[1402.2s] That's the cocaine. I just would like to clarify
[1407.3s] that the Carla that I am on this podcast is just like
[1411.9s] a character that is like sort of me, but not really me.
[1416.9s] So when like that me says something about buying illegal drugs,
[1420.5s] like that's not that's the character.
[1422.4s] That's sure. That's the character.
[1423.8s] Oh, shit. A real Jim Carrey at this.
[1425.7s] Me too. Aren't you? Yeah, me too.
[1427.6s] Well, it sucks for me to method actor.
[1430.1s] So I'm just getting all those drugs. What about meth? Yeah.
[1436.3s] Hey, when you're hopped up on meth, you should listen to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[1440.7s] I think that'd be a hoot, you guys.
[1442.7s] I think it would. No, don't do that.
[1445.2s] No, but if you were going to do it anyway, I'm stirring it up.
[1448.3s] That's right. Yeah.
[1449.9s] We're not telling you to go do drugs.
[1451.9s] We're just saying if you're already telling you to go do meth,
[1455.8s] pick a better drug.
[1456.7s] Certainly not hiding the recipe for how to make meth in the episode.
[1460.1s] No, pick a better drug.
[1461.8s] And then if you listen to the first letters of every episode together,
[1467.6s] you get the chemical formula for methamphetamine.
[1470.9s] Guys, we're already falling off the wheels here.
[1473.3s] Yeah. Welcome to the middle.
[1475.6s] And with methamphetamine, you also get an episode dedicated to you.
[1480.2s] With methamphetamine,
[1481.2s] I think every episode ends up being dedicated to you somehow.
[1483.8s] I mark every episode explicit for just this reason,
[1487.6s] in case we suddenly start talking about hard drugs that we do not do.
[1491.8s] The boy who never does meth.
[1493.5s] It's so scary.
[1495.1s] Also, my teeth.
[1497.6s] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1499.8s] I like the hard stop.
[1501.8s] Everybody had a real good thought about that.
[1503.6s] What do you mean by teeth? Oh, teeth.
[1505.2s] Yeah, no, no.
[1506.9s] We take it all back.
[1507.8s] Take it all back. Don't do meth.
[1509.2s] Don't do drugs, kids.
[1510.8s] But it definitely don't cook it in your house.
[1513.1s] No, no. Yeah.
[1514.5s] Hey, you know what's happening this month?
[1517.8s] No, no.
[1519.3s] Can you tell us?
[1521.1s] The segue is great, but we're having a 50 percent off sale over on Patreon.
[1525.5s] Oh, my birthday sale for the birthday sale.
[1530.6s] Yes, it's probably for this month, so we're having a sale.
[1540.2s] This is Call of Cthulhu night.
[1543.3s] We need to just buckle up.
[1545.0s] That's right. Smarten up, you guys.
[1547.9s] We do. Smarten up.
[1549.2s] When was the last time anyone told you just we promise here on Dumbgeons
[1552.3s] we will never tell you to smarten up.
[1554.3s] Definitely not on Patreon.
[1556.0s] And who are we not going to tell to smarten up?
[1559.2s] We the person who gets the episode dedicated when they when they join
[1564.0s] on Patreon dot com slash.
[1565.4s] I'm Dragoncast for 50 percent off this month, off your first month.
[1570.5s] But that patron who is dedicated tonight.
[1574.2s] Sorry, Wraith Walker.
[1577.6s] Thank you, Wraith Walker.
[1580.6s] Oh, I got to chill.
[1581.8s] Did you see when you said their name?
[1583.6s] I was like, oh, there's something about Wraith.
[1586.0s] So delightfully scary.
[1588.2s] Me. Thanks, Wraith Walker.
[1590.4s] Sorry about all the meth talk.
[1591.9s] Yeah, you're amazing.
[1594.0s] Yeah, absolutely.
[1595.0s] Patreon dot com slash Dumb Dragoncast.
[1596.4s] We hope to see you over there.
[1597.7s] And now we'll get you back to this meth free episode.
[1602.5s] Yes, I can confirm that it is a meth free episode.
[1607.1s] At least up until this point.
[1608.8s] That's right. Up until this point.
[1610.1s] Never mind.
[1611.2s] As you were, have a great week.
[1612.3s] We'll talk to you soon. Love you. Bye bye.
[1617.3s] We cut back up to the judge's chambers.
[1620.0s] She's looking at you and says
[1623.8s] so there's a window nearby.
[1626.4s] Are you asking the judge or are you asking?
[1627.8s] No, I'm asking you. Yeah.
[1628.8s] Is there a window in this room?
[1630.0s] There's a window. Yeah.
[1631.6s] All right. Yeah, sorry.
[1633.0s] I asked that strangely, very honestly.
[1637.4s] Morris Morris is like, you can see it.
[1640.2s] Yeah, so right here.
[1642.8s] Just look over there, you inobservant fuck.
[1645.7s] The curtains are open. I know it's confusing.
[1650.2s] So I walk over to the window and I begin looking outside
[1653.5s] and begin doing hand gestures and verbal components
[1657.4s] to speaking to like the elements in the sky.
[1661.2s] My eyes kind of get clouded over and clouds form in the sky.
[1665.8s] And there is a message written above the town that says
[1670.0s] the people are held down by gold they can't spend.
[1673.2s] So like an air writer in the sky.
[1675.3s] Yeah, it's like sky right. Yeah. Yeah.
[1677.7s] Yeah. The people are held down. Say that again.
[1680.8s] The people are held down by gold they can't spend.
[1684.6s] It's a 10 word maximum on the spell. Say it.
[1687.4s] Let's see if we can cause a riot in this town.
[1690.0s] Roll me.
[1692.6s] Persuasion with advantage, please.
[1696.2s] Okie dokie.
[1700.2s] That is a 15 from the window.
[1703.0s] You are able to see like there's a gathering of people
[1707.5s] outside the courthouse today.
[1709.1s] It's a fairly public trial that's going on.
[1712.4s] And a lot of people are very interested in it.
[1714.8s] But you see a few people like nudge the person beside them
[1717.6s] and point up.
[1719.3s] And there is from from what you can see
[1724.0s] as high up as you are, there does look to be movement.
[1727.7s] And now talk everybody kind of grabbing somebody beside them
[1731.8s] and looking up at this message.
[1733.9s] Is there looking out the window around these people?
[1736.3s] Are there any flames nearby them?
[1739.6s] Like torches or anything like that?
[1742.8s] I have to be within 60 feet as I have to mention that.
[1746.1s] Yeah, yeah.
[1747.1s] We'll say there's some torches nearby.
[1749.0s] A couple of people kind of it's getting darker.
[1752.2s] They've got little candles.
[1753.7s] There's a couple of torches lit as like street lights.
[1758.7s] I'm sure there are food vendors.
[1761.0s] Yeah, they've got little burners to keep their trays good to go.
[1765.2s] Exactly. Exactly.
[1766.3s] So, yes, I'd say there would be at least a couple of flames
[1769.0s] that you were within that range.
[1770.5s] Awesome. Well, then, yeah, like one by one,
[1773.2s] I'm going to cast control flames on them
[1775.0s] and cause them to like flare up just every so often,
[1779.0s] kind of create more of just like a what the fuck is going on?
[1782.4s] Like, why is all this happening?
[1783.6s] Because magic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1785.9s] There's a greater stir among the among the crowd
[1790.6s] and a few small screams
[1794.6s] and as people are frightened by this.
[1798.0s] But it's drumming up this a bit of a fervor among everybody,
[1803.4s] which is getting the you can tell there's an agitation now
[1807.1s] among the among the crowd.
[1808.9s] Alladin is like pressed up against the window.
[1811.7s] Can I light stuff on fire with my mind?
[1815.0s] Eventually, I think we'll work on it.
[1818.9s] She's like, yeah.
[1821.0s] There's a few people who had like who had signs,
[1825.9s] you know, a freak of Lauren.
[1827.9s] He's too dumb to have done it.
[1831.4s] So accurate.
[1832.6s] Preach hundred emoji reaction to that one.
[1835.4s] He's Oak's best friend.
[1836.7s] There's that one.
[1838.4s] And it is held by Oak's mom.
[1840.2s] I was going to say, yeah, you see them.
[1843.8s] Now everybody's kind of chanting their own little little thing
[1847.2s] and getting closer to the front of the courthouse.
[1849.6s] Now see a couple.
[1852.7s] See a couple of the guards kind of trying to push people away
[1856.3s] from the front of the courthouse.
[1857.8s] Oh, yeah, this is going to be good.
[1860.4s] Very good. Very good.
[1863.1s] What's the chant like, like.
[1867.5s] Like it's getting old of having no gold.
[1871.7s] Yeah, that's it.
[1873.2s] Get rid of the crooks, not the guy that finds the books.
[1876.6s] Yeah. Yeah.
[1879.2s] Nothing rhymes with Kavlarne.
[1881.9s] We'll find something someday, Kav.
[1885.1s] Well, perhaps this will be enough of a distraction.
[1888.8s] Start the seeds, for sure.
[1890.0s] Certainly a judge needs to be protected.
[1892.5s] And that would require some people to be drawn away from their normal duties.
[1897.2s] Is what I assume would happen at this point.
[1899.8s] That is what should happen.
[1901.4s] OK, I like this.
[1903.1s] This is this is great.
[1904.2s] This is not what I thought I was getting into.
[1905.9s] I thought I was just I was going to see a poor kid get
[1908.8s] thrown into a hole forever.
[1911.0s] See it like weekly.
[1912.5s] It's it's so depressing.
[1914.2s] Is that right? It's so it's very sad.
[1916.4s] It's a very sad business.
[1918.3s] Alydin had a very like.
[1920.8s] What? Yeah.
[1923.0s] Amy is also traumatized because I was like, what?
[1927.2s] I actually I don't think you understand how many holes I've been in
[1931.0s] in this season, Tim.
[1933.1s] Sorry, I don't.
[1934.5s] I didn't get that in the sheet.
[1935.9s] I'm a poor kid from the street who's been in many a hole.
[1939.5s] That was also one way we dealt with a player not being here.
[1942.7s] Like other at all.
[1943.5s] They just put me in a hole.
[1945.1s] We've done that a few times too.
[1946.3s] And left me there.
[1947.8s] My God. I like that.
[1949.5s] I'm glad you're talking about Kavlaran.
[1951.5s] Yeah. All right.
[1953.7s] Well, you hear a knock at the door
[1956.9s] and the guard who you had seen outside kind of pokes his head in and says,
[1964.4s] we seem to have a bit of a disturbance out front.
[1968.0s] We should probably
[1970.7s] speed this along if you were to.
[1972.8s] I don't know what the plan is.
[1973.8s] Are you going back to the to the courthouse or should we?
[1976.7s] Are we resolving for the day?
[1978.6s] Well, it depends.
[1980.6s] And she looks across the group.
[1983.0s] Well, if we need to adjourn, then I understand it's about safety.
[1985.9s] But I believe Thurston gets to speak with their client before
[1990.8s] we finish up for the day.
[1992.0s] So wherever they're being held, I I think it's appropriate.
[1995.7s] I'm only guessing I'm speaking from a place of ignorance.
[1998.0s] Who am I? But you are right.
[1999.4s] You're right. Yeah.
[2000.5s] She says, would you please take.
[2003.7s] Council down to see Kavlaran so they can let him know what's going on.
[2008.4s] Yes. He looks at the group says,
[2012.0s] I'll send up a couple more guards just to stand, stand watch out here
[2015.2s] and I'll take I'll take the lawyer down. Appreciate it.
[2019.8s] You all follow him out and you kind of give one last look back at the judge.
[2023.8s] And she closes the ledger, kind of gives you a wink and a nod
[2027.9s] and allows you on your way.
[2029.9s] Big thumbs up and a wink like we got this.
[2035.1s] The guard leads you down
[2037.2s] a series of staircases to get back to the main floor
[2039.9s] where you previously were and back through the chamber
[2043.2s] towards the the holding cells.
[2045.2s] Alydin is like peppering him with questions the entire time.
[2049.7s] Like, how long did it take to become a bailiff?
[2052.9s] Do you have to, like, work in the courthouse every day?
[2056.9s] Well, do you ever get to decide who's guilty?
[2059.8s] No. How much money do you make?
[2062.0s] Not enough. How old are you?
[2064.5s] Twenty seven. Are you married?
[2066.4s] Not yet. Twenty seven.
[2068.0s] You don't look twenty seven. You look much older.
[2070.3s] That's the job.
[2071.9s] Oh, no. Some jobs can make you feel and look old.
[2075.2s] I just assume you feel old from the look in your eyes.
[2078.2s] I think so.
[2079.5s] Alydin, you're not being polite.
[2081.8s] Some people look older than they are.
[2083.9s] This kid's brutal.
[2085.5s] Benson, we need to hire her.
[2086.4s] Yeah. Yes, sir.
[2087.2s] We can get the paperwork done up before we go.
[2089.4s] Oh, sorry, you guys.
[2090.8s] I already have a job.
[2092.6s] Oh, I thought you were a miner.
[2094.5s] Yeah. Mm hmm.
[2096.9s] Great. An apprentice.
[2099.1s] Oh, of course. I have an apprentice.
[2101.5s] I have an apprentice. Ship.
[2103.7s] That's good to hear.
[2104.5s] You're heading back towards the holding cells
[2107.3s] and the guard takes a left into what looks like a storage closet.
[2112.9s] He opens the door and it is, in fact, a storage closet
[2116.7s] and he kind of pushes a few boxes aside and says,
[2121.7s] Kavlarne's this way, a little too packed in the holding cells.
[2125.5s] We had to move them down. Wait, wait, wait.
[2126.8s] Secondary. Huh? Where's what?
[2130.9s] You're trying to explain this like calmly, but you just
[2135.6s] this looks like a secret prison.
[2137.3s] No, not not secret at all.
[2139.5s] It is a holding cell and was formerly the original holding cell.
[2144.5s] But because any points down the hallway, because we have a bit of a backlog.
[2149.7s] Why is it in a storage closet?
[2151.4s] Why were there boxes covering the door?
[2152.9s] There wasn't a storage closet anywhere here.
[2156.1s] Would you like to see your client?
[2159.6s] I I'm going to drop an 18
[2163.3s] insight check to see if this guy is just doing their business
[2168.5s] or, you know, should we be a little?
[2171.7s] This is what he's been told to say. Mm hmm.
[2175.5s] Just reading the script.
[2177.1s] Where's he going to like kick us in there and then close the door
[2179.5s] and be like, oh, you're locked in with the toilet paper.
[2184.5s] Good luck figuring out who uses the chamber pot.
[2187.5s] Yeah, it's literally just latrine.
[2190.2s] But with your 18, he's telling you a story in there.
[2195.3s] Well, there may be some truth to it.
[2197.8s] You get a sense that he's taking you
[2202.0s] specifically to wherever you're going,
[2205.5s] because he thinks that that's where the judge told him to take.
[2209.4s] All right. I'll take that.
[2210.8s] Works for me. If you would, you know, just go down these stairs
[2215.0s] and he goes first here. There's snacks down here.
[2218.8s] No, it's kind of damp and cold.
[2220.7s] Are there any windows?
[2223.9s] Do you think there are rats down here?
[2225.4s] What's with you guys asking about windows?
[2229.6s] Well, there's not generally windows in Vinter Smith, apparently.
[2232.7s] So people really get excited about windows. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[2236.2s] We just got just got windows. Yeah, pretty cool.
[2239.1s] I like to go window shopping a lot. Mm hmm.
[2242.6s] He's this very tight spiral staircase that you're now walking down,
[2247.2s] and it's getting you're going down two floors, three floors.
[2251.8s] Is this a forever staircase?
[2253.2s] Why didn't they just do it straight down?
[2254.7s] Yeah, that's crazy. For dramatic effect.
[2257.6s] Oh, it's working. Yes.
[2260.1s] I'm tired. Can you piggyback me?
[2261.7s] Oh, yeah, I'll piggyback you.
[2263.8s] I'll put you back in there, kid.
[2265.6s] Why do I picture Benson to be much smaller than?
[2268.1s] Oh, he is. He's a half way.
[2269.6s] OK, that's why. That's why.
[2273.1s] All right. She looks at Benson and goes,
[2275.4s] You're going to have to lift your feet if we're going downstairs, though.
[2277.7s] He's stout. He's stout.
[2279.0s] He's used to carrying a lot of legal documents and such.
[2281.1s] I might take you up on that later, Benson.
[2282.9s] OK, maybe back up. Yeah.
[2284.8s] Lucky for you, Benson, they're not stairs.
[2286.5s] It's a ramp. Somebody hates stairs here.
[2289.4s] You don't have to worry about it. That's great to know.
[2291.4s] Thank you. I usually carry Thurston around when he's had too much law.
[2295.6s] A little too much justice, if you know what I'm saying.
[2297.4s] Yeah, yeah. Too much justice.
[2299.6s] That's that's what gets us every single time.
[2302.8s] Two for one justice specials.
[2304.7s] Tell you what, are we there yet?
[2307.0s] It's this is I'm getting dizzy.
[2309.0s] This is so far. Oh, my God.
[2311.1s] You hear the guard's foot.
[2313.6s] The sound changes as he hits the bottom.
[2315.9s] It says, yeah, yeah, we're here.
[2317.1s] It's just down this hallway.
[2318.5s] And you look and there's a few
[2321.3s] lit torches going down this hallway.
[2323.2s] It is very damp.
[2324.4s] There are cobwebs like this is
[2328.6s] very dungeon prison.
[2331.4s] Ask is the vibe you're getting.
[2333.7s] Has anyone ever broken out of here?
[2336.1s] Have you ever had to chase anyone up those stairs?
[2339.0s] I think that would be a really weird chase.
[2341.4s] That would be a rather weird chase.
[2344.2s] Yeah, it's very tight, tight spiral going up the stairs
[2348.3s] just down at the end of the hallway here.
[2350.6s] Well, thank you.
[2352.0s] Appreciate your assistance.
[2354.7s] And we'll speak to my client privately.
[2358.6s] He kind of turns his head at you.
[2360.6s] And. Of course, because I hear that the confidentiality.
[2365.7s] Well, exactly.
[2366.5s] You're, of course, going to be like at the end of the hall, right?
[2369.0s] Right. Right.
[2369.5s] Because we need anything. Right. Of course.
[2371.2s] Yeah. Yeah. You see a couple of doors down there,
[2373.5s] but he walks towards one and you can see torch light from inside.
[2377.8s] And you as you get closer to this door, you hear snoring
[2381.7s] and you hear some whistling coming from inside.
[2384.3s] It's like, damn, you fell asleep fast. Damn.
[2387.2s] And we cut inside the jail cells and Kavlarne, you hear
[2395.0s] first, you hear footsteps, but it's echoed by incessant questions.
[2401.5s] That's my calling card.
[2402.7s] That's how someone knows I'm coming.
[2404.3s] I bet that sounds wild.
[2405.4s] Echoing off of like a wet ramp spiral tunnel.
[2408.6s] Oh, my God.
[2410.7s] Nina, Nina. They're coming.
[2412.4s] Oh, yeah. They're coming.
[2413.7s] My friends are coming.
[2415.1s] What do you mean? Your friends are coming.
[2417.2s] You'll hear a bit of second down here for 20 minutes.
[2422.5s] I've been here for more than three weeks.
[2426.4s] They'd be so mad if you just get rid of the outfit.
[2429.0s] Whatever. Who cares?
[2430.0s] And then like, what's that noise?
[2431.6s] Like, oh, they're here. Oh, they're here.
[2434.5s] This isn't the power of friendship.
[2436.0s] You can't keep doing this.
[2439.5s] I think she's got to, like, reconsider.
[2441.9s] Cav didn't remember after working with her for three years.
[2444.8s] Like, maybe she's not making connections.
[2446.8s] And I could be. Yeah.
[2448.0s] Yeah. Wrong connections.
[2449.9s] I would have thought about that.
[2451.2s] It's like I worked with this guy three years.
[2453.4s] He doesn't know me.
[2454.0s] But somehow he made such good friends
[2456.2s] that they're going to break him out of the scariest prison.
[2458.9s] Oh, my God.
[2460.0s] I'm crying.
[2463.8s] Nina sits up and as she does,
[2466.1s] she sees the guard come around the corner and kind of cocks her head
[2470.7s] and quickly followed by who you recognize, Cav, as Thurston and Benson
[2476.8s] and then Buzard and Alydin come around the corner.
[2480.2s] And you see actually roll perception for me.
[2484.0s] Oh, right. Dice are handy to have.
[2487.3s] Yeah, we're playing Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2490.0s] I don't have any of those.
[2491.2s] I feel like things are just going to work out for me.
[2494.0s] I'm feeling a roll of seven is what my heart says, which I know we are.
[2499.0s] Fifteen on the die, Russ.
[2500.6s] I'm just bringing up my character sheet to.
[2507.0s] Look, I was
[2508.5s] RP, RP the whole way and I was totally thrown off, totally.
[2515.8s] Look, I had you sit in a courtroom and say nothing last session.
[2518.7s] So that's on me. All right.
[2520.0s] Nineteen, Russ, 19.
[2522.2s] Oh, OK.
[2524.0s] As this guard enters,
[2527.0s] you see him give like a swift kick to the guard
[2530.3s] that you have been told his name is Drek, who kind of stirs awake
[2535.2s] and looks and brushes himself off and stands up at attention
[2538.9s] as as everybody enters the room and puts his hand,
[2543.4s] which you see just near his blade that he has on.
[2547.1s] He's got a long sword.
[2549.4s] So perhaps you guards can can wait out.
[2552.9s] And Mr.
[2554.4s] Laughle Good will address our client and and all
[2559.4s] all will be good and we'll be able to go back up that very
[2562.8s] unnecessarily long staircase down into the pits of whatever place this is.
[2567.8s] I want to get out of here quick.
[2569.1s] Yeah, no, it's not great.
[2570.4s] It's not great.
[2571.4s] The two guards take a couple of quick steps and back out of the room.
[2576.5s] You can still see them beyond the doorway, like their shadows.
[2581.6s] But they're
[2583.2s] and they're not in there with you.
[2587.1s] Bizard and Alydin, you look into the cell and you see Kavlaran.
[2592.2s] But before you see Kavlaran, you see what looks like Nina.
[2599.0s] Hmm. Oh.
[2602.0s] Oh, oh, it's.
[2604.7s] Is it is it who, my dear?
[2608.0s] Is that Nina when you were Nina, you look the same.
[2612.4s] Oh, yeah, that's right.
[2613.9s] Nina, I was always Nina.
[2616.6s] Mm hmm. I never said you weren't.
[2618.9s] Oh, well, it's pleasure to see you again, child.
[2622.0s] Hello, Nina.
[2622.8s] And you are the counsel.
[2625.3s] Yeah, may I ask who the hell are you?
[2628.4s] I am Nina Madonna. Oh, Christ.
[2632.2s] Benson, that's important, right?
[2633.3s] She's the she's she's missing.
[2636.0s] Why are they saying she's missing if you're the prison?
[2638.7s] Well, I don't think people are supposed to find this prison, sir.
[2642.3s] And as Benson says that, you hear the sound of grinding stone.
[2647.2s] No, shut the fuck up.
[2648.6s] Now, I know I, I, I roll away and here we are.
[2652.0s] God damn as the doorway begins to close.
[2655.4s] But yeah, I'm not going to like to see it.
[2656.7s] I'm not going to like yell stop.
[2658.0s] I just like shit son of a bitch.
[2660.8s] I'm going to run to the door and be like, no, no, no, no way.
[2663.0s] I've got questions about your sword.
[2665.8s] Dumbgeons and Dragons, season four, episode 36, starring Amy More as Alydin,
[2676.8s] Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane, Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave,
[2681.6s] Kyle Claset as Bazaar the Wizard with Russ More as your dungeon master
[2685.7s] and special guest Tim Lanning from Greetings Adventurers,
[2689.4s] Naruto Revuto and Tribulation Farce.
[2692.9s] Find more from Tim at GeeklyInc.com and listen next episode.
[2697.1s] He's not going anywhere for a little while.
[2699.3s] Dialogue, editing and sound design of today's episode is by Russ More.
[2703.1s] Our community manager is Jessica Babiak.
[2705.5s] Music is from Epidemic Sound and sound effects are from Epidemic Sound,
[2709.5s] Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
[2711.6s] Our amazing cover art is by Matt Garbutt.
[2714.4s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
[2716.8s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak, Angaron Kierzen,
[2720.2s] Cat Waterflame, Perry Matey, Jacob Madden, Old School Gamer D,
[2725.0s] Craig Zeiss, L.A. Branton, Chibs1012 and Kudzu828.
[2730.3s] We'd love if you joined us today at Patreon.com
[2733.2s] slash Dumb Dragon Cast for the amazing community,
[2736.0s] all the bonus content and so much more.
[2738.8s] Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast will see you over there.
[2742.2s] But until then, have a great week and we'll talk to you soon.
[2746.3s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.