Hey, you, great to have you.
Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in a second.
Courtroom doors groan shut behind you with the kind of finality normally reserved for vaults or awkward first dates.
It doesn't groan shut like, uh.
Yeah, exactly.
You're shackled, not just physically, but with morally neutral magical manacles that buzz every time you form an opinion.
So what's different than normal?
You put those down your pants, you have a good time.
You pinion all over the place.
Snap.
One time my Nintendo 64 Rumble Pak broke and did that, and I was like, I'm a good Christian boy, I need to fix this before we get wild.
Take me to church.
If you haven't gotten off playing on a PS3, what are you even doing with your life?
The guard leading you sighs as you pass a leaking torch sconce.
Hate this floor, he mutters, smells like wet parchment and regret.
You descend a curved ramp that seems architecturally impossible.
A hallway clearly designed by someone who hated stairs but loved drama.
At the base, a crooked sign reads,
Sub-level B3, archive overflow.
Do not reshelve prisoners without proper labeling.
You're guided past a half-dosing guard named Drek, who offers you a half-eaten muffin and a shrug.
Third cell's still got a bucket, right?
Good.
Third's yours.
But as you pass the second cell, a raspy voice echoes through the bars.
Well, well, well, if it isn't the city's favorite whistleblower.
How's the integrity taste now, Kavlaran?
I mean, it tastes weird after going down that MC Escher staircase, but, you know, you do you.
There, in rumpled robes and the spiteful smirk sits Nina Madonna, looking like she's been through a mud-wrestling match with a stack of budget forms.
I was wondering when they'd send me a roommate, she mutters.
Hope you like conspiracy theories and chamber pot politics.
I mean, I love me some conspiracy theories, Nina, and we're going to get into it.
Don't you worry.
Podcast spinoff, Nina.
Chamber pot politics.
Yeah.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast, and I'm your dungeon master, Russ More, he-him.
Also with me today is Amy More as Alydin, she-her.
I'm a miner.
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweed, he-him.
Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Yeah, I love that attitude we're bringing to the mix.
And Kyle Claset as Bazaar the Wizard, he-him.
That thing that you said after the first thing that I'm not saying at all.
With special guest this week from Greetings Adventurers, Tim Lanning, he-him.
Take things in your own hands, you know what I'm saying?
A legend.
A quick shout out to our Patreon family who make this show possible and get 130 or more
exclusive episodes for their trouble.
That's like a lot of D&D that you can get right now.
Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragoncast.
We hope to see you over there.
And now fuck it, let's play.
We cut up to the top floor of the courthouse, which is where they keep the things no one
wants to deal with, really.
Archive indexes, condemned scrolls, and apparently one judge who actually cares.
The hallway is so quiet, you can hear the bailiff's knees crack.
Brass plaque on the door ahead of you reads Judicial Contemplation Chamber.
Absolutely no politics beyond this point.
Chamber pot or otherwise.
Yeah.
Thurston, Benson, Bizard and Alydin, you are standing outside this door and the
bailiff looks up at you and says she's waiting in there for you.
All right.
And I turned to you all like, OK, I don't know what you're standing with is
with a lot of people in this town here.
But if you have any favors you call in, this might break bad pretty quickly and
legally. OK, wink.
I can't say it.
Wink.
But we might have to wink, get your friend the heck out of jail extra
judiciously.
Wink.
I didn't say that.
It's a screenplay in World of Warcraft.
OK, OK.
Yeah, you've got it, sir.
It's good that we brought these folks because they know the town better than
we do. So and maybe what what actually happened.
So that that could be a benefit for once.
Yeah. Yeah.
Alydin leans forward and like like gestures for Thurston to come closer.
There are tunnels.
Was that a little out of kid?
There are tunnels under the town.
Well, apparently it's not the new thing to tell my therapist.
I'm afraid of little children whispering there are tunnels under the town.
I did not like the way you did that.
That was very spooky.
But that could be helpful.
Thank you. Thank you.
Did she say there were tunnels under the town?
They did. Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Is that all right?
That's scary.
Is that good for us, though?
What are we thinking?
Yeah. What's in the tunnels?
Yeah. Not goblins.
OK, seems seems like a very specific call out.
Maybe like it's like an exit.
Ah, strategy.
Well, you you feel if looks over at you.
Who's for the wastewater?
I said, it's not legal advice.
You can't listen.
Also, I whispered the tunnels thing.
Yes, Thurston didn't after, though.
No, that's true.
Worst lawyer.
How dare you?
So are you supposed to go?
Are you asking us to go in there or is this like we stay out here?
I I I don't know.
What we could probably do is just have them to be part of our council.
And then if and he looks down at his pocket watch and says,
if our retainer runs out, well, they can just take over the case
at that point, right? Works for me.
All right. Well, yeah, come come with us back there.
Ah, you'll be able to provide some needed background.
So if we run out of time, you're just going to leave.
Well, most likely, you know.
No. Yes. No.
Well, no. I mean, there'll be a paperwork, but you know.
So you're saying if the proceedings don't wrap up and
they go on longer, you're just not going to be here going forward.
That kind of breaks my heart.
I just have other cases to get to, other calves that need
kicking out through the tunnel, so to speak, kicking out the calves.
All right. I can dig it.
Benson shoves past everybody and opens the door
and inside Judge Sterling Delacour stands at a desk
built from old pew wood and the silent judgment of three decades
in public service.
Her robe is folded neatly on the back of a chair
and she's nursing what may or may not be coffee.
It smells like resignation and powdered cinnamon.
The dispelled ledger sits between you.
The magically revealed confession is still faintly glowing
like a guilty conscience under prestidigitation.
Delacour doesn't look up right away.
Instead, she mutters.
This is either the worst forgery I've ever seen
or the most creative resignation letter in municipal history.
I mean, this is a.
I should attack this from a legal standpoint, but I mean,
Judge, come on, that's this is a common sense thing.
I don't even know how I would argue this.
It's so ridiculous.
So, counsel, tell me honestly, on a scale of mildly
suspicious then to the cities on fire, how deep of a hole are we in?
Is Croker in here at the?
No, he's not.
Let's just say
we're setting three stopwatches to see when my
my time runs out, because I think you're about to have a wagon.
Well, let's just say, judge, I have the utmost respect for you.
And I yes, that is a threat, I guess I'd say is because
if you're a different judge, I think it wouldn't be that big of a deal.
And my client would just be
extra judiciously forgotten about.
But yes, I think I'm going to go at eight.
I think I'm going to go at eight, is I guess what I'm saying.
And eight. OK, that's that's well, that's not good.
Look. I've been trying
for a very long time.
And she rubs her eyes, sips her coffee.
I've been trying for a very long time to get mayor knobs.
He's very connected in very high places.
And I've had a very similar case that was thrown out
by someone from Kingstown.
How far? And she looks to all of you.
How far are you willing to go?
You can answer that.
You can legally you can answer that.
I mean, I'm about to start singing Moana.
Sing your heart out.
I mean, we've gone, I mean, beyond the bounds of this,
you know, plane.
So I guess pretty far, you'd say.
But I don't know what we're what we're going towards.
Well, there's.
Really three options that we have here.
The first is let your friend fall
and preserve the system that exists,
because that's the evidence before the jury right now,
is that your friend is part of a signed confession
from a missing person who
is very connected with a corrupt perceived government.
You could assist your friend in quietly
aid and escape.
Trigger your own external investigation.
Or we could gather enough to reopen the case.
But. There need to be a certain cover
and deniability for me to make that work.
Right, right, right.
And you're the best case we could get as far as the judge is concerned.
But I'll just be honest.
I was not out there fighting to win.
I was out there fighting to get all of this in the record.
So it seems like we are in sort of cahoots
in that sense of of it's the long game.
Well, and there is particular reason and particular skill set
why you, Mr. Lawfulgood, have been brought on to this case.
Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly.
But allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly.
We care for justice where I come from, but you can only do so much.
Sometimes you got to take things in your own hands.
You know, I'm saying, allegedly.
So it sounds like perhaps.
You're willing to.
Well, I guess you tell me, what are you willing to do?
How do you want to get your friend out of this?
Because as it sits right now, it's not looking great for him.
And I'll follow your guys's lead
and make sure it doesn't get too off the bounds.
Legally speaking, it'll be quite illegal.
But there's a there's a gray area, so to speak,
where if you're doing the right things against a society
where you can't do.
The right things, I think we can all sleep better at night.
How simple would the.
Assisting aspect be.
If we were to go that route, is this something that.
Can be arranged or is this something
that needs to be done under the guise of force?
As to not implicate yourself.
Oh, you don't have to worry about me.
I was talking. Yeah. Yeah.
Thurston, you care about me.
I know. And I appreciate it.
I do. You are speaking of gathering enough evidence
to reopen the case or to assist your friend in escape.
That thing that you said after the first thing
that I'm not saying at all.
This is this is a clean room.
If the judge will say it, it's not that big a deal.
It's not that I'm a minor.
You can say whatever you want.
Like you worked in the mines.
No. Well, no, no, no, you didn't.
You weren't there. That's right.
No, but I've been underground a lot.
But I'm just saying, like, if this all comes out,
I I'm not an adult and therefore.
It's true. Cannot be tried as one.
Well, the rest of us will be tried with,
endangering a minor as well.
So but whatever my my crimes might not be allegedly.
Oh, God. My alleged crimes, my alleged future crimes
may not be as severely.
Punished if I get caught.
Well, I mean, your friend here is being basically a charge
with treason, high treason for doing a clerical bit of accounting.
So I would not rest my head on that pillow.
So for now.
Well, the escape part, then, like getting them out of the jail.
What we you bring them back up for.
The finishing aspects of the trial and perhaps there's a distraction.
You are very equipped in magical means,
at least your testimony said. Yes.
Yeah. Yes, I am.
It is important to note that there is another wizard
on the premises, though, so that remains to be seen.
Um, Alydin's got the hate
on for him just because you know.
Yeah, you hate the same people.
Exactly. Fuck that guy. Met him once.
Yeah, I can I can create a distraction
and send a message at the same time.
Oh, hot dog.
We'll cut back down to the jail.
We hear the guard Drek snoring somewhere off in the distance,
and we see Nina laying on a very rusty cot.
She's laying back and she says, Soka, Lauren, where did you go?
What were you doing?
Tell me everything.
I've been down here since she looks at her wrist and says, I don't know.
Are you not doing like that cool tally thing that they do
where they like carve, you know, the one, two, three, four,
and then go through it to make five thing on the wall?
Well, I did one, two, three, four, and then I thought it was fruitless
and they're going to leave me to die down here.
So why would I count down to my death?
OK, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Yeah, I love that attitude we're bringing to the mix.
Well, nobody comes down here, Cav.
It's just you. It's just me.
It's just Drek.
My friends are going to come down here.
Absolutely, they will.
Oh, yes, your friends, the one you stole the books with. Yes.
You don't think they're going to figure that out upstairs?
Solo cab special.
Yes. No, you tripped three magical traps when you stole the books, Cavlarin.
One of them recorded your images.
So what do you what do you do with the images?
I hid them, Cavlarin.
Dare you ask why?
I mean, sure, I'll play this game. Why?
Because I'm a plant, Cavlarin.
That's why they put me down here.
I'm from Kingstown.
I saw you in the hallways.
Oh, so how much Cav pays attention in the office?
Uh huh. Yeah, I had different hair.
It was spiky.
OK, well, you know, I'm not great with like names and faces, though, right?
Yeah, you have that face blindness is what you say.
I mean, look, just between you and me, it's not a real thing.
I'm just bad at remembering names and faces.
That's just something we all got together with and made up.
Space blindness.
Do you know why they sent you, Cavlarin?
Because you wouldn't find anything.
But then I found stuff.
Or you fell backwards into friendship with people who were competent.
It can be a little bit of both. That's fine.
Two things can be right at the same time.
Two things can be true.
It's noble of you to take the fall, though.
Oh, again, I do not like my friends will come for me
and I will not be taking any falls.
OK.
Do you have any questions for me?
Uh, yeah, I guess.
How long did we work together in Kingstown?
Three years.
OK, that seems like more than I'd like to admit.
I love that you're in this conspiracy and like,
I just want to get in the ducks in a row.
Like, do we eat lunch together a lot?
Like, am I just that much of an asshole?
Like, have we had conversations?
Like, have we spoken?
Like, would you have remembered the accent?
I mean, three years. That's my mother's name.
It's a while.
She bought your birthday cake.
OK, well, if OK, well, if you were a plant down here,
why do they need to send me down here if you were already doing the work?
Because I went missing.
Thought for sure you were going to say rogue.
No, it's taken me a long time to get in with him.
Knops doesn't trust easily, despite his.
Is how do I put this nicely, his stupidity?
I think he fails upwards.
I a lot of us do.
Yes, yes, you do.
So any thoughts on how we get out of here?
Or are you just resigned to dying here?
Oh, well, I've I've tried.
They've taken away all and she in whatever
jail attire they've given her.
It's like these don't even have pockets.
I would assume a burlap sack of some sort.
Mm hmm. Yeah, very Dobby ask.
Yeah, it's how both of you look now. Yeah.
Oh, my God, they make have change.
Yes, I thought he was just being held like for recess.
That was between scenes. Yeah, yeah.
He's now in the same attire.
Look, Kavlaran everybody.
Who? Wait a second.
Who do they have on prosecution?
Oh, um, uh, um, real like fancy boy.
Yeah, I can't talk.
I don't know if you're allowed to say that, Tom.
I'm allowed to say he's the only one who's allowed to say that.
No, I mean, we call him in just a fancy boy.
That's right. So I know one when I see one. Exactly.
Yeah, real, real fancy boy.
I know my lawyer didn't like seeing him, so I think he's really good.
Croker Shaw. That's the one Croker.
Well, if Shaw's on the case, Shaw is Knapp's right hand man.
And so far as the law goes in Vinter's myth.
But I know where they're.
The books you found were the correct books,
and I know where he would be keeping them,
because although he's put me down here and he's working to put you down here,
which if you're down here, chances are good
your lawyer is trying to figure out a way to break you out.
I sure hope so. If they're any good.
Well, I mean, he was court appointed, so I just don't have a reference frame.
But he seemed nice.
I know where they are in City Hall.
We could get them, which would be enough evidence
to free us both or at least
get us on a new path.
Nina and Kav out on the open road, best friends for the last three years.
I mean, that we weren't best friends.
I'm just dragging. OK, thank God.
I just who OK.
Yeah, I guess when my pals come to rescue me,
we'll go get those books and then we'll come back for you.
Easy peasy. So that so that's your plan.
You're going to sit here and wait for your friends to come.
Well, I feel like if I orchestrate a big thing,
then they're just going to come at the last minute
and it's going to be like they saved the day anyway.
So I might as well just kick my feet up a little bit
and let them show up to do the work.
She lays back down and picks up a small rock
and starts throwing it up into the air and catching it and says,
All right, let's see what they've got, I guess.
Well, it is
L.A. Nailed it. It's cocaine or it's chiclets.
I buy a lot of the chiclets when I'm in Mexico.
Why not? I haven't bought the cocaine, though.
Welcome to the middle, everybody.
Oh, good to have you here.
You got the part where Carla says
she hasn't bought a lot of cocaine.
That's the start of. Yeah, yeah, that's mostly chiclets.
I got to say, you know how it's like there's that gum
and then there's that thin sliver of like, I don't know,
soft gum in the middle of a chiclet.
That's the cocaine. I just would like to clarify
that the Carla that I am on this podcast is just like
a character that is like sort of me, but not really me.
So when like that me says something about buying illegal drugs,
like that's not that's the character.
That's sure. That's the character.
Oh, shit. A real Jim Carrey at this.
Me too. Aren't you? Yeah, me too.
Well, it sucks for me to method actor.
So I'm just getting all those drugs. What about meth? Yeah.
Hey, when you're hopped up on meth, you should listen to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I think that'd be a hoot, you guys.
I think it would. No, don't do that.
No, but if you were going to do it anyway, I'm stirring it up.
That's right. Yeah.
We're not telling you to go do drugs.
We're just saying if you're already telling you to go do meth,
pick a better drug.
Certainly not hiding the recipe for how to make meth in the episode.
No, pick a better drug.
And then if you listen to the first letters of every episode together,
you get the chemical formula for methamphetamine.
Guys, we're already falling off the wheels here.
Yeah. Welcome to the middle.
And with methamphetamine, you also get an episode dedicated to you.
With methamphetamine,
I think every episode ends up being dedicated to you somehow.
I mark every episode explicit for just this reason,
in case we suddenly start talking about hard drugs that we do not do.
The boy who never does meth.
It's so scary.
Also, my teeth.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like the hard stop.
Everybody had a real good thought about that.
What do you mean by teeth? Oh, teeth.
Yeah, no, no.
We take it all back.
Take it all back. Don't do meth.
Don't do drugs, kids.
But it definitely don't cook it in your house.
No, no. Yeah.
Hey, you know what's happening this month?
No, no.
Can you tell us?
The segue is great, but we're having a 50 percent off sale over on Patreon.
Oh, my birthday sale for the birthday sale.
Yes, it's probably for this month, so we're having a sale.
This is Call of Cthulhu night.
We need to just buckle up.
That's right. Smarten up, you guys.
We do. Smarten up.
When was the last time anyone told you just we promise here on Dumbgeons
we will never tell you to smarten up.
Definitely not on Patreon.
And who are we not going to tell to smarten up?
We the person who gets the episode dedicated when they when they join
on Patreon dot com slash.
I'm Dragoncast for 50 percent off this month, off your first month.
But that patron who is dedicated tonight.
Sorry, Wraith Walker.
Thank you, Wraith Walker.
Oh, I got to chill.
Did you see when you said their name?
I was like, oh, there's something about Wraith.
So delightfully scary.
Me. Thanks, Wraith Walker.
Sorry about all the meth talk.
Yeah, you're amazing.
Yeah, absolutely.
Patreon dot com slash Dumb Dragoncast.
We hope to see you over there.
And now we'll get you back to this meth free episode.
Yes, I can confirm that it is a meth free episode.
At least up until this point.
That's right. Up until this point.
Never mind.
As you were, have a great week.
We'll talk to you soon. Love you. Bye bye.
We cut back up to the judge's chambers.
She's looking at you and says
so there's a window nearby.
Are you asking the judge or are you asking?
No, I'm asking you. Yeah.
Is there a window in this room?
There's a window. Yeah.
All right. Yeah, sorry.
I asked that strangely, very honestly.
Morris Morris is like, you can see it.
Yeah, so right here.
Just look over there, you inobservant fuck.
The curtains are open. I know it's confusing.
So I walk over to the window and I begin looking outside
and begin doing hand gestures and verbal components
to speaking to like the elements in the sky.
My eyes kind of get clouded over and clouds form in the sky.
And there is a message written above the town that says
the people are held down by gold they can't spend.
So like an air writer in the sky.
Yeah, it's like sky right. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. The people are held down. Say that again.
The people are held down by gold they can't spend.
It's a 10 word maximum on the spell. Say it.
Let's see if we can cause a riot in this town.
Roll me.
Persuasion with advantage, please.
Okie dokie.
That is a 15 from the window.
You are able to see like there's a gathering of people
outside the courthouse today.
It's a fairly public trial that's going on.
And a lot of people are very interested in it.
But you see a few people like nudge the person beside them
and point up.
And there is from from what you can see
as high up as you are, there does look to be movement.
And now talk everybody kind of grabbing somebody beside them
and looking up at this message.
Is there looking out the window around these people?
Are there any flames nearby them?
Like torches or anything like that?
I have to be within 60 feet as I have to mention that.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll say there's some torches nearby.
A couple of people kind of it's getting darker.
They've got little candles.
There's a couple of torches lit as like street lights.
I'm sure there are food vendors.
Yeah, they've got little burners to keep their trays good to go.
Exactly. Exactly.
So, yes, I'd say there would be at least a couple of flames
that you were within that range.
Awesome. Well, then, yeah, like one by one,
I'm going to cast control flames on them
and cause them to like flare up just every so often,
kind of create more of just like a what the fuck is going on?
Like, why is all this happening?
Because magic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a greater stir among the among the crowd
and a few small screams
and as people are frightened by this.
But it's drumming up this a bit of a fervor among everybody,
which is getting the you can tell there's an agitation now
among the among the crowd.
Alladin is like pressed up against the window.
Can I light stuff on fire with my mind?
Eventually, I think we'll work on it.
She's like, yeah.
There's a few people who had like who had signs,
you know, a freak of Lauren.
He's too dumb to have done it.
So accurate.
Preach hundred emoji reaction to that one.
He's Oak's best friend.
There's that one.
And it is held by Oak's mom.
I was going to say, yeah, you see them.
Now everybody's kind of chanting their own little little thing
and getting closer to the front of the courthouse.
Now see a couple.
See a couple of the guards kind of trying to push people away
from the front of the courthouse.
Oh, yeah, this is going to be good.
Very good. Very good.
What's the chant like, like.
Like it's getting old of having no gold.
Yeah, that's it.
Get rid of the crooks, not the guy that finds the books.
Yeah. Yeah.
Nothing rhymes with Kavlarne.
We'll find something someday, Kav.
Well, perhaps this will be enough of a distraction.
Start the seeds, for sure.
Certainly a judge needs to be protected.
And that would require some people to be drawn away from their normal duties.
Is what I assume would happen at this point.
That is what should happen.
OK, I like this.
This is this is great.
This is not what I thought I was getting into.
I thought I was just I was going to see a poor kid get
thrown into a hole forever.
See it like weekly.
It's it's so depressing.
Is that right? It's so it's very sad.
It's a very sad business.
Alydin had a very like.
What? Yeah.
Amy is also traumatized because I was like, what?
I actually I don't think you understand how many holes I've been in
in this season, Tim.
Sorry, I don't.
I didn't get that in the sheet.
I'm a poor kid from the street who's been in many a hole.
That was also one way we dealt with a player not being here.
Like other at all.
They just put me in a hole.
We've done that a few times too.
And left me there.
My God. I like that.
I'm glad you're talking about Kavlaran.
Yeah. All right.
Well, you hear a knock at the door
and the guard who you had seen outside kind of pokes his head in and says,
we seem to have a bit of a disturbance out front.
We should probably
speed this along if you were to.
I don't know what the plan is.
Are you going back to the to the courthouse or should we?
Are we resolving for the day?
Well, it depends.
And she looks across the group.
Well, if we need to adjourn, then I understand it's about safety.
But I believe Thurston gets to speak with their client before
we finish up for the day.
So wherever they're being held, I I think it's appropriate.
I'm only guessing I'm speaking from a place of ignorance.
Who am I? But you are right.
You're right. Yeah.
She says, would you please take.
Council down to see Kavlaran so they can let him know what's going on.
Yes. He looks at the group says,
I'll send up a couple more guards just to stand, stand watch out here
and I'll take I'll take the lawyer down. Appreciate it.
You all follow him out and you kind of give one last look back at the judge.
And she closes the ledger, kind of gives you a wink and a nod
and allows you on your way.
Big thumbs up and a wink like we got this.
The guard leads you down
a series of staircases to get back to the main floor
where you previously were and back through the chamber
towards the the holding cells.
Alydin is like peppering him with questions the entire time.
Like, how long did it take to become a bailiff?
Do you have to, like, work in the courthouse every day?
Well, do you ever get to decide who's guilty?
No. How much money do you make?
Not enough. How old are you?
Twenty seven. Are you married?
Not yet. Twenty seven.
You don't look twenty seven. You look much older.
That's the job.
Oh, no. Some jobs can make you feel and look old.
I just assume you feel old from the look in your eyes.
I think so.
Alydin, you're not being polite.
Some people look older than they are.
This kid's brutal.
Benson, we need to hire her.
Yeah. Yes, sir.
We can get the paperwork done up before we go.
Oh, sorry, you guys.
I already have a job.
Oh, I thought you were a miner.
Yeah. Mm hmm.
Great. An apprentice.
Oh, of course. I have an apprentice.
I have an apprentice. Ship.
That's good to hear.
You're heading back towards the holding cells
and the guard takes a left into what looks like a storage closet.
He opens the door and it is, in fact, a storage closet
and he kind of pushes a few boxes aside and says,
Kavlarne's this way, a little too packed in the holding cells.
We had to move them down. Wait, wait, wait.
Secondary. Huh? Where's what?
You're trying to explain this like calmly, but you just
this looks like a secret prison.
No, not not secret at all.
It is a holding cell and was formerly the original holding cell.
But because any points down the hallway, because we have a bit of a backlog.
Why is it in a storage closet?
Why were there boxes covering the door?
There wasn't a storage closet anywhere here.
Would you like to see your client?
I I'm going to drop an 18
insight check to see if this guy is just doing their business
or, you know, should we be a little?
This is what he's been told to say. Mm hmm.
Just reading the script.
Where's he going to like kick us in there and then close the door
and be like, oh, you're locked in with the toilet paper.
Good luck figuring out who uses the chamber pot.
Yeah, it's literally just latrine.
But with your 18, he's telling you a story in there.
Well, there may be some truth to it.
You get a sense that he's taking you
specifically to wherever you're going,
because he thinks that that's where the judge told him to take.
All right. I'll take that.
Works for me. If you would, you know, just go down these stairs
and he goes first here. There's snacks down here.
No, it's kind of damp and cold.
Are there any windows?
Do you think there are rats down here?
What's with you guys asking about windows?
Well, there's not generally windows in Vinter Smith, apparently.
So people really get excited about windows. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We just got just got windows. Yeah, pretty cool.
I like to go window shopping a lot. Mm hmm.
He's this very tight spiral staircase that you're now walking down,
and it's getting you're going down two floors, three floors.
Is this a forever staircase?
Why didn't they just do it straight down?
Yeah, that's crazy. For dramatic effect.
Oh, it's working. Yes.
I'm tired. Can you piggyback me?
Oh, yeah, I'll piggyback you.
I'll put you back in there, kid.
Why do I picture Benson to be much smaller than?
Oh, he is. He's a half way.
OK, that's why. That's why.
All right. She looks at Benson and goes,
You're going to have to lift your feet if we're going downstairs, though.
He's stout. He's stout.
He's used to carrying a lot of legal documents and such.
I might take you up on that later, Benson.
OK, maybe back up. Yeah.
Lucky for you, Benson, they're not stairs.
It's a ramp. Somebody hates stairs here.
You don't have to worry about it. That's great to know.
Thank you. I usually carry Thurston around when he's had too much law.
A little too much justice, if you know what I'm saying.
Yeah, yeah. Too much justice.
That's that's what gets us every single time.
Two for one justice specials.
Tell you what, are we there yet?
It's this is I'm getting dizzy.
This is so far. Oh, my God.
You hear the guard's foot.
The sound changes as he hits the bottom.
It says, yeah, yeah, we're here.
It's just down this hallway.
And you look and there's a few
lit torches going down this hallway.
It is very damp.
There are cobwebs like this is
very dungeon prison.
Ask is the vibe you're getting.
Has anyone ever broken out of here?
Have you ever had to chase anyone up those stairs?
I think that would be a really weird chase.
That would be a rather weird chase.
Yeah, it's very tight, tight spiral going up the stairs
just down at the end of the hallway here.
Well, thank you.
Appreciate your assistance.
And we'll speak to my client privately.
He kind of turns his head at you.
And. Of course, because I hear that the confidentiality.
Well, exactly.
You're, of course, going to be like at the end of the hall, right?
Right. Right.
Because we need anything. Right. Of course.
Yeah. Yeah. You see a couple of doors down there,
but he walks towards one and you can see torch light from inside.
And you as you get closer to this door, you hear snoring
and you hear some whistling coming from inside.
It's like, damn, you fell asleep fast. Damn.
And we cut inside the jail cells and Kavlarne, you hear
first, you hear footsteps, but it's echoed by incessant questions.
That's my calling card.
That's how someone knows I'm coming.
I bet that sounds wild.
Echoing off of like a wet ramp spiral tunnel.
Oh, my God.
Nina, Nina. They're coming.
Oh, yeah. They're coming.
My friends are coming.
What do you mean? Your friends are coming.
You'll hear a bit of second down here for 20 minutes.
I've been here for more than three weeks.
They'd be so mad if you just get rid of the outfit.
Whatever. Who cares?
And then like, what's that noise?
Like, oh, they're here. Oh, they're here.
This isn't the power of friendship.
You can't keep doing this.
I think she's got to, like, reconsider.
Cav didn't remember after working with her for three years.
Like, maybe she's not making connections.
And I could be. Yeah.
Yeah. Wrong connections.
I would have thought about that.
It's like I worked with this guy three years.
He doesn't know me.
But somehow he made such good friends
that they're going to break him out of the scariest prison.
Oh, my God.
I'm crying.
Nina sits up and as she does,
she sees the guard come around the corner and kind of cocks her head
and quickly followed by who you recognize, Cav, as Thurston and Benson
and then Buzard and Alydin come around the corner.
And you see actually roll perception for me.
Oh, right. Dice are handy to have.
Yeah, we're playing Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I don't have any of those.
I feel like things are just going to work out for me.
I'm feeling a roll of seven is what my heart says, which I know we are.
Fifteen on the die, Russ.
I'm just bringing up my character sheet to.
Look, I was
RP, RP the whole way and I was totally thrown off, totally.
Look, I had you sit in a courtroom and say nothing last session.
So that's on me. All right.
Nineteen, Russ, 19.
Oh, OK.
As this guard enters,
you see him give like a swift kick to the guard
that you have been told his name is Drek, who kind of stirs awake
and looks and brushes himself off and stands up at attention
as as everybody enters the room and puts his hand,
which you see just near his blade that he has on.
He's got a long sword.
So perhaps you guards can can wait out.
And Mr.
Laughle Good will address our client and and all
all will be good and we'll be able to go back up that very
unnecessarily long staircase down into the pits of whatever place this is.
I want to get out of here quick.
Yeah, no, it's not great.
It's not great.
The two guards take a couple of quick steps and back out of the room.
You can still see them beyond the doorway, like their shadows.
But they're
and they're not in there with you.
Bizard and Alydin, you look into the cell and you see Kavlaran.
But before you see Kavlaran, you see what looks like Nina.
Hmm. Oh.
Oh, oh, it's.
Is it is it who, my dear?
Is that Nina when you were Nina, you look the same.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Nina, I was always Nina.
Mm hmm. I never said you weren't.
Oh, well, it's pleasure to see you again, child.
Hello, Nina.
And you are the counsel.
Yeah, may I ask who the hell are you?
I am Nina Madonna. Oh, Christ.
Benson, that's important, right?
She's the she's she's missing.
Why are they saying she's missing if you're the prison?
Well, I don't think people are supposed to find this prison, sir.
And as Benson says that, you hear the sound of grinding stone.
No, shut the fuck up.
Now, I know I, I, I roll away and here we are.
God damn as the doorway begins to close.
But yeah, I'm not going to like to see it.
I'm not going to like yell stop.
I just like shit son of a bitch.
I'm going to run to the door and be like, no, no, no, no way.
I've got questions about your sword.
Dumbgeons and Dragons, season four, episode 36, starring Amy More as Alydin,
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane, Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave,
Kyle Claset as Bazaar the Wizard with Russ More as your dungeon master
and special guest Tim Lanning from Greetings Adventurers,
Naruto Revuto and Tribulation Farce.
Find more from Tim at GeeklyInc.com and listen next episode.
He's not going anywhere for a little while.
Dialogue, editing and sound design of today's episode is by Russ More.
Our community manager is Jessica Babiak.
Music is from Epidemic Sound and sound effects are from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
Our amazing cover art is by Matt Garbutt.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak, Angaron Kierzen,
Cat Waterflame, Perry Matey, Jacob Madden, Old School Gamer D,
Craig Zeiss, L.A. Branton, Chibs1012 and Kudzu828.
We'd love if you joined us today at Patreon.com
slash Dumb Dragon Cast for the amazing community,
all the bonus content and so much more.
Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast will see you over there.
But until then, have a great week and we'll talk to you soon.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.