[0.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in a moment.
[4.2s] In the town of Vintersmouth, bureaucratic crimes are considered especially tedious.
[9.9s] The municipal government employs two types of clerics, those who heal the wounded and those
[16.2s] who file the paperwork. When Kavlaran Goldweave, a half-elf cleric and auditor from Kingstown,
[23.5s] discovered discrepancies in the mayor's ledgers, he did what any lawful good citizen
[28.8s] would do. He reported it. Now he stands accused of forgery and tampering with evidence.
[36.2s] The problem? Kavlaran once got locked in a supply closet for six hours. He regularly
[42.7s] files documents in alphabetical order by the wrong letter. And last week, accidentally,
[49.8s] he laminated his own hand. These are his stories.
[54.8s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast, and I'm your dungeon master Russ More,
[60.1s] he, him. Also with me today is Amy More as Alydin, she, her.
[64.4s] I wonder how these people fix their problems. Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane, she, her.
[69.6s] We're making it Canadian and everyone has to wear a robe. Sorry.
[73.7s] Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave, he, him. Oh, okay. Great. That's not upsetting in any
[79.8s] way, shape, or form. And Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard, he, him.
[86.5s] Oh, dope. Now I know what we're going to do. With special guest this week from Greetings
[91.0s] Adventurers, Tim Lanning, he, him. If the clock is broken, just do it.
[95.8s] A quick shout out to our Patreon family who make this show possible and get 130 or more
[101.8s] exclusive episodes for their trouble. That's like a lot of D&D that you can get right
[107.4s] now. Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast. We hope to see you over there and now fuck it. Let's play.
[117.8s] Kavlaran, Thurston, Lawfulgood, Benson Benson, and your entire team are led into the court.
[127.2s] The courtroom, very much like a lot of things at City Hall, is very well put together.
[133.8s] Very ornate and intricate carvings of judges come and gone. There are tapestries up on the wall.
[142.1s] The jury bench is empty as you enter. There are a few people in the audience.
[148.2s] It's an audience for a gallery. A gallery. That's what it is. Yes.
[153.7s] That sounds more accurate than the crowd. The spectators. The fans. The pit of fans.
[161.5s] The running man. There's signs. Let Kav go. He didn't do it. Down with the auditor.
[168.4s] That sort of thing. I'm just a fan of law and procedure. I'm just here.
[172.9s] Doddy McBottlebow, the local town gossip or newspaper reporter, is also there. As you enter,
[183.2s] Kav and your lawyer are led into the defense side of the courtroom. As you get settled in,
[192.9s] a couple moments later, you hear the doors open again and in comes the prosecution.
[200.6s] Crocker Shaw. Thurston, you recognize this guy as he enters. He is unnaturally tall. He's a
[209.8s] tiefling and has horns that curve sharply backwards. His skin is smooth and pale gray,
[219.7s] like the underside of a storm cloud, and seems to absorb torchlight rather than reflect it.
[226.7s] He's got no visible scars, no blemishes, no tattoos. Nothing is out of place.
[236.0s] Fuck. Smash.
[243.7s] He's wearing an impeccably tailored high collared black robe. Not the city's legal
[250.2s] robes, but a sleeker version stitched with subtle infernal motifs along the sleeves and hem.
[256.3s] He has a silver cravat and is always perfect. His gloves always spotless.
[263.6s] He enters with four legal aides behind him who are carrying his tails on his outfit,
[275.9s] and he sees you, Thurston, as you kind of look back over your shoulder and he gives a
[281.0s] sly smile and nod as he goes and sits at the prosecution.
[284.5s] Fuck you.
[286.9s] It's a pleasure to see you, Thurston.
[289.6s] Yeah, whatever.
[291.1s] Uh, so that's the Croker guy?
[295.3s] Yeah, Shaw. We don't like Shaw. He's, uh, unnaturally good at this stuff.
[301.4s] Oh, okay. Great. That's not upsetting in any way, shape, or form.
[305.9s] Oh, yeah. The judge we got, great news. Shaw, probably four to nine times worse news.
[314.0s] Oh, okay.
[314.6s] He's really good, but he's bad. So he would not defend you because you're innocent,
[319.5s] if that makes sense.
[320.6s] Russ, are we, the rest of us outside, because we are to be waiting to be called as witnesses?
[326.3s] No, you're in the gallery.
[327.5s] All right. Things are loosey goosey here in Vindersmith. Who knows how the legal system works.
[333.2s] Yeah. When, when you're like, what am I wearing? I was like, oh crap,
[336.5s] am I going to have to do like robes and powder wig? I don't know what the lore is.
[341.8s] I panicked.
[343.0s] You did a great job.
[343.8s] We're making it up right now.
[344.9s] We're making it Canadian and everyone has to wear a robe. Sorry.
[349.8s] I'm not from Canada.
[351.6s] Welcome to the party.
[355.8s] They keep rubbing it in.
[357.0s] You really hit that R nicely right there.
[361.3s] Smash some Dunkin' Donuts and you guys can have that other stuff.
[366.4s] That maple syrup.
[367.9s] Yeah.
[368.5s] Jimothy Hortons.
[369.8s] You see Shaw neatly stacking, and all of his legal aides, neatly stacking papers
[377.0s] and reviewing everything as the jurors door opens.
[380.8s] And in walk 12 individuals who you recognize from around town,
[386.6s] but none of you have a very personal relationship with them.
[391.8s] After they all come in and are seated there, a couple of them are looking
[397.8s] skeptically towards Kavlaran.
[400.4s] Juror number eight has a look about them that says that they're,
[404.6s] they're trying to get a read of you.
[407.0s] And juror number three is, there's something Kavlaran,
[416.6s] you catch something off about the way that they're looking at you.
[420.3s] But then they quickly look away once you kind of lock eyes.
[424.2s] After a moment, the, the guard comes in and says,
[429.1s] Judge Sterling Delacour now presides.
[432.8s] Judge Delacour enters from their chambers.
[437.0s] And they are statuesque in both presence and poise,
[442.9s] a half elf of indeterminate age.
[447.1s] She carries herself with the composure of someone who spent decades
[451.6s] watching powerful people unravel in front of her and not blinking once.
[457.2s] Her olive skin tones, her features, sharply defined,
[462.0s] high cheekbones, angular jaw, eyes the color of polished amber.
[467.0s] Always watching and measuring.
[469.5s] Smash.
[470.5s] Silver streaked black hair is coiled tightly into a crown braid
[476.3s] held in place by a modest iron circlet.
[479.4s] The only ornament she appears to be wearing.
[483.0s] She's wearing a deep Navy judicial coat, crisp and minimal,
[486.9s] adorned with only the insignia of the Court of Public Integrity on one shoulder.
[493.4s] A silver scale broken on one side mended with gold
[497.8s] and beneath hints of well-maintained chain beneath her robe
[502.5s] suggests she's no stranger to the idea of proceedings turning violent.
[507.4s] Oh, dope.
[508.7s] Now I know what we're going to do.
[510.3s] I'm sorry.
[511.2s] There's there.
[513.1s] It's scales.
[514.6s] One side is broken, but mended with gold.
[517.5s] It's like I wonder how these people fix their problems, right?
[522.2s] The way they describe it, it's not that big.
[523.9s] It makes sense the way they say it.
[526.5s] She speaks with a very low and resonant tone,
[530.8s] cutting through noise without needing to rise.
[534.1s] And when she speaks, it feels like the room has agreed to listen.
[538.8s] And she looks over to the defense and then to the prosecution
[544.1s] and sits down behind her bench looking out at the gallery.
[548.1s] Look at us using law terms.
[550.2s] It looks to you, Thurston, and to Kroker Shaw
[555.5s] and calls you up to her bench.
[558.2s] Go up?
[559.4s] Are the two of you prepared?
[563.0s] Oh, absolutely.
[564.7s] And have your list of witnesses?
[568.4s] Kroker pauses for a moment and, as didn't want to interrupt,
[574.2s] we are prepared for today and things will go as expected, I think.
[581.1s] Mm.
[582.7s] Whatever.
[583.4s] He turns to you and puts out his hand for a handshake, Thurston.
[589.9s] I'll shake it quickly and not very spiritedly.
[594.5s] Best of luck.
[596.0s] Thanks, Shaw.
[597.5s] I appreciate it.
[599.6s] And I look over to the judge and I do one of those, this guy, this guy.
[605.0s] She looks up as she's writing some notes down on a page and
[610.5s] politely says, Mm-hmm.
[613.8s] After a brief moment, everybody settles in their place.
[618.6s] And now for opening statements.
[620.2s] We'll start with the prosecution.
[622.8s] And Kroker Shaw stands up and lightly clears his throat and walks over to the jury.
[630.4s] He says, Members of the jury, good morning.
[635.9s] In a moment, the defense will tell you this is a misunderstanding,
[641.5s] a clerical mix-up, a matter of numbers, just decimal points and ink.
[648.7s] He paces slowly in front of the jury's box, hands behind his back.
[654.2s] But Vintersmouth knows better.
[657.0s] We've seen what happens when discontent is fed falsehood,
[661.8s] when civil servants reach too far cloaking ambition in the costume of integrity.
[671.2s] He walks slowly during this across to the defense and stands by you, Kavlaran,
[678.6s] gives a courteous nod.
[681.0s] There's no kindness in his eyes.
[683.8s] The accused did not merely file a report.
[687.9s] He fabricated entire documents.
[690.0s] He conjured a conspiracy from shadows and scribbles and then, as if by design,
[696.3s] vanished for three weeks while panic spread.
[701.8s] Turning back to the jury.
[704.0s] The ledgers he submitted to Kingstown altered.
[707.4s] The recipients listed widely misrepresented.
[711.4s] The totals inflated.
[714.4s] We will show you copies, we will show you the originals,
[718.2s] and we will present expert testimony confirming the tampering.
[723.8s] He now moves towards the judge's bench, eyes on Delacour.
[728.7s] This case isn't about politics.
[731.7s] It's about accountability.
[733.7s] It's about the stability of our institutions.
[737.3s] When we allow fiction to masquerade as fact, we weaken the foundation of law itself.
[745.3s] This trial is not vengeance.
[747.4s] It is correction.
[748.6s] And when the facts lie bare before you, I trust
[752.2s] you will do what is necessary to protect the city from those who would torch it
[757.0s] in the name of truth.
[760.2s] He offers the faintest practiced bow.
[764.0s] The crown rests for now.
[767.7s] He looks to you, Thurston, as he goes and sits back down.
[772.3s] I will take a quick shaky drink of water, check a note or three,
[785.0s] and then stand up and kind of stand in front of the jurors and jury.
[791.8s] Fine people of Venturesmouth, judge, everyone out in the gallery here,
[797.4s] thank you for being part of the process.
[801.0s] It means a lot to all of us.
[804.6s] You're going to hear a lot of fancy words thrown out.
[807.8s] You're going to hear a lot of misdirection, but I want to kind of focus our attention today
[816.2s] on the simple fact that this is a setup on my client.
[823.0s] We, as the defense, do not need to solve the ledgers.
[828.4s] We do not need to prove why they were cooked.
[832.1s] We do not need to prove who did it.
[835.2s] I am here to simply say my client didn't do it, and I will provide expert witnesses
[842.5s] of our own that will show that my client wouldn't do it, wasn't capable of doing it,
[848.9s] and tried to do the right thing as they found the, I guess we will say,
[855.9s] inconvenient information that was passed to their office.
[861.7s] We have experts that will testify that, and I look kind of pointedly at the judge
[869.6s] and then at Shaw, the only piece of evidence we were allowed to see, not the originals,
[877.4s] but this exhibit, I'm just going to call it A because that's all we have,
[881.8s] because that's all the crown deigned to let us have, was doctored, magically.
[890.2s] The crown alleges that my client, through some conspiracy theory, did this to stir up unrest.
[902.2s] There was a political agenda here.
[905.4s] Again, simply put, we will show that there is no agenda because that was not something
[911.0s] that happened. It's going to be hard for us to prove a few negatives, but honestly,
[918.1s] the crown's story here is a little too cut and dry for my taste, and if anyone in
[926.6s] Venter's mouth has been through any proceedings such as this before, we know this wouldn't be
[931.3s] the first time. So thank you for your time, and just remember, truth is usually simpler
[939.0s] than fiction. As you go to sit back down, you hear just under his breath, Croker says,
[948.9s] playing the incompetence trick again. If the clock is broken, just do it.
[957.9s] Now's the time.
[967.3s] Exactly. Now's the time for the middle.
[970.0s] The middle, where we talk about how Peggy is a nickname for Margaret and how that makes no sense.
[974.8s] Our usual middle topic, yeah?
[976.5s] Yeah, of course.
[977.8s] And not Pegafred.
[979.0s] Which you would know if you joined us over on Patreon as a supporting producer in the
[983.8s] live shows. Not the live shows, the backstage shows.
[988.3s] Cut it in, it's funny, but that's right, still flows.
[990.6s] You know, it works.
[991.8s] They're live.
[992.6s] All through September, did you hear? Might not have, because we've missed a couple,
[996.6s] but did you hear that we're having a big sale over on Patreon throughout September,
[1000.9s] where you can get 50% off your first month?
[1003.0s] Okay, that's pretty good.
[1004.0s] Pretty good deal. You can check out a lot of bonus content in a month.
[1009.0s] So not only do you get one week free, then you get 50% off your first month,
[1013.9s] that's like three weeks free.
[1014.8s] Three weeks free.
[1015.5s] If you do them, it's a lot of free.
[1017.4s] That's math.
[1018.1s] So basically, half off your first month, but really it's the full month.
[1022.3s] We'll round it up.
[1023.1s] I mean, just like nonstop, that's 720, on average, a 30-day month, 720 hours of content.
[1029.5s] If you just stay up that entire month, that is called bang for your buck.
[1034.9s] I don't know if y'all do this.
[1036.2s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[1038.2s] More bang for your buck.
[1039.6s] That's what we're trying to bring you.
[1042.0s] But as you listen to this episode, we are back in release,
[1044.6s] and the release schedule will be more normal moving forward because summer's over, baby.
[1049.1s] That's right.
[1050.2s] Not to the schedule becoming normal, but to summer being over.
[1053.6s] Summer being over.
[1054.7s] We wish for more summer.
[1055.4s] Happy to get back to regularly seeing my best friends.
[1059.7s] Absolutely.
[1062.0s] Speaking of best friends, also when you become a patron,
[1065.7s] you wind up getting a show dedicated to you or an episode dedicated to you.
[1069.8s] That's true.
[1070.9s] That does happen every time.
[1072.2s] It happens every time, and we are always prepared for it.
[1076.2s] So if you think we aren't, I'm going to take a moment.
[1078.8s] Can I take a moment right here right now to let our patrons know that you think we may
[1083.4s] not be prepared for it, but I believe we absolutely are on every single occasion.
[1089.0s] There's not a doubt in my mind.
[1091.0s] We have always figured out who that person is.
[1093.3s] And Russ, you're going to tell us right now who that person is just to show everybody.
[1096.9s] Just to show everybody that we were exactly on time when we started to talk about this.
[1100.2s] It was Hannah Gilliwick.
[1106.0s] Kyle, for reminding me of something important that is when an episode is
[1109.7s] dedicated to you, you are actually our best friend for the day.
[1113.1s] Yes, absolutely.
[1115.8s] If you read the fine print when you sign up for Patreon, it says that.
[1120.6s] Absolutely.
[1121.2s] You just got five new best friends.
[1122.7s] And you know what?
[1123.4s] I'm throwing Jess in there, too.
[1124.3s] You just got six new best friends.
[1126.9s] When I woke up this name and I saw
[1128.9s] when I woke up this morning and I saw Hannah's name, I was like,
[1133.2s] this is going to be a good day because that's how long ago we knew.
[1137.8s] Oh, yeah.
[1138.2s] Hours ago.
[1139.0s] Oh, yeah.
[1139.6s] Absolutely.
[1142.6s] Thank you, best friend Hannah Gilliwick and all of these best friends.
[1146.6s] Come join us today at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast 50 percent off,
[1149.8s] which means you get, I don't know, 18 weeks free.
[1152.6s] We'll round it up.
[1153.4s] It just keeps getting bigger every time I talk about it.
[1156.4s] But we'll get you back to the episode where Tim Tim Lanning's with us.
[1159.6s] Oh, yeah.
[1160.6s] Love that guy.
[1161.1s] Oh, Tim.
[1162.2s] He's great.
[1162.9s] You should go listen to his stuff, too.
[1164.2s] Greetings, adventures and all the other things that are down in the description.
[1168.0s] Bye for now.
[1168.7s] Love you.
[1169.4s] Love you.
[1169.8s] Love you.
[1170.2s] Bye.
[1172.6s] Judge Delacour, who's taken a few notes as both opening statements have proceeded,
[1180.0s] says, call your first witness.
[1182.6s] Croker Shaw stands up and says, we would like to call one Oak to the stand.
[1189.2s] Oh, God.
[1189.9s] Coming in from the back of the room, we see Oak.
[1193.0s] Oak is a human.
[1194.6s] He's got very disheveled hair.
[1198.2s] He's got pocket protector.
[1202.1s] Light brown khaki slacks, belt done up a little too high
[1207.3s] so that his pants are a little bit flood pants at this point.
[1210.6s] And he skips in and pushes the door, pushes the swinging gate to get in
[1219.8s] and looks over to Cav and says and just kind of like finger guns.
[1225.4s] I got you, buddy.
[1229.2s] Is that good?
[1230.4s] I mean, if Croker's calling him and he's finger gunning you, I'm mixed messages here.
[1235.7s] I mean, I don't know.
[1236.4s] That's usually just how he says hi.
[1238.0s] So you see him walk by the jury and he finger guns all of the jury members, too.
[1247.0s] He's starting off bad.
[1247.9s] That doesn't look good, but he's not our witness.
[1249.9s] How many of them finger gunned back?
[1251.8s] Three, three.
[1255.0s] A quarter.
[1257.6s] And goes up and takes a seat.
[1261.5s] Amy, what in this world do we put our hand on to
[1265.0s] say that we're telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
[1268.5s] The Christian Bible.
[1272.8s] It's just the Christian Bible again.
[1275.4s] If it works here, it works there.
[1280.8s] I think it is the written laws of Vinter Smith.
[1285.8s] So they compiled a book of laws and bylaws that all citizens agree to abide by.
[1296.2s] Good answer, Amy.
[1299.0s] It's like, do we have a Bible?
[1301.3s] I'm sure there's some form of religious text, but not so widespread that it would be
[1307.6s] acceptable as the Christian Bible in particular.
[1309.8s] Much of the gods thing going on right now.
[1312.9s] What do they put in the damn hotels?
[1317.0s] The rules and regulations of how to participate in wing night.
[1321.5s] Yeah, that is true.
[1323.8s] Yeah, they put dried lentils in all of the hotels.
[1328.5s] But Oak goes up and puts his hand on the laws and the guard says,
[1333.5s] do you swear to tell the whole truth and some of the truth and probably most of the truth?
[1340.3s] Oak looks back and says, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so.
[1345.4s] I mean, I'll tell everything I know.
[1348.2s] Shaw gets up and he slowly walks over looking to the defense and says,
[1354.6s] Mr. Oak, would you consider yourself a close friend of the defendant?
[1362.2s] Oak looks back and says, well, yeah, yeah, of course.
[1365.3s] I mean, he and I, we're best buddies.
[1367.2s] We went out and did best friend things.
[1371.5s] We got tattoos together.
[1375.5s] We had beverages.
[1378.3s] We had, well, we talked about the best foot scrub
[1383.4s] that we could, Shaw stops and says, thank you, that's enough.
[1389.0s] And yet, despite your closeness, you claim to have no knowledge
[1393.4s] of these allegedly forged ledgers until after they were submitted.
[1400.5s] Says, well, yeah, no, I didn't know that that's what Cav was doing.
[1406.7s] He looks over at Cav, kind of nervous.
[1409.9s] Kind of shoot him a little, like, I'm sorry face.
[1413.4s] See, like, crestfallen.
[1414.6s] Like, I thought we were good buds.
[1415.9s] I thought he'd tell me.
[1417.0s] Oh, yeah, a little bit.
[1417.9s] That's the kind of vibe, yeah.
[1419.9s] Do you know of anyone else other than the accused who had access
[1424.6s] to those ledgers before they were reported to Kingstown?
[1431.0s] Well, do I know anybody else?
[1435.7s] I mean, Cav hangs out a lot with Bonwyn and Buzard and Allen.
[1442.4s] I don't know if they had it in particular.
[1445.0s] And Bench too, like, he's very close with them.
[1449.4s] But again, no, I don't know.
[1451.8s] You trust the defendant implicitly.
[1455.2s] That's commendable.
[1456.8s] Would you trust them with, say, falsified evidence
[1460.6s] if you believed it served the greater good?
[1466.6s] Well, I mean, I trust Cav with anything.
[1472.6s] I trust Cav with anything.
[1473.6s] But I don't believe that Cav would falsify anything.
[1482.2s] Looks uncertain.
[1484.2s] Shaw takes a step back and says no further questions.
[1489.0s] I'll stand up.
[1491.4s] Are we allowed to believe that your feelings are hurt?
[1493.4s] That he didn't tell you about highly incriminating, illegal, dangerous information?
[1499.6s] Well, not so much the illegality of it.
[1504.7s] But yeah, I thought we were getting to be pretty good friends
[1507.5s] who might share some of those things with each other.
[1510.8s] If we thought maybe we were in trouble or like there was something going on.
[1514.5s] Because I really, I thought, I thought we were.
[1519.8s] Let me stop you there.
[1521.1s] Your friendship is not part of the-
[1523.3s] Oh, yeah.
[1523.9s] Question here.
[1524.7s] It's a matter of safety.
[1527.0s] And is it true that if you were to get interesting information at work,
[1536.5s] you would go and tell your mother about it?
[1538.6s] Objection?
[1540.5s] Relevance?
[1543.0s] It's necessary for why my client did not tell you.
[1548.3s] Well, yeah, of course.
[1550.6s] I would, of course, tell my mother everything.
[1555.0s] Mom and I were talking last night about coming here today.
[1558.9s] And how I was going to just tell all the truth that I know about Cav.
[1564.4s] And I would absolutely-
[1565.4s] Thank you.
[1566.6s] The court appreciates that.
[1569.0s] And this is Tim talking.
[1570.2s] Whenever I see real lawyers, they don't say the next thing.
[1573.8s] Which is like, obviously, he didn't tell you because your mom would get murdered.
[1580.2s] They just look at the jury and sit down.
[1582.0s] And I'm like, how am I supposed to know that?
[1587.5s] Especially now that you know that juries are dumb.
[1590.4s] So you have to really be explicit.
[1596.2s] Because, yeah, you can't be like, well, dangerous things are dangerous, right?
[1600.7s] And you like your mom alive, right?
[1602.2s] Yeah.
[1603.4s] But in your time of working with the accused,
[1607.4s] have you noticed any other aberrations of misconduct?
[1613.4s] Any other aberrations of misconduct?
[1616.7s] No.
[1617.1s] Well, no.
[1618.2s] I mean, I come to work.
[1620.2s] I do all of the paperwork.
[1622.3s] I make sure that everything, Cav, you kind of catch a look from him.
[1632.3s] Like he's about to say that he does all of your work,
[1635.8s] but like he's probably holding it back.
[1638.1s] He's like, yeah.
[1640.2s] I just give him like a real like, go ahead.
[1642.6s] No, it's fine.
[1643.3s] Yeah.
[1643.5s] I mean, I did all the work.
[1647.1s] I did my work and some of Cav's work.
[1651.8s] And like nothing, everything checks and bAlydinces all across the board.
[1659.8s] So Cav was not a motivated worker?
[1662.8s] No.
[1664.1s] Well, no, let me take that back.
[1665.7s] I don't mean no.
[1667.0s] I mean, he was really good.
[1669.6s] Team morale is what Cav excelled at.
[1673.0s] Like he was-
[1673.7s] A personality hire.
[1675.4s] I think, yeah.
[1676.7s] No, Cav was there to do a specific job and that was to audit the mayor's office.
[1686.9s] But the mayor's office gave him another task, which was paperwork.
[1694.6s] I see.
[1696.4s] Well, thank you for your time.
[1698.2s] No further questions.
[1699.5s] Thank you.
[1700.4s] Thank you.
[1701.5s] Shaw stands back up.
[1703.6s] Just one more question.
[1706.0s] Was he Columbo?
[1707.8s] Right.
[1708.2s] Get out of here, Columbo.
[1709.6s] You're not Columbo, Shaw.
[1713.7s] You could not feel his, what do you call that jacket?
[1716.6s] Not a duster, is it?
[1718.3s] Have you personally reviewed the figures in the ledgers?
[1723.6s] Well, no, I haven't.
[1726.3s] I haven't actually seen them.
[1730.6s] They were taken to Kingstown apparently and then
[1734.3s] brought back here by that group that came from Kingstown to do the thorough investigation.
[1740.8s] And then they were put into evidence.
[1745.8s] He says, well, are you an expert in municipal budgeting or arcane forgery detection?
[1754.6s] No, no, not at all.
[1758.7s] I'm an expert in friendship and knowing when my friends are telling me the truth.
[1763.8s] Friendship is magic.
[1766.7s] I give him finger guns back, but like real subtly.
[1769.3s] Yeah, no, he's like below the banister, but between the railings, like you can see,
[1775.4s] like he's giving you finger guns.
[1778.5s] All right.
[1779.4s] He sits back down, looks over at you, Thurston, and his oak heads back out to the
[1787.4s] gallery and oak kind of shrugs going back.
[1790.8s] He's not as chipper as he when he went in, but shrugs back a cab.
[1794.6s] Like, I hope I did a good job.
[1797.3s] Thurston Shaw looks over at you and says, you're your witness next.
[1803.0s] All right.
[1806.0s] I call to the stand.
[1808.9s] Bizarre.
[1814.6s] Bizarre stands up, walks in, gets in the witness stand.
[1821.4s] The guard brings over the book of laws and says, do you swear to tell the truth,
[1827.5s] some of the truth, and probably most of the truth by the end of this?
[1831.7s] I do.
[1834.0s] Roger that.
[1835.1s] Slams it shut on your hand by accident and says, oh, son of a bitch.
[1839.1s] Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
[1842.1s] Not cool.
[1844.6s] Mr. Bizarre, will you tell the court what you do for work?
[1850.1s] Well, I previously was an advisor to Mayor Knops, but my primary position is the owner of
[1858.5s] the store previously known as the Magic Closet.
[1862.6s] Wonderful.
[1863.4s] Then I would grab the evidence, the supposed copy of the municipal budget ledger excerpt
[1872.3s] I'm bringing for the court and the judge and all you find people here.
[1877.4s] The only piece of evidence we are provided to look at, not the originals, only this
[1882.3s] makes me think anyways.
[1887.8s] What do you see in front of you here?
[1890.0s] I see a document that you've provided to me the other day in preparation for the trial
[1896.8s] that we're in right now.
[1898.6s] Using the magical abilities of identification, I was able to determine certain figures that
[1904.1s] shimmer under intense scrutiny, hidden glyphs that create inconsistency and a glyph that also
[1912.2s] causes misinformation to slowly bleed through as the document is being observed.
[1919.0s] Interesting, interesting.
[1920.5s] So you are alleging under oath that this document, the only document provided as the
[1929.0s] proof that my client cooked the books has been magically altered.
[1937.4s] Yes.
[1937.7s] And if provided any further documentation, I'd be able to perform the same ritual to
[1942.4s] determine any magical tampering.
[1944.8s] No further questions.
[1946.1s] Thank you.
[1946.8s] Shaw stands up, comes over and has a copy of the ledger as well.
[1952.8s] And it's a pleasure to meet you, Bazaar.
[1955.8s] You testify that you examined the ledger.
[1963.0s] Was this before or after your mother moved in with a pirate captain and changed your store's
[1969.1s] layout without your consent?
[1971.7s] Objection.
[1972.6s] Relevance?
[1974.0s] Honestly.
[1974.6s] He looks to the judge and says, goes to showing the current
[1979.4s] level of stability in our witness's life.
[1982.5s] Judge, my witness is not here because of being stable.
[1988.5s] It's his ability with magic.
[1990.2s] And as we know, oftentimes magic doers can be eccentric.
[1994.7s] Withdrawn, withdrawn.
[1996.4s] Bazaar, did you cast identify in the presence of neutral observers or did you perform
[2004.3s] your analysis alone in your closet full of whispering socks and self-holding trousers?
[2011.8s] I did it in front of the court appointed attorney and their assistant.
[2020.0s] So the defense?
[2023.0s] Yes, yes, the defense.
[2025.1s] And it wasn't the entire ledger.
[2026.8s] It was the specific page of the document that was provided to Thurston.
[2034.5s] Interesting.
[2036.5s] Is it true you've accused your rival,
[2040.6s] William Vanderhootz of plotting against you using enchanted pickles?
[2047.9s] If they were enchanted pickles, then that was lost on me.
[2052.5s] They just seemed like inferior magical products based off of my examination.
[2059.1s] And I wouldn't say that him being able to, what was the verb?
[2062.8s] What was the wording that you used?
[2065.4s] My rival?
[2066.4s] Yes.
[2067.0s] Yes, your rival.
[2068.0s] It seems well known in the city that one looks down at a note and says,
[2075.7s] who you refer to as Billy Magics.
[2081.0s] I wouldn't consider him my rival.
[2084.3s] I'm very well established in this city.
[2090.4s] Where's his store?
[2091.4s] Get up.
[2093.4s] Just have one more question.
[2095.6s] You claim to serve truth and magical transparency,
[2100.8s] and yet you work directly for the mayor's office.
[2107.0s] Doesn't that put you in an awkward position?
[2111.8s] Only if one is not able to separate from work itself.
[2115.2s] You have to be able to remain objective in many aspects of life, even within magic.
[2120.4s] See, if you do not have objectivity in the ways you approach your profession
[2124.4s] or your trade, then you will never be able to see it from outside of the looking glass.
[2131.4s] He kind of walks by the jury and his hand drags along.
[2137.0s] I apologize.
[2138.0s] Final question, Master Wizard.
[2142.6s] Would you stake your entire shop, your business, your legacy,
[2149.8s] on your certainty that Lee's ledgers were in fact tampered with?
[2157.4s] Tampered with by whom?
[2158.7s] That is part of the question, isn't it?
[2160.8s] Who are you asking me that I would stake my claim on that they were tampered by?
[2166.1s] Who do you think tampered with them?
[2169.1s] I would say that I would put up my entire estate.
[2172.2s] Objection. He does not have to answer who he thinks, as I said.
[2177.4s] We are not here to prove who did it, just that it was done.
[2181.7s] No further questions, Your Honor.
[2191.7s] Dumbgeons and Dragons Season 4 Episode 34 Starring Amy More as Alydin,
[2197.8s] Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane, Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave,
[2202.6s] Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard with Russ More as your dungeon master,
[2206.8s] and special guest Tim Lanning from Greetings Adventurers, Naruto Revuto, and Tribulation
[2213.2s] Farce. Find more from Tim at geeklyinc.com and listen next episode.
[2218.1s] He's not going anywhere for a little while.
[2220.3s] Dialogue editing and sound design of today's episode is by Russ More.
[2224.1s] Our community manager is Jessica Babiak. Music is from Epidemic Sound,
[2228.5s] and sound effects are from Epidemic Sound and Boom Library.
[2231.8s] Our amazing cover art is by Matt Garbutt. And a huge thank you to our supporting producers,
[2237.2s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak, Angaron Kierzen, Cat Waterflame, Perry Matey, Jacob Madden,
[2243.7s] Old School Gamer D, Craig Zeiss, L.A. Branton, and Chibs1012.
[2249.2s] We'd love if you joined us today at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast for the amazing
[2254.1s] community, all the bonus content, and so much more! Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon
[2259.6s] Cast will see you over there. But until then, have a great week, and we'll talk to you soon.