Dumbgeons and Dragons is going to start in just a sec.
Kavlaran, you and all of your friends here, Bonwyn, Bizard and Alydin are all in in your apartment, because that's where you've been relegated to the couple days before your trial.
We actually find you at the door because it had knocked and you are talking to your neighbor, Mrs. Dubber Flint.
Now Kavlaran, they were watching-
How does a lady live in the divorced dad's apartment building?
That's a great question.
Oh, you can ask any questions you'd like.
Okay, Kavlaran, they've been watching you and I think they've been watching my cat too.
Oh, which cat? You have like five of them.
Frederick, particularly.
Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense.
So what are they watching you for? They're watching Frederick because he, well, he pees in places.
I mean-
Are you too?
Weirdly enough, same.
Same, same?
Oh, you and Frederick would get along so well.
Let me go get him.
And she starts walking back to her apartment.
When, as you're about to close the door, you hear the door to the stairwell down the hall open, which catches your attention.
And you see a person starting to walk down towards you who's followed by a short halfling with carrying a whole bunch of bags.
Tim, could you please describe your character as we see them?
You see a human walk in with a kind of stained, crumpled up, ruffled sort of old timey suit on and just kind of muttering.
His hair is a little sweaty in the front and kind of frizzy at the back.
It's tied into a very, let's just say, workman ponytail, sort of graying brown hair, and he has on sunglasses and he's just muttering like,
God damn it, I didn't have enough time for this one, damn motherfuckers.
It's okay, sir. It's okay, sir. You'll be totally fine. I've got all the papers here. We'll be able to figure it out. No problem.
Well, we go, why are we going to his apartment? Why are we going to his apartment? We got the office.
Well, that's why they're holding him. They said he couldn't leave because remember the two guards down at the bottom of the stairs there, they were the ones.
I've got a lot of cases. I can't keep track of everything.
I know. I know. That's why I'm here. I've got all of your books. I've got all of your notes. We know where to be and we're supposed to be here.
Oh no, seven minutes ago. I think it's the third door on the left there.
You knock. I'm just, I'm out of sorts.
Excuse me. I'm just going to push past you. The door is actually open. I'll knock. I'll knock. Hello, sir.
Staring out at us. Are you Kavlaran Goldweaver?
No, I'm not.
That's smart kid. Never answer that. That's the first one. If anyone here is Kavlaran, don't answer that.
That being said, is there a Kavlaran here? I am your attorney.
He might be around one sec and I like pop back in, close the door and then open the door again. Oh, hello. Kavlaran here.
Are you clearly the same guy?
Yeah, clearly the same guy.
Gonna be one of those days. Hey, hey, hey. And I put up my hand. Thurston, Thurston, lawful good.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master Russ More, he, him.
Also with me today is Amy More as Alydin, she, her.
I think I'm Scooby doing it over here.
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane, she, her.
I'm just gonna go make tea. I'm being very interruptive. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave, he, him.
Not ambitious enough to pull this off.
And Kyle Clasett as Bizard the Wizard, he, him.
I wasn't around for the pirates, but I could ask my mom, I guess.
With special guest this week from Greetings Adventurers, Tim Lanning, he, him.
It doesn't have to be a sandwich, but it could be like a shiny rock, an interesting picture, I don't know.
A quick shout out to our Patreon family who make this show possible.
And get 130 or more exclusive episodes for their trouble.
That's like a lot of D&D that you can get right now.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast. We hope to see you over there.
And now fuck it, let's play.
Oh, oh, oh, gee, like, okay.
Thirsty. Got it. Thirst in. Thirst in. Got it.
Thirst in, yes. You're an attorney appointed for you to help you get out of this mess here.
Oh, okay, yeah.
Because, yeah, they said they were gonna assign someone, but they also said that like weeks ago and then no one ever came, so.
We've got a backlog here.
Yeah.
I just got it today.
Today, my assistant here is keeping me apprised, so I'm playing catch up here.
Yeah, no, Benson, Benson here.
My name, Benson, Benson, obviously, is spelled differently both times.
But yeah, we got your papers two weeks.
I've been reading them nonstop for the last two weeks.
Two weeks.
Definitely, I didn't lose them in a pile, and that's why we're so sweaty right now.
God damn it. God damn it.
How big of a pile was it?
Well, I mean, I'm very short, so it seemed very tall.
But Thirst in, you tell them how big the pile was.
I don't have to tell you anything about the pile because you're in a pile of shit right now if you don't get your stuff together, kid.
All right?
Yeah.
Okay. All right.
So, yeah, like.
Do we come in?
Oh, yes, please.
Oh, sorry.
My manners are terrible.
Please come in.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
You first, sir.
It seems you have some friends here.
Are they also guilty of anything?
Who cares?
I mean, we're all a little guilty of something, but no, not in this context.
Bonwyn.
Oh, sorry.
Bonwyn, Allen and bizarre.
This is Thurston and Benson.
Oh, I didn't like the way you said that.
Implied you are guilty of this, but that's none of my business.
In fact, don't tell me that.
Better that way.
Yeah, don't tell us anything.
Well, except tell us everything, but don't tell us.
You have to tell us everything, but, you know, be smart about it.
Lawyer, patient confidentiality.
Yeah.
All of you have to give me a gold.
Allen, it looks, Allen, it looks so bizarre and is like, huh?
Like I'm Scooby doing it over here.
I look down at Allen and I'm like, no, it just it works.
It works better that way for me.
Well, it makes paperwork go a lot faster in Mr.
in Mr. Lawful Good's office.
Lawful Good, Lawful Good.
Lawful Good.
I've seen how paperwork goes.
I've been to Cav's job and that's a lie.
Money does not make paperwork go faster.
No, if anything, it slows it down.
But it obfuscates things is the issue here.
You got to understand the bureaucracy and the legal side of things.
It's a smoke and mirrors and the more smoke, the more mirrors.
OK, so just give me something.
You got a sandwich.
You got a interesting rock you found.
This guy just take a jab at magic, smoke and mirrors.
What the fuck is that?
We believe wholeheartedly in magic, sir.
Do you have a sandwich for Mr. Lawful Good?
It doesn't have to be a sandwich, but it could be like a shiny rock.
An interesting picture.
I don't know.
Alydin comes running up with a rock.
Oh, perfect.
Now you have we have exchanged currency.
We are yes, I am your free court appointed,
but they kind of they do some wiggle room back there.
I'll tell you why those fuckers.
I look back in my bucket.
There's a rock in there.
I'm confused.
I'm happy back.
It's not it's not important, but write down that we exchanged the currency.
Oh, got it. Yep.
Oh, oh, sorry.
I thought you meant me.
Yeah. Why would you write it?
Who are you going to write it to?
I don't know. I've never done this before.
But I like I like the gumption there.
That's smart.
Actually, you do you go ahead.
You write it down.
So usually the this first part goes is you confess to everything to us
so that we can protect you and make sure that they don't know that you did it.
OK, but what about and hear me out here?
What about if I didn't do it?
Now, that's what I like.
I like that as smart gets it.
He's saying that.
Oh, but that's the truth.
I didn't do it.
Exactly.
You do a great kid.
So you are presumed or you're charged with forging documents to bring down the government.
Paraphrasing here.
But that's what you're being charged with.
Yeah, no, that that didn't happen.
OK, so you you you didn't turn documents into Kingstown.
I did turn some documents into Kingstown, but they were originals, not forgeries.
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm. And OK, you have those originals.
No. They doesn't they doesn't have the original.
Do you have anything?
I know we got to have some sort of trail here.
I've got some excellent character witnesses.
OK, you tell us what happened.
So take us back to the beginning.
OK, well, OK, I guess, you know, like two parents, pretty normal childhood.
Had a couple brothers, one sister.
I didn't know that about the case.
Yeah, about the case.
Oh, OK.
Sorry. Sorry.
I was I was curious when he when he learned to ride bike.
I could tell.
No, I like to get to know.
I'd like to get to know the client.
I don't got time for this.
OK, all right.
OK, I guess it happened a couple of months ago.
I was sent down here.
There were some irregularities on the books.
And, you know, so they sent their their star employee down to take a look at things.
And what I ended up discovering along with my friends here is that there was like some real rampant corruption and bribes and various other things going on.
Wait, you said they weren't involved in this specific incident.
Well, no, I told them about it.
So they were there with me in spirit when you found.
Well, but they're so they are involved in spirit.
Yes.
OK, OK, good.
OK, sorry, we interrupted.
Oh, well, I mean, there's not too much left.
I found the books and then the real books.
And so I got everything out of those real books and took them to Kingston.
And then what happened to them?
Well, there I left them with my supervisor.
Who, Russ, I will be honest, I cannot remember his name.
Comptroller Wiggums.
How did you not remember that?
It's a great question.
How could I not remember that?
Well, I left them with Wiggums and and then I hightailed it back here.
And this was weeks ago.
Yeah, weeks ago.
Yeah, it says here you disappeared for three weeks.
Oh, OK, yeah, well, so that was the thing.
Alydin kind of got kidnapped by a banjo man in the face.
So we had to go rescue her.
It was kind of like a big heroic thing that we did a banjo man.
I've got a mind booger that I can show them if we need to use that.
That is good. That is good.
We could use that. We could use that.
They tried to disappear one of you to cover it up.
I like that. That's smart.
OK, so you disappeared.
He's got a booger that can that can corroborate the story that you went.
Yeah, OK, we can follow that.
And you guys are like adventurers.
So this happened to you like a lot.
Why do you have a boring book?
And what's the situation here?
There are no schools.
OK, it's true.
And we just rescued like a bunch of children.
So it'd be really nice if there was schools in town.
That would be good.
Everything's super corrupt.
We found evidence.
Cav found evidence.
You're telling me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Every everything.
I mean, you know, like the streets on the rich side of town are paved with gold, literal gold, and we have no money over here.
So found a lot of evidence of like criminal financial malfeasance.
Yeah, there was a lady named Nina who was kind of behind it all.
Yeah, she's gone now.
Thank God.
Yeah, she mysteriously disappeared.
Not me.
So yet another cog in this machine has been misplaced.
Yes, and that was the Nina.
Nina has disappeared.
Through no fault of your own.
I mean, we were gone in the fae.
And we wouldn't have disappeared a person anyway.
The booger can corroborate that.
I'm just going to go make tea.
I'm being very interruptive.
I'm sorry.
Well, it's good to get all sides of it.
He reaches in.
Benson reaches into one of the folders and pulls out.
We have some evidence here.
I don't know if we're supposed to have it with us, but they gave it to us.
It's a budget ledger or at least an excerpt, which looks like now I'll hold it because we shouldn't.
Right.
We shouldn't let him hold the evidence.
Yeah.
One sec.
Benson.
Come over here.
It seems like these guys piss some powerful people off.
Do we just want to go?
I mean, there was a really nice bakery down the street that looked like they had some nice croissants.
Bakery's great.
So we could just go.
What do you got in mind?
I'm just thinking leave town for a couple of weeks.
Okay.
Go to the fae.
Save some children.
Go to the fae.
Wild Wink.
Banjo Man.
If these guys did what they're saying, then that's a lot of heat for us.
Yeah, but we've gotten out of tighter situations than this before.
That's true.
And I'd really love to really show it to some of those assholes.
Okay.
Sorry about that.
I had to check on...
Law stuff.
So anyways, I will hold it back here, but this is part of the books that you had turned in.
Does this look familiar to you?
If you check your document, he holds up the Vintersmouth municipal budget ledger excerpt,
which is the auditor's copy compiled and initialed by Kavlaran Goldweave.
And do I recognize it, Ross?
Yeah, it looks very similar to the books that you had found.
However, your initials all over them, all over every entry, is probably a new variable for you.
I look over the paperwork.
See, this does kind of look like mine, but it's not mine.
I can tell you that right now.
Okay.
So the only evidence we have is you're saying this is forged.
Yes.
Yeah.
If you look at any of the paperwork I've done over the last few years, you will see I do not initial anything.
Oh, that's good, actually.
Okay.
We can use it.
Well, I mean, my supervisor Wiggums would disagree, but yeah, I think it's good.
So I'm checking.
Comptroller Wiggums is set to be one of the witnesses.
You know, usually witnesses show up.
Is there anybody else who can corroborate your poor paperwork capabilities?
Oh, there's a...
And we might want to go send some guards or some private investigation or if you have any favors or if any of you are strong or can blow something up with your mind.
Might want to make sure they don't get to disappear, too.
Alydin looks excitedly a bazaar when he said blow something up with your mind.
Calm down.
It'll be fun someday.
Yeah.
A really, really good guy.
I worked with him for a while down here.
His name's Oak.
Oak.
Like a tree?
Exactly.
That's exactly it.
Okay.
Oak.
Okay.
Well, we'll find Oak as one of our star witnesses that says you're, well, again, to paraphrase, terrible at your job.
That's correct.
Yes.
But you're good enough that you found this stuff, huh?
Well, see, that's the funny thing.
I kind of just lucked into it.
Okay.
Here we go.
Look, a lot of my life has just been locking into things and it's been working out all right.
So I'm not going to rock the boat now.
That's fair.
I mean, you're being humble is good.
I don't think we're.
But.
Oh, yeah.
These guys.
I don't I don't really think that.
Wait, who are these guys?
Do they have like a high powered lawyer team?
Oh, it goes.
It goes all the way to the top side.
Middle.
Oh, you name it.
Spirals up and down.
Sir, sir, they brought in Croker Shaw for prosecution.
Yeah, we might want to get out of here.
I don't know.
It's great meeting you.
If I were you, as I take the with the mind boogers and I would just, you know,
like you said, there's no schools here.
I would just like a terrible place to live.
Yeah.
But if everybody did that, there'd be no good places to live.
Yeah.
That I like it.
All right.
I'm going to cry over here.
Beautiful.
So.
So the three of you nonpartisan to any of this,
except for the information that you've gained from Kavlaran interesting.
And Russ, it says here in these notes that Kavlaran is a respected auditor.
I haven't heard that yet.
So I'm just want to make sure that that's that's true or because.
Is that just what Thurston has been told?
That is probably just what Thurston's been told.
Perfect.
Yeah.
What's your hearing?
Probably more accurate.
But you know, I think these he would think he would know some of these
behind the scenes pencil pusher numbers types.
And this is he probably a little more nervous if there wasn't a few crayons
missing from the old pencil box.
Is what he would say if there were schools.
Yes.
It's a pencil box.
Said that.
Yeah.
That would make.
I don't know what you're saying.
OK.
So we need we need to put together witnesses.
We've got this Comptroller Wiggins if he shows up.
Oak.
A terrible at your job.
That's what he's going to be able to tell us.
The three of you know Kavlaran fairly well, I assume,
being that you're hanging out having those dried lentils.
Yeah.
I mean, bizarre brought them.
I haven't had any yet.
I was going to soak them.
I might I have some by all means.
Thank you.
So they have delicious snacks here.
But we've got three character witnesses here.
That's very clear.
Anybody else who can corroborate your story?
Because here's what we think.
Basically, the idea is sounds like you've lost all the evidence.
Right.
So we need to poke enough holes.
I mean, I turned it in.
I didn't lose.
That's fair.
I guess.
Yeah.
Makes sense.
That that will help character witness stuff.
We need to poke enough holes into the Kingstown's story here
that people will not pass the old sniff test.
It's not really about winning, per se.
Right.
You lost way, way before I walked into this nice apartment
smelling of lentils.
This is more of a we just got to throw enough doubt out there.
Make everyone pretty sure there's something not good going on.
Right.
And then they're going to say you're guilty.
We'll figure it out.
Oh, I mean, that doesn't sound ideal.
But if that's what you think is like the best course of action,
you're the professional.
That I am indeed.
So, you know, we can give you some truth magics.
We can, you know, if this ledger was manipulated at all,
we can take a look at that.
I know a few people.
Bazaar, is that true?
Is that something that you can do?
Are there truth magics?
In some instances, I've heard of certain areas
that can be put under a lens of truth of some sort.
I'm not sure it doesn't.
It's not a spell that I've researched.
So but I have it does sound it does sound familiar.
So I would say if you could verify the magically speaking,
the veracity of some of these things that would that would save me
a couple of favors.
I ain't got that many.
Well, let me see what I can.
Let me see what I can look up.
Any bizarre just busts out his tone and like is like, OK,
pop onto the desk and bust it open.
Alydin comes over.
I know you got two in there.
Yeah, I do.
I do here.
OK, they're going to look to see if we can verify that this is,
in fact, magically altered or created in some way, shape or form.
They can do that.
That's that's that's like half the work.
I see here some some possible other allegiances,
some possible other cohorts.
One bench.
Oh, yeah.
Bench, of course.
OK.
And what is your relationship with this bench?
Pretty much best buds.
OK.
Best buds.
They have all tattoos together of paperwork.
Oh, yeah.
Matching paperwork tattoos with oak.
So you'll be able to see my paperwork in action just from the tattoo.
OK, that would be helpful as well.
Yeah.
Or wait, did Oak fill that one out?
OK, don't look at the tattoos yet till I figure it out.
You don't have one of the tattoos on your person.
Not at the moment.
I don't.
They move.
Well, until I figure out if it was me or Oak that did the paperwork.
Roger that.
Because I did the paperwork.
I don't want them to see that because it's going to be great.
Who is Oak?
Oak is my buddy who I worked with at City Hall.
Gotcha.
OK.
And he oversaw a lot of the day to day of what you yourself did or did not do.
Yeah, he definitely did.
In fact, he helped out a lot with a lot of my stuff.
OK.
Or why.
Great.
Can you trust him?
Yeah.
I mean, Oak's pretty great.
He's not on the take is what I'm asking.
I don't think so.
Did he sell you out?
Is this the same Oak that was recently given a promotion after you disappeared?
Ah, kid.
Well, I mean, if if if someone's not there to do the work, I mean, it makes sense
that he would be promoted to like step in and do it.
Right.
But did he take your job or did he take a higher position of his own?
I mean, I don't really know.
I woke up in the hospital and they haven't let me go back to City Hall.
So.
Well, that's probably good.
You don't want to have your fingerprints in too many different places.
He really wasn't at the office very much.
That is that is true.
I think most of the time you were supposed to be at work.
You were with us.
And Oak was mostly doing like your day to day work generally.
Yeah.
Like a good chunk of it.
Yeah.
So actually, Thurston, can I see that piece of evidence?
I think I found something that might be able to tell us if this is
magically doctored in any way.
Natural reaction would say no immediately.
But yes, we need to we do in fact need to touch it.
I apologize.
OK.
Yeah, I'll take that.
Alydin, will you go into my pack over there and bring me an owl feather real
quick?
Mm hmm.
And I'm going to pull out a good sized pearl out of my pocket.
This guy's this guy's a magician.
He's got so many things just stuffed into pockets.
Just watch him work.
I expect this to happen.
OK.
Got to be prepared.
Here it is.
I take take the owl feathers and kind of just like kind of start plucking them
apart, just scattering them on the piece of paper.
Then I take the pearl and just roll it across of it.
It's like give me like 11 minutes.
I've seen it.
It's a ritual.
OK.
Yeah.
No, I've seen this before.
That makes sense.
This checked out.
Yeah.
Of course.
Yeah.
Magic things.
OK.
Mr. Law Fulgood, we we should probably interview some of these people,
shouldn't we?
Absolutely.
This goes all the way to the damn top.
They're going to get disappeared.
Yeah.
No, we don't.
If you guys can get a list, addresses, things of that nature,
something maybe only you guys would know about.
Some of you might even want to go with us.
I don't know.
Wait.
Are you under house arrest?
I was.
I didn't ask that.
I mean, kind of.
You saw the guards down there.
So like they just follow me around.
This is a nice.
This is a nice apartment.
It's more like home arrest.
Yeah.
That's true.
I like it.
Yeah.
I like that.
That's that's beautiful, actually.
I'm going to write that one down for next time.
Yeah.
Mm hmm.
Well, next time somebody is under house arrest, we can make them feel better.
To calm the calm the entire room.
That's smart.
Yep.
Mm hmm.
OK.
Well, thank you for that.
It took you exactly 11 minutes to put that list together.
Uh huh.
How are you doing over there, sir?
I take the pearl.
I shake it big.
Is this thing magic?
And I look at the pearl and yeah, I cast the identify spell.
What is it?
What do I see in the pearl?
Is this thing magically imbued in any way?
I thought for sure it was going to say try again later.
You know, uncertain.
You know, give me another 11 minutes.
Is this thing magically imbued in any way?
This paper you hold in your hands.
There does appear to be some sort of magical enchantment on it.
The type of magic, but you get that it was enchantment magic.
You get that the effects were that certain figures or totals shimmer or blur under intense scrutiny.
A hidden glyph subtly alters numbers or recipients when shown to a neutral observer, creating inconsistencies the prosecution may be able to exploit.
And it may contain a delayed misdirection glyph that causes witnesses to misremember key financial details.
Hmm.
Ah, yeah, I'm looking at it.
I'm like big time tampering.
This is not a normal piece of paper.
Hot dog.
Perfect.
Can you tell what's been tampered with?
Um, yeah, it looks like it has the hue of enchantment magic.
So perhaps there's something that is beguiling in nature to it and that it's making.
I would want to say illusion would do that.
But an illusion you could see through whereas an enchantment is something that you could affect on somebody without their knowing.
So Billy Magix did some good magic on this.
It sounds like if it was if we could dispel that magic.
Oh, my God, their heads will explode.
Yeah, you should do it in front of them.
All right.
It's risky.
It's very risky.
Are you willing to testify in a in a court of law that this, in fact, is magically enhanced in some way?
Because the prosecution is bringing one and he flipped through a couple of pages.
William Vanderhootz.
Oh, OK.
Uh, for what reason?
For what reason?
Well, they, too, you know, have been doing research on various documentation to see if there has been any magical tampering.
And if you basically any evidence that we bring that says, hey, this is tampered or this is a lie, they're going to bring someone that becomes inadmissible.
OK, so if that's the case, this becomes inadmissible.
Billy Magix hack.
Who would believe Billy Magix?
Who's Billy Magix?
William Vanderhootz.
Yeah.
He goes by Billy Magix now, apparently, and he's shilling out secondhand.
Doesn't matter.
So he's a clown.
Perfect.
That would make this easier.
Welcome to the middle, everybody.
It's the middle.
Hey, what's up?
Guys, Tim Lanning's on the show.
I know.
So good.
He plays my lawyer.
He's just down the hall right now getting a drink.
So we got to talk real quick.
He just stepped out.
He's so funny.
He's so great.
He makes a million things.
And you should check them all out if you haven't.
But you probably have.
But just in case you haven't, some of those things are.
Here's where I insert the list of things that are going on with Tim Lanning.
The primary one, which is the one you're likely most interested into just right out of the gate.
Greetings adventurers, which is the longest running D&D podcasts in the world, I think is what Tim said.
Like the OG.
That's so awesome.
So early that they got DNDpodcast.com.
Exactly.
It's like we're playing with granddaddy D&D.
That's right.
Exactly.
But he's like young and cool.
Yeah.
He's got long hair.
And a beard.
He's so hip.
Little fellow youths.
That's right.
Also, I know in the Discord there's lots of anime chatter.
He's got a show, Naruto Revuto, which is now entirely complete where he watches Naruto with a friend of his and they talk about the episode.
And then one he does with his lovely wife, Jennifer Cheek, is Tribulation Farce, a left behind podcast, which is a comedy podcast.
About the Christian fiction series left behind.
So Tim and Jennifer vary up on all of this as far as like their life experience and their schooling and all of that sort of stuff.
I've listened to several episodes and it's hilarious.
You should go listen to that one too.
But then, of course, greetings adventurers and Tim will be back soon.
So we should probably get to the point where we dedicate.
Why am I throwing to myself?
I'm not sure.
Don't have a thing ready.
Hear me?
What's the left behind one called?
Tribulation Farce, a left behind podcast.
Sounds right up my alley.
Well, also, our listeners, our patrons, get an episode dedicated to them.
Like today's patron.
Adam Sutcliffe.
Thanks, Adam.
Thank you so much.
Thanks, Adam.
Thanks for being here.
Thank you for listening and being here.
Tim, thanks you too.
He's still out right now.
He dipped in.
He just yelled from the hall.
Thanks, Adam.
And now he's back out.
He'll be back in just a second.
Perfect.
Oh, yeah, I heard that.
But we got to get back to this prep for this trial that's going to happen in the next episode after this one.
Guys, I think we're nailing it.
Yeah.
I think it's going really good.
Like we're really good at this as one would expect.
You know, in listening back to the episode, we did a very good job at prepping.
Was it the execution?
Well, we're going to find out next week.
So get back to this episode.
Pretty sure it was the habeas corpus, but yeah.
It's probably what it was.
All right.
Probably the habeas.
It's always the habeas corpus.
Thanks for listening, everybody.
Have a great week.
We'll talk to you soon.
Love you.
Bye.
No, no, no, but it does matter.
He's not a truthful, trustworthy guy.
Oh, it's true.
Well, I expected that as much.
Of course.
I feel like I'm probably the only person who could be a character witness to him.
And well, I'm not inclined to make him look good in this situation.
So I think that's what I have to recuse myself in that situation.
You're not inclined to make, sorry, Billy Magix or Kavlaran look good.
Billy Magix.
Fuck that guy.
So William Vanderhootz is Billy Magix.
And do you have any evidence that this Billy Magix Vanderhootz is not on the up and up?
Because if we could throw that again, we just got to put cracks here, just cracks.
I don't have anything.
He randomly gave a child like random magic stuff.
Oh, don't we still have that box of bullshit that he left with us?
We do.
We named it the box of bullshit, unless your mom threw it out.
I hope she didn't.
Okay, I will take that box and I'll see if I can find out if they're faulty or, you know,
try to point out some imperfections and some like obvious, you know,
negligence on Billy Magix's part.
And I think some kind of negligence would prove that they are character witness
or inability to properly perform their duties in the line of court.
It's not possible.
He's unreliable.
That's the fucking way to say it right there.
Are they going to have anything to bring back to you about this unreliability?
I have been an upstanding member of this community for the last 10 years
and have a shop that has brought happiness and joy to many children.
You see Benson Benson kind of quietly flip through a couple of pages and he's like,
and sorry, your name was Bizard?
Yes.
Bizard Brimskeep.
Brimskeep.
I didn't know that was your last name.
Yeah.
Bizard Brimskeep.
So Bizard Brimskeep, according to the documentation that was presented to us,
is tied to some criminal underbelly, one Kinney Flames.
Doesn't sound familiar.
I know before I said deny, but in this instance you do need to tell us.
About what?
OK, now that is good, but it's you do need if if Benson doesn't make stuff up.
I wish you would sometimes, but if you if you know anything about this,
we'll have to know so we can get ahead of it.
Kyle, if you want to commit to that role deception and Tim, you can roll insight to see if.
OK.
Ooh.
Thurston got a 26 on his insight.
You're not doing.
Kyle's giggling.
You're not doing anything illegal.
Are you Magic Daddy?
I got a five.
No, let me just tell you, kid, I know things.
All right. I know things.
And I know that's your your whole whole steam of bull crap.
We don't know you to know why you're involved with them.
We just need to know that you're involved with them.
So there isn't a surprise when we have you up on the stand.
Yeah, there are certain business dealings that have required me to create certain alliances.
I'll say that does not make me feel better, but at least you're thinking about it.
I guess we could work with that.
But you understand certain business alliances.
And it just sounds like they're going to throw back in your face what you're throwing in their face.
Well, I mean, you know, it was either pay the government for protection or pay Kenny for protection.
See, that's that that will play.
That will play.
The jurors will will know that.
Right. Like they will experience things like that.
Right. They're they're they're they're uncles and dads and next door neighbors would have to deal with stuff like that.
OK, so we've got that covered, that there's possible possible interference that could be thrown our way.
Other two character witnesses here.
It was Alydin and Bonwyn, a child.
I'm 14.
You're 14. OK, OK.
OK, so can we call a 14 year old to the stand?
Where was this bench creature we were talking about?
We got bench.
Best buds is what I have written down.
Yeah, because we veered off in the tattoos and then you came up with another guy.
Right. Yes.
Bench owns the Brewed Awakening.
It's a cool little spot just in the middle of town.
I like cool spots. Perfect.
You should go for Wing Night.
Oh, perfect.
OK, Wing Night.
So hungry.
Yeah.
And then, Bonwyn, you said you knew everybody in town.
I think I overheard.
Well, I mean, I grew up here.
My family's been here running a blacksmith shop for oh, God, great, great, great, great.
Six, six, seven generations.
So and we used to have schools when I was a kid.
So everyone like my age ish.
You know, I know all those folks.
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
Who is your what's your last name?
Everbane.
Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That will help.
Yeah, yeah.
Good citizen, good reputation.
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
I mean, I know a lot of the nobles and make their their fancy schmancy weapons for them.
Yeah.
I helped.
Well, one of someone, whether an aunt or I don't remember which get out of some small
claims with this jackass of a nobleman that didn't like the quality.
But it's great quality.
All right.
So we've got some witnesses.
We should go.
We should talk to them.
We've got some evidence.
Well, we've got a little bit of we've got a fact that evidence was tampered with and
then some was handed off to this comptroller Wiggums.
Yeah.
And would you be able to replicate any of this?
You don't have the logbook, but is there any paper trail of like, oh, we spent
two thousand gold for I don't know what.
And clearly they didn't.
Oh, that's a good question, Russ.
What does Cav remember about it?
Roll history.
Oh, boy.
That is 12 on the die.
And I'm assuming history is intelligence.
So 10.
I mean, he's not the brightest.
All right.
You.
Great.
He's an auditor.
Yeah.
Like you look back.
Oh, wait.
History is a zero.
OK.
Oh, there you go.
Proficiency.
Nice.
Yeah.
You look back at the ledger and all the all the numbers, all the names that you saw,
you you feel like you could recreate some things you do remember.
What do I have on here?
You do remember a couple of names that aren't don't appear on this specific page,
but there are notes about them like Lady Cressida Thorne was a big proponent component
who is a noble from Kingstown.
You remember that's probably actually about it.
Great.
I tell them everything I remember.
I guess I guess you are really in the in the zone.
And OK, that's fine.
Yes.
And again, where did you find these stumbled upon them?
Stumbled upon them in City Hall.
In a place locked drawer that just magically opened.
Just magically opened, huh?
Yeah.
Just you've got to know what that sounds like.
There's like three different ways to take that bad.
I can't think of many good ones.
It sounds like you stole it or it sounds like someone's setting you up.
I mean, it's a little of column A and a little of column B.
OK, OK, OK.
It's actually not that outside the realm of things that happen in City Hall.
I'll tell you what.
One of the things that you do remember is that where they have your signature
or initials in many places is that in the originals that you had found,
Nina was the one to sign off on a lot of those things.
That does make sense.
And are you able to get this Nina to testify on your end?
Do you think that would work?
Oh, no, I do not think so.
And plus she went missing.
Fuck. Yeah, it's gone.
When did she disappear?
She disappeared while you were disappeared.
Yes, that's my understanding of the situation.
OK, so you came back and she was gone. Yeah.
Wonderful. Oh, boy.
OK, I don't think Nina was secretly a child and we know.
Certainly not.
I know this place has gotten weird, but it hasn't gotten that weird.
We kind of head to the Brewed Awakening.
Benches behind. Benches are very tall, broad.
Think like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Late Arnold Schwarzenegger build beer belly, top knot ponytail.
And he's sliding some beers down to everybody in the group.
And he says, Yeah, so what what can I do for you to help my friend Cav?
Well, step one is to put a positive light, your friend Cav.
Then if you know anything additionally that could corroborate any of his statements.
You're a bartender, you're a final establish.
You must hear things. I do.
So many a time we have used various tavern keeps and keeps, things like that, that heard a rumor or three.
If you're willing to testify.
Yeah, well, I would be willing to testify.
But some so he leans in and kind of whispers.
So many nobles hold events here.
OK, so he looks to Cav.
Who are the bad guys, Cav?
That's the kind of friend you want.
That's nice.
If I if I remember correctly, it's the lady Crescent of Thorn.
Oh, I don't.
She got longer, shortish hair.
She's tall.
I mean, I've only ever seen her name written down.
So I have no context for what she looks like.
Great. OK.
This is going like Mayor Knops.
He pays for a lot of things that happen here.
If I testify, looks back to you, Thurston, if I testify, am I in trouble?
You won't be in trouble, but I won't lie to you.
Some of these nobles are real nasty snakes.
They might not like it.
But if the more evidence we get and if your friend here is as not guilty,
then they might be able to use said snakery to push this Cressida out or what have you.
They hate each other as much as we hate them.
So it works out.
OK. OK. Yeah.
You won't be in trouble.
Yes. No big tea trouble.
But some of them might be. You know how they are.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. OK. I got it.
So maybe maybe I tell them that Cav was a great guy and we got tattoos together
and he lifts his shirt and where there should be a tramp stamp.
There is a tattoo of some paperwork that looks to looks like it is to get Bench his business back.
He shows you that.
Cav helped me get this paperwork and we celebrated.
And then we went fishing one night.
Bazaard was there. That was pretty fun.
Yeah. OK.
We did drink a lot that night and I don't entirely remember all the things that happened after that.
But and then Bench, Cav is here like every day.
Like he couldn't have been robbing City Hall or whatever he's guilty of if he was here every day.
Accused of please. Yes.
Accused of.
I mean, we're not going to get super far with just putting a whole bunch of people that are your friends.
Like, no, he's a good guy.
I mean, I don't know. It sounds like a pretty good defense.
I've done it before. It has worked before.
But I wouldn't I wouldn't really rest my freedom on it.
OK. All right. Fair.
So, sir, we have a strong character case.
We have one oak who can convince who apparently can convince that he's actually terrible at his job.
We have Bench best buds who can corroborate that some of the events in this ledger have happened.
You can corroborate some of these events.
So the events have happened here.
Yeah. Yeah. Some of I guess I don't know specific events that are on the page there.
But they nobles come and they party at the Brood Awakening and they talk business and shop.
They say bench keep quiet and then Ben serves all the wings and the beer.
Interesting. OK. So I could say that. Yeah.
I could point to people in the room and say they were there.
They were there. They were not.
Do we think I mean, do you think any of these events were part of the mishandled finances?
I mean, I don't remember seeing anything in the book like particularly about that.
But if the mayor was there, then I think there's a good chance.
Mr. Lawfulgood. So we had evidence of crime, but then they changed the evidence to make it look like Cav did the crime.
So what do you suggest in your legal opinion?
Other than us saying, no, Cav's a great guy.
How do we what do we do?
Well, we were bizarre here saying that the document was tampered.
I got to tell you, that's a that's a homerun in my book.
OK, great. Got to thank you there.
The character witnesses just kind of back that up, right?
Saying this is not the type of guy he's doing it.
First of all, I went to your apartment.
I didn't see a lot that jumped out bench.
You can talk. Does he order a lot of food here?
Does he throw money around the way that the nobles do that?
Cav? Yeah, no, Cav doesn't spend a lot here.
He gets most of the things for free. Oh, OK.
Best bud discount. Best bud discount.
OK, so that's two separate things of.
Yeah, this guy sees the nobles come in, throw money like it's no big deal.
Cav here doesn't.
There would be some sort of trail of no offense.
You do kind of seem like you just kind of let things happen to and around you.
Due to luck, I believe is what you said. So it doesn't.
It's almost like a negative character witness that we can work with, actually.
Oh, sure. Yeah, OK. You wouldn't be able to hide.
Not ambitious enough to pull this off. Yeah.
Yeah, no offense. No offense.
Don't do that for years. Don't worry about it.
The case is incompetence, I think, is what we're trying to do here.
I mean, Oak would probably be.
I mean, like we said, Oak kind of did a lot of Cav's work.
So he might.
Well, then maybe Oak is the one who forged all of these signatures,
and they're the real.
But maybe he didn't know what he was signing.
But he was such a sweet boy and he loves his mother so much.
You guys like Oak, but you got to understand you might be you might be playing you.
I mean, I really don't think so, but like I'll keep an open mind.
Do you think Oak's trying to go for your job?
Well, he's already got it. I mean, he already did it.
Oh, yeah. And I mean, I'm sorry, Cav.
Oak deserved his job. Absolutely.
Right. No question there. Yeah. So.
OK. Well, can we just pin it on Nina because she's gone now?
We could we could try that. Introduce reasonable doubt that Cav did it and offer
like, oh, what do they say in my mystery novels?
You know, an alternative perpetrator.
Yeah, we're just going to be throwing out ideas.
We don't have to prove it. Right.
You know, make sure the jury doesn't have reasonable opinion that Cav is the one that did it.
Exactly, exactly.
That you didn't falsify the documents in order to cause some sort of political uprisings.
Should I know anything about that?
Are you activities?
The four of you, do you guys get up to hijinks that would make the government feel like you're trying to like topple them or what have you?
I pull on Bazaar's sweater and sweater.
I don't know what you're wearing. Your sweater.
It's hot as hell.
And go.
What about the pirates?
I wasn't around for the pirates, but I could ask my mom, I guess.
So my mom's fucking a pirate.
Yeah.
Now, there was that night that Cav, you were seen with Nina going into the going into City Hall with her to do work.
Right. There was that one night where Nina and you, Nina and you went in.
Yeah, yeah, that is correct. Yeah.
And a guard that was there to corroborate that.
Yeah, and I haven't seen Nina since.
Yeah. Yep. That's that's fishy for Nina to do.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
And their narrative is you did all this to cause unrest.
So you disappearing them and yourself doesn't really make a lot of sense to me.
Exactly. Yeah.
Don't people do this to get power?
All sorts of reasons. Yeah, I mean, it's all about power, really.
They have the money. They just don't want to pay the appropriate taxes.
Just feels good to them freaks.
Cav, do you pay your taxes?
I mean, Oaks filed the last one for me, so I think so.
Do you at least tip?
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.
Okay, there we go.
Bench nods.
Twenty percent on zero is what?
That's my man right there. I like that.
Okay, so, sir, it seems we have at least the start of a case.
We figured it out on the fly before, and that usually works out okay.
And is there a reason why the mayor doesn't like you guys specifically?
I guess that's kind of what I'm getting at is if he's going to accuse you of causing civil unrest, like he'll throw stuff like out like that out there.
Right. But, you know, I just want to make sure just in case you have is there's nothing specific.
I mean, I don't think so.
I think just the whole turning in the the cooked books would probably be the reason.
I mean, it's like he kind of spins like a wheel and picks like, oh, it's a pervert thing.
It's to get money. It's to hide dead body.
You name it. This makes sense to me.
Okay. Okay.
And was there when this is Tim asking, was there any like mention of of this stuff?
Because it seems like it got silence pretty quickly.
So it's almost like, well, of the books being like when you gave them in.
So Vinter Smith is split into two sides.
There's the rich noble side and there's the side where you currently are, which is the artisan district.
We'll call it which is as you've walked through the city.
I don't know how we'll say you've been here a couple of times.
The rich noble side is like basically paved in gold.
The artisan district looks like it's been destroyed by monsters recently because it has.
And then there is a third district, which Thurston probably wouldn't know of if he's been here a couple of times,
which is the more criminal underbelly, which exists in the forest just on the edge of town,
which is where the casino operates and where all of that type of business happens.
Where clearly bizarre has maybe been, maybe not.
Snitch.
But the DM's telling us to stop.
Player knowledge, character knowledge.
You can do with it what you will.
But Thurston would have a good comprehension that the mayor's office and the criminal lord, Kenny Flames,
probably work hand in hand to allow each other to do certain things.
Yeah.
And then us poor people are just caught in the middle.
Kind of get fucked.
So were we trying to overthrow the government?
We hadn't gotten that far, but like they deserve to get overthrown.
Are they just trying to throwing out accusations?
No, there's no like.
We thought finding this hard evidence would, you know, we were going about it the legal way.
Well, that was your problem.
God, that's it.
I'm turning to a life of crime.
We've all been radicalized.
Now we're bringing everything down.
So aside from being an auditor and the mayor probably not wanting an auditor,
how many I guess.
Hold on.
How many auditors before you have come here?
Oh, that's a really good question.
I don't know if Wiggums ever told me.
OK, so Wiggums could have that information.
I mean, I would think he would.
He's been doing that job for like 35 years.
Yeah.
Oak would know, too, if they'd been there.
Oak would 100 percent know.
And is Oak dead?
No.
I mean, not that I'm aware of.
I've seen him in a few days.
Got it.
I mean, yeah, if this Oak character can corroborate into this, that'd be good, too.
But seems like that's a maybe.
Maybe he needs to protect his mother.
I don't know.
Yeah, you've mentioned his mother a lot.
Well, he does love his mother.
Yeah.
I mean, you'll see.
When you talk to him, he'll bring her up as well.
They're very close.
OK.
Great.
Well, sir, is there anybody else we should interview?
Before we've got to be in court very soon.
Yeah, we never have enough time to do these things.
I know.
So we can't find the one disappeared person.
We got the pub owner that can say he's good.
I've got a couple of character witnesses.
It feels like we're missing something, but we always are, right?
We always are.
It presents itself to us every single time.
Yeah.
As lucky as he says, I'm sure something weird will happen.
I always like lucky clients.
Makes my job easier.
It does.
It makes it go quick, anyways, because either they are lucky and we win, or they aren't
lucky, and it's a quick trial.
And we get paid regardless, so it's not that big a deal.
He reaches for a high five.
Let's go.
Bye, man.
Dumbgeons and Dragons, season four, episode 33, starring Amy More as Alydin.
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane.
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave.
Kyle Klasset as Bizard the Wizard, with Russ More as your dungeon master, and
special guest Tim Lanning from Greetings Adventurers, Naruto Revuto, and Tribulation
Farce.
Find more from Tim at geeklyinc.com, and listen next episode.
He's not going anywhere for a little while.
Dialogue editing and sound design of today's episode is by Russ More.
Our community manager is Jessica Babiak.
Music is from Epidemic Sound, and sound effects are from Epidemic Sound and
Boom Library.
Our amazing cover art is by Matt Garbutt.
And a huge thank you to our supporting producers, Gabriel Lynch, Jessica
Babiak, Anger Ron Kiersen, Cat Waterflame, Perry Matey, Jacob Madden, Old
School Gamer D, Craig Zeiss, L.A.
Branton, and Chibs1012.
We'd love if you joined us today at patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon
Cast for the amazing community, all the bonus content, and so much more.
Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
We'll see you over there.
But until then, have a great week, and we'll talk to you soon.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.