[0.0s] The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.
[5.7s] So we're gonna go get some water
[7.2s] and be right back with Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[9.4s] It'll start in just a moment.
[13.6s] The three of you follow the banjo man inside of this house.
[19.4s] The door creaks open and down at the end of a long hallway,
[23.3s] you see him standing there with his banjo in hand
[26.7s] and he plucks his strings and you feel the house shudder.
[31.4s] The air vibrating with a sickening resonance,
[35.2s] shadows stretch unnaturally
[37.4s] and the wallpaper peeling like old skin.
[41.4s] You hear the sound of a music box playing
[47.0s] from somewhere within the house.
[50.9s] It's tuning slowly into something warped and wrong.
[55.7s] Then they emerge.
[60.0s] A cello unfolds from a wardrobe,
[63.3s] its body groaning as its spindly wooden legs
[66.3s] creak forward, its strings snap and recoil
[70.2s] like exposed tendons,
[72.4s] deep bass notes rattling the air with every breath.
[76.8s] A brass abomination slithers from the dresser,
[80.4s] its twisting trumpet bells gasping like open mouths,
[84.6s] golden surface streaked with something darker than rust.
[89.0s] Violins twitch and lurch on the wall,
[92.5s] their bow limbs scraping over their own strings,
[96.2s] pulling out shrill discordant notes
[98.3s] that burrow behind the eyes.
[100.6s] Their whispered melodies slither into Alydin's ears,
[105.3s] coiling around her memories, siphoning them away.
[109.6s] And then the piano moves,
[113.3s] a hulking thing with claw-like legs.
[116.4s] Its lid snaps open and shut like a gnashing maw.
[121.5s] Keys grind like splintering teeth,
[124.4s] every note a fractured scream
[126.3s] that sends reality skipping and stuttering
[129.2s] like a broken record trying to play.
[133.4s] Upstairs, we see Alydin's breath shudder
[137.2s] and her body tremble.
[139.0s] The room darkens,
[140.6s] tightens as if the house itself is watching.
[145.3s] Back downstairs in the doorway before you,
[148.1s] the banjo man grins and says,
[152.1s] dance with me, sweet thing.
[154.2s] Let the music take hold.
[156.8s] Roll for initiative.
[158.3s] Oh, okay.
[160.0s] Cause to the M.
[161.0s] Cause we're fighting the scary music monster.
[164.5s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast
[168.0s] and I'm your dungeon master, Russ More, he, him.
[170.8s] Also with me today is Amy More as Alydin, she, her.
[174.3s] This is where the saying comes from,
[177.0s] always we're too close.
[178.1s] Carla Maxtad as Bonwyn Everbane, she, her.
[181.2s] Great, I'm gonna do something really stupid then.
[182.8s] Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave, he, him.
[185.6s] I'm gonna like draw upon a force
[187.9s] that I don't know too much about.
[189.9s] And Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard, he, him.
[192.9s] Haha, screw you, I study daytonal music, bitch.
[195.8s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon supported podcast
[198.3s] and when you sign up today,
[199.6s] not only do you get access to a plethora
[202.1s] of bonus episodes, like in the hundreds,
[205.2s] I just counted them.
[206.2s] But when you sign up now before the end of April, 2025,
[210.3s] you'll save 25% off your first year.
[213.0s] That's patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[215.3s] We hope to see you over there and now fuck it,
[217.4s] let's play.
[220.1s] That's an 11.
[221.6s] 14.
[223.6s] Wait, do I get to?
[225.3s] Yeah, we'll roll you in.
[226.2s] You will be unconscious for the first couple rounds
[228.8s] at the very least.
[230.6s] I also got 11.
[232.9s] Oh my God, guys, I got nine.
[235.3s] Oh.
[237.7s] Tom, is it going first?
[239.7s] Do Kyle and I have to do a roll off?
[241.4s] Roll off, roll off.
[243.1s] Oh, that was a seven, got much worse for me.
[244.9s] That was a nine.
[246.2s] Okay.
[247.0s] Okay, now you can read dessert.
[247.8s] 11.
[248.8s] Do it again.
[249.8s] Bonwyn, okay, that's all of you.
[251.6s] You see this.
[252.5s] This list is gonna be like,
[254.4s] this is initiative, gross scary piano,
[257.6s] gross scary jello, banjo man,
[260.4s] gross trumpets, gross violins,
[262.2s] then we all get to go. Candelabra.
[264.6s] Except for Amy.
[267.6s] I'm snoozing.
[268.9s] Yeah, a candelabra that's like very sexual
[271.8s] for some reason.
[273.2s] Yes.
[275.9s] The door slams shut behind you
[278.2s] and the walls shudder.
[281.8s] Alydin, you're up first.
[284.5s] I can't sleep.
[285.6s] Yeah, okay, let's re-describe that
[288.5s] knowing that you're up first now.
[293.0s] The door slams shut behind you
[294.9s] and the walls rumble as the wallpaper falls
[298.3s] to the ground and these creatures lurch forward
[301.5s] and down the stairs at you.
[304.2s] Upstairs, Alydin is laying in her bed
[308.2s] with the two parental figures
[310.7s] who have music box faces standing over top of her,
[317.2s] letting out this low droning note towards her body.
[323.1s] As we pass through the room,
[324.6s] we see the music box clicking ever so softly
[328.4s] on the dresser.
[330.1s] And we head back down the stairs
[333.5s] and as all of these different creatures
[336.0s] are coming down towards you,
[337.6s] Bizarre, you are up first.
[339.5s] Russ, quick question, the instruments that are around us,
[342.3s] I don't imagine you would consider them creatures.
[346.0s] What did I consider them?
[347.4s] I did try to write down musical abominations.
[351.2s] I would call them probably,
[353.2s] well, I mean, it's the fae,
[354.6s] so everything's fucking weird.
[356.1s] But yeah, probably constructs or abominations,
[360.0s] not fiends, because that would be more devil-y.
[362.8s] Yeah, yeah, but then, yeah.
[364.4s] Anyone else in Oliver Twist musical as a kid
[366.7s] and now has like, consider them?
[368.8s] Consider the machines constructs?
[371.7s] No, just me?
[372.6s] No, yeah.
[373.4s] Okay, well, sorry for interrupting with that little beauty,
[378.0s] but that's what's in my head now.
[379.1s] Look, one other person
[380.5s] who's been got that reference. No more Cotton-Eyed Joe.
[383.7s] But now I've got Oliver Twist.
[387.6s] How far away is the banjo man?
[389.9s] Interesting question.
[391.3s] Banjo man is- What is distance?
[394.6s] Who is the banjo man?
[396.8s] Perceptively to you, on the other side of this-
[400.4s] I hate this answer.
[401.2s] Hallway.
[403.4s] Dope, dope, dope.
[404.2s] He appears to be about, how long is a hallway?
[409.3s] He appears to be about 25 to 30 feet from you.
[413.5s] Jesus Christ!
[414.6s] Damn, Elidette's fake parents are rich, hey?
[417.9s] Right?
[418.7s] Tell me you were like, you know, middle class.
[421.8s] Me too, I was picturing,
[422.9s] like I essentially was picturing your guys' house.
[425.4s] I was like, nine feet.
[427.2s] Yeah, that's what I was like, more like that.
[429.1s] Well, you see, they bought the house back in 1982,
[432.4s] when things were real good,
[434.6s] and you're maximizing that dollar per square foot, so.
[437.8s] Oh my God.
[438.6s] Oh, dang.
[439.6s] I like that.
[440.5s] So, we have the hallway.
[442.0s] Is there anything else, like what else?
[444.2s] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[445.3s] So, you are standing in the front entry,
[448.3s] like tiled front entry, door right behind you,
[451.8s] a couple of transom windows.
[454.2s] Off to the left, there is a living room area.
[458.2s] You can take a quick glance in there,
[460.5s] as all of this is at first initially happening.
[463.5s] This is where the piano is coming out of.
[467.9s] Behind the piano, there's a fireplace
[470.3s] that looks like it has a low fire still burning in it.
[473.8s] There's a sofa, and there is another egress
[477.1s] out of that room, which, from what you can tell,
[480.3s] may be a kitchen area.
[483.4s] Down past a lot of the creatures
[485.3s] that are coming at you down the hallway,
[487.6s] you see there's a set of stairs that goes up upstairs.
[493.1s] Weird.
[494.1s] And then it looks like there are,
[496.8s] from what you can see, two other doors
[499.8s] down closer to where the banjo man appears to be.
[502.8s] Aren't all stairs going upstairs?
[505.2s] Unless you're upstairs already,
[507.0s] and then they're going downstairs.
[508.3s] But then that doesn't mean they don't go upstairs.
[512.6s] If you're standing upstairs, your stairs cannot go up.
[514.5s] I think we're slipping into
[515.4s] another philosophical conversation,
[518.2s] and I feel like whenever this happens,
[520.5s] it becomes somehow very crushing for me,
[524.1s] and I make some huge realization about the world.
[527.0s] So let's just, can we just skip past this one?
[528.6s] All good news is also bad news.
[529.5s] Exactly, I don't want to go through that again.
[533.0s] No good deed is actually a good deed,
[534.9s] it's all selfish.
[536.0s] Exactly, so the stairs go up and down, please?
[539.8s] Please, guys?
[540.6s] Yeah, the stairs go up and down.
[542.8s] Unless you're upstairs, you can't go up the stairs.
[544.5s] Russ, stop.
[546.6s] I'm going to start by using my full movement
[549.1s] to move up to him.
[551.4s] How close does he get?
[554.3s] Can you give him a little kiss?
[556.2s] But, apologies if I didn't describe it well enough,
[561.0s] between you and him are the trumpets and the violins
[566.6s] coming at you.
[567.4s] That's all happening in a narrow hallway.
[569.4s] In a narrow hallway.
[571.1s] I'm sorry, I'm trying to do just a quick sketch here.
[572.9s] I pictured it right for once.
[574.9s] Usually I'm way off.
[576.6s] I can work with that,
[577.5s] so I'm going to run towards the instruments
[580.1s] that are there, and right as I get close to them,
[582.7s] I'm in a bonus action, misty step,
[585.1s] the rest of the way towards.
[587.8s] Fuck yes, you will.
[589.2s] It's so exciting every time Kyle can do stuff.
[592.4s] Thanks, Bazaard.
[594.0s] Coming in clutch every time.
[596.6s] Absolutely.
[597.9s] You want to misty step, yeah?
[600.5s] Uh huh, yeah, it's teleportation.
[604.1s] Kyle knows this could get fucky,
[606.1s] but Bazaard does not.
[608.4s] Bazaard doesn't know.
[609.2s] Way to keep that knowledge from your character.
[613.7s] I like making real choices for them.
[615.9s] Yeah.
[616.7s] Like this is what they do.
[617.9s] Yeah, I'm nervous about every magic thing
[619.2s] that I do right now,
[620.0s] because God knows what the fuck is going on.
[622.1s] For reasons.
[624.1s] But it hasn't been taking as much of a toll on you.
[627.5s] You're in the fae, right?
[629.2s] It's true, it's true.
[630.8s] Is that actually true,
[632.4s] or is that Kyle forgetting to give flavor to his spells?
[635.3s] No, I feel like Russ didn't.
[637.2s] I thought Russ explicitly said that that was the case.
[639.4s] I think we said in one of the first couple things,
[644.6s] where yeah, it doesn't appear,
[647.2s] you're still feeling like a pull,
[648.6s] but it definitely doesn't feel like the same
[651.7s] as what you are used to.
[653.6s] Bazaard's gonna become a medical tourist to the fae.
[656.5s] Yeah.
[657.4s] Just dip in, refresh every so often.
[659.7s] Get his top up and.
[660.9s] Yeah.
[661.8s] Yeah.
[662.6s] Bathe in the waters of Minnetonka.
[664.7s] Okay.
[665.6s] Yeah, you cast Misty Step.
[667.8s] Roll a D20 for me, please.
[671.1s] That would be a three.
[673.2s] Oh, it's definitely gonna be good then.
[676.2s] Comes in threes.
[677.3s] You run forward, cast Misty Step.
[680.9s] When, what does it look like
[682.7s] when you normally cast Misty Step?
[685.2s] When I normally cast Misty Step,
[686.7s] there's an after image of myself
[688.3s] that just kind of like settles to the floor like mist,
[691.6s] and then I reappear, just a slightly damp boy.
[697.4s] Just a little sweaty for some reason.
[699.2s] Cause that's like a misted portal?
[700.1s] I ran out to the car and it was a little rainy,
[702.5s] but I was back really quick.
[704.3s] I like that.
[705.2s] You step through the plain of water.
[707.1s] The water on the plain.
[708.0s] Oh, you're going through the cool zone.
[709.8s] Yes, like the mist tent at the Dirty Festival.
[712.3s] I love this for you.
[713.4s] You're gonna be so refreshed.
[715.1s] So refreshed.
[716.5s] So ahead of you, everybody else sees that Bizarre disappears
[721.8s] and there's the usual mist,
[724.2s] but then reappearing down at the end of the hall,
[727.4s] Bizarre, you reappear where you wanted to,
[730.2s] but you find yourself wrapped in thorny vines
[733.8s] that are piercing into your skin.
[736.8s] Oh, that sucks.
[737.9s] Yeah, it's not great.
[740.4s] And you are going to take three piercing damage.
[745.0s] Okay.
[746.8s] That was my bonus action.
[748.6s] So am I restrained?
[750.4s] Do I need to free myself?
[752.2s] Yes, you are considered restrained.
[756.3s] Cool, I would like to do a dexterity based slip
[760.2s] out of my restraints as best I can.
[763.4s] Yeah, you bet.
[766.7s] That's a 14.
[768.7s] It succeeds.
[769.6s] How do you maneuver your way out of this?
[773.6s] Well, you know, like school taught me
[776.0s] to wear multiple cloaks on some occasions,
[778.2s] and I think this might've been one going into the face.
[780.4s] So the top cloak is caught up in the thorns,
[785.0s] so I can just kind of slip out of that.
[787.0s] This is where the saying comes from,
[790.4s] always wear two cloaks.
[791.9s] Always wear two cloaks.
[793.6s] Exactly.
[794.4s] Now that nice cross-stitch sampler
[798.9s] that Bazaard's mom made him that he has hung in the store
[801.6s] makes a lot of sense.
[802.9s] Now we all get it, right?
[804.2s] Like always wear two cloaks, now I understand.
[806.8s] Now we know why.
[807.8s] It's gonna become a thing.
[809.0s] Perfect.
[810.0s] In front of you though,
[812.4s] you look to where the banjo man was,
[814.9s] and the hallway has extended another 30 feet.
[817.7s] Calder, you son of a bitch.
[819.4s] He plays a little ditty on his banjo
[822.6s] and just kind of chuckles at you
[825.0s] as he paces back and forth,
[826.4s] and then turns and starts walking down the hallway,
[829.6s] which is like unfurling itself before him now.
[834.2s] Bonwyn.
[835.2s] We remind me,
[836.4s] we don't know that Alydin is in this house.
[839.6s] We kind of think she might be,
[840.8s] but we have seen no proof of that, correct?
[843.5s] No, you have not.
[844.6s] Great, I'm gonna do something really stupid then.
[846.2s] Cool.
[847.1s] Because you said there's like a sort of parlor
[852.0s] off the hallway.
[853.7s] Yes.
[854.6s] Yeah, there's like a living room area couch,
[857.0s] fireplace, and that's where the piano is.
[859.6s] And that's where the piano is?
[860.5s] The piano's coming out of, yeah.
[861.3s] Great.
[862.2s] Can I, hmm.
[863.5s] I would like to get to the fireplace.
[866.1s] Am I able to like do some kind of cool dodge
[870.1s] around the piano, or?
[872.6s] Well, you could disengage, which would.
[876.2s] I do have a cunning action that is a bonus action
[880.2s] that allows me to dash, disengage, or hide.
[885.2s] So could I do that?
[886.5s] You absolutely can.
[887.5s] So yeah, bonus action.
[888.4s] But then is it gonna eat me?
[889.6s] Well, if you disengage,
[890.7s] you remove the chance for opportunity attacks.
[893.3s] Oh, okay.
[894.1s] That would make more sense to call that
[895.7s] a cunning attack than be like,
[898.6s] oh, you're so cunning, you get eaten.
[900.6s] Yeah.
[901.4s] Okay, so I'm gonna use my bonus action
[902.9s] to disengage, and I'm going to get to the fire.
[907.8s] And then I'm gonna try and burn this fucking house down.
[911.3s] Okay.
[912.2s] Do it.
[913.0s] Burn the house down.
[913.8s] Because I don't know Alydin's in here.
[915.8s] My friends are here,
[917.8s] and it appears to be a wooden house
[919.6s] with a lot of wooden instruments that are all crazy,
[922.1s] but I don't know how crazy things work.
[924.3s] I know how fire works.
[925.2s] Everything burns.
[926.6s] Hey, y'all, what?
[927.4s] Everything burns.
[928.2s] If I know anything.
[929.1s] Why don't we go to fire?
[929.9s] It's real dark.
[930.8s] Yeah.
[931.6s] Everything burns.
[933.6s] So I'm going to assume that I probably
[936.2s] have some things on me that are flammable.
[939.8s] In fact, I'm sure in my inventory,
[942.0s] like explorers pack or whatever,
[943.7s] I have like- It's gotta be flint or something.
[945.2s] Yeah, I definitely,
[946.3s] well, I would definitely have- Molotov cocktail.
[948.2s] Flint.
[949.4s] But I would also have- Butane torch.
[953.0s] Flamethrower, you know, just like normal stuff.
[956.8s] So I'm gonna maybe,
[957.6s] I probably have like a torch or something.
[959.4s] I'm gonna light that in the fire
[961.1s] and just start trying to, like,
[962.7s] the couch, the curtains.
[964.6s] Is anything a non-natural fiber
[967.6s] that's just gonna go whoosh?
[969.5s] That's what I'm hoping for.
[970.4s] Where's all the polyester?
[971.2s] That's what we need. Exactly.
[972.2s] I'm looking for some foam cushions
[973.9s] that are really dangerous to have in your home.
[976.6s] Yeah, so you zip over to the fireplace
[980.8s] and now you are just trying to, like,
[983.0s] not necessarily the piano or anything like that,
[985.6s] but like the surroundings.
[987.0s] The whole fucking place.
[988.8s] Burn it down.
[989.7s] Yeah, like- To the ground.
[991.4s] Yeah.
[992.6s] I hate it.
[993.8s] I hate this house.
[996.2s] Yeah, absolutely.
[997.4s] So you light that, you go over to the couch,
[1002.0s] you hold it there for just a second,
[1003.6s] and yeah, it begins to smolder
[1005.4s] and flames start on it.
[1007.9s] Yeah, curtains, there's probably wooden furniture,
[1009.7s] like just anything I can like start to try and get.
[1013.0s] And in fact, hmm,
[1015.0s] if there's like a coal scuttle or something
[1017.3s] that I can like get some of the hot fire
[1020.0s] out of the fireplace onto the floor,
[1022.3s] like anything.
[1024.2s] Yeah, absolutely.
[1025.0s] I don't wanna be trapped in here, I hate it.
[1026.4s] Hold on, sorry.
[1027.8s] This is what I'm picturing.
[1031.6s] Group of adventurers, some quotation marks.
[1035.0s] Yeah.
[1036.8s] Bus into this house with a really long hallway.
[1040.1s] Lots of monsters, too.
[1041.2s] The furniture freaks out, comes to life.
[1046.7s] Yeah, that's why I wanna light it on fire.
[1049.1s] Just in case.
[1049.9s] The whole couch comes alive, too.
[1051.2s] But I'm imagining them being like home invaders.
[1055.7s] And then all of a sudden, one disappears in front of them
[1058.5s] and the other one just randomly starts just
[1061.6s] lighting shit on fire.
[1063.4s] These people are unhinged, oh my God.
[1066.9s] So getting back to your description,
[1068.4s] we're only three turns into this first one.
[1072.0s] Yeah, we're very chatty today.
[1074.6s] We are.
[1075.9s] We may not wrap this adventure
[1077.4s] if this is the way we keep going.
[1078.2s] I know, but we're having so much fun.
[1079.0s] We're having a great time.
[1080.1s] You have to find alternative needs
[1081.8s] when you're a level two character.
[1083.0s] I can't do anything.
[1085.0s] I love this.
[1085.8s] I'm missing more than 50% of my hit points.
[1087.4s] Exactly, like none of us have a healing kit.
[1090.7s] We can't do anything.
[1092.2s] All we can do is like, I don't know.
[1095.8s] I can handle the heat, can they?
[1097.6s] Couch lights, curtains light.
[1101.0s] Make a perception check, please.
[1107.4s] Eight.
[1108.6s] Love it.
[1110.4s] You're going lighting.
[1111.5s] Smoke is beginning to fill the room
[1114.7s] with like a mashing chord.
[1118.3s] The piano now is tottering back and forth
[1121.9s] and trying to turn towards you.
[1123.8s] I'm gonna drop to my knees
[1125.5s] so that I can avoid the smoke.
[1127.9s] Because I also took fire safety as a child
[1130.8s] and went through a tiny house filled with smoke alone.
[1135.2s] Yeah, so I don't wanna get smoked out
[1137.9s] and maybe I can like sneak away from the piano again
[1140.3s] if it's getting smoky in here, you know?
[1142.2s] All right, all right.
[1143.6s] That's my plan.
[1144.4s] I do not want to engage with the giant mashing maw
[1148.9s] of the piano.
[1150.2s] Well, you know, to each their own.
[1153.2s] Kavlaran, it's your turn.
[1156.2s] All right, so the furniture's freaked out
[1158.8s] and it started coming alive.
[1160.1s] There's now fire spreading everywhere.
[1162.4s] Yeah, off to your left, that room in particular.
[1164.0s] You saw me run in and just start lighting shit on fire.
[1166.4s] Great, great, great, yeah, okay.
[1169.9s] Yeah, fuck, I don't know.
[1170.9s] I'm gonna kind of take stock of my situation
[1174.6s] and my current health issues.
[1177.9s] And I'm gonna like draw upon a force
[1182.4s] that I don't know too much about
[1185.0s] to attempt to heal myself.
[1186.6s] All right.
[1188.6s] This is when we start praying.
[1189.9s] Yes, yes to God, something, anything, where are we?
[1194.0s] Christ and Jim Bob.
[1195.2s] The nice thing about Cure Wounds
[1197.6s] is you don't need to like roll to pass it.
[1200.2s] No, you just do, yeah.
[1202.3s] Yeah, which is real good.
[1204.7s] All right, D8, here we go.
[1208.4s] That's a four and two,
[1209.3s] so that's six hit points that are coming back my way.
[1211.4s] Describe what it looks like as Kavlaran does this,
[1213.4s] because this is like the first, I'm assuming,
[1215.7s] the first time for Kavlaran to actually
[1218.6s] probably need this,
[1219.9s] but to be able to actually call on it.
[1222.0s] Yeah, because he doesn't really know like what,
[1226.1s] but he knows that they're in a world of trouble
[1227.8s] and like he needs to bring his A game
[1229.6s] to like help everybody out.
[1231.8s] So he finds this like inner light, I guess,
[1235.2s] to draw on and like a little bit,
[1237.1s] like a little bit of a shimmer for a half sec
[1239.6s] as he like gets those hit points back.
[1243.2s] I imagined a whole Sailor Moon experience.
[1246.0s] I went there.
[1246.9s] I hope I'm alive.
[1248.9s] Not I.
[1251.0s] Specifically when they like,
[1254.0s] where she's not naked
[1256.4s] and it wraps her up like bodice style,
[1258.8s] that's what I was picturing for.
[1260.1s] Okay, I love it.
[1261.0s] I love that.
[1261.9s] That's amazing.
[1262.8s] Yeah.
[1263.6s] Sailor Moon, just kidding.
[1265.2s] Perfect, I love that.
[1267.4s] And is that as an action or a bonus?
[1269.0s] That's probably an action.
[1269.8s] That is his action because it's a full spell, okay?
[1274.0s] And in the meantime, I will also like
[1277.8s] make sure my Warhammer and Shield are like up and out
[1280.9s] at the end of my turn.
[1282.2s] Got it.
[1283.0s] You gonna move away from that firearm setting?
[1286.0s] I mean, I don't really have anywhere to go.
[1290.3s] I don't think it's gonna be a lot better.
[1292.0s] That's a great point.
[1292.8s] That's a great point.
[1294.0s] Unless I missed like a secret panic room,
[1296.9s] I can chill out.
[1298.4s] Not that I described.
[1299.3s] So you gotta go investigating
[1300.6s] if you wanna try and find one.
[1302.4s] I'm gonna roll for panic room.
[1303.7s] Yeah.
[1305.1s] As a matter of fact, the door slides open
[1307.1s] and Jodie Foster's in there.
[1308.5s] What?
[1310.8s] Any room can be a panic room
[1312.1s] if you just give me one fucking second.
[1314.0s] Right?
[1314.8s] I will make it so.
[1318.2s] Oh my God, that's my life motto.
[1321.2s] You do this, light comes out
[1324.6s] and you heal yourself for six points,
[1327.6s] which hopefully gets you closer back to where-
[1330.5s] Almost there.
[1331.5s] Almost, baby.
[1333.8s] Coming down the hallway,
[1335.4s] these twisted trumpet tuba monstrosities
[1342.0s] let out this swell and burst from their mouthpieces
[1348.2s] in a 30 foot cone,
[1350.5s] which everybody has left Kavlaran.
[1353.0s] So Kavlaran, please,
[1355.1s] please make me a constitution saving throw.
[1358.6s] Oh, you should be-
[1359.5s] Oh, it's probably extra good
[1361.3s] that I did that.
[1362.3s] There's still some of that like shimmer on there, right?
[1365.2s] Yeah, right.
[1366.1s] It's like little like imperviousness
[1368.5s] coming with it for a sec there.
[1370.7s] All right, that's a 13 plus two, so 15.
[1375.1s] Oh, you feel this ear splitting compression
[1381.6s] come and hit you.
[1383.1s] And because you've braced yourself,
[1386.1s] you feel it like hit,
[1387.9s] you move backwards a little bit,
[1389.7s] but definitely not what you could have.
[1392.8s] On a success, you're gonna take half damage though.
[1397.6s] So you are gonna take a little bit of force damage.
[1404.1s] It's three.
[1405.4s] Oh, okay. Force damage.
[1406.7s] Which means he rolled his X.
[1408.2s] Thunder damage rather, sorry.
[1409.6s] Yep.
[1410.4s] If that makes a difference.
[1412.0s] I mean, it might.
[1412.8s] Let me just look at my features and traits real quick.
[1414.9s] Yeah, true.
[1416.2s] Hasn't come up before.
[1417.1s] Wait, I am the thunder god.
[1418.6s] I can do this.
[1419.4s] Guys, turns out I'm Thor.
[1420.9s] Yeah.
[1421.8s] I'm totally fine.
[1423.3s] If anything, it heals me.
[1424.6s] Behind you, Bizarre, the violins scrape off the walls
[1428.7s] and their strings emit this unsettling atonal melody
[1434.3s] that slips into your mind.
[1436.8s] Make an intelligence saving throw.
[1439.8s] Oh, buddy.
[1442.1s] That's 21.
[1443.0s] Okay.
[1444.4s] You feel this melody resonating into your mind
[1446.8s] and trying to like take hold of you.
[1449.8s] You shake it off and you turn
[1452.2s] and you see three of these violins
[1453.7s] like bearing down towards you.
[1455.8s] Ha ha, screw you.
[1456.6s] I study daytonal music, bitch.
[1460.8s] In the living room, the piano,
[1464.5s] it lets out this thunderous chord
[1466.8s] and all around you, 40 feet.
[1471.1s] So that's gonna be Bonwyn and Kavlaran.
[1474.6s] Roll a D6, please.
[1477.8s] Yidoki?
[1479.6s] I don't know if I want it high or low.
[1481.8s] I know, I got a one.
[1482.7s] I also got a one.
[1483.5s] Okay.
[1484.4s] Whatever happens, you guys are together.
[1486.2s] We're together.
[1488.0s] Okay, roll one more D6, please.
[1490.2s] Oh, boy.
[1492.2s] Four.
[1493.4s] That's a six.
[1494.2s] As this thunderous chord rings out,
[1497.6s] reality around you begins to fracture
[1500.1s] and you see the walls tear away
[1502.2s] and as you, Bonwyn,
[1504.2s] are going to light something else on fire and Kav,
[1506.8s] you're just trying to hold your ground
[1509.0s] against this blast that's come forward for you.
[1512.1s] You feel like the ground leave beneath your feet
[1515.6s] and it's like you're falling through this space
[1517.8s] and then suddenly you're in another part of the house.
[1520.2s] You still hear all the chaos happening.
[1522.5s] Kavlaran, you are up at the top of the stairs.
[1525.5s] You can look down.
[1526.4s] You see the violins climbing off the walls
[1529.0s] and moving towards Bizaard from your vantage point.
[1533.2s] Bonwyn, you find yourself in the kitchen,
[1537.4s] which is, for all intents and purposes,
[1539.9s] very quiet at this point.
[1541.6s] Nobody's in there right now.
[1543.8s] So you've moved over a room
[1545.6s] and then there's still one more.
[1547.8s] God.
[1549.2s] I know, we're gonna die, Russ.
[1550.3s] Who put so many bad guys in this?
[1551.7s] So many bad guys.
[1553.9s] Where is the cello?
[1555.2s] The cello, I forgot to place the cello.
[1560.9s] We'll put him in the hallway.
[1562.0s] Cello's in the kitchen.
[1562.9s] What, Russ?
[1565.4s] You want to fight the cello now?
[1568.1s] No!
[1568.9s] You know, cello's in the kitchen.
[1570.9s] Cello's gotta move.
[1572.7s] Cello doesn't move very far, though.
[1574.4s] So it's gonna come to one of the open doors
[1578.5s] of the kitchen.
[1579.3s] You see it, you hear it slumbering hops.
[1583.6s] I was gonna say, how is it moving?
[1585.6s] Yeah, how's it ambulating?
[1587.3s] It's got like a wide base.
[1590.0s] Wheelie shoes?
[1590.8s] Does it have wheelie shoes?
[1591.7s] It doesn't have, oh, it should have wheelie shoes.
[1594.3s] Yeah, it just kind of skids real cool guy-like.
[1597.7s] And he's got a backwards hat.
[1599.6s] And says, I'm gonna fuck you up on my next turn,
[1601.6s] is what it says.
[1602.7s] What's up, fellow you?
[1603.6s] I want to be an upright base.
[1608.0s] Welcome to the middle, everybody!
[1610.9s] Hey there, honey.
[1612.2s] Amy started a yawn train,
[1613.7s] like, immediately before we pressed record.
[1616.2s] Yeah, but then I got it together,
[1618.4s] and now it's everybody else's problem.
[1620.6s] That's why I immediately announced it was your fault.
[1623.7s] I thought we were through it,
[1625.2s] but then everybody else started.
[1627.7s] I was like, three, two, and I was like, after yawn.
[1630.5s] It's happening.
[1631.6s] Anyway, we're all wide awake and excited to talk to you.
[1635.6s] Absolutely.
[1636.5s] Yeah, we're adults,
[1637.3s] and we can stay up past nine o'clock.
[1639.6s] Yes, we can.
[1640.5s] Sometimes.
[1641.3s] We're doing it right now.
[1642.2s] We're doing it right now.
[1643.2s] Always about me, it's only eight o'clock.
[1645.3s] We might be able to stay on task
[1647.0s] and talk about the thing that is exciting us.
[1649.1s] Yes.
[1650.0s] Like what, what are you excited about, Kyle?
[1651.9s] Well, some Patreon stuff
[1653.2s] that I think Russ knows a lot more about.
[1655.1s] Oh, okay.
[1656.0s] I think.
[1656.8s] Wow.
[1659.6s] That was good stuff.
[1660.5s] Beautifully done.
[1661.3s] I appreciate that.
[1662.2s] That was good.
[1663.0s] Usually we just go silent until he just picks it up.
[1665.6s] Anybody spiked it right on Russ's face?
[1668.3s] Hey, when you sign up for Patreon this month,
[1670.8s] we have a great thing going on
[1672.1s] where you will save 25% off either your first month
[1675.3s] if you want to sign up monthly,
[1676.6s] or your first full year.
[1678.6s] Whoa, 25% is huge.
[1679.8s] Between those two choices,
[1681.8s] why would you choose the month?
[1682.6s] Three months free.
[1684.5s] That's such a good deal.
[1686.1s] That was a huge deal.
[1688.6s] So you can check that out when you sign up today
[1691.3s] at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
[1693.5s] 25% off the first month or the first year.
[1696.4s] When you sign up from now until April 30th
[1699.9s] and then that offer disappears.
[1702.2s] Oh no.
[1703.0s] It's like it's just around for my birthday month.
[1705.5s] Yeah, it is.
[1706.3s] It's the Amy's birthday special.
[1708.8s] Yeah.
[1710.3s] So give Amy a birthday gift by buying a year
[1713.3s] and getting 25% off.
[1714.6s] What you doing?
[1715.9s] Don't you think Amy deserves a gift?
[1717.6s] I don't get any of like kickback
[1720.8s] from that specifically in terms of that deal.
[1724.5s] But if you were to join on my birthday month,
[1727.0s] like boy, would I be very excited.
[1729.5s] And guaranteed May 1st,
[1731.3s] she's gonna come and be like,
[1732.6s] how many people signed up?
[1733.7s] Where's my money?
[1734.6s] I need names.
[1736.1s] No, no kickback.
[1737.2s] I need names.
[1738.0s] I want names.
[1738.9s] That's a nice set of shins you got there.
[1741.1s] It's gonna be terrible if something happened to it.
[1744.1s] And when you are a patron,
[1745.6s] you also get an episode dedicated to you.
[1747.8s] Like today's patron.
[1749.4s] Let Russ take that into his own hands.
[1751.3s] Craig Zeiss.
[1752.9s] Thanks, Craig.
[1753.7s] Craig.
[1754.6s] Thank you so much.
[1756.0s] So glad to have you, Craig.
[1757.4s] You've been with us for so long.
[1758.7s] Zeiss.
[1759.6s] I like that.
[1760.4s] It's good.
[1761.2s] I also like, what do you guys think?
[1763.0s] Craig or Greg?
[1765.1s] Craig always seems a little bit cooler to me.
[1767.2s] No offense, Greggs.
[1768.6s] Yeah.
[1769.4s] Well, I mean like, you know,
[1770.9s] is it just Craig or is it like Craigery?
[1773.9s] Oh, I hope it's Craigery.
[1774.7s] I was just thinking that.
[1775.5s] What if your name was Craig Gregg Zeiss?
[1779.4s] Oh, then that would be incredible.
[1782.2s] Also your parents are hilarious.
[1786.5s] Could be any of those things.
[1787.5s] It could be.
[1788.4s] Or it could just be Craig Zeiss.
[1790.4s] You could be like Craig or Gregg
[1793.3s] and sign up at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
[1796.1s] right now and save 25% off your first month or year.
[1799.6s] So hope to see you over there.
[1801.6s] Yeah.
[1802.5s] Do it.
[1803.3s] Okay, get you back to the episode now.
[1805.6s] You don't need to be sad about it.
[1807.0s] Yeah, no, that's exactly the episode now.
[1808.8s] Well, now we don't get to specifically talk
[1810.1s] to our listener right now.
[1811.6s] Are you sad because you don't get to tell him anymore
[1813.5s] about the sweet deal of 25% off
[1815.4s] either in one or three years?
[1817.2s] Three times, that's what they say about ad copy.
[1819.5s] You gotta mention it three times
[1821.0s] comes in threes, gotcha.
[1821.8s] Comes in threes, gotcha, yeah, yeah.
[1823.7s] Well.
[1824.6s] So thank you, Kyle, for bringing that home.
[1826.8s] And we'll talk to y'all next week.
[1828.6s] Love you, bye.
[1830.4s] Bye.
[1832.3s] Alydin, make an intelligence saving throw, please.
[1839.0s] Okay.
[1841.1s] That's an 18.
[1842.3s] 18.
[1843.2s] I got a plus four intelligence, so smart.
[1845.7s] That's right.
[1846.6s] Hell yeah.
[1847.4s] You awaken from this slumber that you are in
[1850.2s] and your eyes slowly open through like your eye,
[1854.1s] your eyelashes, you see these two figures
[1857.8s] bearing down at the end of your bed on top of you.
[1861.4s] They, I mean, you're, I'm gonna assume
[1865.1s] you're gonna play it a little cool and not just shoot up,
[1867.4s] but like they haven't noticed you're awake yet.
[1870.9s] So what do you wanna do?
[1874.4s] You are lying prone in the bed.
[1882.9s] I close my eyes and I wait for my friends to come.
[1885.1s] I know.
[1886.7s] No.
[1887.6s] Save me, please.
[1889.4s] Kinda, I'm like, do I?
[1890.2s] I hush like a little baby and I don't say a word.
[1892.8s] Yeah, I don't know.
[1894.2s] I don't know if it would be better to play it cool
[1898.2s] or if it would take them by surprise
[1900.3s] if I shot up and just started swaying.
[1903.5s] I mean, maybe, cause you don't know we're downstairs.
[1906.1s] You're probably just hearing all this like chaos.
[1908.0s] I do hear a lot of noise.
[1909.6s] Yeah, this is new for this house, obviously.
[1911.8s] Yeah.
[1912.7s] It's been very quiet except for the music box playing,
[1916.0s] like a ticking clock kind of thing, but, and footsteps.
[1920.8s] But yeah, no, like it sounds like there is a battle
[1924.6s] going on downstairs.
[1926.4s] Well, I think that, yeah, okay.
[1933.1s] Alydin kind of like comes to and
[1938.1s] becomes aware of this ruckus happening.
[1942.7s] And I mean, she pretty much thought
[1944.6s] that she was like dying or dead.
[1949.1s] And now she's not, and she's not gonna let them
[1953.0s] take another opportunity to, cause this is what,
[1955.4s] the second time she's woken up in this place,
[1960.0s] second or third, I don't know.
[1962.0s] But I think she's gonna come out of it swinging.
[1965.6s] She's gonna try to take them by surprise
[1967.9s] and like, just, I don't know, fucking fist first
[1971.4s] or like, is one leaning over me?
[1973.8s] Can I like headbutt it?
[1975.6s] I don't know.
[1976.4s] They're at the foot of your bed.
[1977.7s] Oh, fuck them.
[1978.6s] Yeah, I know.
[1979.9s] I did, I was clear and said it twice though.
[1982.5s] You did, but that doesn't matter to my ears.
[1985.5s] I know.
[1988.0s] Okay, now hold on.
[1988.8s] Now I am, I did forget that piece of information.
[1991.8s] There's no way that she can spring up
[1993.8s] and not immediately get caught by two adult size people
[1998.9s] at the foot of her bed.
[2001.6s] Ah, fuck, can you come back to me?
[2004.6s] Do you wanna hold your action?
[2006.4s] Yeah.
[2007.2s] For the sound of something heroic happening outside?
[2011.3s] Like what's happening right now?
[2013.0s] Well, you don't know when it's heroic.
[2014.2s] It just sounds like chaos right now.
[2016.1s] It's like that scene in community
[2017.7s] where they just go around lighting
[2019.0s] the whole apartment on fire.
[2020.5s] Uh-huh, pizza boxes turning around.
[2023.1s] Yep, it's all that.
[2023.9s] Oh god, it is the darkest timeline.
[2025.9s] Okay.
[2026.7s] Yeah, I'm gonna hold my action
[2027.9s] because I'm trying to think about
[2030.3s] whether or not it would be best to jump up
[2032.6s] and make noise to try to alert.
[2036.2s] That is what she would do.
[2037.8s] Okay.
[2040.6s] You got this.
[2042.3s] Did you wanna hold your action
[2043.4s] or do you wanna do the thing?
[2045.6s] Yes, so with all this very high intelligence
[2050.7s] and quick thinking she's got going on,
[2052.2s] she knows that she can't physically overpower them
[2054.3s] and touching shit has gotten her unconscious.
[2056.8s] So she decides to, without even opening her eyes,
[2063.1s] just start screaming.
[2067.7s] Okay.
[2068.6s] Just start screaming, help.
[2070.4s] Okay.
[2071.3s] Yeah, yeah.
[2072.2s] Great.
[2073.5s] I'll scream for you later if you need me to.
[2076.8s] That's it.
[2077.6s] Yeah, no, that's fine.
[2078.8s] Um, help, I'm being raped.
[2080.7s] You put it in your pants, Amy.
[2083.0s] Jesus, sore you guys.
[2084.7s] Who's even wearing pants?
[2086.2s] God.
[2092.0s] Okay, you yell help.
[2094.0s] I do.
[2094.9s] Just roll a D20 for me.
[2096.0s] Make a loud roll.
[2096.8s] Make a loud roll.
[2099.2s] That's a seven.
[2100.4s] Okay.
[2101.3s] This is the quietest seven I've ever heard.
[2103.2s] Seven, seven.
[2106.2s] Seven, seven.
[2108.7s] This is a weirdly sexually charged episode
[2111.4s] we have going on here.
[2113.2s] Well, in no way is it connected
[2115.5s] to what's happening.
[2117.2s] Not everybody hears this, but Kavlarin,
[2120.3s] you are at the top of the stairs.
[2122.4s] You're maybe taking a step to move back down
[2125.6s] and behind you, in one of the closed doors,
[2129.4s] there's one, two, three closed doors that you see.
[2135.0s] You hear Alydin call for help.
[2139.8s] It's not your turn yet,
[2141.0s] but you have that information now.
[2142.9s] Okay.
[2143.7s] And only you.
[2145.3s] Back downstairs, Bizard, you were facing,
[2149.3s] you had turned around for Violin, yeah?
[2153.6s] Yeah, you said I looked back at him.
[2155.2s] Yeah, so yeah, you're facing back
[2157.1s] towards the front door.
[2158.6s] You see Kavlarin disappear upstairs.
[2163.2s] You couldn't have seen Bonwyn
[2165.0s] from where you were at that time.
[2166.7s] But yeah, you have three of these Violin creatures,
[2170.0s] and then you look back,
[2172.3s] and the banjo man's still getting darker,
[2174.9s] walking further down this hallway.
[2177.8s] Before you tell me what you want to do,
[2179.8s] make a perception roll for me.
[2182.7s] You got it.
[2185.3s] That's a 16.
[2187.4s] Up at the front door, there's a little bench,
[2190.1s] and on the bench is just a cardigan or a sweater
[2195.2s] that's just been laid there.
[2197.1s] But there's a glint of metal underneath that
[2201.4s] catches your eye.
[2203.4s] It, from what you can tell, how,
[2207.4s] you went to the School of Magic, Fighting and Dance,
[2209.4s] so there's like some musicality that Bizard probably has.
[2212.3s] Yeah.
[2213.1s] Yeah.
[2214.2s] It looks like two ends of a tuning fork.
[2220.1s] And how far away would that be at this point,
[2221.8s] or perceptively how far?
[2224.6s] You're at, because you didn't move,
[2226.3s] you didn't follow the banjo man,
[2227.7s] so like you're about the 25, 30 foot mark.
[2230.8s] With three violins and a cello who's now facing,
[2235.7s] facing into the kitchen.
[2238.6s] Cool.
[2242.4s] Look at these violins, be like,
[2244.1s] honestly, I don't mind atonal music,
[2245.8s] but I think you're still not quite in tune.
[2248.8s] So let me help you out.
[2250.4s] And I'm gonna cast Mage Hand to grab the tuning fork
[2254.2s] and give it a ding.
[2256.8s] Okay, okay, cool.
[2259.5s] Yeah, I don't engage directly with enemies, you know,
[2261.9s] I'll stay away.
[2262.7s] Smart, smart, smart, smart.
[2264.6s] Apparently that's how you're supposed to play
[2266.1s] a magic character.
[2267.6s] What?
[2268.9s] No, just get in there with your scimitar.
[2270.5s] I like to just punch it up.
[2271.8s] I mean, there are times, time and a place,
[2274.1s] if I have the right spell set,
[2275.3s] then if I had web right now,
[2276.9s] you bet I'd be fucking on that shit.
[2279.5s] The tuning fork begins to ring,
[2281.8s] make an arcana or performance check, please.
[2285.9s] Ooh.
[2289.7s] We're gonna go with performance.
[2292.4s] All right.
[2294.2s] Wouldn't matter, I got a nine total.
[2296.4s] Okay.
[2297.2s] You hear it ring out kind of amid the chaos
[2299.9s] and like it swells,
[2301.4s] like there's this building tension that fills in the air
[2306.7s] and then it sucks back into the tuning fork
[2310.2s] and it just kind of,
[2311.1s] it fades off into a normal kind of echoing ring.
[2316.7s] Okay.
[2317.6s] Mage Hand was my action.
[2319.3s] With my bonus action,
[2320.3s] I will pull out my scimitar and prepare a blade song.
[2324.6s] Last one I can do before a long rest,
[2326.6s] so hopefully that'll happen later.
[2330.4s] But yeah, that's gonna be,
[2332.1s] I'm gonna back up,
[2334.4s] not facing the banjo man
[2335.8s] and like coax the strings towards me.
[2339.0s] Okay, okay.
[2340.8s] So you are moving as much as you can backwards
[2344.2s] and having them follow you down?
[2345.8s] Okay, cool.
[2346.6s] Love it.
[2348.5s] They do that.
[2349.4s] Bonwyn, you are in the kitchen.
[2350.8s] Cello is facing you out the door to the hallway.
[2354.5s] Now that you're in this room,
[2355.8s] you see another doorway that goes into a dining room space
[2361.2s] and the door out to the flame room where the piano is
[2365.3s] and you hear its thunderous chords mashing
[2368.9s] as it's trying to move around in the space.
[2371.3s] You see it actually catch a light one of the corners.
[2376.4s] I am going to say, and you can of course disagree,
[2381.0s] but that Bonwyn being a person that works
[2383.2s] like clanging hammers on anvils all day
[2385.6s] probably has some ear protection on her person
[2389.4s] that she's gonna put in her ears
[2391.6s] because it sounds, it's really stressing her out.
[2395.0s] So loud in like not a nice loud fire forge kind of way
[2400.1s] but just chaos.
[2402.4s] So she's gonna do that.
[2403.7s] Anything with that, anything based on a sound effect
[2410.4s] will give you advantage on the saving throw
[2412.4s] that comes along with it.
[2414.4s] Then that was the one smart thing Bonwyn's gonna do.
[2417.0s] Number two, she's just gonna keep lighting shit on fire
[2419.9s] guys, is there wine?
[2421.8s] What do we have?
[2422.6s] Like she's in the kitchen now.
[2424.2s] So like there's probably more fuel.
[2426.7s] Exactly, like what do I find
[2428.9s] that is like a weapon of opportunity?
[2432.9s] Yeah, like, is there a bottle of wine?
[2434.6s] I can make them all a top cocktail and throw out the cello
[2437.0s] or I can just start like, you know?
[2440.0s] Yeah.
[2440.8s] Lighten up tea towels and throw in the cello.
[2442.7s] This looks like a well stocked kitchen.
[2445.3s] So yeah, you do have tea towels.
[2446.8s] You have all of that.
[2447.8s] You've got tablecloths and napkins
[2451.1s] and that sort of thing.
[2452.2s] The cabinets themselves all wooden.
[2454.8s] There is a small table in this room also wooden.
[2457.8s] Some sort of pot of oil.
[2459.1s] You do see, yeah, just a massive pot of deep fry oil.
[2463.6s] But there would be like cooking oil, for sure.
[2465.9s] Thank you, Tom.
[2466.7s] That is totally a thing all people would have.
[2469.8s] An unnecessarily large stack of doilies.
[2472.3s] Exactly, exactly.
[2475.0s] Yeah, so I'm basically just gonna keep
[2478.7s] lighting shit on fire
[2480.3s] because I don't know what else to do.
[2482.2s] I don't fully want to engage with the cello
[2484.7s] but I'm not leaving this space.
[2486.9s] Like I'm gonna just keep.
[2488.4s] Gonna burn it down.
[2489.4s] I am burning down the house, exactly.
[2493.5s] Okay, love it.
[2496.4s] You don't need no water.
[2497.2s] Let the mother fucker burn.
[2498.7s] Yeah, you spend your turn
[2500.4s] lighting as much as you can on fire.
[2503.3s] Do you end your turn in this room
[2505.2s] or are you gonna try and make your way further down?
[2509.4s] If you go into the dining room area,
[2511.6s] you're moving, you know,
[2513.0s] you're moving closer to where Bazaar was.
[2515.0s] You don't know.
[2516.1s] Right, oh yeah, right.
[2517.1s] Cause there was like to the parlor
[2518.7s] and then to the dining room.
[2519.8s] So I guess I would move into the dining room
[2521.8s] after setting up some like,
[2524.8s] you know,
[2525.7s] lighten some oil and do it like,
[2527.3s] or pouring out oil and lighting it.
[2529.2s] Like just trying to do as much damage as I can
[2532.4s] in this room.
[2533.2s] And yeah, let's just keep.
[2534.1s] Like how we're lighting the house
[2535.8s] from the start moving into it.
[2538.5s] Yeah, that's a great plan.
[2539.4s] Hoping there's a back door.
[2540.4s] Hoping there's a back door, yeah.
[2541.9s] There's some lovely French doors
[2543.6s] that lead out to the courtyard.
[2545.2s] Or does it just look like there's windows?
[2546.8s] I don't know.
[2548.2s] But Bonwyn doesn't know what else to do.
[2551.5s] But now this seems like a good idea.
[2553.2s] Give me,
[2555.5s] this is gonna kind of happen, kitchen to dining room.
[2557.9s] Give me a perception or investigation check.
[2560.0s] I mean, you would have been looking around
[2561.2s] for things that you could have.
[2562.9s] So yeah, investigation could work as well.
[2566.2s] I mean, still only an 11.
[2568.3s] Okay. Great.
[2569.6s] I've got the fire bug.
[2571.0s] I am the fire starter.
[2572.9s] The progety, is it progety?
[2574.7s] The progety.
[2577.1s] The prodigy talks about, that's me.
[2579.3s] Perfect.
[2580.4s] The twisted fire starter.
[2582.0s] You are just so wrapped up
[2583.5s] in continuing to light this house on fire.
[2587.4s] Kavlaran, up at the top of the stairs,
[2589.3s] you've just heard Alydin call out.
[2591.1s] You kind of look down the stairs.
[2592.6s] It has bizarre backs away further down the hallway.
[2595.7s] You can kind of get the,
[2597.8s] you see more light coming from the fires downstairs.
[2601.7s] But it does, you definitely do not get the sense
[2604.0s] that either of your friends have heard the same thing.
[2607.8s] Okay.
[2608.6s] Is there any indication
[2609.8s] as to where the cry for help is coming from?
[2612.6s] Yes.
[2613.4s] It sounds like it's coming from the door
[2615.2s] that is directly behind you.
[2617.5s] So if you're, or sorry.
[2619.9s] You're standing at the top of the stairs.
[2621.7s] You were facing down the stairs.
[2623.2s] So you've got one door from that perspective
[2625.6s] directly behind you, one to your left,
[2628.1s] and then one further down the hallway that you see.
[2631.2s] There's like a banister that goes.
[2633.4s] Okay.
[2635.6s] Can I roll a perception check
[2637.0s] to see if there's anything that's like weird about the,
[2641.2s] like the door or the handle or anything that might like.
[2645.0s] Yeah, for sure. Give me some spidey senses.
[2646.4s] Perception or investigation.
[2648.0s] Yep.
[2648.8s] Well, we're gonna do perception.
[2649.8s] Okay, right, yeah.
[2651.2s] I picked perception for a reason.
[2655.2s] All right, 12 plus four.
[2658.4s] So 16.
[2659.8s] That's four, 16, perfect.
[2661.5s] Sounds like enough to get through that door.
[2663.0s] Yeah. I would agree.
[2664.4s] It's a door, it's a push, not a pull.
[2666.1s] It's, you don't see anything,
[2671.6s] anything that jumps out weird about the door.
[2673.9s] What you do get from that is that not only do you
[2678.9s] hear Alydin screaming for help,
[2681.3s] but inside there is this loud droning noise,
[2686.2s] like a droning off-key note that you hear.
[2692.8s] Okay.
[2696.9s] I mean, you're not supposed to touch doorknobs
[2698.5s] when there's fire around.
[2700.1s] Fire's downstairs right now.
[2701.4s] Fire's downstairs.
[2702.5s] You don't see it still though.
[2703.3s] Don't touch the doorknob.
[2704.5s] It was drilled into cab from a very young age.
[2706.8s] Exactly.
[2707.6s] Yeah, the doorknob does not feel hot.
[2710.7s] No, if I'm confident that that's where the sound
[2713.1s] is coming from, then I'm gonna like try to kick
[2714.8s] the door in and like get the fuck in there.
[2716.7s] Save me.
[2718.0s] Yeah, do it, please.
[2720.6s] There's nothing stopping you, there's nothing behind you.
[2722.9s] You don't know what's on the other side, really,
[2725.0s] but yeah, you can kick in the door.
[2727.6s] It splinters inside.
[2729.2s] Alydin, it startles you as the door flies open
[2733.3s] and you see Kavlaran standing there before you.
[2736.0s] Kavlaran, you see Alydin who is sitting up
[2739.2s] in this bed that's right in front of you.
[2740.9s] There is a window behind the bed.
[2743.6s] And off to your right as you're looking
[2746.0s] in this room are these two figures.
[2747.8s] One appears more feminine, one more masculine.
[2751.5s] And while their bodies are more humanoid,
[2754.3s] more human in nature, their heads are these two
[2757.7s] giant music boxes that are letting out
[2760.0s] this droning note that you hear.
[2762.5s] What do you wanna do?
[2764.0s] I would like to rush them with like the arm
[2768.7s] in the shoulder that's holding the shield
[2771.5s] and like get them down or at least out of the way
[2774.9s] and tell Alydin to fucking get out of the room.
[2777.6s] Okay, so.
[2779.5s] You're not my dad.
[2780.9s] Cut.
[2781.7s] You don't know, you don't know.
[2783.2s] Let's do just an unarmed strike.
[2785.5s] Well, maybe your arm technically.
[2788.1s] I mean, it's a shield though.
[2789.6s] I feel like unarmed strike counts?
[2792.0s] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[2793.3s] So roll plus strength and that should do her.
[2798.6s] Okay.
[2800.8s] 15.
[2801.9s] So you charge into the room and you hit
[2805.2s] like right between both of them,
[2806.8s] knocking them off kilter, which sends them,
[2811.0s] it sends the sound like spiraling
[2813.6s] as they're falling backwards against this wall.
[2817.7s] You've knocked them prone as they're trying
[2820.0s] to scramble and get up themselves.
[2822.3s] And now that you're in the room,
[2824.3s] carry forward your perception
[2826.8s] because that's all happening pretty quickly.
[2829.6s] As you rush into the room and you turn
[2831.8s] and you look back at Alydin and the way you came,
[2836.1s] you see that there's a broken floorboard
[2838.8s] underneath the dresser where there is a music box playing.
[2843.8s] But in this broken floorboard,
[2845.3s] you see this glint of metal,
[2847.0s] like flash up and towards you.
[2849.6s] I don't think I can do much else.
[2851.1s] I feel like I've had a very robust turn.
[2853.7s] Yeah, you've done it.
[2854.9s] There's a lot of things happening.
[2856.7s] Back downstairs, Bizarge,
[2858.2s] you're keeping distance from the trumpets,
[2860.0s] but still ushering them down the hallway.
[2862.5s] Is there anything they can do at range?
[2867.1s] Ah, there is not.
[2869.5s] They're gonna continue to follow you down the hallway.
[2872.2s] And as you turn and kind of look back over your shoulder,
[2875.0s] the banjo man appears to have disappeared.
[2877.1s] But for you, the floor keeps moving.
[2880.2s] So as far as back as you go,
[2882.5s] it appears that this house will just keep creating space.
[2887.4s] The violins, sorry, you had the violins.
[2891.1s] Trumpets were on calve.
[2893.0s] There's nobody there right now,
[2894.4s] so they don't do anything.
[2896.5s] The piano is on fire.
[2898.8s] It's gonna take some damage.
[2901.2s] Actually, Carla, you can roll that.
[2902.4s] You wanna roll me a d6?
[2904.3s] Mm-hmm.
[2906.5s] What?
[2907.4s] You're there.
[2908.2s] Nobody's close enough to the piano
[2909.9s] to make that happen again.
[2913.0s] Then you lit the kitchen on fire.
[2915.4s] So the cello is gonna try and keep moving down
[2919.1s] towards you in the dining room.
[2922.7s] As all of these creatures are moving
[2925.0s] and dragging themselves down the hallway for you,
[2928.2s] we go back upstairs.
[2929.7s] Cav bursts into the door and is writing himself
[2932.5s] after having knocked your music boxhead parents
[2936.0s] down to the floor.
[2937.1s] And he turns and looks back at you.
[2939.3s] You're sat up in bed.
[2941.4s] You see the window off to one side.
[2943.6s] You hear the chaos and cacophony happening downstairs.
[2947.5s] What do you do?
[2949.0s] Um, I've shot straight up in bed
[2952.1s] and watched Cav do something
[2954.6s] that I've been like trying to figure out how to do.
[2958.7s] And so, as he turns to me and we lock eyes,
[2962.7s] I say, what are you looking at me for?
[2965.4s] Keep smashing them!
[2966.8s] Ha, ha, ha.
[2974.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons, season four, episode 21,
[2977.4s] starring Amy More as Alydin,
[2980.0s] Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane,
[2982.4s] Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave,
[2984.8s] Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard,
[2987.1s] and Russ More as your dungeon master.
[2989.5s] Dialogue editing and sound design
[2991.1s] of today's episode is by Russ More.
[2993.3s] Our community manager is Jessica Babiak.
[2995.7s] Music is from Epidemic Sound
[2997.6s] and sound effects are from Epidemic Sound
[2999.8s] and Boom Library.
[3001.0s] Our amazing cover art is by Matt Garbutt.
[3003.7s] And we'd like to say a huge thank you
[3005.4s] to our supporting producers,
[3007.2s] including Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak,
[3009.8s] Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
[3011.9s] Angaron Kiersen, Perry Matey,
[3014.0s] Old School Gamer D, Craig Zeiss, and L.A. Branton.
[3017.6s] We'd love for you to join us
[3018.9s] over on Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast,
[3022.5s] where there's so many amazing bonus episodes,
[3024.9s] and now we're opening up the backstage
[3027.5s] of our actual records.
[3029.0s] Join us today.
[3030.1s] Hey, you have a great week.
[3031.3s] We'll talk to you soon.
[3032.4s] Hope to see you over there.
[3034.4s] Sorry.
[3037.3s] Be.
[3039.0s] Oh.
[3039.9s] I have so many things to say.
[3040.9s] Can we talk now?
[3041.7s] Guest to be our guest.
[3042.6s] I know, that's all I could think.
[3043.5s] I was like, what is this dark beauty and the beast shit?
[3047.6s] But it's so,
[3048.4s] but it's like peeling like old skin.
[3051.7s] Awful, awful.
[3052.6s] Oh my God, you should have seen the faces
[3055.0s] that we all pulled.
[3056.8s] So like, oh my God, Russ.
[3059.6s] So descriptive.
[3060.4s] Visceral.
[3061.3s] So visceral.
[3062.1s] Thank you, Kyle is exactly the word
[3063.3s] I was looking for.
[3064.5s] Oh, also like, yeah, nightmare, beauty and the beast.
[3068.0s] So, yay, here we are.
[3071.0s] And I've seen enough fucked up trumpets
[3073.0s] to know what a crinkly crunched up bell
[3075.4s] would look like trying to gasp for air.
[3078.9s] So that was very real for me.
[3082.4s] Yes.
[3083.5s] All right, we're off to a good start.
[3084.8s] We're off to a good start.
[3086.0s] Everyone's a little bit upset.
[3087.9s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.