Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in just a moment.
Alydin, you're seated at the table and you've been picking at your food, the soup before you rolls and your parents across the table from you.
Look over at you again and say, Alydin, you look, you look tired. Do you need to go lie down and have a nap?
No, I just think I've maybe been inside for a really long time, like just, just in my room.
I just thought like maybe I'd walk around the house a little bit, you know, just kind of stretch my legs.
Oh, oh, yes, of course, of course, you can stretch your legs all you want.
But we'll clean up here. If you get tired, though, give us a call. We'll help you back up to your room.
Okay, we don't want you taking those stairs too, too quickly.
Okay.
Both Tom and Carla.
I don't like that. I'm really making a face.
She's fine.
I don't, I don't want to be put to bed. I don't think I'll wake up.
I don't like that.
So, I would like to go exploring.
Okay.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master Russ More, he, him.
Also with me today is Amy More as Alydin, she, her.
I walk over to the desk and I'm trying to be nonchAlydint.
Carla Macstead as Bonwyn Eberbane, she, her.
Like I made some feedback and they, and they listened.
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave, he, him.
Where did all the ghost kids go?
And Kyle Clasett as Bizard the Wizard, he, him.
Oh, yeah, this is, this is freaking my bean.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon-supported podcast and we love and appreciate all of the support that we get from our community.
You can join us today at patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
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but you could also join us backstage at our regular recordings.
Check it out today and now, fuck it, let's play.
Chair scoots out and you stand up and they start collecting dishes and you see them taking them into the kitchen and start cleaning up after dinner.
You exit through the gift shop, the gift shop, the hallway behind you.
And you've, you've come and gone from this specific room a couple of times.
Off to the right as you exit this dining room area, you see a hallway that leads to the front door where there's a set of stairs that will take you back upstairs where your bedroom is.
To the left, there is a hallway that takes you down, or you haven't been down this way.
So there is a hallway with a door down at the far end and off to the right, just before that door, there is another door.
The door down at the end of the hallway is cracked open.
Well, I'm going to peek into that one since it's already open.
I don't want to get, I don't know, like raise suspicions like I'm like trying to be like sneaky or anything.
So I walk, I walk into the room fairly like this is my home.
You enter into this room and it appears to be a study.
There's a wooden desk inside.
There are several bookshelves on the wooden desk.
There's a single journal.
Looks like an old worn leather bound journal.
I walk over to the desk and I'm trying to be nonchAlydint, like just like looking at some of the book titles along along the book cases.
Any book titles jump out to me at all, like make an investigation.
How to convince your fake child they're really your child for dummies.
Something like that.
Anything like that.
So obvious.
Oh my God, it's a 23.
Nice.
You're scanning them quickly and yet thoroughly, apparently yet very thoroughly.
But what you notice very quickly is that the names on the spines of these books.
You can't make them out.
It's like they're the the letters on them are ever shifting and changing.
And even as you focus on them, the colors of the books themselves begin to change and shift.
No one name sticks long enough to really register in your in your brain.
God, this place is so weird.
I turn to the desk and take a look at the take a look glance at the journal.
The journals closed on the desk and it's an old leather journal.
It's got these like blue inlay on it.
There's no no title to it.
No, no name.
Is it bound or anything or is it just a book?
It appears like a shoe and like flip it open a little.
It's like a it's like a it's like a heavy leather bound book.
Yeah.
But there's nothing that I need to like untie or there's no lock on it.
No, nothing.
Does it appear to be bound in human skin?
Oh, no.
Carrying forward that investigation role that was very good.
It does not appear to you that it is skin.
I don't even know if I would know if it was fine Corinthian leather.
Oh, I want to when I opened the door, did it squeak or creak?
No.
OK, I continue walking.
I just slowly shut it a little more so that I can't be seen from anyone walking in the hallway.
And I want to open this journal.
Just take a little peek.
You slowly and quietly walk back to the desk and you flip open the front cover.
And on the inside is a page very much like a lot of journals that you've seen.
This book belongs to and in scrawled writing, it says The Banjo Man.
Her brother doesn't even have a name.
He just calls himself The Banjo Man.
It's sort of sad, isn't it?
Yeah, a little bit.
I am like, oh my gosh.
And I start to like quickly flip through and see if I can't like being as fast and as quiet as I can look for anything that might help me either find Cedric or get out of here.
Get out of here.
Preferably both.
You're quickly flipping through.
Roll investigation again.
Oh, it's missing the one in front of the nine this time.
Thirteen.
You're quickly flipping through the book and you as you get partway through, you're trying to find anything that'll give you clues or hints.
There's a lot of there's a lot of music notes like notation off the top of the book.
There's looks like song ideas all the way through.
But then you get to a final page as you begin to hear your father's footsteps coming down the hallway towards the study and one page you land on describes a need to find the right song, the right child and the right resonance.
And as you look up and you see the door slowly opening, the last entry of this page reads, she is almost perfect.
Almost.
But she clings to what was.
That will change soon.
Do I have time to rip this page?
Roll a stealth.
Oh, God damn it.
Yes.
Fuck yeah.
It is a 21.
Quickly out of the book and as silently as you can.
I like cough or something while I'm doing it.
The page rips from the book and you confidently quietly slam the book shut and look to the shelves behind you as if.
Yes, the journal as your father enters and says, is everything okay in here?
Oh, yeah, I was just maybe looking for a book to read.
He looks you over.
Says, I think I have one for you.
Come with me.
I follow him.
The three of you are making your way down a winding path through the forest after having just.
No, nothing.
Nothing's happening.
We're listening to your cinematic description.
I'm not mouthing the words.
Oh, it was in my head as soon as you said making your way.
I was holding it together but Amy was mouthing it and I was like.
I caught a glimpse of Carla.
We're back.
Miss Rowling, you're all dead.
New season.
Okay, bye everybody.
I think part of our business meeting was getting back to the silly a little bit.
But I've got to be the stick in the mud.
That's my role in this.
Roll for stick in the mud.
Did y'all see that stick in the mud?
Look at that.
I won't see anything anymore.
I don't know.
You're down.
You're walking down a path.
You just defeated a monster and release some children from a spirit prison.
The sound of banjo echoing around you.
This path continues to wind.
You don't see a clear end to it at this point.
I've got a question, maybe a bizarre.
Maybe you might know.
To fucking shoot, buddy.
Where did all the ghost kids go?
I mean, honestly, I really don't know at this point.
They're probably exactly that.
Ghosts of children past.
I hope not the children that we're seeking.
They didn't look familiar.
No, no one looked familiar.
Especially not Alydin.
Alydin wasn't in there.
Yeah.
But you know, I guess we figured out whatever we were supposed to figure out there.
So I think maybe we freed them.
I'm going to go with we freed them.
I think we freed them.
I love that.
Yes.
I also believe we freed them and they are happier and probably back home.
Happy, loving life.
Love it.
That's it.
Now we just have a couple more children to free.
Exactly.
We're on a streak.
This sounds doable when you bring it down into bits like this.
It's just saving a couple kids.
It's just going to a hollow and maybe like just getting them to turn down the
banjo like just just a scope.
Sure.
Yeah.
Much.
Yeah.
Constantly.
Yeah.
So so far through a portal following a path save some kids through a hole.
Do you know an opening portal?
I mean, yeah.
Follow a path.
We'll save some kids.
Yeah.
It's all there.
Yeah.
We're just going to.
Yeah.
We're going to do it.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
Right.
I'm.
Yeah.
Like technically, I think we've done some traveling.
Cool.
We're definitely you could charitably say having adventures.
It's sort of scary and I don't like them, but they're adventures.
Oh, yeah.
This is this is freaking my bean.
So, you know, like and I'm used to the weird shit kind of.
Yeah.
That's why I went immediately to you with the question about the ghost kids.
I understand.
And I'm really worried that I'm not, you know, not able to stand up to the expectation.
But this is it's a creepy shit.
You'll.
Yeah.
Hundred percent.
And it just right now is making me so motivated to find the kids.
We got it.
Like, this is terrifying me.
An adult.
So, yeah, we got to find those kids.
So we're just going to like path.
Right.
Because it led us to the ghost children.
It's probably going to lead us to our next terrifying adventure.
So let's keep going double time.
Yeah.
And according to those lyrics, you know, we've we're at the last part of it.
So we just got to head to that hollow to those newly freed children we're talking about.
Great.
Awesome.
You're not sure at what point in the talk of becoming adventurers, but the sound of banjo has all but disappeared.
Oh, oh, they're listening.
That's nice.
Like, I made some feedback and they and they listened.
All you had to do was ask.
Who knew?
There's an eerie silence about the path that you're walking down.
The kind of silence where you don't hear the crunching of your own feet.
Yeah.
Oh, it's not a good silence.
That's still worse than banjo.
Can I roll like, I don't even have my character sheet.
Before you ask what can you roll?
What are you trying to find out?
I think I am just I guess looking around and trying to see if so things have gotten very quiet, which I thought I wanted 30 seconds ago.
But now I don't.
Turns out it's worse.
Turns out it's actually scarier.
Could you turn it up to like three or four maybe?
But last time, so far we've been like coming upon things and I feel like I'm probably surprised every time.
So I want to like head on a swivel.
Like, what what's going to happen next?
Because we know we're approaching the hollow and probably the banjo man.
I would assume.
Well, can't you just ready in action?
I could ready in action.
Look at you D&D and everything.
Right?
Yeah.
If you want something combat related, you could ready in action.
I'm a level two character.
What am I even going to do?
Slap a bitch.
I'm going to clench my fist.
I'm going to clench my fist like Franklin, like Arthur, like whatever that fist.
Arthur, I believe.
Don't fuck with his plan.
Franklin never fought anybody.
No, Franklin definitely never fought anybody.
That's right.
I think Franklin was a beautiful, non-toxic masculinity that he was showing.
Anyway, like investigation, I guess.
Sure, sure.
Investigation or perception, whichever you prefer.
I'm better at investigating than perceiving.
Oh, and I'm bad at both.
Bad at both.
That's an eight.
Welcome to the middle, everybody.
Thanks for being here.
We love that you've joined us.
Just a surprise middle lunch.
Yeah, it's coming out of a real tense moment in this episode, too.
So that's going to scare everybody.
Okay, good.
That's what we're going for, jump scares.
The tense moment of this episode.
Radical tonal shifts.
I was like, this episode we just recorded?
No, the episode that comes out to the whole Indomstance where you're still stuck in a house.
Fuck.
I mean, you're always stuck in something this season.
You're always stuck somewhere.
It's true.
I've got a Tuesday tattoo.
It's just going to be a little cardboard box and it's just going to have chains and a padlock on it.
And it is just where I live.
Yeah.
Okay, and then should I get one of a pamphlet or something?
What can I get?
Oh, that's really fun.
Just a little bitty one.
We could go to the tattoo show.
It's coming up in a month.
And we could go get little character kind of specifics.
Okay.
I've totally derailed this.
I'm sorry.
Okay, but we're in the middle.
So if you are with us on Discord, which we know that you are because Discord is an amazing place filled with amazing people.
You should drop little pieces of our different adventures because Carla and I will literally almost get anything tattooed on our bodies.
We have various.
It's true.
We're addicted.
It's fine.
We're moosey goosey when it comes to that.
I am like a water bottle.
I'll slap a sticker on there.
Hundred percent.
Yeah.
So that.
What else happens on Patreon?
Oh, but also Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
You get to hear a whole other show.
And we just recorded some bomb episodes for it.
It's so funny.
But you also turn it around.
Is it going to be a fight?
Are we going to make new friends?
Who knows?
We never know.
Hopefully you'd be able to see us doing this middle bit recording right now.
The different tiers.
Yeah.
If you're a producer tier or above, you can actually watch these shenanigans happen live.
And I can speak for everyone who is watching.
When I say smooth.
Smooth.
Always smooth.
That's a quotation.
That's a quote.
Well, but there is one thing that's super guaranteed if you join our Patreon.
And that is having an episode dedicated to you.
Which I believe Russ has that person.
Russ is about to announce.
Like today's patron.
Yum.
Like today's patron, Les Winsell.
Thank you, Les.
Thank you so much.
Russ sounded so alarmed.
But he was ready.
I don't know why.
They do that to us all the time.
Again, we're going for dramatic tonal shifts.
Thank you, Les.
You are more than we deserve.
I was just going to say that, Amy.
Because you're the same person.
I know we are.
We are.
But you are more than just a pun to us, Les.
Thank you for being our patron.
Absolutely.
Okay.
Thanks, everybody.
We'll get you back to the episode.
Can we jump scare out of something?
What do you mean?
Got us.
I got you.
We did it.
Done.
I was going to go with a look over there.
That was much better.
Bye.
The sound of your feet crunching has disappeared.
The sound of the banjo is gone.
There is light coming from above.
You presume from the moonlight coming through the canopy.
You've noticed that the mists have started to roll back in through the trees, slowly covering the path.
And as you round a bend, the three of you see up ahead another clearing.
The air is still.
You can't hear anything from up ahead.
Do you continue forward?
I mean, maybe I will pull out my bow and ready that.
Yeah, I'll have my sword ready as well.
Tentatively walking forward into the clearing.
I'm just daydreaming and looking at the trees.
So I haven't really clued into the fact that there's like...
Sweet.
Just sweet silence at this point.
Like, yeah, I'm an adventurer now.
Sound of overload running.
There's too much that's new.
Do I need like a cool nickname?
Kavlaran the Terrible.
No, that's no good.
Well, two of you paying attention and the third following behind Kavlaran the Terrible.
No, that's not right.
You all step into this silent clearing.
And as you make your first few steps into it, the music slowly, softly and deliberately starts up again.
Plucks on a banjo string.
Across the way, you see a white wooden house with a lovely porch.
I swear to God, if there's a bucket on the lawn in front of the house, like...
The bucket came back in.
Ah, I forgot about that.
Seated on the porch, rocking in a chair that creaks in time with the tune that you're listening to,
is a man dressed in very earthen attire, very browns and greens.
He's got a cloak over top of him, a hood that kind of comes down.
So you can see a beard beneath it, but you can't quite make out his facial features.
His voice is warm and slow and inviting, yet something beneath it is deeply and fundamentally wrong.
Well now, you all been busy, ain't ya?
Diggin' where you shouldn't.
Runnin' from things best left unchaste.
But you came all this way, so I reckon you oughta hear my song proper.
Guys, I think this is the banjo man.
I think we found him.
I don't know, I don't see a banjo yet.
Turn to look back at him, waiting to see if a banjo appears.
Turn to talk to each other, and he's just about to break into song.
I was like, the fuck, guys?
Come on, little respect.
You could have a soft whisper conversation without interrupting.
You see him reach down, and he lifts a banjo.
His fingers begin dancing across the strings.
The melody is hauntingly familiar, much like the lullaby, half remembered from childhood.
He hums a few notes, then chuckles, as if at an inside joke only he understands.
Children get lost all the time, don't they?
Slip between cracks.
Wander...
Is that what you're laughing about?
Too far.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is, sir.
The terrible, was it?
Wander too far past the fence, and forget where home is.
And when that happens, when nobody's left to tuck them in, to hush their cries,
to soothe that little lonesome ache, well, that's where I come in.
He plucks a discordant note, and the clearing shudders.
Standing up from the tall grass are wooden mannequins.
They come forward like a silent audience, and their heads creak around towards you in unison.
You see the man up on the porch, he grins wider.
I take the strays, the forgotten, the ones the world had no use for.
Give them a song to hold onto, a home where they ain't gotta worry no more.
Cause, what's childhood really, but a tune that gets played over and over, till someone up and stops the music.
At that perfect moment.
Sorry, Russ, I want to let you keep going.
No, go for it.
Because you clearly have prepared this, and I love it, but I also do have a readied action,
and I would like to try to shoot his banjo, cause fuck this guy.
Go for it.
Okay, it's...
Telling up.
Oh, this is a bad 20!
Oh, shut up. Oh my god. Are you about to save all of us just right now?
No, I'm probably not about to do anything but die, but I will at least go out in a good blaze of glory.
Yeah, you fucking did.
Absolutely.
Okay.
As he sighs, shaking his head, as though disappointed, you loosen arrow towards him and the banjo.
Roll damage.
15 plus cause of the sneak attack.
21.
21 damage. I rolled almost on pex die, you guys.
Did you explode that banjo?
I'm sweating.
So excited.
Is it the roll? Is it the wine?
Probably not the wine you're drinking.
We have no idea.
Everyone, as if in slow motion, sees this arrow cut through the mist, moving towards the banjo,
and cut like parting the sea of mannequins before.
And, Bonwyn, you've got your eyes set on this man.
Everybody else is kind of following the arrow as it's moving through the space.
And you see his smile does not waver as this arrow's flying towards him.
It strikes the banjo, and you see wood fracture off the corner of it.
Let's out this discordant tone, and as the creaking heads of the children turn towards you,
their bodies shift quickly towards you.
Are they children or are they mannequins?
Yes.
They are child mannequins.
Okay.
So much worse.
Yep.
It's the worst combination.
I thought it was an either-or situation, but nope.
No.
Both.
They are children mannequins.
Okay, great.
A piece of the banjo breaks off and falls to the porch, and he looks down, his grin not fading.
Oh, God.
Does it turn to liquid metal, and then it back up, and he's actually a T-1000?
Or it becomes a new child mannequin.
Oh, no.
One or the other.
What have I done?
I've only been an adventurer for five minutes.
What have I done?
I think it's going great.
I think so, too.
The mannequins begin to slowly step towards you, some of them breaking off and going towards the trees.
And he laughs and gives a little tisk towards you.
But y'all, you just had to go and spoil it, and it shifts his tone.
That warmth is now gone, pulling at threads, making trouble, trying to take what's mine.
And that's something I just can't allow.
And he lets out this chord from the banjo, and you hear a vibration start within this clearing,
and the ground begins to shake beneath you.
And coming up from the ground in front of you are these much similar,
but different to what you saw in the last clearing, these homunculus-like creatures.
There's a large, stitched together, stuffed teddy bear with too many button eyes.
There's dozens of dangling marionettes that begin to come from the trees.
You hear horse hooves coming from behind the house, and riding atop of this rocking horse is this porcelain doll knight.
And then with one explosion right in front of you, this jack-in-the-box shoots up from the ground,
and its warped, twisted face begins bobbing and laughing in front of you.
Who reflexively punches it in the face?
The banjo man up on the porch now stands, rolling his shoulders, the banjo slung against his chest.
The melody turns sharp and piercing like a music box suddenly wound too tight.
And he says, So I got a choice for you, sweet things, as everything around you stops for a moment.
Y'all can sit right here like good little ones.
Let me play you a song till you don't remember what you came for, or...
His grin stretches unnaturally wide and a deep resonant twang rings out,
and the first of these twisted toys starts moving again.
Stuff bears groaning, the jack-in-the-box screeching as it lurches forward and backward towards you.
Or...
We can dance.
Ugh.
I don't know about y'all, I'm kind of tired of the dances, but real quick question for you.
Is Alydin in that house?
Yeah, you banjo man, I'm talking to you.
As the jack-in-the-box kind of bounces in front of him.
You're like, Did I fucking stutter?
I have some issues with your logic here.
Like you said, you take things and people that have been forgotten.
Well, Alydin wasn't forgotten.
None of those kids were. We were taking care of them.
They're not lost or forgotten.
Your friend isn't too far.
Alydin! I had to start yelling for Alydin again.
You hear the creaks of those mannequins one more time.
As they continue to disperse towards the trees, make an investigation roll, all of you can.
Perfect. I definitely am used to being around a lot of loud distracting things.
I was born and raised in a blacksmith shop.
Let's see. That was terrible. That was a nine.
Got an 18. I got 14.
I only got a six. I'm not even in this scene.
Or are you? We don't know yet.
We don't know.
Bonwyn, you're calling out for Alydin, seeing if perhaps she's in the house behind the banjo man.
Kavlarne and Bazaar, you quickly scan the entire scene around you,
but you land on some of these mannequins.
And you start to recognize some of the features of these mannequins.
You see the eye that works too hard of Cedric.
You see Tali.
And then disappearing into the trees, you see Alydin with a wooden bucket attached at her hip.
And we cut back to the house, Alydin.
You're following behind your father, and he said he was going to take you to find a book.
He said, I've got something for you.
And he leads you back down the hallway.
You pass by the dining room.
You see your mother in there watching dishes.
And he leads you by a front sitting room.
And up on the wall of this sitting room,
as you enter, is this family portrait.
It's a large painting that depicts the three of you.
Do you want to make an investigation roll as you enter this room?
Yeah, but not with the fucking computer.
I guess.
No, don't do it with the computer first.
Were you going to change your mind?
Yeah, roll.
You can do insight or perception rather than investigation,
because you're not really looking for anything at this moment.
Well, that's a plus zero, so fuck.
How about a two?
Twenty?
Two and a zero is 20.
Yep.
Yeah, you see this large painting, and you enter the room,
and your father goes off, and there's a small bookshelf,
and he comes back with his book of nursery rhymes.
And unlike all the other books in the study,
this one appears to be holding its shape and form.
It's like a book you've read before,
with the children, lent to you by June.
Like, this isn't anything new.
And he says, I think you'd really like this one.
He hands it to you.
I take it carefully, and I say, thanks.
I'll read it later.
Of course, of course, of course.
You have a seat in the chair if you'd like.
You can take it up to your room wherever you'd like.
I'm going to make one more roll as you're kind of quickly...
You can roll investigation at this point if you're...
Anyone!
Now that you're in the room, okay?
Your eyes quickly dart around the space.
There's a front window that you look out,
and you still see the picket fence out front.
It's still nighttime.
And your eyes shift back to that painting.
And as you lock onto it,
the faces, including yours, in this painting shift.
The figures flicker between unfamiliar and ghostly reflections
of yourself at different ages.
You begin to feel weak.
The book in your hands feels very heavy,
and you have a hard time gripping it as it falls to the floor.
Your vision begins to narrow.
Last thing you see is your father
rushing towards you to catch you before you hit the ground.
No, damn it! I rolled a 21!
Dumbgeons and Dragons Season 4 Episode 19
Starring Amy More as Alydin,
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane,
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave,
Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard,
and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Dialogue, editing, and sound design of today's episode is by Russ More.
Our community manager is Jessica Babiak.
Music is from Epidemic Sound,
and sound effects are from Epidemic Sound and Boom Library.
Our amazing cover art is by Matt Garbutt.
And we'd like to say a huge thank you to our supporting producers,
including Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak,
Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
Angaron Kierzen, Perry Matey,
Old School Gamer D,
Craig Zeiss, and L.A. Branton.
We'd love for you to join us over on Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragoncast
where there's so many amazing bonus episodes,
and now we're opening up the backstage of our actual records.
Join us today.
Hey, you have a great week. We'll talk to you soon.
Hope to see you over there.
We come to Kavlaran and Bizarre and Bonwyn.
In the hallway? That's madness!
How did you guys get here?
Look at him just trying to...
So happy to see you.
He's like, I'm just going to talk through you, Amy.
Fuck you, we're changing scenes.
If I don't start setting the scene, it doesn't count.
Sorry, what was that?
Uh, well, I don't know.
It was impactful and cinematic at the time,
but that's okay.
We're lost to the ether now.
Alydin!
I'm going to start yelling for Alydin again.
Yeah?
I'm sorry, I'm just coughing in here.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.