Dumbgeons and Dragons begins in a moment.
Alydin, it's the end of the day and you're locking up the Magic Closet.
Oh yeah.
It's been a while. You've seen the two that tried to pull the wool over your eyes and steal some goods from you the other day.
You've seen them walking by the store. They look very sheepish.
I make extreme eye contact and I do like that I point at my eyes and I point at them. They know.
They know. Any time that you do that to them, they quickly turn tail.
Like they don't even look like they're trying to come in and do bad things.
Like they're just walking up the nerve to try and like come by the things that they actually wanted.
But now they're scared off and we're probably going to wait till Bizard comes back.
I've done sketches of their faces and put them up next to the till.
Of course you have.
Don't serve these people here.
Yeah, no, no. They shot a fan.
Bizard's going to come back and there's going to be like 50 people up on this wall where previously there might have been one.
Trying to steal from me.
I don't think any of them have actually stolen from you.
There were probably only the two, but everybody who walks in I feel like you're just-
No, no. I want to be a good business person.
Of course.
But you've gotten really good at sketching people so like there's that.
You could be a street character artist now.
I've been drawing them like you're French girls.
Yeah.
I am.
I'm feeling pretty good about my situation here in the Magic Shop here.
You've been doing a great job and you're heading off to check on the kids who have, as we previously found out,
have been moved around the city in the three different locations.
There's the school.
There's a shed, which is where Tally is staying with a small contingent of the children.
And the mill, you being still the eldest of all of these kids, where do you go first when you're doing these rents?
I think I go check in at the shed because Tally as my number two, my protege.
Yeah, she would think of her as a protege.
Like it goes Bizard and then me and then Tally.
I wasn't going to say it.
We were all thinking it.
Just to double check that things are going all right and just to check in with who I left in charge.
Of course.
You make your way through the streets and the shed isn't too far from the stables where you previously were.
It maintained its form at the very least after the monsters attacked and days since several of the guards who knew that you were
staying there did come by and like board up the door that was busted open from when that monster came out.
So there's no more getting back into that cellar, at least not in its current state.
But you make your way to the shed.
And as you're walking up to the shed, it's getting towards evening hours.
You hear a soft lullaby being sung from the shed and it sounds like Tally's voice and like some of the kids are singing along.
I just I I loitered the door for a minute because this is this is a nice moment and I don't want to spoil it.
And I'm proud of Tally for keeping the kids like, you know, at the very least entertain.
They're all not just sitting around looking at each other being like, I wonder when the next monsters going to destroy our home.
You hang at the door and the tune is familiar.
It's it's a lullaby tune.
So I mean, all songs basically kind of sound like what?
Like that kind of. Yeah, I thought you were starting off some good King Wentz.
Very similar start, but on that third note, it deviates.
So you got to watch it. Yeah.
But as you're listening, you catch kind of the tail end of this song and the words as you go up to the door become more clear.
And the words you hear at the end of this song are so stay with me.
Don't go astray or in the night you'll fade away.
For once you hear his lonesome song, the banjo man won't wait too long.
What the fuck?
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast.
And I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More, he him.
Also joining me today is Amy More as Alydin, she her.
And then I heard what you were singing.
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave, he him.
Oh, no, you mixed up your cyanide tablet.
And Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard, he him.
I bet they try to call it a work pod, huh?
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon supported podcast.
And you can join us today at patreon.com slash Tom Dragoncast.
There's a seven day free trial and a whole bunch of episodes for you to listen to.
We hope to see you over there.
And now fuck it. Let's play.
Bench and Cav.
So previously you two were at the...
Had one of the most uncomfortable dinner experiences of Kavlaran's life.
You guys were at the cured pig.
Let's say you spent at least part of the day there.
You've finished up.
Bizarre, your mum has brought the bill.
And everything OK?
Cav, it's been lovely to meet you.
Super nice to meet you too.
Yes. Well, I hope to see you again, Bizarre.
I expect to see you again before you go heading back to Vintersmouth.
And of course I will think on what we talked about earlier.
And I will formulate just how I'm feeling in that state about coming back to Vintersmouth.
And in fairness, I will consider going to see Dad.
I don't... I'm not...
Don't... It's OK.
Distress yourself, OK?
Believe me, I will not, Mother.
But, thank you.
There's a call from the kitchen in the back.
She says, I've got to go. I'll see you very soon.
She gives you a big hug and says, I love you.
And then heads back into the kitchen.
Leaving the two of you to finish up at the table and decide where you both need to go next.
So, Kav, do they give you a pretty good stipend?
Because, you know, this seems like a really good business lunch to talk about what we're going to bring to the officials, right?
I love where your head's at, B. Love it.
Yeah, the stipend's not great, but it'll cover our lunch. Absolutely.
Sick.
Let me pull out the Contra chips.
So, I've got to swing by the Comptroller's office.
You're welcome to come with, but it might be pretty boring.
OK, let's see.
The library is kind of in the opposite direction, so I'm going to stick with you for now.
And, you know, I know the librarians, so I'll be able to just...
They'll let me in. It'll be fine.
OK, cool.
Yeah, let's head on to the Comptroller's office.
I don't know. Working for the mayor has kind of shown me a little bit of behind the curtain of the, you know, red tape and everything.
And I have a slight interest in it, especially if I'm going to continue to be a business owner.
Yeah, absolutely.
All right. Let's, I mean, we'll settle up here.
We'll head on our way and spill the beans, I guess.
Sounds good.
Dine and dash on your mom.
Yes, by settle up here, I mean run out the door.
Yes, they'll never find us.
You head off to, I guess, question for Cav.
Does Cav have...
Yes, I did get a receipt.
Great. That was the first question.
You submit your receipts. Make sure you get them in by end of day on Friday.
Otherwise, the whole thing just falls apart.
You have to wait the whole... Yeah, yeah.
But my real question was, does Cav have an office here?
Cav doesn't have his own office.
He's got like a cubicle amongst a wall of other cubicles.
I bet they try to call it a work pod, huh?
You know, they like to call it just your workstation, but like it ain't fooling anyone.
We enter into what's familiar to Cav, but he hasn't been here, obviously, in a few months.
What is time?
And bizarre, this is probably not a building that you've been in.
Certainly not.
Part of the many city official buildings that surround the King's Tower.
You enter in and there's a series of long winding hallways,
and you get back to the auditor general's office, the comptroller's office, and several others.
So there is a wall of cubicles.
And as you're walking by, there are several people working, writing in ledgers,
and a couple of them kind of look up and back down to their books.
And you walk by one and like there are papers stacked to the ceiling on this desk.
Cav, it's your desk.
Yep, make yourself at home. There's a chair around here somewhere.
Okay, should have brought Oak with you.
Oh my god, he would make, he would just, this would all disappear and it would be a dream.
Well, kind of edge between the piles and everything and almost knock one over and I stabilize it.
I mean, that one was there before I left, but like, all right.
These other two, they're new.
So do you have to do all this right now or how does this work?
I don't think so.
I think, you know, more pressing issues than this.
I was just making sure that my ficus was alive.
George, thanks for watering it.
No problem.
Cav, this one's dated a year ago.
Yeah, it's fine. I'll get to it.
Yeah, I'm not very good at my job.
It's somebody appealing the tax rate on their, okay.
I mean, that's not something I can personally solve.
I just need to like, give it the old once over.
But yeah, it's just, you know, other things took priority.
There's a tap on your shoulder, Cav, and a clearing of a throat.
And you turn around and somebody recognized her name is Stacey and she's got another stack of papers.
And she says, oh, it's good to see you, Cav.
And she piles it on top of one of the lower piles of papers.
It says, we've just been keeping these here for you until you get back.
Take your time.
Okay, well, I'm not really like back yet.
Just a quick pop in, just to stop over.
You're here though.
So how do you do?
If you could just take care of this, because it has fallen over a couple of times
and we've tried to put it back together,
but it feels like there's going to be some work in to sort out all this paperwork.
Yeah, all the king's horses and all the king's men, you know.
Oh, speaking of the king's men, is Wiggins in?
I saw him earlier. He was doing his rounds.
So if he's not in his office, he can't be too far.
All right, cool. Thanks, Stacey.
I just got to, I'm going to take my buddy here.
Oh, sorry, Stacey, Bazaard, Bazaard, Stacey.
Pleasure to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Shake your hand.
Yeah.
Are you also in auditing?
No.
Are you new here?
I don't do this job and I'm not doing anything here.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, that's fair.
Okay, well, it's good to meet you.
We'll probably see you around.
Cav, great to have you back.
I'll let everybody know that you're here.
No, I'm just popping in.
Cav is here.
Just to stop over, just a little.
George.
How do you do?
Cav is here.
Oh, no.
I spotted his ficus.
He just thanked me.
Thanks, George.
Anytime.
All right, let's go try to catch Wiggins.
Come on.
You head out of the cubicle area down the hallway.
You pass by a lovely woman who looks and says, Cav, I heard you were back.
No, just ever so briefly.
Just stopping in.
So excited to have you back.
And she keeps going.
Again, still not back.
And you make your way to Comptroller Wiggins' office.
The door's slightly ajar.
You hear some grumbling inside.
It sounds like one voice.
But it does sound familiar.
It sounds like Comptroller Wiggins.
Is now a good time?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Come on in.
Who's that?
Oh, Cav.
Cav, I heard you were back.
Come on.
It's great to have you.
Come on in.
Just here for just a scooch of time.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Come on in.
Hey, you got a new friend there.
Oh, yes.
Sorry.
Wiggins, this is my friend Bazaar.
Bazaar, this is Wiggins.
Nice to meet you.
Great to meet you.
Come on in.
You're looking to get into auditing, I hear.
Or perhaps just paperwork in general.
No, I'm a business owner.
So I'm...
So you're going to submit paperwork?
He runs the local magic shop.
In Vintersmouth.
Oh, great.
Oh, yes.
No, not here.
No, in Vintersmouth, where I've been for several months.
Yes.
Right.
You were in Vintersmouth.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Still am.
Got to go back there.
Just stopping in.
It's going around that you're back and that you're going to take care of that huge
pile of paper on your desk.
I mean, I'm just...
I'm really not.
I'll level with you.
I'm not going to do it.
I mean, half of that is correct, Cav.
You are back, but just that latter half, right?
Yeah.
Just...
Easy misunderstanding.
Quick little pop-in.
Just back for a sec.
Okay.
Let's just...
All seriousness, it's great to see you back.
But your last report said that you didn't find anything, so I didn't expect to see you
back for quite some time.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
What are you doing here?
Oh, well, things have changed.
So you are back.
Nope.
Not in that department.
In the previous department, in the didn't find anything department.
Really?
I'm just going to skoosh this door closed for a sec.
Oh, yeah, of course.
Come on in.
Have a seat.
Have a couple chairs.
See?
Paper work everywhere.
It's just how we do it here.
Do you need coffee?
Or water?
Or something?
I'm good.
Coffee sounds good.
Great, great, great, great, great.
He goes and moves another stack of papers and there's a coffee machine that looks
like it's been off for a while and pours it into the cup.
There's no steam coming off of it and hands it to you.
It is cold.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I hold it.
That's official city coffee.
It doesn't get any better than that.
It really does.
OK, so yeah, in the things have changed in the not finding anything department, I just
got a little little something here and I reach into my bag and I pull out the books
and I like slam them down on the table and say, oh, Wiggins, you're going to you're
just going to love reading this.
And he sits down in his desk and flips them open, positions his glasses at the
end of his nose and says, oh, my.
We'll be right back.
It's the middle.
So this week has been a good week.
Everybody lists something good that's happened to them.
I moved into my new house.
Yeah.
Oh, Tom shouldn't have gone first.
That's a really good one.
Yeah, sorry.
Yeah, sorry. We'll cut yours to the end, Tom, but that is very exciting.
You have gay.
I'm getting the winter tires changed on both of our vehicles.
Nice. Great.
Yeah. Thank God, because if he didn't do it, nobody would.
I got some new Halloween decorations finally up in my game.
Not so boring outside of the house.
Oh, I fixed my window that I smashed because I'm a little slugger.
Oh, yeah.
Dennis, the menace to yourself.
Um, I learned that it only takes me 15 minutes to clean a whole thing of liquid yogurt out of a backpack.
Oh, information you didn't want to learn, but you did.
And you did it.
I know.
Good for you in a pinch.
You get some yogurt in your backpack.
You know, it's going to take 15 minutes.
OK, it's not bad.
Zero follow up questions.
What if it's Greek yogurt?
Oh, see, I said zero.
Greek yogurt would be easier because it's not liquid in every way.
You can scoop more of it.
There was cooling.
Yeah.
Yeah. Cut it down to seven minutes for Greek yogurt.
That's my guess. Yeah.
But all these great things are happening.
It feels like there's just some cool vibes in the air right now.
And we just want to pass that along to you.
And hopefully you're having a great week.
Especially to our patron, who this episode is dedicated to.
Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
The look on Russ's face was great.
I was on the edge of doing it and Carla came in.
That's one of the great things that happened this week.
This person who Russ has at his fingertips.
Yeah, Russ has prepared.
He's just so excited to say their name.
I know. He's bouncing up and down.
You've got to slow down and take a deep breath.
You don't even know the name that I'm going to give you.
I know. I'm so excited.
Well, you keep it a secret.
Yeah, we don't even know.
I don't like to tell everybody so that you're surprised.
It's in a sealed envelope.
All right. Got the envelope.
I just sound like you like we're spitting.
That's how you get an envelope open.
You got to make it. You got to get a little lip on there.
You got to get a little lip on there.
So you can see through it a little bit, almost.
That's right.
Yes. Thank you to this week's patron, William F. Kirkwood.
Thanks, William.
Thanks for being one more wonderful thing
that happened this week.
Absolutely.
Also, your name sounds like a movie star name.
It really does.
Yeah, the F that really throws it in there.
I think so.
But also, it's just like real solid names.
Yeah.
Like when you see that name come up fourth in the credits,
you're like, he's the bad guy because he's very recognizable.
So good.
Thank you, William, for being the bad guy in our movie.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
We hope you're having a great week,
and we hope you're enjoying this episode.
We'll get you back to it.
Thanks so much for being here.
We love you, bye.
I wish all your backpacks are not filled with you.
And we're going to cut back to Vintersmouth.
Kick us off.
Kicking us off by kicking that door open.
The children scream.
Ah!
What was that?
Hi, you guys.
Hi.
Oh, surprise.
You scared us so much.
I'm so sorry.
I was just so excited to see you guys.
It's great to see you.
How was the day at the Magic Closet?
Oh, pretty good.
That's good.
Business is booming.
Oh, fantastic.
Bizard is going to love that he put you in charge.
I saw you put so many new pictures up today.
It was only one extra, and she knew why.
She knew.
I'm sure she did.
She did.
Yeah, you're doing a great job.
Yeah, yeah, speaking about jobs,
can I just talk to you outside the shack?
Oh, sure.
Just over here a little bit.
You guys, you just hang out, OK, you guys?
Probably ring around the rosy.
Now sing it creepy like, no.
Ring around the rosy.
I pulled Tally outside.
Yeah, what's up, boss?
And she pulls the door closed behind her.
What's up?
So walking up, hear you singing to the kids.
Oh, that's what we were doing.
Oh, fantastic.
Love it.
I was in that moment so proud of you.
I was like, look at Tally taking on all
of this responsibility.
Just taking care of these kids.
And then I heard what you were singing.
OK.
Oh, you just heard the Banjo Man song.
Yeah, no, that's a new song that we heard.
We were down by the docks there.
Why did you take the kids down at the docks?
They've got to get out.
You've got to stretch their legs every now and again.
You can't keep them in this shed all day long.
Don't bring them down to the docks.
I'm pulling my hair out, Alydin.
I'm pulling my hair out.
I've been home with the kids all day.
Now I guess you know how I felt.
I just needed to get out for a little fresh air.
Listen, next time have them play around the pond.
Don't bring them down to the docks.
OK, anyways, we were down at the docks.
And there was this lovely man singing a bunch of songs.
So we all pulled up and gathered around.
And he was doing a great job.
And then he came to this one, the Banjo Man.
And there was a tale about how there's some missing children.
And it was a little bit of a spooky, scary ghost story
more than anything.
But then taught us this lullaby to sing about the Banjo Man.
And we really loved it.
Felt really calming.
That song's like real creepy.
Well, which part did you hear?
The end.
Oh, well, I mean, contextually, you probably
want to hear the-
OK, well, sing me the whole thing, then.
OK.
Convince me.
OK, you ready?
I'm ready.
From your diaphragm, dig deep.
Hush now, child, and close your eyes.
The Banjo Man will sing the skies with silver strings
and gentle sound.
He'll lead you where no harm is found.
See, no harm is meaning good.
He plays for those who dream and weep.
His melody will soothe your sleep.
But if you wander far from bed, he'll
play a song to fill your head.
Soothing is what the Banjo Man's doing.
In shadows deep and woods so tall,
the Banjo Man will softly call.
With music sweet, your steps he'll
guide through mist and dark to where he'll hide.
It's like a game, like peek-a-boo,
like hide-and-go-seek.
So he's calling?
So stay with me.
Don't go astray.
Or in the night, you'll fade away.
For once you hear his lonesome song,
the Banjo Man won't wait too long.
They like it when you go up at the end.
Tally, oh my god.
What?
That's messed up.
What do you mean that's messed up?
That is a horrific song to sing to children.
But what are you talking about?
I'm talking about some creepy dude
singing a song to kids in the woods.
Well, there was a guy down at the docks.
That is different.
Singing this very song to children.
And there were adults there.
Sorry, I bumped into you.
I apologize.
I'm just getting very animated.
OK, I need you to hear me.
So we don't like the song.
Tell me what part about the song we don't like.
I don't like that it is telling the children
that there is a creepy Banjo Man somewhere
who fills their head with nice songs,
but also subsequently hides in the forest.
And lures children.
That's not what I took out of the song.
Oh, but that's what it is.
And then this song sounds like a warning.
You better not go too far from your bed,
otherwise a Banjo Man is going to get in your head.
Well.
OK, so I'm hearing your feedback.
I'm hearing your feedback.
So what you're saying is that also,
it's a song that they like,
but also it warns them not to walk away in the dark.
We've had that problem before.
You've had?
Well, I'm just talking about it in general.
You know, the kids sometimes have walked off in the past.
They've been pretty good.
They've been pretty good lately.
But like, this is a constant reminder to stay in the shed.
That was Jimothy and he was sleepwalking.
OK.
Well, yeah.
I know.
Jimothy is the tale we tell everybody.
But now we've got the Banjo Man.
Yeah, but I don't think that scaring the kids
is a good idea.
I won't sing the Banjo Man anymore.
Thank you.
What if you were to do the Banjo Man
What if you were to just change a couple of words?
Make it your own.
Make it not so ominous.
OK.
That means spooky.
That's a good one.
Subsequently, I won't make it ominous.
Nailing it.
Quick learner on that vocab.
And it could be whatever you want.
But like, just don't make it creepy.
And we want the children to stay because they like to stay
and they feel safe, not because if they leave,
something terrible will happen to them.
That's fair.
I mean, we were singing the one that you taught us,
the Rockabye Baby one.
But like the baby falls from a treetop in that one.
The branch isn't that high.
But I see where you're coming from.
Cautionary tales.
You know what?
Maybe just OK, going forward.
We just sing happy songs for the kids.
Just happy songs.
Yeah, because like stuff's really hard
and they like legitimately.
That means like really, really just saw a monster.
That is true.
And I bet that's going to leave
some long lasting, you know, stuff for them.
Yeah, they have some of them scream in the night.
But you know, that's.
Jesus Christ.
I'm going to need you to tell me
who's screaming in the night.
Sure.
Tally begins to walk back
and you hear them singing the song again on inside.
OK, I'll shut it down.
I just bust the door open.
Everybody shut up.
No talking.
Subsequently, Alydin is going to make sure
that we don't sing this song ever again.
Now, point to your friend who was screaming last night.
I point to Sarah.
And then they point to Walter.
And then they point to Dee.
It's everybody, isn't it?
Is everybody screaming at night?
Not everybody.
Well, in my defense, once Sarah started,
what was I going to do, not scream?
It was like a domino attack.
That would be very scary.
So here's what I hear.
Look, I dig inside of my bucket
and I pull out a piece of chalk.
You see this?
Yeah.
This is magic chalk.
For real, because I work in a magic shop.
She's basically a magician.
Whoa.
Is there an employee discount?
Can you eat it?
No, don't eat it.
It's chalk.
Magic chalk.
So here's what I'm going to do.
And I go to the front door
and I draw a thick line of chalk.
You see that line?
Yeah, everybody see that line?
Uh-huh.
That line is magic
and no bad stuff can pass it.
Wow.
What about at the window?
Well, let me just check.
And I go over to the window
and on the sill I go shh.
Good thinking.
Can't pass the window either.
Uh, so bad stuff can't get in through the door or the window.
So you know what?
Only good stuff is in here.
So when you sing songs,
let's sing good songs
and fill this place up with good stuff.
Does that mean Jim,
are these feet stinks going to stay outside?
Oh, good question.
Are you guys smelly?
Jimothy, are you smelly?
Yeah.
Whoa, Jimothy has a much deeper voice than I in it, doesn't he?
That's OK.
It's called puberty.
Yeah, yeah, it is.
And it's OK.
Everybody eventually goes through it
and all the kids look to each other in shock and fear.
Oh, we did that little field trip with everybody.
So is this the first place or the last place you visited?
Because you probably want to tell them not to sing this.
Did not.
You want them to sing different songs.
This was my first stop,
but thank you for that information.
Great.
All right.
Do you guys need anything?
You got more of that chalk?
I dig inside of my bucket
and I find another piece of chalk.
Yep.
Great.
So no eating it.
Tally hands it over to one of the children.
Just make sure you do a full perimeter.
Full perimeter of the shed, OK?
Don't miss any spots.
And I take out a few cookies from those buns dough
and I give them to Tally.
Thank you.
Not just for you.
Split them among the kids.
Of course.
Yeah, of course.
You know what?
You're doing a really good job.
Oh, thank you.
It's a learning experience.
And you're nailing it.
And you took the feedback well.
Well, I mean, if you put your back up
against constructive criticism,
nobody gets anywhere.
Great words.
Wise.
All right.
Bye, you guys.
Bye.
Love you.
I love you too.
Door shuts.
Everybody go to bed.
I look up at the sky.
The sun's still up.
It's like four o'clock.
See Tally through the window just chain smoking.
Nap time, kids.
Got to write a new fucking lullaby.
And I book it to the mill.
We see you tear off towards the mill.
And we fade back into Comptroller Wiggins' office,
who's flipping through the ledger.
And he says, so tell me one more time
where you got these books from.
All right, so these books were under locking key
in Nina's office.
There are so many names in this book,
like names I don't even recognize.
But some names I do recognize.
Like Nina and the mayor.
Nina and the mayor are all over this.
I'm more concerned about, perhaps,
a noble name that exists not within that town,
but in this town.
And he flips back a couple pages.
And he says, did you see this one?
And he points to a name, and it's Lady Cressida Thorne.
Yep, yeah, I saw that one in there a couple times.
He sits back and takes a swig of his cold coffee.
But like, what do we do with all these names?
What do we do with all these names?
He's gone, like, Stark White,
his previously unmentioned, unkempt mustache and goatee.
He starts pulling at it, just like combing it
through with his hands.
He says, this is a little bigger
than I thought it was going to be.
I thought it was just going to be some local stuff.
But this is like working with many different regions.
Oh, yeah, no, and like everyone from dwarves
to pirates to diplomats.
It's wild.
How did Knops is inept?
How did Knops pull this off?
Oh, I don't think Knops did.
That's the thing.
So you think Knops is the fall guy.
Or like knows what's happening.
But I think he knows he's just like,
oh, well, there's much smarter people
who can run this instead of me.
So I'm just going to like, I'll be the figurehead.
But that's as far as my role goes.
Right.
So we have to be.
He closes the book, closes all of the books,
and stacks them back up.
And we have to be very careful about this.
Looks over your shoulder, makes sure the door is still closed,
like checking the sill underneath,
making sure there's no like shadows at the doors.
We have to be very careful about this.
Who knows your back?
Everybody knows your back.
Literally, everybody in the office knows your back.
But what if like I leave again,
and then whatever is going to happen,
happens once I'm gone.
And then maybe people won't correlate
that I had this news for you.
So you're putting this on me?
Well, like you're Comptroller for a reason.
I do endless amounts of paperwork.
There hasn't been this.
There hasn't been since I started.
I've been here for 42 years.
I'm supposed to retire in three weeks.
Oh my God, I had no idea.
They were going to throw a big party for me.
Usually there's like a card that goes around,
but I guess with me not being here for a while,
I probably missed out on that.
It's probably on one of the piles on your desk.
Oh, yeah.
Bazaar, what do you think?
What should we do?
Well, I find it interesting that a noble person
from Kingston would wind up sending money to Vintersmouth.
What reason would they have to do that?
Especially considering like how the mayor has used
the money for gold statues.
Unless they're trying to make themselves some kind of,
I don't know, a vacation spot made just for them.
But I love Vintersmouth, but I don't think it's that really.
Well, I mean, I don't know.
I don't know what the end goal is,
but looking through the book,
it seems like her payments are,
well, they correlate with Nopz's authority
and like anytime there's a challenge to him,
she seems to like re-up that payment.
So obviously something there between the two of them,
but I don't know what it could be.
What if we just focus on getting Nopz and Nina out?
What about that?
Yeah, we could focus on that.
I think that's the move and the evidence here
would hopefully, what we're willing to divulge,
yeah, would certainly get them out.
I don't know how rich this Cressida person is,
but unless they have...
You see Jav making the money sign
with his fingers in the background.
I could only assume based off of the brief numbers I saw,
but if they have the money to throw like this,
who says they wouldn't just throw it behind
any kind of lawmen to make it just go away?
And nothing happens.
Yeah, yeah, I see your point.
Evidence burned, evidence dismissed.
Wiggums looks to you, Kav.
Have you made...
I see you've got some notes there on this.
Have you made any copies of anything that's in this?
Not like a copy per se,
but like jotting down my thoughts.
Of course, of course, of course, of course.
Here's what I'm proposing.
Here's the spaghetti that I'm throwing at the wall here.
Love it. Hit me with it.
I don't know how long you've been walking around
with these books for,
but I don't think you should be walking around with these books.
Oh, yeah, full agreement there.
We need to keep these books somewhere safe
that nobody is ever going to look.
I would say the giant stack of paperwork on my desk,
but someone might actually look there, you know, for the card.
Okay, so what if we go find the card,
get the card out of the stack,
and as ridiculous as this sounds,
what if we hid these books inside that giant stack of papers
that nobody's ever going to look,
and they just keep piling papers on top of it?
So your solution is to find the needle in the paper stack.
Yes.
And then hide more needles in said paper stack.
And then hide more needles in the paper stack.
And what I think I need to do here
is to start asking some pointed questions
to some people that I trust
and figure out exactly how high this goes up
so that we can figure out who to take this to.
And I'm sorry to tell you, but I don't think you're back yet.
Oh, yeah, no, I'm thrilled to hear that.
I did not want to do anything back here.
I mean, not that, you know, there's not,
like, I want to come back here eventually.
Yeah, I understand.
There's lots going on down in Vintersmouth.
Yeah, I feel like we need to keep you in Vintersmouth.
You've developed some relationships with people
who obviously are presumably connected with this, yes?
Yeah, yeah, one really good relationship
with my friend Bench, who is,
well, he comes up in that book a few times, doesn't he?
Yeah, he did notice that name.
Okay, so maybe,
maybe you can use that to your advantage.
If you, guaranteed, he knows what you've been doing, right?
We haven't been keeping that a secret.
You were there with explicit directions to audit the office.
Oh, yeah, yeah, he knows, he knows, yeah.
He doesn't know what we found.
No.
But he knows what I'm doing there.
Okay, if we're able to keep you there,
you can gain any more information.
Obviously, these books are gone.
That may pose some questions.
Could be a problem.
But why would you come back if you had the books?
Only a fool would do that.
It looks too bizarre, right?
Only a fool.
That's my thought on it, too.
Okay.
When's the next ship out that you're looking to take?
Biz, like tomorrow, right?
Yeah, we can head back out up and hit up the library tonight
and then see what my mom says tomorrow morning, then we're off.
Perfect.
Oh, we still got to stop by a chest of drawers.
Of course.
Maybe that can just be like on the way.
If you know what you want, I know what I want.
Got their catalog in the mail a couple of months ago and saw what the...
They've got some nice seasonal patterns.
I was just there last week.
Oh, okay.
I always love when they get the seasonal stuff in because it's not in the catalog.
So you just have to kind of go see what's there.
That's right.
It's exciting.
Okay.
I will start spreading the news.
I'm going to go tell Stacey that you're not going to be here.
She's going to be very upset.
Well, I mean, literally, if you tell Stacey, then everyone will know.
So I'm going to go tell her that you're not here and there's been a bit of a mix up.
They'll continue to pile papers.
Yeah, just keep putting that paper.
I'll be back to do it.
Don't you worry about that aggressive wink.
Yeah, yeah.
Bureaucracy is cool.
Take these books and put them back in your desk.
I trust you to put them in a place in a certain stack.
Nobody's going to touch the fucking stack.
That's all I'm saying.
So put them back in your desk and then casually exit the building.
I will ask those questions.
I will try and get some information before you go as to what could possibly be your
next step or if there's somebody we can take this to quicker.
Sounds good.
Always a pleasure, Wiggins.
Always a pleasure, Cass.
And I am sorry.
No, no, no, no, no.
This is great.
This is what we sent you out there for.
I was hoping he was just inept and didn't know how to add numbers.
But it turns out he's got enough backing that...
Oh, yeah, there's some super corruption.
Gosh.
Okay.
He cracks open a little container and pops two pills into his mouth and just starts
chewing them up.
Oh, no, you mixed up your cyanide, Cass.
And now he's dead.
It just seems like a running joke in this office.
Somebody else's problem now.
Oh, you cyanide pills.
Oh, no.
Womp, womp.
All right.
So we'll meet tomorrow at the usual spot.
You know where we do all the office outings.
You know, you've been to the office outings, right?
Yeah.
You've never been to a single office outing.
No, I haven't.
So we started meeting at the escape rooms so we can go meet at the escape rooms.
Okay.
Nobody's going to expect a business dealing at the escape room.
That's a place where joy goes.
Okay.
I'll see you tomorrow.
He heads down the office.
Stacy, you hear it calls down.
The two of you head back down the hallway towards your desk and you've got those
books in hand.
Oh, I put them back in my bag at this point, I believe.
You're not walking around with them like this, just held it in front of you.
Don't look over here.
You've got the books in your bag.
Mind your business.
At the books in your bag, you're heading back towards your desk.
You hear George walks by, he says, oh, sorry, I actually back.
Stacy said you weren't.
Oh, yeah, no, just back.
Just just for a little scooch of time and then back to back to back to the
dub.
It's good to see you.
Do you mean to keep water in the ficus?
Are you going to take that with you?
You know what?
I'm going to take it with me.
Roger that.
I appreciate you keeping it alive.
It's one of the easiest things I've ever done in this place.
Well, it's good to see you.
Can't wait to see when you are back and pleasure to meet you.
Keeps carrying on.
Good, dude.
Yeah, you know what?
George is solid.
And as I like, I tuck the books into like the never-ending stack of
paperwork and the card is like on top of one of the other stacks.
It's delightful.
Dumbgeons and Dragons Season 4 Episode 9 starring Amy More as Alydin,
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave, Kyle Clasett as Bizard the Wizard,
and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Dialogue editing by Carla Maxedad and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound and Slipstream and
sound effects from Epidemic Sound, Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
Our amazing cover art and character designs are by Matt Garbutt
and a huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak, Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
Christian Brown, Angaron Kierzen, Perry Matey, Old School Gamer D,
Craig Zeiss, L.A. Branton, Barbara Sandrzaik and Sarah Murphy.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon-supported podcast and you
can find us at patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast where you
get an episode dedication, a whole bunch of exclusive content,
access to exclusive community channels in our Discord, hangouts
and so much more. We can't wait to see you over there.
Oh, and merch. Merch is over there too.
After three months, we'll send you some.
Just like that. Join us today.
But until then, have a great week and we'll talk to you soon.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.