[0.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons begins in one moment, we swear.
[7.8s] We hear the sound of hammering and busy work happening down in the docks.
[12.6s] And Bizard and Alydin and Bonwyn are at those buns dough and getting a morning
[18.4s] coffee. And it's been a been a little bit since you've seen each other.
[22.8s] And Bizard has some interesting information that he is imparting upon you
[29.1s] from his recent adventures with Kavlaran, who's notably missing at this moment.
[33.4s] So what's the deal? You just aren't going to help rebuild?
[36.4s] Like we've been here.
[37.2s] Alydin's been here swinging a hammer.
[38.8s] Like we've been rebuilding four times and she holds a hand up and she's
[42.4s] like fully like all bandaged up.
[45.6s] But learning experiences each and every blow, each and every blow is a
[49.6s] learning experience.
[50.7s] But like, dude, you and Kavlaran just like boys weekend or what happened?
[56.6s] We're expecting to see you.
[58.2s] Well, actually, the mayor and Edna pulled us in to the offices, which was
[65.8s] very, very nerve wracking.
[69.1s] But it's not what you think.
[71.5s] Instead, they had us go with these monster hunters, I mean, Pinnance,
[76.7s] Olive Tree and Bond and Love and go to where the monsters were.
[81.9s] So you remember, like the old mine shaft thing?
[85.5s] Yes, the old mines.
[87.4s] We actually went further down into them, made our way down there and
[93.4s] discovered the source of these monsters.
[98.0s] Tried to take out one, but I tried to take notes on it.
[101.3s] It's like a nest or like a den?
[104.0s] Well, probably somewhere, but it's on the other side of some kind of
[106.5s] portal that's now no longer there or we caved it in.
[111.6s] OK. I was taking notes and then all of a sudden I had to run.
[115.0s] So. But good news.
[118.1s] Portal brings monsters portal gone.
[122.8s] We all lived happily ever after in our newly rebuilt town.
[126.0s] How do you cave in a portal?
[128.0s] I'd like to know, too.
[129.7s] Uh, man, it was such a blur.
[133.4s] I believe we just attacked the the people were attacking
[136.8s] stalactites, trying to use them as weapons.
[140.9s] And that kind of just started a chain reaction.
[144.0s] You know, next thing you know, the rocks come a tumbling down.
[146.9s] So the rocks came down on top of it.
[148.8s] But then they didn't fall through it and into the where the other side
[152.4s] of the portal is.
[153.6s] Well, it was it was it wasn't a wasn't a horizontal.
[156.4s] It was a vertical like a doorway.
[159.3s] It looked like this.
[160.0s] And I pull out my my little notebook that I was like sketching of.
[163.8s] It's like it looked like this.
[166.0s] So like covered up the door.
[167.6s] Exactly. With with a lot of heavy rocks.
[170.3s] And I know they're strong, but hopefully not that strong.
[173.3s] I feel like it's a bandaid when we needed like sutures.
[176.9s] I don't know if they have the engineering skills,
[179.5s] those particular creatures to maybe figure that out.
[183.5s] The excavation, not to be a downer.
[187.6s] Who knows what else is on the other side of that portal, though.
[190.7s] That's a very, very good point.
[193.3s] And I mean, what are they going to do? Shout at the rocks.
[197.5s] They probably would.
[198.5s] But yeah, I really would love to like maybe do some research.
[205.2s] I know sometimes portals, the color of it sometimes
[209.3s] correlate to the destination.
[211.1s] Was it some situations?
[213.6s] Um, so the color of it was kind of
[216.9s] indigo in a way.
[218.6s] You know, hints of blue purple is kind of very amorphous
[223.4s] as far as the color spectrum goes there.
[226.9s] But but yeah, no, seem to be the source of it.
[231.2s] So hopefully there's no other portals.
[233.7s] God knows why that one was specifically there.
[237.1s] Can portals just show up like wherever they want to?
[239.9s] Does someone need to put it there?
[242.1s] Do we need to find the person who put the portal there?
[245.0s] Is somebody sending monsters?
[248.6s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D actual play podcast.
[252.3s] And I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
[255.1s] Also joining me today is Amy More as Alydin, she her.
[259.1s] Please don't steal anything while I'm gone.
[261.1s] Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane, she her.
[264.3s] Your draw length, your inseam, your waist circumference,
[267.6s] just all the measurements.
[268.6s] And Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard, he him.
[271.8s] We've swapped places. He owns the store now.
[274.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon supported podcast.
[277.1s] And you can join us today at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[280.6s] There's a seven day free trial and a whole bunch of episodes
[283.7s] for you to listen to.
[284.9s] We hope to see you over there.
[286.4s] And now fuck it. Let's play.
[295.6s] Bizarre, we're at your your home above the magic closet.
[300.0s] You and Kavlaran have been putting off your trip to Kingstown
[304.5s] basically as long as you can,
[306.8s] while the docks are getting fixed and while traders
[310.0s] are starting to come back into town.
[311.8s] You're getting close to thinking that this is a prime opportunity to go
[316.3s] and you're taking a moment and just getting some things together.
[320.3s] Are you an overpacker, a light packer?
[322.9s] How many pairs of underwear is Bizarre packing?
[325.7s] How many days are you going for and how many pairs of underwear?
[328.0s] I'm only going to take a couple of pairs of underwear,
[330.2s] because if Kavlaran and mine's plan are going to go through,
[333.3s] we're going to go to a chest of drawers.
[334.5s] You're going to get like 30 new pairs of underwear.
[336.2s] Buy some new fancy underwears.
[338.4s] So we'll be good on that.
[340.5s] I'll pack two, two plus one in case, you know,
[345.6s] accidents happen, in case you shit yourself every day for the first three days.
[349.3s] Yeah, I never know.
[349.9s] So, yeah, you know, fairly light packer overall.
[352.8s] I need my spell book.
[354.0s] You know, I need I always got to have some parchment and pen on me, some ink.
[359.5s] So you're going back to your alma mater.
[361.3s] Do you have like 19 capes with you or?
[364.4s] Oh, no, no, I'm not going to wear the official regalia on a trip.
[369.1s] I brought it with me, but that's not traveling, traveling gear.
[374.0s] You are tossing things into a satchel
[377.6s] and you hear the bell chime downstairs,
[381.6s] which you don't rush to because, you know, Alydin's down there.
[385.6s] We cut downstairs to Alydin and you are busy stocking shelves,
[391.1s] getting getting things put away and
[395.4s] some heavy footsteps come in to the magic closet.
[399.1s] You turn and you see a tall, thin man in a
[405.6s] a long, very floral colored cloak.
[410.3s] He has very slicked back hair and a
[415.1s] a well quaffed goatee, and he walks up to the desk
[419.9s] and is looking around and kind of over the desk and seeing.
[424.2s] It's appears he hasn't noticed you rings a bell on the desk
[427.5s] and is kind of checking checking his pocket watch
[430.8s] and is waiting for someone to come to the front.
[434.9s] Hi. Oh, oh, oh, oh, hello.
[440.6s] Do you work here?
[442.2s] No, don't tell anybody.
[445.8s] And then I pretend to put the things that I was putting on the shelf, like in my.
[452.0s] Ah, OK, OK, of course, of course.
[455.2s] Just kidding. Totally kidding.
[457.1s] What can I help you with?
[458.6s] Oh, well, I came to see the proprietor of this fine establishment.
[462.9s] But it appears that he's he's not here.
[466.0s] Well, what can what are you to what are you going to be?
[470.8s] What would you like him for?
[472.8s] Well, I have some I come I come through town every now and again.
[477.4s] Bizarre knows me very well, but I've come to sell some of my wares to him.
[482.4s] I've got new tricks for him to put out and sell to the kids.
[488.1s] Can I see? Oh, of course.
[491.1s] He opens his cloak and pulls out this fabric wrapped item
[496.2s] and he begins to unroll it on the desk.
[499.5s] And it is a long cylinder that he has inside of there,
[504.6s] which is metal, and it has holes all through it.
[507.9s] And he puts it down and smiles and says, ah,
[513.4s] ah, ah, yes, yes, you see, you see the value in this.
[519.0s] Yes. Yeah. Yeah. What is it?
[521.7s] Oh, well, it's a it's a it's a some of the kids call them boomsticks.
[528.5s] So like like an explosive.
[531.2s] Oh, a feigned explosion.
[534.4s] More than anything, more of a crackler really just sets
[538.2s] sets things alive at a party.
[540.1s] See, you pick it up here. He hands it to you.
[544.6s] Do you take it? No. Oh, sorry.
[547.1s] I once almost blew my fingers off.
[549.0s] If you wouldn't mind showing me how to how to do it.
[551.2s] Oh, what's your name?
[553.3s] Alydin. And you are? I'm William.
[555.7s] Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, William.
[558.7s] So all you do here is you twist the ends,
[562.3s] clicks into place, and then there's one final snap
[565.3s] and then lights begin to shoot out of all of the holes,
[568.0s] different colors, and they spin around the room wildly.
[571.8s] And you just place it here.
[574.0s] And after a few moments, it begins to crackle
[576.8s] and you hear this like the fizzle inside of it.
[579.7s] And then sparks begin to come out of it.
[581.8s] Don't worry, it's completely safe.
[583.2s] Nothing in wooden is going to be set a set of blaze.
[586.4s] OK, good, because I don't know if you know what our town just went through,
[588.9s] but everything was just a blaze.
[590.4s] It seems like think what happened.
[592.9s] Do tell, do tell. Monsters.
[596.0s] Oh. So how long does this go on for?
[600.2s] Oh, it goes on indefinitely.
[601.8s] And he turns it off and wraps it back up and says,
[606.4s] do you have a say over what stock goes into this establishment?
[610.5s] Well, I am a very close confidant of
[616.4s] Mr. Bizard, and
[619.3s] yeah, I do think that my he my opinion is very high.
[625.4s] Um, to him.
[627.1s] So I could put you down for 50 then.
[628.7s] That's the usual order.
[629.4s] Let's just hold on a second here.
[631.5s] I could fill up the paperwork.
[633.0s] No. Oh, they hardly, hardly anything.
[636.1s] Half a silver each.
[637.5s] Hmm. Can I see it?
[641.1s] Of course, he pulls back out of his cloak, unravels it
[644.5s] and places it down on the table for you.
[646.8s] Does each one come individually wrapped?
[648.9s] Of course. Only the finest.
[651.3s] How is it powered?
[652.4s] And I pick it up and I start to like
[655.0s] inspect it.
[657.0s] Oh, well, it's it's magic, my dear.
[660.6s] Don't patronize me.
[661.6s] A.B. Spanx.
[664.3s] Best dirty look.
[666.1s] And I'm not your dear.
[667.6s] Hmm.
[668.6s] Oh, I'm very sorry.
[670.5s] It did not mean to offend.
[671.8s] No, no, no, it's fine. It's fine.
[673.0s] I know people think that I'm a lot younger than there is
[675.3s] an enchantment placed upon it that when activated
[679.0s] puts the runes, as you can see, he points.
[681.6s] And this is there's runes all along the top and bottom.
[685.0s] Lines them up so that they are in position,
[687.1s] which activates the device.
[689.0s] Okay. Okay.
[690.4s] May I take this just to the back for a quick moment
[694.0s] to confer with Bizard?
[697.2s] Oh, oh, of course.
[698.7s] He's here.
[700.3s] Yes?
[701.1s] Maybe.
[702.3s] Okay.
[703.3s] I will wait here for you to come back then.
[706.2s] I hope it goes well.
[707.4s] Please don't steal anything while I'm gone.
[709.5s] Wouldn't dream of it.
[711.3s] Hard to get business if you steal from the people
[713.4s] that you're trying to sell your things to, right?
[716.5s] Yeah, but wouldn't it really be the best business
[718.4s] because you'd be selling them back
[719.7s] the stuff you stole from them?
[721.4s] Don't do that.
[722.2s] I wouldn't do it.
[723.1s] All right.
[724.9s] Up the stairs.
[728.2s] Knock, knock.
[729.2s] Open the door up.
[731.3s] Alydin, I hear we have some business downstairs.
[734.5s] What's that?
[735.5s] This is a light sparkler whiz banger.
[740.5s] Banger?
[741.6s] No, that's copywritten.
[745.2s] No, I mean, you know,
[747.8s] if that describes what it does,
[750.2s] I mean, it's a fairly mundane name, I think overall.
[752.0s] Boomstick, that's what he called it.
[754.2s] Oh.
[755.1s] You know William?
[755.9s] That's fun.
[756.8s] He?
[758.2s] William, William.
[760.8s] I've met Williams in the past.
[763.7s] He's dressed in the color floral
[767.0s] because that's what I was told.
[770.6s] He's dressed in floral colors.
[774.2s] Oh.
[775.1s] I wrote it down.
[776.7s] He wants half a silver each for these.
[780.4s] They do come individually wrapped.
[782.7s] It is pretty.
[784.3s] Wait, he's trying to sell them to us?
[790.7s] Was this guy's hair slicked back?
[793.6s] Did he give you a last name?
[795.1s] No.
[796.2s] I wonder if it's William Vanderhoof.
[797.8s] Should I not have left him downstairs?
[799.5s] I told him not to steal.
[802.0s] If it's the guy I'm thinking of, it should be fine.
[805.6s] Well, you've got enchantments on the place anyway.
[807.6s] People can't take things out without exchanging money.
[810.9s] Oh yeah, it's just,
[814.7s] I haven't had anybody come by to sell things.
[817.9s] Typically, as you know, I make them all myself.
[820.8s] That way I can guarantee the quality of the product.
[824.2s] I don't know if I'm opposed to it or not yet.
[826.0s] So I tell you what, let's go talk to this William.
[830.2s] See if I actually do know them or not,
[831.6s] or if they are just lying to you
[835.4s] since they have the opportunity to do so.
[837.5s] Very, I didn't like the cut of this guy's jib.
[842.2s] Let me tell you, because he talked down to me
[845.0s] and I didn't like it.
[845.9s] If you could maybe just pretend
[847.2s] like I am like a really close confidant
[849.2s] and you don't make any decisions
[850.4s] without talking to me first, that'd be really great.
[852.4s] I think I could manage that.
[853.8s] I don't want to undercut you or anything like you are
[858.4s] while you're an employee.
[859.8s] I also don't have any qualms
[861.6s] with you being a business associate.
[863.2s] You are in touch with the youth of this town,
[865.7s] so I would expect you to know better
[867.8s] what they may enjoy.
[869.9s] So I have some new things
[870.8s] that I may want you to hand out to them,
[872.3s] see if they really, see if they like them or not.
[874.6s] We'll get to that after we talk to this William though.
[877.0s] Lead the way, boss.
[878.5s] Oh, she puffs up her chest, so she's so excited.
[884.1s] You head back downstairs into the store
[887.5s] and you get down there
[889.6s] and you immediately do not see anybody in the room.
[893.0s] Hey, it's here, I promise.
[895.2s] Oh, I believe you, because I didn't make this.
[897.5s] Hey, did you know?
[898.5s] Unless.
[900.4s] Magic makes this thing work.
[904.8s] Alydin gives you a stare.
[906.3s] I'm going to observe it
[907.2s] and I'm going to check it
[908.4s] for any kind of like archonic runes
[910.5s] or anything that I would do to my magic devices
[915.5s] that would tell me if that's true or not.
[916.9s] Yeah, make an arcana roll.
[918.9s] Beautiful.
[921.0s] Bizarre does not have his coffee, that's a nine.
[923.5s] You give it a quick look over.
[925.4s] It does have runes
[927.0s] around the top and bottom of the device.
[929.9s] As you spin them back and forth,
[932.6s] it seems to activate the device
[934.0s] once they get to a certain position.
[936.6s] And then once you break that sequence,
[939.8s] it turns off the device.
[942.7s] As you go up to the register, to the front desk,
[947.0s] you see there is a package set down on the desk
[952.8s] with a sealed envelope on top.
[957.0s] Is there a specific seal?
[960.5s] Like is it a wax seal or any kind of?
[963.8s] You turn it over and there is a wax seal on it.
[966.8s] It has an inscription or an insignia
[970.4s] that looks like a magic wand
[973.3s] with a flourish of sparkles coming out of the end.
[978.0s] Do I recognize that?
[979.4s] Roll history.
[980.8s] There we go, he must had coffee, it's a 19.
[983.4s] It looks similar to a logo or a signature
[987.8s] or something that I'll let you determine
[990.7s] whether they were friend or not,
[992.2s] but someone you went to school with.
[995.2s] You remember them being William Vanderhootz.
[999.8s] Okay.
[1001.8s] We'll be right back.
[1005.8s] It's The Middle.
[1008.4s] Welcome to The Middle, friends.
[1010.4s] I hope you're having a great week.
[1011.8s] We're all here just to say, thanks for being here.
[1014.7s] Yeah, absolutely.
[1016.9s] We love to have you,
[1018.1s] love seeing you at Only Adventure.
[1021.0s] Just out on the high seas and on the road,
[1026.7s] less traveled.
[1028.2s] On the sidewalk, in the bakery, everywhere.
[1032.5s] On the boardwalk, down the pier.
[1034.8s] You know what I didn't do
[1036.0s] is hit record on my local device.
[1037.9s] So we're just pulling straight Amy and Russ audio
[1042.3s] off this other microphone.
[1044.2s] And I'll pull that out from the actual recording
[1046.0s] so I don't just jump into the show.
[1047.5s] You know how it is.
[1048.7s] Anyway, where we only sometimes forget to hit record
[1054.6s] is over on Patreon, patreon.com slash dumb dragon cat.
[1058.2s] How mad would Tom be?
[1060.0s] He runs that show.
[1061.4s] That's right.
[1062.3s] That'd be fine.
[1063.6s] Yeah.
[1064.5s] What if we had to do it again?
[1066.3s] Wouldn't be the same.
[1067.2s] We just wouldn't.
[1068.2s] We'd do something else.
[1069.0s] He just wouldn't.
[1069.9s] Yeah.
[1070.7s] Rework it, reshape it.
[1071.6s] It'd be lost to time,
[1073.5s] only what you remember you can bring back in.
[1076.2s] Like the live show.
[1077.6s] Yeah.
[1079.4s] We have that.
[1080.2s] I mean, we could probably release that live show.
[1082.6s] It does sound like a bunch of robots on stage though.
[1085.3s] So you let us know.
[1087.8s] Do you want to hear robots on stage?
[1089.6s] I don't even think it's an option.
[1091.3s] I don't, yeah.
[1092.6s] I don't recommend it.
[1094.0s] I asked.
[1095.6s] We should just post it.
[1096.7s] But the title is,
[1097.6s] I don't recommend listening to this.
[1099.0s] Yeah, don't listen to this.
[1100.8s] It'll be our most listened to episode.
[1102.3s] And then people are gonna be like,
[1103.2s] I'm gonna listen to it.
[1104.0s] Just listen everywhere.
[1104.8s] Just cause mom and dad told me not to.
[1108.4s] These idiots have been doing a podcast for how many years
[1111.0s] and this is the best they can do?
[1112.9s] Dee Snider would be on board for sure.
[1115.2s] You know what?
[1116.0s] He probably would be.
[1116.8s] Yeah.
[1118.2s] So when you come over to Patreon,
[1119.8s] you get a whole bunch of exclusive content.
[1121.4s] So if you're caught up on this show,
[1124.5s] which means you've listened to more than 300 hours,
[1128.1s] which is probably more than 400.
[1130.3s] That's a lift.
[1131.2s] In 300 episodes,
[1132.2s] so more than 400 hours of content.
[1135.2s] Of great, great adventure, not content.
[1137.8s] Great, great adventure.
[1138.6s] Great adventure.
[1140.2s] Fun time with friends.
[1141.2s] Come on over to Patreon,
[1142.8s] where we have an equivalent number of episodes.
[1147.0s] Yes.
[1147.8s] This is all we do, you guys.
[1148.7s] That's not true.
[1150.7s] A lot of them are downtime,
[1152.0s] so they're much shorter,
[1153.0s] but there's probably another 200 hours
[1155.7s] of stuff over there.
[1157.6s] And it's a lot of fun.
[1159.4s] But you also get an episode dedicated to you.
[1161.4s] Yeah, yeah.
[1162.3s] Today's patron, Coe Sellsgabber.
[1167.0s] Coe Sellsgabber.
[1168.4s] I mean, I don't even know where to start on that one,
[1171.4s] other than to say thank you.
[1173.4s] I like it.
[1174.2s] Thanks, Coe.
[1175.0s] Thanks, Coe.
[1175.9s] You rock. Yeah, appreciate it.
[1177.0s] Even if Russ maybe butchered your name.
[1179.4s] I edited it.
[1180.2s] I'm pretty sure I messed it up big time.
[1182.3s] Absolutely.
[1183.5s] I was so scared I didn't even try it.
[1186.7s] Well, thanks for being here, Coe.
[1188.5s] We really appreciate you.
[1189.8s] And if you want to be like Coe,
[1192.1s] come over to patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[1195.9s] And we hope to see you over there.
[1197.3s] Thanks, friends.
[1198.2s] We'll talk to you soon.
[1199.0s] Bye now.
[1199.8s] Love you, bye.
[1200.7s] Love you all, bye.
[1203.8s] So, Alydin, yes,
[1206.7s] that was the person I was assuming it was.
[1211.7s] And they, at school, they weren't.
[1217.3s] Oh, he's a school chum?
[1218.8s] Yeah, he's an old school friend.
[1221.5s] But I use the term friend loosely.
[1224.4s] I didn't make it a habit of mingling
[1230.6s] with the other students too much.
[1232.3s] Events where you were forced to, of course,
[1235.2s] and that's kind of how I got to know some people.
[1237.8s] And William was one of them.
[1239.1s] One thing that we did kind of bond over
[1243.7s] are kind of the trinkets that we like to make
[1247.0s] that do make fun for us
[1248.4s] and maybe a little bit of mischief for others.
[1251.8s] However, this contraption obviously shows
[1254.8s] that he does not have a good air for business.
[1257.4s] Because look, you know, he said it just works.
[1261.9s] From the looks of it, you just turn it on and it goes.
[1264.4s] You'll have to line the runes up and then magic.
[1267.9s] Cool.
[1268.7s] So there is no need for somebody to buy a second one.
[1274.5s] And right then and there is a bad business practice.
[1277.8s] Because how are you going to get people to return
[1280.0s] if the item does not get used up?
[1281.6s] What if the item is not really for what he says it's for?
[1286.8s] Ooh.
[1288.7s] That's a good observation
[1292.7s] that it could have nefarious intent behind it.
[1294.6s] It seems slimy.
[1296.4s] God, if he's invisible in here somewhere,
[1298.4s] I'm, you know what, no, I'm not sorry.
[1302.4s] I'm gonna open up the envelope.
[1304.4s] And inside, there's not a long letter
[1306.5s] that just says your name at the top, bizarre.
[1310.5s] And then there's just an uno reverse card.
[1312.6s] And it's like.
[1313.7s] Oh shit.
[1315.6s] And then it just says, you lost the game.
[1318.4s] You've swapped places.
[1319.3s] He owns the store now.
[1323.2s] That son of a bitch.
[1324.5s] It's just a picture of somebody holding up a thing.
[1330.2s] Jesus, it's all those things.
[1331.8s] It's all three of those things.
[1334.4s] This guy's a real douche.
[1336.1s] It says, bizarre, see you in two weeks.
[1341.5s] And then it's signed, not William Vanderhootz.
[1345.4s] It's signed William M. Hicks.
[1349.0s] M, period.
[1350.4s] As if he had a longer middle name,
[1352.7s] but forgot it.
[1353.6s] Yeah, middle initial.
[1354.6s] M is for middle.
[1356.7s] William Middle Hicks.
[1358.2s] William Middle.
[1361.8s] Why are you gonna see him in two weeks?
[1363.8s] I have no clue, but let's.
[1370.6s] Does the crate seem like it's probably
[1372.4s] about holding a lot of these fucking boomsticks?
[1375.5s] They're about the same size.
[1377.2s] And it looks like perhaps a stacked crate
[1379.9s] full of these boomsticks.
[1381.5s] Is this, is this crate sealed?
[1385.0s] With a small latch, it's not locked or anything.
[1388.8s] I'll grab a quick padlock and I'm gonna put it
[1392.1s] on there and then I'm gonna shove this
[1394.1s] in the back corner of a room.
[1395.9s] And I'm gonna write defective on it.
[1400.3s] What if they're, what if they're spy sticks?
[1405.3s] Damn it, you are, you are a good business associate.
[1410.5s] Thank you.
[1413.1s] I actually will keep this one
[1415.8s] and start dismantling it once I have the opportunity.
[1421.1s] We're gonna get to the bottom of this
[1422.4s] because somebody showing up and trying to sell me things
[1425.5s] is, well, not how I've ever done business.
[1428.0s] And I, but here, back to what I was saying.
[1430.6s] Why don't you, here, try out this new gum that I've made.
[1436.0s] That's really good.
[1444.8s] Over at EverBains, Bonwyn, you've spent
[1448.6s] the last few days trying to clean up the mess
[1452.0s] that the monster created coming through your floor
[1455.4s] and out your front door.
[1457.4s] Still haven't completed the front facade yet.
[1461.8s] You and Thane are still putting things away,
[1464.8s] trying to get some work done,
[1467.0s] small jobs here and there or as you clear a workstation.
[1471.4s] As you are getting ready to start
[1474.1s] on one of these projects, there's a small knock
[1477.4s] at what used to be the door
[1479.3s] and it's now just a broken wooden frame.
[1483.2s] Hey.
[1484.0s] You turn and you look and there's a middle-aged man,
[1490.3s] salt and pepper hair,
[1493.7s] little rough and scraggly around the edges
[1496.3s] and he takes a step in and says, hello.
[1502.1s] I came to town today and realized that there's been
[1507.6s] a many things going on.
[1510.8s] Is everybody okay here?
[1512.6s] Oh, we're, we are okay.
[1518.3s] Not everyone is okay.
[1520.3s] It was quite a thing.
[1521.1s] Oh, it looks like it.
[1522.9s] My name is Folan Varam.
[1526.2s] I came to town more as, well,
[1530.5s] trying to acquire some goods
[1533.2s] to go out further adventuring beyond here
[1537.8s] and knew that Everbane's has such a renowned reputation
[1544.8s] throughout the lands,
[1546.5s] but I don't want to put anything on you
[1550.0s] that might be taking away from rebuilding.
[1554.8s] Oh, you're very, very sweet.
[1557.4s] We do, I mean, what kind of things are you looking for?
[1560.4s] We, you know, we have some items.
[1564.2s] There are some things we can put together
[1566.8s] pretty quickly.
[1567.6s] I mean, Thane over there has been making hammerheads
[1569.6s] like nobody's business as we're rebuilding the city,
[1573.6s] but what are you looking for?
[1576.3s] Well, me and a couple others,
[1579.1s] we were supposed to be meeting up here.
[1581.5s] It may take them a few extra days
[1583.3s] now knowing the current state
[1585.3s] of the comings and goings of the town,
[1588.3s] but we are going on,
[1592.9s] well, you see, we've been tied into our work
[1597.0s] and our lives and our jobs for far too long
[1599.7s] and thought perhaps that we'd go out on the road
[1602.6s] and see what good fortune is out there.
[1605.8s] So we've been told that having sturdy weapons
[1610.0s] is something that is something we should have.
[1614.4s] So although not the strongest,
[1618.4s] I have been working,
[1619.8s] he holds up his arms, they're like sticks.
[1623.4s] I have been working, I've been trying to make sure
[1625.8s] that I can lift anything,
[1631.4s] but I hear that you make some lighter weaponry,
[1635.4s] some, perhaps a long sword,
[1638.2s] perhaps something that otherwise would be quite cumbersome
[1641.5s] for someone of my figure and my stature
[1643.8s] and make it a bit lighter.
[1646.6s] You heard right.
[1648.0s] Yeah, I definitely specialize in creating weapons,
[1654.5s] well, for all types of people of all abilities,
[1658.7s] always of the finest quality,
[1660.3s] always very sharp, very capable,
[1662.7s] but yes, I can definitely make it lighter.
[1666.8s] As he enters the room and pulls down his hood,
[1669.7s] you see that he's a half-elven man.
[1672.2s] Where are you heading on your adventures?
[1674.2s] Because that might make a difference.
[1675.9s] Sword shape, if you're heading somewhere jungly,
[1678.4s] you'd want something with more of a curve
[1680.0s] so you can really cut through the brush.
[1682.2s] Well, I was coming from Kingstown Way,
[1687.0s] not specifically Kingstown,
[1688.4s] but just beyond there at a little port city,
[1691.6s] and heading off and over the Me Mountains,
[1694.5s] I hear that there is a dense rainforest
[1700.1s] that has been on my list to go visit
[1704.1s] for forever now.
[1706.7s] That's where we're headed, first stop,
[1709.0s] and then I've been collecting stories along the way
[1712.2s] to see if there's anywhere else that I'd like to visit.
[1716.6s] Do you know of anything, anywhere around here,
[1719.2s] perhaps while I'm waiting for my friends,
[1721.5s] that would be of interest to a person like myself?
[1725.5s] Well, I hate to be a negative Nellie,
[1727.5s] but I am gonna tell you two places
[1729.1s] you maybe shouldn't go.
[1731.2s] There are some parts of the Me Mountains
[1733.7s] you're probably going to want to avoid.
[1737.3s] Bit of what you see here is a result
[1739.7s] of some creatures from there,
[1741.6s] but I can show you exactly on a map where to avoid,
[1744.7s] and you should be fine.
[1745.6s] There's many, many routes through the mountains,
[1748.8s] and if you go to the lake, which you should,
[1751.9s] it's beautiful.
[1753.2s] Excellent.
[1754.2s] That's Lake Vochtig over there, yes.
[1756.6s] Lake Vochtig, exactly.
[1757.8s] Yeah, have you been down that way yet,
[1760.0s] or did you come right here?
[1761.0s] I've seen the signs, and familiar with the area.
[1764.6s] I've been here some time ago, heard of Everbanes.
[1768.4s] I believe I met your father once,
[1771.2s] would have been much longer ago than I care to count.
[1774.9s] Well, him and my mom retired down onto the lake,
[1777.4s] so you know, that's got the Everbane seal of approval.
[1781.1s] Fantastic.
[1782.0s] Just maybe avoid the islands.
[1783.8s] For any particular reason?
[1785.3s] No, just I would say as a resident,
[1788.2s] probably safe as just to avoid there, but.
[1791.3s] I'm not a great swimmer anyway,
[1792.2s] so I'll just stick around, stick around the shores.
[1795.6s] Yes, yes, yes.
[1796.4s] Yeah, it's really too bad you weren't here
[1799.0s] just, you know, one week ago.
[1801.3s] We had a lovely waterfront.
[1803.0s] Yes, yes, I hear, like I've heard Vintersmouth
[1805.7s] is a flourishing, very rich town.
[1810.5s] Like it's surprising, like how long, how many nights?
[1813.7s] Oh, well.
[1814.5s] Has this happened very recently?
[1815.9s] How long ago did this event happen?
[1817.7s] Well, quite recently,
[1820.4s] there is some sort of maybe income inequality
[1824.3s] in Vintersmouth on this side of the river.
[1828.8s] This is where the working folk are.
[1830.8s] And on the other side of the river is more,
[1835.4s] how do I put this?
[1836.9s] Kind of more like where the rich assholes live.
[1840.3s] Some of them are very nice.
[1843.6s] And apologies if you yourself are rich.
[1848.3s] Most of my clients are.
[1849.2s] So perhaps I shouldn't be saying such things.
[1851.3s] Just having money does not justify a lot of the actions
[1857.0s] that one necessarily takes once they come into.
[1859.4s] Exactly, exactly.
[1861.3s] There's a way to have money and still be a good person.
[1865.2s] Is the current mayoral office still held by,
[1870.6s] is it Mayor Knops?
[1873.2s] Yep, yep, Mayor Knops.
[1875.0s] Still the head man in charge.
[1878.6s] It's been a while.
[1880.9s] Well. Yeah.
[1883.5s] I'm sorry, I don't mean to drag you into local politics.
[1886.4s] You came here to shop.
[1888.7s] I did.
[1889.6s] I have a few things I can show you
[1891.5s] right away if you'd like.
[1893.1s] If you would like a custom piece,
[1894.8s] that will take some time.
[1897.2s] For a sort of more, and then apologies,
[1900.2s] this sounds a little bit rude, but I think you'd agree,
[1902.6s] a more basic, serviceable, but excellent quality weapon
[1907.1s] veins your person.
[1907.9s] All right.
[1908.8s] If you want something unique,
[1912.1s] then I might be your gal.
[1915.5s] Well, do like the idea of something serviceable,
[1918.2s] something, but that has a unique quality to it.
[1923.1s] Absolutely.
[1924.3s] We've got, I mean, I have some,
[1925.9s] and I'm kind of searching through,
[1928.4s] like everything's just kind of in piles
[1930.6s] and in wooden crates,
[1932.1s] because we've been moving things.
[1933.8s] And I pull out a rolled piece of leather and unroll it.
[1938.2s] And there are a lot of, you know,
[1939.8s] just kind of basic day-to-day knives,
[1942.0s] like daggers and some slightly longer,
[1944.6s] but of various functions,
[1946.4s] but all, you know,
[1947.3s] just the kind of things that we would make
[1949.9s] when we had a little bit of metal leftover
[1952.7s] and wanted to forge something.
[1954.2s] Of course.
[1955.0s] Oh, these are delightful.
[1958.4s] Perhaps I purchased multiple items from you, you know,
[1961.6s] as my friends are coming into town,
[1963.0s] I have a few days.
[1963.9s] So no huge rush.
[1966.8s] There's no timeline on what we're doing.
[1969.1s] I will get a room and stay here.
[1971.5s] Perhaps go see if your father recognizes me.
[1976.1s] But yes, as I mentioned,
[1977.5s] perhaps a long sword struck my fancy,
[1980.6s] a couple daggers and something,
[1984.0s] maybe one other item, something special.
[1986.0s] I'll let you choose what it is.
[1987.7s] Do you prefer something you wield
[1989.9s] or something you throw?
[1991.4s] I hadn't considered throwing.
[1994.2s] If I have the sword.
[1995.5s] The nice thing about throwing is you don't need,
[1999.7s] you don't need a lot of this, you know,
[2001.6s] you don't need the biggest muscles in the world.
[2004.0s] Let's go for some of that.
[2005.0s] It seems we've got a lot of upfront,
[2007.6s] close quarters protection.
[2011.8s] Yeah, something with range,
[2013.8s] something to keep us,
[2015.6s] perhaps a little bit at distance if we need.
[2018.5s] Perfect.
[2019.4s] Before you go,
[2020.2s] I'm just going to take some measurements.
[2021.6s] Of course.
[2022.4s] Get your draw length, your inseam,
[2025.8s] your waist circumference,
[2027.0s] just all the measurements,
[2028.3s] just in case.
[2031.2s] Yes, you're the professional.
[2033.1s] Sometimes I'd make a custom sheath.
[2035.0s] You know, I want to know how it's going to fit.
[2037.6s] I tuck to the right if that matters.
[2039.4s] If you don't mind that.
[2042.8s] And if you don't mind,
[2046.1s] I do have this,
[2046.9s] if you could just stand right there,
[2048.2s] that's perfect.
[2049.4s] And if you just look in that direction,
[2052.0s] you'll see there's a poster on the wall.
[2054.2s] I see it.
[2055.0s] And it's on the far side.
[2057.1s] Yes.
[2058.0s] Am I supposed to read the bottom line?
[2059.4s] Yes.
[2060.2s] Yes, please.
[2061.9s] E, F,
[2064.3s] S, C,
[2066.0s] Z,
[2068.3s] P, Q,
[2069.8s] A.
[2070.6s] Okay, and the line above that?
[2071.8s] Okay.
[2072.9s] R,
[2074.4s] L,
[2076.3s] L,
[2078.3s] L,
[2081.0s] M.
[2082.3s] Great.
[2083.1s] Okay, perfect.
[2083.9s] I just need to know what kind of throwing,
[2086.6s] throwing range, you know?
[2087.8s] Great, great.
[2089.0s] Perfect.
[2090.0s] This is Thane.
[2090.8s] Nice to meet you, Thane.
[2091.8s] I'm Bonwyn.
[2092.8s] I didn't actually introduce myself.
[2094.1s] He just reaches out for a hearty handshake,
[2096.2s] and he has a powerful handshake,
[2100.0s] considering how thin and frail he looks.
[2103.4s] Well, it's lovely to meet you.
[2104.4s] I'm excited to see what you've done.
[2107.1s] As I said, I'll just be around town
[2108.8s] for the next couple of days.
[2109.8s] I'll pop in every now and again, just to...
[2112.4s] As your friends come in, bring them in,
[2114.4s] I can get some ideas what they might be interested in,
[2117.4s] and yeah, if you want some local recommendations.
[2121.4s] Where's somewhere great to eat,
[2123.5s] and somewhere lovely to stay?
[2125.6s] Okay, so you're going to want to go to those buns dough?
[2130.1s] Perfect, saw it walking in, yes.
[2132.0s] Delicious, delicious.
[2134.0s] Coffee, pastries, wonderful.
[2135.7s] Pulls out a little flip notebook
[2137.4s] and starts writing this down.
[2138.5s] And if you're looking for a beverage
[2141.9s] and some comradery, Brewed Awakening
[2146.2s] is going to be the place you're going to want to go.
[2147.9s] Excellent, I will hit both of those places today.
[2152.7s] Perfect.
[2153.5s] Thank you, thank you, Bonwyn.
[2154.4s] And for a place to stay,
[2156.1s] I would recommend the Curly Carrot.
[2157.8s] Now you're not going to find any meat there.
[2160.5s] I don't know if you're a big carnivore,
[2163.3s] it is vegetarian only if you eat at the restaurant,
[2166.4s] but you won't miss it.
[2167.8s] It's delicious.
[2168.8s] And the rooms, beautiful, so simple,
[2171.4s] but also everything's organic and plush and nice,
[2175.6s] and obviously it goes without saying,
[2178.0s] that is on the noble side of the city.
[2180.6s] Of course, well that'll give me an opportunity
[2182.6s] to get a complete lay of the land.
[2184.8s] Yeah, walk around and explore,
[2186.4s] forgive all the rebuilding that's happening.
[2188.8s] It didn't look like this, you know, just a few days ago.
[2193.0s] Well, thank you.
[2193.8s] Thank you again.
[2195.0s] I'll see you very soon.
[2196.0s] I'm going to go at least get a room
[2198.3s] and then do a little wandering around.
[2200.8s] Get a coffee and a pastry for your wandering.
[2202.8s] You won't regret it.
[2203.7s] See you soon as he walks out into the street.
[2212.8s] Dumbgeons and Dragons, season four, episode seven,
[2216.3s] starring Amy More as Alydin,
[2218.7s] Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane,
[2221.2s] Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard,
[2223.4s] and Russ More as your dungeon master.
[2225.8s] Dialogue editing by Carla Maxted
[2227.8s] and sound design by Russ More.
[2229.8s] This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
[2232.3s] and Slipstream, and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
[2235.6s] Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
[2238.0s] Our amazing cover art and character designs
[2240.4s] are by Matt Garbutt,
[2241.7s] and a huge thank you to our supporting producers,
[2244.4s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak,
[2246.3s] Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown,
[2249.6s] Ongurong Kiersen, Perry Matey,
[2251.7s] Old School Gamer D, Craig Zeiss,
[2254.3s] L.A. Branton, and Sarah Murphy.
[2256.4s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon-supported podcast,
[2259.2s] and you can find us at patreon.com slash dumb dragoncast
[2262.3s] where you get an episode dedication,
[2264.2s] a whole bunch of exclusive content,
[2266.2s] access to exclusive community channels in our Discord,
[2269.9s] hangouts, and so much more.
[2271.6s] We can't wait to see you over there.
[2273.5s] Oh, and merch.
[2275.1s] Merch is over there, too.
[2276.6s] After three months, we'll send you some, just like that.
[2280.4s] Join us today, but until then, have a great week,
[2283.1s] and we'll talk to you soon.
[2286.4s] Portals do just show up for no fucking reason,
[2289.5s] right, Russ?
[2290.4s] That's the way magic works.
[2293.3s] Not because I had nothing planned
[2295.2s] and then have to now explain why they're here.
[2297.3s] Nope, that's not how this game works.
[2299.3s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.