Hold on, Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in just a second.
Bondon and Penance, you are seated in Kingstown at a diner just out on the patio.
It's very nice.
You've been in town for a couple days looking for a job, looking for something to fill your time.
You've taken in all the sights there are to see.
Kyle, what's Bizard's favorite place to go in Kingstown that Penance and Bondon might have checked out?
Oh, let's see.
Let's see.
We already have a brettary but or a bakery.
So let's go with a delicatessen and it is called the Little Roll.
I figure it's appropriate for a game where you roll dice, I guess.
Yeah, that's perfect.
You know what?
It's a games cafe too, a games delicatessen where you can sit down and play board games.
The two of you are sharing in a card game, in a board game and you hear from across the courtyard
the sound of a voice that is just yelling at the top of their lungs.
Is anybody a monster hunter?
Monsters.
This is it.
This is what we prepared for.
All of this.
Are you ready?
Okay.
Yes.
Can I finish my pie quickly like two bites?
Anybody?
Yes.
Hello.
I stand up.
No.
Hello.
Yes.
I stand up too.
He pushes through the crowd.
It's a very slight fellow.
He comes up.
He's got a big scroll in his hand.
He's got a pack on his back.
Hello.
You are you both a booth.
Both of you are monster hunters.
Yes.
Hello.
My name is a monster trainer in training.
Yes.
Oh, in training.
Perfect.
My name is Penance Olive Tree.
Yes.
I'm skilled monster hunter.
Don't mind them.
This is my trainee.
Okay.
We were very training me to be a monster.
Yes.
They're one of the best.
Have you tried their correspondence course?
I haven't tried a correspondence course.
Perhaps I should look into it.
Penance Olive Tree has the best correspondence.
Yes.
Thank you, Bond.
What are the details?
What's the tell us about the job?
I'll get the information about the correspondence course in
just a moment.
But yes, I'm Squire Gruitt and I come from the town of
Vintersmouth where we have where we've had a problem.
A monster problem, I assume.
It's a monster problem both in size and in direct
relationship to the creature that attacked the creatures
plural that attacked the city.
I've been sent to Kingstown to find the best monster
hunters in order to come back and perhaps track it
down, find where it came from and prevent it from
coming ever again.
Well, you've been very successful in that.
You found us.
Oh, good, good, good, good.
I'm so excited.
I'm quivering.
And that was sorry.
Penance Olive Tree and Bondin.
Bondin, I don't know if I caught your last name.
Bondin Cove.
At your service.
Bondin Cove, Bondin Cove.
Love it.
Okay, Bondin Cove, Penance Olive Tree.
So the job in and of itself.
He looks at the scroll, pays, oh goodness, is really
unrolling the coffers there.
Pays 500 gold.
Is that for each individual beast that we're going
to be slaying?
Or is that total?
I guess it depends how many beasts you find.
If you find, let me see here, 500 gold.
What would make you say yes to this?
500 per beast?
That seems to be a reasonable going rate.
Yes, considering the scale of the problem that
you're describing.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes.
It was a very big monster.
It had large teeth and it ate a lot of people.
What is a lot to you?
How many is it?
Like four?
Like 12?
Well, there were three of them in total.
Two of them are deceased.
So you can take a look at them.
So one ran away.
So there's one that we know of.
So actually the 500 golds could still stand unless
they have a brood somewhere.
But how many did they kill?
How are the other two killed?
Oh, swarmed overwhelmed one of them and then
one of them was found deceased up on a rooftop.
We're not quite sure how that one died.
Interesting.
Well, suicide?
Did he leave a note?
He did not leave a note.
Did not leave a next of kin, unfortunately.
So we haven't yet to so if you find that there
is a whole brood and they're they're looking
for this one monster that could be that could
be an additional reward.
I'm just going to pencil it in here and we
can run it past the boss when we get back.
That sounds good.
We'll negotiate the finer terms with your
employer Squire.
Please do read the way.
He tightens his pack.
He says follow me and he pushes through the
crowd before you.
Hey Penance, can I sidebar you real fast?
Yeah, Bono.
What's up?
If if I help you kill these monsters,
will I have to pay for this portion of
my training because I mean they're paying
you an awful lot of money.
Well, monster hunting is a very expensive
job.
You know, there's there's weapons and armor
upkeep.
You know, this is all the things you're
going to have to learn when you go into
the profession.
You know, you have to there's there's cover
charges will we can negotiate a discount
based off of what's left over after
expenses.
Yeah.
Okay, but you did cover all of the
the required equipment in module one
and I showed up with every single
thing that was listed in module three
and you're going to see you're going
to see it's going to wear down
because you're going to be using
that that you're going to be hitting
things and it's going to get worn
down.
Yeah.
Okay.
No, we're going to lose them in
the cloud.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Okay, okay, okay.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D
actual play podcast and I'm your
dungeon master Russ More.
He him also with me today.
Tom Laird is Kavlaran Goldweave.
He him.
I did forget you were there.
It was such a blur with that day.
Kyle Claset is bizarre.
The Wizard.
He him your choice of words are
always very very peculiar.
I don't like it.
It's bad with special guests from
I seduce the dragon Christina van
Epps as penance olive tree.
She her and it probably won't even
chew small as a hole.
You just punch your way right
out.
It'll be just fine and Ryan
Keely.
She her as Bond and Cove.
He him wait.
There's thick elves Dungeons and
Dragons is a patreon supported
podcast and you can join us
today at patreon.com slash dumb
dragon cast.
There's a seven day free trial
and a whole bunch of episodes
for you to listen to.
We hope to see you over there
and now fuck it.
Let's play.
We cut to a rather grand office
and seated in that office are
Kavlaran and bizarre.
Two of you are in the mayor's
office.
You've been called here for
very vague reasons.
They said they there was
something very important to
talk to you about and that
you should go wait in the
office until such a time as
the mayor decided it was
appropriate for him to show up.
How long do you think we're
going to be here?
Knowing the mayor I hard to
say really depends on exactly
why we're here.
I was going to be my next
question.
Why are we here?
Well one of two reasons I
would I would guess I hope
it's not the one that one
that would be worse for us.
We're just not even going to
think about that possible
reason.
Think of what reason exactly
yeah no no no with that's
that's nothing.
I hope it's for the incident
that happened the other night.
So but in the meantime
you want to get some of the
snacks that are in the in
the cafeteria around the
corner.
I'm a little famished.
I came here and I didn't shit
and in walks Nina.
Darling's darling's darling's
it's a it's wonderful to see
you.
Thank you for coming.
The mayor said he is going
is too delayed and told me
to come tell you what needs
to happen and she gives you
a very laser focused look as
she walks into the room
and she sits down in the
mayor's seat behind the
desk.
You too.
You've been up to something
haven't you?
Why whatever could you
possibly mean?
She looks to you bizarre.
How is that mayor's chair
you look like you're very
comfortable in it.
Yes it is very very nice
very good cushion for
my cushion.
Thank you for saying so
no what I'm saying is
you two have perhaps lured
those terrible creatures here
with Ignatius is adventure
that he went on not too
long ago.
Yes.
I I don't think that's a
fair way to phrase it.
Yeah, I don't know if lured
here is exactly like what
happened or not.
Ignatius said you went down
into that cavern and you
said there was something
scary and you came back
and then suddenly several
days later there are
creatures in the city that
we have never seen before.
You you could connect the
two.
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay, so you admit it
that it's happening great
come in she yells and
two individuals come in
through the door.
If you Christine and Ryan
if you could describe
pennants and bond in
for us as they sure
I think pennants would come
in first.
She is a tall
and like decently
athletically built tiefling
woman with
pale pink skin
lightly freckled
and sort of like bluntly
cut black hair
that has two similarly
black horns curling up
and around and wearing
some some decently heavy
armor looking very
like yeah,
I'm I'm super know
what I'm doing here.
I'm so confident and capable
bond in is about 16
years old
blonde curly hair
slightly vacant look.
He's a variant human
monk
and he is dressed as one
well slightly modified
because he's on essentially
what is his monk
rung spring up.
Yes.
That's great.
And Nina says
these are two of the best
monster hunters in the region
and they've just got up the boat
from King's Town
and they've come to help us
with our problem.
Isn't that right?
Absolutely.
Yes point us at the problem
and we will slay it.
Excellent.
Well, as you may have heard
from the hallway
Kavlar in here.
Hi Tom.
If you wouldn't mind describing
Kavlar in for our friends.
Certainly Kav
is a male
half-elf.
He's got a quite a
bit of blonde hair
kicking around a big beard
and he's a little bit on the
larger side for frame.
Wait, there's thick elves.
There is in this world.
Do whatever we want in this
world.
That's right.
And then she also points
to Bazaar and Kyle
if you could describe Bazaar
for us.
Yeah, Bazaar is a
you know medium height
about like 5'10 human.
He has these kind of
green eyes that are speckled
gray.
He's got some piercings on
his right eyebrow
and his hair is
is brown but has like
streaks of gray in it
making it a little bit more
salt and pepper.
He looks looks a little
bit older than
in some areas
and younger in
younger in the face,
but some parts of it
there's like crow's feet.
Yeah, but he's wearing
some he's wearing his
cloaks from the
from the school that he went
to
in Kingstown.
Cloaks?
Yeah, yeah.
Multiple?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a multi-layered
kind of cloaking thing.
You know, they make it
really cumbersome.
So we're not all
weak casting people.
Is that
is that is that something
that my character would have
seen before?
Can I roll
insight on this outfit?
Yeah, absolutely.
What are the vibes?
What vibes are you picking up?
Because
I've heard of a hat on a hat
never a cloak on cloaks.
I have a seven.
A seven.
Okay, seven.
There's some familiarity
having been in Kingstown
as where Bazaar
the school that Bazaar
went to
is.
So you might have seen
other people
but not made a connection
to the fact that
they came from a specific
school or place in particular,
but it was
it was noticed in the city.
Okay, so
not the first time I've seen this.
Yeah, official attire
not normal at all.
You're right.
As you may have heard
these two admit
to the facts that they know
where the monster has come from.
So they will lead you
to where you need to go,
darlings.
Did you guys see if the one
that died on the roof
left a suicide note
because that seems very suspicious.
I have read every single one
of Pinnance Olive Tree's
guide to being a monster hunter
modules.
And I don't know if I've ever
heard of a monster just expiring
on a roof.
Have you ever heard of that
monster olive tree?
I think that you're
grabbing the wrong end
of the right stick here.
We might want to
we were told that there's a swarm
of these things.
We might want to
see if you do still have
a dead one
know what we're dealing with here.
Did you rumble its pockets?
I don't remember them having
pockets, Bazaar.
Did you see pockets?
No, no pockets.
They did have some interesting
innards though.
But yes, we do have a corpse.
I've been kind of dissecting
it and going through and
making sure that whenever we
actually come across them
again, we're better prepared
and understand their
anatomy a little bit better
and what works.
What's the postmortem of the postmortem?
Postmortem seems like some fire
aspects that we used on them was
not too helpful.
They do seem to be
maybe fiendish in nature.
Yes, definitely not.
I would not say of this plane.
So it is curious how
they happen to come here.
And you say you
unleashed these things?
You two did?
I don't think that's a fair
phrasing again.
These these terms keep being
used. Nina, you've
your choice of words are always
very, very peculiar.
And it seems to and you know,
I don't like it.
It's bad.
No, we didn't release them.
They were there.
Uh-huh.
Where is there?
Maybe we maybe just woke
them up.
Yeah.
Okay.
So they went in and they
poked them and they said
they knock knock who's there?
Home that you can come destroyed.
That's what they told me.
I know that's not that's
not anywhere close to what
we said.
What did you poke them with?
Nothing.
Actually, we so you didn't
know.
No, we ran.
Because we are so there's
a mind you walk like a few
days in if you would actually
follow the Ignatius is going
to show it to us.
Oh, yes.
We're going to go there.
Yeah, I guess
if that's what has to happen,
Nina.
I do have what has to happen.
I do have a business to run.
And because some
brothel owner wanted to go on
an adventure.
Now I'm
okay.
Okay.
Fine.
We don't have we that's not
in the budget.
That's not in the budget.
Oh, yeah.
The the quivering hills
that comes out of your pocket
if you want to visit
that means I'm getting paid.
That means do you whatever
money you're paying me?
We have monster hunting first
monster running first.
Yes, we were also told that
we could negotiate the deal of
our contract with the leader
here about
price per head essentially.
Yes.
You can negotiate with me.
Yes.
I mean the the squire was
very clear 500 gold
and that should be
500 gold per creature
in this economy.
There is going to be an
additional.
Yes.
Well, there is only one
that we know of
and which one of you owns
a brothel and what are the
there's going to be an
additional fee for the
extraplanar nature of the
being, you know, if it's not
a mundane monster that
comes with additional risk.
So there is a
hazard fee essentially.
And how much is the
standard rate for a
hazard fee like like
50 50 silver
an additional hundred
gold additional hundred
gold.
Okay.
Take notes 100
gold 500 per
monster.
So if you carry the
four, we'll see what
you run into and then
make good on all of
the things that
we have said here.
Five hundred gold per
monster hundred if
they're extra planar
and then I'm going to
put a little asterix.
Please prove that
it is from another
plane.
Do you know just to
make sure that we're
all on the up and up.
Is that okay?
That sounds fine for
me.
How does one prove
that?
How does one prove
that you're the
monster hunters.
Are you not?
Well, this is actually
I'm a monster hunter
in training.
This this
is the famous
penance olive tree.
Yes, she has a
correspondence course.
Yes, that's it.
That's actually that's
any hurt.
Yes, the advanced
course seven where we
discuss extra planar
signs brimstone things
like that.
You'll get there.
You'll get some on the
job training,
but these two you're
going to be our guides.
Yes, you're going to
lead us to their
layer.
I mean, and which
one of you owns the
brothel?
Oh, neither one of us
own the quivering Hills.
No, but yeah, we
can don't we can
encourage him.
Don't encourage him
that terribly run
quivering Hills.
I might add.
Yeah, business
owner will leave
for multiple days
without.
I mean, I have I'm
okay.
Doesn't matter Nina
stuff leader by the
way brothel
owner multiple days
to the mines.
Don't worry about it.
Monsters monsters first
Nina stands up from
the desk and she is
a very short person
about four feet tall.
She comes out from
around the desk and
she starts ushering you.
She's like great you
sign here and you
notice I've made the
amendments on the price
you sign here and
then we'll be on
your way and take
care of this monster
problem.
I'm read I'm signing
and reading at the
same time like yep.
Yep.
That sounds good.
All right.
I'm not allowed to
sign anything.
You're going to have
to sign for
it's the middle.
Welcome to the middle.
Hey, oh, well, hey talk
about the episode that
we're doing or the
Patreon stuff we're
doing or the guests
that are on the show.
Oh my gosh.
Aren't they amazing?
There's so many topics
to cover very
special guests Ryan
and Christina from
I Seduce the Dragon are
just wonderful and
we highly recommend you
check it out.
It's the middle.
I highly recommend that
you go listen to their
show, which BT dubs
Amy and Carla are
showing up on their
show next week as this
is released.
Swapping out.
We're going to do like
a live listen thing.
Did you say wife swap?
I did. I said wife swap.
I mean it fits.
Absolutely.
Did we not?
Spit into my microphone
for a second.
Sorry Carla.
Was that live listen?
Kyle needs a new
microphone FYI.
Yeah.
They're doing on their
Patreon, but anybody
can join.
They're doing like a
live listen for both
of the episodes.
Hopefully I'm going to
be there.
It's right in the
middle of the day.
So I'm guessing Amy
probably not.
I mean I don't think
it'd be appropriate
to play for my students.
Probably not.
So that I can act
as the Amy surrogate
for the event.
Perfect.
And you can text me.
Like LOL that part
was so funny.
Yeah.
But don't say
contact.
That was hilarious.
That was so funny.
Just put the minute
marker on it.
Canoe LOL.
You'll know what it means.
You heard it here first
people.
Listen for canoe.
Canoe is the code word
or the safe word.
Or backpack.
Either way.
We'll find out next
week on I Seduce
the Dragon.
So go to
their website
to find their show.
istdpod.com
I Seduce the Dragon.
That's right.
Not my STD.
It's not coming off.
That's something different.
Yeah not my.
istdpod.com
Also down in the description
I've got all the links.
Plus the link to their
Patreon event
so you can go sign up
for it.
It's totally free
and it should work
Jess tells me.
So that's high praise
for everything technology.
That seems very
organized.
So I believe it.
Absolutely.
So yes it's a lot of fun.
There's another episode
coming out next week
on our feed
with Ryan and Christina
that we're really
looking forward to.
And the couple
with Carla and Amy
over there
just shipping our people
all over the place.
It's all happening.
That's right.
You know what I didn't pull
though is
which is a great segue.
Episode dedication.
Is an episode dedication.
I feel like it's been a while.
Kyle tell people
what they get
when they sign up on Patreon.
Well when you sign up
on Patreon
you get an episode
dedicated to you.
Yeah you do.
That does happen.
Nailed it.
And so like
patreon.com
slash dumb dragon cast.
Yeah.
We have this great process
where you are put on a list
and then we take the time
whenever that may happen
it may be before the recording
it may be on the recording.
Might be as we speak.
It could be happening
as I'm saying this
but
I know that
that this episode's
sponsored
kind of forgot the words
now that I'm all the way through
the whole thing.
It's dedicated to
the dedication.
It's dedicated to
Stan Sitzman.
Stan.
Thank you so much.
Thanks Stan.
Thanks so much Stan.
Thank you Stan.
I guess so Stan probably wants to
sub dedicate it to
Carl.
Yes.
Stan's going to dedicate it to Carl
who's living down in hell.
Where he belongs.
Just writing Black Knight 2
is what he's doing.
Yes.
Over and over and over and over.
See Kyle now that you're in the club
if and when
if hold on
edit
if we ever get to a Black Knight 2
see I don't know what you're talking about
I didn't say anything.
If we ever get to a Black Knight 2
you would be part of that
nightmare that is that production workflow
of Black Knight.
It was rough but it was worth it.
But if you haven't listened to it listeners
you should go listen to it.
It's really good.
Super fun.
I'm a listener at this point.
I need to go listen to it.
Facing fate.
It is high concept
let's say.
Yeah.
There's a lot going on.
I think I saw it referenced recently
in the Discord so you know.
Comes up every now and then.
A lot of cool stuff over there
especially for patrons.
Oh.
Come on over baby.
Bringing it back around.
So two action items go check us out on Patreon
but then go listen to I Seduce the Dragon
more importantly because they're lovely
and you will really love their show.
But that's it for now.
Thanks for listening everybody.
We'll get you back to the episode.
Love you bye.
We cut to a path that's traveling along the foothills
on the way to the Me Mountains
as our group is exiting Vintersmouth.
Kavlaran and Bizard
you are leading Penance and Bondon.
I don't know how quiet it's been so far.
You seem like chatty people.
But you find yourselves midday.
Are you actually normally very quiet?
And you hear, you hear from behind you
a sound of a familiar voice.
Hey guys.
Hey wait up.
You forgot your snacks.
You turn and you see Bench.
He's running up behind you
and for Penance and Bondon you turn
and you see a very large human male
thinking like a less put together
Arnold Schwarzenegger kind of vibe.
He's got a top knot.
Okay.
Big beer belly.
Huge arms.
Tiny legs.
Is what, is what this man is running up behind you.
Skip leg day?
Yeah always.
He's carrying a big picnic basket
and he's running up behind you
and he says, guys, guys,
oh hello, hello new friends.
My name is Bench.
I run the Brewed Awakening.
I just wanted to bring snacks
for everybody on your adventure
because last time Ignatius didn't pack any snacks
and I just wanted to make sure.
Nina, Nina came and said
actually I had to come along too
because I also woke the, the beast.
Is what she told me.
Oh yeah, yeah.
You were there.
I did forget you were there.
It was such a blur that day.
It was, it was a lot.
It's a lot of fun, but.
Yeah.
Thank you for bringing some snacks along.
It's very appreciated.
Absolutely.
Because we were about to walk right out of the town
without even thinking about it ourselves.
So how about that?
I punch my fist and my hand and I bow.
Oh.
And then I stand silently and awkwardly.
Oh, well nice.
Bench puts the picnic basket down
and does the same.
It returns it.
Is this what, is this what we do?
It's, it's what he does.
Sorry, we haven't been formally introduced.
Myself and my, my assistant here
are the hired monster hunters.
You were part of the incident
that released these creatures?
I was tagging along.
I did do pretty well at the audition
to be an adventurer.
Right.
So that allowed me to come along
on Ignatius's party.
And then we got in
and it was really scary.
I don't know.
Have you guys been along,
have you both been along on
very many monster hunting adventures like this?
Countless.
This is my first monster hunting adventure.
I am an, I don't want to say acolyte,
but I have been studying
Penn and Solid Tree's works.
So this will be my first monster hunt.
My name is Bond and Cove.
Oh, it's nice to meet you Bond and Bench.
Bench, don't remember my last name,
but that's okay.
Nice to meet you Bench.
Don't remember your last name.
So you guys were a little bit vague
about exactly what happened
other than you're totally not at fault for it.
I mean, it's not that we're not at fault.
It's just saying that we intentionally did it
or are guilty of it.
It's just very harsh wording.
And you know, it's,
we went on an adventure.
We went down into a mine
because that was what we were hired to do.
And all of a sudden,
this thing comes up out of the mine.
These things come up out of the mine.
And we're like, well, later,
cause no, I, you know.
What were you hired to go into the mine for?
Pirate treasure, adventuring.
Ooh.
There's not pirate treasure.
So other than fiendish,
there's a bunch of these sleeping things.
Give me like a description here.
What are we doing with?
Let's see.
Are they flyers?
They climbers?
Big teeth, you said?
They're jumpers and climbers.
Jumpers, climbers, screamers.
Screamers.
Yep, absolutely.
They're screamers.
Big, big red throat, throats.
And like a toothy maw.
Yes, toothy maw.
You know, actually like,
I have a sketch of one, you know,
and I kind of pull out my little book
and I show you the sketches of the anatomy
as I've broken it down and everything.
Like you can see here, like the claws on it,
just absolutely gnarly.
Are these good sketches
or are these like crayon refrigerator drawing sketches?
Like where are we on the scale
of illustrative biological sketch?
You want me to do a performance, Russ?
Yes.
Absolutely.
Drawing, please.
I got a 14.
Okay.
Yeah, they're pretty good.
Like they certainly aren't out of a medical journal
or anything like that,
but the detail there is pretty good
for an average person, not a monster hunter.
If you wanted to roll nature...
Would love to.
...would probably be a good way to see
if you recognize or have heard
of this specific monster.
Yeah, that was a good one.
Should I roll nature too?
Why not?
You actually, yes, this would be...
Let me see if you, based on this description
and what we've discussed,
remember we've gone through the bestiaries.
Yeah, this will be like a pop quiz.
Bestiary.
What do you recognize about this?
What do you think it is?
Well, I have a 16.
So it's got a throat thing
and I might need earmuffs
if it makes loud noises.
So you got a 16.
Penance, you are letting
Squire take a guess at this.
I'm letting him go first.
I rolled an 18.
I mean, both 16 and 18 are really,
really quite good.
So what you see is...
No, we're just going to turn the camera around.
This more or less is what you see.
Fun.
Oh, no.
That's a nightmare.
I don't like that at all.
No, no, no.
The toothy bi was referring to.
How much bigger
is it than me?
Can it eat me in one bite?
Probably two.
I have an average-sized human.
Probably two, I would guess.
The ones that attack the town.
What's the odds of it
eating me whole and then
surviving its stomach and being able to cut myself out?
Well, how well can you defend yourself?
Because that plays into the odds.
And if...
Well, it's not about me defending myself.
It's about, can it fit me
inside of it?
Because the books we have at the monastery...
hole?
Yeah, yeah, no.
And it probably won't even chew.
Small as a hole, you just punch away right out.
It'll be just fine.
That throat is so large.
It gets bigger.
That is the starting point.
There is like an expanding
feature that
is unsettling.
Is this for the screaming or is there like a
spewing that will still happen?
It's just the screaming part.
Okay, alright.
Deafening, loud scream, terrifying people.
So it's pretty cool.
Solid.
So for penance, probably not
forbidden, because you're not as trained.
No offense there.
He's just a little guy.
You've heard
stories.
You haven't ever seen one of these creatures.
You've heard stories of these creatures.
And they go by
several names within the stories, but the most
common one is called a howler.
On point, makes sense.
From what you've gathered,
they can be found
and come from
another plane of existence.
I guess
for penance, I guess
this might be a question for Christina.
How trained actually
is penance?
And how much
do they actually have in their
vault of knowledge
about monsters?
I will say being a tiefling, I do think
I have a little bit of a leg up on knowledge of
fiendish things.
However,
definitely, I don't think I've ever actually
encountered anything like this in real life
before.
So it's probably just going by
secondhand stories, things like that.
Absolutely.
Definitely haven't seen anything,
but you do know that they do exist
on a lower plane
from where you are now.
You've heard stories that they are
like wolves. They're pack
hunters.
They come in, which
Kavlaran and
Vizard would have seen firsthand.
They come in and they
hunt in packs and
tear apart their victims
quickly and voraciously.
So Goatzi meets a hyena.
Pretty much.
What else could you get?
They do
give off a howl, which is intended
to neutralize their enemy, and then they
come in and feed when they're
deafened and immobilized.
Distance is your friend
when approaching these ones.
So you two, I look at Kavlaran
and Vizard.
Vizard?
Vizard.
One of those was an emphasis.
Somewhere in the word.
You two, you say you're adventurers.
What exactly is your specialty here?
Well, we'll take one step back.
I work at City Hall.
I was just coming along
on the one adventure.
So bureaucrats.
Very much so.
And I am a shop owner of
magic prank items,
which that's got to change considering
the recent events, and also
an advisor to the mayor, so
and, you know,
graduated from Barnhart's
Swan School of Magic
Fighting and Dance in Kingstown
about a decade ago,
which these cloaks need to come off.
It's too stuffy.
Pack those away.
I wear it there to
it's a clout thing for the mayor. It's annoying.
But, no,
not an adventure at all. However, I
do happen to have a few spells
that could help out in this scenario.
So are we
all virgin monster hunters?
Except for, obviously, pennant's olive tree.
I mean,
kinda, yeah. I've never
made it a point to hunt a monster down.
So, yes.
I don't
feel the odd man out anymore.
This is gonna be exciting.
It's a fun little club.
So, all of you then,
we're just gonna
stay together
and you're not gonna get too
close to anything that's making a lot of noise.
How about that?
Absolutely. Now, where we're going, it's very dark.
And it seems
to be that
light is kind of
what, you know,
probably what got their
attention considering how dark it was.
So they like the light, but
the light doesn't hurt them, correct?
No. I thought it might
and that's why we set a lot of stuff
on fire the other night. But that was
not, it didn't work.
Unfortunately.
Did you test any other techniques?
I tried fire.
I tried ice.
I tried light. It was not
very effective. Right.
I have
a regular weapon.
It didn't seem to do too much
damage.
I don't know. Probably
their abnormal nature
gives them a little bit more defense,
I would guess.
I think what Bizard is very worried
about is
that he can't see in the dark
and I, Bench, can't see in the dark.
Oh yeah, that too.
Hey.
Not going to be an issue.
I give everybody finger guns like
I got you. Don't worry about that.
It won't be a problem.
And I have a torch in my backpack.
Penance, I am excited
because there was,
it looked like a self-published book
in our library that I happened to
check out when I was doing my monsters.
At least a little bit, skimmed through it
just to kind of prepare myself.
So familiar and
you know, it's
going to be interesting. I'm
looking forward to it. I think that
you'll be thoroughly impressed, you know,
and should we all make it back
alive, then you'll
be able to really
hopefully dig deeper into
my body of work when it comes
to monster hunting and education.
I love a good education. Can I make an insight check
on that? Because I
am too young to understand the tone
and tenor of this conversation.
Sure.
So I'm rolling against you
in that five or is it?
And I roll a 19.
Oh snap. I want to know what Bizard
thinks about
yeah.
I will tell you right off the bat
Bizard is an avid reader
and he would pour through the library
and any kind of
whether it's self-published or
fully published, he reads it and
he is genuinely curious
having come across
Penance's book and recognizing the name
is one of those
just remembers those kind of things
that stood out in his schooling.
So he's being genuine. He's
interested to see, he doesn't
meet many of the authors
from the libraries that he was in.
So this is a unique
opportunity for him.
Is he star-struck?
No. Or suspicious?
Neither star-struck nor
suspicious, just
interested in the opportunity.
Okay.
With that in mind
let's go see this mine
and
how important is it?
If we collapse this bad boy
would that be a problem?
It's abandoned so
no problem. Nobody's working it.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
What was mined there?
See the thing is that they didn't just
come out of the mine. They came up
through the ground.
What?
I assume
the cavern passages that run
underneath the Me Mountains and up to
Vintersmouth are very
extensive.
Oh shit. Kavlaran, do you
think those goblins are just...
Oh, 100%. Absolutely.
I wouldn't give it another thought.
I look
back and forth between the two of them
and I have like a tingle of
trepidation.
Anyway, yeah, so
collapsing the mine may not solve
the problem. But we can try.
The problem won't hurt.
All we need to do is
keep heading on this path and
I remember
it fairly well, especially the non
circuitous path that
Ignatius wanted to take us through.
Yeah, more of a direct route will be a lot quicker.
Yeah.
Alright, well,
let's go then.
As we see this group continue along the path
towards the Me Mountains, we
cut ahead to
the cave entrance where we had previously
seen our friends
running for fear of losing
their life to the monster that was
chasing them out of the cavern.
As they enter the cave entrance
and disappear into the shadows from
view, we hear the sound
of a low, echoing
growl
coming from deep within
the mountain.
Dumbgeons and Dragons Season
4 Episode 4
starring Tom Laird as Kavlaran
Goldweave, Kyle Claset as
Zard the Wizard, with Russ More
as your dungeon master, featuring
special guests, Kristina Van Epps
as Pennant's olive tree, and
Ryan Keely as Bond and Cove.
They join us from I Seduce the Dragon.
Make sure you go find and listen to their
adventures at istdpod.com.
Dialogue, editing,
and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic
Sound and Slipstream, and
sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
Our amazing cover art and character
designs are by Matt Garbutt.
And a huge thank you to our supporting producers.
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica
Babiak, Cat Waterflame, Jacob
Madden, Christian Brown,
Angaron Kiersen, Perry Mady,
Old School Gamer D, Craig
Zeiss, L.A. Branton, and Sarah
Murphy. Are you enjoying the story
so far? Well, we couldn't do it without
you. In fact, we'd love for you to
join us at patreon.com slash dumb
dragoncast, where when you sign up for a 7-day
free trial, you're going to get access
to an entire other show.
Two of them, to be exact. We've got
The Adventures of and Cyberpunk Red.
We hope to see you over there,
patreon.com slash dumb dragoncast.
And maybe we'll see you in the community.
We're over on Discord. You have a great
week. We'll talk to you soon.
I mean, anything you want them to be.
Yeah, we have a very nice thing about D&D.
Speak it into existence kind of
kind of chat like me wearing multiple
cloaks. That's officially part of my
school shit now. So
I said I said a thing and
that's going to be it. And now it's
forever. Exactly. We have a
poop helmet. We do.
For safety.
Okay. Well,
sometimes you can pass
out. Yeah. If you poop too
hard, you pass out and you can block your head.
And you call people a shithead, right?
Yeah.
We wouldn't mock them for sustaining an injury.
That would be impolite. That's fair.
Very callous. Depends on how funny
it was.
I might.