[0.0s] Hey, Dumbgeons and Dragons will start very soon.
[5.6s] The three of you have heard there's a new bakery in town, the delightful Those Buns
[11.4s] Dough, and you have all met in the morning on this fine weekend and are.
[18.9s] You're missing a person.
[21.6s] I thought I thought Bizard was was going to meet us, wasn't he?
[26.4s] Well, I mean, he like wouldn't stop talking about going to this bakery.
[30.2s] So I'm shocked he's not here.
[32.0s] He's the one that told us about the grand opening.
[34.2s] So I just assumed.
[37.5s] I don't know.
[37.9s] Maybe he had like a last minute rush order.
[41.6s] I don't know.
[42.2s] You either love carbs or you don't love carbs.
[44.8s] It's true, but he loves carbs.
[47.4s] I mean, we all love carbs.
[48.8s] Then where is he?
[49.8s] I don't know.
[50.1s] I pictured like magic would take you like advanced planning and things.
[55.1s] So like our rush orders things.
[57.2s] Is that possible?
[58.1s] Honestly, I have no idea.
[59.9s] We should ask him when he gets here or when we see him next, because I'm going
[64.6s] to be honest, I have no idea how magic works like at all.
[70.2s] Maybe he was in some kind of like a dance fight competition because, you
[74.2s] know, like from his school, maybe he still like meets up with the with the
[77.8s] old crew.
[79.0s] Oh, sure.
[79.9s] Yeah.
[80.1s] Mayor stuff.
[81.2s] I mean, there's a lot of options.
[82.6s] He's he's a busy guy.
[84.9s] Secret lover.
[85.7s] We don't know.
[86.3s] We don't know him that well.
[87.9s] Never even asked if he has a lover secret or not.
[90.7s] I think that's going to be the first question we should ask him when we see
[93.4s] him though.
[94.3s] I don't know.
[94.8s] It seems rude.
[95.4s] I think the first thing we should do is tell him how delicious those
[100.2s] buns dough is, even if it's not.
[103.3s] I bet it's going to be though, right?
[104.8s] Yeah, it's definitely going to be.
[106.2s] Can you smell?
[107.4s] It smells so good.
[109.5s] We cut to the magic closet.
[112.3s] Mm, bizarre.
[113.5s] You are walking up to the door as you normally do in the morning.
[118.5s] That's a weekend.
[119.2s] So you're going in ahead of meeting up with your friends and your head down,
[125.0s] getting your keys and you look up and there's a letter nailed to the door.
[132.0s] Oh damn, what?
[135.3s] OK, what is this?
[137.2s] Pull the letter down.
[139.2s] You open it up and inside is very simple message says meet Kenny in two days.
[149.1s] Oh, oh, oh, oh, things are I need to start planning for this meeting.
[155.6s] Um, what do I have to do today?
[161.5s] I mean, stores ready to go.
[163.7s] What was I about to do?
[166.6s] I'm sure I'll remember later.
[167.9s] I need to I need to start planning.
[171.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast,
[175.1s] and I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.
[177.1s] He him also with me today is Amy More as Alydin.
[181.0s] She her.
[182.0s] He's our other monsters in this week.
[184.0s] Carla Max dead as Bonwyn Everbane.
[186.6s] She her first question.
[188.2s] Are you a river pirates?
[189.7s] Because legally you have to tell us before we help you.
[192.7s] Tom Laird as Kavlar in Gold Weave.
[195.0s] He him.
[195.7s] Well, interesting that you said you voted for different people.
[198.4s] Did you have to vote at the same time or?
[200.4s] Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard.
[202.8s] He him.
[203.5s] What do I have to do today?
[204.8s] I'm sure I'll remember later.
[206.1s] I need to I need to start planning with special guests from looters.
[209.2s] Ian Overton and Matthew Aberle is bubble gar and show gar.
[212.8s] Well, it's because you have the finesse to handle it.
[215.6s] See, I'm much more coordinated.
[217.3s] It's not it's not a finesse issue.
[219.1s] It's a mass issue.
[220.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon supported podcast.
[222.5s] You can join us today at Patreon dot com slash dumb
[225.3s] dragon cast if you're liking the adventure.
[227.4s] No pressure.
[228.3s] And now, fuck it, let's play.
[231.4s] It is a beautiful weekend morning
[236.6s] and Bonwyn and Kavlaran Alydin
[243.2s] have gone down and picked up
[246.6s] lovely coffee and pastries or juice and pastries for Alydin,
[251.3s] who may not have developed the bitter taste of coffee.
[254.1s] I don't know. Maybe it's coffee.
[255.2s] I don't know. Maybe.
[256.8s] OK, then it's all coffee.
[257.8s] Everybody's got a coffee.
[258.7s] Everybody's having a great time.
[260.4s] But you just picked it up from the newly opened
[262.9s] those buns dough, which is a lovely bakery
[266.6s] that has just opened up in Vintersmouth.
[269.6s] And as you're walking down to the docks
[272.8s] to just kind of watch the river and the sunrise
[276.4s] and see who's out and about on this fine day,
[280.5s] you see a couple of very interesting characters.
[286.1s] The first is a a small gnome.
[291.1s] And I say small because the individual who's beside them
[294.8s] is quite large by comparison.
[298.3s] And they have two heads.
[301.1s] If you, Matthew and Ian, could describe your character.
[304.5s] All right. Well, first off, we're like six foot four.
[307.1s] We're huge. We're gigantic.
[308.7s] And we're like one and one half of us, I'd say.
[311.4s] The half that's Matthew's side is it's really ripped.
[314.0s] It's very muscular. Don't get me wrong.
[316.2s] I'm muscular as well.
[317.4s] However, it's like it's more like some leakage.
[320.0s] There's some leakage over there.
[321.9s] There's some leakage.
[322.8s] I'm the I guess what you'd call my side's the more
[326.0s] it's the brains and the bra.
[327.6s] Best of both worlds.
[329.8s] But we're a giant etingling and we have two heads.
[333.4s] And when you see on the very brawny side
[337.0s] of this creature is totally shaved bald head,
[343.2s] a bunch of sort of like runic tattoos
[346.1s] all over the just the head down to the neck.
[349.5s] And it looks like it clearly stops wherever it looks like.
[351.8s] There's a you know, like when you're sleeping in bed with someone,
[354.2s] there's a clear line of the halfway point,
[356.4s] like clearly where the the less brawny side exists.
[362.2s] There's no tattoos at all. Completely stops.
[365.0s] But there's a lot of veins on that head
[366.8s] because that brain is just thinking so hard.
[369.0s] It's really it's really using all of its brainpower because it's.
[372.7s] Yeah, the one head is actually quite a bit larger than the brawny head.
[376.4s] Like the brawny head, honestly, looks really small.
[378.6s] Like everyone's just seen like like an ogre
[381.1s] and their head's just too small for their body.
[383.0s] That's his side. My side, however, is huge.
[385.6s] It's you can tell there's a lot of stuff going on in there.
[388.3s] A lot of things with a with a really thin neck that supports.
[392.3s] Barely supports it.
[397.8s] So these are the two individuals, call them three individuals you see.
[402.7s] And they're holding up a sign.
[404.4s] And on this sign is scrawled the words new in town, period.
[410.4s] Snake Isle, question mark.
[413.8s] People are walking past them a little bit taken aback
[416.6s] because ettlings aren't very common at all in this world.
[422.0s] I mean, you may have heard, depending on your history role,
[425.2s] may have heard stories of them, but likely none of you have ever seen them
[429.8s] outside of some scrawling in a book or something like that.
[433.5s] Yes. Same question I was going to ask at that, Amy.
[439.0s] Clarification, I.S.L.E. or A.I.
[442.6s] We've made this mistake before.
[444.1s] Please be very clear with the spelling.
[445.7s] Are we going shopping or are we going on a trip?
[449.0s] Well, roll history.
[455.7s] That's the answer to the quick question. I.S.L.E.
[458.0s] We fucked up a game before.
[460.5s] Yeah, the three of you can roll history.
[462.5s] See what we know about Snake Isle.
[465.6s] Snake Isle.
[466.6s] That is a 15 for me.
[469.0s] I love it.
[470.8s] Oh, 18. 14.
[472.8s] All right.
[474.1s] All right. So all basically the same, which makes total sense
[478.0s] because Snake Isle there.
[479.7s] So in the middle of Lake Vogtig,
[482.2s] which is the lake off of Vintersmouth itself,
[485.8s] that feeds out of the River River,
[488.5s] there are three unique and individual small islands.
[493.4s] And they call this the Snake Isle.
[497.5s] So it is a well-known source.
[500.4s] And of course, you all know it very well.
[502.8s] But that's where it is.
[505.4s] Do you think they're looking for Snake Isle?
[507.3s] Do you think they want to go there?
[508.7s] They just want directions.
[509.9s] Do they know it's right there?
[511.0s] Or just information about it, maybe?
[514.1s] I mean, we could ask.
[516.9s] Hey, excuse me. Hey.
[518.8s] Oh, hi.
[520.4s] Excuse me. Oh, they're talking to us.
[521.9s] They're talking to us.
[523.7s] Maybe. OK, you play cool, everybody.
[525.6s] We're cool. I'm super cool.
[526.8s] I know how to be cool. Yeah, we're super cool.
[529.0s] Yeah. OK.
[530.0s] Shut up, Cho'gar.
[531.1s] My god, Tali.
[531.8s] Just don't tell me to shut up, Bubblegar.
[533.4s] I'm sorry, I'm the gnome beside them.
[535.0s] Gnome beside them.
[536.0s] Yes, there's a gnome beside them as well.
[537.4s] Sorry, I thought you were Tali, my best buddy.
[539.4s] I was like, shut up.
[540.6s] Also, shut up, stranger.
[541.8s] Just yelling at those strangers.
[543.1s] Shut up, stranger.
[544.1s] Excuse me.
[544.8s] My name's not Tali.
[545.6s] My name's Tauber.
[546.4s] Uh, you can introduce yourself.
[549.6s] I did that last time, and they plunked me into the ground.
[552.6s] So as you were.
[554.8s] This is Bonwyn.
[556.8s] Hi.
[557.6s] Alydin kind of like backs up, does not want to get
[560.6s] crushed into the ground.
[561.6s] Alydin, Kavlaran, are you looking for snake isles or?
[568.0s] Looking in a sense of the term.
[571.7s] OK, like do you need someone to take you there?
[573.8s] We're on a magnificent quest, illustrious,
[576.3s] one might call it.
[577.8s] We're in search of this legendary bachelor party.
[582.4s] And we heard it's going to be one
[584.6s] of the most festive and elegant nights of the year.
[588.2s] And we would be so gracious if we
[591.4s] could have your assistance helping us find this place.
[594.0s] Yeah, we're trying to rage.
[596.2s] Fuck yeah, dude.
[597.4s] OK, um, like a ton of experience in that neighborhood.
[603.0s] I mean, you know, party, I mean a little bit,
[606.0s] but like rage is a it's like a upper tier that I,
[611.0s] I mean, personally, I haven't gone to.
[614.0s] You can get there, brother.
[615.5s] Oh, I love I love the confidence.
[617.1s] We can take you there.
[618.5s] The more the merrier.
[620.8s] I want to go too.
[621.6s] Oh, Alydin, I don't think that bachelor party probably
[625.8s] is really the best place for you to go.
[629.1s] Everybody's welcome at a bachelor party.
[630.6s] Yeah, right.
[632.1s] Of course.
[633.4s] OK, I mean, she has a literal child, but, um,
[636.5s] so you need what, like a guide,
[638.4s] a guide to the Snake Isles.
[640.4s] I'm not a child, I'm 14.
[641.9s] I apologize, Alydin, you're right.
[644.6s] Yes, yes, somebody, as we're new in town here,
[647.4s] we just got off one of these lovely ships over here.
[650.1s] He points back and there's a ship that's pulling away
[652.3s] and going back up the river.
[653.9s] That one right there, we got off
[655.2s] and they told us to come to, he pulls out a scroll,
[660.2s] Lake Vochtig, Snake Isle, near Vintersmouth.
[664.2s] Somebody will help you.
[666.3s] And maybe maybe that somebody's you.
[668.7s] OK, first question.
[669.9s] Are you river pirates?
[671.5s] Because legally, you have to tell us before we have to.
[673.8s] That's true. You do have to tell us.
[675.6s] We're not pirates.
[676.9s] No, no, not pirates.
[679.6s] I hate pirates.
[681.1s] They really upset me.
[684.0s] Pirates murdered his family.
[685.4s] We are not pirates.
[688.5s] Are.
[689.4s] See what you did there?
[690.2s] I saw what you did there.
[691.4s] Could I ask a DM question?
[693.3s] Well, this is actually more for the players,
[694.6s] but what do Cho'gar and Bubblegar
[697.9s] see who are talking to us?
[699.6s] Oh, great question.
[701.2s] I'm a 14-year-old half elf.
[704.4s] OK.
[705.1s] So short stature, super skinny.
[707.8s] I'm a street kid.
[710.5s] Short red hair and just pretty like hopped up on caffeine.
[715.1s] Carries a bucket.
[716.3s] Oh, yeah, no, I've got a bucket.
[717.8s] Carries a bucket.
[718.5s] Don't forget about the bucket.
[720.1s] Are you wearing the bucket?
[721.2s] There's a lot of different things in the bucket.
[722.3s] No, no, no.
[723.2s] It's just like attached to my belt.
[725.6s] It's like a side bag.
[727.0s] Yeah, there's stuff in there.
[728.2s] Imagine like, absolutely.
[730.4s] Hell yeah.
[731.4s] OK, so 14-year-old half elf.
[733.2s] We've heard the 14-year-old part.
[734.7s] Yeah.
[735.5s] Yeah, canonically.
[737.3s] Dwarf blacksmith.
[739.6s] So short, round, gives a good hug.
[743.8s] You don't know that yet, but that's what I look like.
[746.3s] I look warm and cozy.
[748.4s] Warm and cozy, great.
[749.5s] So it's a very small party thus far.
[751.2s] I feel like we're kind of towering over everybody.
[753.1s] Show off Bubblegar.
[754.3s] Yeah, yeah.
[755.0s] Sure.
[756.2s] Half elf, bit of a thicker gentleman as well.
[761.0s] Sports a beard.
[762.6s] Looks like he could be fun if he wasn't in office mode,
[766.7s] which he is like 80% of the time.
[769.0s] But it's the weekend.
[770.2s] And?
[770.8s] Oh.
[772.1s] Oh, we definitely, yeah, we've got
[773.3s] to take this guy to the bachelor party.
[774.9s] Yeah, absolutely.
[776.0s] 100%.
[776.7s] Last time you went to a party,
[777.9s] he got a tattoo on his back.
[779.2s] That is true.
[781.6s] Can we see the tattoo?
[783.1s] I mean, I guess.
[785.2s] Come on.
[785.7s] For sure.
[786.4s] OK, all right.
[787.2s] Show us.
[788.4s] And yeah, Kav turns around, takes his shirt off
[791.4s] so you can see his back.
[792.7s] And Alydin, why don't you tell the fine folks
[795.3s] what they see?
[797.0s] Is it page one or page two?
[798.6s] It was page two.
[799.4s] I can't remember.
[800.1s] Page two of a contract with some paperwork.
[804.8s] So yeah, there's two other dudes out there
[807.9s] with page one and page three.
[811.4s] He takes his job really seriously.
[812.9s] That's right.
[814.1s] That's some sick line work, man.
[815.8s] Oh, thank you.
[816.7s] Thank you.
[817.4s] So yeah, you're all from around here.
[820.6s] You know where, and he looks back at the thing,
[822.5s] Snake Isle is?
[825.1s] Yeah, I mean, my folks were tired down at Lake Votig,
[827.6s] so yeah, I definitely know the way there.
[832.2s] And then there is a few, there's no official transit,
[836.1s] but there's some folks with boats
[837.9s] who will run little water taxis, essentially, I think,
[841.3s] for people to get out there.
[842.5s] Oh, that seems reasonable.
[843.7s] I like a water taxi.
[844.7s] I like that.
[845.7s] Yeah, we like that.
[847.4s] We like that, guys, water taxis
[849.7s] and take these fine folks with us over to Snake Isle.
[852.0s] Yeah, we'll take them to their first bachelor party.
[853.7s] Their very first bachelor party.
[855.4s] Yes.
[856.7s] Rage.
[860.2s] Where do you want to, I mean,
[862.2s] Bond, when you know the area probably best,
[865.4s] where do you want to go to take these fine folks?
[869.0s] I know the area best.
[870.4s] We haven't explored this area of the map,
[871.9s] whereas none of us know anything.
[874.3s] I know.
[875.2s] But canonically, my parents have retired there,
[878.8s] so I feel like they are in a little place on the lake.
[883.4s] There's probably like 40 other little houses down there,
[886.8s] and they have a communal games room and things like that,
[890.4s] but each in their own little spot.
[892.5s] So, I mean, there's road access down to there
[895.2s] and then sort of all around the lake, let's say.
[898.0s] Yeah.
[898.8s] So, I don't know.
[900.2s] Is there a little town down there?
[901.5s] We have not established that.
[902.8s] Probably just like-
[903.6s] Yeah, there's like a bedroom community of sorts,
[906.3s] I would say, specifically for perhaps retirees.
[910.4s] That's where they ship all your retirees off to
[912.6s] is the other side of the lake.
[913.8s] Get out of town, stop taking up space,
[915.7s] and go to the other side of the lake.
[918.1s] So, yes, let's go visit Bonwyn's parents.
[921.2s] Well, that's very lovely of you.
[923.0s] I look forward to this.
[923.8s] All right, pick up our bags, guys,
[925.8s] and I'll hop on your back like usual,
[929.2s] and away we go.
[931.3s] I like it when you're up here.
[932.2s] It feels like we have another brother.
[933.7s] A third head, one might say.
[935.4s] Three heads.
[936.8s] You know, three heads is better than two,
[938.7s] is what they say.
[939.6s] They do say that.
[940.4s] Specifically these two.
[941.4s] Yeah, these guys never get along.
[943.2s] It's fine.
[945.2s] You lead the way.
[946.4s] You give us the sites as we go,
[948.7s] because this is an entirely new place for us.
[950.8s] We come from Scheitz Creek over on the other side
[953.4s] of the May Mountains.
[954.6s] Have you heard of it?
[955.7s] I have not heard of that.
[957.8s] That's a nice place, or?
[960.1s] Smells terrible.
[961.7s] Beautiful.
[962.5s] Smells terrible, but lovely place.
[964.7s] Like just, for your eyes, a magnificent.
[968.7s] Just got a new mayor.
[969.8s] Mayor, great leader.
[972.0s] This is what they call him.
[972.9s] He's really turning the place around.
[974.4s] Said he's gonna take care of the smell.
[976.6s] Believe it when I see it though.
[977.4s] I didn't vote for him.
[978.3s] Because it's pretty embedded.
[979.2s] I did.
[980.5s] You think you'd be nose blind to that after a while,
[982.6s] but it's so powerful, hey?
[984.1s] You just.
[985.0s] It is pungent, let me tell you.
[986.6s] There's like some gases in the lake,
[988.4s] some like sulfur, some,
[989.6s] I don't know exactly what it is,
[991.2s] but 10 miles away you're gonna smell it.
[993.5s] It's terrible.
[994.8s] Great hot springs though.
[996.2s] Great hot springs.
[997.1s] Oh my god. Oh, okay, yeah.
[998.4s] Good place to stretch out.
[999.7s] Have some alone time.
[1001.6s] Not that I can ever get that.
[1002.4s] Me neither.
[1004.0s] Well, interesting that you said
[1005.1s] you voted for different people.
[1006.7s] Did you have to vote at the same time?
[1008.5s] Or one of you would like turn their head away
[1011.2s] and then the other scribble down a name
[1013.1s] on a piece of paper.
[1014.0s] How does that work?
[1015.1s] We count as a half vote in our community.
[1017.1s] So each vote of ours is like 0.5.
[1020.2s] Okay.
[1021.0s] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1022.3s] Very cool.
[1023.2s] I don't mean to sound,
[1024.3s] I'm gonna try and ask this delicately.
[1026.6s] We don't have many single body,
[1029.2s] two head folks here in our town.
[1032.3s] Is that pretty common?
[1034.4s] Where you guys come from?
[1035.8s] Yeah, no, it's super common.
[1037.6s] Yeah, no, the people like this are,
[1039.7s] yeah, everybody's like two heads.
[1041.5s] Yeah. Wow.
[1043.0s] Lots of heads everywhere.
[1044.2s] Lots of heads, so many heads.
[1045.7s] It's really disembodied.
[1046.7s] If one of you gets a cold,
[1048.5s] do you both get a cold?
[1049.8s] He gets cold all the time.
[1051.0s] I never get sick. No, no, I don't.
[1052.2s] I know, that doesn't happen
[1053.8s] to what you're talking about.
[1055.5s] You can hear it in the sinuses.
[1057.0s] All right, I sound fine.
[1058.2s] I might.
[1059.7s] You hear that?
[1060.8s] I am breathing clear right now.
[1062.8s] Powerful breathing.
[1064.1s] Powerful.
[1064.9s] It must be the clear lake air that's rolling in
[1068.3s] that's really cleared them out.
[1069.8s] We might, you know,
[1070.6s] we might hang out here a little while,
[1072.6s] just after the bachelor party.
[1074.7s] Yeah. Right?
[1075.6s] Yeah.
[1076.4s] It's a lovely location.
[1078.2s] So we're like, I guess, walking,
[1081.0s] bruising down.
[1081.9s] We're on the boardwalk now.
[1083.3s] There's a boardwalk.
[1084.1s] There's a boardwalk.
[1085.6s] It is disrepair,
[1088.0s] because we are on the,
[1089.4s] not the noble side of the river.
[1091.0s] We're on the regular folks side of the river,
[1093.8s] but yeah, there's the boardwalk.
[1095.1s] Oh yeah.
[1096.0s] It's nice.
[1097.4s] Just like some shady carnival games
[1100.2s] along there.
[1101.0s] Can we play some games?
[1101.8s] Questionable ice cream shop.
[1104.0s] We can't game.
[1104.8s] I want to play a game.
[1105.7s] I want to win a stuffed animal.
[1107.0s] You didn't let me win one last time
[1108.4s] and now you're gaining my way again.
[1109.4s] I don't know why you do this all the time.
[1111.3s] You have terrible hand-eye coordination,
[1113.1s] bubble guard.
[1113.9s] It takes the amount of money we waste
[1115.6s] with you playing is insulting.
[1117.9s] That's cause you never let me try.
[1119.3s] You've never let me grow.
[1120.3s] You've never wanted me to succeed.
[1121.9s] I can't believe you.
[1123.6s] I have nothing to do with your vision.
[1125.5s] Guys, we can fight about this later.
[1127.2s] You did lose a lot of money
[1128.4s] in that last town we were in,
[1129.7s] trying to put the rings on the bottles.
[1131.4s] I was so close.
[1132.2s] I was so close.
[1133.7s] Like 50 gold.
[1134.6s] You hit the floor more than you didn't.
[1138.1s] But that last one.
[1139.9s] It wasn't even close.
[1141.4s] That was all me.
[1143.7s] It's a team effort.
[1144.6s] It's a team effort.
[1145.5s] We combined our efforts.
[1146.7s] Oh my God, if Tally was attached to me,
[1148.4s] I think I'd kill it.
[1150.2s] Oh, we've tried.
[1151.2s] Well, most days, most weeks for sure.
[1154.3s] Yeah, it gets real ruckus, you know.
[1156.6s] Right about the middle of the week,
[1158.3s] they just had enough with each other
[1159.9s] and then it resets.
[1160.8s] You know, they have a little alone time.
[1162.7s] They turn their heads away from each other
[1164.7s] and think about what they've done.
[1166.1s] And then we go along our way,
[1169.0s] lather, rinse, repeat.
[1170.2s] And how did you all meet?
[1171.7s] Oh, bachelor party.
[1173.7s] We're siblings.
[1175.2s] Bachelor party.
[1178.0s] Wife long friendships made.
[1179.4s] That's nice.
[1180.2s] That's right.
[1181.2s] Could be you guys.
[1182.0s] We don't know, you know.
[1183.0s] If you guys like raging with us,
[1184.8s] it could just be, you know,
[1185.7s] this is the new bachelor party crew.
[1189.1s] Rage.
[1190.4s] We just go bachelor party to bachelor party.
[1192.9s] I can rage.
[1193.8s] Yeah, yeah.
[1195.4s] You got a small frame.
[1196.6s] There's probably a lot of rage
[1198.9s] built up inside of you.
[1200.3s] You have no idea.
[1201.7s] You could turn into one of these guys
[1203.4s] when you grow up.
[1204.6s] What?
[1205.4s] Really?
[1206.3s] Who wouldn't want to be one of us?
[1207.1s] I wouldn't want to.
[1208.0s] If you come to Scheitz Creek,
[1209.0s] I mean, just about everybody has two heads.
[1211.2s] So maybe you'll get an extra head too.
[1212.9s] Is it because of the smell?
[1213.8s] Yeah.
[1214.6s] Something like that.
[1215.5s] Yeah.
[1216.3s] I haven't really thought about that before.
[1218.4s] So it's a punishment to get a second head
[1220.9s] because then you have an extra nose
[1222.5s] because of the terrible smell.
[1225.1s] What happens when you need to go to the bathroom?
[1227.4s] Have you ever kissed anybody?
[1229.5s] What do you do when someone else is kissing
[1231.9s] and they're attached to you?
[1232.8s] He made me watch.
[1233.6s] Oh, that's real weird.
[1237.2s] I thought like maybe you put a bag on your head
[1238.7s] or something.
[1239.6s] I thought I tried to, I tried.
[1240.4s] He wouldn't let me though.
[1242.0s] We usually stand in doorways.
[1243.8s] He stands on the other side.
[1245.3s] That's a practical solution, of course.
[1247.7s] We cut ahead to Bonwyn's parents' retirement community.
[1255.3s] You are walking along the road
[1258.1s] that winds along Lake Vogtig.
[1260.5s] Off in the distance, you can see the faint outline
[1264.6s] of some islands in the middle of the lake.
[1268.8s] As you get closer to the community,
[1270.9s] you see that there are lovely log cabins.
[1276.1s] There's little fires going, people out,
[1280.4s] tossing horseshoes.
[1282.4s] There's this nice arch that you walk up to.
[1285.9s] This entire time, I've been asking
[1287.6s] just the most inappropriate questions.
[1290.7s] We come up to the arch and I'm like,
[1292.2s] so do you have to like rock, paper, scissors
[1293.6s] for who wipes your butt?
[1294.8s] No, he always does.
[1296.4s] Well, it's because you don't have the finesse to handle it.
[1299.1s] See, I'm much more coordinated.
[1301.2s] It's not a finesse issue, it's a mass issue.
[1303.5s] I can't turn, can't rotate well to my side.
[1307.5s] Yeah, his bicep can hardly touch his back.
[1309.8s] It's really embarrassing.
[1310.9s] I mean, he's like stiff.
[1313.1s] Imagine riding a run with this guy.
[1315.1s] Are you kidding me?
[1315.9s] Is that why you walk with your arm out like this?
[1317.7s] And as you're walking up to the arch,
[1319.3s] you see a sign that says the name
[1321.6s] of the retirement community.
[1323.0s] And what's that called, Carla?
[1325.0s] Cesarus Gardens is what the thing says.
[1328.8s] This thing.
[1329.6s] That's what the sign says when we approach.
[1331.6s] Cesarus Gardens, where we send our old people,
[1335.2s] is the motto below the sign.
[1336.9s] Perfect.
[1338.0s] When you're here, you're old.
[1340.0s] I'm feeling it already.
[1341.6s] One, two, three, four,
[1344.3s] we are in the middle now.
[1349.4s] Welcome to the middle, everybody.
[1350.9s] How you doing?
[1352.8s] You fuck.
[1353.7s] What?
[1356.5s] Just a surprise middle, sort of.
[1358.5s] In the middle.
[1359.3s] Yeah.
[1360.5s] Amy's bringing a certain kind of energy
[1363.6s] to this middle.
[1364.7s] Listen, I was about to put candies in my mouth.
[1367.7s] I know, you know they're in your hand.
[1369.0s] And Russ just waited.
[1371.2s] Just waited until it was like mid-mouth.
[1374.4s] Amy's been sizing up her opportunity this whole time.
[1377.2s] And then yelled out his stupid note,
[1378.0s] she was waiting.
[1379.4s] I'm going to the middle.
[1380.2s] You fuck.
[1385.1s] Well, we're here in the middle of this episode
[1386.6s] and we're playing.
[1387.9s] Not eating candy.
[1388.7s] Definitely not eating candy, unfortunately.
[1391.4s] We'll get there, don't worry.
[1392.9s] This will be a short middle, I promise.
[1395.4s] Wink, wink.
[1398.3s] But we're playing a game with the folks from Looters.
[1401.9s] And they are a frigging blast
[1404.0s] and you should go check out their show.
[1405.2s] You should.
[1406.4s] Especially when Russ and I are on it.
[1410.2s] That's right.
[1412.1s] I think if timing is right,
[1414.9s] next week, we will, next week or the week after?
[1418.2s] I think next week.
[1419.0s] I can't remember exactly.
[1419.8s] Yeah.
[1420.7s] There we are going to be on their show.
[1424.0s] And sort of, if you haven't listened to them before,
[1426.3s] you should because they're fun and they're very funny.
[1429.2s] But our episodes are pretty standalone-y.
[1432.4s] There's some standalone-y below.
[1434.0s] You can just like dip in for those.
[1436.3s] Episode kind of thing happening.
[1438.6s] Yep.
[1440.1s] So yes, they're a sci-fi space western.
[1442.7s] They use the Stars Without Numbers game system,
[1445.5s] which is like D&D in space.
[1448.2s] It's a lot of fun.
[1450.6s] The whole thing is, I understand,
[1453.7s] homebrew to Matthew's world.
[1456.6s] And Matthew plays with us here.
[1457.9s] He's Cho-Gar.
[1459.6s] He's the game master over there.
[1463.4s] So much fun.
[1464.6s] We're actually going to try and arrange
[1466.2s] the other cast members to come on with us
[1468.2s] because they're a blast, too,
[1469.6s] and I think are really going to like this.
[1471.1s] Awesome.
[1472.0s] That'd be so fun.
[1473.1s] But now, Amy's got to eat candy and...
[1476.6s] Priorities.
[1477.4s] We've got big business things to work through.
[1479.6s] So we're going to let you get back to the episode.
[1481.9s] We'll go take care of the business stuff
[1483.5s] so you kids don't have to worry about it anymore,
[1485.5s] okay?
[1486.3s] You're welcome.
[1487.2s] And don't worry, Mommy and Daddy aren't fighting.
[1488.6s] Not fighting.
[1490.0s] It's not your fault.
[1491.6s] That I didn't let her eat the candy.
[1493.2s] Okay, bye everybody.
[1494.0s] Bye!
[1497.2s] Hey, we're back.
[1498.4s] Amy's chewing candy.
[1499.7s] So you're not going to hear her speak.
[1502.5s] But we forgot something really important.
[1504.2s] If you support us on Patreon,
[1506.4s] patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
[1508.6s] then you get an episode dedicated to you.
[1511.3s] Like today's patron.
[1513.7s] What does the episode dedication feel like in your soul?
[1517.8s] Stop stalling for time, Russ.
[1519.2s] Tell us who the patron is.
[1521.1s] I can't yet.
[1522.8s] Kyle, what does it feel like
[1524.1s] when you get an episode dedicated to you?
[1526.2s] When you get an episode dedicated to you,
[1528.6s] there is a light that just flares up in every chakra.
[1532.6s] And you reach the peak of nirvana.
[1537.2s] And then you realize like, wow,
[1539.9s] that was worth everything I've worked towards in life.
[1543.0s] You heard it here.
[1544.8s] And that feeling is about to come to Wendy Bale.
[1549.1s] Thanks, Wendy.
[1549.9s] Wow, Wendy.
[1550.8s] Thanks so much, Wendy.
[1551.8s] I feel like I need to say congratulations.
[1554.4s] But what I actually need to say is thank you
[1557.4s] for your support, we love you.
[1560.3s] Enjoy those chakras, all lit up.
[1562.8s] Oh yeah.
[1563.7s] See you from here.
[1564.6s] Just pow, pow, pow.
[1566.1s] If you want to feel that,
[1567.7s] patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
[1569.8s] that's the place to do it.
[1571.4s] Just like Wendy.
[1572.2s] It's even a seven day free trial.
[1573.6s] Sure is.
[1574.4s] We're going to let you get back to the episode now.
[1576.3s] And we promise not to come back again.
[1579.4s] This is it.
[1580.2s] Well, we'll come back.
[1581.0s] This was really rude of us.
[1581.9s] For the pre-recorded stuff, but yeah.
[1583.4s] Okay, bye now.
[1584.2s] Bye.
[1585.1s] Love you, bye.
[1585.9s] Bye.
[1586.7s] Bye.
[1587.6s] You walk into Caesaurus Gardens
[1591.4s] and it's filled with humans, half elves,
[1594.4s] and a few dwarves from the community
[1598.2s] who have come to spend their final glorious golden years
[1603.0s] just taking in all of the luxurious sights and sounds
[1607.7s] that Lake Vogtig has to offer.
[1610.5s] You wander through the community
[1611.8s] and there are several calls to you particularly,
[1614.0s] Bonwyn, because you come here quite regularly.
[1615.9s] Oh yeah, I know lots of folks around here.
[1617.4s] You betcha.
[1618.2s] All the folks, yep.
[1620.2s] And you finally make it to your parents' house,
[1623.6s] which is a log cabin with a lovely garden out front.
[1630.5s] Through the window you can see that your mother's there
[1633.6s] and she catches a eye of you and everybody else
[1637.6s] and you hear just a faint call inside,
[1640.1s] presuming that she's calling to your father
[1643.1s] and both of them come barreling out towards you.
[1645.2s] Bonwyn embraces you in this huge hug.
[1646.9s] Bonwyn, it's so good to see you!
[1649.0s] Oh, it's so good to see you too.
[1650.8s] Oh, the garden looks so great.
[1652.2s] You guys have been working so hard.
[1654.0s] Thank you, thank you.
[1654.9s] Yes, your mother's been spending a lot of time on it.
[1656.9s] Oh, well, you know.
[1658.7s] Gotta keep busy.
[1659.6s] And of course their cabin is distinguished
[1662.9s] because there's like a lot of wrought iron work,
[1665.6s] like too much, but you know, retired blacksmith.
[1668.3s] I mean like, cute little fence around the garden,
[1670.8s] just every window, everything is adorned with.
[1673.8s] My father's very good work,
[1675.6s] but it's just maybe, maybe too much.
[1678.3s] Tober kind of mentions as you're going through,
[1682.6s] he's like, great, great, you do all this work, sir.
[1685.9s] And then of course I'm the guy.
[1687.5s] Yeah.
[1688.6s] Damn it.
[1689.4s] And then you as father.
[1690.3s] Yes, yes, of course I did.
[1691.2s] Bonwyn's taken over the business though.
[1692.9s] She can tell you about all the intricacies
[1694.9s] of each piece that I've done here.
[1696.9s] Oh, she's so talented.
[1698.4s] Yeah, and they definitely want to hear about that.
[1703.2s] We're just really stopping through these fine folks.
[1707.2s] You didn't want to come in for snacks?
[1708.9s] Oh, tell us who your friends are.
[1710.2s] I would love a snack as well.
[1712.7s] Yeah.
[1713.5s] We could, are these romantic friends?
[1715.4s] Oh, mom, come on.
[1716.8s] Let's.
[1717.7s] Well, I'm just saying.
[1719.0s] I guess you actually don't know.
[1720.1s] So, Alydin, this is, this is.
[1724.2s] This is my mom and dad, Kavlaran.
[1727.0s] Hey.
[1728.0s] Nice to meet you.
[1728.8s] Bubblegar, absolute pleasure.
[1731.1s] Cho-gar, lovely to meet you.
[1733.2s] Do you want to come and rage?
[1735.1s] Yeah, so these folks are going to a bachelor party
[1738.8s] on the Snake Isles.
[1741.2s] So, ooh.
[1743.2s] Oh, the Snake Isles.
[1744.2s] You're invited if you want to come.
[1745.8s] Oh dear, do you know how long it's been?
[1747.6s] It's been a while.
[1748.8s] Remember the rave?
[1750.2s] Oh, the Snake Isle rave, yes.
[1754.6s] I remember it like it was yesterday,
[1755.5s] but also I remember very few details.
[1758.1s] It's all just a blur.
[1759.7s] Well, with all the ecstasy we have.
[1761.5s] There was so much ecstasy that we had.
[1763.9s] There was, lots.
[1765.4s] I heard about that night.
[1766.2s] I heard it was pretty crazy.
[1767.3s] I wish it could have been there.
[1768.2s] I'm glad the tale has made its way to where,
[1770.8s] oh, sorry, where did you say you were from?
[1772.2s] Sheitz Creek, smells terrible.
[1774.3s] Oh, smells terrible.
[1776.5s] Yes, I've heard good things about Sheitz Creek.
[1778.9s] Not the aroma, but the people.
[1781.5s] The people there are good people.
[1782.9s] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
[1784.1s] A lot of heads.
[1785.5s] Four of the five senses are great.
[1787.4s] Of course, yes.
[1788.4s] Well, Sheitz Creek is great.
[1789.6s] I've actually just been finishing up a canoe.
[1794.7s] It might be a little small for you,
[1796.4s] but we could give it a try.
[1798.2s] Perhaps you want to take that over.
[1799.6s] If not, if it doesn't work,
[1801.4s] if it doesn't work,
[1802.8s] you can go down to the rental office
[1807.2s] and they can help you with a little boat or two
[1809.7s] to get you across though.
[1811.7s] Let's go get those snacks though.
[1813.3s] Great, yeah, let's have some snacks.
[1815.4s] Love some snacks.
[1816.4s] And you know about the canoe thing,
[1818.0s] we're six, four, mind you.
[1820.1s] We're a really big guy.
[1821.2s] And if we don't fit in the canoe,
[1823.3s] just tie a rope around us and we're really buoyant.
[1825.7s] We'll just float along with you guys, it's fine.
[1827.7s] And it is usually how we get across the water,
[1829.5s] isn't it?
[1830.3s] Me floating on your back and you kicking your legs.
[1832.9s] Yeah, good thing we found that ship
[1835.0s] going down the river.
[1835.8s] It was getting real choppy there for some moments.
[1839.0s] It's really good bonding for us, I feel like.
[1840.9s] You really are our third brother, Tober, that's your name.
[1844.6s] And I know that.
[1846.5s] Yeah.
[1847.4s] It's Tober, Bubblegar, you know this.
[1849.5s] I know that, I know that, I know that.
[1851.0s] My brains, I'm just thinking about, I'm so smart
[1853.0s] that I'm thinking about so many different things
[1854.7s] all at once that it's sometimes hard for me
[1857.0s] to remember people's names.
[1858.5s] I stopped listening after they said snacks, so.
[1861.2s] I hear ya.
[1863.6s] Bonwyn, can I swim across?
[1866.9s] I mean, do you know how to swim, Alydin?
[1871.2s] I don't know.
[1872.6s] Yeah, yes.
[1874.1s] Okay, so if you were to demonstrate to me right now
[1876.5s] what you would do with your arms
[1878.3s] when you were going for a swim,
[1880.2s] could you just do that quickly?
[1882.4s] Alydin flaps around.
[1885.3s] Okay, maybe not a swim across then.
[1887.9s] Oh, well that's what I did when I went into the well
[1890.0s] that one time and then Tali took three hours
[1893.1s] to get me out.
[1893.9s] Well, maybe later in the year we can come back here
[1896.0s] and you could learn to swim not in a well.
[1900.0s] Fine.
[1901.8s] I mean, that's basically how we swim as well.
[1904.6s] I think that'll go great.
[1905.6s] That's where all the best swimmers learn how to swim
[1907.9s] is in wells.
[1909.2s] There's not very far to go.
[1911.0s] You can get good position.
[1913.0s] Oh, I think for her safety though,
[1914.2s] maybe we just put some snacks in that bucket.
[1917.7s] On rare occasion, I do agree with my two brothers,
[1920.5s] Tobar and Bubblegar.
[1922.7s] Great form.
[1923.6s] Oh, thanks, you guys.
[1924.7s] Well, here are the snacks.
[1928.0s] What are these, little tiny finger sandwiches?
[1931.2s] Oh, yeah, and you brought out the good cheese.
[1933.2s] I did, I did bring out the good cheese.
[1935.4s] There's fingers in these sandwiches?
[1937.3s] Oh, no.
[1938.2s] Well, you eat them with your fingers.
[1939.0s] Oh, she got me really excited there for a second.
[1942.5s] Not that I eat human body parts.
[1946.1s] No, no.
[1947.7s] Well, good thing we're dwarves then.
[1949.5s] That's, yeah, that's totally fine
[1952.6s] if you're eating human fingers, am I right?
[1955.6s] Couldn't be me.
[1956.8s] Oh, never.
[1958.5s] What an interesting group you're hanging out with here,
[1960.9s] Bonner.
[1961.8s] He would never.
[1962.9s] Good, I'm glad.
[1963.8s] All right, well, we'll send you.
[1965.8s] Yeah, I'll go get the canoe
[1967.0s] and just meet you down by the lake, okay?
[1970.2s] I'm gonna go put the sandwiches back inside.
[1972.0s] Okay, well, can I have one for her?
[1973.8s] Oh, yes, of course, sir.
[1974.8s] Yeah, okay, here you go.
[1976.4s] Take your sandwiches and he zips behind
[1979.0s] to go grab the canoe.
[1980.0s] Oh, don't mind him.
[1980.8s] He's just super awkward around new people.
[1983.2s] Just go on down to the edge of the lake there
[1985.6s] and he'll meet you there.
[1986.4s] Bonwyn, honey, it's so good to see you.
[1987.6s] Yeah, it's good to see you.
[1988.4s] I'll come back for a real visit soon.
[1990.3s] You really should.
[1993.2s] You make your way down to the edge of the lake
[1995.2s] and you're standing there for a moment looking out
[1997.8s] and you do see the snake isles off in the distance.
[2001.5s] There's a bit of mist and haze on the lake this morning
[2005.1s] and then you hear the sound of a canoe being dragged
[2008.6s] down from the house.
[2011.0s] Doesn't have it on a cart.
[2013.6s] Okay, I'm gonna maybe go help my poor old dad here.
[2017.9s] No, no, I've got it.
[2018.7s] He also doesn't have it on the thing, on his shoulders
[2021.0s] where he can just walk, no, okay, well.
[2024.1s] I've got it, don't worry.
[2025.0s] The canoe building's a new thing in retirement
[2027.6s] so he just mostly was a blacksmith.
[2029.9s] We can help and I'll head over there too
[2033.0s] to help lift it up.
[2034.4s] I won't.
[2037.1s] Well, yeah, thank you, yeah, I don't know.
[2040.9s] I gotta handle it.
[2041.9s] Me and my dad are just trying to grab it
[2043.3s] because it's so high in the air.
[2048.1s] Well, thank you, thank you for your assistance.
[2050.0s] Yeah, I mean, I made it extra wide
[2052.4s] so it has had good stability.
[2054.1s] It seems like everybody had fit in there.
[2056.2s] It's a long canoe, pretty wide.
[2059.3s] Just haven't finished out the inside there.
[2063.3s] It's a little pokey in some spots.
[2065.2s] Just be careful as you're stepping in
[2066.7s] but otherwise it floats just perfect.
[2069.1s] And paddles, Dad, you've got.
[2072.2s] Paddles, I'll go down to the rental office
[2075.7s] and get you some paddles.
[2076.6s] I didn't get that far.
[2077.7s] I was so excited about showing you the boat
[2080.0s] and he books it just down in just a little ways
[2082.9s] and you see him come back out with several oars
[2086.0s] under his arms.
[2087.4s] Got these ones covered.
[2088.8s] Let me know how the feel is on the water here
[2092.2s] especially being so loaded with your new friends here
[2095.6s] and he hands everybody an oar.
[2098.4s] Thank you, Mr. Bonwyn's Dad.
[2100.4s] Oh, you're welcome, Alydin.
[2102.4s] It's lovely to meet you all.
[2104.4s] So enjoy the bachelor party.
[2106.3s] Don't take too much ecstasy is all I can say.
[2109.2s] Okay, thanks, Dad.
[2110.2s] Great, great tip.
[2111.4s] Great.
[2112.3s] Thank you for the ecstasy.
[2113.1s] Are you supposed to take?
[2115.6s] None, none.
[2116.6s] Take none ecstasy.
[2118.4s] Don't let the child take ecstasy.
[2120.0s] I was not going to, Dad.
[2121.3s] Thank you.
[2122.2s] I'm not a child.
[2123.2s] She's 14. She's 14.
[2124.8s] Oh, oh, of course.
[2126.4s] No ecstasy.
[2127.4s] No ecstasy.
[2128.9s] You never get to do anything with the sun.
[2130.6s] No idea what ecstasy even is.
[2134.3s] So we're all in the canoe.
[2135.3s] You're about to find out.
[2138.2s] Oh my God, to be the 14 year old surrounded
[2140.4s] by adults on ecstasy like, oh, what's happening here?
[2145.0s] You all pile in right on the edge of the boat
[2149.0s] and it's a little bit on the shore of the beach still
[2154.0s] and you see a scaldering behind trying to help push you in.
[2162.4s] What are you big, big fellows,
[2164.5s] maybe put your hand in the water
[2166.0s] and just give you a little, little nudge.
[2167.9s] Go ahead, Bubblegar, try.
[2172.6s] I'll do it at the same time.
[2173.4s] It'll be like two of us are doing it.
[2175.2s] I can push.
[2176.2s] You know, I don't need Chogar to do anything.
[2179.6s] Watch this, guys.
[2180.8s] And I'm gonna take my hand and I'll put it in the
[2182.4s] water and I'm just gonna start really roughly doggy paddling.
[2186.7s] Now, whether that goes anywhere or not, I don't know.
[2189.0s] Roll athletics.
[2193.0s] With it, with, I'm not even gonna give you an advantage.
[2196.4s] Cause there's an older gentleman helping you push.
[2199.4s] And I think I'm actively making it harder for him.
[2201.6s] Yeah.
[2204.1s] All right.
[2204.9s] That's an, that's an eight.
[2206.1s] So I think I crush it.
[2207.8s] I think I do it.
[2208.7s] We started zooming by at lightning speed, right?
[2211.0s] Scaldering behind push.
[2212.2s] He's like, are you, are you sure you're doing anything?
[2214.4s] It's moving.
[2215.4s] No, it's moving.
[2216.2s] It's definitely, it's moving a little bit guys.
[2217.8s] Come on.
[2218.6s] Well, you're moving the water.
[2220.2s] I'm gonna put my one arm in and do one powerful stroke.
[2223.2s] Oh, there you go.
[2224.1s] Oh wow.
[2225.5s] Wow.
[2226.3s] Look at that.
[2227.2s] See, it's a combined effort.
[2228.0s] We work together.
[2228.9s] It works out really well.
[2229.8s] Team makes the dream work.
[2231.7s] I'll always be stealing my credit, Bubblegar.
[2235.9s] Our credit.
[2237.7s] All right, we'll see you after your bachelor party
[2240.9s] as you drift away from the shore there.
[2243.0s] Rage.
[2245.8s] Hey guys, I put a whole bunch
[2246.8s] of those little sandwiches in my pocket.
[2248.6s] Oh, good call.
[2249.4s] That's really smart.
[2250.3s] That's really smart.
[2251.1s] The finger ones.
[2251.9s] Yeah.
[2252.8s] Okay, nice.
[2254.8s] I'm hoping we're, our weight is dispersed
[2258.1s] sort of correctly in this canoe.
[2260.0s] We're not just like going around in a circle
[2262.4s] because we've got the, no, we did it right.
[2264.4s] We did good, Russ.
[2265.3s] Yeah, you did it right.
[2266.2s] What do you want me to roll for canoe bAlydince?
[2271.2s] I feel like you've bAlydinced it.
[2273.2s] You took some time there.
[2274.8s] Like it was hefty to get in there
[2276.7s] because there was one older man
[2278.0s] trying to push you off the shore.
[2279.8s] We haven't quite dragged it into the water enough.
[2281.6s] So we were a little bit too on the shore.
[2284.8s] That's fine.
[2285.7s] It's like when you're not quite
[2286.8s] at the point of the snow hill on your sled.
[2290.1s] So you're just kind of scooching.
[2292.1s] They're from California.
[2293.0s] They don't know where to go.
[2294.7s] We need to like swap it out a little bit.
[2296.2s] I mean, we can hop out
[2297.4s] and then Aylin can hop out as well.
[2298.8s] Cause I think we're the best swimmers here in the group.
[2301.0s] And then that way that the canoe would be better bAlydinced.
[2304.3s] I'm ready.
[2305.3s] Yeah.
[2306.4s] Are we, are we getting more water?
[2308.9s] I could use a soak.
[2310.2s] Maybe let's, I mean, I vote against that.
[2313.5s] It's hard to get back in a canoe
[2315.0s] once you're out in the water.
[2317.2s] Plus we all want to go rage, right?
[2319.0s] So yeah.
[2320.4s] Would it slow down the raging?
[2321.9s] Yeah, that's a good point.
[2324.1s] Darn.
[2324.9s] Maybe next time, maybe next time.
[2326.6s] Yeah, you're all such good swimmers.
[2328.5s] It looks like it's pretty far off in this.
[2330.0s] How big is this lake?
[2331.9s] I mean, it's, it's, it's pretty big, but we can,
[2334.9s] this is, this is fine.
[2336.0s] Canoe is a, is a totally fine way to do this.
[2338.6s] It's lovely.
[2339.7s] It's scenic.
[2341.1s] Ah, this is the most relaxed
[2342.6s] I think we've been on this entire journey.
[2344.4s] Isn't it right boys?
[2345.6s] Hey, are there monsters in this lake?
[2347.9s] Oh no, I don't think so.
[2349.0s] I've never heard anything about any monsters.
[2351.6s] Oh, I don't know.
[2352.9s] Keep your eyes out, I guess.
[2355.3s] I mean, all the kids say that there are monsters
[2358.6s] in this lake.
[2359.5s] Really? Really?
[2360.4s] I've never once heard that.
[2361.9s] Huh.
[2363.2s] Okay, well, I mean, please keep an eye out.
[2366.2s] That's maybe what we need you to do.
[2368.1s] Alydin scampers to the front of the boat
[2370.0s] and it's just like.
[2370.8s] You go set up watch and some time passes
[2374.4s] and the aisles are getting closer to you.
[2377.8s] The fog is getting a little heavier the closer you get,
[2381.1s] but you can still make out where you're headed.
[2384.0s] And you make your way into this pathway
[2388.7s] or this straight between two of the islands.
[2393.9s] Tauber speaks up.
[2395.8s] Did they, they didn't tell us there were multiple.
[2398.6s] Did they tell us where we should be?
[2404.8s] The island of snakes,
[2406.3s] the one with all that has all the snakes on it.
[2409.4s] Yeah, yeah.
[2411.0s] Is there a specific one with snakes
[2412.8s] or are they all just the snake aisles?
[2415.5s] Oh, it's plural, isn't it?
[2417.2s] Oh, shit.
[2418.6s] Yes, yeah, there's multiple.
[2419.8s] You know, we got it wrong on the form here.
[2422.7s] There's three of them.
[2423.5s] I think if we just keep paddling around,
[2426.4s] we'll hear the rage.
[2428.3s] Yeah, probably hear the bachelor party, right?
[2430.7s] Yeah.
[2431.5s] We could just eenie meenie miney moe it.
[2433.2s] That could be pretty fun too.
[2435.1s] Oh, I make a lot of my decisions like that.
[2436.6s] Yeah, a little coin flip.
[2437.5s] All right.
[2438.7s] All right, well, we've got one on the left,
[2440.8s] one straight ahead and one on the right.
[2442.6s] Everybody quiet, everybody listen
[2444.1s] and see if we hear any deep bases.
[2449.9s] No, no, I thought I did it by just my head.
[2452.7s] Yeah, that's okay.
[2455.5s] You see Tober looking back at his parchment
[2459.4s] and rolling it back up and thinking,
[2462.7s] let's try that one.
[2463.6s] And he points to the one on the right
[2465.2s] where there's a little inlet
[2466.6s] that kind of cuts around an edge there
[2468.7s] into like this caved area,
[2471.7s] but there's a nice place where you could pull up
[2475.6s] the canoe that you're in.
[2478.4s] Like a little lagoon?
[2480.0s] A little lagoon, yeah.
[2481.7s] How big are these islands, Russ?
[2484.7s] Do people live on them or are they just
[2487.0s] little islands people would boat out to and do things?
[2490.0s] They're little islands people would boat out to.
[2493.3s] You pull into the lagoon and as you do,
[2495.9s] you look around and everybody make a other perception
[2502.0s] or investigation depending on your state.
[2506.4s] Probably for you two, I'd want an investigation check
[2510.4s] because you're actually looking for specific signs
[2514.7s] whereas everybody else is more just along for the ride.
[2518.2s] Do we both roll or is it like a singular roll?
[2521.5s] That's a great question.
[2522.4s] I mean, you got four sets of eyes.
[2523.6s] Oh yeah, we do have four sets of eyes.
[2525.4s] You got two sets of four eyes.
[2528.2s] No, two sets of eyes, that's what you've got.
[2531.6s] Wait, do they have four eyes?
[2532.8s] You should have mentioned.
[2533.6s] 18 eyes, two heads, 18 eyes.
[2537.5s] Buried the lead on that one.
[2538.8s] I got a 17.
[2541.2s] 19.
[2542.6s] 24.
[2543.5s] Dammit.
[2544.3s] Beating you out again.
[2546.4s] Oh, I got a one.
[2547.3s] You're still looking for monsters on the lake.
[2550.3s] I'm looking for monsters.
[2551.4s] You've moved to the back now,
[2552.6s] you're looking for monsters who are sneaking up
[2554.5s] behind you now that there's not much in front of you.
[2556.8s] Tom, what did Kavlaran get there?
[2558.8s] Nine for Kavlaran.
[2560.7s] You're also looking for monsters.
[2562.3s] You're also long for the ride.
[2563.1s] Maybe you got a hand on Alydin,
[2564.9s] making sure they don't fall out
[2566.0s] as they lean over the edge.
[2569.0s] Everybody else coming up,
[2570.4s] you see this large cave opening
[2573.0s] and for Chogar and Bubblegar and Bonwyn,
[2578.8s] you catch sight inside of what looks to be a ship
[2584.2s] inside this deep tunnel.
[2586.0s] Like it's just, you can see the edge of it
[2587.8s] sticking back out
[2589.3s] and then you're looking along the tree line,
[2591.0s] you don't see anybody,
[2592.1s] still don't hear any deep bases of a bachelor party.
[2594.8s] But yeah, you do see the outline
[2596.1s] of a ship inside this tunnel.
[2598.1s] Guys, I think I hear the deep base
[2599.6s] of a rave going on inside this cave.
[2601.8s] I feel like we need to go in here.
[2604.1s] I mean, you didn't mention
[2604.9s] this is a boat bachelor party.
[2607.9s] It's a yacht party, essentially.
[2609.8s] Wow.
[2610.7s] Yeah, really fancy.
[2612.4s] They may be playing some yacht rock.
[2613.7s] Oh yeah, motley crew.
[2615.8s] I feel I'm maybe not dressed for this party.
[2619.7s] This is fancy.
[2621.6s] No, it's okay.
[2623.0s] It's any dress code.
[2624.8s] It's like kind of do your own thing.
[2626.7s] It's very inclusive.
[2627.8s] They'll have a change of clothes, I'm sure of it.
[2630.2s] All right, let's get this.
[2632.3s] I'm gonna get,
[2633.2s] maybe I shouldn't be the one to hop out
[2634.5s] and pull us up to the edge.
[2637.4s] You guys hop out and pull us up to the edge, okay?
[2639.9s] All right, Bubblegar.
[2641.9s] All right, Chogar.
[2642.8s] If we're gonna do this together,
[2643.6s] it's gonna be you and me.
[2646.7s] I can't see it.
[2647.5s] Yeah, you go first.
[2648.4s] I'll follow your lead.
[2651.1s] No, after you, I insist.
[2655.0s] Chogar, you're making me look like a fool.
[2658.2s] That's what I thought.
[2659.1s] And then I grab the rope and I help pull it in.
[2662.9s] They do this every time.
[2663.9s] It's a real like who's on first kind of vibe.
[2666.8s] Who's on second?
[2667.6s] I don't know.
[2670.6s] You pull the canoe up to the edge
[2672.8s] and everybody climbs out
[2674.1s] and you're making your way around
[2675.4s] to the edge of this tunnel
[2676.4s] and the edge of this cave.
[2679.6s] I was just gonna say it's a tunnel.
[2681.0s] There's just so many tunnels and caves.
[2682.8s] It's a very subterranean adventure
[2684.8s] that we're trying to put out
[2686.6s] through this entire first season.
[2689.0s] And you see the boat comes into view.
[2692.5s] You can't make out any markings on it.
[2695.2s] It is quiet.
[2696.1s] You hear like this steady trickling of water
[2699.0s] somewhere deep within the cave.
[2701.7s] And Tauber says,
[2702.8s] well, I'm just gonna go run up and check
[2704.5s] and see where everybody is.
[2705.4s] Maybe they went out on a little excursion
[2707.4s] see if they left anybody behind.
[2708.8s] How big's the boat?
[2709.7s] This place is so cool.
[2711.4s] I'm picturing a giant pirate ship,
[2713.1s] but you have not.
[2714.0s] Yeah, same here.
[2714.8s] It is a giant ship.
[2715.7s] Oh, okay, okay.
[2716.8s] Yeah, yeah, it is quite large.
[2719.0s] You don't see any flags
[2720.4s] or any sort of symbols on the ship.
[2723.4s] And no EDM yet.
[2724.6s] Like I can't hear anything.
[2725.7s] Nothing.
[2726.5s] There's no sign of ecstasy.
[2728.6s] There's no open packages of drugs or paraphernalia around.
[2734.3s] No smash bongs or anything like that.
[2736.7s] The party hasn't started.
[2737.8s] Or even people.
[2738.7s] Or even people, yeah.
[2739.8s] Okay.
[2740.7s] Yeah, yeah.
[2741.7s] You see Tauber run up
[2743.1s] and there's a gangplank that's coming down to the side
[2745.8s] and he runs up.
[2746.6s] He's like, hey, is anybody here?
[2747.6s] And he disappears on top of the ship.
[2749.6s] This place is so cool.
[2751.0s] Do you think that maybe there's treasure in there?
[2752.9s] I wouldn't be surprised.
[2754.6s] Honestly, yeah.
[2755.4s] That's the type of party they throw you.
[2757.2s] It's a treasure party.
[2759.2s] That's why we're all dressed like treasure hunters
[2761.9s] and pirates and things.
[2763.6s] Alydin B lines for it after Tauber.
[2766.8s] For the ship?
[2767.6s] Yeah.
[2768.5s] Okay.
[2769.3s] So you run after him.
[2770.1s] Everybody else is standing around waiting.
[2772.8s] Party usually starts around.
[2775.0s] Ah, yeah.
[2775.8s] Yeah, maybe.
[2776.7s] But party usually starts around 10.
[2778.0s] We showed up a little early.
[2779.0s] It's only nine o'clock.
[2780.0s] Nobody shows up to these functions on time.
[2781.8s] You gotta be fashionably late.
[2783.0s] That's why there's no drugs.
[2785.6s] Who did you say was getting married again?
[2788.2s] Did you mention who the bachelor was?
[2791.9s] That's kind of one of the things
[2793.9s] about these bachelor parties we go to.
[2796.3s] It's just like, it's like an underground network.
[2800.2s] It's kind of like what you know, who you know,
[2802.0s] kind of thing.
[2802.8s] I don't know the guy getting married.
[2803.6s] He doesn't know me, but I'm invited
[2805.4s] because we're part of the same,
[2807.3s] it's kind of like a cult, you know?
[2809.1s] Like a crew or something like that.
[2812.0s] Yeah, that's a good way to put it.
[2813.5s] Alydin disappears on top of the ship.
[2816.5s] I'm in there.
[2817.4s] And then.
[2818.2s] And I'm having second thoughts.
[2819.9s] Everybody hears this loud like wood mechanism,
[2823.5s] like a.
[2826.0s] And coming up and over the ship
[2829.1s] is this huge rope net.
[2832.0s] Everybody make a dexterity save auto.
[2834.5s] Oh, well that was very poor.
[2836.1s] You're up in the ship.
[2837.0s] I'm already in it.
[2837.8s] So everybody on the grounds,
[2838.6s] which would be Bubblegar, Chogar,
[2841.1s] and Kavlaran, and Bonalyn.
[2843.8s] Let's say 15 for cav.
[2846.2s] For anything physical, Ian,
[2847.6s] do you think that you and I should both roll
[2850.4s] and take the lower of the two?
[2852.6s] What if we both roll a d10?
[2854.4s] What about averaging the two?
[2856.5s] Add it together?
[2857.4s] Yeah.
[2858.2s] That's good.
[2859.0s] I like that.
[2859.9s] I like that.
[2860.7s] All right, all right.
[2862.1s] I like that too.
[2862.9s] I got a nine, which tracks.
[2866.2s] Oh, there we go, there we go.
[2867.8s] I'm making a one right now, watch.
[2870.6s] Four, okay.
[2871.9s] All right.
[2872.7s] 13.
[2873.6s] 13.
[2874.4s] And 11 for me.
[2876.6s] So there's, and then the whistle of this net
[2879.2s] coming over top of you.
[2881.1s] Kavlaran, you manage to just barely jump out of the way.
[2885.3s] Like it catches your foot.
[2887.3s] But Bubblegar, Chogar, and Bonalyn,
[2889.5s] you are wrapped up in this
[2891.2s] and it like bolos around your feet
[2893.3s] and you all go down hard.
[2896.5s] Kavlaran, you're knocked to the ground.
[2898.6s] You look up on the deck.
[2900.5s] You're trying to pull this rope up
[2902.3s] and you see that there's a formidable mob
[2906.8s] of pirate-like individuals, all standing up on the deck.
[2911.4s] And they have Alladin who has her mouth tied
[2913.6s] and gagged up on the ship.
[2915.7s] The new recruits are here
[2917.9s] and it looks like they brought some friends.
[2920.3s] Yeah, they're here to rage with us.
[2922.0s] Rage.
[2923.6s] Dumbgeons and Dragons, season three, episode 18,
[2926.6s] starring Amy More as Alladin,
[2928.9s] Karla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane,
[2931.5s] Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave,
[2933.9s] Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard,
[2936.7s] with special guests from Looters.
[2938.7s] It's a sci-fi western TTRPG actual play podcast
[2942.3s] using the Stars Without Numbers gaming system.
[2944.5s] That's Ian Overton as Bubblegar,
[2946.8s] who has been in the game for more than a year now.
[2949.8s] The Stars Without Numbers gaming system.
[2951.3s] That's Ian Overton as Bubblegar,
[2953.4s] and Matthew Eberle as Cho-gar,
[2955.5s] and Russ More as your dungeon master.
[2957.8s] Dialogue editing by Karla Maxted
[2959.8s] and sound design by Russ More.
[2961.9s] This episode featured music
[2963.1s] from Epidemic Sound and Slipstream,
[2965.6s] and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
[2967.7s] Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
[2970.1s] Our amazing cover art and character designs
[2972.4s] are by Matt Garbutt,
[2973.6s] and a huge thank you to our supporting producers,
[2975.9s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak,
[2977.9s] Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown,
[2980.9s] Angaron Kierzen, Perry Matey, Craig Zeiss,
[2984.0s] Old School Gamer D, L.A. Branton,
[2986.5s] Nathaniel Teeter, and Aaron.
[2988.5s] If you enjoy the adventure that you're listening to,
[2991.0s] we have more over on Patreon,
[2993.0s] patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
[2994.9s] where you can listen to,
[2996.3s] I think it's five seasons now of The Adventures Of.
[2999.7s] That's a game that Tom runs,
[3001.0s] and we have a lot of fun playing it.
[3002.8s] We're gonna be starting a new season very soon,
[3005.0s] and it's going to include Kyle,
[3007.2s] who wasn't in it previously.
[3009.3s] It's very exciting.
[3010.2s] And also we have a cyberpunk red campaign
[3013.0s] that we'll be releasing episodes monthly on Patreon,
[3016.1s] before we figure out what we're gonna do
[3017.6s] with it somewhere else.
[3018.5s] So everybody's very excited about it.
[3020.4s] We're excited about it,
[3021.2s] and we want you to join us.
[3022.2s] Seven day free trial when you sign up today,
[3024.5s] and well, we hope to see you over there.
[3026.9s] Okay, that's it for me.
[3028.2s] You have a great week.
[3029.3s] I'll talk to you soon.
[3030.2s] Bye now.
[3032.5s] The one that you're going up to
[3033.8s] is probably the largest of the three.
[3037.1s] There's a forested area to it.
[3040.5s] I like to think of the Vancouver Island,
[3044.7s] little pieces of the smaller islands.
[3047.8s] I can't think of the name of a specific one
[3049.8s] to give you a firm example of what I'm thinking.
[3052.6s] Like, Gabriel?
[3053.8s] Like Gabriel is huge, right?
[3055.5s] Gabriel is huge.
[3056.7s] Yeah, you know, yes.
[3057.8s] Like a third of the size of Gabriel
[3060.7s] is the size that you're going.
[3061.5s] It's a very local reference.
[3063.5s] Totally.
[3064.6s] I totally know what you guys are talking about right now.
[3067.2s] Everyone understands.
[3068.8s] This isn't for you, you're not from around here.
[3070.9s] You're not from around here are you?
[3072.7s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.