hold still now turn around five times.
Dumbgeons and Dragons will start in just a second.
Alydin, you have your head stuck firmly into a hole deep within the tunnel system
that you have found under Vintersmouth.
been there.
what the tunnel systems under Vintersmouth?
I've been playing this wrong the whole time you guys.
It's been air tunnels in Amy's mind the entire time.
You have just stumbled across what was at first a sound, some hammering, some grumbling
down at the end of this tunnel which was very unusual because you haven't run into
anything or anyone down in these tunnels.
You peeled back the rubble and the debris that was around this hole and you stick your
head through and you now see a city underneath the ground dimly lit with goblins.
It's dimly lit with goblins?
These are glowy goblins?
They're incandescent goblins.
They're all stuck up on the wall.
They have a surf of bioluminescence.
I was just going to say.
In fact, their clothing is bioluminescent moss which is why it's dimly lit by goblins.
I've been to that rave.
Behind you is your dear friend Tally who's trying to pull you back saying what do you see?
Goblins.
Goblins?
We've got to get out of here!
Quiet!
I just want to stay a little bit longer and see what they're doing.
Okay.
Quieter.
Your breathing is so heavy.
Hold your breath down.
I'm sorry.
I'll be quieter.
You sit around for a moment watching and what first is quite a busy city.
You see a lot of goblins moving to and from different structures down below.
It becomes eerily quiet after a quick moment.
I can hear your breathing even better.
I thought I was holding my breath.
Do I see anything?
Did everyone just stop what they're doing and turn to look at something that isn't me?
Any goblin who you did see almost disappeared from view.
Tally, they're gone.
Where did they go?
I don't know.
Make a perception roll.
We're rolling dice, guys.
I didn't even roll it into the giant space I have to roll it.
Ooh!
Hold it.
12.
You listen very intently and then you hear the sound of a pebble or a stone rolling
down the wall behind you.
I want to do one of those slow turns, you know, like the, oh no.
That's what I want to do.
You turn around and up on the walls, above where the tunnel is, you see goblins coming
out of different crevices surrounding you and pushing you back towards the hole that
you were looking in.
I think we should have run.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon
master Russ More, he, him.
Also with me today is Amy More as Alydin, she, her.
Are you going to eat us?
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane, she, her.
They're scrappy little street kids, they don't really want to like hang out
waiting for adults.
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave, he, him.
That's not checking out either, so I've got more work to do still.
Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard, he, him.
Don't spend the night or go on an overnight adventure with him because
that's even worse.
With special guest Joe Fisher from Midnight Burger as Rinkip Selador, he, him.
He's invested too much of his energy in his facial hair just generally as a human being.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon-supported podcast and we'd love for you to
join us over there.
Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragoncast.
Exclusive content, amazing community, and merch.
Come on over!
And now, fuck it, let's play!
Back up InVintersmouth.
We are in the hot block, and Bonwyn, it's been a couple days since you've returned
from the last adventure that you've been on.
There's been a lot of reflecting.
You and Kav and Bizarre were driven out by a creature down deep within the Mii Mountains
who chased you out in an epic elevator race.
You've returned home and Alydin wasn't there, which was the reason that you
originally went on this journey.
And you haven't seen or heard from them since.
Ignatius has hired basically every guard, everybody who has any authority in the town
to try and find Karis, which was the pseudonym that Alydin was going by.
Not by choice.
Because Ignatius decided that's what her name was.
That's just what my name was.
Also, the entire city looking for her, that's like Alydin's worst nightmare, right?
They're ruining everything.
Damn grown-ups!
There are signs up on mailboxes, signs up on walls with...
Milk cartons!
Milk cartons, with a poorly drawn image of Alydin.
In fact, so poorly drawn that Alydin has a mustache and large muscles.
Ignatius has no idea what this kid looks like.
It's me flexing my big Alydin muscles.
What does Bonwyn do?
Or what does Bonwyn want to do in this situation?
Because it seems like there's a bit of an affinity that you struck with Alydin
when they broke into your establishment.
Yes.
Wandered into to take a look at...
Yeah, just innocently crawled in through a tunnel.
I mean, whatever.
However you want to phrase it.
I mean, I am concerned, but A, happy that she didn't go on that adventure
because it was...
There was no food and it was all terrible.
And no riches, nothing.
There was no benefit.
So I'm glad she didn't do that.
I think that I am concerned about her, but not overly
because I know just from when we met she's very resourceful.
This is just like her life.
So I don't need to put my savior helmet on or anything.
I am very hopeful she will come back.
I'm keeping my eyes out for her.
I'm actively looking for her when I leave Everbane's,
but otherwise I am hopeful she will come back to me.
You find yourself later that evening down at the Brut Awakening,
which is the local gastropub.
Kavlaran is there and has been there talking to Bench
and Bizard enters shortly after you do.
And the three of you catch each other's eye
and Bench calls you over and says,
hey, Bonwyn, what can I get you?
You know, just like a lager.
Yeah.
Great.
Yeah.
Just something kind of refreshing, you know?
I can put some citrus in it.
That sounds great.
Yeah.
Wow.
You have citrus?
No, but I will find some.
Give me a moment.
I'll be right back.
No, I'll just take the lager.
That's perfect.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
He grabs a glass and then he walks out the back.
He'll be back in a moment.
Still going for that citrus.
What's my layout?
Like, are Kav and Bizard together
or have we all just serendipitously entered at the same time?
It's happened so often in D&D.
Bizard would probably be wanting to talk to Kav about some, you know,
being in, what's the title, an inquisitor?
Or...
Auditor.
Thank you.
It's so much friendlier than it is.
Yeah, yeah.
The inquisitor really sounds like I'm up to no good.
So I think Bizard would want to talk to an auditor
and get like, you know, like the inside scoop on things
because he did have to help his dad a little bit in Kingston
with some of the tax stuff and making sure the business is okay.
But he didn't really understand any of it.
He was just like, I just need to send money.
So I feel like we'd probably be chilling, having a drink
and just like chit chatting about the businesses around town
and what you're up to.
Yeah.
Nice.
Then if they're sitting together,
I'm going to go over when I get my drink back.
Hopefully that's just a beer.
Hey, guys.
Mind if I join you?
Oh, absolutely.
Grab a seat.
Yeah, please.
Nice.
How you guys doing?
Well, after our misadventure and everything,
you know, I got back to the shop
and stayed to open a couple of extra hours
just in case to make up for it.
Yeah.
Good call.
Yeah.
I pulled a couple of longer nights myself
and my goodness, did I eat.
I mean, I can eat.
Oh, I was so hungry.
I mean, as a government employee, I just went home.
They don't pay me to work off the clock.
I can respect that, you know.
Yeah.
Road's not taken.
Am I right, Bazaar?
Maybe.
Right.
Exactly.
It just wasn't in the cards for me.
I was born into this, but...
There was an opportunity to stay in Kingston,
but I was like,
no, I'm ready to leave this place.
I've seen the good.
I've seen the bad.
And I'm ready to see something else.
Well, and you had mentioned,
what was the school you went to again?
It was for like knife fighting or it was something...
Barnhart Swan School of Magic, Fighting and Dance.
Right.
So you were educated.
So it's three items, magic, fighting and dance.
I thought it was magic, fighting and dance.
Yes.
Some people put a comma there.
Some people don't.
It really depends on how you approach your curriculum.
So not magic, fighting, dance.
Well, see, you could do it that way, too.
Like the kids in the magic program
were fighting the dance kids is sort of what I thought.
Well, see, there's magic, fighting,
and then there's magic, fighting and dance.
And then there's fighting, dance.
Is this a Montessori school?
Sorry.
Right?
It's very make-your-own-thing, it seems.
Absolutely.
Whatever the kids want.
It's a la carte learning.
Just follow what's in your heart.
Very free form.
Magic, dance, fighting, sure.
Exactly.
I mean, you know, and as a as a blade singer,
as it's called, you kind of fall in.
Fall in, you get all three.
There's a loud crash as the door to The Brewed Awakening
is seemingly kicked open.
And Ignatius comes in and he looks distraught.
Ignatius is one of the nobles who runs the town brothel.
He comes into the center of The Brewed Awakening,
and everybody has stopped.
The band that was playing is now silent.
And he stands up on top of the bar.
My friends,
Charis has not turned up.
I fear the worst.
Perhaps they are dead.
That's the only explanation.
There's no record of a Charis in this town.
There's no way that our illustrious guard
could not have found her.
We'll have a memorial tomorrow.
Wow.
That's really fast.
He gave up real fast.
He's skipping straight to the memorial.
I mean, I feel...
Ignatius, she may have...
I mean, she may have just moved or...
Moved from Vintersmouth?
The jewel of Lake Lake?
On the River River?
Next to the verboten forest?
Does seem unlikely, doesn't it?
Really hitting the highlights here.
In the shadow of the Me Mountain?
In the shadow of the Me Mountains.
Where we just came back and didn't get any treasure, Ignatius.
Excuse, sorry.
Oh, that is the least of our worries.
One of our adventurers died before it even began.
I think it might just be easier to go along with the memorial.
Then maybe he'll get some closure and we can move on.
What do you guys...
Closure is important.
I mean...
Oh my god, I hope I get to go to my own funeral.
I hope you do.
I'm not gonna.
Let's make it happen.
The memorial will be held tomorrow.
I have invited everybody in town who know...
They tell great stories.
Everybody I met tells wonderful stories of Charis.
How they knew her so very well.
Even our former sheriff, Rinkep Sellador, who he points over to the corner where there's a...
Joe, if you could describe Rinkep for us as we see him now.
Rinkep looks...
He has a handlebar mustache that looks like it's seen better days, which is a metaphor for how the rest of him looks.
He's one of those people who seems to dress the way that he looked 20 years ago.
And just never got the memo.
And one of those people, you know, he seems to be looking around for something, but he doesn't know what it is.
And maybe it's his former self or something like that.
Or maybe his keys.
He's invested too much of his energy in his facial hair just generally as a human being.
Too much time and energy was put into it.
He regrets now that time that he put into the...
Like, if only I had focused on other things other than this mustache, then perhaps things would have worked out differently.
Now I'm just the sad guy at the bar.
You could have been the mayor.
Thank you. Thank you. Yes.
It's true.
I feel I've never felt worse for a character I haven't met yet.
Anyway, that's that. You know that guy. We all know that guy in that bar.
We know that guy.
This guy, this Rinkep Sellador, who was a former sheriff so high up in the city.
So high.
Rinkep, if you could say a few words about Karras.
Is this like a pre-memorial memorial, Ignatius, or what are we?
This is the amuse-bouche for the memorial.
I felt the moment.
Yes. I apologize.
We're doing it right now. This is a flash memorial is what you're saying.
This is a pop-up memorial.
Everybody invited, everybody here is the memorial now.
Everyone start bringing parchment out of their pockets because they've all written a little something.
Ignatius, you just said we are the memorial.
We embody the memory of Karras now.
Yes. I agree with you.
Who is Karras again? Just real quick.
Wait. No, no, no. Let me tell you more about what I recall about Karras.
First of all.
You scared me for a moment. Yes.
You know, I think we can all recall that time that Karras got lost in the cave.
Not good with caves. We all remember this, which is odd because where are you going to go?
I mean, you're in a cave. You go forwards, you go backwards.
It kind of seems like I'm not talking about a maze.
You know what I mean? You go forward, back.
I'm not sure how the getting lost thing happens, but it happens.
It happened. It happened to Karras.
It's happened to us all. It happens to the best of us.
Some people add to the best of us, the worst of us.
It's a universal feeling, getting lost in caves.
Yeah.
Cave of the mind, cave of the soul.
Thank you. Thank you. The cave of the mind.
We've all gotten lost in there.
And it's just, you know, it makes me think of better times in the city when, you know,
it was okay to get lost in caves and, you know, everybody felt fine about it.
These days, not so much.
I mean, don't get me started on how things used to be, right?
Everybody knows that.
But Karras, you know, they're getting lost in that cave up in the sky now.
And here's to them, I say.
Cheers.
Here, here.
That was so beautiful.
Yes, I agree that it was beautiful. Thank you.
Anybody else have any words?
What can you say after that?
Yeah, I really did. I really did nail it.
That is true.
You really brought it all.
Well, I'm going to have my drink and I will, I guess, see you all tomorrow.
Real quick though, this was the memorial.
There's not another thing that's happening.
This was it. We're just doing this.
That's the memorial.
Well, I mean, it felt good.
Did it feel good, everybody?
Yeah, I mean, you know, it was natural.
It felt great.
It was, and I don't want to ruin the moment.
Wasn't forced.
Yeah, wasn't forced was the key.
Not at all.
No rehearsal, no pre-written notes, just what you feel in the moment.
Everybody else can reflect on that.
And he sits down at the bar and slowly sips, looking off into the middle distance.
He didn't actually order a drink, so whose drink is he drinking?
I think that's mine. I think it's mine.
That's all right, though. I'm going to have another one.
You know what I mean?
Mostly backwash, it's fine.
When you're ready for another one anyway, so it's fine.
It's quite viscous, this brew.
That's on purpose. That's on purpose, don't worry.
Oh, okay. Okay. Thank you.
You are the professional.
That's how they make it.
Yeah, that's how we make it here at the Brewed Awakening.
Extra saliva.
Bench brings you another drink, their rink.
Great.
That one's on the house. That was beautiful.
Thank you.
I mean, you know, if you want me to talk for a drink, I can do that anytime.
Are we still thinking and pondering and remembering?
I'm confused about the schedule of the Flash Memorial right now, but that's okay.
I think it's over.
Is it?
I think it wound down.
I think that was...
It's now over?
I believe it's over.
It's a literal flash.
Like in a flash, it's over.
So quick.
Yeah.
All right.
I mean, it felt real though.
It was quick, but it was real.
Yeah.
So here we all are.
Yeah.
And we're all the better for it.
Do you want to come join us, Rinkip, or just...
Oh, certainly.
Certainly.
That sounds lovely.
Hello.
Hello, all.
Hello.
Well, you know, bizarre, but have you met Cav Lauren?
I don't think you have.
I don't think I have.
You're the one who went to that strange school.
No.
That was bizarre.
I'm sorry.
That was bizarre.
Sorry.
I get people mixed up sometimes.
I know so many people.
It's hard to keep them straight in my head.
You know everyone in the city, right?
Except, yeah, there's this new guy.
He works at...
Well, I mean, I'll let you say what you do, Cav.
I'm sorry.
Oh, yeah.
A lot of people don't realize how hard it is to know literally everyone in the
city.
It's hard to keep that all up in the...
Of course it is.
Yeah, fair.
I can remember like five names at all times, and then I blank on every one.
So I get you.
I actually come down from Kingstown.
I'm a bit of an auditor, if you will.
That sounds exciting.
Supposed to...
Well, it isn't.
Really?
But, you know, they've noticed up in Kingstown that there's a little more spending going
on down here than they can really account for, so they sent me down to have a look.
Okay.
Where do you think the spending's coming from exactly?
Where's the...
Oh, City Hall.
Yeah, absolutely.
Oh, City Hall.
Yeah.
The mayor.
Expressly the mayor.
So you're done.
I guess you know where the spending is coming from.
So you're headed back now?
Well, I haven't been able to prove it yet.
Oh, proof.
That's interesting.
Yeah, they require me to do that as well.
I didn't.
I never did any of that when I was sheriff.
Working on that part.
Okay, proof.
Okay.
Well, maybe that's...
I mean, I hate to overstep, but maybe that's why you're not sheriff anymore.
Well, we can go...
I mean, that's a long conversation to have if you really want to get into it.
Listen, proof is an interesting...
Because what is proof, really?
I mean, you say something, I say something.
Who do you believe?
I say you go with the guy who has the mustache.
And that's what I did when I was sheriff.
And it worked out fine for a very long time.
You know?
Yeah, that's just a good strategy.
My ironclad record.
Let me ask you this.
Where do you get proof of the spending?
Well, it's really tedious.
I have to go through a bunch of forms and a bunch of receipts and make sure that they match.
And I haven't found anything yet that indicates they're not going to...
But I will, I will.
I'm going to stick with it.
I'm going to find that evidence.
I'll prove it.
Everyone will know.
I mean, the gold fountains, the gold...
Like, the gold everything.
The gold everything.
Over in the noble side of the river.
I mean, that money's coming from somewhere, right?
And it's not filtering over to our side of the city.
I mean, the very high taxes could be an explanation, but that's not checking out either.
So I've got more work to do.
Interesting.
It sounds thrilling, is what it sounds like.
You know what?
Here's the thing.
Thank you.
I mean, I'm not saying I did this back in the day when I was the sheriff.
But sometimes there would be like a set of records.
And then there'd like be, you know, the other set of records.
You know what I'm saying?
See, I'm currently looking for the other set of records.
I mean, you didn't hear that from me.
What do I know?
Right?
But I'm just saying, I'm just theoretically, if I were to do that, that may be something that has happened once or twice from someone who was definitely not me.
Right?
That's definitely not something I did.
I've just heard that maybe it's like that.
So take that.
Take whatever you take, however you that however you like to take it.
You know, I mean, I will take it.
Great.
You talk in circles, don't you?
Well, you know, it stays neat and tidy that way, doesn't it?
Because, I mean, otherwise I'm just going off in one direction and nobody wants that.
No, that's true.
I'm lost in a cave, though, doing that much.
I should have had you along on that adventure, perhaps.
Perhaps Charis would have been there, too.
Ignatius goes back to the middle distance.
Is he staring off in the middle distance again?
Yeah.
Does this happen a lot?
This happens a lot.
Just don't spin the night or go on an overnight adventure with him.
Yeah, I definitely do not.
No overnights?
No overnights.
Unless you have earplugs.
Maybe because of, yes, if only because of the night terrors.
Well, night terrors.
They're really something.
Wow.
Oh, and it's nonstop.
Yeah.
Nonstop night terrors.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, that's, I feel like there's some sort of salve for that or something.
Is there no cure for night terrors?
What do you got to do?
You got to tie them up at night or something?
Is that what happens?
Well, we didn't, we kind of, it didn't help.
There was still a lot of screaming and scratching.
Oh, the screaming.
Yeah, yeah, the screaming is what gets you.
You have to hold them down like hands and feet.
Right.
Uh-huh.
What about one of those cone of silence spells?
You know what I mean?
Boom.
If only.
Sleep like a baby.
That is.
That would be a good call.
Kind of taxing, but it would do it.
I don't know if it's worth it to cast it every night though.
Yeah.
But I digress.
Sorry, speaking of taxing, you're looking for the taxes.
Hey, see how I brought it around?
I talk in circles and I bring it back around.
Perfectly done.
Yeah.
Love it.
Great.
Wow.
We'll be right back.
It's the middle.
Okay.
It's the middle.
We kicked Russ out.
Yep.
He's gone.
Secret middle.
So.
Let's talk about him.
We did not discuss at all what we were going to talk about.
So yeah, let's talk about Russ.
Yeah.
Good guy.
Yeah.
He worked so hard.
He's one of the best people I've ever worked with in like a job situation.
Absolutely.
Just the best.
So calm, always so organized.
On top of everything.
On top of everything all the time.
A dream to work with.
When I was hiring him, I called his last boss and she was like, I know this is
going to sound like a lie, but Russ is like the best person I've ever worked
with.
And it wasn't a lie.
You might not even believe that I'm his boss.
I could just be some random person he told you to call.
Cross my mind.
What's wild too is that like he he does all of this whilst maintaining like
mental stability.
Yes.
That is truly impressive.
That is one of the most amazing things to me.
Oh, wow.
As not a neurotypical, he's very confusing to me.
And I'm so glad that he is mine.
As someone who's been like juggling a lot with work lately, I do not feel
like I'm, you know, at a hundred percent in like all the other areas of my
life.
So yeah, I need like some sort of crash course on like how to do this.
Right.
Is this turning into a better help?
He needs to make me a PowerPoint, but about lives.
Not a sponsor.
Anyway, Middle, what do we normally talk about other than Russ?
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
You can join us over there for fun stuff like a ton of extra content and book
club and extra discord channels.
You don't have to be a patron to come on our discord, though.
Get on over there.
Episode dedication as well.
And an episode dedication.
This episode is dedicated to Tyler Ponder.
Thanks, Tyler.
You're amazing.
That is too awesome.
That was Russ.
Fun fact.
Pondering something is named after Tyler.
There it is.
Hmm.
Ponder that.
Guys, we're killing this.
Okay.
Let's get back to the episode because it's a really super fun one.
Joe, Midnight Burger.
The man's a genius.
Just the quality, dude.
Yeah.
If you haven't listened to Midnight Burger, do it.
What are you doing?
We'll finish listening to this.
And then go listen to Joe.
Just go download the first episode and then afterwards listen to it.
Exactly.
Okay.
Easy.
All right.
Let's go back.
Bye.
You hear some calls from the street.
Street calls.
Very faint, high, like a high-pitched voice.
Bonwyn?
You guys hear that?
I hear something, yeah.
Yeah.
Very high-pitched.
Are you Bonwyn?
How about you?
Are you Bonwyn?
Do you have tiny people searching for you or something like that?
Is there?
Is there a Bonwyn?
Nothing.
I'll be right back.
Very young people.
All right.
You head out and there are two children.
One boy, one girl.
Calling to, just going up to everybody they see.
Are you Bonwyn?
Maybe you?
Could you be Bonwyn?
I am Bonwyn.
I could be and I am.
Oh, hi.
Hi, hi, hi.
We have an emergency.
Days ago, Alydin went into the tunnels and they said if they ever said if they don't
come back that maybe Bonwyn could help.
They left this note and said, find Bonwyn.
If I don't come back, then they didn't come back.
And problem, we didn't know who you were.
So now we know who you are and now we're telling you what Alydin and Tali told us
to tell you is that they are missing.
Okay.
And you said that was several days ago?
Yeah.
They were supposed to go on an adventure, but they wanted to go check something out
down in the tunnels because they were really they've been really invested in just
hanging out in the tunnels and not interacting with anybody else ever.
Okay.
What are your names?
I'm Wallace and this is Dietra.
Hi, Wallace.
Hi, Dietra.
Bonwyn.
Could you thank you for finding me.
Could you just stay right here just for just for a minute.
I'm going to see if maybe I'm going to come and help help find Alydin and Tali
is with her.
Tali went with her.
Okay.
I'm just going to I'll be right back.
Please just stay right here.
Okay.
Right here.
Right.
Just right.
Yeah.
Great.
Okay.
You see them kind of slow sidestepping as you start to walk away.
Okay.
If you could just put your hand right here on the side of this building and just
keep that those hands right there.
Roger that.
That'd be perfect.
Got it.
I'm going to go back in to Brewed Awakening.
Hey, guys.
No pressure.
But Alydin, you know, Charis is missing.
She's in some tunnels that are under the city.
And I'm going to go try and find her because I'm pretty worried because
she's been missing since the day we were all supposed to go on our
adventure.
So if anybody wanted to come and maybe help because I have no idea
what's in those tunnels, that would be amazing.
But again, no pressure.
I'm also happy.
Just go on my own.
Totally in business is closed.
So sure.
Amazing.
It sounds like a sounds like a good time.
How many axes do you guys have?
Do you guys have enough axes?
I don't have any.
I do not have an axe on me.
Do you have a little weird?
I mean, I have four.
So I think we're covered.
Perfect.
Great.
Wow.
Thank you.
You were ready for this adventure.
Thank you.
Yeah.
So we're covered.
Check that off the list.
What else do we need?
We're going right now.
I think we can probably just go.
Let's just go.
Right.
That sounds great.
Let's do that.
Great.
First question.
Where and how do we get there?
Oh, great question.
So there should be some children outside that will hopefully show us the way
Alydin goes in, but I'm not entirely counting on that.
They're, you know, these kids, they're scrappy little street kids.
They don't really want to like hang out waiting for adults.
That's plan A.
Plan B is that there is an entrance to those tunnels at Everbane's,
which is how I met Alydin because she, you know, was exploring one night.
So we have a couple options.
I'm just going to cross my fingers that the children are still there.
The children still there?
You want to roll a D20?
High, they're still there.
Low, they're not.
It's a 13.
Oh, they're still there.
They have moved down several houses though.
Hands still on the wall or several buildings.
We kept our hands on.
You did.
Technically that is just a row of, so you are still technically.
Anyway, my friends and I are here.
Here we come.
We're going to come help.
But we do need you to show us how they get into the tunnel.
Right.
Okay.
So Alydin told us to come get you if they get lost.
But Alydin has also told us to never show anybody where we live.
Okay.
So the entrance is where you live.
Oh shoot.
No.
Okay.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
Teacher, what do we do?
Just tell her where we live.
Just tell her where we live?
Just tell her it's for Alydin.
Okay.
I used to be the sheriff.
Oh, you used to be the sheriff.
Look at this mustache.
Which means I'm trustworthy.
Look at his mustache.
He is trustworthy.
He used to.
Yeah.
I mean do you see this is.
The mustache alone.
The mustache.
I trust everybody implicitly with the mustache.
As well you should.
Yes.
Not enough of that going around.
So good job kids.
It's what kids need to know is that mustaches equal trust and protection.
Absolutely.
And always have.
So please.
Always.
Okay.
So can we take our hands.
Can we take our hands off the wall?
You can take your hands off the wall and we are just going to follow you.
Okay.
Keep up.
And they run off.
Okay.
Everybody else.
Chasing behind.
It's your own pace.
We.
Cut to back down to the tunnels.
Oh my God.
I am nervous.
I am.
So we are going to back down to the tunnels.
Oh my God.
I am in this episode.
You are in this episode.
All right.
Okay.
Alladin you have been placed inside of a very crudely built cage.
You have were surrounded by these goblins and because there were so many of them
you didn't really put up a fight.
They led you at spear point back down into the into the city and put you in this cave
which is right beside some smoldering embers in a fire.
There's you and there's tally and there's two goblin guards.
They put me in a cage.
Cage.
Okay.
Is the word that I think I said.
Yeah.
Cave was the second one and I was like hold on is it a cage in a cave?
Cage.
Look at all those cuttings.
We know it says cave once and we're all like it's a cave.
There are caves in the tunnels.
It's tunnel system which means there are multiple caves.
Tunnel is just many caves.
And you can write that down kids.
That's science.
Alladin what do we do?
Shh I'm thinking.
Okay.
Are they going to eat us?
What?
No.
Why?
Well.
Prop.
No.
Well.
Should we ask them?
Well I mean like yeah sure.
Yeah.
Hey.
Excuse me.
One of the goblins turns around.
Comes over to you.
Our big gestures.
Are you going to eat us?
Nom nom nom nom nom.
And I point to me and tell us.
They look at each other.
Nom nom nom.
Us.
Are you going to.
Nom nom nom nom.
Us.
They turn around and go over to a table.
And they pick something up off the table and they look at each other.
It's Google Translate isn't it?
And they throw it into your cage.
And rolling towards you is this moldy piece of bread.
That one's all yours Tali.
Oh great.
I don't know.
I don't know if they're going to feed us if we're going to eat us.
Well yeah I mean I don't know if they maybe they didn't understand.
Oh no I think they think that we're hungry.
Oh they think that we're hungry.
What if we pretend that we're going to eat them?
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay I'll follow your lead on that one.
Because I was kind of scared.
Yeah.
Right?
We are in the cage.
I wasn't.
Well that's what they think.
Okay.
Maybe we can convince them that they are in the cage?
Yeah.
Aren't we all in the cage?
No this has fallen apart already.
A lot of cage and cave work today.
A lot of inner cage, inner cave.
We just swapped the G for the V.
Yeah.
It's just.
Cave of the mind, cage of the mind.
Okay I don't think that's going to work.
We have to scrap that plan.
Okay do you have anything in your bucket that can get us out of this?
Yes.
I was just going to say they didn't take my bucket and I'm just rummaging through
my bucket and I come out with a little flat head screwdriver.
Okay.
I'm like alright.
Okay.
So.
What do we do with that?
It's got a pointy end on it.
Great.
This thing is.
We're going to stab them.
Oh my god Tally.
It seemed like the next best thing to do.
My god.
If we stab them through the cage.
We're still in the cage.
They're just going to keep us here.
And then we're murderers?
We don't.
They just tried to feed.
Like that was gross.
But they just tried to feed us something.
No I was thinking.
This is how this cage is just held together with like sticks and twine and stuff.
Yeah.
I was just thinking I could use a sharp end of this and just kind of.
On the end of the.
On the rope.
Okay.
But you need to make a distraction because there's nothing else in here and that's
going to be really obvious.
So you got to like talk loud.
Okay.
Maybe like sing or something.
In the arms of an angel.
That's not what I was expecting.
You're doing great.
Keep going.
Canadian Queen.
You don't know any more words to that do you?
Well no at this point the narrator's cut in and do you see these two children in
a cage?
For just five dollars a cup of coffee a day.
They're living off of moldy rolls.
You can change their life.
You can buy these goblins ear muffs.
Let's see if they're if the goblins are distracted.
The goblins are they take a few steps away.
They look over and they're very confused and they take a few steps away and they
begin talking to each other looking over every now and again but not enough that
they're really paying attention to you.
So it seems to be working.
So I'm at the bottom corner and I am just like scraping the end the sharp end of the
screwdriver against the rope to fray it and try to like you know just it's not super
sturdy.
Oh my god Tally do you think we could just pick this thing up and like walk with
it?
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like it's better than yours
damn right it's better than yours.
Sorry what?
You're doing a great job.
Thanks.
Do you think we just like pick this up and like walk with it?
And move it.
A little bit because it's like it's not big.
Sure.
This is like a this by this.
Okay.
Got it.
Okay.
So we're gonna be real nonchAlydint about it.
Okay.
So should I keep singing?
No.
Oh because I had a real good one next but that's okay I'll I'll get it next
time.
I'll get it next time.
Okay.
So we're gonna be cool and just like lean up against the bars on one side.
Yeah.
And you're gonna grab it.
Got it.
And then you're gonna like just like grab it low like bend your knees.
Bend your knees?
I got a little sully there for a second sorry you guys.
I'm bending my knees.
Bend your knees.
Yeah.
Can't get out of it.
And then we're gonna stand up and just we're gonna lift it like this much.
Just that just a little bit.
A teeny tiny bit and we're gonna go to the left.
To the left.
That was the song I was gonna sing.
Sorry.
You can hum it while we do it ready.
Okay.
Three.
Two.
One.
Are they seriously gonna like horse costume this cage right out of the cave?
Is that what's happening?
Three two one.
Like is it easy to lift can we just like.
Oh yeah it's very easy to lift.
Okay cool.
Oh I'm sorry this isn't a roll.
I need you to roll to see if the children are still there.
These little spears.
It doesn't look like a cage.
I'm scared of my pinky.
Okay I love it.
You can roll stealth.
Aw damn it Carla you ruined everything.
I got that one good fourteen in there and the rest is just gonna be.
Tally did roll a twenty.
All right well that was a two.
Oh wow.
Well Tally has to roll two right?
Maybe Tally crushes it.
One and two.
Eighteen.
You're rolling with my dice.
Well.
All right so it's like this.
And my side's just dragging a little bit I guess.
So yeah Tally lifts theirs.
You're rolling with my dice.
Well.
All right.
So it's like this.
And my side's just dragging a little bit I guess.
Tally lifts theirs and you lift yours and then Trip and the cage scrapes along the floor.
Tally continues to walk there on the other side and the cage begins to crumple upon itself.
The two goblins look over at you and they start to walk over and pick the cage back
up and are securing it back down to the ground over top.
Thank you.
It fell over.
I'm surprised that didn't work.
Wow.
I mean.
Seemed like a perfect play.
I mean it could have worked if Carla didn't say I had to roll for it.
Damn Carla.
It's my fault.
I made that not work.
I'm sorry.
We cut back up to the stables where the two children have run off.
Come get me.
Where you've been able to follow them to.
You're all you know varying degrees of out of breath depending on your level of
athletic prowess.
When you arrive and they get there and they're like OK.
So this is where we live.
Don't tell anybody.
Otherwise we're going to be in a lot of trouble with Alydin.
OK.
I'm looking at you all.
Take it to the grave.
I take it to the grave.
I've already forgot.
Yeah.
Don't even worry about it.
Good.
Where do you live again?
Thank you.
Yeah.
So many people know that one.
That's good.
OK.
The hole to get in is down in the storage place down here and they lead you down
this little ladder down into this old cold storage area and they lead you to this little
tunnel entrance and they say it's right here.
They went.
They go in there.
We see the light for a little bit and then it disappears and then some time later they
come back.
So if you normally watch when they leave did you see.
Which direction?
Yes.
In.
Just in.
OK.
I guess that's the only direction really.
OK.
That there is.
We've got a real tunnel cave kind of conundrum here.
I guess Alydin didn't like leave notes about where she was exploring or anything probably
because poor child can't read.
Well she did leave numbers on the floor.
OK.
So you know numbers.
Good.
Good job kids.
Thank you.
The numbers are upstairs and they zip back upstairs and anybody who.
Does follow them.
There looks to be a drawing on the ground of what looks like a tunnel system with numbers
at each egg what are presumably each entrance and exit.
So this is so we have like a rough map like this is this is all the places that
they've been and then they said they were going to go this other way that Alydin
said leads out of town because they'd seen all the other places that they were able to
find.
OK.
That's actually extremely helpful.
So we'll just go down and go that way and then I'm sure we'll find her.
I'm sure she's fine.
Absolutely.
I'm sure they are fine.
Tally's fine.
Thank you.
Yes.
Everything's OK.
We're great kids.
Great.
We have four axes with us.
So I think we're going to be.
Yeah.
All right.
Wow.
Absolutely not.
I can't even see them.
No, you can't even see them.
No.
From all the way over here.
And I take two steps back.
You only see the axes if it's the last thing you ever see.
That's when you see the axes.
Oh.
That's scary.
I trust his mustache.
I'm not trying to scare you.
But I don't.
Just listen.
Axes aren't toys.
They are either tools or a thing that you kill people with.
OK.
Renkip would be a great babysitter.
I feel like I'm doing a great job at babysitting.
Yes, you're right.
You are.
How many people have you killed?
I mean.
We probably need to go.
OK.
Yeah.
Let's wrap it up.
Yeah, we're going to.
Did you get them in?
Yeah.
I traced it down.
I pulled out some paper and some ink.
And we're good to go on that end.
OK.
Good.
Awesome.
OK.
You guys stay safe.
OK.
Do you need us to close up the door?
Because that's usually what Alydin gets us to do.
Close the door.
Sure.
Put the crate on the door.
Maybe.
Someone's going to be here if we like.
I'm going to say maybe not the crate.
Maybe just the door.
Yeah.
Maybe leave the crate off.
Just the door.
The crate can stay off, kids.
OK.
Yeah.
OK.
I mean, if a kid can move a crate, we can probably take care of it.
Yeah.
I guess that's true.
That's good.
All right.
Depends on the angle.
I mean, if we're going to get mathematical about it.
The leverage of it all.
I would say just to be safe, maybe no crates on top of doors that we just went
through.
OK.
Maybe just keep an eye on it.
Keep a pass.
OK.
Look at this.
Or look at the door until you come back.
Yes.
I mean, you can look at other things.
Yes.
Other things.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Just don't leave.
Maybe crack a book open, kids.
I don't know.
Oh.
Something like that.
Yeah.
What's the book?
Never mind.
You're doing a great job, kids.
OK.
And just hang out here.
OK.
And we'll come back up with all of the people that we need to come up with.
And none of the ones we don't need to.
For sure.
I tell you what.
Play with this magical object I've been toying around with.
It's a question answer.
You take this ball.
You shake it as you ask a question and it will tell you an answer.
If you give it a moment, an answer will appear from it.
OK.
So you can ask it all the questions in the world and it will give you responses.
And I'll take it back when I get back because it's still in progress.
Still work in progress.
Right.
Of course.
Yeah.
We will keep it very, very safe.
OK, Deitra.
We'll close the door.
And as they close the door, you hear, how many people did he kill?
Ask again later.
Dumbgeons and Dragons, Season 3, Episode 15.
Starring Amy More as Alydin, Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane, Tom Laird as Kavlaran
Goldweave, Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard, with special guest Joe Fisher from Midnight
Burger as Rin Kip Celador, and Russ More as your Dungeon Master.
Dialogue Editing by Carla Maxted and Sound Design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound and sound effects from Epidemic
Sound, Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
Our amazing cover art and character designs are by Matt Garbutt, and a huge thank
you to our supporting producers, Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak, Cat Waterflame, Jacob
Madden, Christian Brown, Angaron Kiersen, Perry Matey, Craig Zeiss, Old School Gamer
D, L.A. Branton, Nathaniel Teeter, and Aaron.
Another thank you.
We've already done it because Rin Kip's shown up before, but Joe has brought them
to life in this episode and the next two episodes.
What was I saying?
Rin Kip Celador was a name given to us by Twiglets.
If you want to help us build the world with NPCs and shop names and street names and landmarks,
you can do so at patreon.com slash dumbdraggingcast, where, for as little as five bucks a month
and a seven-day free trial, you get access to a whole bunch of amazing bonus content,
including an exclusive Patreon-only show called The Adventures of, and we'll be
starting a cyberpunk red show, starting very soon, GM'd by Kyle.
That's patreon.com slash dumbdraggingcast.
We hope to see you over there.
That's it for now.
See you next week when Joe joins us again and we try and track down Alydin.
Maybe they'll get out of the cage.
Have a great week.
We'll talk to you soon.
I have a question.
I'm already, I'm already turned around.
Fuck tunnels.
I'm looking through, I'm looking through the hole.
Yeah.
However big it is or opening.
And then you turned around.
Okay.
So they're behind me and now the only place I have to go is through this little hole
to get into the goblin city.
So like the plan I had to run away is not okay.
Cause you sat and waited.
Wow.
If someone didn't breathe so damn hard.
Carpe diem.
Sees the hole.
If not now, when?
I'm 14.
How much longer am I actually going to live?
Fun fact.
I once spent two episodes in that cellar.
Just the cellar alone.
Most of it just in one crate.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.