[0.0s] It's a day or so later after the rousing auditions as Ignatius called them for his new adventuring
[14.3s] group heading deep within the Mii Mountains in search of pirate treasure.
[22.3s] You all have your adventuring gear on, you're all ready to go and Ignatius has told you
[29.3s] to meet him by the brothel which there's a convenient path that heads out over the hills
[35.0s] and up to the mountains from that point, and as you all gather there we see Bench
[41.3s] and Kav, two of Ignatius's bodyguards, Daryl and Gothar, and approaching the group
[50.3s] is Bonwyn who's coming up to the scene and you hear Ignatius calling out to the
[56.9s] small group that he has ahead of him, rather too loud, he says our dearest
[62.1s] Carys could not make it as you can see they are not here, they have not sent a note,
[68.1s] I've sent people to see if they are okay, if they are alive or dead.
[74.0s] There is nobody in this town by the name of Carys which is unbelievable.
[78.8s] We checked with all of the registrars, we checked with all of the licensees,
[83.5s] and we could not find them, so we will not sleep until we find Carys and bring them back to us, dearest Carys.
[93.0s] Kav puts his hand up. Have you considered maybe they just moved here? Did you check with the welcome wagon?
[99.7s] We have not checked with the welcome wagon. Gothar, please put a note when we get back,
[105.1s] check with the welcome wagon, we will find Carys. Thank you, thank you, Kav, was it yes?
[111.1s] Kavlaran, Kavlaran, lovely to have you, good idea, that was a good idea there, Kav.
[117.7s] Oh, you know what Bench?
[118.9s] I think as this conversation is happening, Bonwyn has stopped a little ways away when she notices
[124.7s] that Alydin isn't there because the whole reason she's there is that she was worried about
[131.8s] you know the child going out into the woods adventuring, so she sort of stopped in view,
[138.6s] but maybe, like, I don't know if they notice me or not.
[141.5s] Bonwyn!
[145.0s] Ignatius, hello, hello, I, um, hello.
[149.9s] Hello, good to see you, you have come to join the crew.
[155.9s] Um, well, I-
[157.0s] Great, I'm glad to hear it, coming along. You know what, I did invite one other along here
[163.5s] who should be here momentarily, and he's looking around, looking up and down the streets,
[168.6s] um, when out of the brothel comes Bizard the Wizard, who anybody local to the community knows,
[179.6s] but for the crew here who maybe hasn't listened to both of the previous episodes,
[183.9s] which have not fully come out yet, if you could describe Bizarre in his adventuring gear
[190.0s] as he's coming down towards the group.
[192.6s] I really like that you started it, Russ, like we had the opportunity to listen to both halves.
[198.8s] Yeah, what have you been doing, Tom?
[201.3s] Tom's the only one.
[202.8s] I mean, I'm unable to listen to an unfinished product in any way she performs,
[207.0s] so I don't know what you want from me here.
[208.6s] You could do, like, second round edits, we could all know what's happening except for Amy.
[212.0s] There we go, yeah, she'll appreciate it.
[213.9s] Absolutely.
[215.9s] Uh, Bizarre's, uh, adventuring gear, you know, he's not wearing his, like,
[220.8s] nicer clothes that he would wear in his shop, so, like, instead of the,
[225.1s] the red shirt embroidered with butterflies and everything, it's kind of just, like,
[228.6s] a green shirt.
[229.7s] It's made to get dirty.
[231.6s] Um, honestly, it probably harkens back to, uh, to his, like, school clothes,
[236.5s] but, um, made to get into a mess.
[239.1s] He's got a nice, uh, overcoat and everything, his gnarled wooden staff with him,
[243.1s] and a spellbook still, you know, attached to the, to the sash around his waist.
[248.3s] Um, but yeah, and hair is not made up today.
[251.2s] You don't, you don't do your hair when you're going on an adventure.
[253.9s] It's just gonna get must up, so there's no point.
[256.1s] My dear friend from the mayor's office, Bizard the Wizard, will be joining us.
[261.5s] We, we must have some sort of magical influence on this if we're to find the treasure, right?
[267.9s] I think so, Ignatius.
[269.3s] How are you doing today?
[270.7s] Oh, doing just fantastic.
[272.6s] Look at this fine group we have ahead of us.
[275.1s] All smiling, all ready to go, especially Bonwyn,
[277.8s] who looks like she was fully prepared to be here and coming on this adventure.
[283.1s] Absolutely ready to adventure without Alydin.
[288.1s] Charis.
[289.2s] Yes, dearest Charis.
[291.4s] Everybody keeps saying Alydin.
[292.9s] I don't understand this.
[294.2s] Uh, that's, must be, must be one of the kids' slang these days that I'm just not familiar with.
[300.0s] Uh, but, ah, here we go.
[302.3s] Who knows a rousing song?
[303.9s] Hi-ho, hi-ho.
[305.7s] And he turns and he begins walking, uh, up the path and through the mountains
[311.3s] while, uh, his two bodyguards are at least following him,
[314.7s] leaving everybody to, uh, sit for a moment before you choose to go after Ignatius.
[320.7s] So Bonwyn, you, you know Ignatius a little bit, right?
[325.8s] Like-
[326.1s] For sure, yeah.
[326.7s] I've been making weapons for him for the years.
[330.4s] Is bursting into song and marching off like an everyday occurrence or-
[337.9s] I mean, I'm not normally with him.
[339.8s] I mean, normally he's running the brothel, so he's sort of doing, um, but I do feel like,
[345.2s] um, one of the workers at the brothel did tell me that every morning
[350.4s] they have to get together before they open the doors and do like a big cheer.
[355.2s] Wow, okay.
[355.5s] To kind of get them pumped up for the day.
[358.1s] Um, so I guess it is in character.
[362.0s] Okay, yeah.
[363.0s] Yeah.
[363.3s] Bazaar, do you spend a lot of time at the brothel?
[365.2s] Well, you know-
[365.9s] What do you, have you seen that?
[367.0s] I have, actually.
[367.9s] It's just part of the, uh, part of the morning get up and go,
[370.6s] get a little bit of energy going, bust out the positivity.
[373.6s] Um, you know, you just got to do these things to get ready for a nice day of business.
[378.0s] Uh, because you want to greet your customers with the kind of positivity that they deserve.
[383.0s] So, um, which I mean, there's got to be some positivity starting up.
[386.3s] The Smithy and everything, right, Bonwyn?
[388.1s] How's your father?
[389.1s] Oh, oh, that's kind of you to ask.
[391.5s] Um, they're great.
[392.5s] They're kind of retired down to the lake now and just, um, you know,
[396.8s] driving each other a little bit crazy because he's used to being so busy.
[400.4s] But, you know, he's building decks and the neighbor's decks and just, he needs tasks.
[406.5s] Well, good.
[407.2s] Glad to hear that he's getting some time off.
[409.6s] Of course, the shelves that y'all had helped me hang up whenever I first got into town
[413.8s] are still there, holding up all the magnificent trade that I have ready for
[417.5s] all the clientele here in Vintersmouth.
[420.2s] So thank you again for that kind of help getting me set up.
[423.1s] I would, I would ask for more, but you did such a damn good job the first time
[427.7s] that I just haven't needed to fix anything.
[429.9s] Well, you know, new people come to town.
[432.1s] You've got to welcome them because everybody's, you know,
[434.4s] going to contribute something positive.
[436.4s] That's right.
[436.9s] We have a whole wagon for it.
[438.4s] There's some quick footsteps coming back to you and it's Ignatius and he's running back.
[442.8s] And we, we got to the hills and you haven't come yet.
[445.5s] All right, another round.
[447.1s] Every morning there's a halo hanging from the corner of my girlfriend's four-post bed.
[454.8s] See, we all know this one.
[458.9s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast.
[463.7s] I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
[465.5s] He, him, also with me is Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane.
[469.5s] She, her.
[470.3s] I could just take this and do a like, you know, in green or something.
[475.5s] Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave.
[477.5s] He, him.
[478.2s] Oh, okay.
[478.7s] So like a marathon versus a sprint.
[481.0s] And Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard.
[483.8s] He, him.
[484.5s] Basically, once she makes it with some water, it's like a nice pitcher of sweet tea.
[488.2s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Patreon-supported podcast.
[490.8s] Join us today at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
[494.0s] and get yourself a free seven-day trial to see what's happening over there.
[497.1s] It's bonus content, hangouts, screen games.
[500.0s] It's a whole lot of fun.
[501.3s] And now, fuck it.
[502.7s] Let's play.
[505.5s] We are farther along the way.
[519.7s] We're down into some kind of the where the foison hills meet the mean mountains.
[526.6s] There's a lot of shrubbery and tall grasses that everybody's wading through.
[532.0s] Bench is up ahead clearing the way with his, what does he have, sickle.
[537.9s] Sure.
[538.2s] He's got a sickle.
[540.0s] Absolutely.
[541.1s] Bench is up and clearing the way with his sickle.
[544.2s] Ignatius is singing another song way too loud at the back of the group.
[550.4s] Just driving everybody forward.
[553.8s] And it's getting near nighttime because the hills are quite a long ways.
[559.5s] And he had you meet late afternoon, which is the best time to start adventuring, he thought.
[566.6s] Anyway, really get that golden hour in there.
[569.0s] Yeah, I mean, it is it is magnificent here in this golden field.
[573.1s] It looks the light is gorgeous.
[575.1s] But how much longer do you think we have until we should take a break?
[580.0s] Well, are you keen to travel at night?
[582.9s] Are you willing to risk that or perhaps we should go ahead and look for a safe place
[588.0s] to set up camp off the road for fear of ne'er-do-wells who may travel it?
[594.3s] Yeah, camp, setting up camp is probably making dinner.
[597.5s] Yes, yes, yes.
[599.5s] Good point.
[600.7s] Ne'er-do-wells sound like just a great thing to add to our list of bingos to check off.
[610.5s] But perhaps, yes, perhaps we'll take the campfire and just settle in and see how the
[616.3s] night treats us.
[619.3s] I will start unpacking what I have here.
[621.9s] And you notice he doesn't have a bag and he just goes and finds a stump to sit on
[627.5s] and is looking.
[628.6s] He pulls out a wrinkled sheet of parchment and unrolls it and he's just examining
[635.2s] it there humming to himself.
[640.7s] So he didn't really say like who's doing what in the camp?
[645.1s] No, I think it's Daryl and what was the other guard's name?
[650.3s] Gothar.
[651.7s] Gothar.
[652.3s] Are these, I mean, I've already established I know most of the guards at the brothel
[655.8s] so I probably know them.
[656.8s] We'll say they're the two that you had tipped that first session we met them.
[662.7s] Guys, what were your strengths other than strength?
[666.1s] Other than looking at each other?
[666.9s] Of course.
[668.2s] Yeah, I'm not much of a cook so I don't think I should do that but I'm
[672.7s] happy to collect firewood, you know, do my turnout watch, I don't know.
[676.6s] Let's just sort of figure out where everyone's strengths lie and just do that.
[681.3s] Yeah, no, that sounds like a good idea.
[683.2s] It looks like Bench is already trying to get a fire going or at least clearing a spot there.
[688.8s] Yeah, I'm just putting some rocks around so we don't light the tall grasses on fire.
[692.6s] We haven't picked a great spot for just wildfire spread.
[696.4s] Yeah, just dry fire.
[698.5s] Yeah, just these dry hills.
[700.3s] It's a drought time that we've come and we're like, hey, let's start a fire.
[704.3s] Yeah, it's a great idea.
[705.4s] I don't know, just packing rocks around in a circle down on the ground.
[710.5s] It's too bad that kid couldn't come.
[711.9s] They probably could have helped out with this lifting of rocks.
[716.1s] Anyways.
[717.0s] Well, I think y'all got it.
[718.3s] If anything, I used to help my mother clean some dishes when we needed some
[721.8s] extra money.
[722.4s] So I'd be glad to take care of any post-dinner necessities such as cleaning things.
[728.5s] That's not a problem for me.
[730.0s] Great, great.
[731.1s] Kav?
[732.4s] You know what?
[733.1s] It's been a while, but I used to do like the camp cook thing so I could take a stab
[739.1s] at dusting off the skills.
[741.0s] Amazing.
[742.8s] That'd be super.
[744.2s] Did anybody bring food?
[745.9s] Oh, yeah.
[746.5s] I mean, I have some, I assume we all brought some stuff to Lake.
[749.9s] I brought some sausages and, you know, that we can kind of make together into a…
[754.8s] Yeah, I brought some great bars full of energy.
[759.3s] That's what I brought.
[761.1s] Really just pumps the gut.
[762.3s] I got a shake here, too.
[766.2s] Well, I mean, you got to maintain that intake, right?
[768.3s] Yeah, gotta keep it up.
[769.1s] I forgot it was that or the fried foods.
[771.1s] It's kind of the only…
[772.9s] Protein and fats.
[774.7s] Fats and oils.
[775.6s] Yeah.
[776.2s] Great.
[776.5s] Okay, well maybe while I'm getting firewood, I can also look for like some dandelion stems,
[782.3s] maybe some greens.
[783.6s] Absolutely.
[784.6s] Yeah.
[785.1s] Okay.
[785.9s] We'll make it work.
[786.9s] Everybody goes off and they get doing their own thing.
[791.0s] Let's roll for just to see how successful we are at this and that'll determine
[795.3s] how we set up the next little jump cut here.
[798.8s] Kav, you are cooking.
[801.0s] Do you want to roll me a survival, please?
[803.3s] I would love to after I open my D&D Beyond Character Sheet.
[809.9s] You would think that, wouldn't you?
[811.9s] We were talking about weapons, Tom.
[816.1s] Going on an adventure, prepped everybody to roll dice.
[820.5s] Closed it.
[822.2s] Yep.
[822.7s] I had it open, looked for stuff, and then closed it when I was done with it.
[826.2s] Don't need this anymore.
[827.1s] Haven't played yet.
[827.6s] Done with this.
[828.7s] Not starting on like a two and a half hour session of D&D, nope.
[834.3s] Someone delivered you sweet, sweet desserts.
[837.9s] I lost my mind.
[840.3s] All right.
[841.1s] Okay, so we're doing survival.
[843.2s] Yes, please.
[844.7s] Okay, that's a plus two for Kav and that's a net 20.
[848.4s] What?
[849.2s] Damn.
[849.9s] Dang.
[850.5s] Dang.
[851.9s] Boom.
[852.2s] Some good camp food.
[855.3s] So you were gifted in order to cook sausage.
[860.3s] Love it.
[860.7s] Protein bars, a protein shake, we'll say there is some bread or some muffins of some sort,
[870.8s] and Ignatius would have brought, one of the only things he brought is like a
[879.5s] six shakers of a variety of spices.
[883.3s] Love it.
[883.7s] Yeah.
[884.7s] What did Bizard bring for sustenance?
[892.2s] Bizard would have brought some concentrated liquid that basically once you mix it with
[898.3s] some water, it's like a nice pitcher of sweet tea.
[901.8s] He loves his sugary things here and there.
[904.7s] So instant sweet tea pretty much, just mix it with some water, it's good to go.
[909.1s] That and probably some key lime tarts.
[914.6s] Love it.
[915.3s] Yeah.
[915.9s] Sounds nice after a long day of adventuring.
[918.8s] I thought maybe it was customary for Bizard to wear onions on his belt.
[925.3s] Well, I guess Russ, you want me to roll and see how good I do at my foraging?
[929.9s] Give me your foraging.
[930.7s] So probably also survival unless you want to roll.
[935.1s] Nature?
[935.9s] Yeah, nature would work there too, if that's better for you.
[939.9s] That's not a poisonous plant, thank God.
[943.3s] Nature is better for me, so it's a dirty 20.
[948.2s] I'm finding onions, I'm finding greens.
[951.9s] Spring onions out the wazoo.
[953.5s] Amazing.
[955.4s] Okay, then yeah, onions, greens, you are able to come across some small wildlife,
[968.2s] if that is of interest to you.
[969.8s] So you would be able to come across some rabbits or squirrels, nothing too big.
[975.2s] But if you wanted to bring something like that back,
[979.0s] and by bring something like that back, I mean hunt.
[982.3s] Yeah, I could hunt for something and then we'll save the sausages
[986.3s] for when we don't have fresh game.
[988.0s] Okay, there you go.
[989.5s] Yep, makes sense.
[990.6s] Rabbit and a couple squirrels based on that roll.
[993.7s] So you're keeping track of this, Tom,
[994.9s] because we're going to cut to you in just a moment
[996.8s] and describe this so we're getting there.
[999.9s] Ben?
[1000.3s] While you master chef this up.
[1001.7s] I'll start taking interest here.
[1005.5s] Okay, rabbit, squirrels.
[1006.9s] Doesn't open his character sheet, doesn't take notes.
[1010.3s] Did we forget how to play?
[1011.3s] You reeled them off so fast before, Russ.
[1013.5s] I was like, oh, okay, like we're just going to say I made something great.
[1016.6s] Let's go.
[1018.3s] Okay, we got protein bars, protein shake, probably some bread.
[1025.8s] Bread, key lime tarts.
[1027.4s] Sweet tea, key lime tarts, I mean.
[1029.6s] Sweet tea.
[1031.1s] A random assortment of six different spices.
[1034.6s] Oh, and spices.
[1035.5s] Yeah.
[1036.3s] Well, I believe my famous six spiced rabbit will be coming into play.
[1039.3s] No. Bench rolled a 19 for survival in building this fire.
[1048.7s] But there's not a lot of wood to come back with Darryl and Gothar as they rolled a six.
[1056.0s] All muscle, not a lot of adventuring substance.
[1061.1s] Well, maybe the fire is good because it is small,
[1064.0s] because of all that dry grass we mentioned.
[1065.9s] That's right, you just keep throwing grass on from around it
[1068.8s] just to keep it going.
[1070.0s] Love it.
[1070.9s] And then Bizarre, you're going to be on cleanup duty.
[1075.4s] Yeah, I feel like we're in a survival mode or a nature mode.
[1080.0s] Maybe a sleight of hand?
[1081.6s] Yeah, yeah, we'll do a sleight of hand.
[1082.6s] Acrobatic, how much are you showing off while you're doing this?
[1085.2s] Oh, I'll use Mage Hand and make it a performance.
[1088.7s] He's kind of a showman behind his counter, so why not go ahead and make at least
[1094.7s] the most mundane aspect of surviving entertaining.
[1099.0s] So, yeah, we'll introduce a little bit of my magical hand to help out here.
[1105.3s] And that's a 12 total.
[1109.1s] 12 total, give you a couple plus with the Mage Hand.
[1114.7s] So we'll give you a 14, which is an absolute success.
[1121.1s] So everybody goes off and they find all of the things that they need.
[1125.1s] And for all intents and purposes, despite the fact that this is just a ragtag group of people who
[1131.5s] prepared for themselves, but not necessarily for all of them for the exact instance that
[1137.1s] they are experiencing right now, things are looking great.
[1141.1s] You all sit down as it's kind of dusk.
[1143.6s] The fire is going, Bench is tossing grass on to keep it moving for
[1148.1s] Cav who's putting together a delicious meal.
[1151.1s] And Cav, if you could describe the meal that you've put together for the group.
[1155.6s] Sure, it is a sweet tea glazed rabbit, six spice rabbit with squirrel and protein bar
[1165.7s] slash shake stew.
[1169.0s] Nice.
[1169.4s] Delicious.
[1170.4s] Right?
[1171.1s] Yum yum.
[1171.6s] My goodness, this is just a delight.
[1174.3s] They don't serve this back at any of the restaurants that I frequent.
[1178.2s] Perhaps you should put it on the menu next time you're over there.
[1181.3s] It really is delicious, Cav.
[1182.9s] Can I just do that?
[1184.4s] Can I put things on people's menus?
[1186.4s] It's what I do all the time.
[1187.7s] I go in and say what I want and then they give it to me.
[1190.6s] And then I say, you should put that on the menu.
[1192.5s] And next time I go in there, it's on the menu, but I order something different.
[1195.6s] So it's like there's just this rolling menu everywhere I go.
[1199.9s] It is quite a quite a treat.
[1202.7s] I do love the excessively large menu when I pick a venue to eat at.
[1206.7s] It's true.
[1207.5s] It's best to not specialize in one specific thing.
[1210.9s] It's best to diversify.
[1212.2s] That way you've got something for everyone, right?
[1214.9s] Sure.
[1215.2s] Yep.
[1216.2s] That makes a lot of sense why there's always a dish of the day
[1220.7s] when I go to that restaurant around the corner because it's always so very unique.
[1225.5s] Very specific.
[1226.4s] Yes, yes.
[1227.3s] Sometimes there's a lot of peanut butter involved.
[1232.8s] Sometimes there's no peanut butter involved.
[1236.3s] Sometimes it's on toast.
[1237.9s] Other times crackers.
[1240.9s] But there's always like every second day there's peanut butter?
[1244.9s] Give or take, yes.
[1246.6s] And there's always a mention of peanut butter on the menu.
[1250.2s] So either it will have peanut butter or it does not have peanut butter.
[1254.7s] Or it explicitly does not contain peanut butter.
[1258.4s] What about peanuts or butter?
[1263.6s] Good question.
[1264.4s] Oh, I haven't yet thought of this.
[1266.7s] That's like a deconstructed peanut butter.
[1271.1s] Yeah, you could say that.
[1272.7s] He pulls out a small notebook and he writes it down.
[1274.9s] Deconstructed peanut butter.
[1277.1s] Get them on that next time.
[1278.7s] Gauthar, if I forget, please you do remember for me.
[1281.9s] Yes, yes, of course, of course.
[1285.0s] Well, that was a delight.
[1286.2s] I'm about ready for sleep.
[1290.1s] Who's tidying this up again?
[1291.8s] Oh, that's me.
[1293.1s] I've got it taken care of.
[1293.9s] Don't worry.
[1294.4s] Y'all can relax and I'll take care of the dishes.
[1297.2s] Make sure they're all properly sanitized so that we may enjoy yet another good meal tomorrow.
[1304.9s] Fantastic, fantastic.
[1306.3s] Well, thank you for finding all those things.
[1308.7s] Bonwyn and Gauthar and of course, I can remember Gauthar.
[1313.5s] I can't remember Daryl.
[1314.8s] Gauthar and Daryl, thank you so much for going out and just being motivational support
[1321.8s] for Bonwyn.
[1322.4s] I feel like that was what you brought along to this.
[1324.7s] I'm going to just roll up in here in this little sack beside.
[1328.8s] It's sleep time, yes?
[1330.6s] Who's going to watch me while I sleep?
[1334.1s] Well, we don't watch you sleep.
[1336.2s] We watch the camp while people sleep.
[1341.1s] Aren't you then by proxy watching people sleep?
[1344.7s] I suppose technically you're correct.
[1347.3s] We are watching.
[1348.5s] We'll sort that out.
[1349.6s] Don't worry.
[1349.9s] Seems very pedantic to break it down to that level.
[1352.3s] I have night terrors.
[1353.8s] I thought I should let everybody know that.
[1356.0s] Oh, good.
[1356.7s] That is good to know.
[1358.0s] Sweet dreams.
[1359.9s] And he's out.
[1360.6s] He's asleep.
[1361.9s] Do you think he'll actually have sweet dreams?
[1364.3s] He said he has night terrors.
[1365.5s] So it's a real switch.
[1368.2s] It's night terror, sweet dream, night terror, sweet dream.
[1371.3s] Like, oh, night terrors about the sweet tea.
[1374.6s] There's a lot of screaming that comes from the brothel
[1376.5s] and I think I understand most of it now.
[1381.2s] Okay.
[1383.8s] Well, damn, Kav.
[1386.0s] Good meal.
[1387.5s] Very delicious.
[1388.7s] Thanks, Bazaar.
[1389.3s] Yeah, no problem.
[1390.1s] That was so good.
[1392.9s] You guys just want to like draw straws for watches or?
[1395.7s] Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
[1396.7s] Sure.
[1396.7s] Yeah, that seems fair.
[1398.3s] I've got dry grass here.
[1399.5s] Just don't get it too close to the flames.
[1402.7s] Middle, middle.
[1407.0s] Middle, middle.
[1408.6s] Welcome to the middle, everybody.
[1410.0s] How you doing?
[1410.7s] We're having a great time on this new adventure
[1413.1s] that we are embarking on here.
[1415.0s] We love a new adventure.
[1416.7s] We are out on an adventure.
[1419.3s] Where's Alydin?
[1420.6s] I mean, Charis.
[1422.2s] Where?
[1422.7s] Who knows?
[1423.1s] I mean, Amy.
[1424.4s] Ignatius has sent out a city-wide search
[1427.1s] to find Charis.
[1430.2s] Yeah, there's no one in the town with that name.
[1432.4s] Yeah, it's going to be, it's going to be hard.
[1434.5s] It's going to be quite the every, no stone unturned.
[1437.9s] That's right.
[1438.3s] That will be the next mystery is finding Charis.
[1441.5s] No Charis left behind.
[1443.8s] No, no.
[1445.0s] I am sad to have missed the episode,
[1448.3s] but I am excited to listen to it like a listener.
[1451.8s] That's right.
[1452.6s] It's all fun.
[1453.5s] It's all exciting.
[1455.2s] And what we do in the middle here,
[1457.0s] when I don't forget and get called out,
[1458.7s] is dedicate our episodes to a patron.
[1462.2s] Like today's patron, Kayla Emerson.
[1466.2s] Thanks, Kayla.
[1466.9s] Thanks, Kayla.
[1468.7s] You're amazing.
[1470.3s] You are amazing.
[1470.7s] So happy to have you here.
[1472.9s] And you can be like Kayla,
[1474.3s] and come join us at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
[1477.5s] where you get a seven-day free trial.
[1481.5s] If you stick around with us for three months,
[1484.4s] we throw you some merch.
[1485.7s] Send you some swag.
[1486.7s] Swag, if you will.
[1487.1s] Rip it at you.
[1489.6s] Which comes via the mail.
[1492.4s] So we actually hire the mail person to throw it at you.
[1496.7s] That's correct.
[1497.1s] In our stead.
[1497.6s] Yeah, yeah.
[1498.2s] We just got to, there's a special stamp you put on it.
[1501.6s] Yeah, it's got a big old fist.
[1504.7s] It's like, they know.
[1506.2s] I don't like this story we're making up.
[1510.3s] They actually deliver it with a t-shirt cannon.
[1512.3s] It's quite fun.
[1513.1s] Oh, yeah, that's it.
[1514.3s] That's good.
[1514.7s] What about the mugs?
[1515.9s] Yeah, the mugs are amazing.
[1516.7s] They also get delivered with the t-shirt cannon,
[1519.0s] and it's more of like a try not to get hit situation.
[1521.8s] The sticker and the sweater are fine.
[1523.5s] It's the mug you got to watch out for.
[1525.4s] Look, fun fact.
[1526.3s] I've operated the t-shirt cannon before,
[1528.6s] and it's as delightful as you think it is.
[1531.7s] I bet it's really fun.
[1533.3s] So Tom's going to come door to door with his t-shirt cannon.
[1537.1s] That's right.
[1537.7s] I'll just road trip around the world, I guess.
[1540.6s] The world.
[1541.2s] The world.
[1541.9s] The literal world.
[1543.0s] I was going to say the U.S., and I was like,
[1544.7s] no, there's tons of, oh yeah, the world.
[1546.3s] All over the world.
[1547.4s] Hey, you've been meaning to do a world trip, haven't you?
[1549.9s] It's true.
[1550.5s] I mean, I'm going to Japan this fall,
[1552.3s] so I guess I'll pack the t-shirt cannon.
[1554.8s] Just load them up and then pop that door on the airplane.
[1557.4s] Just drop them as you go.
[1559.3s] Chances are it'll be a Boeing,
[1560.5s] and I won't need to do anything.
[1561.6s] Oh, sick Boeing burn.
[1565.2s] Gotcha.
[1568.3s] And when you join us on Patreon,
[1570.0s] we've got some new content coming out next month,
[1572.9s] which is not Boeing related.
[1575.1s] Cyberpunk Red.
[1576.3s] We are playing that game helmed by Kyle Clasett.
[1580.4s] Yeah, regular cast member Kyle Clasett.
[1582.7s] That's right.
[1583.3s] He's leading us into this scary tech world
[1587.5s] that I'm very nervous about, but very excited for.
[1591.2s] You know what?
[1592.3s] I had like a thought in my brain about Cyberpunk Red,
[1596.9s] and then we saw the cartoon, the anime on Netflix,
[1601.8s] and it's so scary, you guys.
[1603.9s] This is a terrible world.
[1605.6s] Okay.
[1606.1s] I look forward to the awfulness of it all.
[1608.7s] Well, we'll bring the shenanigans.
[1611.5s] We can't help but do it.
[1613.0s] It will be fine until Kyle's like,
[1615.5s] yeah, I've had enough of these,
[1616.7s] and then just blows everything up is probably how it will be.
[1620.7s] Yeah, it's written in the stars, so no spoilers.
[1624.3s] We haven't got that far yet, but it could happen that way.
[1626.6s] It's true, yeah.
[1627.5s] So the session zero that we ran where we're building out characters
[1630.8s] and figuring out the game in and of itself
[1633.2s] is going to be released to patrons next month,
[1636.0s] and then we're going to be releasing episodes monthly,
[1637.9s] just like the adventures of it.
[1638.9s] It's going to be a great time, and we hope to have you over there.
[1643.0s] But now we'll get you back to the episode.
[1644.8s] So thanks for being here, everybody.
[1646.7s] Have a great week.
[1647.7s] Love you, bye.
[1648.4s] Love you, bye.
[1650.2s] Hashtag findAlydin.
[1653.9s] No, Charis.
[1658.3s] We're going to roll dice.
[1660.7s] Yeah, sure.
[1661.9s] High roll, I guess low roll, because we're on short straw.
[1666.3s] Low roll gets to do it first.
[1668.5s] Bench got a 19.
[1669.2s] I'm assuming a D20.
[1670.3s] Yeah, let's go D20.
[1671.9s] You roll a D6.
[1672.8s] I'm going to roll a D20.
[1674.7s] I roll a 6.
[1676.3s] I rolled a 10.
[1677.5s] I rolled a 5.
[1679.5s] All right, so you all tuck in.
[1682.7s] Bizarre, you were up first, followed by Cav on this night of watch,
[1689.5s] and as everybody's getting ready for bed,
[1692.7s] how nonchAlydint are you being about the Mage Hand?
[1697.0s] I think I'm, again, showing it off a little bit.
[1701.1s] So while I wouldn't normally casually use it,
[1706.4s] I feel like I'm not normally invited on adventures.
[1710.4s] So Bizarre feels like because he also didn't really contribute to cooking,
[1715.9s] he's trying to maybe overcompensate a little bit and say,
[1718.7s] look, I can do this.
[1722.0s] Nobody else can.
[1725.4s] But for his next thing that he wants to do,
[1729.1s] it would not be so out in the open.
[1733.9s] He'll kind of walk around the perimeter of the camp
[1737.0s] when he starts his watch and slowly muttering to himself
[1741.1s] and pulling out some of the material components that he needs.
[1744.9s] He's got a bell and this silver wire,
[1747.9s] and he goes around and sets up a triple arm,
[1751.9s] a magical triple arm around the camp just in case
[1756.3s] his eyesight doesn't serve him as well.
[1758.3s] And yeah, I'm going to set up a good alarm system around the campsite.
[1766.3s] And that's a ritual.
[1767.1s] So it takes me about 11 minutes or so to do that.
[1771.2s] Well, maybe while you're doing that,
[1774.2s] everybody else's experience with magic
[1777.7s] probably isn't the biggest or the most involved.
[1782.2s] So while you're finishing up,
[1786.2s] you turn and you look and everybody's staring at you,
[1789.8s] not in a bad way, but like in a shock and awe way
[1795.8s] because you are doing magic that some of these people
[1798.7s] have only maybe heard stories about.
[1801.9s] And of course, your store is there
[1806.7s] and there is magical components and elements to that.
[1810.6s] But I'm going to say this group specifically
[1813.5s] hasn't ever seen you putting away at the end of the day
[1816.5s] using Mage Hand and that sort of thing.
[1818.8s] So Bench for one, Jaw on the floor
[1822.3s] as he was previously just setting up his bedroll
[1825.9s] is like, everybody's seeing the hand, right?
[1832.0s] Yeah.
[1832.4s] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1833.9s] Yeah.
[1834.3s] Is that something normal in Kingstown, Cath?
[1836.6s] Like, this is not...
[1839.1s] Oh, yeah, no, I didn't even think twice about it.
[1842.1s] A lot of magic shops up in Kingstown.
[1845.4s] So this is quite prevalent.
[1846.9s] If they ever need anything off a high shelf,
[1848.6s] they just like do the little hand thing.
[1851.5s] Wow.
[1851.5s] That's exactly why I have it
[1853.4s] because again, Bonwyn, as you know,
[1856.7s] I do have some high shelves.
[1857.9s] It's a very narrow store.
[1859.1s] So I have to build up.
[1862.0s] I mean, really practical also.
[1864.3s] Looks so cool.
[1865.7s] Thanks.
[1866.3s] Thanks.
[1867.0s] That's...
[1867.6s] Wow.
[1868.7s] You know, it's one of those things
[1870.4s] you learn early and you use often.
[1873.9s] Of course, being as lower level as it is,
[1879.8s] you know, there's still a little bit of a taxation on it,
[1882.0s] but it's not nearly as bad as some of the
[1884.7s] more involved magical abilities
[1887.3s] that can be learned
[1888.6s] at Bernhardt Swan School of Magic Fighting and Dance.
[1892.3s] Does it hurt?
[1896.5s] Oh, it depends.
[1897.8s] Have you ever had a sty in your eye?
[1900.4s] I don't know.
[1901.5s] You ever had pink eye?
[1903.4s] Oh, I've had pink eyes.
[1905.5s] I mean, that bench knows.
[1906.8s] Yeah.
[1907.3s] Yeah.
[1907.8s] Okay.
[1908.6s] So, you know, it kind of just aches a little bit.
[1912.7s] It's a little like it's tolerable,
[1916.4s] but it's only in the moment
[1918.0s] that the incantation is completed.
[1920.8s] You have that sensation and then it fades,
[1923.6s] but more involved magics can cause hour long migraines
[1931.0s] if you are not careful
[1932.2s] or do not go through the process properly.
[1934.9s] Some spells you have to expend that energy
[1938.2s] right off the cuff.
[1939.2s] Other ones require you to go through
[1940.9s] a little bit of a ritual
[1942.1s] and those don't take as much out of you
[1944.9s] because of the time you put into them.
[1947.5s] So it really just depends.
[1949.6s] Oh, okay.
[1950.2s] So like a marathon versus a sprint.
[1952.9s] Exactly.
[1953.5s] That's a very, very good metaphor.
[1956.0s] Okay, cool.
[1957.0s] Never decided to sprint if I don't have to,
[1959.5s] so I wouldn't have thought of that myself, right?
[1963.0s] Why do that?
[1966.3s] So is that gonna happen?
[1967.5s] That will take some getting used to, I think.
[1969.7s] Okay, yeah.
[1970.6s] All night.
[1971.2s] It's gonna happen all night.
[1973.9s] Okay, cool.
[1974.7s] Okay, great.
[1976.1s] Has anyone seen the map other than Ignatius?
[1981.5s] I just wanna see where we're all at on this adventure.
[1985.9s] I think, you know, Ignatius, great leader.
[1991.4s] No, no, I haven't seen the map.
[1995.0s] Okay.
[1995.2s] Do we want to?
[1995.9s] Gerold, Gothar, have you?
[1997.4s] Oh, no.
[2000.0s] Well, I mean like over shoulder,
[2002.1s] it looks like a map.
[2003.8s] But no, not like explicitly.
[2005.7s] He's very, like wants to be the one
[2008.3s] to lead us to the treasure.
[2010.0s] Of course.
[2010.8s] Yeah, of course he does.
[2011.9s] He sleeps pretty soundly though.
[2013.8s] Like maybe we could get it.
[2017.8s] Are you concerned that we're going the wrong way?
[2023.3s] I think I would feel more comfortable
[2025.8s] if I had an idea where we were going.
[2029.2s] Yeah, that makes two of us.
[2029.9s] What kind of terrain we might be experiencing.
[2034.6s] Okay.
[2035.5s] Yeah, I just would feel better
[2036.8s] if I could like mentally prepare for what's to come.
[2040.0s] Okay.
[2040.7s] Gothar, you hold down the left arm.
[2043.1s] Cav or Bench, you hold down the right arm.
[2046.5s] We have to hold him down?
[2047.4s] I thought you said-
[2047.8s] I could just, could I just try more sneakily though?
[2054.5s] Oh, I see.
[2055.4s] Flails, like he flails.
[2057.1s] We've caught it in the teeth before.
[2058.9s] You know, he falls asleep in a chair,
[2061.0s] you go tap him, smack, you got a broken nose.
[2065.2s] So yeah, absolutely.
[2066.4s] If you want to try and be sneaky about it,
[2069.0s] more power-
[2069.5s] But sneaky with some-
[2071.2s] Some support.
[2072.3s] For some restraints.
[2073.4s] Okay, great.
[2074.2s] Like one person on each leg.
[2075.7s] Surprisingly strong for just the bean pole that he is.
[2080.3s] Yes.
[2082.0s] Okay, let's give it a shot.
[2083.4s] Yeah, sure.
[2084.0s] Dare all this thing.
[2084.8s] Okay, so we gotta all go down at the same time.
[2087.1s] Otherwise, you know, arms like shoot up.
[2089.5s] Okay, so on three.
[2092.3s] My God, there's four strong, strong men here.
[2094.3s] Two, yeah, this is why we made sure
[2096.0s] that there were at least four
[2097.9s] people, just in case.
[2100.5s] Just in case.
[2101.6s] So three, two, one, and jump.
[2105.9s] And as you all jump on-
[2107.5s] Jump onto him.
[2108.6s] Jump onto him, and then I'll do a sleight of hand roll?
[2110.9s] Yeah, sure, why not?
[2114.8s] You all jump onto his arms and legs
[2116.6s] and he begins screaming, eyes closed, screaming,
[2119.1s] and you can feel the tension beneath you.
[2121.2s] Everybody make a strength saving throw against Ignatius.
[2124.5s] It's not going to be a high check, but you could fail.
[2128.2s] That's a 15.
[2131.3s] No.
[2131.9s] This is where we lose Gozar.
[2133.9s] That's a two if I'm helping in any capacity.
[2137.7s] I don't know that you are, because you've got Gozar,
[2140.0s] and Daryl, and Bench, and Chav.
[2142.1s] So if you want to sit this one out, that's fine.
[2144.4s] Yeah, a wizard would not, even,
[2146.7s] he'd be like, no, that's not my bag.
[2150.1s] Sure, everybody but Bench, who maybe is taking this
[2153.6s] a little less seriously than everybody else,
[2156.1s] but Bench takes a foot right under the jaw,
[2159.6s] which clacks his teeth together,
[2161.5s] and you can see the stars swimming around his head,
[2165.9s] and then shakes it off and quickly moves down
[2169.0s] as he's screaming, he's like, okay,
[2170.7s] you can come in and sneak the map out of his pocket.
[2175.0s] Now, he won't know.
[2176.3s] I rolled a 21 on my sleight of hand roll.
[2180.5s] You know what, probably could have avoided all of this.
[2182.2s] He's pretty grappled.
[2184.3s] Yeah, so you are patting him down,
[2186.8s] and you find his satchel where he has it stored.
[2191.0s] You reach in and pull out the parchment,
[2193.1s] and he says, okay, do you want to look at it
[2195.9s] and then put it back, or do we want to try
[2198.0s] and do this again, or just say maybe it fell out?
[2200.3s] He'll believe it fell out.
[2201.5s] All right, on three, we just all jump off, okay?
[2204.5s] Three, two, one, okay, dexterity savings right now.
[2209.0s] Oh, it's a seven.
[2213.5s] Boom, 21 again.
[2215.6s] Okay, so everybody jumping back.
[2217.4s] So you and Gothar.
[2219.2s] I'm surprisingly dexterous for a dwarf.
[2222.6s] Absolutely, so Kav and Gothar, you get smacked by a hand.
[2227.9s] You don't take any damage,
[2229.0s] but just right across the cheek you get smacked.
[2233.0s] Gothar takes a leg to the shin as you're trying to back up,
[2236.4s] and as a few seconds pass,
[2239.5s] everything settles back down again,
[2241.0s] and he's, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
[2246.9s] Is there a feather that's slowly making its way down to him?
[2250.3s] And then every, okay, yep.
[2252.1s] Absolutely, peaceful, nothing happened.
[2255.6s] So you have the map now, you unfurl the map,
[2259.6s] and it is vaguely, like it's crudely drawn,
[2264.4s] but it's vaguely, you see the mountains,
[2266.5s] you see the river, river, you see the hills,
[2270.6s] but there is a red dotted line
[2274.7s] that basically loop-de-loops around
[2278.5s] through the entirety of the hills and the mountains.
[2284.4s] There is an X on one of the mountains,
[2288.3s] the Khaki Mountain is what it's called.
[2292.3s] Khaki Mountain, and what's the scale on this map?
[2296.2s] How far are each of these dashes?
[2298.4s] Is this a 15-day trip if we do all the loop-de-loops or?
[2303.8s] If you did all the loop-de-loops,
[2305.9s] it would probably take you somewhere
[2308.2s] in the vicinity of seven to 10 days.
[2312.4s] If you took a more direct route,
[2315.1s] it would probably take you two days tops.
[2320.1s] Okay, quick conference, guys.
[2325.2s] How long do we want to be out here?
[2327.4s] How much food do we have left?
[2328.6s] Because I feel like I could just take this
[2331.7s] and do a like, you know, in green or something and just.
[2338.9s] Just shoot us right there?
[2340.8s] Just shoot us right there.
[2345.4s] I guess just check how much food do we have left?
[2349.8s] I mean, not a ton.
[2351.0s] We didn't have the tarts.
[2351.9s] Kind of had to pull most everything together for dinner.
[2356.6s] We've still got the sausages and the tarts
[2359.1s] and some of the sweet tea.
[2361.8s] Yeah, and I brought some grits for breakfast,
[2366.1s] but that's not going to take us too far.
[2370.0s] I had assumed this was going to be just a one-night thing.
[2374.4s] I hadn't planned on keeping the shop closed too long.
[2378.7s] Oh, yeah, no, we were kind of all under that impression.
[2385.3s] Well, I mean, Darryl, Gauthar,
[2386.9s] if you need to like ear muffs for this,
[2388.7s] then please feel free.
[2390.1s] But maybe we just, you know,
[2392.1s] we're just out here for a fun time.
[2394.0s] This isn't our livelihoods.
[2395.5s] In fact, it might be impeding our livelihoods, right?
[2398.3s] Bazaar, so it'd be better.
[2399.9s] I could just get back to the shop sooner.
[2402.7s] So maybe just more of a direct route.
[2406.0s] Darryl and Gauthar have both ear muffed.
[2408.0s] They have their hands over their ears.
[2410.2s] I don't, you know, don't want to get them in trouble.
[2411.9s] This is their livelihood.
[2413.2s] No disagreement.
[2414.7s] Great.
[2415.5s] Yep, yeah, no implications needed.
[2419.0s] And I have some ink,
[2420.0s] so I'm just going to just draw another line on top.
[2426.0s] And then I'm sure we can convince him.
[2427.7s] That's the good line in the morning.
[2430.3s] Perfect, perfect, perfect.
[2431.9s] All right, well, with that problem solved,
[2435.0s] I don't think we need to, you know, roll back up.
[2438.6s] Oh, you can take your hands off your ears, guys.
[2441.5s] Yeah, so we're going to put the map just down beside.
[2444.7s] Maybe he looked at it in his sleep.
[2446.8s] Fine, great.
[2448.3s] And then just beeline for that X.
[2451.8s] See what's there.
[2452.7s] It's probably nothing.
[2455.5s] And then come back.
[2457.7s] Yeah.
[2458.1s] Cool.
[2459.4s] Yeah, it'll be enough adventure for Ignatius.
[2461.4s] I certainly hope there's something there.
[2463.2s] Yeah, well, I mean, maybe there is.
[2465.2s] Maybe there is.
[2466.4s] Knowing Ignatius, though, maybe he drew this map.
[2469.8s] Oh, I see.
[2470.9s] Hmm, I didn't think he drew it.
[2472.3s] I just assumed he bought it from somebody.
[2474.8s] Somebody kind of maybe not totally honest.
[2477.3s] Well, that could be too.
[2480.7s] I mean, could be as well.
[2482.0s] Six to one, half a dozen the other, I guess.
[2483.9s] Yeah, either way, I'd say the odds of us
[2486.9s] finding treasure at the X are slim.
[2491.5s] You seem disappointed, Pizzai.
[2494.4s] Yeah, I mean, I was hoping maybe to get some extra funds
[2499.2s] to bring in some new wares from Kingstown.
[2504.1s] And if that's not going to be the case,
[2506.3s] then I'm literally losing money by coming on this trip.
[2510.0s] And I don't appreciate that.
[2515.5s] It's being straight up.
[2516.7s] Yep, yep.
[2518.4s] It's bad for business.
[2520.3s] Yep, agreed.
[2521.5s] As a fellow small business owner, not ideal.
[2525.3s] But I mean, I guess I'm spoiled because I have Thane.
[2527.5s] So, you know, Everbane's is still open and rolling.
[2531.1s] But you're like, it's just you, right?
[2535.6s] Okay, well, let's try and wrap this up as quick as we can.
[2538.3s] Oh, yeah, yeah, no, great, great, great.
[2540.3s] All right, I'm glad we're all agreed.
[2542.3s] Bizarre, you got first watch.
[2543.8s] And then I guess tomorrow we're making a run for that X
[2547.2s] on the khaki mountain.
[2549.3s] Yep, I've got it.
[2550.4s] I'll wake you if I notice anything.
[2552.9s] I would not be surprised if somebody found us
[2554.9s] with a man screaming in his sleep.
[2556.7s] But good luck sleeping to you and yours.
[2559.5s] And hopefully I'll have the same luck
[2561.8s] when it comes time for it.
[2563.1s] Dumbgeons and Dragons season three, episode 12.
[2578.9s] This episode starred Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane,
[2582.2s] Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave,
[2584.5s] Kyle Claset as Bizard the Wizard,
[2586.9s] and Russ More as your dungeon master.
[2589.0s] Dialogue editing by Carla Maxted
[2591.0s] and sound design by Russ More.
[2593.1s] This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
[2595.6s] and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
[2597.8s] Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
[2600.1s] Our amazing cover art and character designs
[2602.5s] are by Matt Garbutt.
[2603.8s] And a huge thank you to our supporting producers,
[2606.2s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak,
[2608.1s] Kat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
[2610.1s] Christian Brown, Angaron Kierzen,
[2612.2s] Perry Matey, Craig Zeiss, Old School Gamer D,
[2615.8s] L.A. Branton, Nathaniel Teeter, and Aaron.
[2618.8s] If you're loving what we're doing,
[2620.3s] come support us over on Patreon.
[2622.7s] I mean, the support that you give to us
[2625.2s] that makes us feel all warm and fuzzy,
[2627.1s] but also we like to give things back to you
[2629.1s] like bonus content and podcasts
[2631.6s] and live streams and hangouts
[2633.9s] and all that great, great stuff.
[2636.3s] So patreon.com slash dumb dragging cast
[2638.4s] we hope to see you over there.
[2639.9s] Seven day free trial.
[2640.8s] Come give it a test at least.
[2642.5s] We'd love to have you.
[2643.8s] And now, that's all I've got.
[2647.8s] You can join us on Instagram or newsletter.
[2650.4s] Those are places that we hang out too.
[2652.3s] We hope you enjoyed this episode.
[2653.9s] It's really the first like adventure we've been on
[2656.3s] and had a blast getting camp ready.
[2659.4s] I forgot how much fun traveling camp can be
[2661.6s] if you're just having a goofball time,
[2663.2s] which was what we normally do.
[2665.1s] So now you have a great week.
[2667.4s] We'll talk to you soon, friends.
[2669.1s] Bye.
[2671.8s] That's where we'll jump into the episode.
[2674.7s] Classic adventuring song.
[2676.6s] Classic Sugar Ray.
[2680.4s] Good times.
[2682.3s] I like on my end how the mic isn't even.
[2688.2s] Yeah, I can't hear anything.
[2689.2s] It just completely cuts out.
[2690.5s] So Russ just has this look of like
[2693.1s] screaming terror on his face.
[2694.7s] Yeah, that's great.
[2695.2s] And we don't get to hear any of it.
[2696.5s] It's delightful.
[2697.1s] Well, you'll find out next time
[2699.0s] on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2701.3s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a dumb dragons production.