Don't go anywhere, Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in a moment.
We hear the sound of the River River and pan over top of the latest shipments that have
come in.
We're winding our way down the streets of the Artisan District and we see Bonwyn heading
her way down towards the docks to pick up her latest shipment of ore and we see
Alydin popping in and out of the store owner's fronts, slyly pocketing a fresh apple and
some day old scones.
Making our way through we hold on a very small door entrance packed between two other
storefronts, on one side the snip and twirl hair salon, on the other the threads
of fate, the tailor, InVintersmouth.
And right in between those two stores is the Magic Closet by Bizard, doesn't look
like too much from the outside, has a swinging sign out front denoting that this store,
which looks like it might just be a stairwell, is in fact somewhat of a special shop,
a magic shop.
There's a couple of kids who rush up to the door and open it with a jingle
of the bell and they run inside and to greet them, seated behind the desk, is Bizard the
Wizard.
Kyle, if you wouldn't mind describing Bizard.
Bizard is a, you know, not a very robust man, he's fairly frail and the appearance
of his age far surpasses his actual age.
He has a salt and pepper coiffed hair, of course cut by the fantastic barbers over
at the snip and twirl.
And in his eyes, as he looks up from behind the counter, you can see his eyes are green
with specks of gray in them, they kind of shift around as he looks.
There is incense nearby that wafts through the air, leaving a pleasant aroma of cinnamon
and apples and a touch of indescribable arcane essence that is just enticing, it really draws
out the curiosity, especially of the younglings that are around town.
He sits up behind his very narrow countertop with very narrow shelves, they go very
high up, a lot of hooks going up close to the ceiling, maybe like ten feet high,
which for any instance that he needs to access it, a quick summoning of the magical specter hand.
He will reach up and grab whatever the kids or whatever their clientele need so that
they don't have to worry about climbing too high.
But he sits up from his book that he's reading, sets it down, puts the bookmark
inside of it, closes it, says, ah kids, hey, y'all come back for some more of those
good trick-playing stuff, y'all looking for some of those?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what do you got in new this week?
Flashbang ones really, really scared my parents and they said I can't come back in so I've
told them that I'm just gonna go get some milk and eggs, but what do you got in new?
Well, you don't have to lie to them about getting milk and eggs because let me show
you, as I pull out a cauldron and place it on my countertop, I take some milks,
I take some eggs, I mix it all together and I throw in just this random bag of powder
and whip it all together and it becomes this like oozing gel that just coagulates
together.
He pulls it out of the pot with a schlorping sound and lays it on the ground and he
says, fake throw up.
Next time you want to fake ill and miss out on your lessons, you could use this
and stay home to do whatever you want.
Eww, that's so gross!
I know, it's really gross.
They reach up and grab for it and it's like slipping through their hands.
It feels like it feels so real.
Don't actually throw up, please.
He reaches into his pocket, the little kid, and puts some money up on the counter
and kind of starts trying to scoop it into his bag that he has on him.
Hopefully that will satiate your mischievous needs.
Oh, it absolutely will!
If you're looking for anything else or you have friends that want to procure some fake
vomit as well, tell them to come my way and as long as they do, as long as they
tell me your name, James, you can just go ahead and take that with you.
Thanks, Bizard!
And he runs out.
I'll tell everyone!
Come on, Sarah!
Let's go!
Ta-ta, James!
Have a great day, Sarah!
Bizards run out and Dorse slams shut behind them, which shakes a couple of the things
on the wall, and we leave Bizard, who heads behind his desk and returns to his book.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast.
I'm your dungeon master Russ More, he him, and Dumbgeons and Dragons stars today,
Kyle Claset, as Bizard the wizard.
Believe me, I know where I got my green eyes and I love them, and I want to
hold on to them as long as I can.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D production and supported by our patrons.
Find out more at patreon.com slash D&Dcast where you can get access to a whole bunch
of exclusive audio to fill the time after you're all caught up on this show.
And now, fuck it, let's play!
There is the monumentous sound of giant bells ringing.
This is the bell at the tower of Barnhart Swan's School of Magic Fighting and Dance,
which is found in Kingstown, a few days' journey from Vintersmouth.
We are ten to twelve years earlier from present time, and the huge double wide doors
of the school burst open and rushing down the main staircase are the latest graduates
of the school's senior class.
As they are all greeted by their parents and loved ones, and whisked off to have
a luxurious and decadent meal to celebrate their hard work, one student slowly exits.
That is Bizard, who we see in a much younger form.
Kyle, would you please describe Bizard as he's walking out and down this main staircase?
Yeah, Bizard obviously shows the skin and complexion of a much younger man.
His eyes are almost completely green, only a few specks of gray dot them here and there,
and his hair has only started to receive just tidbits of white here and there.
Not coiffed, it's kind of a messy to-do as far as his hair goes.
He can't tame it worth anything, but it hasn't been his focus.
He is still, despite having graduated, knows in a book, like in fact he probably should
have returned it at this point.
As he leaves the school, the book is snatched out of his hand, flies back through the
double doors, and he goes, right, right, no tuition, no books, no tuition, no books.
No point in spending more money there, not that I had to spend any, but we're done there.
We can move on to our own thing now that we've taken all the knowledge that we can
from it and the time that they would give us.
Should I say bye to my father?
Ugh.
I should go see my mother.
I will go see my mother.
I can't leave without seeing my mom.
My dad, hmm, we'll see.
And he begins to make his way down the streets of Kingston to a small restaurant, kind of
a hole in the wall kind of place, and he walks into the back door, and there you
see a scullery maid.
She turns around, she's got a white cap tied on like a bonnet, and has auburn hair,
and she turns around, a lazy eye kind of looks towards Bizard, and Bizard says,
Clara, mother, today was my graduation day, and I understand that you were unable to
get off work to come celebrate it with me, and I wanted to let you know that I understand.
I know, Biz, Biz, I'm so sorry, I tried to get it off, you know how it is around
here, they just, I'm the only one on this shift, I'm sorry.
I understand, and if dad was worth his salt, then you wouldn't be in this position,
but I don't want you to worry.
I will be leaving Kingston, I plan to head to Vincersmith.
You're leaving Kingstown?
Yes, I'm leaving Kingstown.
I plan to hand to-
When?
Right, probably after I get done talking to you, if I can make up my mind whether I even
want to see father or not.
He was at home when I left, he was passed out, like he's not ever gonna know you
were there.
That sounds about right, it's either, either the chemicals from the hats, or more
than likely the drink.
I want you to know, mom, that wherever I go, you know, plan is Vincersmith, I'm not sure
how long I will be there, or if my ventures will be successful.
Regardless of where I end up, regardless of where I go and what I do, I plan to
do what I can to alleviate any future stress for your life.
I don't want you doing this any more than you have to.
Biz, don't worry about me.
You get yourself set up, anything you can do, I'll of course be more than grateful,
but I've lasted this long, it's gonna take a lot to get me to see the darker side
of life.
I've always appreciated your outlook on life, I feel like it is what encouraged
me to seek after my passions.
I know I didn't do a lot of things kids did around town, and early on cloistered myself
away in the libraries and different archives that the city has to offer the public,
so thank you for encouraging me.
It's only through your words that I had the resolve to get myself into school.
And he has a sly smile and kind of like a squint of like, hmm, kind of betraying the
nature of his method of getting into school.
But I also, I don't want father to know that I'm sending you money.
Okay, well.
I don't, you, it's for you.
It's not for him.
Okay, well, if we're to keep it from him, maybe you don't send it to the house, maybe
you send it, well, you can send it here.
Yes, actually, I've already had a conversation with the owner.
We are going to make it as a part of your payment, we'll send it to him, he will
forward it on to you through your compensation, that way you don't have to worry about
any taxation or any issues, and he is going to also doctor any kind of payroll in case
father would have become wise.
You're too good to me, Biz.
I don't, I, your father and I, we, when you signed up at that school, we, we hear
about the dangers of playing with, with magics, it worried me and it infuriated him, but
you've got a real chance, Biz.
I recognize this.
You, I want you to be safe, okay?
I know you have the skill, I know you, I've seen it, I know you, I've seen it.
It astonishes me every time you pull out one of your wild tricks, but I want you to be
safe and use it only when you need to, right?
Because you've seen some of those old guys up in the tower.
They shouldn't be that worn.
The only reason they're still standing is because they work at that tower.
It's true.
You're right.
And I know I have received some of the graying in my eyes that accompanies the
use of magic.
Believe me, I know where I got my green eyes and I love them and I want to hold on to them
as long as I can, Mother.
She steps forward to you and puts a hand on your, on your cheek and just looks at you
in the eye and says, write to me when you get there and let me know you're okay.
And then every week, okay?
Will do.
I'll write back when I can, but if you, if, if you don't hear from me, like, it's
going to be okay.
I've trusted you so far in life and I'm going to continue to trust you.
I know you can take care of yourself and if I'm able to offer any kind of help,
I appreciate you taking it.
You'll know where I'll be.
Ventersmith first and I'll communicate if I have to go from there.
She pulls you into a deep hug and there's just like a catch in her throat.
She pats you on the back and gives a little cough.
Well, if you're, if you're going to get going, you might as well go now and swing
by the home and get some of your things.
If you need, just make sure you keep quiet, okay?
I'll do my best.
I'll try not to rouse the old codger, but we know how he is and I feel at least
I have a better handle on things than I used to.
So I love you, Mom, and I'll talk to you soon.
I love you too, Pace.
You hear a call from the other room and it says,
Clara, we need your help.
I got to go. I got to go.
I'll wait for your letter when you get there and be safe.
She kisses you on the forehead and turns and leaves the room quickly.
I kind of wipe a little tear out of my eye and turn, make my way out the back door,
head down the road and follow the all too familiar smell of the acrid chemicals
that my father uses in his haberdashery to create hats for all those pompous
nobles that he tries to hobnob with.
Make my way into the door as quietly as I can.
We'll be right back.
It's the middle.
Welcome to the middle, everybody.
Oh, it's a special middle.
Great time.
It's a special middle.
Normally when we have guests on, the guests are not in the middle,
but Kyle's here with us.
I'm not a normal guest.
It's true.
He's a regular cast member.
In fact, I'm the one sort of intruding here because I am not in this episode.
So it's kind of, yeah, the Russ and Kyle show.
And I love it.
Well, look how the tables have turned.
Kyle's usurped us all.
This is really just the slow move in, like, yeah, Kyle's
going to be here for a couple of episodes.
All right, bye, everybody.
We'll let you know when it's done.
Yeah, go on vacation.
Don't worry about it.
I'm glad you're all here.
Fuck it.
Let's play TNT.
Oh, no, I didn't bring my dice.
Yes, we're super happy to have Kyle back.
Playing a character who's got deep backstory in this world
has been around for some time now.
And we're excited to explore that more next week.
Kyle, if you could sum up in a word
how you feel the next episode will go without any spoilers.
So now there's a lot of caveats to this.
What would that word be?
Let me think.
One word, unexpected.
Love it.
Yeah.
Yep.
I think that's a good way to look at it.
And Tom's here in the middle.
Tom just jumped into the middle.
Just popped in.
Jumping right into it.
On the fly.
Can't get rid of all of us, Kyle.
Nice try.
Ah, you got me, you dastardly kids.
I would have got away with it if it wasn't for you kids.
And it wouldn't be a middle without Amy, who's
slowly stumbling.
Oh, also coming into it.
This is a slow reveal middle.
It's all happening.
I'm just here.
You can't hear anybody, but that's fine.
So we'll just wrap up this middle
here to say that Kyle's here with us playing
Bizard the Wizard.
And we're having a great time in this session.
And if you want to hear more of Kyle with us,
come join us at Patreon, patreon.com slash
dumbdragoncast, where tonight as we record this,
we're recording some super special bonus content that's
going to be exclusive to patrons for a little bit,
at the very least, until we decide
what we're going to do with it.
But it's going to be a blast.
Oh, and not to mention, get on over there to Facing Fate.
I came in late.
I don't know if we talked about that already.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can go over to Facing Fate.
Well, yeah, because Kyle plays with us there.
Oh, yeah, Kyle plays with us over there too.
That's very true.
Look, I came in and said something relevant.
Everyone's eyes, you guys, everyone was like,
where are you going with this?
Yes, we play all sorts of things over there.
Well, that's it.
That's the middle.
Everybody's here now.
And that's where we say, enjoy the rest of the episode,
and we'll talk to you soon.
OK, bye.
Bye.
You enter through the living room.
And before you head upstairs, you quietly close the door.
You look around, and you see your father.
You pause for a moment just to make sure
that you haven't stirred him, but he's in a deep slumber.
He's got a loose leaf newspaper just kind of
over the chest, falling onto the ground.
There's a bottle on the table that is, you know,
two thirds empty.
He's in a deep snore as you, if you choose to,
move towards the staircase.
Yeah, I'm going to move my way towards the staircase
as quietly as I can, minding the creaky boards
that I know from early on in my life.
You want to roll stealth with advantage,
because you've done this many, many, many times.
Oh, yeah.
Stealth with advantage, roll to 10 and 11.
So that gives me a 13 total.
A 13, all right.
Yeah, you're minding the staircase.
You get near to the top, and there's a slight creak
as you would expect.
You move your foot just beyond.
You slink into your bedroom as you hear
the rumbling snores from downstairs.
I'm not picturing you have a lot of things
in this space.
No.
Maybe some childhood, like my one childhood toy,
which is honestly just a miniature version of a bookshelf
that I kept miniature books on.
I enjoyed that.
I was like, hmm, I've got my own little library.
This is enjoyable.
Maybe I'll do this when I grow up.
Gather my traveling clothes.
Of course, I go ahead and change
out of my graduation garbs,
and I leave those on the bed.
I leave them behind.
I don't take them with me.
I go ahead and don my traveling gear and clothes.
I'll pick up some food on the way out
from some of the patisseries and whatnot
that I know of around town before I leave,
and gather paper, quill, ink,
and the first book that I ever checked out
from a library, The Legend of the Bladesinger.
Supposedly, it's a mix of fiction and non-fiction.
At the heart of the story, there's truth,
but it has been romanticized to make it more palatable
for the non-scholarly,
but it's what fueled my initial desire to learn more,
because I could read between the lines.
You pack these up in your satchel,
and go to leave your room,
and you still hear the snores echoing up the staircase,
and you make your way back down to the front entryway.
You haven't stirred your father.
In fact, he makes a big cough
as you go to reach for the door,
and you see him kind of flip over,
and the newspapers go everywhere.
He's nearly falling off the couch itself.
Seems to have taken to the bottle a little bit more today.
I guess he didn't have any clientele coming through,
so let's see if we can make one more run at the register.
And I go over to the cash register behind the counter
in an attempt to secure myself a few more traveling funds
before I head out.
What's the mechanism, if there is one on the register,
is it just a drawer, or is there any sort of physical?
Oh yeah, I'm imagining a full on register.
Either I've gotta get the key,
which I know is on his person,
or I've got to be deft enough to hit the no sale button
and silence the bell in time.
Right, so which one are you gonna try to do here?
He seems inebriated enough to,
I don't know, if the creek at the top of the stairs
didn't wake him up, me opening and closing my door
didn't catch him, it might be best to go for the key.
I'm not as quick as others,
but I trust in his inebriation
more than I trust in my own dexterity,
so the key it is.
And I go over and he's always got like an overcoat on
and the key is always kind of tied to an inside button,
which is, it's the worst method of holding it on there
because really it's not tied to the button, it's looped,
but the button being on the inside breast pocket,
little complicated.
Still a better bet than trying to keep a bell quiet,
that's gonna automatically ring.
So I move my way over and start to slowly lift
the breast pocket and reach my hand in to pilfer the key.
Make a sleight of hand check please.
I bet I'm bad at that too.
That's a 12.
Okay, you turn your back to the door
and this all crosses through your mind
and you make your way over and you pull open
the overcoat, which is loose enough
that you're able to find the key, but it is tied on.
So you begin to loosen the knot itself
and there's another cough that comes from your old man
and he stirs, which you put your hands up
to give him a moment to see if he settles.
And it appears that he has fallen back into slumber
as you go back for the key.
And just as it loosens and you are pulling the key out,
there's a swift movement of his hand
as he reaches for you.
Make a dexterity saving throw for me.
That's a 19.
Okay, in his state, big hand reaches.
Sorry, we haven't really just described your father.
Bigger man, I'm picturing.
Yeah, he's a bigger man for sure.
Name is Terry and has pit stains usually.
Of course, chemicals have changed the color
of his garments that he wears and everything.
He is always wearing one of his own hats
regardless of how ridiculous and unstylish it is,
but he's always trying to sell it off.
Of course.
But yeah, big hairy forearms,
thick calloused hands from accidentally stabbing himself
while drinking and making hats.
Yeah, this big hand comes and reaches for you
and you see it coming.
He's not moving fast, he's inebriated.
He's just waking up, then he'd pause wide,
kind of just bumps up against your leg
and you have the key in hand though
and he's stumbling down saying,
I'm gonna get you, Gudge, get back here.
He's fallen onto the ground
and he's trying to scramble up.
What do you do?
I stop and I kind of just go,
Terry, you are a mess of a man.
How I managed to become who I am
with you as a father is absolutely beyond my understanding
and I actually graduated from a very prestigious school
which the fact that it confounds me
should speak volumes alone.
You've missed the taxation payment yet again.
I found the note and I'm gonna go ahead,
take the taxes out of the till,
go to the clerk and take care of it for you.
I will put the key back whenever I return home.
Go back to sleep, Terry.
Clearly going for deception at this point.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Yeah, roll deception with advantage.
He's stumbling trying to get up
and looking at you like, what are you talking about?
The 16.
Says that's one good thing you've done
since you've been born, son.
You make sure it's paid or I'll find you.
Absolutely.
He kind of slumps down on the ground.
Clean yourself up.
You clean yourself up.
Reaches for the bottle
and kind of straightens his overcoat
which is all over the place.
Puts his hat back on his head
that had fallen on the ground
and takes a big swig.
I make my way over to the till,
use the key, open it up
and I take half of what's in there,
whatever that may be.
Grab an envelope just in case he's looking,
slip it in there, write a note on the outside of it,
slip it into my traveling jacket pocket
and leave the key on the desk
and I look at him and say,
I'll be back by dinnertime, Terry.
I leave.
You hear just a grumble.
It's incoherent and nonsensical
as he yells and the door slams shut
and you take two gold and five silver.
Not bad haul, not a bad haul.
You make your way through the streets of Kingstown
which are bustling with people
and everybody's kind of shoulder to shoulder
bumping through this part of town
and you make your way towards the main city gates
which extends over a small stream.
The guards, they don't stop you.
There's lots of people coming and going.
There's shipments coming on a carriage
and many people heading out to do whatever jobs
or adventures they see themselves fit to do.
One of the guard catches your eye and gives you a nod.
You recognize him just for being around town
but don't really know him
and as you go over the stream
and up top of this large hill
that oversees the entire sprawling metropolis behind you,
there's big plumes of smoke
coming up from the larger industrial style buildings
and manufacturing plants.
You see the school which is framed high on a street
on top of a hill inside the city
with a large bricked wall around it
to keep the grounds contained.
You give one final look at the town behind you
and head out on the road towards Vintersmouth.
I give a sigh of contentment as I turn around
and jump in the air, do a heel click
and say, let's make some magic.
Dumbgeons and Dragons, season three, episode 10.
This episode starred Kyle Klasset as Bizard the Wizard
and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Also, Amy, Tom and Carla were hanging out
in the middle there.
Dialogue editing by Carla Maxted
and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
Our amazing cover art and character designs
are by Matt Garbutt.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babiak,
Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown,
Craig Zeiss, Perry Matey, Angaron Kierzen,
Old School Gamer D, L.A. Branton,
Nathaniel Teeter, Luna and Aaron.
And a huge thank you to Cat Waterflame
for the shop names Snip and Twirl
and The Magic Closet,
as well as French Canadian Will
for the shop name The Threads of Fate.
We're building the little street corner there
where Bizarre is spending some time.
We'll find out more about that in the next episode,
I'm sure.
Hey, if you want to contribute to this world,
we need you.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
and you can submit names and places
and a whole bunch of other stuff like slang,
which we haven't really got into,
but the city slang like fills out the world for us.
You can do that over at Patreon,
plus a whole bunch of other bonus content.
We've got another one with Kyle coming next week
and it's gonna be a great time
and then I think we're all together
and it's gonna be even better.
Fun stuff.
All right, we'll talk to you soon, everybody.
Have a great week.
We love you, bye.
There is a monumental,
monumentous, monumental, monumental.
There is the monumental sound,
monumentous sound of a bell.
I don't know which one sounds better,
but I have them both now.
You got them both.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.