Dumbgeons and Dragons will begin in just a moment, don't go anywhere.
Kav and Bench are wandering the streets of Vintersmouth trying to figure out where the
hell they left Oak the night previous. You'd just left the Suite Apothecary where you'd
found out that Oak had on him a vial of breath freshener as well as potentially a love potion
of sorts. Which you immediately thought was for you. Absolutely. You're going through
your bag and your pockets trying to figure out like where it is and you reach into
your left pocket and there is a small handful of sawdust which originally perhaps you
overlooked or you didn't really care about. But now that you hold it in your hand, Bench looks
down and says, hey, what's that? Sawdust? I'm not sure from what type of tree though.
Bench bends down and squints very closely at it.
Kav takes a little lick of it with his tongue. Nope, that didn't help.
Well, if we look it's more like, what do we call it, shavings. Shavings, yes. So it's very thin,
very fine. It's not like dust. Oh, is that not? I always thought it was sawdust. That's not
what this is? It could be sawdust, but why am I little French now? Get on the chopper,
there it is. Move back in the throat. He said the French tree is a muppet.
You know, he's a fun guy. Okay. Yeah, no, it's like perhaps shavings of sorts.
Some of these are a little smaller, obviously. What do you use shavings for?
Pencils have shavings. Pencils have shavings. But you don't use them for anything.
Do you often put pencil shavings in your pocket? No, I don't. How'd they get there?
I don't know. This is going to be the mystery that breaks us. It's not missing Oak.
How'd these pencil shavings get in my pocket? Side quest. Oak will be fine,
he'll figure it out. He's from here. We gotta get to the bottom of these shavings.
Bench and calve begin walking again. And as we pan out on the scene, as they're questioning
these shavings or sawdust, they walk past a pet store. Roll perception.
Oh, that's a 19 before any bonuses. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Oh, 23. Holy jeez.
It's really upsetting that you roll really well. Bench rolled an eight. So bench is
perception. Bench is very focused on the shavings. But you walk by this pet store
and it doesn't register at first. But once you get like 10 paces past, you stop because
you feel like you saw something in the front showcase of this pet store, which causes you
to turn around, where we find you now standing staring at Oak sleeping inside of a pet cage
inside of the pet store. Bench, check it out. Have you figured out the shavings?
No, even better. Just look at the window. He's like framing it. He's a prices rate model.
How did he get it? Did we go to the pet store? I don't know. I guess. Did we buy anything?
Do you have a peppy in your pocket? Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, a D&D fifth edition
actual play podcast. I'm your dungeon master Russ More, he, him, and Dumbgeons and Dragons
stars Amy More as Alydin. She, her. It's not like popping in and out of like a bakery or a
market. The people who go in there have a reason to be in there. Tom Laird as Kavlarin
He, him. Let's just take a little peek at your back here. Just confirm that for you. And Carla
Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane. She, her. Let's enjoy our little staycation over here on the
richie side of the bridge. Dumbgeons and Dragons is a D&D production and supported by our patrons.
You can find that at patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast. Hey, sign up for a seven day
free trial. And now fuck it. Let's play. Bonwyn, you and Thane are exiting city hall
where you just gone to try and find either Oak or Kavlarin, the new forensic auditor in town.
Um, and the, the woman at the front desk has said that neither of them have shown up today.
We see you walking past the enormous fountain, golden fountain outside the city hall, heading
back down the stairs. And Thane says, don't all city workers have to be here during the day?
I mean, I thought that was sort of how things worked. I mean, I've never, I've always been
self-employed. I don't really know all these sort of like bureaucratic jobs work, but my
understanding was that it was like a five days a week and you were expected to be there.
Even if you were just like gossiping with your coworkers the whole time, even if you.
It makes me nervous. Cause like every time Oak's out of the office, there's usually an
increase in some sort of monetary gain for the city.
Oh, I hadn't thought of that. But he hasn't been in, you think he'd have to like go in,
get some kind of directive to be a little jerk and then head back out. He hasn't done
that yet. That's true. That's true. But I am worried, like I want to meet this Kavlarin
person. So what's the story? Are they already, are they already fighting to take down
the government? And we missed it? I feel like, I feel like that's, that's like maybe,
maybe they've got the paperwork, they've got it all in order. I don't know how these
internal meetings work. I forgot Oak was with him. There's no chance that's what's
happening. Assuming they're together, if they're both not here, you'd have to
assume they're together. And yeah, Oak is not taking down the government. Oak's clearly
the love child of Nina and the mayor. Like they are just in it to, in it to win it.
Yeah. In it to waste it. Is that anything? It could be. Look at this fountain. This is
what's inspiring these awesome jokes. Yeah, no, it's totally obscene.
Where did they even get all this going? Yeah, I think we know. Maybe we make our
way back. Maybe we find them as they're shaking down all of the artisans. Oh,
okay. Hmm. I haven't even met Kavlar, but it makes me sad because like I'd sort of
built up in my mind that he was going to be this crusader for justice. But you're
right. Like maybe we can put this out there. Maybe he is. Maybe he's trying to just
get them set up to a point where, uh, walk and talk, walk and talk. We got to
move away from this fountain. I'm getting splashback here. I don't like it.
Maybe he's trying to help us. He just doesn't know it yet. But he just doesn't
know it yet. Or maybe he does know it, but like he just, because he doesn't know us,
help us by incriminating, getting incriminating evidence. Oh, I mean, I guess we really don't
have any idea. So are you, we don't even know these people. We don't even, I mean,
I know Oak. We went to school together. Do we really know Oak? Well, I've known him
for like decades. Yeah. But when was the last time you like hung out with Oak? Oh God,
never. My boy. Exactly. Okay. So like his mom was like always a big presence. Uh,
his mom's very sweet. Such a lovely lady. I don't know what happened. I think the last time
I hung out with him was like, Oh God, Gerpret's seventh grade birthday party. So like it's been
a minute. That's the last time I think we had a conversation. Me and Oak. We could go to
Brew Awakening. Sure. Yeah. Cause he's like tight with Bench. So it's possible they're
there. I mean, we're already here across the bridge, right? Let's do it. Ah, it's worth a
shot. We're not, we're clearly, we're taking the day off too. So, you know, let's,
let's enjoy our little staycation over here on the Richie side of the bridge. Business is
slow right now. You know, let's take a moment for us. Breathe the fresh air that
they have on this side of the river. They do have fresh air over here. It is nice.
We cut inside of Tezu's, uh, the, the pet store
and Bench and Cav are overlooking a sleeping Oak.
When the proprietor Tezu, she comes out from the back as the bell rings and looks at you.
It says he's been there all day. I tried to shake him awake a little bit and just
snored a little louder. Do you know him? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how he ended up
there, but we'd, uh, yup. That's, uh, that's Oak. Well, the door was left open in the back.
I assumed somebody like stole some things, but they just moved. They moved the baby sheep that
was in there and they stole the baby sheep. No, didn't steal the baby sheep. The baby sheep
is in the back. They put it in another cage, but then this Oak here was, was inside the
cage. So I, I couldn't put two and two together. Okay. Uh, well, I mean, that would be four.
I know that one. Um, can we collect him for you? Please take him off my hands. Uh,
won't, won't charge sticker price for him. I appreciate that. It's a buy one, get one sale.
Yeah. Uh, yeah. Do you have any pets? I mean, we can, we can set you up with some nice feed.
Uh, I don't know. Um, Bench, do you have any pets? Well, um, no, but I might be in the market
for a sheep. Okay. Well, we'll, we'll circle back to that. I thought you guys are going
to get a leash for Oak. Stop wandering. It's more of a harness situation. Um, okay. Well,
yeah, we'll just, uh, we'll go grab him and we'll be out of your hair. Uh, lickety split.
Don't even worry about it. Okay. Um, that's totally fine. If he, if he wakes up, uh,
when he wakes up, I sure hope he wakes up. He does seem to be breathing still, right?
You can see like a little bit of like fog of the glass where he's breathing.
Feather. He's that close to the glass. Oh, he's like smushed up against it. Yeah.
Uh, well, when he wakes up, if you can figure out like how, so I can prevent this from happening
again, because people haven't been coming in today. Sure. Yep. Nope. Totally get it. Uh,
again. I'm so sorry. I had to convince the guard that I wasn't selling people.
I mean, has this happened before? No. Okay. Then that should have been a pretty easy
conversation to have. Yeah. I mean it, the fact that I had to have the conversation though was
well sure, but it wasn't a hard conversation is all I'm saying. You were pretty easy to explain.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. We'll, we'll just go grab him and we'll be,
yeah, don't even, yeah, we'll just be right there. Bench, come on. Oh,
it's just looking at the baby sheep is very soft and fluffy. Um, I give, I give, uh,
okay. A little like slap on each cheek. Oh, you've got to get up. You've got to get up.
Yeah. Let me lift the tiny baby up. Oh, you're late for work. Wait for life. Wait for work.
Why didn't she wake me up? I knew that would work. I knew it. Why am I in here? Why does
it smell? What's happening? Great questions. We'll just once take you home and we'll try to
figure those out on the way. Okay. Okay. Hi. Hi, Tazoo. I'm not sure. I'll see you later.
Probably not. Not today anyway. Well, I got to get some goldfish food later,
but we'll save it. Maybe tomorrow would be better for that. Okay.
The three of you slowly exit the establishment as Tazoo brings the sheep back out.
Um, Bench looks longingly at the sweet sheep as it's tucked back into the cage in the front.
Uh, the three of you are heading off down and back towards, uh, well, I assume Oak's home
because he is looking very bad. Yeah, we got to get him cleaned up for sure. Yeah. Um,
um, what happened last night?
You know what? It's a great question and we don't really have the answer.
Okay. But, um- Well, I'm glad you found me.
I mean, we both got matching tattoos. Are you part of the, the matching tattoo brigade here,
Oak? We got matching tattoos? And Oak's looking, he like pulls up his sleeves,
checking his arms. He's looking at his shoulders, his chest, his back. He's like,
I don't see anything. Well, let's just, well, just take a little peek at your back here,
just confirm that for you. Uh, he turns around, you lift his shirt, um, and there's,
up from the pants, uh, there is a page, uh, that runs up into a certain tramp stamp area
down onto his posterior. Classy. Is there anything? A little small one, a little tiny,
little tiny baby. Cool. Cool. Love it. Yeah. Oh, what a bonding experience we'll never remember.
A hundred percent. Yeah. But hey, we've got the, we've got the proof of it. That's true.
That's true. I don't have proof of many things. And, uh, as you tuck the shirt back
down, uh, Bonwyn and Thayne, you walk around the corner and you see Benj and Oak, um,
and with another man with them. And, uh, Thayne says, I think, I think that's them. Oh,
why are they looking at Oak's butt? I don't know. Should we? I've already started to like
raise my hand to wave, but now I'm a bit like, I'm starting to lower it because maybe
they're having like a private moment on the public street. Uh, like one does.
We'll be right back. It's the middle. Hey friends, welcome to the middle. That's the
place where we say thank you for being here. We're so happy to have you. It's just me today.
Tom and Carla are there. They're dinks down on vacation, having a great time in Palm Springs.
Amy's just getting home from work and, uh, well, so you got me. What do we want to tell
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Thanks so much. And, uh, we'll talk to you soon.
Bench definitely sees you, uh, do that. And he's, uh, hey, hey, hey, come on over Bench.
How's it going, buddy? Oh, it's pretty good. Wild night,
wild night. Uh, we just found Oak. He was in the sheep cage. I was, I was in the sheep's
cage. We don't really know how he got there, but yeah, that's where you found him.
Are you okay? Me?
Yeah. I mean, your mom must be so worried. Were you out all night?
Oh, I didn't even think of that. Were you guys partying at Tezos?
I think so. Again, not, not super sure.
I do have a lot of shavings in places and we have matching tattoos. You want to see?
Oh, is that why, is that why you guys were, because we came around the corner and I thought,
wow, they're really just staring at Oak's butt, hey?
Yeah, they sure were.
Cool. You guys got butt tattoos too?
Uh, well, no, just, uh, Oak got that location. Um, yeah, you know, I got, uh,
we got page one, two, and three, uh, of the, guess what? It's of the paperwork to save my
business. Oh, Bench.
Yeah. Yeah, this is maybe, this is maybe like, this might move up to now the second most
embarrassing tattoo you have.
Can't shoot a look at Bench.
Maybe.
I'm sorry, I'm being rude.
Bonwyn, this is Kavlaran.
Yeah, I'm just looking at Oak's butt, but it's, um, Bonwyn.
Yeah.
Proprietor of Everbane's, um.
Oh, uh, the blacksmith, um.
Yeah, yeah, so this is Thane. I think maybe you've met them?
Uh, you know what?
In passing, I think. Yeah, it's a pleasure to meet you.
You look familiar, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, nice to meet you.
Yeah, so, uh, Thane does most of the, like, uh, heavy work. I've sort of moved
more into, uh, finesse work. Yeah.
Oh, cool. Any, uh, made anything, like, super cool lately?
Oh, man, um, yeah, I mean, I've made, like, a really cool elven short sword.
I'm working on this new thing where it's kind of, um, it's a really light metal.
I have this really cool thing.
And I feel like Bonwyn just kind of, like, really goes on and on,
because this is her passion, right?
Probably to the point that is, like, more than is strictly, like, interesting
for literally anyone else.
Cav was, like, actively engaged for the first minute, and then when it dragged
on to, like, minute five, it was like, oh, okay, yeah.
As I'm explaining the process of, like, how I smelt things, and then-
Oak is, like, leaned up against Bench.
Maybe at this point, I sort of, like, look at, like, I see that Thane is, like-
He made the room.
Yeah, a little bit, and I'm realized. Oh, Cavalern, I'm so sorry.
It's, um, this is my whole life, so I didn't-
No, totally cool, don't even worry about it.
Sometime just swing by Everbane's, I'll show you some stuff.
You'll see that it's cool, and I promise I won't explain to you
the melting point temperatures anymore unless specifically asked.
Okay, cool, that sounds awesome, actually.
Thane, you'll be there, too?
Oh, yeah, I'm there all the time.
You need any, like, heavy work done?
Absolutely here for you.
Cool, yeah, yeah, yeah, cool, yeah.
Anyway, um, we should get Oak home.
You guys just have the day off, or what are you doing?
We had to find Oak because of the paperwork,
and he didn't show up at work because he was in the sheep cage.
Very late, yeah.
Yeah, wow, Oak, you didn't go to work, and you didn't go home last night.
To be fair, I was locked in a cage, passed out entirely,
for what seems like, I don't, I don't, what day is it?
Is it just one day?
It's just the next day, yeah.
Oh, wow.
If that was a cage, I mean, it's not a cage, right?
It's more of a pen.
So you weren't really, like, trapped in it, right?
You could have just stood up and, like, walked out, probably.
I mean, I could, I-
But you were sleeping.
I don't, you know what, you were sleeping.
I don't, I don't want to bug you.
Wow, there's so much to unpack here.
I am going to let you go,
but you said you have tattoos of the paperwork to save your business.
Does that mean Brewed Awakening is going to be open tonight?
I think so.
If we can get before, he's walking slow,
so we've got to clean him up a little bit, get there before.
But then, like, Oak, you're good with paperwork.
It'll be done lickety-split.
Yeah, I'll be done before I even start.
Okay, you know what I was going to say?
I'll meet you tonight for drinks,
but maybe you guys need a night off from drinks.
We're partying again tonight?
No, no, no, we're just going to, we're going to dial it back, like, 80%.
Okay, well, maybe, maybe just some-
Maybe some other time?
Some little aperitifs or something.
That's tiny sandwiches, right?
Absolutely, yep.
That's the tiniest of sandwiches.
Cool, yeah.
So you're thinking, like,
so you guys are going to head to tiny sandwiches and more?
I mean, probably at some point,
but after the paperwork, we'll get him home,
we'll get him dressed and ready,
we'll do the paperwork,
and then we'll probably go for tiny sandwiches and more, yeah.
Perfect.
Okay, well, Kavlaran, so great to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
Oak, take care of yourself, buddy.
Thanks.
And Bench, congratulations.
Hey, thanks.
I was so sad when I heard you closed down
because of these fucking tax hikes.
Fucking shit.
Sorry, excuse me.
Excuse me, Oak, Kavlaran, I apologize.
Don't even worry about it.
Kav is one of the good guys.
He's like, he's here, he's getting paperwork done.
Sure, it's tattooed on people,
a little bit on all the dogs.
A different level of doneness.
Working outside the box.
That's what Kavlaran does.
Okay, well, if you're ever in the hot block,
hop into Everbane's, me or Thane, always there.
Cool.
Yeah, will do.
Awesome.
Well, have a good afternoon, guys.
Take care of Oak.
Look at him, he's so green.
He's not looking good, yeah.
It's not great, yeah.
Let's go, Francis.
It's drunk Oak, very similar.
Okay, fair.
Or I guess hungover Oak.
I think he's still drunk.
He can still be drunk.
And we are back in the stables
and Alydin and Tali are planning what they intend to do
this coming evening.
No, how do you say that?
Tonight.
They're planning what they're going to do tonight.
This coming evening.
I don't know how time works.
These are very formal children.
They're planning their-
Eight episodes in the same day,
but it feels like there might have been a night time
for some of them, but not really.
Time's hard.
So when we marked off the tunnels
and what happens when we get inside
of this establishment, Alydin?
Wow, that's a really big word, Tali.
Well, I heard it just across the street there.
Somebody was saying that they needed
to set up an establishment
and I put two and two together
because of the context clues
and I remembered I was a child.
Yeah, you have an extensive vocabulary
that's quite impressive.
Well, thank you for saying so.
So what are we going to do when we get in the place?
Well, we're not going to talk
as loud as you're talking right now.
No, of course not, but there's nobody around right now.
So there was a lot of clinking and clanking.
That was definitely Bonwyn's.
I say we just kind of snoop around, you know?
We're not, you know, we're like,
we go to the hot block, but we're not like,
it's not like popping in and out
of like a bakery or a market.
It's the people who go in there
have a reason to be in there.
We've got no reason to be in there.
No, but we're going to go in at night
when there's nobody there, right?
That's right.
And that's why we're just like
going to look around, just see what's up.
Okay, okay, okay.
I hear that Bonwyn works on some super, super cool stuff.
Oh, yeah.
In the back, like fancy stuff.
Fancy stuff.
I heard that she makes daggers
that when you throw them, they fly so fast.
So fast.
And so straight.
So straight.
And it's so sharp.
It's so sharp.
That when it stabs into the person,
they can't even feel it.
Can't even feel it.
They take a few steps walking away
and they drop to the ground dead.
Oh my gosh.
So we can't touch anything
because that sounds dangerous.
Absolutely.
Yeah, I think so.
But I think we can look around
and maybe just see what's going on in there.
Maybe there are secrets.
Maybe there's secrets?
Yeah, maybe there are secrets.
Oh, I love secrets.
I know.
So we go in and we find the secrets
and we don't stab each other
with flying dagger blades.
We're just not going to throw anything.
We're going to stick to the normal rules, right?
Don't throw the things.
Right?
You...
Nobody will know that we were even there.
Okay.
I love it.
Yes.
Which means you gotta keep your mouth shut, Tally.
Just like that.
Well done.
Quick, quick, quick.
Okay.
I was just practicing.
You can keep practicing if you want to.
Okay.
And Alydin kind of like
smirks to herself like that.
Idiot.
Alydin's famous,
let's see who can be quietest,
who can be quiet longest.
Let's play the quiet game, you guys.
And she kneels down
beside some crates and hail...
There's quite a lot of that in these parts.
Stables full of it.
Growing wild.
And sits down next to some hay bales
and takes a stick
and starts to sketch out
what she remembers from the tunnels.
Left here, right here.
Down.
Yep.
Over.
Okay. Across.
Hey, what are you looking at?
Nothing.
I scuff it up.
What?
Well, well, I think it's just,
you know, when you have important information...
Yeah?
Not everyone needs to know.
But I was there.
You were there.
But Tally, you have terrible memory.
Well, that's...
I figured that's why you were drawing it on the ground
so that we remembered where...
No, I love that about you.
That's what makes you so good at secrets.
I tell you all the secrets
and you forget them.
But not the word establishment.
Yeah, no, that was...
That was quite impressive.
I think so.
But some things,
if too many people know it,
it's gonna get out.
And if Dase finds out
that there are tunnels under there
and I'm going under there
and that we can get around
and not be seen,
he's not gonna like that.
No, he likes to see things.
He's such a jerk.
Always looking at stuff.
He's always watching me.
I feel like Tally would thrive
with a word-of-the-day calendar.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll invent one of those in the world soon.
Okay, great, great, great.
Well, I'm looking forward
to our adventure here tonight.
Should we rest up?
I'm gonna rest up.
Yeah, you should rest up.
Okay.
I think so.
I'm just gonna pop out.
Just take a walk.
Great.
I'll hold down the fort.
Then don't you tell anybody.
Tell anybody what?
Exactly.
Dumbgeons and Dragons Season 3 Episode 8.
This episode starred Amy More as Alydin,
Carla Maxted as Bonwyn Everbane,
Tom Laird as Kavlaran Goldweave,
and Russ More as your Dungeon Master.
Dialogue Editing by Carla Maxted
and Sound Design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
Our amazing cover art and character designs
are by Matt Garbutt.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Gabriel Lynch,
Jessica Babiak,
Cat Waterflame,
Jacob Madden,
Christian Brown,
Craig Zeiss,
Perry Matey,
Angaron Kierzen,
Old School Gamer D,
L.A. Branton,
Nathaniel Teeter,
Luna,
and Aaron.
And today we have another thank you to Cat Waterflame
who gave us the name Tezu
of Tezu's Pet Shop and Baby Sheep Emporium.
That's what it's called now.
Thanks, Cat.
If you want to give us more names,
well, we need them.
You can go to Patreon.com slash DumbDragonCast
and sign up today with a seven day free trial
where you can help us build the world
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We'll talk to you soon.
Fuck it.
Let's play.
Are you done sanding?
Sanding.
Yeah.
Put my belt sander away.
Power sander out there.
I'm all done.
The circular saw is coming out next though.
So, you know, brace yourself.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.