previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Now, Carceri is a model for all other prisons in existence.
I mean, I feel like that's probably the one we're gonna need to go to.
Give it a shot. Probably can't even use magic, so...
You can use magic. Use it wisely.
Yeah, one of us could probably die.
Two wizards along the side step up with books in their hand and begin casting a spell.
Oh, looks like it's lots of magic words, guys.
You all begin to spin in place and you're diving, but you begin to lose consciousness.
You begin to black out and you're fading in and out.
You find yourselves waking up, an unknown time later, on dusty, gravelly path.
You hear, like, a droning, howling wind and thunder rolling across the sky.
And you look up and the shadows that you see before you are black and you see movement within them.
Beyond, there's this crack of lightning and this enormous tower.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master, Russ More. He-him.
Also with me today is Karla Maxted.
She-her. Tonight I'm playing Yen Bol Nyori. Also She-her.
And Amy More.
She-her. I play Thea Amastasia. Also She-her.
Also Tom Laird.
He-him. And I'm playing Telgir, who also goes by He-him.
And because we just won't kill off our characters, back again, Kristen Flemmons!
Just kill me already!
We'll never let her leave!
Kristen Flemmons, She-her, I'm playing Agath, Godlost, Catho Olavi, and I think I said it right this time.
Nailed it!
Yeah, that was good. Right, now we're in a weird place, and it's gonna be good.
And where lots of weird places that are good is over at Patreon.com. It's just one place.
And it's just good. I mean, weird I guess in a way, but just in all the positive connotations.
Exactly, that's what I said.
Like in a keep Portland weird kind of way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I meant, yeah. When you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you like today's patron, Phoebe!
Thanks, Phoebe!
Thank you!
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast, and now fuck it, let's play!
You awake from a storm-ridden stupor, and you are in a dark, twisted place.
Everything around you that you can see is stone and jagged and sharp.
You see that castle or cathedral or...
built up into one of these mountains off in this range that has lightning and thunder rolling and cracking behind it.
Looks welcoming.
Where do you think we are?
What the hell just happened?
Have we traveled to a different plane?
It certainly doesn't feel like the astral plane anymore.
I move my body without thinking about direction, just to check.
You can move.
I want to know what moving your body without thinking of direction looks like.
It's a sight to behold.
A goth is running in like serpentine wheezing bobbing.
It's working, guys!
I'm not even thinking while I'm doing this!
Can you tell?
It's like a terrifying interpret of dance, slash martial arts.
I'm scared.
This is the episode, everybody just join a goth and doing what a goth is doing.
Moves without thinking about it off into the distance, and that's where we lose the character.
Maybe it'll summon the gods, you don't know.
Oh, that's true.
It could.
It's true, anything's possible.
The right foot movements.
Does what we see line up clearly with one of the places we were?
Because I feel like there are some key words that sound like the other planes you were telling us about,
but I'm not sure that there's an exactly one-to-one parallel.
No.
Meat.
So, yeah.
Well, we're not underground.
So, yeah, Limbo was the plane of pure chaos, a roiling soup of impermanent matter and energy.
This kind of looks like a place.
It's not the Nine Hills.
It's like we can rule out Limbo.
Yeah, the tower seems sort of permanent, the mountain ranges.
Yeah.
Pandemonium was described as a plane of madness, great mass of rock riddled with tunnels carved by howling winds,
cold, noisy, and dark with no natural light.
Okay.
It's wind.
It's not noisy, though.
And we can see things, so therefore there's some sort of natural light.
Yes, there's got to be a natural light.
So not that one.
Okay.
And not the Nine Hills, so.
Everything, when I say shadow and dark, I say it's almost in like a monochromatic sense, like an inverted image.
Like a sepia tone or something like that.
Yeah, like, yeah, you're kind of greyscale more than anything, but yeah.
Where else were we?
Carcery was the prison world.
Carcery was a plane of desolation and despair.
There is, you don't feel great about the place that you're in.
Holds layers of vast bogs, fetid jungles, windswept deserts, jagged mountains, frigid oceans, and black ice.
So again.
A range of terrain.
Possible similarities.
That one's pretty diverse.
Yeah.
And then a furnace, which you were told you wouldn't be able to reach.
We were told.
People say all sorts of things.
We were looking for an olive pool, and yet here we are somewhere, having seen no pools.
Yeah, no pools.
Started breathing water, woke up in an unfamiliar place.
Well, we didn't take any damage.
Nope, you haven't recovered anything, but you haven't taken anything extra.
Okay.
Um, Donnie, okay?
Where are we?
TBD.
I went there on a Friday once.
That's TGI.
Oh, right.
Sorry, flashbacks to the before times when things were good.
Yes, I have those too.
This doesn't look great, eh?
Do we?
No.
Go to the castle?
I mean, my first instinct is to go to the castle.
I agree.
It seems like my instinct is always to seek out people or culture.
I don't know that we have that here, but the castle calls to me.
You've been walking and following this path along this jagged mountain cliffside, and
it gets wider and narrower at different points, and you've been walking for a little while,
and the castle's getting nearer to you.
You're winding around, and as you get closer, you see that there's this rope bridge
that separates the castle and up ahead the cliffside you're walking on.
Looks like it's hanging on by literal threads, and as you kind of notice this and are able
to see this coming into sight, you hear a tumbling of rocks coming from down the mountainside
behind you.
Like directly behind us, like dodge?
Not quite, but back a little ways, like 20 or 30 feet back, rocks begin to crumble
down and land on the path that you've been walking on, and then you hear a loud thud
from up above in the mountain, and you look up, and you see a giant, and when I say
giant, I mean gargantuan.
It's a 30-foot-tall skeletal figure that is wielding...
A banana.
That has...
A heart-shaped box of chocolates.
It has these giant jagged claws and sharp spiked shoulders and spines that run all
the way down its body and with a giant step lands down onto this path and swings to
take a swipe at your group.
Everybody make a dexterity saving throw, please.
Does this look similar to the one that we saw floating?
That's a good question.
No, no, the other one looked like a cohesive unit.
I picked this up before I looked at the number.
This one looks like a creature that has been constructed of many different skeletal
masses.
Oh, fuck this.
Fuck this guy.
What?
Prim's Bane, motherfucker!
I rolled...
It's a giant skeleton.
It's not Prim's Bane.
Orcus?
You said Dex, right?
Yeah.
22.
Dex save?
Dex save.
Okay.
18.
19.
16.
Then do.
This claw digs out the earth right before you as you all jump back and it begins
climbing along the wall towards you.
Yeah, we'll roll for initiative.
Ew.
Give y'all a chance or otherwise I'd keep the other one.
Oh.
Ten.
I used my one good roll on my dex save.
Which probably is a good thing.
Isn't that a good thing?
Time to use it, yeah.
You can have a roll.
17.
I got a seven.
19.
That means Yenbul is up first.
Oh, no.
How far away is it?
Well, it just took a huge swipe at you and you just dodged, so it's right there.
It's right there.
And it's like attached to the wall with its claws and like its spined toes and you see
it more clearly now and its entire face is bones to make up a skull and there's like
these huge horned ox heads that have been placed onto its shoulders and it's pretty
bad.
It's like it's wearing like bunny slippers, but they're ox heads.
Oh.
Yeah.
He made it seem so much cuter.
Yeah.
Kind of whimsical.
Why don't I use my Mace of Terror and try and hit it.
That sounds fun.
Yeah.
Why don't I do that?
Hit it.
25.
Are you maintaining position?
Are you flying up to it?
No, I forgot I could fly.
God.
Yenbul, you're so cool.
I mean, I feel like it's probably is very big and its claw is right in front of me,
so I'm probably just going to hit at the thing that's like the thing that is close
to me.
It needs to make a wisdom saving throw.
I bet it's real dumb.
I mean, a pile of bones all stitched together.
I'm hoping it's really dumb.
16.
Fuck.
God damn it.
Well, it's less dumb than I thought it was going to be.
A little bit less dumb than I was.
Just one.
Like if I had to enumerate it, one less dumb than I was hoping it would be.
Sorry.
Or one more dumb.
Okay, great.
Well, then I guess I'll just do this shitty damage.
Four damage.
Four.
Four damage.
It was going to be really cool when it got scared of us guys and ran away,
but it didn't happen.
Maybe next time.
I totally would have got scared.
Okay, Talkier, you're up.
Yeah, I guess take a big old swipe at the hand as well.
First attack is going to be a 32 if I do my math correctly.
Oh my goodness.
Whoa, Jesus.
Yeah, 32 on the first attack.
And still not a nat?
No, that was 19.
Oh, jeez.
And the next one will be a 19 to hit.
So those will hit.
All right, well then it definitely seems like the 32 was overkill.
It's just with feeling that time, yeah.
Sure, yeah.
All right, here we go.
27 all said and done.
Bones splinter off of like two of the claws that you hit through there.
And that'll be it for Talkier.
Its claw gets hit and two of the fingers break off and it moves back just a bit.
And you see the bones begin to move and reshape themselves into four separate creatures.
A quarter of the size.
But now there are four of them.
Oh no.
And they run towards each of you and try to hit you.
So we'll go first, one running towards Yen Bull.
Jumping across the small chasm it has created.
That's a natural 20.
That will do it.
20 thunder damage.
Yikes.
Talkier.
No way.
Sure.
Are they within the...
Yeah, you're all kind of on a cliff side.
The shields.
Can I try the warding mover again?
Try the shield.
I mean, it's a gnat, so...
Do you want to save it for somebody else?
Because I have a reaction as well that I could try.
Okay.
Yeah, the gnat maybe.
Save it for me, Chris.
This one's coming in hot, so maybe...
Alrighty.
They hit me?
Yes.
They need to make a dex saving throw.
Three.
Great.
Then they're going to take 2d8 damage.
But for why?
They're facing the wrath of my storm.
Oh.
Seven.
Rolls are hard, apparently.
Okay, Talkier, one's coming at you.
That's a 15 to hit.
No sale.
Thea, that's a gnat one, so...
Come on.
One gnat one.
Something terrible has to happen.
It trips.
The four of them are leaping across this chasm that it itself has created,
and it goes wide, and you see it hit and land on the other side,
and break apart on the path.
Some of the bones falling down into the chasm below.
A goth, the final one is going to try and hit you for 17.
It's not going to do it.
Okay, Thea, and then a goth.
I'm going to cast fairy fire on the big dude, because it seems like...
There are four smaller ones now.
Can I cast it on all of them?
Let me see.
I can cast a 20 foot cube in range.
Okay, within 20 feet of each other?
Yeah, you're all kind of clustered together.
Yeah, all right then.
No, no, not us, them.
They are all attacking you, so you're all kind of clustered together.
Even the big one, is his hand still in the middle?
There is no more big one.
What?
The big one turned into four small ones.
Sorry, I misheard.
I thought it broke two fingers, and then those created...
No, it recoiled and then reshaped into four separate ones.
One of which has broken itself.
Okay, cool.
Did not check itself before it wrecked itself.
So, each object in the 20 foot cube is outlined in a violet light.
Can I get a dex save?
And you have to make a dexterity saving throw.
One, that's a six.
Two, that's a nat 20.
Three, that's a 12.
And four, that's a five.
I thought there were only three.
One broke apart, but it's still a thing.
Oh, it's still a thing.
Okay, well, they all fail except for one,
which means any attack roll against an affected creature has advantage.
If we're following my one, two, three, four,
the one that is on you specifically is the one that's safe.
Well, then I'm just going to have to hit it with my scimitar.
Oh, 16?
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Six damage.
Yeah.
Perfect.
Agath, it is your turn.
Use that Post-it notes.
So, Faerie Fire, you get advantage on that.
Nice.
Love it.
I think this may be the first time Faerie Fire has ever worked for me.
All right.
I am going to, you know, rotate through all my Post-it notes,
but also all my weapons.
I just noticed I have a cool sounding Revenant double-bladed scimitar.
So, I'll use that now because...
Because why not?
Why wouldn't you?
Look at that.
That looks dope.
And I will whack something with it.
Excellent.
Whoever is the shiniest and the closest.
One right in front of you is a Blaze with Faerie Fire.
Going down.
Advantage.
Yeah, first one.
26.
Yes.
That'll be six damage on that one.
That wasn't so hot, but 21.
This one will be nine damage.
Okay.
And third strike.
Oh, nat 20!
Yay!
There we go.
One.
That's stupid.
Now, like, eight damage.
Didn't roll all ones on the damage dice.
Oh, no!
Yeah, so first and second hit, like, carve through the bones,
and they're splintering,
and then the third, which would have been the one,
but you hit in the same spot.
It was just, you were too accurate.
Yeah, there's just, like, a lot of space in skeletons, you know?
So you can go right to the core and there's nothing there.
Okay, cool.
I don't feel like these guys are hefty enough
to use a big Post-It note on, so.
Okay.
But I forgot last time.
Does Rex also get to do things?
Rex gets to go.
Donnie would get to go after.
Donnie, I don't know how much damage
Donnie Sting's going to do to the bones.
I'll tell Donnie to come out when I think he can, you know,
sting something that isn't just completely made of bone.
Okay.
Well, it just, like, hooves against bones.
I feel like that's a good, that's a good option.
Yeah, it's a solid crunch.
Yeah, I think so.
Just crunch.
It works against humans.
Crunch a skeleton, so.
Does he also get advantage?
Yeah.
Okay.
So that's 19.
Yes.
2d8 plus four, geez, buddy.
Okay.
Rex is badass.
Yeah.
12 bludgeoning damage plus 2d6 poison damage,
even with his hooves.
Okay.
Um, plus seven poison.
Okay.
Not sure that the skeletons care about the poison,
but it's there.
They do not care about the poison.
Yeah, I didn't think so.
The crushing is relevant.
Uh, okay.
Turns out they really care about the crushing.
They really.
Yeah, yeah.
Care more so.
All of them are still up.
The one that broke apart you see behind you
is starting to reform as we move back.
Of course.
Somebody run over there
and just start throwing the individual pieces
over the edge of the cliff.
Come on, let's solve a problem, people.
Let's do this.
Don't need this femur.
Make some neat jewelry with it instead.
I think that I am going to,
no, that's just no damage,
and that is necrotic damage,
which against the skeleton,
probably not very helpful.
I mean, might even heal them?
Maybe, right?
Uh, so let's, sacred flame.
So, dex.
Roll dex.
Roll in.
On the one that's, you know, attacking me.
Yup.
Uh, 11.
Ha ha!
Are bones flammable?
I hope so because I rolled 24 damage.
I hate radiant damage.
I would have to think undead slash bone monsters
would take it extra hard.
You would think, right?
Bone monsters.
Hey, I have a bone monster inside me right now, Tom.
I think you should show a little respect.
My apologies.
We're all just bone monsters.
We're all just bone monsters
covered in flesh.
Trying to make our way in the world.
Jesus.
Amy doesn't want to be my friend anymore.
No, I definitely do.
Because what was going to come out of my mouth is going to be,
is going to be my new Tinder username.
I'm not on Tinder.
Just to clarify.
Well, you are now
because you came up with that amazing name.
Bone monster.
We're an apple, honey.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Well, I have sex.
Yeah.
Whatever.
You know, sex.
Bone monster?
I get it.
Come on.
Yeah, no, we're all here.
I know.
We got it.
You're the one still explaining it.
I know.
Sorry.
I haven't had a good dick joke in a while,
so it's just awkward.
That's a massive hit on this one.
The legs crush out from below it.
You see whatever splinters off is beginning to move back
and towards another of the creatures.
Pelgear.
OK, so am I engaged with one of the ones that I'm fighting with
or is there still like some wiggle room to get around a little bit?
No, you would have been straight melee.
OK, let's do some more damage of some kind.
Maybe I'll take like one slice
and then another try to like use my shield to like bash him into the chasm.
Yeah, for sure.
Throw a little something different at him.
I like it.
First one with my plus 13 is a 22.
OK, got to beat 16 on all of this here.
I keep forgetting to say, but yeah.
And a 22 for the shield bash.
Yeah, it goes flying off, shooting out into the chasm below.
So one is gone for now anyways.
The one that had originally broken apart is now beginning to reform.
Actually, it's moving towards the pieces that are moving to reassemble.
So it looks like three of them are trying to, again, reconvene together.
And the one that's fighting you, Thea, is going to swing.
And that's a plus 12.
21.
How long did the nice spell last?
That gave me a plus two for my armor class.
I think 10 minutes.
How long were we out for?
Yeah, we'll say it's at the tail end, sure.
OK, it doesn't matter because it brings me to a 19.
I just wanted to know.
OK, that hits me.
10 thunder damage.
Thea.
I'm going to hit that one.
I'm going to hit him back, I guess.
I want to use like thorn whip and pull the creature.
And it says 10 feet closer to me, but I want it to be 10 feet toward the chasm.
You want momentum to take over?
Yeah.
OK.
That's what I'd like to do.
Sure, you can certainly try.
Okey dokey.
So I don't pray to anybody, but I just hope that this isn't going to cause a huge universal backlash.
And I create a long vine-like whip that's all thorny.
Probably doesn't matter to him, but whatever.
That comes out of my hand and it is going to try to wrap itself around the creature.
Oh, 18.
18 will hit.
And is there still fairy fire?
Not on the one that I'm fighting.
There's one that I missed.
And it takes 1d6 piercing, and that's a 3.
And this creature's large, right?
Yep.
OK, good.
So I pull it, and I want to pull it 10 feet and try to like, not to me, I want to like whip it.
Try to whip it past me.
Just drag it closer to the chasm somehow.
I don't know how close I am to the chasm, but that's my end goal.
So you're going to whip it?
Whip it good.
You know I am, Tom.
Yes, you do that.
As it passes you, though, make a dexterity saving throw.
Well, I just want to attack it again as it passes me, though, because I have my daggers still.
Can I do that?
Sure, but you're pulling it.
So I'm going to get you to make a dexterity saving throw.
OK, all right, fine. I can do that.
No, I can't do that.
It's the middle time, and we're starting right now.
It's the middle!
We're not going to talk about kissing.
Oh, did you think it was a round, Amy?
Yeah, well, I was just jumping with my own, right?
I just kept going, and now we're talking about kissing.
I said we're not going to talk about kissing.
I got in so much trouble.
So many weird emails.
Guys, they called HR on me. I'm HR.
It was a very awkward conversation.
It was a really like 100th episode type of conversation that he had to have with himself.
Russ, excuse me, just put you on hold here.
A very special episode.
I'm sorry, you called yourself.
You didn't even take yourself into your own office.
You decided it was too awkward.
You had to do it via phone.
Yeah, two different lines.
But not only via phone, but via phone on speakerphone.
It was something.
Yeah, well, we need to be able to hear it as a group, right?
I wanted to know the matter was being dealt with.
Excuse me, Russ. Russ is here.
All right, well, I hope you're all enjoying this episode.
And this interlude. Apologies for two minutes like this.
But I think this might be why.
We definitely didn't record them on the same night.
No, this might just be why you come here to the middle and you don't just skip, skip, skip, skip, skip past it.
Because you never know what's going to come out of Russ's mouth.
Is it going to be a kiss?
Might be.
The kiss, the kiss is on my lips.
What are we talking about? Who knows? Doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter.
Well, welcome to the middle.
We're just going to restart.
No, it's nowhere in it.
This is it.
We've committed to this being the middle.
We're in the middle of the middle.
And we've wasted a lot of time.
So real quick, we should say.
We really appreciate you guys listening.
Yeah, we do.
You're awesome.
Yeah.
And thanks for putting up with us.
Yeah, that's a big one.
Shenanigans.
Okay.
We'll get you back to the episode now.
Okay.
Thanks.
Bye.
You don't get out of the way quick enough.
Oh, no.
And you pull it and it connects with you.
Oh, we're in a bony embrace.
And we call this a bony M.
Momentum takes over.
And you feel yourself falling backwards.
Not into the chasm, though.
How close was I to the chasm?
Guys, I've fallen into too many things in this stupid broadcast.
Into the chasm.
No.
Did I obliterate the one that I was fighting?
Yeah, it was crawling back towards the one that was fighting.
Amy, I can fly.
I'm going to try and catch her.
It was breaking apart.
It's not your turn.
I would like to.
I still have...
In the future.
Yes, I can wild shape as a bonus action.
Sure you can.
You've got one other action still.
And a bonus action.
Okay.
Can I stab it while we're in the air and then wild shape?
Because I feel angry.
Sure.
Or you could wild shape into something and then attack it.
Yeah, that would...
However you want to stack it.
Okay.
No, I'll wild shape into something.
I don't know if this would work.
It might be stretching it a bit.
I have something called hold the line, which is basically sentry.
So if a creature is moving in a way that would provoke an opportunity attack, I could
attack it and change its speed to zero.
I don't know if I could stop them by...
You're just going to straight up grab it by the collar?
Just reaction, yeah?
Yeah.
Would that provoke an opportunity attack?
Is it moving in a way where that would trigger?
I don't know.
It's a post-it note.
I've had to...
Got to try.
Is the thorn whip pulling it past?
Yeah, I like it.
I like it.
Yeah, let's do it.
So yeah, if you hit it, then this thing stops the fall.
Okay.
Hit it.
I don't want to fall in stuff anymore.
Shit, what's its AC?
16.
Yeah, 15.
Again, with the space between the bones, it's so confusing.
It's like right between the ribs and then...
Theo pulls this creature in and Agatha, you try and reach out, but just miss, just nick
the collar bone as the momentum takes over and Thea tumbles with this thing over the
edge.
What are you wild shaping it to?
A shark.
Pick a shark.
It's going to be a shark.
There's water below, right?
You don't know what's below.
It's dark.
Could be a goose.
I see a goose there.
A cute pig.
A king of...
Geese are pretty scary.
A king of chickens.
Yeah, geese are real wild.
Terrifying.
Swans are pretty mean.
Yeah, swans are real mean.
What about like a giant eagle or something?
Or alternately, a very small bird that could get out of the grip.
Just get out of the grass.
Like a little sparrow.
Eagle.
Okay, you turn into an eagle.
Okay.
Well, now I need to fight as an eagle.
I need a fucking monster stack, Russell.
You're an eagle.
So you like...
I want to attack it as it falls down.
I'm mad.
You want to hedge your bets and attack it.
I would say you'd be more inclined to let it go as it's falling down.
Falling into an unknown...
It's just falling into the abyss.
You can fly, it can't fly.
Well, that we know of.
True.
Okay, you turn into an eagle.
Yeah.
You wriggle free and you begin to fly back up, leaving this thing to fall back
down.
The bones, we're following it.
So most of them are going over the edge through whatever force that's drawing
them together have also followed down over the edge.
And you're out of combat as maybe an eagle comes back up and over the edge.
Well, we should probably make a break for it while we can.
Cool.
It's not been an eagle.
Did it wreck that bridge that was held on by threads?
Hold on by threads?
No.
Okay.
Then, yeah, I say we keep going.
You pick up pace and begin moving quickly towards the bridge and you get there.
And yeah, like I said, it looks like it's hanging on by a thread.
How do you wish to proceed?
Well, if we have an eagle that can fly over, we have a cleric who can fly.
Oh, also I can fly.
So now it's left to the two fighter types and a ghost horse.
Rax and I are both perhaps too heavy for this.
Do we still have the magic carpet?
I was just going to say, my eagle flies up and says, what about the magic carpet?
Ka.
Yeah, let's get the old carpet out.
And I say, you tear and it unrolls.
And I think we have made this work before.
Yeah.
I mean, you're flying.
Thea's flying.
So you've got tall gear, a horse.
Just might need to make a couple trips.
Yeah.
Got to make a couple trips.
How far is it?
This is like the fox.
It's like a riddle.
It is.
Exactly.
We've got a sack of grain, a fox and a sheep.
I like that you've created your own problem to get over this.
I love it.
I like how Carla was very logical about it.
We'll do multiple trips.
Here I am trying to puzzle together.
How can we fit all three of them onto it at the same time?
Someone's got to ride the horse, obviously.
Turns out I'm not on good terms with the horse, so we can't take the carpet together.
How much can his carpet carry?
800 pounds.
How much is a demon horse?
I don't know.
Less than 800 pounds.
799.
I mean an adult horse, so says the internet, weighs 380 to 1,000 kilograms.
Oh boy.
Yeah.
Okay.
The heavy.
But like he's part demon, so obviously that shapes like...
Demon horses have hollow bones.
Everybody knows that.
We're all aware of this fact.
Everyone knows that.
All right.
Get the horse on the magic carpet.
Let's see what happens.
This could take some convincing.
Do we have...
Oh, I can't cast spells when I'm an eagle.
He has to go alone.
And I think the carpet's going to push to its limit.
All right.
We're talking about this in character now.
How are we getting the horse across a bridge?
What if we tied a rope to the flying carpet
and dangled the horse from the rope
and then I with my strong talon claws pulled also upward
relieving some of the weight of the horse from the carpet?
I mean that's one plan.
I'll do it too.
I got big talons.
Look at me.
I'm a little tiny pseudo dragon.
Yeah, you're an eagle.
You're not much bigger.
The end ball.
You can fly underneath the horse.
Try the tiny satchel or did you just disappear?
No, I jumped out.
Whenever you go, I leap.
Oh, that's really good.
That's very intuitive of you.
Well, it's happened once before and you go to this weird place
and there's no crackers there.
I am skeptical that Rex will agree to this being bound.
Does anyone know how to fix a rope bridge?
Can we just fix the rope with our rope?
That's possible.
How damaged is the bridge?
Is it really just the end?
Is like the rope is worn?
A person could step onto it.
It's just frayed.
What are you, a little horse, Russell?
I mean it looks like a haunted house rope bridge
that's got like the wiggle as you walk across it.
We're all familiar.
Yeah, that's what it looks like.
You said it was quite frayed at the end.
So maybe I will put some new rope on the old rope, tie that up.
How far is it?
Can I just zip to the other end, flying of course.
See if maybe those are the weak points.
Do the same thing.
How long is your rope?
I don't know.
Normal rope length.
30?
Yeah, sure.
But I'm not putting the whole rope on the whole thing.
I'm putting some rope at the end.
You're good.
I'm not re-roping the whole bridge.
All right.
I have one level of exhaustion.
I can't be re-roping a bridge all day.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
It's magic.
You know.
Would it help if, and my satchel is still on me in my bird form
and I kind of sat over to them and I'm like, look in here.
I have the diamonds.
Would that be helpful?
You have what?
You cut out right at that moment.
I cut out.
I have the diamonds.
Would that be helpful?
Oh, the jumpy diamonds.
Oh, wait.
Neither of you know what the jumpy diamonds are.
No one knows.
So OK.
Carla knows.
Nobody knows.
No one knows.
I am just a bird looking at two people wondering if these diamonds are going to help.
Just a bird standing in front of another bird.
Yes, the diamond.
Trying to get a horse across the chasm.
What are the jumpy diamonds?
The diamonds are very pretty, but I don't know.
These are teleportation diamonds.
So if you were to throw a diamond and then look at a spot and then catch it,
you will teleport to the place that you see.
How do we communicate that?
Can a horse do this?
You can talk to horses Yanbook, can't you?
Well, these more difficult concepts are a little bit hard.
How does the horse throw it?
Also, how does the horse catch it?
Now, I also have a tome of thunderstep.
Do you think you could open a book, say some words,
close the book and then teleport itself to a place it can see?
Guys, I can get from one place to another, but you need hands.
Racks, work with me.
Work with me, racks.
Now that I've rope fixed the end of the bridge, can I go into the middle of the bridge,
stand on it, and just jump up and down a lot to see how secure it is?
Because I can fly, so it's fine.
I just want to see, how is it?
Does it seem secure?
I know I don't weigh as much as a horse, but I'm putting a lot of movement.
Here's another plan.
What if we get the horse to cross the bridge with the carpet underneath the bridge,
pushing up the whole way so that it's like the carpet.
Oh yeah, the horse can't drive the carpet either.
The horse has to take the bridge.
The horse had problems with the astral plane thinking about going forward,
let alone keep driving a carpet.
Okay, listen, here's how you do it.
This is where you lose a gath.
She and the horse have to stay on the side of the bridge.
This riddle is too much for us.
She refuses to leave the horse.
You know how we always focus on the horses a lot?
Yeah.
So should we just try?
I'm just real scared to lose the horse.
Me too.
If it breaks.
I mean, Russ would have to be a real dick right now for us to lose the horse.
It's all I'm saying.
And I mean, we've just brainstormed a lot of really good ideas.
Okay, commit to your plan.
I think you two should go on the carpet.
You can go beside Rax.
Rax can go across the bridge, and we will all go together as a group.
But, you know, flying, flying, walking.
How deep is the chasm?
We don't know.
Can't see the bottom?
Can't see the bottom.
Would you? Oh, here, hold on.
And I want to fly down and see what's in the mist.
Oh, see.
Oh, no.
This seems like a poor idea.
I hate Russ's face.
I'd like to fly into the dark mist, please.
I changed my mind.
Just did a real quick swoop drive by.
Got close, had a real bad feeling.
I did. I got to the mist.
It was moist in there, and I just didn't want to get my feathers wet.
And I fly back up, and I say, no, never mind.
Come on, let's do this thing.
Agath will, I guess, like, attach the bridle and like, you know, pull it over his head
and, like, try and get positioned on the carpet to try and lead the horse across the bridge.
Seems like such a bad idea.
Oh, God.
Don't have any spells for this.
Wait, worse than having the horse try to throw and catch a diamond
and end up in a location of its choosing?
Oh, my God.
I mean, for ranking though.
We're so smart.
I say we just, Russ is like, this is not where you guys are supposed to get tripped up.
No.
This is what happens always.
If there was someone else here, I don't know how we've tricked Kristin into being one of us,
but I swear if there was like anyone else we've ever played with,
they'd just be like, oh, you see, you should just blank, blank, blank.
And then there's always just some solution.
It's the most obvious in the world.
Can I call a physics professor real quick?
Climb aboard the magic carpet, set up racks.
All right.
I will put my face right against his translucent, creepy,
see the veins and muscles beneath face, that really sweet, terrifying face.
And I'll be.
Now you will walk in a straight line.
Don't look down.
Perhaps look at the board so you do not step between the boards.
That would not be ideal.
Look out in front.
Move steadily.
And we will make it to the other side.
Do not fear.
We have.
Gods to find and.
Terrible things to kill, and I know how much you love that.
There is much recognition as you can get from racks.
You get in that moment.
You climb aboard the magic carpet and everybody sets off and racks
takes that first step and you hear creaking and like pulling of the ropes.
And it takes the second one.
His weight begins to push the bridge down.
You find yourself making your way slowly across this bridge
till about halfway and one of them gives way, snaps.
Kind of panics the horse in a moment.
Shh. Shh.
Focus. Focus.
Horse steals and begins moving forward, stepping over the broken board.
It's a very tense, long few minutes as you slowly make your way across
until finally you step up and on to the other side.
Collapse with exhaustion.
Caw.
It's a Caw of triumph.
You turn and you look up these steps towards this castle before you, looming before you
and you see carved into the wall above the door is a giant raven's head.
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Oh yeah, this is what it looks like.
Yeah.
Oh, that's terrifying.
Pretty gross.
I like it.
Gross.
Then I want to, I want to take back my previous upset about Primsbane.
Because it's cool.
No, because it was-
Orgas is fine, but fuck Primsbane.
In a book, which means Primsbane didn't just like piece it together.
Yeah, because this book exists in forgotten realms.
No, but the monster likely does.
Let's not think of that's how monsters work.
Because they're in a monster manual, therefore they are natural.
Yeah.
Okay, fine. Fuck Primsbane. Fuck that guy.
That's right. You can keep your, keep your business.
Keep my anger?
Back to the top. Yenbowl.
I haven't gone yet.
Oh.
And I also haven't gone yet.
Oh, Thea, sorry. I just, I was going down being like,
they hit you in this order and I'm like, yeah, that's it.
I can't tell you how many times Rossa skipped my turn.
I think it's happened to all of us.
I like how we're like, we are just completely railroading this thing.
We're just like, yeah, listen, we're not passing this bridge unless you can promise us the safety of the horse.
We need safety guaranteed for the demon horse.
I need it in writing.
Look, we're not saving Flint because if we save him, he's the end of the world.
But this motherfucking horse is important to us.
I'm putting up more fight for this horse than for any of my characters who have died.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.