[0.0s] WHO KNOWS HOW TO PLAY Dumbgeons and Dragons?
[2.0s] Ehh... kind of?
[4.0s] Okay, so we kind of know how to play.
[6.0s] I will say a lot of what I have learned has been, if I have to make a new character, which happens all the time, because mine keep dying, then I check out DungeonCast.
[17.0s] This is how I learned about Asimar, which I play in our Patreon-only games. They're awesome. They like fully break everything down, like this is what the class is, this is how it works, these are the pros and the cons,
[29.0s] which is good to know, like, say you pick a ranger because it just seems fun and you don't really know that it maybe is the worst class, they could probably steer you clear of that.
[38.0s] This is quite the testimonial.
[40.0s] They have all the ins and outs of all the classes, all the monsters, all of the lore behind Dumbgeons and Dragons, and I'll be honest, I listen to them all the time.
[51.0s] I listened to them quite a bit when we were first kind of really getting going so I could get a broader understanding of the other classes and the monsters and everything else, and it's really helpful stuff.
[62.0s] Now, I haven't listened, but listening to all of you, this is something I should really do.
[67.0s] Yeah, absolutely!
[68.0s] And now I'm sold!
[69.0s] Maybe I should just check out Druid, perhaps, like Barbarian...
[76.0s] All of the things would be there and explained to you, and it wouldn't be coming from me, because we know that...
[81.0s] Because I don't listen to the things that you tell me.
[84.0s] But Will and Brian are the greatest, and they didn't put this in their copy notes, but you get to listen to their sultry, sexy voices, okay?
[91.0s] Think about that.
[92.0s] Triple sold.
[93.0s] So, what are you doing?
[95.0s] I hit the table!
[97.0s] What are you doing?
[98.0s] He's worked up, folks.
[100.0s] Search The Dungeon Cast, wherever you download podcasts, or you can find them over on YouTube.
[105.0s] You can see their faces!
[107.0s] What?!
[108.0s] This ad is brought to you by Demogorgon, Lord and Ruler of the Dungeon Cast and greatest, most undisputedly powerful demon lord in the known cosmos.
[114.0s] I mean, that's disputable. We'll find out.
[116.0s] All hail Demogorgon.
[118.0s] Today's episode contains scenes of graphic violence, fear, and horror themes.
[124.0s] Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[126.0s] Those lucky enough to return would tell horrific tales of making it deep into these towns.
[134.0s] Too deep to retreat when they found themselves surrounded by the townspeople.
[139.0s] But not the townspeople.
[142.0s] Undead.
[144.0s] Shells of the people they once were.
[146.0s] Welcome to the promised land, Miss Pip Diggins.
[149.0s] Pip Diggins, this is Thanatos, the home of our Demon Prince and Lord of the Undead, Orcus.
[157.0s] Why did you bring me to this cursed place?
[159.0s] There are some beings with special abilities that the Demon Prince is taken an interest in.
[164.0s] You, you are one of those beings.
[167.0s] Your time will come, but for now Miss Pip Diggins, I encourage you to make yourself at home.
[173.0s] Where there was world and earth and water was only pain and dread.
[182.0s] The Abyss was here.
[184.0s] And it's all we could see.
[186.0s] Now the real fight begins.
[193.0s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More. He, him also with me.
[197.0s] Today is Carla Maxted.
[199.0s] She, her, tonight I am playing Lipsinki, Pip Diggins, a deep gnome warlock.
[205.0s] What?
[207.0s] Nice.
[208.0s] And that means we have a very special guest with us, Kyle Claset from Bombarded.
[212.0s] Hey, what's up? He, him, and yes, I will be reprising my role as Voronox, worshiper of...
[219.0s] Oh, I forgot his name. I'm not a good worshiper at all.
[222.0s] Oh no!
[223.0s] It's Orcus.
[225.0s] I really did just have a big brain fart just now. It's been a long day, but I'm ready to get into it.
[231.0s] You can't see the Zoom call, but Orcus showed up behind Kyle in that moment, and now Kyle's gone.
[237.0s] It's because I'm not wearing my Orcus shirt.
[240.0s] I was just going to say that. It's the only time that I've seen you not wearing that shirt.
[245.0s] Try to change it up.
[246.0s] We've become complacent in our worship of Orcus, perhaps.
[250.0s] Well, I think we can fix that.
[252.0s] That's right. It's an easy fix, and you can fix it.
[255.0s] When you're a patron, you go to Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[258.0s] You get an episode dedicated to you by the powers of Orcus.
[262.0s] Today's patron...
[265.0s] I'm not comfortable with this.
[267.0s] Cheese Cat!
[269.0s] Cheese Cat? Are you the best patron?
[272.0s] I think so.
[274.0s] Wow. Wow, that's just...
[278.0s] Love it.
[279.0s] Love it.
[280.0s] And in this episode...
[281.0s] The Orcus episode.
[283.0s] Ah, yes. Thank you, Cheese Cat.
[285.0s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[287.0s] And now, fuck it, let's play!
[289.0s] Yeah.
[290.0s] Let's do some evil.
[291.0s] Please.
[294.0s] We find ourselves falling through the realms and planes,
[299.0s] flashing through the levels of heaven and hell and landing hard in the darkness of Thanatos.
[306.0s] The 113th layer of the abyss.
[310.0s] A chaotic cacophony rings out, deafening the senses.
[315.0s] A frigid wind courses over the roiling landscape,
[319.0s] and we pass over cities and fields filled with undead.
[324.0s] We see in the distance a massive fortress built within a desolate mountain range.
[330.0s] The landscape rolls forward over bubbling sludge-filled oceans
[335.0s] and bordering on dry, bone-dust deserts.
[341.0s] Cutting hard to a dark chamber, we see two figures kneeling with their heads lowered.
[350.0s] A dark, booming voice rings out.
[355.0s] The time has come, my children.
[360.0s] The time for pain and suffering to end once and for all.
[365.0s] There will be resistance, as you have seen before.
[371.0s] There will be those who do not see our vision as we do.
[379.0s] Feel pity and sorrow for them,
[384.0s] but know they will see the truth and the freedom of the gift we bring.
[394.0s] The scene cuts, and we see portals opening across the material plane,
[400.0s] swirling, churning balls of energy that erupt into cities and villages.
[406.0s] We see inside of Castle Waterdeep,
[409.0s] where Lady Laryl Silverhand, Lord Neverember and Leosin
[413.0s] are passing and discussing reports from neighboring regions that have gone silent.
[418.0s] They hear an explosion ring out beyond the walls of Waterdeep.
[423.0s] As the trio moves to the window, a force of air explodes the panes back towards the nobles who fall to the ground.
[430.0s] They catch their breath and hear the bells ringing through the city,
[434.0s] forces arming themselves and heading to the walls.
[439.0s] The lower wards rush towards the gates,
[442.0s] and many are not quick enough as the city watch must close them as we now see the rushing forces of undead.
[449.0s] In the air, demons and spirits rush forward, scooping up men, women and children.
[455.0s] Beasts skulk across the fields, ahead of the castle,
[460.0s] as Waterdeep's wizards raise wards of protection up and over the city proper.
[466.0s] Off on a hill we see one of these churning balls of energy,
[472.0s] and out step Lipsinki and Varnas.
[482.0s] Well, Lipsinki, I think it's your turn to give the command.
[488.0s] Oh, do you mean it? I've been waiting so long.
[491.0s] You've been very patient, and Orcus rewards those who wait, but are willing to listen.
[499.0s] Well, you know now I'm willing to listen all the time. I love that big guy, Orcus.
[504.0s] Okay, so remind me, do I have to, um, do I have to say specific words,
[510.0s] or can I just kind of like let the Orcus spirit move through me to give the order?
[514.0s] Well, you can definitely let the Orcus spirit move through you.
[517.0s] You need but gesture, and your whim, which is the whim of Orcus,
[521.0s] will be understood by the masses, which shall assail those who resist him.
[526.0s] So cool.
[528.0s] Isn't it, though?
[529.0s] Okay, all right.
[532.0s] So...
[533.0s] Get in the zone.
[534.0s] I'm gonna center myself. I'm gonna lift my hands in the air, and I'm gonna say...
[539.0s] Good.
[540.0s] Go get him, y'all! Go get him!
[544.0s] Wonderfully done. Wonderfully done.
[548.0s] And look, look at them. They're just going. They're just destroying everything.
[553.0s] And look, they have no need. Yes, we are amidst war.
[557.0s] War which usually takes life after life after life, fighting endlessly.
[563.0s] They need not sleep. They need not food or shelter.
[568.0s] They are provided for merely by the existence of Orcus.
[572.0s] This is what we bring the world.
[575.0s] We bring them this respite from the day in, day out,
[579.0s] fighting against whatever may come their way.
[581.0s] We take that, and we leave them of that punishment.
[586.0s] It just feels good to free people from their day-to-day concerns.
[591.0s] Absolutely.
[592.0s] We're empowering folks, and it's really incredible what we're doing.
[596.0s] I couldn't agree more, Lipsinki. One by one, day by day,
[600.0s] the world will know true peace when it's all said and done.
[608.0s] The forces are rushing forward and bashing up against the wizard's protection fields.
[614.0s] And the longer it goes on, you see this field begin to shrink around the city.
[621.0s] Day after day, it gets smaller, and the region of Waterdeep becomes smaller.
[631.0s] The voice of Orcus comes back.
[635.0s] In this war, they will call to their gods.
[640.0s] Their calls will be unanswered.
[646.0s] The gods and their arrogance have been hidden away, locked away,
[652.0s] in chambers fueled by their own divine powers.
[658.0s] Their efforts to escape are as futile as their following.
[665.0s] And as their followers call out, plead out, as they search for their gods,
[672.0s] those gods' presence will weaken,
[676.0s] and their followers will feel the power of Orcus wash over them.
[682.0s] Chaos reigns supreme!
[685.0s] We have the power and the forces to outlast.
[689.0s] We do not require sustenance. We do not require rest.
[694.0s] We do not fall ill. Our wounded rise again.
[700.0s] They will see this, and it will scare them at first.
[706.0s] Show them the power. Show them the mercy that we bring.
[710.0s] Show them what they can be, if they just give in.
[718.0s] We cut to the balcony of Castle Waterdeep,
[722.0s] now flying the flags of Orcus.
[725.0s] Kneeling before Vorunax and Lipsinki,
[728.0s] we see Lord Dagult Neverember, Conrad Bronenville,
[733.0s] King Melendridge, and Tern Hornblade,
[737.0s] all leaders within the Lord's Alliance.
[741.0s] Out beyond them we see people broken,
[745.0s] surrounded by undead soldiers.
[750.0s] A sickening silence over this crowd,
[756.0s] as Vorunax goes to greet the crowd.
[761.0s] People of Waterdeep,
[763.0s] you find yourselves on the verge of a true transformation,
[768.0s] a world that has only been dreamed of.
[774.0s] Your leaders submit themselves to us,
[778.0s] prostrate themselves before Orcus, his right and left hand.
[786.0s] You will know peace.
[789.0s] We shall provide for you,
[791.0s] exactly as Orcus would provide for me, for your leaders.
[798.0s] There's no need to worry.
[800.0s] Yes, you've seen bloodshed, you've seen terror.
[803.0s] You will see it no more.
[806.0s] We guarantee a path,
[811.0s] a path to a new land.
[813.0s] You must walk it,
[815.0s] or find yourself,
[819.0s] well, what am I saying?
[821.0s] You're going to walk it one way or the other,
[823.0s] whether you like it or not.
[825.0s] Kneel.
[829.0s] There's sounds of crying,
[833.0s] coming from the crowd.
[837.0s] And a few people slowly begin to kneel,
[840.0s] but many others do not.
[842.0s] They stare up at you and at your soldiers in defiance.
[847.0s] I'm going to grab Lord Neverember and bring him to the edge of the balcony.
[852.0s] For those who resist,
[856.0s] would you like to see an example of what Orcus can truly do to you?
[861.0s] Sure, you can resist if you want to,
[864.0s] and you think you may become one of his pawns,
[866.0s] one of his fledgling peoples.
[869.0s] He doesn't have to do that for you.
[871.0s] No, no, no.
[873.0s] He can do much, much worse.
[878.0s] Try me.
[882.0s] Neverember looks like he goes to speak,
[885.0s] but begins to cough.
[889.0s] As you hear vocalizations start,
[893.0s] and blood begins to pour from his mouth,
[896.0s] and the crowd sees that his tongue has been torn out.
[901.0s] Your leaders can no longer speak for you.
[904.0s] They can't save you.
[906.0s] Only Orcus can save you.
[908.0s] Bend the knee.
[910.0s] Take his mercy.
[912.0s] You see some of the largest around the perimeter
[917.0s] standing up and glaring at you in defiance.
[921.0s] And they scream out,
[924.0s] Now!
[926.0s] And they begin to charge towards the castle
[929.0s] and to the soldiers surrounding them.
[934.0s] Very well, and I throw Lord Neverember off the balcony.
[940.0s] You know, you'd think they'd have heard that it's futile to resist,
[945.0s] but they don't.
[946.0s] They just keep trying.
[948.0s] And I gotta say, I kinda love it.
[950.0s] It's so much more fun for us when there's, like, a bit of a show.
[953.0s] It does make it more interesting.
[955.0s] Wouldn't it be boring if they all just melt down
[958.0s] and took Orcus' power and love and be crazy?
[962.0s] It would be less entertaining.
[964.0s] You're absolutely right, Lipsinki.
[966.0s] So let's prepare ourselves and have a good time with it.
[971.0s] It's one way or the other, we will convert them,
[973.0s] and they will see the end.
[976.0s] And they will see the light of Orcus.
[980.0s] Yep, let's show them that light.
[983.0s] Screams erupt from the crowd below,
[987.0s] and those that were charging,
[989.0s] those that haven't been struck down, stop.
[993.0s] And they turn and stare towards Neverember's body,
[997.0s] lifeless on the ground.
[1002.0s] The forces swell around them,
[1005.0s] and everyone looks up to you,
[1007.0s] and slowly they begin to take in me.
[1011.0s] See, Lipsinki,
[1013.0s] even those who don't want to listen after time
[1016.0s] can open their ears.
[1019.0s] I'm so proud that you opened yours so early on.
[1022.0s] You just can't fight the truth.
[1024.0s] At some point you just gotta realize that Orcus is the truth,
[1028.0s] and accept it, and take all the greatness that comes with that.
[1034.0s] You quote the scripture so well.
[1042.0s] Vorunax and Lipsinki walk towards the three remaining rulers,
[1047.0s] Conrad Bronnenville, King Melandrich,
[1050.0s] and Teren Hornblade, who look up at the two in disdain.
[1056.0s] Lipsinki, I've had a little bit of fun.
[1058.0s] Please, after you.
[1060.0s] Oh, thank you.
[1062.0s] This is a real honor, you guys.
[1064.0s] This is one of my first times getting to do this,
[1066.0s] so you kind of have a couple options.
[1069.0s] I mean, you don't really,
[1071.0s] because you're going to see the light of Orcus.
[1073.0s] Bottom line, that's what's going to happen.
[1075.0s] But you can do that willingly,
[1078.0s] and maybe hold onto some of your current power a little bit.
[1086.0s] Or, um, we can do it the hard way.
[1092.0s] And the hard way's kind of fun for us,
[1095.0s] so what do you think?
[1097.0s] You want to just submit?
[1099.0s] Bronnenville looks up at you,
[1102.0s] and sneers and says,
[1104.0s] we will never turn to your side.
[1108.0s] Oh, sweetie.
[1110.0s] I think you will.
[1112.0s] And I'm going to hurl him through hell.
[1115.0s] All right, describe hurl through hell.
[1118.0s] He's instantly transported through the lower planes.
[1123.0s] So he goes on this whirlwind magical tour
[1126.0s] through the lower planes in hell,
[1129.0s] comes back, pops back in where he was,
[1132.0s] and when he returns, he takes 10d10 psychic damage.
[1137.0s] To everyone else, Bronnenville disappears
[1141.0s] and returns a moment later,
[1146.0s] covered in blood.
[1148.0s] His eyes gouged out.
[1151.0s] He's lying on the ground, blood pooling beneath him.
[1155.0s] They see bones sticking out of him,
[1158.0s] and he's screaming for it to stop.
[1163.0s] So if I could translate your piteous screams,
[1167.0s] I think what you're saying is you'd like to work with Orcus.
[1173.0s] All right, can you maybe blink three times if...
[1176.0s] You look at his eyes, and they're just deep wells.
[1180.0s] Blood begins to pool up in his mouth.
[1185.0s] If only you would accept the mercy
[1189.0s] that Lipsynche is trying to provide you through Orcus.
[1193.0s] This pain would be over, and you too.
[1196.0s] You wouldn't have to suffer this.
[1199.0s] And not just this pain, all pain.
[1202.0s] Loneliness, when you stub your toe,
[1207.0s] fighting an undead army, being drawn in quarters,
[1214.0s] cut apart in very thin, thin little slices
[1217.0s] on one of those sort of rotating meat kind of slicers.
[1220.0s] I mean, not that pain either, no pain.
[1224.0s] You see King Melandrich begin to...
[1230.0s] Like, he begins to quiver.
[1233.0s] He's like, I could...
[1236.0s] You're horrid.
[1239.0s] Why are you doing this? What are you...
[1241.0s] What are you doing? Why are you here?
[1244.0s] I'll approach King Melandrich, and I'll kneel down,
[1247.0s] and I'll just say, listen, we are here
[1250.0s] because, well, you and your gods
[1257.0s] are no longer cutting it.
[1260.0s] So, we are cutting it.
[1263.0s] And by that we mean your tether to life.
[1266.0s] Now, you're a king on this plane, yes, correct, sure.
[1270.0s] Name, title, all of that given to you.
[1273.0s] But it must be nice.
[1274.0s] It must be nice to know that you can provide
[1276.0s] for the people that you care about.
[1279.0s] But what about everyone else?
[1282.0s] I've seen people squalor, people live in filth,
[1285.0s] muck and mire, too long.
[1289.0s] I spent my younger years traveling around,
[1291.0s] helping those people, spending my own time,
[1293.0s] just for them to be taken away.
[1296.0s] You could do something, and you've done nothing.
[1298.0s] Your gods have done nothing.
[1302.0s] He looks over to Teren Hornblade,
[1305.0s] who's kneeling beside him,
[1307.0s] aren't you going to do anything?
[1310.0s] Hornblade looks up at the two of you and says,
[1315.0s] I don't see anything we can do.
[1319.0s] Finally, some common sense out of one of you.
[1321.0s] It's the right attitude.
[1323.0s] Finally.
[1325.0s] It's all pros and no cons.
[1327.0s] I don't know why you wouldn't just say,
[1328.0s] yeah, or kiss me up.
[1331.0s] The arch tries to stand,
[1333.0s] and he spits up in your face, Farinauts.
[1339.0s] I wipe it off and look at it for a moment.
[1343.0s] Very well.
[1345.0s] You spitted my offer.
[1347.0s] Livsinky, book another trip.
[1349.0s] All right, buckle up.
[1355.0s] Teren, Teren, Teren.
[1359.0s] You seem to have come to your senses about all this,
[1363.0s] and I'd like to make you an offer.
[1366.0s] Now, unfortunately, your other three cohorts,
[1370.0s] they weren't interested.
[1372.0s] They couldn't see the path laid out in front of them.
[1376.0s] But I want to offer you something,
[1378.0s] a chance to lead.
[1380.0s] Maintain your position.
[1382.0s] Work underneath me and Livsinky.
[1385.0s] Lead as we have led.
[1388.0s] What's the catch?
[1390.0s] Oh, no catch, no catch.
[1392.0s] You need but submit yourself to Orcus.
[1395.0s] You will no longer have to sleep.
[1396.0s] You can spend your entire time leading
[1398.0s] and forging warriors on the field,
[1401.0s] and they will never tire either.
[1404.0s] How many times have you been frustrated
[1406.0s] by a weak ensign?
[1414.0s] I don't know what your end game is here.
[1419.0s] There won't be anything left to fight when you're done.
[1423.0s] Doesn't that sound wonderful?
[1425.0s] Doesn't it sound fantastic to not have to fight anymore?
[1430.0s] Aren't you tired?
[1431.0s] I know I am.
[1433.0s] I've been tired for a long time.
[1435.0s] But I still walk.
[1437.0s] I still carry myself.
[1438.0s] Nay, no, Orcus carries me.
[1442.0s] He could carry you too.
[1444.0s] It's a lot easier to be carried than it is to walk, my friend.
[1449.0s] Hornblade looks out over the crowd below
[1454.0s] as King Melandrich pops back in
[1458.0s] to the plane beside him.
[1463.0s] Before Melandrich passes out,
[1468.0s] he says, just do it.
[1470.0s] Whatever you're going to do.
[1473.0s] I'll serve Orcus.
[1475.0s] Oh, did you hear that, Lipsinki?
[1478.0s] Did you hear those dulcet tones?
[1482.0s] I'll serve Orcus.
[1486.0s] It's the best decision you're going to make.
[1488.0s] Your only regret is that you didn't decide
[1490.0s] to serve Orcus sooner.
[1494.0s] Stand up, Taron.
[1496.0s] He slowly stands to his feet.
[1499.0s] I undo any shackles or any bindings
[1502.0s] that we have on him.
[1505.0s] Trust begets trust.
[1507.0s] I want you to know you will be taken care of.
[1511.0s] Today you do not die.
[1513.0s] You will eventually, as will I, as will Lipsinki.
[1518.0s] We will turn you into one of his death knights.
[1522.0s] The power you hold now, your abilities,
[1525.0s] they pale in comparison to this
[1530.0s] remarkable improvement you will receive
[1532.0s] at the hand of Orcus.
[1534.0s] I promise you, you will not regret it.
[1538.0s] Do you have any family you would like to have considered
[1543.0s] for peaceful transfer?
[1548.0s] My wife, Laila, and my son, Nermal.
[1554.0s] I give you my word as the right hand of Orcus.
[1558.0s] They will not experience the horrors you've witnessed.
[1566.0s] I reach my hand out to shake his hand.
[1570.0s] He looks down at your hand,
[1572.0s] and then to his two fallen compatriots,
[1575.0s] and raises his hand to yours,
[1579.0s] grasps it firm.
[1582.0s] Good. Good men.
[1586.0s] Lipsinki, I believe our work here is coming to a close,
[1591.0s] and we've added to the ranks.
[1593.0s] It's always nice to get another powerful person
[1596.0s] willingly on the side of Orcus.
[1599.0s] I mean, they serve either way,
[1601.0s] but it's nice to have the willing folks, too.
[1604.0s] Absolutely.
[1607.0s] He told us they would resist.
[1609.0s] We knew they would,
[1611.0s] but we are still here to provide mercy.
[1614.0s] Come. Let's go.
[1617.0s] The three walk back into the castle
[1621.0s] and fade on the seam below.
[1627.0s] Welcome to the middle.
[1631.0s] Feeling real good about the day.
[1636.0s] Yeah. Yeah.
[1638.0s] Your words and your tone are contradictory.
[1642.0s] Yeah.
[1643.0s] I mean, I'm glad you're feeling good about the day,
[1645.0s] but you sound a little bit like...
[1647.0s] Like maybe you're passing a kidney stone.
[1649.0s] Anxiety.
[1650.0s] Yeah, that's it. Yep.
[1652.0s] The body language, too, is very...
[1655.0s] It was quenched.
[1658.0s] Yeah, that's good.
[1659.0s] Yeah, well, thanks everybody.
[1662.0s] Welcome to the middle.
[1664.0s] We're here.
[1665.0s] We're resting to you.
[1666.0s] We're resting to you, just briefly.
[1667.0s] Just a little kiss.
[1669.0s] Well, the middle's over.
[1671.0s] I'm shutting it down.
[1672.0s] The middle's over.
[1674.0s] Wait, wait.
[1675.0s] I'm putting up the right bar.
[1678.0s] I have excess.
[1680.0s] Hey, where I sing for reals, though,
[1682.0s] is on Patreon.com.
[1684.0s] Where there's a...
[1687.0s] Whole album.
[1688.0s] Yeah, more of an EP at the moment.
[1690.0s] I am working on building it out slowly,
[1693.0s] but the bass is there,
[1695.0s] so you can go take a look at that.
[1697.0s] But also, if you come join us on Patreon,
[1700.0s] we are working towards a new goal
[1702.0s] of 100 patrons in the community.
[1704.0s] What happens when we hit this goal, though?
[1706.0s] Yeah, that's wild.
[1708.0s] Something so delicious.
[1709.0s] A real kiss of deliciousness, if you will.
[1712.0s] Thank you, Carla.
[1713.0s] It had to be brought up again.
[1714.0s] We couldn't just let it go.
[1715.0s] A whisper of desire.
[1717.0s] A real kiss of deliciousness,
[1719.0s] where one character, that's me,
[1723.0s] and another character, yeah, me too,
[1726.0s] all join forces with three DMs
[1728.0s] who try to destroy them.
[1730.0s] Notice how we instantly stopped laughing
[1732.0s] when the Grantz's voice came out.
[1734.0s] Yeah, we were like,
[1735.0s] Ouch.
[1737.0s] However, that episode is delightful,
[1741.0s] and I can't wait for people to listen to it.
[1743.0s] I really want you to hear it.
[1744.0s] That's only 15 more patrons, you guys.
[1746.0s] No, it's not very many.
[1747.0s] It's so exciting.
[1748.0s] As of this moment, only 15 more patrons.
[1751.0s] Could be less.
[1752.0s] Could be less.
[1753.0s] Gosh, so you better get over to dumbdragons.com,
[1755.0s] no, Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast,
[1759.0s] and join our Patreon,
[1761.0s] because it's dope over there, man.
[1762.0s] So many things.
[1763.0s] Love it.
[1764.0s] Hey, thank you for your support.
[1766.0s] Even if you can't join Patreon,
[1768.0s] if you share us,
[1769.0s] maybe somebody who you share to
[1771.0s] will be able to join.
[1772.0s] Yeah, and if you know that person,
[1774.0s] you can huddle around their phone
[1776.0s] and listen to the special 100 Patreon episode.
[1778.0s] There you go.
[1779.0s] That's right.
[1780.0s] Get your grandma on our Patreon.
[1781.0s] Don't take your grandma's credit card.
[1784.0s] Grandma's gonna love Flaming Kits, okay?
[1787.0s] Grandma's everywhere, love Flaming Kits.
[1789.0s] Yeah, we don't give grandmas enough credit.
[1791.0s] Ooh, I remember that fuck room.
[1793.0s] They've seen some stuff.
[1794.0s] They remember the fuck room.
[1795.0s] Come on.
[1796.0s] All right, that's enough for us for now, I guess.
[1799.0s] Yeah.
[1800.0s] Back to the episode.
[1801.0s] Thanks, everybody.
[1802.0s] Bye.
[1803.0s] Bye.
[1804.0s] Bye.
[1812.0s] We flash ahead eight years.
[1815.0s] You tell me, where are Vorunax and Lipsinki?
[1819.0s] At this point, a lot has passed,
[1822.0s] and we're probably in more so of a maintenance mode.
[1827.0s] Like every once in a while, something crops up.
[1830.0s] It's like, ah, roaches.
[1832.0s] Stomp them out.
[1833.0s] Yeah, so state of the world,
[1835.0s] pretty much except, yeah,
[1836.0s] a few small pockets still remain
[1840.0s] inhabited by those who have not been serving Orcus.
[1847.0s] So it's pretty quiet as far as, like,
[1850.0s] main assault and attack from a military standpoint.
[1854.0s] You want to hear how evil Vorunax is?
[1857.0s] Yep.
[1858.0s] Which we haven't been?
[1861.0s] I call out to the two undead servants that I keep nearby
[1866.0s] just to go and fetch things for me.
[1869.0s] And as I call them to go and, you know,
[1872.0s] fetch some scrolls or other tomes that I might need,
[1877.0s] we see the son and wife of Taran Hornblade.
[1884.0s] What is that you have there, Nermal?
[1886.0s] Nermal looks down and holds up a scroll
[1890.0s] and just hands it to you.
[1893.0s] I take it, roll it out.
[1898.0s] Oh, that's not what I expected today, but...
[1905.0s] Lipsynche, I've told you about Shang'alari, yes?
[1909.0s] Uh, I think so.
[1912.0s] A lich fella?
[1914.0s] Yeah, the one that I would hope that you would replace,
[1919.0s] given the opportunity.
[1920.0s] Right.
[1921.0s] Well on track, by the way.
[1923.0s] Thank you.
[1924.0s] There is work to be done that doesn't fall within the normal parameters.
[1931.0s] Well, to be honest, that sounds great.
[1936.0s] I mean, I love that we and Orcus, obviously by we,
[1941.0s] I mean Orcus has been so successful over the whole world.
[1947.0s] But just between you and me, it's a little bit boring.
[1954.0s] Don't you kind of want to remember the old days
[1958.0s] and we'd go and, you know, we killed her husband.
[1965.0s] I didn't kill, you know.
[1966.0s] No, no, I get what you're saying.
[1968.0s] He promoted him within the power of Orcus,
[1970.0s] but it's a bit dull these days with just everyone following Orcus.
[1975.0s] So are you saying something a bit unusual might be brewing?
[1980.0s] It is a bit unusual.
[1982.0s] And honestly, I could use a little bit of work out.
[1984.0s] The scales have been getting a little tight
[1985.0s] with all the sitting around that's happened.
[1987.0s] And I've had to loose out my armor a bit here and there,
[1990.0s] but I understand what you mean.
[1994.0s] Careful.
[1996.0s] You do not want to speak heresy.
[1998.0s] Yes, of course.
[2000.0s] I'm so happy that Orcus has been accepted by so many,
[2009.0s] but we just don't need to work as hard converting folks.
[2013.0s] It's true.
[2014.0s] So we haven't quite been rewarded yet.
[2018.0s] We haven't earned our reward yet.
[2021.0s] So in the meantime, you know,
[2024.0s] it's more paperwork than I thought there'd be, kind of more.
[2028.0s] I'm very surprised of the bureaucratic rigmarole that Orcus employs,
[2034.0s] but I mean, he gets results.
[2037.0s] That's right. I'm not questioning it.
[2039.0s] I'm sure it's all very important.
[2040.0s] It's just, you know, filling everything out in five pliquette.
[2044.0s] It's a lot.
[2045.0s] And so, yeah, sorry.
[2049.0s] You were saying.
[2050.0s] Shangalar.
[2052.0s] Shangalar, I would think that your paperwork would actually be pushed forward
[2059.0s] a little bit if we were able to go take care of this menace.
[2063.0s] Yes, employed by Orcus, but has his own streak about him.
[2069.0s] And it's very unbecoming of one of Orcus's more upper tier followers.
[2078.0s] So what say you we go re-kill someone?
[2084.0s] That sounds like just the kind of thing I've been looking to do.
[2088.0s] That's not going to be easy.
[2090.0s] Good.
[2094.0s] Let's go, Lipsinki.
[2096.0s] Let's go get him.
[2097.0s] I think Taryn can take care of what's going on around here.
[2102.0s] Two of you stand, and Vorunax, you grab the wand of Orcus.
[2109.0s] Wave it towards a wall, and we see this swirling portal appear.
[2114.0s] And beyond it, the faint light and outline of three figures
[2122.0s] as the two of you step through and into Shangalar's pyramid.
[2129.0s] It's a quick cut, and you're stepping back through this portal holding a vase.
[2138.0s] Well, very well done, Lipsinki, very well done.
[2143.0s] And I am impressed that you were able to resist your old compatriot's persuasion.
[2151.0s] Well, I'd say it was maybe less than five percent tempting.
[2159.0s] I mean, they don't know how powerful Orcus is.
[2165.0s] They haven't seen what he can do, and I have.
[2169.0s] So there's no doubt in my mind that Orcus is the winning team,
[2174.0s] and we're on the winning team, the correct team, the righteous team.
[2181.0s] That we are.
[2185.0s] What is it you hope?
[2188.0s] I mean, of course, we all know what Orcus will provide us when our job has been served,
[2194.0s] and we have played out our purpose, and we finally get to go to that peaceful area.
[2205.0s] Is there anything else that you see yourself doing for Orcus?
[2212.0s] I would like to see him totally successful.
[2216.0s] I know that there's still some folks working against him.
[2222.0s] So I'd like to put a stop to that.
[2225.0s] But I would also, and I don't want to rush Orcus.
[2229.0s] He can decide in his own time, and he knows what's right.
[2232.0s] But I would like to get that final reward.
[2237.0s] I am a little bit tired.
[2241.0s] And no pain, and no shame, and no embarrassment.
[2247.0s] Like, when you think you see somebody you know, and then you wave, and then you don't know them, and then, you know.
[2255.0s] Like, it's awkward.
[2256.0s] It's so awkward.
[2257.0s] And I'd like to not feel that again, and not feel even the remembrance of that kind of thing in the middle of the night when I wake up.
[2267.0s] So I'm ready.
[2269.0s] When Orcus says that I'm ready, I'm ready for my final reward of peace.
[2274.0s] Where would you spend your time in this peace?
[2277.0s] I know where I would desire to end up on this plane.
[2283.0s] Do you have a home or people you would want to spend eternity with?
[2291.0s] Well, you know, not really.
[2297.0s] I think that's one of the things I look forward to in the peace, is just not having any of those thoughts anymore.
[2305.0s] I could be anywhere, right?
[2307.0s] Because I'll be happy and content, serving Orcus wherever I end up.
[2312.0s] How about you?
[2314.0s] You know what, wait.
[2316.0s] Not in Blackpool.
[2318.0s] No.
[2320.0s] I don't want to go there, because we sort of started off on the wrong foot.
[2324.0s] It's kind of bad memories there, you know.
[2327.0s] Right.
[2328.0s] So, but other than that, anywhere.
[2330.0s] How about you?
[2332.0s] Well, it's funny you bring up Blackpool.
[2337.0s] I would hope I'd get to spend out the rest of my existence there with those people.
[2343.0s] It was the one place that I found that I kept coming back to.
[2349.0s] Time and time again, like I said, I traveled around so much.
[2355.0s] But the people there, the town itself, I became infatuated with it.
[2362.0s] And if you don't want to end up there, that's fine.
[2364.0s] I was going to say we've spent some time together, traveling around,
[2367.0s] and you know, I've become quite fond of your company, actually.
[2372.0s] I've enjoyed working with you and the success that we've acquired for Orcus.
[2379.0s] But if that's not where you find yourself, then that's not where you find yourself.
[2383.0s] And I mean, we may realize it or we may not.
[2386.0s] Who's to say?
[2388.0s] But for me, those people were my life.
[2397.0s] And I want to return to them.
[2401.0s] I attempted to bring them peace at one point.
[2407.0s] And in my time away, they met pain and suffering.
[2414.0s] I tried to bring them back from that pain and suffering.
[2416.0s] And well, let's just say those gods interfering with the wishes of mortals.
[2426.0s] What foot do they have?
[2428.0s] What foothold should they have in our world to interfere with our wishes and desires?
[2436.0s] None.
[2437.0s] None.
[2438.0s] But yet, they meddle.
[2443.0s] And the people of Blackpool ended up the way they are, not because of Orcus, but because of them.
[2450.0s] But Orcus showed me the light of their way and what was done,
[2455.0s] and how that existence is peace, it's serene.
[2463.0s] So I took pleasure in knowing that they would be watched over by a god who genuinely cared.
[2473.0s] And I took pleasure in committing myself to Orcus.
[2479.0s] Gods be damned, save one.
[2482.0s] Gods be damned, save one.
[2487.0s] As I finish saying that, I take the vase and I put it on the credenza,
[2493.0s] and I say, well, Shangalar shall have no final resting place.
[2499.0s] His existence will merely fade.
[2504.0s] And I take out the wand of Orcus and smash the vase.
[2511.0s] The ashes go up in a plume and begin to fall to the ground.
[2516.0s] As we fade ahead, you hold into your hands a report that there are survivors in Icewind Dale.
[2528.0s] Forces have been sent, but they've been met with an undead barrier.
[2535.0s] The two of you arrive at this barrier, which is just beyond the spine of the world.
[2543.0s] You see your forces piled up against it, and spirits and vrocks beating against it,
[2549.0s] and they're pulling apart, and those that are able to just push through are sent up in flames,
[2555.0s] and arrows are met from the other side with what little forces these people have.
[2563.0s] Beyond you've heard, there are wizards and even warriors that have been sent to find the gods.
[2573.0s] It's a little cold up here, isn't it?
[2577.0s] It is, and it's been, my god, years since we've seen this sort of resistance.
[2586.0s] It's a bit thrilling, isn't it?
[2589.0s] Despite it being as cold as it is, it does get my blood heated.
[2594.0s] Let's prepare ourselves for perhaps maybe the last bastion that these resistance folk have.
[2605.0s] And again, maybe overcast with this snowstorm, but the light of Orcus will pierce through those clouds.
[2617.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons, Season 2, Episode 88.
[2622.0s] Starring Carla Maxted as Lipsinki Pipdigons, Kyle Claset as Vorunax, and Russ More as your Dungeon Master.
[2630.0s] Editing, production, and sound design by Russ More.
[2634.0s] This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound, and sound effects from Epidemic Sound, Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
[2642.0s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers.
[2644.0s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok, Stevie, Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown, Devin Michaels, Aaron Stevens, Eric Houlahan, and Ray Sirbeck.
[2654.0s] To support Dumbgeons and Dragons and our many other productions and get access to an exclusive podcast, bonus episodes, and much more, please join our Patreon at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
[2666.0s] You can also follow us at facebook.com slash dumbdragoncast, and on Instagram and Twitter at dumbdragoncast.
[2673.0s] Thank you for listening. Have a great week. We'll talk again soon.
[2682.0s] We cut to the...
[2686.0s] What's it called?
[2688.0s] Big thing sticks off the top of a tower to overlook.
[2692.0s] Balcony. That's the word? Thanks.
[2696.0s] I thought you were going for something much more technical, like turret? No?
[2701.0s] Balcony. Yep.
[2704.0s] It's fun to be evil. Right? It is a little fun to be evil. I love it.
[2708.0s] I hope it's okay that I'm just willy-nilly killing a lord.
[2711.0s] No, that's totally cool. We said that he was converted, which basically meant executed, but we didn't say how he was executed. This is good.
[2722.0s] As the whales rise up over the city, Vorunax and Lipstinky... Lipstinky.
[2733.0s] What have I said about bathing, Lipstinky? We still need to do it. We're not there yet. No.
[2740.0s] It's deep. It's heavy. You've got to expect the cries on, man. Jesus.
[2746.0s] Yeah. That's right. Vorunax is very compLex.
[2753.0s] Light of Orcus is going to light this place up.
[2757.0s] His light is like a snowpiercer. We'll have to train ourselves further to get... so stupid, I'm sorry.
[2767.0s] I loved it.