[0.0s] previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2.3s] We were talking to the Shadow about the plan to go to hire folks to go find the pieces of your
[10.3s] dead sword. Oh he's still trying to find the stuffing. Maybe that wasn't the best way to go
[15.3s] about um reconciling your family and improving trade relations. All right you're hired. I
[21.7s] don't know that we have like that exact skill set. Well yeah but you said you wanted
[26.4s] to uh you know you gave all that stuff about bridging and talking and right right right right
[32.0s] the textiles it seems to me really I've just did everything hammered down and you said I
[36.1s] don't have to deal Calichrist's and uh Breton. You hear footsteps kind of down below deck
[43.6s] and they stumble up. I mean if Captain Ron is the template one of us is gonna fuck this guy.
[48.9s] So
[54.6s] all right there Jonathan you got friends today all right this is gonna be a wild ride.
[79.1s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master Russ More. He, him also with me today
[87.4s] is Amy More. She, her and yeah I am here and I play Sullivan Sleight. I Lightfoot Halfling Rogue.
[95.9s] He, him also with me Tom Laird. Hey that's me yeah he, him uh and I play Moot who is a wild
[103.0s] magic half-orc sorcerer who also goes by he, him. And Carla Max dead. She, her I play Glim,
[111.2s] a dragonborn pAlydin also she, her. Who's ready to play some some fun boat stuff hey.
[120.5s] Well I'm looking for a lot of nautical puns in this. I'm very excited. Okay good so you know
[127.4s] what you have to bring now then. No no no that's what I'm looking for. Oh I'm looking
[132.0s] for others to provide that for me for my enjoyment in this episode. Oh okay yeah that's
[137.8s] that's what that's what we that's why we do this yeah to entertain Amy. Yeah fair enough. I mean
[144.1s] it's not not why we do it. Yeah if we're entertained then you're entertained obviously.
[150.4s] So that's what we try for. The minute it stops being fun it's not gonna happen anymore
[154.7s] folks. Yeah I know that's why we gotta keep it fun. That's why number one on the list
[158.7s] today before we started recording was let's talk about that fun. Yeah how do you make something fun?
[166.0s] In Merriam-Webster's dictionary fun is. You're nailing it. Fun is defined as. Yeah where we
[175.0s] don't read dictionary definitions is over on Patreon. Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[178.8s] What do we do over there? We dedicate an episode to a patron. Yeah we do do that. Who's our
[183.4s] lucky patron today? Today's patron dedication is Brian Sullivan. Come on down.
[202.0s] Oh my god does Brian just win something like that's a big fanfare. Seems like it. Yeah yeah
[207.2s] it's true. Well I know we're really excited. Yeah we're going into a boat episode so we're
[211.8s] gonna screw up all of the boat terms. Hopefully Brian's not a mariner. He will be very angry
[219.4s] with us for everything we say in this episode. I know. So thank you Brian.
[225.8s] Join us today Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast. We hope to see you over there and now
[229.9s] fuck it let's play. We hear the sound of waves against the hull of the boat.
[237.8s] Mooklim and Sully you have made your way down to the hold because the captain was missing
[244.9s] and you find him leaning back in a chair his eyes wide open. You stare at him the longest
[253.2s] period of time and it doesn't appear to be breathing. I'm sorry did we go down into the
[258.2s] hole? Have we abandoned ship terms from the beginning? Okay I knew the D at the end and I
[264.2s] was like whoa right off the bat we're just we're not even trying. Downstairs is technically in a
[270.1s] hole so that's where we're going. I mean you're not wrong. Um captain? Captain Dorbin? Hello?
[279.1s] This guy's really rude. I don't I don't. Mook go poke him. I don't want to. Take one
[288.5s] of your pencils and just poke him a little bit. No I don't think that's gonna wake him up I
[292.3s] don't think anything's gonna wake him up. Some people sleep with their eyes closed no open and
[297.5s] and there are also other people who sleep with their eyes closed that's what I'm saying but he
[301.6s] can be one of those people who sleep with their eyes not not closed open. Okay so your
[306.7s] your theory just so I have it right is that he's very much alive just sleeping with his
[313.4s] eyes open and also not breathing. Yeah maybe. Some people you know it's a sleep uh what
[319.5s] a sleep sleep uh apnea that's the right word.
[328.4s] See just big big pauses between breaths. Okay that I mean that doesn't seem healthy.
[336.9s] Well oh no people can die in their sleep because of it's probably really not good
[340.3s] you're actually supposed to wake somebody up uh excuse me uh Captain Captain Dorbin
[346.7s] Captain what's his name? Cap Captain? Cap Captain? Can I go uh clap right in front of his face?
[355.4s] Hey oh what hey. See I told you he was alive. Oh thank goodness thank goodness. You look at
[362.0s] him and his glass eye is completely like looking off to the side. No it's my grade
[368.2s] four teacher Monsieur Le Flemme. I'm just going to look right between his eyes I've learned
[373.8s] not to look at either one because I don't want to be rude so I'm just going to always look
[378.6s] right between his two eyes so it's a little bit off to him but it's okay. Moot kind of just
[384.3s] takes like a sidestep to the right where he thinks the eye is looking. What do you what
[392.2s] what's going on down here? Um just just nice to see you alive. Yeah no yeah I'm alive all the time.
[402.6s] Why are you standing over there? Oh I no no reason. Oh is the eye doing something again?
[408.6s] Yeah it's going super weird it's all the way to the it's all the way over it. I just I
[414.1s] didn't know where to stand. He smacks himself on the back of the head and it falls out
[418.2s] kind of looks at it and then pops it back in. Oh you didn't even cling that first.
[424.3s] Is that better? Opens his eyes really wide. Yeah yeah yeah much better. You look great. Great
[431.7s] all right well you got the ship point in the right direction. Um I mean that's sort of more
[437.0s] your thing. One of us are supposed to be up there. That's sort of you're sort of like the
[442.7s] uh make us go the right yes captain is the word for that. Well Jonathan's up there he's
[449.3s] probably got to sort it out and he stands up and starts to stretch. Oh the same John oh yeah no
[455.1s] yeah yeah we probably shouldn't have left him up there. Last time I saw him he was looking
[459.2s] at a bird. All right well I've got uh four people who know how to work a boat. Right
[463.6s] all right this just keeps getting better. Well we're quick learners. Sure all right come on
[469.7s] let's learn. Starts heading back up the steps. Okay. Step out onto the ship or onto the not even
[477.5s] trying. Onto the ship. Onto the ship. Yeah. Onto the deck of the barge right in and he kind of
[485.3s] clears away some of the tarps. Says well we don't even have the sail up. How are we supposed
[491.2s] to go anywhere? Is this is this the jib? I've heard of the jib. Oh yeah to the left. Are we
[497.0s] Russ uh are we under sail? Are we still at the dock? I assumed when we came upon him
[504.4s] in the so we already met him right? Yeah okay so we're like out in the water. You're out in the
[508.9s] water. Okay good. I was like wait did I miss something? Yeah no we haven't left yet. Yeah we're on the way okay.
[515.4s] All right hoist the mainsail get the jib. Yeah you got the jib there moot all right and
[519.5s] then uh you know swab the poop deck there. Who's hoite? Now I'm supposed to cut the jib
[525.6s] that's correct? Yeah you cut it you twirl it you call it a nice name and it'll buy you a drink later.
[531.2s] I'm not doing anything with poop. All right well go convince Jonathan that it's his turn then.
[535.8s] I'm just gonna tell him. Hey Jonathan! What? You gotta sweep the the pooper. You want me to sweep
[542.1s] your pooper? Not mine the ship's. All right I guess really my turn again? Yeah your turn
[549.2s] there bud. Okay he goes off. Where do we keep the bucket again? Dolly can you help me find
[554.5s] the bucket? Fine well I think it's down here in the hole. Oh okay let's go down in the hole and
[563.0s] find the bucket. All right you first. So uh taking you to tether here what kind of boat
[569.8s] experience you got? Not a lot um mainly grew up in a forest village so not a lot of boats.
[578.9s] Hmm forest village. How about you? Well I've been like in a small rowboat like on a lake but not
[586.7s] right like not sailing the open seas. Well we're in for a real rough ride then it's gonna be
[593.7s] a hard learning experience to get this boat. I make it sound like I'm gonna teach you a
[600.1s] lot about boats. I'm really not gonna teach you a lot about boats. I'm gonna tell you to
[603.0s] pull on a rope and then something's gonna happen and then uh so yeah you pull on that
[607.4s] rope over there you cut the jib so all you gotta do is like give a hard yank on that rope and uh
[614.1s] okay away we go again three two one okay yeah you do so and the sail begins to rise and catches
[622.8s] the wind and you begin to begin to move forward. Oh this is so much faster than when the sail
[627.7s] wasn't up. I can't believe that we're doing stuff like this it seems so easy now. Hey
[633.0s] pass me a drink there scoot. Oh uh what is it grog? Do I get to pass you grog? Please do
[641.6s] if that's what you brought. Oh no I didn't I just thought I just kind of assumed it was
[645.9s] on all boats. All right yeah it's in the in the cooler up front there I just thought
[650.5s] if you brought some maybe I could have some of yours first. Oh I well you know next time
[654.6s] we stop somewhere I'll get some extra. Perfect perfect looking forward to it back downstairs.
[660.9s] So they used to keep it in that closet there if you want to check in there. Well you can check
[666.1s] in there. Well you're the one who's supervising me so I. Yeah I'm gonna supervise you checking
[671.8s] in there. All right. I can do your work for you Jonathan that's why nobody will call you the
[676.2s] shadow the shadow gets shit done. Yeah but I mean you're Fimpar already outed me as not
[682.8s] the shadow so I mean you lose kind of a little bit of the the power behind it you know
[690.2s] All right well now you got the opportunity to become a pirate or something. Oh. So get your
[696.0s] shit together and get that bucket and and swap poop. All right all right you seem like you've
[701.6s] swapped some poop before. A couple times in my day. He grabs a bucket and says all right well
[706.7s] what do I do now? I think you need a mop. Okay what do I do now? All right now I think
[710.6s] you gotta go up this you gotta go back up the stairs listen. Why did we come down the
[715.9s] stairs? All a euphemism for clean like clean the fucking floors. Oh. Clean the floors on
[721.7s] the on the deck of the ship. All right let's do it. Okay. Wait what part are you gonna do?
[728.6s] I'm gonna supervise you. Right supervisor. I'm already uh and Sully takes out a notepad
[736.6s] that he for sure swiped from moot. Well I probably had an abundance of them after I
[743.0s] bought the never-ending notebooks. Oh that's true yeah and uh Sully takes out the notebook
[749.6s] and starts to write down. I've I've already docked you five points. You've docked me five
[754.8s] you've already docked me five points. Yeah what would what you just do with your voice right
[758.2s] there I mean that's a lot cooler than the voice you have right now. Remember when you met
[761.8s] me I drifted into the shadow. Yeah it's less cool when you do it like that uh you've lost
[769.7s] another five points. You're down ten points. You better hurry up those stairs. How many points
[773.8s] did I start with? Wouldn't you like to know? I find it motivates a little better when you don't
[778.2s] know how many points you start with and what's gonna happen. This is like a carriage test where
[782.2s] you like you they don't tell you how many points you lose until you get to the end and then
[786.5s] they don't give you your license for 18 goes. That yeah that sounds really difficult
[793.0s] like some sort of like record or something uh go on swap the boop deck if you make any
[800.6s] you know more snide remarks I'm gonna deduct another 10 points. All right head back upstairs.
[809.0s] So uh what's uh what's your business in Tether? Um well we're on like a special mission for the
[816.5s] king which is sort of part of our like larger destiny to save the world so the king king Fimbar
[825.4s] yeah yeah they don't get along so well so I hear no that's what we're trying to work on
[829.8s] that's kind of what we're doing yeah oh that's gonna change wow yeah we're gonna we're gonna
[834.6s] help with that I thought maybe you were like mercs or monster hunters or something well
[839.6s] I mean we're not not that a little bit column a little bit column b but in this
[844.8s] particular case we're mostly just on like bringing family back together and improving
[850.9s] trade relations and you know just like one of those kind of boat trips yeah yeah no that
[857.4s] sounds really good you probably get tons of passengers on that kind of that kind of
[860.8s] mission absolutely yep uh all all trying to bring family back together that's what
[867.2s] that's what people who sail the high seas are are really out for right lots of backstories
[872.2s] if you check their sheets are like just trying to bring families back together sailing the high
[876.9s] seas what uh you're you're like from around here what's your what do you think about
[884.4s] king Fimbar and like the whole family breakup thing uh it's all just a bunch of little
[889.8s] it's just siblings going at each other but siblings with a lot of power and armies behind
[894.5s] them um and land uh that as far as the eye can see fortunately the waters are mostly
[901.5s] free rain as long as we avoid the pirates and stuff but wait the what the pirates is that is
[908.7s] that a problem often only if they catch you oh and how fast does this boat go i mean it goes
[915.4s] pretty quick all right it doesn't go very fast oh we've been boarded before and no one's
[921.4s] stolen you yet well they did once and yet here you are i brought you back yeah i wonder
[927.9s] what that says about me oh i think it's part of that whole people on the high seas wanting
[932.6s] to bring families back together again thing that we were just talking about of course probably
[937.0s] i was also part of the nautical community so they also probably just really want to make
[944.6s] sure you're with your um siblings well that makes sense yeah well you know it's probably good
[949.9s] that i have this if lost return to sign on here but hello that's definitely good you have
[955.4s] i cannot believe that your brothers and sisters let you wear that yeah it doesn't really say where
[960.4s] to take me back though it just says if lost return to someone oh i guess dorben was the
[966.2s] closest one at the time yeah well that's unfortunate yeah well so what you know about
[973.0s] tether you're going in you have some some information about the city no no nothing no um
[980.0s] we know we want to talk to calacrist yeah yeah yeah um and i think that is maybe
[989.4s] it and like they traditionally welcome every boat coming to town at the harbor yes yeah i mean
[995.9s] you got the paper right that says that you were that we're good yeah i got that yes yeah
[1000.6s] it's got the stamp and seal and all that stuff oh good yeah yeah we'll be fine once we get
[1005.2s] into the harbor there i mean they'll check the papers you'll you'll be on your way there
[1009.1s] so this calacrist lady yeah uh what's she like um she's i mean she's very nice you know
[1018.6s] if you if you stay on her good side she's probably not gonna chop your head off
[1025.3s] oh she does that kind of stuff the whole family it's just part of the power struggle
[1032.9s] you know who can chop off the most heads in a week they had one of those going for a little
[1037.0s] while doesn't sound like my type of contest no it's a very specific type of person that likes
[1043.4s] to run it i mean they haven't done it too much in a while uh you know because it was bad for
[1048.6s] business so lately like i said you know mercenaries and monster hunters have kind of
[1052.9s] been flocking to the area to get jobs really well you know i hope that like we are welcomed
[1062.3s] in there right and i hope that you know she's not gonna see us as some sort of like saboteur
[1068.4s] well hopefully not just to clarify why are monster hunters heading there is there a
[1073.2s] monster problem well there's a big forest there with um there there's a lot of monsters
[1080.2s] in the area with both the land and sea variety uh some big ones some small ones ones that
[1086.1s] climb on rocks right is there any that go both in the land and on oh yeah yeah you gotta watch
[1093.7s] out for those ones because they'll be in the water and you won't see them and then they
[1096.6s] come out of the water as you're not in the water and drag you back in the water oh so
[1101.2s] like a real like peekaboo surprise that's right peekaboo surprise you got it my friend
[1106.2s] hey how how good as swimmers are you three oh i mean pretty good yeah i do okay in the
[1111.5s] water i definitely don't stick like a stone if that's what you're asking oh we should probably
[1115.4s] do some drills while we're out here on the uh in the open sea okay i mean my cardio is pretty
[1119.8s] good swimming's like good low impact exercise so like i i mix it in in my cross training
[1125.0s] nice when i can i mean we're not always around water true well we'll put it on the
[1129.8s] list you know we're going pretty quick now if you jump out now i mean we're going we don't
[1133.6s] want to turn around and come back and get you so next next little uh nap i have uh we
[1139.1s] could probably do that before i have the nap or after how many how many naps uh in a day
[1144.2s] do you take well we're up to six today i think so six just today just today do you feel extra
[1150.1s] tired most of the time yeah it's hard work living on the sea well also you got that
[1156.2s] crazy sleep apnea going on what do you mean well it's like you stop breathing for long
[1162.1s] periods of time glim was ready to do mouth to mouth with you really and not in the sexy way
[1167.5s] and the life saving kind of way yeah i thought you were maybe a goner it looked that way well
[1174.0s] i'm i'm glad you didn't push me off the side of the boat not a goner is that what normally
[1178.3s] happens i mean there's mutiny that happens on a boat if the captain appears deceased i'm sure
[1184.0s] that would be an easy way to just is it still considered a mutiny if the captain's
[1190.6s] i wouldn't think so because he like who are you muting against not not deceased though
[1199.0s] like that's what i'm saying if this is the sleep apnea thing you're talking about right
[1203.5s] right there's apnea right if we had accidentally thrown you overboard because we thought you were
[1209.8s] deceased and then you became deceased and then we were in charge of the boat it would have been
[1215.5s] mutiny by proxy of course yes okay i understand right so jorban what's your story well uh i mean
[1223.0s] i've been sailing the high seas or the sea of shining stars as they say for quite some time
[1230.0s] it was was in the military there for quite a while did my time took some chances and now
[1238.2s] i just i'm a captain for hire is it question sorry is that a low seas yeah well they're shallow waters
[1248.2s] oh so that's what that means yeah i mean i guess you could go underwater too that would be lower
[1252.7s] in the sea the high seas just means it's a deep body of water okay yeah yeah absolutely
[1258.7s] i'm learning so much we're just it's very educational we're creating our own ship boat
[1264.3s] cannon is what we're doing do you is there speaking of is there a cannon on this boat
[1269.7s] to defend against the pirates yep there's a there's a about uh something i put something on this boat
[1279.0s] were you drunk when you did it because sometimes when i'm drunk and i do things i don't remember
[1282.9s] where i put them yeah that's fair sometimes for me when i just think about doing something like
[1287.9s] if i was like oh i gotta put a cannon on this boat but then i don't actually do it
[1292.4s] immediately my brain has already like checked it off the list and then it never gets done
[1296.5s] that's right uh yeah glim just lift that tarp right there in the middle there yeah okay just
[1301.7s] under here yeah and then it reveals a large ballista that's impressive looking can we shoot
[1306.8s] it not right now i mean we only have so many cannon balls ballista balls whatever you want
[1312.2s] to call them that's what we've got we've only got so many how many do we have four wow okay
[1318.8s] okay i suppose that would be bad to waste them yeah is there anything else we can put in to shoot
[1324.2s] how big is the barrel of this can a man fit in here is this like no it'd be like a cannonball
[1329.4s] side yeah like a chicken like on the muppets and shoot chickens out of it do you have a
[1336.2s] chicken with you just have a spare chicken there's one down below this is carla asking
[1340.6s] not glim glim doesn't know the muppets i don't know why when i thought of a cannon
[1345.4s] that's what i pictured sconzo putting chickens yeah 100 i was thinking of the royal canadian air
[1351.8s] farce with their chicken cannon yes i was thinking of chicken run movie where the rooster went in
[1357.5s] the cannon why does this happen so much in pop culture i don't mean to derail the whole podcast
[1363.6s] but chickens and cannons why so many so much representation there must have been a time
[1367.9s] well i think it's a thing right chickens they have wings they can't really fly that much
[1372.4s] sure it's like when people say like there's enough room to swing a cat in here who's swinging
[1376.9s] cats in rooms yeah that one woman in monty python and the whole world
[1387.0s] that's it okay hey uh you're writing a lot of notes there eh oh yeah i have a bunch of stuff
[1392.8s] written down oh i got lost in a good book once oh well which which book was it i'll look
[1399.6s] out i'll look i'll be on the lookout for it took me pages and pages to find my way out
[1405.0s] were you inside the book physically yeah i still don't understand is it are you making a joke
[1412.2s] well no i see he holds up his left hand and he's missing two fingers it says where my
[1416.8s] my fingers on my left hand went like paper cuts i tell you oh damn things up and swallowed
[1422.6s] me whole while reading i guess moot you should be careful you do a lot with your
[1427.6s] notes and the paper and yeah i guess i haven't come across one that's tried to eat me yet
[1433.9s] but i'll keep an eye out for sure someone told me later it could have been a mimic uh
[1438.2s] instead of a book oh yeah that makes sense oh that makes a lot of sense yeah yeah so maybe
[1444.9s] not every book just that one book was my favorite book so dorben have you ever been
[1449.6s] married or oh me no no not tied down to the sea area married to the sea the the the ocean
[1457.7s] is my lady as they say as well as you know a few ladies at the ports but mostly the ocean
[1466.8s] right right well that's that's nice do you ever get lonely out here well
[1473.7s] um no yeah stop in i pick up some people the people come
[1481.0s] stop in pick up some people the people come i mean i always got people on here look you're
[1485.8s] you're you're the next you're the next folks okay riding the barge right in we're the people
[1491.3s] from the story right write it in your book someone will read about it i was just going
[1495.4s] to suggest that like when i feel lonely then i talk to my friend bahamut and like i'm never
[1500.2s] really alone even when i'm like totally by myself you know i really always have somebody
[1504.2s] there with me and i was going to sort of offer you some information and some comfort but maybe
[1510.7s] it sounds like i mean yeah i know you don't you're not lonely so i guess it's yeah it's
[1517.1s] a long boat ride too i think so glim maybe you want to spread it out a little bit
[1521.9s] don't encourage her hey who's up in the crow's nest did jonathan go up there i thought he
[1526.8s] was gonna swap the deck wasn't he supposed to be like minus 70 points what do you mean i'm
[1532.8s] swabbing the poop in the deck well it shouldn't be actual anyway so one oh no there's probably
[1540.8s] actually poop oh yeah oh why birds oh okay yeah though really the odds of a bird shitting on
[1548.6s] your ship quite low i think great big ocean isn't this right i mean if you think about
[1554.5s] a bird pooping on you just in the world that's like what one in a billion chance
[1562.1s] make a dexterity saving throw there's there's so many other places a bird could take a shit
[1571.0s] um oh my god that's a net one but luckily you're a halfling who gets to reroll these
[1577.9s] things oh luckily i'm a halfling yeah but is it as funny if i do okay uh i'll roll it
[1583.1s] again or if you roll two in a row that is a 23 oh it's a bird shit beside me
[1592.7s] now the bird shit's on jonathan oh wow that guy better buy a lottery ticket or something
[1601.2s] that's minus four points jonathan anyways my question as to who was in the crow's nest is
[1606.8s] it seems there's a storm coming up here that nobody pointed out why i didn't know we were
[1611.3s] supposed to be watching for a storm what are you doing on the boat then whatever you tell us
[1616.9s] to do captain yeah you didn't tell us to go up there pretty sure i said do exactly what i say
[1622.2s] and i'm saying you should have been watching out for storms okay but you can't really like
[1626.5s] retrofit it like that it's we want to succeed captain so if you can just tell us right
[1634.6s] what you want us to do ahead of time we'll do it great acrobat my way up there yeah sure
[1640.2s] okay oh no uh that's an 11 am i just like dry humping the pole trying to get my way up there
[1651.9s] you can get up there but it's not graceful so you tell me how it goes it's a lot of grappling
[1658.0s] with the main mast and there's a lot of unnecessary hip action as i try to
[1665.4s] typical sully saturday night look at lots of hip action and grappling with the main mast
[1670.7s] look at sully go look he just hops right to there i mean yeah a little less hip there but
[1677.4s] just hands hands boy okay you can use your feet too and it's weird inchworm style like i'm like
[1685.6s] moving my feet up to reach my hands and then moving my hands up away from my feet it's not
[1692.1s] efficient boot should we tell him that there's a ladder i thought he would figure it out to be
[1696.6s] perfectly honest with you but no that's fine that's fine anyways regardless the storm is coming so
[1702.5s] we're gonna have to turn out to sea a little bit here to go around that okay what do you see
[1709.0s] up there oh why is the storm coming good job good job captain dorban turns the ship and sully
[1719.2s] while you're up there are you actively looking are you sleeping now you're looking now
[1724.6s] now i've curled as a cat wood and do a little ball now while you're up there there's a little
[1729.2s] lucky lou take a peek through and there is uh off on the horizon you see a ship in the
[1737.4s] direction that you have now turned uh uh captain yeah uh there's uh there'd be a ship
[1745.8s] off the main uh front side roger that uh what do you see on the ship uh it's got a it's got a
[1755.4s] a flag on it and the it's a it's a it's a teddy it's a it's a bear it's a teddy bear
[1765.7s] holding up a holding up a trout and in the mouth the mouth of the trout is uh
[1774.1s] uh it looks like some no the trout's mouth is open and fireworks are coming out uh-oh
[1781.8s] it's the teddy trouters is that are they as friendly as they sound hmm well they were
[1789.3s] oh i think we're gonna have to turn back into the storm here and uh hedge our bets with the
[1795.1s] storm what do you say should i stay up here yeah you're fine for now until you get to the
[1800.8s] storm you probably want to come down just keep an eye on that ship while you're up there
[1805.0s] oh okay well we just uh uh drop the set who likes to row oh i love rowing so good perfect
[1814.8s] never really done it but if glim says it's great i'm in yep totally all right uh glim just
[1819.4s] pull that uh rope the other way uh just there's a little release there yep you got it oh okay
[1824.8s] yeah yeah uh moot uh just uh cut the jib back the other way there give it to the old uh one two
[1830.6s] twirl and uh we'll be rowing our boat hopefully they didn't see us did they see us sully does
[1838.2s] it look like they've turned in our direction uh they are turned in our direction yes all
[1843.1s] right glim we're gonna put that sail right back up moot you're gonna cut the jib and it's
[1849.1s] gonna spin right around watch your head so yeah jonathan you gotta watch your head hey
[1853.8s] and we're gonna just give her a give her a go in the storm here with uh full sails and try not
[1859.3s] to get caught oh okay what else should we do should we tie things down everything looks
[1863.5s] pretty tied down uh yeah if you got anything of great value i'd probably put it below deck
[1868.0s] otherwise uh bend over and kiss your butts and hopefully we make it
[1872.6s] it's the metal looks like we made it look how far we've come together
[1894.2s] that's how far we've come to the middle oh yeah it just transitioned right in there then
[1899.0s] i had a different beat going on you did i'm not sure what you're saying i was gonna work
[1903.7s] patrons in there eventually but uh i blew it yep no that wasn't your fault oh okay no it
[1909.8s] just didn't happen if you can you know it did happen we reached 85 patrons it's happening
[1915.9s] what they said it couldn't be done who said that show me that person jerald i'll fight him
[1923.3s] fucking jerald every time with this probably shawn too shawn different shawn yeah not that
[1929.8s] one a different one no not that not that one either other one we've made a lot of shawns like
[1934.5s] the fourth shawn yeah maybe the fourth shawn all right the one with the hair you know and sure
[1940.3s] and the the one who thought we could never do it that's the one well we showed him didn't we
[1945.0s] all other shawns are cool except that one you know who you know who you are so what does this
[1950.2s] mean now that we've done it russ i don't even remember live stream one no we get to do an
[1955.4s] improv show that's what we get to do that's what we sure do russ is like making death threats
[1963.8s] that's what happens when we when we reach success is we have to take somebody down
[1968.2s] well we have to look back and see that's right who was dragging us down throughout this
[1973.3s] uh carla tell us more yeah for everyone else except that one shawn we've reached our 85
[1979.0s] patron goal so we're going to do a live improv show where we play a game and you tell us what
[1985.0s] to do a grocery store help us make decisions and superman give me a big emotion occupation
[1992.5s] give me a location pineapple so that's what that's what i signed up for except it will be you
[2000.5s] with the suggestions not us so it'll be better that's much better so we've set the bar so low
[2005.7s] that when they come in with really good ones it's gonna make us make this whole middle seem
[2010.7s] like wow well how do they come up with any ideas that's right how do they at all do this on their
[2014.9s] own that's what you're going to be asking yourself at this improv show we can't that's
[2018.6s] why we need you so if you uh helped us thank you very much and if you want to take part in
[2023.5s] it all all patrons who uh who continue to sign up and help us reach our next goal we'll
[2028.2s] also get invited to that lovely uh improv show which is on inserting this because well we
[2034.0s] recorded this a little bit earlier and didn't know the date but still don't know the date so
[2037.2s] patrons can come vote on the date at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast come join us over there
[2041.8s] or if you're a patron go vote on the date tell us when you can show up we want as many people
[2045.5s] there as possible that date there love that it's gonna be such a great date the best date
[2049.6s] yep we're we really love it and we're gonna love it when you show up but yeah Patreon.com
[2053.9s] slash dumb dragon guess you can still join us and come play the game yeah well i mean
[2058.1s] play the game tell us what to do help us try and be good at this game we've been
[2062.6s] struggling for so long it's like a choose your own ending almost yeah looking forward to it
[2067.4s] really throw throw throw some throw some monkey wrenches in there throw some wrenches in my
[2073.1s] tongue got real big all of a sudden i just kind of speak throw some monkey wrenches in it
[2078.7s] it's that shawn he cursed your tongue oh no oh my god shawn with a ch we're getting closer
[2088.6s] it's not where you think it is either shawn
[2093.2s] exactly all right enjoy the rest of the episode okay bye everybody bye and thank you oh yeah that
[2098.5s] too thank you guys i couldn't hear is somebody cracking open a case of nuts
[2106.8s] yep you got it soly it's nuts up there uh just uh check below the the the floorboards
[2113.2s] uh yes we're every good captain
[2119.5s] pecans that's right some of the best lightly salted eyes are roasted too it's good
[2129.3s] you get the sail back up and the other ship does look like it's turned and is now moving
[2135.7s] quickly before you sully as you're getting closer you can see more details with the
[2139.8s] looky-loo and everybody can start to see it come into view it is a large warship that does have
[2146.6s] the the flag of a teddy bear with a trout in its mouth and fireworks coming out of it who knew
[2152.2s] you should have had some idea when you asked me i mean yeah it does seem pretty much right up
[2158.2s] amy's alley you begin moving at a fair clip the wind from the storm is swirling and it
[2162.7s] caught the sail and is pulling you into the storm somebody roll me a d20 please 19
[2176.3s] yeah what yeah it's great it's totally awesome yeah totally awesome yeah it's wicked your
[2182.8s] boat's taking on water so it's looking like a pretty strong it might even be boarding on
[2188.1s] just your uh your your standard old hurricane there that doesn't sound like we really want to
[2192.7s] be on a boat for a hurricane do we what does a horse's mane have to do with any i think i have
[2197.8s] to come down do we do i need to be up here uh well tell us where the where the ship is
[2202.3s] pointing that not our ship the other ship it's uh it's about the same direction we're
[2208.1s] pointing how those cannons look uh big and a lot more impressive and and girthy than ours
[2215.3s] uh she's upgraded okay it's time that we uh head straight in to the hurricane everybody
[2221.8s] right that was a storm yeah it's just a little storm just a little storm a cane
[2226.5s] that's all it is don't worry everybody so in order to enter and survive at least part of
[2233.5s] this storm we're going to need a check so someone is going to be the captain we're going
[2241.3s] to say that's probably going to be captain dorban seems like a good idea bold choice
[2246.9s] someone is going to be the first mate who's going to roll with charisma uh i think that's
[2251.8s] probably should be glim i yeah i have plus three for first i only have well then it's it should
[2256.9s] be me i have an even higher okay someone's going to roll with strength for it and be the
[2261.3s] bosen i have a plus four definitely not me okay and someone's going to be rolling with
[2267.0s] wisdom to be the quarter master oh no it's only smart does only have good wisdom no it's
[2272.5s] minus one how's your charisma versus wisdom my charisma is a plus two okay how's your
[2279.0s] wisdom and what's your strength minus one okay is wondering why i'm here is an even zero
[2285.9s] well i mean that's your guy's call let's see what happens amy traditionally a very strong
[2290.5s] roller so she's got a minus i think we're in for a lot of okay a lot of great quarter
[2296.0s] mastering as you get into this storm the uh the tarps begin like waving violently and the sail
[2306.2s] really loses its ability to push you in a proper direction captain dorban yells out all right well
[2313.8s] we made it to the storm now we're gonna have to just let the let the seas take us uh wherever
[2319.2s] they take us we're gonna have to drop that sail back down there glim okay so i'm going
[2323.5s] to need you to roll with strength uh to beat the storm dc which is a 20 of a typical hurricane
[2334.0s] i'm shimmying down well not great i only rolled an eight so that puts us at 12 12
[2343.6s] you begin moving quickly and sully you're shimmying down make a dexterity saving throw
[2348.6s] please 20 oh wow you managed to hang on as the sail tears free from uh the main mast and like
[2358.4s] ropes are whipping by you glim you're trying to handle it and get it at least so that it
[2365.4s] doesn't fly into the ocean but it slips from your hands and you get like rope burn across
[2370.1s] you the the palms of your hands and you see this sail go out and gets churned up into
[2375.3s] the waves there well that didn't go well no i'm sorry uh i don't know should i do something with
[2380.8s] the jib i should get that down or i'll just tie it down there moot you got it you got it
[2385.3s] handled yet glim get maybe go give mood a hand okay yeah sure um i think i think we got it
[2392.8s] sound very confident you're rolling with charisma very confident i sure am um okay so
[2398.8s] you're gonna go help moot uh moot you're gonna roll with charisma with advantage because
[2404.6s] glim is helping you okay okay dirty 20 on the first one we will keep the dirty 20 all right
[2412.6s] so yeah the two of you head over and you're tying this down it like locks into place um just
[2419.1s] before it begins to swing back as you crest into another massive wave sully as you are
[2425.4s] climbing down uh you see the ship and it's gaining pace quickly on you and you see the
[2432.6s] cannons at the front of this beginning to move and aim in the direction of your ship oh oh no
[2439.8s] they're gonna shoot at us they're gonna shoot at us which ones are they shooting at us with
[2444.1s] the front ones oh that's the ones they want to bring us in for a little teddy bear hug
[2448.6s] huh well i mean you're gonna find out is this anything like that teddy bear picnic
[2452.7s] i've heard so much about that's exactly it that's what we're gonna find out um they are
[2458.4s] going to loose both fuck just roll the net 20 yeah uh it was a 23 and a net 20 so
[2469.8s] and we all die on the high seas we're coming in for a teddy bear half to david jones locker
[2475.4s] for us check out the low seas two giant spiked torpedoes come flying out they have chains on
[2486.2s] the backs of them and they land into the stern of the boat and you hear the wood crunch
[2491.9s] and then they pull back and the chains tighten and like the tines on this torpedo pull into
[2500.2s] the hull of the ship and you feel like a huge lurch as you are beginning to move backwards
[2506.7s] well you're moving all around but you feel like a constant pull they like grappling hooked
[2511.8s] exactly uh i'm up for any bright ideas here uh anybody let's break the chains
[2520.3s] you got chain breakers well i have a i have a i have a sort of a frightful reflection
[2527.6s] well that sounds like you get scared at yourself when you look in a mirror
[2530.6s] sometimes that happens but i can try to attack all right try to attack the chains
[2535.8s] go try and attack the chains nothing left to lose that is 21 uh okay roll some damage
[2543.0s] so you can hit it nine damage you run over and you slice into or hit into and like spark
[2553.1s] a small spark goes off it's quickly extinguished because of all the rain going on
[2558.1s] and there's just the the smallest chip out of this heavy duty chain huh
[2567.0s] i can't resell this that's damaged
[2572.3s] on your boat you have a ballista you also have oars yep that's what you have okay i
[2579.9s] hit the chain a little bit i think that was a really good idea what i'm gonna try and do
[2583.8s] though is is maybe get the break the wood and then they'll come out and then so i'm gonna i'm
[2590.3s] gonna hit it with my war pick and i see if that i don't know does something hey guys we're rocking
[2597.0s] back and forth here i got we got the mop can i do something to help what if we all chop at
[2601.3s] the wood at the same time with a mop together jonathan shut up and go downstairs okay he was
[2607.0s] pre we're taking it on there's a lot of water down there i'll go see if i can mop it
[2611.3s] attaboy 10 points 2024 attack on the roll roll damage roll damage on your floor
[2619.0s] hoped you hit the floor ten on one of them you you come over and you hit in hard and it it
[2624.7s] breaks it up and it like half of it splinters out it doesn't come completely free yet but
[2630.3s] you see this huge like spiked tying off this torpedo sticking up and out of the boat now hey
[2638.4s] guys if we can get free get somebody on the ballista there you can fire off at them there's
[2643.1s] look i think there's can't quite see but i think there's some fog up there uh and it maybe used
[2648.7s] to be an inlet up over in that direction too we could probably pull up and try and lose them
[2652.7s] in the fog i'll just keep chopping at the way i want to help okay two of you can continue
[2657.9s] to chop at the wood tom you didn't look like you wanted to shoot the big gun uh no what i'm
[2662.4s] gonna do instead um i'm gonna do some magic stuff uh so moot has the ability to twin a spell
[2670.8s] when he uses his uh meta magic okay so i'm going to twin uh my firebolt because i assume
[2681.0s] is there just one person operating there like grappling hook guns or is there two
[2685.2s] um would you be able to see how many there are i still have the lucky loo uh you can take a look
[2692.2s] out the lucky loo um it is a much larger ship than what you are on so it could be assumed
[2700.5s] that there are more than more people than you have okay more than five more than five if i can
[2707.3s] make out a couple of the uh like ballistas or whatever it is they're using i'll throw a spell
[2712.7s] at uh two of them okay yeah so yeah you would definitely be able to yeah at least target where
[2719.0s] the the two ballistas are probably not see much else going on on the ship okay so that'll be
[2724.6s] 18 to hit on the first one and 19 hit on the second one and you're aiming at the people not
[2731.0s] the boat right uh well either the people or like the big guns that they're using okay you
[2736.6s] could well you could hit either uh with with your eight with your with your hits there
[2741.5s] so you tell me what you hit let's go for the people try to scare them off using those
[2746.3s] then you definitely hit with both of those all right first one a solid two nice yeah uh second
[2755.5s] one oh 10 all right describe to me what your spell looks like as it goes off in the storm
[2762.0s] uh i throw like this uh it's not like a huge fireball or anything but it's a little
[2767.1s] little bit of fire and uh yeah it kind of the splash that it causes it probably looks more
[2774.8s] impressive than actually the damage that it does but uh and yeah it kind of lights up these people
[2781.5s] and their their guns and they dive for cover nice yeah you've knocked them both off and um at
[2788.1s] that uh the this there's a little bit more slack in the chain as you are able to connect
[2795.6s] with these two spells please roll a d20 way ahead of you all right uh that's a six you're good all
[2803.8s] right well that was uh that was pretty cool there uh looks like we got a little bit of leeway here
[2808.4s] if you two can jimmy those uh those things out of there that'd be great yeah we've got they're
[2813.2s] all kind of cleared away so i'm gonna try and just like heave it out heave ho yep i'll take
[2819.0s] an oar and try to also help her lift by adding some leverage underneath all right uh roll with
[2826.5s] so you get to roll with uh advantage and we're gonna roll athletics okay well that was 10 but
[2832.3s] i'm gonna try again 16 they're heavier than you anticipated now you didn't put all your your back
[2839.8s] into it but you managed to get one up and it's like over the edge of the railing at the
[2845.5s] back it hasn't gone completely over yet um and out of the corner of your eyes sully you see
[2850.6s] the two people that moot shot at with his fireballs um they are standing back up and
[2857.1s] trying to get scrambled back to the ballista oh that's not good those guys uh they're being
[2863.1s] they're being naughty uh oh crap moot you hit him again oh uh yeah sure i can i can try
[2872.1s] again all right first one uh that's a 10 on the first one
[2879.0s] oh second one was a nat 20 uh the 10 will go wide on all accounts uh the nat 20 will hit
[2886.0s] double damage coming at you that
[2890.3s] uh wow that is 19 damage nice yeah you launch one off and it hits hard and connects
[2898.6s] and like you see it explode any even above the like the cacophony of rain and wind you hear just
[2907.9s] as they you see someone knocked up and over into the ocean uh the other one you hit a
[2913.9s] crest of wave and it goes wide glim and sully want to give me one more strength check and
[2918.9s] we'll see if we can clear these i will help again d20 oh yeah oh it's a two
[2925.0s] okay you roll on percentile we'll see if glim and sully do their thing and then your thing will
[2930.6s] trigger okay 17 oh but i should yeah you're rolling advantage oh that was a nat 20 wow oh
[2938.3s] yeah see this huge blast go off and you throw one up and then go help sully and throw the
[2944.4s] other one off um both before as you throw the one off that you first had you feel it
[2950.2s] tightening a little bit it was the person that moot missed um and you managed to get it off uh
[2955.7s] before it pulls the ship apart again all right how fast can this thing go i mean let's go
[2961.8s] hold on we got a we got a wild magic trigger oh give it to me 87 it's a high number
[2968.7s] sometimes that means fun oh good so glim's gonna be one dorben's gonna be two
[2976.2s] uh sully's gonna be three and jonathan's gonna be four roll a d4 for me oh okay
[2986.0s] it's less fun when we're at risk three that's me sully begins to fly
[2994.1s] oh what the hell can you i have you always been able to do that no i this isn't this this isn't
[3002.6s] cool the ship continues moving and sully is flying oh no uh uh uh and i i take my staff
[3011.5s] out of its holder and put it forward for someone to grab don't let me float away
[3016.3s] don't you fucking let me throw away i'm gonna try and grab him uh make a dexterity saving throw
[3023.6s] or uh it would be a saving throw it would just be a straight dex check check is 13 glim glim
[3031.4s] glim can i help out with that i would say yeah you can you can assist so giving glim advantage
[3040.3s] this is not okay i haven't told you if it's succeeded or not yet okay
[3045.8s] grab me with you let me have advantage grab me with your lobster claw
[3051.4s] help he is flailing just like well comedically in the air
[3057.1s] chase jay swim in the air should i carla you can roll once more not much better
[3063.9s] it's not what was the last time 13 so yeah it's 14 this time perfect it's like you you go to
[3069.8s] grab one and it just slips out and then you reach up with your other hand and it also
[3074.6s] uh even with moot like holding on to the back of your shirt trying to reach over so sully's
[3081.1s] suspended in air over this churning a hurricane as the ship is doing its best to move towards
[3088.6s] this inlet that you can now see coming into view but breaking through this fog which fog
[3093.4s] is weird in a hurricane i don't know if anybody wanted to point that out but
[3096.8s] is weird are your hands covered in butter
[3126.8s] so
[3140.4s] tumjins and dragons season 2 episode 87 starring Amy More as sully carla max that is glim tom
[3147.4s] layered as moot and rust more is your dungeon master editing production and sound design by
[3152.6s] rust More this episode featured music from Kavin mcleod and epidemic sound and sound effects from
[3157.8s] epidemic sound boom library and sound ideas a huge thank you to our supporting producers
[3163.0s] gabriel lynch jessica Babyok mark heartless stevie cat water flame jacob madden christian
[3168.2s] brown devin michaels erin stevens eric hulahan and ray serbeck to support tumjins
[3173.3s] and dragons and help us reach 85 patrons within our community unlocking a live streamed
[3178.2s] improvised game as well as access to an exclusive podcast bonus episodes and much more please join
[3184.2s] our Patreon at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast you can also follow us at facebook.com
[3189.4s] slash dumb dragon podcast and on instagram and twitter at dumb dragon cast thank you for
[3194.2s] listening you have a great week and we'll talk again soon
[3196.8s] uh
[3200.9s] and they land into the back uh uh fuck's the back port no starter stern stern stern
[3208.9s] stern bow's the front yeah you gotta know your boat terms here carla fill me in right
[3212.9s] i'm a boater now guys uh are you ready for the number one uh no oh my god wild magic
[3220.7s] surge table that's not how you spell table
[3227.1s] guys i'm trying my best to sneak as many nautical puns into this episode as possible
[3234.7s] i just don't know enough about boats and they're in imperceptible with sully's accent
[3242.8s] because like i'm trying to use like nautical words and like switch them but
[3246.2s] Dumbgeons and dragons is a dumb dragons production