previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We were talking to the Shadow about the plan to go to hire folks to go find the pieces of your
dead sword. Oh he's still trying to find the stuffing. Maybe that wasn't the best way to go
about um reconciling your family and improving trade relations. All right you're hired. I
don't know that we have like that exact skill set. Well yeah but you said you wanted
to uh you know you gave all that stuff about bridging and talking and right right right right
the textiles it seems to me really I've just did everything hammered down and you said I
don't have to deal Calichrist's and uh Breton. You hear footsteps kind of down below deck
and they stumble up. I mean if Captain Ron is the template one of us is gonna fuck this guy.
So
all right there Jonathan you got friends today all right this is gonna be a wild ride.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master Russ More. He, him also with me today
is Amy More. She, her and yeah I am here and I play Sullivan Sleight. I Lightfoot Halfling Rogue.
He, him also with me Tom Laird. Hey that's me yeah he, him uh and I play Moot who is a wild
magic half-orc sorcerer who also goes by he, him. And Carla Max dead. She, her I play Glim,
a dragonborn pAlydin also she, her. Who's ready to play some some fun boat stuff hey.
Well I'm looking for a lot of nautical puns in this. I'm very excited. Okay good so you know
what you have to bring now then. No no no that's what I'm looking for. Oh I'm looking
for others to provide that for me for my enjoyment in this episode. Oh okay yeah that's
that's what that's what we that's why we do this yeah to entertain Amy. Yeah fair enough. I mean
it's not not why we do it. Yeah if we're entertained then you're entertained obviously.
So that's what we try for. The minute it stops being fun it's not gonna happen anymore
folks. Yeah I know that's why we gotta keep it fun. That's why number one on the list
today before we started recording was let's talk about that fun. Yeah how do you make something fun?
In Merriam-Webster's dictionary fun is. You're nailing it. Fun is defined as. Yeah where we
don't read dictionary definitions is over on Patreon. Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
What do we do over there? We dedicate an episode to a patron. Yeah we do do that. Who's our
lucky patron today? Today's patron dedication is Brian Sullivan. Come on down.
Oh my god does Brian just win something like that's a big fanfare. Seems like it. Yeah yeah
it's true. Well I know we're really excited. Yeah we're going into a boat episode so we're
gonna screw up all of the boat terms. Hopefully Brian's not a mariner. He will be very angry
with us for everything we say in this episode. I know. So thank you Brian.
Join us today Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast. We hope to see you over there and now
fuck it let's play. We hear the sound of waves against the hull of the boat.
Mooklim and Sully you have made your way down to the hold because the captain was missing
and you find him leaning back in a chair his eyes wide open. You stare at him the longest
period of time and it doesn't appear to be breathing. I'm sorry did we go down into the
hole? Have we abandoned ship terms from the beginning? Okay I knew the D at the end and I
was like whoa right off the bat we're just we're not even trying. Downstairs is technically in a
hole so that's where we're going. I mean you're not wrong. Um captain? Captain Dorbin? Hello?
This guy's really rude. I don't I don't. Mook go poke him. I don't want to. Take one
of your pencils and just poke him a little bit. No I don't think that's gonna wake him up I
don't think anything's gonna wake him up. Some people sleep with their eyes closed no open and
and there are also other people who sleep with their eyes closed that's what I'm saying but he
can be one of those people who sleep with their eyes not not closed open. Okay so your
your theory just so I have it right is that he's very much alive just sleeping with his
eyes open and also not breathing. Yeah maybe. Some people you know it's a sleep uh what
a sleep sleep uh apnea that's the right word.
See just big big pauses between breaths. Okay that I mean that doesn't seem healthy.
Well oh no people can die in their sleep because of it's probably really not good
you're actually supposed to wake somebody up uh excuse me uh Captain Captain Dorbin
Captain what's his name? Cap Captain? Cap Captain? Can I go uh clap right in front of his face?
Hey oh what hey. See I told you he was alive. Oh thank goodness thank goodness. You look at
him and his glass eye is completely like looking off to the side. No it's my grade
four teacher Monsieur Le Flemme. I'm just going to look right between his eyes I've learned
not to look at either one because I don't want to be rude so I'm just going to always look
right between his two eyes so it's a little bit off to him but it's okay. Moot kind of just
takes like a sidestep to the right where he thinks the eye is looking. What do you what
what's going on down here? Um just just nice to see you alive. Yeah no yeah I'm alive all the time.
Why are you standing over there? Oh I no no reason. Oh is the eye doing something again?
Yeah it's going super weird it's all the way to the it's all the way over it. I just I
didn't know where to stand. He smacks himself on the back of the head and it falls out
kind of looks at it and then pops it back in. Oh you didn't even cling that first.
Is that better? Opens his eyes really wide. Yeah yeah yeah much better. You look great. Great
all right well you got the ship point in the right direction. Um I mean that's sort of more
your thing. One of us are supposed to be up there. That's sort of you're sort of like the
uh make us go the right yes captain is the word for that. Well Jonathan's up there he's
probably got to sort it out and he stands up and starts to stretch. Oh the same John oh yeah no
yeah yeah we probably shouldn't have left him up there. Last time I saw him he was looking
at a bird. All right well I've got uh four people who know how to work a boat. Right
all right this just keeps getting better. Well we're quick learners. Sure all right come on
let's learn. Starts heading back up the steps. Okay. Step out onto the ship or onto the not even
trying. Onto the ship. Onto the ship. Yeah. Onto the deck of the barge right in and he kind of
clears away some of the tarps. Says well we don't even have the sail up. How are we supposed
to go anywhere? Is this is this the jib? I've heard of the jib. Oh yeah to the left. Are we
Russ uh are we under sail? Are we still at the dock? I assumed when we came upon him
in the so we already met him right? Yeah okay so we're like out in the water. You're out in the
water. Okay good. I was like wait did I miss something? Yeah no we haven't left yet. Yeah we're on the way okay.
All right hoist the mainsail get the jib. Yeah you got the jib there moot all right and
then uh you know swab the poop deck there. Who's hoite? Now I'm supposed to cut the jib
that's correct? Yeah you cut it you twirl it you call it a nice name and it'll buy you a drink later.
I'm not doing anything with poop. All right well go convince Jonathan that it's his turn then.
I'm just gonna tell him. Hey Jonathan! What? You gotta sweep the the pooper. You want me to sweep
your pooper? Not mine the ship's. All right I guess really my turn again? Yeah your turn
there bud. Okay he goes off. Where do we keep the bucket again? Dolly can you help me find
the bucket? Fine well I think it's down here in the hole. Oh okay let's go down in the hole and
find the bucket. All right you first. So uh taking you to tether here what kind of boat
experience you got? Not a lot um mainly grew up in a forest village so not a lot of boats.
Hmm forest village. How about you? Well I've been like in a small rowboat like on a lake but not
right like not sailing the open seas. Well we're in for a real rough ride then it's gonna be
a hard learning experience to get this boat. I make it sound like I'm gonna teach you a
lot about boats. I'm really not gonna teach you a lot about boats. I'm gonna tell you to
pull on a rope and then something's gonna happen and then uh so yeah you pull on that
rope over there you cut the jib so all you gotta do is like give a hard yank on that rope and uh
okay away we go again three two one okay yeah you do so and the sail begins to rise and catches
the wind and you begin to begin to move forward. Oh this is so much faster than when the sail
wasn't up. I can't believe that we're doing stuff like this it seems so easy now. Hey
pass me a drink there scoot. Oh uh what is it grog? Do I get to pass you grog? Please do
if that's what you brought. Oh no I didn't I just thought I just kind of assumed it was
on all boats. All right yeah it's in the in the cooler up front there I just thought
if you brought some maybe I could have some of yours first. Oh I well you know next time
we stop somewhere I'll get some extra. Perfect perfect looking forward to it back downstairs.
So they used to keep it in that closet there if you want to check in there. Well you can check
in there. Well you're the one who's supervising me so I. Yeah I'm gonna supervise you checking
in there. All right. I can do your work for you Jonathan that's why nobody will call you the
shadow the shadow gets shit done. Yeah but I mean you're Fimpar already outed me as not
the shadow so I mean you lose kind of a little bit of the the power behind it you know
All right well now you got the opportunity to become a pirate or something. Oh. So get your
shit together and get that bucket and and swap poop. All right all right you seem like you've
swapped some poop before. A couple times in my day. He grabs a bucket and says all right well
what do I do now? I think you need a mop. Okay what do I do now? All right now I think
you gotta go up this you gotta go back up the stairs listen. Why did we come down the
stairs? All a euphemism for clean like clean the fucking floors. Oh. Clean the floors on
the on the deck of the ship. All right let's do it. Okay. Wait what part are you gonna do?
I'm gonna supervise you. Right supervisor. I'm already uh and Sully takes out a notepad
that he for sure swiped from moot. Well I probably had an abundance of them after I
bought the never-ending notebooks. Oh that's true yeah and uh Sully takes out the notebook
and starts to write down. I've I've already docked you five points. You've docked me five
you've already docked me five points. Yeah what would what you just do with your voice right
there I mean that's a lot cooler than the voice you have right now. Remember when you met
me I drifted into the shadow. Yeah it's less cool when you do it like that uh you've lost
another five points. You're down ten points. You better hurry up those stairs. How many points
did I start with? Wouldn't you like to know? I find it motivates a little better when you don't
know how many points you start with and what's gonna happen. This is like a carriage test where
you like you they don't tell you how many points you lose until you get to the end and then
they don't give you your license for 18 goes. That yeah that sounds really difficult
like some sort of like record or something uh go on swap the boop deck if you make any
you know more snide remarks I'm gonna deduct another 10 points. All right head back upstairs.
So uh what's uh what's your business in Tether? Um well we're on like a special mission for the
king which is sort of part of our like larger destiny to save the world so the king king Fimbar
yeah yeah they don't get along so well so I hear no that's what we're trying to work on
that's kind of what we're doing yeah oh that's gonna change wow yeah we're gonna we're gonna
help with that I thought maybe you were like mercs or monster hunters or something well
I mean we're not not that a little bit column a little bit column b but in this
particular case we're mostly just on like bringing family back together and improving
trade relations and you know just like one of those kind of boat trips yeah yeah no that
sounds really good you probably get tons of passengers on that kind of that kind of
mission absolutely yep uh all all trying to bring family back together that's what
that's what people who sail the high seas are are really out for right lots of backstories
if you check their sheets are like just trying to bring families back together sailing the high
seas what uh you're you're like from around here what's your what do you think about
king Fimbar and like the whole family breakup thing uh it's all just a bunch of little
it's just siblings going at each other but siblings with a lot of power and armies behind
them um and land uh that as far as the eye can see fortunately the waters are mostly
free rain as long as we avoid the pirates and stuff but wait the what the pirates is that is
that a problem often only if they catch you oh and how fast does this boat go i mean it goes
pretty quick all right it doesn't go very fast oh we've been boarded before and no one's
stolen you yet well they did once and yet here you are i brought you back yeah i wonder
what that says about me oh i think it's part of that whole people on the high seas wanting
to bring families back together again thing that we were just talking about of course probably
i was also part of the nautical community so they also probably just really want to make
sure you're with your um siblings well that makes sense yeah well you know it's probably good
that i have this if lost return to sign on here but hello that's definitely good you have
i cannot believe that your brothers and sisters let you wear that yeah it doesn't really say where
to take me back though it just says if lost return to someone oh i guess dorben was the
closest one at the time yeah well that's unfortunate yeah well so what you know about
tether you're going in you have some some information about the city no no nothing no um
we know we want to talk to calacrist yeah yeah yeah um and i think that is maybe
it and like they traditionally welcome every boat coming to town at the harbor yes yeah i mean
you got the paper right that says that you were that we're good yeah i got that yes yeah
it's got the stamp and seal and all that stuff oh good yeah yeah we'll be fine once we get
into the harbor there i mean they'll check the papers you'll you'll be on your way there
so this calacrist lady yeah uh what's she like um she's i mean she's very nice you know
if you if you stay on her good side she's probably not gonna chop your head off
oh she does that kind of stuff the whole family it's just part of the power struggle
you know who can chop off the most heads in a week they had one of those going for a little
while doesn't sound like my type of contest no it's a very specific type of person that likes
to run it i mean they haven't done it too much in a while uh you know because it was bad for
business so lately like i said you know mercenaries and monster hunters have kind of
been flocking to the area to get jobs really well you know i hope that like we are welcomed
in there right and i hope that you know she's not gonna see us as some sort of like saboteur
well hopefully not just to clarify why are monster hunters heading there is there a
monster problem well there's a big forest there with um there there's a lot of monsters
in the area with both the land and sea variety uh some big ones some small ones ones that
climb on rocks right is there any that go both in the land and on oh yeah yeah you gotta watch
out for those ones because they'll be in the water and you won't see them and then they
come out of the water as you're not in the water and drag you back in the water oh so
like a real like peekaboo surprise that's right peekaboo surprise you got it my friend
hey how how good as swimmers are you three oh i mean pretty good yeah i do okay in the
water i definitely don't stick like a stone if that's what you're asking oh we should probably
do some drills while we're out here on the uh in the open sea okay i mean my cardio is pretty
good swimming's like good low impact exercise so like i i mix it in in my cross training
nice when i can i mean we're not always around water true well we'll put it on the
list you know we're going pretty quick now if you jump out now i mean we're going we don't
want to turn around and come back and get you so next next little uh nap i have uh we
could probably do that before i have the nap or after how many how many naps uh in a day
do you take well we're up to six today i think so six just today just today do you feel extra
tired most of the time yeah it's hard work living on the sea well also you got that
crazy sleep apnea going on what do you mean well it's like you stop breathing for long
periods of time glim was ready to do mouth to mouth with you really and not in the sexy way
and the life saving kind of way yeah i thought you were maybe a goner it looked that way well
i'm i'm glad you didn't push me off the side of the boat not a goner is that what normally
happens i mean there's mutiny that happens on a boat if the captain appears deceased i'm sure
that would be an easy way to just is it still considered a mutiny if the captain's
i wouldn't think so because he like who are you muting against not not deceased though
like that's what i'm saying if this is the sleep apnea thing you're talking about right
right there's apnea right if we had accidentally thrown you overboard because we thought you were
deceased and then you became deceased and then we were in charge of the boat it would have been
mutiny by proxy of course yes okay i understand right so jorban what's your story well uh i mean
i've been sailing the high seas or the sea of shining stars as they say for quite some time
it was was in the military there for quite a while did my time took some chances and now
i just i'm a captain for hire is it question sorry is that a low seas yeah well they're shallow waters
oh so that's what that means yeah i mean i guess you could go underwater too that would be lower
in the sea the high seas just means it's a deep body of water okay yeah yeah absolutely
i'm learning so much we're just it's very educational we're creating our own ship boat
cannon is what we're doing do you is there speaking of is there a cannon on this boat
to defend against the pirates yep there's a there's a about uh something i put something on this boat
were you drunk when you did it because sometimes when i'm drunk and i do things i don't remember
where i put them yeah that's fair sometimes for me when i just think about doing something like
if i was like oh i gotta put a cannon on this boat but then i don't actually do it
immediately my brain has already like checked it off the list and then it never gets done
that's right uh yeah glim just lift that tarp right there in the middle there yeah okay just
under here yeah and then it reveals a large ballista that's impressive looking can we shoot
it not right now i mean we only have so many cannon balls ballista balls whatever you want
to call them that's what we've got we've only got so many how many do we have four wow okay
okay i suppose that would be bad to waste them yeah is there anything else we can put in to shoot
how big is the barrel of this can a man fit in here is this like no it'd be like a cannonball
side yeah like a chicken like on the muppets and shoot chickens out of it do you have a
chicken with you just have a spare chicken there's one down below this is carla asking
not glim glim doesn't know the muppets i don't know why when i thought of a cannon
that's what i pictured sconzo putting chickens yeah 100 i was thinking of the royal canadian air
farce with their chicken cannon yes i was thinking of chicken run movie where the rooster went in
the cannon why does this happen so much in pop culture i don't mean to derail the whole podcast
but chickens and cannons why so many so much representation there must have been a time
well i think it's a thing right chickens they have wings they can't really fly that much
sure it's like when people say like there's enough room to swing a cat in here who's swinging
cats in rooms yeah that one woman in monty python and the whole world
that's it okay hey uh you're writing a lot of notes there eh oh yeah i have a bunch of stuff
written down oh i got lost in a good book once oh well which which book was it i'll look
out i'll look i'll be on the lookout for it took me pages and pages to find my way out
were you inside the book physically yeah i still don't understand is it are you making a joke
well no i see he holds up his left hand and he's missing two fingers it says where my
my fingers on my left hand went like paper cuts i tell you oh damn things up and swallowed
me whole while reading i guess moot you should be careful you do a lot with your
notes and the paper and yeah i guess i haven't come across one that's tried to eat me yet
but i'll keep an eye out for sure someone told me later it could have been a mimic uh
instead of a book oh yeah that makes sense oh that makes a lot of sense yeah yeah so maybe
not every book just that one book was my favorite book so dorben have you ever been
married or oh me no no not tied down to the sea area married to the sea the the the ocean
is my lady as they say as well as you know a few ladies at the ports but mostly the ocean
right right well that's that's nice do you ever get lonely out here well
um no yeah stop in i pick up some people the people come
stop in pick up some people the people come i mean i always got people on here look you're
you're you're the next you're the next folks okay riding the barge right in we're the people
from the story right write it in your book someone will read about it i was just going
to suggest that like when i feel lonely then i talk to my friend bahamut and like i'm never
really alone even when i'm like totally by myself you know i really always have somebody
there with me and i was going to sort of offer you some information and some comfort but maybe
it sounds like i mean yeah i know you don't you're not lonely so i guess it's yeah it's
a long boat ride too i think so glim maybe you want to spread it out a little bit
don't encourage her hey who's up in the crow's nest did jonathan go up there i thought he
was gonna swap the deck wasn't he supposed to be like minus 70 points what do you mean i'm
swabbing the poop in the deck well it shouldn't be actual anyway so one oh no there's probably
actually poop oh yeah oh why birds oh okay yeah though really the odds of a bird shitting on
your ship quite low i think great big ocean isn't this right i mean if you think about
a bird pooping on you just in the world that's like what one in a billion chance
make a dexterity saving throw there's there's so many other places a bird could take a shit
um oh my god that's a net one but luckily you're a halfling who gets to reroll these
things oh luckily i'm a halfling yeah but is it as funny if i do okay uh i'll roll it
again or if you roll two in a row that is a 23 oh it's a bird shit beside me
now the bird shit's on jonathan oh wow that guy better buy a lottery ticket or something
that's minus four points jonathan anyways my question as to who was in the crow's nest is
it seems there's a storm coming up here that nobody pointed out why i didn't know we were
supposed to be watching for a storm what are you doing on the boat then whatever you tell us
to do captain yeah you didn't tell us to go up there pretty sure i said do exactly what i say
and i'm saying you should have been watching out for storms okay but you can't really like
retrofit it like that it's we want to succeed captain so if you can just tell us right
what you want us to do ahead of time we'll do it great acrobat my way up there yeah sure
okay oh no uh that's an 11 am i just like dry humping the pole trying to get my way up there
you can get up there but it's not graceful so you tell me how it goes it's a lot of grappling
with the main mast and there's a lot of unnecessary hip action as i try to
typical sully saturday night look at lots of hip action and grappling with the main mast
look at sully go look he just hops right to there i mean yeah a little less hip there but
just hands hands boy okay you can use your feet too and it's weird inchworm style like i'm like
moving my feet up to reach my hands and then moving my hands up away from my feet it's not
efficient boot should we tell him that there's a ladder i thought he would figure it out to be
perfectly honest with you but no that's fine that's fine anyways regardless the storm is coming so
we're gonna have to turn out to sea a little bit here to go around that okay what do you see
up there oh why is the storm coming good job good job captain dorban turns the ship and sully
while you're up there are you actively looking are you sleeping now you're looking now
now i've curled as a cat wood and do a little ball now while you're up there there's a little
lucky lou take a peek through and there is uh off on the horizon you see a ship in the
direction that you have now turned uh uh captain yeah uh there's uh there'd be a ship
off the main uh front side roger that uh what do you see on the ship uh it's got a it's got a
a flag on it and the it's a it's a it's a teddy it's a it's a bear it's a teddy bear
holding up a holding up a trout and in the mouth the mouth of the trout is uh
uh it looks like some no the trout's mouth is open and fireworks are coming out uh-oh
it's the teddy trouters is that are they as friendly as they sound hmm well they were
oh i think we're gonna have to turn back into the storm here and uh hedge our bets with the
storm what do you say should i stay up here yeah you're fine for now until you get to the
storm you probably want to come down just keep an eye on that ship while you're up there
oh okay well we just uh uh drop the set who likes to row oh i love rowing so good perfect
never really done it but if glim says it's great i'm in yep totally all right uh glim just
pull that uh rope the other way uh just there's a little release there yep you got it oh okay
yeah yeah uh moot uh just uh cut the jib back the other way there give it to the old uh one two
twirl and uh we'll be rowing our boat hopefully they didn't see us did they see us sully does
it look like they've turned in our direction uh they are turned in our direction yes all
right glim we're gonna put that sail right back up moot you're gonna cut the jib and it's
gonna spin right around watch your head so yeah jonathan you gotta watch your head hey
and we're gonna just give her a give her a go in the storm here with uh full sails and try not
to get caught oh okay what else should we do should we tie things down everything looks
pretty tied down uh yeah if you got anything of great value i'd probably put it below deck
otherwise uh bend over and kiss your butts and hopefully we make it
it's the metal looks like we made it look how far we've come together
that's how far we've come to the middle oh yeah it just transitioned right in there then
i had a different beat going on you did i'm not sure what you're saying i was gonna work
patrons in there eventually but uh i blew it yep no that wasn't your fault oh okay no it
just didn't happen if you can you know it did happen we reached 85 patrons it's happening
what they said it couldn't be done who said that show me that person jerald i'll fight him
fucking jerald every time with this probably shawn too shawn different shawn yeah not that
one a different one no not that not that one either other one we've made a lot of shawns like
the fourth shawn yeah maybe the fourth shawn all right the one with the hair you know and sure
and the the one who thought we could never do it that's the one well we showed him didn't we
all other shawns are cool except that one you know who you know who you are so what does this
mean now that we've done it russ i don't even remember live stream one no we get to do an
improv show that's what we get to do that's what we sure do russ is like making death threats
that's what happens when we when we reach success is we have to take somebody down
well we have to look back and see that's right who was dragging us down throughout this
uh carla tell us more yeah for everyone else except that one shawn we've reached our 85
patron goal so we're going to do a live improv show where we play a game and you tell us what
to do a grocery store help us make decisions and superman give me a big emotion occupation
give me a location pineapple so that's what that's what i signed up for except it will be you
with the suggestions not us so it'll be better that's much better so we've set the bar so low
that when they come in with really good ones it's gonna make us make this whole middle seem
like wow well how do they come up with any ideas that's right how do they at all do this on their
own that's what you're going to be asking yourself at this improv show we can't that's
why we need you so if you uh helped us thank you very much and if you want to take part in
it all all patrons who uh who continue to sign up and help us reach our next goal we'll
also get invited to that lovely uh improv show which is on inserting this because well we
recorded this a little bit earlier and didn't know the date but still don't know the date so
patrons can come vote on the date at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast come join us over there
or if you're a patron go vote on the date tell us when you can show up we want as many people
there as possible that date there love that it's gonna be such a great date the best date
yep we're we really love it and we're gonna love it when you show up but yeah Patreon.com
slash dumb dragon guess you can still join us and come play the game yeah well i mean
play the game tell us what to do help us try and be good at this game we've been
struggling for so long it's like a choose your own ending almost yeah looking forward to it
really throw throw throw some throw some monkey wrenches in there throw some wrenches in my
tongue got real big all of a sudden i just kind of speak throw some monkey wrenches in it
it's that shawn he cursed your tongue oh no oh my god shawn with a ch we're getting closer
it's not where you think it is either shawn
exactly all right enjoy the rest of the episode okay bye everybody bye and thank you oh yeah that
too thank you guys i couldn't hear is somebody cracking open a case of nuts
yep you got it soly it's nuts up there uh just uh check below the the the floorboards
uh yes we're every good captain
pecans that's right some of the best lightly salted eyes are roasted too it's good
you get the sail back up and the other ship does look like it's turned and is now moving
quickly before you sully as you're getting closer you can see more details with the
looky-loo and everybody can start to see it come into view it is a large warship that does have
the the flag of a teddy bear with a trout in its mouth and fireworks coming out of it who knew
you should have had some idea when you asked me i mean yeah it does seem pretty much right up
amy's alley you begin moving at a fair clip the wind from the storm is swirling and it
caught the sail and is pulling you into the storm somebody roll me a d20 please 19
yeah what yeah it's great it's totally awesome yeah totally awesome yeah it's wicked your
boat's taking on water so it's looking like a pretty strong it might even be boarding on
just your uh your your standard old hurricane there that doesn't sound like we really want to
be on a boat for a hurricane do we what does a horse's mane have to do with any i think i have
to come down do we do i need to be up here uh well tell us where the where the ship is
pointing that not our ship the other ship it's uh it's about the same direction we're
pointing how those cannons look uh big and a lot more impressive and and girthy than ours
uh she's upgraded okay it's time that we uh head straight in to the hurricane everybody
right that was a storm yeah it's just a little storm just a little storm a cane
that's all it is don't worry everybody so in order to enter and survive at least part of
this storm we're going to need a check so someone is going to be the captain we're going
to say that's probably going to be captain dorban seems like a good idea bold choice
someone is going to be the first mate who's going to roll with charisma uh i think that's
probably should be glim i yeah i have plus three for first i only have well then it's it should
be me i have an even higher okay someone's going to roll with strength for it and be the
bosen i have a plus four definitely not me okay and someone's going to be rolling with
wisdom to be the quarter master oh no it's only smart does only have good wisdom no it's
minus one how's your charisma versus wisdom my charisma is a plus two okay how's your
wisdom and what's your strength minus one okay is wondering why i'm here is an even zero
well i mean that's your guy's call let's see what happens amy traditionally a very strong
roller so she's got a minus i think we're in for a lot of okay a lot of great quarter
mastering as you get into this storm the uh the tarps begin like waving violently and the sail
really loses its ability to push you in a proper direction captain dorban yells out all right well
we made it to the storm now we're gonna have to just let the let the seas take us uh wherever
they take us we're gonna have to drop that sail back down there glim okay so i'm going
to need you to roll with strength uh to beat the storm dc which is a 20 of a typical hurricane
i'm shimmying down well not great i only rolled an eight so that puts us at 12 12
you begin moving quickly and sully you're shimmying down make a dexterity saving throw
please 20 oh wow you managed to hang on as the sail tears free from uh the main mast and like
ropes are whipping by you glim you're trying to handle it and get it at least so that it
doesn't fly into the ocean but it slips from your hands and you get like rope burn across
you the the palms of your hands and you see this sail go out and gets churned up into
the waves there well that didn't go well no i'm sorry uh i don't know should i do something with
the jib i should get that down or i'll just tie it down there moot you got it you got it
handled yet glim get maybe go give mood a hand okay yeah sure um i think i think we got it
sound very confident you're rolling with charisma very confident i sure am um okay so
you're gonna go help moot uh moot you're gonna roll with charisma with advantage because
glim is helping you okay okay dirty 20 on the first one we will keep the dirty 20 all right
so yeah the two of you head over and you're tying this down it like locks into place um just
before it begins to swing back as you crest into another massive wave sully as you are
climbing down uh you see the ship and it's gaining pace quickly on you and you see the
cannons at the front of this beginning to move and aim in the direction of your ship oh oh no
they're gonna shoot at us they're gonna shoot at us which ones are they shooting at us with
the front ones oh that's the ones they want to bring us in for a little teddy bear hug
huh well i mean you're gonna find out is this anything like that teddy bear picnic
i've heard so much about that's exactly it that's what we're gonna find out um they are
going to loose both fuck just roll the net 20 yeah uh it was a 23 and a net 20 so
and we all die on the high seas we're coming in for a teddy bear half to david jones locker
for us check out the low seas two giant spiked torpedoes come flying out they have chains on
the backs of them and they land into the stern of the boat and you hear the wood crunch
and then they pull back and the chains tighten and like the tines on this torpedo pull into
the hull of the ship and you feel like a huge lurch as you are beginning to move backwards
well you're moving all around but you feel like a constant pull they like grappling hooked
exactly uh i'm up for any bright ideas here uh anybody let's break the chains
you got chain breakers well i have a i have a i have a sort of a frightful reflection
well that sounds like you get scared at yourself when you look in a mirror
sometimes that happens but i can try to attack all right try to attack the chains
go try and attack the chains nothing left to lose that is 21 uh okay roll some damage
so you can hit it nine damage you run over and you slice into or hit into and like spark
a small spark goes off it's quickly extinguished because of all the rain going on
and there's just the the smallest chip out of this heavy duty chain huh
i can't resell this that's damaged
on your boat you have a ballista you also have oars yep that's what you have okay i
hit the chain a little bit i think that was a really good idea what i'm gonna try and do
though is is maybe get the break the wood and then they'll come out and then so i'm gonna i'm
gonna hit it with my war pick and i see if that i don't know does something hey guys we're rocking
back and forth here i got we got the mop can i do something to help what if we all chop at
the wood at the same time with a mop together jonathan shut up and go downstairs okay he was
pre we're taking it on there's a lot of water down there i'll go see if i can mop it
attaboy 10 points 2024 attack on the roll roll damage roll damage on your floor
hoped you hit the floor ten on one of them you you come over and you hit in hard and it it
breaks it up and it like half of it splinters out it doesn't come completely free yet but
you see this huge like spiked tying off this torpedo sticking up and out of the boat now hey
guys if we can get free get somebody on the ballista there you can fire off at them there's
look i think there's can't quite see but i think there's some fog up there uh and it maybe used
to be an inlet up over in that direction too we could probably pull up and try and lose them
in the fog i'll just keep chopping at the way i want to help okay two of you can continue
to chop at the wood tom you didn't look like you wanted to shoot the big gun uh no what i'm
gonna do instead um i'm gonna do some magic stuff uh so moot has the ability to twin a spell
when he uses his uh meta magic okay so i'm going to twin uh my firebolt because i assume
is there just one person operating there like grappling hook guns or is there two
um would you be able to see how many there are i still have the lucky loo uh you can take a look
out the lucky loo um it is a much larger ship than what you are on so it could be assumed
that there are more than more people than you have okay more than five more than five if i can
make out a couple of the uh like ballistas or whatever it is they're using i'll throw a spell
at uh two of them okay yeah so yeah you would definitely be able to yeah at least target where
the the two ballistas are probably not see much else going on on the ship okay so that'll be
18 to hit on the first one and 19 hit on the second one and you're aiming at the people not
the boat right uh well either the people or like the big guns that they're using okay you
could well you could hit either uh with with your eight with your with your hits there
so you tell me what you hit let's go for the people try to scare them off using those
then you definitely hit with both of those all right first one a solid two nice yeah uh second
one oh 10 all right describe to me what your spell looks like as it goes off in the storm
uh i throw like this uh it's not like a huge fireball or anything but it's a little
little bit of fire and uh yeah it kind of the splash that it causes it probably looks more
impressive than actually the damage that it does but uh and yeah it kind of lights up these people
and their their guns and they dive for cover nice yeah you've knocked them both off and um at
that uh the this there's a little bit more slack in the chain as you are able to connect
with these two spells please roll a d20 way ahead of you all right uh that's a six you're good all
right well that was uh that was pretty cool there uh looks like we got a little bit of leeway here
if you two can jimmy those uh those things out of there that'd be great yeah we've got they're
all kind of cleared away so i'm gonna try and just like heave it out heave ho yep i'll take
an oar and try to also help her lift by adding some leverage underneath all right uh roll with
so you get to roll with uh advantage and we're gonna roll athletics okay well that was 10 but
i'm gonna try again 16 they're heavier than you anticipated now you didn't put all your your back
into it but you managed to get one up and it's like over the edge of the railing at the
back it hasn't gone completely over yet um and out of the corner of your eyes sully you see
the two people that moot shot at with his fireballs um they are standing back up and
trying to get scrambled back to the ballista oh that's not good those guys uh they're being
they're being naughty uh oh crap moot you hit him again oh uh yeah sure i can i can try
again all right first one uh that's a 10 on the first one
oh second one was a nat 20 uh the 10 will go wide on all accounts uh the nat 20 will hit
double damage coming at you that
uh wow that is 19 damage nice yeah you launch one off and it hits hard and connects
and like you see it explode any even above the like the cacophony of rain and wind you hear just
as they you see someone knocked up and over into the ocean uh the other one you hit a
crest of wave and it goes wide glim and sully want to give me one more strength check and
we'll see if we can clear these i will help again d20 oh yeah oh it's a two
okay you roll on percentile we'll see if glim and sully do their thing and then your thing will
trigger okay 17 oh but i should yeah you're rolling advantage oh that was a nat 20 wow oh
yeah see this huge blast go off and you throw one up and then go help sully and throw the
other one off um both before as you throw the one off that you first had you feel it
tightening a little bit it was the person that moot missed um and you managed to get it off uh
before it pulls the ship apart again all right how fast can this thing go i mean let's go
hold on we got a we got a wild magic trigger oh give it to me 87 it's a high number
sometimes that means fun oh good so glim's gonna be one dorben's gonna be two
uh sully's gonna be three and jonathan's gonna be four roll a d4 for me oh okay
it's less fun when we're at risk three that's me sully begins to fly
oh what the hell can you i have you always been able to do that no i this isn't this this isn't
cool the ship continues moving and sully is flying oh no uh uh uh and i i take my staff
out of its holder and put it forward for someone to grab don't let me float away
don't you fucking let me throw away i'm gonna try and grab him uh make a dexterity saving throw
or uh it would be a saving throw it would just be a straight dex check check is 13 glim glim
glim can i help out with that i would say yeah you can you can assist so giving glim advantage
this is not okay i haven't told you if it's succeeded or not yet okay
grab me with you let me have advantage grab me with your lobster claw
help he is flailing just like well comedically in the air
chase jay swim in the air should i carla you can roll once more not much better
it's not what was the last time 13 so yeah it's 14 this time perfect it's like you you go to
grab one and it just slips out and then you reach up with your other hand and it also
uh even with moot like holding on to the back of your shirt trying to reach over so sully's
suspended in air over this churning a hurricane as the ship is doing its best to move towards
this inlet that you can now see coming into view but breaking through this fog which fog
is weird in a hurricane i don't know if anybody wanted to point that out but
is weird are your hands covered in butter
so
tumjins and dragons season 2 episode 87 starring Amy More as sully carla max that is glim tom
layered as moot and rust more is your dungeon master editing production and sound design by
rust More this episode featured music from Kavin mcleod and epidemic sound and sound effects from
epidemic sound boom library and sound ideas a huge thank you to our supporting producers
gabriel lynch jessica Babyok mark heartless stevie cat water flame jacob madden christian
brown devin michaels erin stevens eric hulahan and ray serbeck to support tumjins
and dragons and help us reach 85 patrons within our community unlocking a live streamed
improvised game as well as access to an exclusive podcast bonus episodes and much more please join
our Patreon at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast you can also follow us at facebook.com
slash dumb dragon podcast and on instagram and twitter at dumb dragon cast thank you for
listening you have a great week and we'll talk again soon
uh
and they land into the back uh uh fuck's the back port no starter stern stern stern
stern bow's the front yeah you gotta know your boat terms here carla fill me in right
i'm a boater now guys uh are you ready for the number one uh no oh my god wild magic
surge table that's not how you spell table
guys i'm trying my best to sneak as many nautical puns into this episode as possible
i just don't know enough about boats and they're in imperceptible with sully's accent
because like i'm trying to use like nautical words and like switch them but
Dumbgeons and dragons is a dumb dragons production