previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Do you know how Aurel escaped the fate of the other gods?
Maybe the Brotherhood has more information. Most of us just are thankful,
but her power seems to be waning as well. She looks up and says, oh, Thea and friends.
Macath, some things don't change.
I seek the gods. I seek my god, who I thought abandoned us.
If you find the gods, they will be able to help undo what Orcus has done.
But you have no further insight from all your hundreds of mages.
We know where they are not.
It is more than I had before.
We need to decide what we will do, how we survive without using magic.
Use it when it matters.
How long is it going to take us to find the gods?
But how do we say that getting back to Flint to do a ritual that might not even work
is worth the whole world?
I think we also seek the gods.
Good. Four swords better than one.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
He, him also with me today is Amy More.
Yes, she, her, and I am playing Thea Amastasia. Also, she, her.
And Tom Laird.
Yeah, that's me, he, him, and I am playing Tulgier, who also goes by he, him.
And Carla Maxted.
She, her, playing Yenbul Nury, who also goes by she, her.
And joining us again this week, because we just can't get enough,
it's Kristin Flemmons from the Broad Swords.
Can't get rid of me.
Hi.
We did not try to.
Tricked you into coming back against your will.
You think it's your idea.
You know, that's a, that's a mind twist that I'm okay with.
But yes, I will once again be playing Agath, god-lost,
Cathlo Olavi.
I think I screwed up my own name, but both she and I go by she, her.
Goliaths are tough.
Sometimes it gets smooth and then other times it's like, just call me,
just call me A.
Just go with Lady A, that name's never been used before.
Never, not once.
No, no, it's all good.
Where we have another Goliath is over on Patreon.
Amy plays that Goliath in another game.
And I mean, secondary character to some of the other characters.
But we'll come over.
Wow, that's how we're starting this.
So that's the kind of energy Russ brings when he's a player,
if you'd like to hear that game where Tom is a very kind and nice DM.
That's right.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast, where when you are a patron,
you get an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron, Deej Deman.
Deej Deman.
Deej.
That's right.
Thanks, Deej.
Awesome.
I feel like I'm on an episode of Full House.
Thanks, Deej.
Amazing.
Yep.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And now, fuck it, let's play.
Your group has been in Bryn Shander for three days now,
poring over the notebooks of the Arkane Brotherhood.
You spent time with Macoth, tracing over the previous explorers'
maps and writings, trying to piece together where the gods have been hidden or locked away.
We hear Macoth speak.
Luskin was a stronghold.
Much like Waterdeep was.
Orcus's forces, for a long time, could not break the barriers set up by the Brotherhood.
We created a barrier, much like the one that looms
low now over the top of what remains of Icewind Dale.
This was before we truly knew the gods were gone and that our efforts were for nothing.
In the coming months, the barrier we were able to maintain got smaller and smaller.
We couldn't explain why.
Nothing had changed.
The spells were the same, our focus had waned marginally,
but we had enough wizards to create a rotation.
We thought it had to be an external force,
something that Orcus and his followers were employing beyond our walls.
Then death began creeping in.
Seemingly beneath the barrier, trees and animals on our side began to die.
Then people, healthy people, began to drop for no reason.
One day they were helping the cause, the next they would cease to be living.
Until they started to rise again.
You don't know the fear until you're staring down a hideous enemy with an endless supply
of creatures only to have your own turn into that which you are fighting on your own side
of the wall.
We didn't know what to do.
We locked up in the tower with as many people as we could and blew the bridge.
We lost so many.
We could have saved more if only there was more time.
We were shaken and lost focus.
The walls came down and we were overrun.
We narrowed our focus to protect the tower and now that it was closer,
we could see the damage beyond.
The fields of death, the forests gone, the rivers and ocean blackened.
Orcus was winning and we were the ones helping him.
We couldn't explain it.
Magic draws from the land and the land is replenished by the gods.
But when the gods were called, there was no answer.
Did they leave us?
Move on to another world that was in better shape?
That was filled with more hope?
Or were they trapped?
We heard of a refuge here in Icewind Dale.
A god remained.
Aurel remained.
Her own paranoia saved her.
She was shielded by the blizzards of Icewind Dale and Orcus's followers
couldn't find any towns let alone a god hidden within the storms.
We came any way we could.
Many were lost in the trek across Faerun and as we still are,
we were scared to teleport or use any magic
for fear of furthering Orcus's plans.
It took months of travel to finally make it.
We were less than half the number we were when we started but thankful to arrive.
The blizzards parted and led us here to Bryn Shander.
We've been here ever since.
Orl could sense the gods had left the world
but that they were still within reach.
Not abandoned but imprisoned.
Shrouded in a cloud of evil and death that she could not break through.
Orl's powers are fading as well.
The last known god fueling the entire world.
The blizzard stopped and she diverted her energy to the barrier you came through
which gets smaller every day.
We began sending out scouts and wizards and explorers
to try and find any sign of the gods or the place they could be kept.
And so far nothing has turned up.
We are down to only a few of our original number.
Traveling through the plains of course is a dangerous task
and what we found is that it is as unforgiving as it is here within the material plane
as Orcus's reach extends throughout all known realms
and the more life that is lost the more power he gains.
We've received reports back from all the planes except these four.
Avernus, Pandemonium, Carceri, and Limbo.
But everywhere we've been the rulers have changed.
Demon lords have been given control of the planes
and present even more chaos than what could already be expected.
Well, I'm so sorry for everyone you've lost.
I have to say it's a little demoralizing hearing of this,
but I mean we're here to help in any way we can.
So tell us about Limbo.
It sounds like the four worst places.
So Pandemonium, that can't be good.
Limbo, I mean-
There's just a lot going on in Pandemonium.
Yeah. What was the other? Avernus?
Avernus and Carceri.
Limbo is a plane of pure chaos.
You could call it a roiling soup of impermanent matter and energy.
Neat. How on earth does one find a god in a place like that?
This has been the problem.
Right. Have you tried tying a rope onto someone and then sending them in?
Travel between all of these places happens through the astral plane.
I was just trying to lighten the mood. It's not a serious suggestion.
Shall I go on?
Yes, can you please tell us about the other planes?
Well, it doesn't get better if that's what you're hoping for.
Pandemonium is a plane of madness,
a great mass of rock riddled with tunnels carved by howling winds.
It's cold and noisy and dark with no natural light there.
Well, that one does sound quite bad.
Now, Carceri is a model for all other prisons in existence.
It's a plane of desolation and despair and holds layers of vast bogs and fetid jungles
and deserts and jagged mountains surrounded by frigid oceans and black ice.
I mean, I feel like that's probably the one we're going to need to go to.
Would it be too literal to imprison the gods in a prison plane?
Okay, all right.
Macoth, what has been your experience of Orcus and his humor? Is he always so on the nose?
He hasn't shown a great amount of humor.
You know, sometimes the evildoers do tricks.
I understand a lighter foe might throw a gaff or a guffaw.
A quick pun.
A quick yes.
But no, just constant unending stream of undead.
Death. Yeah.
Great, great.
And Avernus, one of the harder ones to get to,
as we can't get to it through a planar portal,
we'd have to find a way to enter the nine hells.
Which hell is Avernus out of the nine, if you were to rank it from one to nine?
Number one.
Okay, wait, number one, like it's the best hell or it's the first hell?
And is best the worst or is worst the best?
Or is it the first one you can get to?
It's very bad.
Is it a layered, like a layered cake?
What layer would it be?
Were we going right to the bottom of the cake?
Okay, how bad would it be if you went to Avernus and you ran into Tiamat?
Because Tiamat is there.
Or at least was there.
I don't know if she remains.
I mean, she probably wouldn't be thrilled to see this one.
They have a bit of history, it'd be quite bad.
Quite bad.
Awkward could be a description?
Really awkward?
I don't know.
Your relationship with her?
I mean, I know you.
I mean, they didn't date or anything.
I don't think.
No, she just killed my best friend.
No big deal.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah, yeah, soup's awkward.
Okay, well, I don't want to go to Avernus if we could just,
like, because I mean, we can't go everywhere, right?
So if we could just knock one off the list for now.
Leave it till last.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like your optimism.
We will get through three others.
I mean, hey, we could get lucky.
First one we go to, we could, you know, get it rich
and then not have to go to the other three.
That is an option.
Yeah, that's a possibility.
I hope that's the case for you.
I also don't like the sound of pandemonium.
Dark, unending caves, madness, cold, also noisy.
This sounds very bad.
I don't have dark vision.
That sucks.
So not my first choice.
Why don't we go for the obvious prison?
Yes, perhaps Orcus is evil, but not imaginative.
Perhaps.
So you would like to go to Corsairi?
No, we wouldn't like to go to any of these places.
I don't really think a like is...
That would be stretching it.
Yes.
Your wish is to start your search in Corsairi.
Have you sent anyone else to Corsairis or Corsairin?
I keep saying Corsairi.
Corsairi.
So neither.
No.
Okay.
It's mystery option C.
You did not list.
Yes.
Have you sent others to Corsairi?
Yes.
Yes, there was a band of wizards we sent and have yet to hear from.
How big is this band?
Standard Five, Lead Singer, Couple Backup Dancer.
You've got the cute young one.
You've got the blonde one.
The blonde one.
You've got the smart one.
The one that is like weirdly older than the rest of them.
Exactly.
One was about to go solo, but you know, we brought them back in.
One all the girls fall for, but he's not into them.
And Justin Timberlake is there.
How did you know?
Sorry.
How many wizards did you send?
Three.
Three wizards.
So it was more of a trio then.
Three.
It was three.
Yes.
So more of a trio than a band.
Yeah.
Your humor is going to serve you well.
Maybe why I'm still alive today.
Just because the world is all darkness and terror doesn't mean you can't try to find
a little humor.
Maybe every time I laugh an undead thing dies for real.
This seems unlikely.
Well, I choose to believe it.
How long have the wizards been gone?
They've been gone for nine months.
In my head, I was like two years.
Much longer than I thought you were going to say.
So they are unlikely to still be alive.
Oh, but we can hope.
The plane in and of itself is, we don't know much beyond what I've told you,
if time passes differently or...
Oh, God, you guys, we could end up being in there for like two days
and it's another 10 years.
Ross, don't even fucking do it.
I haven't written that down until right now.
Don't write it down.
It was my idea.
Get your own ideas.
Stop it.
If there's another time jump, I quit podcast.
Carlos out.
I have a question though.
I don't entirely know how the whole gods and magic thing worked.
I just kind of assumed as a druid that...
Nature was its own magic, but if it is truly that gods essentially fuel the world,
are they fueling our plane?
Are they fueling all planes?
Have the gods exited this plane?
There isn't enough so that we can't feel it.
So luckily we've got Oral just right here.
If we get to another plane and I use magic there,
am I going to be able to tell if the magic's going to be replenished?
And if so, doesn't that mean the gods are on that plane?
Yes, this is a brilliant question.
Thank you.
The experiences we've had from the wizards who've returned is that when casting,
if there is life remaining in the planes or any form of life, it too leaves.
So we have yet to confirm that theory.
Right, because you have not found the gods on a plane yet, so you don't know what will happen.
But doesn't that kind of answer my question a little bit?
Like a god has to be on a plane in order for them to replenish the magic?
Gods don't live generally.
Oral is an anomaly.
Oh, okay.
That part I didn't understand.
Okay, so they're captured and their powers are
dampened or hindered, regardless of where they are.
Okay, well, I mean, it was a fair idea.
It was such a good idea.
I thought we could just go to plane, dip in, do a quick spell.
Well, they're not here.
Maybe someone didn't think of it.
The gods have been known to visit and stir, but they don't reside here.
They live within their own planes.
Bahamut and Celestia, many of the devils and greater demons in the Abyss or Avernus,
all within separate levels of existence.
Hence what makes them so powerful to be gods that they can impact other planes from other planes.
I'm learning so much, you guys.
So how does one travel to Karsari?
We would send you through a portal to the astral plane.
There you would travel through the astral plane until you found a portal pool.
That would lead you to Karsari.
They are color-coded for convenience.
Olive is the color you're looking for for Karsari.
Now, traditionally, we were not supposed to eat before we go in pools.
Is that still the case for these ones?
It's not as if you're swimming, more transferring through.
The reaction to teleportation is different for all, some experience nausea.
So if you're concerned about that, maybe pack a snack and eat it once you arrive.
Okay, will do.
I mean, should we get this show on the road?
Just one more question.
Were you being sarcastic about the color-coding?
No, they are actually color-coded.
Okay, this is good to know.
When we come back, we go the same way we arrived?
We'll go back to astral plane?
Yes.
And what color is this pool?
Is silver.
Material plane is silver.
And what about the other?
In case we go, we don't need to come back here every time.
If we go, we don't find.
The color of limbo is jet black.
Pandemonium is magenta.
Karsari is olive, and as we have said,
Avernus has no way to travel to it through the astral plane.
At least we can't accidentally end up in hell.
No, no, you can't, not Avernus.
Not through a pool, Amy, not through a pool.
You should know there are 18 total planes of existence
other than the material plane.
I feel like I'm really holding it all together with this,
but is this blowing anyone else's mind?
It is a lot to take in and learn.
I feel like since we've returned from the pyramid,
the world has gotten about 400,000 times more complicated.
Anyone missing the pyramid right now?
Actually, by anybody.
It's just you, Yenbil, I guess.
Well, I mean, yeah, the last 10 years
weren't so great outside of that pyramid.
Pyramid had the best bathrooms.
I can't even explain this bathroom.
It was incredible.
I would like you to try explaining the bathroom.
There was a fireplace, for one.
In the bathroom.
Yes, that seems excessive.
Beautiful music.
It was very large.
Smelled like, what was it?
Freshly baked cookies.
It was incredible.
It's perhaps the best room I have ever been in
in all of my travels.
And this was all for a bathroom?
Yes.
Yeah, I think of that bathroom often.
Sounds like a fancy pyramid.
Yeah, it was.
Well, I'm just trying not to freak out
about all the different worlds who,
apparently, Orcus has his paw in every single one of them.
Yeah, you could say that.
Are there no other bad gods who are not happy about this?
Well, it is our understanding that
the quote unquote bad gods are also missing.
Oh.
Well, fuck.
So it was like he went out and gathered them all up.
I was kind of hoping the enemy of my enemy
situation, but he just took everyone who was equal
or more powerful than him and just rounded them up.
Yeah, it seems he promoted various demon lords
to control the different planes.
We don't know who controls the four
that you are intending to go to.
Oh, I have some hopes.
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
Care to share with the class?
Old friend, Lipsinki.
Is Lipsinki a demon lord?
Sort of.
She was really moving up in the ranks.
Oh.
Yeah.
I can't say I've heard of a demon lord Lipsinki.
Yet.
When she puts her mind to something,
she really gets a job done.
But, you know, friendly face, I don't know.
Would a goth's horse Rax be able to join us?
Yes.
Hey, Donnie, you want to come with?
I'm giving you the option, buddy.
I don't think it'd be fair for me to just take you in my purse.
Yeah, what am I going to do here?
Like just sit and wait for this little dome
to come down and crush me?
No, let's go have some fun.
I'll sting some demon lords.
It'll be great.
Really, you're going to sting some demon lords?
Yeah, absolutely.
Oh, you're such a big boy.
Kids got moxie.
Get me close to the shorts or right up the pants.
It'll be good.
As you all know, demon lords wear shorts.
Well, cargo shorts, obviously.
All the time.
The most evil of attire.
They're very convenient, though, is what I hear.
White tank tops, cargo shorts.
That's what they are wearing.
It is the official uniform.
You're telling me they got mullets, too?
Tall white socks, sandals.
White running shoes.
Oh, sandals.
Even more evil.
Very stylish.
You can sting anyone you see looking like that.
Great.
You don't even need to ask first, just go for it.
Well, Tokyo's got cargo shorts on.
Oh, yeah, but look, no white tank top.
Oh, no sandals.
All right.
It's hard to adventure in sandals.
Closed-toed shoes.
Oh, yes.
Recommended.
OHS will be all over your ass.
You wear those closed-toed shoes.
OK.
I think we're all in agreement, albeit freaked out,
about all these different realms.
Does everyone know about it and nobody talks about it?
Is this what?
We did not learn about this in Calumport.
Is it just magical folk?
I consider myself magical folk,
but I'm not a book learner in magical folk.
But do you just?
Well, higher-level educators and those that spend time
looking beyond our world.
I feel like this should be something taught to children,
yes?
That there are roiling prison worlds?
No, that there are 19 planes and here's the one you live on.
Well, I mean, just so that that way,
if they're trying to save the world,
this information doesn't come as a shortcut.
It's quite like a reeling right now.
I'm really trying to keep it together.
I feel like I knew, you know, about a few.
Astral material, but not the abyss, et cetera, et cetera.
I feel like I had a handful and there's like
so many more than a handful.
Is there anyone that has a ridiculous name?
Oh, good question.
Anything funny?
Yeah, anything we could maybe turn into a little bit of a joke.
You want me to just run down them?
Is this like just we want to learn all of the planes right now?
Well, if you can't parse it to pick the joke up, I guess.
And there's the beast lands.
That one's not really funny.
There's Arcadia.
Arcadia is a good one.
I mean, pandemonium is pretty like on the nose
for as far as like what it is.
Yeah, it seems a little too like obvious on that one.
Mechanus, you know.
Yeah, that unfamiliar.
Ysgard.
I mean, there's none that's like, whoo, that's a zinger.
Okay, it's too bad.
Yeah, we'll work on that for next time.
Yeah, a missed opportunity when naming the plane.
I'd like to learn more about, there's got to be nice ones, right?
Where I mean, we're only focused.
Yeah, yeah, no, no.
The ones you're going to are the more chaotic planes there.
I mean, Mechanus is a very lawful plane.
Order is pivotal and key there.
And there's, you know, ranges on all sides of the spectrum.
Does anyone need to rest up or heal up or?
I mean, you've been there for three days.
Oh, it's been three days, guys.
Never mind, let's go.
Yeah, let's set up this prison world.
Let's go.
All right, she hands each of you a belt with potions on it.
You each receive a potion of water breathing, fire breathing.
What?
Okay, sorry.
You know, when you're just so stupid for a second that you just really,
you just can't even with yourself at this moment, like water breathing,
got it, breathing under water, fire breathing.
When would I ever have to breathe in fire?
And I was like, oh, no, you breathe out fire, Amy.
And then I just was really disappointed in myself.
Breathing in fire, to be perfectly honest with you.
Am I swimming through flames and I need to breathe the flames?
Because if so, I think I'd rather want my body to be protected.
Is it breathing fire?
I was right the first way.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, then I was way too hard on myself.
Amy, I'm sorry.
Really?
Yeah.
I don't think it exists anywhere.
So just, you know, make a note.
Okay. I'm going to just trust people who have this written down.
I'm Amy. I don't take notes.
Yeah.
A potion of heat resistance, poison immunity, and acid.
Oh, good. Poison and acid.
Yeah. Well, they're two different things, obviously.
And all grant you the ability to breathe in atmospheres that require such a potion,
but also grant you resistance to damages incurred from those.
Oh. Oh, guys, it's going to be brutal.
If he's giving us a boon like that, this is not going to go well.
Okay.
It's not going to be great.
No, it's not.
It's not going to be good.
Oh, dear.
Yeah.
Okay.
All possible.
Lakoth leads you to what looked to be like a community hall
that they've turned into more of like base of operations.
In the center, there's a giant drawn out runic transportation circle.
She leads you to the center of this circle.
So it's a star gate.
It's a star gate.
Exactly.
Yep.
She leads you to the center of this circle.
Make sure, you know, it kind of checks your belt.
Make sure you got all the potions you need.
Is there anything else that you guys think you might want before you go?
I don't know, man.
We're so outmatched.
Like, what could we?
Okay.
Let's just give it a shot.
All right.
Probably can't even use magic.
So there's me and Amy out of helpfulness.
We'll see what happens.
You can use magic.
Use it wisely.
Yeah. One of us could probably die.
Yeah, exactly.
Sorry, Tallgear.
Breaking case of emergency magic situation.
I really needed barber skin.
Just had to have it.
All right, here we go.
Hey, it's the middle.
So pickles and peanut butter sandwich.
Yay or nay?
Oh, never had it.
Not brave enough.
Seems not good, even just like texture.
It seems like it's got a lot going on.
I feel like the pickles would be too wet.
Yeah, that's what I agree.
Yeah, it seems.
Well, they'd slip right out because peanut butter notoriously slippery.
Yeah, but I don't know.
You go to peanut butters and banana.
Yeah, but banana has some stick.
Other than the shape, I'm not sure that pickles and bananas
have a lot in common to make it like,
well, we make peanut butter banana sandwiches.
Fair.
You know what?
That was good enough for Elvis.
Well, for us, it was like the peanut butter slippery.
It could slip right out.
Well, if banana stick in there.
I said the pickles were slippery.
It would slip right out.
What if we're talking small gherkins that you don't cut?
That seems even worse somehow.
Like you just have a round ass pickle in your.
Yeah, but small ones.
Listen, you guys, I'm going to do some market research on this.
I'm going to get back to you.
You let me know.
Give it a shot.
I want to hear how it is.
Well, you know where I'll tell you all about my peanut butter pickle sandwiches?
Tell me.
Over on Patreon, Patreon.com.
And I will post pictures to Discord.
If Amy posts this information to Patreon, maybe,
we'll also put it in our newsletter.
So you can go sign up for that too at demdragons.com.
I'll do a full review.
There's a subscription link.
Yeah, I'll do a full review in the newsletter.
I that's the kind of content you guys are looking for.
I somehow feel like I'm nervous for Amy writing a check that I don't think she wants to cash,
but like she seems so committed to it and I want to support her.
So like get it, girl.
Sometimes we record these interludes, but I don't release them because it's like
we get other things going on.
We record other interludes.
So maybe this one will be one of those and Amy will just eat a peanut butter
pickle sandwich for no reason.
That would be amazing.
No, I want to know when this is released.
We'll just do a solo interlude like back in the day.
Hey guys, it's just me, Russ here.
Just coming at you because everybody's sleeping in the house
and I stay up really late to edit these things.
Just coming at you because I punked my wife into eating
a peanut butter pickle sandwich for no reason.
Anyway, back to the episode.
You're the worst.
Yeah, that's me, the worst.
But yes, we would like you to come join us over on Patreon,
Patreon.com.
Dem Dragoncast where, hey, guess what?
Grancis and Flame McKins are looking to break out of the abyss
and they need your help by signing up with us
and supporting the show that you are listening to right now.
That'd be Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Just in case you needed a quick reminder because this interlude was random
and we didn't talk about anything show related.
You forgot what you were listening to.
It was some sort of amazing culinary show
you'd accidentally started listening to.
That's right.
It's the Great British Bake Off spin-off podcast that we're doing.
Gross Canadian sandwiches.
Just wait for this episode to come out.
I don't know if Canada would be happy with us putting our name
with its name on the peanut butter pickle sandwich.
All right, get Trudeau on the line.
We've got this.
One's got to include Miracle Whip.
Yeah, there you go.
That's the reason why.
If you all made yeah, it would have been out.
But no, you blew it.
All right, everybody.
Thank you for listening to whatever this was.
And we'll talk to you all later.
Enjoy the episode.
Okay, bye.
As you enter the astral plane,
you won't be able to move yourself the way you're used to.
You will use your thought to move in a direction.
You think forward, you will move forward.
Back, you will move back.
Yes, yep.
And if you perhaps lose focus and start to think of other things.
You'll just begin spinning and spinning and no,
you'll just remain either in motion if you had started moving or you'll stay still.
Will we still have our physical bodies?
Yes.
Is this just for being in the in-between-y stage?
Yes, once you enter one of the other realms, you will.
I mean, as far as we understand,
you'll be able to move of your own volition.
It's just when traveling through the astral plane.
Can someone please hand me a couple daggers before I go?
She nods over to one of the assistants along the side
and they run out quickly and after a few moments.
And a scimitar.
He pokes his head back in, nods, runs out,
and comes back a moment later with two daggers and a scimitar.
Thanks, man.
Any other small weapons to take against demon lords?
Hey, shut up.
I don't have any spells.
You do have spells.
I do have spells.
We do have spells.
No, I know this, however.
Yeah, I get it.
Well, if that is all, Makoth takes a few steps out of the circle.
Is there like a magic word to activate it?
You see two wizards along the side step up
with books in their hand and begin casting a spell.
Oh, it looks like it's lots of magic words, guys.
Portal begins to swirl beneath you.
The runes blend together and begin to light up.
Below you, you see this light from somewhere else come.
It's black and purples and like streaks of lightning beneath you
and it lifts up and around you as you blink
and you're suddenly floating in what looks like the deepness and vastness of space.
Off in the distance, you see structures of destroyed stars and planets and meteors
and comets zipping by.
You see pools of color swirling off in the distance in no particular direction
and every direction all at once.
Oh my god, I'm freaking out.
You take that big breath and it feels like it feels like thick soup entering your lungs.
As the panic sets in as this change in atmosphere,
you release your breath and realize all is fine.
It's okay, guys.
I'm not breathing water.
It's just it's still air.
Oh, okay.
I look around.
Does it look like any particular direction we should be going?
Do we see pools?
What do we see?
Yeah, we see a lot of stuff.
Yes, we see an olive garden.
Is there one of those diagrams like when you go into the mall
and it shows you where each of the diagrams?
No, no dice.
It's like you're in the middle of the Milky Way.
You see streaks of lightning happening in a storm over to the right.
You see like inverted like broken down dead planets rolling by.
You see like you feel gases or what you could describe as gases
like rolling up as clouds passing around you.
Well, I don't think we should just float here.
Should we just go in a direction?
I don't have a better solution.
So, yes.
When we go forward, when Rax goes forward,
is it like when you hold a dog just above water
and the legs are going?
It thinks it's swimming?
Yeah.
I was wondering, I'm assuming Rax is not.
I'm assuming Rax is not coping great with this.
Yeah.
We'll give you that idea.
Yeah.
And the whole thing about trying to think to go somewhere
might be a little bit much.
So, Rax and Donnie could.
Donnie's in my pocket.
Yeah, yeah, Rax.
Yeah, I guess Rax would be as you enter this space
and are seeing this and there's no ground beneath you
and you're just floating.
Like there's, he's panicking and also not moving.
So, like his hooves are kicking out and banging loudly.
Can I use my mind link to speak telepathically to Rax?
Because I can do that to any creature within 60 feet,
even if we don't share a language.
Sure, absolutely.
And that is what I will do.
I think I will probably go up to him
and try and put a hand on him or something,
although he's a bit crabby.
So I'm not sure if he's really going to want me to do that.
But I will approach in a calm manner
and speaking to him telepathically.
And I think he will also be able to speak back to me.
Do they have to have a language period or?
I don't know.
It just says you don't need to share a language
with the creature for it to understand
your telepathic messages.
And it says creature, so.
Maybe it won't respond to you,
but maybe it'll understand you.
Because maybe it would be like, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay.
Like how you can communicate with an animal in a real life,
but you don't share a language.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Like I tell my doctor to sit and she stares at me.
That's how that works.
Exactly.
Yeah, I think, yeah, I mean, I'd allow it.
You must be calm.
We are safe now.
We are going somewhere much more dangerous.
I think, I mean, I don't think that there's words associated,
but I think at the suggestion that we're safe now,
you get a distinctly horsey sense of fucking bullshit.
Hard disagree.
We must all travel together in the same direction.
And to travel here,
you have to think about where you want to go,
not just move your feet.
So if I want to go over there and I point,
I think of going in that direction and I do that.
And hopefully that means I move over there
to show Rex what the heck I'm talking about.
Are you saying this out loud as well?
I don't know.
I don't think so.
Okay, so I think Agath is just sort of staring at you.
Because I'm just staring at Rex.
Cawking her head a little bit.
And she'll just grab Rex's nose and head
and just be like, hush, the fight is yet to come.
And just start trying to tow him somewhere.
So maybe between the two of those things,
we could try, should we roll animal handling?
Like animal handling?
Yeah, let's do that.
Or persuasion.
I think animal handling is probably the best.
But persuasion, no, I don't actually have a better roll.
Nevermind.
I've got crackers.
You want to nail a persuasion roll.
Yeah, that just made me very hungry.
15.
You must be very hungry if the word crackers made you be like, oh.
Well, I immediately thought animal crackers
and that just made me really happy.
That sounds good.
17, because I have a plus nine in animal handling.
Wow.
Well, to control a horse like Rex, you'd need it.
Yeah, I guess so.
It's true, it's true.
Yeah, Rex is justifiably freaking out
until between the two of you,
you're reasoning as much as you can
and slowly begins to fall in line.
I feel like it's probably a little bit like
trying to drive a tandem bicycle
with two people who are trying to drive it
a little differently.
Just a little, I'm trying to tow him
just through sheer will
and he's trying to do things
but it doesn't really quite.
So it's just like, I imagine maybe the three of you
are efficiently moving and behind,
it's just like, chh, chh, chh, chh.
It's like driving a stick shift for the first time.
It's like, stop, start, stop, start, stop.
All right, you all begin propelling yourselves forward.
Towards who knows what.
Somebody roll me a D4.
Oh, I'll do it,
because I mean, this could be high or low.
It doesn't, like, who knows what it's supposed to be.
Could be anything.
That was a four.
Was four the best one?
Four was the best one.
Oh, I did it.
It was always the best one.
Time here is difficult to judge.
There's no sunrise, there are no sunsets.
You're traveling for a long time.
The astral plane,
normally because you're not exuding energy,
nothing really happens to you.
You're just moving until you find a place
that you want to be.
But you've been traveling so long
and it's different, as are most things.
But you're going to need to make
a constitution saving throw.
I was going to say, do we have, like, mortal urges?
Oh, nat two.
Sorry, I just didn't like going right after Tom.
I also rolled a nat two, which brings me to a four.
Is this a con save?
No, a five, a five.
Then this brings me to a six.
And a six, because I have plus one on saving throws.
So a six.
I managed to really wrangle a hot six out of that.
So Karla and I sucked this.
I got a 17.
Okay, well, things aren't looking good for the spellcaster.
We're going to fall asleep.
Thea and Yen, no, you just, Thea and Yen Bull,
you tally one point of exhaustion.
Well, then.
And I guess at this point, you've been traveling for...
Time.
A time.
More than what you could presume to be a day.
Oh, jeez.
Seeing all manners of celestial objects.
And you come across, up in the distance,
what looks like a very far distance.
A figure of some sort.
Did anyone else think that when we were going to be astral projected here,
that we would be astral projected to the place that we needed to be?
Yeah, I pictured like a room with a series of tubes.
And you just pick whichever one you want to go in.
I thought it'd be like a room of like water fountains, perhaps?
Like, oh, sure.
Yes, this is what I pictured to dip your toes in.
Lots of water features and various colors that you can pick between.
Instead, I'm just so tired.
Is there sitting in this place?
I mean, you can move your body.
Okay, I continue to move forward, but now in a sitting position?
Yeah.
Okay.
Great.
Way less tiring.
Right.
Well, I figured.
Moving in no particular direction.
And you're getting closer to this figure.
Humanoid?
What do you guys think that is?
The closer you get, you begin to see outlines of what could be skeletal remains
that are getting larger, the closer you get to them.
Anyone else thinking that they dropped off this poor band of wizards
and they just never found their fucking way
to the pool that they were supposed to get at and they just died out here?
It's possible all search parties are still just in astral plane, wandering around.
Well, I have a feeling a lot of them have probably done this before,
and it's probably easier to do once you've done it a time or two.
That's a good point.
But I mean, hey, they might all be dead, so.
Do you think that's who we are approaching,
or this is probably one of Orcus's undead creatures, skeleton?
The odds of us happening across the remains of this wizard party
who went to our destination in a giant galactic universe type plane seem fairly slim.
Yeah, that's a good point.
It would be uncanny.
Things like that happen to us all the time, though.
The more you travel, these remains start to look gigantic to you.
Oh, that's not people.
I do not think that is the wizard.
How gigantic.
Yeah.
And is it moving?
It does not appear to be moving.
However, there appears to be something moving on it.
Neat.
Elaborate.
You see.
Like bugs crawling?
Like what?
Yeah.
From the distance you are at, it appears like winged creatures
crawling across the bones of this deceased being.
Astral carrion eaters?
Hopefully.
I mean, I was under the impression that this was the in-between.
Kind of like the bus stop,
like the where you can get on many different buses from this point.
Their eyes turn towards you.
Three of these creatures.
Their wings shoot up.
They have giant bulbous skulls and elongated face
with arms that extend almost ape-like.
Very cool.
They have these giant claw-hooked wings on their back.
Their main body looks almost emaciated
and they let out this hideous scream and begin swiftly moving towards you.
Let's roll for initiative.
I'm going to put this dice away that rolled me the two.
Into dice jail with you.
Oh, this room rolled me a two too.
Oh, that's nice.
So that's a four.
Twelve.
Eleven.
Twenty.
I don't really want to go first.
I don't think you will be.
This creature with speed that is hard to describe
quickly is in front of you and moves to attack Thea
with a bite and a claw attack.
So that's going to be a 21 on the bite and a 21 on the claw.
Is Thea within five feet of me?
I assume you would all be traveling close.
Cool.
I don't think we're social distancing here.
I think we're snug.
I will use a wording maneuver because I want to use all my post-its.
That's the goal.
So if a creature I can see within five feet of me is hit by an attack,
I can roll a D8 as a reaction and add the number rolled to Thea's AC.
I don't know what your AC is and if this has a chance of...
Get more than a four.
I'll try once I identify which dice is a D8.
It's a three.
Okay, so as this thing zips forward, describe what a goth does to try and block.
Yeah, I think it's like whipping out the shield and I think it's just habit.
You go to move your body to get in front of something and you forget to think yourself
forward and so the shield just doesn't quite get far enough out in front.
But if the attack still hits, you have resistance against the damage.
So you do have resistance against the attack even though...
If I have double resistance now, do I not have to take any damage?
Because we already had resistance, right?
Well, you have resistance versus resistance, so you get half and then half, right?
So you get quarter damage, sure.
Well, you only have resistance from her.
You don't have piercing damage resistance.
You told us that we had...
I gave you potions for air, poison, water.
Fire.
Where's the pointy resistance potion?
I didn't give you a pointy.
Yeah, I thought you said we get resistance to take half damage.
Of the potions that I listed.
I thought you were giving us overall half damage.
I was like, this is going to be really bad.
All right, well, I'll take all the full damage.
Give it to me.
Well, no, you get half because resistance.
Okay, I'll have half.
Geez.
You get four and then another eight.
Good use of the post-it note.
That's right.
All right.
It's your turn, Agath.
All right, well, now that I remember how to move and am angry,
I'm going to hit the one that hit Thea.
I'm going to hit it hard.
Do it.
Yeah.
That motherfucker scratched me.
Yeah, exactly.
How dare they?
Wow, there's so many weapons here.
What do I do with this?
Choose a big one.
Mace.
Mace it is.
Three attacks.
Sure, go for it.
23 to hit on the first attack.
Yes, 23 hits, yeah.
Got to be a 14.
This one's 13, so this one misses.
And then yeah, that's another 20 something.
So two of them hit.
Ooh, two sixes.
So 18 damage between the two hits.
Your mace carves into this and there's huge chunks of flesh
that fly off of its body.
Did they move?
Like how does physics work if the chunks of flesh,
like is it still-
Did they have to think they're flesh to the side?
I'm going to say inertia is a thing
because otherwise the world gets more fucked.
So yeah, if you hit it, it's going to continue moving.
A lump of flesh in motion will remain in motion
unless acted on by an outside adventurer?
Exactly.
Got it.
Let's do that.
Because otherwise it's, yeah, it's too much.
It's so complicated otherwise.
Anything else you would like to do?
I will just stay close and review my post-it notes until my next turn.
Yen Bull, you're up.
All I can do is cast spells.
So that's what I'm going to do.
Sorry to whoever I'm killing out there in the world.
Please don't let it be me, please don't let it be me.
I'm going to cast Sacred Flame.
They need to do a deck save.
21.
Well, that'll do it.
So I think they take half damage.
I rolled a 14.
No, it's just nothing.
That's my turn.
Just nothing.
Just some flame comes out and then.
Well, you know what?
There's no oxygen in space.
What?
Again, we can't.
I don't think we can get into that.
It's God Flame.
It's Radiant Flame.
Oh, that's right.
It belongs there.
It's its home.
Or something flame.
It's Radiant.
Something flame.
Yep.
It's Dreaming Dark Flame.
It's something else.
It's complicated, OK?
Wait, I actually will do something else
because I think I have bonus action.
I'm also going to cast Shield of Faith on Thea.
So a shimmering field appears and surrounds Thea,
granting her a plus two bonus to AC.
Ooh.
Talgir, before your turn, well, all of you notice
there was movement in the air, quote unquote.
It begins to pick up and begin to swirl.
And there's these clouds kind of roiling
around the area that you are in.
And it's your turn, Talgir.
Great.
I love getting that information before my turn.
Fight the wind and the nail.
Get those clouds.
It's perfect.
I love it.
Love attacking the wind.
I'm going to put my shield on my back
and turn my battle axe into a two-handed weapon.
And I'm going to take a couple swings at the nearest one.
All right.
First one is a 19 to hit.
19 will hit, yep.
Second one is a 23 to hit.
Yes.
That's 14 damage on the first one,
14 damage on the second one.
Describe to me the death of this one.
Yeah, I mean, two-handed, like,
big old bastard chop to the neck
and it takes down.
The head comes loose and falls
and the body, you see, goes limp.
And in the same moment,
the image of this being begins to fade.
And it's the other two's turn.
And one of them is going to move towards Talgir
and one towards Agath.
The one moving towards Talgir is going to take two strikes.
First one is a 14, second one is a seven.
Neither of those will do the job.
Well, beans.
Second one goes towards Agath
and is also, that's a 17 and a 10.
I think you've got, like, a 800 AC.
Yeah, that's, that's.
At least.
It's cute.
Suck yeah.
They're just flapping around them.
That's right.
Very irritating.
Pet, pet.
Thea, it's your turn.
You see that Ceased one is fading from view
and make a perception check.
I'll perceive.
28.
Oh.
Fuck.
You see everything.
You have, like, that meme with the math.
The galaxy brain.
I understand.
So you see a few things.
You see, like, the cloud around you
beginning to get thicker,
but beyond that, before it gets to be too thick,
you see more movement on the bones
of, like, more of these creatures
kind of peeking up and over
some of the bones.
Guys, there's a lot more of these things over there.
Perhaps, perhaps hiding?
Perhaps.
We did just pick a random direction and go in it.
We could just go in a different direction.
Yes, we could perhaps hide in this cloud
or maybe there would be worse things in the cloud.
I'm not entirely sure,
but forward is not the only direction.
What if we went down?
What if we beat the shit out of these things in the clouds?
I'm not entirely sure.
Do we see the olive pool anywhere, Russ?
Just roiling clouds and a bunch of bastard baddies.
Didn't really give us all the information.
Maybe we asked too many things about jokes.
She got really sick of us and was like, yep, just go.
Well, you think she'd tell us where the pool was
if she wasn't going to put us by the pool.
I'm just saying.
You drop someone in a city.
I mean, how do you landmark things in this kind of plane?
That's a good question.
It's true.
It's by the giant floating corpse.
Maybe.
It's by the big dinosaur bones.
Yeah, I'm going to take my daggers out
and I'm going to dagger the nearest one.
My daggers in each hand.
Daggers.
I like how you ask for weapons
and ask for just a dagger and a scimitar.
Oh, well, I'm proficient.
Listen, I'm used to spells and I'm legit worried
of killing somebody.
That's only 13.
14, I think it needed.
And that one's a 19.
19 will hit.
And here's the tiny bit of damage coming at you.
Five.
You stab into it.
You pull your blade back and the blood begins to swirl around.
And you begin to spin and you see all of your other friends
begin to spin.
And these beings, you notice a look of panic in their eyes
and suddenly they're gone.
Oh, I think we need to leave.
Can we?
Yes.
Can we?
It's a bad sign.
Move ourselves down and out of this?
You can certainly try.
Or up and out of this?
Or we need to get out of here.
Dive, dive, dive.
All right.
You all begin to dive.
Somebody, actually two people, roll me a d20, please.
I'm on it.
I've been rolling lots of twos lately and I just.
19.
Okay, I'll do.
Yeah, do it.
Do it, Kristen.
Oh, also a 19.
Oh, cool.
Twinsies.
Wait, hold on.
Is higher better?
I know, who knows?
It's a cable.
You don't know where the things land.
You all begin to spin in place and you're diving,
but you begin to lose consciousness.
You begin to black out and you're fading in and out.
You find yourselves waking up an unknown time later
on dusty, gravelly path.
You hear like a droning, howling wind
and thunder rolling across the sky.
You look up and the shadows that you see before you are black.
You see movement within them.
Beyond, there's this crack of lightning and this enormous tower.
More.
Dumbgeons and Dragons season 2, episode 86,
starring Amy More as Thea Amastasia,
Carla Maxted as Yen Bolnurri,
Tom Laird as Tulgeer Heavyfoot,
and Russ More as your dungeon master,
with guest Kristen Flemmons as a goth godlos catho alavi.
Editing, production, and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library, and Sound Ideas. A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok, Mark Hartless, Stevie, Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Christian
Brown, Devin Michaels, Aaron Stevens, Eric Houlihan, and Ray Sirbeck. To support Dungeons
and Dragons and our many other productions and get access to an exclusive podcast,
bonus episodes, and much more, please join our Patreon at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
You can also follow us at facebook.com slash dumb dragon podcast and on Instagram and Twitter
at dumb dragon cast. Thank you for listening. Have a great week. We'll talk again soon.
That's the, you know, choose your own adventure at that point where...
Oh, perfect.
Yeah.
Oh, I had a good question.
Does Thea have a question or does Amy have a question?
No, Thea has a question.
I, I don't... Christian, why are you laughing at me?
I'm trying to form words in my head and then make them come out of my mouth.
All this world building that we should have done like eight years ago.
What'd be the fun in that? Let's just do it all in two episodes.
Yeah.
Exactly.
I didn't look up.
That's a really good question.
Well, I mean, it's no use getting to the astral plane and then being like,
ooh, eeny, meeny, miny.
I'd love to know the colors.
Silver.
The colors of...
Okay.
Oh, silver.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.