Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
You do see these stained glass windows.
In them are just backdrops.
If there is nothing else to find except the gods continued absence, then I will eventually
make my way back down.
You see before you this hoard of undead and this rainbow wall that looks like
it curves up and back towards the region of Icewind Dale.
I fly back to Agoth.
They made it through.
Do you think you can get through the undead extravaganza down there?
I've seen more extravagant extravaganzas.
Yeah, you have.
I am optimistic.
And then you see Agoth reach the wall and it begins to light up.
Uh-oh.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More.
He, him.
Also with me today is Tom Laird.
He, him.
And I am playing Tullgear, who also goes by he, him.
And Carla Maxted.
She, her.
I am playing Yen Bull, who also goes by she, her.
And Amy More.
That's me.
And I play Thea Amastasia.
Uh, both of us are she, her.
And joining us again this week from the broadsorts, it's Kristen Flemmons.
She, her.
And I am playing Agath Godlost, Catho Olavi.
Also, she, her.
I'd just like to say, did she nickname herself Godlost after she lost her gods?
I know Goliaths are hardcore into nicknames.
I know some stuff.
Well, we're so happy to have you back, Kristen.
Thank you so much for being here again with us.
Thanks for having me.
Staying with us all these weeks.
We didn't scare y'all.
I mean, I almost, we were at, it's a big cliffhanger.
I need to save my horse.
Or maybe killed her horse.
We have explicitly made it clear we need to save the horse, and that's all we care about now.
Saving the world, be damned.
Horse first.
Gotta save the world one horse at a time.
Well, we'll jump right back into it.
As soon as we say how awesome our patrons are, because they're awesome.
They are awesome.
I mean, when you come join us over on Patreon, you get an episode dedicated to
you like today's patron, ALex M.
Thanks, ALex.
Thank you, ALex.
You are awesome.
ALex M?
Yeah.
Cool.
It stands for Marvelous.
Was it not M?
Am.
I don't think it was an M.
No, Am.
Am.
I mean, it could also stand for Marvelous.
It sounded just like you said M to me.
Oh, weird.
Hmm.
So now fuck it, let's play.
Obviously.
We left you on a huge cliffhanger where a goth and wrecks are trying to make it through
this rainbow curtain that is protecting Icewind Dale.
There are undead grasping at you as your pace slows from charging down this hill.
Flames begin shooting out around the horse itself.
An arrow whizzes by, Yen Bull.
You turn and you see the sentries, the guards have turned and are notching their arrows
towards you.
Let's roll for initiative.
That's probably going to be the cleanest way to keep this, I think.
God damn it.
I don't want to fight these people.
You don't have to fight them.
They're fighting you, though.
Should we just hang out on the other side of the veil and just see how this goes?
Are you like pushing the butt of the horse through?
I mean, that is my go-to move the next time I get a turn, is I'm going to fly down there
and try to push that horse forward.
I rolled a seven, so I'm not fighting them.
I was right.
Ten for a goth.
Fifteen for Tulgear.
Oh, are we?
Do I roll two?
Are we in it?
Sure.
Oh, okay.
Sorry.
Come join us.
I didn't say what you two were doing.
And then Tulgear and Thea are just kind of waiting, seeing what's going to happen
before they fly back to water.
Let's see how this plays out before we get involved.
Yeah.
Well, no, I was assuming that we were shooting arrows at the undead grasping at the horse.
You can say that.
So now you can.
There was no time.
It's okay.
Well, it's very high stakes.
We've got to just get into it.
I'm sorry.
I will interrupt you more.
Tulgear, you're up first.
So yeah, you see the momentum of the horse immediately stop.
The horse and Agath immediately like slow and like these flames are shooting out around.
You're getting a smell from it of like burning flesh.
What do you do?
Undead are crowding in behind.
Yeah, I'm going to take my carpet head on over there and attempt to like pull or
drag or push and aid Agath and Rex in their attempt to get through.
Okay.
With undead in behind, let's say, yeah, I mean, you can get in there.
There's a chance that some could try and grab up at you.
I mean, would it be more advantageous for me to like jump off the carpet and maybe
like action attack as I fall and then then begin?
How cool do you want to look?
Yeah, it sounds really cool.
I say do that one.
I mean, all right, let's do it.
All right.
Action attack roll.
Roll to hit.
Will a 30 hit?
Oh my gosh, a little undead.
I mean, did you just want to hit them all because yeah, I mean, if a 30 is going
to hit them all, we'll hit them all.
It's going to it's going to disrupt some things.
So yeah, absolutely.
A 30 hits.
What kind of what kind of dice?
Does that one roll D12?
D8 actually.
Well, I guess I'm using it in a two handed version.
So it'll be a D10.
All right.
Roll me damage.
OK, that would be 16 damage.
I don't know how high you jump off, but you definitely jump off the magic carpet
and come down on top of the ones that are immediately in behind and the force of this
hit splits the one that's right behind and then the others fall to the ground with
the force of you just kind of barreling into them as you hit the ground.
All right.
So yeah, I guess I'll try to push, like put my shoulder into into rex there.
OK, roll a straight strength athletics.
Athletics, it's a plus 10.
So that'll be twenty eight.
OK, lift the horse above your head.
Agatha, you hear this commotion in behind you and then feel like this jolt of energy
kind of push you and Rex forward.
You see ahead of you that Rex's head pokes through the other side and immediately the
flames stop around the horse that isn't in this rainbow curtain.
OK.
Is there anything else you can or want to do, Tall Gear?
I mean, probably not.
I know magic is not a great thing at the moment.
So yeah, I guess that'll be that'll be everything for Tall Gear.
OK, Thea, you are up.
Tall Gear disrupts pushing horse looks like it's making look like they're making a
little more head.
Well, Thea wants to come down and she's seeing this horse and the flesh is bubbling
and I'm sure it's making sad horse noises.
So she wants to push as well.
But as she pushes, she also wants to cure wounds on him at the same time.
OK, because she sees an animal that's hurt and she's just got it, even though she knows.
OK, so you're hopping off of guacamole.
Yeah, I'm going to I'm going to jump down.
Can I jump and like squash something as I fall?
Are you like Mario butt stomping?
Like, what are you doing?
Feet first, I'm not looking to paralyze myself.
Sure. Yeah. What do you want to attack with?
You just want to kick some shit.
Well, I guess I could come down with something in my hand.
Nope, I can't because I only have a long bow and a north bow.
So I'm just going to like come down like she's seen Flint do this before.
Just like nothing in your hands, but just two fists.
Onto the back of something else.
OK, go for it. Roll roll plus strength.
He has like hollow bird bones with an arm strike.
I can't wait to see how this works.
This is what happens when she sees an animal in trouble.
There is no thinking. She just goes for it.
I've seen my level 17 Dwarf fighter friend do this once before.
Twenty one fuckers severely in like just rolled to the maximum for fighting ability.
He's fine to do this, so like you can do it too.
But she did it.
Anything Flint can do, I can do.
Damn right. You come down and land like a solid hit on the back of one of these undead
and its shoulders buckle and it falls to a knee.
Well, I put my other foot on its back, so I smush it to its front.
And then I use the momentum I have of stepping on it to shove the horse forward.
And as I do so, I cast Cure Wounds.
Roll plus athletics.
And I think Cure Wounds just happens.
Oh, isn't that 20?
We're pushing this horse through.
This horse is getting the fuck through here.
Save the horse.
OK, regains hit points equal to.
I don't heal things very often, surprisingly, so this is new to me.
It's not surprising.
I'm a selfish bitch and I just forget the things that I can do.
Also, everyone heals themselves.
OK, one D8 plus four.
The horse gets eight hit points less meltier.
Sure. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't. You're probably not keep track of hit points,
but I want it to not be as hurting as it is right now.
How many hit points did we we didn't give?
We didn't say like if if it's a regular warhorse, then I have that stat.
But we'll just kind of keep track here.
I'll keep track of how much death it's taking.
It's fine. Cool, cool.
Yeah, you push and then you get in behind and around Tullgear
and you're pushing the rump of this horse through a goth.
The horse is now.
What's this? The front legs.
Mm hmm. Yeah, I don't.
I wish we had Tracy here.
Tracy knows horse parts.
The chest. Sure. Yeah.
Yeah. The withers.
The withers. That's a part of a horse.
That sounds like a part.
Yeah, that's a part. I don't know what part it is,
but it's definitely a part of a horse.
I used to ride horses and I'm like the withers are either the front shoulders
or the back shoulders.
It's starboard or bow or porch or whatever.
The port side is through.
All right. All our equine loving listeners.
If the withers aren't the front.
I'm sorry. We're sorry.
The withers are located above and just behind the horse's shoulders
where you would find the shoulder blades.
All right. The withers are through.
Nice. Yeah.
Glockmulli's turn? Sure. Yeah.
Because she goes right after me.
I lift my hands in the up seas type position
and she uses her turn to swoop down
and gently grasp my arms.
You know, how you shake each other's hands
so that you feel for weapons.
We do that to each other and she lifts me out of danger.
Right. I don't know.
I don't want to be stuck down there.
So you're going up and through?
Not through. Just up for now.
I just don't want to be in the middle of the horde for an entire round.
With no weapon. Solid strategic choice.
That's where I'm at.
Just got that axe handle though.
That's right. I've got these guns.
Okay. Arrows flying through the air.
Number two at Yenbul.
One at the horse coming through.
I know. I'm the worst.
I'm married to this monster.
Yenbul, that's a 17 and an 18 with arrows flying towards you.
Those will both hit.
Okay. And a 14 flying towards the horse.
Bounces off the armor.
I'll remember to heal you.
I can heal too.
Why aren't I a monk that I could do like cool shit,
like just grab it, throw it back.
Yeah.
I never get to do that when Amelia.
You're going to take a total of 11 piercing damage from these arrows
piercing into your flesh.
Agatha, it's your turn.
Yes. I'm going to use some Post-It notes.
Okay. So I want to creatively interpret one of these Post-It notes,
which is born to the saddle,
which says that if I fall off a horse,
I can do a cool move and like land standing.
So instead of falling off my horse,
I would like to vault off Rax's back and to land behind him.
And I will then pull my mace and attack three of the undead around me
to clear a bigger circle.
And then I'm going to use another Post-It note as a bone section.
All right. So roll some attacks.
25.
Yeah.
Oh, Nat 20.
So a lot.
And math is hard.
16.
When the bonuses are so big, it's actually hard to like make the conversion
in your head.
Math is not my strong suit.
So it's fair.
It's all good.
All three of those hit.
Nice.
So for the crit, we'll roll double dice, single modifier.
So for the crit, it's going to be 7 plus 3.
So 10 for the crit, 7 for one of the other ones,
and 10 for the final one.
Yeah, three heads explode as you swing this down.
Super.
So as a shield master, when I attack on my action,
I can use a bonus action to shove one creature five feet away from me.
So as I attack these things, I'm pulling my shield behind me,
and I'm going to try and shove Rex five feet through the wall.
Perfect.
Yeah, we've just been rolling plus athletics,
so we'll just keep that going.
Okey dokes.
That is 20.
Rex, yeah, it's propelled five more feet through,
which is most of the horse at this point.
And we'll say that Rex has a turn right after yours
and continues to pile through and into the clearing ahead of him.
So Rex is through.
I'd just like to say congrats to Rex on having the Constitution
not to be fucking scared like most horses are and run off.
Sure.
I know.
I'm just saying.
And a war horse.
He's seen some shit.
He's seen some stuff.
He's a lot of horse.
Is there anything else you think Rex would do other than just get
into the clearing beside?
There's nothing really to attack in front of him
at this point.
I think look pissed off.
Sort of like now that he's out of the quicksand,
sort of like do that horse thing where they try and bite
something behind them.
And I imagine Agatha is going to use her movement
to continue backwards through the wall, like shield up.
So he probably bites her, honestly,
because that's their relationship.
But you know.
Love it.
It's give and take.
OK, Yenbul.
Can I, out of game, Russ, you can tell me
if you don't want me to do this.
But what I would like to do is try divine intervention.
Oh, OK.
Because I want to know if my spirit,
because it's not technically a deity,
like I am in this like weird in-betweeniness of cleric.
So I want to see if that works.
Would you like me to tell you what that means?
Yeah, tell me what that means, super cool.
As an action, request your deity's aid
and roll percentile dice.
If the number rolled is equal to or less than your cleric
level, your deity intervenes.
If successful, blah, blah, blah, you can't use this again.
Who's your deity?
Well, so that's the question.
I mean, it's not.
It's just because I'm Kalishtar,
so it's like a little bit different.
I like have a quarry spirit who's Ifgara.
I don't have a traditional deity.
But Ifgara is devout to somebody, aren't they?
I don't know.
It's not written on.
I think I made that up.
I don't think that's like a real thing.
OK, sure.
OK, you're devout to a spirit.
I'm pretty sure Ifgara does serve a specific god.
I mean, let me double check.
It was a very long time ago I made this character.
But I'm pretty sure.
Ifgara.
I-T-H-G-A-R-A.
Yeah, I think you made that bullshit up.
I think I made it up.
Way to introduce a goddamn spirit who
grants magic powers in a world that's changing.
God damn it, Karla.
Yes, Karla, yes.
In her defense, she introduced this
before said change took place.
You could have looked up Ifgara.
Look, you know what we did?
When we met this character, we exploded the city around.
There was no, we didn't even chat.
We've just been in action ever since.
So yeah, I want to see if Ifgara will come to my aid.
Which, if that works, all I want them to do
is stop the good guys from attacking us
because we are also good guys.
And also, I just want to know if I can because, are they gone?
I don't know.
You're ruining Russ's world right now.
I mean, I could probably just roll bad.
Who knows?
Well, I mean, even if you roll great,
you only have a 17% chance of this happening.
Of it actually working, right?
Roll.
You're deciding right now whether or not
your god lives or not.
So no presh.
Well, no, just if they appear, if I fail,
it doesn't fucking tell me anything.
Russ could tell you something.
It's true.
It's a 42.
So close.
So not close.
Wait, are we not level 42?
Yeah, so nothing happens.
Well, I tried.
I still don't know.
I guess the archers are probably not approaching us
because why would they?
They're shooting arrows.
They are doing what ranged attackers do best.
Can you talk to them in their brains?
Only from 60 feet, and they're hundreds, aren't they?
Yeah.
Dang.
So could you scream at them or laugh?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll yell.
They are actually good guys.
I'm sorry, Arnold.
Say that again.
Please stop shooting.
Ah!
This is a chopper.
You know, something like that.
Pretty standard.
So good.
So you try to contact your spirit deity,
and nothing, no response comes back.
Does anything bad happen?
It's not really a spell, but.
Or is it?
It's not on my spell list.
I'm concentrating on my amulet trying to connect to my.
Are we separating spell from magic?
No.
Oh.
Because divine, how I picture it is you're like just
you're floating there praying.
He's praying so hard.
Yeah.
It's probably Wings of the Cross, applesauce.
Yeah, there's no, if it doesn't connect,
there's no connection to whatever magic, right?
Yeah.
You can call upon it at any point,
but it doesn't necessarily activate it.
Is it through a microphone?
Yeah.
Can you just wonder when the world's going to end?
He's like karaoke-ing.
So I'm going to say that there's nothing visible that
happens based on you outwardly praying.
OK.
And see, that's why I didn't ask
if anything happened when I gave health back to the horse.
I didn't care to know.
You were doing it regardless.
I was.
Yeah.
Things happen.
OK.
Tall Gear, back to you.
Being a veteran soldier type, is there
some sort of parlay, like hands overhead with wrists
across, like, hey, please stop shooting at me, sort of thing?
You tell me what that looks like.
All right.
Tall Gear, I guess, because he's currently
on the other side of the veil,
but it looks like there's some room, thanks to old Macy McGee
that came in, cleared the way.
So he just kind of strolls through the barrier,
provided he doesn't get stopped for any reason,
and puts his big old weapon away, like on his back,
and puts his hands over his head with his wrists
kind of locked on one another.
OK, roll, probably persuasion.
Persuasion, OK.
That is a 27.
OK, you do that.
You don't have a very clear view of them.
You can see them, and they can see you,
but you can't just determine facial expressions
or anything like that.
Yenbul, you see them notice.
Like, they see Rax come through,
and then they see Tall Gear come through and do this move,
and they look to each other,
and they're, like, mid-notching another arrow,
and they kind of lower them at a moment.
You see them kind of looking to each other
and having a quick back and forth.
Can I do the same thing?
I know it's not my turn, but I can move my arms
not on my turn, right?
Sure.
Just, like, copy the move that Tall Gear made,
because clearly he is communicating something
to them.
You do the same thing.
It doesn't provoke them in any way, shape, or form,
either way.
Yeah, you do it, and they start
to shoot arrows at you.
Somehow they have a missile launcher?
I don't know.
Weird.
Thea, you're up.
I, OK, so I am currently held
above the horde.
Above the horde, by the arms, by Guacamole.
Guacamole does this cool thing we've been practicing.
She, like, swings me back and forth,
and then flips me up.
I do a somersault mid-air and land in the saddle
perfectly without, like, boxing myself.
Make a dexterity saving throw.
Only the zombie's there to see it?
That's right.
It's true.
We're looking at the soldiers.
We're missing this amazing display.
I perform for me.
Maybe Agatha's still facing backwards
because you were pushing through.
Maybe you see it.
All right, well, that's only a 12.
OK.
You feel, as you're doing your flip, sharp talons dig
into your back.
And you turn, and you look, and there
is a vrock who has grabbed onto you
and is now lifting you away from Guacamole.
OK, well, can I still have my turn?
Yeah.
OK, cool.
Can I, I want to take out one of my,
I realize I don't have any weapons.
I take out one of my arrows from my quiver,
and I want to use it like a stabbing weapon.
OK, go for it.
I thought we had addressed this at some point,
and you picked up a sword or something.
I was so sure.
There's nothing there.
I mean, I'm almost positive that happened
because this happened before.
And we were like, you should just
have just a couple of sharp things.
You should just have a dagger at some point.
Yeah.
How are you even cutting your meat?
18.
And I want to stab up and toward the neck area.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Get that.
Uh, yeah, I mean, you can definitely.
Or a belly.
Yeah, you can reach it.
Black ichor begins to fall down.
I bathe in it.
I stab harder.
All right, it releases.
I land on Guacamole's back perfectly,
and I finish with a flourish.
And then on Guac's turn, we fly through the motherfucking
veil because I was unnecessary danger.
I put myself in, but wouldn't be Thea
if it wasn't unnecessarily danger.
Sure, I'll give you that.
Thanks.
I wasn't waiting to find out.
No, that's fine.
I'm not going to take that away in this moment.
Thank you.
Save the horse.
I'm in the saving mood right now.
Yenbul, you see the archers, they
continue to converse amongst themselves.
They don't notch another arrow.
They don't fire one.
And you see one of them yell down to a foot soldier
down on the ground.
You don't hear exactly what they say,
but you see this person turn and begin moving towards you.
Agath, it's your turn.
OK, and Thea has made it through.
Yeah, so Thea did some flippy cool thing.
You see a rock come in behind her and lift her.
And then you see stabbing and then dropped.
Almost missed.
No, but I didn't though.
Nailed it.
Almost missed guacamole.
Fully seated.
Come through.
It was beautiful with a flourish.
Cool, so yeah, I think Agath had started
to walk back out towards you.
And then you swooped through and like, OK.
And she will just sternly turn to Rax and be like, stay.
And then start walking towards the archers.
Does Rax immediately follow you?
Yeah.
Slowly trails behind you.
I think he throws like a little demon horse tantrum.
But he's probably also still feeling a little rough.
All right, so Agath is through.
Thea is through.
Talgir is through.
Yenbul is through.
Everybody's through.
You see on the other side, the undead
are scratching and clawing at this.
You see wisps of smoke and flame as they do this.
Some of them begin trying to tear through.
We see this vrock that Thea stabbed hitting against
and depressing into, and then being pushed back
out of this veil.
Can I stab through the veil as I'm walking by,
just very casually?
Just sort of walking through a fence
and then just stick a stick through every now and then
to stab something?
Yeah, because we've determined it's at least
as long as your horse.
But you are able to freely walk in and out of it.
Oh, there you go, yeah.
Just kind of poking through.
Remember the elevator lance?
Yeah, it is.
It is the elevator lance.
It is a really multifunctional tool,
surprisingly.
All right.
Wouldn't think a lance would be that versatile.
I mean, yeah, I really only thought
it had the one thing, but here we go.
Just get out a little bit more aggression as I walk.
Just stab, stab, ideally some big things.
Yeah, you're stabbing at the biggest ones you see.
Absolutely.
Yeah, we're out of combat now, so we're
closing the distance between you and this sentry.
And they yell out and say, who are you?
Agath.
That should be just self-explanatory.
And friends.
Agath's the leader now.
I love it.
Welcome to our podcast, Kristin.
We're happy to have you here.
We record every Tuesday with no fails
into the next 10 years.
So I know the Broad Swords records on Tuesday, too,
so you got to really pick your favorite right now.
Oh, shoot.
Yeah, I know.
Don't choose now.
Take your time.
That's right.
Very uncomfortable.
Get back to us next week.
OK.
And you see the others, at least one of the other
soldiers, is coming down to join this other person
before they proceed forward more.
They catch up.
And I don't know if you stopped moving at any point
or if you just continue walking towards them.
Yep.
Cool.
I think, yeah, just walking towards them.
They stop, and they have a defensive stance about them.
They have their shield and a short sword,
but they're not rushing towards you or anything.
And their friend catches up,
and you now all kind of meet and congregate.
And they look up to this monster of a horse.
That is, I don't want to say that.
Didn't the horse stay at the back where we came through?
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, did you want the horse to stay,
or is the horse following?
He may not have listened that well
as everyone started going.
Well, you know, when your pet is injured, it follows you.
Yeah, that's true.
Loves you deep down.
It's the middle time, baby.
Here we go.
It's the middle time.
Kind of a different energy than normal.
Zero.
It starts with zero people on our mailing list
that we want to grow to be more than zero people
on our mailing list.
You know it.
Hey, if you go over to our website,
dumbdragons.com is our website,
you'll see a little pop up there.
It'll go like that, and it'll say, hey,
you want to get on the sweet mailing list?
I got to write this down, because I got to make sure
that this is what it says.
Also, I think the sound effect is very much not
going to be there for you.
No.
But just imagine the sound effect.
The thing will be there.
It will say whatever crazy nonsense
Russ is about to say.
All the great things are happening in our mailing
list, and we wish that you'd be there.
Please give us your personal information,
not your social insurance number or security number.
Just your email address, probably.
Not all your personal information.
I think an email address would do.
But we have one of those, and we'd
love for you to sign up for it, because I figured it out.
I did it, everybody.
I made the internet particles work.
We're so proud of you.
Thanks, Russ.
We've only been talking about it since the New Year
Goog Hang of 2018, I think.
Is that when it first came up?
It's when it first came up.
So it's only been, I mean, times of flat circle
these days, guys.
It's been a hard year.
I don't know, reasons.
Anyway, it's there now, so you can sign up.
Please do.
Also, I'd like to just take a little peek
behind the curtain.
When anything gets done, it's because Russ figured it out.
Oh, 100%.
So full credit to him.
100%.
Oh, definitely.
We can all agree about that.
Yeah.
It will be a cold day in hell when one of us is like,
listen, I figured out this important thing having
to do with this podcast.
And that'll be it, because we will have peaked.
We will have learned everything Russ could teach us.
And there'll be no more reason to do this.
Well, it's never going to happen, so don't worry.
That's right.
You don't have to worry about it.
Nothing.
There's a lot of faith.
I'm going to go try and figure out how to make the website make
that sound, boop, boop, boop, boop.
I'm going to go try.
DumbDragons.com.
Sign up for our mailing list, and we'll
send you just probably only once a month,
because we don't commit to anything more than that,
right?
We're real busy.
Yeah, monthly podcast.
The newsletter is going to be very readable, too.
We're not talking like paragraphs and paragraphs.
Just the information you need.
And some of you probably don't.
Probably like some dumb bullshit, too,
because that's kind of what you're here for.
Yeah.
Is that not why you're here?
This mailing list is just going to crunk.
Crunk?
It's going to crunk.
Is it going to crunk, Russ?
It's going to crunk, but also it's
going to chronicle my journey trying
to make a website make a noise.
OK.
OK, good.
So there's going to be an ongoing arc.
Update every month.
Crunking mailing list and a website that makes noise.
Perfect.
I can't wait to get it.
Day 845, still haven't happened.
Can it be called like DumbDragons mailing list?
It crunks.
Sure.
Why not?
Write it down.
You're not writing it down.
Writing it down.
It crunks.
Come for the information.
Stay for the crunk.
That's right.
So DumbDragons.com crunk.
Yeah.
Crunk or no crunk.
Please sign up.
Sign up for that noise.
I've got to go Google crunk now.
Bye, everybody.
Bye.
You meet up with them and they say, but OK.
Agatha, but how did you get through the horde
and what are you doing here?
We walked and rode and they flew.
OK.
We found the note in the tower.
Yes.
We are here seeking refuge and answers.
OK.
I don't know your questions, but I
assume you're looking for the Arkane Brotherhood.
Yes, Makoth the Crimson in particular.
Oh, OK.
You can absolutely find her.
She is in Bryn Shander.
It's not far.
You just follow the trail and it'll lead you right there.
There's not many of them left.
Her and only two others.
Thea comes up a little bit late.
She was cleaning Ichor off of herself.
Agatha, did you see that?
Did you see it?
It was cool, wasn't it?
I did.
Yeah, it was cool.
Hi.
Hello.
You see the second soldier that had walked up.
Look at you as you walk up and you're cleaning yourself
off, Thea.
And they have this look of recognition in their eyes.
They look not old, but they're older.
But they see this.
You see a little something clicks for them.
And then she's wide-eyed and begins to smile and say,
are you Thea?
Yes.
From the Decimators of Dragons.
I mean, the Deserters of Dragons
have been going around for a while there, but I know.
Um, yeah.
Yeah, sorry.
Yes, hi.
What's your name?
I remember manners and how to interact with people.
My name's Ginny.
Ginny Gitzk.
Hi, Ginny.
Hi.
Wow, it's a real honor to meet you and your friends.
Where's Flint?
Well, it's kind of why we're here.
OK.
I could escort you to the town.
Would that be OK?
I look to everyone else.
Yeah, we.
Yes, please.
I've never been here before.
I have no idea where to go.
A guide is always welcome.
The faster we can get to Macoth, the better it'll be.
OK.
She sets off.
She says, so where have you been?
Oh, trapped in a floating pyramid.
Wow.
You?
I mean, here.
Hey, this seems to be the best place to be.
I get smaller every day.
Agath will turn to her as if she knows something.
They are from the past.
What does that mean?
I do not know.
It makes very little sense.
Time worked differently in the pyramid.
We were only in there for probably a couple of days.
But when we came out, it had been 10 years.
You've missed the last 10 years.
Yeah, so not deserters.
I was right.
A couple bets are owed to me.
I had to pay out on them because we figured,
you know, after a certain amount of time,
the statute, I put it off for the longest amount of time
without having to pay.
But now you're back, so I can probably get some money back.
Sure, yeah, go collect.
Put some interest on it, too.
I mean, not that money really means anything nowadays.
Well, get it in ale, get it in grain.
Yeah, yeah, no, good idea.
Good idea.
I wonder if they're still alive.
You know what?
We'll worry about that later.
Yeah, that took a dark turn.
Um, so tell me, do you know how this works,
this rainbow dome you have over here?
This must take a lot of magic to keep up.
And I've been told, and I look at a gaffe,
that magic is essentially ruining the world.
Yeah, well, yes, it does.
If the gods are gone and the power
that they contribute to the world are gone,
I think then magic draws from somewhere else.
But we have a god, a lesser god,
but they're keeping this working, at least for now,
with flickers.
What god do you have?
Aurel.
Do I know anything about Aurel?
Roll history.
Roll for history.
Can I also roll that history?
Anybody?
I hope someone does.
Get in on the history.
I rolled a one, so.
21.
That's only a nine.
12 was what I had, so.
Yeah, I got 12.
21, I mean, that checks out.
Aurel is the frost maiden.
Oh, that's why it's so chilly.
Yeah, the merciless goddess of cold and winter.
Not so merciless, though, is she?
Not so merciless.
You would know that she is a paranoid god
and keeps much of this region, or all of this region,
under protection from outsiders, even in the before times.
Blizzards were known to have covered this area,
so people, travelers, would get lost in these blizzards
and not be able to find the towns that they were seeking.
Many people had died.
As you look around, there are no blizzards.
Clear sky, well, rainbow sky,
and these blizzards are gone.
They're frigidly cold, and yeah, lesser god,
but has been known to inhabit the material plane
and exist within Icewind Dale and the Sea of Moving Swords,
which is the sea to the north coast of this region.
Do you know how Aurel escaped the fate of the other gods?
I don't know.
Maybe the Brotherhood has more information.
Most of us just are thankful,
but her power seems to be waning as well.
As I said, every day, the barrier used to be
on the other side of the spine of the world,
and now it's here, which is,
as you're kind of rounding a hill,
you see a town down below at the end of this trail
that she's leading you down.
You haven't been walking for very long,
because the region used to be much larger,
and now it's encroaching, getting closer to where we live.
Like, I feel like, we all feel like she's losing power,
but she doesn't let anyone get close enough to her.
She still stays hidden, and we don't know how,
but we just hope that people are not using
all that much magic.
Well, I'm gonna apologize, I totally healed the horse.
It didn't look pleasant for the horse.
No.
Is the horse, is it alive?
Yes.
Safe?
Sometimes.
It likes crackers, and I pull one from my bag.
Yeah, he's snatched.
We cut ahead to the town,
and you are led to what looked to be a town hall,
but it's a little more rundown now.
Mostly walk-by are not as kept up as any city.
They're certainly not the ramshackle places
that you've walked through.
I'm sure this place looks like great
compared to Orcasville.
This must look like heaven.
It's a rundown city, but there are people there.
Elves, humans, halflings primarily that you see.
She leads you to this town hall and says,
well, I'll just lead you right in.
And she opens the door and allows you in.
You can tie up your horse if there,
and then she points to, there's a little trough and hitching post.
I'll point it out to Rex,
but he doesn't really do ropes.
Okay, well, great.
She leads you in.
There's nobody at the main desk,
and she leads you down these series of halls,
which look to have beds in some of the offices.
Looks like it's kind of a makeshift refuge.
And leads you to a conference room,
and she knocks on the door,
and you hear from inside,
yeah, yes.
And she kind of peeks her head in
and says, there's people here to see you, McAuth.
Yeah, let them in.
Door swings open, and you see,
before you, Thea, you recognize her instantly
as a tiefling with bright red skin
and huge horns on the side of her head.
She's dressed in very thick furs.
They look worn, but they're very thick and warm.
She's seated at a desk,
and there's books all over this room,
on the shelves and all over the table,
open to different passages and pages,
and she looks up and says, oh, Thea, and friends.
McAuth.
It's been a while.
I look her head at the books,
and I go, some things don't change.
Well, what's the saying?
You can take a wizard out of the library,
but can't take the library out of a wizard?
Yeah, yeah.
Absolutely, they say that.
Sure.
Have you been?
She just gestures to the table and around.
Life's been better.
I think it was better when I was in the iceberg.
A Ruthatar wasn't as bad as Orcus.
I mean, we're going to go ahead and compare.
Reasonable.
Yeah, Ice Dragon, much more reasonable than...
He's a knowledge seeker, really.
Yeah.
I miss that guy.
Yeah.
These are my friends.
This is Yenbul.
Hello.
It's nice to meet you.
Telgir.
Jarmed.
And Agath.
Greetings.
Hello.
Hello to all of you.
You are not the same group as last.
I assume that's why you're here.
Yeah, that is why we're here.
So we need your help.
I figured as much.
It's a long journey.
All right.
So we got the amulet.
I rifle through my bag and I procure it.
And what now?
Well, the ritual, which...
She looks down at a book in front of her.
Says, well, the ritual has a great toll in that it requires a large amount of magic.
Do you...
How much do you know?
Bits and pieces from what we've been told.
Magic is killing the world, sucking the energy out of the world.
The gods are gone.
You guys happen to have one here.
Yeah.
I don't know for how much longer though.
The ritual is weakening.
We managed to...
She managed to shroud Icewind Dale.
So much so that Orcus in his original attack and onslaught did not recognize this place as inhabited.
Then he sent his followers to various remote regions looking for those to be converted.
Oriel was able to make them go away for a little while.
But after so many don't come back, he sends larger forces.
That's when she turned those blizzards, frigid cold, into what you see before you.
What you made your way through.
No easy feat for some of us.
The horde keeps getting larger.
People in the world keep using magic, which is drawing from now not only gods that they know or the earth that they draw their power from, but anything that's left.
And Oriel's power is one of the largest locations, fonts of magic and energy left in the world.
So what you're saying is if we do the ritual that needs to be done to separate Flint and Bort,
it's essentially going to end the protection you have here and perhaps Oriel.
I don't know if it will, but it will have a severe cost somewhere else.
Cool.
Is there a way we can fight Orcus and try to get real power back to the world?
Where did the gods go?
The gods have been imprisoned.
All right, so maybe like a jailbreak.
Yeah, yeah. One of those.
Sure.
Imprisoned by Orcus.
Yes.
Where?
We haven't found them yet.
We've been searching as many of the planes as we can.
The ethereal regions are vast and plenty.
If we knew where they were, we would get them, she says.
She begins looking and searching through the books on her table.
She picks one up and says, this is a log of all the locations that we've been.
I can give it to you if...
Sure.
That's a task you would want to take.
How many do you have searching?
We had many.
The entirety of the Arcane Brotherhood, which was hundreds of wizards, were now down to three.
Hmm.
Well, you can actually do a lot with three.
Put that out there.
Also, could I get that ritual not saying I'm going to do it or anything, but...
Do you have a magic user amongst you?
Like a wizard specifically or...
Well, someone who can properly execute the ritual to the letter.
Oh, Leosen is really good with paperwork.
I'm sure he'll get this done.
Leosen's a monk.
I'm sure that there are wizards.
Doesn't mean he's not good at paperwork, though.
That's right.
We have established he's very good at paperwork.
Just to save us the return trip, you give us the ritual.
We'll go find the gods or whatever we need to do, but we don't want to have to come back here.
And then go back again to where Flint is.
You understand?
Yeah, really, this would have saved us a trip if we had only had the ritual to begin with.
Well, ten years ago...
More.
You were supposed to go get the Amulet of Wonder and return.
I assume, like, how far gone is he?
It's not great.
I don't want to talk about it.
My concern is that the souls are so intertwined that completing this ritual may destroy one of them.
Noted.
Do you have a vessel for the other if they are to be intertwined?
Listen, we don't have everything figured out, obviously.
We're piecemealing this thing.
Okay.
I will give you the ritual.
Thank you.
She walks over to a shelf,
sorts through some scrolls and hands you one that's covered in dust.
She blows it off and unravels it, nods and hands it to you.
I put it in my bag.
Thanks, Macoth.
And hey, maybe we'll find the gods first.
And...
I was going to say everything will be okay, it won't, but you know, everything will be okay.
Yes, perhaps we can find the gods, we set them free, world saved.
I hope you're right.
You feel like a rumble in the earth.
What was that?
Oh.
That's a tremor of the barrier closing in.
Could we see Oriel?
You can go try to find her.
Anywhere in particular?
She is shrouded in the sea of moving ice.
Oh, okay.
You are more than welcome to go try to find her, but she has concealed this region,
and her paranoia has escalated and doesn't come out ever.
I mean, in her defense, it seems well founded.
Yeah.
You, Goliath.
You look like you have questions, too.
I seek the gods.
I seek my, my god, who I thought abandoned us so many years ago.
But if she is imprisoned, I seek a way to break those chains or a way to break Orcus.
If you find the gods, they will be able to help undo what Orcus has done.
But you have no further insight from all your hundreds of mages.
Other than that, they are imprisoned somewhere in all the planes of existence.
We know where they are not.
And that may give you and your group clue as to where they are.
That is more than I had before.
Thanks, Macoth.
I think...
Is there a place we can rest?
Of course.
We'll put you up.
You can stay as long as you need.
Are you, are you traveling back by foot?
To wherever you need to go?
Where are you off to?
Um, the looks to Talgir and Yenbul.
It's like...
I think we're probably going to talk about it.
Yes, I...
There's a lot to discuss.
We have learned a lot in the last several hours, and we need to decide what we will do.
How we survive without using magic.
You can use it, but use it wisely.
Don't use it to start campfires.
Don't use it to heal wounds that will heal themselves.
Use it when it matters.
Will do.
Agath, are you...
What are you going to do now?
I seek the gods. It is simple.
Okay.
And yourselves?
I think we also seek the gods.
Good. Four swords better than one.
The whole reason I...
I'm doing any of this.
The reason we are here at this moment is to get what will hopefully save Flint.
How long is it going to take us to find the gods?
But how do we say that getting back to Flint to do a ritual that might not even work is worth the whole world?
If we can find the gods, they can help us.
We can use magic again.
We can get rid of Orcus.
And that would be saving Flint too.
Agath, are you going to join us?
I have no objections to this.
Dumbgeons and Dragons Season 2 Episode 84
Starring Amy More as Thea Amastasia
Carla Maxted as Yen Bol Nuri
Tom Laird as Tulgier Heavyfoot
And Russ More as your Dungeon Master
With guest Kristen Flemmons as Agath Godlos Catho Alavi
Editing, production and sound design by Russ More
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound and sound effects from Epidemic Sound Boom Library and Sound Ideas
A huge thank you to our supporting producers
To support Dumbgeons and Dragons and our many other productions and get access to an exclusive podcast, bonus episodes and much more
Please join our Patreon at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
You can also follow us at facebook.com slash dumb dragon podcast
And on Instagram and Twitter at dumb dragon cast
Thank you for listening. Have a great week. We'll talk again soon.
Agath will turn to her as if she knows something. They are from the past.
Thanks for saving that. I was mid-drink. Mid-drink, Kristen.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.