[0.0s] previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[30.8s] have been able to shed light on this situation and that's gonna be funny in a moment.
[36.4s] This person's name is The Shadow, allegedly.
[40.4s] The Shadow character wants to find treasure from some pirate isle.
[46.1s] And you round a bend and you see a big sign that has the name of the town on
[52.2s] it.
[53.2s] Butzhole?
[54.2s] Butzhole?
[55.2s] Butzhole?
[56.2s] I think they have the S in the wrong place.
[59.1s] Okay, let's check down this aisle
[63.2s] and see if there's anything.
[64.6s] Is anything in your notes?
[66.0s] What do we have?
[66.8s] We have a sash, we've got the rope.
[69.2s] Oh, this tri-corner hat.
[70.9s] Yes.
[71.7s] Oh, perfect.
[73.2s] Here's a keg of gunpowder.
[75.1s] Oh, I got a fuse here.
[76.7s] Oh, excellence, excellent, a fuse.
[79.4s] What are we up to now, four, five?
[81.2s] That's five items, just one more.
[85.4s] Rubber ducky, there's a rubber ducky.
[88.0s] And thanks for the tips about the shadow.
[89.9s] And thank you for teaching me of Bahamut.
[92.8s] I will make sure that Bahamut is heard loudly in Butts Hole.
[97.4s] Oh, his voice will echo in here.
[99.4s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, I'm your dungeon master,
[122.0s] Russ More, he, him, also with me today is Tom Laird.
[125.2s] Hey, that's me, he, him.
[126.8s] Tonight I'm playing Mood, who also goes by he, him.
[130.4s] And Carla Maxted.
[132.0s] She, her, I am Norixis Akra, but you can call me Glim.
[137.5s] And let me tell you about this real cool guy
[139.1s] named Bahamut.
[140.2s] And Amy More.
[142.5s] She, her, and I play Sullivan Sleight,
[145.9s] a lightfoot halfling rogue, he, him.
[148.8s] So excited to be here.
[151.2s] I messed up the intro so many times.
[154.1s] That's great.
[154.9s] Keep listening to that bloop.
[156.4s] Have you been listening to the bloopers lately?
[158.0s] Because there's some gold in the bloopers.
[160.5s] It's all you.
[162.1s] Well, now we better really come up with some gold tonight.
[165.0s] Yeah, some real gold that we can take out of the show,
[168.0s] because it's not quite good enough for the show,
[169.9s] but it's good enough after the credits.
[173.1s] Perfect.
[173.6s] That's the gold that we're looking for.
[174.9s] We can't really leave in the show
[176.5s] how many times it takes us to remember
[178.4s] how to intro the show that we have been doing for two,
[182.2s] three, four.
[183.0s] Many years.
[183.7s] 100 years?
[184.9s] I mean, it feels like 100 years.
[186.9s] No, it doesn't.
[187.9s] It feels like it was just yesterday
[189.8s] that we were a tiny baby sitting around a table
[192.0s] playing a game, thinking nothing will ever come of this.
[194.4s] I'm getting the weirdest visual right now.
[196.8s] It's my baby have a beer bottle in his hand.
[200.8s] I like that we all went there.
[205.2s] Hey, where we have great things going on
[207.9s] is over at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[210.7s] Who's disappointed in Russ's segue?
[213.0s] I thought it was a pretty great segue.
[214.7s] It wasn't a segue.
[216.8s] You were supposed to say something about baby.
[218.5s] No, it was just hey.
[220.0s] It was just hey.
[220.9s] Hey, it's a good segue.
[222.8s] I would like to lodge a formal complaint about that segue.
[226.0s] You know what?
[226.7s] Put it in the suggestion box.
[228.2s] We'll deal with it next week.
[229.4s] Question, do the segue police ride segues?
[233.4s] Yes.
[234.1s] Yes, I would assume they would have to legally.
[236.7s] Perfect.
[238.4s] Hey, when you're a patron, great segue Carla, I like it.
[245.0s] Yeah, this is the stuff.
[246.6s] Oh, I don't know if I can take this one out.
[249.2s] Hey.
[250.8s] We're starting with bloopers, you guys.
[252.6s] This is how this episode is going to be.
[253.7s] This is the energy we have.
[255.2s] So I think.
[257.0s] We need to make our own shenanigans.
[259.0s] No, then we just like, we try to be slightly professional
[263.0s] when we have a guest.
[264.1s] See previous episode where we just talked about butts
[267.0s] hole for two hours.
[269.2s] Professional.
[270.2s] Please come join us on Patreon.
[272.0s] We need you.
[274.3s] We need you for all your great ideas
[277.9s] and for all your amazing amazingness.
[281.6s] And when you are a patron, you get an episode
[283.4s] dedicated to you.
[285.0s] Like today's baby patron, Mark Harless.
[288.0s] See, I would have got to it.
[289.3s] Mark.
[289.8s] Mark.
[290.4s] Mark.
[291.1s] Thanks, Mark.
[292.1s] Mark wished me happy birthday just the last month
[294.9s] there ago when I turned to birthday.
[296.8s] Yeah.
[297.8s] That's how you say that.
[299.9s] That's how you say that.
[301.4s] That's how you say it.
[303.8s] The last month.
[304.6s] I've heard Karla say it a long time.
[306.5s] Absolutely.
[307.2s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[308.8s] Thank you, Mark.
[309.4s] Thank you, Mark.
[310.2s] But also come join us.
[311.7s] We'd love to see you over there.
[313.1s] And now, fuck it, let's play.
[316.6s] OK.
[318.1s] We're ready.
[318.9s] Last time on Dumbgeons and Dragons,
[321.4s] you found yourself wandering through the roadside town
[325.0s] of butts hole with your good friend Wimren.
[329.7s] Now we find you reading the note that Wimren left you
[333.5s] as he decided to set up shop inside butts hole.
[337.6s] You look at the note, all three of you collectively
[339.8s] surrounding the note.
[341.3s] And the note is scrawled, just scratches,
[345.8s] as if it were taken throughout a person's travels.
[350.5s] There's drink stains.
[352.1s] There's torn parts.
[353.6s] But the jest of the note, from what you can tell,
[357.2s] I'm going to drop this energy because this is just
[359.2s] getting weird now.
[361.6s] It's like you're maintaining.
[362.8s] Keep going with it, buddy.
[364.3s] You can do this.
[365.3s] The jest of the note is trade routes
[368.5s] between three separate regions, Tirmish, Chondeth,
[372.0s] and Tether have gone quiet.
[375.2s] They've shut down, making trade near impossible.
[380.9s] In these three regions, of these three regions,
[384.7s] you find yourself in the region of Chondeth.
[387.3s] You three have not traveled through Tirmish or Tether.
[389.9s] So you yourself have not seen any major checkpoints
[395.6s] or check stops or anything like that.
[398.4s] But these three regions from the note
[400.4s] are run by three siblings.
[403.5s] It doesn't say specifically who.
[406.1s] However, it also outlines an opportunity
[409.1s] where you have to meet a person named The Shadow
[412.5s] in the city of Erebar, who's looking
[415.0s] for pirates or mercenaries, gold diggers, or adventurers
[418.2s] to track down six lost items rumored
[421.2s] to be hidden within the pirate isles,
[423.6s] I-S-L-E-S, by the siblings, deceased father,
[428.3s] and former king of the United Regions.
[432.4s] Last we found you.
[433.8s] You were going down the pirate isle in Zedmart.
[437.6s] Now we find you arriving at the gates of Erebar,
[442.1s] which is a?
[443.9s] I assume it's where Prince Ali lives.
[446.5s] Agrabah, right?
[448.5s] Yeah.
[449.0s] Bapu.
[449.7s] Which is a port city at the end of two major trade routes.
[456.5s] And the city appears, as you kind of wander through,
[460.2s] appears richly stocked with fabrics and jewels.
[463.6s] However, as you walk past grocers and other market
[468.6s] and other portions of the market,
[470.4s] food stores appear dwindled.
[472.9s] And others, building materials and that sort of thing
[476.2s] also appear to be in short supply.
[479.9s] People, though, generally seem pleasant and greet you
[483.8s] as you come through the city.
[486.0s] And we join you now.
[488.7s] So I just wanted to go over, again,
[491.6s] our game plan is to take all the stuff we
[493.8s] bought in the pirate isle and fool this man?
[500.6s] You know, as I've thought about it more,
[503.5s] as we've sort of been traveling
[505.2s] and I kind of got up and caught up
[506.9s] in like the excitement of the Zed Mart.
[508.8s] Sure, yeah.
[509.5s] And I feel like maybe that isn't the best strategy.
[515.0s] Yeah, I feel like it's just going to like see right
[517.1s] through us if we try this.
[518.9s] We're good at so many things.
[520.8s] But I would not say like subterfuge is necessarily
[525.0s] one of them, especially against someone
[527.2s] called the Shadow.
[528.7s] Yeah.
[529.4s] Well, I mean, you guys.
[532.3s] OK, I found that I found the note extremely hard
[535.5s] to understand personally.
[536.7s] I rambled.
[537.8s] I'm really not entirely sure what
[539.6s] we're supposed to be doing here.
[541.2s] But were we not supposed to get these things?
[544.8s] Well, from the pirate isle and look how it's spelled.
[547.9s] I used to be a speller.
[549.5s] No, I know.
[550.1s] We thought it was a good idea at the time.
[552.1s] I'm having second thoughts about it.
[554.3s] Well, could we just ask?
[555.5s] Like, OK, sorry.
[556.6s] What is our end game here?
[558.3s] We give these to them and then we
[560.0s] say all trade routes open now.
[563.1s] Yes, I believe that's the magic phrase
[565.8s] we're supposed to say.
[566.6s] Yes, I feel like you're using the sarcasm on me
[570.8s] moot and it doesn't look good on you, my friend.
[572.8s] It looks great on me.
[575.9s] First, it does look great on you moot.
[577.8s] I like that you're trying something new
[579.8s] and it's pretty sassy and I like it.
[582.2s] But yeah, maybe if we're trying
[585.7s] to like get on board the ship to go get the treasure
[589.5s] and reestablish trade.
[591.3s] Is that what we want to do?
[592.5s] Maybe we should be a little bit more upfront about that
[594.6s] because I think the shadow is just like hiring folks.
[597.8s] So he could probably just like hire us as opposed
[600.3s] to some like weird, elaborate pirate isle
[604.1s] ruse with like this fake parrot.
[607.5s] The habits, it's not a ruse.
[609.9s] Maybe they really needed this stuff
[613.2s] and we can say, hey, you got a job for us?
[615.9s] Look at all the stuff we got from the pirate isle
[618.2s] at Zedmont.
[620.0s] I mean, it wouldn't hurt to offer.
[623.0s] Yeah, we could certainly try.
[624.2s] It would be like the most honest thing I've ever said.
[626.9s] Sure, it would be very up and up.
[628.6s] Maybe they need a rubber ducky and a sash
[631.1s] and some old rope.
[632.5s] We don't know.
[634.1s] Yeah.
[634.9s] We've never been on a pirate mission before.
[636.0s] Oh, you know what?
[636.8s] I shouldn't say we.
[638.2s] I have never been on a pirate mission before.
[641.0s] I've never been on one either.
[642.6s] Well, you guys, we did steal from that boat
[644.5s] that one time, so I mean.
[646.6s] That's true.
[648.2s] That's borderline.
[649.0s] That's a pirate mission.
[649.8s] Okay.
[650.9s] That's good thinking.
[652.3s] Try and brainstorm some more things
[653.7s] in case there's like a real serious interview component
[656.1s] to getting hired on with the shadow.
[658.8s] Are we kind of pirates?
[661.5s] Oh, I know, I don't think so.
[664.2s] Oh.
[665.1s] I thought with the one mission and the boat.
[667.6s] Well, I mean like pirates in training or something.
[671.0s] Look, the dock's right there.
[672.2s] Why don't we just walk up and see if he needs this stuff
[675.3s] and we'll just charm him with skills and attributes.
[683.4s] I love it.
[684.2s] Should we just ask that person, I guess?
[687.3s] We stand in with a clipboard at the dock, so I mean.
[692.0s] If you've got a clipboard at the dock,
[693.4s] it's like you know that that person's
[694.8s] gonna know what's going on.
[696.3s] We got so much experience.
[698.2s] Yeah, yeah, get those off the ship right away, okay?
[702.8s] Ah, moving so slow.
[705.8s] Excuse me, fine fellow.
[708.0s] Yeah, what can I do for you?
[710.2s] Me and my friends here, we are looking for,
[713.5s] and Sully looks around, the shadow.
[717.6s] You're looking for the shadow?
[720.1s] Yeah, sure, he's just over in that hole there.
[725.3s] Just right over there?
[726.6s] Yeah, there's a sign there, it says shadow hiring.
[732.4s] He's not very sneaky.
[733.5s] That booth right there?
[734.5s] That booth there, yeah, with that one individual
[737.0s] seated behind it, it says copper for your thoughts.
[741.2s] So wait, like we pay for our own thoughts?
[743.5s] Yeah, I'm not sure I understand
[744.8s] what that business model is, like does he,
[746.3s] wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
[748.0s] Is he telepathic?
[749.6s] Like I give him a copper
[750.8s] and then he tells me what my thoughts are?
[753.4s] Yeah, yeah, that's what he tries to do.
[756.9s] But also, he's hiring for a pirate mission?
[759.6s] You know, he's got his hands in a lot of pots right now.
[763.9s] Wow.
[764.8s] He's just branching out.
[765.6s] You know, someone came through talking,
[768.0s] they were putting on a show talking about the gig economy
[770.6s] and he really took it to heart.
[772.1s] That guy's going everywhere.
[773.6s] Right, yeah, like he's got like a side hustle,
[775.9s] a telepathy side hustle.
[777.9s] Telepathy side hustle, hiring people to do things,
[782.2s] taking up space on the dock.
[783.8s] You've been so helpful, what's your name, sir?
[786.1s] Seamus.
[787.3s] Excellent.
[789.2s] Thank you for, I guess, pointing out the sign.
[791.8s] We probably should have noticed,
[793.0s] but we didn't because we're so excited.
[794.6s] It's a busy dock
[795.4s] and you look like you're new around here.
[796.9s] You saw me with a clipboard.
[798.1s] Clipboards mean official.
[800.2s] Power.
[801.0s] You just, you ooze authority.
[802.1s] So we knew we should probably just ask him.
[803.7s] We flocked to the clipboard.
[804.9s] I thought you were the shadow.
[806.7s] I ooze things, but that's for another day.
[811.5s] Maybe we'll catch up about that later.
[814.2s] Maybe, we're gonna go talk to the shadow.
[816.1s] Get the chickens.
[817.4s] Okay, thank you.
[818.4s] Bye, Seamus.
[820.4s] Where do you think he oozes?
[821.6s] I don't even, questions like that.
[824.3s] You don't wanna speculate.
[825.6s] Let's not speculate.
[826.4s] You're right, you're right, you're right.
[827.6s] Is there a queue forming at the shadow's booth or?
[831.7s] Is he all alone at that booth?
[834.2s] Do we just see people walking up and slamming down
[837.4s] nickels, like what's happening here?
[838.8s] Are there balloons?
[839.8s] Is it a job fair?
[841.3s] I'm having like stress flashbacks
[843.7s] of working in radio promotions
[845.5s] and like being in a booth by myself
[848.2s] at like 9,000 events.
[850.4s] And the only people that would come talk to me
[852.4s] were like kind of random weirdos
[854.2s] who probably were oozing.
[855.4s] And then they just would like kind of hang out there
[857.6s] for like an hour.
[859.8s] Anyway, I'm sure this is nothing like that.
[861.7s] But for me, Carla.
[864.0s] No, it's very traumatic.
[865.2s] You know what?
[866.0s] We haven't had a Carla side story in a long time.
[872.8s] That can't possibly be true.
[874.1s] No, I feel like it.
[876.0s] I feel like it.
[876.9s] It's been a while.
[877.7s] It's been a while.
[878.6s] You turn around and you see the sign,
[881.6s] shadow hiring, whatever I said.
[884.1s] That's what it says.
[885.9s] There is a tall, skinny person.
[890.6s] They are dressed in long black robes
[895.7s] with a black cloak over their face.
[897.8s] It's a very sunny, hot day.
[900.0s] And they're standing at this,
[902.1s] for lack of a better term, podium.
[905.3s] Instantly in my mind,
[906.5s] when you were talking about the black clothing,
[908.4s] I am picturing David on Schitt's Creek
[911.0s] when he's at like the Amish farm.
[912.6s] Yep.
[913.4s] 100%.
[917.3s] Holding a pitchfork.
[918.6s] Yeah, of course, because why wouldn't he be?
[920.8s] Yes, he's standing there.
[922.6s] And it does say copper for your thoughts.
[925.2s] I walk up to the table and I slam a copper down.
[927.6s] Give me your thoughts.
[928.8s] No, the man with the clipboard said
[930.6s] you were supposed to tell me my thoughts.
[932.3s] Also, this kind of feels like a robbery
[934.0s] because like you just took his money
[935.4s] but then you demanded more.
[937.1s] All right, your thoughts.
[939.1s] I'm looking at you.
[940.3s] You have, the three of you look very peculiar.
[943.5s] Don't you read my thoughts.
[944.3s] No, no, just fine, just fine.
[945.6s] Yeah, I'm looking straight at you.
[947.1s] I see your friends in the periphery though.
[949.8s] Okay, I see.
[953.9s] Okay, you have lots of things on you.
[956.9s] It looks like you might be
[959.4s] a roamer's or adventurer's of some sort.
[961.8s] You have lots of, these are very peculiar pirate items.
[965.8s] You have those with you.
[966.9s] You're searching for something
[969.7s] and you're gonna find it very soon.
[972.0s] Ooh, so there's a good rib place around here.
[974.4s] You know it.
[975.9s] And what's the name of that rib place?
[977.2s] Can I need all those details then, friend?
[979.0s] Thick ribs.
[980.5s] Thick ribs, of course.
[981.5s] Thick ribs, yeah.
[983.3s] Yeah, it's just down the street.
[984.7s] Stacy owns it.
[985.6s] It's thick ribs by Stacy.
[987.6s] Sounds delicious.
[989.7s] And believable.
[990.5s] So, does he get to keep his copper though, cause?
[996.6s] I gave him his thoughts.
[997.8s] Did he not find the rib place?
[1000.5s] I mean, we haven't left the table yet to check it.
[1003.8s] But it's probably what Moot was thinking about,
[1005.5s] let's be honest.
[1006.8s] Well, I mean, when is he not thinking about food?
[1009.4s] But that's not the point.
[1011.5s] Well, you know, you look like a man who enjoys food.
[1013.3s] Point is, I know a swindler when I see one.
[1015.2s] Hey, hey, no swindler here.
[1018.2s] What voice are you doing?
[1019.4s] I don't know.
[1021.2s] Maybe some Andrew Day's clay, what's happening here?
[1025.5s] Dickery, dickery, dock.
[1029.3s] This episode is fucked, because of tech issues
[1031.9s] and just the energy we came in.
[1034.1s] Just the weird energy we've got going on.
[1037.2s] We're trying to match Butts Hole,
[1038.8s] and it's just not there yet.
[1041.5s] Can I ask you a personal question?
[1043.1s] I would love it.
[1044.6s] Are you the shadow?
[1046.9s] He looks back and forth, kind of surveying the scene.
[1050.8s] Yeah, I might be the shadow.
[1053.0s] What are you in for?
[1056.0s] Well.
[1057.4s] I said it, it's committed.
[1061.3s] Well, apparently we're in for a whole fucking cuppa
[1064.9s] for very little information.
[1066.5s] Look, sir, I gave you your thoughts, right?
[1071.3s] He looks to Moot.
[1072.8s] I mean, kinda.
[1074.0s] Yeah, exactly.
[1074.9s] I mean, I filled in a lot of blanks for you,
[1076.2s] but yeah, mostly.
[1077.5s] A lot of it, he was just telling you what you were wearing.
[1080.2s] I mean, that's true.
[1081.4s] Some people think a lot about what they wear.
[1083.4s] Did we get swindled?
[1085.6s] Oh, are you looking for the shadow?
[1088.0s] I'm the shadow.
[1091.9s] Can I ask you why you're searching for me?
[1094.4s] Are you, oh, wait a second.
[1097.6s] Are you searching for adventure?
[1101.6s] I'm sorry, I have to say.
[1105.6s] You fucking know we are.
[1108.3s] This is like the worst pickup line at a bar.
[1110.8s] Are you searching for adventure?
[1112.3s] It sounded, I'm sorry, I got thrown off,
[1114.0s] it sounded so sexual when you asked it that way,
[1116.5s] which maybe is what you meant, I don't know,
[1118.4s] but we are looking for adventure,
[1121.7s] but I just mean like, literally,
[1123.3s] we're hoping to like go to the pirate isles,
[1125.8s] not like a sex thing.
[1128.0s] No, yeah, why would you think sex thing?
[1129.9s] Well, also, we've already been to the pirate isles.
[1133.0s] Well, we've been to the pirate isle.
[1134.7s] Okay, yes.
[1135.9s] I guess there was only one.
[1136.8s] So you've come to collect your bounty.
[1139.6s] Uh-huh.
[1140.8s] Great, well, show me the items
[1142.1s] and then I will give you the 500 gold per item
[1144.4s] that you have, of course, found.
[1148.2s] Sure, Sully, yeah, you go ahead and show them.
[1152.2s] There's no way I'm carrying all of it, Moot.
[1154.3s] Look at me, I'm tiny,
[1155.9s] but I do have this sash here,
[1160.3s] and I un-
[1161.6s] It's a very nice sash.
[1163.8s] There's some rope I got here, my bag.
[1167.0s] Yes.
[1168.5s] Who else has got the other stuff?
[1170.6s] Well, I've got this hat, obviously,
[1172.4s] this tri-corner hat.
[1173.6s] Very nice hat, brings out your eyes.
[1175.3s] Oh, thank you, that's so nice.
[1178.1s] I've got this keg of gunpowder.
[1180.6s] Great.
[1182.6s] And a fuse.
[1184.7s] Okay.
[1185.5s] Because those go together.
[1186.4s] Yeah, I mean, you need both of those.
[1187.8s] And then, Moot, don't you have,
[1189.4s] do you have the rubber ducky or?
[1191.1s] I definitely have the rubber ducky.
[1192.7s] Okay, yeah.
[1193.8s] So that's what we got in the pirate aisle.
[1196.7s] Is that rubber ducky, is that the one?
[1199.0s] Yes, I do hear it makes bath time so much fun.
[1201.7s] So much fun.
[1202.5s] Oh my gosh.
[1203.4s] So much fun.
[1204.7s] Wow, that is, those are a great cluster of items,
[1209.8s] but now the items that you found in the pirate aisle.
[1213.2s] These were found.
[1214.0s] These are from the.
[1215.0s] Pirates.
[1215.8s] These are from the pirate aisle.
[1216.8s] In the Zed Mart?
[1218.6s] Oh.
[1219.4s] Because we got a note.
[1220.8s] Right.
[1221.7s] And they spelled aisle, A-I-S-L-E.
[1227.1s] Oh, that's unfortunate.
[1229.0s] And so, I'm thinking, it was like.
[1232.6s] Just a miscommunication, probably.
[1234.1s] Oh, that's what,
[1235.0s] because we spent real money on these things.
[1237.1s] That's unfortunate.
[1238.0s] That, yeah.
[1238.8s] Yeah, because you probably could have found
[1240.2s] a lot of those things.
[1241.1s] Because you didn't want.
[1242.6s] You don't want any of these?
[1243.8s] I don't.
[1244.6s] This wasn't what you were looking for?
[1246.4s] Well, I mean.
[1247.2s] Oh, no, hold on.
[1248.0s] Makes bath time so much.
[1249.0s] I would give you a copper back for the rubber deck.
[1251.5s] I mean.
[1252.6s] I think you paid too several for it.
[1254.2s] I'd keep it moved.
[1255.6s] Yeah, that doesn't seem like a great deal.
[1258.6s] Okay, so, okay, hold on.
[1261.0s] Okay.
[1261.8s] You are not going to the pirate aisle?
[1265.7s] Well, no, I'm hiring people to go to the pirate aisle.
[1268.4s] Oh, but not like with you?
[1270.9s] Well, no, not particularly.
[1273.4s] But do you have a boat?
[1274.8s] Oh, no.
[1276.9s] So you are hiring people with a boat.
[1279.3s] Guys, let's go.
[1281.2s] Well, you could rent a boat.
[1284.1s] Like, you could rent a boat.
[1286.2s] I mean, you have all of the gear ready to go.
[1288.7s] Look at you.
[1289.6s] You're practically three pirates.
[1291.8s] Well, that's why I'm wondering why we need you,
[1293.7s] the Shadow, as a pirate middleman.
[1296.2s] Well, I'm the one handling.
[1297.0s] Because I don't really understand what.
[1299.3s] Okay.
[1301.1s] We are going to go in a rented boat to the pirate aisle.
[1304.4s] And you were like, yeah, come on down.
[1307.3s] Give him your junk
[1310.2s] and he will give you all of the gold.
[1313.2s] Junk, excuse me, sir.
[1315.9s] The rubber duckie is exquisite.
[1317.9s] But we'll get back to that point.
[1320.5s] We saw your name on a note
[1322.0s] and something about trade routes.
[1323.6s] And we thought you were hiring adventurers
[1325.7s] to go to the pirate aisles
[1328.4s] and get treasure, like, on your boat.
[1332.6s] Isn't that what we thought?
[1333.5s] Is that what we thought?
[1334.3s] But also somehow that's gonna solve a trade route problem.
[1337.4s] Okay, so you seem to have,
[1341.8s] can I see your note?
[1343.2s] Yeah, here, it's kind of crumpled.
[1344.5s] You know what, I should have maybe,
[1345.9s] we spent some time in Butts Hole
[1348.3s] and like, I feel like.
[1349.8s] A lot of fun in Butts Hole.
[1351.2s] A lot of fun in Butts Hole,
[1352.6s] but it does leave your brain not quite working
[1355.7s] at peak smart.
[1360.3s] You did it. Yup.
[1362.1s] Case in point.
[1366.4s] Oh, I see what the problem is here.
[1367.7s] You're missing a lot of the information.
[1370.8s] So, okay, let me tell you a tale.
[1374.1s] Gather round my podium here.
[1376.8s] Okay, lean in close.
[1378.5s] Yes.
[1379.4s] Closer.
[1380.8s] Did anyone notice that his podium's just a table?
[1383.1s] Shh, you're too close.
[1385.2s] The other two of you can come in.
[1386.3s] You take a step back.
[1387.3s] Is it a podium?
[1388.3s] And if so, can I reach the top of it?
[1391.0s] Is it?
[1391.9s] Is this too close?
[1392.8s] No, that's good, that's good.
[1394.0s] Yes, yes, let's feel our hot breath on our cheeks.
[1397.4s] I don't like this. I can't hear anyone.
[1399.2s] No, you're fine, sir.
[1400.8s] You just keep the rubber duckies safe.
[1407.0s] Once a time ago.
[1411.2s] That's how the story started.
[1416.1s] Now once upon a time, once a time ago.
[1419.0s] Once a time ago.
[1420.0s] Guys, we are wording the hell out of this podcast today.
[1423.4s] Oh, so good.
[1424.2s] So good.
[1425.0s] Oh my goodness.
[1426.4s] I can't.
[1437.3s] Okay.
[1440.3s] Go on, sir, once a time ago.
[1442.2s] Yeah, I think I have my moot note for the episode.
[1446.0s] Once a time ago.
[1448.8s] Once a time ago.
[1452.5s] There was a wonderful king who ruled the land.
[1456.6s] His name was Lonen Borwin.
[1459.7s] Lonen?
[1460.6s] Lonen.
[1461.8s] Okay.
[1462.6s] Yes, L-O-N-A-N, Borwin.
[1465.6s] You with me so far?
[1466.6s] Onward.
[1467.5s] Not really.
[1468.6s] There was a peaceful king
[1471.3s] who commanded and took care of the regions
[1474.3s] of Termish and Chondeth and Tether.
[1477.3s] You know where you are, right?
[1481.0s] Yeah, we're in Tether.
[1482.2s] Chondeth.
[1483.1s] That's what I said.
[1483.9s] Yes, yeah.
[1485.6s] You were in Chondeth.
[1487.2s] He ruled those lands peacefully for a long time
[1491.2s] until one day he struck ill
[1494.2s] and he had three children
[1497.2s] who he was going to give the lands to.
[1502.0s] But they didn't get along so well,
[1504.2s] so he decided to give one of the lands to each of them
[1508.7s] and break down his most prized possession,
[1513.6s] his famed mace sword,
[1517.5s] and spread the pieces across the pirate isles.
[1522.6s] One day, when those three would find
[1524.8s] each of those three items
[1526.5s] and traverse through the hard-fought conquests
[1531.0s] to find them,
[1532.5s] it would bring them closer together,
[1534.1s] uniting the regions.
[1537.4s] Problem is his children didn't really...
[1543.3s] They're kind of weak-minded
[1546.2s] and they kind of stopped looking.
[1549.2s] But because they thought
[1550.2s] that this thing was supposed to bring them together,
[1553.0s] the relationship fell apart
[1554.6s] and they each tried to conquer the other,
[1557.9s] breaking down and spiraling into these,
[1560.8s] these walls built up at trade routes
[1564.1s] and making it difficult for each region
[1569.0s] to get the supplies that they needed.
[1571.4s] So now we're hunting for each of those six items
[1577.2s] in order to unite them again
[1581.4s] and hopefully bring peace back to the region.
[1586.2s] So just so I'm clear.
[1588.8s] Yes.
[1591.2s] The king,
[1593.1s] knowing his three feeble-minded sons,
[1597.2s] sons?
[1598.9s] Two sons and a daughter.
[1600.7s] Children.
[1603.1s] He broke a sword into how many pieces?
[1606.9s] Well, five pieces.
[1608.0s] And then there was a gauntlet, a sixth piece.
[1611.9s] So they would each have to find two pieces.
[1614.2s] Yes.
[1615.6s] And put them together.
[1617.9s] And the adventure of this
[1619.7s] was supposed to bring them closer together.
[1621.7s] Yeah.
[1622.5s] Okay, so, and then once they got the sword,
[1628.8s] they would like all magically become a family,
[1633.0s] happy days.
[1634.4s] That was the hope.
[1638.1s] You know, from back there,
[1639.2s] I could just hear bits and pieces,
[1640.8s] but having Sully retell it, it sounds really stupid.
[1644.6s] Yeah, you'd think if you wanted your family
[1646.3s] to get along, you would work on getting them
[1648.0s] to get along while you were still alive
[1650.0s] instead of waiting until after you had passed.
[1653.2s] And so I can kind of see where maybe
[1655.4s] the feeble-minded children
[1656.7s] got their feeble-mindedness from.
[1658.4s] Right.
[1659.3s] Also, I mean, if they can't see
[1661.8s] that they're just like starving
[1663.3s] and strangling each other's kingdoms, essentially.
[1667.2s] Yeah.
[1668.0s] Because like, that's kind of stupid.
[1670.6s] So we're gonna do all the work to get all the pieces
[1675.8s] and then just hope that by giving them a full sword,
[1679.6s] which only one of them can have, by the way,
[1682.6s] that it's going to make everything perfectly fine again.
[1687.0s] Well, I guess when you put it like that.
[1688.0s] Did a magic sword?
[1688.8s] Let me spin it to you another way.
[1691.3s] Okay.
[1693.8s] The pirate isles have many opportunities
[1699.1s] and challenges amongst them.
[1700.6s] Some of them are finding six items.
[1703.7s] Mm-hmm.
[1705.2s] What are the other ones?
[1706.2s] Well, others, if you bypass the dangerous pirates
[1711.0s] and smugglers throughout the region,
[1713.4s] there are places you can see futures.
[1716.9s] There are majestic beings that hold great powers
[1723.6s] that could be utilized or bargained with
[1727.0s] in order to achieve goals
[1729.6s] that adventurers, like yourselves, might have.
[1736.0s] That copper for your thoughts might tell me
[1738.4s] that you three have your own adventure that you're on.
[1747.1s] Sorry, can we have a minute just to talk
[1750.0s] to just the three of us here,
[1752.0s] if we just step away all the way back
[1753.8s] where Moot is, maybe?
[1755.0s] Oh, of course, yeah, yeah, no problem.
[1756.7s] Yeah, I'll just, you just see him kind of step back.
[1760.2s] Once a time ago, rehashing it.
[1767.0s] How could I have done this better?
[1769.3s] I should be recording myself so I can look at these.
[1772.4s] Give myself some constructive feedback, criticism.
[1775.7s] You think it's like his first day on the job, guys?
[1777.8s] He does kind of like it.
[1779.2s] I mean, I kind of think the shadow is not a person
[1782.4s] and is instead just a role because you can't see them
[1786.4s] when they're covered.
[1787.6s] So it actually is probably just like some random person
[1790.4s] who was swabbing a deck the day before
[1792.4s] that has just stepped into the role of the shadow.
[1795.2s] Yeah, I completely agree.
[1798.5s] So, I mean, just so I'm clear,
[1804.4s] we're here to do the good guy thing
[1808.8s] and get trade routes back open.
[1812.0s] Is that why we decide?
[1814.1s] I can't, I don't remember the conversation
[1817.1s] because there was a lot of liquor in battle.
[1819.2s] Yeah, I'm not, I mean, it does seem like
[1822.8s] there isn't a lot of food here.
[1824.6s] Just, you know, there's a lot of like cloth
[1827.5s] and other beautiful things, but clearly,
[1829.6s] this is not the kingdom where they produce the food.
[1832.7s] Where they eat.
[1834.1s] Well, they want to eat, but they're not,
[1836.1s] this is not the bread basket of the country.
[1839.7s] So I don't know, I don't want people to starve.
[1842.8s] I do want to help.
[1844.9s] We're just enabling some poor rulers though, if we go in.
[1849.4s] If we go and like kill ourselves
[1851.2s] trying to find these pieces of the swords
[1855.0s] and then get them and then bring them back,
[1857.6s] I feel like the real work is gonna be done
[1860.7s] just having the conversations with these rulers.
[1864.6s] I don't, sword in hand, sword not in hand,
[1867.9s] unless they really are so stupid,
[1869.5s] they can't believe they can get along
[1871.8s] if they don't have the sword.
[1874.9s] But perhaps that we can ask to talk to
[1877.6s] whoever the ruler is of this place
[1880.5s] and just see where we get.
[1882.5s] And just explain it back to them in a way,
[1885.5s] like as outsiders, we can sort of hear it
[1888.6s] in a different way and say,
[1890.0s] it seems like this is what's going on.
[1892.2s] Is that, is that really what's going on?
[1894.4s] You're too close to the problem.
[1896.5s] Maybe Moot can draw some pictures.
[1898.5s] Oh, I could try.
[1899.7s] Yes.
[1901.2s] I mean, I'm not opposed to that.
[1903.0s] I mean, I'm all for adventure,
[1904.6s] but I, I, I, is it, is it gonna help us save the world?
[1910.3s] I, I don't know.
[1912.1s] I wish, I don't know.
[1912.9s] If we knew this sword was like magic
[1916.0s] or bringing these kingdoms together
[1918.0s] was going to. If we got to keep it.
[1919.8s] If we got to, sure, if we got to keep it.
[1924.1s] I'm just not sure we should risk our lives
[1925.9s] when we do have a destiny to save the world.
[1929.2s] Just like heading off on an adventure seems sort of selfish.
[1933.0s] The whole world is counting on us.
[1935.2s] That's true.
[1936.7s] But it's hard to know.
[1938.5s] Is this where we're supposed to be right now?
[1943.4s] I say, maybe, maybe we can just go talk to the ruler.
[1947.5s] Just really see how feeble minded this person is.
[1950.7s] That's a good point.
[1951.7s] Sure.
[1955.2s] Mr. Shadow.
[1956.2s] And that's the story as it's told today.
[1959.1s] Yeah, sorry.
[1959.9s] Yes, yes.
[1961.3s] Great ending, by the by.
[1963.9s] Is there a way we can talk to the ruler of this place?
[1966.8s] You want to talk to.
[1967.7s] Cho-jus-nance-nce.
[1971.2s] You want to talk to the ruler of Chondath.
[1973.6s] Chondath, yeah, that's what I said.
[1975.4s] Cho-jus-nance-nce.
[1977.2s] That's how you say it.
[1978.1s] Yeah.
[1979.3s] Yeah, absolutely.
[1981.5s] Well, I suppose you could go,
[1982.9s] you could go there, there here in Erebar.
[1985.2s] So, you could probably go make an appointment.
[1990.5s] And just one more time, real quick, sorry.
[1993.2s] Sorry, Sully.
[1994.2s] Real quick, Tether, Chondath, and.
[1998.8s] Turmish.
[1999.6s] Turmish.
[2002.2s] Close, with shermish.
[2003.6s] Sherm-er-der-r.
[2004.4s] Shermish.
[2005.3s] Sherm-er-der-r.
[2006.5s] Shermish.
[2008.0s] Okay, and the leader of Chondath is.
[2011.6s] Finbar Borwyn.
[2013.8s] Oh.
[2014.7s] And we would find Finbar.
[2018.3s] In the castle, and he points up to the castle.
[2021.4s] Excellent.
[2022.2s] Up on the hill.
[2024.0s] Okay, cool.
[2026.7s] You know what, we might be back.
[2030.0s] You keep working on your story, though.
[2031.9s] Great, yeah, okay.
[2033.4s] So, okay, you're gonna go talk to Finbar.
[2036.6s] Do you know, like, have people tried that before?
[2038.4s] It seems like the most direct route.
[2039.8s] Maybe we could just talk to them, they could talk,
[2042.0s] they could reconcile over the love of their father,
[2044.6s] or something.
[2045.6s] Yeah, well, I guess you could try.
[2048.2s] It seems pretty straightforward.
[2049.9s] I don't know if anybody has tried.
[2053.2s] I mean, a call was put out to go find these items,
[2055.7s] and you know, a handsome reward, and adventure,
[2058.6s] and you know, it's a perilous journey,
[2061.7s] but you know, great payout in the end,
[2064.5s] that sort of thing.
[2066.1s] Reasoning with people, and family counseling
[2069.4s] wasn't really in the initial argument.
[2072.7s] I should, I just wanna say,
[2075.1s] one thing you did miss from your story
[2078.9s] was the great reward upon return.
[2082.0s] Do you wanna expand on that a little bit, or?
[2084.3s] Oh, well, it was on your note here,
[2086.1s] 500 gold per item.
[2088.2s] Right.
[2090.1s] I, I, I remember that one.
[2092.0s] That's the only part of it that's stuck in my head.
[2094.7s] I don't usually care about so much
[2096.4s] about the fiduciary parts of the adventuring,
[2099.8s] and you know what, Sully, I just should leave that to you,
[2101.6s] because you are the one that knows about that stuff.
[2103.7s] I don't, so. That's true,
[2104.6s] and the potty woods, honest.
[2106.6s] I mean, yeah, yeah, I mean,
[2107.9s] if you were to find all six,
[2109.6s] which, I mean, none have been returned currently,
[2112.3s] I mean, that's 3,000 gold.
[2114.4s] I mean, kingdoms have been founded on less than that.
[2117.8s] True, but what is more important than family?
[2121.5s] For smugglers and pirates, probably money.
[2124.5s] Well, I mean, like, what if we were able to get it going,
[2127.5s] get them talking, open the trade routes,
[2129.5s] and then go out and find the pieces?
[2132.2s] Well, wouldn't they have come together
[2133.7s] and go find the pieces themselves?
[2135.3s] And wouldn't that be better?
[2137.5s] Sure, I guess so.
[2138.6s] Who am I?
[2139.9s] Glim, this is all your fault.
[2141.1s] Let's fucking go.
[2142.0s] No, I love it.
[2143.7s] I like that you're turning down money
[2145.6s] for us to go talk, let's go,
[2147.3s] let's go see what Finbar is up to.
[2149.6s] I feel dirty.
[2151.2s] So you storm away.
[2152.3s] Yep.
[2153.2s] Also, keeping an eye out for the thick rib place.
[2159.6s] Stacey's Thick Ribs?
[2161.0s] Thick Ribs by Stacey, yes.
[2164.8s] Also, what kind of ribs are they?
[2168.8s] There's not a lot of food coming in and out of here.
[2171.1s] That's a good question.
[2171.9s] I'm hoping those big dinosaur ribs.
[2176.0s] Oh, those are fun.
[2178.4s] But where, like, but where are they getting them from?
[2183.6s] Well, dinosaurs, I guess.
[2185.1s] No, I think he means because there's like
[2187.7s] the trade dispute, so.
[2189.8s] Oh, yeah.
[2191.0s] Sure, yeah, okay.
[2192.2s] What kind of meat is it?
[2196.0s] Good question.
[2197.1s] You walk down a few streets
[2198.4s] and you're hit with an aroma of sugars and flame.
[2204.7s] You turn the corner and you see thick ribs
[2207.2s] by Stacey, giant red marquee with yellow lettering
[2213.7s] adorning it, lights, the only place that has a lineup.
[2221.0s] That's a good sign.
[2222.2s] You guys, I freaked myself out.
[2223.4s] I can't eat here.
[2224.6s] I mean, we could probably just ask.
[2226.2s] If it's people?
[2227.0s] They could have, well, I don't think it's.
[2229.5s] Oh, I didn't think that.
[2231.6s] I don't think people are very good eating.
[2233.2s] What did you think I was alluded into?
[2237.2s] Well, I guess I really didn't put two and two together.
[2240.4s] If the trade routes are down
[2243.2s] and they are not a farming community,
[2246.2s] where are they getting the meat?
[2247.9s] I see now.
[2249.4s] Yeah.
[2250.2s] What you were trying to say.
[2252.7s] Guys, it smells good.
[2253.7s] It's freaking me out.
[2255.3s] I'm hungry, but.
[2256.7s] Well, let's just ask someone in line.
[2258.7s] Excuse me.
[2259.6s] Oh, yeah, yeah, hey.
[2260.8s] Hi. Oh, hey.
[2262.6s] So sorry to bother you.
[2264.8s] We heard from the shadow about this rib place.
[2270.5s] Oh, yeah, that's a great rib place.
[2271.9s] Thick Ribs by Stacey.
[2273.7s] And I was just wondering what kind of ribs they sell.
[2279.5s] Well, they are, you know,
[2281.8s] very artisans of all things ribs,
[2284.4s] but lately they've been bringing in
[2285.8s] a lot of ribs from the sea.
[2287.4s] There's the mule whale that is well-known
[2291.2s] in the Sea of Stars here.
[2294.5s] And that was just brought in a fresh catch there
[2296.6s] a couple of days ago.
[2297.6s] So as I believe, yeah, check the sign.
[2300.5s] Can't quite see the sign inside,
[2301.8s] but I'm pretty sure they're still serving mule whale.
[2304.7s] Oh, mule whale.
[2306.2s] Yeah.
[2307.1s] Well, I've never had that.
[2308.6s] If you had that moot, you're the foodie.
[2310.4s] Is that seafood?
[2311.2s] I've never even heard of it before.
[2312.4s] Is that land food?
[2313.6s] It's a whale that kind of has a,
[2317.0s] it's a very interesting creature.
[2320.0s] It kind of has like the consistency
[2323.2s] of more like bovine meat,
[2327.8s] but a very thick layer of like blubbery fat
[2331.8s] that really just melts through it,
[2333.4s] makes it very tender.
[2336.7s] Guys, how free, on your freakout scale,
[2340.9s] where are you at?
[2343.0s] Are you at we can stand in line and eat these ribs
[2345.6s] or are you at we should probably just get going?
[2348.0s] If there wasn't a line,
[2350.4s] I'd say maybe let's go for it,
[2352.3s] but the longer I stand in this line,
[2354.0s] the more I think that it's probably just people.
[2358.0s] Wait, are they serving people here?
[2360.3s] I don't, no, that has not been.
[2362.2s] They're serving people here.
[2363.6s] Everybody get out, you're probably next.
[2365.9s] Oh my God, you guys, let's go.
[2367.0s] They're serving people here.
[2368.1s] Did you hear that guy?
[2369.6s] But also the line is now gone, so.
[2372.3s] Oh, the line is gone.
[2373.7s] And look at the ribs, they're huge.
[2375.1s] There's no way those could be from a person.
[2378.4s] Oh, well, I guess we can stop for a second.
[2380.4s] I guess.
[2381.3s] Okay.
[2392.2s] Middle time.
[2394.4s] Whoa, coming in hot with hot energy.
[2396.8s] Well, we want to make a goal,
[2398.9s] so I got to bring the energy.
[2401.1s] Okay.
[2402.0s] Get people excited.
[2403.1s] I'm excited.
[2404.0s] Goal setting is exciting.
[2405.6s] Big goal summer, yeah.
[2406.7s] Come visit us at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
[2410.2s] where we're trying to hit 85 people in our community
[2413.4s] so we can do a live improv show.
[2416.6s] You'll purchase the whole seat,
[2418.6s] but you'll only need the edge.
[2422.0s] Exactly.
[2422.8s] That's the feeling.
[2424.5s] How do we feel about that one?
[2425.3s] That was good, that was good.
[2426.2s] Do we think people are going to like it?
[2427.9s] Yeah?
[2428.8s] Yeah.
[2429.7s] Yeah, cool.
[2430.5s] If you can throw that like,
[2432.3s] Those are in behind the ears.
[2434.5s] Right, need the, okay, got it.
[2437.0s] Now that I know where all the sound effects go
[2438.9s] and have intimidated you
[2440.4s] into going over to Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
[2443.1s] we hope that you have,
[2445.2s] but also we just would love for you
[2448.1s] to join our community
[2449.0s] because it's an excellent place
[2450.6s] with a whole bunch of amazing people.
[2452.1s] So awesome.
[2452.9s] And lots of good stuff.
[2453.8s] There's like a whole other show
[2455.8s] that Tom DMs and Russ is full of beans
[2459.7s] as a character, not the DM in that show.
[2462.5s] And we have lots of fun
[2464.2s] and there's baking competitions in the show.
[2466.3s] I don't mean like on Patreon.
[2467.7s] Bonus episodes.
[2468.5s] But also kind of on our like Discord and stuff too.
[2472.2s] Also, yeah, kind of on the Discord.
[2473.0s] We will occasionally throw down.
[2474.5s] And we do like Hangouts
[2476.5s] and chats where we can talk about,
[2479.6s] you know, your games
[2480.7s] and you can get advice
[2481.9s] from people who know what they're talking about
[2483.4s] and also Amy and I.
[2486.5s] Sometimes.
[2487.3s] Hey, you're talking about our producers calls.
[2489.0s] That's right.
[2489.8s] Absolutely.
[2490.7s] There's so many really awesome things
[2491.8s] if you come and join our Patreon.
[2493.2s] Circling back to our Discord competitions.
[2497.8s] I was called out in a competition,
[2499.4s] yet Andrew, I haven't seen any posts
[2501.3s] of your breads lately.
[2502.7s] Yeah, there has been no bread from Andrew.
[2504.5s] There was a bread baking competition.
[2505.8s] And Russ baked like all the bread.
[2507.6s] Pretty aggressively.
[2508.8s] And only Russ has participated.
[2511.4s] So if you want to get in on that,
[2512.7s] someone has thrown down the gauntlet towards Russ
[2515.3s] and I think not done anything about it.
[2518.1s] So I was gonna take it or just wanna take it.
[2520.2s] Like homered back into the shrubs
[2522.4s] as soon as he threw down the gauntlet.
[2524.0s] Yeah.
[2525.4s] He was like,
[2526.2s] I didn't understand how extreme
[2527.9s] this baking competition was gonna be.
[2529.6s] Someone, please come,
[2530.6s] listener, you're out there somewhere.
[2532.4s] Have you been baking breads?
[2533.5s] Knock Russ off a few pages.
[2535.1s] Please do.
[2536.0s] Knock Russ off a few pages.
[2537.0s] That's how, that's the thing now.
[2538.2s] That's a saying.
[2539.1s] Knock him off a few pages, you guys.
[2541.1s] Everyone says that all the time.
[2543.1s] I'm always saying that.
[2544.3s] That's what I thought.
[2545.1s] Circling back again.
[2547.9s] I hate that I just keep saying circling back.
[2550.9s] We're just spinning in a circle.
[2551.9s] And Russ is just circling the drain now here.
[2553.8s] It's just a giant circle back.
[2555.3s] I can't believe I'm saying that.
[2556.9s] Okay, well maybe let's talk just a little bit more
[2559.5s] because we said it aggressively at the beginning
[2561.5s] and haven't talked about it again.
[2562.9s] If we hit 85 patrons,
[2564.5s] we will do a live game.
[2567.6s] Improv game where you get to yell out your suggestions.
[2570.3s] Well, I mean, type aggressively into the, yeah.
[2573.9s] And tell us where we are, what we're doing,
[2575.5s] what we see, how we do it.
[2577.9s] And we'll try to incorporate as many of those as we can
[2580.2s] as we're improving the hell out of the show
[2582.7s] that you will be watching live.
[2585.9s] We will do no prep.
[2587.6s] We never do anyway.
[2588.8s] We never do.
[2589.6s] Hello.
[2590.5s] Hello.
[2591.9s] We do sometimes a little bit.
[2593.0s] Russ does. Zero, zero prep.
[2595.1s] We show up, you tell us where we are,
[2596.7s] what we're doing.
[2597.6s] It's gonna be a lot of fun.
[2598.4s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[2599.3s] Okay, we're gonna get you back to the episode now.
[2601.9s] So takeaways, discord, baking competition,
[2606.7s] come do it.
[2607.6s] And Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast, 85 patrons.
[2609.9s] Once we hit it, it's gonna be awesome
[2611.6s] and you're gonna be there.
[2612.6s] So it's gonna be even cooler.
[2614.1s] Blah, blah, blah.
[2616.0s] So how did it sound?
[2617.9s] It was good.
[2619.7s] You head into thick ribs by Stacy and we cut scene.
[2623.1s] However long later you come out, full bellied.
[2626.8s] Sticky fingered.
[2628.7s] One thing that I would write on a comment card,
[2631.2s] if my hands weren't completely covered in
[2635.1s] some sort of barbecue sauce,
[2636.7s] would be to include a wet towelette of some kind.
[2640.3s] Ooh, that would be real nice.
[2642.4s] Yeah, I agree.
[2644.1s] But otherwise, delicious.
[2645.5s] They were really good.
[2646.3s] And you're right, way too big to be people.
[2648.6s] Way too big to be people, so.
[2651.1s] But do you think this would work on other establishments?
[2653.7s] Like they got a really long line.
[2655.1s] We say, I'll hear those seven people here.
[2657.3s] And then everybody leaves and then we get to go
[2659.3s] in the front.
[2660.1s] I mean, that doesn't seem.
[2661.0s] See, I'm still a little bit bad.
[2662.1s] No, I think it's okay.
[2663.7s] Glim, just give me this one.
[2665.8s] Let's go sticky fingered, talking to.
[2668.5s] You're right.
[2669.5s] I think there's a fountain.
[2670.8s] I'm gonna just dip my fingers in that fountain.
[2674.4s] And then we'll go find Finbar.
[2675.6s] Finbar, that's what I was looking for.
[2677.2s] Or King Finbar, or Prince.
[2679.5s] We maybe should figure that out.
[2681.0s] Prince Regent, I'm not sure.
[2682.7s] Yeah.
[2683.9s] Do we know Finbar's a man?
[2688.3s] Oh, good question.
[2689.4s] I don't think we do.
[2690.3s] I've never heard the name Finbar, so I have no.
[2692.5s] You know what, you're right.
[2694.3s] There's three siblings.
[2695.7s] Let's not make assumptions.
[2697.8s] Perhaps we should ask someone before we get there.
[2701.1s] I mean, I don't think they're gonna answer
[2702.6s] the door themselves, because royalty
[2704.1s] doesn't really do that.
[2705.3s] But I still feel like we should have
[2707.6s] some basic knowledge.
[2710.1s] Yeah, sure.
[2712.7s] Excuse me.
[2713.9s] Oh, hello.
[2715.2s] What's it gonna say?
[2716.0s] Ma'am.
[2716.9s] Because you haven't done a woman in a while.
[2718.5s] No.
[2719.4s] Broom.
[2723.7s] Ha ha.
[2724.8s] That's right.
[2726.7s] What can I do for you?
[2731.0s] Sucker, your wife doesn't put out.
[2738.0s] Excuse me.
[2738.9s] Yeah, no, you've already said that.
[2740.6s] Hello.
[2742.3s] Sorry, I'm real sticky.
[2743.1s] What's Mrs. Delfire?
[2747.3s] So, Finbar.
[2749.5s] Yes.
[2750.9s] Who, is it like king or princess or?
[2755.9s] Is it king?
[2756.9s] King Finbar Borwyn.
[2759.8s] Cool.
[2760.7s] Yes.
[2761.5s] Do you have a favorite color?
[2766.5s] Green, green, what'd you say?
[2767.6s] What'd you say, green?
[2768.5s] Yeah, I would say, you'd say probably green.
[2771.0s] Yeah, well, it's green.
[2772.6s] Green, yeah, we'll go with green.
[2775.6s] The confidence wasn't there,
[2776.8s] but thank you for telling us
[2777.9s] that it was King Finbar. Well, who has
[2778.9s] a favorite color of a king?
[2781.2s] How long has he been ruling?
[2782.7s] Where is he from?
[2783.9s] What is his family lineage?
[2785.8s] What's his favorite color?
[2787.7s] Next, you're gonna ask about unladen swallows.
[2790.1s] Oh, African or European?
[2791.7s] Good question.
[2792.6s] We know a little already about the story
[2794.7s] with the previous king
[2797.3s] and then the splintering of the kingdoms,
[2799.3s] and so, yeah.
[2801.1s] That's why we went with color, I guess.
[2803.9s] We're just gonna thank you.
[2804.8s] I just want a little piece of information,
[2806.3s] but it's fine, it's fine.
[2807.5s] Okay.
[2809.1s] Have a good day.
[2809.9s] Yeah, you too.
[2811.1s] Go get some ribs, they're not people.
[2813.1s] Wouldn't have crossed my mind,
[2814.5s] but have you seen the size of those things?
[2818.8s] You guys make it up to the gate.
[2820.7s] Sorry.
[2821.5s] Yeah, no, I was just gonna say.
[2822.8s] Yeah, I had no honor.
[2824.9s] And goodbye.
[2825.8s] Yeah, I had to,
[2827.3s] I had to physically restrain myself from saying,
[2830.2s] that's what she said.
[2834.3s] And then, because I had to think on it.
[2836.3s] All right.
[2837.1s] You make it up to the gate of the castle,
[2838.9s] and there are two guards standing at attention.
[2843.5s] Hello.
[2844.4s] Sorry to bother you while you're at work.
[2846.9s] It's, well, I mean, it's related to your work,
[2849.9s] so I guess I'm not that sorry.
[2851.0s] We just were hoping to have a quick audience
[2853.3s] with King Finbar.
[2855.5s] Well, do you have an appointment?
[2856.7s] Well, no, but could we just get on his schedule,
[2858.7s] or do you take care of that?
[2859.8s] Is there a receptionist inside?
[2861.6s] Oh, well, let's see, hold on, let me see.
[2863.3s] Do you have the schedule?
[2864.2s] Do they leave like a block of appointments?
[2866.9s] No, I don't have the schedule.
[2867.8s] Well, they don't have the schedule out here.
[2869.7s] Like through the day,
[2870.5s] so that maybe like when people come up late,
[2871.7s] they can get appointments?
[2873.3s] Well, we'll have to call ahead here and get the schedule.
[2877.3s] Get the sending stone here and see if we can get this.
[2879.1s] Absolutely, we can talk to Marion about it.
[2881.1s] Oh, good, good, good, good, good, good, good.
[2882.9s] It's so wonderful that you have come up here.
[2885.2s] We haven't had many people up here.
[2887.0s] Well, my partner, Judith,
[2889.4s] checks the schedule with Marion.
[2893.1s] Or go, just tell me of your tales.
[2895.2s] Who are you?
[2896.9s] What's going on?
[2897.7s] I haven't seen many people up here lately.
[2898.6s] They stay away from Master Fimbar just because,
[2901.9s] well, you know, he's a little bit irritable.
[2903.8s] Hasn't had his daily vegetables.
[2907.8s] Oh.
[2908.7s] The other bowel problem?
[2910.6s] You're not supposed to talk about his bowel problems,
[2913.7s] right?
[2914.5s] This is not on the calendar.
[2916.4s] We must not tell people.
[2918.4s] It's specifically mentioned on the calendar,
[2920.3s] not to mention it.
[2921.2s] It says right here,
[2923.0s] I can't talk about his bowel problems.
[2924.2s] No, don't talk about his bowel,
[2925.1s] stop talking about it.
[2926.3s] Is there an opening?
[2927.2s] You haven't figured it out yet.
[2928.3s] No, not Marion!
[2930.0s] While we're here waiting,
[2931.1s] what's the king's favorite color?
[2932.8s] Well, that's an interesting question here.
[2934.6s] I mean, there's a lot of green,
[2936.2s] but that's just from his father.
[2938.1s] I guess he's been trying to transfer things
[2940.6s] into more of an orange mauve.
[2944.1s] Orangey mauve.
[2945.3s] Oh, so in addition to his bowel problems,
[2948.7s] he's also maybe is colorblind?
[2950.4s] Yes.
[2951.4s] Quite possible.
[2952.9s] Mr. Fimba has a few issues.
[2955.5s] Okay, no, that's good to know.
[2956.9s] I won't show him anything with like a yellow and red,
[2959.5s] like I don't want it to be,
[2961.3s] that's good to know.
[2962.1s] Thank you.
[2962.9s] Yeah, good information.
[2965.5s] Marion said that there's an opening in 15 minutes,
[2967.8s] but they have to get in fast.
[2969.2s] Oh, right.
[2970.1s] Well, 15 minutes is,
[2971.7s] I think they'll be able to make it in time.
[2973.9s] Those are many stairs.
[2975.5s] Lots of stairs there.
[2977.6s] Are you good with stairs?
[2979.6s] Yes.
[2980.4s] Good.
[2981.3s] You should be able to make it with plenty of time.
[2983.6s] I bet you Marion will be able to escort you.
[2984.7s] Actually, she has a cane
[2986.9s] and probably won't want to do the stairs.
[2988.7s] Oh, Marion doesn't come downstairs anymore.
[2991.5s] Just point us in the right direction.
[2993.1s] I'm sure we can get there.
[2995.0s] That way.
[2996.0s] Oh, so up the stairs.
[2996.8s] Oh, quite up.
[2997.7s] Yeah, it's where,
[2998.5s] Okay, yeah.
[2999.3s] You can't go down until you go up.
[3001.4s] That's what, that's what.
[3002.6s] To what am I?
[3003.5s] I can't get down.
[3004.5s] I get knocked down,
[3005.9s] but I get up again.
[3007.6s] I can't keep going.
[3014.2s] No, I didn't expect this guard
[3015.5s] to look exactly like the guy from Great Big Sea,
[3018.0s] but he does.
[3018.8s] Yes, it's Alydin Doyle.
[3020.6s] And Shumba Wumba, apparently.
[3023.9s] Some fun cameos as prison guards.
[3027.5s] Alydin Doyle, he shows up
[3028.5s] in many Canadian productions just randomly.
[3030.7s] He does.
[3031.5s] He's gotta keep busy.
[3033.3s] Marion, incoming.
[3035.1s] Guess Marion.
[3036.9s] ["Pomp and Circumstance"]
[3066.9s] ["Pomp and Circumstance"]
[3077.1s] Dumbgeons and Dragons, season two, episode 81.
[3080.3s] Starring Amy More as Sully,
[3082.2s] Carla Maxted as Glim,
[3083.7s] Tom Laird as Moot,
[3085.1s] and Russ More as your dungeon master.
[3087.2s] With guest Michael Howey as Wimren Saris.
[3089.6s] Editing, production, and sound design by Russ More.
[3092.3s] This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
[3094.7s] and Kavin MacLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io
[3098.1s] and sound effects from Epidemic Sound.
[3100.4s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
[3102.3s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok, Mark Hartless,
[3105.0s] Stevie, Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
[3107.6s] Christian Brown, Devin Michaels, Aaron Stevens,
[3110.3s] Eric Houlihan, and Ray Sirbeck.
[3112.5s] To support Dumbgeons and Dragons
[3114.0s] and our many other productions
[3115.3s] and get access to an exclusive podcast,
[3117.7s] bonus episodes, and help us reach our next goal,
[3120.5s] where we'll be hosting a live improv game
[3123.1s] for our patrons.
[3124.0s] Please join us at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[3127.5s] You can also follow us at facebook.com slash
[3129.8s] dumb dragon podcast,
[3131.3s] and on Instagram and Twitter at dumb dragon cast.
[3134.1s] Thank you for listening.
[3135.1s] Have a great week and we'll talk again soon.
[3138.0s] Welcome.
[3139.2s] Wait, are we recording?
[3141.0s] I am now.
[3142.1s] I am now.
[3144.8s] I was, so.
[3146.7s] Yeah.
[3147.6s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[3149.8s] I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
[3151.9s] I feel like there was something missing in there.
[3153.5s] You are a robot.
[3155.9s] I am a robot.
[3156.8s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[3158.7s] We're not.
[3160.5s] We're deans, you wanna say.
[3162.2s] No, we don't say that anymore.
[3164.9s] That's what's missing.
[3165.7s] That's it.
[3166.6s] I don't know why.
[3167.4s] Because we haven't done this since February.
[3169.3s] Yeah, that's exactly why.
[3170.2s] That's why.
[3171.0s] We did the other timeline like two weeks ago.
[3173.0s] Yeah, but we had a guest.
[3173.8s] Three weeks ago, four weeks ago.
[3175.4s] That's right.
[3176.2s] It's not the same when we have a guest.
[3177.6s] No.
[3178.4s] Have not trans, and have not personally
[3182.3s] transferred, transported, traveled.
[3185.7s] That's the word I'm looking for.
[3187.1s] Oh.
[3188.3s] That was a journey, wasn't it?
[3189.4s] That was a journey.
[3190.3s] Wow.
[3191.1s] He did take us on a word journey there.
[3192.5s] Yeah.
[3193.3s] It's back and forth.
[3194.2s] It says, oh, go talk to yourself.
[3196.7s] No, he doesn't tell you.
[3197.8s] Whoa, all right.
[3200.2s] All right.
[3203.0s] Okay, we're just going to record Zoom.
[3205.5s] Oh, no.
[3208.4s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.