Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Did you guys hear that?
I heard something. Did anyone hear it more clearly?
It sounded not dead. They need to get to the tower. Someone's somewhere.
I don't know if you can see something, but all I can see are undead and
I feel terrible saying this, but I think we just have to go.
I guess so. It doesn't sit right with me. I heard them.
We gotta keep eyes on the prize though.
We will hope they know how to get to the tower.
We will hope we can get to the tower.
Off and to the right of this room, there is a single desk.
There is a letter, but what catches your eye is a figure slumped over beside the desk.
I rushed to this person.
It becomes clear that this person is deceased.
To whom may find this letter?
The Arcane Brotherhood is not lost.
This beacon of hope is meant to guide you to our location.
Find the Arcane Brotherhood in Icewind Dale.
There's refuge there.
A place where the undead have slowed and cannot keep up their unrelenting force.
Macoth the Crimson.
Oh shit!
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master Russ More.
He, him, also with me today is Amy More.
Yeah, she, her, and I play Thea Amastasia.
And Carla Maxted.
She, her, and I play Yen Bolnuri, also she, her, Kalishtar Cleric.
And Tom Laird.
He, him, and I am playing Telgir, who also goes by he, him.
And we're joined by a lovely guest today from the Broad Swords.
We've collected them all at this point.
It's Kristen Flemmons.
Yay!
Gotta catch them all.
That's right, we've got them.
We've got Broad Swords.
Yeah, I'm Kristen.
She, her, and I will be playing Agath,
Godlass, Cthlo, Olavi, the Goliath Fighter slash Cleric.
I'm into it.
Also she, her.
Excellent.
If that's not a mouthful.
So many letters.
There's just so many letters.
There's like dashes, epistroph, it's wild up in here.
You're going to have to pronounce it every time exactly the way it's said, okay?
Be a lot of, hey you.
Yeah, totally.
And new girl.
Where we also don't pronounce things well is over on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Where when you are on Patreon, you get an episode dedicated to you.
And I'm going to do my best to pronounce their names right.
No, but don't, because then you just set yourself up for, you know where we don't.
This is a catch 22.
You either do it right.
So no pressure.
There's no way you can succeed.
Okay, well, this one's kind of hard to mess up.
Newt Bootsma.
Thanks Newt.
Also, those are fun syllables all in a row, aren't they?
They really are.
So you can join us at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And now, fuck it, let's play.
We see you three soaring through the air on your magic carpet.
Going high above the spine of the world.
And down below, we see a soul figure on horseback riding equal pace to you.
You break through the mountain range after four or five days of travel.
And before you, you see this shimmering rainbow wall.
And at the base of this wall is a horde of undead.
There it is.
Check this out.
This is the darkest timeline people.
You got tricked by the rainbow wall.
You thought that sounds nice.
Camera panning down.
Still nice.
Still.
Oh, no, not nice anymore.
Magic carpet, rainbow wall, person on a horseback.
Come on.
Flying demons are crashing into this wall and shimmering and pouring.
You see tears beginning to form and them trying to crawl through.
You bring your carpet down and land beside the rider
and just take a look over the sight before you.
And then we hear a heavy pounding knock at the door.
And we find ourselves back in the tower of the Arcane Brotherhood.
The three of you are getting ready.
You're gear.
You've had a few hours of good solid rest.
As you're getting ready to leave to Icewind Dale,
where you have been directed, this heavy knock comes at the door.
Oh, I don't know.
Are we expecting anyone?
Oh, you two are vibing.
Jinx, you owe me an ale.
So we're thinking like someone's selling cookies or like.
Can anyone see through a wall?
No.
Should we just, hey, who's there?
Good one.
Yeah.
Again, a gun tell gear.
Louder, louder.
Hello?
Oh, I want to crack the door just like a little bit and do that thing
where you brace your foot along the bottom so that no one can shove it in like a jerk.
A large hand with pale Goliath like skin
does reach through the door and start to shove it open.
Oh, no, thank you.
No, thank you.
Strength contest, please.
Oh, well, that's.
You can do it.
Don't kill me by opening a door.
That's 13.
I didn't.
19 then you're just like sliding against the door.
You're comically pushing me back.
My shoes are like skidding along the dusty floor.
I'm very calmly, not like urgently, just like the door needs to open.
Like I'm not even there.
I may not have noticed you.
It's possible.
Yeah, it happens.
It happens a lot.
And stepping through the door, you see a very large Goliath woman.
She is probably getting close to eight feet tall.
She is quite strongly built.
Not a surprise, perhaps, that she was able to push the door open that that simply
and fairly mud streaked.
Probably some hints of dried blood at various places in the furs and armor that
she is wearing a fine panoply of weaponry attached to shoulders, back, hips.
And she just steps through the door.
My footing slipped this floor.
Tiny pebbles all over.
Who are you?
Sorry, before you close the door, there are demons and stuff outside in case you
want to bring anything in.
Yes, so before she closes the door,
she holds it open for a few moments longer and a gigantic horse comes in behind her.
This horse is pale to the extent that is almost translucent.
You can see blue veins and almost its musculature through the skin, sort of in
like a creepy deep sea creature kind of way.
And its eyes are this almost sickly yellowy green.
And it sort of like snorts and huffs.
And she slaps it on the butt a little bit to get it to move all the way through
so she can then close the door.
How big is the space in here now that it's in the lobby?
Cool, because I was picturing something a little bit smaller.
We're all like cheeked.
Piled in the elevator.
Can't even stand up because the eight feet isn't high enough.
Yeah, no, we're in a large grand chamber of this massive cathedral room.
And she'll just sort of take a second to look around at the group of you.
And as you ask her who she is, Agath.
Gesundheit.
And you?
I have so many questions.
Well, I mean, let's start with the basics.
Telgir.
I'm Yenbl.
She nods at each of you.
Well, I didn't want to give my name, but now I feel weird
being the only one who hasn't said it.
I'm Thea.
You do seem slightly weird.
Yeah, well, I mean, says the eight foot tall person
who came riding in a translucent horse.
Who are you?
Not your name, but who are you and what are you doing here?
I seek answers.
This is the tower.
Arcane Brotherhood.
The Beacon.
Yes, you're in the right place,
but unfortunately no one else is here.
We have also only just arrived and we will be leaving soon.
And what is your business here?
Much like you, we came for answers and some assistance.
Good, well, where are the answers?
Do you know to whom we should speak or a library or?
Well, we do have a lead.
Are you, I don't know, this is going to sound stupid,
but the whole world is completely fucked up.
Are you a good person?
I am not a demon.
Okay, that's a good start.
You go.
No, you go.
She's just looking back and forth between the two of you.
How do you feel about Orcus?
Oh, that's a good question.
Poorly.
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah.
That is a good answer.
Are you maybe looking to change the world back
to the way it was perhaps?
I'm not sure I believe such a thing is possible,
but were the gods findable, I would be interested in that.
Or if I could bring punishment to Orcus,
I would be interested in that.
Well, it kind of seems like we're all on the same team here.
Wonderful.
We can get going then.
Yeah, we're headed to Icewind Days.
We are going to Icewind Days, that's the one.
We found a letter and that there's a refuge or
that is where we are going.
But there is nothing here in the tower.
Correct.
I think she just sort of turns around and punches a wall.
Oh.
Briefly.
So many dead.
And nothing here in the tower.
You've checked.
We have thoroughly checked.
Well, there's one dead guy upstairs.
Pretty good sweep.
Yeah, dead guy upstairs.
And that's where we found the letter.
The letter.
By the beacon.
Yes, there was a letter from MacArthur Crimson
explaining about Icewind Dale.
Are you ready?
Do you want to take a sweep of the tower first?
Yes, I must see.
Want to go punch the guy upstairs?
Perhaps.
Okay.
How long has he been dead?
Is he very rotten?
He's not rotten, but he has been dead a long time.
Yeah, pretty gross.
And do you know who he is?
No.
And what was in this letter?
Just instructions about going to Icewind Dale.
Well, you can read this if you like.
I would like.
I'll give her the letter.
You look at the letter and it says,
To whom may find this letter?
The Arcane Brotherhood is not lost.
This beacon of hope is meant to guide you to our location.
Find the Arcane Brotherhood in Icewind Dale.
There's refuge there.
A place where the undead have slowed and cannot keep up their unrelenting force.
Signed, MacArthur Crimson.
And does that name ring a bell for Agath at all?
Yeah, you would have been coming because you likely had contacts or at least
knowledge of some people in the Arcane.
So yeah, the name definitely would ring a bell.
Maybe not somebody you met, but through...
I mean, I'm sure it was a real big story of how the Decimators of Dragons
saved her from an ice dragon's lair.
A tale told across the land.
Yeah, that one lasted 20 years.
Yeah. But yeah, you would recognize it.
I would like to do a quick sweep of this building if you have the time to spare, but
I would not object to joining you in Icewind Dale if that is where the Brotherhood now is.
I'm happy to wait.
I think we could use all the help we can get.
Also, can I touch your horse?
I would not recommend it.
He is sensitive and has a foul disposition.
Oh.
Does he also have a name?
She's totally going to touch your horse when you leave.
Tresraxus.
It's real mouthful.
That is a strong name.
I call him Rax.
He dislikes this.
Sounds like you two have a strong bond.
Search the castle.
It's complicated.
We'll take care of Rax from a distance.
From around a corner, you guys hear Donnie, but you see a red pseudo dragon
zip out from around a corner carrying as many dry crackers that he could find.
I found enough food to last at least me for like 20 minutes, so that should be-
Oh!
We have friends?
I think sort of instinctually she goes for a weapon and then-
It's all right.
He's with us.
Donnie, get in here and I open up my pouch.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Just gonna pile the crackers in here.
We got a new friend?
Yes.
Okay, cool.
Horse has a real good vibe about it.
I'm gonna hide in here.
You would like to go off and search the building?
Yeah, I'm just gonna do a quick scan for anything.
I think the idea of fighting so hard to get here and then having it be empty is
just a little hard to swallow, so she just needs to see it for herself.
You want to make it past the foyer.
I get it.
Are there any, aside from people, is there any thing in particular that you might be looking for?
Any sort of writing, any sort of like maybe, you know, what she would really like to know
is what the F happened to the gods and where are they and why the fuck aren't they here.
So anything relating to that.
So writing pictograms, diagrams, stained glass things that might have hints,
that kind of thing, or I don't know, magical portal that'll come take her
to punch Orcus right in the teeth maybe, something like that.
Okay, you go off.
Do you leave the horse where it is?
There's like an elevator that takes you up.
He kind of does what he wants, so.
Okay, cool.
Horse stays, but your new friend Agath walks off and back down the hall.
I want to try to make friends with the horse.
Okay, you're welcome to say what the horse does at this point.
I guess roll an animal handling check, maybe that sort of.
It was only a 15.
Okay, not so bad.
Well no, but I mean with a plus 10 animal handling,
I was expecting something a little more exciting, but I rolled an Amy, so.
He is very moody and part demon, so he stomps and sort of shakes his head
and huffs and doesn't quite attack, but you do notice that as he huffs,
the breath coming out of his nostrils starts to get like this greenish acrid
like look and smell to it.
And like you can sort of like feel like as you try and get closer,
it kind of like burns the inside of your throat as you're breathing.
You kind of like sort of like if somebody is cooking really hot chili peppers
and it just like just like.
I've done that to myself.
Yeah, it's sort of like suddenly like, okay.
Oh, wow.
Oh, it was like a boy.
It's going to be a good one to have on our team.
Tell gear turns the end ball.
He says, did you happen to scope all those weapons?
Yes, this is a very impressive person.
I'm very happy to have on our side if she is on our side.
So so tall, so strong down, not, you know, not down with orcas.
So that's that's right away.
That's a plus.
It has been so long since we have seen any creature
not immediately trying to kill us.
It's refreshing.
It's why I was a little standoffish at first.
You know, we've been burned before.
Yeah, no, I totally get it.
Plus, I mean, just kind of really just manhandled that door with you behind it.
Really just pushed it and you just slid on the floor.
It was real, just real slick.
And then Fia starts to like scuff her shoe, like where it was trying to recreate
how slippery it was, even though it wasn't slippery.
It's not slippery at all.
In fact, you can't scuff them at all across that with your own strength.
Dust blew in and it's me, you know.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
No, happens to the best of us.
It kind of rolls his eyes in the background.
We follow Agatha back down this hallway.
The first hallway that you walk down, it follows the outside of the tower
in almost a circular fashion for quite a ways before coming to a singular open door,
probably because the other three would have been coming and going from it,
which leads into just a small box of a room with a series of lights on the wall.
Are they like magical lights?
Yeah.
Yeah, she can tell.
She knows magic stuff.
Yeah.
Can I roll some kind of like history or a kind of check on what they are?
Would you know how an elevator works?
No, I don't think those are very common where she's from.
They're not.
She's going to spend a lot of time.
I didn't prepare to detect magic, but...
You can definitely roll an arcana or even like a history,
because you would have gained some knowledge of the tower itself.
A little bit better at history, but that ain't good.
That's a 10.
You stare in this room for quite a while.
Yeah.
What would Agoth do, not knowing exactly what to do, in order to get movement?
Shield up, slowly approaching very cautiously, stepping back a bit,
itching forward again, considering casting a spell, but deciding against it,
going to take out maybe like a lance.
Just make it really awkward and like, start poking things with the lance.
As you poke like one of these lights, it illuminates brighter, and then the door begins to close.
That is very nerve-wracking, small spaces, not great, but...
Then vertical movement starts.
I think she's very motion sick.
This is all we're doing for the rest of this episode.
Agoth is on the elevator, pressed against the wall.
Doesn't take very long, and then the movement slows, and then comes to a stop,
and you hear a small ding, and then the door slowly slides open, and you're on
there's an entirely different hallway ahead of you.
She's going to take full stealth crouch, creeping forward at a low crawl.
Out of the doors very quickly, in case they are closing again.
Gonna maybe prop them open with something, and then very carefully,
very hunter-in-the-wood style, make her way down this hallway.
It's a dimly lit hallway, and there's several doors along the way.
As you look in the first one, it looks like what were at one point living quarters.
A lot of the sheets and beds have kind of been tossed.
Personal items seem to have been cleared off of shelves.
There's the occasional non-important book or journal that's been
scrawled in a couple pages, but as you kind of flip through some of these,
there's no real information regarding the gods, or a portal, or anything.
It's all just, it seems like all before information, when people were living happy lives.
So does it look like this place has been abandoned for that long then?
Like 10 odd years, or?
Not 10 years, I don't think.
It looks like it's been, like dust has started to really pile up on shelves and stuff.
There appears to be fresh footprints,
but what you can absolutely deduce is that they match the three that you met downstairs.
On this floor specifically, you don't find anything else.
So I'd say it's been abandoned for anywhere from between one and three years.
Okay. Are there stairs, or is the elevator the only way to traverse?
Yeah, as you walk around, the only way you find is this dinging box.
It is the way.
She'll like scowl at it and kind of grit her teeth and like, you know,
just sort of do a sequential, I think she's figured out that the button,
how the buttons work, no longer requires the lance.
Still deeply suspicious. Does not like it.
Does not like this experience of moving like under something else's volition,
but will scope the rest of the tower in the same way.
Yeah, you go floor by floor until you reach a floor about midway up this series of lights,
and the doors swing open and you find that there are no footsteps leading out.
Okay, more promising.
Which leads you to believe that it was a room,
or at least a floor that was missed by the group before you.
We are not thorough.
You walk out and into this, what looks more like a large cathedral,
and you do see along the walls, which are the swirling beacon up on top,
illuminates these stained glass windows, and in them are just backdrops.
From the looks of the room, and as you kind of go around,
you see that there are like placards beneath all of them,
and they have the names of, at the very least, the lawful gods.
But in those stained glass images, you do not see those gods.
Hmm, interesting.
Yeah, I will sort of like do a full circuit of all of the windows and the cathedral space,
and if there is nothing else to find except the god's continued absence,
then I will eventually make my way back down.
In the meantime, I feel like my lovely horse may have racks like snacks,
so he may be trying to muzzle his way into that bag to take some of those crackers
that we're flying past.
Super excited about it, and it's just feeding him all these crackers like,
Hey! Hey, those are my crackers! Hey, no!
You'll be fine!
Get it away from the demon beast!
I'm making a friend, Donnie, you know how important this is to me!
No! They're my crackers, I found them!
You walk around the corner as this is happening.
They're mine!
It's fine, you're making a friend.
Rex is like just sort of like snorting and like bearing his teeth at the pseudo dragon.
Ugh! I can snort and bear my teeth too!
Hey!
Oh, you got something there, right?
It's a cracker!
No, it's not.
Okay.
Stop snorting.
No!
Get in the bag, Donnie, you're embarrassing yourself.
Your horse is a menace.
Yes, that is the point.
Did you find anything that you were looking for?
I simply found that here, too, the gods are absent.
What gods specifically are you looking for?
Well, any of them would be nice, but...
Yeah, fair enough.
Eldath and I once had...
Well, I was once her cleric.
Before, being a cleric was not a thing anymore.
Right.
Well, let's go kick some orcish ass and find some gods in the Arkane Brotherhood.
Yes.
I'm sorry, I'm still feeding crackers.
They're my crackers.
We have only arrived here not too long ago in this time and place.
In this time?
Yes, we were...
I guess in the before times?
We're from the past, but isn't technically everybody from the past?
No.
What if you think about it, though?
Well, turns out these ones were fighting a lich, and then they essentially didn't realize
ten years had passed.
You say that like we lost track of time in a floating pyramid told here.
That's not what I meant, but just from the time they went into the flying pyramid
and the time they came out, ten years everywhere else had passed.
Not a lot of time had passed for them.
And the ten most terrible years.
And in all of this, I had not even thought to consider that the gods had all disappeared.
You are a cleric.
I am.
For whom?
I follow the path of the light.
I have a spirit, a quarry spirit called Ithgara.
It is, I think, somewhat different than a cleric.
Here I am from Kalimshan, and it is different, but I have a spirit who follows a god.
And your magic, have you used it since you lost ten very bad years?
Yes.
And it, did it not destroy things around you?
Only the things I was intending to destroy.
She cocks her head, and it doesn't, for us,
the clerics who are not from the past do beg, air quotes.
When the gods disappeared just before the war, our magic remained, but the gods were not here
to fuel it, and it draws its power from the earth around us.
Every spell I cast has a cost, a direct cost, of the life force of those beings around me.
Do you still have connection to your god?
I look at my traveling companions, assuming they will jump in and say something,
if I have been draining their life force while we have been like,
I look at them, have I been hurting you?
I assumed everybody knew about
this. Of course, that was a dumb assumption on my part.
It's hard to remember what has happened in ten years to mention it.
That's true, there's a lot.
A lot, and the world is ended, it is a lot to remember.
My power comes from the Dreaming Dark. This is different than following a god,
so perhaps that is why I can still access my power?
Perhaps they are not banished. I do not know the Dreaming Dark, but I do know that
whether it is living creatures or plants or just the earth itself, each spell I cast
draws on that life force a little more, and the time the earth has left
grows shorter with each act of magic.
Mathia, are you not able to restore the earth a little bit as we have traveled?
Like this much? I draw my power from the earth itself, from nature, and I don't know,
maybe given more, there's not much earth or nature left. I'm only able to revitalize,
I guess, a small portion.
So she'll look at the group of you, sort of like in a stern, like matronly
manner almost, and be like, you do not cast frivolous spells here.
Cast only with the utmost need.
I do not cast frivolous spells.
Good.
Didn't you try to make just a leaf green?
That is not a frivolous spell in a dead world!
You gave away my cracker!
Johnny, I swear to God!
This is a lot of information to try to process. Perhaps we should start our travels.
We generally go by carpet, but you and your beast will not fit on the carpet, I don't think.
Oh, but I bet he can run fast!
Who runs fast?
I hand him another cracker.
He's really worming up to you a lot.
I think Agatha's kind of watching this.
I'm gaining a friend in the horse and Donnie's just hating me more and more in my bag.
Why, I gotta get that horse while it sleeps.
Does the horse sleep?
It is a demon, it does not sleep.
Motherfucker.
So, so your horse is fast?
Could probably keep up to a flying carpet?
How fast is your rug?
Out of character, it goes 60 feet, like its movement is 60 feet,
which is probably horse equivalent?
We will be fine.
Russ is waving away.
It's nothing crazy, though.
Well, if the horse starts and goes...
If a magic carpet and a demon horse both leave,
we will be fine.
I suggest we go.
Yes.
Yeah, no time like the present.
Yes, there is nothing more for us here.
You all climb aboard your transports and break through the door into a swarm of demons.
Love it.
Welcome to the middle.
We're here and we're excited.
And we're winners.
Winners.
Kind of.
Honorees.
No, not kind of, honorees.
Yeah, well, always in our hearts.
Always.
Uh, no, I take this as a total win.
I'm gonna turn Amy's mic up there.
I'm real hot.
I mean, you are, hey, hey, you are real hot.
It's true.
It's true, sorry.
So is our podcast on the Webby Awards.
Yeah, the Webby Awards.
We entered them and we got an honoree,
which means we get a plaque that we get to put up on the wall.
A plaque.
That's pretty awesome.
A plaque, guys.
It's amazing.
And we can share custody of this plaque and it can spend summers with us.
And then we can go kind of like in a three-month rotational period.
I don't want winters with the plaque.
There's nothing to do.
But you're always inside with the plaque.
You get to see the plaque all the time.
This is really just a win for you, Tom.
I like it.
I'm on board.
But we wanted to brag a little bit,
but also say thank you for listening to us
and for being here and for supporting us
and doing all that crazy stuff that you do on the interwebs
to tell people about us.
Because without that, we wouldn't have a plaque to share.
Yeah, we would have just been nominees.
Well, nominees is actually better than honorees.
So we don't, yeah.
We would have just been.
Nothing.
We would have just not been mentioned at all.
Thank you for your submission.
You know what we would have been like?
We would have been like Facing Fate,
who didn't even get an honoree.
Poor little baby show.
Aw.
Yeah.
It's just, it's not its time.
Dumjins put in its time.
I feel like next year.
Next year will be Facing Fate's time.
We won't even enter Dumjins.
Yeah, we will.
OK, maybe we will.
We'll see how it goes.
But yeah, we got a lot of details about that somewhere.
Don't know.
Probably in the description?
In the description, maybe.
Or on our socials.
Follow us.
Follow us on the socials, like Facebook, and Twitter,
and Instagram.
Did we tell you that we're back on Instagram?
I didn't know we left.
Russ has been gramming all over the place.
Nah.
Yeah.
No, well we are.
And I do it.
Sometimes.
That explains that.
Hey.
That sounds like how we do things.
Instagram.com slash DumDragonCast.
So come join us over there.
It's probably a picture.
We'd love for you to see it.
OK, that's the end of this middle now.
Love you, bye.
OK, love you, bye.
And we cut back to the base of the Spine of the World.
You see before you this horde of undead
and this rainbow wall that looks like it curves up
and back towards the region of Icewind Dale.
Is Spine of the World like the name of a mountain?
OK, good.
That's what I thought.
Good for me.
And we're just witnessing like a dome of protective magic.
It appears that way.
Yeah.
Yeah, it appears to be blocking out
these demon creatures and undead creatures.
But it does appear that some of them,
the harder they hit and the more that hit in one place,
are able to at least break through the curtain a little bit.
You haven't seen any get through,
but it does appear that they're weakening in some spots.
And how close can we get?
Is there energy coming off it, pushing us back,
or how do we interface with it?
Are we so good-hearted that we're just
going to make it through no problem?
We can just fly through?
I don't know.
How do you want to deal with this?
I don't know if the horse will make it through.
I'm worried about the horse.
Good point.
Yeah, I would like to fly close
and see what we're dealing with.
I don't want us to get rocketed back.
In fact, since I can fly with my special boots
or however I was able to fly before,
I think I just can.
I think I just decide to.
Wait, but now maybe that's a spell.
Fuck.
Can you just fly now?
Yeah.
Well, I mean, do we have clarification
on if Yenbul's magic is the same?
We don't.
You have nothing clarified beyond what a Goth has told you.
Maybe flying on the magic carpet is destroying the world.
Who knows?
If only they get off the fucking carpet.
Greenhouse gases.
Yeah, I mean, air travel is notoriously
one of the biggest polluters there is.
Lazy sons of bitches just walk already.
Just terrible.
We should fly close and see if we can get through
because we are good people.
Yeah, I kind of want to touch it.
It's pretty.
Let me re-describe.
So you've landed at the base of the Spine of the World.
So then there's rolling foothills
and then swath of undead and then rainbow curtain.
So we're just a little up overlooking this horrific scene.
Yeah, yeah.
So we just can't stroll up.
We've taken a moment to confer.
Yeah, so this is where we landed you at the beginning
just to be like, hold fuck.
I have a question for you, Agath.
You keep saying that Rex is a demon.
This wall here seems to be repelling demons
or maybe undead or maybe we haven't seen any demons.
I don't know, but it's repelling things.
Is he going to be able to get through the wall?
I do not know.
He is technically half demon.
Perhaps.
That's enough.
Are you going to be able to ride through this horde
to make it to the base of the rainbow wall?
You should just like kind of smile a little bit
and sort of like loosen the mace on her shoulder.
I like your confidence.
Do we just try?
Do we know that Icewind Dale nailed it?
It's on the other side of this rainbow wall?
Yeah, you all have general world knowledge
of where regions are.
Yeah, we've seen maps.
Does it look like from here there's any areas
that might be less populated with the hordes of undead
and that you could maybe choose a more advantageous path?
One of your flying friends were to elevate themselves.
You would see that it appears as far as I can see
that there are undead,
but this seems to be like a large cluster.
Like there's a pathway that cuts through the Spinal World
which you were following along
and it seems like this is where a lot of them
have come out and just kind of congregate
and they're slowly spreading out.
There is a cavern farther to the east
where some of them appear to be like dropping off
the closer they get to it.
And it does appear to thin out more to the west.
If you decide or anybody decides
that they want to fly closer to it before just charging it,
I could give you more information,
but I'll leave that one up to you.
I want to run at it hard like platform nine and three-quarter.
Yenbul can fly up and get closer because, yeah,
in theory, she can just fly.
She can just fly, so.
Thea is going to take out guacamole and get on her back.
It's not what you think, Kristin.
Oh, it's not more snacks, surprisingly.
I was going to say, Rex's ears perk up.
Yeah, from her bag.
It's loose, though.
It's a loose guacamole.
I'm pretty bad.
Just a handful of guac.
Yeah, just a fistful of guac.
Just a fistful of guac, that's all it is.
Sorry for that visual, everybody.
My jade serpentine owl, I say, guac, I need you.
And a giant owl with a saddle, a big snowy white owl appears.
And I say, you know, if we're all on the same carpet
and we hit this wall and we all go down,
I think maybe now three separate units going for it
might be a good idea.
Maybe I could go for it first.
If I fall off, you guys could catch me on the carpet.
I mean, we can certainly try.
I'm just saying, I think if we're putting all of our eggs
in one flying carpet, we could end up with an omelet.
I will be flying 10 feet behind everybody.
Fair enough.
Just to let you know.
If we go to the west, there is fewer demons.
We could try to flank around them and then approach the wall.
Sounds like a solid plan.
Let's hope it's not a solid wall.
I've been giving Tullgear carpet flying lessons
so he can totally drive it by himself.
And I'm pretty good, yeah.
We've been taking turns because we've been traveling by carpet
so it's kind of exhausting.
We have to trade off.
Don't you control it with your mind, though?
So are you making him seem like he can do it?
You're doing a great job, Tullgear.
I grab the corners and I'm like, ooh.
I'm almost positive that is not true.
Spoken directions.
Yeah, it's not tied to Yenbul's magic.
It's whoever's sitting on it?
Yeah, exactly.
It has its own component to it.
It's just generally magic.
Right.
Because you can rent magic carpets.
Yeah.
Or could in the before the darkness.
In the before times.
When you could go to a movie theater or like.
Yeah, this is really just a commentary on how life is right now.
I know it feels like that.
And thanks for bringing that to our game that we play every couple weeks.
Why would I want to avoid that in my fantasy time?
I don't.
I want to live in the dark timeline.
All right, so you fly or ride off to the west.
Everybody roll stealth.
And are you charging it or are you going close,
seeing what you can see and then charging it?
I think the latter of those, like we'll get around the zombie horde,
see what we're dealing with and then.
Like advance.
Got it.
Yeah, scouting scouting run seems like something you do when you know how to survive.
Does Rex need to roll separately?
Um, yeah, he's a big old horse.
I mean, I would roll one base.
I mean, you're basically rolling for the horse at this point, I think.
Because you, yeah.
Should I roll for guacamole then and undo this role that I did?
No, you have to keep that.
OK, I'm singing as I.
Um, just use your stealth if Rex doesn't have.
Myself?
Yeah.
OK, so then that's actually a 19.
Surprisingly for the Goliath on the armored horse.
I mean, this is not your first time.
I also got a 19.
Oh, I got a 16.
I'm yelling at the top of my lungs as I fly.
I love the feeling of the wind in my hair.
I rolled a one.
I missed right in my giant snowy owl.
I have a plus.
I have a plus two, so it doesn't matter.
Wait, wait, wait.
Aren't you lucky?
Wasn't somebody saying they were going to be lucky?
I'm so lucky, Kristin.
That Kristin is here to remind you how lucky you are.
I'm going to take a lucky action.
Thanks, Kristin.
They never remember that they can do.
And I rolled a 12, which is now a 14, which is like 13 times better.
Better than it was before.
OK, we'll say you all make it to the west where it begins to thin out.
It's like, you know, four or five undead deep rather than like 50 deep.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Easy peasy.
It's like petering off as far as your scouting mission.
Yen Bull, I assume maybe you are flying close because you're the most controlled.
Sure.
OK, well, a big owl, not as controlled as an individual deciding where they're flying.
I mean, I do it like Superman, but weirdly, like I'm Jesus.
Like, you know how he flies, like, you know.
I'm sorry.
Does Jesus fly, Carla?
Sure.
I'm just curious.
I mean, I don't this is probably not the place to get into that.
Depends on your denomination.
Sometimes Jesus flies.
Flies in a Jesus-like position where Jesus, you know.
Yes, now I get it.
Not Jesus is flying like Jesus.
Flowing down after he's done something impressive.
You know when it's really being a Christ analogy like that.
Yeah.
Totally.
Exactly.
OK, Yen Bull, you Jesus fly over to the wall.
And the closer you get, you can begin to see through the veil.
And you look down around the ground and you see more hilly and some rocky terrain.
Closer to where the mass of the horde is, you see that there is a guard or a sentinel group
positioned higher up on a rocky cliff face.
And as things are kind of tearing through, you see arrows loose towards them.
So you see probably three or four people, humanoid people.
How far are they from me?
Or how close can I get to them through the wall?
I mean, you're probably would have had to go down a fair ways, like 200, 300 feet.
Yeah, so I'd have to go back to where that mass of undead is to be closer.
If you wanted to draw their attention yet, you'd have to make your way back that way.
And there are flying things more present over there that you haven't fortunately tripped.
OK, I'm going to file that away.
Well, I guess I'm not going to file that away.
I'm going to tell my friends, I think I can do that psychically.
So I don't need to come down.
Look at all this frivolous magic, Kristen.
Jeez.
But it's not spells.
These aren't spells.
No, they're paranoid. I love it.
We are paranoid.
It's just an ability that I have.
Yes, I can speak telepathically.
So I share this information that there is guards on the other side, back down,
you know, all that stuff you just said.
What can I see kind of where we are through just rolling hills?
Yeah, the rolling hills just continue.
There are a couple of cliffy rock faces.
That's a thing, right?
Beautiful. I love it.
Devocative.
Are the cliffy rock faces verdant or are they dead?
Is there living things on them?
Yes, there appears to be life beyond this veil.
OK, I'm going to kind of go back to where my friends are.
On the other side, there are trees and life.
Really?
It does seem to be some kind of refuge.
OK.
Well, we've got to get in there, obviously.
I mean, we did before, but I'm standing like a drug addict.
Guys, we just got to get to the green.
I need to fix those sweet trees.
I'm going to smell that sweet grass.
But yeah, we should probably...
Was there anything else you noticed?
So you said that there were guards there?
Yes, but not close here.
So they are protecting against breaches,
but I don't know if we will count as a breach.
Should I just go try to touch the wall?
Yeah, I guess there's only really the one way to find out.
I agree.
I'm going to try and touch the wall.
I'm going to follow behind her and not touch the wall,
but just be there in case something horrible happens to her.
Well, what if I blow back and you need to catch me?
Sure, for sure.
It's nice of you.
Yeah, I'm concerned.
I gently just reach out my hand.
Okay.
You reach out your hand and you feel like a warm glow the closer you get to it.
And like I said, the closer you get to it,
it becomes more translucent,
less like just rainbow colors floating through.
And you feel like you've gotten to a point
where you should be touching something,
but you are moving.
You continue to move forward.
Okay.
Well, I'm going to keep moving forward if I can.
Yeah.
Tentatively.
You slowly move through until like this,
this color begins to envelop you
and then you break through on the other side.
It's cold, like frigid, cold air,
but it's clean air.
It's crisp.
It smells fresh.
I turn to my friends to see if I can still see them
or they can see me and we can.
Yeah, sorry, Thea, as you go up,
you too would be able to see through
and you see Yenbul proceed through this wall
and like turn around to look towards you.
And beckon.
To one of these and wave to each other.
No, just beckon.
Okay.
Then, well, I fly back to a goth.
They made it through.
I don't think anyone shot arrows at them.
Do you think you can get through the undead extravaganza down there?
I've seen more extravagant extravaganza.
Yeah, you have.
I am optimistic.
I'm happy to help if you think you need a hand.
I, on the other side, have dug into my bag
and I'm getting all of the clothes I have with me
because I'm from the desert.
And Leosin did warn me
that I should bring some warm clothing
and boy do I need it.
Now you're layering up.
I'm not equipped for that.
Yes.
All right, maybe we can hang back
and if a goth, do you need us?
Would you like us to like help clear the way with you?
Or you would go it alone kind of gal?
I would not deny any compatriots the joy of battle.
Okay, let's, let's do this thing.
To the horde we ride and also fly.
With that you take off down this cliff face
and charge toward the horde.
I assume you're going to let a goth kind of lead that charge
and then very much so because if there's trouble
then we can come in and help and if not.
Great.
I just want to be like ready with my bow and arrow.
Yeah, how are you,
are you just charging through with your horse
or do you have a weapon drawn?
How are you breaking through at least the first few undead?
So building up as much speed as possible on the way down
sort of hunched over Rex's neck
sort of sitting high in the saddle.
Shield on one arm.
I'm going to pull the mace in the other
and like stay silent as long as possible
because I think they're sort of focused on the wall.
Just like that.
But at the last minute I think you know
the joy kind of overtakes her
and she'll just like let out a giant scream
as she like just barrels into them.
And I mean he's a charger.
He's like a half demonic warhorse.
So like we trample the first few for sure
and just I'm just going to like
it's like playing T-ball with the mace.
Heads.
This massive horse and goliath are charging through
and heads are flying
and then you see a goth reach the wall
and it begins to light up.
It didn't do this when Yenbul charged through.
Like the horse hits this wall
and flames begin shooting out and around.
She continues to charge forward
and Yenbul you see like this horse
and a goth you would see it too.
Like the flesh begin to bubble
and you feel like you hit like quicksand.
Like you slow a lot
and you feel the undead grasping
for your horse behind you
and kind of pulling through with you
as you are continuing your momentum
as much as you can through.
And Yenbul you hear the whistling sound
of an arrow flying through the air towards you.
Dumbgeons and Dragons Season 2 Episode 82
Starring Amy More as Thea Amastasia
Carla Maxted as Yenbul Nuri
Tom Laird as Tulgier Heavyfoot
and Russ More as your dungeon master
with guest Kristen Flemmons
as a goth god-lost catho alavi.
Editing, production and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok,
Mark Hartless, Stevie, Cat Waterflame,
Jacob Madden, Christian Brown,
Devin Michaels, Aaron Stevens,
Eric Houlihan and Ray Sirbeck.
To support Dumbgeons and Dragons
and our many other productions
and get access to an exclusive podcast,
bonus episodes and much more,
please join our Patreon
at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
You can also follow us at
facebook.com slash Dumb Dragon Podcast
and on Instagram and Twitter
at Dumb Dragon Cast.
Thank you for listening.
Have a great week.
We'll talk again soon.
I want it like...
Amy wants to have some like
Rick Grimes like questions for her.
Like how many people have you killed?
Right.
There aren't enough fingers.
Are you, I don't know,
this is going to sound stupid,
but the whole world is completely fucked up.
Are you a good person?
In the background of all of this,
can you have like the elevator doors closed,
get stuck on whatever she has,
ding, open back up,
close, jam on it, ding, open back up.
Was anyone else picturing like
when Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure,
when they go to the mall
and all the historical figures
are like amazed by them all?
Because that's what I was picturing.
Yeah, that's perfect.
I didn't even remember I was a cleric.
You were the one who said
you were a cleric at the beginning
and I was like,
damn, I didn't say my character's pronouns
or what she was or does.
What she was or does?
Elf druid, fuck.
It's okay, Tom didn't say it either,
only I did.
And then I apparently forgot.
Jump back, who the fuck is this?
Now we're back again.
I see what's happening.
Yeah, really Tarantino-ing this for us.
Well, I didn't want there to be any question
why you had to bring this character along.
Character's already there.
It's true.
I like it.
Perfect.
How we get there is up to us.
It's just how you said yes,
not if you say yes.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.